...What's where... News 3 International 7 Opinion 8 Feature 12 Sports 14 Entertainment 18 Classifieds 22 NSK 23 "The tie that binds since 1926" the cord VOLUME XXXVI • ISSUE NINETEEN • WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 17, 1996 WLU STUDENT PUBLICATIONS GCCreferendum nixed

LORI DYSIEVICK AND WLUSU President Scott unmatched in the Waterloo area. KATHERINE HARDING McCormick was among the first to According to Marc Xuereb, Cord News voice his opposition to the G.C.C.'s G.C.C. representative, the Centre is The Global Community Centre s pro- proposal. McCormick argued that used mainly by WLU Arts and posal to add a fee of $5.00 to WLUs allowing the G.C.C. to pose the ques- Science students and professors; annual tuition was defeated at the tion through a referendum was "set- however, it is increasingly being last BOD meeting. After a lengthy ting a dangerous precedent" for used by business students as well. debate among the members of BOD, other charities and organizations Xuereb said he was "incensed when 311ly four members voted to support who might also approach WLUSU McCormick said that we didn't fol- he extra fees. for student funding. McCormick low the proper protocol," when it The future looks grim for the went on to state that the G.C.C. had was McCormick who suggested they jlobal Community Centre, located not yet received approval from the approach the Board that way. it 89-91 King St. It has already lost Ancillary Fee Protocol Committee. "The Board obviously didn't look wo thirds of its funding due to fed- McCormick reprimanded the mem- into the issues surrounding the ref- eral cuts. bers of the G.C.C. for prematurely erendum because they were still BOD member Sean Wilde made approaching the Board, saying the asking the same questions," Xuereb the proposal to the Board during procedure should have been to said. He encouraged the students last week's Thursday evening approach the Ancillary Fee Protocol who signed the petition to push the meeting. To indicate the amount Committee first. issue further and approach their of support at WLU, Wilde pre- BOD member Stewart Wong also BOD members. sented the Board with a petition opposed the proposal, pointing out At the meeting, Xuerub told the containing 670 signatures from "the fact about the petition [is]... I BOD, "What you are voting on is WLU students and faculty. am sure students didn't know about putting the proposal to referendum, Members of the Global the 15%increase in tuition." not if it (the proposal) is a good poli- Community Centre were also in "Students will sign anything," cy." He later accused BOD of being attendance at the meeting. agreed BOD member Bil Huk. "fundamentally undemocratic." However, procedures for debate BOD Member Virginia Parker "Funny how they reject some- at BOD meetings only allowed said she would support the proposal thing important like the Global the representatives of the G.C.C if the G.C.C. became affiliated with Community Centre, yet they are to answer questions posed by WLU or WLUSU. Some other mem- blindly putting ail this money into BOD members; they were not bers reminded the Board that the something like the paperclip team," given the opportunity to speak Centre is used a great deal by WLU commented one spectator at the end on their own behalf. students, and that their services are ofthe meeting. Turret posts Hoopsters downed record sales

KATHERINE HARDING uted to many factors. The most sig- ager Rob Cresswell went beyond Cord News nificant is the change in music for- usual tactics early last fall to attract Against all odds, on January 11, the mat. Schouela said that the definite a Friday crowd. Turret generated sales over split between dance music on "The Turret is a close place $11,000. YVLUSU Prograxnming and Thursdays and alternative on where all your friends are," Services Director Dan Dawson com- Fridays has attracted two different Macauley added. Dawson is "happy mented that even though historical- (but faithful) crowds. Dawson com- to see that the students have ly January has always been the mented that "the DJ's have definite- responded to the changes that have highest sales month, last Friday was ly developed a rapport with their been made." the "biggest night he has ever wit- audiences due to their consistency." Second year Laurier student nessed" - in spite of the twenty Kathleen Macauley, a student Christine McArthur said she likes minute false fire alarm. manager at the Turret, thinks the the TUrret on Fridays because ofthe Last year, "you couldn't get three success can be attributed to a "com- "good crowd and music." people in here on a Friday night," bination ofwinning factors," such as Newly renovated and expanded said Turret DJ Jamie Schouela. cheap drinks before 10 p.m, an for 95-96, the Turret is a campus The reason for the dramatic enthusiastic team effort by the run bar operated by the YVLUSU. increase in popularity can be attrib- Turret staff, and the fact that man-

News Sports

Even more Ezra fallout - a lawsuit How long 'till football season? ZEEMAN RON Opinion Entertainment

Students for the GCC have their say rusty and hHead at Fed PICTURE: Features NSK Saturday saw the men's basketball team fall to McMaster by a score of 102-89. Taking a look a mysticism and the occult No sex with animals this week! Who knew? see Sports, page 14 Blackwater Yj&whe^rctiri^^ tin Australia Draw live I or Great Britain v£VQ. 9pm-lamr Byor One Kear I /v w 2 for 1 Nachos every Sunday W .Primary and Secondary that allow you to 77 King Street North Qualifications P§ta teaCh ol,ta"°- Kggj Waterloo * Tel: gSfelMO 3 or 4 > ear B™<>»ates may aPPIj ! "/ : I! nittU""' . $9500 i Fax ' gB6-6870 rJ 'Approximate tuition fees

# # fl 3UY SELL tßade join the hundreds of JCO.M. S 4/ \*y students who have travelled overseas

# 112 ' j"j J Representatives: \ %3E± j J I; I [w I K.O.M. CONSULTANTS \ U6ol / P.O. Box 60524 \ Mountain Plaza Postal Outlet r 0* \ A. '>y LARGEST SELECTION in K-W B^ \ V flOllA /402 KING ST. N., WAT. 884-7376 Phone or Fax: (905) 318-8200 Email: [email protected] (BETWEEN HARVEY'S AND BURGER KING) STANLEY PARK MALL 748-0912

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| has been chosen official | | jjSk®» Graduation Portrait | | Mnßlli Photographer | I RfViniPfllPl for all 1996 Undergrads | P GRAD PHOTOS g I r—~^T~/ \ will be taken at 202 Regina Street, 1 Ip \ -H) 71°:AA Room R226 - Second Floor. I| I campus I

- &JOSTENSltd. I January 15 30, 1996 W'-'Canada g gigigigigiSISISISIBMSISISISMSMSISMSISISISISMSMSISMSMSIBISISISMSMSISISIBISISIaB NEWS WLU, WLUSU, WLUSP Sued

Since WLU and UW claim juris- aland cognitive impairment, psy- diction in the policing and control- chogenic trauma, reactive depres- ling of student functions, both on sion and personality change. and off-campus, and were fore- Silva had to pay for medical warned that their students would be expenses due to her injuries and will attending the Ezra Street Party, Silva have to continue to do so for an is suing them for not properly taking unknown time. action to prevent the party from According to practitioners, she occurring. may experience further damages The complaint entered by her such as seizures and other maladies lawyer, James E. Pitcher, also that could result from her undeter- charges WLU for not organizing or mined brain injuries. authorizing an on campus, post In reference to the City of exam, year-end student celebration Waterloo, Silva charges the with restricted student entry, beer Honourable Mayor for failing to bottle restrictions, parly boundaries compel YVLU to organize an on and internal security. campus year end celebration. Silva claims the Cord and the Finally, the plaintiff claims legal Student s Union are at fault because action against the Waterloo representatives actively promoted Regional Police because of their the party. Specifically, last year's "sweep maneuver" of Ezra St. At December's Board of Governor's meeting, a question was raised about whether Laurier would be president, Ralph Spoltore, provided which dispersed the crowd and liable for its students' behaviour if it had off-campus jurisdiction. That question now seems prophetic. inflammatory comments to the brought the party to an end, after Kitchener-Waterloo Record when which Kwok walked by the King St. SABRINA SACCOCCIO Publications, UW, the Corporation of control, Silva suffered a blow to the speaking of the anticipated party. residence where Silva had sought Cord News the City of Waterloo, the Regional head from a piece of concrete. Kwok According to the suit, the Cord print- refuge. The sweep maneuver WLU is a facing civil action because Municipality of Waterloo, Waterloo threw the fist-sized piece ofconcrete ed "promotional material" in rela- allegedly caused some party partici- of the Ezra Street Party and the Regional Police, and the Ministry of towards the house where Silva was tion to the party. pants to become moreriotous. Code of Conduct. Third year WLU Education for the Province of waiting for a ride home after people Silva alleges in her lawsuit that The suit wasn't entirely unfore- co-op student linda Silva has start- Ontario. in that general direction had thrown she has suffered several physical seen. At last month's board meeting, ed nine separate civil suits in search Against the defendants, Silva is peanuts or candy at his group of and mental disorders since the inci- concerns were expressed over the of compensation for the damages claiming general damages in the friends. dent. She has had to endure surgery desirability of off-campus jurisdic- she suffered due to the actions of a amount of $200,000, special dam- In October of last year, Kwok in order to amend the depressed tion for the university. former WLU student, Erik Kwok. ages in the amount of $500,000, as was sentenced to a ninety day jail frontal lobe of her head and remove . "If we exercise jurisdiction [off Silva is bringing legal action well as the costs ofher legal actions. term and ordered to serve 500 the blood clot that formed due to the campus] do we attract liability?" against Erik Kwok, WLU, WLU After leaving last year's Ezra hours ofcommunity service because blow. She states that she has also asked Roger Salmany, a lawyer and Student's Union, WLU Student Street Party because it was out of of his actions. experienced memory less, function- member of the Board of Governors. Laurier students dean up in accounting exams Ten oftop twentyplacements go to WLU

PETE ROBINSON pie, academics and students alike, province. Symons, like Parmar, is Cord News believe that it is the hardest of all currently employed by KPMG in Laurier s School of Business and certification exams in any profes- Toronto. Lanoue is working in Economics received a shot in the sion, including the infamous bar London for Deloitte & Touche, arm recently when the results for exam taken by aspiring lawyers. another of the "big six" accounting the annual certification exam for Laurier has traditionally attract- firms. articling CA students was Obtaining employment by one of (MMWSW announced by the Canadian Institute the big six firms is considered a ofChartered Accountants. "Hie Laurier "peach" placement for graduates Laurier grads placed first, third from university. There, articling CAs and fourth and occupied ten of the business put in their time in order to obtain top twenty placements overall the enough hours for @aw[pm in to qualify their CA province. program designation. Once that is achieved, . . ** Simon Parmar, a Fall '94 grad » ■ * a ■ ■ many go outside their original from WLU, took the Ontario Gold is a employer in order to secure posi- law«»y 5:00 pin, Paul Martin Centra Medal. He heaped high praise on the big tions with other companies. Others •WLU Alumni Association home chapter networking event. For Laurier Undergrad Business choose to stay on with their original information call ext. 3401. Program when he was reached at reason why employer, where the ultimate goal is the Toronto office of KPMG. to achieve a partnership. Januaiy 19,2:30 pm, 2-112 CTB: "Clearly the Laurier undergrad we've been Parmar will likely work on the ￿ Mlcfeele Baviau speaks on "An Ammonite Town at Tell Jawa, business program was the single latter at KPMG and while he openly Jordan." Admission free. For information call ext. 333G. most contributing factor," he said. successful" acknowledges that it is much too "The case format that they use in early to think about achieving a lanuaiy 23, noon, Redtai Hall: exams and how they hammer it into Ed a lot of students right out of high partnership, he says he is looking ￿Diabelli variations by Beethoven, featuring Ralph Efeaosser on our heads is a big reason why school who have their eye on a forward to working in Australia for piano. Admission tree. [Laurier grads] have been success- career as a CA, both because of the three months this summer before ful." high quality of education and the qualifying for his designation in January 23,530 pm: The exam, called the Uniform fact that Laurier offers enough September. Psychology society lio&ts a "Meet the Profe" night Final Examination (UFE), is a gruel- undergrad courses to be eligible for Overall, 58.6 % of the 1,077 can- ing four-day process written annual- an exemption from the preliminary didates passed the exam. Ofthe peo- January 23,7 pm, Paul Martin Centre: ly in September. It encompasses all exams, known as the "pre-ads." ple who were writing it for the first ￿ Meeting ofthe senate, the academic governingbody ofthe univer- facets of accounting in both tax and James Lanoue and Barry time, 68.5% passed. Potential CAs sity. auditing and is mandatory for any- Symons, both Laurier grads, placed are given four attempts to pass the one wishing to be a CA Many peo- third and fourth respectively in the UFE. (News)— Why women should ask men out

CONOR MCCREERY screeched, "forget it!" I don't under- help out the male gender, since they harsh rejection. And the fear of a shy, have been burned before, or Cord News Commentary stand why the Male of the species is would have had first hand experi- cruel refusal can be a serious deter- are waiting for the right moment. In the game of life, men and women expected to put his ego on the line ence ofthis ordeal. rent for a guy who is receiving Find a guy that looks like he has interact in many different ways. all the time, while the Female is I mean, almost any guy would go mixed signals ("You thought I want- potential, and go for him. None is so glaringly unbalanced as supposed to sit back and (compara- out with a girl who asked him out - ed to go out with you?"). I'm not saying that women the process of "getting to know you." tively) relax. I mean why, when all just because he'd be so flattered and Women are always complaining should ask out guys all the time, or Over the past couple of decades, are other traditional male "roles" impressed that she asked him. that there are not enough "good" even half the time ... but occasional- the women's movement has made looked at with ridicule (i.e. the Seriously, everyone I've spoken to men out there. That's crap - there ly would be nice. great strides toward its goal of breadwinner), does this one persist? said they would have to have are lots of great guys who are either achieving equality. If we are truly I think it's time for women to absolutely no interest in the girl at going to achieve equality, however, carry their share of dating pressure. all before he would turn down an we need to do so in all areas. And It's not easy to be "the asker" in a invitation. one of the areas that needs to be relationship, and while I do not deny Girls get confused here. They addressed is the idea of women ask- women that it is tough to have to say, "I've never been rude to a guy, ing out men. wait and wonder, I don't think they I've always been very flattered and Culture I don't understand why this topic truly realize how much stress it can tried to be polite." While I don't

seems so, so ... wrong to many be to have to ask. doubt them, there are also a fair women. When I asked around cam- If women went through this number of girls who fall short in the pus about this topic, most women all process more often, they would skill of politely declining. Every guy but laughed. "Ask a guy out?" they probably be a lot more willing to has been the victim of at least one Shock

