Miami University

MIAMI UNIVERSITY The Graduate School Certificate for Approving the Dissertation We hereby approve the Dissertation of Gillian M. Finocan Candidate for the Degree: Doctor of Philosophy _______________________________________________ Director Roger M. Knudson, Ph.D. _______________________________________________ Reader Larry M. Leitner, Ph.D. _______________________________________________ Reader William B. Stiles, Ph.D. _______________________________________________ Reader Ann Fuehrer, Ph.D. _______________________________________________ Graduate Student Representative Laura Mandell, Ph.D. ABSTRACT GRIEVING THE DEATH OF A LOVED ONE: A PERFORMATIVE WRITING APPROACH FOR UNDERSTANDING THE POWER OF DREAMS by Gillian M. Finocan Following the death of a loved one, survivors seek meaning through mourning and struggle to construct a new reality in which their view of themselves is forever changed. According to the model of meaning reconstruction, the death of a loved one calls on survivors to reconstruct meaning in response to loss via: meaning making, benefit finding, and identity change. Continuing a bond with deceased loved ones can be a healthy part of the survivor’s ongoing life. Continuing bond theory places value on the relationship, with the focus on holding the relationship from a new perspective rather than severing the connection with the deceased loved one. Using a Dionysian logic for understanding dreams, the goal of the present qualitative study was to provide an enriched understanding of how the imaginal space of dreams plays a role in an individual’s adaptation to bereavement and how dreams serve a role in the development of continuing bonds with the deceased. Five participants were interviewed and performative writing texts were co-constructed based on conversations had with participants about their grieving processes. Reflexive analyses and the researcher’s story are presented. This collection of stories suggests that cognitive processing of grief only takes individuals so far in their grieving processes. Embodied knowing, which can be enhanced through various dream experiences, is crucial for moving an individual’s grieving process forward. For these participants, the imaginal space of dreams seemed to be functioning in at least one of four ways: Serving a catalytic function, bringing about dramatic change for the survivor; mitigating against denial and numbness, keeping the grieving process alive; providing nostalgic seasoning to the survivor’s grieving experience; and/or nurturing continuing bonds with deceased loved ones. From the perspective of a Dionysian logic for understanding dreams, a discussion is provided on: the role of dreams in an individual’s adaptation to bereavement and in the development of a continuing bond with the deceased; the unique ability of performative writing to compellingly present the role of dreams in the adaptation to bereavement; and the implications of attending or not attending to our dreams following the death of a loved one. GRIEVING THE DEATH OF A LOVED ONE: A PERFORMATIVE WRITING APPROACH FOR UNDERSTANDING THE POWER OF DREAMS A Dissertation Submitted to the faculty of Miami University in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree of Doctor of Philosophy Department of Psychology by Gillian M. Finocan Miami University Oxford, Ohio 2009 Dissertation Director: Roger M. Knudson, Ph.D. © Gillian M. Finocan 2009 TABLE OF CONTENTS Introduction…………………………………………………………………………. 1 A Model of Meaning Reconstruction for Bereavement…………………...... 2 Continuing Bonds in Adaptation to Bereavement………………………….. 3 A Dionysian Logic for Dreams……………………………………………... 6 Review of Dream Literature………………………………………………... 8 The Present Study…………………………………………………………... 10 Performative Writing for Understanding Bereavement and Dreams……….. 11 Method……………………………………………………………………………… 14 Recruitment of Participants…………………………………………………. 14 Researcher Stance…………………………………………………………... 15 Interviews…………………………………………………………………… 16 Performative Writing Texts: Construction, Interpretation, and Analysis…... 19 Results………………………………………………………………………………. 21 You Die a Thousand Deaths Before You Have To Do It…………………... 21 Reflexive Analysis for: You Die a Thousand Deaths Before You Have To Do It………………………………………………………………………… 40 You Can’t Control Things…………………………………………………... 44 Reflexive Analysis for: You Can’t Control Things………………………... 57 Waiting for the Next Blow………………………………………………….. 59 Reflexive Analysis for: Waiting for the Next Blow………………………... 74 All I Ever Hope to Be, I Hope to Be My Mother…………………………… 76 Reflexive Analysis for: All I Ever Hope to Be, I Hope to Be My Mother…. 87 The Big Trip………………………………………………………………… 90 Reflexive Analysis for: The Big Trip………………………………………. 97 Discussion…………………………………………………………………………... 