A. N. C.

• THE QUART ARTICLES ERNEST HEMINGWAY NICHOLAS MURRAY BUTLER GILBERT SELDES RING LARDNER, JR. CHAS. HANSON TOWNE

FICTION JOHN DOS PASSOS WILLIAM McFEE MANUEL KOMROFF MORLEY CALLAGHAN ERSKINE CALDWELL DASHIELL HAMMETT DOUGLAS FAIRBANKS, JR. VINCENT STARRETT SPORTS BOBBY JONES GENE TUNNEY BENNY LEONARD CHARLEY PADDOCK HUMOR GEORGE ADE MONTAGUE GLASS GEO. S. CHAPPELL HARRY HERSHFIELD ROBERT BUCKNER DAVID MUNROE POETRY JOSEPH AUSLANDER A. WURDEMANN CARTOONS C. ALAJALOV WM. STEIG E. SIMMS CAMPBELL JOHN GROTH GEORGE PETTY NAT KARSON TY MAHON PHOTOGRAPHY FICTION • SPORTS • HUMOR GILBERT SEEHAUSEN PAUL TREBILCOCK CLOTHES • ART • CARTOONS 36 FEATURES PRICE FIFTY CENTS IN FELL COLOR THE LAST TOUCH IN DISTINCTION IN DRESS

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Esquire is published quarterly bjr the Esquire Publishing Company, Inc. David A. Smart, President; Arnold Gingrich, , Vice-President; Alfred Smart, Secretary Vol. I No. I > and treasurer. Editorial, Circulation, Business Production h Mil'll* car, a ,,r. in;....; 1 : and Departments, 919 Nort Whole No. I for at Post Office at Chicago, Illinois, under the Act of March 3rd. 1879. Advertising c States. Porto Rico, and the Pliillippines, $1.50 a year in advance; in Canada. SI.00 a HE last word in waterproofs

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2 ESQUIRE — Autumn , 1933 —

It’s no fun to be fooled when you’i Lektrolites come in a wide range of craving smoke satisfaction. Lektro- DYNAMIQUE models, from the simple and work- STREAMLINED lite defies the wind, the storm, and MODEL FILLER BOX manlike, yet handsome, plain ones at the acrid rasp of the sulphur match. as little as $5 to the tremendously Lights instantly and always. impressive ones, executed in costly * materials with the ultimate of crafts- LEKT RPLITE manship, at as much as $300. Of Lektrolite has made a social debut in course, they all light the same the pockets and homes of smart New the first time, with no Yorkers who abhor caloused finger which means, tips, blisters, and dickering with fuss, no muss, no mental hazard. lighter mechanics. Really, old fash- ioned “lighters” are so passe! * * Lektrolites are modernly conceived Gift giving is a keen delight when The FLAMELESS you can give the unusual. 1933’s per- in fashionable enamels and smart fect gift for the Birthday, favors, metals including silver, gold and

bridge prizes and what have you, is a platinum. If you want real swank, Lektrolite. Incidentally, why not give Mystery Lighter you can have your initials or club yourself one? After all, you’re your insignia engraved on a Lektrolite at own best friend! slight additional cost. Remember, we Lektrolite borrows the firefly’s * will trade in your old “lighter” and magic and produces a new smok- If all the “lighters” hidden in thirty if your dealer doesn’t carry Lektro- ing delight. Simply lift the cap million desk drawers were laid end lite, use this convenient coupon. and there’s a soft glow ready to to end... they’d reach the heights of light your cigarette, cigar or pipe ridiculousness. But seriously, you can with first inhalation. trade in your old “lighter” toward a NO FLINTS • NO FLAME • NO WHEELS 1933 stream line Lektrolite. Rolls No mechanism, no batteries, no NO BUTTONS • NO BATTERIES NO MECHANISM • AUTOMATIC REFILL Royce does it, why can’t we? gadgets, no tricks.

How does it work? Forgive us, LEKTROLITES ARE CARRIED but that’s our secret. However, IN THE SMARTEST SHOPS we guarantee it absolutely for at FROM COAST TO COAST least a year. Catalog on request. Prices are from If your dealer cannot supply you, address PLATINUM PRODUCTS COMPANY *5 >> *300 2 East 44th Street, New York, N. Y. Dept. 2

N YOUR L E K T R O L

ESQUIRE—Autumn, 1933 . . .

Edited IU/TX- Publishers: by c&q David A. Smart Arnold Gingrich THE QUARTERLY FOR MEN W. H. Weintraub

COPYRIGHT 1933 BY ESQUIRE PUBLISHING CO. TITLE REG. U. S. PAT. OFFj As for General Esquire aims to be- A Magazine for It is our belief, in Content come the common Men Only offering Esquire to denominator of mas- Qontents for ^Autumn ipjj the American male, culine interests — to be all things to all that we are only getting around at last men. This is difficult to accomplish, all job that should have been done a Cover Design by Edward A. Wilson to a at a crack, and we would be foolish to long time ago — that of giving the mas- expect to work out the formula down culine reader a break. The general mag- Esquire News Revue by Nat Karson 6 to the last little detail, in a first issue. azines, in the mad scramble to increase One of the things that are needed, for the woman readership that seems to be Backstage with Esquire. 7 the ultimate shaping of this magazine so highly prized by national advertis- into what will be its final form, is a ers, have bent over backward in cater- Marlin off the Morro. . . .Cuban Letter by Ernest Hemingway 8 frank reaction from the readers. We ing to the special interests and tastes of won’t know how please you in future the feminine audience. This has reached to Back Home in 1919 Story by John Dos Passos 10 issues unless and until you tell us what a point, in some of the more extreme you think of the way we started out. instances, where the male reader, in Port of New York . Water Color by John Dos Passos 11 The one test that has been applied to looking through what purports to be a every feature that is in this first issue The New Leisure general magazine, is made to feel like has been simply and solely : “Is it inter- an intruder upon gynaecic mysteries. esting to men?” How often were we As told to S. J. Woolf by Nicholas Murray Butler 13 Occasionally, features are included for wrong? Come on, let’s have it —we’re his special attention, but somewhat leading with the chin. Let Me Promise You Story by Morley Callaghan 15 after the manner in which scraps are tossed to the patient dog beneath the Lost Art of Ordering Article by Charles Hanson Towne 16 table.

Bellissima Story by William McFee 19

Treatise on Pie . Humorous Essay by George Ade 20 As for Physical In page layouts, As for Selling What we can’t figure, typographic dress, August Afternoon Story by Erskine Caldwell 22 Format The Old Man for the life of us, is and general make- why woman-reader- Buckner 25 up we have tried to allow this magazine Stonewall and Ivy Story by Robert ship should be valued so highly as to to take on an easy natural masculine make a step-child out of the interests book Humorous Sketch by Geoffrey Kerr 27 character—to endow it, as it were, with The Check- of male readers. This is one magazine a baritone voice. It would have been that is going to try to be general, but easier, Grandstand . . . Article by Charles W. Paddock 29 to be frank, to follow the much is determined to stay masculine. “Sell- fancier handling that characterizes so ing the wife” is an important job, but of Concierge many of the general magazines, that Turtle Mme. La certainly not one that has ever suffered are calculated to captivate the woman for the lack of help from us. can Humorous Sketch by George S. Chappell 32 We reader, but we thought you’d welcome think of a selling job, however, that has a change from that, so we have con- been sadly neglected, and that is the Albert Pastor at Home. . Story by Dashiell Hammett 34 sciously tried to avoid all fuss and one of insurance against the destruc- feathers, in dishing up this magazine’s What a Married Man Should Know tion, all too frequent, of sales argu- contents. Maybe in this matter, too, ments that have been received by the you can help us with suggestions. Is it Humorous Essay by Montague Glass 37 little woman with a glow of approval, easy to read? Do you like the page at the first skeptical grunt from the old size? Enough pictures? Got any ideas? I Am Dying, Little Egypt. Article by Gilbert Seldes 40 man.

Exit at the Morgue Poem by Joseph Auslander 43

Invitation’ to Danger Story by Manuel Komroff 44 As for the Fashion Esquire aims There’s Repealing Tastes. .Article by Frederick Van Ryn 47 No Features to be, among As for the Once we picked up an other things, a Color Pages issue of one of the hu- Publicity by Cuttlebone. . Story by David Hoadley Munroe 49 fashion guide for men. But it never mor magazines contain- intends to become, by any possible ing a full page cartoon in color. We for- Prodigal Son of Paris. . . . Article by Sam Ostrowsky 50 stretch of the imagination, a primer for get which one it was, or we’d be pleased fops. We have been studying men, and to credit it, but anyway, turning to In the Bois . Story by Douglas Fairbanks, Jr. 53 men’s clothes, for many years, and we that colored cartoon was like coming have come to the conclusion that the upon the proverbial diamond in a coal Break ’Em Gentle Story by Dan Muller 54 average American male has too much heap. That accounts for the fact that inherent horse sense to be bothered so many of our color pages are devoted The Phantom Champs. . Article by Benny Leonard 56 very much by a lot of dress rules that to cartoons. The use of color gives us a nobody but a gigolo could possibly find chance, also, to give the humorous Poor Man’s Night Club. . Article by Arnold Gingrich 61 either time or inclination to observe. drawings a variety of treatments that On the other hand, we feel that men would not otherwise be possible. Some The Art in Putting Article by Bobby Jones 62 have long since ceased to believe that of them, we think, come very close to there is anything effeminate or essen- that ideal state of being classifiable, I Was, I Am a Spy Semi-fiction by “P-173” 64 tially unbusinesslike about devoting a with equal applicability, under the little care and thought and study to the heading of art as well as humor. Confessions of a Ghost. . Article by Joseph Hoyt 67 selection of clothes.

Princeton Panorama . . Article by Ring W. Lardner, Jr. 68

Africa for Actors Article by M. G. Hubbard 71

Alibi in a Roadhouse Story by Vincent Starrett 73 As for the Future The launching of A Word to the We have known edi- Issues this magazine is The Lease of Lust 78 Contributor torial staffs in which an ambitious job, it seemed to be a and already we have heard the wailing Make It Funny Humorous Essay by Harry Hershfield 83 matter of pride that a bevy of assist- of countless Cassandras. “Why so many ants made such a formidable barrier color pages —why so many features— Thought for Food Article by Arthur F. Kraetzer, M. D. 85 that only a thin trickle of favored con- how do you think you’ll ever keep it tributions ever penetrated to the inner up?” Well, a definite answer to the All in a Man’s Reading. . . . Book Notes by James T. Farrell 91 editorial sanctum. We take an especial doubting Thomases is in preparation, joy in applying reverse English to any in the shape of our second issue, which Overture: Poet and Pug. . Article by Gene Tunney 95 such high hat policy, and herewith will be out December 1st. There we in- solemnly promise that, at least as long tend to show, not by promises but by John Groth, Art Director as Esquire remains a quarterly, every performance, that the standard estab- contribution will get the attention of lished by the first issue of Esquire is the editor and one of the publishers. meant to be a low mark rather than a This will also serve to explain why we high one, and that it will be not merely use person’s name any fiction, semi-fictional surpassed, in every issue may take an ungodly long time in re- The of any m equaled but details turning scripts and drawings. All con- articles or humorous essays is to be regarded as a coincidence and from here out. For further on this intriguing subject, and for a par- tributions should be addressed to the not as the responsibility of Esquire. It is never done knowingly. of is in store, see Chicago office, 919 North Michigan tial intimation what Avenue. page 104. .

/7y?/reJ

Pictured here, out of an artist’s imagination, is a fine American reasons, a goodly portion of America’s business leaders

business office. Sumptuous and inviting as it is, however, are never seen riding in other than Cadillac cars. For they there is nothing unusual about it—for hundreds of American know full well that, of all those material possessions which

business men occupy offices that are equally impressive. . . . bespeak a man’s place in the general life of his community,

They do not sit in offices like these out of any personal none is more instantly recognized than his automobile. vanity, or because such fine surroundings are considered essential to their work. They simply know that the dignity of the businesses they represent cannot properly be upheld

in an ordinary, routine office setting. . . . And, for identical A GENERAL MOTORS VALUE —

6 ESQUIRE Autumn, 1933 BUSINESS REPLY CARD FIRST CLASS PERMIT NO. 12802 SEC. SIO P. L. & R. CHICAGO, ILL.

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BACKSTAGE WITH ESQUIRE

HIS department is pleased to work of Nat Karson, a young artist is done over again, in oils, direct on edition), although his first novel, One Tinaugurate itself with the follow- whose pedigree contains that familiar the glass. A plain piece of drawing Man's Initiation, appeared in 1920. ing charming testimonial to its use- formula, “by New York out of Chi- paper is then laid on the glass, and His best known books are Rosinante fulness, which is served up without cago.” If you know your Chicago art its back is run over by a hand roller. to the Road Again (1922), a volume of garnishment fresh, yea, even steam- world, you know that first success, as The resultant impression, made upon travel sketches and essays on Spain, ing, as it arrived from the Village it comes to Chicago artists, is usually the drawing paper by contact with A Pushcart at the Curb, poems (1922), abode of Robert Buckner: computed as the accumulation of the wet surface of the oil paints on the Streets of Night, (1923), Manhattan “I understand that you cannot close sufficient funds for the purchase of a glass, is a monotype, and constitutes Transfer (1925), The 42nd Parallel your forms without one of mine, the ticket to New York. Lasting success the finished drawing that is repro- (1930), and 1919 (1932). The last four which is herewith enclosed, in graphic means being able to return to the old duced in our pages. named are novels. detail. town on the Lakefront without hav- He is an author who ought to be ing to resort to the hitchhike route. read by everyone and could get along Well, Nat Karson ’s been a big success without being read by his admirers — he maintains studios in both places, we mean, that he has a tremendous and rides the train, with a ticket, following among the long haired liter- back and forth between them. ary audience and deserves to have it Here is a key, not that you need it, among all readers of books. No one, to the News Revue: Upper left, with with the possible exception of James saluting hand between the flaming Joyce (and you could get us into an uprights of the word July, General argument on this point very easily) Italo Balbo, with World’s Fair crowds has had such a pronounced influence before him and World’s Fair buildings on the contemporary novel. The to his left. At his right, George Bern- characteristic Dos Passos novel, ka- ard Shaw, celebrating his 77th birth- leidoscopic in treatment and poly- day. Lower left, Wiley Post, with phonic in form, took shape with Man- part of the crowds that greeted him hattan Transfer. The Jflnd Parallel and perhaps the part that still remember 1919, while complete books in them- him, such is the transient fame of fly- selves, are connected and carry the ers. Just above, Ramsey MacDonald, same cast of characters. A novel now with the remains of the Disarmament in preparation carries on from the — or was it the Arms? — Conference. point where 1919 left off. The incident Next below, Mussolini in radio salute John Groth treated in Mr. Dos Passos’ story in to Balbo. Next above, Hitler and the this issue forms a part of the material Robert Buckner Bayreuth Festival under the Nazis. for this new novel. Until someone Center, F. D. himself and the Blue Mr. Groth is a young Chicagoan can show us conclusively that we’re whose work has only recently begun “In case you might wish to further Eagle. Upper right, the Recovery wrong, we lay our money, in the to attract national attention. One- embroider your page of contributors that started— and that’s still the right Great American Novel Sweepstakes, center, Irv- man shows have been given him, this with those fascinating little homey word— in August. Right on the ultimate great book of which month, in Milwaukee and in Wash- details which make the authors seem ing Berlin writes a new show. Next 42nd Parallel and 1919 form the be- below, the polo without which Sep- ington, the latter in the National more like pals than mere lovers, I am ginning and middle. tember could hardly be considered Gallery. For one so young (he is still appending a gripping (one p, please) official. below, Primo under twenty-five) his technical skill paragraph, in its way a gem of under- Next Camera and mastery of media is remarkable. statement, which may make the name upon whom, how suddenly, “assur- silk Bradford We predict that he will go far on the R. H. Buckner less of an awesome, god- ance sits as a hat on a long road that lies ahead of him. like force, and more human, under- millionaire.” Next below, Farley lines standable to the masses. So saying: up another couple of Southern states for Repeal. Lower right, New York- “I am a Virginian, played football ers duly and dutifully begin what the Ernest Hemingway is in Spain. at the University, to the anguish of majority of the critics will call, for the His newest book, a volume of short my friends and the delight of my fifth or maybe tenth successive year, stories, is called Winner Take Nothing. enemies. Studied medicine at Edin- the worst theatrical season in history. As this is written before the book’s ap- burgh, and am a minor authority on fellow earance, we cannot list all the stories, Scotch. Have worked, not always re- We forgot something? The at ut we can tell you that it contains at spectfully, as newspaper reporter, top center? Why, that’s Esquire— least one story, Sea-Change, that manager of a Belgian hotel, guide to about a tenth as large as life and twice stacks up with the finest he has ever Waterloo, courier, interpreter, tennis as natural. done. pro, salesman, ghost writer, publicity For those of man and advertising manager of vari- you who have waist- lines, we wish that Mr. Hemingway ous publishing houses. Am the first his American to make a living writing had included, in account of marlin fishing, the fact that he lost English stories for English magazines, 26 pounds including a love-problem department during the three months he spent fish- ing the Coast. Joseph Auslander for working girls under the nom-de- Cuban passion of Luella Lee. My favorite poet is O. Nash, because of the pan- Joseph Auslander is doing a man- ache: my favorite spot, Hetch Hetchy, Manuel Komroff’s newest book is size job, with his new series of poems Calif., because of the timbre. I love I, the Tiger. We can heartily recom- depicting New York life in its sterner birds, children, rainbows, and oh so mend it. Mr. Ivomroff is the author aspects. We are proud and pleased to many things. Am presently engaged of The Grace of Lambs, J uggler's Kiss, be able to present this series in the on the long-awaited Great American Coronet, and A New York Tempest. pages of Esquire. The second poem of Novel, to be called, Maizie, the Patrol- He lives in New York but is in Holly- the series, which will appear in our man's Sweetie: or, His Beat-Route wood at present. From there he next issue, is Night Court. Mr. Aus- Sugar. writes: “out here they are innocent in lander, who is equally well known as everything but sex.” poet, anthologist and lecturer, lives “There, I think that will do the in Manhattan. trick. The accompanying photo con- veys something of the rugged indi- vidualism of Buckner the mgn and John Dos Passos is in Spain with William McFee is the author of artist, and may indicate the solid his good friend Ernest Hemingway, The Harbormaster, Casuals of the Sea, foundation of his prose style. ‘No having gone there after a summer etc. His newest book is No Castle in mean pebble. Indeed, what a boul- spent at Antibes. Before returning to Spain. der!’ London Needlework Weekly. Nat Karson America, he will do the illustrations ‘He’ll bear watching’. Scotland Yard for Mr. Hemingway’s Spanish Letter, scheduled for the next issue. While News.” George Ade is, next to Aesop, the is featured everyone has heard of Dos Passos We were going to tell you some- John Groth,whose work best known* writer of fables. His, as writer, surprised thing about Mr. Buckner as a “dis- on so many of our pages, is the Art a many may be written in slang, brought him fame evidence, covery” of ours, but now that he’s Director of Esquire. A restless experi- to see the on page 11, that these many years gone. also artist. far practically famous, we are relieved of menter with media, he has brought to he is an As as we captioned know, this is the first time that one that necessity. Anyway, if you like the humorous drawing a variety of treatment that it has never of his drawings has been reproduced Stonewall and Ivy, in this issue— and Montague Glass is the well-known been accorded before, at least in gen- in color in a periodical, although his if you don’t we’re through with you, author of Potash and Perlrnulter. eral magazines. of the in- colors have appeared in two which would, in that case, make it One most water mutual, not to say unanimous — then teresting and least familiar of these books, one his own volume of travel treatments is the monotype, examples sketches, Orient Express, the other wait 'til you see Little Angie and the Blaise Cendrars, a Gibert Seldes is the editor of the Davis Cup, in the next issue. There’s of which are to be found on pages 52 Panama, by book recent news-reel movie, This is Amer- a story. What panache and what and 106. The evolution of a monotype of poems (and pretty advanced stuff, ica. His book, The Seven Lively Arts, timbre! is as follows. First the drawing is made too, we warn you) of which he was the in plain line. Then a glass plate is laid translator as well as the illustrator. was one of the first to give the movies over it. Following the outlines of the Mr. Dos Passos came to fame in 1921 Esquire’s Own News Revue, which pen drawing, which show clearly with the publication of Three Soldiers *vnless you want to get precious and appears on the opposite page, is the through the glass plate, the drawing (now available in a Modern Library ring in a fellow named Fontaine. Continued on page 116

ESQUIRE— Autumn, 1933 7 — MARLIN OFF THE MORRO

A Cuban letter

btf ERNEST HE MINGWAY

he rooms on the northeast corner of the We have an ice-box that runs across the Off the Morro in the entrance to the harbor TAmbos Mundos hotel in Havana look stern of the boat with bait iced down on one there is a good coral bottom with about out, to the north, over the old cathedral, the side and beer and fruit iced on the other. t wenty fathoms of water and you pass many entrance to the harbor, and the sea, and to The best bait for big marlin is fresh cero small boats bottom fishing for mutton fish the east to Casablanca peninsula, the roofs mackerel or kingfish of a pound to three and red snappers and jigging for mackerel of all houses in between and the width of the pounds weight. The best beer is Ilatuey, the and occasional kingfish. Outside the breeze harbor. If you sleep with your feet toward best fruits, in season, are Filipino mangoes, freshens and as far as you can see the small the east, this may be against the tenets of iced pineapple, and alligator pears. Ordina- boats of the marlin fishermen are scattered. certain religions, the sun, coming up over the rily we eat the alligator pears for lunch with They are fishing with four to six heavy hand- Casablanca side and into your open window, a sandwich, fixing them with pepper and lines in from forty to seventy fathoms drift- will shine on your face and wake you no salt and a freshly squeezed lime. When we ing for the fish that are travelling deep. We matter where you were the night before. If run into the beach to anchor, swim and cook troll for the ones that are on the surface you do not choose to get up you can turn a hot lunch on days when fish are not run- feeding, or travelling, or cruising fifteen or around the other way in the bed or roll over. ning you can make a French dressing for the twenty fathoms down. They see the two big That will not help for long because the sun pears, adding a little mustard. You can get teasers or the baits and come up with a will be getting stronger and the only thing enough fine, big avocados to feed five people smash, usually going head and shoulders out to do is close the shutter. for fifteen cents. of water on the strike. Getting up to close the shutter you look The boat is the Anita, thirty-four feet Marlin travel from east to west against across the harbor to the flag on the fortress long, very able in a sea, with plenty of speed the current of the gulf stream. No one has and see it is straightened out toward you. for these fish, owned and skippered by Capt. ever seen them working in the other direc- You look out the north window past the Joe Russell of Key West who brought the tion, although the current of the gulf stream Morro and see that the smooth morning first load of liquor that ever came into that is not so stable; sometimes, just before the sheen is rippling over and you know the place from Cuba and who knows more about new moon, being quite slack and at others trade wind is coming up early. You take a swordfish than most Keywesters do about running strongly to the westward. But the shower, pull on an old pair of khaki pants grunts. The other man on board is the best prevailing wind is the northeast trade and and a shirt, take the pair of moccasins that marlin and swordfisherman around Cuba, when this blows the marlin come to the top are dry, put the other pair in the window so Carlos Gutierrez, of Zapata, 31, Havana, 54 and cruise with the wind, the scythe tail, a they will be dry next night, walk to the ele- years old, who goes Captain on a fishing light, steely, lavender, cutting the swells as vator, ride down, get a paper at the desk, smack in the winter and fishes marlin com- it projects and goes under; the big fish, yel- walk across the corner to the cafe and have mercially in the summer. I met him six low looking in the water, swimming two or breakfast. years ago in Dry Tortugas and first heard three feet under the surface, the huge pec- There are two opposing schools about about the big marlin that run off Cuba from toral fins tucked close to the flanks, the breakfast. If you knew you were not going him. He can, literally, gaff a dolphin dorsal fin down, the fish looking a round, to be into fish for two or three hours, a good through the head back-handed and he has fast-moving log in the water except for the big breakfast would be the thing. Maybe it studied the habits of the marlin since he erect curve of that slicing tail. is a good thing anyway but I do not want to first went fishing for them as a boy of twelve The heavier the current runs to the east- trust it, so drink a glass of vichy, a glass of with his father. ward the more marlin there are; travelling cold milk and eat a piece of Cuban bread, As the boat leaves the San Francisco along the edge of the dark, swirling current read the papers and walk down to the boat. wharf, tarpon are rolling in the slip. Going from a quarter of a mile to four miles off I have hooked them on a full stomach in that out of the harbor you see more of them roll- shore; all going in the same direction like sun and I do not want to hook any more of ing near the live fish cars that are buoyed cars along a highway. We have been fighting them that way. alongside the line of anchored fishing smacks. a fish, on days when they were running well. Continued on page 39

The Anita in Cabanas harbor, looking out to sea. A mile off shore from here, extentlingfour miles to eastwartl, is one of the best marlin grounds on the coast

8 ESQUIRE Autumn, 1933 d

Black marlin, 12 feet. 8

inches , 468 pounds, the biggest catch of this sea- son, brought to gaff by E. H. in 65 minutes

Pauline He in - i n g way fighting a white marlin

Giving the left arm a rest in the se co n hour

Big black mar- lin on board II. N. J. Hem- the Anita ingway with hisfirst marlin, 47 pounds

A glass of man- sanilla for one the sharks got

ESQIIRE—Autumn, 1933 9 S .

BACK HOME IN 1910

** . . . ire mu III stand the irar. hut '5 the peace has done us in . .. a short story irritten and illustrated

b,j JOHN DOS PASS O

harley anderson lay in his bunk in a “You look topnotch, Joe.” rounded shadow that might be land. Gulls wheeled and screamed overhead. Somewhere . . I fidgets, been up C glary red buzz: Oh Titine . damn that “Sure, why not? got the tune last night. His head was full of voices since six o’clock. Damn this fog, we may be across the water a foghorn groaned at inter- the and champagny fizzle and Mrs. Johnson’s here all day.” vals. Charley walked round and round long hazel eyes and her singysweet tones: “It’s fog all right.” deck. When he passed the door to the smok- the French are so much wiser. He lay flat They took a couple of turns around the ing room he could hear somebody vomiting with his eyes hot; the tongue in his mouth deck. in the men’s toilet. Through the open port- was thick warm sour felt. “Notice how the damn boat stinks, Joe?” hole he caught a glimpse of Paul’s white face. He dragged his feet out from under the “It’s being at anchor, and the fog, stimu- He walked up forward again and leaned into blanket and hung them over the edge of the lates your smellers I guess. How about the wet fog. No he wasn’t going to be sick. bunk, big white feet with pink knobs on the breakfast?” Charley didn’t say anything for Joe Askew came up behind him smoking toes. He let them drop to the red carpet and a moment then he took a deep breath and a cigar and took him by the arm: “Better hauled himself shakily to the porthole. He said, “All right let’s try it.” walk Charley,” he said. “Isn’t this a hell of stuck his head out. Instead of the dock, fog, The dining saloon smelt of onions and a note? Look’s like little old New York had the late little greygreen waves slapping against the brass polish. The Johnsons were already at gotten torpedoed during unpleasant- boat’s sealing side. At anchor. A gull screamed the table. Mrs. Johnson looked pale and ness ... I can’t see a damn thing, can you?” above him hidden in the fog. He shivered cool. She had on a little grey hat Charley “I thought I saw some land a minute ago, and pulled his head in. Christ what a head. hadn’t seen before, all ready to land. Paul but it’s gone now.” At the basin he splashed cold water on his gave Charley a sickly kind of a smile when he “Musta been Atlantic Highlands; we’re sound, said noticed how Paul’s hand anchored off the Hook Goddam it I want face and neck. Home , bygod, safe and hello. Charley his voice croaked. Where the cold water hit was shaking when he lifted the glass of orange to get ashore.” won’t she Joe?” him his light skin flushed pink. In the pink, juice. His lips were white. “Your wife’ll be there,

to . . . anybody in it croaked again. Don't be a damn fool, it “Anybody seen Ollie Taylor?” asked “She ought be Know answered hoarsely. He began to feel cold Charley. New York, Charley?” long and sick and got back into his bunk and “The major’s feelin’ pretty bad I bet,” Charley shook his head. “I got a ways I go ... I don’t know pulled the still warm covers up to his chin. said Paul giggling. to go yet before home I there.” The morning after, that's when you want a “And how are you Charley?” Mrs. John- what I’ll do when get it be here all day,” said woman, it croaked. Can that stuff, no more son intoned sweetly. “Damn we may Joe Askew. French girls now. Home. (Mrs. Johnson “Oh I’m . . . I’m in the pink.” now, with her long wise hazel eyes.) Damn “Liar,” said Joe Askew. “Joe,” said Charley, “suppose we have a

. . drink.” that tune. He jumped up. His head and “Oh I can’t imagine,” Mrs. Johnson was drink . one final stomach throbbed in time now. He pulled saying, “what kept you boys up so late last “They’ve closed up the damn bar.” bags the night before. out the chamberpot and leaned over it. He night.” They’d packed their do. spent the gagged; a little green bile came. No I don’t “We did some singing,” said Joe Askew. There was nothing to They in the smoking want to puke. He got into his underclothes “Somebody I know” said Mrs. Johnson, morning playing rummy ‘ and the whipcord pants of his uniform and ‘went to bed in his clothes. ” Her eye caught room. Nobody could keep his mind on the lathered his face to shave. Shaving made Charley’s. game. Paul kept dropping his cards. No- “Well body ever knew who’d taken the last trick. him feel blue. What I need’s a . . . He rang Paul was changing the subject: off Mrs. for the steward. “Bonjour m’ssieur”. “Say we’re back in God’s country.” Charley was trying to keep his eyes off the little curve of her Billy, let’s have a double cognac, tootsuite.” “Oh I can’t imagine” cried Mrs. Johnson, Johnson’s eyes, under the grey fur He buttoned his shirt carefully and put on “what America’s going to be like.” neck where it ducked can’t imagine,” she his tunic. He looked at himself in the glass. Charley was bolting his wuffs avec du trimming of her dress. “I His eyes had red rims and his face looked bakin and the coffee that tasted of bilge. said again, “what you boys found to talk green under the sunburn. Suddenly he be- “What I’m looking forward to,” Joe As- about so late last night ... I thought we’d saying, “is a real American break- talked about everything under heaven be- gan to feel sick again ; a sour gagging was kew was welling up from his stomach to his throat. fast.” fore I went to bed.” mostly it God these French boats stink. A knock, the “Grapefruit,” said Mrs. Johnson. “Oh we found topics, but came steward’s frog smile and “Voila m’ssieur”, “Cornflakes and cream,” said Joe. out in the form of singing,” said Joe Askew. the white plate slopped with a thin amber “Hot corn muffins,” said Mrs. Johnson. “I know I always miss things when I go to the glass “When do we dock?” “Fresh eggs and real Virginia ham,” said bed.” Charley noticed Paul beside him star- spilling out of ; The steward shrugged and growled “La Joe. ing at her with pale loving eyes. “But,” she brume.” “Wheatcakes and country sausage,” said was saying with her teasing smile, “it’s just to sit Green spots were still dancing in front of Mrs. Johnson. too boring up.” blushed, looked as if he were going his eyes as he went up the linoleum smelling “Scrapple,” said Joe. Paul he companionway. Up on deck the wet fog “Good coffee with real cream,” said Mrs. to cry; Charley wondered if Paul had thought squeezed wet against his face. He stuck his Johnson laughingly. of the same thing he’d thought of. “Well, deal was it?” said Joe Askew hands in his pockets and leaned into it. No- “You win,” said Paul with a sickly grin as let’s see; whose body on deck, a few trunks, steamerchairs he left the table. briskly. Taylor came into the folded and stacked. To windward every- Charley took a last gulp of the coffee that Around noon Major morning everybody . thing was wet. Drops trickled down the tasted like bilge. Then he said he thought smoking room. “Good feels worse than I do. Com- brass rimmed windows of the smoking room. he’d go on deck to see if the immigration I know nobody says may not dock till tomor- In every direction nothing but fog. officers had come. “Why what’s the matter mandant we Next time around he met Joe Askew. Joe Charley?” He could hear Joe and Mrs. John- row morning.” They put up the cards without finishing looked fine. His little moustache spread neat son laughing together as he ran up the com- the hand. “That’s nice,” said Joe Askew. under his thin nose. His eyes were clear. panionway. . . . as well,” said Major Taylor, “Isn’t this the damnedest note, Charley? Once on deck he decided he wasn’t going “It’s just of the harddrinking Fog.” to be sick. The fog had lifted a little. Astern “I’m a wreck. The last “Rotten.” of the Niagara he could see the shadows of hardriding Taylors is a wreck. We could has done in.” “Got a head?” other steamers at anchor, and beyond a stand the war, but the peace us Continued on page 107

ESQUIRE— Autumn, 1933 10 PAINTED IN WATERCOLOR FOR ESQUIRE

PORT OF NEW YORK by JOHN DOS PASSOS

11 ESQUIRE—Autumn, 1933 —

12 ESQITIRE Autumn , 1933 —

THE NEW LEISURE

Wlutt it means in terms of the opportunity to learn the art

of lirinq. as told to S. •/. Woolf by NICHOLAS MURRAY RUTLER

ne of the most obvious objects of life is ing in a garden with flowers, trees or vege- the comparatively few hours that physical O to learn how to live. That means two tables. It may involve the reading of books, workers have had for relaxation. For the things: first, that you must make life physi- hearing good music, or visiting great collec- most part they have cared little for anything cally possible by such compensated effort as tions of art and expanding the field of in- except rest during those hours. In New will provide the necessities of physical exist- terest and activity. York I have noticed that among the toilers ence and comfort for yourself and those Take the City of New York, for example, the evening papers are those that are read. dependent on you; and second, that you where one of the most significant sights is to The reason is simple. Those men and women will seek to find and to make opportunity see the crowds of people from all over the have just time for their coffee or milk in the to use your human capabilities and abilities Metropolitan City and its vicinity who pour morning before they rush off to work. It is in larger and non-material ways and fash- into the Metropolitan Museum of Art and only in the evening that they have time to ions, both for your own satisfaction and for the American Museum of Natural History read. This is true in all the great industrial the good of your kind. on Sundays and holidays. They are occupy- centers. Yet it is the morning papers which We call the first work and we call the ing leisure in increasing their interest in give the complete details of the news. second leisure. There is a great difference either nature or art, instructing their chil- Therefore the man or woman who has not between leisure and unemployment. Un- dren, or following up some new discovery of enough leisure to see the morning papers employment means an absence of the first which they have read in the newspapers. never gets a full understanding of many work—and it destroys the basis for real What is exceedingly important is that the important events. leisure. It merely fills up the hours of the hand worker should not only be offered I was speaking recently to Mr. Anderson, day with anxiety and worry, and so long as leisure, but should be guided in its interest- director of the New York Public Library, work is not available leisure is impossible, ing and helpful use. That means outdoor and he told me that there had been an because leisure is the outgrowth and accom- interests, sports and occupations of various enormous demand for books upon brewing. paniment of successful work. kinds, as well as those which I have already A change of policy upon the part of the If you are an animal you don’t have any mentioned as making direct appeal to the government which naturally had been re- leisure except, I suppose, the time spent in brain worker. ported in the papers had evoked a new sleep, if that be leisure; but a human being We need increased emphasis on the in- interest in many people. has all these capabilities and possibilities tellectual guidance of our adult population. It goes without saying that different and becomes increasingly human as he finds As I have pointed out a good many times, people are interested in different subjects opportunity for their manifestation and en- the average human being seems to reach the and it is most absorbing to go into a public joyment. climax of his intellectual activity at about reading room and see what different people An immense mass of the population of 23 or 24 years of age and very few individ- read. One will be looking up something in the modern world has known very little of uals continue to grow intellectually after an encyclopedia, another reading German leisure. Their work, the first of these two the age of 40. As I have said repeatedly, if poetry, another a book on spiritualism and aspects of life, has occupied most or all of one crosses the age of 40 with a rising curve still another a best seller. Each is occupy- their hours and what little period might of intellectual activity, he will probably go ing his leisure in the way he desires. have been given to leisure has really been on growing for the remainder of his life. But Some people find relaxation in the cinema. spent in recovering from fatigue. Now we the intellectual curve for the greater pro- With the new leisure the cinemas will be have come to a point where the interest of portion of the population reaches the ground enormously patronized, but if people go the intelligent mass of mankind is focused long before that age. there to see the sort of thing which is so on so raising the standard of living that, This indicates the field to be occupied by often shown now, they had better stay away first, work will be properly remunerated and what we call adult education. Adult educa- and work. The cinema abroad is far ahead systematically provided, and second, that tion does not mean going to school or even of ours, in respect to the material produced. leisure will be offered, together with indica- following any very rigorous program of in- I regard most of the Hollywood produc- tion and guidance as to how it may best be tions as appalling and their effect on Ameri- used. can youth as debasing in the extreme. One of the physical characteristics of More leisure for the mass of the popula- leisure is that it involves the rest and relaxa- tion places a tremendous responsibility upon tion of the nervous system. The strain on these cinema producers and they could be- the nerves of a brain worker of any kind, come important agents for good. Take for for example, is very serious and very severe instance the opportunity that is theirs for during the hours of occupation, whether creating an interest in history. Where one they are long or short. True relaxation, person will read about Disraeli, Hamilton therefore, should involve relaxation that or Voltaire thousands will go to see George may take the form of physical exercise or Arliss portraying them. But instead of pro- games. It may take the form of light oc- ducing pictures of this kind our cinema cupation of some non-serious kind—work- magnates are content to turn out cheap,

struction. What it means is guidance from competent sources as to one’s systematic reading, as to one’s standards of judgment in art, science and literature, and as to one’s occupations in either work or leisure. The exercise of this guidance must be carefully considered. It would be foolish to offer a list of books to a man who had been toiling for six or seven hours in a mine. His natural desire would be for the open air and it would be there that he would naturally wish to seek his relaxation. One great trouble heretofore has been Continued on page 98

KS((I I RE—Autumn, 1933 13 —

66 ” Repent, ye sinners

14 ESQUIRE Autumn, 1933 —

LET ME PROMISE YOU

Of lonely watching in the ruin, of longing for a time gone by. of yearning for more to give by MORLEY CALLAGHAN

A lice kept on returning to the window. used to want an awful lot. Do you remem- /A. Standing with her short straight nose ber? Try and guess.” pressed against the window pane, she watched “I can’t imagine,” he said, but his face got the rain falling and the sidewalk shining red and he smiled awkwardly at being forced under the street light. In her black crepe in this way to remember a time which only dress with the big white nunlike collar and made him feel uncomfortable now when he with her black hair drawn back tight from recalled it. her narrow nervous face she looked almost Laughing huskily and showing her small boldly handsome. even teeth because she was glad to be able Earlier in the evening it had started to to hold out something before him and tease snow, then it had begun to drizzle and now him as she used to do, she moved lazily over the rain was like a sharp sleet. As Alice stood to the chest of drawers, and this time took at the window, she began to wish that the out a small leather watch case. “Here you ground had been covered with an unbroken are,” she said. layer of fine thin snow, a white sheet that “What is it, let me see,” he said, for he would remain undisturbed till Georgie came couldn’t help being curious. He got up. But with his single line of footprints marking a when he held the watch in his hand, he had path up to her door. Though her eyes re- to shake his head to conceal his satisfaction. mained wide open, she began to dream of a “It’s funny the way you knew I always bitterly cold dry evening, of Georgie with a wanted something like that, Al,” he said. red scarf and a tingling face bursting in on All his life he had wanted an expensive wrist her, grinning, his arms wide open. But the watch like this one, but had never expected wind drove the sleet steadily against the to be able to buy it, and he was so pleased pane. Sighing, she thought, “He won’t handsome face was animated by a warm now that he smiled serenely. come in such weather. But he would if it secret delight as she went across the room to But after a moment he put the watch weren’t for the weather. I can’t really a chest of drawers and took out a long card- irresolutely on the table, and was too em- expect him tonight.” So she walked away board box which she handed to him after barrassed to speak. Walking the length of ‘ from the window and sat down. making a low girlish curtsy. ‘ I hope you like the room he began to whistle. As she watched

Then her heart began to thump so slowly it . . . darling,” she said shyly. him halt by the window, Alice knew he was and heavily inside her she could hardly “What’s this? What’s the idea?” Georgie uneasy. “You’re a great girl, Al,” he was say- move, for someone was knocking. Opening said as he undid the box and pulled out the ing. “I don’t know anybody like you.” After the door in a rush, she cried, “Georgie, you tissue paper. When he saw that she was giv- pausing, he added, “Is it never going to stop dear boy, I’m so glad you came,” and she ing something to him, he became embar- raining? I’ve got to be on my way.” put out her hands to help him off with his rassed and almost too upset to speak, and “You’re not going now, Georgie, are you?” dripping coat. In the light belted coat he then, because he did not want to hurt her, “Yes, I promised to see a fellow. He’ll be looked very tall and he had a smooth round he tried to be full of enthusiasm, “Lord, look waiting.” face that would never look old. The wind at it,” he said. “White, turtle necked sweater. “Georgie, don’t go. Please don’t,” she and the rain had left his face wet and glow- If I wore that I’d look like a movie actor in said, and she clenched the wet sleeve of the ing, but he was pouting because he was un- his spare time. Should I put it on now, Al?” coat he had lifted from the chair. He was comfortable in his damp clothes. As he Grinning at her, he took off his coat and really ashamed to be going, especially if he pushed his fair wavy hair back from his pulled the white sweater over his shirt. “Do picked up the watch from the table, but he eyes, he said, “This isn’t exactly a night for I look good? How about a mirror, Al?” felt if he stayed it would be like beginning visiting.” He sat down, still a bit embar- Alice held the mirror in front of him, everything all over again. He didn’t know rassed by her enthusiasm, and he looked watching him with the same gentle expres- what to do about the watch, so he put out around the room as if he thought now that sion of devotion all the time, and feeling his hand hesitantly, knowing she was watch- he had made a mistake in coming and didn’t within her a contentment she had hardly ing him and picked it up. expect to be very comfortable. “It’s rotten dared to hope for. The high necked sweater “So you’re just coming here like this and out on a night like this when it can’t make made his fair head look like a faun’s head. then going?” she said. up its mind to snow or rain. Maybe you “It’s pretty swell, Al,” he said, but now “I’ve got to.” didn’t think I’d come.” that he couldn’t go on pleasing her with “Have you got another girl?” “I wanted you to come, and because I enthusiasm, his embarrassment increased. “No. I don’t want another girl.” wanted it, I thought you would, I guess,” “You shouldn’t be giving me this.Al,” he “Yet you won’t stay a little while with me?” she said candidly. So many days seemed to said. “I didn’t figure on anything like this “That’s over, Al. I don’t know what’s the have passed since she had been alone with when you phoned me and said you wanted matter with you. You phoned and wanted Georgie that now she wanted to take his to see me.” me to drop in for a moment.” head in her hands and kiss him. But she “Today is your birthday, isn’t it, Georgie?” “It wasn’t hard to see that you liked look- felt too shy. A year ago, she knew, he would “Imagine you remembering that. You ing at the watch more than at me,” she said have been waiting anxiously for her to kiss shouldn’t be bothering with birthday pres- moodily. him. ents for me now.” “Here, if you don’t want me to take the “Alice,” he said suddenly. “I thought you’d like the sweater,” she watch, all right,” he said, and with relief, he “What’s bothering you, Georgie, frown- said. “I saw it this afternoon. I knew it put it back on the table, and smiled. ing like that?” would look good on you.” For a moment she stared at the case, al- “What did you want me for? You said “But why give me anything, Al?” he said, most blinded by her disappointment, and you wanted to speak about something in feeling his awkwardness increasing. hating his smile of relief, and then she cried particular.” “Supposing I want to?” out, “You’re just trying to humiliate me. “Such curiosity. You’ll just sit there un- “You shouldn’t waste your money on me.” Take it out of my sight.” She swung the able to rest till you find out, I suppose,” she “Supposing I have something else, too,” back of her hand across the table, knocked said. She knew he was ill at ease, but she she said teasing him. the case to the floor and the watch against wanted to pretend to herself that he was “What’s the idea, Al?” the wall where the glass broke, and trying just impatient and curious. So her pale “I saw something else, something you not to cry, she clenched her fists and glared Continued, on page 86

15 ESQUIRE Autumn , 1933 THE LOST ART OF ORDERING

"If the tables at Hector's eoahl speak' 9— conceivably then atiyhi say the very thinys said here by CHARLES HANSON TOWNE

N the dear, dead days, when we had that would naturally be served, with a pre- procession going by, but the procession I Sherry’s and Delmonico’s in all their gold- liminary gulping down of several Martini could scarcely get a glimpse of us. If I were en glory; when the old Cafe Martin with cocktails. to meet her there, I would arrfve ten min- its glittering rooms stood near Madison No table d'hote for us, in our youthful utes earlier, and, knowing her tastes, would Square in New York, and the jeunesse doree sophistication! Henri knew us, and rejoiced order the delicate things she preferred. An of the town helter-skeltered here in our discrimination. Ajad so, as iced canteloupe; a dainty lamb chop, with and there with lovely ladies on he stood by, we studied the bill- the tiniest peas surrounding it, and a dande- their arms, and whisked them in- of-fare he handed to us. lion salad sprinkled with bits of egg, the to hansom cabs — those “two- Hors d'oeuvres, yes, on those yellow fragments like a shower of Danae’s wheeled heavens,” as a mid-Vic- trays that would be wheeled to gold; and early strawberries, the steins still torian poet called them—our city our table; and then a Madrelene attached, dipped into powdered sugar. A might have been a beautiful hell, soup, cold, if it were summer, or pint of Chablis, the temperature of the but it was also, to most of us in falling room and finish coffee and a piping hot if the snow was ; we might with our carefree youth, a glowing sub- outside ; then a delicate sole, bonne yellow Chartreuse, hail our hansom, and urb of Paradise. femme, with its white wine sauce, swing down to the theatre. For we had won the foolish little and a sprinkling of truffles, which Supper! The word has almost gone out; Spanish-American war, and a period of Lucullus himself would have envied; and for one cannot call it supping in a noisy peace and plenty settled down, and there then a casserole of chicken, with all its lavish cabaret, and there is no such thing now as were no murmurs of a world crisis, and Pro- accessories, the onions scarcely visible, but that old-time phrase, “A cold bottle and a hibition, that hydrant-headed monster, as a penetrating the great stone dish, hot bird.” Yet when Delmonico’s wit has called it, had not reared its horrid singing like a Rosset ti refrain t hat was in its flowering prime, how often countenance. There were dreams in our runs through the golden stanzas. we went there after the Opera, and hearts, and Mammon had not yet got hold And then, a salad heaped in a found a table in that small, cozy wooden bowl, wet and fragrant, room which looked over Fifth avenue, whispering of Spring mornings, and in the rosy glow ordered our blue- with a dressing especially pre- points, our squab, our sparkling pint pared for us. Then, crepe Suzelte of Pol Roger, our bit of Roquefort and made at our very side, with its our demitasse; and if we felt in high leaping flame of brandy over the spirits, we would wash it all down with silver dish, and a special coffee, a wicked pousse cafe, which always rich and dark and full of its own reminded us of a little stick of liquid perfume, with maybe a bit of candy, sweetening an evening’s end. Camembert, not running, but galloping in Or was it a tiny rainbow that we drank? its yellow wonder to the edge of its plate. There was a song of that period, “If the Sherry with the fish—a ruby Amontillado tables at Rector’s could speak,” and more that told us, as it was poured from its sweet likely than not we would go to that flaming of us. We asked only for the simple pleasures prison, of its old Spanish dreams. A Pontet restaurant which punctuated the long sen- which are the natural possession of youth. Canet with the casserole, 1864, roused from tence of Broadway, and see the men-a bout- Life ran on leisurely wheels, we hadn’t a its cobwebbed slumber for our delight alone, care in the world, for there were no income and a pint of Krug, 1883, languishing in its taxes to pay, there were no passports to be metal bucket, turned and twisted by Henri obtained, and we could sit at tables in in its bed of ice, popping its jubilant grills and rathskellers, like freemen, and cork when the salad came on; and order from a wine-list whatever it last of all, an ancient fine of Napo- pleased us to have served. We leon’s day, to be sipped as we puffed knew our vintages, we knew our Corona-Corona, and our lady where the best food was obtain- surreptitiously smoked her dainty able, and our ladies had not then cigarette. For ladies could drink in public become obsessed with the painful in those halcyon and far-distant days; but business of dieting. They knew they could not smoke! Alas! now they may good food, too, and relished it. smoke to their heart’s content, but the old Ah! how the happy hours sang cellars from which came those dreamlike for us; how the city shone like a bottles, are closed to them as they are closed queen decked with diamonds and to us men also. Strange world, strange town with their chorus ladies, or the beauti- pearls, and how our light laughter rang times. Only another manifestation of the ful Lillian Russell, sitting like a perfect yel- through the corridors of our city, as we sped contradictions that unhappily surround us. low rose in a corner, or Della Fox, with her on our delirious way. I remember Alicia, who liked celebrated “dip”— that curl Down at the old Cafe Lafayette, on a to lunch up-town with plastered over her white fore- Sunday evening, we would troop in strong me on a Saturday, say, head which every shopgirl in battalions, for we knew how the French and afterwards go to town tried to imitate, but with chefs were able to give us all those little a matinee at the Em- tragic failure. Here the cham- superfluities of life which, as Stevenson pire, whereJohn Drew pagne flowed like Niagara, and says, make it more agreeable. Our friends or Maude Adams the orchestra gushed the strains would be there—the rooms would be crowded might be performing. of Strauss wr altzes. Only, there with them—and we would choose our table She loved, on a warm was no dancing, as there is today

in the room where dominoes was played, and Spring in crow ded cabarets ; only lobster Henri would come and take our order for an conies at Sherry’s, which suppers, and the low hum of aperitif—just one, mind you, for we could not drooped over the Avenue. flirtations under the rosy lamps. desecrate the meal to follow, and the wines We could see the pretty And often, too, we would fare Continued on page 109

16 ESQUIRE—Autumn, 1933 —

“Maybe it was something you ate, dear”

ESQUIRE Autumn, 1933 17 —

“Dear Diary—99

18 ESQUIRE Autumn 1933 , BELLISSIMA In America all the girls are beautiful blondes—day dream in bright Neapolitan sunshine by WILLIAM McFEE

