www.kiltarlityandkirkhill.org.uk

Kiltarlity and Wardlaw Churches

Message from Rev. Peter Donald, our Interim Moderator. Dear friends,

With summer well upon us and the holiday period approaching, newspapers regularly ask various people what they recommend as holiday reading. I’m conscious these suggestions as regularly pass me by ! Nevertheless I want to share with you something I have been reading recently.

You may or may not be interested to read his book, but let me pick out just a little of what Jonathan Sacks has written in The Great Partnership: God, science and the search for meaning. Here’s how he starts:

“If the new atheists are right, you would have to be sad, bad or mad to believe in God and to practise a religious faith. We know that is not so. Religion has inspired individuals to moral greatness, consecrated their love and helped them to build communities where individuals are cherished and great works of loving kindness are performed.” ( p.1 )

And so Jonathan Sacks, now retired from being the Chief Rabbi, carefully picks his way through the various attacks on belief in the 21st century to defend the truth and beauty of trusting in God. “When a society loses its soul, it is about to lose its future” ( p.2 ). Here is a Jew writing in the very best tradition of that ancient faith, witnessing to the one God of us all and showing how ancient Scriptures speak nowadays as powerfully as ever. Science is the search for explanation. Religion is the search for meaning. Because we are meaning-seeking animals, science alone is not enough.

I have not yet finished the book ( for limits of time ! though I’m also wanting to savour its riches ), so here’s just another tiny taster from a chapter he writes about “Relationships.” God, he insists, above all takes us into thinking about and living through good relationships. The Bible from the start takes up the theme, about husbands and wives, parents and children, rivalry between siblings and so on. The faith story emerging is that as God is love – utterly loyal, committed to share in our lives, redeeming our solitude – so also society is built most solidly on the basis of love, the love of neighbour and stranger as well as of family. Alas the nightmare is where, because faith is seen not to matter, we have sex without love, promiscuity without limits, love without commitment, fatherhood without responsibility, children paying the price of relationships being unstable. For the notion of God being a caring father ( or, in late Isaiah, also a comforting mother ), and faith an entering into a marriage with God where God makes promises and invites us also to offer constancy, for better, for worse, takes us somewhere quite different. Jonathan Sacks is most certainly not naive about the complexities of modern life, or about historical failures in the name of religion; but he is upholding the prophetic witness. “Unless the LORD builds the house, the builders labour in vain.” (Psalm 127:1)

With best wishes,

Peter

The Parishioner Newsletter Issue 77 – July 2014 Page 1 of 22

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Turning down the volume and keeping a perspective in the referendum debate

June has not been a good month for those of us who promote ’s referendum debate as a ‘respectful dialogue’ – indeed the many days have heard the siren voices of disrespect dominate the headlines. The General Assembly of the Church of Scotland held an extremely successful public dialogue on the independence question which I, as Moderator, chaired. I have found this public profile comes at a cost.

If you take twitter feeds or you have an accessible email address and people somehow think you might be influential – then you’ll get messages that you would rather not receive. This is particularly true as the day of the referendum vote draws ever closer. Apart from the distasteful remarks aimed at these who have donated big money to each of the campaigns, there are also other determined characters using dubious tactics to pressurise, rather than persuade people over to their point of view. I’ve been the recipient of such messages - they have come from both sides of the campaign – and if I was at all a sensitive chiel I would think I was being bullied.

Sometimes the writer purports to respect the fact that the Church of Scotland has declared its neutrality in the campaign, but they offer some other reason why it would be morally or theologically indefensible for me to maintain silence on one or another aspect of the public debate. I will not yield to their pressure and I have sincere hopes that no one else bows to such offensive approaches.

Of course, we have to put the influence of the cyber bullies into perspective. Modern communication methods are giving these people both a cloak of anonymity to hide behind and a profile far greater than they merit. They are a tiny minority of people and if they really cared about Scotland’s future they would know that Scotland will never let such attitudes prevail. The outcome of the referendum will not turn on their contribution to the discussion. The words on the Mace in the Scottish Parliament - Wisdom, Justice, Compassion and Integrity will still be the words on the Mace whether we are an independent nation or still part of the and those who are tempted to use underhand tactics in this debate would do well to pause and measure themselves against these words.

The fact of the matter is that for the most part the public debate is being conducted at a very high standard. I would be deeply distressed to find a ‘dirty tricks’ section at the heart of either campaign and while one or two individuals in the heat of the passions that are running high may have gone too far, I believe that both sides are trying to win the argument on principle and on substance. With less than a hundred days to go, however, it is a good time to turn down the volume on the rhetoric and refocus on the substance. Trading in personal insults will not win votes, bullies are no part of Scotland’s future so we don’t need to encourage them now and since we have to live with one another whatever the outcome we need to treat each other with respect now.

I urge both sides of this debate to remember that “facts are chiels that winna ding" and facts are what we have to trade in from now until September 18th. On the 19th September there will be no ’them and us’, only ‘us’ so, now is the time to keep the dialogue respectful.

Rt Rev John Chalmers, Moderator of the General Assembly of the Church of Scotland

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Last month, The Parishioner received its second written adverse observation in the six and half years since its first publication. The abridged version of the observation is :

‘Firstly I’d like to emphasise that this feedback is given on the basic premise that I find it a really useful vehicle for receiving church news, both local and from the broader church. It is my personal opinion but I have also had some feedback ( unsolicited and informal ) recently from people within the church and outside of it.

I am concerned that there are a growing number of pages which seem to have stories which are irrelevant and in some cases potentially offensive. In particular I am referring to both the ‘blonde jokes’ and the ‘Irish jokes’ included in the June edition. I really feel that a church newsletter should reflect the Christian ethos which is one of openness and inclusivity. These jokes seem to go completely against these values. The newsletter is quite long so it wouldn’t suffer from a decrease in the number of pages and therefore there wouldn’t be the need to have such fillers as these kinds of jokes which can be taken the wrong way.’

