“Keep the Cat Free”

28/09/13 Issue 1553 felixonline.co.uk 2 FRIDAY 28 SEPT

Editors: VACANT FEATURES [email protected] University Rankings and what you should (not) make of them

Sample of Rankings: These statistics, there would be more than this.” Reality you outnumber them 3:1 – it would be while very is always underwhelming, isn’t it? foolish for the College to fail to cater Shiladitya Ghosh • QS World Rankings: 2013-14 Writer heartening and Unfortunately, the hard truth is that to you and your abilities…and no one’s o th Overall: 5 good to know, the only major way you infl uence saying it does. This article merely o th nd Engineering and technology- 6 (world), 2 (UK) also perpetrate the these rankings are through your serves to explain to you what the o Life sciences and medicine- 14th (world), 3rd (UK) myth propounded National Student Satisfaction (NSS) currently-published ranking systems do o matter who you are o Natural science- 9th (world), 3rd (UK) upon at the start survey (when you graduate), and how and do not imply about your Undergrad or where you come o Civil Engineering – 1st (world) of this paragraph. quickly you fi nd a job upon graduation. experience at Imperial because from, you are, to some • Times Higher Education Rankings: 2012-13 Just keep in mind Most of the score is contributed to by they do not factor in much about extent, proud of this o Overall: 8th that our seniors Postgraduate students and researchers Undergraduates. There simply isn’t esteemed institution’s worked hard to at the College who are frantically any real ranking system for universities o Engineering and technology-10th (world) very high rankings on various scales get their jobs no churning out theses and papers, and to from an Undergraduate perspective out N th o and from a variety of scorers around Life sciences – 10 (world) matter how easy it whom factors like ‘Student-Staff Ratio’ there (or at least one that’s not exclusive o th the world. It helps that the QS League Physical sciences – 17 (world) sounds now, and are a whole lot more important in the to US colleges) so we can’t say for sure. Tables just got updated earlier this o Clinical Health/Medicine – 5th (world) you will have to hunt for a supervisor. At the end of the Could Imperial be argued to month to show Imperial rising to its • Guardian University Guide: 2014 do so to match up day, it’s generally fi nal-year Undergrads be the World #1 University for greatest heights ever – hats off to Civ. o Overall: 9th to their statistic.) and more senior people who get to Undergraduates? Sure, it’s possible Eng., how does it feel to be on top of • Complete University Guide: 2013 You will come muck about with the ‘world-class’ (though unlikely). But no one’s manage the world? – just as we all start/resume o Overall: 4th to grudgingly facilities the College has, and it’s what to agree on a set of standard criteria our college adventure. (A selection admit (at least to they do that’s published to the world, to quantify this. Maybe you can try. of up-to-date rankings is shown yourself) that in and whose quality is judged to form in a table if you want to feel good mistake that for a lack of intelligence your year group there are people who the main basis of our world rankings. about yourself while you still can.) – they worked hard to get here, and are both smarter and better than you, But all this doesn’t mean Imperial is All summer, during and after waiting are probably just as deserving as you. who will effortlessly breeze through a lousy place for an Undergrad to be at around for your offers and crapping You will notice that criteria such exams and coursework in their sleep (though I did suggest to you earlier to your pants on the eve of Results Day, as ‘Research Excellence’ and ‘Staff- while maintaining a social life, and feel good about yourself while you still you’ve probably done your fair share of Student Ratio’, prominent features in there are also people slower than you could.) You’re going to spend between putting down UCL and tried to publicly several ranking methodologies will who will have to put in long shifts after 3-6 years here; most Postgrads are Wiki Commons believe that Oxbridge don’t know what hardly have any bearing on how your lectures at the library, poring over the only here for either 1 or 4 years, plus Top spot MIT/real life Tetris they’re missing with you headed here. fi rst few undergraduate years go. The lecture notes to understand things you Furthermore, with the updated rankings generous college endowment and thought were easy enough. You may showing just where we purportedly budgets will never really seem to be identify with the latter group, and Sponsored Editorial stand in the world’s grand scheme of trickling down to furnish your lecture may come to know brighter and more things, you might have started to believe theatre (LT) with