LORI DYSIEVICK about trying to find ways of meeting and girls can relate to. Cord News Commentary other than the infamous bar scene, These concerns of both the guys Tradition dictates that it is a man's which (let's face it) doesn't work. and girls reflect the fact that there role to ask the woman on a date. I asked both sexes how they felt already is a system of dating eti- ERIC HENRY ly don't ever want anyone to clean Well, the sexual revolution did a about girls asking guys out as a gen- quette in place. Cord News Commentary up after me. Call it pride, call it a pretty thorough job of eroding male eral rule. Although admittedly unstable, it It seems that for the past term fetish; it really doesn't make any dif- and female roles. Dating in modern Every guy I spoke to said they is a system and it does help give I've been spouting selected gems of ference. I just want to understand society has thus become a confusing would be flattered if a girl asked both sexes some indication of what anthropological knowledge without how people outside the university fit and analytical game to which any- them to go out on a date. The girls 1 to do and expect. Making women really telling you why. Looking back, in here. one who has been single for any spoke to said they would be very responsible for asking men out tears I'm not even sure that I know myself. On the other hand, how do we fit period of time will attest to. nervous about asking a guy for a down the small remainder of a sys- So I think that it is now time to clarify in outside the university? In high Both men's and women's frus- date for two reasons. tem that we have left. my purpose in this endeavour and school it was the mall. Everyone tration with the dos and don'ts of First they said they would obvi- Besides, women are already ask- elucidate the intention of this col- went to the mall. Now what is it? We dating can be seen everywhere, ously be afraid of rejection. Second, ing men on dates anyway, so what- umn. Here is the Culture Shock go to bars, exotic restaurants, not-so- from Xathy' cartoons to Seinfeld. they wouldn't want to seem too for- ever conclusion anyone reaches Mission Statement. exotic restaurants, movies, expensive Actually, the ambiguous rules of dat- ward, or give him the impression should be one that is best for their Last term I cycled through most coffee shops, etc. etc. What draws us ing have everyone baffled - and sin- they had sexual expectations. Both needs. Being a die-hard romantic, I of the faculties and major areas of to these places? What culturally gle. Instead, we should be worried are valid concerns I think both guys support the traditional system. study at Laurier, investigating the determined forces coerce us into culture of the students enrolled in these fine establishments, only to them. And though the focus has keep drawing us back? been on the differences between The fact is, we are submerged in people, I've learned that we all have culture. We revel in it daily, splashing a considerable amount in common. like kids in a plastic pool in the back ■ Despite our different attitudes yard. Our professors try to tell us towards work and study, we all go to how to think, but they're too late. m I FIT FIX] the same bars, eat the same tasteless We've already been "culturized" by food, and dance to the same bizarre our childhood experiences, our first music. So this term I would like to jobs, our years of gazing vacantly at ULTIMATE" examine the common ties that bind a television set. Does this explain the ''■m i"THE us together, and make us all part of a similarities we share? Is our com- ' larger community. The outside world mon experience linked all the way . ■ jt doesn't understand us - Ezra Street back to the magic world of Hanna- '112 y°u want to lose weight, tone up or improve your proved that. Maybe this can be an Barbera? It's scary to think that we on| to endurance for sP orts > we are the y people see. appeal to them as well. Hey, we could blame Saturday morning car- Staffed by university physical education graduates aren't beer-bottle-wielding maniacs, toons for the chaos in our world. J have been professionally trained to guarantee who students, each and I'd like to that there are you look your very best. For the most in facilities, just ordinary think ofus. noble pursuits out Who •yf** V the best equipment in the world, and professional everyone there. JIF one-on-one service, try Canada's Top Club! In light of this, I want to look at knows, maybe this is one of them. 1| .-..vviy You deserve it! the culture shock other people feel However, if our goals are somewhat 1 : 'i ~ - "fc. 'Time limited offer. Some restrictions may apply. when they enter our insidious little lacking in nobility, what drives us Facilities may vary by location. world on campus. For example, forward? Why do we continuously what is the custodial staff thinking etch our lives into the hallowed halls about when they scrape the hard- of Laurier? Whatever the reason, ened vomit off the walls of this is going to be a term of soul- STUDENT SPECIAL the bath- room in the Ttirret on Friday morn- searching for me, a continuing quest from ftft ing? I mean, doesn't anyone ever to determine just who the hell we think about these things? I personal are.

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SCOTT STINSON tee of the Board that is supposed to asked to resign by the Board despite should have resigned as Chair Dorland then took the question- asked Huk Cord News Commentary include both Directors and student the fact that he had done "nothing" months ago, the Board as a whole ing to another level. He at least some of the about his decision to not participate At last Thursday's WLUSU Board representatives from all faculties. as chair of AAB. must absorb not being active. Brad in the OUSA rally against the Harris meeting, the bubble of happiness Huk was elected Chair back in And the lines were drawn. blame for VP: government budget cuts in that has surrounded the Board of March, before the incoming Director Monica Khurana jumped to Ross, who as WLUSU's charge of November at Park. Huk had Directors this year finally burst. Directors began their terms. the defense of the Board, saying she University Affairs is in the Queen's at a previous meeting that he It began quietly enough. As the He responded to Dorland's ques- was "bothered" by Huk's comments. department that works closely with stated chose not to participate because he last order of business of a lengthy with OUSAJs "purpose" at meeting, Chair Russ Clark disagreed resigned as rally. announced Director Bil Huk's resig- While Huk deariy should have the Dorland asked whose ideals Huk nation as Chair of the Academic was representing: those of stu- Affairs Board (AAB), explaining that the a whole dents, or his own. At this point, he was unable to commit the time Chair months ago, the Board as and Huk began to argue and effort necessary to do the job Dorland Huk had put his per- correctly. Huk did ask to continue about whether beliefs ahead of his responsi- his duties as a Director of the Board. must absori> at least some of the blame. sonal bilities as an elected member of the Director Keri Peacock was acclaimed to the vacant Chair. tion by saying that he "used the She said that Huk had "given them the AAB, agreed with Huk's assess- Board and as an elected Chair of Director Bruce Dorland then Christmas break to reflect... [he] the impression that some things ment that the AAB has done noth- AAB. dark quickly called a halt to the asked Huk why it took until January realized that [he] had too many were being done" and that it was ing. He also pointed out that initia- for Huk to resign. He pointed out commitments and that [he'd] have "unfair" of Huk to blame the rest of tives that would normally involve argument, noting that it was late that "they've had a non-fimctioning to give some ofthem up." the Board for trustinghim. the AAB, such as the upcoming and that this topic of discussion was committee for eight months." Huk then went on the offensive. Both Dorland and Huk made Student Run Course Evaluation, not on the agenda. It may be on the The AAB is a standing commit- He pointed out that he was not good points. While Huk clearly have been handled without it. agenda for this week's meeting. Wanna clean my house?

Theft under $5000 green coat. She had a husky voice. tables and chairs and scattered 2310 hrs Fri 12 Jan 96 0030 hrs Sun 14 Jan 96 1345 hrs Mon 08 Jan 96 large amounts of garbage in the 24 A report was received of five Two non-university males were Food Services staff reported the Stolen property recovered hour lounge in the Student Union females carrying a table and chair charged with failing to leave premis- theft of a wall clock from the Food 1000 hrs 11 Jan 96 Building. set similar to those in the food court es when directed to after being Court. A WLU key was recovered which up Albert St. Officers responded but evicted from the Turret. had been stolen from a faculty Impaired care & control were unable to locate them. The Unauthorized soliciting member's residence in Oct. 95. The 0120 hrs Fri 12 Jan 96 matter is under investigation. Obscene telephone call 1545 hrs Mon 08 Jan 96 suspect has been charged with pos- A male individual was charged with 2155 hrs Sun 14 Jan 96 Two non-university females were session of stolen property. impaired care and control of a False fire alarm Library staff reported receiving an escorted off campus when they motor vehicle when he was found in 2342 hrs Fri 12 Jan 96 obscene phone call. No suspects. were observed stopping people out- Mischief under $5000 lot #13 passed out behind the wheel Person(s) unknown activated the side the Central Teaching Building 0115 hrs Fri 12 Jan 96 with the keys in the ignition. pull station in the Peters Building. attempting to sell hair care promo- Person(s) unknown unraveled the Three charges for liquor violations tions. fire hose on the 2nd floor of the Theft under $5000 Trespass were issued during this time period. Student Union Building in the area Mischief under $5000 ofWilfs. 0320 hrs Wed 10 Jan 96 Person(s) unknown broke a window Theft under $5000 in MacDonald House. 0515 hrs 12 Jan 96 Oiess wfaal's new at Laurier? Two table tops were reported stolen Unauthorized soliciting from the Food Court area. 1300 hrs Wed 10 Jan 96 Two non-university males were Fail to remain MVA evicted from campus for stopping 2140 hrsThu 11 Jan 96 people in the Student Union Quad The security department investigat- and attempting to sell hair care ed a fail to remain motor vehicle products. accident in lot #3 in the area of the Athletic Complex. The suspect vehi- Suspicious person cle is described as a light blue 1430hrs Wed 10 Jan 96 Toyota pick-up truck. The vehicle A female WLU studentreported that accelerated quickly out of a parking Now offering: an unidentified female walked into space causing the rear end to swing her off-campus residence and out and strike another vehicle. If behaved strangely. This individual anyone has information regarding POOL AGAIN THIS WEEK! |PP^W seemed to make herself at home as this incident please contact Thurs. 18th-Fri. 4pm-7pm _ I if she knew the residents and Constable Willfange at the WLU 19th 0k belonged there. She then proceeded security department at 885-3333 or Sat. 20 til 7pm to tidy up the premises and left a ext. 3333. Sun. all day CRISPY few minutes IMfU later. Mon., Tues., Wed. 4pm-7pm She is described as caucasian, Mischief under $5000 BFREE 5'6", medium build, brown hair, 0400 hrs Fri 12 Jan 96 wearing sunglasses and a long Person(s) unknown overturned (3 Coming Soon: SWffH hrJ crispy crunch Mull ill lAb Protect YOUR fITJ COUPLE SEARCH Ujyli!] I Investment VVI HII|J§ Thursday Jan. 18th EsfisrSSPFr Preferred Service For --JSP jI^ULJUKS ALLACURAS "Your car's home away from home." FAIRVIEW 893-90001 I 2685 Kingsway Dr. I I Kitchener, Ont. B Located behind Fairview Mall ■ Ride to Laurier available H

theCord January 17, 1996 5 (News)- Lauder's money-makers A look at WLU's affiliates AMAL MOUSSAOUI The consultants at SBCS have access to the Cord News faculty of The School of Business and The new offices at 202 Regina house a Economics, and can use their own experience number of services available both to students in marketing, finance, accounting and human and to the community at large. Organizations resource management. such as Small Business Consulting, Laurier The consultants draw up business plans, International and the Laurier Institute provide do market research, advertising and promo- educational and consulting services, for the tion, forecast sales and revenue figures, help most part linked with the BBA program. with budgeting, and customize computer Laurier International serves as "a clearing training for local businesses. For example, house for international activities," said Denis they can help a business just starting up by • Leclerc, International Liaison Officer. For doing feasibility and location studies to estab- Nominations open Jan 15 example, Laurier International can be a facili- lish a market for the product. tator in finalizing exchange agreements and "The response has been excellent," Harvey co-ordinating the application process for stu- commented. "We've had very little negative until Jan 29, 4:00 pm. dents studying overseas. For the faculty, feedback, and we have a greatreputation with Laurier International provides information the business community." about research opportunities and sabbaticals SBCS has served clients such as AT&T, as well as links to other universities. Kitchener-Waterloo Hospital, Rowan Williams • Laurier International was established in Davies & Irwin Inc., and Laurier's own All candidates meeting 1994, after a study of international activity Students' Union. across campus was conducted in late 1993. The Laurier Institute has successfully pro- This study suggested that an information cen- vided the community with Management Jan 29 5:30 pm tre for international activities was required. Development Public Programs for eleven Information regarding opportunities for inter- years. Its mandate "is to provide the knowl- national exchanges is registered in a calendar. edge of SBE to the community." WLUSU TV Lounge. "Laurier International's long-term goal," "Our objective is to do a needs assessment said Leclerc, "is to have an information centre survey of corporate culture, building specific where students can browse for information skill sets that they want," said Doug Bolger,

themselves." who works at the Laurier Institute. "Our main • Across the hall from Laurier International's focus is employee training." Nominations available office are Laurier's Small Business Consulting The Laurier Institute provides a Service (SBCS) and the Laurier Institute. These Manufacturing Supervisor Program, the two successful businesses generate profit for Master Manager Program, and the Master at WLUSU the university and serve the community by Communicator Program. pooling their resources and providing training "It puts the university in touch with compa- for medium to large-size businesses. nies, and it helps build a profile for Laurier," "SBCS s success lies its ability to provide Bolger commented. "The promotion ofLaurier in • one-on-one personal service to each client's will ultimately benefit the students by increas- Positions Available: need with continuous feedback," said Shawn ing job opportunities for Laurier grads. And Harvey, a BBA co-op student hired as a con- professors in the School of Business and sultant for SBCS. "It's a way for small business Economics get the opportunity to put forth owners to get cost-effective consulting work their ideas and deal with real issues concern- President, WLUSU done for them." ing the business community." President, WLUSP Tories meet Vice President, Kitchener University Affairs, in WLUSU CHRIS MILLER vices such as transportation, water works, or Cord News any other municipally funded facility. A provincial government public hearing for Municipal governments will be allowed to the proposed health changes in the Omnibus restrict access to information, while service BOD, WLUSU bill, known as the Bully Bill, will be held at the fees for the Freedom of Information Act will Kitchener Valhalla Inn on January 17th. rise. Provincial government information will Bill 26, which amends 43 existing laws, also be limited by higher service charges and creates three new laws, and eliminates two the right to refuse any request thought to be BOD, WLUSP others, was held up in parliament when "mischievous". Liberal MPPs stayed in parliament overnight, The bill willallow the charging of user fees refusing to leave Queen's park. on prescription drugs, a removal of price con- Below are the highlights of the "Savings trols on existing drugs, and provincial control and Restructuring Act" which will be dis- of doctors' fees. A patient's records will cussed on the 17th. become available to the government, with the HIGHLIGHTS OF BILL 26: right to share the information as they see fit. The bill allows municipal governments to The public's right to take court action will be levee sales taxes, gasoline taxes, and license limited. fees. It also allows for the privatization of fire Toll roads, and the limiting or elimination departments and the charging of service fees of civil service pensions will also save money For More Information, by the fire department. for the government. The government would Bill 26 would give the Provincial govern- also be allowed to set emergency service lev- Contact ment the right to merge municipalities, form els, leading to the possible layoff of police and new local governments, and remove existing fire fighters. @ cities without consultation with local govern- The legislation would also allow the Harris Scott Dunkley WLUSU ments or citizens. Local taxpayers would no government to close school boards and hospi- longer be consulted on the selling of local ser- tals as his education & health ministers see fit. 884-1360 6 January 17,1996 theCord INTERNATIONAL Thumbs up Laurier! Canada s guide to the highway by thumb

JACKSON MATT PICTURE: andu thumb.