Firstly I wish, as sole Editor for the last twelve editions, to offer my most sincere apologies if anyone has been offended by any of the content in any edition of this publication. It certainly is not my intention to be offensive to any one person or group at any time in the past or in the future.

From the first edition in 2008, Rosemary and I asked for relevant, timely, meaningful feedback and suggestions for improvements. This is still as true today as it was six years ago. Good feedback should always offer suggestions of how the recipient ( the Editor ) can do better in the future. Feedback which just points out somebody’s mistakes is no use if no help towards improvement is offered. Over the life of The Parishioner we have received the majority of our feedback in a verbal format from many sources, from within and out with the Church. Some has been acted upon and some has been discussed with the reader, and not progressed. I welcome all feedback, whether written or verbal, good or bad.

On one of the specific points raised above, I would like all readers to know that all the jokes used in The Parishioner are sourced from Church members, or from other Church newsletters / magazines. Not everyone’s sense of humour is the same, so jokes will be printed that some individuals may find difficult to accept or find funny for whatever reason. I take my guide on what to publish by the content that is submitted to me and feedback from the readers. Remember, there is no compulsion for any reader to read every joke or article that is printed.

The number of pages reflects what happens in the month, and the number of submissions I receive. I presently have a backlog of articles that readers have submitted for inclusion. My own personal feeling is that if folk are kind enough to take time to send articles for The Parishioner, or request topics to be researched and printed in the newsletter, then I should try and accommodate those wishes. I assure you that I do turn down items sent to me as not being suitable for publication, but I will always go back to the sender to give the reasons. The extra time in producing a 24 page newsletter as opposed to a 12 page edition is marginal in the whole time scale of producing The Parishioner each month. Reducing copy can be very time consuming.

The Parishioner’s aim has always been to produce an informative, non-political monthly publication which can be read and enjoyed by both Church attendees and non-Church people – this I think has been achieved by and large. If the majority of Church members now feel that The Parishioner, in its present format, has no place in our Church life, please let your Elder know, and the Kirk Sessions of each Church can then make a decision to withdraw funding from this publication. If your view is opposite to that, please also make your Elder aware so that the Kirk Sessions are up-to-date with their congregation’s thoughts and wishes and can make the best decision on behalf of the congregations going forward.

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The Parishioner Newsletter Issue 77 – July 2014 Page 4 of 22

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PARISH NOTICE BOARD

. A service to celebrate Graham Elkin’s life was held at Wardlaw Church on Monday, 2nd June 2014, followed by a short committal service at Crematorium. The service was conducted by Rev. Willis Jones. All our hearts are saddened by Maris’s loss and our thoughts and prayers are with her and the rest of her family at this challenging time.

. Neil Rorison passed away on 30th May 2014 and a service in loving memory was held at Wardlaw Church, Kirkhill on Friday, 6th June 2014 followed by an interment at Wardlaw Cemetery. The service was conducted by Rev. Peter Donald. We send our most heartfelt sympathies to Norma, Garry, Kevin, Elma and the rest of the Rorison family for their loss. Our thoughts are with Norma, Elma and her family during this difficult time.

. We offer our appreciation to Mr. Stewart Robertson and Rev. Stewart Frizzell for leading our Sunday worship in June. The congregation of Church wish to thank Mr. Barry Dennis who led their service on 8th June 2014.

. Kirkhill Gala Service was held in the Kirkhill Community Centre on Sunday, 8th June. Rev. Peter Donald organised a Café style service with the ‘congregation’ sitting around tables and drinking real coffee and tea before, and during, the service. The Café style service was advertised around the village by a leaflet drop in the week leading up to Sunday, and this awareness was reflected in the good numbers of regulars and new faces who attended. Rev. Donald had also produced cards with topics from 1 Corinthians 12 v4 to 11 to be discussed at specific times during the service, and this was a great success judging by the noise from each table. Rev. Donald ( electric piano ) and Alasdair Morrison ( guitar ) supplied the music for the service, and a team of ladies led by Eileen Morrison served the refreshments. The Wardlaw Church congregation wish to thank Rev. Donald for organising, and taking part in, this very different-from-normal service for us at the start of Gala week.

. Sophia Rose Bell was made a “Child of the Covenant” by Holy Baptism at Wardlaw Church, Kirkhill on Sunday, 22nd June 2014. Sophia is the daughter of Ryan and Gillian from Muir of Ord. Gillian Bell ( nee Grant ) attended Wardlaw Church Sunday School in Rev. Campbell McKinnon’s time. Rev. Stewart Frizzell, on behalf of the Wardlaw congregation, presented Sophia with a Bible to mark this special day in her life.

. Rev. Stewart Frizzell presented Kiltarlity’s Sunday School pupils with their end of term prizes during the service on Sunday, 29th June.

. The Kirkhill Sunday School received a very generous donation from the 'Coffee Morning' ladies to cover the costs of prize books for the children. Margaret Birkbeck purchased five 'Authentic' Youth Bibles ( ERV ) and four other books with this donation. Everyone involved with Kirkhill Sunday School wish to say a very big thank you to Anne, Maris and Mary for this gift. They wish them well as they continue this much appreciated fellowship time on a Tuesday morning. The Sunday School pupils said the vacancy prayer on behalf of Kirkhill and Kiltarlity congregations at the start of the service on the 29th. The books were presented to the pupils during the service by Mrs Wilma Williamson.

. Rev. Dennis Brice, a new name and face to us, will lead our service on 6th July. Rev. Brice has previously worked in Taiwan and America. Dennis is a Church of Scotland Minister. Three familiar names and faces return for the rest of July, with Rev. Morven Archer on the 13th, Rev. Bill Freel on the 20th, and Mr. Stewart th Robertson on the 27 .