swiveling seats admirable individuals at other colleges you’re something special, headed for and touchscreen desks. For naming like UCL or even King’s, who will The Chosen College, destined for ourselves the Imperial College of greatly trouble your self-esteem and More student cuts greatness and buzzing to meet other Science, Technology, and Medicine, make you wonder what you are doing whiz-kids/some legendary old people. you will see sluggishness in unexpected here. But you have to remember, no one You might expect to be herded into places on the technological front – just ever said you’re better than other people Discount haircuts for Imperial a factory of educational brilliance keep track of how many months it ends just because you’re in Imperial, and it’s where you enter with A*A*A*A* and up taking for every department to have not necessarily true at all. The fact that exit with a job at Google/JPMorgan a couple of LTs to fi nally be confi gured you’re here means that the College/ students at Fresh Hairdressers like clockwork. You might expect for AV recordings of lectures. Department admissions team thought to command awe and respect from You will come to realise that you have great potential on top of your near South Kensington your peers at other institutions just unfortunately, top jobs aren’t being undoubted academic prowess. Don’t by telling them where you study. You prepared to be handed to you on a plate forget to be humble and keep developing Men’s cuts £22 (normally £35) discount and bring your student ID we might expect Imperial to have all once you pass your degree. There are yourself all the time. Take chances to Women’s cut and rough dry £28 look forward to seeing you. the best facilities and most modern only a handful of those jobs to begin learn from anybody and everybody. Women’s cut and salon fi nish blow- We use only the best products, Wella, technologies implemented on campus with – chances are you won’t be getting That’s why you’re surrounded by dry £38 (normally £55) Moroccan Oil, L’Oreal, and KMS and and available for your learning benefi t. one if you sit around feeling entitled. people who don’t necessarily seem offer free coffee and herbal teas. You might expect that everyone around That’s why we need, and have, regular all that amazing. It’s because they’re FRESH Hairdressers has been offering To book an appointment call 0207 823 you knows just as much advanced Careers Fairs on campus, for you to fi nd not amazing yet, but by the time they high quality, fashionable haircuts for 8968. mathematics and physics as you do. out that employers do like Imperial, but graduate, after they have interacted over 20 years. All of our haircuts are Tuesday to Saturdays 9.30 to 5.30 Of course, rankings are a vague and hailing from here isn’t enough to make with similarly amazing people, they by highly experienced stylists, NOT We are only 70 metres from South general measure of how well a university the cut since they also like Oxbridge, will be. And hopefully, so will you. trainees. Kensington tube station. is doing in a broad sense. But, the LSE, the Ivies, etc. You have to do Somewhat in contradiction, you will www.freshhairdressers.co.uk above is not what these rankings imply, stuff. Partying twice every week will have to realise that studying a top-rated TO GET A GREAT HAIRCUT or are even necessarily a measure of. look doubly distasteful to employers course in a top-rated college won’t 1) You don’t have to spend a lot of By the time you read this, you may if you don’t show you can handle automatically make you awesome, but money at expensive trendy salons already have fi gured that with such responsibility and make productive use people will expect you to be awesome 2) You don’t have to spend hours as a a diverse and international student of your free time by contributing to a and be doing awesome things all the Guinea pig at a training school body, not everyone has had a similar few Clubs/Societies during your time time anyway. You will feel pressurised 3) You don’t have to be butchered at educational background. For instance, here. (Incidentally while I was writing to make full use of everything available some cheap Barbers engineers may struggle with fi rst-year this, Bloomberg just published an to you. Which is when you will start to 4) You don’t have to wait till you go Mathematics topics because they hadn’t article saying Imperial graduates now doubt what you have around you: “hey back home taken Further Maths like you had, or have the best job prospects in the UK come to think of it, I don’t really feel like maybe their country’s Maths syllabus (89% employed within 6 months of I’m in the world #1 place for my course. Come to FRESH, ask for a student wasn’t as content-heavy. Don’t ever graduation, ahead of Cambridge (85%)). It’s great but…#1? Really? I thought FRIDAY 28 SEPT 3