T^was the custom of Rich- was his proprietary manner toward the girl once. We got lost in Naples, and we liked the I ard Carola to lunch every in beige, who was, although Richard had name ‘Stella D’ltalia.’ We had lunch here. day at the Stella D’ltalia, an never heard the expression, a platinum I wanted to see if it was the same.” upstairs restaurant in the blonde, and had also a most charming ex- “Is it?” snapped the fat young man, fixing middle of the busiest busi- pression. She was evidently enjoying life a disapproving eye on Richard at the next ness street of Naples. He very much indeed, and as she carried herself table. worked in the office of an American insur- as though she were someone of importance, “Well, yes, I think it’s even nicer,” said ance company, but he looked very much Richard was not surprised to hear her dis- the girl. She took out a cigarette and smiled like a young poet who was also an athlete, agree with her companion. on Richard. “Even nicer,” she repeated. The and he was capable of great sentiment. He “Europe’s all right for me too,” she said. fat young man made a slight gesture towards had a great liking for girls with fair hair and “I brought you up here so you could see how Richard. blue eyes, probably because he had only they live among themselves. There are only “Look who’s here,” he said in a low tone. seen such creatures in pictures, in movies tourists at the big places.” “Valentino himself in person. Not a motion and in rapidly rolling motorcars. The spherical young man made a remark picture. He’ll certainly know us both to At the Stella D’ltalia the dark Neapolitan about it being a blamed good job too, and swear to, Dolly. He hasn’t taken his lamps waitresses served him with his spaghetti or spoke also of what he called “wop joints” off o’ you since he came in.” ravioli, and he also had a glass of red wine not being to his taste so much. “That’s what makes it nicer,” said the from the big fiasco on the table. Then coffee, “You are being rude,” said the young lady young lady, glancing for a moment at her a cigarette, and a walk back to the office. with decision, “as well as very silly. I sup- companion with a very decided expression. There he was Signor Carola. To himself he pose you think nothing’s right outside of “You’re jealous, that’s all.” was always Richard because his American Hollywood Boulevard.” She glanced at him “Nope, not jealous,” said the young man. mother, who had met his father when the for a moment. “Be yourself, Jake,” she said “But I’m liable to shoo little boys away from latter was consul in an American city, had crisply. She looked with unexpected sud- my candy.” named him that and not Ricardo. denness straight at Richard and smiled. “I told you not to talk like that any more, Very few foreigners found their way to the Straight into his soul. Jake,” she said sharply. “You needn’t allude Stella D ’Italia, which had mostly a business Richard, although he was not aware of it to me as your candy, either. I’m rather man’s lunch trade. Richard had sometimes at first, was staring straight at the young tired of that sort of thing.” thought of taking a meal at one of the big lady and thinking how incredibly she resem- “Sez you?” said the young man, quietly. restaurants frequented by tourists, but the bled the ideal girl of whom “Yes, and there’s another thing,” she said, prices and the splendor frightened him. He he had written a great num- looking at him pleasantly. wanted to improve his German and also rub ber—about a thousand “Now what?” said the fat young man. up his spoken English, which had grown really—of sonnets. A pale She was holding the unlighted cigarette in rusty since his mother had died. He cher- golden crown he saw her her fingers, and she had no match. Suddenly ished the hope that one day he would be able Richard leaped up and—struck a match for her. to visit America. One of the men in the “Will you permit ” he said slowly and office had told him that in America all the carefully, “permit the liberty?” girls were beautiful blondes. His father, who The fat young man looked up at Richard was now a consul in Sweden, said that coun- in complete stupefaction. But Richard try was infested with girls with yellow hair looked only at the young lady, who lit her and blue eyes. But economic necessity and cigarette and smiled at him. perhaps a natural love of his own city had “Thanks a lot,” she said, nodding and led Richard Carola to stay at home and rising. “I’m very much obliged to you. Do dream of an enchanted maiden. you know English?” That was how he described her to himself, “Poco,” said Richard. “A very little, sig- because the notion of a whole country full of norina. My mother, she was an American sirens was too much for him. He only wanted also.” one, and somehow neither his father in Swe- “You think we are Americans?” the young den nor the facetious American friend in the hair beneath the cream colored turban she lady said, while the fat young man, hovering office quite understood what he had in mind. wore, a turban with a brilliant buckle of over her, fumed. On the day of which we are speaking he what he imagined were diamonds in front “Yes, I think perhaps you are American. had climbed the dark stairs, which smelled of it. And he began to think of her as a fair But I do not think so much of that for you. ” of food and wine, and had taken his accus- Circassian slave who had become the sultana I think you are he paused tomed place in a corner near a window. He of a fat sultan. The fat young man would awkwardly. had been aware of laughter and a foreign have made a superb sultan of the wrong sort, “What?” said the young lady. She was voice in the room as he came in, and he now Richard thought, for he was obviously just delighted at Richard’s nervousness and the saw a young man in a white linen suit seated a little too rich to be satisfactory to anyone young man’s annoyance. by a girl in beige at the next table. so young and romantic as Richard. “I do not remember the word in English, “What I say is, Europe’s all right for Suddenly he realized that all this time he but we call it bellissima.” Europeans,” said the young man, and had been staring at the lovely girl, who was “Why, that’s fine!” she laughed. The laughed at his own brilliance. “We could eating a Neapolitan ice cream of many col- young man looked at his watch. shoot all this Eyetalian stuff at the studio in ors, and her smile made him look away at “Time to get on to the next dump—that’s Hollywood.” He was almost spherical in once. Had he, too, been rude? He hoped Rome,” he said. “I’ll get the car. Aw come shape, for he had a thick round body, a not. He wanted so much to please her and on, Dolly. What you want to waste time on round face and round eyes sunk in circles of to make her think he was a gentleman as well that freshie for?” ’ ’ “ flesh, and he had two chins in front and an- as a poet. “ He’s not fresh at all, she said . He’s very other one behind his fat neck. His hands “I wanted to come here again,” the young nice.” She nodded to Richard. “Thanks were white and fat, and one finger carried a lady said. “This was the place I—and an- again. And good-bye. A riverderoi. Isn’t ring whose diamond was just too large to be other girl—found years ago, when I was over that what you say?” satisfactory. And what Richard felt most with that college group I told you about The fat young man was going down the Continued on page 77

ESQUIRE — Autumn, 1933 19 ! ! —

A TREATISE ON PIE

Assortetl thoughts about the only invention which nobody tries to take away from us by GEORGE ADE

early every while they are under another flag, any more and make it a la mode but in order to sell the N invention is than a ship’s cook can make good breakfast ice cream they have to put pie underneath. just the beginning coffee after the ship leaves the dock. Did Assorted thoughts about pie: of an argument, you ever taste good coffee on an ocean liner? The captain of industry will come from a especially if the in- Did you ever try to get hot mince pie at the $10 banquet by the Chamber of Commerce ventor is a Yankee. Excelsior Hotel in Rome or Shepheard’s, in to snitch a wedge of apple pie from the ice The school Cairo? box and wash it down with a tall glass of books say that Ful- It’s funny what you can get and can’t get. half-and-half, half milk and half cream. ton figured out the A friend of mine, motoring down the New Atta boy steamboat, but after he got his little craft to England coast, ordered steamed clams in Speaking of apple pie, dietitians suggest chugging up and down the Hudson, up Portland, Plymouth, Boston, Nantucket that the deep dish kind, floating with syrup jumps an Englishman who said that he built and New London. Every time he demanded and shot full of cinnamon, should be served a steamboat and operated it, years before, steamed clams the head waiter suggested on a hot water bag and garnished with and he was only too sorry that all the wit- Spanish mackerel or broiled live lobster. digestive tablets. nesses who had seen him do it were dead Finally he hopped on a train and went to The jokesmiths of the woolly nineties and gone. Omaha, and there he got all the clams he could not have turned a wheel if some young We have always believed that Elwood wanted. man wearing white pants had not gone to Haynes, down at Kokomo, Indiana, drove the Benighted foreigners not only do not know a picnic and sat down on a blackberry pie. first “horseless carriage,” using gasoline as a about real pie but they have always been in “Pecan pie” is the latest down south. One fuel, but the Encyclopedia Britannica doesn’t ignorance regarding its significance and cup of chopped-up nuts, two cups of corn mention Elwood as one of the pioneers in the grandeur. For instance, the ancient Greeks syrup, one cup of sugar and the yolks of building of motor vehicles and gives all the thought that “Pi” was simply a letter in the three eggs. Whip up the whites of the eggs credit to a flock of Europeans. alphabet. Crossword puzzles and printing for a fluffy cap sheaf. A glass of “coke” with Even Edison couldn’t put across one of offices regard “pi” as a scramble of type. each slab of pie and walk out of the filling his astounding discoveries without having The smallest copper coin circulating in India station all properly ballasted for a long some lad with a foreign name come out of is called a “pie.” Out in the rural districts motor ride. the cellar, after it was all over, to dispute the of Great Britain a pit for the winter storage Any one who does not go in for fresh-made achievement and try to prove, usually by of potatoes is called a “pie.” In all the cities country “punkin” pie with snappy cheese his wife, that he had been working on the of the United Kingdom a pie is not a pie un- should be taken to a sanitarium. By the Edison idea for twenty or thirty years, or less it contains heavy dough-balls and flesh way, any woman who pronounces it “pump- practically all of the time when he hadn’t of some kind. Beefsteak pie, kidney pie and kin” doesn’t know how to make it. been in the poorhouse. veal pie are great favorites. The famous kind Pie made from dried fruit is just as satis- I thought Ben Harney, of Louisville, in- served at the old Cheshire Cheese, in Lon- fying as a stepmother’s kiss. vented ragtime, but a highbrow investigator don, where Samuel Johnson acquired the The only decorative art practiced by the tells me that the negroes brought it over gout, is called “lark pie.” Imagine cooking Pilgrim Mothers was to punch holes in the from Africa two hundred years ago. a lot of meadow larks and a mess of vege- top crust of a pie, before putting it in the Many people suppose that Rudy Vallee tables in an earthenware dish and calling the oven, so as to work out the design of a bird. and Morton Downey and some more of the concoction a “pie”? And yet they want us Anchors were favored by ladies living in sea- home boys, who learn singing by training to cancel the war debts port towns. One of these colonial pies was the noses instead of the vocal cords, were the When the Pilgrim Fathers escaped from discovered in a railway eating station in 1874. original crooners, but try to tell that to a religious tyranny and came over to New One reason why no foreigner can compete turtle dove! A “croon,” according to the England to worship as they pleased and en- with the American housewife in preparing dictionary, is a “low, monotonous moaning dure hardships, the first thing they did was pie crust is that he hasn’t the nerve to put in sound.” That describes the noise made by to invent pie—not a servile imitation of any- a big cupful of lard to every quart of flour. the doves and also what comes over the thing in the Old World but a new and glo- He puts in water instead of lard and gets a radio. It cannot be described as anything rious combination, with a foundation of thin, durable, non-resistant product which but a “moan.” It is unquestionably “mo- “shortening” and a roof of some flaky mate- cannot be duplicated in this country except notonous” and nothing could be lower. rial, and a heavy filling of fruits or berries. at the Bethlehem Steel Works, Bethlehem, How about chewing gum? The facts are Whenever they had eaten too much pie, Penna. that an American traveler found the Yuca- they had to go out and burn a witch. Those Pie is the only thing Americans like which tan Indians, down in Mexico, developing their who were overloaded with pie often saw, has not been prohibited or restricted at some jaw muscles by chomping away on an inde- during the night, withered hags riding time or other. structible “chicle,” which they had scraped through the air on broomsticks. These were Pie is so popular that people will take it, from trees in a jungle. He brought a lot of easily identified as old women who were even when it is packed with rhubarb. period the stuff home with him and mixed it up locally unpopular and who were so dried up Comic two-reelers of the Keystone with sugar and flavoring extracts and gave a that they burned very readily. did not depend upon scenarios. Every direc- large wad to his daughter, who was attend- It might be said that New England pies tor ordered a gross of custard pies and then ing high school, and within five years there were the very foundation stones of our Re- began to engage actors. was chewing gum on the under side of every public. Some of them might have been used Eating pie with a fork is still regarded as especially chair in the United States. for that purpose. a showoff in many communities, Probably the only home invention which Pies develop character and heart-burn. those which believe that all sinners will griddles. nobody is trying to take away from us is pie. They are for heroes, not weaklings. Pie- eventually be toasted on hot for pies, The gooseberry tart of Great Britain is no eaters are rugged characters. When they There is no let-up in the demand It that pie contender. It is small and warped and has make up their minds to anything their except at speakeasies. seems dissolve in sugar alcohol. no lid on it. It looks more like a paper- opinions cannot be altered, not even by the crust will not weight than something to eat. use of bicarbonate of soda. Mince pies formerly contained so much rich relatives became The home-made pie, as we know it, is not No restaurant in this country ever became brandy that even found anywhere else in the world. Americans so ritzy that it dared to omit pies from the affable on Thanksgiving Day. a who reside abroad cannot make genuine pie menu. It can put a ball of ice cream on top Fresh cherry pie and buttermilk made Continue i on page 86

20 ESQUIRE Autumn, 1933 ”

“Now lightly sprinkle in three teeny pinches of spice —

ESQUIRE—Autumn, 1933 21 h

AUGUST AFTERNOON A remarkable study of cowardice, ayainst a set Hay made famous in “Tobacco Road” and “God’s Little Acre” by ERSKINE CALDWELL

ic Glover awoke with the noon-day looked up, and there he was, sitting against “I’m telling you, Mr. Vie, a country girl Vheat ringing in his ears. He had been that water oak whittling on a little stick. I wouldn’t sit on a high step in front of a man, asleep for only half an hour, and he was get- reckon I must have been sleeping when he not when she wasn’t wearing nothing but ting ready to turn over and go back to sleep came, because when I looked up, there he that blue wrapper, anyhow.” when he opened his eyes for a moment and was.” “Shut up,” Vic said, laying the steelyard saw Hubert’s black head over the top of his Vic slid down over the quilt until his legs down on the quilt beside him. bare toes. He stretched his eyelids and held were hanging over the edge of the porch. The man under the water oak closed the them open as long as he could. Perspiration began to trickle down his neck blade of the small knife and put it into his Hubert was standing in the yard, at the as soon as he sat up. pocket. The big cowhide-covered knife he edge of the porch, with a pine cone in his “Ask him what he’s after, Hubert.” flipped into the air and caught easily on the hand. “We ain’t aiming to have no trouble to- back of his hand. Vic cursed him. day, are we, Mr. Vic?” “What’s your name?” he asked Willie. The colored man raked the cone over the “Ask him what he wants, I said.” “Willie.” tops of Vic’s toes and stepped back out of Hubert went almost half way to the water He flipped the knife again. reach. oak tree and stopped. “What’s yours?” she asked him. “What do you mean by standing there “Mr. Vic says what can he do for you, “Floyd.” tickling me with that dad-burned cone?” white-folks.” “Where are you from?” Vic shouted at Hubert. “Is that all you can The man said nothing. He did not even “Carolina.” find to do? Why don’t you get out in that glance up. He flipped it higher, catching it under- field and do something to those boll-weevils? Hubert came back to the porch, the whites handed. They’re going to eat up every pound of cot- of his eyes becoming larger with each step. “What are you doing in Georgia?” ton on the place if you don’t stop them.” “What did he say?” Vic asked him. “Don’t know,” he said. “Just looking “I surely hated to wake you up, Mr. Vic,” “He ain’t said nothing yet, Mr. Vic. He around.” Hubert said, “but there’s a white man out acts like he don’t hear me at all. You’d bet- Willie giggled, smiling at him. here looking for something. He won’t say ter go talk to him, Mr. Vic. He won’t give Floyd got up and walked across the yard what he wants, but he’s hanging around for me no attention. Appears to me like he’s just to the steps and sat down on the bottom one. something.” sitting there looking at Miss W'illie on the He put his arm around his knees and looked Vic was wide awake by that time. He sat high step. Maybe if you was to tell her to up at Willie. up on the quilt and pulled on his shoes with- go in the house and shut the door, he might “You’re not so bad-looking,” he said. out looking into the yard. The white sand be persuaded to give some notice to what we “I’ve seen lots worse looking.” in the yard beat the glare of the sun directly say to him.” “You’re not so bad yourself,” Willie gig- into his eyes and he could see nothing be- “Can’t see any sense in sending her in the gled, resting her arms on her knees and look- yond the edge of the porch. Hubert threw house,” Vic said. “I can make him talk. ing down at him. the pine cone under the porch and stepped Hand me that stilyerd.” “How about a kiss?” aside. “Mr. Vic, I’m trying to tell you about “What would it be to you?” “He must be looking for trouble,” Vic Miss Willie. Miss Willie’s been sitting there “Not bad. I reckon I’ve had lots worse.” said. “When they come around and don’t on that high step and he’s been looking up “Well, you can’t get it sitting down say anything, and just sit, it’s trouble they’re at her a right long time, Mr. Vic. If you there.” looking for.” won’t object to me saying so, Mr. Vic, I Floyd climbed the steps on his hands and “There he is, Mr. Vic,” Hubert said, nod- reckon I’d tell Miss Willie to go sit some- feet and sat down on the next to the top ding his head across the yard. “There he sits where else, if I was you. Miss Willie ain’t step. He leaned against Willie, putting one up against that water oak.” got much on today, Mr. Vic. That’s what arm around her waist and the other over her Vic looked around for Willie. Willie was I’ve been trying to tell you.” knees. Willie slid down to the step beside sitting on the top step at the other end of the “Hand me that stilyerd, I said.” him. porch, directly in front of the stranger. She Hubert went to the end of the porch and “Boss,” Hubert said, his lips twitching, did not look at Vic. brought the cotton steelyard to Vic. He “we ain’t going to have no trouble today, “You ought to have better sense than to stepped back out of the way. are we?” wake me up while I’m taking a nap. This is “Boss,” Hubert said, “we ain’t aiming to Vic cursed him. no time of day to be up. I’ve got to get a have no trouble today, are we?” Willie and Floyd moved down a step little sleep every now and then.” Vic was getting ready to jump down into without loosening their embrace. “Boss,” Hubert said, “I wouldn’t wake the yard when the man under the water oak “Who is that yellow-headed sap-sucker, you up at all, not at any time, but Miss reached into his pocket and pulled out an- anyhow?” Vic said. “I’ll be dad-burned if he Willie just sits there high up on the steps other knife. It was about nine inches long, ain’t got a lot of nerve—coming here and and that white man has been out there and both sides of the handle were covered fooling with Willie.” whittling on a little stick a pretty long time with hairy cowhide. There was a spring- “You wouldn’t do nothing to cause trou- without saying anything. I’ve got scared button on one end. The man pushed the but- ble, would you, Mr. Vic? I surely don’t about something happening when he whit- ton with his thumb, and the blade sprang want to have no trouble today, Mr. Vic.” tles that little stick clear through, and it’s open. He began playing with both knives, Vic glanced at the nine-inch knife Floyd just about whittled down to nothing now.” throwing them up in the air and catching had, stuck into the step at his feet. It stood Vic glanced again at Willie, and from her them on the back of his hands. on its tip eighteen inches high, while the sun he turned to stare at the stranger sitting Hubert moved to the other side of Vic. was reflected against the bright blade and under the water oak tree in his front yard. “Mr. Vic,” he said, “I ain’t intending to made a streak of light on Floyd’s pant leg. The piece of wood had been shaved down mix in your business none, but it looks to “Go over there and take that knife away to paper thinness. me like you got yourself in for a mess of trou- from him and bring it here,” Vic said. “Boss,” Hubert said, “we ain’t aiming to ble when you went off and brought Miss “Don’t be scared of him.” have no trouble today, are we?” Willie back here. It looks to me like she’s “Mr. Vic, I surely hate to disappoint you, “Which way did he come from?” Vic got up for a city girl, more so than a country but if you want that white-folk’s knife, asked. girl.” you’ll just have to get it your own self. I “I never did see him come, Mr. Vic. I just Vic cursed him. don’t aim to have myself all carved up with Continued on page 89

22 ESQUIRE -Autum , 1 933 ?” “Darling, what—kachoo—difference does age—kachoo—make anyway

ESQUIRE —Autumn, 1933 6

ALAJALOV

99 6 Folies Bergeres If you can get away tonight , I’ve got two tickets to the

24 ESQ HIRE—Autumn, 1933 — — : — STONEWALL AND IVY

A clintfiny vine can stop a one-man football team— unless the coach is clever by ROBERT BUCKNER

ext Sunday while you’re reading the “Say, Doc, it may sound crazy but I been N football scores run down the list until wanting to meet you ever since I can re- you come to Jefferson. If the figures is 36 member!” he says, sort of excited. for Jefferson to Georgia’s 0, don’t blink, be- “I reckon I have too, son,” I replied. cause it won’t be no misprint. “You ever play any football?” Ask Lou Little or Monk Younger or any “Just in a little jerk-water high school of them coaches we’ve taken over the bumps down in the Tidewater,” he says modestly. this fall, and they’ll all tell you we’re just a “We had a hard time getting games.” one-man team. Well, that’s O.K. with me. His voice booms down to me like a man You might say Samson was just a one-man beating a bass drum on top an elephant. firm of house-wreckers. Come to think of it, “I ain’t surprised at that” I says. Samson’s story was a lot like Stonewall’s. When we get to my room and I turn on the “Gimme that guy Jackson,” Monk snaps light I see lie’s been carrying a small trunk at me after we’d massacred his outfit, “and in his left hand. * * * I’ll tackle the whole Jap Army with lady- fingers.” But then Monk never did have That was how—I come to find Tayloe Din- much mercy. Personally, I ain’t got a thing widdie Jackson “Stonewall the Second” to against the Japs. the boys. The first one must of been before Unless you’re from the South it won’t be my time, because I never saw a fullback any- likely you’ve ever heard of me. But down where like him, and I’ve seen ’em all, prac- here everybody knows old Doc Reeves, and tically. All these stories you read about my specially this fall I got more friends than picking him out of a Welch County coal ever. It’s like that when you’re on top, sail- mine and a County Fair side-show is just ing high. Now even if Carolina take's us on sports page boloney. But the reporters has Thanksgiving—which they won’t—I’m still mostly been friends to me so I’ll let that lay. satisfied. It’s been a fourteen year job, but We better skip over last year. I know / I’ve shown 'em. Me and Stonewall. rangy tackles and a brace of ends like Jerry tried to hard enough. While I was losing six Maybe I better begin when I first come Dalrymple, with one good back to tote the out of e’ght games and only beating Ran- here to Jefferson. Back in ’19, after the mail. Just one. dolph Macon and V. M. I. by flukes, our war’d broke up our pro league out in Ohio, I That’s probably what I’m thinking of one Freshmen team was running wild over every- drifted down to Virginia on a lead from old night last fall when I’m walking home late thing in sight. We had ’em up in the stadium Jim Thorpe. Jefferson had wired Jim the from the poolroom, where we’d been having for a scrimmage once, but only once! With offer but he’d already signed up with Kansas a little celebration. It’s raining and I ain’t Santrell and Cody, a couple of wiry moun- and he passed me the tip. looking up when I cross the tennis courts be- taineer boys, on the ends, and Bucky Harris It might have been these quiet green cause the first thing I know I’ve run smack at quarter, they opened up holes that Stone- lawns with the Blue Ridge Mountains rising into a horse. Anyway it felt like a horse. I wall slammed through like the Florida Ex- sort of smoky in the West, or it might have sit there in the dark in a puddle of water, press when she passes here behind time. I been my first drink of corn, but whatever it wondering what to do. take one look at the wreckage to my line was I knew a hour after I’d hopped off the “Whoa, gal,” I says soft-like. and call the boy who’s our manager. train that if I could stay this’d be home. There’s a shuffling sound and I feel I been “Whitey,” I says, “scrap our schedule for And I stayed. For fourteen years now I lifted up by a derrick. ’33, roll it up and make pipe-cleaners out of been coaching Jeff’s football teams—good, “Sorry, suh, I didn’t see yuh coming,” it. Wire Yale, Harvard, Navy, Princeton, bad, but mostly indifferent. I ain’t old somebody says. Penn and Dartmouth. If that leaves us a enough to retire yet, but when it rains my I knew one little keg hadn’t been strong open date fill it in with Notre Dame.” legs bother me, and this year the university enough to fuzzle my head that much, but for The news must of got out pretty fast, be- give me a house, a little white cottage out on a minute I couldn’t speak. I thought. Lord, cause first thing I know I get a flock of let- Rugby Road. That’s going to be home, the don’t let this mountain I’ve run into be a ters and telegrams from our alumni asking first real one I ever had, where I can sit on tramp from a C. & O. freight, or a drunk for the low-down on Stonewall and making the back porch after supper and watch the piano mover, or anything but a Freshman reservations for next year’s games. Now sunset over Afton Mountain. just a plain lost Freshman, as big as I think I’m not strong on writing letters, but there’s It’ll be great to have all the boys dropping he is. I opened my eyes and there in the one thing I like to do, and that’s keep in in on me there, sitting around a charred dim light I first see Stonewall, all six foot touch with all the boys I ever coached. It’s keg maybe, and playing the games over five of him. I took a deep breath good business too. Well, soon my mail gets again on the kitchen table. Most of the “If you ain’t Primo Camera or the Empire so heavy I have to ask for a secretary, and stories won’t end too good, I guess, but State Building,” I asks, “what are you?” right there’s where I made my big mistake. there’s one I won’t ever get tired of. One He laughs. “My name’s Jackson, suh. I Because the gal they sent me over from the story that give me more gray hairs than all just got in tonight. I guess maybe I’m lost. Dean’s office has to be Ivy Rogers. Just be- the fumbles and blocked punts in twenty I can’t find my way round this town ve’y tween us, did you ever know a Dean with years. well.” any brains about women? You see in all the time I been at Jefferson I reach out and catch hold of a paw like a Now I’d known Ivy Rogers ever since I somehow I don’t ever have a great team Smithfield ham. It could of palmed a foot- come to Jefferson. Her old man is the col- until this year. The boys is young, sixteen or ball. lege photographer and Ivy’s been romping seventeen, when they come here, and they “Come on home with me, son,” I said. over the campus since she was a baby. I never run much to size. We don’t have the “My name’s Doc Reeves. I live over here remember the first time I saw her she was money to pay the best players; they all go behind the gym. We’ll find your place in the sitting in a boy’s lap over on West Lawn, over to State and wind eight-day clocks for morning.” eating chocolate cake, and with her long expenses. I just have to plug along with “Gosh!” he cries. “Are you Doc Reeves golden hair curled as tight as brass pipes. what I get, always hoping and praying that the coach?” She was like one of these awful kids you next September’ll bring me a pair of big “What’s left of it.” see in the movies, always rolling her eyes Continued on page 92

ESQUIRE Autumn, 1933 23 —

1933 26 ESQUIRE Autumn , ” THE CHECK-BOOK A comedy of manners and of mathematics anti of the strain that comes between by GEOFFREY KERR

he telephone “I’m not very good “That’s not a deposit. I think it’s the Trang; and Mr. at explaining things.” date.” Medway, being He continued to in- “You added it in. Maybe this is where downstairs, answered sist and at last she the trouble started.” it. gave way. He turned to another page, the most con- “Who is it?” called “You promise not spicuous features on which were a large Mrs. Medway, from to laugh?” arrow and a carefully drawn and shaded upstairs. He promised. moon. “It’s a Mr. Car- “And you mustn’t “Do they mean anything?” ruthersatyourbank.” get angry either!” “Of course they do. The arrow was to re- “Say I’ll call him She started for her mind me of something.” back.” desk and stopped. “Of what?” “He says you were “Would you like “I can’t remember now. It’s something promising to call him me to fix you a nice I never can remember. That’s why I put the back all yesterday,” drink of some kind?” arrow. The moon means ‘Stop and take ” said Mr. Medway, a “At this hour of the note!’ moment later; “and morning?” “Of what?” he’s got to speak to Humming an un- “Something to do with that check there, you now.” easy bar or two, she I expect. You don’t want to see any more, “Say I’m taking a bath.” opened a drawer and returned with the do you?” There was another short telephone con- check-book. “Has the large landscape drawing on the versation. His emotions on opening it were neither next page got any special significance?” “He says according to his records you’ve anger nor amusement. They were more akin “I was waiting for a long distance call.” had seven baths since yesterday morning.” to those of one beholding for the first time “Then on the page after that you’ve got “Well, say I’m really taking one now,” the original manuscript of the Koran. He the word ‘mistake’ printed across the bot- said Mrs. Medway, coming downstairs. fluttered the pages helplessly. tom in large letters. What does that mean?” “You talk to him for me, please, darling.” “I can’t make head or tail of it,” he said. “It means there’s a mistake on that page. When he finally hung up and entered the “I told you you wouldn’t be able to.” Every time I added it up it came out differ- living-room, he found his wife standing in “Can you understand it yourself?” ent. I couldn’t make it come out the same. the attitude of one about to receive a cav- “Some of it I can.” She turned back to- So I wrote the word ‘mistake’ so I’d know alry charge. wards the beginning. “Now there’s a fairly there was a mistake.” “You’re overdrawn forty-three dollars easy page.” He turned some more pages. and seventy-two cents,” he remarked. “Are these the amounts of the checks “After that there don’t seem to be any “I was afraid it was about that.” down here?” amounts at all. Just dashes.” “How long have you known?” “Yes, that’s right. But of course the “They mean that I did write the checks. “Since yesterday morning. A thing ar- amount I put down here isn’t the same as But they were all very small ones. You rived in the mail. And they’ve been calling the amount I put on the check. At least it is know'—just for a dollar or two.” up ever since.” sometimes, but not as a rule.” “But checks like that add up to quite “Why didn’t you tell me?” “Is that to make it simpler?” a lot.” “I was afraid it would worry you. And I “Yes. You see, if it’s an amount that’s “I suppose they do, really. But I never knew you’d have to know sooner or later. hard to do sums with—like fifty-seven dol- can see why they should.” I’ve been trying to forget about it.” lars and ninety-nine cents, I put an easy “For the last two weeks you apparently “You can’t forget about an overdraft.” amount here, like sixty-dollars.” haven’t made any attempt to keep track of “No. I found that out.” “Do you always put down an amount things at all.” “You told me two days ago that you had that’s bigger than the check was for?” “Well, there didn’t seem any point—after about a hundred and fifty dollars in your “Of course. Because I make money that that mistake. I mean, once you’ve made a account.” way. Because I’m always subtracting more mistake it’s going to be wrong anyway, “I thought I had.” than I’m really taking out. So I always isn’t it?” “Then I can’t understand how you can be have more money in the bank than I think “I don’t think I can bear any more,” said overdrawn!” I have.” Mr. Medway, as he gave her back the book. “Nor can I. It must be a mistake.” “Hence the overdraft!” “I’ll write you a check now and you’d better “You mean of the bank’s?” “If you’re going to be sarcastic!” take it straight down to the bank and get “No—of mine.” He made another prom- hold of this Mr. Carru- He groaned once or twice and then asked ise. thers and stay with him her if he might glance through her check- “That check there, for till you get everything book. She shook her head. instance,” she said, “to really straightened out. I “Why not?” Isobel Smythe. It was should plan to spend the “I don’t want you to see it.” really for ninety-three dol- day there.” “Well, of course, if there are things in it lars and seventy-six cents “Thank you, darling.” you don’t want me to see— —or some absurd amount He knew that she was “No, no, Jim, there isn’t anything in there like that—so I put down thanking him for saying I should mind your seeing. I just don’t want a hundred.” so little about it. Quiver- you to see it, that’s all.” “Is that a hundred ing slightly with the effort “We’ve got to get this thing straightened there?” the suppression had cost out.” “Yes.” him, he got out his own “I don’t think my check-book will help “You didn’t add it as a check-book and hastily you. For one thing, you couldn’t possibly hundred. You added it as made out a check. understand it.” ten. What’s this deposit “Thank you, darling,” “You can explain it to me.” here?” she said again, as he Continued on page 74

ESQUIRE—Autumn, 1933 27 AQUATINT BY JOHN GROTH

” “Get me that book on appendicitis

— 1933 28 ESQUIRE Autumn , GRAND STAND

When Champions yo. they f/o like the one-hoss shay, all over all at onee—here are reasons irhy

In/ CHARLES W. PADDOCK

t is hard for the layman to understand strong enough to make a showing in the J how a champion in any sport can go to semi-finals and championship races. pieces all at once. Sometimes it is due to a It appeared that I had things all my own lack of condition. But not often. The man way when the third round of trials was who loses his title is generally as physically called. I found myself in the same heat with fit as his successor. But he is seldom as men- Williams, Walter Rangeley of Great Britain tally keen. Having reached the goal, he does who had never been a startling performer, not possess the same eager flame of desire, Jacob Schuler of Germany, Gomez Gaza of and the longer he stays out of the game, the Mexico whom I had beaten in previous more difficult it is for him to come back again. starts, and Wilfred Legg of South Africa We often get the impression that a star who had a badly pulled muscle which could today, is only a shell of himself, tomorrow. not be expected to hold up for another 200 In such cases, the deterioration has been so meters. All I had to do in order to qualify subtle and gradual that we fail to recognize was to finish in the first three. it. Yet it has been going on just the same. We drew numbers to determine our lanes, There are no exceptions. Great athletes and the moment my fingers felt the disc, like Gene Tunney in boxing, Paavo Nurmi confidence completely deserted me. I had in running, Johnny Weismuller in swim- drawn an outside position on the curve and ming, Jim Thorpe in football, Babe Ruth in several thoughts flashed through my mind baseball, Helen Wills Moody and Bill Tilden while I dug my starting holes. I remem- in tennis and Bobby Jones in golf have either bered the Olympic 200 meters at Antwerp in retired while still at the top or have pos- 1920 when I had found myself outside of sessed the happy faculty of being able to Allen Wood ring of Syracuse University. make perennial comebacks. This has been Woodring was not favored to win that race, due to extraordinary natural ability or lack yet he came through in the final yards to the of severe competition. championship. I recalled the Olympic 200 Most of us in sport, however, suddenly meters at Paris in 1924 when Jack Scholz drop from some place near the top to the from the inside lane had beaten me in the bottom and stay there. It is not such a re- last foot. and make his final burst at the moment markable thing, when you analyze it, that a The lanes are always staggered in an when he senses that they are beginning to man can wake up one morning as champion Olympic 200 meters to allow for the turn. weaken. The front sprinter is forced to run in his particular sport, and go to bed that That is to say, the man on the pole starts an entirely different kind of race. He has to night with no more athletic future than a about two yards behind the runner in the start fast and go hard until he hits the home- brokendown gigolo. It happens regularly. second lane and so on until the runner in the stretch. Until then, he has no idea of his I know. sixth or outside position is quite a distance position. Sometimes he runs too fast; some- In the Amsterdam Olympic Games, I was in front of the first and second men. This times too slow. But there is one thing cer- the favorite to win the 200 meters champion- makes each athlete run the same yardage, tain. If two sprinters of equal ability meet, ship at 2:30 on the afternoon of August 5, but it gives a strong mental advantage to the man on the inside, if he is an old hand 1928, but at 2:31 I was a has-been of the the man on the inside. He has a chance to at the game, will win. lowest rank. Nothing happened in that one see what the competitors ahead of him are Drawing the fifth lane in the semi-finals minute to destroy, permanently, my speed, doing. He can gauge his own pace by theirs at Amsterdam should not have worried me. strength or natural sprinting ability. Yet I Yet what had happened in the past kept me was, athletically speaking, “washed up” for from concentrating—destroyed my confi- all time, and no one knew it any better than dence. myself. The gun had no more than barked before After some fifteen years of more or less Legg, the one runner who had started in successful competition, I had made a “come- front of me, pulled up lame. I was left to back” by winning a place on the American judge my own pace, and I ran too slowly Olympic 200 meter team. In the first day’s around the turn, hitting the straightaway trials, the only opponents who should have two yards behind Kornig, Williams and given me any trouble had either been elimi- Rangeley. There was time left to catch them. nated or had run themselves out. I had won But my mental reactions were all wrong and my first two preliminary heats with ease. my legs were not driving properly. Instead My most dangerous American rival, Charles of my body falling forward with each stride, E. Borah, nephew of the famous senator helping to increase my momentum, I was from Idaho, had failed to finish better than already leaning backwards. I could not third in the second series of trials with only “gather” for the finish, and the farther we two men to qualify. His opponents were ran the worse I got. I failed to qualify for Helmut Kornig of Germany and Percy Wil- the finals. My championship hopes were liams of Canada. Borah fought so hard that blasted and with them went the incentive he took the “edge” away from them bqth. to try again. That last burst of speed, which they had been An athlete fights hard to get to the top, saving for the finals, was expended in de- but when he is once there, it is inevitable feating the American. Helmet Kornig, a that he should in time start downhill. frail young athlete, was so exhausted that Though the descent is at first almost imper- there was little hope held out for him in the ceptible, the farther he goes the easier it be- finals, while the slender Williams who had comes, until before he knows it, he has lost already won the hundred meters by the nar- the strength which he had developed in rowest of margins was also regarded as not climbing to the heights and is the victim of Continued on page 30

ESQUIRE—Autumn. 1933 29 —

GRANDSTAND born in Arkansas and schooled at Georgia Continued from page 29 Tech, drawled to Hubbard: “My father told beaten the first real contender who happens along. me that if I came to Boston and was gentleman of color, I needn’t come The champion who has been beaten loses, by any I’ll naturally together with his incentive, confidence in home any more, so I guess just to skin you and your boy friend, Ed himself. Generally he is vastly affected by have Gordon.” latter was a long, lithe negro what others think or say. This is true of The from Iowa University who had also been track and field champions, and I am sure the stars of other sports are similarly affected. jumping close to 25 feet. Ted Meredith of Pennsylvania Univer- DeHart Hubbard who had met and de- half years, sity, the greatest middle distance runner of feated all challengers for a dozen out of his all time, until the recent arrival of Big Ben couldn’t get Hamm’s statement Eastman of Stanford, went out like a light. mind, or the glint of Eddie’s steel-blue eyes There was no warning that he had perma- when he made it, and for the first time in a nently slipped. For years he had lost races national championship he failed to clear 24 inches, while Gor- only to come back later with still more re- feet, jumping 23 ft. 11>^ markable victories. As a Mercersberg school don’s best effort was 23 ft. 6^6 inches. As for boy he had gone to Stockholm in 1912 as a the Georgia Tech champion, he proceeded to member of the American Olympic team. He leap 25 feet, 11 inches to a new national returned home with the championship of and world’s record, defeating the greatest the world in the 800 meters. broad jumper of all time by almost a foot. During a part of his college career at Penn Hubbard still had a chance to redeem him- he did not run so well, but in 1916 he broke self. As a member of the American team he the world’s records in both the quarter and could even the count and regain his lost the half mile at the Intercollegiate cham- laurels by successfully defending his Olym- pionships within an hour, while in 1917 be- pic crown at Amsterdam. Going over on the The first good hoy who happens along . . . fore entering service he displayed dazzling boat, he tried to talk in his old jaunty man- speed, indoors. play in the making and breaking of cham- ner and boasted that there would be nothing In 1920, he appeared to be the same great pions. For eight years, representatives of to it when he reached Europe. champion in our Final Olympic Tryouts and the negro race won our national broad jump Hamm did not say very much. We shared won the right to compete in the 490 meters championship. Sol Butler of Dubuque Col- the same room on the boat before the Games at Antwerp. But after he had qualified for lege in Iowa took the title in 1920. He had and from the way that Eddie acted, I felt the semi-finals he lost heart. He thought previously won the Inter-Allied Games reasonably certain that what he had said that his legs could not stand up under two championship in 1919. Ned Gourdin of about the broad jump at Cambridge went more races and he faded out of the athletic Harvard University won in 1921. Then a double for Amsterdam. And I think that picture for all time, losing to his team-mate dark-skinned, keen-witted, cocky young fel- Hubbard realized it himself. Frank Shea, to George Butler of Great low from Cincinnati, named DeHart Hub- When the Olympic event ended, Eddie Britain and to Dafel of South Africa, all of bard, commenced to show his wares. For Hamm had established a new Olympic rec- whom were beaten in the finals. six seasons he held his throne, winning along ord of 25 ft. inches, beating a negro boy, Morris Kirksey of Stanford University, with the American title, the Olympic cham- S. P. Caytor of Haiti, who was later to set a whom I have always considered as the hard- pionship at Paris, and breaking the world’s new world’s mark, while DeHart Hubbard est man to beat I ever faced, lost his speed record. He seemed able to jump more than and his friend, Ed Gordon, bothfailed to place. overnight. Kirksey, as a high school star, 25 feet, any time out, while the rest of the Eddie Hamm had achieved his ambition. had things too easy. There were no runners stars were struggling along a full foot behind. He went back to the South and soon dropped with his ability in competition at the time Hubbard had everything to himself and out of the competitive picture. He tried and he won as he pleased. During the form- he was not bashful about admitting his once or twice to reach his Olympic form and his muscles were not stretched, superiority. He boasted of his prowess so failed. The incentive was no longer present. ative years 1922 with the result that when he later faced much1923that every jumper in the country was There is all the difference in the world be- opponents of his own calibre, they could not aching1924 to royally trim him while spectators tween climbing to the top of the heap and in stand up under the strain. His great courage wherever1925 he went, were ready to scalp him. staying there after you have once arrived. 1926 and his strong recuperative powers however, Though outrageously self-confident, De- Pride, and sometimes money and position, kept him in the running and he led the 1920 Hart Hubbard was game. In fact, he loved force an athlete to fight desperately against Olympic 100 meter race to within a yard of having the crowd badger him and the louder all challengers. But these characteristics the finish. Our battles were always so close they shrieked the farther he jumped. are not in themselves strong enough to over- that they inspired the Stanford star to Hubbard was counted upon to successfully throw the spirit of youth backed by great greater and greater efforts. Instead of being defend his Olympic championship at Am- natural ability. downcast by defeat, he fought all the harder. sterdam. He went to the Final Tryouts at No finer illustration of the futility of try- And that kind of a competitor is the most Cambridge, Massachusetts with the following ing to stay at the top too long can be pic- difficult to beat. incomparable record of six successive cham- tured than the story of Jack Dempsey at Kirksey, after years of climbing, at last pionships: Philadelphia. He told me after his fight reached the top. There were no college 24 ft. 5 pi inches with James Joseph Tunney that he knew in sprinters in his class. But the moment that 24 ft. 7H inches the eighth round of that battle that he could this great fighter realized that he was with- 24 ft. not win. Time and again he hit Gene with out serious competition, he went completely 25 ft. 4H inches everything he had and Tunney always came to pieces and never ran another good race. 25 ft. 2 V\ inches back for more until Jack was sure that he Being champion sometimes does strange 1927. 25 ft. SH inches could not knock Tunney out. He was also things. For years he had occupied the posi- Just before the event was held, Eddie equally certain that he had been out-pointed tion of having everything to win and noth- Hamm, a handsome, sleepy Southerner, and out-boxed to such an extent that even if thing to lose. he should win the eighth, the ninth Though there was little of the and the tenth rounds nevertheless grandstander about Morris Kirk- he would still lose the championship sey, he nevertheless had come to de- of the world. pend upon its support. An Amer- It would have been relatively ican crowd is the most fickle in the easy under those circumstances for world. It loves a champion, but it Dempsey to have taken one of Tun- adores a game under-dog. Kirksey ney’s blows a little bit harder than had been the latter, but the mo- it actually came and to have been ment he was the favorite, the crowd counted out. By doing so he felt that turned against him and though he he might have saved himself for a said that he did not mind what peo- return match. But the code of a ple thought or how they acted, he champion is to fight to the finish. was unconsciously influenced by And Dempsey that night at Phila- their desertion and cracked over- delphia was still a champion. He night. stayed on his feet. A word dropped at the psycho- Physically, Dempsey was badly logical moment also has its part to ... sends him hurtling down the hill to oblivion battered and bruised. But in time Continued on page 74

30 ESQUIRE Autumn, 1933 —

“Look, can you do this?”

ESQUIRE Autumn, 1933 31 . . . , !!

THE TURTLE OF MME. LA CONCIERGE

A Paris chapter, concerning Victor, the Baptist turtle from a novel in preparation

by GEORGE S. CHAPPELL

OU have not heard the story of the could give him. You are going to kill Victor. “The pig of a postman almost spoiled

Y turtle of Mme. la Concierge, Milor? . . He should have meat but once a week, on everything. nor, you, Vilainguele?” Friday. Turtles are not Catholics, Madame. There is something here, Madame, which It was Jean-Paul who spoke. His com- For the rest, give him only shredded carrots we do not understand,’ he said. But the rades, Jim Milor and Willingale, shook their and parsley, chopped very fine. He must be stupidity of Madame triumphed. The bowl heads. fed at noon precisely. You will see.” was changed for a tub. Victor was now as “ “Bon, I will tell it to you, for it was a ‘ It is the truth,’ I told her. ‘My aunt who large as the turtle of my aunt who lives in famous blague. It happened last year, in the lives in Montrouge has a turtle as big as a Montrouge. Spring. Mme. la Concierge had a turtle. platter who lives uniquely on parsley.’ “There arelimits, my friends, even to turtles.

You know what it is, a turtle? . . It was Grenier, whose father two pieces of shell which swim ? keeps a restaurant on the Boule- Bon. She kept it in a glass bowl vard Raspail, who said, ‘This last in her little boite, there in the court. turtle is the largest I can get. She is a good woman, Mme. la Messieurs, la comedia est finita.

Concierge, but bete! . . you have Meanwhile we have all these

no idea . . . bete comme la lane!” others swimming about in our He made a round face so ex- water-tank.’ ‘But no’ said Blanche- actly like Mme. la Concierge that cotte, ‘I have a better idea.’ his listeners burst out laughing. “The idea of Blanchecotte was “Our bonneislike that,”Jim said. magnificent. It took a little time

“Do not interrupt, Milor. It is of course but it was worth it . . . very impolite. you shall see. A few days later “You have been badly brought- Madame was in tears. ‘He grows

,’ up. Eh bien , Mme. la Concierge small, mon lou lou she said; had a turtle, it is understood? On ‘what is happening? Every day fine days, as the weather ameli- he eats his shredded carrots and orated itself, she used to set the his chopped parsley, yet he les- bowl in the court. She called the sens!’ ‘Do you give him his meat turtle Victor after her husband on Friday?’ I asked. Madame who drives an omnibus. The fresh was embarrassed. Last week she air would be good for Victor, she did not give him his meat on Fri- said. The sun would tap his little day. She had thought of Father system.” Fervent love for turtles Andre and of her sister, Clemen- shone from the speaker’s face. tine, who is a religieuse. She had “We all admired Victor greatly given Victor a little button of sole,

. . . but he was so small! ... no garnished with parsley. It was bigger than a sou, a sou which fatal, we told her. Victor was a swims. I decided to occupy my- Baptist. Already he had been self with him. The comrade baptised in his native element. Blanchecotte would aid me. V'la Baptists live in tanks. She had un type, Blanchecotte!” not by any chance had the water They nodded their agreement. blessed by Father Andre? No? “We consulted with Madame. ... it was fortunate. Turtles died Victor was beautiful, we said. in holy-water. As it was, Victor What was his sex? Madame did was shrinking as a matter of princi- not know. She had examined in ple. There was nothing to be done. vain. Her eyes were bad and “So it proved, Messieurs. Im-

Victor was so small . . . how agine, if you please, the excitement could she tell? Blanchecotte in the Quarter, the talk, the noise would tell her. He knew all about If a turtle who grew by leaps and turtles, and he would bring his bounds was a sensation, what was magnifying glass. He brought his magnify- “ Bon et bon, Victor should have his shred- a turtle who lessened visibly, before the eyes ing glass. It was a diminishing glass really, ded carrots and his chopped parsley. Every A reporter came. There was a feuilleton in with which he examined Victor carefully. day at noon precisely he was served like a the Matin about it, ‘The Turtle of Mme. la Yes, he said, Victor was a boy; Madam had king. The effect was a marvel. Three days Concierge,’ which Madame cut out with her guessed right. She was enchanted. after he was larger by half his diameter. ‘It scissors although she can not read. Soon “But bon-Dieu, he was so small, this Vic- was a miracle,’ Madame said; ‘Victor grows Victor had returned to his original dimen- tor ... he grows not at all. ‘I know,’ she like a tree! See, Messieurs, how strong he is, sions. He was agile; he carried himself well. little cab- said, and yet I feed him, me myself, every my little love ! Regard how he swims ! Even his ‘I never loved you so much, my day. He eats like three, le p'tit gourmand. shell is more brilliant. It shines like a comb.’ bage,’ Madame said, ‘when you were big.’ yet he stays as you see him, a little end of “A week later it was necessary to buy a Une belle blague, he in?” nothing! ‘On what do you feed him?’ we larger bowl. The turtle of Mme. la Concierge Willingdale, throwing back his head like a asked. ‘On a mince of the red meat! she began to be talked about. The postman told hound, barked suddenly. said, ‘and some little grains which I buy at the baker, the baker told the butcher, and “Did she discover what happened?” Jim the bird market.’ so on. At all hours the court was frequented. asked.

“Blanchecotte was superb. Quel type, nom Victor was a hero. His longitudinal grandeur “Happily . . .no.” Quiet mirth flickered de Dieu,” for a moment Jean-Paul writhed was now nine inches and still he grew. One day across Jean-Paul’s ascetic features as he silently . . . ‘Oh Madame,’ he said, ‘a mince he bit Madame. ‘See,’ she said, showing her added seriously. “When one is stupid, my of the red meat! It is the worst thing you finger, ‘Victor has bitten me; he is a man.’ friends, it is for a long time ...”

— 1933 32 E S U 1 K E Autumn , —

33 ESQUIRE Autumn, 1933 ” ” —

ALBERT PASTOR AT HOME

It's hard on the racketeers when a big gag called leftg gearns to see his home town by DASI1IEEL HAMMETT

efty comes in and drops his suitcase and forgetting they had rules you were supposed shook down along with the rest of them.” I-j kicks the door shut and says, “How’s to fight by. So I say, “Is that so?” He reaches for the bottle of Scotch that he it, kid?” Lefty says that is so. He says, “You says is not good.

I get up to shake hands with him and say, could’ve knocked me over with the District “Your old man is a grocer?” I ask. “How’s it, Lefty?” and see he has got a Attorney’s office. Big city stuff back there! “Uh-huh, and he always wanted me to goog or black eye that is maybe a week old Ain’t that a howl? And my old man being follow in his own footsteps,” Lefty says, and some new skin growing in alongside his “and that’s the real reason he didn’t have no jaw. I am too polite to stare at these things. use for my fistic career. But that’s all right I ask, “Well, how’d you find the old home now—now that I retired from the arena. town?” He’s a swell old guy when you’re old enough “I just looked behind the railroad depot to understand him and we got along fine. I and there it was,” he repl.es jokingly. “Is give him a sedan and you’d ought to see the there anything in the bottom drawer?” way he carries on about it. You’d think it There is a bottle of Scotch in the bottom was a Dusenberg.” drawer. Lefty says it is not good Scotch be- “Was it?” I ask. cause he does not want anybody to think Lefty says, “No, but you’d think it was he can be fooled by stuff that is made in a Rolls the way he carries on about it. Well, this country, but he drinks it in a way that I’m there a couple days and he lets off about would not hurt the feelings of the man that these bums that’d been lining up the grocers made it in any country. round town—join the protective association He unbuttons his vest and says, “Kid, or else, with not many takers for the else. I’m here to tell you it was one swell visit. It seems the grocer business ain’t none too This big city stuff is all oke, but when you good by its own self and paying alimony to go back to the place you was born and the these mugs don’t help it none. The old man’s kids you run around with and your family kind of worried. and—Say, kid, I got a kid brother that “I don’t say nothing to him, but I go off ain’t eighteen yet and you ought to see by myself and do some thinking and I think, him. Big as me except for weight and a what’s the matter with me going to see these couple inches of height and can he throw babies and ask them do they want to listen hands. When we put the gloves on down the to reason or have I got to go to work on cellar mornings—what a kid, kid! Even them? I can’t see nothing wrong with that when I was in shape I would’ve had trouble idea. Can you?” holding him. You ought to see him, kid.” “No, Lefty,” I say, “I can’t.” I think that it will be all right to refer “Well, neither could I,” Lefty says, “and to those things on Lefty’s face now, so I so I did and they don’t think they want to say, “I’d like to. Why don’t you bring him listen to reason. There’s a pair of them in on? Any boy that— can get to your ponem the protective association office when I come like that ought in—just about what I expected—they know Lefty puts a hand to the eye that is not in the words, but they ain’t got the motions as good shape as the other one and says, right yet. There was a third one come in “That ain’t his. That’s—” He laughs and after awhile, but I’m sweating good by that takes his hand away from his eyes and takes time and handy pieces has been broke off a jewelry box out of his coat pocket and some of the furniture, so I make out all passes it to me. “Take a look at that.” right, and the old man and some of the In the box there is a watch that looks like others get together and buy me this souper platinum attached to a chain that looks like with some of the dues they’d’ve had to pay platinum. I think they are. next month if there’d been any protective Lefty says, “Read what’s on it.” association left.” On the back of the watch it says To Albert He puts the watch and chain back in the Pastor (which is the way Lefty writes his box and carefully puts the box back in his name when he has to) with the gratitude of pocket. “And how’s your father’s horse?” the members of the Grocers’ Protective Associa- he asks. tion. I take the envelope with the money in it “Grocers’ Protective Association,”— I say out of my pocket and give it to him. “There’s slowly, “that sounds like your end,” I say, “only Caresse’s not in. “A racket!” he finishes for me and laughs You know—the little fat guy around on and bangs my desk with his hand. “Call me Third avenue.” a liar if you want, but back there in my “I know him,” Lefty says. “What’s the home town, this little burg that ain’t got a matter with him?” quarter million people in it —but get me “He says he’s paid so much for protection right, a swell little burg just the same—they now that he’s got nothing left to protect,” got racketeers!” I say, “and he won’t stand for the boost.” I would not want to call Lefty a liar even Lefty says, “So?” He says, “That’s the if I thought he was a liar because he would way, soon’s I get out of town these babies have been heavyweight champion of the think they can cut up.” He stands up and world before he left the ring to go in busi- buttons his vest. “Well,” he says, “I guess ness with me if they did not have rules you I’ll go round to see that baby and ask him are supposed to fight by in the ring and if does he want to listen to reason or have I he did not have a temper which kept him got to go to work on him?”