MATT JACKSON a person to immerse themselves in lucked out, managing to snag a ride 70 km over the speed limit, shall we. failapartesque fashion. After paying Cord International notions and perspectives from in Banff with two young fellows dri- Smooth buddy, smooth! At least he ten dollars, I was shown to my Question: What do a west coast sea- countless different sources. And at ving all the way to Thunder Bay. had the tact to inform the police offi- room, which was complete with kayaking guide, an eccentric times, a hitch-hiker will have access To say the least they were inter- cer that I was not, in fact, an accom- four putrid smelling individuals who Christian T.V. evangelist, and a man to "life experience" information that esting chaps, with some interesting plice. Needless to say, I'm slightly were harmonizing (with fits and with ties to the Vancouver mob all most people may never have access views on what makes the world go more choosy about my rides these starts of snoring) to a classic B.C. have in common? Give up? Well, all to. And we're not talking textbook round. They had a very 1960's days. chainsaw medley. Yikes! Old- an played instrumental role in material here either, we're talking approach to many things, and were One of the more challenging growth forest - look out! transporting my cheapskate butt out real, living, breathing, first hand life very big on the concept of destiny. aspects of a long distance hitch-hik- The lights had already been dis- to Vancouver Island during a 1994 experience (the kind that could How was I to know that their des- ing adventure (other than avoiding patched, thus I quietly stacked my hitch-hiking excursion. That's what! smack you upside the head should tiny involved running naked from stolen cars, that is), involves finding gear in a corner and hopped up

And this tactic worked, needless you somehow, inadvertently of their car alongside the Trans- a warm and safe place to sleep. onto the top bunk - which nearly to say - two days after leaving Banff course, insuJt their mother). Indeed, Canada highway, and diving into a Hey, where does a person sleep in collapsed upon impact. Here 1 National Park 1 was twirling my the highway is the classroom, and icy-cold Canadian shield lake some- such situations, anyway? Well, this found two sodden, hair-crusted tootsies in the pounding Pacific surf, the teachers are anyone and every- where near Kenora, Ontario. They all depends on where a person's blankets, which I quickly dropped to watching blackened storm clouds one. And often where one would offered me to join them, but 1 polite- ride takes them, of course. For the floor in favour of my sweatshirt. roll in from Japan, and sincerely least expect to find them too. ly declined. They did, however, instance, on my trip to Vancouver I then set my alarm for 5 am, and wishing that my 1975 Canadian Tire For example, how else would I receive several honks of approval Island, I was to arrive in urban, lay back for some much deserved puptent had better waterproofing ever have had access to a man once from passing cars. downtown Vancouver around mid- rest. Boy, had it been an interesting capacity than a nylon sieve. affiliated with the Vancouver mob Then there was the time I was night. I was not worried, however. day. And what is my secret to travel- scene. To hear stories of cross-bor- hitching from Calgary back to Lake Immediately I felt a sense of right Indeed, finding a place to sleep ling the highway of life by thumb, der cocaine deals, revolver's being Louise. It was a chilly day in March, place. I felt wanted. I felt welcome. on the road is not always an easy you ask? No hitch, really. In the shoved down a person's throat (his and I was eager to get a ride before Two minutes later, as I was thing to do. Occasionally I'm fortu- above case it merely required a little own), and drug rehabilitation ses- the sun dipped beyond the horizon. walking down main street looking nate, and the people that have friendly chitter-chatter regarding sions, etc, etc. Sound like a bad Perhaps a little too eager. Thus I for a youth hostel that I had seen offered me the ride invite me to stay current events, life in general, and thing? Hardly! Inspirational is quickly accepted my first offer... listed in the yellow pages, I was with them for the night. Other expe- "just where exactly was I with God more like it. from a toothless fellow in a small, warmly greeted by four members of riences truly test a person's mettle, in my life" (the TV evangelist, of Here was a man who had mirac- beat-up old Toyota Corolla, with hair the municipal government, as they however (and usually make me pon- course). Actually, in honest retro- ulously managed to conquer his more matted than many canine screamed by in a car and fired beer der why I choose to travel in such a spect, the man was a very kind and own dastardly personal demons - species that I've met. Not only that bottles at my poor, defenceless self. fashion), such as sleeping in the caring individual, who seemed to effectively halting momentum that but the car had a huge, gaping hole I would have saluted them salmon- bathroom stall of a Tim Horton's take great interest in my personal would have eventually hurled him in the floorboard on the passenger arm style, but I quicklyremembered donut shop with your head propped and spiritual well-being. Oh yeah, from the game of life, and into the side of the vehicle. Great! Must be that there was only one of me up against the toilet roll dispenser. and & he bought me lunch at A W abyss of self-destruction. He now an emergency exit, I thought to should they return to dispute my Or snoozing fitfully on a frozen park too. directs his recreational energies myself. Either that, or the kind-hearted gesture. bench in Hope, B.C. Ahh so, you ask, what is it like - towards other, more constructive Flintstones used to own this vehicle. I later learned that the Canucks In the long and short, hitch-hik- this travelling by thumb thing? This pursuits. Needless to say, from him I Hmmmm... had disposed of the Flames in the ing is labelled as many things. It is meeting of all types of people, from was also to learn that the Vancouver The real kicker for me came seventh game of the Stanley Cup never predictable, however. Nor all walks of life experience? Well, mob is a poor choice with regards to when we were pulled over near Playoffs. Ahh yes, that's why the boring. For some it is merely a sim- there's not a dull moment that's for a career decision. And I do mean Banff by an RCMP officer (the car streets were so lively and festive. ple way of getting from point A to sure. I can tell you that right now. bad news. Bad news! Gangster was clocked at 160), and I discov- And, yes, that must be it; that's why point B. For others it can as For hold me, hitch-hiking provides an lifestyle, anyone? I don't think so. ered (to my amazement) that I had these fools had hurled glassware in much significance as that of a spiri-

educational exercise that forces a Alright, enough serious stuff. It's been riding in a stolen vehicle. It my general direction. They had rec- tual vision quest. For me - it's some- person into a situation of savvy time for some laughs, because just blew me away! Not only was ognized my bow-legged dude wob- where in between. If life is indeed a adaptation and total self-reliance. hitch-hiking certainly has its humor- the guy ugly, but he was obviously ble as being from Cow-town. I'm stage (as Shakespeare alludes to), Adaptation and self-reliance, as in ous side as well. Hilarity personi- stupid too. I mean, of all the cars to sure it was nothing personal though. then hitch-hiking provides life's rule- life, are key survival factors. fied, really. For instance, there was steal for one thing. And then to top They justhated Calgarians, right? book with a neverending supply of Mind you, I mean this not to the time that I hitch-hiked across this off, why don't we just avoid I had soon located the hostel, a little plot twists. So here's to the sound scary. Sobering perhaps, but Canada from Lake Louise all the attracting attention to ourselves by rustically decorated piece ofmodern adventure of hitch-hiking Laurier. not scary. Travel in this way allows way back to Toronto. Somehow I rocketing through a national park at architecture designed in rundown- Thumbs up please!

theCord January 17,1996 7 OPINION

Editorial Food for thought Picture this image. Ten or twelve students hurrying into the food court to try and make closing time. A couple do, but a Food thecord Services employee arbitrarily decides that the rest have not made the time constraint and therefore were out of luck. Sorry. This event, which took place last week, is only one ofmany of the incidents that signify what could be the biggest rip-off at Wilfrid Laurier: The way Food Services gouges students on campus. A quick rundown of some prices that are charged on campus for some of the items in the Food Court and WLUSP Cafeteria: A double portion ofpasta at "Food for Thought" and an ice tea: $6.47 plus tax. A muffin, bagel and "fruitopia": A Wilfrid Laurier UniversityStudent Publication $3.39 plus tax. Perhaps the best description by 75 University Avenue West, Waterloo, Ontario, N2L 3C5 of the prices at the cafeteria is these words a first year student, "I could count on (519) 884-1970 x3564 one hand how many times I've had a good meal in that place (dining hall) this year and spent less than seven or Fax: (519) 884-7723 eight bucks." Advertising: (519) 884-1970 x3566 As bad as the prices themselves may seem it is not the worst offense to students at Laurier. When first year stu- dents come on campus the large majority of frosh live in residence and are forced to buy at least $2000 in meal plan money. With that money only being redeemable at on-campus, food-service-run venues (with the exception of "It has always been that way for me - especially back when every- $300 being redeemable at off-campus restaurants), students, in essence, are being forced to spend moneyroughly thing was so painful that finally you couldn't stand it anymore, and equal to their tuition on a product that is grossly over-priced and notoriously low-quality. that's why we had to do drugs." - Hunter S. Thompson Any normal person would assume that ifa student didn't want to pay the price for food in the food court all they have to do is cook for themselves in their residences and just get the money refunded at the end of the year. Well, it doesn't work that way. You see, Food Services doesn't allow money to be refunded. However, out of the goodness of Editorial Board their heart they allow you to "roll the money over" to the next year. Even then, you need a minimum ofMy dollars Editor-in-Chief Scott Stinson and a maximum ofthree hundred, in order to have the privilege of eating at Food Services establishments the fol- News Editor Kathy Cawsey lowing year. Associate News Editor Tom Hrubes All of this occurs to a group of people, students, who traditionally fit into the lowest income bracket of all con- Entertainment Editor Melanie Seal sumers.Does the word racketeering ring a bell? Assistant Entertainment Editor Aaron Hunter If that weren't enough, earlier this year when the delay for students being able to use their "off-campus" dollars Sports Editor Pete Robinson in Wilfs, a Students' Union-run restaurant that incidentally charges far less than the food court and dining hall and Assistant Sports Editor Libbi Hood serves much better food, was reaching it's third month, CliffBilyea the head of Ancillary Services, wrote The Cord Features Editor David Popovich and tried to blame the delay on the new ERSA system not being able to read the bar code on the back of students Production Manager JeremyKen- meal cards. I mean Cliff, come on, over two months? It was no small coincidence that the problem was cleared up only days Cord Staff after the Students' Union's administrative staff complained that they were being "sandbagged" by their colleague in Production Assistants Megan Barnard Ancillary Services. Colleen Nicholson That is not to say that there is some positive aspects of the service provided by Food Services on campus. The Tina Tarn generosity of the people that serve the food is only rivaled by that of your typical grandmother. That does not take Classified Coordinator Christine Romeo away from the fact that first year students, and many others who eat on campus everyday, are forced to patronize a Circulation and Filing Tony Tsai place that falls woefully short in providing full value for their hard-earned dollars. Copy Editors Ameena Ahsan I may be mistaken but isn't that what being in business is all about? Natalie Haines Editorial by Pete Robinson, Sports Editor International Coordinator Lilian Schaer The opinions expressed in this editorial are those of the author, and do not necessarilyreflect those of the Cord Staff, the edito- rial board orWilfridLaurier University Student Publications. Student Publications Staff Photo Manager Marion Hensel Photo Technicians Phill Kinzinger Thanks for comin' out Steve Williams Dear Editor, Jenny Wong Thank you to all the students, staff, and volunteers who Art Director Andrew White attended the Student Publications night at Wilfs. Thank Systems Administrator Neil Weber you as well to all the sponsors who genrously donated Pubnc Relations Manager Carla DAnnibale their gifts: A&W, Stanley's, Wilfs, WLU Bookstore, Advertising Manager Tracey Bowers Purple and Gold, the Cord, The Keystone, Dominos Ad Sales Representatives Rob Hornick Pizza, Mr.Sub. Erin Taylor Owen Roszell Letters Editor To the The night was a great success despite the 11:00 fire Ad Production Manager DaveKerth alarm. Thanks again, Ad Production Assistants Danielle Chartrand Humans not hypocrites Carla D'Annibale Shannon Douds Dear Editor, Sue Barry

Treasurer Jamie Hill I just read "Humanity = hypocrisy", Jean Mcdonald's editorial from the Jan.lo issue of The Cord. I must say Board of Directors that our views on humanity are quite different. Ido not Hikes aren't the answer President Susan Barry propose that hypocrisy is not a part of humanity, but I Directors Karen Bula find the equation Humanity = hypocrisy to be, not only Dear Editor, Steve Groenveld David Janzen profoundly cynical, but entirely innaccurate. Humanity As predicted, university students across our great Laurie Legault ShayneLidkea entails a lot of positive aspects too. We all have our province have not reacted positively to the $300 million

virtues and we all have our vices — every one of us. reduction to post-secondary funding by Mike Harris' The Cord willnot print anything that is racist, sexist, or homophobic in nature, as deemedby the staff as a voting Jean new Having lost over 15 per- body. The Cord will not print anything in violation of its Code of Ethics, outlined in The Cord Constitution. Cora I would be more than happy to loan Conservative goverment. subscription rates are $15.00 per term for addresses within Canada, and $18.00 for outside the country. The Cord Macdonald one of my old Louis Armstrong tapes if she cent oftheir operating budgets, many university admin- is printed by CanWeb Printing. The Cord is a member of Canadian University Press. All commentary isstrictly the radical opinion of the writer and does not necessarily reflect those of the Cora staff, the editorial board, or WLU would like to listen (keep in mind that these words were istrators are now contemplating some very Publications. Copyright © 1994 by WLU Student Publications, 75 University Avenue West, Waterloo, Ontario N2L written by a Black man in America at a time when approaches to avoiding potential revenue shortfalls in 3C5. Blacks had every right to have had lost faith in humani- coming years. The most common fear floating around Contributors:.Mike Vencel, Brandon Watson, Joel "CSAAN" Lynn, George the ty): many campuses right now is that tuition rates will be Peanut, Ann Huskinson, Conor McCreery, Chris Miller, Jason Paul, Marc Breitaupht, greatly increased next year, perhaps even doubled. Selene Macleod, Greg Chownyk, Cheryl Spencer, Celeste Burkitt, Anton Volcansek, understandable that Sabrina Saccoccio, Lori Dysievick, Katnerine Harding, Amal Moussaoui, Eric Henry, I see trees of green, red roses too In the wake of this news it is Andreas Hemming, Megan Ollivier. I see them bloom for me & you certain students are finding themselves somewhat trou- and I think to myself bled by our government's actions, but the single-minded what a wonderful world thinking of many university administrators is not help- ing the issue one bit. This fiscal year, interest on I see skys of blue, clouds ofwhite Ontario's public debt will amount to over $8.8 billion - the bright blessed day, the dark sacred night almost one million bucks an hour. Mike Harris won a Letters Policy and I think to myself huge majority government because he pledged to the ￿ AH letters must be signed and submitted with the author's name, student what a wonderful world people of our province that he could get us out of this identification number and telephone number. crisis. Every citizen of Ontario, university administrators So far, ￿ Ail totters will be printed with the author's name. Letters can be printed The colours of the rainbow so pretty in the sky included, knew the tough medicine was coming. without the author's name onfyby permission ofthe Bditor-in-ChieC are also on the faces of people going by many universities across the province have not demon- ￿ Letters must be received by Tuesday at noon for publication in that I see friends shaking hands saying strated that they are ready and willing to face up to new week's issue in print, on disk, or via e-mail to; 22cord@mach1 .wfuxa "How do you do?" financial realities. ￿Letters that are submitted on disk or via e-mail must be accompanied by They're really saying "I Love You" Raising tuition rates would be the worst response a signed hard copy. possible to these new funding challenges. Between the over sixty ￿letters must be typed, double spaced, and cannot exceed 500 words. I hear babies crying, I watch them grow mid eighties and 1993 university fees rose by to ￿The Cord reserves the right to edit any letter. Spelling and grammar will They'll learn much more than I'll ever know percent. Students and parents are seriously starting not be corrected. and I think to myself take issue with these increases. According to Macleans have fallen ￿ The Cordreserves the right toreject any letter in whole or in part, that is what a wonderful world. magazine, new applications to universities in violation of existing Cord policies. Mike Bratton drastically this year and there's no reason to believe