99 Bringing the “body” into the model of meaning reconstruction……………. 100 A Dionysian logic for understanding bereavement dreams as catalytic……. 101 A Dionysian logic for understanding how dreams keep the grieving process alive…………………………………………………………………………. 103 A Dionysian logic for understanding dreams as seasoning for life………… 104 Continuing bond theory and dreams………………………………………... 104 The role of dreams in a “Get over it and get on with your life” world……... 108 Performative writing and bereavement dream research…………………….. 109 References…………………………………………………………………………... 114 Appendix A…………………………………………………………………………. 121 Appendix B…………………………………………………………………………. 122 Appendix C…………………………………………………………………………. 123 iii. ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS I would like to express my sincere gratitude first to my participants for your interest and participation in my project. This project would not have been possible without your commitment to the project and your willingness to reflect on and share intimate stories about your grieving experiences with me. I was deeply touched by the stories you shared, and have learned from each one of you. My hope is that you will find my project honors the memory of your loved ones. I am especially grateful to my advisor and mentor, Roger Knudson, for his encouragement and support throughout the dissertation process, and throughout my time in graduate school. I have truly appreciated your responsiveness, thoughtful and very timely feedback, and your investment in doing whatever you could to help me throughout the dissertation process. Many thanks to my committee members: Larry Leitner, Bill Stiles, Ann Fuerher, and Laura Mandell for your involvement in, support of, and sincere interest in my project. I would also like to give a special thank you to my dear friend, Siri Hoogen, not only for your constant support, but also for your careful and thoughtful editing of the performative writing pieces. Thank you also to my “BB,” Kathryn Gaffey, you have been my grad school partner throughout the past six years and have helped me both personally and professionally every step of the way. I am forever grateful to my family for their enduring love and support throughout this project. Thank you to my mom, Elle, for always believing in me and my professional endeavors. I also truly appreciate the love and friendship of my sister, Caitlyn. Being able to turn to you for personal support throughout the dissertation process has been invaluable. Thank you to my new family, Terri, Jim, and Brendan, you have been there for me whenever I have needed you, especially over the past few years, and I am so appreciative of your encouragement and genuine interest in me and my professional work. Finally, I am eternally grateful to my loving husband, Michael Kaag, for your faith in me, your enduring love and support, and, at times, much needed humor. You have helped to foster my confidence, allay my anxieties, and keep me determined to get through the project and my program. And, my acknowledgements would not be complete without thanking my faithful pup, Reilly, who has cuddled on my lap for every page I typed for this dissertation project. iv. Grieving the death of a loved one: A performative writing approach for understanding the power of dreams In her earthly form of flesh and bone and blood, in her presence as a smile and a word spoken in love, she is gone, forever. That cold, hard fact is the bitterness of grief, which always remains. But there are those moments, especially under the stars, when the day is surrendering into night, that she glides through my heart again. These moments are the other, sweeter taste of grief. And, again, although I am not the author of these moments, I can at least prepare the occasion and make myself ready for them when, and if, they come (Romanyshyn, 1999, p. 157) The death of a loved one has been described as an assault on an individual’s meaning system, which calls for active attempts to make sense of the loss, find some benefit in the experience, and reorganize one’s identity as a survivor (Gillies & Neimeyer, 2006). Historically, in a grief model laid out by Freud, individuals were encouraged to “let go” of the deceased loved one through a process of “decathexis.” In recent years, however, contemporary theorists have embraced an alternative view of grieving where continuing bonds with the deceased have been viewed as a healthy part of the survivor’s ongoing life (Silverman & Klass, 1996). Death ends the life of the loved one, but the relationship does not have to disappear. Attachments with absent loved ones require individuals to rely on dreams, memories, conversations about the deceased, and cherished objects that remind them of the deceased in order to remain connected (Silverman & Nickman,

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