Editor: James Tsim [email protected] BUSINESS Student Finance

James Tsim drives a hard bargain with your moneyz

opefully anyone who are HSBC and Halifax. Beware that open a student account. h is is useful you set up an account with them. Other is eligible has already borrowing past the free overdraft for example when taking weekend h is card worth £80 is off ered by HSBC has teamed up with Sony applied for Student limit will incur you heavy charges, trips away to Brighton Pleasure Natwest and RBS, and off ers 50% off to off er up to 18 music albums to Finance England. SFE along with interest rates of up to 24% Beach or when visiting friends in or 2 for 1 deals at thousands of UK download for free. off ers student loans and AER. Manchester (£76.30 without railcard; restaurants (e.g GBK, Pizza Express, LLodys TSB off ers free NUS Card Hgrants which help cover university £51 with railcard). h ese railcards Zizzi Restaurant). I personally have and £75 off a holiday booked through fees and living costs. Imperial Branches situated near can also be added to your oyster never had a taste card, but in case you STA travel. College London also off ers bursaries/ cards to give a 34% discount of tube want to try it out, they are currently scholarships which can be applied for. campus: fares (off -peak) and 34% off the daily off ering a 30 day free trial card. Whichever bank account you choose, Having a bank branch near campus cap. h is card is an amazing deal and fi nd one that suits YOU. Setting up a Why open a student is very important for any problems I would recommend you purchase Headline Interest Rate student account at a bank does not with your account, or lost cards after one if the bank you choose does not h is is the highest interest rate mean you must stick with it for life; account? a wild night out. h ere is a Santander off er it for free. (gross/AER) paid on balances held you can change bank accounts every With the start of university, the most branch on campus, with Barclays, in the accounts. Most of the student year. important preparation you should be RBS, HSBC, Llodys TSB and Natwest Taste Card accounts off er 0% headline interest, Finally let’s get down to business: doing is to ‘Sort out your fi nances’. within the South Kensington area. No doubt after coming to London however some banks do off er it, we’re looking for talented, sexy, h e fi rst step to achieve this is to 16 – 25 Student Railcard as a student you will be doing a lot such as HSBC (2%), Halifax (0.1%), funny writers. If you think you’re like open a student account at the right of cooking as a fi rst year student. Santander (1%) and Bank of Ireland a muzzle for a duck and fi t the bill, bank. h ere are many banks out there, h is off er entitles you to a student 16- However for those of you who are (0.5%). My recommendation is that get in touch! Email business.felix@ each and every one of them off ering 25 railcard available for up to 4 years, looking to try the various diff erent if you do have spare cash in your imperial.ac.uk to fi nd out more now! a variety of diff erent services and which off ers 1/3 off rail fares. h ese chain restaurants and cuisines in account, transfer it to a high interest freebies. h e most important thing cards normally cost £30 per year, but London, some banks off er a free taste savings account. you should be considering is cost-free some banks give this for free when you card for every year of study when borrowing (interest free overdraft). h is is the crucial diff erence between student accounts and standard accounts. Student accounts also off er the same functions such as internet/ mobile banking, direct debit facilities, contactless etc. h ese accounts are designed for people who are attending higher education, so open your account now!

Interest Free Overdraft: h is is the most important factor you should be considering, as you may be feeling fi nancial constraints later on in the year. h e larger the Interest Free Overdraft the better, as some banks could charge you more to increase your borrowing. Many students also use overdraft to add funds to an ISA, this is a savings account with a favourable tax status, thereby earning you interest on free borrowed money. Currently the banks which off er the best interest free overdrafts with up to £3000 4 FRIDAY 28 SEPT

Editors: Philippa Skett, Keir Wren-Little, SCIENCE Fiona Hartley [email protected] Keir’s Summer Science Tired or drunk? You might Keir Little Science Editor be feeling quite creative