. The joint Kirk Sessions of Kirkhill and Kiltarlity Churches will meet on Wednesday, 2nd July 2014 at Wardlaw Church, starting at 7:45 p.m. Anyone is welcome to come along and witness this meeting.

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Who, What, Why: What language would Jesus have spoken ?

Israel's Prime Minister has verbally sparred with the Pope over which language Christ might have spoken on the Pope’s recent visit to Israel. Several languages were used in the places where Jesus lived - so which would he have known, asks Tom de Castella.

Benjamin Netanyahu and Pope Francis appeared to have a momentary disagreement. "Jesus was here, in this land. He spoke Hebrew," Netanyahu told the Pope at a public meeting in Jerusalem. "Aramaic," interjected the Pope. "He spoke Aramaic, but he knew Hebrew," Netanyahu shot back.

It's broadly accepted that Jesus existed, although the historicity of the events of his life is still hotly debated. But language historians can shed light on what language a carpenter's son from Galilee who became a spiritual leader would have spoken.

Both the Pope and the Israeli Prime Minister are right, says Dr Sebastian Brock, emeritus reader in Aramaic at Oxford University, but it was important for Netanyahu to clarify. Hebrew was the language of scholars and the scriptures. But Jesus's "everyday" spoken language would have been Aramaic. And it is Aramaic that most biblical scholars say he spoke in the Bible. This is the language that Mel Gibson used for The Passion of the Christ, although not all the words could be found from 1st Century Aramaic, and some of the script used words from later centuries.

Arabic did not arrive until later in Palestine. But Latin and Greek were common at the time of Jesus. Its unlikely Jesus would have known Latin beyond a few words, says Jonathan Katz, stipendiary lecturer in Classics at Oxford University. It was the language of law and the Roman military and Jesus was unlikely to be familiar with the vocabulary of these worlds. Greek is a little more likely. It was the lingua franca of the Roman Empire - used by the civilian administrators. And there were the cities of the Decapolis, mostly in Jordan, where Greek language and culture dominated. So Jesus would probably have known some Greek, although the balance of probability is that he was not proficient in it, Katz says.

There's no clear evidence that Jesus could write in any language, says Brock. In John's gospel he writes in the dust, but that is only one account. And we don't know what language it was in. Jesus might even have been drawing rather than writing, Brock says. Article taken from the BBC’s Magazine Monitor

WHY are people in the public eye said to be 'in the limelight' ? BECAUSE invented in 1825, limelight was used in lighthouses and theatres by burning a cylinder of lime which produced a brilliant light. In the theatre, a performer 'in the limelight' was the centre of attention.

WHY is someone who is feeling great 'on cloud nine' ? BECAUSE types of clouds are numbered according to the altitudes they attain, with nine being the highest cloud. If someone is said to be on cloud nine, that person is floating well above worldly cares.

The Parishioner Newsletter Issue 77 – July 2014 Page 6 of 22

www.kiltarlityandkirkhill.org.uk ANIMOSITY When you rearrange the letters :

IS NO AMITY

THE EARTHQUAKES When you rearrange

the letters :

THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO When you rearrange the letters :

TWELVE PLUS ONE

Thanks to Henry Bell

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.

The wife said, “You should do it because you get up first, and then we don’t have to wait as long to get our coffee”.

The husband said, “You

are in charge of the

cooking around here and

you should do it, because

that’s your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.”

The wife replies, “No you should do it, and besides it’s in the Bible that a man should do the coffee.”

Husband replies, “I can’t believe that, you’ll have to show me.”

So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it did indeed say th Article in Inverness Courier on 17 June 2014 “HEBREWS”

The Parishioner Newsletter Issue 77 – July 2014 Page 7 of 22

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Beauly Care Project - Senior Citizen’s Afternoon Teas in 2014 . Kiltarlity and Kilmorack dates are Tuesdays and Kirkhill dates are a Thursday 2:30 p.m. to 4:00 p.m. – cost £1 .

Month Kiltarlity Community Centre Kilmorack Hall Kirkhill Community Centre Elspeth Colburn Frances Grant Flora Morrison 741 627 782 496 831 373 July 8th 15th 31st August 12th 19th 28th September 9th 16th 25th October 14th 21st 30th November 11th 18th 27th Special Christmas Afternoon Tea at Kilmorack Hall on 16th December 2014

Vacancy News

There is no further update in the search for a new Minister to report on over the past month. Any information about potential candidates would be welcomed. We remain hopeful and trust in the Lord that He will provide in His time.

The committee would like to thank all who have expressed their appreciation for the work they have been doing and value the ongoing prayer support of the congregations.

Members of the Nominating Committee are :

Angie Cosens – 782 141 David Garvie – 741 038 Iain Marr - 831 609 Moira McDonald – 831 333 Sheila Moir – 741 618 Alasdair Morrison – 831 185 Ellenor Thomas – 741 330 Neil Watson – 741 876 Iain J. Mortimer – 782 648

New Moderator for Presbytery of Inverness Organist

Rev. Alastair S. Younger, Interim Tonya Clement has accepted the role Moderator at Nairn Old is the of Church organist at Kiltarlity Church Moderator Designate of the Presbytery and Wardlaw Church, Kirkhill with nd of Inverness and takes up the position effect from Sunday, 22 June 2014. nd on 2 September 2014 for one year. Both Churches are very happy to

Mrs Sheila Proudfoot, an Elder at Ness welcome Tonya to this very important Bank Church, is the retiring Moderator. position as their musical lead. We wish Tonya every success and happiness in the future with both Churches.

