Journey through Loss and : Collective Loss and Grief in Multiple Pandemics: Losing Our Loved Ones and the Life We Knew

Patricia Pitta Ph.D., ABPP [email protected] 516 672 2113 Definitions Bereavement- is an objective state or condition of loss. In anticipating or experiencing bereavement, we feel grief, a psychic state of mental anguish Mourning-is an objective state or condition of loss. In anticipating or experiencing bereavement, we feel grief, a psychic stat of mental anguish. Grief- It is about loss and the threat of loss. The stronger the bond between us and the person we have lost, or the life we loss, the more we will hurt both physically and emotionally. Grief is another form of and a continuing of our bond with our loved one.

Kubler Ross (1969, 2014) (Sanders, 2009) Stages of Grief Phases of Grief and Loss Denial Shock Awareness of Loss Tasks: Allow yourself to feel little by little Vent your anger Express of and Join a support group Bargaining Conservation and Need to Withdraw Tasks: Withdraw & nurture self Re-evaluate attitudes Tell one’s story Beware of dependency habits-if present-break them TASKS: Allow self to feel the but do put limits Don’t drown in sad of hopelessness also do something positive even if it doesn’t feel genuine. Feeling depression is a route to the healing and finding a way to create anew.

Acceptance Healing Tasks: We begin to think about ourselves We begin to take responsibility for decisions we put aside We relinquish roles of the past. We form a new Identity We find our center- we make decisions based on what we need, think, and feel rather than what others think we should do. We van think about the loss with both happy and sad feelings. 6th stage- (Kessler, 2019)- I call this this stage Renewal setting the “thought and emotional foundation” for what is to come in this as you The old self dies, and we are met with a new accept..you find meaning. It is what you do self that opts for life (Sanders, 1992) afterwards… Meaning is not in the death or loss. We feel more stable Our ups and downs have diminished Finding meaning: Able to talk about what we Expression of meaning comes to the are grateful for and what they shared with forefront, the deceased love one. People who can find meaning will be less likely to get stuck in one of the five stages. Becoming stuck in grief foster bitterness, anger and depression. Finding meaning in mourning and grief empowers the individual to move along and make a difference in their own lives and lives of others.

Bibliography: • Kubler-Ross, E. (1969). On death and dying. Macmillan Company, New Jersey. • • Kubler- Ross, E. Kessler, D., (2014). On grief and grieving: Finding the meaning of grief through the five stages of loss: Scribner, New York. • Pitta, P. (2001). Journey through grief. Bulletin: Division 42, Independent Practitioner, Winter Edition, American Psychological Association. • Pitta, P. (2020): Journey through Grief and Loss in the time of Covid and Beyond. Blue Paper. New York State Psychological Association • Sanders C. (1992) Surviving Grief and Learning to Live Again. John Wiley & Sons, N.Y.

• About the author: Dr. Patricia Pitta is a Clinical Psychologist and a Board- Certified Couple and Family Psychologist in private practice in Manhasset, New York. She specializes in the treatment of , depression and loss in individuals, couples and families. She helps couples find new meaning in their lives where they have experienced loss due to unrealistic expectations or as they journey through committed relationships. She is an Approved Supervisor with the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy and is an Adjunct Professor of St. John’s University in Jamaica, Queens.

Dr. Pitta has written two books: Solving Modern Family Dilemmas: An Assimilative Family Therapy Model (2014), Routledge. Integrative Couple and Family Therapies: Treatment Models for Complex Clinical Issues (2019). American Psychological Association Publications.