Corkscrew molecules emit circularly polarized light Fiona Hartley Science Editor

Molecules than can emit and detect circularly- polarised light may be the next step forward in Imagine: it’s 9am and you enter the technologies such as computer displays, which lecture theatre that will be your home currently waste over three quarters of light energy by for the next year. Maybe you went passing it through fi lters for colour and polarisation. out to Ministry or you had a few too Dr Matthew Fuchter from the Department of many pints in Metric. Perhaps you just Chemistry and Dr Alisdair Campbell from the stayed up late getting to know new Department of Physics have recently published people in halls or from your course. papers in Nature Photonics and Advanced Materials, Either way you’re knackered. Maybe which show how conventional light-emitting you’re even still drunk! polymers can be doped with a helical chiral molecule, If you’re suff ering from a vague feel- whose handedness determines the direction of ing of guilt because this isn’t the work the emitted light. Similar molecules can be used ethic you should be starting with for as transistors to detect circularly-polarised light. “Do you like your new degree at Imperial, then fear Circular polarisation is the basis of 3D cinema writing about not. Being tired or drunk doesn’t have and television, and this discovery could lead to the science? Or to keep you from getting your work development of lightweight, effi cient 3D displays, such watching done. Here’s why. as for mobile devices. h e use of circularly-polarised people write light in fi bre optic cables could double their capacity for about it? Then Creativity carrying data and such light could be used for transferring send an email Conventionally, creativity is linked data in next-generation quantum computers. to our editors with great literature, art and music. at science@ Many historic artists and musicians Bird brains similar to mammal brains felix.imperial. were known to drink We’re all sci- ac.uk to get entists here at Imperial, so when re- involved!” search suggests that being tired or Computational neuroscientist Professor Murray drunk can improve creative thinking Shanahan has developed the fi rst ever map of a bird’s brain, you might think, “So what?” But sci- and compared it to those of humans and other mammals. ence depends on creative thinking for Several bird species (surprisingly, including pigeons) its advancement. Creativity is coming show high intelligence and ability for reasoning, up with novel ideas, and that’s how problem solving and use of tools. From anatomical you solve problems. studies of the pigeon brain, Professor Shanahan’s Contrary to what your intuition team build a map of the key processing areas, and might suggest, research published in found that the bird hippocampus is very similar h inking and Reasoning in 2011 indi- to the mammalian one and that the nidopallium cated that people are actually at their caudolaterale plays a similar role to the hippocampus most creative during what the authors in decision-making, despite having evolved diff erently. termed their ‘non-optimal’ time of Professor Shanahan says, “Birds have been evolving day. In other words, if you’re a night separately from mammals for around 300 million years, owl – which many of us are – then it in success at solving the insight prob- formed worse than sober subjects on so it is hardly surprising that under a microscope the is during the morning that you’re best lems between each time of day. working memory tests (like driving brain of a bird looks quite diff erent from a mammal. able to solve insight-based problems, Why? Well, it’s your inability to con- a car), but solved the insight puzzles Yet, birds have been shown to be remarkably intelligent due to your grogginess. Similarly centrate and your wandering thoughts presented to them both more often in a similar way to mammals such as humans and those who consider themselves early that allow you to work out creative in- and in less time than their sober coun- monkeys. Our study demonstrates that by looking at birds answer such questions more ef- sight puzzles. Here’s an example: terparts. brains that are least like our own, yet still capable of fectively in the evening. A man has married 20 women in a Now, this isn’t encouragement for generating intelligent behaviour, we can determine h e research was carried out by small town. All of the women are still you to get absolutely wasted every the basic principles governing the way brains work.” asking 428 undergrads whether they alive and none of them are divorced. single night or to always stay up re- thought of themselves as morning or h e man has broken no laws. Who is ally late. Getting those creative juices evening people, and then asking them the man? fl owing via tiredness won’t help you to solve six questions, three of which h e answer is a priest. Did you get to copy down notes or grind through were insight puzzles and three of it? Sleepy students, whose brains a problem sheet, although a caff eine which were focused analytical prob- aren’t entirely focused on the prob- boost probably will, as it deceives lems. Furthermore, the students were lem, consider many more associations your brain into thinking you have tested at diff erent times – one group between ideas than alert students and more energy than you really do. But between 8:30am and 9:30am, the oth- are more likely to answer this puzzle what tiredness and intoxication will er between 4pm and 5:30pm. correctly. Even being bored can have help you produce is a good idea for h e students’ performance on ana- this eff ect. the projects, presentations, designs or lytical tasks like long division was h is is actually very similar to what essays you’ll have to do over the year. unaff ected by time of day, but if they happens if you’re mildly intoxicated So you might want to take into ac- were an early bird or a night owl then and presented with an insight puz- count whether you’re an early bird or they were more successful at solving zle. In 2012 Andrew Jarosz and a team a night owl when you’ve got creative the creative puzzles at their least op- of researchers from the University of work to do. And you might as well timum time. Furthermore, students Illinois at Chicago tested the link be- try to make going out and having that with no preference for the morning or tween alcohol intoxication and crea- drink work for you in more ways than the evening didn’t show any diff erence tivity. h eir inebriated subjects per- one. FRIDAY 28 SEPT 5

@feliximperial

facebook.com/FelixScience SCIENCE Science behind Freshers’ Week Philippa Skett gets you ready to face your greatest fear: socialising