8 January 17,1996 theCond {Opinion) Letters to the editor..

that this trend wouldn't continue if nothing for Laurier's attempt to Community Centre (GCQ to place a reasonable request to let students the same as the fee itself. That is tuition rates were to be raised any ensure that it breeds nice friendly question asking students if they make this decision. simply not true. At the University of further. Fewer applicants means people. It says that you will be would be willing to accept a Bear in mind that GCC was not ask- Waterloo, students who choose to fewer revenue dollars. Universities penalized by WLU (assuming your 2.soterm refundable levy to support ing for the student unions' support opt out of fees for the student news- would really be shooting themselves life isn't fully decimated by the prop- GCC, on the ballot on the upcoming on the question itself, but rather, paper, Waterloo Public Interest in the foot if they chose to increase er authorities) ifyou dissuade some- student union elections. based on the 670 names on the peti- Research Group, or CKMS simply go their entrance fees much further. one else from coming here. And Just to quickly provide the con- tion, for the issue to be put directly to those offices for a cash refund. The solution is so obvious it's how could you do that? Why, some- text for this question. Global to the students, so they could decide There is no cost with this model. All almost silly. According to Dr. one might read about an incident, Community Centre educates the for themselves. administrative costs are picked up Edward Renner of Carelton U., and then read that the person goes community on international issues Needless to say, this whole by the organizations themselves. Yet nearly two-thirds of university pro- to Laurier, and magically connect and maintains a valuable alternative process has been an exercise in the BOD simply ignored this fact and fessors are over age 55. These men the two together. If this was moral- library with information not found frustration for the student organiz- chose not to investigate further. A and women tend to be at the top of istic, why would Laurier want some- at WLU, UW or community ing group, and an eye opener in simple phone call to any of these their salary scales and are costing one so stupid to come here in the libraries. Last March, GCC lost terms of the level of ineptitude at groups would have confirmed the post-secondary institutions a great first place? But it's about money, 100% oftheir CIDA funding, a signif- WLUSU. In refusing our request, effectiveness of this set up. deal more money to fill certain posi- and thus it makes some kind ofper- icant portion of their overall budget. McCormick accused us ofnot follow- There are lots of reasons why tions than would younger profes- verted sense. Beingssner's state- Given that they have had strong ties ing protocol in attempting to get the Laurier and GCC should join togeth- sors. These people should be offered ment is even more outrageous. with Laurier over the past 20 years, GCC question put to referendum. er, but students may never get to early retirement packages and new Apparently, the issue here is not providing many students and profs Interestingly, from the beginning, we hear more about this because our faces should be brought in. The sav- the involvement of students, but with access to their facilities, consulted with a fully supportive student union doesn't think we can ings would be tremendous; Dr. rather the parents who send their resources and expertise, GCC felt McCormick who, on more than one handle it. In my opinion, the BOD's Renner estimates over $200,000 in kids here. The thought of my par- that now would be a good time to occasion, gave us the incorrect decision to refuse our request is gross savings for each instructor ents 'sending me here' conjures up further strengthen their relationship information about procedure. None undemocratic and arrogant. who leaves early. this strange mixture of amusement with Laurier. Students Supporting the less, we muddled our way Members of the BOD were elected The Harris government's educa- and disgust, but I'll ignore the tan- Global Community Centre set out on through, eventually discovering the to represent students interests, and tion cuts may not be popular among gent and assume for this instance a campaign to inform Laurier stu- correct process after a number of clearly, they have not done this. students, that much is to be expect- that the majority of students who dents about GCC, and to request stu- false starts. Given the level of dishonesty, igno- ed. As students, however, that does come here do so at the bequest of dent support for a referendum In fact, the BOD, at a meeting in rance and the BOD's patronizing not mean we should be prepared to their parents. So are we to assume question asking for a $2.50/term December, praised us for following attitude towards student initiatives condemn Mike Harris for tuition that these parents might be horri- levy to help GCC recoup some of the 'proper channels'. Another rea- such as our own, its no wonder the increases. Those clearly aren't his fied at the thought of a Laurier stu- their costs for the services they pro- son the BOD used for refusing our business students have formed doing. If university administrators dent(s) committing an offense wor- vide. Many other universities have request was based on their con- ÜBES. were more willing to make the same thy of WLU intervention? OK. similar arrangements with commu- cerns about how to handle the opt Kurt Uriarte tough choices as the rest of the Why? Because the parents prob- nity groups. out. They argued that the adminis- Naomi Ives Ontario population, students would ably entertain (he delusion that uni- The refusal from the WLUSU trative cost for those students choos- Continued on page 11 surely have little to fear from these versity is the instrument through Board of Directors came despite the ing to opt out of the fee, would be necessary reductions to post-sec- which their children will learn fact that more than 10% of the stu- ondary educational funding. morality, thereby removing the bur- dent body, or six hundred and sev- Ryan Lock den of responsibility from them- enty names, were collected on a selves. Why will WLU appease petition asking for this question to Centre Spot Student Code these parents? Is it because they be put to ballot. Those 670 names actually agree with them? were collected with ease over the about money Please. Administrators are period of a few days. If the petition is annoying, but they aren't stupid; drive had continued, it is reasonable Dear Editor, they must realize that if an 18 year to assume that many more names When I first learned about the Code old hasn't learned fundamental would have been collected. Little of Conduct, my response was one of social skills then there's little (if any) did we expect that 670 of us didiU i-ioee coiweiv/iewr repulsion; here was some adminis- room left for development. Rather, count. Little did we expect that our rUAw caeAr sheers: trative entity attempting to regulate they will do so because the parents 'representatives' would refuse a behaviour outside the university. are the ones who write the tuition And in brief discussions with people cheques. about this (including a short-lived, They don't care about morality but fairly interesting one on the any more than you or I, tying to live Bring the gang over Internet), it seemed that the issue a normal, unobtrusive life. They was divided into two camps. The aren't trying to impose this Code Jfßk first being those (like myself) who do because they actually care about to Wilf's for great food not see any legitimacy WLU you. about jKyl in They only care your establishing itself in my life outside money. the university. I pay tuition, I follow This isn't anything new; universi- and good miisic too! the guidelines, I do not obstruct any- ty is a business. Yet I see it as the one else's ability to beeducated, and underlying motivation for the Code, if I commit an infraction the justice and I feel it is in your interest to system has an extensive code of its acknowledge the same. There is a own to deal with me. Conversely, large difference between 'educator' there were those who saw sub- and 'bureaucrat', regardless ofwhat stance to the Code, suggesting that the rubber stamp on your latest the university sphere reached out invoice envelope says. beyond its walls, for each one of us Jason Kalra has somehow been deemedan hon- orary representative of this place (and we don't even get nice jackets WLUSU shafts or buttons, just laminated library cards). Yet when I read the comments the GCC by Doug Brock and James Dear Editor, Beingssner in the Jan. 4 edition of Every question ever put to referen- the Cord, I began to look at this dum has been passed.' So said issue from a different angle. Brock Student Union president Scott claims that a private affair loses its McCormick at a January 11th Board privacy when it is published in the Meeting. McCormick not too subtly media. A lovely truism, sort of like insinuated that students blindly Jon. 19th saying 'water is wet'. Yet when you check off ballots when voting, not Fri. Myth of Innocence try and defend the Code with this fully aware of what the repercus- statement, it takes on a whole new sions of that chcck may be. Sot. Jon. 20th Blockuioter Draw significance. It suggests that the Although, certainly, this may provide WLU Administration will take into an explanation for how Scott consideration the fact that a private became president, I personally don't issue stays private. In other words, buy the notion that students are the same two offenses could be incapable ofmaking informed deci- Don't forget about Trivia Challenge. judged the differently if one finds its way sions when voting. This, however, to other media and one doesn't. was part of McCormick's rationale This is not moralistic, and it says for refusing to allow Global

theCord January 17,1'996 9 (Opinion)— Union won't listen to students Students Supporting Global Community Centre speak out

ANDREAS HEMMING AND for the proposal. wrong criteria. Instead of looking at to have passed three governing bod- percent hike in tuition and the pro- MEGAN OLLIVIER The result of this work was over it as a question to be posed to the ies, namely the Board of Governors, posed raising of student service fees, Cord Opinion 700 signatures in support of the students, they voted it down on the the Advisory Committee on they were concerned that another This letter is written in response to placing the following question on the basis of issues that were inconse- Compulsory Ancillary Fees, and the five dollars tacked onto the bill the actions of the Student Union ballot ofthe student elections: quential or had already been Student Body. They thought we would be too much! Board of Directors at their meeting "Do you support the collection of resolved. should ratify it with the administra- By concentrating on these four last Thursday. As many people may $2.50 per term (to be indexed tion rather than to first ask for issues, they derailed the debate and have heard, the efforts of the yearly with the cost of living) the student's consent. They it's primary focus - should the stu- Students Supporting the Global from all undergraduate stu- apparently felt that to start in dents be allowed to vote on the GCC Community Centre were quashed. dents to support the services the middle of the ratification proposal? They would not let the In September a small group of provided to students by the process, rather than at the students decide whether the GCC

- students became aware of the Global Community Centre" beginning - with the students services were worth five bucks a Global Community Centres govern- With such a result from the is a better way to do things year! The support of more than 700

ment funding cuts - the same type of students of WLU, the Students around here. students was ignored, and belittled, cuts we are experiencing now. Supporting GCC felt that a refer- Thirdly, the issue of prece- in the board's decision to disallow These students and the Global endum would be justified. After dence came up. The BOD us, as students, to voice our opinion. Community Centre (GCC) answering their initial concerns, argued that to support one off- These are the people that repre- approached the students with a plan the apparent support shown by campus organization, no matter sent us. Apparently they believe they to provide WLU students with GCC many of the BOD members suggest- Their first argument concerned what role it played in our lives, can do the thinking for us too. resources and support in exchange ed the same. the administration and cost of an would bring countless others knock- for a five dollar a year levy, to save At the January 11th meeting opt-out option, which GCC had ing. They ignored the fact that for The opinions expressed in the above the Centre from having to close. that support melted away. The res- pledged to direct, following the more than 20 years GCC has been article are those of the authors, and do not necessarily reflect those of During the next three months, in olution to bring the question to ref- example of WPIRG at UofW at virtu- there to provide additional the Cord Staff, the editorial board, consultation with the Board of erendum was suppressed - some- ally no cost at all! resources to students that the school or Wilfrid Laurier University Directors a petition was created to thing we feel we must protest, as it Secondly, they argued that, like could not supply. Student Publications. educate and judge student support was an unfair decision based on the all non-tuition fee increases, it had Finally, with the coming fifteen

This column was created to improve vices such as Foot Patrol, Tutorial communication between the Services as well as activities such as Students' Union Board of Directors Orientation Week. and you, the Student. If you have A high school student council any questions about the Union or involves organizing dances and Cord even questions about the meaning lunch time activities, whereas the of life, we(your WLUSU BOD) would be Union is a business that searchesfor happy to address them. Letters can ways to providestudent services and be dropped off in the box at the to represent the students at large. Hockey Centre Spot. Amother difference is that the execu- tive positions tha you held cannot be Dear BOD, held by a single individual at the What's the difference between the same time. The Pool Students President and Vice Union and my President: University old Student about BOD? Affairs are the only What elected executive Rank Name Points Total Last Week Council where I was President, " positions. The Vice 1 Trevor Allibon 525 2 Vice-President, and Presidents of 2 Ben Cornwell 523 1 Treasurer all at the same Student Activities, 3 PhilAdamson 515 3 time? "" Student Services, 4 Rob Manger 511 4 Ex-Student Council God Finance, and Marketing are actually 5 Brad 493 5 hired to run their respective depart- Savage Dear ments. 6 ShaunKennedy 492 9 Ex-God 15 I think the major difference between An additional feature is the the 7 Dave Miller 491 8 your student council and the good Board of Directors who are the elect- 8 Matt Gillis 486 7 ol' Students' Union is the fact that we ed representatives of your corpora- 9 Trevor Gardner 484 12 are an autonomous corporation, tion. In the hierarchy of the Union, 9 Chris Campbell 484 5 with a multi-million dollar budget they are the the highest authority of volunteers. and the Prez and VP's must report to Kerr 476 11 who employ hundreds 11 Jeremy The Union is funded, operated, and them. 12 Scott Cullen 474 10 owned by students. We provide ser- Stewart Wong, 1995/96 BOD 13 BenDurliat 469 — 14 JasonVan Heerden 468 14 Top 15 15 Conor McCreery 467 112 (rRAPUATION PHOTOS' L I |L»»K WHAT YOU SET FOR $*9.9 9

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*N° s 'tt' n 9 fee with ad B^UL| » proofs more! | ■ READY IN 24 HRS. I-J A A rrrol | Stop by the office and find out We carry all faculties and 112 41i "DODv colours for UW & WLU — I Call today and book your appointment with us! " I HIGHLAND IPORTRAIT STUDIO I EVERGREEN PLAZA (Westmount & Highland) 370 Highland Rd., KITCHENER J 10 January 17,1996 theCord -(Opinion) More, letters to the editor Continued from page 9 through orientation to general pat- of her philosophy on which the MBTI terns [ 'N' for intuition] or to discrete is based. details ['S' for sensing]; [3] making Finally the MBTI is not a measure Cord Staff Meeting judgements through the rationality of of a ability and so can never be a Computers feeling [F] or of thinking [T]; and measure of suitability. It seems that finally [4] do we orient to the outside Ann's parents counsellor thought it relocated to the Cord Offices. Lacking world trying to structure it ['J' for was. learning the personality type of Dear Editor, judging, or through a more confluent one's partner can clarify areas of I am currently enrolled in the first adaptive strategy ['P' for perceiving]. commonality and contrast, but can- Friday, 2:30. year BBA program and would like to Secondly, the sixteen different not determine whether a couple are vent some frustration. After attend- combinations of the four preferences 'meant' let alone 'made' for each ing lectures and labs for the BUI 55 have been associated with many per- otherAt the end of a presentation or (thanks a lot, you CSAAN bastards) course I've come to the conclusion sonality characteristics that have workshop on Jung's theory of per- that the University was wise in its implications in many areas of human soanlity, introverts often come up to decision to axe the course. life, including how indviduals prefer me quietly and whispers ' Thanks 8U155 is successful, not in teach- to learn, what careers may be attrac- very much I can appreciate my quiet ing students the fundamental skills tive, approaches to relgious issues ways a lot more fully now, BUT who which they will need to succeed in a [my research area] and what is held should I have really married.' And I global business environment, but in to be important in relationships. reply 'How much is sixteen times six- making a relatively understandable Isabel Briggs Myers when she named teen?' 'Uh two hundred and fifty six.' subject (computers) incredibly com- the psychological instrument deliber- 'So that is how many good and not so plicated and confusing. Not only does ately chose the term 'indicator'. The good marriages there can be. Vive le the course teach software (novell MBTI gives us an indication of what difference!' office) which is rarely used in busi- our personality type might be, but it A good 'Features' start to the ness, but it tries to do it on a substan- does not tell us our type. Our person- New Year. I look forward to more. dard and inferior computer network ality type is only for the individual to Christopher F. J. Ross, Ph.D, which should have been replaced at discover. This was an essential part CPsych. the beginning of the decade. Now, I'm all for the course being axed but I do believe that there should be a first year computer course available to take. This course should eliminate the memorization of acronyms which Bui 55 is known for and offer some- thing we can use. Teach us about computers, not the intanglible Bui 55 dogma called Information Systems. Furthermore, how does the University expect WLU graduates to compete when the school lags behind in computer technology, the most important tool of the future. Why not upgrade the main server and add ■& more remote access lines so one does not have to stay up to 3:00 am in \ W " * m * » order to log in remotely only to find HBB' that the server is down, AGAIN. As well, I applaud the fact that the school has put computer terminals in the basements of the residences it's too bad that 40 percent of them don't work and haven't been repaired. The school should really look at its priorities. The computer network is the most important tool at the uni- versity, used by every faculty mem- ber and student, yet it seems to be of very little importance at budget time. Why is that? James Veeneman Clarifying the MBTI