34 E S QUIRE Autumn, 1933 “Yeah, and then after he insulted you, what else did he do?"

ESQIJIltE —Autumn, 1933 35 6 —

fi Sweetheart, I’ve walked him round the block three times , but he doesn’t seem to realize — 99

1933 36 ESQUIRE Autumn, WHAT A MARRIED MAN SHOULD MOW

About doing the marketing and getting his own breakfast and ducking ail trouble in general

btj MONTAGUE GLASS

aking cook that breakfast yourself, you’ll find out Therefore, by all means, go to a lunch Tthe United that in frying a couple of eggs, it isn’t luck room and buy your breakfast, because the States by and which keeps the eggs from running up a mar- type of toaster they use in lunchrooms is large, there are ried woman’s sleeve or breaking on the edge automatic, and for all I know to the con- two kinds of of the frying pan and messing up the gas trary, there may be improvements waiting married men: stove. It’s skill and necromancy combined, only on better times, by which when the those who are and you’re no magician. Maybe when you conflagration starts, the toaster will ring a scared of their got married, you promised to endow your gong, show a red light and consume its own wives and wife with all your worldly goods, but you smoke. “But,” you protest, “can’t I just those who lie didn’t agree to juggle eggs, did you? make myself some coffee and let it go at about it. I Then again, there are the toast, the bacon that?” You can try to make yourself some have belonged and the coffee, all of them subject to that coffee, but with lunchrooms and drug stores to both classes law which is called the Total Depravity of serving hot coffee with free repeat orders,

for twenty-six Inanimate Things, and when eggs, bacon, i. e. all the coffee you can drink for five or years, and therefore feel competent to ex- coffee and toast are acting in concert, think ten cents—if you make your own coffee, press an opinion either way, which is not what as a novice, you are up against. Easy, you are not only neglecting a splendid op- often the case in advisory articles, for if you is it? Why, all you have to do is to exercise portunity to get coffee heart, practically have read such warnings to potential crim- the watchfulness of an animal tamer in a gratis, but you are also in for a big disap- inals as You Can't Win, you may have successful circus performance and the alert- pointment. You have seen your wife make noticed that the book was written by a ness of a captain on the bridge of an Atlantic coffee, of course, and she has done it in prison warden, who had never himself been liner; and then combine them both with the what to you seems such a slipshod fashion a convict. It is as though a married woman duties of a locomotive engineer on the look- that you have been astonished at the fra- were to write this present piece, in which out for signals. grant result. So you therefore imagine that case it would become a manual of behavior In brief, cooking the standard American by carefully following the directions printed for married men in and about the house, breakfast means not only the management on the can, you will turn out a pot of coffee from the viewpoint of a good housekeeper, of a couple of slippery eggs, but also keep- which ac- a good mother and a good disciplinarian, ing an eye on the coffee so that it will not cording to combined. The only effect would be to hand boil over, and at the same time, vigilantly the adver- out counsels of perfection, and leave you supervising the electric toaster, for when it tisement will no wiser than you are at present, whereas comes to destroying the peace and happiness be of sur- the intention is to show you not how to of a household, and making a mock of mar- passing fla- behave, but how not to behave, and get riage vows, the behavior of the average v o r and away with it. husband with an electric toaster has nothing aroma. Let us employ the case system, as they on his behavior with six dancers of the Van- You will say in law school, and start right in with ities of 1935. find out, breakfast. A married woman approaches You can get more excuse me hell from however, the cooking of breakfast in so haphazard a your wife by toasting two slices of bread in that as far as style, that the very carelessness of the thing an electric toaster than if you stayed up a married almost evokes complaint from the husband. until seven in the morning trying to break man is con- Any job so effortless—apparently—is bound cerned, the to be poor, the husband argues to himself, advertiser has his adjectives mixed. In- and in a moment of unusual courage, he stead of surpassing, the advertisement may even grumble about the crispness of ought to have read in your case, surprising the bacon, the quality of the coffee and the or even amazing, because even though the perfection of the toast. He doesn’t know instructions on the can give you three or it, but he is in the position of a police court four methods of making what the manufac- reporter, being pressed into emergency serv- turer in his ignorance of married men, calls ice as a music critic and writing a notice a delicious and fragrant mixture, all you will about the playing of some such virtuosi as succeed in producing will be a quart of hot Mischa Elman and Fritz Kreisler. The fluid, which by any reasonable standard of whole performance looks so easy that he is taste, flavor and color, contains in sus- goaded into adverse criticism almost as a pension and not in solution, the scrapings matter of principle. of old briar pipes, blended with lamp black, Don’t kid yourself, Mr. Married Man. even at a game of quarter limit, and your dried shoe polish and burnt matches. Then Some morning, your wife will wake up with method of stirring up anger may be inno- in your ignorance, you will pour out a cup a sick headache, and will ask you to stop off cence itself, for after all, what have you of this mixture, carry it to your wife and at a lunch counter and get your breakfast, done to deserve it? Figure it out for your- tell her that nothing is better for a sick and then with eggs, bacon, sliced bread, self. You first insert two slices cf bread in headache than a cup of strong, black coffee. coffee and grapefruit in the house, you will the toaster and then go to the hail door to Certain stretches of the Mississippi River put into practice a theory you have always pick up the morning papers, but by the are also strong and black, but people who held that there is no system, no forcefulness time you skim the headlines on the front live on its banks, generally use aspirin. So about the way your wife cooks breakfast. page, the toaster in the dining room will my advice is to pour the whole potful down You believe that when your wife cooks have played the usual dirty trick on you. the sink, give your wife some aspirin and breakfast, she’s just improvising a tech- That is to say, it will have converted two get your breakfast in a lunchwagon, because nique—that’s all, and that the result is more slices of bread into carbon and then will any married woman handicapped by a sick a matter of luck than planning. have become a sort of unprotected coke headache, is more than a conversational Now listen! While there’s still time, take oven, blackening the ceiling with smoke and match for her husband, even though he my advice and get your breakfast in a making a smell that persists in your house may be in perfect health and a good after- lunchroom, because first of all, if you try to for twenty-four hours. dinner speaker to boot. Continued on page 80

ESQL'llKE — Autumn, 1933 W Ipow^ V)OYA vNIt^ \ VAJ

' j CNmjn

1 1 j.

“But momma I told you to tell the groceryman that Pd pay him right after the revolution—”

38 ESQUIRE— Autumn. 1933 —

>I.\KI.1X OFF THE MORBO

Continued, from page 8 and seen six others pass close to the boat during a space of half an hour. As an indication of how plentiful they are. Tired small marlin markets the official report from the Havana coming to gaff from the middle of March to the 18th of July of this year showed eleven thousand small marlin and one hundred and fifty large marlin were brought into the market by the commercial fishermen of Santa Cruz del Norte, Jaruco, Guanabo, Cojimar, Habana, Ohorrera, Marianao, Jaimanitas, Baracoa, Banes, Mariel and Cabanas. Marlin are caught at Matanzas and Cardenas to the east and at Bahia Honda to the west of the towns mentioned but those fish are not shipped to Havana. The big fish had only been running two weeks when this report was compiled. Fishing with rod and reel from the middle of April through the 18th of July of this season we caught fifty-two marlin and two sailfish. The largest black marlin was 468 Six of seven white pounds, and 12 feet 8 inches long. The larg- marlin taken by est striped marlin was 343 pounds and 10 one rod in a single feet five inches. The biggest white marlin tlax weighed 87 pounds and was 7 feet 8 inches in length. first April and The white marlin run in Small white marlin showing striped mar- May, then come the immature spread of Jins lin with brilliant stripes which fade after the fish dies. These are most plentiful in May and run into June. Then come the black and striped marlin together. The biggest run of striped marlin is in July and as they get scarce the very big black marlin come through until into September and later. Just before the striped marlin are due to run the smaller marlin drop off altogether and it seems, except for an occasional school of small tuna and bonito, as though the gulf stream were empty. There are so many color variations, some of them caused by feed, others by age, others by the depth of water, in these marlin that anyone seeking noto- riety for himself by naming new species could have a field day along the north Cuba coast. For me they are all color and sexual variations of the same fish. This is too com- plicated a theory to go into a letter. The marlin hit a trolled bait in four differ- ent ways. First, with hunger, again with anger, then simply playfully, last with in- Mako shark, allegedly found only in I\ew Tahiti caught Havana by difference. Anyone can hook a hungry fish Zealand and , off E. II. who gives him enough line, doesn’t back- lash and sets the hook hard enough. What happens then is something else. The main thing is to loosen your drag quickly enough when he starts to jump and make his run, and get the boat after him as he heads out to sea. The hungry marlin smashes at the bait with bill, shoulders, top fin and tail out. If Two white marlin he gets one bait he will turn and charge the other. If you pull the bait out of his mouth he will come for it again as long as there is any bait on the hook. The angry fish puzzled us for a long time. He would come from below and hit the bait with a smash like a bomb exploding in the water. But as you slacked line to him he had dropped it. Screw down on the drag and race the bait in and he would slam it again without taking it. There is no way to hook a fish acting that way except to strike hard as he smashes. Put the drag on, speed up the boat and sock him as he crashes it. He slams the bait to kill it as long as it seems to be alive. The playful marlin, probably one who has fed well, will come behind a bait with his fin high, shove his bill clear out of water and take the bait lightly between his bill and pointed lower jaw. When you turn it loose to him he drops it. I am speaking of abso- Continued on page 97 Market fishermen taking 300-pound black marlin on board

ESQUIRE Autumn, 1933 39 ; ;

I AM DYING, LITTLE EGYPT

Burlesque, dying for forgetting

its own business, here receives an epitaph and a farewell wreath by GILBERT SELDES

hat quaint and almost forgotten experi- man) carrying in her black-mitted hands a to the very end, not on the great Durlesque Tment, Prohibition, has two triumphs to fan and a reticule and concealing a whisky wheels, which became very proper and clean, its credit and they are very much alike : Pro- flask; Jupiter was played by a woman and but in independent houses like the old Na- hibition “destroyed” the saloon and Prohi- did a jig; Venus did the can-can. This is tional Winter Garden Burlesque in New bition “destroyed” burlesque; or in plain straight burlesque and a trace of it remained York. I recall a superb burlesque of Antony English, Prohibition sent the saloon and Cleopatra in which Shakespeare’s underground into the speakeasy and immortal, “I am dying, Egypt, dying” sent burlesque uptown (artistically was caught up by the chorus as a bit speaking) into revues. In 1910, if you of jazz and the death of one of the sol- wanted a drink, you went into a dirty diers was the only instance in my expe- or clean saloon, according to your taste rience in which the supremely indecent in 1930, if you wanted a drink you was at the same time supremely funny. went into a pleasant speakeasy. In But in between these extremes lay 1910, if you wanted nakedness, dirty the routine of burlesque, and, while it jokes, and roistering fun, produced was this routine which kept it alive, it chiefly for the pleasure of drunken was also this routine which killed it. bums, you went to a burlesque show. Once seen, it was always remembered In 1930 you could find these things only it had no novelty. The chorus, bigger, in revues patronized by ladies and gen- bolder, and less beautiful than the tlemen. Revues took whatever the chorus of a Ziegfeld or Carroll show, burlesque show had to offer and refined came out on the stage or runway and only the tricks by which it was put sang the chorus of a song, usually ono over. The short snappy scene with a which had become familiar months smutty last line and a quick blackout earlier. Then the girls shed a garment is fundamentally the same material as and retired. Upon this the great event the burlesque sketch, only in burlesque of burlesque began ; the star, more per- the producers were neither afraid nor sonable than the chorus, but seldom a ashamed of their dirt, and kept the great beauty, took the stage, sang the lights on a little longer, as if to make same chorus, and at the end began to sure that the audience did not miss the fiddle with part of her costume. It point. dropped and she disappeared. Presently Drinking is slowly being restored, she returned, did the same thing, and by law, but I am afraid that the art of the next item of her scanty wardrobe burlesque, as a separate form of enter- fell. So to the end—but, Surprise! tainment, is gone forever, although a Surprise! the last time, the singer, des- few producers still carry on the busi- tined to be altogether nude, disap- ness in New Y ork and send a few shows peared into the wings before the shirt out to the country. The reason is that was completely off, and only the bit burlesque long ago forgot its own busi- of silk was flicked before the greedy ness- it stopped being a burlesque of eyes of the customers. This is done half something and became only a rowdier a dozen times, with different songs. I n version of the usual musical show. Tho TOE WHOLE OF BURLEYCUE all my experience in burlesque I recall burlesque troupe of the two variations in one the star used outstanding by Paul Trebilcock but ; nineteenth century was that of Lydia a newspaper instead of a shirt and famous painter on something a postman’s holiday, Thompson and her British Blondes; A , of stripped it column by column, while manages to capture the essence of burlesque with the they burlesqued specifically the classic the audience, rather wittily, yelled for candid camera. Above, the chorus next below, the short, type of tragedy which the Booths and ; her to get a tabloid; and the other, the snappy scene. Bottom row, left to right — the low co- the Barretts and the Macreadys were median and the ingenue; the shimmy dancer; moments last defense against the censor was not presenting on the legitimate stage. So in the routine of the strippers; the lady who also sings. a garment, but Stop, Go and Detour we had cries of delight and of horror Mr. Trebilcock took the pictures from an orchestra seat signs posted at appropriate places on when Minerva appeared (played by a during regular performances in burlesque theaters. the lady’s body. Continued on page 110

ESQ HIRE—Autumn, 1933 AN IMPRESSION OF RIJRLESQIE by WITOLD GORDON

ESQUIRE —Autumn, 1933 41 9 ?" “How d ya spell polygamy

42 ESQUIRE—Autumn, 1933 — — — — — —— : —

EXIT AT THE MORGUE

Being the first of a series of

poems, that sound the note of New York in a minor key JOSEPH AE SLANDER

Down at the Morgue The city’s dead One hundred and fifty The unwanted dead, The city buries: To each hole: Xamed and nameless, They pile them up Shovel away Are put to bed: On special ferries. And damn your soul! Laid out neat Whether it’s hot, Six thousand clear And stretched out nice, Whether it’s cold, But the year is young, Cooling their feet The dead men rot Young is the year On a cake of ice. As they are told. In dead men’s dung.

Down at the Morgue Stretched out on a cross There’s no depression. Here they sleep, Words like cold flame: The dead men march Gentile and Jew, “He calls all who In a mute procession, Dead-born infants Are His by name.” Day and night From Bellevue; By number instead The city’s sweeping, The dead men march, He calls and calls . . . Their mouths shut tight Numbered, unknown, Shovel the dead weeping And stiff as starch. Unwept, un Down to their stalls. And still as stone. Down at the Morgue The Morgue looks The dead who died, down Through a corridor a river The charity case, On muddy Down a ramp oil as blue The suicide, With The stretcher-bearers The Bowery bum As a dead man’s body; Tramp—tramp; With the bashed-in head— Down in the cellar The boat is blunt Here they come A shipment of dead, And squat and black; IUlled and killer, And go to bed. The dead in front, Are ticketed. The dead in back. Here they sleep What is hunger, Gangplank up, Like sacks of flour With eyes that stare Thirst to them? Shove away: The dead men flop; Up at the ceiling Life has done It’s hot as hell? The wet snow sticks In the arc lamps’ glare: Its worst to them: The hell To the bumper crop; The gangster back you say! They don’t holler, It’s drizzling rain, The wet snow sticks From a ride They can’t crab, It’s slashing sleet: And stings your eyes . . . White and black Sound asleep They don’t complain The Catholics Side by side. On a marble slab. Of cold, of heat. Are in Paradise. This poor punk, One old woman Hell Gate looms, The others sleep Sick of life, Had come from Texas The boat goes slow; Just as well Slit his throat To look at her son Then Hart’s Island Next door to Heaven, With a butcher knife; Chopped up with axes; Flat and low: Next door to Hell. This big rube They tried every ruse Snow like lead, Brush your clothes Laughed at death They wanted to spare her Unload the files, And run to cover; With a tube But it was no use, Dump the dead Blow your nose, Between his teeth. She said it wouldn’t scare her. In two piles. The show is over. Sampled by fishes “How shall I dread If you are Wednesdays, Saturdays, Swollen with water. The child I nursed? A Catholic Twice a week, Salt-pitted, blue-bellied, If he’s dead he’s dead, A scapular The dead men play In bumps the bloater And I’ll know the worst.” Will do the trick Hide and Seek. Nudging the wharf-piles They pulled off the sheet You get a priest Never completed, With orange-peel bottles. From that faceless horror . . . And a holier pit . . . The same jest old corsets Crates, She died on her feet (You’ll rise like yeast To be repeated And baby rattles. It was finished for her. From the bottom of it.) By request.

The river police The House of Death If you’re not, Down at the Morgue Bring him to book, Is painted red; God save your soul: The unwanted dead Fishing the bloater You breathe the breath They dig a devil Swept from the streets With a boat-hook: Of the breathless dead: Of a hole; Are put to bed Garbage is fragrant The strange stale stink The convicts smell Waiting their turn, Against these blown guts . . . Of the Mortuary As they dig your floor . . . Biding their time, Hoist the blue vagrant The dead piled up What the hell Ready to burn Away from the rats. For a trip on the ferry. Are convicts for! In a bed of lime. Dead men in barrels, Burial Bay Convicts do Down at the Morgue Dead men in sacks A fine fat yield, All the dirt; Laid out neat, Trussed up with wire A bumper crop They’re soaked through Stretched on the ice, Knees at their necks, For Potter’s Field: Skin and shirt: Cooling their feet, Punctured with icepicks. The derelict dead Though it’s blowing Sleeping as well Pumped full of lead In a burlap sheet, Tons of snow As ever Caesar Torsos and scarecrows Head to head, The dead are going Or Jezebel Dead—dead—dead. Feet to feet. Down below. Or Nebuchadnezzar. Never they move, Give them a number Forty feet long, Instead of kingdoms Never they mutter; And let them sleep Sixteen feet wide, Leaving keys; The peddler found A sheeted slumber Eight feet deep, Pencils instead Flat in the gutter, That will keep: And packed inside Of dynasties; The whore they find Sew them tight, Packed to the top Instead of dollars Stiff with coke, Heave with heft: Like rows of fish: And monuments The homeless blind Left— right As fine a crop A few soiled collars, With his bottle of Smoke. Right— left. As you could wish. A few cents.

ESQUIRE Autumn , 1933 43 —

INVITATION TO DANGER

An old man exhorts a youngster to lead the life courageous, in this powerful short story by MANUEL KOMROFF

“and you?” he asked. “How do you wel- them the most daring things. I want my of foreign lands and learn the ways of the ^ come danger?” boys to be courageous. I want them to natives. I would try and join a party. Any Of course, I had to admit that I was only have their own convictions and the courage party. If I ran into some engineers I would a school-teacher and that most of my life to stand by them. I try to make them think go along and we wou'd prospect; or I would was spent in the routine of the school- for themselves and then I ask them to live join a party to go to Tibet and see if Buddist room. Blackboard chalk was in my lungs and by what they think. I tell them that life is priests could really do magic feats or if it there were always the boys’ papers to cor- not a monotonous hum-drum thing and was all hokus-pokus. And if it was all fake rect and the next day’s lessons to prepare. that it could be made into something really I would come back quick and tell the world “But,” I added quickly, “it is not for long. worth while. That there should be an excite- about it. Or I would try to get up a party In a few years now I will be retired on a ment to living; it should have a pulse that of my own and tack down those African small pension and then I will live in the beats feverishly, and a drive . . . yes, all that slave-traders who make night raids on peace- country and have a garden and ...” and more. And there is one way to get the ful villages and take black boys and girls to “Flowers!” he said. fullness out of life and that is to be coura- sell for long terms of labor. I would cer- “Well, yes, and other things too. But that geous, daring and even court danger! It was tainly put my hooks into those fellows. And is hardly what I would recommend to you, an American philosopher who first presented I would have plenty of guns with me and or to anyone like yourself just starting out the belief that we would live better if we lots of ammunition and by golly we would in life. You are young. I would make a lived more dangerously.” open fire on them without mercy!” I spoke guess and say you were not yet twenty. “And when you are dead, where do you these words with enthusiasm. And I would hardly call growing flowers go?” he asked suddenly. He smiled. a dangerous adventure. No, hardly!” This was a question I hardly expected “Well,” I concluded. “That is what I “Funny thing,” he said, “I was thinking and I did not think it had very much bear- mean by living with excitement—with cour- of flowers just this morning. Don’t know ing on what I was saying. Evidently he had age.” how they came into my mind but they did. misunderstood. “And so you think I ought to hop a boat?” ” They used to make me laugh and now I “Take yourself for instance. Now I don’t “Yes. Or a train or ... kind of wonder about them.” He gazed know what you do or anything about you. “Plane?”

* ’ ’ ‘ blankly before him. But you are young and in good health. Yes—anything ! I continued in the same vein; exactly as Why should a fellow hang around a pool- “Well, I was thinking about a plane my- I had begun only a few minutes before, room or some such place listening to cheap self,” he said. “In fact I went out to the when the young fellow, a total stranger to talk and learning cheap tricks? Any weak air-port this morning but I did not like the me, came into the restaurant and took a fool could do that. But no. If I were looks of the field.” seat at my table. I saw him enter, look young ...” “Yes, I understand. I am timid myself; about for a suitable place and as there were “All right captain, what would you do?” and the first time I went up my heart was no small tables vacant he decided that I “Well, I would hop a boat and see a bit in my throat. But you get over it. That s looked safe enough. I thought he was a bit of the world. I would work my way and just the kind of thing a young fellow should timid but knowing boys as I do, I hastened perhaps stop off in China or India or Africa do.” to assure him that I was quite alone and or wherever we docked. I would see a little “All right captain. Thanks for the advice.” glad to have his fellowship. “I did not mean to give you advice. For- He smiled at the word “fellowship.” It give me if it sounded like that. It’s my was a bit high-brow and not a word that school-room manner. That is how I talk to he would naturally use. He placed his hat my boys and I can tell just what is going on on the rack and sat down. He fingered the in their minds. I can say without vanity menu nervously and did not know what to that I really understand ...” eat. But when the food was brought he Just then two men came into the res- devoured it quickly. This caused me to taurant. They went straight to our table remark that he must have been pretty and stood behind his chair. hungry. He knew they were behind him and he “Yes,” he said smiling. “My first grub kept looking at me. The big heavy man, since last night.” with a red beefy face, turned the youth’s “How is that?” head up and had a good look at him. “Well, I didn’t think of it.” “You’re a handsome kid,” he said, “but “I know just how that is. Food is not we want you for murder!” very important to a young fellow. When a The youth did not reply. He stood up chap is hungry he will eat and anything at and held out his hands. all seems to answer the bill. Yes, I know.” “Put the bracelets on him,” said the big I did not say everything that was in my detective to his companion. The handcuffs mind. He was quite pale and I could see were snapped on. he had been dissipating. He has been in a “I’m glad it’s over,” said the young fel- pool-parlor or playing cards all night or he low. “Let’s go!” lias a girl fifty miles away and spent a good “Which one of these is your hat?” the part of the night hitching rides. He looked big fel'ow asked. quite capable of such folly. His eyes were “The hell with the hat! I won’t need it.” blue and his skin was white, clean as a And with these words thev marched out. child’s. I thought there was a weakness When the excitement died down, the in his nature. And that is what started waiter came forward and wanted to knew me off. who was going to pay his check. I said I “You know,” I said smiling. “Behind my would. back the boys call me a ‘harmless duffer.’ Now the reason why I tell you all this is They say I’m ‘easy’ because I do not care that you should know that, besides being a much about discipline. But really, I tell ‘harmless duffer,’ I am also a damn fool.

41 ESQUIRE Autumn , 1933 THE CELLOPHANE GOWN by GILBERT SEEHAUSEN

Chicago in the summer of the Century of Progress ... a confused im-

pression of gaiety and boob-baiting . . . of judges declaiming against

“ those who would put pants on a horse” . . . of other judges insisting ” upon “if not pants, then at least something . . . of Bible-belt

citizens coming to gasp—and gape . . . and returning, after a wondering examination of the multitudinous exhibits of science and the arts, with only this one memory sharp and clear: nudity and high buildings.

ESQUIRE —Autumn, 195i 45 —

“Ach, does beer make you sleepy?”

46 ESQUIRE Autumn, 1933 — —

THERE’S NO REPEALING TASTES

The boys will blink at many a wine card, but yin will always be a lonely yirl’s best friend by FREDERICK VAN RYN

n the cellar of the to tell a Broadway cop even if he is wearing genuine card of wines I Hotel du Beaune the blue pullover and the gay checkered dies down, the major- which is the cellar in knickers of the Prince of Wales? The answer ity of passengers switch the hotel of the fair is “no.” Here is one thousand dollars in to the hard stuff and province of Burgundy hoarded gold against one unautographed stay switched until the —they tell this story in photograph of Herbert Hoover’s birthplace very end of their Euro- the language of rolling in West Branch, Iowa, that on opening his pean voyage. It is a eyes, raised shoulders eyes our dying New Yorker would spit the less known but equally and waving hands. tablespoonful of Chambertin 1878 out of his proven fact that even It seems that some bleeding mouth and say audibly and resent- those supposedly so-

three summers ago a fully : phisticated travelers celebrated connoisseur of vintages, a peer- “Haven’t you got some real booze, with a who never stop gabbing about Chablis Supe- less local gentleman named Marcel Duprez, real kick?” rieur, Chateau-Latour and Mouton-Roths- fell victim of an automobile accident while And our dying New Yorker will not be to child while at home suddenly develop an on his way to attend the XXXVII Congress blame. For the last thirteen years of his life irresistible beguin for a shot of good old of Vineyardists of France in the city of he was swallowing booze, booze and booze. Golden Wedding the moment they find Dijon. Removed to a nearby country house No matter what the labels on the bottles themselves in close proximity to the vine- in a state of coma, he was recognized by his said and no matter who had recommended yards of their winter dreams. host, a fellow member of the Beaune Cham- his bootlegger to him—be it even the House This is as it should be. A generation ber of Commerce, placed on a Louis XVI Committee of the Union Club—he never brought up on the curves of Jean Harlow couch in the drawing room and accorded tasted even a single drop of honest-to-good- cannot be expected to admire the smile of honors usually reserved for the next of kin. ness Veuve Cliquot, virginal Benedictine or Mona Lisa. A generation accustomed to the A dust-covered bottle was brought from the staunch Burgundy since the Year of Our one-hundred-and-one-gun salute of a battery cellar and a tablespoon of the precious liquid Lord Andrew Volstead 1920. And what little of cocktails before dinner will be wasting its poured down the parched throat of Mon- sensitivity his hard-bitten palate could have money and effort on wading through that sieur Duprez through his black lips. There preserved since the pre-prohibition days had galaxy of fine vintages which should accom- was a long, tense wait. The proprietor of the been dissolved long ere this in the flood of pany a well-ordained, civilized meal. Even country house,the village physician and the gin-rickies, gin-fizzes, martinis, manhattans under the beneficial regime of the NRA the gray-haired overseer of the cellar stood and old-fashioneds. last word in the matters of digestion belongs around the couch with their heads bowed. Tip your hat to the memory of our dis- to chemistry. And while, according to chem- Then—you should hear them describe this tinguished New Yorker and consider the istry, a considerable sum of pleasant uncer- particular phase of the story in the Hotel du pathetic case of his survivors, the Tony’s tainty in the legs and comfortable warmth Beaune—the eyes of the dying man half alumni and graduates, 1920 — 1933, who in and around the stomach can be derived opened and a faint color came into his hag- are about to hear Secretary Hull announce from combining the pale-yellow sharpness gard cheeks. He moistened his lips. He in solemn intonations of his Tennessee-bred of frozen white wine with the blood-ruby seemed to be wishing to say something. The voice that the thirty-sixth State having duly smoothness of a red wine heated to the tem- proprietor of the country house, the village registered its sovereign, Jim Farley-prompted perature of the room, provided both are put physician and the gray-haired overseer of will, the Eighteenth Amendment to the Con- to bed by the firm but gentle hand of an the cellar pressed forward and cupped their stitution of the U. S. A. is hereby removed to elderly brandy, the self-same chemistry ears. They waited some more and then they the Smithsonian Institute and placed in the teaches us that heard the muffled sounds of a choking voice. room reserved for the eggs of ichtiosauri. Six cocktails (imbibed between 7 p. m. “Chambertin 1878,” whispered Monsieur After the Repeal what? and 8 p.m.) + one pint of Chablis Village Duprez and passed away. ... It was Cham- “Garcon, une bouteille de Chateau- 1919 (with the fish course) -f- one pint of bertin 1878. Laffitte 1907 bien chambree” or “Tony, Chambertin 1923 (with the entree) + one Let us change the locale of this heart- shake another Dry Martini and for General pint of Paul Roger Brut Superieur 1921 breaking story. Let us suppose that a dis- Johnson’s sake don’t spare your gin now (with the dessert) + one glassful of Cognac tinguished New Yorker, a valuable client of that it’s real.” It takes something less than Napoleon 1809 (with the coffee) = one hur- the joy-dispensaries in the East Fifties, gets Raymond Moley’s brains to solve this prob- ried trip to the bathroom. his skull fractured while on the way to spend lem. For one thing, it is clear and obvious Not that chemistry or I fail to realize that a week-end at the shrine of a Government that Tony does not contemplate a retire- gin always has been and always will be a Liquor Store in Montreal. Let us further ment. only the suppression of the chain-lock lonely girl’s best friend and that rye whiskey imagine that he is fortunate enough to be on his door. And why should he retire? always has been and always will be a rejected removed to one of those nice country houses Didn’t he sacrifice the better part of his life suitor’s tried and trusted standby. It simply between Syracuse and Buffalo where they teaching the growing generations of clean- so happens that hard liquors do not mix with still have a bottle or two of “pre-war stuff” cut Americans how to distinguish between their softer colleagues and that of all the fine buried behind the five-foot-shelf of Dr. Gilbey’s Dry Gin made in their own bath- arts the Art of Drinking is the most difficult Elliott’s classics. tubs and Gilbey’s Dry Gin made in a public one to master. Which—with the kind per- Now then, what will the last words of our bath-tub in Newark, N. J.? mission of the copyright owners in the Res- dying New Yorker be? For another thing—and we have the testi- taurant Tour d’Argent, Will he recognize the mony of the barkeepers on the transatlantic Quai de Tourelles, smooth touch of the liners to back us—a stomach accustomed to Paris—reminds me of noble wine? Will his the walloping caresses of rye, scotch and gin another, a rather tragic palate be brought back refuses to be soothed by the half-hearted story. Nobody gets his to life and appreciation petting technique of champagne, cordials, or her skull fractured by that shade of differ- table-wines and the other beverages con- this time but the late ence in the taste which taining not more than 18% of alcohol. It is King Edward VII of makes each vintage of a well known fact that beginning with the England is being cen- a “grand vin” as easy second day of an eastward crossing, right sured, censured publicly to detect as it is easy after the first thrill of seeing a legitimate and and severely.The action Continued on page 104

ESQUIRE—Autumn, 1933 47 66 ” Why Mister Pettigrew! You bite your finger nails

48 ESQUIRE — Autumn 1933 , — —

PUBLICITY BY CUTTLEBONE

Big and common , and nothing

like a racehorse. Cuttlehone jumped like he sat on tacks by DAVID HOADLEY MUX RO E

he only time I think maybe I got no only got fifty-one, not to speak of a sheriff “My God!” says Slim, and waggles his Tbrains is when I look at Slim Johnson, that’s after us for some bills Slim forgot to little head at me. “He’s talking about the and remember it was me picked him as a pay last time we was rich. birdies! Say, are you batty? No? Well, partner. He’s a tall thin guy with big feet “Fifty bucks for a race we got no chance quit talking then and listen ... You got no and two eyes that ain’t twins, and he’s one in?” I says. “What for? Them thorough- publicity sense, Bill, no vision—that’s why of these publicity hounds who thinks every- breds is all fast, and Cuttlebone is slower you’re so dumb! Of course I don’t figure thing’s news, even himself, and things that than the jackass you keep making me to win this race. But who wants to win it? didn’t happen, and wasn’t ever going to. think of.” Who wants to win any race? Horses win He spends all his time studying out ways to “Maybe,” says Slim. “But he don’t ever races every day—there ain’t no news to a make people look at him, and to get famous, get tired, even if he ain’t racing fit. He horse winning a race. But losing a race, only his plans always work out different could run to California, that horse could, or losing a race real bad, so bad it’s funny from the way he thought. to Alaska.” how about that? That's news, ain’t it? You Like that time over in Jersey, when he “Yeah, but this race ain’t to California, bet that don’t happen every day! And listen got all steamed up about our old horse nor yet to Alaska,” I comes back. “This —they got a special rule in this race. If a Cuttlebone, and wanted to run him in that race is four miles over big timber fences, horse comes in more than fifteen minutes amateur hunt steeplechase. That was a and it’s so important they got two thou- after the winner, he gets disqualified, see? dumb idea, even for Slim. Cuttlebone is a sand bucks as a prize! We’d look swell put- The winner’ll make it in about ten minutes, big common horse that can jump, and that’s ting the old goat in that! You know we got at the most—so that gives Cuttlebone won us plenty show jumping money, but no chance of winning.” twenty-five minutes to get round. Do you he ain’t nothing like a racehorse. He be- “Win?” says Slim. “Win? Who said any- get it, Bill, do you get it?” longed to three of us in partnership—Slim, thing about winning? Not me, I didn’t! I get it. I got how we’d look like seven and me, and Jimmy Taylor, a little guy Did you hear me say anything about win- different kinds of jackasses if we put a that did the riding, and that ain’t said a ning? Sure you didn’t—and that’s just it!” common horse in a race like that. whole sentence out loud since last March, “He’d come in a mile behind,” I says. “How do you figure that gives us any when he told Slim to go to hell one day “A mile behind?” Slim waves his arms publicity?” I asks. “Cuttlebone’ll be so far after breakfast. So when Slim gets this like a loony. “A mile behind? If he does, behind folks’ll forget he started.” brain storm, he can’t do nothing without there’ll be something awful funny, and I’ll Slim puts his face down in his hands. asking us, and he comes round to me, and know all the other jockeys is crooks! Say, “For five years. Bill,” he says, with a kind starts explaining about it. if he don’t come in at least two miles behind. of moan, “for five years I been teaching “Slim,” I says pretty soon, “there’s some- I’m going to lodge an objection, that’s what you—and still you got no vision! Fix your thing wonderful about a guy that can think I’m going to do!” eyes shut tight, like I got mine, and think. up so many ideas that’s no good! Go sell Right then I decides he’s nuts, and tries There’s the racetrack. The fast horses has your flowers somewhere else.” distracting his mind. finished. The crowd is through looking at You see, there was plenty reasons against “Look there, Slim!” I says. “See that ’em. Suddenly someone remembers Cuttle- it. Aside from us not having a chance, it pretty looking bird? Ain’t he swell? Let’s bone. Where is he? There he is, rolling costs fifty bucks to enter that race, and we go walking and look at him.” along best he can! He’s got twenty-five Continued on page 77

WOOOSCULPTURE FOR ESQUIRE BY CARL HALLSTHAMMAR

ESQUIIIE Autumn, 1933 49 PRODIGAL SON OF PARIS

A study of contrasts in the life of ‘Jules Pascin to aid an understanding of his art by SAM ©STROWSKY

T is now three years since he opened his and feels through his models, he transfers pretty bad, because the artists of the quar- I veins in that studio in the Pigalle. It was from the palette to the canvas, producing ter, at that time, expressed themselves on in the summer time, and I was painting in a certain nuances and color and line harmo- canvas in their studios and not in cloth on suburb near Paris. The news unnerved me nies. A composer of music sets sounds into their backs. And his studio was as meagerly completely. There was nothing I could do harmonies that mirror his own temperamen- furnished and as bare as anybody’s. That for him he was gone yet I returned to Paris tal interpretation of nature. In like manner, was the first of the contrasts; he expressed ; ; immediately. For was I not his friend? He Pascin used colors, instead of sounds. A bit himself in contrasts, always. had many friends, I realized rather suddenly, of a grey stocking, a little pink dress, an The time of his arrival in Paris was the as I hurried back to town, and to them, as orange ribbon, a pale face of a lonely girl of period when discussions of the great painter to me at that moment, the news must have the Montmartre or Montparnasse, the beau- Paul Cezanne were running high at the cafe been an intensely personal pain—almost an tiful form of her figure—someone, I forgot tables of the Montparnasse, for Cezanne was affront. Were they not thinking, as I know I who, said that the body of a woman was the first painter to realize the true concep- must have felt at least momentarily, “He Pascin’s universe—such was the food that tion of painting for painting’s sake, being a need not have done that—he should not nourished his art. painter for painters and not for the object of have done that—he had me for friend.” But first let me tell you something of his picture-making. Pascin was talented enough Perhaps I did not consciously feel that life, as a background to the manner of his —talent was the word for him, based on his thought exactly as I have now expressed it. death, before I essay further to explain achievements up to that date, for he had not It is hard to be honestly accurate about one’s his art. yet grown to the stature required for the thoughts of a moment, when that moment His was not, by any means, the usual mantle of genius—to realize this, and he im- has receded three years in time. But I must stereotyped story of privation and struggle mediately fell under the Cezanne influence. have thought it, although it is only now that and failure to obtain recognition. Both Renoir also influenced him with his very I put the thought in words. But this I do money and fame came early. Nor had either illuminative and tender color conceptions. remember definitely, from that moment run out at the time he chose for death. It is Since Pascin himself was a great colorist and when word of his going came to me: I thought true, his struggle for a livelihood was at highly sensitive to color, he could not help there were a lot of us, I suppose, who counted times very severe—and those are the times but be influenced by these two great men, him as one of our closest and dearest friends that I remember most clearly. But success and he could not have had better formative - -his friendship was important to us, a thing came to him as a very young man. influences. of very great importance indeed, yet what From Vienna, where he had began his art I have never approved of that method of could it have been to him? It could not have studies—he was born in Bulgaria in a hum- criticism which consists of hacking an art- been much, for he has done this. And then, ble Jewish family—he went to Berlin where ist’s work up into “periods”—it has always as I started back to Paris, I realized that I he immediately attracted attention by his seemed to me to be closely akin to vivisec- must have known, always, something about highly individual caricatures, published in tion—but if it were to be applied to Pascin, him that occurred to me only now at the “Simplicissimus,” and by some unusual you could speak of his first period as being moment when his life had run out of his book illustrations. Thus, although he came plus Cezanne and minus Renoir; his second period, as plus Renoir veins : He was gay when he was with us—he to Paris at the age of twenty, he came not and minus Cezanne; was the gay pessimist, the reckless flippant like the rest, with a hard apprenticeship his third period as minus Renoir and Ce- prodigal, but alone he was unbearable to ahead of him, but as a man of some standing, zanne and plus Pascin. himself. a figure of some elegance. This was in 1905, It was between his “first and second peri- And then, in death, he suddenly meant when a little money went a long way, any- ods,” then, that Pascin left Paris for New more to me, as an artist, than he had meant, where, and espe- York. His whole living, as a friend. cially in the Latin life was some- We buried him, we who were his friends Quarter which thing of a tour arranged his funeral. But it was like him to was then, more with stopovers. have bought the grave beforehand—-it was than now, still a Viddin (Bulgaria) as like him as it would have been unlike the quarter and still to Vienna to Ber- average Montparnassian. All the artists, Latin. lin to Paris to enemies and friends, crowded Boulevard But the speed New York—the Pigalle. The government sent an official rep- with which money fever for travel resentative and a large funeral wreath. We came to Pascin was not coming were a tremendous crowd, when we left him was always just out in him, it was there in the San Juan cemetery, but large as slightly exceeded merely remain- the crowd was I remember thinking that it by the speed with ing. It had always would have been larger still had it numbered which he could been there. Yet all those for whom he had ever paid the bills dispose of it. His he never, after in the cafes of the Montmartre. friends were all those first Paris And all that was three years ago. It seems who happened to days, seemed so very odd to be talking about it now. But I be within shout- essentially Pari- would not have talked about it sooner. And ing range when sian as when he I mention it now only because in his death he headed for a was away from there was a key to his art. Not that a key cafe. Seated, he Paris. had to be supplied—he was a painter for would order lav- In New York, painters—but it afforded something in the ishly for every- as in Berlin be- way of explanation that would have been body. Yet his fore, he “went lacking otherwise. clothes were no commercial.” His The language of great painting is not liter- better than those own creative ature and it is very hard to attempt to trans- of the average work suffered, as late it into words. Here and there, bit by denizen of the dis- he occupied his bit, a little violet, a little pink, a spot of blue, trict, which means time at illustra- rose or any other color which the artist sees that they were tion. By chance Continued on page 89

50 ESQUIRE—Autumn, 1933 —

ESQUIR E Autumn, 1933 51 —

66 Darling , that’s a lie, you know I never look at another woman”

52 ESQUIRE Autumn , 1933 IN THE HOIS Although Sheryl hatl been beastly

and though Nally had been banal, reunion iras romantic in the Hois by DOUGLAS FAIRBANKS. JR.

TT was early Autumn in the Bois, during confusion. “Oh, yes—Wall Street, Miami and George that lazy period in the afternoon when “Is the Bois restricted now?” Sheryl had White’s backstage.” nursemaids congregate to gossip and the always been trenchant. “You might at least be a gentleman.” children stop playing long enough to eat “I was only asking a question.” Nally had “Dear Sheryl, I’ve never had the slightest their bread and chocolate. always been apologetic—with Sheryl. intention of being one.” Earlier in the day a coquettish Autumn “I’m walking in the Bois.” “Really—tell me about your early strug- shower had dampened the fallen leaves and Nally smiled at her. “Having fun?” gles—as a boy.” an indecisive breeze had scattered them in- “Ecstatic fun.” Sheryl also smiled, then Nally was desperately trying to retain his discriminately over the myriad pathways added, “I’m awfully glad to see you.” balance. Irrelevant talk upset his equilib- I to see you, I mean.” loser. and wide stretches of grass that separated “Thanks, so am — rium ; he always emerged the rows of stately, fading chestnut trees. And with that, they fell in step and com- Sheryl tripped over a stone. Nally (we shall not give him a last name; menced walking very slowly together. Nally caught her by the arm. he was that kind of a chap) walked slowly Nally took a cigarette case from a pocket “Thank you. Stupid of me—should have coat, and along the path, regardless of where it took of his Anderson and Sheppard looked where I was going.” She took him. A life of regulation had never appealed opening it, offered it to Sheryl. Nally said nothing, but continued to hold enough for Nally to him, so if a path bent inconveniently out one and they stopped long her arm. He had so much he wanted to say, of his way, he would ignore it completely. to flick at his lighter. It worked. but something inside his throat made words on, Sheryl puffing appre- Such was the case at this moment—he was They walked difficult. As an alternative, he began to crossing a patch of green. It was, in a few ciatively, Nally silent. whistle softly, one of the more popular con- home. more steps, to lead him on to a gravel walk. Finally Sheryl spoke. “Tastes like temporary tunes. They’re Nally had no particular destination in I hate those awful French cigarettes. Sheryl, being essentially feminine, pre- they?” mind, so the realization did not occur to him so black and dirty looking, aren’t ferred conversation—even Nally’s. She “Yes,” said Nally for lack of anything that he had, for more than an hour, been asked, “You still have your flat, I suppose?” walking in ever-increasing circles. For a better to say. Continuing to whistle, Nally nodded stroll in silence until moment he thought that to sit down would They continued their assent in time to the tune, which happened “I seen you in be enjoyable, but there was no bench nearby Nally interrupted. haven’t to be a waltz ballad. and the damp ground might ruin the crease more than a year.” Sheryl took this with an expression of dis- Sheryl drew in his well-cut trousers, so without further “What do you think of that?” dain, and resigned herself to waiting for the thought, he kept on. deeply of her cigarette. conclusion of the impromptu concert. As he walked, his hands clasped behind “Of what?” Suddenly Nally stopped whistling, and, “Nothing.” his back, he wondered if, generally speaking, turning to her, asked, “Love him?” he resembled Napoleon. Of course he was Again silence. Sheryl dropped her ciga- “Who?” rette to the ground, where she crushed it out taller, handsomer and not quite as intense, “This fellow Cross.” He was trying so beneath her foot. but he was alone against the world ; he was a hard to be casual. the first time, how- foreigner in Paris, and he was walking in the Nally noted—not for “Oh!” exclaimed Sheryl, in recognition. ever a small and graceful foot it was. Bois—with his hands clasped behind his —what Nally took advantage of the opening. His eyes appraised her, from the tips of her trifle of . . back. The added and incongruous a “You know . your husband.” battered umbrella did not in the least dis- brogues to the point of the solitary quill “Oh, yes.” rakish angle on her hat. Before turb his comparison. perched at a “Yes—what? You remember him, or you his had risen that far, however, Nally’s Nally began to worry about himself. He eyes love him?” had decided very definitely that Sheryl was rich, American and thirty. Beyond that, mind “Both. Very well—and very much.” was, without a doubt, the loveliest of women. life had little to offer. He was bored. Maybe, A turn in the path disclosed a wooden She had such chic, such natural, slim beauty. he thought, if it were Spring instead of bench. They sat down. Nally leaned for- would have liked to be able to appraise her Autumn, he would feel differently. In He ward, and drew geometrical designs with his comfortably but, then, he had Autumn things began to grow old and die, at leisure, — umbrella on the gravel. Sheryl tried, with never been entirely comfortable with Sheryl; while in Spring, it is said, life is re-born. some difficulty, to find her reflection in the perhaps that was why he had loved her so He stopped to parallel his life with the mirror of the tiny compact which she took desperately for so long. miniature whirlwind at his feet. Brown from her bag. She broke in on his pondering. “I’ve been crackling leaves that had resigned them- “Evidently your husband doesn’t mind married since I last saw you. You may have selves to their fate and had settled on the your walking in the Bois—alone—so soon heard.” walk, only to be trampled on and die, were after your marriage.” “Yes, I heard.” suddenly raised into the air and sent flying “Oh, I left him in London,” said Sheryl, “I think you know him Elton Cross.” hysterically around and around. When, at — who was, by now, in the process of applying last, they had fallen again to earth, Nally more lipstick to her already much rouged was jarred from his philosophic reflections by and generous mouth. having a familiar feminine voice call his name. Nally made no comment, but contented designs. “Nally!” it exclaimed; and that was all. himself with his away her lipstick and He was quite positive that he was awake, Finally Sheryl put gradually with a smile, but the shock made him suspect that per- compact and starting a laugh. “This cer- haps he was asleep. Only one person in the worked herself up to said. “I world had such a voice and such a particular tainly is a romantic reunion,” she seeing each other intonation in addressing him. He turned admit that the shock of disconcerting, and I quickly. “Sheryl!” he cried. might have been am When taken completely by surprise, hu- delighted that we didn’t break down and sob a burst of reminis- man beings are seldom given to clever con- on each other’s necks in expect to be as gay versation. Nally followed the rule rather cences, but I did you once were. I think, than the exception. and disarming as you be swept off feet in “What are you doing here?” he said, in a secretly, I wanted to my voice that betrayed at once his interest and a wave of passionate poesy.” Continued on page 101

S3 ESQUIRE— An tumn , 1933 BREAK ’EM GENTLE

A cowboy artist and story-teller points out that the hail ones, both bronks and women, can be yentled

by D A IV MULLER

he kid was a five year old when his with old Flapjack’s teachin he graduated turns and for the grand entry. The Kid had Tpappy went to join his ancestors in the from easy bronks to some that were mighty no clothes to speak of. Jest a pair of old happy hunting grounds. You see, the old hard settin for a lot of would-be cowboys. overalls and an old ridin jacket, and when man was quarter blood Blackfoot, and he At seventeen, after the hardest kind of he seed what those hands was awearin he went out as he always kept asayin—with schoolin, with his maw atryin to get his mind made up his mind that next year things his boots on, exceptin in this case he had one offen bronks without much good bein did, would be different. of themcaught 7 and him havin That grand entry ride opened the Kid’s in the stirrup, x competed in eyes. He never imagined that they was so said stirrup two Celebra- many people in this world. Bein raised the belongin to a tions and win- way he was, he thought as how they was saddle that nin day money more cattle in the world than humans. He forked as mean in both, he watched with a keen eye the different events, abronkasever learns from a and the time made with the ropes was some- lived. This passing cow- thin he didn’t think possible. Here was real particular day boy that there competition, the best hands in the country the Kid’s pap- was to be big —and him acompetin with this mob. py was jest a doins over to “The next event, ladies and gentlemen, is bit slow in Cheyenne the men’s bronk ridin,” sings out the an- easin himself where the real nouncer. How his heart jumped. His turn onto the kack money was, was comin. There was his hoss in the arena after he had / - andwhere they waitin to be saddled, and him with his saddle pulled off the — . r was more crit- over his shoulder makin tracks for that hoss leg rope, and =— ics than hands with his heart apoundin harder every step. that bronk knowed it, and that night when competin. Well, the Kid never learned to In them days, gentle reader, we didn’t have old Flapjack come in and rode past that write nor read so he tells the old Flapjack the handy chutes in which to saddle up in. corrall he knowed jest what happened—and to tell maw not to worry that he would be They was eared down out in the open, and it took a friend of the Kid’s pappy to recog- home soon and maybe bring home a new the rider saddled his own hoss and got on nize him, or them parts of hissen that wasn’t saddle that he would win. him whether he stood still or tried to climb kicked in. Early next mornin that cowboy and the the man’s hoss that was earin him down. The Kid’s maw was having a hard time Kid saddles up and heads for the on her 640 what with grubbin sage and southern part of the state—and clearin the land of stones and taking care of Glory. The cowboy was a good another youngster; the Kid, young as he hand with the rope and was also was, had a lot of responsibility throwed on enterin in the bronkridin, and to his young shoulders. He’d ride herd on the the Kid he was a God. The cow- few cows and wrangle the bronks that his boy had his wages and the Kid pappy was takin the rough off of. He had a had a few dollars he had earned pony that he growed up with which the old takin the rough offen some bronks man broke and broke plumb gentle for his for a squatter up the river, and kid who was the apple of his eye. that was jest enough to bed down By the time the Kid was ten he was a big on and put his hoss up when they help to his maw. By then, with old Flapjack arrived, which they did the day still aworkin there and showin the Kid all before Frontier Days opened. the things his pappy didn’t get a chanct to That cowboy sort of took a show him, he got to know what a rope was shine to the Kid and wised him for, and what went to make a good cow-hoss. up to big time doins, and after He was gettin the education that he took he plunked down his entry fee and took his The Kid’s name was sung out—also the natural to. His books was all the old saddle draw out of the hat, he knowed which hoss Iloss’s, and with his head in a whirl he slaps catalogues where the slick saddles, shaps, he was goin to ride tomorrow. Funeralwagon his wood onto that bronk, takes up on the bits and spurs made his young heart crave was the draw, and Dave Wiggins who cinch, and flanks him jest a bit nervouslike, for the time when he would be growed up knowed that hoss, having won a first on him and jest eases hisself into that saddle and and be able to up at Pendle- hollers “I’m a wolf, let im buck,” and them use them at ton, gave the judges and cash customers and hands sees a the Frontier Kid an earful ride which for general cussedness and reck- Celebrations that would do lessness aint been equalled in a long time. He held onct a him good the jest makes a monkey outen that hoss and year. That next day. winds up by reachin down and undoin his Kid was learn- The sun was hackamore and throwin it to the judges. in to ride in a shinin — the The whistle blows—the pick-up man rides way that band was a- up to take him off but that Kid jest sorta would have playin— the walks offen that hoss, which is something made his pap- stands were that he has practiced a long time in his home py glad to fillin up, and corrall. know that he behind the You guessed it, dear reader, he winned was a son of scenes the cow- day money that day, got away to a bum his father. He boys and cow- start the next, and then knocked off another had started in girls was get- day prizemoney on a hoss that the day be- by ridin year- tin themselves fore throwed Jess Powers, a two-time cham- lin calves and ready for their pion. Them cowboys took a likin to that Kid Continued on page 74