ccording to your around one regular drink every nine- personal statement, ever ty minutes, so if you succumb to the since you can remember usual calls of “Down it Fresher!” too you have always regularly, your blood alcohol level will wanted to study RNA rise, and it will eventually eff ect your replication,A so we here know you love brain. With ethanol being a depres- a bit of science. Even if you actually sant, meaning it enhances the eff ects meant it, and we know some of you of the inhibitory neurons whilst weak- probably didn’t, science will no doubt ening the excitatory neurons in your be at the back of your mind this week. brain, it will at fi rst make you relaxed, But so it should be! h is week is all then tired, then eventually will make about making friends in halls, drinking you pass out. in halls, planning to go to Ministry of Please refrain from writing on your Sound and then giving up after fi nding friend’s face if this happens, or at out the route home takes two buses. least do it once you have put them to However, if you can’t bear to ask bed. No doubt one day (possibly even yet another person what A-Levels Wednesday this week) it will be you in they did, or what halls they are in, you the same position! can always deploy some of these facts whilst waiting for a pint in FiveSix- Hangovers – no pain, no Eight. Even if you don’t feel like using science chat up lines (that helicase one gain, right? is a winner, by the way) you may still Science is still uncertain about what learn some hints and tips to get you a hangover actually is- the best guess through this undoubtedly messy week. is that it is a collection of symptoms WIRED which manifest due to the multiple See this? This wonʼt be you. See that guy with glasses sitting in the corner texting. Guess where this is going... Alcohol – possibly the physiological eff ects from drinking al- cohol. Fresherʼs Flu – when the ready immune to. from going all scaly) and a properly only friend you may make With alcohol being a diuretic it natu- cough syrup replaces the Combined with exhaustion, poor cooked meal every now and then. If this week rally increases urinary output leading nutrition and excessive drinking, you still don’t manage to escape it, Ethanol, that cheeky little two car- to dehydration, causing thirst and diz- Jägerbombs your already weakened immune sys- you will feel right as rain by Novem- bon compound, is what gives pints a ziness in the morning. It is an irritant h is blanket term is generally used tem doesn’t stand a chance this week ber. Promise. punch- after being absorbed into the and can also stimulate a higher rate of to cover the run-down feeling that if that sniffl ing guy in your intro lec- So, with your snakebite in one hand, bloodstream it is transported to the production of gastric secretions, with comes from not sleeping enough, not ture sneezes in your direction. h e your hand sanitiser in another and a liver, and then broken down by two both resulting in nausea and the pos- eating properly or drinking more than beginning of the new academic year brain full of fun fresher facts, I fail to sets of enzymes. It is fi rst converted sibility of vomiting. Finally it can cause you probably can handle, but can be also coincides with the beginning of see just how you could not have a fun into acetaldehyde by one enzyme, al- vasodilatation of blood vessels in the caused by infections too. fl u season too, so even if you manage time this Welcome Week. Relax, so- cohol dehydrogenase, and then into brain, making the brain press against Usually this “fl u” is actually a mani- to avoid human contact for the whole cialise, don’t blow your whole student acetate by another, aldehyde dehydro- the skull and delivering that character- festation of the common cold. With week (and I know full well some of loan on a food shop in Harrods and genase. When these are imbalanced, istic hangover headache. there being 200 diff erent types of vi- you will) you still may fi nd yourself generally enjoy your time as a brand and aldehyde dehydrogenase is less If you are smart enough to take pain- ruses that can cause a cold, and fac- sneezing by Sunday. new student. effi cient, acetaldehyde builds up and killers before the onset of the hango- toring in the many diff erent nation- Freaking out about Fresher’s fl u? Look out for us at Fresher’s fair and delivers the Asian Flush some of you ver, only take aspirin as paracetamol is alities you will probably bump into Arm yourself with hand sanitizer, a write for Science too- we might just might experience this week. metabolised by the liver too, which is around campus, it is inevitable you packet of tissues (infused with that accidently tell your tutor your per- Ethanol is metabolised at a rate of under enough strain as it is. will encounter a strain you are not al- nice Aloe Vera to keep your nose sonal statement was all lies otherwise. 6 FRIDAY 28 SEPT

Editor: Kartikeya POLITICS Rana [email protected] The summer in politics

Well hello there all you freshers (and everybody else)! Here comes yet another year of Imperial. A small amount of us Kartikeyaa do tend to have an interest in politics surprisingly enough. So if you are one of those people who likes to learn about Rana world affairs or likes to have a drunk rant, like I do, about how good or bad things are around the world, then read on. Now is the time to empower yourself with every bit of information needed to thwart those who don’t agree with Politics Editoror you. How? By reading up on the most important issues of course. Just an aside for all freshers: This year will pass way too quickly. No joke.