■, , Dear Editor, ,s ..„ t [112 .nisSMiliWf I was moved by the articles of David Popvich and Ann Huskinson. What was revealed to me was a sensitivity to one ofthe major sources of human Some ofthis country's suffering, psychological suffering. Their writing eloquently demonstrat- most creative minds are in Canada's ed that we can decrease through soli- darity and sensitivty the compound- insurance industry. ing alienation that comes from indi- viduals' own defensiveness when They're the kinds of minds that know creativity educated, experienced and ethical group of confronted with the more marked goes far beyond art, literature or making movies. professionals equipped to pursue successful psychological suffering of another. If you're like that, why not consider a career with careers at the local, provincial, national or even As a clinical psychologist and user Canada's property/casualty, or general insurance international level. of the Myers Briggs Type Indicator industry? The industry offers a wide variety of Choice, challenge, satisfaction and security, [MBTT]which Ann Huskinson refered career choices for creative minds. Accountants They are just some of the rewards you'll enjoy to as 'the Myers Briggs test' which yes, but also systems analysts, lawyers, managers, through a creative career in the property/casualty told '[my parents] they were made loss prevention engineers, investment specialists, insurance industry. for each other', I would venture a investigators, marine underwriters, aviation For more information, look for your local correction and some clarification. adjusters and many more. The choice is yours. Insurance Institute in the white pages or, contact Firstly, the Myers Briggs is not a General insurance is also an industry that Les Dandridge, 8.A., A.1.1.C., at The Insurance test. It does not evaluate anything. encourages you to acquire its own levels of Institute of Canada, 18King Street East, Based on Jung's theory of personality professionalism. As a Fellow or Associate of The 6th Floor, Toronto, Ontario, MSC IC4 types the MBTI is a measures of the Insurance Institute of Canada, you would join an (416) 362-8586 FAX (416) 362-1126. reliability of four personal prefer- ences: [1] orienting to energy from the inner world [!' for introversion] Canada's Insurance Professionals or the outer world ['E' for extraver- The Graduates of The Insurance Institute of Canada. sion]; [2] processing information

theCord January 17,1996 11 FEATURE

Beyond The power within

CHERYL SPENCER voice inside you that tells you what Cord Features to do and you never listen to it? The supernatural is one of the I've always believed that there is a most spiritual and awe-inspiring guardian : angel watching over me. things that one person can ever It is this guardian angel that comes Explanation experience, 1 had my first inside my heart and saves me in encounter with the supernatural time of need. I will give you an when I was eight years old. It was example. My father, brother and the most beautiful and magical mother have had several accidents thing 1 have ever seen. I was hav- all in which I was supposed to be ing a nightmare when I woke in with them. For some unknown the middle of die night only to see and strange reason, each time my grandmother at my bedpost. there was a voice that, held me She, was telling me not to worry back from going with them in the and that everything would be car. There is even a bigger coinci- alright and to watch over ray dence. One time in particular, had I The real magick mother. She had an aura about her been in the car with my brother, that made me feel safe. She told the passenger side was smashed SEAN WILDE There are many different areas heavier weights. If they try some- me my mother needed me right and there was a strong possibility Cord Features of magick and thus the Occult, but thing too heavy too soon they get now arid 1 would understand later. that I could have died. I believe The Occult. The name causes some for the sake of space and simplicity hurt. A muscle is stretched or torn. She said I carried the light and that it was my guardian angel who people to shiver and the hair on the I'll deal with three general areas. Magick works in a similar way. If would become aware of it. Mere saved me on that fatal day. A lot of back of their neck to stand on end. It These areas are black magick, grey you try to do too much too. soon, seconds lifer, she was gone. This people who have near death expe- conjures up images of Witches rid- magick and white magick. People then you can get hurt mentally and would appear normal to most riences recall seeing their ing brooms in the dead of night; of who practice black magick tend to physically. If you take your time and except for the fact that my grand- guardian angel and a light that men with long flowing beards get their power from darker forces. build yourself up, the risk is mini- mother had been dead for three was so beautiful they were mes- experimenting with potions and They are the ones who will use mal. Sometimes there are accidents, years. Those who question me merized. Ibis is what I believe to elixirs; of creatures, sometimes spells to hurt others, cause financial but the same can be said of might want to bear the next fact in be white magic. It is a pure and glimpsed out of the corner of one's ruin, gain power and to gain influ- weightlifling, driving a car or many mind. Two days later, my mother's beautiful thing experienced from eye, justafter midnight. ence. In black magick anything other things typically done by peo- best friend died and my mother within. People are scared to admit Both romanticized and ostra- goes. Some black magickians will ple. did in fact need me. Coincidence or that perhaps there is someone cized, the Occult has been a source use animal or human sacrifice to As for opening yourself up to not, it was what I believed to be watching over them, but isn't it of fascination for both believers and gain power for their spells. White dark forces, the potential is there. unexplainable. such a safe thought? unbelievers for millennia. Is it real? magickians on the other hand, tend The Occult has light areas of study I told no one of my experience, 1 believe that there is also black What is it? Is it evil? How does one to get their power from lighter and dark areas of study. It is up to a special secret that I held in my magic. However to experience do it? I hope my article will help forces or nature. They use spells of the individual which areas they heart I cannot remember every- white or black magic is up to the answer these questions and clear healing, protection, blessings, exor- want to explore and perform. The thing due to the fact that I was so individual. Everyone has the up some misconceptions. cisms and many other beneficial same can be said of other things young. 1 can .however say that it capacity to experience the super- The word 'Occult' is neither spells. A white magickian would though. Just because a person was the point in which 1 discovered natural. It is a frame of mind that good nor evil. It is the people who never perform human or animal learns how to use a gun doesn't my interest in the unknown. one must place themselves in practice it and research it who sacrifice. Spells causing pain are mean they will be bad. They could The supernatural Ls defined in order to experience the sensation determine whether the knowledge likewise repugnant to a white mag- become a mass murderer or they the dictionary as "attributed to or of something magical. People who they find is used for good or evil ickian. Grey magickians tend to could become a police officer. It is thought toreveal some force above meditate are very in tune with purposes. It also depends where a dabble in a little of both. They take up to them. It isn't the gun itself that the laws of nature; magical; mysti- their spiritual selves. Not every- person gets the knowledge and from the areas of white and black is bad or good, it is the person. cal". This is in fact an accurate thing in the body is a chemical or There is power from. This knowledge and as they are needed. Some tend Magick and it's study works the description of what I believe the biological function. that be to power can come from many places, more towards white magick while same way. supernatural to be. It Ls unexplain- which science will never able depending on what you believe and others tend more towards black For many readers, most of this ahle and it is meant to remain this explain; the soul. how you research it. The more magick. probably sounds fantastic and way. This is why scientists have The soul is the heart of all wiling to common sources are God, Satan, By now some of you might be unbelievable. Think of it this way. such a problem realizing that the magic and if you are mind, you Spirit Guides, Angels, Demons, wondering who has this power? The year is ICE (AD). Two men supernatural is so difficult to open your heart and Nature, the researcher him/herself, How do you develop it? Does every- stand inside a great hall in front of prove. It cannot be tested, only may experience the supernatural given book, another person already one have it? The piano parable will many spectators. One is dressed in experienced. Unfortunately, the media has a or of knowledgeable in some area of the best answer these questions. Some brown pants, a collared t-shirt with I do not expect a lot of people to society the wrong impression Occult. people can sit down at a piano and a pocket protector and wears glass- understand that concept, so I can psychics and other phenomenon. lujtline the The Occult, in general, is any- know instinctively what to do. Their es. He is carrying some type of pow- Only try and share Some experi- Jojo and her is not Not evefy thing related to the paranormal and ability grows exponentially. Other der in a stoppered flask. The other ences to help you believe. source of all answers. is like more specifically magick. I spell people have to practice for years, man is dressed in long flowing Psychology textbooks will attempt believer in the supernatural many others am- magick with a 'k' to differentiate it but after a while they're very good. robes, a pointed hat and has a long to convince their readers that Jojo either. I, like in the from stage magic or illusionists. Others practice for years but are white beard. He carries a staffand a there are no such tilings as ESP ply have a keen interest is not necessari- When I talk of magick I mean the never very good. And lastly some leather pouch. The first man (extra sensory perception) or other Science all answers. There real thing, the ability to use energy people will only learn to do scales. It unstoppers his flask and tosses the psychic abilities. Readers shotM ly the source of the scientific to produce change. In other words, is the same with magick. Some peo- contents into the air, resulting in an bear in mind that it is a science is medium in between The the ability or knowledge of how to ple are inherently powerful. Others explosion. The second man opens textbook. A science textbook would and supernatural world. gjjfpj! they evcr cast a spell. Again, magick is neither will never amount to much in the his pouch, tosses something into the lilver print anything that they tion of course is will we all It the mage who area of magick and others will only air which results in the same explo- could not illustrate in graphs or meet? Qui it be possible that good nor evil. is us? determines have noticeable ability if they prac- sion. The first man (from 1995) says facts. IX>es?ih|s: mean that FiSP is have a destiny set uses it and why, that be whether it is good or evil. What tice. "I just threw phosphorus into the air nonexistent just because it cannot These questions cannot a good exactly is magick then? It is an Many people think magick is which ignited on contact with the be proven? When someone tells answered butthey do raise be too energy, comparable to electricity, dangerous or by reading about it oxygen." The second man (from you that they love you, how can point. A person cannot is non-existent that flows inside of us and all you are opening yourself up to 100) says"I just cast a fireball." you ask them to prove it? It is f|uick to]udge what have not experienced around us. Some people like to call demonic or dark forces. When a Both are correct. My point is, mag- something that cannot be proven, when they metaphysical world. This it the Divine Spirit or Essence. person goes weightlifting, if they ick is not as unreal or unbelievable it Ls simply felt. This feeling of love the will open the individual & Whatever one calls it, the people have never done it before they start as we may think. is much like die supernatural. It is world nature; magical path of all answers. This path who learn how to use this energy with something small, to make sure Really, all magick is or any above the laws of the that with the be&fe of and in some cases manipulate this they don't hurt themselves. After a aspect of the occult, is what science and mystical. is one bogtas I)o you your enerev. are the ones who cast spells. while they work their way up to can not vet define. ever wonder about that heart

12 January 17,1996 theCord (Feature) learning Hands-on East too. The Ancient Greeks knew curious as to how Iread their palms. of it. Aristotle certainly mentioned it, Part of it is a psychic feeling from calling the hand "the organ of within that expresses to me a lot organs". It was known in Western about a person's character. The Europe at an early stage too. The other part is from hours of fun read- first datable use of the word "palm- ing and learning. 1 cannot share all istry" was in a book written in of my secrets with you, however I English in the fifteenth century, but wanted to give everybody a chance since books were rare at the time to try their hand at being a palmist. and seldom survived, it was proba- The chart is that of the finger bly used long before. It is hard to say mounts. Each mount represents whether the lines of the palm actu- certain aspects about a person. ally foretell the future; that they, the Jupiter = ambition, confidence

shape, and structure of the hand, Saturn = temperament should give an indication of charac- Apollo = cheerful temperament ter is however true. It is my beliefin Mars = moral courage my practice of palmistry, that fifty Venus = love life percent of our lives is destined for us Mercury = fluency and the other fifty percent is what Moon = travel an individual makes for themselves. Use the chart to explain what The study ofpalmistry scares a lot of you find. Look for a square, triangle, people, thinking that the lines in star, grille or cross in all of the finger CHERYL SPENCER second, Chiromacy, seeks to use the Egypt or India. The reading of their hand could tell their future. I mounts. Have fun and remember Cord Features lines of the hand to foretell a per- palms is still widespread in modern think it's interesting and so I took it everyone has the ability to read rhere are two aspects to palmistry, son's future. Palmistry is very old. It India, and throughout the Middle up as a hobby. People are always palms if you try! rhe first, called Chirognomy, was known in China over five thou- ittempts to analyze a persons psy- sand years ago, and some people :hological and emotional make-up think it began there. Others believe rom the shape of the hand. The that it was first practised either in Voice By: Dave Kerth and Box Jenny Wong "What sends chills down your spine?"

Scrapingfinger nails down the chalkboard Adrian DeSilva 4th year Business WLU VOLLEYBALL CHALLENGE

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theCord January 17,1996 13 SPORTS Hawks turn over game to Mac

great difficulty swinging the ball down low. around the perimeter, and even To their credit Laurier would not greater trouble penetrating on a quit as Jim Toole pumped in 13 tough Mac defense. They committed points in the second half to go along 20 turnovers in the first half, that, with Tony Weis' 9. combined with only 4 assists is The Hawks had to deal with indicative of Laurier's play in the Titus Channer. Channer showed opening twenty minutes. why he is an All-Canadian; he had To be fair, the Hawks shot a 22 points on the game as well as 6 respectable 48% from the field, the steals. Several times the Hawks Marauders were only a touch better looked to be ready to cut the Mac at 51%, but took an astounding 18 lead to single digits, and every time less shots than Mac did in the half. it was Channer who seemed to hit Also the Marauders were good on 7 the big shot or make the big defen- of 13 tries, while Laurier nailed sive play to keep the Hawks at bay. down only 1 of 5 from three point Toole provided some excitement land in the first half. when, with under two minutes left, The second half started out with he neatly stepped into the path of a bang for the Hawks, as they deftly Jassie Osei-Tutu simultaneously moved the ball around the perime- drawing a charge and laying a hit ter freeing up the lads for some on the Mac forward that Eric ZEEMAN bombs. Laurier closed the lead to Lindros would envy. However, as RON 54-42 with just over 17 minutes left, much as the Hawks kicked and and would have been even closer clawed, they just could not get back with a couple of bounces from the into the game and had to settle for PICTURE: free-throw line. Laurier showed a the moral victory of outscoring Mac Mac's All-Canadian guard Titus Channer goes up for the shot against Laurier's Tony Weis. In the fore- hustling defense, a more focused by 5 in the second half, 56-51. ground the Hawks Peter Kratz and Andrew Scharschmidt look on. offense (they cut the turnovers in Other than Kratz's 29 points and half and added 10 assists), and three steals, other highlights were CONOR MCCREERY and Co. a full 40 minutes must be Charmer, would give the Hawks all some unconscious shooting from Andrew Scharschmidt's 12 Cord Sports played. The Hawks played a poor they could handle and more. Peter Kratz. rebounds and two blocked shots, If a CIAU Basketball game clocked first half against Mac and despite The Marauders rolled out to a Kratz who finished as the game's and Tony Weis' 6 assists. in at 20 minutes the Men's Varsity playing better in the second, had too 12-4 lead on the strength of some high scorer with 29 points,including The Hawks are in action tonight Basketball team would have come far to come back and lost 102-89. long-range bombing on the part of 22 in the second half, was 7 for 9 at UW in a battle of winless clubs away with a hard fought victory At the outset of the game it was guard Rich Wesolowski. Matters from three point range. However, after Waterloo dropped both their Saturday over the heavily favoured apparent that a taller Mac team went from bad to worse as the Mac used their size as Mac's 6'6" opening games to Lakehead last McMaster Marauders. accompanied by a deadly backcourt, Laurier offense showcased the Tom Newton alternately let it fly weekend. Game time is 8:00 at the Unfortunately for Coach JefFeries featuring All-Canadian Titus "stagnant" look. The Hawks had from outside, or took the Hawks PAC. This week Women's hoops in Athletics

Wednesday Basketball Marauded Men 8 pm @ Waterloo Women 6 pm @ Waterloo GREG CHOWNYK his squad's performance. "I don't think that hurt both teams." did come against the Gryphons. Cord Sports think we played well from the The loss drops the Hawks to 1-4 However if they wish to duplicate Volleyball If their game Saturday was any indi- beginning. The intensity level was for the regular season. According to that, O'Brien and his squad must Women 6pm AC vs Waterloo cation, the Women's Basketball just not there... It took us too long to O'Brien, the next four games are reduce their turnovers as well as Men 8 pm AC vs. Waterloo team have their work cut out for getinto the game." pivotal for the team. As the coach come out prepared and play with a them if they want to make the play- When the Hawks did get into it, puts it, "they are against teams we high level ofintensity. Thursday offs. most of the offense came from sec- have to beat to make the playofis." Ifnot, the Hawks are sure to face Hockey A game filled with fouls, ond year starters Brenda Vrkljan The team suits up Wednesday the same disappointing results they Women 7:30 @ Guelph turnovers and a serious lack of and Audrey Kaersenhout. Both led night at Waterloo and then is off to got from the McMaster Saturday intensity from the Hawks, led them the team with twelve points with Guelph for a Saturday match-up. night. Friday to be soundly outplayed and defeat- Vrkljan also contributing 8 Their lone win of the regular season Hockey ed 84-67 by the visiting McMaster rebounds. Kaersenhout was also Men 7:30 @ Western Mauraders. probably the Hawks best defensive Right from the opening tip, the player. Her tough and tenacious Swimming visiting squad used their tough and defensive style caused some havoc International AC Fri and Sat @ AC vs Laurentian physical style to grab an early lead. for the Maurader forwards down and Waterloo It was a lead which the Mauraders low. Sarah Collins also had a solid never relinquished. game contributing 11 points and 9 Volleyball at theAC CAN-AM Challenge The Hawks were unable to volleyball orga- boards. nize any sort of offensive attack as O'Brien was clearly frustrated Sat & Sun @ AC the McMaster full court press with the game and proved it by get- caused them problems all night ting into a couple of heated discus- PETE ROBINSON will be in one pool The IMvereity of Saturday long. In the end, the Hawks turned sions with the officials. His frustra- Cord Sports California'San Diego, Juniata Basketball the ball over a total of thirty-six tions nearly got him tagged with a Laurier is host to an international College of Kentucky, McGlll and Men @ Guelph 2:00 times, many of which McMaster technical foul. In his defense, the Men's Volleyball tournament this Brock will be in the other. Women @ Guelph 12:00 quickly turned into points. The officials did appear to be a little weekend when the Can-AM The two pools will produce a Mauraders actually had thirty-one inconsistent with their calls. Challenge takes place at die A.C. first and second place team, who Curling & turnovers themselves, however the The game was held back by a Right schools, five Canadian and will playoff for the title. Hie finals @ Westmount Sat. Sun Hawks were unable to capitalize on lack of flow, a result of numerous three American, will take part in will go Saturday. the McMaster miscues. fouls and whistles. "There was no the inaugural tourney. Durham UCSD will remain in town for Monday Head coach Tom O'Brien was flow for either team and a lot of College, Laurier, Thomas Moore Monday, when they will take on Volleyball quick to voice his displeasure with whistles," commented O'Brien. "I College of Pennsylvania and Gu^)h Laurier in an Exhibition match. Men Ex. @ AC vs. UCSD Cord Hockey Pool Top 15 %\ fYooiPronißow <>». ,!mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm OpilllOTl, T)CIQ6 10 566 ' * I \J