54 — Autumn 1933 ESQUIRE , —

55 ESQUIRE Autumn, 1933 — ! —

THE PHANTOM CHAMPS

Mtalf a dozen fights for the lightweight ehampionship were never put in the reeord hook by BEMY LEONARD

ay, do you believe in ghosts? ers and one of them usually slept with me. simply had a rule instead. If you rushed If you were to ask me that question, Now this is really becoming a very em- your opponent, or if you were rushed, over I’d have to answer that when I’m awake I barrassing confession to make, so I must ask the brick circle, then it was necessary to don’t, and when I’m asleep I don’t, but you to bear in mind that I was still very jump back nimbly and quickly inside the when I’m “in between,” why that’s another young. True, it was my second year as light- circle again so the fight could proceed with a matter. I don’t know. weight champion, but I was a home boy minimum of lost time and action. That made Not long ago I appeared at a benefit for a still, and that title was pretty new. At the fights pretty funny to look at, with all church in Oyster Bay, Long Island. When heart, and especially at night, I was still the resultant dancing back and forth, but it we left the church at nearly midnight, some going by my first title, the Champion of was good for one’s footwork. one suggested I visit the grave of the late Avenue A. Being the Champion of Avenue A was Theodore Roosevelt, who is buried in a You see, we East Side kids in New York very nice in the afternoon in Mrs. Slotkin’s cemetery there. At the stroke of midnight I used to fight by neighborhoods, and even by back yard, but of course it didn’t mean a was groping my way in the dark among the sections of neighborhoods. And there were a thing at night when the champion might be tombstones, under the trees and over the lot of kids on every block, so there was a three blocks from home carrying eggs from graves, and never once did I feel even the champion for every street. At that, there the grocery. On such occasions the cham- slightest qualm. I saw no ghosts nor heard never seemed to be enough championship pion was as apt as not to cross the path of a any. Nevertheless, there were times when titles to go around. gang from some other street. And whenever I not only saw ghosts, but actually felt them. Well, anyway, I was the Champion of a champion with an armful of fragile pro- It was back in 1919, my second year as light- Avenue A and very proud of the title, long visions saw a gang he knew better than to weight champion of the world. Billy Gibson, before my first professional fight. I may say stop to argue. On such occasions, lone my then manager, had arranged a trip out to I had reason to be, too, because I took more champions always conceded defeat by in- California, where I was to engage in a series punishment, I honestly think, in earning ference, even if the gang might not number of fights. Among these was a four round con- that title than in working my way up from so much as a runner-up among them. test with Willie Ritchie, a former light- there to the crown in the regular ring. I understand that Horatio at the bridge weight champion, and a native of California. We used to hold our fights in Mrs. Slot- was an exception to this rule (except for the The fight was scheduled to be held on Feb- kin’s back yard. Maybe that’s not her right part about the eggs) but then, Horatio ruary 21, 1919. I had been boxing around name, but if it isn’t then hers was funnier. never lived on the lower East Side. There Sacramento, and had taken up my training The reason we fought there was that she championships were at stake only in single quarters at Shannan’s, a regular training had once made a circular border of bricks combat, and bringing your gang along was camp out near San Rafael, Calif. It so hap- around a flower bed and it made a perfect no fair. pened that only one other boxer was train- ring for our fights. Perhaps you think I’m digressing? No ing there at this time, the same being Willie Practice fights, that is all ordinary fights, I’m not. Let’s go back to Ma Shannan’s Meehan, the California Fat Boy. Willie was were held wherever you happened to catch dormitory and you’ll see quite a clever clown — he once clowned his the first wallop from your opponent’s fist, So here I was, in this big dormitory, with way to a four round win over Jack Dempsey but “champeen” fights were saved to be the vast silence pressing in around me. I by making Jack laugh so much he couldn’t served up with proper ritual in Mrs. Slot- always retired fairly early when training, fight—and he had ingratiated himself with kin’s back yard. especially in those days, and I recall for the Ma Shannan, so that he was quartered in Speaking of ritual, we had one there. No first time that I could remember, I couldn’t the main house, leaving me the sole occu- way had ever occurred to us of constructing get to sleep. I kept thinking of those great pant of the huge dormitory in the gym ring posts and ropes that would survive fighters who had occupied this room, and proper. more than the first moment of any “cham- pretty soon the place became peopled with When I first arrived at Shannan’s, they peen” fight that was worth watching, so we them. showed me over the place and when we came Every fighter experiences a “night be- to the dormitory, my guide waxed rem- fore” seance with himself on the eve of iniscent. some very important battle. He thinks and “You’ll sleep in this bed, here near the studies, analyzing his coming battle from all window. You’ll find it quite comfortable. angles. He has sporadic fits of apprehension Other champions slept there. Ad Wolgast and fear that he will lose, sandwiched in be- picked it for his favorite spot. Over there, tween periods of confidence and determina- the immortal Joe Gans slept. —In that bed” tion that he will win. He fights the battle pointing to a big double bed “Jim Jeffries over in his mind, and if he is of the stuff that slept when he was training for his great real champions are made of, he finally lulls battles.” himself into a sleep, confident that he will And he went on down the line, pointing win on the morrow. out where this or that champion had slept at Well, every night was a “night before” for one time or another. Jimmy Britt, Battling me there at Shannan’s. The only difference Nelson, One Round Hogan, Jim Corbett, was that instead of fighting over an imagi- Young Corbett, conquerer of Terry Mc- nary bout with my prospective opponent, Govern, Kid Lavigne, Frank Erne—a galaxy Ritchie, I was fighting a different opponent of greatness was paraded before my imagi- every night, and an opponent with an illus- nation—and then he left me to my dreams. trious glamor of greatness. Now, up to that time, I always had been Out of the gloaming, dimly, at first, then used to big crowds about me. Solitude was more and more sharply, ghostly figures one thing I had never craved, and indeed, crowded the dormitory. They were easily did not appreciate. In all my fights, from recognizable, for I had seen numerous pic- the time I was a “punk kid” just beginning tures of all the champions—as indeed, who to battle his way upward, the boys always hasn’t? The eerie dormitory seemed to re- had been my faithful followers, and I never sound with silent noise, as these great fight- had slept alone. You see, I had four broth- ers peered appraisingly at me, as if they Continued on page 98

56 ESQUIRE Autumn , 1933 —

THIS OUR NEW YORK by HOWARD BAER

ESQUIRE Autumn, 1933 57 HIS belted overcoat with’ raglan goes to the heavier materials, such as T shoulders is gradually taking its the silk and wool poplin in which the place as the successor to the double striped ties sketched at the right are breasted tan camel hair polo coat with made up. As a logical outgrowth of the pearl buttons which was, for such a long popularity of wool and part wool ties, time, virtually the campus uniform in the favored muffler for college men is FOR THE COLLEGE eastern prep schools and universities. a light woolen made up in typical neck- These coats are made up, in this one wear patterns and colorings, like the model, in the softer handling fabrics bold polka dot shown in the sketch. of camel hair LOWER CLASS MAN of various weights and they go very The perennial pullover well with the rougher suitings that are seems assured, for at least another now dominant on every campus where season, of retaining its status as one attention to the niceties in the matter of the required items in the college OR SENIOR PREP of dress is the rule rather than the and prep school wardrobe. While the exception. With the coat and suit of sketch is not explicit on this point, this type, the snap brim semi-Homburg you can assume that the collar which hat and a pair of heavy brogues is in is covered by the polka dot bat tie order. Note the bat tie—the long is the button down variety—still the exiled bow has at last been restored established favorite of the undergrad- to fashionable acceptance. In the bat uate, despite the recent increase in style, foulards and twills are preferred, acceptance of the round collar at- while in the four-in-hand first call tached model worn with a collar pin.

58 ESQUIRE—Autumn, 1933 —

TT is impossible to over-emphasize the inclined to meet them at least half importance of soft rough fabrics in way in their contention that this is a any consideration of clothes for campus subject for organized deploring, we also wear. The popularity of rougher cloths know that there is nothing to be done in browns and Lovats, both in tweeds of about it and a feeling for accuracy FOII THE COLLEGK the Harris type and in the soft handling compels this candor. The average homespuns, Shetlands and Saxonies is upper classman of the more aware type universal among the better dressed wouldn’t be caught dead in anything members of the fashion setting groups but a rather bruised dark brown snap UPPER CLASS MAX of upper classmen at Princeton and brim hat. Proof that these young gen- Yale. The coat sketched here, with four tlemen do occasionally buy new ones patch pockets, is the type that has been (presumably wearing them in public OR YOUNGER GRAD made up by the better tailors, for some only after some secret process of aging time, for these young men and for the them in private) may be found in the recent graduates in the New York finan- fact that the current college hats have cial district. With it, Joe College clings a somewhat higher and more tapered to the most battered of snap brim hats, crown. Natural concomitants for the pinched unmercifully at the front of rougher clothing fabrics are crocheted the crown. This is a constant source wool ties in both horizontal and diag- of irritation to right-thinking citizens onal stripings as well as in rich dark in general and to the amalgamated hat solid colors and wool hose in the tradi- makers in particular and while we are tional Argyle plaid patterns.

ESQUIRE Autumn, 1933 59 PAINTED IN OIL FOR ESQUIRE

AT THE WALKATHON hi, HOWAKH II A EH

60 ESQUIR E — Autumn , 1933 — POOR MAN’S NIGHT CLUB

About a place where celebrity is immediate and stardom easy and human diynity is very low hy ARNOLD GINGRICH

T’S a great money’s worth. For forty with the dancing left out, it’s nothing but a there never was music so sour on land or sea I cents, on any evening, you will see more walk and a pretty dreary slow shuffle at that, as the kind you get at a Walkathon, and the knockdowns than a fight fan will ever see for and it isn’t as if these saps were walking uncomfortable rickety chairs and the dirty forty dollars. For that same forty cents, somewhere or even racing for a goal, they’re floor and how you miss all that, when the you will hear as much poor singing and as walking nowhere at all but just around and contest gets to its last stages and the money’s much low humor, as the frequenter of cab- around and I’m crazier than they are if I sit rolling in and the crowds are enormous and arets will get for a separate investment of here watching them. And this is about as they clean up the old place and change it. dollars ten to forty. For forty cents, if you tawdry a dump as I’ve ever been in and there are cold and lonely and out of a job, on a are better smelling places, such as the gyms raw winter’s night, you join an audience where prizefighters train, and if I’m smart Yes there are a lot of angles, and there composed of people who appear to have I’ll take my loss now, they can have my are- elements of fake, particularly in the every right to feel as wretched as yourself, forty cents, it’s worth it to get out and I early stages before the thing becomes a real and with them you get the thrill of being guess I’ll go now. That’s what you say to test of stamina, when the ardors and endur- able to feel sorry for someone. yourself, your first few minutes at a Walk- ances must be built up by liberal admixture With them you can sit and stare at a seedy athon. And the worst of it is, you’re right. of all the old gags of showmanship. Without looking pack of youngsters who are reeling Yet somehow you don’t get right up and get them, a Walkathon would lose most of its about, sodden with fatigue and numb with out, you only sit there wondering why you power for the engendering of excitement. sleeplessness, in an enclosure the size of the don’t, and then after a while, without know- Have you ever seen a wrestling match that average night club dance floor, and with ing just when, you’ve stopped wondering was absolutely, unequivocally on the square, them you can say to yourself, as a sop to why, and you’re watching the Walkathon. and if you have, could you sit it out? Well, a your self-respect and a bolster to your fail- Walkathon is as dependent upon showman- ing faith: “There, out there on that floor, ship as a wrestling match is. are guys I can feel sorry for.” And you The odds are that you will never go to a A Walkathon without special entertain- don’t know now what a luxury it is, some- Walkathon, never go though stacks of ment features, both in the contest and in times, to be able to say that; you don’t know figures should be mustered to assure you addition to it, would be like horse race until you are cold and lonely and out of a that a great many people do. You have your a without betting. So there are all manner of job, on a raw winter’s night. answer neat and pat: a great many people stunts worked into the contest itself, and a For your forty cents, if you are young and also go to lodge picnics, ice-cream socials, variety extra venturesome and out for no good purpose, revival meetings, lynchings, hog-calling of divertissements thrown in. you also get a better than even chance, be- tournaments, jail, and hell, every year, and There are the sprints and the grinds and fore your evening is over, of finding in the so far you’ve kept the news from affecting the so-called horse races. The latter are crowd some shapely female who will, for a you strongly in a personal way. exciting enough but there is something very modest consideration or maybe, if it’s And if that’s the way you feel about it, phoney about them. They involve the com- late enough, for none at all, decide to share it’s plain you’re the type who would enjoy pletion, by each contestant, of a specified your mood. Oh the rich get all the gravy as it most. That’s why these notes are written number of laps (that is, complete circuits of surely none can deny, but here the price of for you. the Walkathon floor) within a given time riches is but forty cents, for this is the poor Of course, it would be better if you’d go limit. The girls are usually allowed to run, man’s night club. yourself. There are things, like falling in while the boys are made to walk. Curiously, love or watching a Walkathon, which can though I have seen over thirty of these be described but should be experienced to be things, I have yet to see a contestant elimi- nated by one, and I have yet to see the time Yes sir, folks, the poor man’s night club, realized fully. when the last contestant does not fall across this marvelous twenty-four hour show, this You could describe a Walkathon as a con- the finish line as the bell sounds at athletic contest, this test of endurance, this test among teams, consisting of a boy and the end of the time limit. If that’s a coincidence, it’s combat with the opponent that can’t lose girl per team, to determine, by elimination very odd. folks, this combat with sleep, this gruelling through falling asleep, which team can walk grind, this scientific experiment in outwit- the longest time. Yes and you could describe A sprint, in a Walkathon, means one of ting that old sandman, this—you get the a kiss as contact with the empty end of a two things. In the opening stages, the con- idea folks, it’s different, it’s original, it’s digestive tube some thirty-odd feet long. testants walk forty-five minutes then retire unique, you’ll love these kids folks, you’ll But you would be nearer, in both instances, for fifteen minutes of sleep. Later this is follow their fortunes day by day folks, pull- to a definition than a description, and you changed almost daily, the walking periods ing for your favorites, and you’ll get to know would be omitting all the attractive features. being increased and the rest periods cut ’em all folks and when you know ’em you’ll dow n. At the end of each walking period, love ’em—so come on down folks and if you just before the bell, the floor judge usually come once we won’t have to ask you to come It is less important to tell you about the asks for a sprint. That means little more again, it’s only forty cents folks and it’s less intricacies of the rules than it is to mention than that the contestants are expected to snap out of their dreary shuffle and walk than that if you come before dusk—yes sir, the hot dogs and the beer, and how lousy folks it’s only two bits before nightfall and they are at ten in the evening and how won- briskly around the floor until the end of the forty cents after that—it’s the greatest, the derful at four in the morning. And how you walking period. On the other hand, one of biggest, the noisiest and liveliest and differ- can convert all the contestants, in an in- the elimination events is also known as a entest folks in town show, I mean pardon stant, from performers to a gaping audience, sprint. This means that for a certain period, me, show in town folks, it’s the Walkathon. by the simple expedient of walking in of a say from eight in the evening until twelve, summer night wearing a white mess jacket, the rest periods are cancelled and the con- that’s the kind of a place it is. And how a testants are allowed only the number of falls And so you go. You go to scoff and feel few weeks wreak the changes of the ages for the entire interval that they would be superior or you go to marvel and be im- and a contest can be less than two months allowed for one regular walking period. pressed, and in the end it comes to the same old and you find yourself longing for its good The three fall rule is usually in effect for thing. You go and after you get there you old days. And about the smoke haze and the the first month at least. It means that a wonder why you’ve come. You say to your- decorations gaudy but none too clean, like a contestant may clank to the floor twice self it’s nothing but a lousy dance marathon circus rider’s costume, and the sour music, within one walking period, but that a third Continued on page 104

ESQUIRE Autumn , 1933 61 THE ART IN PUTTING

A ifrip that uses left hand for

direction and contact, relying upon the right for touch, speed by BOBBY JONES

y way of introducing this discussion of club exactly on the top of the shaft. This instead of the ordinary overlapping grip, in B putting, I think I ought to say that accomplishes two things. It locates my two which the little finger of the right hand over- there is great danger in adopting a method hands with respect to each other and with laps the forefinger of the left hand, in this that is too nearly fixed and immutable. Too respect to the face of the club in what I deem case the forefinger of the left hand is on top. often a man who attempts to copy each de- to be the proper position, that is, with The advantage of this, I think, in addition to tail of the style of someone else, or who tries the back of the left hand presented squarely encouraging a light grip, is to remove the to develop his own method according to to the hole and the palm of the right hand, possibility of squeezing the shaft of the club rigid specifications, finds himself entirely if it were opened, in the same position. This between the thumb and forefinger of the left tied up by the tension of his position. I is intended to encourage a stroke directed hand, a tendency which would be increased should like one who reads this to understand exactly along the line of the putt and to dis- by the firmness of the grip of the smaller that there is to be allowed some latitude for courage a tendency of either hand to twist fingers of this hand. the individual in order to assure complete the face of the club away from its proper One of the chief dangers in putting, just comfort and relaxation. alignment. as in playing every other golf shot, is that of In order that we may begin with a sem- raising the club too abruptly in starting the blance of a proper sequence, we may divide Light Grip The grip should always be light. backswing, a motion which is usually accom- Aids the important fundamentals of putting into The nice correlation of direc- plished by the right hand. The putter, like First, sec- is any other should be started back close three headings. the correct grip ; tion and speed, which so necessary to suc- club, ond, the position at address, and, third, the cessful putting, demands a very delicate to the ground and should never pass outside stroke itself. touch and there is nothing which can defeat of an imaginary line drawn through the ball I think that the best way to bring out this so completely as a tense grip. My grip to the hole. I have found that the best way what I consider to be the chief requirements on a putter could be called firm only in the to prevent this is to start the backswing by of the grip would be to describe my own and three smaller fingers of my left hand. My means of the smaller fingers of the left hand, give the reasons for the appearance of the right hand merely rests upon the club as I in which I have said that the grip was firm. important features. In the first place, it will am addressing the ball. As accurately as I can describe the feeling, be seen from the accompanying photograph The photograph shows what I suppose the putting stroke is to me a matter of using that the thumbs of both hands touch the would be called a reverse overlap, that is, the left hand for direction and true contact

62 ESQUIRE —Autumn, 1933 dress for the putt is that every possible con- these things entirely, and to allow them to sideration should be sacrificed to comfort; take care of themselves. If the motion of and as I have said before, the thing which the swing suggests the necessity of a slight prevents this most often is the attempt to movement of the body then by all means let reproduce exactly the method of someone it move. The feeling of ease and comfort else. There is no possibility of putting well thus gained is worth all the mechanical per- without a rhythmic stroke, directed by re- fection that could be crammed into a dozen laxed muscles, capable of receiving the most strokes. Rhythm and smoothness—smooth- delicate impulses. To studiously imitate in ness and rhythm—these are the two things all respects the attitude of another player, most desired. immediately sets up a strain or tension which makes smooth stroking impossible. Arms Close Now to be a little more specific to Body No matter how great or how perfect may be —i find that it is an aid to com- the model, his posture cannot be the easiest fort to stand with my feet quite close to- and most comfortable for everyone. gether, just as I would stand normally if I were not playing a golf shot, to permit a Imitation Apt to I have been through all slight bend in both knees, and to keep my Cause Tenseness this mysel( s0 J think J arms close to my body. Perhaps, since the Front view of Jones' reverse overlap putting grip showing how thumbs of both hands touch the top of the shaft. His am qualified to speak. No one could have word “keep” connotes the exercise of some grip is light, the grasp being concentrated in the three smaller in reliable restraint , it would be better to say that I re- fingers of the left hand. had more worry developing a putting method than have I. In the various frain from extending my arms away from and the right hand for touch and speed. The stages of my labor I have tried to imitate the my body. The photograph illustrates all firmness in the left hand controls the path of styles of nearly all the great putters—tried these points and the further fact that my the putter blade and the delicate sense be- to make myself look like them and given elbows each show a considerable bend. This forefinger tween the thumb and of the right myself, as nearly as possible, the same man- attitude is the one which I find the most hand makes the last little adjustment in the nerisms—and in the end I became unalter- comfortable, and the one which best encour- strength of the blow and gives it its crisp ages ease and relaxation. I may say that quality. there is at least nothing about it which is at all studied or artificial. Right Thumb There is one very impor- Center of Sense tant p0 i n t which concerns Stroke Should Be I think the best concep- the way in which the right Long Sweep tion to have of the put- thumb makes contact with the club. It will ting stroke itself is that it should be a long be seen that only the first joint of this thumb sweep. I like to feel that, instead of driving is touching the club. The grip at this point, the ball toward the hole, I am merely sweep- as a matter of fact, is very light and the con- ing it, or bowling it over the green. The two trol is as delicate as possible. Many fine important characteristics of the stroke which putters look upon this as the secret of their this kind of picture induces are first, a ability to accurately gauge the speed of a marked flatness of the arc — the blade of the fast green. A few, notably Johnny Farrell, putter never rises abruptly either going back make the contact with only the end of the or following through— and second, a good thumb and press the thumb nail into the alignment which prevents cutting across the leather of the grip. Any number of bad put- ball. The intention to sweep rather than hit ters, particularly beginners, press the whole tends to prevent a pick-up with the right length of this thumb upon the shaft. They Side view of same grip showing how palm of right hand and hand, which is the chief cause of cutting. lose all thereby sense of touch in that area. back of left hand are presented squarely to hole. This keeps If the club be swung back mainly with the I think this about disposes of the par- putter head at right angles to line of putt. left hand, there is little danger of lifting, and ticular features of the grip which I think are ably convinced that the attempt to imitate the head of the putter will always remain important. Generalities are sufficiently well was itself the most serious mistake I was well on the inside, whence a stroke directed disclosed by the photograph. There is not making. Now, I never give a thought to the along the intended line of the putt can be likely to be a necessity for much variation placing of my feet, to the inclination or the accomplished. from the orthodox. Some players will, no facing of my body, nor to anything else doubt, find that the reverse overlap is not except assuring a definitely affirmative an- lA>ft Arm Must I have said that the arms comfortable for them. In this case they Be Free swer to the question. “Am I comfortable?” should be close to the body. should by no means use it. I do, however, This is true, but there should never be any think that the location of the right thumb Rhythm and It is for the same reason that suggestion that the player is “hugging him- should be very close to that illustrated. I Smoothness j should never consider for a self.” In my own style my right forearm is have watched numbers of fine putters and moment advising a person to keep his head lightly touching the front of my trousers, I find that this is growing to be a more and still or his body immovable. Whether or not but I am always careful to see that my left more common practice among them. This the best putters do stand perfectly still while arm is entirely free. If this elbow is pressed would indicate that there is something in it. making the stroke has nothing to do with it. close against the left side untold trouble can Comfort. Main The most sensible thing The point is that trying to do these things result, for there is thus encouraged an al- Essential in Putting which could be said produces tension and tension must be most irresistible tendency to yank the putt Stance Swing about the proper ad- avoided. I should always advise to forget off line to the left. Continued on page 115

Putting stance of Bobby Jones showing slight bend in both knees and a considerable bend in elbows to aid relaxation. Both arms are close to body; right forearm touching trousers, left arm free to keep putt on line. ESQUIRE-Autumn, 1933 —

I WAS, I AM, A SPY

A secret agent's real story, fictionized for publication but based upon actual fact

bif PI 73 (CAPTAIN X)

TN the late Spring of 1916 I walked into rode about, Bennett’s case was quickly out- of our service, a clever make-up man. The the Dome one evening just after dinner. lined and I told him I thought that if he other outlined my mission. He explained I had not had anything to do except send could provide the slacker with a passport that there was an understanding between propaganda junk over to my paper. In a and passage that he would give up his Brit- the Allied governments to furnish each other casual way I was keeping my eyes and ears ish passport to us. I described Bennett as with details of explosives, new war inven- open for the newcomers to the Quarter and about my height, twenty pounds lighter, tions, mechanical devices and the like. Need- defeatist talk that they emitted but I had no dark hair and complexion, wearing a mus- less to say, none of them exercised entire special assignment. Bennett, a hack writer, tache, generally a nondescript type. The good faith as the Ally of today might prove hailed me and I figured that it was a touch. Chief reflected for a time, then asked if Ben- to be the enemy of tomorrow. Our Navy I didn’t mind staking him from time to time nett could get by on my passport if he ac- Department w'ere told by the British that and having him attend to minor errands for companied someone with a front. I told him they had been working on several new types me. He, of course, knew me merely as Larey I thought the examination of passports in of mines but none were perfected. Never- Howard, that strange bird among newspaper New York was so perfunctory that he could. theless, there had been a concentration of men who always had money, got in with the The Chief then gave me instructions. I mine-layers at Gibraltar and there had been right people and neglected his work to en- should exchange passports with Bennett, considerable activity in the squadron which gage in their war charities. Of my real activ- give him a ticket to Bordeaux, see that he had been wintering at Marseilles. It was up ities, I know he had not the least suspicion. got away on the train two days later, tell to me to find out about the new mines. We had a few drinks and played checkers. h im to board the Espagne and await Win- When I demurred that I had not the slight- As I beat him oftener than usual I felt some- ston Smith, the well-known American charity est mechanical knowledge, I was told that thing was bothering him. When he paid for worker whom he was to serve under my all I was to get was the model number and the drinks I was sure of it. He asked me to name, as secretary. If he asked questions, to date of manufacture which would appear on come to his room and when we got there, he tell him that Smith did not know me but the mines or their containers. Whereupon uncorked. I never saw a man in a worse would take the secretary provided for him the gentleman left us. (I saw him just once state of funk. He started in by asking if I by Boileau of the Information Service, or do thereafter; after the Armistice I was pre- knew that the British M. P.s were raiding anything else Boileau wanted, as he had sented to him by General Fayolle at Kaisers- cafes for their nationals and impressing them hopes of getting a decoration through his lautern. He was wearing the uniform of into service. To my question as to what the influence. (Winston Smith, by the way, to Vice Admiral. He accepted the introduction.) Hell he cared about that, he told me that he the general public, was the typical fussy I asked the Chief how he expected Larey couldn’t stand the muck and horror of it, philanthropist always ready to be helpful Howard, an American journalist, even to get that he would die of the hardship, that he and always gumming the works. As a mat- aboard a British mine-layer, much less get didn’t believe in war and this one least of all. ter of fact, he was one of our coolest and to see the mines and when he explained, I From out of his incoherencies I finally tum- best men.) Upon arrival in New York, he realized the truth of the French army prov- bled to the fact that he was a Canadian who should give Smith the slip, deliver my pass- erb, “Never give whips to your superiors, had lived in New York some fifteen years port to Jones of the Blank Trust Co. who they lash you with them.” He produced before coming to Paris and had neglected would manage to get it back to me. He had Bennett’s passport, with a faked photograph becoming an American citizen, a matter he better leave New York as Smith would want of myself substituted. A cable had already now deeply regretted. Not that he loved the to know what had become of his secretary. been sent to my paper that I was going on Americans more (they were a stinking lot of The Chief continued that if Bennett ob- mission to Morocco with General M. I profiteers), but the war less. What he wanted jected to the plan and my apparent helpful- should drop a note to a personal friend to of me was to wangle some scheme to get him ness, I should tell him I washed my hands of look after my mail as I was leaving for to the U. S. before the M. P.s got him. I the matter and that I had heard that the Morocco hurriedly. Pierre, the make-up must know some way out for him. In the Surete were turning over all records of iden- man, would trim my mustache and stain my U. S. he knew he was safe because they were tity cards to the interested military police skin darker so that I answered the descrip- making so damned much out of the war that in an attempt to clear Paris because of food tion on the faked passport which would be they’d stay neutral. I promised to see what shortage. Further, I should tell him to left in the room. My own papers the Chief I cAuld do for him and left after telling him travel light taking only necessary changes would take with him for safe-keeping and I to lie doggo for a few days until he heard and no papers. I would send his belongings was to carry Bennett’s Carte d’ldentite and from me. when he had an address in the U. S. a few letters addressed to him which had At eleven o’clock I telephoned to my Chief Three days later Bennett was on the high been found among his belongings. I was to that I had something which might prove of seas with my passport and his was in the be at the Cafe d’Alma at 9 o’clock. Word interest. He made an appointment to pick Chief’s safe. That afternoon the Chief sent had been passed to the Chief by the Surete me up. I took the Metro to the Etoile where word to me to meet him at Bennett’s room that details of police had been requested by a taxi-driver hailed me with a code signal. for an assignment. I found him there with the British to aid in slacker-raids, synchron- I stepped in and found the Chief. As we two other men, one of whom I knew as one ized for 9:30, in cafes frequented by their Continued on page 98

64 ESQUIRE Autumn, 1933 — A

OW that the renascence of the tail- breasted dinner jacket is a passing fad. N coat has put the dinner jacket The shawl collar version is all right, too. back in its place, restoring its true status But unless you’re so swank you buy a as a strictly informal garment, every new one every season, your best bet is effort is being put forth to make it at the classic single-breasted type shown DINNER JACKETS least as comfortable as the business here. You may object to the opera hat suit. Imagine a shirt front that doesn’t with the dinner-jacket, but if you do bulge, a collar that doesn’t bind, a coat you’re a die-hard in a losing cause—it’s that’s easy-fitting and a “weskit” that now choice A with this turnout. Choice GET A BREAK I doesn’t constrict. And if all that is a B is the black Homburg, which will, at strain on your imagination, then your that, pass any doorman. But the derby dinner kit is probably as out of date in is choice Z, just after the checked cap! style as it is in comfort. As for details, The best dress shirt is pique bosomed GREATER COMFORT the white waistcoat has at last been and mesh-cloth bodied, and it fits, allowed to rejoin its lawful but long es- thanks to adjustable back straps, an tranged mate, the tailcoat, and the idea borrowed from French-back shorts. newer dinner jackets are matched with The lighter that needs no flipping, and a waistcoat of the jacket material, with works like the one on your dashboard, dull grosgrain lapel facing. As for model, is a social asset several degrees better the one sketched is probably the best than the best card trick. Don’t forget buy because it won’t be soon outmoded. the carnation, and don’t forget that That doesn’t mean that the double it should be maroon and not scarlet.

ESQUIRE Autumn, 1933 65 —

“Pardon me, miss, I didn’t see the tennis racket — I thought you had forgotten something”

66 ESQUIRE Autumn , 1933 — CONFESSIONS OF A GHOST Nameless and unapplauded are the wraiths who fire the hip puns of humor over the air by JOSEPH HOYT

hen Little Buttercup, that mystic description and comment. There is enough A corporation, sponsoring a program, begins Wlady, remarked that things are seldom material written to keep a man talking for to twitch and exhibit signs of nervousness what they seem, and added the information an hour, making sense, and with a perfect after the third or fourth week. Soon the that skim milk masquerades as cream and illusion of spontaneity. When football is corporate nervousness takes the form of jackdaws strut in peacocks’ feathers, she broadcast this Fall, let skeptics compare certain agents or outriders of the high might well have had prophetic reference the comment prior to the game with the executives in the concern. These ambassa- to a state of affairs which would have scan- running description of the play, which of dors appear at the broadcasting offices and dalized her creator, good Sir William course cannot be prepared in advance, and announce that Mr. So-and-So has “con- Gilbert. There was no ghost writing in draw their own conclusions. sented” to address the audience during the Queen Victoria’s time; and there was no I have often ascended giddy heights in course of the program. So we have such radio. It remained for the twentieth cen- order to lay out a scene for some supposed entertainers as Chairman Sloan of General tury to develop broadcasting and spook word magician to describe. I remember Motors, Owen D. Young of General Electric, writing, two arts which flourish in peculiar clambering over the girders of an uncom- Walter P. Chrysler (of Walter P. Chrysler), sympathy with each other. This may pleted skyscraper in downtown New York. and many lesser lights of the industrial account for the curiously phony air which On the following day the building was to be world, competing with hired talent for the pervades most programs, for the jackdaws, dedicated with great pomp. I don’t like attention of tuners-in. Here the ghost has the stuffed shirts, the frauds and hoaxes of dizzy heights. As I clung to an iron ladder, the client absolutely at his mercy. It is for radio are unanimously indebted to the and peered out over the Jersey shore, with the ghost to decide whether the great man ghost writer for whatever dubious dis- the river brown and incredibly far away, shall appear as an intelligent person or a tinction may be theirs. and the ferry boats like matchboxes beneath vague and rambling mediocrity. And why I know, because I have practiced the me, I began to wonder how it would feel to doesn’t the magnate present his own ghostly trade for seven years, and have jump. If I fell from that grandiose tower, thoughts, in his own words, for better or haunted some of radio’s most prominent would any spirit return to climb the narrow worse? The answer is, should one of these personages during that time. It is a dread- stair? Though I didn’t jump, I haunt that eminent individuals write his own speech, ful business. place still. I haunt it in the words of an and the fact get about, he would definitely There was, for instance, the famous an- announcer who droned off my typewritten lose caste, for it would be taken to mean nouncer. He had a turn of phrase, a light- copy from an office five floors below the that he couldn’t afford a ghost. Writing ness of touch, setting him apart from the pinnacle from which I looked out for him. one’s own speeches is another of the things commonplace. Or rather, his literary ghost I suppose I have addressed more people that simply aren’t done. was gifted in this way. The announcer him- than any man on earth, through the voices In my modest way I have put suitable self, an amiable yokel, never faced a of the various announcers for whom I have words, at least I hope they were suitable, microphone without a carefully edited copy written. These include the great Graham into the mouths of corporation presidents, of his supposedly extemporaneous remarks. McNamee, Ted Husing, Alois Havrilla, and bankers, and prominent persons of all This manuscript was written by the ghost, Milton J. Cross, James Wallington, Nor- sorts, including a famous stage designer who accompanied the announcer on every man Brokenshire, and many others less and a musician of world renown. The latter assignment to see that he attempted no noted. In pursuit of ideas for my principals, had the misfortune to be illiterate in his flights on his own responsibility. Time I have flown in aeroplanes, blimps and own or any tongue. Another client was a passed. The announcer grew rich. The gliders, gone down in submarines, visited clergyman whose flock numbers well into ghost prospered too, but he is still anony- every library in New York City, and made the thousands, but who on the occasion of mous—a wraith of the ether waves. the acquaintance of a pair of haughty and his first broadcast felt too nervous to It may be remarked that no advance faintly surprised lions in the Central Park address the Almighty extemporaneously. manuscript can be prepared to cover the Zoo. Of course that was some years ago. Nowa- exigencies of spot news broadcasting. To a However, this type of radio spook writing days any clergyman worth his salt has large extent this is true; hence one of the takes in only the “stunt” broadcast, that conquered “mike fright” and has his own air’s outstanding bores—the stumbling, somewhat dismal phenomenon of an in- radio technique, like a crooner, or a halting, ill-advised “word painting” of the dustry which at time appears to be operated politician. news announcer without a script. solely for the benefit of the penniless, the Well, those spontaneous fellows, the However, the famous prima donna an- witless and the aimless elements of the comedians, they must surely be originators. nouncers use considerable ingenuity in population. The ghost has other uses, and No one could touch off such sure-fire avoiding the necessity of ad-libbing, as one of the most interesting of these is the laughter unless he had also conceived the actually extemporaneous talking is called. furnishing of speeches read over the air by idea, the underlying joke, you think? Not Before any public event, the ghosts—some- important men who feel called upon to say so. The comics are the most notoriously times politely labelled “observers”—have a few words to what they fondly imagine is haunted of all who feed the microphones. carefully examined the scene. These men an audience of “listening millions.” The successful funny men have whole prepare page after page of apt, informed Nearly always the procedure is the same. troops of ghosts, who are in a constant Continued on page 103

ESQUIRE Autumn, 1933 67 ”

PRINCETON* PANORAMA Coneerainy the hull session as antidote to over-emphasis on study—a candid catalogue by RING W. LARDNER, JR.

lot of aspersions have been cast upon to make his minor characters too typical, their devotion is rewarded, for he produces A college education in the last decade or which only resulted in their being made less a new bottle. The conversation turns upon so. Idealists with new-fangled theories convincing. one of the departed, and he is taken over the about education have declared that all a boy I happen to know a college athlete who coals in the scathing fashion characteristic gets in college is a bunch of facts which don’t appears to be absorbed in practically noth- of boys discussing their fellows. The topic mean much and which he forgets as soon as ing except dying for his leads to another; anything possible anyway. They say he doesn’t get Alma Mater, but he is a de- may be discussed—people, any real cultural appreciation under the cided exception to the rule. careers, sex, football, present methods. And they’re quite right. The best natural athlete I clothes. A “bull session” He doesn’t. And there isn’t any educational ever knew divided his spare is in progress. system possible that could give it to him. time between drawing and The “bull session” is the The way I see it, a person has either got the writing poetry, and a track foundation of a college edu- love of learning in him or he hasn’t. If a boy star who is expected to cation. It is the most effec- likes to read books or listen to music, he is break the world’s record in tive means of exploiting going to go on reading as many books or his event during the next these contacts with new listening to as much music as possible, and two years is almost as well personalities which make what he is told in college about the benefits known by his fellow-stu- college a valuable prepara- of these pursuits isn’t going to affect him. dents as an honor man and tion for life. These long, And the same way, if he confines his reading an exceptional Greek and usually nocturnal, dis- to the motion picture magazines and the scholar. cussions consist of exchanges sporting pages, and thinks that Guy Lom- It is this inconsistency of of ideas on widely varied bardo is the chosen of Euterpe, all the in- all human character that helps to make college subjects between boys of different environ- is a spired lectures in the world will leave his the fascinating experience it is , for there comes ments. Sometimes the conversation on tastes inviolate. a boy’s first intimate contact with a wide surprisingly high intellectual level; some- The Puritans, on the other hand, main- range of people with quite different ideas times it is downright vulgar. Whatever the tain that all a boy learns in a modern college and habits than his own. He not only meets issue, however, the discussion is frank, and is to smoke, to drink, to swear, and to gam- these people, but he is compelled to associate candor is essential if an exchange of ideas ble. Let me assure them, as a close observer with them, and if he has a particular inter- is to be beneficial. That is the advantage the of twentieth century youth, that this accu- est in human nature, he is enabled to cul- “bull session” has over the classroom or pre- allow sation is unfounded. He learns all those tivate especially the types which he desires ceptorial ; too many factors enter in to things in prep school. to study. a free and unrestrained discussion between The point that seems to escape these Ill professor and student. critics is that college is, and should be, a The scene is a college room, the time IV primarily social institution. Graduates of a about eleven o’clock in the evening. The All colleges are in the habit of issuing place like Princeton look back on it fondly, room is densely populated with boys and catalogues which purport to describe the not as the spot where they first learned the smoke. A game of bridge is in progress in institutions for the benefit of prospective sofa pair of are elements of biology, but as the site of some the center ; on a a boys mak- students, and the idea would be an excellent of their most enjoyable experiences, and the ing a futile attempt to study; others are one if they contained descriptions which place where they made some valuable con- sitting or standing about the room. Bottles were in any sense accurate. For instance, a tacts and learned a lot of practical lessons of applejack and ginger ale and a number of “Candid Catalogue For Princeton Pros- not included in the text- glasses indicate that this pects” might read somew'hat as follows: books. We Americans, in is a festive occasion—the “Princeton University, situated in Princ- spite of Hollywood and celebration, perhaps, of the ton, N. J., is one of the oldest and most re- Radio City, are still con- arrival of unexpected funds. fined gentlemen’s finishing schools in the sidered a practical race, and “You shouldn’t have re- country. The buildings, with a few lament- it is perhaps because of this doubled, Phil; that’s the able exceptions, are in an attractive Gothic inherent strain in our na- point. You’ve got to be prac- style, and the climate, although at times un- tures that we are so loath tically certain to redouble, pardonable, is about as good as any in the to abandon this absurd because it’s worth so much northeastern United States. over-emphasis on curricu- more to them if you’re set “The students, while not as intellectual as lum. than to us if we make it.” those at Harvard, are a decided improve- II “But if the spades had ment over the Yale, or pseudo-sophisticated All classifications of hu- been divided—” type. We may have an occasional boy who man beings into types “That’s just it. They would not be here had not some generous should be avoided, since wouldn’t have doubled if alumnus admired his skill as a high school there is no such thing as the distribution hadn’t halfback, but it must be taken into consid- two completely similar men. been bad.” eration that football is one of the few re- Among the twenty-two hundred boys who “Look at Harry; he’s out on one drink.” maining methods by which a college with make up the Princeton undergraduate body, “Where’d you get this stuff, Herb?” any self-respect may advertise itself. there are probably twenty-two hundred “Walt can’t take it.” “We discourage excessive drinking, and different types of young American manhood, “This party’s getting— dull. Let’s go over women are not allowed in dormitory rooms but, nevertheless, no one, writing of college to Trenton and get after six p.m., but that does not mean that life, seems to be able to resist the temptation “Wait a minute. What about the French?” the boys are overly-restricted in regard to to divide his characters into such time-hon- Already the party is breaking up, but that diversion. There are two motion picture ored categories as“dumb athletes,” “grinds,” does not mean that the evening is over. Some theatres in town, and the neighboring city “smoothies,” etc. The best example of this of them go out to seek new diversion, others, of Trenton offers adequate facilities for mild sort of writing I have ever read was a play more conscientious, return to their own debauchery. written last year by a Princeton undergrad- rooms for study or sleep. A few of the more “Some of the better New York and Phil- uate, but he, too, fell into the error of trying intimate friends of the host remain, and adelphia tailors have branch shops or repre- Continued on page 80

Autumn, 1933 63 ESQUIRE— —

PHOTOGRAPH FOR ESQUIRE BY GILBERT SEEHAUSEN

PRINCETON UNDERGRADUATE

Even before Scott Fitzgerald wrote “ This Side of Paradise ,'* away back at the beginning of the nine teen- twenties, the Princeton undergraduate typi- fied, at least for sports writers, this country'’s standard of elegant indolence. Princeton has been called a gentlemen's finishing school, the best country club in America, the fountainhead of young men's fashions. And Princeton undergraduates have been called slickers and smoothies. Ring W. Lardner,Jr., one of the current crop of Princetonians-in-the-making, resents this classi- fication of human beings into types— which is all that keeps us from refer- ring to him, in this portrait study by Seehausen,as“a typical Princeton man.”

ESQUIRE Autumn, 1933 69 —

70 ESQUIRE Autumn, 1933 — AFRICA FOR ACTORS

The leopard obliged. so did the huffalo— but the lion and the eroeodile were eoy

bif M. G. HUBBARD

OW did they boys who patroled the trap line came tearing Now we could take our picture of a leop- H get that?” into camp. ard prowling along the verandah of our mud Anyone who has “Sirouwe! M’coulu sterrick!” A leopard hut. That was legitimate. Plenty of leop- taken an animal is in a crocodile trap, and a big one. ards prowl on plenty of verandahs. A sta- picture loves to The camera men and I loaded the other tion master I knew had had his pet terrier hear that question truck with cameras, nets, a dozen boys, a snatched from a deck chair on his verandah in the audience. I couple of rifles and off we went. Neither of while he was having dinner. can answer it as the mtn had ever seen a leopard outside a We built a high wire fence in a semi-circle far as one picture zoo. I had brought up several of them on around the verandah of the hut and stretched goes. So I will take our former trip. And I had seen a native wire across the windows. Colored calico you behind the scenes of “Untamed Africa,” shortly after he had been mauled by a leop- curtains were the home-like touch. Then we an African adventure film that I had a hand ard. Three of our dogs had been caught by backed the leopard’s cage up to the opening, in taking. leopards that used to chase them around the drew up the door and let him out. We were in Northern Rhodesia about a huts of the compound when we were in Cautiously he crept out, and along the hundred miles from the railroad line, in Portuguese East Africa. I had been spit at verandah, winding his way between the deck country that is reserved to the natives. There by a leopard when taking a careless mid- chairs and a table. His one idea was to es- were no ranches or farms nearby, nothing night walk and no trip I ever took seemed cape. Back and forth he prowled, then took but “bush” and native villages about every as long as the fifty yards I had had to walk, a flying, roaring leap toward the cameras. five or ten miles. To the east the grass coun- very slowly and deliberately, back to camp. We held our breath, rifles covering him. He try stretched toward the Kafue river. To the So I knew something about leopards. might find a weak spot, if he tried. We could west was broken bush country. Palm trees “Sh! En econa lapa, douze” (He’s there, not be too sure. He gave up in disgust and stabbed the skyline, above the flat-topped near to us). went back to the verandah. Then he noticed low trees. Such was our “location,” wher- We stopped the truck in the tall grass and the windows. A way out? He put his paws ever and whenever there was something to quietly stole along the path. There he was, on the edge of the window and looked in. No “shoot” with the camera. in a cleared patch, hugging the ground with that would not do. He tried the other win- Aside from the Hubbards, who had spent his belly, only the white tip of his tail twitch- dow. Still sure there must be some way three years in Africa on an earlier trip, there ing, his green eyes glaring undying hatred. through those openings, he went back to the were two camera men, George Noble and A growl, a bound, and he had dragged the first window and repeated his performance. Earle Frank. None of us had taken an ani- trap and log anchor twenty yards towards We were breathless with joy. If we had re- mal film before, but we were going to on this us. So ! I gripped my rifle and measured the hearsed him, he could not have done a more trip, for First National Pictures. And we distance to the nearest tree. That was a convincing act. It looked just as though he did. We took “Untamed Africa.” And we foolish precaution as I knew only too well were trying to get into the house instead of packed every thrill we could into the picture; that any leopard could make the tree before out and away. Staged? Yes, but as a legiti- the catching of buffalo, leopards, lions ^lion- I could. It was impossible to tell whether mate play is staged. He was only doing hyena fight; a grass fire; a tremendous he was caught by a toe or his whole foot. If something when and where we wanted him native dance. only by the toe, the chances were he would to do it instead of We might spend a lifetime in the bush be on us. on his own. and never see the kind of action that thrills George and Frank set up their cameras to In somewhat the an audience. After all, most of the exciting the accompaniment of growls and charges. same way we put on wild life goes on at night. So there was only I kept the sight of my rifle on the leopard a lion-hyena fight. one thing to do. It was up to us to catch our and directed the natives to stretch out the We had caught animals and put them in such a position that net and close in on him. the animals in box they would at least seem to be doing what Frank was in ecstacy. What a close-up of traps and wanted we wanted them to do. a furious leopard! It was. But I had other to use them dra- We were not going to stage anything that things on my mind as well. Frank did not matically. So we would be absurd. All we wanted to get was know leopards well. He crept in closer, built a wire run, pictures of the animals doing the kind of closer still. The boys closed in with the net. covered it with grass and planted small thing they might do at night, or when we “Now!” I shouted to them and we threw trees. The setting looked natural. Then we were not around with cameras set up. And the net over the raging animal. Then we dug a pit and covered it with heavy planks, first of all we had to catch them for some of rushed in with forked sticks to hold down with no opening except the small hole for the shots. his head and paws while we tied him up. We the lens of the camera. Just in front of the We honeycombed the countrywith nooses, had our leopard, and a beauty. He was full hole we put a dead reed-buck, the camera box-traps, pitfalls, every kind of native trap grown, beautifully marked and colored, and man slipped into the hole and we were ready we could devise to catch the menagerie we a magnificent study in green-eyed fury. to start, hoping our actors would put on a needed. We even put out steel traps for the Well trussed up, we put him on the truck good show. crocodiles. If you had sat by the Kafue or and took him back to camp. We let the hyena out of his cage and he Zambesi as often as I had and watched them pranced right up to the reed-buck. It looked swim like a flash across the river and linger very good to him. He sniffed it over and around in the hope of a tasty meal in the settled down to a good meal. Then we let the shape of yourself or your natives, you would lioness out of her cage. Head up, feeling have no compunctions abou* catching them very gay, she pranced right up to the camera. in steel traps. They take a heavier toll of The hyena quivered, but held his ground. native life than any other beast. We once Then Pasha, as we called the lioness, whirled took a double handful of native trinkets out on the hyena and with a blow of her big of a crocodile’s stomach. No, they are not paw sent him whirling. Good girl! Just pleasant beasts. what we wanted. It was about nine o’clock in the morning. For all the world as though the reed-buck Wynant was off in the veldt with some boys were her rightful kill she put her paw on it digging the one truck out of the mud. The and fell too. Then the hyena came back, Continued on page 77

ESQIJIR E Autumn, 1933 71 ” —

“Me ? I was a financial expert

ESQI'IIKE Autumn, 1933 —

ALIBI IN A ROADHOUSE

A mystery story, with false

clues and accidental lures, complete althonyh compact by VINCENT STARRETT

he man called Smith— short and unim- “I don’t see any gondoliers, however,” Taginative in appearance as his name pouted Elsie Archer. finished his coffee with an abrupt gesture “No matter,” said Hamilton. “The bridge and lighted a long cigar. After a /j^. is higher up . . . Do you see it, Coleman?” moment he tilted back his chair and Jl Rufus Coleman was lighting a match to see the path allowed his pale blue eyes to rest with [ K before him. some appreciation on the half naked “Not visible from here,” said B. F. Smith. figures of the dancers. With apprecia- He stumbled, peering into the darkness, but him. tion and with some embarrassment . . . Hamilton caught and steadied After all, these twisting limbs and coiling, Then a tiny pencil of light spurted from writhing torsos were not part of his custom- the tips of Coleman’s fingers, and he chuc- ary evening program. But they were—em- kled. “Almost forgot I had this flashlight phatically—quite a spectacle! He blushed a with me! It may save our lives before we’re little inward blush, remembering that he was through.” He exhibited with pride a slender a family man. metal doodad for which he had paid a quar- Hamilton was saying: “Yes, in spite of all ter in a ten-cent store . . . By its aid they the gilt and glitter, the necklaces and dinner reached a rustic wooden bridge, at last, and coats, and all the rest of it, I’m told it’s quite clattered merrily across into the deeper a hangout for the leading crooks. They bring abruptly, “isn’t that Madan at the corner shadows of a wood ... It was a jolly notion, their women here to dine and dance; they table there?” Hamilton thought, to build aroadhouse on the mingle with the social demi-virgins—and “Who? What! Not Falkner Madan?” The border of a forest sanctuary . . . The fragrance under a top hat, after all, who is to tell the two women and two men who made up the of moist leaves tingled pleasantly in their ” difference between a hoodlum and a broker? balance of the party twisted in their chairs nostrils as they pushed on into the darkness. “I am myself a broker,” ventured B. F. and stared. The path was tortuous, between tall, arch- ing Smith, entering the conversation. “Surely no “By Jove!” cried Hamilton. “I wonder trees. Twice it doubled back upon itself. little to one would take me for a criminal ... Or what he’s doing here? Funny I didn’t notice The light danced eerily from tree tree, illuminating in shivery, reve- would they?” He laughed good humoredly. him before. I must stroll around and have a the scene Teresa, the principal danseuse, was doing talk with him.” latory flashes . . . B. F. Smith clung grimly to the arm of Gary Hamilton, already a particularly snaky and rhythmic vulgarity “He just came in,” continued B. F. Smith.