Strive not to be a success, but rather to be of Tonya’s piano playing started as far value – Albert Einstein back as 1983 and she was classically

There is only one way to avoid criticism: do trained in Russia. She now teaches piano on a private basis in Dingwall. nothing, say nothing, and be nothing –

Aristotle

The Parishioner Newsletter Issue 77 – July 2014 Page 8 of 22

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Statistics Don't Lie

How to stay safe in the world today: Where IS the safest place ?

1. Avoid riding in cars - because they are responsible for 20% of all fatal accidents. 2. Do not stay home - 17% of all accidents occur in the home. 3. Avoid walking on streets or pavements - because 14% of all accidents occur to pedestrians. 4. Avoid traveling by air, rail, or water - because 16% of all accidents involve these forms of transportation. 5. Of the remaining 33%, 32% of all deaths occur in hospitals - so, above all else, avoid hospitals. But . . . you will be pleased to learn that only .001% of all deaths occur in worship services in Church, and these are usually related to previous physical disorders.

Therefore, logic tells us that the safest place for you to be at any given point in time is at church ! And Bible study is safe too ! The percentage of deaths during Bible study is even less.

So, attend church, and read your Bible. IT At Sunday School they were learning how God created WILL SAVE YOUR LIFE !

GOD BLESS YOU ! everything, including human beings. Johnny was especially intent when the teacher told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam’s ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and Wardlaw Manse, Kirkhill said, “Johnny, what is the matter ?” Johnny responded, “I Owen and Alexis Evans, and their 2 have pain in my side. I think I’m going to have a wife.”

girls, aged 2 and 4, are renting the

th Manse from Wednesday, 25 June

2014.

There is no Third Sunday Praise in The letting agreement is for an

initial six month period, and

July or August.

thereafter, on a two month rolling

Third Sunday Praise at Wardlaw agreement.

Please respect their privacy and do

Church, Kirkhill is taking a

not park at the top of the Manse

summer break. drive whilst they are in residence –

thank you

The Parishioner Newsletter Issue 77 – July 2014 Page 9 of 22

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A prayer for peace in the Middle East

God of justice, bless those who work for peace through justice. Strengthen their resolve in the face of seemingly endless violence. Guide the leaders of the people of the Middle East to know your will and to support a just peace for all of your children.

God of love, lifting up the holy land for all humankind, breathe love and compassion into our prayers with a desire for nothing other than peace: peace in our hearts, peace for all creation, and especially peace in the land that is called holy.

God of hope, we lift up the city of Jerusalem, distracted and divided, yet still filled with promise as all the cities of the world. Come again into our cities, places of worship, Upper Rooms and Gethsemane, that we may be given sight to recognise you.

God of mercy, even as we long to understand that which is often beyond our comprehension, we lay before you the hearts, minds and bodies of all those suffering from conflict in Palestine and Israel and from the ongoing occupation. Shower upon all the people of the Holy Land the spirit of justice and reconciliation.

God of the nations, give to all our people the blessings of well-being, freedom, and harmony, and, above all things, give us faith in you that we may be strengthened to care for all those in need until the coming of your son, our Saviour and Lord. Amen.

Members of our Church family and others to be remembered in your prayers

Please continue to remember the following people in your daily prayers over the next month. Nicky, Catherine and Laura Guthrie, the Wylie family, Alison and Allan MacKenzie, Iain Todd, Stewart and Betty Frizzell.

Please remember the following folk who have lost a loved one recently and are in need of our support and encouragement – Elma Rorison, Betty Smith, Mairi MacFarlane, Louise Monaghan and Maris Elkin

I wish to share with the folks named above, who have all lost loved ones recently, a verse that has been given to me this week as I remember Rosemary’s loss one year ago on the 27th June.

I thought of you with love today, but that is nothing new.

I thought about you yesterday and days before that too.

I think of you in silence, I often speak your name.

All I have are memories and your picture in a frame.

Your memory is my keepsake with which I’ll never part.

God has you in his keeping; I have you in my heart.

Thank you John and Jeanette for your kind thoughts and these wonderful words of comfort.

Grateful thanks to Margaret Birkbeck for once again proof reading this edition.

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The WW1 song that went global

This is the story of a song that travelled the world and became one of the most iconic songs of World War One. Almost 100 years after it was written, the tune and lyrics remain with us long after the guns of World War One have fallen silent. A firm favourite in its day with troops on the Western Front as well as their families back at home, its popularity didn’t stop there. ‘Pack Up Your Troubles’ went on to enjoy success in Hollywood films, Broadway musicals and even made an appearance in the UK top ten chart as recently as 2010.

It’s been translated into Dutch, German and Spanish, becoming a truly global hit. But in the midst of a world war, what was it about this song in particular that made it such a huge success ?

How the song was written. The story of the song begins behind the scenes of the London Hippodrome Theatre early in 1915. It was there that two brothers, George and Felix Powell, were performing as part of a touring entertainment troupe called The Harlequinaders.

In a break between performances, Felix played the music he had composed to go with some lyrics George had written for a song called ‘Pack Up Your Troubles.’ George was unimpressed with what he Felix (on piano) and George (far right) in their heard - declaring it ‘piffle’- and so the entertainment troupe 'The Harlequinaders'. song was consigned to a ‘duds’ drawer.

That could have been the end of the story if it weren’t for a competition announced in 1915 by New York publishers Francis Day and Hunter who were giving a prize of 100 guineas for a marching song for the troops. Months later the brothers received a telegram announcing ‘Pack Up Your Troubles’ had won first prize. It was only now that the brothers realised the song’s true potential and quickly added it into their show’s repertoire.

The importance of WW1 songs. At the outbreak of war, recruitment songs such as ‘We Don't Want to Lose You, but We Think You Ought to Go’ proved popular in music halls – as did anti-German songs like ‘When Belgium Put the Kybosh on the Kaiser.’ On the Western Front, marching bands were sent to accompany the troops. Soldiers would regularly put on concert parties and almost every division had its own entertainment troop. In the long periods of waiting between battles, songs played an important role in staving off boredom and boosting morale.