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14 January 17,1996 theCord -(Sports) Costly mistakes killing Laurier

PETE ROBINSON of thirty-seven points is not exactly to blame but themselves. fourth at the National spot duty with the National team Cord Sports the type of start you expect from a BELATED CONGRATS: Due in part Championships that were held and may well be carving a career There isn't a more likable group of veteran team. Without a doubt this to the Christmas Holidays, but also a Vanier Cup weekend at the out for himself in pro hockey once guys on this campus than the coach- team has some talent. Andrew forgetful Sports Editor, the accom- Skydome. The team may have been he is done at UW. Until then he will es, players and administrative stalf Scharschmidt turned in a gutsy per- able to hold on to their previous be content to give his squad every of the Men's Basketball team. formance on Saturday and showed year's third place finish, but a hor- chance to break Western's two-year However, with that said- it is starting that although he isn't a true center, rendous first performance cost them stranglehold on the division. If he to get a little annoying watching he can play like one down low. Peter a shot at the medals. can, it will be a boost for the Laurier games like the one that took place at Kratz, Jim Toole, Stu Tait and Tony For the eleventh consecutive organizers of the OUAA Final Four, the A.C. on Saturday. Weis round out a starting five that year Western won the National title. putting a local team in the tourney Playing against a good, but not should not only be more competitive WARRIORS ARE HOT: Head to increase local interest. great team in Mac, Laurier seemed than what they've been in this Hockey Coach Wayne Gowing said TUREK ROLLING ALONG: Sitting to have stage fright from the get-go young campaign, they should find last week that the best team that he perched atop the scoring race in and the result was a turnover themselves playing in Copps has seen this year is Waterloo. After Women's Hockey, Laurier's Amy plagued first half which proved to Coliseum in March in the OUAA plishments of the Varsity the past two weeks he may be right. Hirek is on pace to win her second be their undoing. playoffs. Cheerleading team have been some- Waterloo has dispatched Western, consecutive OWIAA scoring title. Two losses by a combined total If they don't, they've got no one what forgotten. The squad finished Guelph, York and Laurentian in She was the co-winner last year as their last four outings since the Women made a tremendous Christmas. What's most impressive showing in their inaugural season in is that quartet constitute four of the the Women's hockey league. This best six teams in the league year things look a little better as (Waterloo and UQTR are the oth- Laurier currently sits in second Women hockey ers). place, just past the midway point in The Warriors have been led by the schedule. More importantly standout defensemen John Wynne, however, is the fact that they have who before last weekend was lead- closed the talent gap between them ing the league in assists with sev- and the top teams in the league. in sister kister enteen and had eight goals as well, With that being the case, Turek may to put him in seventh place in be in position to guide her team into league scoring. Wynne, a fourth the playofls and a legitimate shot at year player from Calgary, has seen the league title. CELESTE BURKITT ing in Krog's second goal :4C> into Hie Hawks leading scorefc Amy Cord Sports the period, when she batted the Torek, also raisseda scoring oppor- Hie Women's Hockey Team puck in after a scramble In front of tunity whenshe was knocked (town opened the second halfoftheir sea- the net. charging the net Centre Spot son, with a 2*2 tie on Sunday against Hie scaring ceased atthat point York, for their part, had their York. but not for lack of offensive fire- share of scoring chances but were (pajim Hie first period started out slow works. stopped by Laurier netminder is vm oitiv for the Hawks with York jumping At the eight minute mark in the Charmaine "Roily" Boteju. The out to a 2-0 lead. With just under second, Stephanie Kay intercepted biggest was when she turned away Open: three minutes left in the period, a pass which led to a breakaway for a two-on-none Yeowomen break- OUT AIViP OCC Monday - Friday 3am to 11pm M/UAr ALL Laurier worked a pretty pass play file Hawks. York's goalie got a piece away late in the third to keep the \~Cz> A!3OUr: Saturday & Sunday 11am to 6pm to pull within one. Marlene of Kay's snapshot, yet gave up a score tied. 2nd Floor of Student's Union Buildinq Sweeney took the pick on her own rebound to the ever-present Rima Laurier Head Coach Steve "All your campus needs" Wue line and swung it up to Wendy Katorji. "Chimo" attacked the net, Thomson said he was "not com- Wallace on the left side, who then but was pulled down by a York pletely satisfied" with the game. It passed it to Jennifer Krog. Krog defender and slid into the post. would appear as though the converted to make the score 2-1. Later in the period*Kay snapped Women have some winkles to iron HieHawks offensive at tack per- a shot on another breakaway, but out in preparation for their next sisted in the second period, result- unluckily dinged the post. game against Guelph on Thursday. You deserve it.

Audrey Kaersenhout, a second year player on the Women's Basketball team, is this week's face in the crowd. You worked hard

Full Name: Audrey Kaersenhout Age: 20 You persevered Face Program: Phys Ed in the Hometown: Burlington You succeeded ZEEMAN Three People in History I would like to meet: Rosa RON Parks, My Grandparents, Jack Johnson My choice for my last meal Fruit salad with milk. Reward Yourself IfI could go back to the past it wouldbe: Don't go to the PICTURE: past, would probably jumpto the fiiture-maybe 2099. with a Crowd Highlight ofmy basketball career: Winning MVP at the Syracuse Basketball Camp Professional FOOT CARE CLINIC 1 Graduation at the DOCTOR'S OFFICE Portrait Specializing in the treatment of: •Corns and calluses -Knee braces •Bunions and hammer toes 'Heel/arch pain •Ingrown nails & fungal nails *Diabetic foot problems & flatfoot •Warts Hntoeing photographers •Circulatory problems *Gout attacks •Custom made arch supports 'Sport injuries Serving WLU Grads for 30 years (Orthotics) »Aching feet All Faculty Colours available 170 University Avenue W. (University Shops Plaza) Call Today Waterloo, Ont. N2L 3E9 Please call 725-1514 for an appointment. • Referral Necessary L Infants To Adults No y 745-8637

theCord January 17,1996 15 (Sports)— Midseason NHL banter

SCOTT CULLEN impressive 19-8-3, and his goals- mediocre performance since has not twenty year-old goaltender behind elude the Vancouver Canucks from Cord Sports against average is 2.62. His .914 been very convincing. an average defense can advance being contenders this year. As the NHL All-Star break save percentage also ranks fourth in Pretenders - The Leafs do not have very far in the post-season. The Winnipeg Jets (or Phoenix approaches and the greatest hockey the league among starting goalies. the look of a Cup contender, unless The Boston Bruins might be able Scorpions ifyou prefer) are not deep player ever braces for a trade, it is Runners-up: Chris Osgood, Detroit; Cliff Fletcher pulls off a deal to to slide into contender status with enough to contend. time to fill out the mid-season John Vanbiesbrouck, Florida. improve the blueline. A team that the recent acquisition ofBill Ranford Last year's Stanley Cup champi- awards and recognize the top per- Jack Adams Award (Top Coach) - has Todd Gill, Dave Ellett and Jamie which will shore up their porous ons from New Jersey have not formers from the first half of the Doug MacLean, Florida. Anyone Macoun taking regular shifts willnot goaltending situation. shown their playoff form at all this season. who can lead the Panthers to the go far in the playofis. As surprising as the Florida season, and their inability to put the Hart Trophy (MVP) - Mario third highest point total in the For all their high-priced talent, Panthers have been this year, they puck in the net will cost them. Lemieux, Pittsburgh. The year 1995 league deserves more than just a the St. Louis Blues will be mere pre- are still quite young and this year The Calgary Flames, due to the saw many comebacks in the world coach of the year award. Runners- tenders well unless, of course, they will provide an opportunity to gain return of Gary Roberts, will be satis- of sport, but Le Magnifique topped up: Colin Campbell, NY Rangers; can seal the deal to bring Wayne post-season experience. fied with being pretenders. them all. His performance, which Craig Hartsburg, Chicago. Gretzky into the fold. The Washington Capitals are the Lottery Players: Buffalo, includes leading the league with 39 With individual hardware out of As much as the Montreal Washington Capitals - if the sun Hartford, Tampa Bay, Los Angeles, goals, 60 assists and 99 points in 37 the way, here is a team rundown. Canadiens have improved from comes up in the east, the Caps are Anaheim, NY Islanders, Dallas,

games, has been remarkable con- Contenders - The Detroit Red Wings their disastrous start to the season, done after the firstround. Edmonton, San Jose, and Ottawa. sidering his injury troubles and have been flying high all season, it is unthinkable that a team with a The loss of Pavel Bure will pre- clearly puts him head and shoulders much as they did last year, but it above the competition. Runners-up: will be interesting to see if their Mark Messier, NY Rangers; Jaromir regular season success will trans- Jagr, Pittsburgh. late into a Stanley Cup. Calder Trophy (Top Rookie) - Eric The New York Rangers have Talk: Daze, Chicago. The 6'5" power for- been unbeatable at home and Leafs ward leads all rookies with 23 goals Messier is playing as well as he's and 32 points. Daze was expected to ever played in the Big Apple. develop into a 30-40 goal scorer, but The Chicago Blackhawks have Midseason evaluation his development wasn't expected so good balance and could be danger- soon. Runners-up: Petr Sykora, New ous if Ed Belfour can regain his Jersey; Saku Koivu, Montreal. form. JASON PAUL AND decade but does not have a very ISSUE 3: BETWEEN THE PIPES. Potvin

Norris Trophy (Best Defenseman) - Mario's Penguins can score a lot ROB MCGOWAN strong work ethic. He has the knack deservedly earned an all-star selec- Chris Chelios, Chicago. Chelios has of goals, but ifthey can give up ten Cord Sports to score the big one in the late going tion for his play but he has looked been outstanding this year, placing to San Jose, there must be some The team has reached the mid sea- which bodes well for the second sea- rather mediocre of late. He has third in scoring among defenseman huge concerns about the defense. son and there have been many sur- son. What's up with Andreychuk? If saved his teammates butts many and continuing his physical play The Philadelphia Flyers have prises and disappointments. The his thumb is that sore why is he even times so far and has probably been while accumulating only 49 penalty lost some of their lustre from earli- boys in blue have been on a roller playing? If he can't score goals he the best Leaf this year. Rhodes has minutes thus far. Runners-up: Brian er in the season, but ifthe Legion of coaster all year. One game they look shouldn't be on the ice. Mike Gartner done a good job as well in the back- Leetch, NY Rangers; Ray Bourque, Doom gets on a roll, and Hextall like Stanley Cup contenders, the next has been a pleasant surprise. At the up role, notwithstanding his poor Boston. continues his impressive play, they they look like a team of European beginning of the season we would performance against the Kings

Vezina Trophy (Top Goaltender) - could see the finals. floaters. have put him on the fourth line but it Saturday night. Mike Richter, NY Rangers. Richter is The Colorado Avalanche were ISSUE 1: SNIPERS Mr. Gilmour got off looks like he has regained his scoring ISSUE 4: OVERALL Patty has done a currently on the injured list with a supposed to be mortal locks for to an extremely slow start but ever touch. Big Benny Hogue. Our atti- pretty good job with a roster full of pulled groin, but his performance to Lord Stanley's mug when they since his new cow legs commercial tude of him changed after he defend- underachievers. The boys don't have date has been solid. His record is an acquired Patrick Roy, but their started he has been playing extreme- ed the injured Jonnson and pum- a single player in the top 25 yet have ly well. Sundin has been a mystery meled Harvey. His play has slacked a good chance of winding up in third all year. He has got the tools to be off oflate but he'll rebound. in the conference. The addition of one of the best players for the next ISSUE 2: WHY ARE YOU PLAYING? Larry Murphy has been huge. He Sergio should be embarrassed to put has held the power play together and on a Leaf jersey. He has been has created more scoring chances Say what? absolutely brutal. An injured Ridley than anyone else. If a few more of would be more productive right now. the front-line players would pick it One of Britain's leading biologist's, Bomber has always been one of our up a notch this would be a team to Richard Lacey, is warning people favs but let's face facts. He can't reckon with. But the fact remains Blue Rodeo that eating beef in Britain may be skate, he can't shoot, he can't score. that they have struggled to beat any extremely damaging to your health. He makes Domi look like Gordie of the better teams in the league. Nowhere To Here It seen® that Britain's cows have Howe out there. Why Cliffie gave QUESTION MARKS: Why isn't Larry been stricken with the "mad-cow" Jamie Macoun a million dollar con- Murphy on the all-star team? Who Tour '96 disease, an ailment which causes tract is beyond us. He's been getting would have thought the salary cows to be aggressive and uncoordi- beaten in the corners, getting out dumping Penguins would still be so nated. Lacey maintains that it may muscled and just playing miserably damn good? How bad would the have similar effects on humans all round. What has happened to Pacific division be if the Avalanche when consuming beef. Dmitri Yuskevich? Ever since those was still in Quebec? Does anyone Furthermore, he claims that it may booming checks at the beginning of really want to see 99 wearing those escalate into a deadly epidemic next the season it has been downhill ever ugly Blues uniforms? century. since. We realize he has wonky PRO TIP OF THE WEEK: To all you Wow, and you thought knees but he has just been a pylon young forwards out there, don't take McDonalds was bad for you. out there. any shit in front of the net.