. . . slightly encumbered by Miss Archer . . . with her hips abetted by her chorus “I saw him take his seat. Probably looking sides of “Damn it!” shrilled the little broker in From the gardens beyond the open for those criminals you spoke of, Hamilton. pleasantly, exasperation. “Shan’t we go back, Hamil- the Casino a little breeze blew Glad you think I don’t resemble one! Or did the stagnant at- ton? This makes me nervous.” from time to time, to clear you say I did?” corner where “I keep thinking I hear someone follow- mosphere within. But in the For some moments they continued to stare, their furious music, the ing us,” said Elsie Archer. the musicians played with varying emotions, at the figure of the drops on the foreheads Miss Carroll said nothing. For some rea- perspiration stood in celebrated detective, seated just across the son she was thinking of Teresa, drooping of the orchestra . . . The bulky violinist room . . . Then in a crash of brass, a sweep between red, parted curtains . . . sweltered. of strings, the spotlight faded on the last, re- “What do you suppose are the dreams of a But suddenly Hamilton’s voice was harsh tiring dancer . . . Teresa, drooping in the after a season of nights like and strident . . . “My God, Coleman, what fat violinist, center of the drawn velvet curtains. The fat B. F. Smith, his eyes upon is that?” he cried. He stopped abruptly, this?” chuckled violinist, his handkerchief tucked into his musician. peering ahead into the darkness. “To your the collar, drew his bow across his fiddle in the looking at Teresa,” Gary Hamilton left there, in among the trees! Turn your “He is first bars of a dreamy waltz. His confreres doubt the nature of his light on it for a minute!” replied. “Can you joined him, and the customers piled out upon dreams?” He freed himself from the embrace of B.F. the floor to claim their partners . . . “I suppose it’s really pretty rotten, all of Smith and Elsie Archer and strode swiftly “I don’t much care to dance,” said Nancy Coleman’s it,” said Nancy Carroll idly. “You’ve been to side. He seized the flashlight Carroll. “Can’t we go out into the gardens? here often, I imagine?” from the It’s really much too warm to stay indoors.” “To the contrary,” answered Hamilton, other’s Hamilton mopped his brow. “I agree with grasp. . . . “it is my first visit. I know the place, how- you entirely. The river is just beyond, you ever, by repute. It has been open only for a The light know, with gondoliers and all the other trim- fortnight.” He indicated the flying limbs and circled mings. Perhaps you’d rather float? There’s erratically rippling torsos of the ballet . . . “The mid- a ‘Lovers’ Lane’ across the stream that is in- floor show is reported to be the very for an night maze. almost need a said to be a perfect You s t a n t latest in ‘undress’,” he added, laughing. , guide to lead you out.” “The last word and the last stitch,” she among the Miss Archer thought her slippers would agreed. “ You don’t pay much attention to it.” trees. . . . be ruined. “But I’m going anyway,” she “I am less interested in that sort of thing Then it “Fancy! lovers’ lane!” than newspaper reports might lead you to said. A rested on I at advan- imagine.” He glanced for an instant at the “No hoodlums, suppose, the crum- of our magnificent watch that was strapped around tageous intervals, to relieve us pled body jewels?” smiled B. F. Smith. “I’m not sure of a man, his wrist . . . “Well, I fancy it is about over.” “Then we can dance again,” said Elsie we oughtn’t to take Madan with us!” face down- Archer. Her fatly languishing gaze rested They stepped out into the coolness of the ward upon the turf. for a moment on the slender elegance of night and strolled down twisting paths under Gary Hamilton, now deftly lighting a ciga- the glittering stars . . . Then the stream Miss rette at the flame of one of the yellow candles flowed darkly past their feet, and in the dis- Archer burning on the table. tance there was the sound of a guitar and screamed

. . flung “Speaking of criminals,” sad B. F. Smith someone singing . and Continued on page 89

73 ESQUIRE -Autumn, 1933 GRANDSTAND from competition he “let down.” His scores in He tried his best, but it was not good enough. exhibition and practice rounds have been far below Grange later remade himself into a fine Continued from page 30 Though his former standard and it is doubtful indeed if he all-around football player, he was never again the he recovered his full strength, though one eye con- could ever reach the top again. ghost of the gridiron. His genius deserted him tinued to give him trouble. Jack again But never It is not a matter or condition with Bobby or overnight, just as the spark of immortality was regained the same mental poise in the ring that he the other ex-champions. They have simply lost snuffed out of Hal Chase, the greatest first baseman had possessed before he faced Tunney. It was their will to win. Most of them have in the final of all time, when he was barred from organized ball. firmly rooted in his mind that “a champion can not analysis, I believe, been dependent upon outside Looking back at the record of our heroes of sport, come back” and that the terrible beating he had opinion. The grandstand has more than played it seems to me that public opinion — the grand- taken from Gene had sapped his strength too much its part. stand — is the most important factor in victory or for a successful re-match. Tennis fans will recall when the graceful Mile. defeat. Men are made in striving to give their best It was Dempsey’s attitude more legs than his Suzanne Lenglen first came to the United States to and when they have reached the top and incentive which whipped him at Chicago in the return bout. participate in our National women’s champion- no longer burns so brightly, and they hear and read He could not get the idea that people away from ships at Forest Hills. She possessed all of the glori- that they are “old men” in competition, the ma- had him pegged as a has-been and that what had ous confidence which comes from a long series of jority soon commence to believe it themselves, and happened to Jim Jeffries at Reno would to happen brilliant victories. She had been winning titles the first good boy who happens along, sends them him. The most daring fighter of all time who had since she was seventeen and in her early twenties hurtling down the hill to athletic oblivion. the gameness to stay on his feet at Philadelphia on she was not only universally recognized as the finest a night when he was ill, did not have the courage feminine player in the world, but the greatest of all to conquer himself. time. Then she faced Mrs. Molla Mallory, the THE CHECK-BOOK Athletes, except in very rare instances, do not United States champion whom she had beaten Continued from page 27 to pieces go overnight. Only one man has beaten abroad, but who was the favorite of American handed it to her. them and generally if they could retain confidence tennis fans. in themselves, they would have a good chance to “I’m late.” The Frenchwoman sensed the confidence of her regain their championships. Certainly, they should He fetched his hat, but as he opened the front opponent, playing in her own “backyard” with the still be able to conquer the rest of their opponents. door, she called to him. gallery behind her. The great Lenglen who had But such is not the case. “Oh, darling!” never been beaten, suddenly felt deathly ill. The The defeated champion loses his belief himself “Yes, dear, what is it?” in weight of a nation seemed to beat down on her along with “Is this check all right?” his crown. He is swayed by what people racket. Her arms grew heavy from returning Mal- say and the moth-eaten tradition that “Of course it’s all right,” he said impatiently. “they can’t lory’s steady serves. She lost faith in herself. She come back.” the star is “Other people don’t write checks the haphazard Sometimes bewildered by thought of the responsibility of winning for France the way you do. I keep my check-book in order. I decisions of the officials or the roar of the and the strain was too much. She was on the verge crowd. know exactly how much I have in the bank at any of collapse before the match had gone two sets and given moment.” Incentive melts away. The ex-champion says to she was forced to abandon play. That was her “You really think it’s all right?” himself: “I have already been at the top. The best single defeat during more than a decade of cham- “I know it’s all right,” he shouted, angrily. that I can do is get back there again. What’s the pionship entirely re- tennis. The grandstand was “What could be wrong with it?” use of going through all of the hard work and mak- sponsible. She allowed the spectators to defeat her ?” “I just thought perhaps you ought to have ing the sacrifice which victory demands —not Molla Mallory. signed it,” said Mrs. Medway, ever so gently. Some “wilt inside” when they so much as see a Five years later at Cannes, Suzanne Lenglen youthful rival and lose before the contest even be- faced another great American champion who had gins. Norman Ross, “The Big Moose” of swim- not yet come into her own—Helen Wills. This time, ming, BREAK ’EM GENTLE whowas the greatest champion the game had the French woman had the gallery with her. She Continuedfrom page 54 known, went to pieces overnight. He won the made a grand entrance, arriving from her villa at Inter-Allied swimming championship for the Nice in a Voisin motor car. She darted with a rider from up north, and that night bein the end of United States single-handed, and then came back springy step from her machine and threw a light the doins and some aimin to get an early start to victory again in the 1920 Olympics. kiss to the crowd. She was greeted by a mighty home, they all agreed that a little celebratin on Soon after his return home he one day watched a roar. Vive la Suzanne! Vive la belle Suzanne! their own would jest set them right for the hard long-legged youngster swimming like mad in Lake An army of camera men assaulted her. She posed work ahead of them on their home range. Michigan. The moment he saw him, Ross after- and smiled for them and later stood beside Helen Where do cowboys go to for their fun? After a wards told me that he some way sensed that he had Wills for more pictures. Helen wore a rose-colored hard winter, a tough spring round-up where the his met match. He called the boy out of the water, sweater, a middy blouse, and a pleated skirt. She grub and the work is the same every day, with their found out that he knew nothing about the science looked about as emotional as Buster Keaton. minds on their work and plenty of hard ridin all of swimming, but was anxious to learn. So he Suzanne was resplendent in a salmon-colored, day and their hard soogans at night—without sight arranged a tryout for him at the Illinois Athletic closely-knitted sweater and a short, white skirt, of a skirt exceptin someone brings one of them Club tank in Chicago. The youth broke the pool with a salmon-colored head-dress, which was al- magazines with picters of actresses in em, where record the first time he swam there and within a most a turban, to match. The California champion would you have gone, dear reader? Yep— that’s few months shattered many of the world’s best was stolid and sturdy; the girl from France was where they headed for. They was a district in that mark’s, winning international fame for America effervescent, like the champagne of the famous town where the lights was red and the carpet was and several Olympic championships Reims Valley. They formed a great contrast- thick. Blissful ignorance of the history of swimming, placidity versus impetuosity. The Kid was introduced to the first filly he ever coupled with youthful confidence, made this boy saw that didn’t shy or look a bit like the gawky But the ruling spirit of that battle was the grand- unbeatable and brought him immortal athletic she-kids up the river. This one had a different com- stand itself. Suzanne had the confidence of know- fame as “the human fish” and later screen glory as plexion than them red-faced kids. Also, she not ing almost every spectator was cheering for her and was “Tarzan Weismuller.” a bit bashful like they was. While her play became superhuman. Helen Wills fought the others was A friend writes of Johnny: “He couldn’t swim. drinkin, she takes this Kid up to her web, like the courageously and well, but the odds were against His father couldn’t swim. His mother couldn’t old-fashioned spider does, and he yes-mams and her and she finally lost 6-3, 7-5. Yet in defeat, little swim. He didn’t have any yen to become a swim- no-mams her to death and, never havin “Poker Face” had conquered. met so mer. He went into the water the same as a kid innocent a youngster, she takes a shine to him, and Suzanne Lenglen never met her again. She pre- taking medicine. Yet he came out the fastest he, poor innocent kid that he was, he goes for her ferred to retire rather than face such an opponent. swimmer in the world and with a physique which in a big way too. Lenglen later toured the United States as a profes- has made him into a motion picture idol.” Eunice was the name she went by. Mamie was sional, appearing in many exhibitions, but she was While Weismuller has risen in the world, Norman her right name, and seventeen was her age. They no longer the champion of former days. Those two Ross, “The Big Moose” who discovered him, has start young in the oldest profession. She was only sets at Cannes marked the zenith of her play. been almost entirely forgotten as an athlete. Ross at it a year and, having come from a family of the Helen Wills the effect lost that “something” which made him the greatest Meeting had much same plow, she had a little money saved up, and when her, as did his professional football debut champion of his time, during the first few minutes upon on that kid came into her life she jest naturally knew that he watched the Austrian boy in Lake Michi- Red Grange, the galloping ghost of Illinois. Red, that she wasn’t cut out for the work she was doin. gan. Norman had beaten every swimming star of who had flashed to national gridiron fame as a She was a sweet kid and to see her in ginghams his generation, but he could not conquer his own sophomore against Michigan and who had come no-one would have been the wiser for what she had inferiority complex or overcome the knowledge back to glory in his senior year against Pennsyl- been. This isn’t a guessin contest, but you guessed that his friends were saying that Johnny was going vania, as the greatest half-ljack in an open field right again. Sure, they was married the next to be faster than himself. that the game has ever known, always played with morning. him in college competition. As a matter of fact, there are certain distances the grandstand behind The other day at Walla-Walla — I’ll be a son of a the gallant Earl Britton to run interference where “The Big Moose,” if he had only believed in With rattlesnake, who do I run acrosst at the old entry line into the open, himself, could always have beaten Johnny Weis- and a great to shove him Grange office? Don’t guess this time. This is about five carry the ball. muller. He had greater strength, a cooler head and relied upon his genius to No man years later. There is the Kid —a bit older, a little more stamina. Yet he wilted in a single day. was ever a more brilliant master of the art of heavier around the shoulders, but the same inno- This same timidity has played havoc with the changing pace or of shaking off tacklers by a simple cent kind, and there is Mamie wearin a ridin outfit twist of his wriggling hips than the Illinois half- swimming career of Duke Kahanamoku, the fa- and dressed up typical cowgirl fashion. Do I hear his natural ability inspira- mous Hawaiian champion who won the Olympic back. Behind was the right? The old girl is enterin in the women’s bronk- confidence hundred meters title in 1912 at Stockholm and tion of the crowd which gave him to do ridin and the Kid is goin in for bronkriding and again at Antwerp in 1920. Duke finished second to the impossible. bulldoggin. Weismuller at Paris in ’24 and now that Johnny is In his first professional game, Grange found him- There ain’t much left to tell. He teached her out of amateur competition, he is again the best in self in an entirely different atmosphere. The crowd plenty. They can give the best of them a run for the world, even though he has turned the corner was cynical, skeptical and unemotional. The play- any sort of money. Don’t be a bit surprised if you past forty. ers were the same. Team spirit was lacking and in hear the Kid wins the title of Champion Bronk- No one has ever broken his world’s record for its place were cold hard fundamentals. Men ran rider of the World. O yes — they have two kids of fifty yards of 22 3-5 seconds, though Weismuller interference like clockwork, but without enthu- their own, they have their own little spread and tried on many occasions along with countless other siasm. No one was ready to “die for dear old another surprise for you, gentle reader, old Flap- speedsters during the last twenty years. Duke has Rutgers” that Grange might gallop to glory. jack, as good a cow-man as ever put an iron to a no confidence in himself. He has heard the world The boy, if he made good at all, would have to hide, is foreman there when the two bosses is out say that he is too old for the game and was never do so entirely on his own. Red realized that his competin, not so much for the money they gets as in a class with Johnny Weismuller, and he has ability was beyond and not behind the line of scrim- for the glory they is in it, and for the privilege of believed what he has heard. mage. He tried valiantly to break away. The in- bein called top hands by their own breed. Bobby Jones, the only golfer ever to win the spiration was lacking. The crowd had paid to see This is supposed to be cow-talk, but it jest goes American amateur and open, and British amateur Grange run and when he was smothered on almost to prove that a bad bronk and a bad woman goes and open championships in the same year, has suf- every play, they soon lost interest. No one was hand in hand, they can be gentled, and —made fered a similar reaction. Just as soon as he retired more alive to their indifference than the red-head. GOOD.

74 ESQUIRE—Autumn, 1933 —

OU may be one of those who prefer good in shirtings right now. The newest Yto take their stripes neat, although thing in soft collars, both attached and these wide spaced stripes are very very separate, is the eyelet pinhole for the custom and would be classified by any of placement of the collar pin. This is fea- the better tailors as “distinctly a gentle- tured in the newest examples of both the A FEW W O It D S man’s suiting if you know what I mean short rounded and short pointed collars by that.” And you may not go for the (they show in the sketch on page 105 very British note of the wrapped um- better than they do here). Certainly the brella. But the rest of the outfit is next- bowler hat is an essential ingredient in IN PRAISE OF to-compulsory, if it is important to you the smartness of this outfit as a whole, that your clothes should deny the sus- being every bit as important to the gen- picion of being hold-overs from a past eral effect as the off-white gloves and the administration. Take the breast pocket black blucher shoes. And just as cer- THE IKON IIAT handkerchief, for example. They don’t tainly it ought to be included in the come any smarter than these new mad- wardrobe of every man who makes any der print gum twills and foulards. And pretension whatsoever to good groom- the new printed poplins, (an unusual ing. If it’s light in weight (look out for neckwear note for the Autumn season, the English ones, most of them weigh but then this season is unusual) are the nigh onto a ton) and properly propor- perfect and proper foil, with their indis- tioned, it’s as comfortable as a hat can tinct and subdued patterning, for the be. And no hat, not even the Homburg, small but distinct checks that are so has the dignity of a well-fitted derby.

ESi^LTRE Autumn , 1933 75 —

N its every line, this outfit hums a million dollars in soft finished dark gray I quiet but distinguishable refrain of cassimere carrying a self herringbone “This is New York.” One need not be pattern. For devotees of the derby hat reminded that New York is not Amer- this coat, is perfection, as color, pattern ica, but at the same time it is worth re- and model lend themselves admirably to membering that Broadway is not New the semi-formal air a derby creates. For A TOWN TURNOUT York. And, wherever you may wear it, those who do not relish this degree of an outfit for town use could do much dignity, a permissible variant is the worse than suggest that you frequent Homburg hat, particularly in the some- only the more genteel sections of the big what. subdued shade of green that is new WITH A STRONG metropolis. After all, a topcoat for town and very smart this season. With pat- wear should take on an entirely different tern playing such an important part in appearance from that of one originally clothes, solid colored neckties that are intended for use over a saddle-kit or patterned only by their own weave af- EASTERN ACCENT other country clothes. It isn’t so much ford a means of relief from the danger a matter of fabric—in fact, the soft han- of piling up too much pattern in one dling cloths that were formerly restricted outfit. Note the cuffless trousers—not to country clothes are now the essence a new note but one that is enjoying re- of smartness for town—it’s the model newed popularity. A don’t on this outfit that makes the big difference. This one —don’t wear dark-colored gloves—the is fly-fronted with peak lapels and slant- contrast is important. Off-white pig; or ing skirt pockets and it makes up like a light wash leathers are best.

76 ESQUIRE Autumn, 1 9.1.1 ” —

PUBLICITY BY CUTTLEBONE “You old fool!” I says. I’m so excited I near Nothing could have been more convenient. We bust. “We’re going win!” studied Continued from page 49 to I says, and lets out their habits, knew when they went to a holler. water, when they returned, what patch of shady minutes to make it! it? Can he do The people Everybody’s doing likewise—yelling and scream- bush they grazed in during the daytime. stands up and hollers! They cKeers, yells, they ing. Then I remembers something awful —how Yet preparations for the stampede were simple. they laughs — about them twenty-five minutes? Slim pulls out There was little we could do but force the buffalo “Yeah,” I says. “They laughs. bet You they his watch — Cuttlebone’s got to hurry! I look out to stampede toward the truck and then take the laughs . . . we ain’t going to do it.” onto the track. He’s struggling along. Only one picture. The truck was camouflaged with long Just then up comes Jimmy. Slim tells him his more fence. He lepps at it. He don’t lepp high grass, so that we should be as inconspicuous as idea, asks him and can Cuttlebone get round in enough. He hits on his nose, Jimmy pops off, possible. A high platform was built on the chassis twenty-five minutes. It don’t seem horse pr any can and hits on his nose! > that we should get one picture from a high angle. take that long to go four miles, but Cuttlebone The crowd quits yelling. It’s awful quiet. The other camera was set up on the body of the can do lot of things horses can't. a other Jimmy Jimmy gets up and goes after Cuttlebone, that’s truck. I was to drive. George, Frank and I ar- hair, little scratches his yellow and his pink face eating grass. He catches the reins— and then ranged signals so that I should know when to move twists up, and he says: doggone if he don’t go back to the fence, sit on it, and how. It would be impossible to hear voices “ Yeh.” Both Slim and me gets surprised at that. and light a cigarette! above the noise of the engine and in the midst of Most always Jimmy only nods his head. We look at the watch again. Jimmy’s right. the excitement. I had a small De Vrei camera “Well,” I tells Slim, “I hope you had fun think- It’s too late. I think how Slim is a fool to get us along in case I could get another angle. ing of this, because we ain’t going to do it.” into this. Wynant and his boys went one way. We went “Gee,” says Slim, “even you ain’t always wrong! And sudden Slim ups and makes a noise like a another so that the noise of the truck would not Sure we ain’t going to do it— and why? Because sheep, and goes running down the stands and out disturb the grazing herd. We planned to meet at a I done it already! You guys is lucky to have me onto the course as quick as when that Pennsyl- given vlei (an open grassy stretch) where the buf- for a partner, or you—” vania sheriff was after him. I follows, wondering falo were generally to be found. Wynant was to “You done what?” I hollers. “You—you—you what fool stunt he’s up to now. drive the buffalo across the vlei and toward the —My God! Fifty bucks for a fool stunt that—and I gets there just as Slim yanks Jimmy off the truck and the rest would follow. There could be now we got no money to light out if that damn fence. nothing more certain than that about such a plan. sheriff turns up! Say, I got a good mind to—” “Get on!” he yells. “Get on, you fool kid!” We hacked our way through miles of bush, came “No you ain’t!” comes back Slim. “No you He slings Jimmy onto that saddle so hard the on the open vlei. On the edge of the bush across the ain’t. You got a bad one! But it don’t matter— kid bounces like he was made of rubber. Then he stretch of grass we could just see a black mass, a not so long as you got me too.” fetches Cuttlebone a wallop on his backside, and cloud of dust moving toward us. The herd was on There wasn’t nothing a fellow could say, and sings out: “Steer him good, Jimmy, steer him its wav. We could just make out the black dots Jimmy of course didn’t say nothing, like he good, or I’ll cut your little heart out and eat it!” running on the heels of the herd, barely hear the always says. Anyway, the money was gone, and Maybe it was the belting he got, and maybe it shouts of the drivers. it was too late. was the yelling, but whatever it was, Cuttlebone Then the mass of animals veered at right angles Well, next day we take Cuttlebone out to the jumps like he’d sat on a tack! He goes down to to the truck. A rifle boomed. The herd whirled track, and it’s all nice and green, with lots of that finish line like it was home and mother, and around and charged in the opposite direction. Nerv- pretty girls talking, and people in cars, and a few right behind him every inch of the way is Slim, ously I drew the truck nearer. Again the buffalo of them sitting up on those old fashioned ricketty insulting the old goat's ancestors at every jump, turned on their tracks. The rifle boomed again. stage coaches rich people is crazy about. I’m and whopping that poor horse so he wouldn’t sit We were almost in despair. It looked as though still sore at Slim, but the sheriff ain’t showed up, down for a week. they would never get the herd going in the direc- and after a while the first race is over, and we pull I catches up just as they cross the line. tion of the truck, toward the bush back of us into Cuttlebone into the paddock, and saddle hi n up. “What the hell, y’old loony?” I hollers. “It’s which we thought they would take refuge. “Here, Bill,” says Slim, “you can lead him too late, time’s up!” I says. “What the hell?” Cautiously I moved the truck farther in. We round.” Slim is panting and wheezing and making horrid could not tell exactly what was going on and feared “What the hell?” I says. “I ain’t no stable boy.” noises. to spoil any plan, by being too conspicuous. Still “Don’t be a fool!” says Slim. “All the rich “Old loony yerself!” he gasps out. “Old loony the herd tore back and forth in the middle of the owners would like leading their horses, only they yerself! Ain’t ye got no sense? We won the race, vlei, still too far away for the cameras. got to give employment, ain’t they? So they’s that’s what! Twenty-five minutes? What for? More shots, shouts, and the herd turned toward generous about it. I’m generous, too— I’ll let Cuttlebone’s the winner, ain’t he? Can he finish us. Hurriedly I drove the truck forward, stopped you do it.” fifteen minutes after himself? Sure he can’t! So at the signal. They were on us now. The whole herd I ain’t sure about Slim ever being generous, but we won the race —and boy, did we get publicity!” trooped by, the cows, the calves, and the heavy it sounds okay, and I leads Cuttlebone around, He looks up at the crowd, which is near dying, bulls that weighed at least a ton, their great heads feeling sorry for the rich guys, and them not able what with laughing and hollering. weighted down with the tremendous curving horns to lead their own horses. But after a while folks “Vision,” Slim says. “Vision, that’s what it is! and massive boss. start laughing at Cuttlebone being in that race, Bill, you sure are lucky you got a partner with A big bull turned off from the herd, headed and I sees that Slim wasn’t so generous. It did vision!” toward the truck, head low. I crept to the running look silly, them other horses — five, there was — all board with the De Vrei. being cleanbred, and Cuttlebone clumsy and AFRICA FOR ACTORS “He’s charging! I’m going to shoot!” That from common. George above me. Continued page 71 But it ain’t long before starting time, and from “No, he's wounded. Hold on!” I shouted back. pretty soon that little bugle blows. tried to get at the buck. Pasha was in a rage. I wanted a picture of that big head coming right “Come over here, boy!” hollers Slim. The hyena, with his back to the wall and no way into the camera. He came on. The rifle crashed and “What the hell?” I says, leading Cuttlebone of escape, put up a fight. The dust flew, the growls he fell a few feet from the truck. We had to stop over like a kitten on a string. “Who you calling and shrieks were deafening. Their blood was up him before he was on us. He probably thought he boy?” and they fought over that buck without giving was turning into long grass, that being the grass- “Shut up!” Slim hisses. “We got to act like we any quarter. It was perfect. The cameras ground covered truck. got a stable boy, ain’t we? Got to act like we’re until we had enough, then we opened the hyena’s The rest of the herd pounded past, oblivious to rich and generous, ain’t we?” cage and he gladly went to cover. We left Pasha’s the commotion. Then we spotted a smaller black He fiddles with the saddle like he really knew cage open with water in it, and when she had had thing loping on the trail of the big brutes. Yelp** of how, and then chucks Jimmy up on top of it. enough buck she went home and George could joy from the dogs, shouts from the boys. A calf! Cuttlebone goes onto the track with the other crawl out of his dusty hole. “Catch him!” we all shouted at once. horses, and me and Slim hops it into the stands. But every scene is not a success. We dreamed of a Breathless, exhausted, the dogs and beaters were Way down at the start Cuttlebone is behaving lion and a crocodile meeting at night over a kill. after him. A lunge, a flying tackle, but Johnnie quiet, like he don’t know what it’s all about, but In the fitful light of flares such a scene should be missed him. Up and after him again. He did not the thoroughbreds is running around like mice, tremendous. We had a big lion and a twelve foot look so small now. The herd was out of sight in the and it’s two minutes before they get lined up. crocodile, so we began preparations. An enclosure bush, but none of us forgot that an angry cow “Ain’t you excited?” asks Slim. was erected on the edge of the water. Surely the might come charging back. “Excited about getting to be a famous fool?” crocodile would try to get to water and on his way The boys closed in. Now! With a last exhausted I says, disgusted like. “Oh, yeah!” he would meet the lion. whoop the boys made a flying rush, grabbing any And just then the little white flag comes down, On a black night, when the mosquitoes were part of hoof, horn or tail that came their way. The and the crowd whoops. The horses is off! The stinging like mad, we let the lion loose in the en- calf was down, overpowered by sheer numbers. cleanbreds all in a bunch, thundering along—but closure, near the water. A few feet above him we The ropes were rushed up, and the youngster was before they get to the first fence, our old walrus is brought in the well roped crocodile and then set up tied securely and put on the truck. We had made a strung out behind. He jumps good enough, but the cameras. All was ready. We lighted the flares. beginning on the buffalo sequence. One stamped- it’s wonderful how he can’t run. The crocodile was loose. Now for the action! ing herd, one calf caught. We felt it was a good Well, first thing I know, two of the thorough- Action? Nothing moved but the maddening beginning. breds falls down! Then another one falls down, mosquitoes. The precious flares from our limited and now there is two horses way in front and supply burned on. The crocodile refused to budge. BELLI SSIMA Cuttlebone way behind. By gosh, I says to my- He lay in one spot, playing possum. Occasionally Continued page 19 self, maybe we’re going to be third! I pinches his evil green eyes blinked. That was the only move from Slim to see am I dreaming. He hollers, so I see he made. The lion squatted under a small tree and stairs. Richard watched him out of sight. Then he I ain’t. stayed there. We poked them, we shouted, we walked with the girl towards the exit. As she Then he hits me a poke in the ribs. coaxed, we teased. No. They would not budge. The looked at him she smiled again. “Ouch!” I says. “What the hell?” mosquitoes chewed us, the flares burned out. We “Yes, we say that for ‘good-bye,’ but sometimes “Cuttlebone’s tired!” he says. had to admit defeat. Lions and crocodiles, we we do not like to say it,” he said in a low tone. It For once Slim is right. Cuttlebone is sure learned, prefer to stay apart. was the most glorious moment in his life when he doing bad. He don’t even jump good, and he’s The reputation of the buffalo is such that we took her bare arm at the dangerous corner of the running pretty near stationary. We watches him were all on edge when we began our buffalo work. stairway. Down below, in the brilliant street, a mighty hard. They are wily, vindictive beasts and two thousand crowd of boys gathered about a long and splendid All of a sudden I looks around. pounds of it at that. They charge with their eyes car. The fat young man sat at the wheel and gave “Hey!” Isays. “What the hell?” Isays. “Where’s open; back-track to lie in wait for you. Oh, they an impatient toot on the horn. them other horses?” are full of unpleasant habits when they have been “Go back!” she said to Richard at the foot of the Funny thing, but they was both down! Down wounded or annoyed. And we were certain they stair, smiling into his eyes. She told him her name. on their noses! would be annoyed when stampeded or caught. “Come and see me in Hollywood,” she said, and Cuttlebone’s the only horse left running! Of A herd of about two hundred came by our camp gave him a quick laughing kiss, and ran out into course, he ain’t hardly running, but he sure is left. every night on their way to water. They showed the Neapolitan sunshine, out of his life, and got “Damn it!” says Slim. “Damn it to hell! There not the least concern about us, but passed so close into the car. Richard, in the dim doorway, staring, goes our publicity — ain’t that the worst break?” to the huts and tents we could hear them breathe. saw her smiling to herself as she vanished.

ESQUIRE Autumn, 1933 77 THE LEASE OF LUST

Story of Stephen, the first of a sequence of narrative poems on the deadly sins by AUDREY WURDEMAM

Warm in a chalice I can sleep anywhere. I am good

Far in the palace At taking up odd corners.”

Of purple light, Her eyes widened. Stephen lay sleeping, And a slow blush reddened her face, her Easily reaping throat. The dreams of night, He knew her body blushed.

for loving, Wakened It was quiet there, loving asleep And And gnarled old fruit-trees blossomed to the Into a moving door A young girl came to the doorway, tall and Shadow-deep, And dropped white petals thick about the strong, house. Winged, with the waters Just become woman, blond and apple-bright, There were odors of the barn, and blooming Of lust around him, And stepped outside. Stephen, at the house- lilies, Glad that the daughters corner, And pink sweet william, odors that the sun Of Eve had found him, Saw the last sunlight glint along her shoul- Intensified. There were the farmyard sounds Drifting and drowning, ders, That he had heard so long. The petals fell Through the thin dress, and ripple on her Asleep, awake, Over them, making fragrant silky patterns skirt And his heart pounding Along the walk. As a heart could break, Snug over sturdy hips. Inside, she made a supper. “What do you want?” And so, uneven, And set the kitchen table, and they ate, and “A hot day,” Stephen said. “I’m tired, Both god human, Speaking in monosyllables. Stephen knew, Was Stephen, Stephen, riding, With some old instinct, of the tension women First with woman. And thirsty, too. Could you give me a drink, Create. He was at home and well-contented And set me right?” The girl went to the well. * * * With this most primitive and animal He heard the plop of the bucket, the sound Triangle of two women and a man. of water She wasn’t young, and she was black, a The girl talked most ; the negro woman rolled Being drawn and dipped. She brought a breeder eyes and softly. She the child dripping cup. Her padded set Of lust and bearing. In the warm slow dusk He sat down on the steps. Down on the floor, and stooped over a wash- She held a white child naked on her hip, tub, Rocking from foot to foot. Her arms were “Who keeps this farm?” Still stepping as she stooped, her broad hips bare; “My father.” He looked up at her. “I’d like wide Her scratched legs shiny bare; her black To ask him about stopping here a while. As some fat heifer’s. She was tied to the tub feet splayed I’ve worked on farms before.” As he had tied the heifers. Into the dust. She fanned herself and “Father’s in town; This he knew', sweated, Father and mother both; they won’t be back

And rolled her eyes and moved away from Till morning.” Having lived among the cattle, but the girl

him It pleased Stephen to find the women Was pleasant and strange, a litheness and

As heifers had upon the farm; he’d seen Alone. “It was a long day. Could I stay a grace,

them. Here over night, and see him in the morning? But solid and well-built, moving quietly

78 ESQUIRE—Autumn, 1933 ;

About the kitchen, reaching above her head, Walk as the wind wills, He left no chip of his heart as token;

Laughing back in his eyes. Here was a woman Go where you must, He took a kiss and he gave a kiss,

if their hearts were broken, Requiring courtship; she was desirable, Make a sharp shadow But he would go ;

And tremulous and teasing; he had no words Along the yellow dust. They could mend them as well as his.

To answer her, but the other was animal, And he said as he went, “Goodbye, my dear. There’s always a window, And that he knew. Remember the wisdom of sudden going. A face looking out; Forget our time in a day or a year, It was a hot dark night, Laugh to her, sing to her, Now another wind is awake and blowing. When the dogs howled and the old house was Turn you about, We take our leave as we took our pleasure; alive, the steps, Go up I paid my debt, and you paid me. Creaking with shadows, a house of sleepless- hour, Stay for an It was good for an hour, for an hour’s ness. Take from the jasmine measure, One of the children fretfully cried upstairs. fragrant flower, A And you are free, and I am free. He lay awake, and heard the girl go by, I made no promises, break no trusts; Wear it a while, And saw the grey blur that her body made, Remember, be glad I said I loved you, and so I do; Moving softly. She left the door ajar, When you’re old and unloving In a world of loving, a world of lusts, And he stirred doubtfully, thinking of the You’ll have what you’ve had. This is the love to which I am true; white skin The pride that breaks and is proud of And the long blossoming body and laughing There’s always a window. breaking, mouth, There’s always a girl The secret sin that is shameless ever, And he would make its laughter. Who will give a bright blessing, The slakened thirst that thirsts in slaking, A kiss, and a curl Then the stairs The changing passion, the changeless

Creaked under a blacker shadow. The black To the boy who loves lightly fever.

woman And leaves all of that, And I love you always in every woman, children Came down from putting the to With a red game-cock’s feather And please myself with my final breath.

bed. He moved Stuck in his hat. The less of lust there is in a human, blanket. stalked From under his The shadow The less of glory, the less of death: * * * ahead, The pinnacle splits; the shaken idol another shadow And with slow haste Topples to dust with a little cry; Stephen the lover, Stephen the leman followed, The death of a god is suicidal, Left the boy he was on the farm, a blur, And a door creaked and closed. But a million gods remain to die!” And any man with a thirst for women heard Later, he thirstier, Can find a woman * * * whimpering, but it was not the children, A And it was easy to go sinning crying, and a door A low monotonous After the sin began to burn. O Stephen was a lover, a lover brave and

Swung sharply shut. There were enough for a ready winning, bold,

in the listing fern burns the fire, the chillier’s It was nearly morning. To lie with him But the hotter green boughs over, and sun and the cold Stephen went in the early false flame of With dawn, shadow, When all the glow is out to ash, and grey pull down like the death of love, supplants the gold. Hastily saddling, satisfied and sleek, To dusk With a great rose glow over woods and O Stephen was a lover, a lover gay and From that restless house where only the meadow, bold, children slept.

And nothing to wish or be thinking of, Whom many a woman tried to keep, and no * * * To lead him out of the winter’s sorrow one woman could hold,

Walk very lightly, Into a warm coccoon of sleep, But all the fire is out to ash, the ashes

Whistle as you go, When the star-eved frost on the following turning cold,

Leave long strides morrow And who’ll be loving Stephen, now Stephen’s

In the settling snow, Covered their window finger-deep. growing old?

ESQUIRE—Autumn, 1933 79 WHAT A MARRIED MAN child, what happens then? Why, your wife will “But you have not yet stated the remedy?” you SHOULD KNOW think you are a bully, a coward and a first class, say. Well, it is in effect the same method as when Grade A monster, totally unfit to be either a father dealing with the son of a wife’s friend, which son Continued, from page 37 or even perhaps a member of human society. You has a “bent” for something. Always pass on the It is naturally impossible within the limits of a are almost tempted to say with the writers of bearer of a letter of introduction to somebody in magazine article to treat, even superficially, of all pamphlets addressed to criminals: “You can’t the next city he intends to visit. If you live in the that a married man should know, as a house-broke win!!” East and Mr. Witherspoon from Spokane shows husband, and thereby let him keep as much as an “Then what shall I do?” you ask, and with the up with a letter of introduction, he will probably armed truce in the home. It might however be experience of twenty-six years marriage to the visit not only New York, where he presents his summed up in the phrase, addressed to the wife same person, I can only say that it comes under letter of introduction to you, but also Philadelphia, by the husband: “Don’t shoot! I’ll come down.” the head of what the lawyers call damnum absque Washington and Boston. Why should you get one There are nevertheless certain situations which injuria, and I assure you I am not showing off hundred per cent of Mr. Witherspoon, simply be- you can avoid, if you’ll listen to me, and I don’t when I quote this. It means first that I wasted a cause he happens to be a neighbor of your wife’s expect that you will, because even Edison pre- lot of my adolescence studying law and second brother? Are you going to sit around all evening ferred the trial and error system, instead of learn- that colloquially speaking, you are up against it and hear him talk about the purity of the water ing by the experience of others. Let us for instance good and proper. You have no “out.” In short, supply in Spokane? A man can pay too high a price take the case of your wife saying: “Oh, Ed! On disciplining your children is something which for keeping peace in the home, especially if he your way uptown, stop off at the meat market every married man ought to know is impossible. doesn’t succeed in keeping it by paying the price, this evening and buy a steak for dinner.” So let us pass on to less difficult problems, and in so the reasonable thing to do is to distribute Mr. Don’t misinterpret what she told you. She said these times, there is one situation which sooner or Witherspoon among people you don't like in Wash- that you were to buy a steak for dinner or supper, later is bound to crop up in the life of every mar- ington, Philadelphia and Boston. or whatever you call the evening meal in your ried man, whether he be a farmer or a bank presi- “But my wife,” you protest, “is the soul of house, but she did not imply that she wanted you dent, but especially if he be a writer. I refer to the hospitality, and there’s always room for one more to buy enough steak for the Fifth Annual Beef- request from your wife that you find a job for a at the dinner table in our house.” son steak Dinner of the William J. Mustard Associa- or daughter of a friend of hers. Why, certainly there is, if you give sufficient tion. Nevertheless, when you stop at the meat It is hardly necessary to say that these sons or notice, in some cases amounting to ten days, but market, you will be simply carried away by the daughters of your wife’s friend, show great promise when it comes to your wife having provided just quantity of steak you see, and nothing that I can or have a “bent” for some such career as art, litera- enough lamb chops to go round, i. e. one thick one say will probably stop you from buying out the ture, music, the stage or engineering. It is strange for each member of the family and the help, any meat market, so to speak, as well as coaling up that these sons or daughters never have a bent for married man who invites somebody up to the with enough goods from the grocery department the career of retail salesman or salewoman in a house without proper notice to his wife, is out of to give the impression that you contemplate an store, or in the case of sons, for being brakemen or luck, and that includes pot luck and all other immediate food famine. trolley car conductors, but what is expected of kinds of luck. It may even amount to the old Thus when you reach home with the spoils of you by your wife is that you must start one of instance of the vaudeville performer who invited your marketing, there will be what is called in these young men off as associate editor of a maga- three of his warmest friends out to the house on married life, “a scene,” beginning with the rhetor- zine, when as soon as you lay eyes on him, you Long Island, to take pot luck, and no sooner had ical question: “And who do you think is going to know at once that he is a born trolley car con- he said to his wife: “My dear, these are my old eat all that stuff,” followed by recriminations and ductor. The procedure in this case is simple. You friends Mr. Smith, Mr. Jones and Mr. Robinson,” the dragging into discussion, of former errors in think of an editor who you know doesn’t want to than one word led to another, and the inter- your conduct—errors, which come under the head employ anybody and with whom you haven’t any marital throwing of kitchen ware began, ending of “cold sweaters.” That is to say, they are inci- particular drag anyway, and you give the young with the prospective host getting a flat iron just dents in your life which you cannot remember man a letter reading: “Dear Max: The bearer of below the ear. When he was restored to conscious- even in the privacy of the bathtub, during a hot this letter is the son of my wife’s friend, Mrs. ness, he was still the hospitable optimist, and bath, without breaking into a cold perspiration. Samuel J. Tinkelpaugh. Anything that you can do smiled weakly at his proposed guests. “Jolly little Therefore, it is my plan and ought to be yours, for him will be much appreciated by yours most woman, the Missus,” he said. “Always clowning!” always to ask the salesman how much steak your sincerely.” Therefore, I say, show your wife every consid- wife usually buys for supper, and then tell him to This letter serves three purposes. It appeases eration that reason and experience dictate. Don’t cut you off one slightly smaller. your wife. It puts Mrs. Tinkelpaugh under an surprise her with dinner guests, with or without Should you however merely ask for steak, re- obligation not to bother you again, and it irritates letters of introduction, and in fact don’t surprise member that in addition to getting a perfectly the editor, Max, who dislikes you intensely ever her at all, if you can help it. Should you have been enormous steak, there will be eye witnesses from since you drew four cards to an ace and made four wearing a moustache for years, and it begins to the grocery department hard by, and particularly aces that time when he held a full house pat on sprout grey hairs, thus betraying your age, pre- a motherly old soul who is demonstrating some- January 26th, 1910. Nor does he have to be neces- pare your wife before you shave it off. Married thing. If it’s a hot day, she will ask you if you sarily an editor. A popular man like you, is bound women are like domestic animals in this respect. don’t want to try a small glass of ice cold Pride of to have lots of intimate friends to whom you have I knew a man who whenever he put on a clean col- the Everglades Grape Fruit Juice, and this means not spoken for years, and you can score them all lar, which he did regularly once a week, so sur- that you are going to buy in addition to half a ton off at one operation, by giving the young man prised his faithful Airedale, that he was obliged of steak, two dozen quarts of grape fruit juice. letters to each of them. This shows your wife’s to kick it vigorously before it stopped growling long enough to recognize If, on the contrary, it is a cold evening, the same friend that you have influence in many quarters, its kind master. nice motherly soul will be right there with a steam- and will serve as an object lesson to her son that There are also married men who have long cher- ing cupful of Old Fashioned Chicken and Okra the best way to get a job is to go out and hustle ished a sort of ambition to wear loud clothing. I Soup, sold by the quart can in cases of two dozen for it himself. was walking with a married man down Madison Avenue, cans at the extremely moderate price of $9.60. It Anyway, the letter-of-introduction is one of the New York, and we stopped to look at a will probably be delivered at your door, just as easiest ways for almost any man to make himself clothing store window, where there were displayed some imported you enter with the side of beef which you have solid with his wife. That is why so many business overcoats in check patterns with leather buttons bought as a T-bone steak sufficient for a family of men are interrupted while they are enjoying a sur- which looked like blobs of chewing I could three people, and what sort of a retort is it going reptitious afternoon nap in the office, by the arrival gum. see from the married man’s face that to be, when you tell your wife that all it cost was of a Mr. Witherspoon from Spokane, Washington, as far as he and one of these overcoats was con- $9.60 for the case? with a letter of introduction from yourwife’s brother cerned, it was a case of love at first sight, and I had an immediate hunch that as In fact, there aren’t any retorts you can make George, reading: “Dear Jim: This will serve to soon as he could scrape together thirty-five dollars, he was going to your wife which will be any more effective introduce to you my neighbor Mr. Cyrus Wither- to disturb one of the happiest in Bavside, than: “Oh yeah?” Or even: “Is that so!” And spoon who is President of our Home for Chronic homes L. I., by abandoning a plain blue overcoat for these are not exactly retorts. They are what might Moravians. Knowing that your uncle by marriage that London creation of brown checks be called provocations, and shut off further dis- was buried in the Moravian Cemetery on Staten and chewing gum buttons. cussion as successfully as trying to put out a fire Island, I am sure you will have a great deal in Now, there are with a mixture of gasoline and dynamite. “But,” I common. Love to the family from etc., etc.” many worn out anecdotes of the married woman who neckties hear you protest, “if this weak resistance in hus- If you happen to be a tall, muscular person buys impossible in design and color for her husband’s bands, to meat and grocery salesmen is universal, interested in outdoor sport, you will probably be birthday, but these examples of marital why does a wife ask her husband to buy meat in then confronted by a sawed-off chess player whose shock are as nothing, compared with the number of the first place?” life has been devoted to Moravians and chess in married men aged fifty, who think that will Why does a wife ask her husband to discipline equal proportions. Should you however be a they look well in prep school clothing and who without the slightest the children? And yet you know as well as I do, slight, delicately built man, extremely fond of warning, spring a tight fitting that when it comes to disciplining the children, at chamber music and the more intricate tone poems sixteen year old suit on a fifty year old the request of your wife, you are guilty on three of Strauss, you will be overwhelmed by a giant wife. It shakes married happiness to its foundation, counts. You will stand convicted of being a washout with a loud, husky voice, who will talk golf, the especially as at the first opportunity, that as a disciplinarian by your wife, as a weakling by purity of the Spokane water supply and the future outraged wife will present your children, and by yourself, as a spineless boob. of the orchard industry in Washington. How then Continued on page 86 But then, you must console yourself with the are you going to meet this problem, as a married knowledge that any punishment of children, if it man whose wife is devo'ed to her brothers, par- does not immediately follow the offense, is a form ticularly her brothers who live furthest away in PRINCETON* PANORAMA of inhuman cruelty. If it does immediately follow the states of Washington, Oregon and Montana? Continued from page 68 the offense, then it’s just relieving your own Well, in the first place, you probably know from sentatives in Princeton, and there is no rea- irritation and nothing less than exhibition an of looking at Mr. Witherspoon that no brother of son why a boy should find difficulty in getting rid bad temper on your part. You are probably down- your wife could regard him as anything more or of a reasonable allowance. There are frequent town when your child cuts up, and are going you less than the scourge of Spokane, Washington, and dances at which some of the more popular of the to drop all work at the store or the office simply in the second place, if you invite him up to the prominent dance orchestras are present. All of the because your wife phones you that Betty has not house for dinner, wife’s your affection for his upperclassmen who reveal sufficiently convent.iona I only refused the spinach has but also dashed the sponsor, her brother, will not improve Mr. Wither- personalities are invited to join one or another of spinach dish to the floor and made stains on the spoon as an eleventh hour dinner guest. The exact the clubs, where, for a nominal sum, they are pro- rug? The chances are that even were you to exceed number of married men in the United States is vided with a place to eat and a social standing. the speed limit in your 1930 model, the time by not known to me or to any book of reference, but “The curriculum is one of the best furnished in you arrived, the spinach would have been wiped if laid end to end, they would make a soft and an American college, and is adequate for any up and everything would have been forgiven and yielding footpath for the exact number of their gentleman.” forgotten. wives, and assuming their is that number legion, *(Note: Although a particular college is mentioned in the On the other hand, let us assume the absurd then only .00031416 of them would be able to get title, this article might just as well refer to any of the other hypothesis that you have arrived home six hours away with an eleventh hour dinner invitation to leading eastern universities. Perhaps Princeton was chosen after the spinach episode and have spanked the for the sake of the alliteration, or possibly because the a stranger armed with a letter of introduction. author happens to go there himself.)

80 ES<|lT IRE — Autumn, 1933 —

ESPITE the fact that the number way, if you’re one of those blue suit boys, D of Civil War veterans has dwindled try combining a brown worsted suit and to a comparative handful, the majority a shirt with blue body and white pique of American men still seem to be enlisted collar. (The newer shirts come in very in some secret army of wearers of blue flattering deep blue). A green shirt is DEDICATED TO THE and grey. Catch the average American good, too, but the combination is more in anything but a blue or grey suit and obvious. In general, though, don’t be you will detect a trace of the same self- afraid of green—they’ve taken the “poi- conscious look that is otherwise reserved son” out of it this season and it’s one of MAN WHO SAYS HE for those who wear evening clothes on the colors a man can wear with perfect street cars. Englishmen, habituated from assurance. The bold polka dot tie shown childhood to tweedy hues of heather, on the figure is smarter than the printed Lovat and whatnot, simply can’t under- satins shown at the left, but they’re very CAN’T WEAK BROWN stand this. Of course, there are a lot of good looking in their lustrous way and things they can’t understand. Perhaps a lot of men like them. Monogramming, the only explanation is that part of the once almost the monopoly of the custom heritage of our male folklore is the su- shirt maker, has of late spread all over perstition that blue is becoming to every the realm of ready-to-wear articles. A man while brown is becoming to almost pair of monogrammed braces like those nobody. That just isn’t true and we wish sketched can be obtained for less, this that somebody had thought to keep the season, than you would have had to statistics that would prove it. Well, any- pay for plain ones in the recent past.

ESQUIRE Autumn , 1933 81 LAIN blue suits will never get you ought to be white to get the best effect P into the headlines as the Brummel against the dark blue ground of the suit. of your time, but they do afford the The newest and smartest shirt has a col- negative approach, as it were, to the ored body and collar and cuffs of white state of being well dressed. If you are pique. The collar is detached, allowing convinced, or if your wife has convinced for the substitution of a laundered collar FOR THOSE WHO GO you, that your taste in colors is not to be when desired. The white pique collar trusted, sticking to plain blue is the that comes with the shirt should be of most reliable way to get the world from the new model that provides eyelet openings for the collar pin. The pleated FOR ANY COLOR SO proving it on you. You may not be re- splendency right, but at least you can’t bosom is dressier, but these shirts are be clamorously wrong—you can wear al- made up both with pleated and with most anything with a blue suit. You can plain bosom and both are good looking LONG AS IT’S OLUE wear any one of the self figured ties and both are correct. The cuffs are the sketched in the panel of accessories at double, or French, style and call for the right—yes, even the green one. As a cuff links. The newest thing in braces is matter of fashion fact, green accessories the double braid in contrasting colors with a blue suit are considered very —very comfortable and very good look- good this season, some mysterious re- ing. The hat is the correct gray Hom- peal having taken the curse off green as burg. On second thought, we take it all a color for men. A colored shirt is rec- back— wearing these things with your ommended, but the collar and cuffs blue suit you will be resplendently right.

