Pastoral Care News
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Your Resource For Better Living! Issue 21 | May 2010 Pastoral Care News Mental Health Page 2 Shame Page 3 Pre-nuptial Agreements Page 4 Psychosexual Therapy Page 5 Learning about Relationships Page 6 Willows – One Year On Page 7 Training Courses Page 8 Pastoral Care News – Christian Caring In The Community Page 2 Embracing Mental Health within Church Communities by Bishop Stephen Conway The Right Reverend Bishop Stephen Conway, tormented by mental illness. Mary Magdalene, Bishop of Ramsbury and current Chair of the the Apostle to the Apostles and the first witness charity Mental Health Matters, offers his to the Resurrection of Jesus, was freed by Jesus thoughts on the value that people with mental from this torment. We may also be aware that health problems can bring to church many people living with mental illness have communities and how they can be regarded as considerable spiritual insight as they seek a resource given to us by God. faithfully to live through sometimes frightening and chaotic circumstances, praying for the order One of the people I have admired most in my life that only God can provide. That may not always so far was a fellow Christian minister who was make them comfortable people to be around, but able to offer outstanding service of the gospel we can benefit from paying attent ion to what God while living with chronic and severe mental ill may be saying to us through them. health problems. I shall call her Mary, though that is not her name. Mary experienced periods of Like other denominations and faith communities, recovery within her illness but there was no the Church of England has done a lot of work to permanent remedy. Being alongside her gave me seek to ensure that people living with mental the greatest insight into the level of courage illness are not only welcomed into church which is to be found in people living with the communities for worship, but also drawn in as whole gamut of mental illness, a courage which disciples with much to offer. On the Church of the wider community hardly thinks about. England website there is a pack of resources for reflection and use by individual parishes and Mary demonstrated courage in just getting out of dioceses as they seek to make this welcome real. bed in the morning, let alone exercising a public The resource pack also sets out to protect ministry in such a responsible way. The cost of churches and those living with any illness her illness was borne by her alone and not by (including mental illness) by providing guidance anyone involved in her ministry. Mary, like so on boundaries and expectations around both many suffering permanently or periodically from behaviour and support to sufferers. Given how mental anguish of some description, exhibits the large the spectrum of mental health is in any great Christian characteristic of steadfastness. community and across any human lifetime, it is The Shorter Oxford English Dictionary refers to likely that every congregation will be worshipping this as unshakeable in faith, purpose or affection. with fellow disciples who are less well. It is also likely that the number of acutely mentally ill I believe that we should celebrate this personal disciples will be higher in church communities quality that many people who live with mental than in the wider population because these health issues express through the suffering they people often know that they are special to God. endure. Rather than see this only as a problem or as an issue to ignore, we should rejoice and be This personal quality is a powerful witness to the realistic. Rejoice because all disciples are not mystery which Christians celebrate that, while chosen by us but by God and are a gift to us; and suffering is never to be sought or regarded as realistic about what care and boundaries each of good in itself, God’s grace still brings good out of us need for the better health of all. suffering and resurrection out of crucifixion situations. For more information visit I am fascinated by the fact that the Department of www.cofe.anglican.org/mentalhealth/gs1678.pdf Health has commissioned research by the Mental Health Foundation (MHF) into spirituality and and www.mentalhealthmatters.com mental health. The MHF is not in any sense a religious organisation but it conducted intriguing evidence-based research into the impact of active spirituality on mental health and well being, and came to the conclusion that many people’s health positively responded as a result of prayer and being cherished within faith communities. It is my long observation that this is not a one-way relationship within faith communities either. We know from the Gospels that the first people to recognise Jesus as the Son of God were people Pastoral Care News – Christian Caring In The Community Page 3 Shame by Rosemary Langford-Bellaby Director of the Sherwood Institute, contempt, ridicule and humiliation, the Shame and Conscience – the positive Rosemary Langford-Bellaby shows how source of these being those individuals side of shame shame can be both damaging and from whom they emanate. We feel beneficial to our well-being. exposed, paralysed, helpless, passive, Shame can be regarded as an emotional inhibited. They feel good, active, powerful, conscience that inhibits transgression Shame is one of the most powerful, painful uninhibited and free. We are made to feel against the rules and standards of society. and potentially destructive experiences inferior, smaller, and weaker whereas t hey Such transgressions can be costly and known to us. Even the first story in the exhibit the qualities of superiority and painful. It can be argued that without Bible, of Adam and Eve, is a story of strength. shame we would have no personal shame. Here, Adam and Eve disobeyed conscience, since shame informs us of the rules of the Garden of Eden. They Our feelings of shame will cause us to when we might need to be appropriately became self-aware, fearful of judgements have involuntary body responses such ashamed. For Christians this could be and afraid of the consequences of their as blushing, gaze avoidance or crying. breaking one or more of the Ten actions. They saw their very selves as This can lead to poor functioning to the Commandments. In examining the bad, they had betrayed God’s trust and point where we want to hide and conceal Holocaust, if the perpetrators of the were bad down to the very core of their ourselves from those responsible for our horrors had felt shame, they would not being - they needed to be punished. This shame as we reflect on what we have have been able to continue with their is the essence of shame, the fear of done. When we are made to feel shame, appalling processes. negative evaluations by others, via this can have a devastating effect on us. exposure of our undesirable qualities and Conclusion behaviour. Shame is a very powerful process. It can also have the power to bind other Shame has many shapes and dimensions. Shame and Guilt emotions to it. For example, we can be It is arguably the most common problem in taught that it is wrong to be in need of human development. The better we Shame and guilt are often confused, so support to the point beyond thinking ‘I understand it the better our understanding understanding the difference between must not need help’ to actually thinking ‘I of our relationships with each other will be. them is essential and can enable us to am bad for needing help’ and even ‘I must Shame is essential in the development of see why shame is such a powerful hide my need for help because I will feel conscience but an ‘overdose’ can cripple emotion. ashamed and will need to take myself out us and affect so many areas of our lives of the way’. We have not done anything and thus prevent us from being that which Guilt is a sense of having offended the wrong in needing help, we are not guilty of we are all called to be – children in the other person. Imagine that we have stolen anything but we can feel exposed and image of God. something from another person. We are distressed. We feel bad and judge then the source of the wrongdoing and the ourselves as being bad. Other common Rosemary Langford-Bellaby is the Director of responsibility for making amends lies with emotions often associated with shame are Training at the Sherwood Institute in us. The injured party may make efforts to Nottingham. This major training institute offers a helplessness, anger, (at self or at others) variety of courses from the 10 week remind us of our responsibility and might self-consciousness, anxiety, inferiority, Introduction to Listening Skills through to reject us or show contempt for our actions. sadness and weakness. Masters Programmes encompassing different It is this rejection or contempt that is likely therapeutic approaches. The Institute can to elicit guilt, thus prompting us to right the Many aspects of the media thrive and provide trainers for various events and wrong. make a great deal of money by creating a conferences as well as being a resource center. culture in which we can feel shame if we Rosemary and other staff are happy to receive Shame presents a different focus. Imagine do not conform to the “norm”. The diet and enquiries on 01159 243994 or via e-mail to [email protected] that we have not achieved 100% in an the cosmetics industries (especially “anti- exam and have been shamed for it.