‘A Long Way to Tipperary’ was the first hit of the war - a lively tune with fond thoughts of returning home soon. Songs about home resonated throughout the war, with ‘Keep the Home Fires Burning’, released in 1914, remaining popular throughout. As war continued, upbeat messages about staying cheerful and carrying on, such as ‘Pack Up Your Troubles’, played a vital role in keeping spirits up. The songs united people in a shared experience whether they were at home, on the Western Front or stationed further afield. Extract from an article by Gareth Malone

The Parishioner Newsletter Issue 77 – July 2014 Page 11 of 22

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A GONG for MARY ANN

The whole community of Kiltarlity and the fraternity throughout the Highlands were delighted by the award of a British Empire Medal ( BEM ) to Mary Ann Henton in The Queen’s Birthday Honours List in June. This is a well-deserved tribute to one of shinty’s best known and best loved champions and a valued member of our congregation at Tomnacross. There will be very few folk in The Aird who do not know Mary Ann. She has given sterling service to over perhaps more years than even she cares to remember and she continues to do so in her role as club treasurer, a post she has held since 1967.

Mary Ann first got involved with Lovat when helping as a tea lady at the age of sixteen and over the decades she has held numerous positions there and in The where currently she is disciplinary secretary and also sits on its Behaviour in Sport Committee.

Winners of The in 1953, Lovat Shinty Club were founded in 1888 and have always played a vital part in the life of our parish and Mary Ann has certainly played a vital part in the life of the club. Her faithful, efficient and enthusiastic execution of the many offices she has held coupled with her unfailing support and encouragement (often voluble ! ) have played a significant role in the continuing success of this important team. She has demonstrated total commitment to it, never seeking or even dreaming of any reward. She is exactly the sort of volunteer who deserves recognition and everyone who knows and loves her is thrilled that her contribution has now been officially acknowledged.

Well done Mary Ann and congratulations from us all and to Lovat for making your week complete by winning the for the second year running.

BIRTHDAY HONOUR – JAMES FRASER

Congratulations are extended to James on conferment of a CBE for his services to higher education in Scotland and to The Free Church of Scotland. Professor Fraser was appointed Principal and vice- chancellor of U.H.I. Millennium Institute in 2009 and played a huge part in it achieving university status 2 years later. Now retired, he is Chairman of the Board of Trustees of the Free Church of Scotland and Session Clerk of its Kiltarlity congregation.

Both James and Mary Ann live in Camault Muir, Kiltarlity, and James remarked “It struck me that it must be quite unusual for two people from the same small community to be recognised at the same time.” Thanks to Ian Morrison for this submission

Prayer when life is difficult by Daphne Kitching

Lord, There are times when we don’t understand why things are as they are; why those children are hungry and homeless; why that person we prayed for died when they had so much still to live for; why that relationship broke down; why that accident happened to that lovely lady. There are times when we don’t know how to pray, when we just don’t know.

Help us, Lord, at such times, to remember what we do know; that you are our creator; that you love each one of us with the love of a perfect father; that you sent Jesus for just such times as these, to be our hope, to be our Saviour, to be with us always, in all circumstances. Help us to remember your goodness to us in the past, to trust that you are walking with us in the present and to have confidence in the future, because you alone hold it securely in your hands. Remind us every day Lord to *trust in you with all our hearts and not to depend on our own understanding – which is limited by our humanity.

Thank you Father that we are your children and you do hear our prayers, In Jesus’ name, Amen.

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Scotland’s youngest Minister carries Queen’s Baton in Edinburgh

Scotland’s youngest minister took part in the Queen’s Baton relay in Edinburgh on Saturday, 14th June 2014 as part of the Commonwealth Games build-up.

25-year-old Rev Michael Mair, Minister of St David’s Broomhouse Parish Church, had been chosen to be a baton bearer for a leg of the momentous 248 country global journey through the nations and territories of the Commonwealth.

“It is a real honour and a privilege to be part of this unique moment for Scotland,” he said. “I’m representing the Scouts at the Royal Blind School in Scotland, where I help out, and the Church of Scotland. The Commonwealth Games is a historic moment for Glasgow, near where I’m from which is Newton Mearns, and for Scotland. It was an exciting moment carrying the baton through Edinburgh’s Grassmarket.”

Throughout the Games, ecumenical group More Than Gold 2014 will be leading the Church of Scotland’s involvement in the country’s biggest ever sporting event. Formed at the Atlanta Olympic Games in 1996, More than Gold has united numerous denominations for the purpose of spreading Christian goodwill throughout and after major worldwide sporting events.

At the 2010 Winter Olympics in Canada the Salvation Army gave out 375,000 cups of hot chocolate to spectators. In London, for the 2012 Olympics, 600,000 people were invited to parties hosted by churches on the night of the opening ceremony. In Scotland for the 2014 Commonwealth Games in Glasgow, More Than Gold has created a spectacular array of programmes and events in tune with Christian principles. Along with providing materials for churches to incorporate Commonwealth Games themed events into their activity, Christian hospitality is being offered through a homestay programme where volunteers, known as Clydesiders, and athletes’ families can live for free during the Games. The programme’s first target of 2,200 bed nights has been reached but there are still volunteers seeking accommodation.

Many organisations including The Scottish Bible Society, The Salvation Army, Youth for Christ, Firestarters, CLAN, Scripture Union and Christians in Sport are partnering with More Than Gold 2014 to produce resources, training and opportunities to help people engage in mission during the Games.

Every church and community throughout Scotland will be impacted by this event and people will be talking about it. There are lots of things More than Gold already do like children’s holiday clubs, youth cafes, coffee mornings, festivals and worship services that they can give a commonwealth or games theme to. What could you or your church do ?

