Alfalfa Club Annual Dinner, Washington, D.C., January 24, 1976
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ALFALFA DINNER 1976 7: 20 W. T. Bell ( from stage ): GENTLEMEN , BE SEATED etc . 7: 22 Music of Marine Band. March on of Colors . 7:42 Serve terrapin . 7:55 Remove plates. 8:00 INAUGURATION. President Humphrey ' s opening remarks and f arewell address . He introduces new Alfalfa president , Senator Henry M. "Scoop" Jackson . 8:10 Immediately, Sgt. Michael Ryan sings, "Fo:::- He ' s Our President . " 8 : 12 ACCEPTANCE SPEECH by President Jackson . 8 : 20 Serve entree . Remove plates . 8 : 50 Serve salad. 9:.00 Remove plates . 9 : 15 INTRODUCTION OF ~v MEMBERS . William P . Rogers on stage , after recognition by President Jackson, initiates new members . President Jackson welcomes new members and announces that Sgt. Michael Ryan will serenade with "Come to the Land of Alfalfa" as they return to their seats . 9 : 45 Serve dessert and coffee , followed by champagne . Caution -- Billy Bell will signal time for the toast to the President of the United States . 10: 00 CONVENTION . President Jackson temporarily recesses dinner , recogni zes Senator Percy of Illinois to offer RESOLUTION nominating Alfalfa's Candidate for President of the United States . 10:10 CANDIDATE ' S ACCEPTANCE SPEECH . President Jackson responds briefly. 10:30 President Jackson thanks ASCAP for arranging professional program. Introduces professional entertainment . 10: 50 President Jackson thanks artist . 10: 55 President Jackson introduces ranking guest , who speaks as long as he pleases . At conclusion of ranking guest ' s remarks, President Jackson thanks organi zers , nd adjourns dinner . ALFALFA Dl NNER 1976 7:20 W. T. BELL (from stage): GENTLEMEN, PLEASE BE SEAT~D AND MAY I ASK YOU TO REMAIN SEATED FOR THE NEXT FEW Ml NUTES UNTIL THE PRC:SENTA.II ON OF THE COLORS. 7:22 MUSIC OF THE MARl NE BANIJ. MARCH ON OF THE COLORS. 7:37 President Hubert Humphrey: GENTLEMEN, BE SEATED o AND WELCOME TO THE 63RD ANNIVERSARY Dl NNER OF THE ALFALFA CLUB o BEFORE WE ENTANGLE OURSELVES ANY FURTHER IN THC: SHIMMERING GREEN AND PURPLE OF ALFALFA, I WANT TO THANK COLONEL JACK KLINE AND HIS MAGN I FI CENTL Y TALENTED AND TRAINED MUS I ClANS OF THE UNITED STATES MARl NE BAND. THEY ARE THE VERY BEST. THEY ARE ONE OF THE GREAT TRADI Tl UNS OF ALFALFA, AND OF OUR COUNTRY. President Humphrey (continuing): THERE ARE MANY Dl STI NGUI SHED MEN HERE TON! GHT --LOOK ABCUT YOU - BUT NONE MORE SO THAN ALFALFA'S VICE PRES I DENT, THE CHIEF JUSTICE OF THE UN I TED STATES. (Chief Justice Burger bows). President Humphrey (continuing): ALFALFA DINNERS ARE ALWAYS GREAT OCCASIONS FOR ME. BUT THIS ONE IS SPECIAL. AFTER ALL I AM THE PRES I DENT, FOR THE NEXT TWENTY Ml NUTES. z. AND THIS IS A SPECIAL YEAR, OUR Bl CENTENNIAL, THE 200TH BIRTHDAY OF THE LONGEST-LIVED DEMOCRAT! C COUNTRY ON EARTH. IN MY Ml ND WE DON'T LOOK 200 AND WE DON'T ACT 200 --WE ARE AT PEACE, WE ARE