Take a Trip to the Nasty Side of Toontown r SPiiM 4 liillPi with 25 New and Deranged Cartoons

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16 January 17, 1996 theCord —(Sports) Back to earth for Hawkey JIM DONNELLY were more or less identical to slashing at 6:15, and Dave Archer a was obvious. "We were competitive team's work ethic." Cord Sports Thursday. Laurier was able to strike double minor for spearing at 2:32. for the first half in both games, but The Hawks play again in The Laurier Men's Hockey team, first on a power play goal by Ilirek Coach Wayne Gowing tried to be we just let down our guard at the Western on Thursday, and in a against at the Friday. coming off 3-2 win 10:28 of the first that gave the optimistic , but his disappointment wrong times. I can't knock the Windsor on Windsor the week before, got served Hawks their only lead ofthe game. a fresh dose of reality last week Laurientian got that one back at courtesy ofYork and Laurentian. 14:35 of the first to end the period In their first game of the week knotted at one. Volley-Hawks by the rout- Laurier, beam last Thursday, Hawks were and especially Geoff farmers ed mercilessly by the Yeomen. The Schnare, played quite well in the teams played pretty even hockey in second but committed two defensive LIBBI HOOD Friday Guelph played a much home from GueJph. (he first, skating to a scoreless tie. In errors that cost them goals at 18:58 Cord Sports lighter game. "They made us play iaurier plays the Waterloo the second, the Laurier goal scorers and 14:42 to give Laurentian a 3-1 The Women's Volleyball team suf- very badly," said Leach. Laurier's Athenas Wednesday night In a came around and potted three, with lead. fered a surprise loss to the Guelph frustration was evident by the last must-win situation. The Atfaenas Todd White adding a pair and Matt The Hawks got one back in the Gryphons last Friday night- game,, which they lost handily are Laurier's closest competition lor Turek a single marker. third from Turek once again, but After twice beating Guelph this Earfter in the week Laurier had the fourth playoffspot Laurier beat Unfortunately for Laurier, York's unfortunately it didn't matter much season, the Qtyphs took Laurier by walked over Ryerson in an exhibi- Waterloo tfae first time they met this goal scorers also woke up in the sec- with the final score, as Laurentian surprise winning in four games, 15- tion match, 15-12, 15-10,15-10, season, and both teams have lost to ond. The Yeomen scored five in the went on to win 5-2. 12,13*15,15-11,15*5. 15-9,15-5. It was an easy match for Guelph (the Gryphs onlytwo wins), second and totally dominated the The Hawks' season-long frustra- "Guelph played outstanding the Hawks and it showed through- teach believes the Hawks can third to make the final score 7-3. tion was evident in the dying min- defense." said Hawk's Coach Cookie out the match in the form ofboring, bounce bade this week and beatthe The Hawks faced Laurentian in utes of the third. Geoff Schnare, leach, "and thatworeus down." lazy play, Possibly the Kyerson Athenas, going as for as to say the their second and final game of the frustrated after playing quite well, The Hawks had beaten the match Med the Hawks intoa deep Hawks "might have learned a les- week, on Saturday and the results picked up a five minute major for Gryphs the previous weekend but sleep that didn't end until the ride son" from theirloss to Guefcpb.

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theCord January 17,1996 17 ENTERTAINMENT Willis shocks the Monkeys

MIKE VENCEL Cole as ifshe has known him before. could have pulled off the role better. Railly was very believable. The In all, Twelve Monkeys is the Cord Entertainment During Coles stay at the hospital, a Perhaps Willis' most famous role biggest surprise of this movie was type of movie that you will either Utter destruction of the human race hyperactive mental patient named may very well be his Diehard per- Brad Pitt as Jeffrey Goines. He love or hate after first viewing it. I rears its ugly head in the new Jeffrey Goines (Brad Pitt) befriends sona, but with this movie he shows absolutely perfected this role to the was one of the former, and I suspect movie, Twelve Monkeys. On him and becomes an important he can play a character who isn't extent that you could forget Brad that many people will be. December 13th, 1996 a deadly virus player later in the movie. The scien- always action oriented. I am not too Pitt is the sex symbol of the 90s, and If you get the chance see Twelve will be released upon the world, and tists eventually realize their mistake, familiar with Madeleine Stowe's actually believe he is a raving Monkeys, you'll more than likely within a year five billion people will snatching Cole back to send him to other work, but her portrayal of Dr. lunatic. The man really can act. enjoy it. be dead; less than 1% of the popula- the proper time. In 1996, Cole tion will be left alive. The survivors quickly finds that a lot has changed have moved underground to escape in six years, though he is more con- the toxic air, and animals now rule fident than ever that he will succeed the earth. inhis mission. Flash forward to the year 2035 Twelve Monkeys is the type of and meet James Cole (Bruce Willis), movie that leaves its audience with a prisoner given the chance to get a more questions than it answers. full pardon by helping out the scien- The biggest question this movie asks tists. His mission is to travel back in is, "what do you think happened?" time to the year 1996 and find the After the movie, my friends and I person responsible for unleashing had different theories as to what the the virus into the population. After point of the movie was, and what doing this, Cole must return to 2035 exactly Cole had accomplished and one of the scientists will be sent through his efforts. Not coming back in time to get the virus in its upon a definite answer, we agreed pure form to cure the planet. that TWelve Monkeys is the type of In the movie, the science behind movie which becomes clearer on a time travel is not perfect and Cole's second or third viewing (which I first trip back in time is six years too fully intend to do). The movie's cre- early. After emerging from time ators did an excellent job putting travel stream dazed and disorientat- Twelve Monkeys together and mak- ed, Cole attacks five police officers ing it so believable. and is sent to the state mental hospi- I must comment on the excellent tal where he is treated by Dr. casting choices for the main charac- {Catherine Railly (Madeleine Stowe). ters. Bruce Willis is the perfect PICTURE Railly finds herself oddly drawn to James Cole — I don't think anyone RLE A dream line-up goes sour

cooking some tracks for their second though it was meant to happen., LP, which may be in HMV by late- hmm! summer. The summer is magic. Altogether, their performance On January 13th a little bit of was mediocre. They appeared to be magic was released. It was an all dulled by the unfamiliarity of their ageslicensed event which made for newest acquisition, Morris. a rather youthful crowd, and to Hopefully, things will be ironed out help numbers, the concert was free for next week's show in London. to Waterloo undergrads and Cord The theme of rusty's set involved representatives. the crowd interacting with the band, It began with opening band be it a lugie on lead singer Ken SuperGarage, who didn't have a MacNeil, or a cigarette flung at remarkable sound, but were well bassist Jim Moore. Them kids was represented. They carried a catchy hyper. pop-garage sound, which might rusty resorted almost entirely to interest those Green Day and their LP "Fluke" for their show, only Nirvana fans. They claimed to be giving a small sampling of their "not from around here." Whether newest songs. The mosh pit partici- they mean Earth or Waterloo, I have pants hurt each other the most for yet to conclude. One thing was for familiar tunes "Billy Boy", "Groovy sure, though, my butt was getting Dead and "Misogyny", which were tired and my feet were getting anx- presumably the crowd favourites. I ious. don't know, I may have misinter- WATSON My feet did get their chance, preted. KELI though, as hHead mounted the I was impressed with the confi- stage. They opened with one of dence of the band, but a bit distract- their new songs, which turned out to ed by the arrogance spewed from PICTURE: be the theme for the rest of the set. Ken MacNeil. I don't believe he Only three previously released speaks for the entire band, but ex-patriots in hHead jam in Waterloo's Fed Hall. Funny, although they desire the southern Capitalist songs, "Happy", Gipped", and between songs he mentioned: 'Tea exposure, they delight in taking precious funds University still from Canadian students. "Collide", made it on the play list, Party sucks and we don't". He has a turning Waterloo into a test site for point, but the comment was inap- BRANDON wWATSON Canadian businessmen find, travel- drumming for the concert due to the their new goodies. Considering it's propriate and unprofessional. A Cord Entertainment ling to the States is a necessity in mysterious departure of Mark hHead's first concert since wise man once said: "Confidence is Imagine you're moshing. Imagine order to find wealth. Similarly for Bartkiw. Apparentiy, Mark is gone September, it might appear that they positive, but arrogance ain't" And you're moshing with rusty and hHead, who ventured south to sign for good and friend Morris is just a are tired of playing their old materi- that's the truth. of hHead. Imagine you're moshing to the I.R.S. label for their last album temporary, because he "still [has] a al. This concert had the makings with rusty and hHead in Waterloo. "Jerk". According to bassist job with treble charger." Hopefully, The set climaxed during a "tech- a dream festival, whichunfortunate- Well, imagine no longer, for the fan- Brendan Canning, "it's the only way hl lead won't find themselves Spinal nical-difficulty-interlude". Brendan ly fell short of my high expectations. behaved, tasy concert has come and gone, [to succeed]." I think it sucks that Tapped. snapped his bass strap and needed I found the crowd" poorly courtesy Federation Hall. bands feel the urge to leave because The future is not entirely bleak the duct tape work-out. Crafty veter- SuperGarage was average, hHead of rusty Rusty has been slowing it is tours they can't find enough support in for hHead, however, as plans to an, guitaristand vocalist Noah Mintz didn't click with Morris, and well, you playing mainly on the weekends, Canada. record a new LP ensue. "It will be took it upon himself to strum out a had their noses up their., by rusty picking up gigs generally in 401 The move south for hHead is not all right, but much more pop-rock", fantastic polka, in which Morris know. Perhaps hHead and ease cities. It's their job, and they make the only change the band has had. says Brendan describing their new tagged along. Mixed with corny will find each other again, and their own hours. But as many Morris from treble charger took over sound, rusty is also planning on nursery rhymes, it was almost as my current pain.

18 January 17,1996 theCord (Entertainment) Time Square: c'est trés cher

112 Time Square competes more with This restaurant is not a quiet, increased weight in George's stom- on non-alcoholic drinks. In addition, restaurants like Casa Nina and Too intimate restaurant such as many of ach matched that of the loss of Joel and George have mixed feelings Russo's than it does with VUSlfs, the the other up-scale restaurants in the money in his pocket. about the complimentary pre-din- Huether or McDonald's...(although area, but the quality of the items on Both Joel and George avoided ner snack. While Joel says, "Make a the pricing does come close to that the menu compete aggressively. ordering from the wine list. It's a tri- run for the border!", George liked JOEL LYNN AND ofA&W). Time Square will fle expensive with the deep fried spiral pasta sprinkled GEORGE RAPTIS The restaurant is filled with prepare virtually with hot spices. Cord Entertainment bright lights, modern art, an Ikea any meal that They tasted kind This week Joel and George dug backdrop, and Waterloo's yuppie your stomach i of like Barbeque deep into their pockets and strolled population. Joel ordered water with desires. | Chips. Needless down to Time Square, located across lime and the waitress didn't even On this visit, : to say, Joel didn't the street from the former look at him funny! Seriouslythough, Joel ordered the like them. Stinger sTaps 'n' TunesMaxaluna... Time Square is a spacious eatery for swordfish spe- I The spacious, To begin, the hostesses and servers an informal, quality lunch or dinner. cial with | bright atmos- are all friendly and the food tastes Joel liked the background music orange hol- | phere continues great, but be prepared to pay the mix of international flavour. George landaise sauce [ upstairs where price. This restaurant is not exactly didn't really notice the Harry served with there is a bar and what we would call inexpensive. Bellafonte calypso crap. roasted pota- upscale pool hall. toes and fresh Once again howev- vegetables. er, be prepared to uu The fish was Qc jjspend more than excellent and E?what a we students the portion ± j are used to. This is C This week's ' was large. George snagged a bite or prices rang- not a bar where one two and agreed it was good. The ing from $21 to $80 for wine and would spend the swordfish was respectably priced at champagne. A glass of wine is just night. It's more like an upscale word's o' $9.95 that night from the specials under $5, and their half-litre is far lounge for people who are waiting menu...good deal! In retrospect, too expensive to be ordered on a for their tables. they could have used a bit more students' budget. Without any alco- Time Square is a nice place for white wine in the sauce. holic beverages, but after taxes and periodic dinners aside from our typi- wisdom On the other hand, George 15% tip, George shelled out $24 for cal Laurier favourites, but we sug- forked out $5 for four pieces of his meal! gest bringing the folks along if bruscetta and another $11 for the Most of the menu items are they've got gold cards. You'll enjoy spinach fettucine with clams and available in both dinner and lunch the great hospitality, fast service and mussels. The mussels were by far portions. The dinner portions are quality of food...as long as you don't the best part of the meal, but the fairly large and there are free refills have to pay for it! I PIZZA KING I MADAME ANNA you go. People like the enthusiastic Cord Entertainment element you add to life, but they GRAND OPENING COUPONS » ARIES (Mar.2l-Apr.2o) You are good soon get pissed off due to your EXPIRE nw— m ■ FEB . 96 at dealing with all types of people. unreliable nature. Try wearing a SPECIALS "™ "" However, sometimes you use this watch and using a datebook. [~ 1 LARGE"! 6" ! 2 SM/TLL"10" "1 ability to bulldoze the ones you love SCORPIO (0ct.23-N0v.22) Creative out of the way in order to pursue expressions such as music, paint- PIZZA ; PIZZA AND 7 WINGS your destiny. Follow your instincts ing, or writing have positive trans- ! in order to protect your maximus formational effects (you can go from Lopping $4.99 i 3 toppings $10.99! PICK-UP ONLY cans +taxes glutimus. lazy university student to lazy, yet +taxes 2 of pop I TAURUS (Apr.2l-May 20) There is a talented university student). [ You . 2 LARGE 16" 2 MEDIUM great opportunity in front of you. are powerful and influential, and ""J PIZZA PIZZA + 14 Grasp it before others take advan- have a knack at making good use of WINGS tage ofyour calm and loving nature. others for your advancement. | 4 toppings Show them who's boss. SAGITTARIUS (N0v.23-Dec.2o) You $12.99! 4 toppings $13.99 | 4 cans of pop +taxes 4 cans of pop GEMINI ( May 21-June 20) You need to explore a path offering j +taxes^j have great skills and relational a unlimited potential and room for 402 King Street, N., great world of wonder lies ahead independent action. You need to WATERLOO |* I Sun., Mon., till 1 a.m. for |T| T | 1 Tues. you. You need flexibility to express yourself, and you have a Wed. change and grow - Gumby may be desire tp learn and teach. You your best romantic partner. always think BIG. "Come on big boy, CANCER (June 21-July 20) Wealth I'll teach you something"... and influence lie ahead for you. CAPRICORN (Dec.2l-Jan.l9) You Just remember to be tender-heart- have a strong sense ofresponsibility ed and to use your manipulative and are ambitous. You are deter- side for good things (like gently mined to be successful, and are stepping upon other peoples' heads therefore rigid and control- Super often Optical as you climb up the ladder oflife). ling. "No -1 get to hold the whip!" ■ LEO ( July 21-Aug.2o) You are AQUARIUS (Jan.2o-Feb.lB) You seeking leadership and want recog- need some mental stimulation nition for your achievements. You ("school - what's that?"), and a are best on top ("she only c— when chance to express your originality. she son t0p..."). You provide inspi- You have a talent for communicat- ration for others, encouraging them ing your needs through writing. No to mount their way to the top also. matter what, your uniqueness will VIRGO (Aug.2l-Sept.22) You need never be overlooked. to feel that you've produced or PISCES (Feb.l9-Mar.2o) You are accomplished something. Guys - imaginative and creative. Your have you seen the sperm bank add desire to reach beyond the mun- in the Cord ("Can your guys dane will lead you to good things. sw 'rn ?'); this may be the place for Happiness is assured when you feel you. - Don't feel left out girls per- you're in the flow. Feel lucky - haps you can donate some healthy many of us are known to be quite eggs to those in need. unhappy (some would even say *volid on 2 for l glosses only. Must be opplied of time ofpurchose only. I ÜBRA (Sept.23-0ct.22) You bring a bitchy) when we're inthe flow. touch of class with you wherever

theCord January 17,1996 19 (Entertainment Gurus suffer under Dracula's foul curse

Tide: Castlevania X undead creatures to defeat the evil On the other hand, the backgrounds System: SNES Dracula and win back your girl- are beautiful...yeah right! There are Format: Cartridge friend. only so many screens of burning Company: Konami buildings you can look at until your MIKE: Being a fan of the eyes melt and the flesh slides from MIKE VENCEL AND Castlevania series since the very your bones. One day, I am going to CONOR MCCREERY first one, I knew I had to try this have to speak with whatever force GAME GURUS game. After playing it for all of makes Conor and I pick horrible Castlevania X is the fifth installment twenty minutes I can honestly say vampire games. We got screwed in the successful Castlevania line of that this is a blight on Castlevania's over with Nosferatu and thenraked The graphics are weak, the game- bizarre series of strange symbols. video games. In this game (like spotless record of great games. over the coals with Castlevania X... play sluggish, and the music... well Too bad this game is not for two every other Castlevania) you must From the opening intro to the actual Someone want to gouge our eyes it's like someone resurrected the players; at least then you could defeat Dracula, the twist being that game play, this game reeks. I find it out before we pick our third vam- Bee-Gees and the Bay Gty Rollers, watch a friend writhe in pain as well you are the ancestor of Simon hard to believe that this game is for pire game? combining them into one evil cheesy (Well I'd feel better, but I'm a bas- Belmont (the guy that first beat the 16-bit SNES; I found the quality kitschy 70's band, and then ran tard). I just have no incentive to