82 ESQUIRE—Autumn, 1933 — — — ’ —

MAKE IT FUNNY” A frank response to the cry that haunts the trakiny hours of the professional humorist by HARRY HERSH FIELD

“AND your next speaker, ladies and gen- night, he went to an affair—and what he The bartender said ‘Pat, I need that egg for Ijl tlemen, is Mr. J. Gordon Blivitz. And thought was ginger ale, wasn’t, and he my saloon. If you’ll give it to me, I’ll give Blivitz was the hit of the evening—by his became good and properly stewed. The you any drink in the place for it.’ Pat gave getting up and simply saying: ‘Ladies and younger members of the organization, tak- him the egg and ordered Sherry and Egg.” gentlemen, this affair doesn’t remind me of ing cognizance of the fact, decided on a prank The little Jewish fellow laughed loud. ‘That ” any story at all!’ —just to convince themselves as to the philo- certainly is a good joke—I’ll positively be a But even the deadly humor of the good old sophical truth of the supposed wise one’s big hit with it in the minstrel show.’ ‘Do days would be welcome in these morose viewpoint. They took the inebriated genius you know how to tell it?’ asked the friend, times. Like the professional worrier asking to a graveyard and laid him on the grave. ‘You better rehearse it.’ ‘Don’t worry, a friend, “Do you think we’ll have war They then in turn hid behind a willow tree, mine pal, I know how to tell it—but if you soon?” And the other answering, “Bill if to await the blazing sun of the dawn to want me to rehearse it, I will.’ war should come now, it would be like the awaken the elderly gent —who would then And here’s how he told it. “There was a old Union League Club on Fifth Avenue: find himself prone on the top of a grave. bartender in front of his saloon. Along came One of the members died and the outside was The insistent sun did its duty— it brought a feller named— Ginsberg, with a basket with draped in crepe. A passerby remarked: ‘It the drunken one to. He looked around and a one egg in it ” does liven up the old place, doesn’t it?’ quick inventory showed him that he was ‘No, no’, yelled the friend, ‘I said it was I had a reason for opening with these two lying on a grave. In an instant he was the a fellow named Pat.’ flippancies. The reader or listener is no dif- true philosopher. Loudly he yelled: “If ‘Yes, I know it. But when I tell it, it’ll ferent than T. Coddington Rappaport, who I’m alive, what am I doing here? And If be Ginsberg—that’s too smart a trick for an received a letter from a creditor, which read I’m dead, why am I so thirsty?” Irishman!” as follows:—“My Dear Coddington. You Which reminds me, that I’m not so sure A few weeks from now, my friends, this are cordially invited to attend a party given at this minute what it’s all about—this same joke will be about Mike and Cohen— by Joan Crawford, in her penthouse. It will article. All I was told, when commissioned and the locale will be changed to some place ” be the smartest affair of the season. Blondes to write this, was “Make it funny— or some- in India. “Make it funny —how many galore and all the champagne you can pour. thing about fun making.” Believe me. crimes have been committed because of that. P. S. I knew you’d read so far, you crook Grant couldn’t be more general—say, that But that again brings up another subject, you ...” isn’t bad at that? I just happened to think within the subject—known as “manufac- So forgive me, my friends, for this un- of it—but I’ll be more careful from now on. tured” humor. And the professional, once ethical technique in trying to interest you And from now on—that is, to the finish of steeped in the tricks of the trade, finds it and what burns me up more, is that I find this article, is the tough part. Then again, difficult to keep his hands off the pure, gen- myself here now apologizing. And me a why should I belittle myself—me, whose uine factual humor. As is said about a fine hardened newspaperman—cartoonist, rather. facile pen has scribbled to millions? Which painting, “It takes two men to produce a Which calls for the immediate solving of brings up the subject of circulation—and fine painting. The artist to paint it—and this moot question, “Is a cartoonist a news- that’s what makes you the great wit that another fellow to shoot him to keep him paperman?” —and the answer:“Is a barnacle you’re supposed to be. It was truly said from spoiling it.” a ship?” Whatever the status might be, “Repetition is reputation.” Get people to We are prone not to be satisfied with the told natural taste of things and I of cases this is evident—that the editorials are get- read you enough. As was about Mr. — know ting funnier every day—and the supposed Bernarr Macfadden. After his paper, the in which only one cook can also spoil the comic strips are going editorial. Then again, Graphic, was started in New York, when it broth. But as a rule, it is ruined by the the humorist feels the protection as in was running about two months, Mr. Mac- other fellow, who steals a story, then gives it Shakespeare’s line “Invest me in my motley fadden called in the circulation manager and an added unnecessary twist, to make it feel —give me leave to speak my mind.” The shouted: “How can we get more people to it was his own original masterpiece. Oh, if jester speaks the truth. read the Graphic?” And the editor ans- they would only leave it alone, just as it I’m sorry that I quoted that line so letter wered: “Publish it every day, in the Daily really happened—and the actual happenings perfect. It seems that I have not learned News as an ad!” are always the funniest. It will not be long my lesson. The other week I spoke at a big Yes, that is quite an order, “Make it before this one is spoiled—this true event. banquet. During my talk, I recited a piece funny.” On the radio, in the newspaper, in Sitting in my office one morning, I was inter- of poetry, by Keats—accurately. With that, the movies, on the stage, the same cry rupted in my work by the entering of a lodge a heckler in the rear of the hall shouted: “Make it funny.” And the same little old brother. “Either he’s educated or has only one book joke is twisted and turned and “built up” He looked bedraggled. “You look like in the house.” I’ll admit this is all beside because of that order—talk about circula- you’ve slept in the park,” I started. “You specific right,” the point. I started about the “Jester tion—a good joke is sent out on its got he answered, “I haven’t been speaks the truth.” Who is to say in the final mission under more disguises than have ever home the whole night—I’m afraid to go analysis what is truth and what is gross been thought of in Scotland Yard. And how home—my wife will kill me.” On further exaggeration? Even while I’m propounding guilty has been your writer here! Not all the questioning he told me the cause. “Last this, evolution has changed things enough to stories employed by yours truly have been night, my wife knew I had twenty-five dol- even distort this simple continuity. Either Yiddish stories, as was my comic strip. I lars in my pocket. She knew I was going to is play in everything is absolutely wrong—or all in- remodelled many, as it were. If the gag poker a feller’s house. But she exorably right. A good gag or pun coming basic, it can easily be done—not hard to thought it was going to be ‘penny ante’ at the psychological moment, might end reincorporate. This for example: A little and I lost every cent. And if I come home this economic crisis. What is the finished Jewish fellow was to play in a minstrel show. without the money, it means the end of our completed thing—or the preparatory state And went to a friend with this plea: “Mine happiness in married life.” —who can definitely prove anything, when friend, I am to play in a minstrel show—and After listening to his tale of woe, I gave care old it is lecture further playing. everything is part of everything, in the com- I need a good joke. I don’t how him a about poker ing and going? There is not philosophy safe —so long as it is good.” “Well,” answered Then lent him twenty-five dollars, so he enough to wager on. the liberal one, “here’s an old joke, but a could go home to her in peace. He thanked Only one philosopher had it right. He good one. There was a bartender out in me and when he got to the door, he said: was one of those beings who loudly pro- front of his saloon. Along came an Irishman “Mr. Hershfield.” claimed his diagnosis on all happenings. One named Pat, with a basket and one egg in it. “Yes,” I answered, “what is it?” Continued on page 86

ESQUIRE Autumn, 1933 83 66 Well, now what do you know about police methods?”

84 ESQUIRE— Autumn, 1933 TIIOI 4.MT FOR FOOD

A curse on carbohydrates and a ytad yoodbye to spinach, as diet fads are explained uu'ay

by ARTHUR F. KRAETZGR, MR.

AA7E Americans have a number of faults in the average half-way decent diet of meat, It has always been taken for granted that * * with respect to food. They are faults fish, eggs, and butter and a moderate amount milk is a perfect food, probably because of not only of fact but of philosophy. We seem of fresh vegetables. The average American certain sentimental and poetic notions on to be very little interested in the tasteful commits plenty of dietetic sins, but unless the subject. In the first place it is an incom- cooking and serving of food, but tremen- poverty has reduced him to a semi-starva- plete food because it contains very little dously concerned with what is “good for us.” tion basis, lack of vitamins is not apt to be iron. As a result, the hemoglobin of exclu- Facts are very deceitful things. They one of them. However, a person who drinks sively milk-fed babies, which is 100% at have two fundamental defects. They may coffee and eats a bun for breakfast, and a birth, frequently drops to 50% at 6 months, be irrelevant. They may have a double sandwich and coffee for lunch, may develop an anemia in other words. This lack can be meaning, part of which we miss. This, I symptoms which are possibly due to vitamin supplied by beef juice given judiciously, i. e., admit, may be a little unfair to facts, lack. But here the problem is the very obvi- under guidance. Furthermore many adults which, after all, are the essential build- find milk extremely difficult to digest. ing stones of all theory and all philos- For these people milk is not a liquid ophy. It probably would be more food by any means, for, slipping easily just to blame ourselves, who use and down their throats, it forms tough misuse facts. Most certainly of the rubbery curds in their stomachs and use and misuse of facts and near-facts causes constipation, coated tongue, we have built up some weird systems bad breath and a general sense of of dietary fads. feeling miserable. There is no greater It is certainly a fact that iron is an mistake than to follow the glib advice essential element of the diet. It is of those false prophets, the better also a fact that spinach contains a health contests, and go on a so-called great deal of iron. But it does not fol- “milk cure.” People who follow their low that we should stuff unfortunate misguided notions run down hill pretty children with this most unintriguing fast. On the other hand there are and unappetizing vegetable. There people who take milk, like it and pros- are plenty of more pleasant sources of per on it. Remember that, though iron. For example, good beef and milk is the Piece de resistance for the lamb and any of the other green vege- infant, it is but an accessory food for tables such as green peas, string beans, the adult, and while many adults can and asparagus which, if well prepared take it there are many who cannot. —I say “if well prepared”— certainly Another superstition is that fruit lose no merit by being delicious in- is a sort of panacea, a food that is not stead of flat and tasteless. It would only good for everybody no matter almost seem as if we found merit in in how great quantities, but a food the distastefulness of spinach, possi- with a sort of magic medicinal value bly on the Puritan principle that what that will cure whatever ails you. This is unpleasant must be good for us, is most emphatically not so. The main and by the way of emphasizing the part of fruit is cellulose and cellulose salutary effect of distastefulness, the \ is completely indigestible. Getting average cook serves spinach in a form ous primary problem of just plain not enough past the upper or relatively clean part of the that only a cow dying of starvation and des- food. Given enough food of the kind he likes, intestine it reaches the lower part unab- perate for any kind of food, would be tempted the average American will be pretty apt to sorbed and then there happens exactly what to eat. I have met but one cook who knew find included in it sufficient vitamins with- happens when you add fruit pulp to home- how to serve spinach in a form that civilized out having to fuss about them. In the poorly brew and set it away in a warm place. A fer- people would like, and that cook went to her fed section of the South, however, where the mentating mash is formed, with the manu- reward many years ago. The average kitchen people subsist mainly on pork and corn, facture of gas and the same poisons that ignoramus hands it up to the table looking vitamin lack may be a very real thing. make home-brew such an uncomfortable and like the drainings of some gloomy swamp, There are, however, two serious diseases ungenial drink. The same is true of coarse where some blackguard had murdered his of infancy and childhood which, even in vegetables which leave a lot of residue. There wife. fairly prosperous communities, are due to has been a good deal of mistaken propaganda We hear a lot about vitamins and we have deficiency of vitamins and the presence of about the value of roughage. We are taught become as crazy about them as we were—and sufficient vitamins cannot automatically be that the bowels will not function unless they still are, in spots—about patent medicines. taken for granted. If infants are fed on are regularly stuffed with rabbit food. The There is no questioning the fact of the neces- pasteurized milk, or on the milk of under- over concern of so many people about their sity of vitamins. The discovery of these es- nourished mothers, they will frequently get bath-room activities has made them very sential elements of diet is one of the chapters rickets and infantile scurvy. It should be a receptive for this erroneous idea. Here is a in medical history. Many of us have come matter of strict routine, under a physician’s beautiful example of how a fact can go to think that we must exercise a constant guidance, to fortify the milk diet of infants astray. For the majority of cases of consti- anxious vigilance lest we miss our daily with cod liver oil, orange juice, and tomato pation are due not to weakness but strength ration of vitamins and develop beri-beri or juice. The first protects against rickets, the of the lower intestine, that is, to strength adult scurvy, diseases that are so rare in last two against scurvy. It is not necessary wrongly applied. If the intestine is irritated, civilized communities that the appearance to go to extremes, however, on the principle whether mechanically by roughage or chem- of a single case in a modern hospital is an that if enough is good, too much is better. An ically from fermenting carbohydrates, it event of dramatic interest. The point is that excess of cod liver oil and orange juice can up- clamps down and impedes the onward pas- vitamins, though absolutely essential for set an infant’s delicately balanced digestion, sage of its contents. The result is the so- health, are required in infinitesimally small and to upset an infant’s digestion is no joke. called spastic constipation which is by far quantities, and more than enough of all the In this very important matter follow the the most frequent variety. Roughage and various vitamins will be found automatically doctor’s advice, not the advertisements. fruit are usually bad for colitis. Although at Continued on page 86

ESQUIRE-Autumn, 1933 85 —

THOUGHT FOIl FOOD LET ME PROMISE YOU "MAKE IT FUNNY” Continued from page 85 Continued from page 15 Continued from page 83 times they may bring apparent relief for constipa- at him. “Could you lend me ten dollars more, Mr. tion, they will very frequently perpetuate the con- But he didn’t even look at her. With his mouth Hirshfield — I’d like to show her I am winners.” dition they are supposed to cure. They should drooping open, he looked longingly at the watch, That story is true, gentlemen —now watch that never be taken to excess and never be used in cases for he realized how much he wanted it now that he go the rounds—on every radio, in every movie of constipation or colitis unless the doctor in charge saw it smashed on the floor. He had always wanted short—you just watch it— it’s a great racket, this of the case sees some particular reason why they such a watch. As he looked up at her, his blue eyes “make it funny.” But who am I to complain? I are indicated. were innocent with the sincerity of his full dis- am forgetting that there are three sides to every appointment. “Gee, Al,” was all he said. story— his, yours and the truth. But humor— From time immemorial there has been an almost The anger began to go out of her, and she felt that is, the manufacture and distribution of it, is superstitious conviction that meat is a harmful how great was his disappointment. She felt help- one of the biggest “rackets” in the country today. food. Now that we have all of us “gone scientific” less. “I shouldn’t have done that, Georgie,” And how the boys will cheat and “chisel” to be a number of facts have been plausibly misconstrued she said. the first to gain a reputation on it —or more impor- in a well meant but misguided attempt to prove “It was a crazy thing to do. It was such a tant the “dough.” The seventeenth thief of the this notion. Meat contains uric acid. In gout, uric beauty,” he said. “Why did you do it?” original story may be the one to cash in the big- acid is deposited in the joints. Ergo, meat causes “I don’t know,” she said. She knelt down and gest on it. Who tells the story, is like the value of gout. Very logical, but not so. Gout is due to an started to cry. “Maybe it’s not broken much,” paintings— “It depends on whose nail it hangs.” inability of the kidneys to eliminate uric acid, but she faltered, moving around on her knees and pick- But I openly assert, that the bigger the come- it by no means follows that it is the eating of uric ing up the pieces of glass carefully. Iu her hand she dian, the more boldly he steals another’s quip or acid-containing foods that is the primary cause of held the pieces but her eyes were blinking so that gag— and the originator is lucky he isn’t jailed this inability. It may well be that people who she could not see them. “It was a crazy thing to or roasted by the critics, for his daring to refuse his already have gout should limit their consumption do,” she was thinking. “It helps nothing. It can’t property. And all on account of the high prices of meat. But the people who get gout are the exces- help bring him back to me. Why does he stand there paid for even a single line of humor these days. sive drinkers of beer, and heavy wines such as port like that? Why doesn’t he move?” At last she As I said, the bigger names are the greatest offend- and sherry. It was the three bottle men of the looked up at him and saw his round smooth chin ers— it goes for them as they say about politicians 18th century England who got the red-hot big toe above the white neck of the sweater, and her dark today: “Every man has his price— and what’s of classic gout. We very seldom see it today. eyes were shining with tears, for it seemed, as he more, you can get him on installments.” We hear a great deal about intestinal toxemia, watched her without speaking or moving, that Then again, what’s the difference? If you can or so-called auto-intoxication. Prejudice has caused everything ought to have turned out differ- get a laugh out of it, what difference does it make the assumption that meat was the cause of this ently. They both looked at the broken pieces of how and who dishes it out— as far as I can see, that condition. There are two types of bacterial decom- glass she held in her hand in such abject despair, is the purpose of humor. One more complaint out position of food: putrefaction and fermentation. and for that moment while they looked, they began of me, then I’ll not bring it up again— but it does Protein putrefies; carbohydrates ferment. Each to share a common, bitter disappointment which burn you up, to see your brain-child kidnapped. process causes the formation of its own series of made Georgie gravely silent and drew him close to Mark Twain had it right when he said “They can’t poisons. It has been taken for granted that putre- her. “Never mind, Al,” he said with awkward steal from me what I haven’t thought of yet.” faction was the most frequent form of bacterial ac- tenderness. “Please get up.” Lest I get too serious, I mustn’t forget I was told tivity in the intestinal tract. Now it is understood, “No. Go away. Leave me alone.” to make it funny. This is my first talking to you, no food can undergo bacterial decomposition in the “You’ve got to get up from there. I can’t stand readers of this magazine— and I do not want to intestinal tract, unless it escapes digestion and ab- here like this with you there.” give the wrong impression. And in closing let me sorption in the upper, relatively clean part of the “Oh, why don’t you go. I know I’m mean and tell you how it feels to meet people of your class— intestine, and gets down to the lower portion, which jealous. I wish someone would shake me and hurt this true story, if you will, of my first meeting with is normally full of bacteria. It follows that the me. I’m a little cat.” Mrs. Vanderbilt, in her Sutton place home. Some foods most likely to escape digestion will be the “No, you’re not, Al. Who’d want to shake you?” entertainment to be broadcast from her smart foods most likely to end up in bacterial decompo- Please get up,” he said, coaxing. “Here, come on,” abode. I was invited— and told to bring a friend. sition. The protein foods, meat, fish and eggs are he said, bending down and putting his hand on I brought a little business acquaintance along easily digested. They offer less chance of reaching her shoulder. and impressed on him the favor of my arranging the colon unchanged. But excess starch, particu- “Say you’ll stay, Georgie,” she said, holding on for his meeting Mrs. Vanderbilt — that from now larly if it is incompletely cooked and insufficiently to his hand. “It’s so warm here. It’s miserable on, she would know him and he would know her masticated, may in part, escape digestion and outside. Just listen to the wind. Do you hear it? Mrs. Vanderbilt. reaching the colon, form a fermentating mash with I’ll get you something to eat. You don’t want to go, We finally met the famous society leader, wait- the formation of fusel oil and other poisons that do you?” ing in line till other guests were introduced. My make home-brew such an unwholesome drink. As “It’s no worse than Avhen I came,” he said, but friend was duly impressed. I kept saying to him: for the second, carbohydrate cellulose, or vegetable his sudden tenderness for her was making him un- “Now you know her and she knows you.” On leav- and fruit fiber, the roughage that we have been easy. He had known Al so well for a long time, she ing, again the line formed to bid her goodbye. taught to admire so much, human beings cannot had been one of his girls, one he could feel sure of Everyone made some flattering remark to the im- digest it at all. Herbivorous animals such as horses, and leave at any time, but now he felt that he had portant lady. But my little friend didn’t lose his cows and rabbits can. We cannot. Reaching the never looked right at her and seen her before. He sense of proportion —he wasn’t fooling himself, colon it, like unabsorbed starch, forms gas fermen- did not know her. Nor did he know himself now. believe me. When his turn came to bid au revoir, tative poisons. Sugar, the third carbohydrate, is He could not leave her. The warmth of her love he said, “Glad to have met you, Mrs. Roosevelt easily digested and absorbed—within limits. On began to awe him. Her dark head, her pale oval I hope to be introduced to you again some day!” the other hand it may be very easily fermented, face seemed so close to him that he might have put with the usual penalties ensuing. The trouble is out his hand timidly and touched her and felt her WHAT A MARRIED MAN that the American has gone in too strong for this whole ardent being under the cloth of her dress, SHOULD KNOW particular food-stuff. It is his chief dietetic sin. A but the sharp tremor inside him made him catch century ago the per capita consumption of sugar his breath and destroyed all his old confidence. Continued from page 80 in this country was 5 pounds per year. Today it is Faltering, he said, “Gee Al, I never got you right. the overcoat with the chewing gum buttons, or the 1 12. It has become a cheap and profitable substitute Not in this way. I don’t want to go. Look how prep school suit, to some Italian or colored furnace for the more wholesome and more expensive foods, I want to stay.” man whose wife is so busy making both ends meet meat, fish and eggs. “Georgie, listen to me,” she said eagerly. “I’ll in managing the family finances that she wouldn’t get that watch for you. Or I’ll get a new one. I’ll care if her husband wore Dutch peasant’s clothing It is the excess of carbohydrate food in the save up for it. Or I’ll get you anything else you and topped it off with a high silk hat. American diet that causes the intestinal toxemia, say.” My advice to you therefore, is to stick to blue for which meat, fish and eggs, the protein foods, “Don’t think about it,” he said, shamefaced. or grey, varied occasionally by a pencil stripe get the blame. A few years ago two men ate practi- “I feel just like a bum.” material, and don’t tempt your wife to give away cally nothing but meat for an entire year. During “But I want so much to do it, and you can look a perfectly new suit simply because it looks like a this time they were kept under the strictest scien- forward to it. We both can look forward. Please masquerade costume. “But,” you are going to tell tific care and observation. At the end of the year let me promise it to you.” me, “after all marriage is a matter of give and take, everything was perfect, they felt 100% fit. Their She was still crouched on the carpet. He glanced and when my wife buys herself a new dress, copied blood pressure, blood chemistry and urine were all at her handsome dark face above the white nunlike from a Parisian model, which makes her look as normal. Most unexpectedly, the bacterial content collar and at her soft pleading eyes. “You look though she were wearing her own granddaughter’s of the colon was less, and what was most shattering lovely right now, Al,” he said. “You look like a graduation gown, am I to say nothing?” to conventional preconceptions, the putrefactive wild thing. Honest to God you do.” You certainly are. As you yourself said, marriage bacteria, which are supposed to thrive on protein, Touched by happiness, she smiled. Then with is a matter of give and take. The husband gives had practically disappeared. all her heart she began to yearn for something and the wife takes, and she is especially prone to We have always taken it for granted that protein more to give him. If there were only more things take one of your new green soft hats with either a caused high blood pressure. It has never been she had and could give, she thought; if she could bow or a little feather in the rear of the ribbon proved, but everybody believes it. A physician only give everything in the world and leave herself band. No self respecting woman is going to give made a careful record of blood pressures among the nothing. people the impression that she is married to a Eskimos. Among the northern Eskimos he found Tyrolean who without provocation will yodel in no cases of high blood pressure. Among the south- public. Hence that hat is as surely destined for ern Eskimos he found high blood pressure just as A TREATISE ON FIE the incinerator as last night’s potato peelings, and and just as high as in civilized communi- I therefore recommend as tending toward marital frequent Continued from page 20 ties. This is certainly curious and does not at all happiness, a plain black derby or else a soft hat coincide with the prejudices on the subject. But dandy combination for anyone who knows where in a modified grey felt with the bow on the side. remember, high blood pressure is not a simple to find a sofa with pillows on it. As a matter of fact, I could go on recommending problem. It is a complex problem. Whatever part After testing all kinds, including such rarities as all sorts of procedure by way of stating what every faulty diet may play in its genesis, the faulty diet is raisin pie, butter-scotch pie, prune pie, sweet pota- married man should know, and thereby expand but one factor. In other words, high blood pressure to pie, banana pie, tomato pie, pineapple pie and this piece into a three volume treatise, but from is not a matter for amateur dietetic treatment. chocolate pie, and the old dependables, such as what I’ve said, you probably get the idea of the Remember that the copy in the ads is motivated peach pie, cocoanut custard pie, lemon pie and thing. After all your want to be happy, don’t you? by the desire to sell. It was a happy day for the gooseberry pie, the gold medal must be awarded Therefore by avoiding such trouble as has been advertisers when copy writers began to set them- to one carrying a stratum of either huckleberries outlined here, my experience of twenty-six years, selves up as mass-dispensers of individual advice or blueberries at least an inch thick, overlaid with tells me that you will be very, very happy thirty- on scientific subjects. Yet each case remains a lattice work, and slapped in the face with about a five per cent of the time, and believe it or not, subject for careful study by the individual’s pint of soft vanilla ice cream. This is said to be the twenty-five per cent is considered to be an ex- physician. kind the angels eat. tremely high average.

86 ESQUIRE —Au tumn, 1933 —

ITH the new trend toward drape with peak lapels that was sketched Wrougher textures, brown suitings on page 75 which is a model better have been given a greatly increased im- adapted to worsteds. The accessories portance in the fashion picture. The soft sketched at the left on this page are handling and rough weaves, rough al- selected as being especially well suited TYPIFYING THE most to a point of shagginess, are by no for wear with the rough suitings. The means confined to clothes for country clipped figure shirting, long outside the wear—this year they’ve come to town. pale of fashionable preferment, has come This is of particular advantage to men back with this new suiting trend, the T It G IV D TOWARD whose business or profession makes an slightly raised appearance of this fabric easy informal appearance helpful. The being especially appropriate with a soft doctor, for example, ought to be one of rough suiting. The Spitalsfield tie is an- the most enthusiastic welcomers of the other revived favorite. In a tie of this ROUGH FAB R I C S new rough textures. They make him type you can get away with bright colors look robust and very healthily outdoor- without approaching the deadline of ish, and there is a nice point of tact in- gaudiness. As for hats, the snapbrim is volved in the thought that they resem- the only suitable model, but to be up to ble, as little as possible, the costume of the times it ought to have the rather the average undertaker. The two button high tapered crown shown in the one notch lapel modified drape model is the sketched, and should be worn without best adapted for the rough textured dents in the crown. It is good in green cloths, as opposed to the three button or brown with a greenish cast.

ESQUIRE Autumn , 1933 87 'OR no good reason, except that mat- account for the fact that they are now F ters of fashion seldom run along the calmly accepted, even by oldsters, as line of logical reasoning, this suit of the last word. The topcoat, too, falls in black and gray checks, that once would line with the big parade toward soft have yelled “racetrack” to the discern- handling rough textures, but does it, so ing, now basks in the sunlight of fash- to speak, with fingers crossed, because T II E K ACETRACK ionable favor. It is not by accident, its outward conformity to this trend is either, that it is pictured on an older only a mask for an inward adherence to man, because age has proved no barrier the practical demand for longer wear to the invasion of the mode for busi- than the soft fabrics can give. Its back SUIT CAN ENTER ness and town wear by fabrics that were is a sturdy hard-wearing worsted, al- once considered suitable only for coun- though the outer surface is a soft han- try and sports clothes. Note, however, dling cassimere. Topcoats get such a that the outdoorish aspect of the cloth deal of knocking around that this com- ANY OFFICE NOW does not necessarily imply a similar promise between the fashionable and informality in the accessories. The car- the practical would seem to be very well nation of Harvard red, the laundered advised. Horizontal ribbing, instead of collar and the off white gloves—once the usual vertical, gives a new quirk to these would have been regarded as the plain colored shirts, and the combination apex of incongruity, as running mates of satin and basket weave stripes does for a rough finished checked suiting. the same thing for rep neckties. Appen- And that’s as good a way as any to zell initialed handkerchiefs are good. — 8H EStfllKE Autumn , 1933 . —

ALIBI IX A ROADHOUSE was he who discovered the body before any one of Look at the painting with this in mind. It is a us had seen it— before it was possible to see it! He characteristic example of Pascin’s art. Think of it Continued from page 73 actually led us to the spot. ... I knew that he had not merely as a picture of a woman, but as a per- her arms about the neck of her companion. But been this way before. . . . Why, Coleman couldn’t manent record, on canvas, of the impression made B. F. Smith put her aside with great gentleness and even find the body with a light till Hamilton ran upon Pascin’s mind by the image of a woman’s walking softly forward, stood beside the fallen forward and took the thing away from him.” body in his eyes, a record that sets down, in paint, body. . . . He touched it delicately with his foot. “Do you mind,” asked Hamilton politely, “tell- the meaning of her body as translated by Pascin’s “He’s dead, Hamilton,” he said, at length, in a ing me exactly who in hell you are?” mind, conditioned by his mood and personality. low voice. “For God’s sake, keep your light on ! It “Mr. Smith is my assistant,” answered Falkner Pascin was a creator. Creative minds take what would be terrible for the women if it were to Madan. “So are all the others. ... Is there any- they want from nature and do not photographi- go out.” thing else, Smith?” cally copy her. The result is exquisiteness of color Stooping, he turned the body upon its back, “Just this,” said B. F. Smith, and he walked a and line. revealing the mired features. The light fell whitely little farther in among the trees and plucked a If you want to see the greatness of Pascin’s art on the staring eyes, the twisted, leering mouth. . . silver spangle from a bit of roughened bark. do not look for pictures but for color sensitivity The shirt was stained with blood. “Teresa was the accidental lure; this is a spangle and for tender lines. Look for those things and Hamilton moved to his side and together they from her dress. I’m glad I noticed it before we left! you will begin to see and feel his nervousness, his looked down on the dead face. . . . Sollberg wanted her for himself, you see—but restless tension, the strange stamp of his per- “Sollberg,” said the little broker, after a mo- Teresa wanted Hamilton. When Sollberg followed sonality. ment; and the other shuddered. “The owner of this there was a quarrel, and then this!” He shrugged. What is there left to say about him, beyond place!” . . . “No doubt Teresa has the pistol— Teresa or that? He is dead. As dead as Baudelaire, as dead “He was at the door when I came in—less than the river!” as Poe. And yet more living than the former, as two hours ago,” said Hamilton. He turned his “He would have killed me if he could,” said much alive as the latter. He is the spiritual kin head. . . . “Hurry back to the Casino, Coleman, Hamilton. of both of them. and bring Madan here. It looks to me like murder. Falkner Madan nodded. “No doubt that is true. I remember that he told me, once, that life was . . . Take the women with you.” It would perhaps have been easier that way for us. too hard and that he would end it some day. He Miss Carroll spoke quickly, in a clear voice. . . . Our instructions from your board of directors, said that only once, in the long time that I knew “Madan is coming now, I think,” she said. Hamilton, were merely to keep you constantly in him. I thought it was a passing mood and, on that “Listen!” sight, when it was expected you would try to flee occasion, I was right. But a day came when that Footsteps were sounding in the near distance, the country with your loot. . . . However, there is mood did not pass. muffled voices. ... A light was dancing along and good reason now for locking you away. . . . For Any moralist, studying his case history, would winding path behind them. . . . Then two men the some time to come, I fancy, your victims will know call him weak. But he had a will, and courage and around a turning and confronted came swiftly precisely where you are!” determination. He kept them in the moment of tall with mocking eyes and grim, them. ... A man renunciation. After he had opened the veins in his was the detective. ... In tight mouth; that Madan hands, he tied his feet, and then he hanged himself Hamilton recognized with amaze- his companion from the top of his studio door. ment the burly musician who had played the PRODIGAL SOX OF PARIS There were fantastic legends told of him before violin. ... his death, and stranger still have been told since. “I am Gary Hamilton, Mr. Madan,” said Ham- Continued from page 50 Queer nonsense, hinting of royal bastardy in un- ilton. “I am afraid a murder had been committed Pascin’s first sojourn in New York coincided with savory surroundings, glamorous in a dirty sort of here. Your arrival is most opportune.” the visit there of a very wealthy lady illustrator way. It is all foolish and futile, too. It can add The detective’s eyes came round to those of from Paris, Mile. H. D. Meeting Pascin, she nothing and it can take nothing away -it is all in B. F. Smith. . . . “What have you to report* from his commercial work. sought to rescue him the paintings. Smith?” he asked abruptly. “Alfredo tells me that She was able, and she offered, to put an end to his In a monograph published in Paris the year Hamilton left the Casino more than an hour ago, financial worries. They married and returned to before Pascin’s death, Yvan Goll spoke of him as with one of the dancers, and that Sollberg fol- Paris and his “second period.” one who traveled through life like a king who has lowed him.” Things went very smoothly. His wife encour- lost his crown, but kept his majesty. I have thought “Then that is why it happened,” said B. F. aged him and financed him, brought his paintings a good deal, as a friend of Pascin, about the fitness Smith, his face lighting. “I could not see the im- to the attention of collectors. His name grew. of that phrase. I could not then, and cannot now, mediate motive. . . . Well, sir, I’ll tell you all about always a “but” with Pascin, a But— there was invent a better one. it. I met this Hamilton through Stuyvesant the contrast, the man lived in contrasts—onto the banker, as you suggested, and—” scene came Mme. L. There was no violent break “What on earth are you two talking about?” with his wife. He loved her and respected her, but screamed Gary Hamilton. he lived with Mme. L. AUGUST AFTERX OOX “Keep still,” commanded Madan coldly. “He’s But this, too, could not last. Nothing could telling you all about it.” last for Pascin. It could only begin, cease, and Continued from page 22 “I met him through Mr. Stuyvesant, as you sug- resume. The fever for far places was always coming that thing. Mr. Vic, I surely can’t accommodate gested, and trailed him all the afternoon, sir. I over him. Now he kept a studio in New York. He you this time. If you want that white-folk’s knife, he was coming here, tonight, and so learned that became a naturalized American citizen. But al- you’ll just be bound to get it yourself, Mr. Vic.” I got here first. . . . Coleman brought the girls ways he was coming back, from there or from any- Vic cursed him. along, sir, as a bit of local color,” chuckled B. F. where, to Paris. Cuba, Mexico, Florida, Algiers, Hubert backed away until he was at the end of Smith. Spain— but he came back to Paris always. the porch. He kept on looking behind him all the “You saw Hamilton when he came in, then.” The fever for drinking, too, was strong. He time, looking to be certain of the exact location of to Sollberg at “Yes, sir. I saw him speak the drank, I think, to be alone. Yet he was always the sycamore stump that was between him and the arranged with Sollberg, how- door. I had already surrounded by a crowd in these bouts, he was pine grove on the other side of the cotton field. the ever, to give Alfredo a seat in orchestra. I told always paying the bills at the bar for anyone, Vic called to Hubert and told him to come back. celebrated him we were watching for a crook.” stranger or friend, who happened to be near him. Hubert came slowly around the corner of the porch “Go on,” said Madan. He lived with a gay and reckless prodigality, but and stood a few feet from the quilt where Vic was table “When he saw us at the he was very happy. he brooded constantly— “the hard fate of strug- sitting. His lips quivered and the whites of his He begged to join us. Later, when he was dancing gling humanity” was the only explanation he eyes grew larger. Vic motioned for him to come with Miss Carroll, he begged to be excused; and he would vouchsafe when questioned about this closer, but he would not come an inch farther. was gone for twenty minutes—visiting friends, he moroseness into which he so often fell while he “How old are you?” Floyd asked Willie. said, when he came back. I think we know now painted. He was a pessimist, though perhaps not “Fifteen.” what he was really doing.” a cynic, leading the life of an optimist. The little Floyd jerked the knife out of the wood and The musician broke in with passionate excite- French models, when out of work, relied upon thrust it deeper in the same place. ment. ... “I see him leave Mees Carroll, Mr. Pascin, and that reliance was never denied, an “How old are you?” she asked him. Madan! I watch him close, and he slip out the advance of money was never refused. “About twenty-seven.” door. Pretty soon thees girl Teresa follow him! He understood human sorrows as well as he “Are you married?” Mr. Sollberg see it too—he follow both of them. understood the color tints of the flesh. His color “Not now,” he said. “How long have you been?” But—alas! — I am just then playing on the fiddle; sensitivity and love for the human figure mixed “About three months,” Willie said.

. !” with shrug. and so . . He finished a with the deep painful loneliness that always “How do you like it?” “Yes, yes,” said Madan impatiently, “you told accompanied him. The artist is a vea-sayer to life, “Pretty good so far.”

. else, me that, Alfredo. . . What Smith?” in that life interests him sufficiently to make him “How about another kiss?” “I suppose I should have followed him,” said want to paint. And the artist in Pascin overpow- “You’ve just had one.” B. F. Smith regretfully. “I was afraid I might be- ered the pessimist, never without a struggle and “I’d like another one now.”

tray us all, sir. . . . Well, when you came in I called not for long, but enough to make him paint with “I ought not to let you kiss me again.” attention to you. He pretended that he knew you such enthusiasm and zeal that, looking at his “Why not?” Floyd said. and wished to speak with you. He made no further figures, you feel both Pascin the pessimist and “Men don’t like girls who kiss too much.” effort, however, in that direction. It was obvious Pascin the one who rejoices in painting. And if you “I’m not that kind.”

your presence bothered him. . . . This murder was cannot feel this contrast you are not getting what “What kind are you?” Willie asked him. on his mind, of course, although I didn’t guess it. is in the paintings. “I’d like to kiss you a lot.” I think he then resolved on the bold course of And now I am on that ground where the angels “But after I let you do that, you’d go away.” bringing us to this spot himself, to have a group of fear to tread. One should not attempt, ever, to be “No, I won’t. I’ll stay for something else.” witnesses about him when the body was discov- didactic about the appreciation of art, and least “What?” ered.” of all in a magazine that is not printed for artists. “Let’s go inside for a drink and I’ll tell you.” Hamilton broke in scornfully. “You are accus- But it is folly to reproduce Pascin’s pictures if they “We’ll have to go to the spring for fresh water.” ing me then of murdering this gentleman?” will not be understood. There is food for under- “Where’s the spring?” “Oh yes,” said B. F. Smith, with his engaging standing in them for every man, though most of all, “Just across the field in the grove.”

smile. “I thought you knew! . . . You see, sir, he of course, for the artist. Yet it is there for every “All right,” Floyd said, standing up. “Let’s go.” had already told Miss Carroll that he had never man who will trouble himself to look for it. An He bent down and pulled the knife out of the been to this place before; yet everything he said artist conveys his color moods to those persons wood. Willie ran down the steps and across the thereafter proved it to be false. It was he who told who are willing to feel them as he himself felt them. yard. When Floyd saw that she was not going to her of this crooked path, and even suggested that Pascin was a creator. His creation was not just wait for him, he ran after her, holding the knives

we visit it. . . . He knew precisely, in the darkness, seeing and painting, but feeling the essentials of in his pocket with one hand. She led him across where the bridge was located, though no one else the color tones that his arrangements of figures the cotton field to the spring in the pine grove. covdd even see it. Until Coleman produced that offered him. To this extent, then, and to this Tust before they got there, Flovd caught her by silly light of his, he proved himself familiar with extent only, his palette was the filter of his per- the arm and ran beside her the rest of the way.

every step of this infernal maze. . . . He was behind sonality. And of the strange duality of that per- “Boss,” Hubert said, “we ain’t aiming to have both Coleman and Miss Carroll all the way; yet it sonality I have already told you. no trouble today, are we?” Continued on page 110

ESQUIRE—Autumn, 1933 89 —

90 ESQUIRE Autumn, 1933 —

ALL IN A MAN’S READING

Notes on books both current

and recent, and on a few that were undeservedly overlooked

by JAMES T. FARRELL

heodor Plivier is one of the German the growth of Chicago as few other books family and their struggles, with street Tauthors who were forced to flee Ger- can. Two sections of it, a description of the brawls, riots, religious disturbances, the life many in order to escape the Hitler regime. Chicago fire, and an analysis of Samuel and games of boys on the street. In brief, it It is said that he made his escape with ex- Insull and A1 Capone, are particularly is a full book, notable for its extreme treme difficulties, losing all his possessions notable pieces of writing. honesty. Mr. Orwell’s volume presents except the half-completed manuscript of poverty in Paris and London. It is most his next novel. His novel, “The Kaiser Goes, notable for its descriptions of the life of The Generals Remain” (Macmillan $2.00) plongeurs, generally handy men and dish- can give Americans much information to- washers, in a smart and recognizable wards the understanding of post-war Ger- “t\lebian’s Progress” (Covici Friede Parisian hotel near the Place du Concorde. many. It is the story of the German Jr $2.25) by Frank Tilsley is an English The two books together have the further revolution of November 1918, and its theme first novel dramatizing the experiences of a value of contrasting the national tempera- is events rather than characters. Much of young man who belonged to the generation ments, so-called, of the English, French, the material is strictly historical, presented that was too young to fight. It is a tragic and Irish. without exaggeration. Also, many of his story of the depression, done with insight and characters are of historic importance, the sympathy. It is mainly significant because Kaiser, the Crown Prince, Ebert, Lieb- it shows, clearly, how unemployment, and knecht. The novel presents the causes of the its consequent hopelessness, causes a tre- breakdown in Germany, widespread misery mendous drive towards personal disintegra- “npwENTY Years A-Growing” (Viking at home, timidity and dissension amongst tion. Also the author builds some excellent X $2.50) stands in contradistinction to the rulers, and defeat on the battlefields. scenes around the English dole system. The the books of Orwell and O’Mara. The author Out of these circumstances, the people denouement is more melodrama than was raised on the bleak Blasket Isles off were driven into revolution, while the tragedy, causing something of a let-down. the Kerry coast, and is now an Irish police- rulers parleyed, and the Kaiser delayed Withal, “Plebian’s Progress” is a moving man. Here he gives a simple, cherished abdicating his throne until it was too late. first novel, well worth being read. account of the life on these isles, exulting The author describes the resultant out- in all the little routine of the simple people. bursts, the mutiny at Kiel, the raising of He wrote originally in Gaelic, and his work red flags, the people marching, with the has been translated into English-Irish soldiers going over with them, the bicker- rhythms. It has streaks of genuine poetry, ings and futile plannings of the authorities. recent book which will balance with and is a minor folk piece of definite charm. The chapter dealing with events in Berlin A “Plebian’s Progress” is “Business Is is particular^ thrilling, and causes one to Business” (Knopf $2.00) by Basil D. Nich- reflect over the contrasts in Berlin in those olson. It is a satire on modern business, days, and the wild hilarity of our own swiftly paced (except for a few unnecessary Armistice Day. Also, the author makes clear lapses into excessive description) and amus- t is not the purpose of a quarterly to be the position of the Social Democrats, and ing. The protagonist is a boy of thirteen who I as contemporary and journalistic in its why they were doomed to a failure as commences a skyrocketing career of treatments of books as a daily newspaper. ignominious as that which they eventually petty thievery, high finance, confidence Rather comments on books in a quarterly suffered with the rise of National Socialism. games and promiscuous loving in the Poly- are second thoughts, devised to suggest This point is the key to the title and the nesians. He involves the American navy, those that may have been neglected. Thus, author’s primary intent. The Kaiser went. Oxford University, and almost all of Eng- it is apropos to mention a few less recent The Social Democrats secured control of land in his wild rise. His last manipulation books which deserve not to be forgotten. the Revolution, but to do so, they were is a corporation whose ultimate purpose is One such is “From Flushing to Calvary” forced to rely on the army. Hence, the that of transporting tourists to the moon. (Harcourt Brace $2.50) by Edward Dahl- generals remained and the old regime did The scheme sells, and even creates inter- berg. Dahlberg is outstanding amongst the not go out completely. The Socialists com- national rivalry between England, the younger American novelists, and in this book menced ruling in a compromise position. United States, and Japan, as to which he has one of the most remarkable character The seeds were sown for Hitlerism. This is nation will be the first to send a rocket to portraits to be found in contemporary Amer- a novel used for instructive purposes, and the moon. The protagonist turns in a neat ican writing. “The Water Wheel” by Julian to convey historical information. Also it is profit, and sends off a cheap rocket. But Shapiro (The Dragon Press, distributed by a successful experiment. he is shot by an irate husband, and at the Duffield & Green $2.50) is a first novel end, wangles himself into heaven to become published in the earlier part of the year. an archangel. It is good satire, and makes It is a study of a late stage of what is called quick, pleasant reading, even though the adolescence, and contains some scintillating author’s effects are partially diluted by a and brilliant writing. “The Saint and Mary he Chicago Fair, like Hitlerism and sheer excess of villainy. Kate” by Frank O’Connor (Macmillan $2. 50) TGermany, has been brought much into is a novel over a year old, and apparently the popular consciousness. A number of books forgotten. Withal, it is almost a great book. describing the rise of Chicago as a metrop- The story deals with Cork tenements, and olis, have been issued. Most of these have is written with a mixture of tenderness and exuded with civic virtue, and the exalta- “friHE Autobiography of An Irish Liver- irony. It is most remarkable for its incisive tion of large buildings, regardless of their X pool Slummy” by Pat O’Mara, (Van- character portraits. Finally, there is “No human cost. Hence, a history like Edgar guard Press $2.50), and “Down and Out in Retreat” (Harcourt Brace $2.00) by Horace Lee Masters’ “The Tale of Chicago” (Put- Paris and London” (Harpers $2.50) by Gregory, one of the few books of genuine nam’s $3.75) is tonic. It is an uneven book, George Orwell, are books complementing and moving poetry that has appeared in and largely motivated by the author’s each other. O’Mara describes the Irish slums the last year. It is, largely, a book of hates. Also it contains much careless writing. of Liverpool, presenting a frank and pro- elegies, but noteworthy for its music, and Despite such characteristics, it makes ex- foundly revealing account of the lives of for a fine group of lyric poems, “Poems to citing reading, and will give one a sense of the poor. It deals with the author’s own My Daughter.”