The 2014 Commonwealth Games ( officially the XX Commonwealth Games ) will be held in Glasgow from 23rd July to 3rd August 2014. It will be the largest multi-sport event ever held in Scotland, although the country previously hosted the 1970 and 1986 Commonwealth Games in Edinburgh.

Glasgow 2014 will feature the biggest ever number of Para-Sport medal events in the history of the Games – 22 in total, spanning five sports. The five Para-Sports included in the Glasgow programme are Athletics, Swimming, Powerlifting, Lawn Bowls and, for the first time, Track Cycling. Sir Philip Craven, President of the International Paralympic Committee, said “It is tremendous news that Glasgow will host more Para-Sport events than any other previous Commonwealth Games and underlines the growth and popularity of Para-Sport at all levels. To have 22 medal events included in the Games in 2014, just two years after London, will ensure that Commonwealth athletes can continue to perform on the big stage in front of thousands of spectators.”

The Parishioner Newsletter Issue 77 – July 2014 Page 14 of 22

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This first appeared in the Spring 2014 edition of the Kiltarlity News

Bible Jokes Q. What do they call Ministers in Germany ? A. German Shepherds. Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible ?

A. Samson. He brought the house down. Q. Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible ? A. David. He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep. Q. Which Bible character had no parents ? A. Joshua, son of Nun. Iain and Avril Marr invite members of both Kirkhill and Kiltarlity Q. Why didn’t they play cards on the Ark ? congregations to come along on A. Because Noah was standing on the deck. rd Sunday, 3 August to Eilanreach Q. Did Eve ever have a date with Adam ? House, Newtonhill to enjoy an afternoon tea party starting at 2:30 A. No, just an apple. p.m. No charge, but donations to the Q. Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible ? Wardlaw Church Fabric Fund will be A. When Joseph served in Pharaoh's court. welcomed. Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he Please speak to Avril if you are able no longer lived in Eden ? to offer any assistance with home A. Your mother ate us out of house and home. baking and washing up duties. Q. Why didn't Noah go fishing ?

A. He only had two worms.

The Parishioner Newsletter Issue 77 – July 2014 Page 15 of 22

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The Charity-Giver’s Lament Life Oh, woe is me ! Life is not always fair, or kind. What have I done ? Life batters, I thought I’d give People betray, let us down, A helpful sum Even those we trusted with our But here I sit hearts and health. Sad and forlorn Landscapes change, For I filled in Things we knew and understood A gift aid form ! Are tossed in the air To come down damaged and The daily stress different. Just makes me groan It all seems too hard, The ringing, ringing Too hard to bear. Telephone A useful gift And it isn’t fair. I’d thought, for sure. What then ? But callers say Give up, turn back, That they want more !

Collapse and concentrate on the I’m lost for words disintegration ? (Dysphonia) Or with Peter, look up and say, The postman’s got “Lord, to whom shall we go ? A hernia You have the words of eternal life. ‘Please give us more !’ We believe and know that ‘Please change your will !’ You are the Holy One of God.” This ‘Charity’ Just makes me ill. Life is not always fair, or kind. That’s why Jesus came. ( The good news is that you can usually give, with gift aid, through your church ! ) By Daphne Kitching By Nigel Beeton

A Nun Grading Papers

Can you imagine the nun sitting at her desk grading these papers, all the while trying to keep a straight face and maintain her composure ! Pay special attention to the wording and spelling. If you know the bible even a little, you'll find this hilarious ! It comes from a Catholic Elementary School test. They have not been retouched or corrected. Incorrect spelling has been left in.

1. In the first book of the bible, genesis. god got tired of creating the world so he took the Sabbath off.

2. Adam and eve were created from an apple tree. Noah’s wife was Joan of ark. Noah built and ark and the animals came on in pears.

3. Lots wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but a ball of fire during the night.

4. The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic genitals.

5. Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a jezebel like Delilah.

6. Samson slayed the philistines with the axe of the apostles.

7. Moses led the Jews to the red sea where they made unleavened bread, which is bread without any ingredients.

The Parishioner Newsletter Issue 77 – July 2014 Page 16 of 22

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The Cross

Highland Cross 2014 took place on Saturday, 21st June 2014. The Highland Cross is a 50-mile duathlon ( 20 miles on foot, 30 miles on bike ) traversing the spectacular Scottish Highlands coast to coast, west to east from Kintail through Glen Affric and Strathglass to Beauly. Entry to the Highland Cross is by invitation only for 250 teams of 3 (750 persons) of all athletic abilities; walkers, joggers, runners and cyclists.

The total amount of money raised by competitors in the Highland Cross 2013 was £226,086. This brings the total raised over the 31 years of Highland Cross to over £3,669,000.

The selected charities for Highland Cross 2014 are: Beauly and District Care Project; Cheshire House Inverness; Shopmobility Highland; Blythswood Care; Chest Heart & Stroke Scotland; Skye and Lochalsh Young Carers.

The winner was Joe Symonds from East Dumbartonshire in 3:19:07 and the first lady was Claire Gordon from Bathgate in 3:57:18. Jack Trevelyan from Kiltarlity in 3:34:09 was the first of the entrants from the parishes of Kiltarlity and Kirkhill to finish. The names of the other entrants from our parishes completing the course were :

Under 5 hours Brian Fraser Tom Smith Chris Mearns Sam Ferguson Alice Scriven Hamish MacDonald Under 6 hours Craig Lloyd Chris Donnelly Mark Goodwill Tracy Innes Trevor White Under 7 hours Chris Matthews Graeme Allison Rory Cruden Helen Cowan Gillian Strang Graham Forbes William MacMillan Madeline Simpson Scott Hay Martin Buchan Fiona MacKenzie Aileen Gallacher Under 8 hours Duncan Chisholm Louise Anderson Iain Thomson

Highland Cross 2015 will take place on Saturday, 20th June 2015, the date to register for an application form is 1st September 2014.