Dracula). Once again, the evil to be more on par with the old 8-bit CONOR: Crap, Poo, Feces — these their music through an eight track want to save my girlfriend in this Dracula kidnaps your girlfriend and, Nintendo. Why, oh why, would they words all describe a certain bodily at high speed. I'm sorry, but the puppy — Dracula you can have oh the horror!, her little sister. Pick do this to Castlevania!?! The main function, and oh yes Castlevania X only good thing about this game is your way with her! up your ancestor's whips and fight character (Richtor) is a blocky sprite (The X stands for Sux). Wretched that you can turn it off. Even the CONOR: D+ MIKE: D

your way through level after level of and the enemies are even worse off. doesn't begin to describe this stinker. 'continue' option is complicated - a to Hard FourRoomsfails flow Cord ing New Year's Eve at the MS, he whore in a bed as he babysits a nothing of a textual nature in it, it MELANIE SEAL encounters four different problems mafioso-type's rotten little kids, and was not truly fluid. The scenes Cord Entertainment in four rooms. Okay, sounds cool. a coven of scantily clad witches try appeared to be disjointed, each Everything our friend Quentin With stars like Bruce Willis, to release their S&M goddess Diana completely different from the last. Tarantino touches seems to turn to Madonna, Jennifer Beals, Lili Taylor from a stone tablet. There are a Although the closing of the hotel gold. I once thought this was a man and Quentin himself, there seemed couple of great one liners, tonnes of room door at the completion ofeach who could do amazing things to to be no room for failure. Tarantino terrific jokes about smelly feet, but vignette is a unique idea, the movie both screenplay and film produc- tries to work his patented liquid not much else. became simply a constant flow of tion. It appears to me, however, screenplay magic in the fourth One thing about a liquid movie is sitcom after sitcom: none making that Tarantino is resting on his lau- room. There's something to be said that often there is not a great deal of sense, all wrapping up in aneat and rels. Four Rooms is an interesting for a group of young aspiring substance. Four Rooms was a liquid tidy way, with a few laughs and concept, taking place in the "Hotel screenwriters banding together to movie because it had no substance; some cute kids. The only thing that Monseigneur". Tim Roth plays Ted, make a concept film, but... it really required no train of saved this sitcom marathon was the the somewhat Kramer-ish bell boy. There are a few cute scenes: Ted thought. And yet, although this appearance of Tarantino, the liquid As Ted spends his first night work- discovers the rotten corpse of a rather simple movie had next to fiction King of guru. AARON HUNTER Cord Entertainment

1.Coo Coo 0ot& playing Jan. 22 at Fed Hal Hang <*00. Where To ZKim DeaL She dyes her hair with shoe pol- ish Fmsetitous.

3.The wtoleCode of Conductssue. let me make explicit what was always impJJdfc i doatcare<

• Nominations open Jan 15 until Jan 29, 4:00 pm. 4. CoupleSea*d». • All candidates meeting Jan 29 5:30 pm sex to sell products new Vse use

'\ . WLUSU TV Lounge. s Ihe carotid aitay. 5. , • Nominations available at WLUSU :, So strong so noble, $a Mof Jan 18 J;M • superGarage play at Wilfs • Positions Available: • Jacksoul play at the Bombshelter 6.MkfiaeiC*iditon. .-3S|| • King Gobb Steelie play at the Volcano :. The Gmkm Koraian of sdence aodtectaotogy. T/tj'?. . President, WLUSU Jan 19 v,V • Myth Of Innocence play at Wilfs 7. Cub Scouts. : Jki W) • Hemp Fest Benefit at the Volcano Dyb £>yJb Byb, Dob Dobltob* President, WLUSP Rockon* brothers. > Jan 20 Vice President, University Affairs, WLUSU • Blackwater Draw entertain at Wilfs a The Coid Guide. : • Shuffle Demons perform at the r¬ourftwft. V BOD, WLUSU Volcano •Motorhead, Belladonna, and aTWaiftT. you BOD, WLUSP Speedball jam at Lulu's Oh Fox. no one panders like do, Jan 21 • Carl Strong Comedy at Wilfs M President's Choice Jetty Bo**s- Get real business experience Jan 22 - people whowant to buy their in a real business environment. • Goo Goo Dolls drool over at Fed Hall clothes where they buy iheir JeJi-o.

20 January 17, 1996 theCord (Entertainment)

ear candy ear candy

most important bands of the trademark bass, that to not past twenty-five years have play them at an exceptionally modified, distilled or aug- high volume would do them mented the V.U. sound. You injustice. The album's first can hear the beginnings of track, "Bomdigi," starts the Joy Division in "Sister Ray," of album with a funky chorus The Stone Roses in "Heroin," and sharp lyrics, and for the and of Husker Du in rest of the album, there's no "Beginning To See The looking back. Be sure to Light"; Ttie Pixies, U2, REM, check out "Freak out," "Tell and dozens more owe their 'em," and "Welcome," for Taster sound, in part, to the Velvets. more of the stuff that pro- WLU Musician's Network Of course, the music is excel- pelled EPMD to the top of the Independent lent. It's also extremely var- hip-hop industry. If nothing the ied, and & It's back. Taster 1996, therefore impossible else, Erick Sermon has Friday Saturday sixth annual Musicians' to pigeon-hole. Besides the shown us that he is without a Network Campus Grown band's four albums, "Peel doubt, open for business. compilation, promises a little Slowly And See" includes a Marc Breithaupt something for everybody. number of out-takes, demos Beginning with the clear and and live tracks. The six "A Clearing," (Gord's lengthy demos whichmake 10:30 lucid Before Ramble) which is easily the up the first, CD are for inter- strongest track, the CD fea- est's sake only, but the

~ tures 15 diverse Laurier acts. remaining four disks are top ' :

• • • : - -iM&y' on eveiy kind notch. is the '• Taster touches This one of few

tice, because it is the only one album - should the Green- titled "Spoiled". Rounding which includes virtually all of Eyed Bandit just stick to pro- out the rest of the soundtrack their studio material. For the ducing? Does he have the are two minimalistic songs by band credited with creating talent and staying power.? Daniel Johnston, a hip-hop alternative music, this boxed Erick Sermon has answered tune by Lo-Down, and a very set is certainly long past due. any doubts that I may have punk sounding tune by Slirrt. Brian Eno once said that had with "Double or A few ofthese songs may be a although the Velvets sold only Nothing". Simply put, this bit too abstract for some a few thousand records album is "bangin"'. Hanked tastes, but overall it's a pretty before they broke up, it by his two proteges, Keith solid album and an interest- seemed as if everyone who Murray and Redman, Sermon ing addition to any collector of bought one was inspired to has put together a blend of Lou Barlow music. form a band. Certainly the tracks that are so full of the Sean Moore Going home this WEEKttHIL^^ Many happy RETURNS Kitchener student return fares to: I I London $20 Peterborough $44 Belleville $53 J Toronto $22 Ottawa $87 Sudbury $93

Pickups on campus for Toronto: Mon - Fri: B:3oam/Thurs: spm/Fri: 2pm, 3pm, spm q University of Waterloo: B.C. Matthews Hall, William G. Davis Computer Research Centre, % and Engineering 1 Building (stops on Ring Road) * Wilfrid Laurier: at University Avenue transit stops and King Street transit stop. « DROP QFFS AVAILABLE. PLEASE SEE SCHEDULE jc CUTS Greyhc££El "Stretching your OSAP dollar further" Student Union Building 886-8228 15 Charles St. W., Kitchener 741-2600 Surf the Web at : http://www.greyhound.ca 220 King St. N., Waterloo 888-7663

theCord January 17, 1996 21 month. Utilities roof, under | ■ evenings for approximately four to Please consider this an opportu- per person per 100,000km, extremely VwCIeTIJcCI five hours per evening. If interested, nity to make a difference in the life included in rent. 1 year lease May well maintained, primarily highway call 885-4383. of a child. Caff 743-5206 to inquire 1/96. Call 416-491-1370 driven, $1500 0.8.0. call 884-9688. Wanted- Hair models for Loreal how you can get involved now! Also National Hair Competition. Must Canadian Mental Health inquire about our short-term match One large 4 bedroom, equipped ■ 1 I have outgoing personalities and Association Waterloo Regional program. kitchen, free laundry facilities/park- lidlj l/VQIIUCU willing to go for colour and style Branch ing- $340 per month per person. r change. Winner will be showcased Friends, a service of CMHA needs Wanted: Non-professional singers Utilities included in rent. 1 year HELP WANTED: Experienced bar- in Flare Magazine. For information volunteers to assist children one-to- who just want to have fun. We're lease May 1/96. Call 416-491-1370. tenders, wait staff, and door staff call Mike at Hotheads Salon. 742- one, in developing self esteem and starting a jazz/gospel choir and need needed. Apply in person 820 King 3512. social skills. A child meets with their people who like singing close har- One very large new 5 bedroom, St. Kitchener. Stages nightclub / volunteer weekly at the school to do mony and upbeat music. If interest- very well insulated, equipped Howl at the Moon saloon. Thurs. & WANTED - FUTURE PRIME MIN- social activities. Volunteers are still ed, call Kathy at 725-5179 or Brent kitchen, free laundry facilities, two Jan 11, 3pm-7pm Fri. Jan 12, ISTERS. JOIN THE YOUNG LIB- urgently needed throughout at 725-7697. complete 4pc bathrooms, ample 3pm-7pm. ERALS. CALL RYAN 725-9173 Waterlooregion. Call 744-7645. parking. $315 per month per stu- rj" dent. Available Sept 1/96. Call 416- Full/Part time- Vector Canada is

Babysitter wanted in my home for WANTED - 5 bedroom unit close to 491-1370. now accepting applications for four Monday-Thursday WLU -12or 8 month lease. Call immediate openings, as well for 300 year* old. 883-9548. Great room available. January to » summer positions in our interna- r-x =====1 iiijjLiiiAiif April. Call Shannon at 746-0434. MnnOUnCclTlwlll tional cutlery corporation. Ifaccept- PLACES? JOIN ed training is provided. an nnmniMlAll GOING THE Also YOUNG LIBERALS. CALL RYAN@ 5 bdrm. apartment for Ist year girls Transportation to the Vineyard, opportunity for $9000 in scholar- UfIYTBNfI■ wiMli BriMfH— 725-9173 on Ezra. 310/student„ May-April Free shuttle available every Sunday ships and advancement into man- from WLU to the Kitchener agement. For personal interview sSte"?'D%f(Sun\o°sL) from lease. CallCoffect 1-604-962-5779. 'FREE poo! deck & keq BE A BIG SiSTER Vineyard's meetings at the call 888-6885. •FREE daily scheduled £ VOLUNTEER RENT NOW Concordia Club. For a ride, call OnsltVfuU time staff WW If you are 20 years of age or older for September 1996. Spruce Street, Sandi at 579-8463 before Friday SUMMER EMPLOYMENT - College jJ&UBEQQ&SSEES and feel you can make a positive dif- 4or 5 bedroom units. Call Dave, noon. Pro is looking lor experienced to both train and paint this DESEfTT INN RESORT ference in a child's life we need you! 747-4481. painters In the Heart of the Action Female volunteers are required Seeking a successful career in the summer. If you would like more available family Insurance Industry? - Insurance information please call (519) 439- I'BOOK NOW SPACE LIMITED!*] to develop one to one relationships Furnished rooms in I with girls (4-17) and boys (4-11). home close to University Ave. and Information Session, January 24, 7437. There are still some manage- You are required to provide 3 hours bus route, large private yard with 1996 at Ip.m., P2007. Guest ment positions available - average $B(Vwk. income earned last year was just Martin Travel -ON CAMPUS P er week for a minimum of one pool. Caff 888-9241. Speakers, Industry Representatives, mi ■ j year. We are also in need of Big Laurier students working in the over $9500. Availability in Windsor, & Sisters of a Jamaican, African, and One - 3 bedroom, equipped kitchen, industry. All disciplines welcome. Sarnia, Godrich, London Toronto latin American decent. free laundry facifftiesfcarking. $325 GORGEOUS MEN, BEAUTIFUL A MARKETING RESEARCH compa- WOMEN, PRIVATE MEETINGS, ny is looking for consumers to take JOIN THE YOUNG LIBERALS, part in consumer related research \ ■ I projects. Group discussions usually J iW I 1 j 1 ■ B 4 I 4 CALL RYAN 725-9173. I last two hours and are paid in J t IHI| Ii |i HHJI fS I 1 £112 Wmt you m "*■ "Talking Out About Eating cash for your time and opinion. fieZseU Disorders" is a panel presentation There is no selling involved. Ifinter- * M V P'l (rj I [iTIIH iil 8111 J laHffffmV ■ being held on Wednesday February ested , please call 725-9237 7, 1996 at the Kitchener Public Auditorium at 7:00 p.m.. MORTYNEEDS YOU! - i Library 3C551S Talk te or meet fan people For more information phone 519- Morty need help cooking big burg- mMB your 894-5046. ers and wings! We are now hiring In * IOC3I 3f63. llJH PST part-time cooks for the Winter Term Kk Of PS3CG 3 FREE L.U.C.K. wants you to get into and possibly the summer. with the "Dance For Experience is an asset, but not IfHIPP Afi fln-linp S.H.A.P.E. **" Heart" on January 25, 1996 at the mandatory. Flexible hours. Please SjBSm k s IPhPmR Turret. Come and dance the night drop off a resume at the Corner of ■ v Free To Call* away for charity. Sign up booths in King and University. I 3B9BGf ; ■■ the concourse on january 11th, 15th indus- Asm||9Bk| gfc g ■I'Jy B and 16th. For those interested in the ara iai m I tries of finace, banking, or invest-

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10-cheese 12" cheese Recieve 1 Free $7,69 $8.49 tr. i-. Additional Additional ToppiHS O toppings toppings 10" or 12" Pizza

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Low on groceries and in the spirit of hunting season, I answered an advert in the Pennysaver and purchased a reason- ably-priced rifle. This region was once known for its wild deer Without population. In spite of near-extinction. I had heard where in the area I might find some game. Franz, just returned from his holiday trip, was sleeping off his jet-lag, so I went out on my own. It did not take long to find my first deer. It was right where my sources placed it. Feath I raised my rifle, took aim, and fired one shot between its eyes. Other people in Waterloo Park quickly ran to see my tro- phy, and quite a few even ran away at the sight of me and my catch to tell their friends of my good fortune. Other animals in the cage, the pony in particular began to panic, so I had to put them down. In my eagerness to "bag the big one" I failed to consider how I would remove my kill from within the caged petting zoo. Franz would have to be dispatched for the retrieval. To my dismay, Franz later returned to the apartment empty- ers handed. "I'm sorry, mein Herr," he shrugged. "The police have the

park cordoned - off, and your deer was removed by the SPCA." I hung my head. "There will be no meat for this winter, Franz. We'll have to dig in and make the best of it. Shoot a Anton few Canada geese, trap raccoons, catch fish..." "Herr Anton?" Franz interjected. "Yes, Franz?" "There's a Zehrs supermarket down the street. We could...you know... shop?" Volca "Franz..." I began, then paused staring into the radiating tube of Philip, our radioactive television. Franz wouldn't understand, couldn't understand, must never understand my financial difficulties. "You're right. I suppose I've been watching too many Red Green episodes." nsek "That's why I stick to Baywatch." "Shut up, Franz."

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