YOUNG, AND WE ARE GOING PLACES! THE ALFALFA CLUB AND THE ALFALFA PARTY, AS IS ONLY FITTING, TAKE CREDIT FOR THE GOOD THINGS THAT HAVE HAPPENED TO OUR COUNTRY LATELY. OTHER PARTIES, WHO SHALL REMAIN NAMELESS, ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THOSE THINGS THAT YOU AND I MAY NOT L1 KE TOO MUCH, SUCH AS CONGRESS COMING BACK TO TOWN THIS WEEK, AND THE SNOW IN COLORADO BEl NG SLICK AND UNFRIENDLY. AND SPECIAL TOO IS THIS SPLENDID IN-GPTHERING OF ALFALFA WITH 150 MEMBERS AND MORE THAN 500 OF THEIR GUESTS. FOR LONGER THAN ANY OF US CAN REMEMBER, ALFALFANS HAVE BEEN GETTING TOGETHER WITH FRIENDS TO SWAP A FEW LIES AND TO ENJOY GOOD FOOD, GOOD MUSIC, GOOD TALK, AND GOOD FELLOWSHIP! AS YOU WILL SEE, THAT IS WHY WE ARE ALL HERE TON I GHT. IF SOME STRANGER SHOULD HAVE THE UNMITIGATED EFFRONTERY TO ASK, 11 WELL, WHAT ELSE DOES THE ALFALFA 11 11 CLUB D0? , THE SHORT ANSWER IS, NOT MUCH. II BUT THE LONGER AND BETTER ANSWER WAS Gl VEN BY ONE OF ALFALFA'S NOBLE FOUNDERS, WHO SAl D: 3. ''IN A GENERAL WAY, ALFALFA DOES WHATEVER IT PLEASES TO DO-- SO LONG AS IT HAS THE MERIT OF BEl NG CLEAN OF PURPOSE, CLEVER IN EXEC UTI ON, AND Dl STI NCTLY PATRIOTIC. "ITS MAl N OBJECT IS TO MAKE Ll FE BRIGHTER AND MORE COMFORTABLE FOR ITS MEMBERS AND THEIR FRIENDS. IT IS IN NO SENSE POLl Tl CAL OR SECTIONAL-- BUT AS BIG AS HUMANITY. II ONE THING MEMBERS AND GUESTS AT THESE Dl NNERS NEVER DO IS TO TAKE THEMSELVES TOO SERIOUSLY. EVERYTHING IS IN FUN AND GOOD HUMOR. AND, OF COURSE, REPORTERS ARE NEVER PRESENT. GENTLEMEN, NOW THAT YOU KNOW ALL ABOUT ALFALFA- MOST LOVABLE OF LEGUMES THAT SENDS ITS LITTLE ROOTS IN SEARCH OF FOOD AND DRINK FATHER THAN ANY OTHER -- MR. FREDERICK YOU MAY SERVE THE TERRAPIN. 7:42 Serve the terrapin. 7:55 Remove plates 8:00 INAUGURATION. President Humphrey rises and raps gavel to deliver his farewell address. (See text in appendix). He introduces new Alfalfa President, Senator Henry M. "Scoop'' Jackson. 8:10 (Immediately, Sgt. Michael Ryan sings, ''For He's Our President.' 8:12 ACCEPTANCE SPEECH is delivered by President Jackson (see appendix for text) who then assumes gavel and chair, trading seats with Senator Humphrey. 8:20 Serve entree 8:50 Serve salad. 8:40 Remove plates. 9:00 Remove plates. 4. 9:15 INITIATION OF NEW MEMBERS. (William P. Rogers on stage in spot! ight. ) Mr. Rogers: MR. PRES I DENT, MR. PRES I DENT! Senator Jackso-n: (Peering Out) WHO IS THAT CALLING ME BY MY TRUE AND PROPER NAME? MR. PRES I DENT. MR. PRES I DENT-- LOVELY WORDS, BUT NO MORE THAN I DESERVE. NOW I SEE. IT IS NONE OTHER THAN THE FORMER Dl <;TI NGUI SHED ATTORNEY GENERAL, AND, AFTER THAT, THE Dl STI NGUI SHED SECRETARY OF STATE, KNOWN AND ADM I RED BY ALL AS THE MAN WHO GOT OUT JUST IN Tl ME. BILL ROGERS, WHY ARE YOU RISING? Mr. -Rogers: WELL, MR. PRES I DENT, I AM THE NEW CROP REPORTER. I HAVE BEEN COMMISSIONED BY THE ALFALFA BOARD OF COMMISSIONERS TO INTRODUCE THE NEW CROP - THE NEW MEMBERS. Senator Jackson: VERY