Thanks to Louise Monaghan for finding this quotation The Parishioner Newsletter Issue 77 – July 2014 Page 17 of 22

www.kiltarlityandkirkhill.org.uk

The Wayside Chapel

An English lady, while visiting Switzerland was looking for a room, and asked the schoolmaster if he could recommend one. He took her to see several rooms and when everything was arranged, the lady returned home to make the final arrangements to leave. Back in England the thought suddenly occurred to her that she had not enquired about a W.C. So she wrote to the schoolmaster asking if there was a W.C. conveniently located. The schoolmaster did not understand this abbreviation so he asked the priest if he could help in this matter. Together they tried to discover the meaning of the letters W.C. and the only solution they could find was “WAYSIDE CHAPEL.” The schoolmaster wrote the following letter to the English lady.

Dear Madam,

I take great pleasure in informing you that the W.C. is situated nine miles from the house, in the centre of a beautiful grove of pine trees surrounded by lovely grounds. It has seating capacity of 229 people, and is open on Sundays and Thursday only. As there are a number of people expected for the summer months, I suggest that you come early; although, usually there is plenty of standing room. This is an unfortunate situation, particularly if you are in a habit of going regularly.

You will, no doubt, be glad to know that a good number bring their own lunch and make a day of it, while others who can afford to go by car, arriving just in time. I would recommend that you, Ladyship, go on Thursdays when there is an organ accompaniment. The acoustics are excellent and even the most delicate sounds can be heard everywhere.

It may interest you to know that my daughter was married in the W.C. and it was there that she first met her husband. I can remember the rush there was for seats. There were ten people to a seat usually occupied by one. It was wonderful to see the expressions on the faces.

The newest attraction is a bell donated by a wealthy resident. It rings every time a person enters. A bazaar is to be held to provide plush seats for all, since the people feel it is a long-felt need.

My wife is rather delicate so she cannot attend regularly. It is almost a year since she was last went. Naturally this pains her very much not to be able to go more often.

I shall be delighted to reserve the best seat for you, if you wish, where you will be seen by all. For the children there is a special time and place so that they do not disturb the elders.

Hoping to have been of some service.

I remain,

Yours sincerely The Headmaster Thanks to Malcolm Fraser for this ‘true’ story

WHY are many coin collection jar banks shaped like pigs ? BECAUSE long ago, dishes and cookware in Europe were made of dense orange clay called 'pygg.' When people saved coins in jars made of this clay, the jars became known as 'pygg banks.' When an English potter misunderstood the word, he made a container that resembled a pig. And it caught on.

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APHORISM: A SHORT, POINTED SENTENCE THAT EXPRESSES a WISE or CLEVER OBSERVATION or a GENERAL TRUTH.

1. The nicest thing about the future is . . . that it always starts tomorrow.

2. Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail.

3. If you don't have a sense of humour, you probably don't have any sense at all.

4. Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.

5. A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.

6. How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night ?

7. Business conferences are important. . .because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.

8. Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks ?

9. Scratch a cat . . . and you will have a permanent job.

10. No one has more driving ambition than the teenage boy who wants to buy a car.

11. There are no new sins; the old ones just get more publicity.

12. There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 a.m. - like, it could be the right number.

13. No one ever says "It's only a game" when their team is winning.

14. I've reached the age where 'happy hour' is a nap.

15. Be careful about reading the fine print. . . . there's no way you're going to like it.

16. The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.

17. Do you realize that, in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos ? ( And rap music will be the Golden Oldies ! )

18. Money can't buy happiness -- but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a BMW than in a Toyota.

19. After 60, if you don't wake up aching in every joint, you're probably dead.

20. Always be yourself because the people that matter don't mind ... . . and the ones that mind don't matter.

21. Life isn't tied with a bow ...... but it's still a gift.

The Parishioner Newsletter Issue 77 – July 2014 Page 19 of 22

www.kiltarlityandkirkhill.org.uk

'No ecological reason' against reintroducing wolves

A landscape conservation charity has said there was "no ecological reason" why wolves could not be reintroduced to Scotland.

In the latest edition of its journal, the John Muir Trust ( JMT ) said the animal had been demonised in the UK. It has raised the issue of bringing back the wolf as part of a wider discussion on "rewilding" the UK. JMT said that over the next few months it hoped to stimulate debate on returning areas to more natural states.

In the John Muir Trust Journal, chief executive Stuart Brooks said the charity wanted to help develop a practical vision on rewilding. Rewilding includes controlling grazing by domestic and wild animals so native trees and plants can flourish. Mr Brooks also said: "We want to establish a more cohesive context for species reintroductions based on what is possible as well as desirable."

His comments accompany an article by the charity's communications chief Susan Wright and head of land and science Mike Daniels. In the article, they said wolf ecotourism was growing in other parts of Europe, but also noted a cull of wolves in Sweden. They said: "There is no ecological reason why wolves couldn't come back - we have the climate, the habitat and the food. "Many are afraid of the 'big bad wolf' even though they are far more likely to be harmed by their pet dogs, or indeed their horses, than by a wolf, if it were present." The wolf was hunted to extinction in Scotland in the 1700s with some of the last killed in Sutherland and Moray. Today, European wolves can now only be seen in captivity, such as at the Highland Wildlife Park at Kincraig, near Aviemore. However, wolves have continued to feature on a list of Scottish wildlife that people have concerns about in terms of conservation.

Just 1% of respondents mentioned the predator in the latest survey from Scottish Nature Omnibus Survey when asked what wildlife they were most worried about. Deer, red squirrel and Scottish wildcat topped the list.