ESQUIRE Autumn, 1933 91 STONEWALL AND IVY you go getting that idea. Maybe we can get mar- In a week the boys has all replied saying they ’ll ried next fall when I’m twenty-one, but even if I be here, so I’m ready for my next play. I drop in Continued jrom page 25 have to give up football I’m staying on right here!” on a fellow named Bob Weaver, one of my quarter- and switching her little fanny around, and spoiled Then Ivy starts crying and they go into a clinch. milers, who works part time for Ivy’s old man. I rotten. That’s the way she grew up too, only get- I got on a heavy mackinaw and a muffler, but tell him honestly the boys is getting up a little sur- ting worse as she got older. Her father must have I’m in a cold sweat when I turn back down the prise for Ivy, a sort of centennial, and what they taking spent all his spare time photograhs of her, path. When I get home I build a big fire and get needs most is six of her photographs, taken at ail because his windows was always full of Ivy’s pic- out my keg, and sit up all night worrying. If Ivy ages from sixteen up. “Can he get ’em?” I asks. tures— soulful, smirking, or smelling a rose. At works fast I got to work faster, and with the pace “Sure,” Bob grins, “the shop’s lousy with ’em. thirteen the boys was taking her to the dances at she’s setting I see that’s going to be like Man o’ We even got one of her lying bottoms up on a bear Fry’s Spring, and every time a car passed the gym War racing downhill on skates. It’s six o’clock and rug, holding a wooly rabbit. I’ll bring ’em all late at night and I heard shrieks and giggles, I getting light before my scheme hits me. I remem- around when I leave tonight.” knew it was Ivy in the rumble seat. ber going out on the porch and watching the sun The pictures turns out to be all I could ask for, After five or six years Ivy’d had so many boy come up over the stadium, and whistling out loud, and more. Then I dig up a sample of Ivy’s flashy friends the gang down at the poolroom got to call- something I don’t often do. handwriting from the files, and after practicing a ing her the Widow Rogers, but did that faze her? There ain’t but one flue I can find in my plan couple of hours I lay the pictures in front of me on She just kept getting flossier and prettier every and that’s this: I have to wait until the boys come the table and sign ’em slowly in her big bold blondes. year, if you like them dizzy But she had back in the fall before I can spring it. I figure if letters, like this: brains too, you have to hand her that. She worked only Ivy coasts along on the promise and don’t between the profs, as a sort of travelling secretary start any tricks I’ll be safe. I go over the Regis- For Perry darling, my one Love. Ivy and there was always a whole raft of rumors about files discover Stonewall won’t twenty- trar’s and be My own little Dink. XXX. Ivy those travels. I don’t know how I come to know one until October 12th, which gives me six weeks all this, but in a college town there don’t much to work after we begin practice. To the One and Only Corny, from Ivy happen but what everybody hears it. All last Spring and Summer I’m on pins and For my Pit Cave-Man. Ivy This was the Ivy that moved into my office to needles. I get Stonewall to come out for Track ’22. help write my letters and file the clippings, and of and throw the hammer so’s he’ll be too tired at Carter, my Dream Boy of Ivy course that’s how she come to meet Stonewall. night to see Ivy. A dozen times I’m on the verge For Buck, in Memory of One Night in The season was nearly over when our Freshmen of giving him a heart-to-heart talk and the low- ’23. Ivy. took Navy’s great Plebe team into camp, hanging down, but I’m worried how he’d take it and I hold the goose egg of a 41-0 score on their necks; and my tongue. In May I write to Corny Bates out in We’re only two weeks to October 12th and I’m the next Monday I get more fan-mail than Rudy Kentucky to get a job for Stonewall with the high- afraid Stonewall and Ivy’ll up and jump the gun Ringler Valley. Torrey and Paisley and Perry ways, driving a truck or anything, just so Ivy any day, when it’s the Friday before our first and Corny Bates—all my old gang from the team can’t get to him, and when finally I put the boy on game and the old boys drop in on me right on that tied Yale in ’21— kept piling me with ques- the train in June I draw a breath so deep a brake- schedule. Most of ’em I hadn’t seen in ten years, tions and congrats about Stonewall, and I sit right man standing next to me jumps ten feet, thinking so’s it’s three hours and two gallons before I get letter, down and write every one of ’em a long it’s an express going by. around to telling ’em about the Ivy menace and which Ivy types. I stick around school until August, fishing in the how I plan to squash it once and for all. After I get When she gets ’em all finished she sways in with days and working out plays at night. Once I go to through with my story and hand out the pictures the letters for me to sign. She leans over the desk, the movies and sit next to Ivy and a little dark fel- they all just sit back and howl, but I figure that’s turns on the floodlights in them big blue eyes of low she introduces to me as Dr. Mateos, the Span- the com. When Perry finally gets so he can talk hers, and drawls: ish professor in the Summer School. I’m dying to he reaches over and slaps me on the shoulder. “I just saw his picture, and I doan think I know ask her what she hears from Stonewall but just “Doc you old sinner,” he gasps, “you’d sell your this boy Tayloe Jackson, Mister Reeves. Is he a then the news reel comes on and I don’t want to liver to win a ball game! Besides,” he adds, “it’s fuhst-year man?” miss nothing. However, I see out the corner of my about time Ivy settled down.” I look up from the catalog I’m reading and stare eve that she’s holding his hand, and I smile to my- “My liver ain’t worth a ball game,” I says. at her steady for a minute. self, specially when the Spaniard gets to wiggling “And Ivy don’t settle down on no fullback of “Hands off that boy, Ivy,” I says. “You got two and arching his eyes at her. As a coach that’s one mine. Not when he can rifle a pass through a key- thousand others to pick from. Besides,” I add, thing I can say for Ivy, she never got out of train- hole at forty yards.” on.” “he’s gonna be plenty busy from now ing all the time I knew her. “Is he really hot stuff, Doc?” they all want to She just stood there by the window, running one Right after Labor Day the boys start pouring in know. hair, smiling. hand slowly over her and and I’m meeting every train. Somehow they look I ups the jug and study my glass a minute in “Mister Reeves,” she turns to me, “you prob’ly bigger to me and they’re all as tanned as saddles. the sunlight. never spoke a truer word.” Just when I’m starting to get anxious Stonewall “He's what I been waiting for ever since Jim * * * steps off a local, grins and tosses his bags at me. Thorpe quit the game, and that’s a long time ago.” In another week we wound up the season with Right away I see he’s packed on at least another I nearly chokes saying it too. Carolina, or vice versus, as the Tar-Heels even five pounds of muscle across the shoulders and The boys just looks at each other and then back took our goal-posts back on the train, and Ivy I’m reaching out to shake his hand when Ivy at me. moved on to greener pastures— the greenest there comes out of nowhere and slips in ahead of me. “O. K., Doc,” they says. “We’re on.” is, a small-town Freshman. I didn’t stir a finger They don’t kiss there on the platform but I felt I’d fixed up these boys with rooms scattered against it, though I hear they’re always together. like there’s a guy walking all around us holding up around the campus, and our play was that that After the boys turn in their uniforms what they do a big sign marked LOVE, it’s so clear. Ivy rides night between eight and ten they’d clear out and call is their own business. Only I won’t stand for back to the post-office with us, and then I drive on Ivy. They all knew her, though she’d been just a drinking, not this rot-gut corn. Besides, I figured Stonewall over to his rooms. gangling kid in their day, so I didn’t have no wor- Stonewall would be just page 267 on Ivy’s love “They don’t make many girls like Ivy, coach,” ries about that. Before he left his room each of Calendar, and be all washed up by Christmas. he begins. the boys was to take the picture I’d give him and As it turned out, I couldn’t of been more wrong. “No, the patent’s run out,” I replies. stick it on his dresser or over the mantle where it One night about a week after I come back from “Why she’s as much a part of Jefferson as ... as couldn’t be missed by anybody who came in. seeing the Armv-Navy game there’s a clear cold the statue, or the green street cars,” he raves on. Practice that afternoon was cut down to a signal moon and a light frost, weather I like to walk and “Sure. Only her line’s longer,” I says. drill and polishing up the passes, and I let ’em think in. I knew I’d have to get a complete new He turns around to me. “Why don’t you like off early. As they was running off the field I called set of plays for next year, and one of them Army her?” he wants to know. “You got vinegar in out to Stonewall. He came over smiling and trot- spinners i saw struck me as a natural for Stone- your veins?” ting in that easy-swinging way a race horse does. wall. A real honey it was, masked so’s you never “I get hay fever every year this time,” I explain, “They’s some old Jeff boys here I want you to saw the runner until he was headed for the barn. “and it don’t go away until the sap’s left the ivy.” meet, Stonewall,” I says. “Old football men of I wanted to think it over, so I strolled along the That one goes past his head. mine. Suppose you call over around eight thirty.” lake and up the path by the Petting Pits. Well, I see it won’t be no use to argue, because His face drops. “I got a sort of early date, These Petting Pits is a great institution at Jeffer- he’s still in a bad way. That night I get off six Coach,” he explains. “Maybe I could come over son. They was built by the Confederates during the long letters, all exactly alike, to Perry and Dink later—” Civil War as a powder arsenal, and never filled in. Torrey and Corny Bates and three more boys from “Whatcha mean, later?” I barks. “You got to It’s just a deep hole in the hillside with trees grow- different teams of mine, explaining the whole situa- be in bed by ten o’clock.” ing over the top, so in Summer nobody can see tion and what I’d planned to do. I wound up by “O. K.” he replies, and jogs away. what goes on, which they tell me is just as well. begging ’em all to be back for the opening ga-re I’m all nerves sitting at home waiting, but when But in Winter of course the trees is bare, and from with Roanoke if they gave two raps for Jeff’s finally I hear Stonewall on the porch I pretend I’m the path along t he top you can see as clear as look- chances against Navy and Princeton. They was reading the paper. He comes in, looks around and ing into a barrel, specially when there is a moon, swell letters and I laid it on thick about the Old sits down. and you can hear a hairpin drop. Spirit. In a post script I added I’d dug up five “Take off your coat,” I says. I’m ambling along this path figuring who’d take gallons of Afton dew three years old and smooth “Honest, Coach, I can’t stay a minute,” he out the left halfback when I hear sounds coming as a cue ball. I had, too. begins. I notice he keep fumbling in his coat out of the pit. Now I ain’t no Eavesdropping Eddie While I’m waiting for the answers I drive that pocket and I see a little bulge sticking out there, but all of a sudden I recognize Stonewall’s foghorn squad like a twenty-mule team, and the way they like one of them jeweler’s ring boxes. Suddenly voice. pull together right from the start is heart’s balm my collar gets too tight on me and when I wipe “It isn’t that, Ivy,” he was explaining. “I guess to these old veins. If you was there when we swung my head my hand comes away wet. I love you all right, but after all I got my future into action against Penn or Princeton you know We must of sit there for five minutes in silence to think of.” how they looked —a front wall which charges like before I take out my watch. “Your future! Your future'” I could hear Ivy’s the Prussian Guards, and a backfield that’s just “Maybe the boys mistook me,” I says. “You foot tapping a rock. She’d probably run into these three husky Tiller girls prancing around a un- prob’ly better run over and introduce yourself. futures before. “What about mine, Tayloe? What leashed lion. That’s Stonewall. He’s the spear’s You don’t have to stay and talk to ’em.” about ours?” head of my attack and a world wind on defense. Stonewall jumps up. “Where’re they putting “Golly, Ivy, you know how I want to —but they Gee, I been reading our press clippings so much I up?” he asks. wouldn’t let me play football if I was married. even get to talk like ’em. Anyway, I know I got a I look all around the stuff on the table. “I got It’s a rule.” team at last, and I’m worried sick somebody’ll the list of rooms here somewhere,” I mumbles. I Hey what the hell, I thought* and leaned up break a leg or pull a charley horse, or any one of find it and give it to him. against a tree. those thousand and one things. Specially as at “You get to bed early!” I yells after him. “What do you mean football?” Ivy exploded. every practice I see my biggest accident sitting up “Don’t ever let no woman interfere with football.” “When we’re married we’re both going to get so there in the stands waiting to happen. With the About a half hour after he’s gone I get up, put far away from this darn place we’ll—” wedding bells already bonging in her ears Ivy on my coat, walk all the way up that path by the “Who said so?” And Stonewall’s voice was hard don’t miss a trick. Her eyes follows Stonewall’s Petting Pit, and wait. If it works out the way I as a gong. “I’m going to finish at Jeff, Ivy, so don’t every move. figure it here’s where the last act of Stonewall and Continued on page 110

92 ESQUIRE— Autumn, 1933 —

OWN clothes, it is apparent, are un- collar; and a dark solid color tie with a Tdergoing many changes. Here we plain pearl stickpin—that rounds out to have the omission of cuffs on the trou- completion this formula for appearing sers and the addition of a ticket pocket to good advantage during the daylight placed just below the line at which the hours. Out of deference to those men THE ROUGH STUFF draped model gives a slight waist sup- who have formed the habit of wearing pression. Cuffs have never been a neces- foulard ties twelve months in the year, sity and have served in the past, aside the new printed satin ties are now being from their somewhat dubious decorative made up in patterns that were hitherto GOES OVER BIG function, chiefly as collectors of dust, considered characteristic foulard de- matches and divers odd and various bits signs. Except for their heavier body, of rubbish. The herringbone pattern is these ties really look very much like enjoying renewed popularity with the foulards, since the satin has been IN TOWN CLOTHES fabrics in suit- down somewhat to avoid over- trend toward soft rough toned ings for town and business wear, and it shininess, but of course they wear lends itself very nicely to the double much better. Vertical striped hosiery breasted model sketched here. A plain is well adapted for use with the sim- shoe, in black or briar brown—a deep ple checked and herringbone suitings rich reddish cast—with a simple plain that are now so important as a result toecap and no punching or pinking; a of the big swing to rougher textures demi-bosom shirt with cross stripes in fabrics. Brace clips, attached to worn with a low front white laundered elastic cords, keep one’s shirt down.

ESQUIRE Autumn, 1933 93 “I know he’s a millionaire but then, money isn’t everything”

94 ESQITIHE— Autumn, 1933 — : ,

OVERTURE: POET AND PUG Long before Byron boxed one

Gentleman *lti el;.son , poets and pugilists found common ground by GENE TENNEY

omeone once asked Daniel Boone thrill and exultation from hearing Keats’ In the history of modern fighting there S whether he had ever been lost. “No,” odes read by a cultivated and beautiful are plenty of instances of the union of he drawled, cuffing his coonskin cap back voice as I did in the ring from a clean well- poetry and pugilism. Figg, who is the first from his forehead, “no, not exactly lost, but timed punch. fighter of whom there is any real record, once I was bewildered for three days.” Let us go back in history and see what had many friends among the literati. He I have been bewildered for more than we can find. The Greeks were famous for numbered Walpole, Swift, Pope, and the as uncle of Johnson his immediate three days. Ever since I quit the ring, I their athletic prowess ; they were famous Sam among have been amazed and a little nonplussed well for their poetry. A youth was trained acquaintances. The painter Hogarth, who by the vast majority of people who regard to be competent in rhymes as in wrestling. often entertained him, designed his profes- my acquaintance among authors sional card. And he was received and my love of literature with in the houses of the lords and astonishment and resentment. ladies of England, even into the They seem to think that it is an Royal Family itself, for he fre- unseemly thing for prizefighters quently dined in privacy with to consort with professors. They George the First; and the Earl of regard it as somehow unmanly, Peterborough, his first patron, even though they may have the included him in the family circle. greatest respect for the intelli- George the Fourth was partial gentsia. To them, brains and to boxing. He had many friends brawn combine as badly as do among the English pugilists. December and May. It is incon- “Gentleman” Jackson, who was gruous; it is out of the natural famous as the greatest fighter of proletarian order of our world, the time, and who took the title and they look upon me, the from Mendoza by tactics which pugilist who reads poetry, as would scarcely be condoned neither fish, flesh nor fowl. Some- under the Marquis of Queens- times they criticize me for using berry’s rules, was the king’s con- it as a publicity stunt. Sometimes fidant, friend and personal body- they merely regard me as a queer guard. He had a place of honor duck, a candidate for Ripley’s at the coronation; he kept in his odditorium. rooms chests filled with presents I want to show in this article from the royal palace, and one that the friendship of a prize- of his nicknames was “Idol of the fighter and a poet has precedence Prince Royal.” Incidentally, he in the world’s history since the was a friend of Byron, who oc- days of the ancient Greeks. I casionally engaged him in ama- want to show that such a friend- teur combat. ship is no reflection upon either Daniel Donnelly was another of these professions. And I want protege of George the Fourth. taken to show this by examples It is said that the king knighted from sources which nobody will him, and as proof of that honor dispute, from history and from the following rhymes were in- the classics. scribed upon his gravestone: But first let me say that my “ Underneath this pillar high interest in literature never was Lies Sir Daniel Donnelly. intended to be used as a public- He was a stout and hardy man ity stunt. Anybody who has fol-

people called him ‘ lowed my career in the ring And Buffing Dan .’ knows that I was a poor boy, and that my circumstances in my Knighthood he took from George's early days were not in any way sword. conducive to artistic aspirations. It just hap- Homer is the first poet to give an account And well he wore it, by my word. pened that I loved the arts. I learned that of a hand-to-hand battle, blow by blow, He died at last from forty-seven for myself. I read Shakespeare at first more and a very vivid and sensational account Tumblers of stout he drank one even. or less by accident, and I found out that his it is. Plato, philosopher and compiler of O’erthrown by punch, unharmed by fist. plays and his poetry held something of philosophies, wrote lyric poetry and was an He died unbeaten pugilist. value to me. Then I learned that other excellent amateur wrestler in the gym- Such a buffer as Donnelly plays and other poetry, that books and art nasia. Alcibiades and Alexander the Great Ireland never again will see.” music held something of value. I was combined fists and philosophy, poetry and and And there was Bob Gregson, who was happier for knowing about them. I found wars. called the Poet Laureate of the pugilists. that I liked to talk to people who knew David was a psalmist and a harp-player, He had high courage, but no science. He aboxit them. Everything that I learned was but when the Israelites needed a champion used to compose verses and cry them during like a window opened suddenly to a new he stepped out of the ranks and slew his fights. Some of his poetry was collected view of the world. Goliath. Virgil was the friend and intellec- in a volume by one of his patrons; I give a So you see I am glad for that first read- tual mentor of the great Augustus, who, on stanza for what it is worth. This is taken ing of Shakespeare. I do not claim to have his campaigns, used to send couriers to the long celebrating the victory any particular talents for writing. But I poet begging him for another canto of the from a poem Cribb over Molineaux, the great am grateful that I appreciate and enjoy Aeneid, to help him during long and weary of Tom poetry. And I can say that I get as much sieges. negro Continued on page 109

ESQUIRE Autumn, 1933 95 ‘‘Can’t you trait a minute? — / i rant to hear your husband sing this song”

95 KsqriRF.—Autumn, 1933 Striped marlin weighing 343 pounds

Pauline Hemingway with first white marlin

MARLIN OFF THE MOBKO Continued from page 39 are built to be able to go up and down in any lutely fresh bait caught that same day; if the depth. I have had a marlin sound four hundred bait were stale you might expect them all to refuse yards straight down, all the rod under water over it once they had tasted it. This sort of fish can often the side, bent double with that weight going down, be made to hit by speeding the boat up and skip- watching the line go, putting on all ping the bait over the top of the water with the down, down, pressure possible on the reel to check him, him rod. If he does take it, do not give him too much going down and down until you are sure every inch line before you hit him. of line will go. Suddenly he stops sounding and The indifferent fish will follow the boat for as straighten get onto your feet, get the butt many as three or four miles. Looking the baits you up, in the socket and work him up slowly, finally you over, sheering away, coming back to swim deep have the double line on the reel and think he is down below them and follow, indifferent to the coming to gaff and then the line begins to rip out bait, yet curious. If such a fish swims with his as he hooks up and heads off to sea just under the pectoral fins tucked close to his sides he will not surface to come out in ten long, clean jumps. This bite. He is cruising and you are on his course. after an hour and a half of fight. Then to sound That is all. The minute a marlin sees the bait, if he again. They are a fish all right. The 343 pounder is going to strike, he raises his dorsal fin and spreads those wide, bright blue pectorals so that jumped 44 times. can fish for them in Cuba from April all he looks like some great, under-sea bird in the You through the summer. Big ones will be accidental water as he follows. until the middle of June and we only saw four The black marlin is a stupid fish. He is im- in July and August it is mensely powerful, can jump wonderfully and will broadbill all season. But go out that you will hook break your back sounding but he has not the even money any day you into fish from three hundred pounds up. Up stamina of the striped marlin, nor his intelligence. a means a very long way up. The biggest marlin ever I believe they are mostly old, female fish, past their brought into the market by the commercial fisher- prime and that it is age that gives them that black men weighed eleven hundred and seventy-five color. When they are younger they are much bluer pounds with head cut off, gutted, tail cut off and and the meat, too, is whiter. If you fight them fast, flanks cut away; eleven hundred and seventy-five never letting up, never resting, you can kill them when on the slab, nothing but the saleable quicker than you could ever kill a striped marlin pounds meat ready to be cut into steaks. All right. You of the same size. Their great strength makes them tell me. What dicl he weigh in the water and what very dangerous for the first forty minutes. I mean did he look like when he jumped? dangerous to the tackle; no fish is dangerous to a man in a launch. But if you can take what they ( This is the a series of letters by Ernest have to give during that time and keep working on first of will be rom Spain) them they will tire much quicker than any striped Hemingway. The next one f marlin. The 468 pounder was hooked in the roof of the mouth, was in no way tangled in the leader, Another view of the 468 pound marlin jumped eight times completely clear, towed the shown on page 9, giving idea of size boat stern first when held tight, sounded four times, but was brought to gaff at the top of the water, fin and tail out, in sixty-five minutes. But if I had not lost a much larger striped marlin the day before after two hours and twenty minutes, and fought a black one the day before for forty-five I would not have been in shape to work him so hard. Fishing in a five-mile-an-hour current, where a hooked fish will always swim against the current, where the water is from four hundred to seven hun- dred fathoms deep, there is much to learn about tactics in fighting big fish. But one myth that can be dissipated is the old one that the water pressure at one thousand feet will kill the fish. A marlin dies at the bottom only if he has been hooked in the belly. These fish are used to going to the bottom. They often feed there. They are not built like bot- tom fish which live always at the same depth but

Smacks in Havana harbor — tarpon lie in the shade of these smacks

97 ESQUIRE—Autumn, 1933 — —

THE NEW LEISURE THE PHANTOM CHAMPS “Where’s that eye?” “What eye?” I dissembled. Continued page 13 Continued from page 56 from “That eye you got from Ritchie!” insisted Tad. vulgar and debasing sex plays by the score. were weighing me in the balance of ability. “Why, Tad, I got no eye from Ritchie,” I re- There are other people who seek a social expres- Apparently they couldn’t make up their minds, plied. Then Tad: sion apart from their work. The Rotary Clubs, and I sensed that I would have to stand the test- “Listen, I wrote my story for the paper back in Kiwanis Clubs and other similar organizations are how would I fare with any one of them? I found New York, and I told all about that eye. I said evidence of this. These groups widen a man’s in- myself wondering. I am glad to be able to report you had an eye, and by Golly, you’ve got to have terest in his fellow men. He is drawn out of his here truthfully that I was not afraid. In fact, I an eye!” purely individualistic selfishness and has some con- believe I welcomed the test, as I know now any And with that he let me have that bony fist cern for what is happening to his fellow men. of the old time champions would welcome the right smack in the right eye, and in a flash it chance to successor if it were possible, As an example of what can be done by such meet any puffed out even further than it had been in the with both at the peak of their prowess. But alas, organizations, let me cite the work of the Carnegie fight. I beat it back to the hotel and the hot this can only in the imagination. Endowment for International Peace which is form- happen towels, the witch hazel, and bed. ing groups to study International Relations all over That first night, there came the great Gans to And would you believe it, ever since that time, this country and Europe. These groups consist of try me out. Always the boxing writers have argued I’ve always welcomed fights with so-called “phan- both young and older people who come together the respective ability of Gans and myself. Some toms” of the ring. They always proved to be my once a week or so. They discuss what they hear and thought Joe was the greatest of all lightweights. meat. read, and so greatly extend and deepen their interest Others flattered me by expressing the opinion that in current events. I represented a more advanced type of fighter- that first night I found myself Groups such as these could be formed by political boxer. At any rate, I WAS, I AM, A SPY fighting the great Negro, and in the dim haze of the clubs or public service clubs. Suppose they met Continued from page 64 the stood in judgment. All I every week or two and discussed not only national room others around ever of I suppose, into nationals. When picked up by the gendarmes questions but also local ones. They would afford had heard Gans, crowded imaginary battle with him. Of course I must and the British M. P.s and taken to the Pre- many an opportunity for improving their leisure and my have fallen asleep, it stands out vividly in fecture, I was to deny vigorously that I was at the same time would bring about many reforms but my mind even today which is something remarkable Bennett and to insist that I was Howard, an in local government and community life. — for a dream to do his masterful blocking, his deft American newspaper man. The Prefect, at my There are some parts of this country where the — hitting, his elusiveness and his sagacity. He feinted request, would send for Boileau of the Informa- towns have no sidewalks. The reason is that the subtly, I recall, and if it means anything for the tion to identify me. Boileau, to my apparent people are so individualistic that when they have records, I lost that first fight with him— that discomfiture, would fail to identify me and would made a path to the street their interest stops; they imaginary contest, which lasted an arduous num- suggest that a visit be made to the address on the never give a thought to the man who walks in the ber of rounds. Carte d’ldentite. There Bennett’s passport faked street. Such people are not socially minded; if they I was all in the next day, and yet I daren’t tell up with my photo would be discovered. The can be made so during their leisure it will react for Gibson nor trainer the cause of my fatigue, for British would then hang on to me with their the benefit of the entire country as well for the my fear they would make a laughing stock out of me. famed bulldog tenacity. I would be taken to the benefit of the people themselves. service. But it was the same thing the next night and the recruiting office and impressed into Two and women differ enormously in their re- Men next. I simply couldn’t get inured to the place. of our men would be detailed to watch over me sponse to suggestions and directions. Some are One after another, the ghostly galaxy of ring and if I were directed anywhere but to Marseilles, easily fatigued and make very slight response. Their greats paraded forward, to cross gloves with the they would manage to get me out of British use of leisure is very apt to degenerate into mere current champion, to see if he were worthy of the hands and in due time, as Howard, my apparent laziness. Others show great response in many cases. title they themselves had graced so nobly. return from Morocco would be arranged and the In that case leisure becomes not only interesting in British And then, the very night before my fight with would list Bennett as a deserter. If I were itself but vastly increases the interest and capacity directed Marseilles, I should Ritchie, the spectral Gans and I met in our to the mine-layers at for work. A man who understands the real use and use ingenuity to discover what type mine “return match.” This time it was I who won—so my enjoyment of leisure is a far better worker than he was carried and on the first occasion ashore go to you see, the question of supremacy between us who does not. the Prefect to demand sanctuary, asking him to would still be a moot one, if these “fights” were of the things which Americans in particular keep under cover to transmit code One taken as a criterion. I never had the good fortune me and my find it very difficult to grasp is the fact that wliile a number to Paris for further instructions. Should to see the real Gans fight, but if I were privileged a do 12 months’ work in 9 months, he can not mission accomplished before the Brit- man can revelation of his style that first night, I can realize my not be it in 12 months. man who works 9 months ish squadron sailed, I to remain with it until do A well why his name will live forever among the was measured in hours and has fruitful and enjoyable I had succeeded. the first chance of escape I illustrious ones of the prize-ring. At leisure for 3 months will do more that is worth doing was to go to the nearest French official and em- And so, that night I faced Willie Ritchie, no in a year’s time than he who works 12 months with ploy the same formula. wonder I lost! He’d brought his gang with him! no leisure at all. The plan worked like charm. I was caught And what a gang, all those phantom champs,to be a In other words, properly used leisure increases faced by the Champion of Avenue A! in the raid, taken to the recruiting office after the capacity for useful and productive work. When of military prison, Willie Ritchie was notoriously a “slow begin- two days and duly shoved men get that into their heads, they will see the basis into King George’s The officer in charge ner,” but he had a reputation for remarkable navy. of a new argument for shorter hours of labor. That did try to veil his contempt for the slacker I stamina or staying powers. But somehow, I was not argument is not that shorter hours of labor will to and, in fact, showed me how unable to make the most of this, for I found my was presumed be result in less work being done, but that it will result ridiculous contentions were by calling atten- arms heavy and my fists leaden. I felt exactly as my either in more work being done or in the same work tion to the fact that, although claiming to be an if I actually had gone through my imaginary bat- being better done. American, I had not attempted to communicate tles physically, and, whether it was all imagina- Of course, this means that there should be no with the American Embassy during my two days tion or not, I could feel bruised spots in my body, artificial limit put to a worker’s power of production. of confinement and that the letters I had sent had as if from heavy blows. I didn’t fight anywhere should lay as many bricks in a day as he com- been addressed to parties unknown to the French He near to my form that night, according to those fortably can without regard to the capacity of other authorities and were in his hands. in- who had seen me in other contests. For myself, I now He people engaged in the same occupation. In this way formed me that any attempt to evade the Ser- know I didn’t. the advantage of those things with which he occupies geant was taking me in his detachment Thus it was that in the third round Ritchie who will manifest themselves in his capacity considered as desertion in the face of his leisure caught me a beautiful smash right in the right eye, would be death penalty the pun- for work. and the eye puffed up and popped out so far you the enemy and the was long way to go in dealing with ishment therefor. civilian clothes were taken We have a very could hang your hat and coat on it. It was a wow, My this question because there are parts of our own from me, I was given a sailor’s uniform and kit and I could hear the late and lovable Tad Dorgan, which the standard entrained for Marseilles in country and other countries in famous newspaper sports cartoonist, going into and an hour later was it should be. This of eight men. Four were sailors of living is still far below what rapturous wonderment at the fight. Tad, you a detachment standard of living cannot be raised all at once, but might know, was a rabid “native” Californian, and detached from other commands, two were young object to raise it by recruits slacker who had been nevertheless it should be our he crowed gleefully as he clicked off on his type- and another was a certainly to in raid like myself. I discovered the all means in our power and remove any writer the tale of my debacle. caught a by other, which that slackers were generally sent on obstacles, governmental or may now At the end of the fourth round, I was a comical comments its being raised. One great like mine-laving. (The Chief must stand in the way of sight, what with my right eye sticking so far out dirty jobs obstacle to freer movement of international have known and depended on this when he con- the it looked like a beacon lamp. It made the feature would be of his plan.) trade, which freer movement such of the fight stories sent out by the scribes covering ceived people of the United States and to l>enefit to the the affair. The trip was not a pleasant one as two of us many other jjeoples as well, is that the condition of In the dressing room after I had dressed, Gibson were in the party but not of it. Travelling in a is still very low as to the workers in some lands so told me he and the rest of our party were going third-class compartment with a crowd who hates with the condition make it quite incommensurable over to the Indoor Yacht Club, a rendezvous run your guts is nothing I would recommend. I was workers of today which we have in mind for our own by Jim Coffroth, the famous California sports glad when we arrived and were taken out in a and tomorrow. This is an international problem of promoter. tender to the boats to which we were assigned. it will not down. large importance and “I’ll meet you there later,” I said. “I’m going I was the only one of the eight taken aboard my Various nations have approached the problem of to the hotel and fix up this eye.” At the hotel I particular tub and when I came aboard, the leisure in some definite fashion. The new govern- put hot and cold applications on the injury, used young Lieutenant who commanded her had me ment of Italy has developed a most extraordinarily witch hazel and did a few other things that finally brought to his cabin. He told me that nobody brilliant program for the interesting and enjoyable brought the swelling down, so that I looked quite but himself knew the circumstances of my re- use of leisure on the part of both children and adults. normal, except for a discoloration under the eye. cruitment and that it depended entirely on my- The German people have long had their own way This was easily camouflaged with cold cream and self as to what treatment I should receive. A of solving this problem and have made large use of powder, and I sallied forth, to the Indoor Yacht non-com was called who took me aft, assigned music and of open air life. The French have done Club. a bunk to me and turned me over to another who sailed. not so much. The British, like ourselves, are dealing Arriving there, I went up to the bar, and placed told me my duties. That night we with the problem now in serious and practical fash- my order for a chicken sandwich and a glass of During the next day and a half I polished more engine-room. ion and along very much the same lines that are milk. Then turning, I found myself face to face brass than I thought existed in an projected and advocated in this country. with dear old Tad. He was staring at me in un- A little after noon I was ordered to the Lieuten- ant’s cabin and there was told that I was being The fundamental fact to be grasped is that work mistakable astonishment. I grinned at him and transferred to the M.L. 982 where I was to report and leisure are two parts of one and the same thing, asked him what was the matter. only the to the Squadron C. O. I got my few belongings which is an interesting and useful life. He who does Pointing his right forefinger— Tad had together when we ran alongside, was put not work loses one of the greatest of life’s enjoy- forefinger and thumb on his right hand, the other and was taken to the ments, and he who has no adequate leisure and no three fingers having been severed at the hand in a aboard the squadron leader. I cabin of the Commander, a very elegant gentle- knowledge of how to use that leisure is deprived of childhood accident, leaving a hard, bony knob- man. life’s greatest satisfaction. pointing directly at my right eye, Tad demanded: Continued on page 103

Autumn, 1933 98 ESQUIRE additional essentials. HIS is the way the experienced race- blucher shoes, the Tgoer dresses, mindful of the fact that The horsey Long Island set has always racing days come in all kinds of weather. been noted for a nice sense of clothes Some of the new raincoats are made of selection, combining the colorful with substances so cannily contrived that you the eminently practical, and this turn- the reviving are put to it to determine, at any dis- out is a typical one. With SUGGESTED KIT increasing num- tance over three feet away, whether they interest in horses, since are topcoats that look like raincoats or bers of people have taken up riding as raincoats that closely resemble topcoats. a regular exercise, racing motifs have more prominent place in the FOR ANY DAY In any case, whether it be of rubber proc- found a sports- essed to a nap-like finish or cloth that realm of items designed for general fashionable acceptance is weather-proofed, the coat that is built wear usage. This on the lines of the model sketched will for things that smack of the turf has re- AT THE RACES look at home in any paddock. The one- sulted in the present vogue for bit design piece topped plaid cap which survived, jewelry, double ring belt fasteners and in such for a while, only as a shipboard acces- even the use of racing colors sory, has staged a comeback and is now hitherto prosaic items as braces. These not only tolerated but highly regarded are of a new model with calfskin ends as an item for general sports and country and the convenient clips attached which usage. Woolen reefers and string gloves anchor one’s shirt in place. The over- or leather ones of the pull-on type com- size silk sports handkerchief features a prise, along with woolen socks and stout choice of horse or hound as decoration.

99 EStgUIRE—Autumn , 1933 —

HIS is the outfit for the country gen- turn-up. Cuffs, indeed, seem to be on T tleman or the week-ending city the way out with natural turn-ups dweller. In either case, the old English favored outside the city limits and cuff- sheep dog, that symbol of rural aristoc- less trousers getting the preference, at racy, will have no cause to feel ashamed least among those who set the pace, in of his companion. The briar pipe and town. While a light shirt is indicated in KEYED TO COUNTRY the ash stick are as congenial to a coun- the sketch, nothing feels better or looks try setting as the tang of autumn air and better, with country clothes, than a the rustle of dried leaves. The Lovat fine soft shirt of Scotch woolen flannel jacket has three buttons and expansion in the true dark colorings that are now LANES FROM SHOES pockets; the buttons are of hand-cut getting such a big play. These shirts stag horn or leather (the former are have come in with a bang, as handsome currently rated as being a bit more on and appropriate concomitants of the the swank side) and the pockets are wooly textures that are in high demand TO CHECKERED CAP capacious enough to afford ample park- for men’s suitings. A Shetland pullover ing space for bulky objects such as the is especially desirable this season, for tobacco pouch and things like that. In the same reason—the soft finish is in this particular scheme of color and pat- keeping with the soft rough cloths that tern, the best fabric bet would be Shet- dominate the current trend. Helpful to land for the jacket and tweed or heavy the effect of studied nonchalance that flannel for the trousers. The latter are characterizes these outfits is the over- not cuffed but are worn with natural sized sports handkerchief. wn ESQUIRE Autumn, 1933 —4

IX THE HOIS Continued from page 53

Nally dropped his umbrella and turned to her. “Dear Sheryl, don’t you understand? I was afraid.” “Ah — chivalry!” She smiled in the meaning way of women. “I don’t mean that. When we broke up—when

I left you . . Sheryl stood up, her eyes wide with fury. “When you left me. I like that. My dear boy, I think that a little research will prove that 7 left you.” Nally stood up also. He smiled wanly. “All right, then, I’ll forgive you.” Sheryl wheeled around and walked quickly away from him. She was sorry, now, that she had both- ered to recognize Nally. It would have been in- finitely more satisfying to have accepted the coincidence of seeing him and to have imagined what might have been said, rather than to have wittingly submitted herself to Nally’s dullness. After all, she was married now. She had under- taken soberly all the attendant responsibilities and Nally was the last person in the world she wanted to see — at least, that she ought to see. As she thought of all these things, her pace quickened. The virulence of her mood was not the only element that prompted her acceleration; she heard the too-familiar sound of Nally’s long strides overtaking her. Quite abruptly, her arms were caught and she was obliged to stop in her tracks. Nally turned her forcefully to him. “I love you,” he said, simply. Sheryl’s face expressed vividly her violent dis- pleasure. “How nice for you!” She tried to break away, but Nally had always been very strong—no reason for it, either; he was innately lazy and never exercised. He continued to look at her. He had such charm when he wanted to use it. It seemed to Sheryl that right now all that once had been the one and only Nally had returned. But she remained adamant. “Will you please let me go? I must get back to my hotel.” “Why?” “Because I arrived only this morning and I must unpack— that is, if you don’t mind.” Nally grinned. “Not at all. Don’t give it an- other thought.” Sheryl’s lips thinned. She thanked her heavens that no one was in sight; that this discussion was completely their own. “Scenes have always bored me,” she said crisply. “Me, too.” And then his voice lowered and his words were clipped. “Sheryl. Sheryl, dear. I love you.” “So I understand.” Nally did not seem to hear her comment and went on, “You love me, too, don’t you? There’s never really been anyone but me— ever, has there? Every minute we were separated, you were thinking of me, weren’t you? Every time you were in your —in Cross’ arms, you felt unfaithful to me, didn’t you? You belong to me wholly, don’t you?” “Of course!” said Sheryl, who, to hide the sud- den flood of tears that began to run down her SINCE 1848, SKINNER’S SILK cheeks, put her head on Nally’s shoulder. Nally held her very close to him, so that she might feel liis heart thumping away madly. He wanted to say something like “My darling!” But LININGS HAVE ENRICHED he smothered the temptation as being too banal. That was one thing about their relationship— it had never been banal. With a quiet sniff, Sheryl raised her head. Her THE GARMENTS OF UP-TO- chin wiggled a little bit, and a faint touch of wet mascara on her lashes made her squint her eyes. “Nally,” she said. “Yes, dear.” THE-MINUTE AMERICANS. “You’re gloating, aren’t you?” “Yes, dear.” She put her face once “God, you’re a beast.” "LOOK FOR THE NAME IN THE SELVAGE" more on his shoulder. And once more Nally agreed. After a few more stifled sobs had escaped her, she turned sideways to Nally, who took care that William Skinner & Sons, New York • Established 1848 one arm remained around her shoulders. He tilted her chin upward, and after his eyes had gorged themselves on her face, he kissed her. Sheryl felt that she and Nally had been fused into one distinct entity for that brief moment. “It’s raining!” Sheryl spoke through their kiss. “Damn!” And Nally opened his umbrella. He wanted to giggle or scream or cry. He could not make up his mind which to do, so he took Sheryl XKIINN ER 'S by the arm and hurried along. “Where are you going?” she asked. “Take you home, if you like.” “Yes, I would like. I haven’t even unpacked LI N I IN GS oh, I told you that.” “That’s all right. Where are you stayins:?” The rain started to come down heavily, and Sheryl clung closer to Nally. “I’ve found the cutest little 'pension’ hotel near the Etoile.” “We’ll get a taxi.” But, as fortune would have it, there was no taxi Continued on page 10

ESQUIRE—Aatumn , 1933 101 —

i LITHOGRAPH BY JOHN GROTH

Eviction

ESQUIRE Autumn, 1933 102 I WAS, I AM, A SPY reason.) Before my shadow could gain admittance, advisory. But after a week or so, the advisor’s Continued from page 98 Madame having told him that the house was full role becomes dimmer and dimmer; the edges begin up and that he would have to wait until a client left, to waver and blend. And another collaborator has He was sitting at his desk and swung round in I had telephoned for instructions. I was told to go turned literary spook. his chair when his orderly, with me in tow, rapped openly to Bennett’s room in about an hour. Then we have the spectacle of highly paid, on the open door. He asked me in, dismissed the I found Pierre there and he removed the stain three-name authors, who belong to the Dutch orderly with the request that he close the door from my body. He gave me a uniform to put on Treat Club and carry gold fountain pens, collect- after him and then asked me to sit down. I, as an and to my amazement I saw it to be that of a fire- ing enormous fees for work which is really done ordinary seaman, remained standing and was again man. When I was dressed he took my sailor clothes by obscure but competent radio hacks. The told to sit down. When I said something about and all my other gear and soaked them with petrol. author has sold his name. The ghost supplies the regulations, he laughed and said, “Very well then, I saw that everything of value had been removed rest: plot, character, skill in dialogue, feeling for I order you to sit down. Take a cigarette and listen from the room during my absence. On my asking the dramatic scene. Most fictioneers do not carefully while I read you this report. It leaves me what it was all about, he cooly replied, “I’m going ordinarily find either cash or glory on the visible in a quandary. I’d like to drop you overside and to set this place afire. Monsieur Bennett and his stage. The field of the legitimate dramatist is one let you try to swim ashore but I have other orders.” belongings are to be cremated. The newspapers which they do not ordinarily attempt to cultivate. He adjusted his monocle, lit a cigarette after tomorrow will carry an account of the fire and the But radio with its plentiful ghosts is a happy offering me a light for one I had taken, and read me finding of a charred body, presumably Bennett.” hunting ground for an author with a front and a the following: “Larey Howard, alias Howard Law- When I expostulated that he was endangering list of magazine successes. There is something ton, alias Ludwig Haenel, alias Jean Finot, alias the rest of the tenants, he replied, “I’ve had my about such men that impresses prospective spon- Captain X, is with your squadron as Roger Ben- orders from the Chief and now I’ll give you yours. sors of radio entertainments. The question of the nett. Born February 17, 1889 at 370 East 51st St., Now that you are ready, I shall give the alarm author’s fitness to produce spoken dialogue is New York City, French-American parentage. Edu- after setting a match to this. By the time the fire- never considered for an instant. The sponsor’s cated in Ohio. Engaged in commercial pursuits men get here, it will be just right for them to ex- notion is, you can always find somebody to do until 1915 in the U. S. Recorded that from the tinguish. In the confusion you will board the fire- the writing. outbreak of hostilities in 1914, he was often present engine I indicate. At the firehouse you will find And then, there are the radio actors claim in cities where violations of American neutrality who your newspaper correspondent’s uniform and a fast the authorship of the sketches in which they occurred which resulted in arrest and deportation car will take you out to a way-station of the appear. One thinks of Philipps Lord as the of German agents. Possibly an agent-provocateur, who P.L.M. in time to get the express into Paris in the pious Seth Parker sells hymn books to his Sunday possibly counter-espionage. Secured position as morning. Money anti all necessary papers are in night public. the other hand, European correspondent of XYZ Daily Record, On Raymond your uniform. You will breakfast and then go to Knight of “Ku-Ivu” and “Wheatenaville” fame works on space rate. Left New York on S. S. office. will your You find an invitation to visit the writes every line and word that is heard in his Chicago, July 2, 1915, became friendly ab ard with Verdun sector. You will leave at noon with a party sketches. of Sigrid Olesen, mistress Neither these gentlemen would pre- Swedish of well-known New of correspondents. The party will be in charge of a sent quite the curious problem in ethics which is Yorker. Remained in Hotel Bordeaux several days Captain Blanquet of the Etat Major. In the party found in the case of the widely published author, with her. Lived for several weeks in her Paris will be a correspondent of a Buenos Aires news- of established reputation, who augments that apartment with her. Shortly thereafter she was paper named Vallejo. He is being subsidized by reputation over the air with and dialogue deported to the U. S. Frequented Montparnasse drama the Boches. Eliminate him. Let’s hope for better in the ghostly thereafter going occasional trips bought markets. on to the British luck with this mission.” and French fronts usually to sectors where defeat- Not since the days of Dickens have serial To my question, “But when do I see the Chief?” ism was rumored. His visits were marked sub- writers turned out such quantities of material as by he answered with a grin, “Never fear, you shall see sequent transfers of other regiments, does the radio author of this year 1933. If his men to courts- him. will be Captain Blanquet.” He story is heard every he martial leading to executions and the like. day, writes in a week more Has And then, he lit a match. made several visits to Germany via England and than the number of words in a novel of standard length. big Holland. He is persona grata to the Central Pow- No wonder the names of the nickel f ers as his despatches to his paper usually favor CONFESSIONS OF A GHOST weeklies prefer to farm this gruelling labor ou . Keep a radio show going, and you haven’t mucn Germany. In London and Paris has on numerous Continued from page 67 occasions been present at cafe and restaurant time left for the higher aspects of life as represented state of cerebration, for tons of humor are required brawls at which killings have taken place. Upon by golf, ping-pong, and lunching with editors. to keep weekly act. Eddie Cantor, Jack examination no weapon has ever been found upon up a So miracles of mass production must be per- Pearl, Ed Wynn, Bert Lahr, Harry Richman, him. Victims of brawls have invariably been under formed by the ghostly playwrights of radio. At George Jessel they are all haunted, and by some surveillance of Allied aut horities. He has struck up — one time I was writing a daily fifteen minute of the most successful apparitions in the business. intimacies with numerous foreigners who have program —signed by a famous name— and two Among the leading gag men are Al Boasberg, Dave shortly thereafter dropped from sight. He is appar- half-hour weekly scripts in addition. This repre- Freedman, and William Iv. Welles, who composes ently a killer whose tracks are covered by others. sents considerably more dialogue than is found in the Baron Munchausen foolery. These and Has considerable funds at his disposal which can- men a three act play. To continue production at this their colleagues are Broadway boys with stony not be accounted for by his personal means or by rate week after week induces a state of mind eyes and memories like elephants. They need the his journalistic earnings. He is obviously in the which I imagine is rather like that of an opium for protection against gag thieves Espionage Service of some power, probably France, memories who addict. People seem to float rather than move listen in with more than idle attention when the as he works most often with them. He has ren- and all the voices you hear come from a great big guns of humor thunder over the airways. dered invaluable service to His Majesty’s Govern- distance. Here it should be mentioned that there is a ment, to Belgium, to France, and to Russia. He has Nevertheless, the radio ghost takes on his job shining exception to the ghost writing rule, in the secretly been decorated by the three latter powers. of haunting with his eyes open. Certainly he person of Fred Allen, who writes all his own Although known as Captain X, he has been dec- doesn’t have to do it. And he may be cheered in material. But then, he used to be a librarian, and orated by the Imperial Russian Government with his anonymous labor by the hope that some day can still read a newspaper without moving his an order never bestowed below the rank of Colonel. he will work in his own right and under his own lips, which makes him, in his profession, not so Has on several occasions given valuable informa- name ghost for himself, so to speak. That day, much an exception as a prodigy. — tion to the greatest neutral power. He may be in of course, will never come. A ghost would not be a Recently I had the pleasure of assisting at a its Secret Service. He is to be extended every cour- ghost if he were not endowed with the devious, gag conference for one of the top flight comedians. tesy by you. You are to return him to Marseilles sardonic, pessimistic turn of mind which enables The room seemed to be full of cigar smoke and where further transportation will be provided. No him to accept an arrangement whereby the work ” men named Lou or Al. The comic, an earnest harm must come to him while with your Command. of his brain is used to glorify another person. No little fellow, was pacing up and down. Dropping his monocle from his eye, he smilingly amount of money could really justify such a trans- “I got a public,” he was wailing, “a public and said, “Now, my dear chap, what have you to say to action. The ghost knows \n his heart that when he you ask me such a thing!” that? You see our Intelligence is not so dusty.” accepts his wages he has sold something he can The humorists had suggested that their em- I answered, “All I have to say is that your people never buy back —his own integrity. The only un- ployer obtain a laugh by making the unpleasant don’t seem to know their own minds. When I told credited collaborator whose doings were ethically labial sound known as the Bronx Cheer. them that I was Howard, they insisted that I was defensible was Cyrano, who stood in the shadow “Lou,” he groaned, “I can’t do it! I got a Bennett and that Howard was in Morocco. Now and whispered to Chretien the golden phrases public!” that I admit being Bennett, you say I am Howard.” which were Roxane’s delight. The reward of Lou, Al & Co. chewed their cigars to the ulti- His rejoinder was, “Well I don’t care a damn Cyrano was that he loved them both. But for my mate half inch. It was like Black Friday in the whether you’re the Kaiser himself. I think you’re part, I fear that I could not say I have affection panic of 1907, with J. P. Morgan deciding whether in a filthy job and I still think it would be a bloody for any of the authors I have boosted to meretri- or not to let the country go to perdition. Then good day’s work to drop you overside. But as I cious fame, nor do I admire the audience that came the true, the heaven-sent afflatus, welcome admire your guts, I’m having you mess with me applauds them. as a dove with olive branches. this evening and after dinner back you go to Mar- What I have written here, however, is not set “I got it!” cried Al, “I got it! He bends over, seilles on the 1402. By the way, you might tell me down in bitterness. “collaborators” often see? Way over, see? And then the drummer, he My in- how you perform your executions and are then vite to a Barmecide’s feast of flattery tears a pieca cloth, see? R-r-rip! Like he tore his me and found without weapons. That’s a likely thing to is pants, see?” pretended admiration. This amusing. Often know. It might be of use to me some day.” Success! they amuse me further by their calm acceptance answered, dear of well-meant praise for they signed I grinned at him and “My Com- The willing ghosts forthwith attacked the prob- work but did that all this report is true, which not write. mander, granting lem of visualizing this gag for the edification of I concede, wouldn’t it be rather indiscreet do not the comedian’s public. As I let t the room, they I recollect the case of one man for whom I did than already of me to tell you more you know? were waving their cigars as though to signal the a series of radio plays replete with terse dialogue Intelligence work that.” Suppose you put your to on go-ahead to a train of inspiration that would and smashing situation. I feel sure this man The youngster who commanded 1402, whose prostrate the country in one Gargantuan belly- would be hard put to it to write an ordinary cabin I shared and with whom I messed on the laugh. Make no mistake: these Broadway gagsters business letter, a really well-phrased letter, I return voyage, was patently puzzled as to what it know their business, and they have also been mean. But he was not deterred by any sense of was all about but asked no questions and I volun- clever enough to master the technique of the his own shortcomings. Soon he was giving oracu- teered no information. He personally escorted me microphone. lar interviews on how to write for radio. Then came first-class to the R. T. O. and got me a compart- And there is a technique, though not a difficult the day when I saw in a journal a section of ment to Paris and saw me aboard the train. The one. It is a matter of ear. The vaudeville men, dialogue from one of the scripts I had written, agent who was set to watch me was laughable, he dealers in the spoken word, have sensed this accompanied by an article in which the expert was so obvious. I made no attempt to evade him important fact. But a writer who is exclusively pointed out how “his” work had brought a new as there was always the chance that if I did he eye-minded, as I believe many magazine authors vitality to the art of impregnating the air with might pot-shot me as a deserter. are, will find radio a puzzling and elusive medium. drama. And the editor added that this man was Upon arriving in Paris I taxied immediately to a That’s where the ghost comes in. At first, of “undoubtedly the most gifted of the dialogue house on the rue Blondel, (the logical place for a course, he isn’t a ghost at all; his connection with writers.” sailor to go, although I didn’t go for the logical the author’s series of dramatic scripts is purely That’s success — as it comes to a ghost!

ESQ Ul IKK — Autumn, 1933 103 . ” — —

THERE'S ISO REPEALING TASTES to enjoy the situation. “Have you—er— deserted Continued from page 47 your husband?” he asked. Sheryl still surveyed the passing panorama. takes place in the year 1907 in the halcyon days of “More or less,” she answered. “I told him about the Franco-British bliss. A famous French Gen- us. I was beastly.” eral— possibly Joffre—gives an elaborate dinner in “Beastly!” repeated Nally, grinning broadly. honor of his country’s powerful ally. On His “I felt so horribly ashamed. It seemed to crush Majesty’s right and left are seated the two best him so when I told him, that I thought it would be looking women of Europe. In front of him and unfair to live with him any longer. Therefore, I around him are laid out some of the dustiest bottles packed up and came over here.” in France. The King chats and drinks. Chats bril- “You were always so brave, so sportsmanlike, in liantly and drinks liberally though somewhat per- those matters.” functorily, swallowing in one gulp whatever is “I called you this morning at your old number. poured in his glass. The General gets redder and There was no answer. I had nothing to do and no redder: not from liquor but from indignation. “To place to go, so I went for a walk.” think,” he whispers to his neighbor, the Prime Nally took her hand once more. “Sheryl, are Minister of France, “that I should have wasted my you going out tonight?” time on unearthing all this fine stuff from private “I can’t. It’s too late. luggage hasn’t been cellars. The man is a boor and an ignoramus.” My .” touched and everything I have to wear is in it.” “Tsss . . says the Prime Minister. “Tsss . . . my The sun slipped its last golden red glows of the eye,” replies the General. The coffee is being served day through the Arc de Triomphe as the by now. An eighty-two year old gentleman, wear- cab made the necessary sweep around it. ing a white canvas coat and corduroy trousers, “I’m almost home now. Call me before you enters the room with an uncertain gait, holding a leave with well, call me anyway, won’t you?” bottle close to his heart. I should have said “the” — “Won’t you coma?” bottle, for what the rosv-cheeked patriarch holds “If I weren’t civilized, I’d be insulted.” in his veined hands happens to be one of the very “My dear— few genuine samples of Cognac -Napoleon to be DWIGHT FISKE “Goodbye, Nally. It was so nice to have seen found in France or anywhere else under the moon. you, and do have time.” At a sign from the General, His Majesty’s glass— a good Although he knew by her tone that, her senti- sufficiently big to accommodate the head of John ments were anything but sincere, he mumbled some- COMING DEC. 1 the Baptist — is filled two inches high with the thing pertaining to luggage as the taxi stopped by brownish, smooth —smooth as butter—substance. the little “pension” hotel near the Etoile on the in the second issue of ‘‘Here’s to the ladies,” offers the King and swallows Rue Balzac. his Cognac in one gulp. “Jesus and Mary,” roars out the General in a voice that is heard two floors Early the next morning, a little inn the road ESQUIRE bejow and before he can be stopped by the Prime on to Biarritz served a charming breakfast to a charm- Minister he shakes his fist at the King. “What have • ing couple. I done?” gasps Edward. “What haven’t you done?” THE DWIGHT FISKE ALBUM—The idol of the so- The innkeeper that they were foreigners, replies the General. “I’ve stood this barbarism long knew phisticates of New York, Chicago, Paris, Berlin and guessed that they were Americans. enough. I am at the end of my patience. It was and London, at last tells all. You may have read bad enough to watch you swallow your Chateau- his songs, but until you see him doing them you Laffitte as if it were so much dishwater but when POOR MAN’S IV Hi II T CLUB just don’t know the half of it. by an innova- And it comes to Cognac-Napoleon Oh, no, oh, no . . tion of publishing practice you will see doing Continued from page 61 him A thousand times no and then some.” His Majesty one of his newest and liveliest, from beginning fall would mean his elimination from the contest. is bewildered, ashamed and a bit amused. “How to end. Don’t ask wait’ll see! Thus a sprint means a certain number of hours — us how— you In- does one go about drinking Cognac-Napoleon?” cidentally, he will tell you what the Queen of seldom fewer than three or more than six— with he queries with a wink at his neighbors. “I'll show Spain said, and what a mouthful that was. fewer than three falls. Later on in the contest a you how,” thunders the General. “Watch me care- two-fall rule is in effect. fully.” He takes his glass in both hands, raises it HEMINGWAY IN SPAIN — This issue will contain An elimination sprint is the same as the time to the level of his nose, begins to roll it slowly and the second of the series of letters Ernest Heming- sprint, except that its duration is not fixed in then—after two minutes of rolling—breathes deeply way is doing for ESQUIRE. Illustrations by advance. It continues until one contestant is of the faint aroma. “The ethery smell so peculiar John Dos Passos. eliminated by taking a third (or, under the two-fall to all brandies, even the oldest of them, is practi- rule, a second) fall. THOMAS BURKE — The Watcher, a haunting story cally gone now,” he explains to the King. “Another A grind differs from a sprint in that the floor of Limehouse, by the man who made it famous. five minutes or so and I shall moisten my lips with attendants are not allowed to help the contestants, • this noble liquid.” “And what does one do then?” in any way, except after a fall. In the sprint, a PAUL MORAND—Around the World at the Cocktail asks the King guardedly. “Does one drink it?” contestant feeling drowsy can ask the nurse or a Hour, a grand tour of the world’s most famous “One talks about it,” replies the General wryly. trainer for help, but not in the grind. In {he grind, bars, featuring the best drink served at each of —All of this goes to prove that, when “Der Tag” the couples are usually chained or taped together them, by the celebrated French author who is a arrives and at a sign from Secretary Hull the in dancing position. citizen of the world. heavily laden boats push their way from Sandy A grind, like a sprint, can be set for a certain • Hook into the Hudson River, there will be hue and interval of time, or for an indeterminate period, to BARNEY ROSS— That part of the new lightweight cry throughout this gorgeous land for the most un- end only with the elimination of a contestant. champion’s story which has never been told on pronounceable wines, brandies, and liqueurs. And the sports pages. then— some six weeks later— having satisfied their • yen for the exotic and unspellable, the boys and HENRI DUVERNOIS — The Toys, a Christmas story So for the rules. girls will walk through the, by then, wide open much They may, and do, vary with an unusual twist, by one of the outstanding greatly. Walkathons may be held in theatres, doors of Tony’s say in voices choking ill- young writers of France. and with disguised auditoriums or dance halls, armories or pavilions or • emotion: “Make a double old-fashioned.” even tents, and the rules are shaped by exigencies ALBERT HALPER — Hot Night in Rockford quiet mine — a imposed by the nature of the place, as well as by girl alone and lonely, a slick salesman on the And thus it will remain for generations to come, the showmanship of those in charge of the contest . loose, carnival-time in a small town great until another Andrew Volstead raises his head out —a But they must be open to the public all around story. of the tall wheat fields of the manly State of Minne- the clock. This is the sota and proves to the satisfaction of his contem- one characteristic common to all of are twenty-four JOHN RAMSEY — Partly Cloudy to Cloudy — a tale poraries that the Golden Age of their beloved them— they open hours a for duck-hunting time, by a young author never vaterland coincided with those happy bygone day. For how else to allay the suspicion that is harbored, if not voiced, the before published. years when that sterling American, Alphonse Ca- by majority of patrons, that the thing ain’t on the square? pone, Esq., was keeping the fires of rugged individ- DOUGLAS FAIRBANKS, JR.—Yokel, Yokel, Little ualism burning in the Hotel Lexington in Chicago. But if, to the spectator, a Walkathon may be Star — an article in which one of the very few called the poor man’s night club, then to the con- male movie stars who are well dressed tells why IX THE HOIS testant it can be dubbed by no more accurate title most of them aren’t. than The Innocent’s Jail. For where else, except Continued • from page 101 in jail, must you be under the eyes of your fellow- SAM HELLMAN—Subject unannounced, title un- in sight, so Sheryl and Nallv walked and walked men for every waking moment, over periods rang- announced, it but but how could help be funny? until they were very near Longchamps. Talk ing from one month to six, unable to escape for a seemed superfluous; at least, until they found the moment, going through a jitter-giving monotony LOUIS JOSEPH VANCE—The Bridge Racket— being taxi, so they amused themselves with harmonizing of routine every moment you are awake, and hud- the real low-down on how the contract experts on several choruses of “Singing in the Rain.” dled in a common barrack, with no more approach get that way. • But such things cannot go on forever, and even- to privacy than that afforded by the mere segrega- tually a taxi weaved into Nally tion of the sexes, the GEOFFREY KERR— Portrait of a Butler — which is view. hailed it and for moments you are asleep very funny—and therefore indescribable. in anaemic French repeated the address Sheryl and they are only moments—and get not one single had given him. dime in pay for your pains? The army is the life of ROBERT BUCKNER— Little Augie and the Davis Cup, They had not ridden in it five minutes when the Reilly compared to this, for soldiers get pay, they by the ebullient Buckner, who seems destined to rain stopped as suddenly as it had started. get their leave, with its concomitant chances for become the Balzac of our alley. Sheryl took Nallv’s hand. “What are you doing emotional outlet. The weary cast of a Walkathon tonight?” she asked. gets neither. Of course, these are only a few of the “Driving down to Biarritz.” If it is hard to see why people should want to many features in the next issue of Esquire. “Alone?” Sheryl looked serious. watch a Walkathon, then it is harder still to under- “Naturally.” But now is the time to assure yourself stand why people should want to enter one, as con- “Cad!” She dropped his hand. testants. The contestants, or to refer to them of obtaining a copy of every issue. And by “I am—really.” the only name the Masters of Ceremonies ever the only way to do that is to subscribe. “Then you’ve changed.” call them, the Kiddies, are of two types. There are It’s $1.50 by the year. “I have indeed.” the professionals—kids who go, for want of any Sheryl was looking out the window. “I’m rather better way to find food at least and shelter of a sorrv you have.” hard-won sort, from town to town where Walka- ESQUIRE “Why?” thons are held, frequently going by the hitch-hike “Never mind.” route. Many of these young veterans, still in their THE QUARTERLY FOR MEN Nally was completely perplexed, but beginning early twenties (averaging, in fact, about 21 years) Continued on page 107

104 ESQUIRE Autumn, 1933 F your association with horses is more course, the last word in correctness. The I than occasional, this version of a rid- eyelet-pinned round collar attached shirt ing kit should interest you. It is a hack- of light weight broadcloth is suitable for ing kit that will serve for either country general sports and negligee wear, but is or park riding. The breeches have a especially good with this riding kit be- CORRECT RIDING “whip” to the looseness from knee to cause this style of collar affords a trim, waist but they are tight in the calf after almost military, note of neatness that the true British cavalry pattern. The adds a lot to the effect of the outfit as a jacket must be cut carefully, along the whole. A suede jacket is a welcome ad- HARIT FOR PARK lines of the one that is sketched here, or dition when the weather turns cold, but a botch will result that may be regarded a newer idea is the short knitted woolen as equal insult to the horse and disgrace jacket—much like the old time Macki- to the rider. The skirts should be of naw in texture—made over the same OR COUNTRY USE ample length and flare to set well over model that has previously been made up the hips and sufficient cloth should be only in leather. It closes, like most of cut into the back and front of the jacket the newer leather jackets, with a slide to preserve the wearer, when seated in fastener, and its raglan shoulders assure the saddle, from the least hint of resem- the wearer that there will be no binding blance to the proverbial toad on a log. across the back in active sports wear. A Tattersall waistcoat helps give the Six and three rib hose in horizontal stripe outfit tone by relieving the severity of patterns have been noted frequently at the plain browns and tans and is, of the Eastern sports events.

