GOD in MY HEAD 1St Paperback Edition
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GOD IN MY HEAD The True Story of an ex-Christian who accidentally met God. Joshua Steven Grisetti Copyright © 2016. Joshua Steven Grisetti. All rights reserved. ISBN: 1508502668 ISBN-13: 978-1508502661 For you. CONTENTS Acknowledgments ix Disclaimers Worth Disclaiming xi Preface xiii Prologue: Journey Ended, Journey Begun 1 1 Domino Falling 5 2 The Tasmanian Devil 17 3 Dawning of the Age of Aquarius 25 4 The Life and Death of a God 32 5 Lift Off 39 6 The Abyss 48 7 Judgment Day 54 8 Questions, Answers Part I: The Looking Glass 63 Part II: I Am 67 Part III: The God Particle 72 Part IV: The Tree of Knowledge 79 Part V: The First Age 85 Part VI: Jesus Christ Supernova 90 Part VII: The Gospel According to Nitrous Oxide (abridged) 96 Part VIII: Money Makes the Church Go Around 101 Part IX: The Failsafe 106 Part X: Bible School 113 Part XI: Sin 124 Part XII: Prayer & Suffering 131 Part XIII: Childish Things 137 Part IVX: The Purpose Driven Life 142 Part XV: Happily Ever Afterlife 145 Part XVI: The Closing Door 150 JOSHUA STEVEN GRISETTI 9 The Aftermath 156 10 Chasing the Shadow of God 160 11 Deconstructing Lucidity 164 About the Author 181 Notes 182 vi “All great truths begin as blasphemies.” – George Bernard Shaw JOSHUA STEVEN GRISETTI viii GOD IN MY HEAD ACKNOWLEDGMENTS In a very direct way I must thank Becky Brown, a dear friend of my parents who gave me her copy of Todd Burpo’s book Heaven Is For Real, which inspired me to write my own story. Perhaps she knew that over the years I had become increasingly skeptical of some of Christianity’s teachings, and thought Burpo’s book would help warm my heart back towards the faith. It was a sweet, loving gesture that I cherish. In a less direct way, I must also thank my Southern Baptist parents, whose stalwart conservative upbringing provided the foundation upon which everything in the pages to follow was undoubtedly built. Not only they, but also the entire Christian community from my rural hometown in Virginia. I may not have turned out the way any of you had hoped, but I certainly enjoyed the ride, and I treasure the memories and morals that you all helped to instill. In an even less direct way, I would like thank all of the skeptics and cynics, Atheists, Agnostics, Unitarians, Jews, Christian Scientists, Mormons, Buddhists and other religious or non-religious persons I’ve stumbled into conversations with throughout the years. A tiny piece of each of you is lurking somewhere deep in my subconscious, and therefore peppered throughout this odd memoir. Lastly, I’d like to acknowledge my wise and beautiful ex-wife, Candice, whose disbelief always fueled so much of my desire to better understand myself and the ridiculous world around me. She also directly inspired me to write this book so that I might, in her words, “finally shut up about it.” ix JOSHUA STEVEN GRISETTI x GOD IN MY HEAD DISCLAIMERS WORTH DISCLAIMING Firstly, my story involves a reckless misuse of multiple prescription and non-prescription drugs in combinations that are potentially lethal. This book is in no way a means of glorifying or condoning my irresponsible actions, and must not be confused for a recommendation of any kind. In that vein, any health-related information presented or implied within this book is purely anecdotal. I, the author, assume no liability for any damages or injuries that may result from the use or interpretation of any information within this book. Secondly, this book is primarily about my unexpected encounter with God. However, in order to explain the experience fully, I must start at the very beginning. The first several chapters of this book are dedicated to explaining how my meeting with the Almighty came to pass. To be sure, this is a true story, a spiritual memoir of sorts. Everything presented here is as truthful a representation of the actual events as can possibly be recalled from memory. I have, however, assigned fictional names and locations to the real-world people and places described in this book, merely to protect the anonymity of all involved. Regarding the formatting of the chapters relating directly to my experience with God, the words that He spoke to me have been recalled from memory. While certain phrases are no doubt verbatim, I am inevitably paraphrasing most of what He said. This is self-evident, but given the subject matter I feel a strange compulsion to reiterate it. (There is something inherently uncomfortable about paraphrasing God, whether you believe in Him or not.) Also, the encounter seemed to span many years, and