Wolves were driven to extinction by persecution and hunting. Chieftains and royalty led some of the hunting parties. One attended by Queen Mary in 1563 employed 2,000 Highlanders and ended in the deaths of five wolves and 360 deer. Huge swathes of forest in Perthshire, Lochaber and Argyll were systematically destroyed to deprive wolves of their habitat. The remains of a wolf trap have also been found at Moy, near Inverness, dating from between the 16th and 18th centuries.

Wolves were lured by bait onto a carefully weighted plank above a deep pit covered with brush wood. Animals killed near Brora, in Sutherland, in 1700 and another at Findhorn, in Moray, in 1743 were among Scotland's last. More recently there has been debate on the re-introduction of wolves to Scotland, including at the Alladale Estate in Sutherland.

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Wardlaw Church contact Kiltarlity Church contact Maris Elkin 831 590 David Garvie 741 038

Interim Moderator – Rev. Peter Donald 230 537 [email protected]

Kirkhill Sunday School – Margaret Birkbeck 831 518 / Flora Morrison 831 373 Kiltarlity Sunday School – Linda MacKenzie 741 313 / Anneliese Garvie 741 038 The Parishioner editor – Iain J. Mortimer 782 648 E-mail – [email protected]

Families struggling to pay soaring funeral costs The cost of funerals varies hugely in different parts of Scotland. Bereaved Scots are finding it harder to pay the growing costs of burying their loves ones, according to Citizens Advice Scotland (CAS).

The average cost of a simple funeral in Scotland today is £3,240 - an increase of 7% year-on-year since 2004. The rise comes against a backdrop of falling household incomes and a cut in emergency assistance for funerals.

A CAS report also reveals a "postcode lottery", with families in some areas having to pay 300% more than others. The average cost of a burial alone is £1,181.77. That jumps to £2,716.50 in the most expensive area of East Dunbartonshire, while the cheapest is £680 in the Western Isles. The most expensive cremation is £730 in Perth and Kinross, compared with £485 in the Highlands.

CAS spokeswoman Susan McPhee said: "People who have never organised a funeral are often shocked at how expensive it is. There are charges for the grave site as well as fees to the undertakers, the cost of the coffin etc. Bereavement is a difficult time for any family, and most people don't like to talk about the cost of interring their loved one. But we have seen a growing number of Scots ( a 27% increase in the past year ) come to Citizens' Advice because they simply can't afford to pay for a burial or cremation." She added: "These people are of course in real distress at having to face this awful situation. Our report reveals a real unfairness, which we think has to be addressed."

The Church of Scotland welcomed the report. Church and Society Council convener the Rev Sally Foster- Fulton said: "Governments at all levels cannot ignore what this means for many people at a vulnerable time in their lives."

If a man does not make new acquaintances as he advances through life, he will soon find himself left alone; one should keep his friendships in constant repair. Samuel Johnson

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Diary dates for JULY 2014

1 July Coffee / tea / home baking Wardlaw Church between 10:00 a.m. and 12 noon. 2 July Prayer meeting at Wardlaw Church at 7:00 p.m. 2 July Joint Kirk Session meeting at Wardlaw Church, Kirkhill at 7:45 p.m. 6 July Worship at WARDLAW at 10:00 a.m. and KILTARLITY at 11:15 a.m. Preacher is Rev. Dennis Brice 6 July First Sunday Praise at Kiltarlity Free Church, starting at 6:00 p.m. 8 July Coffee / tea / home baking Wardlaw Church between 10:00 a.m. and 12 noon. 9 July Prayer meeting at Wardlaw Church at 7:00 p.m. 13 July Worship at WARDLAW at 10:00 a.m. and KILTARLITY at 11:15 a.m. Preacher is Rev. Morven Archer 15 July Coffee / tea / home baking Wardlaw Church between 10:00 a.m. and 12 noon. 16 July Prayer meeting at Wardlaw Church at 7:00 p.m. 20 July Worship at WARDLAW at 10:00 a.m. and KILTARLITY at 11:15 a.m. Preacher is Rev. Bill Freel 22 July Coffee / tea / home baking Wardlaw Church between 10:00 a.m. and 12 noon. 23 July Prayer meeting at Wardlaw Church at 7:00 p.m. 27 July Worship at WARDLAW at 10:00 a.m. and KILTARLITY at 11:15 a.m. Preacher is Mr. Stewart Robertson 29 July Coffee / tea / home baking Wardlaw Church between 10:00 a.m. and 12 noon. 30 July Prayer meeting at Wardlaw Church at 7:00 p.m. 3 August Worship at WARDLAW at 10:00 a.m. and KILTARLITY at 11:15 a.m. Preacher Mr. Barry Dennis 3 August Afternoon tea party at Eilanreach House, Newtonhill starting at 2:30 p.m. 3 August First Sunday Praise at Kiltarlity Free Church, starting at 6:00 p.m.

Swim - If a lot of swimming is so good for your shape, then why do the whales look the way they do ?

Puppy - I arrived home from work to find all the windows and doors wide open. Apparently our puppy had had an accident. "Yeah, it was awful," my daughter told me. "In fact, when we first walked in, I thought you had come home early and were cooking dinner."

Water - My friend was working at an amusement park when a couple stopped him. “Excuse me,” said the woman, pointing to a pond. “What is that water made out of ?” Bemused, my friend replied, “Two parts hydrogen and one part oxygen.” “See ?” she said to her boyfriend. “I told you it wasn’t real.”

Couch - Friends sympathised as our Minister complained that her back was really sore from moving furniture. "Why don't you wait till your teenage son gets home ?" someone asked. "Well, I could," our Minister replied, "but the couch is easier to move if he's not on it."

Observations on our faith

God made the country and man made the town. William Cowper Matthew God enters by a private door into every individual. Anon

The August 2014 issue of The Parishioner will be published on Sunday, 27th July 2014

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