WELL, MR. SECRtTARY, YOU ARE RECOGNIZED AND MAY PROCEED IN YOUR OWN I Nl MIT ABLE WAY. Mr. Rogers: THANK YOU, MR. PRES I DENT (See appendix for text of Initiation). Mr. Rogers: MR. PRES I DENT, THAT'S OUR NEW CROP OF ALFALFA. IT'S NOT MUCH-- BUT IT'S PROBABLY ABOUT RIGHT. IF IT WAS ANY BETTER EARL BUTZ WOULD SELL IT TO THE RUSS I ANS. 5. Senator Jackson: I AGREE THAT THIS HAS BEEN A BAD YEAR AND I PLAN TO POl NT THAT OUT AGAIN AND AGAIN. LET ME EXPRESS ALFALFA'S THANKS TO YOU FOR BRINGING I~~ THES~ SHEAVES. YOU ARE PROBABLY A Ll TTLE MORE SANGUINE ABOUT THEM THAN I f.M. Tl ME WILL TELL. Tl ME WILL TELL. IF THE REPORT IS NO WORSE THAN YOU THI Nl< IT IS, YOU MAY WELL HAVE WuRI<ED YOURSELF INTO A PERMANENT JOB. THANK YOU AGAIN, MR. SECRETARY. AS FOR YOU, GENTLEMEN OF THE VI NT AGE YEAR 1975, WELCOME TO THE PASTURES OF ALFALFA. MAY YOUR INTEREST IN YOUR FELLOW MEMBERS RtMAI N AS r,REEN AS OUR FAVORITE LEGUME, AND MAY YOUR Nl GHTS BE AS PURPLE AS THE SHIMMERING ALFALFA FLOWER. NOW, AS YOU RETURN TO YOUR SEATS, ALFALFA SGT. Ml KE RYAN WILL SERENADE YOU WITH THE CLUB'S TRADITIONAL SONG OF WELCOME, "COME TO THE LAND OF ALFALFA. II YOU MAY RETURN TO YOUR SEATS. (Ryan sings). 9:45 Serve dessert and coffee, followed by champagne. Billy Bell will signal time for toast to President of the United States. On signal, President Jackson rises, raps gavel and says: "GENTLEMEN, I Bl D YOU Rl SE AND RAISE YOUR GLASSES. I GIVE YOU ALFALFA'S ONLY TOAST, ' 1THE PRES I DENT OF THE UNITED STATES. II (Resume seats). 6. 10:00 CONVENT I ON. President Jackson: (Gavel) TO OFFER A RESOLUTION OF HIGHEST PRIVILEGE, THE CHA I R R~COGN I ZES THAT · Dl STI NGUI SHED PARLIAMENTARIAN FROM I LLI NOI S, f~Y COLLEAGUE, SENATOR CHARLES H. PERCY. Senator Percy (on stage): MR. PRES I DENT, I Rl SE -,~o OFFER THE FOLLOWING RESOLUTION: RESOLVED, THAT IN KEEPING WITH TIME-HOr\ORED TRADITION, THIS MEETING OF THE ALFALFA C~UB SHALL NOW BECOME A NATIONAL CONVENT! ON FOR THE PURPOSE OF NOMINATING A CANDIDATE FOR PRESIDENT O(THE UNITED STATES ON THE AL~ALFA Tl CKET. RESOLVED, THAT WHEN THE CONVENTION HAS BEEN CALLED TO ORD::R, THE CHAIR SHALL ANNOU1~CE THAT THE HONORABLE JOHN B. CONNALLY, FORMER REPUBLICAN SECRETARY OF THE TREASURY AND FORMER DEMOCRAT! C GOVERNOR 0( THE GREAT STATE OF TEXAS, IS THE UNANIMOUS CHOICE OF THE ALFALFA PARTY FOR PRES I DENT OF THE UN I TED STATES. AND BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED, THAT ON THE PRESENTATION AND READING OF THIS RESOLUTION THE PREVIOUS QUEST I ON SHALL BE CONSIDERED AS ORDERED, AND, WITHOUT INTERVENING MOTION, DEBATE, OR OTHER Dl LA TORY PROCEEDING A VOTE SHALL BE TAKEN ON THE ADOPT! ON OF THE RESOLUTION, THE DEC I Sl ON OF THE CHAIR TO BE Fl NAL ON THIS QUEST! ON AND NOT SUBJECT TO APPEAL OR POl NT OF ORDER. MR. CHAIRMAN, I MOVE THE ADOPT I ON OF THE RESOLUTION AND I SECOND THE MOTION. I. Pr.es·iae·nr Jackson: YOU HAVE HEARD THE RESOLUTION. ALL IN FAVOR SAY "AYE." THE "AYES" SEEM TO HA\'E IT.