The second important the protests. their point as valid. However, if the story – Egypt after the vote goes against what they expected, My Take: then they would have no reason to Arab Spring: I am quite worried about how this complain. I don’t understand the rel- A very rosy picture was painted about situation will play out. It is neces- evance of such a long winded debate the path towards which Egypt was sary that the Muslim Brotherhood is about this issue. Let’s just have the headed after the Arab Spring. How- made part of the democratic process vote and see how it goes. ever, people are becoming more and to prevent them from being dragged more pessimistic about the future of further underground. h is could turn The fi nal story – Edward the country. them more fundamental in nature and Months after Hosni Mubarak was give them a concrete reason to act in Snowden: ousted from Egypt, democratic elec- such a way. However, the idea of hav- Edward Snowden used to be a Nation- tions were held. h e Freedom and ing them in power is also dangerous to al Security Agency contractor but fl ed Justice party, the political wing of the secularism in the region. to Hong Kong after revealing informa- Muslim Brotherhood, came to power I’m not against the military inter- tion about extensive phone and Inter- with Mohammad Morsi as their lead- vention, although I am against the net surveillance by the CIA. h e idea er. A new constitution was drafted manner in which it is currently being of having their privacy being breached which the West has not been in sup- conducted, but it is very important without prior consent caused public port of, as it gave h e Freedom and that the Muslim Brotherhood remains outrage in the US and the rest of the Justice party immense power. part of the democratic process to world. Mohammad Morsi was also losing maintain stability in Egypt. He also recently revealed informa- Main Story – Syria support at home for the same reason tion about the US and UK government as well as his inability to deal with the The third story – Scotland ‘cracking online encryption’. h is has economic issues. h is resulted in a sparked further debate about internet massive protest around Egypt and re- independence debate: security. People question as to wheth- When the Arab spring took place two government’s international interest. sultantly military intervention. A referendum is to be held to see er the technology could be grasped by years ago, Syria saw an opening to be h is has caused a number of prob- whether Scotland should stay in the people outside the intelligence agen- free from the Assad regime. h ey saw lems for President Obama. He openly h e Egyptian military and democ- UK. h e Scottish public will be asked: cies and what implications that could how eff ective the protest had been stated recently that it would be ‘the racy: ‘Should Scotland be an independent have. in Egypt, Libya and elsewhere, and last straw’ if the Assad regime used h e Egyptian military took over the country?’. h roughout summer, there thought that they could be able to chemical weapons against its own ci- parliament on July 3rd. h e head of was an ongoing debate about where My Take: form their desired government in due vilian population. However, now there the armed forces, Gen. Abdul Fattah the Scottish vote was headed. Accord- h e case of Edward Snowden is one course. seems to be ‘substantial evidence’ to Al-Sisi, announced that the constitu- ing to the BBC, the Holyrood parlia- of civil disobedience. He believes that However, Assad has been brutal in show the use of these weapons. As tion has been revoked and an interim ment supports the vote. h ere is a what he has done is something that the way he has been dealing with the a result, Obama has been trying to government headed by Chief Justice strong belief that the Scottish public will uphold the liberty and freedoms protestors. h ere has been a civil war gather votes for an air strike in Syria. Abdul Mansour has since been put will be voting overwhelmingly to stay of the US citizens. However, it is dif- taking place in the region for far too h is seems to be an uphill battle for in place whilst a new constitution is in the UK. ferent in the sense that he has fl ed long. h ere are 2 main groups taking the president as there is overwhelm- drafted. h is has led to widespread the country rather than staying his part in this war: h e Free Syrian Army ing opposition to such a strike. h e protests across Egypt with Islamist My Take: ground for what he believes is right and the supporters of Assad. h e con- UK parliament has also voted against groups setting up camp in various I am defi nitely in support of the refer- (as has been done by civil disobedi- fl ict has worsened due to the use of an air strike in Syria. h is has made suburbs of Cairo. h e military crack- endum. It would give a reason for the ence leaders of the past like Martin chemical weapons. Both sides are too matters even worse for him. down on these tents has also lead to aggravated pro-independence protes- Luther King). What makes his depar- busy blaming each other for the use Russia has also shown a fi erce oppo- a loss of a number of lives. h e BBC tors to calm down, regardless of how ture more suspicious is the fact that he of chemical weapons. h e Huffi ngton sition to American intervention. h e states that according to eyewitness ac- the referendum goes. If the vote goes has fl ed to Russia. Now I don’t know Post claims that 110,000 lives have Russian president, Vladimir Putin, has counts, at least 40 people have died in in their favour, then it would prove what his intentions are but I am rather been lost in this war but the exact asked Syrian offi cials to submit their suspicious of them. numbers are unknown. It’s unfortu- chemical weapons to international Also, the fact that he is losing sup- nate to see how the revolt that started agencies. As a result, Obama has port at home shows that not everyone during the Arab Spring has unfolded. stated that he would put an air strike believes that what he is doing is right. on hold if Syria submits its chemical It is one thing fi ghting for a country’s h e chemical weapons dilemma: weapons. right and another to leak information h e international community has that can hamper the same country’s been ambivalent about being involved My Take: security. in Syria due to its past failures in the US should not take part in air strikes h at doesn’t mean that these demo- region. in Syria. Assad already has enough cratic governments have come out as US interference in Middle Eastern time to prepare for such an air strike. the good guys. It is quite scary to see confl icts has often ended up having h e only way the air strike would be how much power this gives the gov- the opposite eff ect to what was ex- eff ective would be if there are ground ernment. Any information could be pected when they went in. As a result, troops to support the air strike. Fur- taken out of context by the govern- the western public is against military thermore, there are worries within ment to prosecute their fellow citi- intervention in Syria. Americans do the Syrian public that the air strikes zens. h is would weaken the power of not want to see their country get in- would result in further civilian casu- the democracy and it is essential that volved in a war which does not im- alties. Russian authorities, I believe, something be done about this. prove the US standing in the region. have provided an alternative which Furthermore, after the Iraq war, they the international community should h at’s all from me for now. If you have have become suspicious about their respect. any comments, please contact Felix. Deutsche Bank db.com/careers We could talk about how prestigious we are