ESQUIRE—Autumn, 1933 105 Qnww 'i'

“Gee, kin ANYbody get in?”

106 ESQUIRE— Autumn, 1933 — —s

BACK HOME IN 1»1» The boy who couldn’t hit a ball past infield on any sandlot baseball team, who couldn’t catch a Continued from page 10 pass twice in a thousand tries, can enter a Walka- Charley looked up in Major Taylor’s grey face sag- thon with as good a chance as anyone’s to win, and ging in the pale glare of the fog through the smok- can hear the constant shrieking plaudits of a ing room windows and noticed the white streaks passionately partisan crowd for hours at a time, in his hair and moustache; Gosh, he thought to cheering him on with gratifyingly intimate and himself, I’m going to quit this drinking. endearing terms of encouragement. The girl who They got through lunch somehow, then scattered has been a wallflower all her life, and would be any- to their cabins to sleep. In the corridor outside his where, were she to move among the Hottentots, cabin, Charley met Mrs. Johnson. “Well, the first can get the attention, every night, that was Cin- ten days’ll be the hardest, Mrs. Johnson.” derella’s at the ball, simply by joining a Walka- “Why don’t you call me Eveline, everybody else thon. She can also get varicose veins and fallen red. does?” Charley turned arches, if she is unlucky, but those are not the “What’s the use? We won’t ever see each other things that are thought of beforehand. again.” Anyway, the starting field in any Walkathon is “Why not?” He looked into her long hazel eyes; sure to be at least fifty per cent amateur. The the pupils widened till the hazel was all black. majority of the amateurs will drop out the first “Jesus I’d like it if we could,” he stammered. month, but one or two will go through to the con- .” “Don’t think for a minute I . . test’s final stages. In fact, more often than not, silkily She’d already brushed past him and was one member of the winning couple is an amateur. gone down the corridor. He went into his cabin And, also more often than not, that winner turns and slammed the door. His bags were packed. The professional—in other words, begins joining up in steward had put away the bedclothes. Charley other Walkathons, one after another, here, there threw himself face down on the striped musty and everywhere, and never wins again. The other smelling ticking of the mattress. “God damn that half— the professional half, in the starting field woman,” he said aloud. in almost every Walkathon, will be found, upon The rattle of a steamwinch woke him, then he investigation, to be composed almost entirely of heard the jingle of the engine room bell. He looked one-time Walkathon winners from somewhere. yellow white out the porthole and saw a and reve- When they enter, they get a thoroughgoing nue cutter and, beyond, vague pink sunlight on physical examination. And throughout the contest they were in the , frame houses. The fog was lifting; nurses and a doctor are in constant attendance. Narrows. By the time he’d splashed the aching The kids are fed seven times a day— standing up run deck, the Niag- sleep out of his eyes and up on to every meal, because a contestant may never sit slowly across the green grey ara was nosing her way down, except during the rest periods. When the like glinting bay. The ruddy fog was looped up contest moves, as they often do, after the shakeout overhead. red ferry boat crossed their curtains A of the first weeks is over, and the crowds begin to bow. To the right there was a line of four and five grow, then the contestants walk to the new quar- schooners at anchor, beyond them a square masted ters or, if the distance is prohibitive, they go in of Shipping Board rigger and a huddle squatty trucks, standing up like cattle. steamers, of them still striped and mottled some A daily shower is compulsory, and comes at the ahead, the up-and- with camouflage. Then dead zero hour, some time between five-thirty and seven in blur of the tall buildings of down gleam the in the morning, when the attendance is as light as New York. it ever gets, being comprised, at that hour, of those came to him with his trench coat Joe Askew up who, if they have homes, seem to have forgotten Continued on page 115 them. The boys leave the floor for the shower at one time, the girls at another, so the floor is not POOR MAN’S NIGHT CLUB deserted. Continued from page 104 have been in thirteen or fourteen of these shows. They get no pay—in fact the word professional is a The crowd is rabidly partisan and volatile in its misnomer, being used, as it shouldn’t be, simply expression of excitement, fear, enthusiasm and th e to designate those who have been in a number of anger. Nurses have been booed off the floor— and these contests. Their only income, for their “work- out of their jobs —by portions of the crowd who ing” periods, i. e., for as long as they can last in resented some fancied partiality in the treatment the contest that happens to be current, is derived of contestants. from the sale of popcorn and their own auto- The contestants, in marked contrast to the photographs, plus whatever they can en- spirit. Fewer graphed crowd, show an amazing lack of competitive tice, in the way of a shower of coins from the Instances in constant evidence, from of this are The higher the forehead audience, by their always inept and usually ludi- beginning to the bitter end, in every Walkathon. the fewer the crous efforts to put on individual entertainment, In the longest Walkathon on record, which was hairs . . . and the nearer you are to bald- either in song, and oh how sour, or by stunts. ended, in a tie between two couples, well beyond Pennies and nickels are most numerous in these four thousand hours (over six months), the two ness. Take care, brother, while there is impromptu offertories. Sometimes dimes. Seldom couples deadlocked at the end were still helping quarters. But people do, now and then, send up a each other through the final grind with which the still time, and spare a few minutes a week dollar bill to the M. C’s. platform, with the request contest ended. that this or that favored contestant do a certain Grinds have lasted over seven days. Remember, for the proper care of your scalp. Before desired song or stunt. a grind means no sleep and no help from trainers The other kind of contestant is the Walkathon- or floor judges, yet after seven days, or 168 hours, every shampoo give it a thorough struck amateur. Yes, one can become Walkathon - without sleep, contestants have been seen helping 'Vaseline' struck, just as one can become stage-struck, with their opponents, and thus, by prolonging the grind, Hair Tonic workout. Apply the the important difference that it is difficult to prolonging their own agony. Tonic generously to the scalp, satisfy the latter urge, when the first virus strikes, The grind is an amazing thing anyway, at any and other than by such sublimation as pestering the time and under any circumstances. The thing that massage with a rotary motion until stars for their autographed pictures. But, in the gets you is the slow tempo of the whole thing, the case of the Walkathon, one can step right into the dragging slow swish swish and clup clup of all these the head tingles, and the scalp feels class of giver— yes, better still, of seller—of auto- leaden feet and the contrast it affords to the hys- graphed photographs, without so much as a day’s terical crescendo of the crowd’s shouts and screams, loose. These treatments, given regu- training or apprenticeship. The movies and the strident as a sudden siren in a downtown street. stage are difficult to crash, even for those possessed Every moment after the second hour in a grincU larly, will keep the scalp in the pink of of admittedly recognizable talent. But the Walka- like those moments in a prizefight film when tne thons are wide open to any lunk with two sound rare bits of dramatic action are run through in slow condition, the circulation stimulated, the legs, a normal heart and pulse, and a sufficiently motion. The contestants go into their falls with a hair vigorous, and abundant. unimaginative turn of mind to be able to con- dream-like slow sinking They do not fall as a Your drug- template, without fear of incipient idiocy, the falls, suddenly keeling. Instead, they seem fighter gist sells 'Vaseline' Hair Tonic. Barbers prospect of exposing oneself, like an animal in a to melt down to the floor. And often, at a point cage, to the twenty-four hour a day gaze of the public. where another fall means the elimination of the everywhere recommend and use it. first one to take it, as many as eight or nine con- testants will be slowly sinking to the floor. To Why not start following their advice A Walkathon usually starts with a want-ad that guess which one will take the fall first, and thus runs every day for several weeks before the sched- end the grind, is like guessing which of the gutter- today? Two sizes of shaker-top bottles. uled opening of the contest. This ad invites all ing candles will be the first to go out, in an eight would-be contestants to make application and to branched candelabra. BE SURE YOU GET THE submit to physical examination. Its wording is Of course, there is shrewd showmanship on the GENUINE. Look for the most restrained and conservative; it holds out no part of some of the contestants, as well as con- trademark VASELINE high hopes of fame and fortune for those who qual- sistent good showmanship by the promoters of the ify as contestants. It simply says, “Here it is, contest. The colorful couple, the one that gets the when you buy. If you don't come and get it, all those who want a chance to sympathy and affection of the crowd, and the see it you are not getting compete in a Walkathon.” And it offers nothing- lion’s share of its attention, is the one that is al- nothing but a chance to walk your legs off, for no ways in difficulty. So some of the smarter of the the genuine product of the to increasing the take particular purpose and for no direct remuneration. professionals, with an eye Chesebrough Mfg. Co. But to those who are Walkathon-struck, who when coins are showered onto the floor during the have seen Walkathons and envied the easy celeb- performance of a stunt or song, contrive always to Cons'd., 17 State Street, N.Y. rity achieved by contestants obviously possessed be in danger—early and prolonged danger— during of no talent of any kind, the words have a magical every sprint or grind. You will see them take two ring. For this is the short-cut to stardom, of a falls within the first hour of a four-hour sprint or grind, night after night, keeping the crowd’s atten- Vaseline HAIR TONIC short-lived but very exciting sort. REG. U. s. PAT. OFF. Copr. 1933 — Chesebrough Mfg. Co., Cons’d. Continued on page 113

ES€|I T 1RE Autumn, 1933 107 66 So you couldn't trait 'til ire rescued you, hull?"

108 ESQI'IR E — Autumn, 1933 — ;

OVERTURE: POET AX« PEG Continued from page 95

attend unto my hand, was what one might call a serious fighter. “ You gentlemen of fortune , On the same day that he wrote the Ere of Saint ditty, Agnes he beat a butcher’s boy in a street fight A few lines I have penned upon this great over a cat that the ruffian was tormenting. And Shelley, in numerous muddy and bloody episodes fight: at Eton, was not unhandy with his fists, slight and England the noble place is In the center of slender though he was. pitched on Poets have written about fighting from Homer 1 men to fight; I' or the Valour of this Country, or America's to Masefield. Songs have helped fighting has given men a thing to sing about. The delight. relationship is as primitive as the battle-cry; it is The sturdy Black doth swear as modern as The Everlasting Mercy. It has always The moment he gets there been, and it will go on forever, as long as men have wars, singly or in groups. There is something about The planks the stage is built on, he’ll make a lash with the fist that makes a man want to call them blaze and smoke. out in exultation, and to make a song; there is Then Crib, with smiling face. something about physical prowess that makes it ripe material for the song-makers. Says, ‘ These boards I'll n’er disgrace. In my personal experience, I have found authors They're relations of mine; they are old English eager to talk to me about literature. They have " oak!' never tried to patronize me because I am a prize- fighter; I have never tried to patronize them be- Those lines are more truth than poetry. But cause they are writers. They have regarded me as they show, at least, that a man who made his though I were a craftsman with a separate but living by his fists could string words together with somehow overlapping material. William Lyon an interventional rhyme occasionally. Phelps, professor at Yale, author and critic, has Ward, who won the championship in 1825, was taken time to talk to me about shoes and ships one of the cultured men of his time. He was a and sealing wax, Shakespeare and cabbages and clever musician, playing the violin and the flute, kings. I have walked and talked with Thornton as well as having a pleasant and cultivated singing Wilder, that most unathletic of authors, and have voice. But. he was most interested in painting. He met him on the common ground of a love of litera- had several exhibitions of his work, in London and ture. I have dined and wined with Charles Hanson in Liverpool, and Henry Stacey Marks, of the Towne, convivial poet and writer of belles lettres. Royal Academy, said that he could do all Turner I have heard Joseph Auslander read his beloved could in colors and atmosphere. Keats and Shelley, and his own poems in manu- Everyone knows that certain of the Romantic script. And my friendship with these men, whole- poets were interested in athletics. That was part hearted as it is, has proved to me that a poet and of their creed. And aside from a general philosophic a pugilist are not so different after all; that there interest in fisticuffs, there were two poets who ad- are meeting-places where they can find themselves vocated and practised them. I have already men- on the same footing, so to speak, and can talk tioned Byron’s impromptu and friendly workouts together and in so talking, add something to each with “Gentleman” Jackson. Keats, on the other other’s lives.

THE LOST AKT OF ORDERING Continued from page 16

to some bachelor’s rooms, after, say, an evening at rounded by highballs and gin-fizzes. And who cares FC It LIFE Weber and Field’s Music Hall, where there would be what one eats, if it is preceded by six cocktails? taste is gone, our values have been destroyed sure to be a chafing-dish supper, wit h a keg of beer in Our here is one "partner for life” that you and it will take a generation to get them back the corner, and the flaky Welsh rarebit being stirred and Tevery man can have—a Rolls Razor. It never again. to its moment of perfection by the deft host, proud irritates—it’s always ready and waitingtodoyour laugh in his of his culinary skill. Then some girl would sing a Lucullus, as well as Bacchus, must bidding, smoothly and easily year in, year out. German love-song, and we would wander home sleeve at America under the Eighteenth Amend- Best of all, a Rolls Razor saves you no end of through the gray streets, to dream of castles in ment; for how he must hate to hear a youth of money, time and trouble. The first cost is the Spain, or more likely have strange nightmares, in today, half seas over, saying to his lady, “The last. You don’t have to keep on buying pack- which were drifting out to sea on golden rafts. regular fare is good enough in this speakeasy, we ages of blades that cost and cost and cost. Mostly, it was innocent, and sweet, and wonder- Dotty.” And they begin with fruit cocktails, The one blade of a Rolls Razor is tooled from the ful. But now, with gin and whiskey in the fore- scarcely touch a minute steak, and are satisfied finest Sheffield steel and hollow ground. Strop- ground, and the old simplicities tossed to the back- with salad served on tiny side-plates, boarding- ped in its case before shaving, honed in its case ground, it is coarse and crude and—yes— vulgar. house fashion, and end with a sweet in a tall goblet, when necessary, this blade, if properly handled, For who can order a dinner, if it is to be sur- crowned with whipped cream and a red cherry! gives a lifetime of perfect shaves. Buy a Rolls Razor today and let this "partner for life” save you from $3 to $6 a year by having no more blades to buy. • Compact and com- plete in its case is ra- zor, strop and hone. A few strokes on the automatic strop be- fore shaving or hone when necessary, and the blade is ready to use. Just slide the "Lifetime Blade” in its handle and start the finest shave you ever had—every day.

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Three point two beer accompanies such an out- looks so dizzy to them. landish meal, or, worse yet, a bottle of so-called We’ll come back to our senses—oh, yes. But Burgundy, made last week in Hoboken. Then it’s how long will it take us to learn the things we used IPAX7Z4DIR off to the talkies, and they wonder why the star to know so well? WITH X LIFETIME BLADE

109 ESQ 1J1RE Autumn, 1933 I ” —

STONEWALL AND IVY laughed loudly. There was silence for several min- things exactly as audiences in Symphony Halls utes, and then Willie laughed again. Vic was get- throughout the country expect John McCormack Continued from page 92 ting ready to turn back to the porch when he heard to sing Mother Machree—and enjoyed them just Ivy’ll be put on, and I want to see it’s the real her cry out. It sounded like a scream, but it was as much. All of these comedians were masters of curtains. not exactly that; it sounded like a shriek, but it was makeup and gesture, and the reason they could be As I got the story from the boys later, Stonewall not that, either; it sounded more like someone dirty— and they were— is that when the character tore into Ivy’s parlor about nine o’clock while they laughing and crying simultaneously in a high- was established as a grotesque and unreal one, the was all sitting around the piano singing “Old Jeff, pitched voice. dirt did not matter too much—as if smoking room My Heart Abides With Thee.” He strides right “Where did Miss Willie come from, Mr. Vic?” stories were told about men from Mars. These com- past everybody up to the piano stool. Hubert asked. “Where did you bring her from?” edians, to be sure, always graduated into vaudeville coolly. “Better get your things on, Ivy,” he says “Down below here a little way,” he said. or musical shows if they were talented; but they are “We’ve got some things to talk over. Your friends Hubert listened to the sounds that were coming essentially part of burlesque and are the contribu- will excuse you.” from the pine grove. tion of burlesque to the higher-class stage, keeping /” “Why Stonewall Ivy gasps, but she’s out in “Boss,” he said after a while, “it appears to me our vaudeville and musicals from becoming too re- the hall before any of the boys can lift a hand. like you didn’t go far enough away.” fined, too clean, and too dull. No one in the legiti- Anyway, Corny said, they was all sitting on ’em. “I went far enough,” Vic said, “if I had gone any mate theatre ever dares to do what the burlesque Well I’d mapped it right, because they come farther, I’d have been in Florida.” theatre always did; crea'.e extravagant types. The straight from her house to the Pit, which is the The colored man hunched his shoulders forward characters of burlesque were dull to the point of only privacy on the campus. You could hear Ivy several times while he smoothed the white sand idiocy, cruel to the point of sadism, amorous to the asking questions a block away, but Stonewall don’t with his broad-soled shoes. point of nymphomania—and so for all the common Pit sit say a word until they get inside the and “Mr. Vic, if I was you, the next time I’d surely human emotions. In comparison with them, our down. At least Ivy sits down. Stonewall jumps go that far.” legitimate stage is thin-blooded and frightened and right up and starts in to pace back and forth in “What do you mean, the next time?” feeble. That is one of the reasons the death of bur- front of her. “I was figuring that maybe you wouldn’t be lesque is a misfortune. “So I’ve been the only one, eh?” and Stonewall Vic.” keeping her much longer than now, Mr. Another, over which I shed few tears myself, is laughs like a piece of canvas being ripped. “Your Vic cursed him. the virtual disappearance of the fat lady. The dif- Ideal after all these years? And by the way, how times and Hubert raised his head several at- ference between The Black Crook and the final many years you been working this claim? From the tempted to see down into the pine grove over Ziegfeld Follies can be measured in tons as well as what I hear you must have moved in right after top of the growing cotton. taste. When Mr. Ziegfeld decided that he wanted the war. Maybe you palled along with Grant and business,” Vic “Shut up and mind your own them stately, Mr. Carroll that he wanted them pert, Robert E. Lee? ... You never were here in the said. till the cows come “I’m going to keep her and all the producers together that they wanted Petting Pit with anybody else. Oh no! And I’m I’d find a better- home. Where else do you reckon them thin, the fat lady and with her the shapely the first that awakened you, whatever that is. O looking girl than Willie?” bust of the Mae West type and the beautiful legs yeah? ... I can take a lot. Ivy, but I just can’t of she looks— I was “Boss, I wasn’t thinking how of the Frankie Bailey type, all vanished, except in stand being lied to!” thinking how she acts.” burlesque. A few years ago a New York cabaret, Maybe Ivy’s figuring the jig’s up or she’s won- “She that because she’s not old acts way now exploiting some local row about the dying embers dering just how much Stonewall’s found out, different. won’t act that way enough to do She of burlesque, announced a minimum weight of 200 because at first she don’t answer at all. Then when longer. She’ll get over the way she’s doing much pounds for its chorus girls; but nothing came of it. he starts in again at the beginning Ivy cuts him pretty soon.” Until fashions change again, the fat lady retires to short with a slap on the jaw that sounds like a Vic across the yard. While Vic Hubert followed radio and the plump chorus girl kicks her heels in pistol shot. She throws back her head and laughs the porch, stopped and leaned went towards Hubert the theatrical agent’s waiting room. until both me and Stonewall is staring at her, against the water oak where he could almost see of this recalls to the scared stiff. over the cotton field into the pine grove. Vic went The mention cabaret me I proved “O you poor big ape!” she cries, turning on him. up on the porch and stretched out on the quilt. He dangerous circumstance that have not my first assertion, that Prohibition is in some re- “You great dumb ox you! I just thank heavens took off his shoes and flung them aside. way my eyes are opened in time.” She backs off and “I surely God knowed something was going to sponsible for the decline and fall of burlesque. The takes a better look at him. “You call yourself a happen when he whittled that stick down to noth- argument is simple: burlesque corresponded in tone man! Why, what do you know of Life, of the ing,” Hubert was saying to himself. “White-folks with the Saturday night toot, the great weekly orgy of the American workingman. the deceptive World? Nothing! But put this in your pipe— take a long time to whittle a little piece of wood, but Came !” dawn of prohibition, and began to drink when- know where there is a man after they whittle it down to nothing, they’re going men With that she stomps off in the general direction to be up and doing.” ever they could; the exclusively male ceremony of a broken bits and of Higgins’ Hill, and I remembers later that’s Presently Vic sat upright on the quilt. weekly night on the town was into had where her friend little Doc Mateos hangs out. I’m “Listen here, Hubert — as we reassembled them, we discovered that we drinking companions; the girls, God forbid! so weak from all that’s happened I can’t hardly “Yes, sir, boss.” new the sublime hypocrisy which male ever stand, and I sit right down in a elderberry bush. “You keep your eye on that stilyerd so it will With no understood, the girls down the saloon, but I planned a lot of plays in my time but I never had stay right where it is now, and when they come thumbed to drinking one work so complete as this. When you can shake back up the path from the spring, you wake me were eleventh day camels when it came else; seen in a your runner out into a clear field you’ve done up in a hurry. Do you hear?” somewhere and they wouldn’t be burlesque house, their noses quivered with tie- about all you can. From there on it’s up to him. “Yes, sir, boss,” Hubert said. “Are you aiming to but lighted anticipation if the same effects were pro- I guess the rest is history by now. By the end take a little nap now?” duced in theatres which were socially correct. In of this season Stonewall’s cleats will of made high- “Yes, I am. And if you don’t wake me up when short, when prohibition taught women to drink and ways on fields from New Haven, Conn, to Athens, they come back, I’ll break your head for you when made escape from them impossible, men had to Ga. What if they do say I got just a one-man I do wake up.” bring into thelegitimate theatre the elements which team? Do they know how near I come to having Vic lay down again on the quilt and turned over had once been male and malodorous. (There were a none at all? on his side to shut out the blinding glare of the few contributing causes; that ole debbil, the War, O yes. Somebody down at the poolroom told early afternoon sun that was reflected upon the the breakdown of morals, and all the other favorite me recently that Ivy’s persuaded her husband to porch from the hard white sand in the yard. topics of the Sunday supplement moralists.) Pro- go back to Spain. I understand they don’t have Hubert scratched his head and sat down against hibition created a new chumminess between men no football there at all. Only bull fights. the water oak facing the path from the spring. He could hear Vic snoring on the porch above the and women, even their wives; the men resented it sounds that came at intervals from the pine grove a little, because they are wayward and like to get in; AUGUST AFTERNOON across the field. He sat staring down the path, away by themselves; but they gave and they Continued from page 89 singing under his breath. It was a long time until sacrificed burlesque in their surrender. The only place left to the masculine gender is the pool-room, Vic cursed him. sundown. and that is in jeopardy because there is usually a “I don’t want to get messed up with a heap of bowling alley attached and women are taking up trouble and maybe get my belly slit open with that I AM DYING, LITTLE EGYPT bowling. big hairy knife. If you ain’t got objections, I reckon Continuedfrom page 40 The fundamental business of burlesque was not I’ll mosey on home now and cut a little firewood to to stir the sexual appetite of male for the cook-stove.” This dull teasing occupied two-thirds of the time of amuse, but a audience. hundreds of women around, instead “Come back here!” Vic said. “You stay where a burlesque show and, obviously, when nakedness With of a scattering of tarts, the job became too difficult; you are and stop making moves to go off.” ceased to stir comment, because it was familiar in there was, for instance, the problem of giving at “What are we aiming to do, Mr. Vic?” the more respectable shows, it was all dead weight. least a thrill to the ladies and no red-nosed come- Vic eased himself off the porch and walked across What kept burlesque alive so long, in spite of this could that. In bur- the yard to the water oak. He looked down at the stupidity, was a genuine comic spirit. In burlesque dian with a crepe beard do good comic elements were carefully spaced ground where Floyd had been sitting, and then he occurred comic types: the stage Jew, the stage lesque, the like dash of cold water looked at the porch steps where Willie had been. Irishman, the stage “Dutchman”, the shrewish out, because comedy is a on The noonday heat beat down through the thin wife, the drunken judge, the corrupt policeman- the manly fire. But when men and women are to- leaves overhead and he could feel his mouth and characters as old as Aristophanes and as young as gether, and the gratification of the lust of the eye is all are offering, there is room for throat burn with the hot air he breathed. next week’s issue of The New Yorker. You met these about you more “Have you got a gun, Hubert?” characters in other places: the characters in Abie’s and better comedy. Fatally, a little of the intellect arrives— and burlesque is done for. When instead “No, sir, boss,” Hubert said. Irish Rose were from burlesque; Happy Hooligan of answering, “that was no lady, that was my wife,” “Why haven’t you?” he said. “Right when I was the stage tramp (and so was Joe Jackson, the the comedian says “that wasn’t a street, that was need a gun, you haven’t got it. Why don’t you miraculous trick cyclist); and the rich old dowager keep a gun?” ogling a young man turned up again in The Cradle an alley,” you see the operations of the mind of an Einstein, a Shaw, a Eugene O’Neill and the animal “Mr. Vic, I aint got no use for a gun. I used to Snatchers. I mention these re-appearances to indi- satisfaction of the pure leg show is doomed. keep one to shoot rabbits and squirrels with, but I cate the vitality of these types— and it is no wonder got to thinking one day, and I traded it off the first because if you wanted to look backward, instead of About seventy-five per cent of the best come- chance I had. I reckon it was a good thing I traded, forward, you would find them in the great classic dians on our popular stage came out of burlesque, too. If I had kept it, you’d be asking for it like you comedies; in Moliere and Shakespeare and in the including our one woman comedian of genius, did just now.” great comedies of the Italians. Fannie Brice. By absorbing burlesque, the musical Vic went back to the porch and picked up the These comedians did little acts which were famil- stage saved itself from becoming mincing and polite steelyard and hammered the porch with it. After iar enough, but funny. They were called “bits” and and damnably intellectual. We are getting our dirt he had hit the porch four or five times, he dropped a bit could run anywhere from a drunken stagger practically everywhere, and do not need burlesque it and started out in the direction of the spring. He (like Leon Errol’s) to a whole scene, like the travel- so much; but no one has yet discovered where the walked as far as the edge of the shade and stopped. ing salesman’s departure from his loving wife, ar- next batch of great comedians and dancers is He stood listening for a while. rival of the lover, and return of the husband. Or coming from, and no institution has yet risen to Willie and Floyd could be heard down near the you might get Clark and McCullough’s lion act or be such a school of wild grotesque comedy as spring. Floyd said something to Willie, and Willie James Barton’s drunk. The audience expected these burlesque used to be.

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VX7TTH the one exception that is re- ning wear. The bottom row; Norwegian * * ceiving the attention of the doua- calf brogues with blucher front, in the nier, everything on this page passes dark shade of briar brown that polishes muster, in the custom of the times, for to a reddish near-black; the correctly inclusion in the wardrobe of every well- proportioned patent leather pumps for dressed man. In the top row, reading formal evening wear—that is, for wear « O T W E A It AND northeast from the skis, are patent with the tailcoat. The Norwegian calf leather French pumps, designed for the brogues are really a sports and country somewhat effetely specific purpose of item, but you can get by with them in being worn at home with dinner town when your clothes are of the soft LOVES I JT THE clothes (but they feel just as good with a rough textured fabrics that have lately lounge suit or dressing gown) ; a pair of come into the town and business ward- Norwegian ski boots, of the square toed robe. As for the gloves, the following are hooked top kind worn by experienced enough to get by on, though there’s USTOM u a \ \ i; it ski jumpers; and practical, very com- nothing to keep you from having more: fortable, hard soled slippers of python a pair of natural chamois for town and skin. In the middle row, the brown business; Scotch knitted gloves for the wing tip shoe for informal town wear; country; Norwegian knitted mittens for

the black town shoe with straight per- winter sports ; white glace for formal wear forated tip, for slightly more “dressed white buckskin for business and informal up” usage; and the properly propor- evening wear; and a pair of buff pigskin tioned patent leather oxfords for eve- gauntlets for general knock-about use.

112 — ESQUIRE Autumn , 1933 — —

POOR MAN’S NIGHT CLUB Continued from page 107 tion at a time when the other contestants have Well, friends, either one fall or no falls at all, giving the crowd a protracted ecstasy of apprehension as to their chances of survival. Later on in the contest, you will see those same couples go through twenty-four grinds, where two falls in twenty-four hours will mean elimination from the contest, with only one you might as well fall — but that one taken early in the twenty-four hour stretch. But these are the couples you like to watch. Every contest has its “Iron Man” and “Iron Woman,” the stolid, efficient conservers of energy, who indulge in no crowd-baiting antics. They sel- join the stampede dom take in any appreciable sums, in the modified beggary that is the contestant’s only source of revenue, they never place high in the popularity contests, and curiously enough, they are almost never in at the finish. Then there are the partner-killers, the spoilers. *» There are more of them among the boys than the JZU girls. They will sag on their partners, who must do all the work, dragging them around the floor, until finally exhausted. Then, after a brief period as solos, they get new partners whom they wear out in the same way. This type of contestant is a good bet to win. Some of them have come through to the end, to great acclaim, and have been hailed for “out-lasting” from five to eight partners, in the course of the entire contest, when “wearing out” those partners would be a more accurate way to describe the phenomenon of their survival. UST take a look at this red, white and J blue package I’m holdin’ here and let These are only a few of the many angles. Maybe me tell you something you are stretching the meaning of the word sport, to include a Walkathon, but it is like baseball or This is the fastest-sellin’ shaving cream football, in that it looks simple but is replete with inside stuff that escapes the casual and only occa- on the market, bar none. sional onlooker. Now, I’m not sayin’ that by way o’ boast- One thing is certain, and that is that it is not half as agonizing for the contestants as it looks. ing, but just as a hint that maybe you’re missin’ something good if Being eliminated from a Walkathon, after sagging you don’t join the parade. about for hours and days as a terrible sight to con- template, being is like knocked out in the ring. Ever since Barbasol came out with the idea that it was smarter to It looks like a sample taste of death, but, in all but a few very rare instances, recovery is a matter of shave with a soothin’, healin’ cream that you just rub on and shave days. minutes rather than off, folks have been chucking their old friend the shaving brush and To watch a contest, you could imagine that there is a Walkathon walk, as lasting and distinc- flocking to Barbasol. tive as the convict walk is supposed to be. You And now, maybe you’ve noticed, even the dyed-in-the-wool brush would imagine that the contestant, for months afterward, would be a nervous wreck, springing and lather boys are singin’ our tune. Yessir, they’re in the brushless awake, after each ten or fifteen minutes of sleep, cream business too, and that just about makes the stampede complete. at the sound of imaginary sirens, the sirens that call the kids back to the floor after each rest period. We’re mighty happy they agree with us, because it’s the best proof And if you were to talk to some of the contestants, they might cannily confirm your worst imaginings. you could ask that a brushless cream is the right kind of shave. But kidding the public in their floor-side conversa- So let’s pass right on to the biggest question, and that is— what’s tion is a large part of what little fun they get. The plain fact is that you and I and the other the best cream to use? guy could do a lot worse — and probably do— for our health, our morals, our habits of thrift, than Well, that’s easy. Barbasol. It’s so kind and gentle to the skin the to join up in next Walkathon. It’s two to one that a whole passel of smart folks even use it for sunburn. that you aren't getting as much sleep, in your one session per day, as those kids get in their twenty- Considerin’ all this, it seems sensible-like that you ought to be four, that you are not eating as regularly or as shaving with Barbasol and if you’ll take a suggestion from your old sensibly, in your three meals, as they are in their seven, and even, perhaps, that you are not saving friend, Sam, you’ll step into the nearest drug store and get a tube of as much money, on whatever you make per week, this famous cream that makes shavin’ one of the big moments of as they are on their slender revenues derived from the sale of popcorn on one night per week and of the day. autographed pictures on the other six. You have countless opportunities to fritter away your money, THE BARBASOL COMPANY, INDIANAPOLIS, IND. and they have none. Pitifully small as their earn- ings may be (and lately they’ve been very little AIK! once they ran fairly high, as much as two hundred BA1KBASOL ON THE a week for the more popular contestants) they Singin’ Sam, the Barbasol Man Etlwin C. Ilill, " The Human Side have no way to spend a dime of them, so it’s that with songs you like to hear, Tuesdays of the News,” Mondays, Wednesdays much to the good. and Thursdays on a coast -to -coast and Fridays on a Columbia (WABC) So who, to revive a question that once ran round Columbia (WABC) network, 8:15 to network, 8:15 to 8:30 P.M. Current the world, is loony now? 8:30 P.M., Current New York Time, New York Time, in the East and West; in the East and Middle and Middle West. 11:30 to 11:45 P.M. Current New York The whole thing juts with angles, but even Time in the Rocky Mountain and Consult radio page of your local though you know them all, and can tell in an in- States. newspaper for stations. stant just what’s fake and what isn’t, when you walk in in the middle of one of those grinds and you don’t really give a damn who wins and who loses, you can’t remember that, somehow, when the fever surges up through the crowd and you find yourself standing up and yelling brotherly advice to some blank-featured youth with a sick sinking grin on his face and a glassy glaze over his eyes and how relieved you are when he finally snaps out of it and straightens up and goes over for the ice towel to revive himself and it isn’t a fall and you knew of course that it wouldn’t be because you’ve seen him go through all that before and anyway it’s all phoney but if you knew that all the time what did you go crazy for and stand up there yelling like a loon and you don’t know and you feel foolish and anyway you never will again but you do the next night or at any rate within the week and if you do then you’ve got it and nothing can change you and that’s the Walkathon.

I It — 1933 E S Ifc U E Autumn , 113 —

66 ’ 9 Smith , you always go too far

114 ESQI'IR E Autumn , 1933 — —

BACK nOME IN 1919 Continued, from "page 107 on and his German field glasses hung over his shoulder. His blue eyes were shining. “Do you see the Statute of Liberty yet Charley?”

“No . . . yes, there she is. I remembered her lookin’ bigger.” “There’s Black Tom where the explosion was.” “Things look pretty quiet, Joe.” “It’s Sunday that’s why.” “It would be Sunday.” They were opposite the Battery now. The long spans of the bridges to Brooklyn went off into smoky shadow behind the pale skyscrapers. “Well Charley, that’s where they keep all the money. We got to get some of it away from ’em.” said Joe Askew, tugging at his moustache. “Wish I knew how to start in, Joe.” They were skirting a long row of roofed slips. Joe held out his hand. “Well Charley; write to me, kid, do you hear ... It was a great war while it lasted.” “I sure will, Joe.” Two tugs were shoving the Niagara around into the slip against the strong ebb tide. American and French flags flew over the wharf building, in the dark doorways were groups of people waving. “There’s my wife,” said Joe Askew suddenly. He squeezed Charley’s hand; “So long kid. We’re home.” First thing Charley knew, too soon, he was walk- ing down the gangplank. The transport officer barely looked at his papers, the customs man said, “Well I guess it’s good to be home, Lieutenant,” as he put the stamps on his grip. He got past the Y man and the two reporters and the member of the mayor’s committee; the few people and the scat- tered trunks looked lost ana lonely in the huge yellow gloom of the wharf building. Major Taylor and the Johnsons shook hands like strangers. Then he was following his small khaki trunk to a taxicab. The Johnsons already had a cab and were waiting for a stray grip. Charley went over to them. He couldn’t think of anything to say. Paul said he must be sure to come to see them if he stayed in New York, but he kept standing in the A IN door of the cab, so that it was hard for Charley to TRICK MEN LEARN PARIS talk to Eveline. He could see the muscles relax on Paul’s face when the porter brought the lost grip. “Be sure and look us up,” he said, and jumped in The name is FOUGERE ROYALE AFTER and slammed the door. Charley went back to his cab, carrying with him SHAVING LOTION pronounced Foo- a last glimpse of long hazel eyes and her teasing zhaire Royal — meaning “Royal Fern". smile. “Do you know if they still give officers spe- cial rates at the McAlpin?” he asked the taximan. “Sure they treat you all right if you’re an officer ... If you’re an enlisted man you get your can For years, tired Americans have sailed a He-Man perfume, the woodsy fra- kicked” answered the taximan out of the comer of to France and returned fresh-faced and grance of the Royal Fern. You’ll get his mouth and slammed on the gears. The taxi turned into a wide empty stone-paved smiling because of Fougere Royale so that you just can’t do without it! street. The cab rode easier than Paris cabs. The big warehouses and market buildings were all closed After Shaving Lotion. For it’s a cock- up. “Gee things look pretty quiet here,” Charley tail for the face a semi-miraculous Price said, leaning forward to talk to the taximan through — 75 ^ at fine stores everywhere. the window. pick-me-up after the shave . . . cooling Or in sets at $i.io and up, together “Quiet as hell . . . You wait till you start to look for a job,” said the taximan. to the skin, soothing to the spirit, and with the wonderfully fine Fougere “But Jesus I don’t ever remember things bein’ as quiet as this.” healing to the nicks and scratches of Royale Shaving Cream, skin -toned

“Well why shouldn’t they be quiet . . . It’s Sun- impetuous shavers. After-Shave Powder, and other mascu- day ain’t it.” sure I’d forgotten it was Sunday.” “Oh Best of all, Houbigant has given it line luxuries by Houbigant. “Sure it’s Sunday.” “I remember now it’s Sunday.” THE ART IN PUTTING Continued from page 63 The photograph reveals some daylight between the left elbow and side. Whenever I begin to notice a tendency to pull my putts, and feel a tightening in the left wrist as I hit the ball, I turn this left elbow even farther out until at times it is pointing almost directly toward the hole. This overcomes to a great extent the locking tendency, and encour- ages again a stroke along the proper line.

Ample Backswing Many players run into trou- Reassuring ble on the greens because they are afraid to trust a backswing which is long enough to allow a smooth stroke without hurry or effort. The inclination is very strong, particularly when trying to hole a difficult six-footer, to figure that the shortest pos- sible backswing runs the least danger of turning the club away from the proper setting. In my own SETS OF FOUGERE ROYALE SHAVING LUXURIES ARE PRICED $1.10, $2 AND UP. case, at least, this has been utterly disproved. I find that my troubles only multiply when I shorten my backswing — that then I begin to jab, stab, and cut, and that very soon any semblance of touch has vanished. An ample backswing, leisurely and free, not only makes my putting stroke mechanically better, but it serves also to keep me in a much better state of mind, where I am able to concen- trate upon hitting the ball correctly instead of worrying about irregularities and hidden rolls in the green.

ESQUIRE Autumn , 1933 115 —

BACKSTAGE WITH urge to move on to New York. He is again in Esquire with A Portrait of shown in the wholesome, and even ESQUIRE the most literate of the detective a Butler. literary, company of his father and a story writers, and is also well known 47 pound marlin. Continued from page 7 as a bibliophile. He has written numerous mystery stories, and several Gene Tunney is the retired unde- books serious consideration. He put Aristo- on book collecting. His best feated heavyweight champion. We book, that phanes over on Broadway with his one never received a tenth asked for an article on anything he Gilbert Seehausen, whose “Cello- of the attention translation of Lysistrata. He writes it deserved, is Sea- felt like writing about, barring only phane Gown” and portrait of Ring ports a daily column in the Hearst papers. of the Moon. It is not a mys- that over-discussed business about Lardner Jr. appear in this issue, might tery. His new book, announced for the fourteen count. be called the “youngest veteran” October publication, is The Private among Chicago photographers. He is Life of Sherlock Holmes. Mr. Starrett one of the best all round camera men Charles Hanson Towne is equally has been a Holmes enthusiast for we know, and you will see a lot of his well known as poet and bon vivant. twenty years and has one of the larg- We hope you aren’t half as tired of work in future issues of Esquire. He was at one time the editor of est collections of Holmes material in this matter of ghost writing as we are. Harper’s Bazaar. this country. Whenever we run an article or story by someone whose fame is based on attainment other than literary, we Dan Muller was for a long time a Morley Callaghan is one of the feel called upon to tell you that it is, personal assistant of the late Buffalo charter members of the so-called or is not, ghosted, as the case may be Bill Cody, touring with his show. We tough baby school of fiction. He is a We don’t say that we will never run read him E. E. Cummings’ poem about Canadian who was encouraged to ghosted material—there’s a lot of Buffalo Bill and at the point in which write by Ernest Hemingway during good stuff that can be obtained no it says that Buffalo Bill could “break the latter’s days as a Canadian corre- other way—but we do say, here, now, onetwothreefourfive pigeons just like spondent. His first stories were pub- once and for all, that ghosted articles that” a peculiar expression came into lished in the “little” magazines printed will always be identified, as such. his eyes and he said that sometime he in Paris before the depression. While we’re on the subject, let’s dis- might like to explain that phenomenon pose of it entirely. Benny Leonard for the benefit of the readers of wrote his story, or if he didn’t we Esquire. We hope he will, because wish he had. At any rate, it has lost a it’s a great story. Mr. Muller looks, Dashiell Hammett is the man little, in print, of the charm it had acts, and talks like the typical cow- who brought blood and thunder into when he told it to us at dinner in a boy, and writes exactly as he speaks. the best drawing rooms. Probably his place on Park Avenue. We still think We have given you his first recorded best known book is The Maltese Fal- it’s a great story, but we wish there narrative, “Break ’Em Gentle,” ex- con. His newest is The Thin Man. were some way that this issue could be actly as he put it down on paper, with wired for sound, because it would be no editorial kibitzing whatsoever. Mr. even better if you could hear him Muller has had some acclaim as an Erskine Caldwell is a Southerner -tell it. - artist and has enjoyed an extremely who now lives in Maine. He has won Controlled inflation sounded to us localized reputation as a teller of considerable critical acclaim by his like a contradiction in terms until we tales, but he never thought of writing novels, Tobacco Road and God’s Little remembered Leonard’s cold fury in until we persuaded him to tell one of Acre, and his first book of short stories, Audrey Wurdemann the ring, on those few occasions when his stories to a typewriter, just as he American Earth. His newest book is opponents mussed that slick and would tell it to a group of cronies. We Are The Living, a collection of neatly parted hair. He would be hails from short stories. Audrey Wurdemann playing along and pretty obviously Seattle, Washington, dividing her taking it easy until that fatal moment time about equally between there and when, by accident or design, his luck New York. She has appeared in some less opponent chanced to muss his of the better magazines. She was a hair. Then it came, suddenly but protegee of the late George Sterling without bluster — that calm, purpo- and is a direct descendant —a great- sive, cold yes, controlled, fury . Cham- granddaughter we think it i3, al- — pions come and go, but if you never though the statement came to us after saw that there’s no use in regretting the manner of a legend and if we are it. You’ll never see it again. In those the exact relationship wrong about moments he was unique. we would be pleased to have you sue us —of the great English poet Shelley. Esquire is supposed to be a magazine by, of and for men only, but Miss Charley Paddock wrote his story, Wurdemann is the exception required too. We know that because we got an to prove the rule that we feature only outline of it from him beforehand. male contributors. And, anyway, did Funny thing, how involved every- you ever read more virile, masculine- thing is since the newspapers began sounding verse than The Lease of this business of vicarious journalism. Lust, in this issue? If you haven’t read it, and if you are one of those who “never read poetry” then we especially recommend it to you. Dos Passos, who is a writer, can bat out a drawing and you’d never think David Hoadley Munroe of questioning the fact that he did it Dan Muller Nicholas Murray Butler is the fa- himself—in fact, it would seem very mous educator and long-time advo- ridiculous if we gave you a solemn cate of repeal. He is the president of David Hoadley Munroe is the assurance that he did. Yet the minute Columbia University. His article was Paul Trebilcock is a well-known author of The Grand National, an a sports figure breaks into print every- dictated to J. Woolf, whose splen- portrait painter. His camera work is authoritative book on this most im- S. body but the veriest bumpkin is prone did interviews are familiar to all read- strictly a hobby. At this writing, he is portant of steeplechase events. to assume, until shown otherwise, in Washington, doing a portrait of the ers of the New York Times. that a professional writer did all the President. work for a measly fraction of the check. Douglas Fairbanks, Jr. is the Frederick Van Ryn was the co- movie star. He made a movie at the author, with the late Grand Duke James T. Farrell, who reviews tender age of sixteen called, if we re- Alexander, of those two best sellers, Ghost writing, which started as a books in this issue, is an author member correctly, Stephen Steps Out. Once Grand Duke and Always A sort of midwifery for those who could rather than a critic, although his A , Were it not for that, we could say that Grand Duke. not otherwise deliver thoughts for short reviews have appeared in a num- writing, rather than acting, was his first which there was a demand, has ber of the magazines. His books are love. At any rate, he has been writing strayed into strange channels. The Young Lonegan, Gashouse McGinty, for a long time. At the risk of being George S. Chappell is the creator pay-off, it seems to us, arrives when a and a sequel to Young Lonegan which insulting we will enter here the denial of the famous Traprock family, whose professional writer does his own is announced for publication at about that his story is ghost written. He adventures were set down in hilarious ghosting! Yet it was reached last the time this issue of Esquire appears. knows he wrote it himself, but the detail in The Cruise of the Kawa and month with the publication of a book fact that he is a movie actor makes us Mr. and Mrs. Traprock Abroad. His in which Gertrude Stein writes the feel that it is necessary to see to it next novel, of which The Turtle of Autobiography of Alice B. Toklas for know it. Mr. Fairbanks is Concierge will that you Mine. La form a chap- the purpose of enabling Miss Toklas Sam Ostrowsky is a Russian who writing, in London at this and is ter, is to be called Shoal Water. to deliver a biography of Gertrude has lived in Paris off and on for working on an article for the next Stein. That almost calls for a diagram. twenty years. The time that he has issue of Esquire, concerned in the Incidentally, Miss Toklas wonders, spent away from Paris, throughout main with the phenomenon that the Harry Hershfield is the creator of in the voice of the ventriloquist’s doll, that period, has been divided between movies, meticulous in so many details, Abie the Agent, comic strip starring what has become of her Hemingway Chicago, where he has kept a home, pay shockingly little attention to the Abe Kabibble, long one of the most godchild. The obvious inference in and the Catskills, where he has a correctness of the attire of male movie popular characters in the realm of this wonderment is that life itself, let summer place. He is a painter— one stars. newspaper humor. alone cultural well-being and spiritual who has long been accepted in Paris content, is threatened by removal art circles but whose reputation in from the rarefied atmosphere of the America has only begun to grow. His Vincent Starrett is one of the few Geoffrey Kerr is the well-known Stein-Toklas menage at 27 Rue de canvases have been exhibited by Chicagoans whose fame dates from actor. His humorous pieces have fre- Fleurus. Miss Toklas is cordially re- the Whitney Museum of Modern Art, the era when Chicago was considered quently appeared in Vanity Fair and ferred to page 9 where J. H. N. Hem- in New York, and by the Art Institute a literary center who has resisted the Harper’s Bazaar. He will appear ingway, the godchild in question, is in Chicago.

116 ESQUIRE Autumn, 1933 —

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