rambled non-linearly in all directions. It felt as if God unloaded a mountain of books in front of me and called it a “library”. I, the “librarian” in this analogy, tasked myself to cataloguing all of that information, organizing it into a linear form in order to write it down. I don’t suspect that my reformatting has distorted the message in any way, however I prefer to err on the side of complete transparency, so I’m mentioning it. I’d also like to acknowledge that using personal pronouns like “He” and “Him” for God is an admitted misnomer. He specifically said that He was gender-neutral, but it is somehow easier to identify Him in the masculine sense. Perhaps this is because of the traditional male-centric view of God, “the Father.” Nonetheless, if it bothers you in the slightest, feel free to substitute whatever vocabulary you like – He, She or It will do just fine. xi JOSHUA STEVEN GRISETTI Lastly, no matter what creed or walk of life you subscribe to, some of the ideas presented here will naturally appeal to you, while others repel you. I’m not necessarily making a case for or against any particular doctrine or point of view in the pages that follow; I’m simply trying to tell you what I saw and what I was told. Whatever positions you ultimately take on these matters, don’t shoot the messenger. Follow your own divine instincts, and take my divine instincts with a grain of salt. Though I am happy to share them with you, they may or may not be compatible with your own. As the old saying goes: one man’s trash is another man’s spiritual awakening. Or something like that. xii GOD IN MY HEAD PREFACE This book began as a kind of response to a book published in 2010 by Todd Burpo called Heaven Is For Real1. In that book, the author chronicles the trial of his 3-year-old son Colton as he narrowly averts death after a ruptured appendix. Thankfully, Colton survived. Over the months and years that followed, Colton’s parents learned that the boy had undergone an out-of-body experience during the emergency surgery that saved his life. The author, Colton’s father, claims that his son saw the doctors and nurses working on him, as well as his mother and father crying in separate rooms during the surgery. He then went to Heaven, where he saw Jesus dressed in white robes with a purple sash. He even sat on Jesus’ lap and talked to him! He met John the Baptist, a choir of singing angels and a grandfather who had died 30 years prior to Colton’s birth. After the surgery, Colton allegedly became somewhat preoccupied with funerals, asking his parents to identify whether or not recently deceased persons were Christians. When his parents asked him why he wanted to know, he explained that Jesus had told him that only Christians (people who truly loved Jesus as their savior) could enter Heaven. All of this despite the fact that his parents swore they never taught Colton such doctrines prior to his near-death experience. Clearly, this proves that Heaven is “for real”! Well, that’s certainly one way to look at it. In fact, I find it to be an uplifting and perfectly normal way to view the world. Throngs of other Americans clearly agreed; the book hit #1 on The New York Times best- selling paperback non-fiction list in January 2011, selling over a million copies by April 2012.2 This is impressive from a commercial standpoint, if not from a spiritual one. Naturally, I realize that most people tend to expose themselves only to material that affirms their own preexisting beliefs, rather than complicate things with conflicting ideas. Christians are certainly not exempt from this phenomenon; in fact, in my experience, they are often the guiltiest culprits. Todd Burpo’s book is a shining example; it became one of the highest selling books in the history of the genre, likely because it confirmed every iota of traditional, protestant Christian doctrine. I would have been amazed if tribesmen in Africa had raised a 3- year-old boy who then had a vivid hallucination about meeting Jesus Christ xiii JOSHUA STEVEN GRISETTI surrounded by singing angels. I might have even been intrigued if the boy had been the child of Atheists, then awoke from surgery evangelizing the Good News of Christianity. However, Colton was not raised by tribesmen, nor by Atheists. His father (who, not inconsequentially, wrote the book) was none other than a Protestant Christian minister from Nebraska. Is it any wonder that Colton saw “Jesus” as a European-looking white man with long brown hair and green eyes, who wore a white robe with a purple sash? This image feels pulled straight out of the pages of a children’s picture Bible.