Agile minds prefer to deliver performance

Global Graduate Programs ;QWoNNɦPFRNGPV[QHJGTKVCIGCV&GWVUEJG$CPM We’re one of the most esteemed names in global ɦPCPEGYKVJCJKUVQT[UVTGVEJKPIDCEMVQ*QYGXGT YJCVTGCNN[GZEKVGUWUKUYJGTGYGoTGIQKPI0QVQPN[CTG we delivering a solid and stable performance in these FKɨEWNVVKOGUYGJCXGCENGCTCPFEQORGNNKPIUVTCVGI[ HQTVJG[GCTUCJGCF#UNQPICU[QWJCXGVJGVCNGPV CPFGPVJWUKCUOVJGTGEQWNFDGCHWVWTGGXGT[DKVCU KORTGUUKXGHQT[QWJGTG Applications are reviewed on a rolling basis and deadlines are as follows: )NQDCN#PCN[UV6TCKPKPI2TQITCOUV0QXGODGT #PCN[UV+PVGTPUJKR2TQITCO %QTRQTCVG$CPMKPI 5GEWTKVKGUCPF#UUGV9GCNVJ/CPCIGOGPV  VJ0QXGODGT #PCN[UV+PVGTPUJKR2TQITCO +PHTCUVTWEVWTG)NQDCN 6TCPUCEVKQP$CPMKPI VJ&GEGODGT &KUEQXGTUQOGVJKPIFKɥGTGPVCV db.com/careers 8 FRIDAY 28 SEPT

Editors: Eoghan J. COMMENT Totten, Tessa Davey [email protected] ‘The Imperial Thing’: Why Comment Matters

avenues that can facilitate this. the people and the community are Each student inherits insane the centrepiece of it all. Discussion Eoghan J. Tottenotten volumes of work (and if you’re a fresher, in the direction of their improvement @eoghantotten believe me, you will) and are therefore cannot fail be a good thing. Comment Editor subject to common stresses and trials. Fortunately Felix Comment also In many cases resentment spawns deals with light-hearted matters. and it is often amassed on a College- Previous topics of debate have wide, rather than Departmental, ranged from that of climate change basis. A solution to a problem takes to the introduction of the ‘Grade here are people out there time, working its way up from the Point Average’ system. Such vast that are highly critical individual, through the Students’ and extensive topics have provided of the ethos of Imperial Union and into the upper echelons sumptuous material for debate. h e College and its approach of Imperial College. h is process comment section has repeatedly to academic pursuits. of debate often needs a catalyst; demonstrated that the mechanisms TSome individuals from outside the Felix Comment has recurrently of discussion, that vital threshing institution fi nd it ‘lacking’ in certain provided this over the years. and contention, can provide more qualities. h ey often attempt to While students at the College satisfaction than the outcome itself. draw parallels between ourselves have common interests they are In order to end on a positive note I and the University of Oxford or balanced by a rich and dynamic have contacted a number of individuals the University of Cambridge. Be it entity. h e newspaper is merely a art, philosophy and medicine, to multiculturalism unrivalled by any from diff erent branches of life within the lack of stunning architecture, focus of the information relevant name but a few. A series of solitudes academic institution in the UK. Imperial College, asking them to give the skewed gender balance or its to over ten thousand students, staff were connected to create the h is, for me, epitomises the need a brief synopsis of what has made unrealised ‘brand’ they choose to and academics. Felix Comment recognisable whole. It was a system for commentary. h e students and their University opportunities truly draw upon every negative fathomable acts as their conduit, a platform that ventured into new frontiers…and staff possess infi nitely many links to great. h ey bear witness to the many and consider us gauche, unrefi ned and upon which their opinions and yet it was more than that. To quote global issues and thus the need to talk advantages awarded by our College and imbalanced. h is provides the Raison convictions can be revealed in the Dr. Richard Miles, senior lecturer in about them arises. Civil war, tyranny demonstrate that we can be proud of it. D’être of Felix Comment; Imperial public arena. Past articles submitted Classics at the University of Sydney, and poverty have often aff ected the It is our very own polis. By College needs to utilise every voice have varied signifi cantly. Some have families of students and staff who enmeshing ourselves with its ebb possible in order to ward off and been casual in tone, others have ‘h e polis was something you study away from their homeland. h e and fl ow it might just become the rise above these criticisms. Every sparked controversy but all have been belonged to, the place that gave you duty has often fallen to Felix Comment place that forges our future identity. voice matters. Your voice matters. equally valid; it is discussion and an identity.’ (and Felix as a whole) to galvanise One way of doing that is to keep in In the coming academic year Felix debate that truly makes a university. condolence, sympathy or support for touch with Felix. If you feel a need to Comment (managed by my colleague When analysing Imperial College h is is the chief strength of Imperial these people in their hour of need. vocalise any issue, no matter how big Tessa Davey and me) will publish a as a whole it appears to be more College; our thoughts, ideas and h e previous academic year of or small, e-mail the team at comment. number of articles in line with the than a school. It is a community. voices will prove to be our enduring 2012-2013 was riddled with tragedy, [email protected] and we will contemporary developments aff ecting You might care to draw parallels legacy, our integral link between one with the rapidly evolving Syrian endeavour to help within our means. the College and indeed the wider world with ancient Athenian democracy, another. You may be an engineer, a crisis a case in point. Such events To close I shall quote the on a weekly basis. It will be our task to which centred on the polis. It was geologist or a medic but there are served to highlight that each and Nobel Laureate Seamus Heaney. convey balanced credit and criticism a world founded on variety and shared interests and ideals between every one of us has been attracted in relation to any academic, socio- continuous evolution, where politics us all. Any fl aw in the university can at Imperial College for a reason, Between my fi nger and my thumb political or cultural developments and theatre were considered equals. be overcome by interaction, which underpinned by an aspiration for self- h e Squat pen rests. within Imperial College; we cannot Its fuel was debate and discussion, can ultimately deliver progress. betterment through the medium of a I’ll dig with it. do justice to this duty as an isolated creating the cornerstones of sport, Felix Comment is just one of many technical education. h e buildings,

he opportunity to mperial study for a year abroad has given me Tis defi nitely something I Ithe opportunity he UROP placement has would recommend. Not to encounter people from given me an insight into only do you get a range of different and diverse to taste a different Tthe everyday life of an academic environment, for backgrounds, all of whom are united researcher, increased my knowledge about academia as well as by a desire to excel…The network I topics relevant to my degree…It will be a good fun times, but it does have built will remain with me long after thing to have as experience when applying for not even delay your graduation.” internships and jobs in the future. graduation, which is both rare and valuable. Abdul, MPhil Nuclear Engineering from the University of Cambridge and Imperial Simon, Materials Engineer and benefi ciary Pierre, Aeronautical Alumnus of the coveted UROP programme Engineering on a year abroad in Toulouse.

wo years ago I did my Erasmus at Imperial and I was able to experience world-class research, meet fantastic people and live in one of the coolest cities in the world. And when you have the possibility to do your Ph.D. in this place, why Twouldnʼt you? Richard, Prospective PhD student FRIDAY 28 SEPT 9

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facebook.com/FelixImperial COMMENT

Comment Online Let the world hear your voice sing ver the summer holidays OFelix has been hard at work better, or you’re pretty confi dent on your gap yah, you’ve just moved convince them to feel strongly too. publishing new articles wvery that the Student Loans Company to the UK from deepest darkest Peru, As Freshers, we sit through dozens week on our website, including: Tessa Daveyavey has made it their personal mission or you spent the summer sleeping of introductory talks that tell us that Comment EditorEditor to make you miserable, we want until noon and watching Jeremy we’re the pick of the educated litter. Democracy and the lack of to know. I personally, am outraged Kyle in your pyjamas; everyone sees (Freshers, a game for you: send me representation that all the paper towel dispensers things diff erently, and everyone an email at Comment and tell me by Kartikeya Rana in Blackett and Huxley have been has something interesting to say. how many times in your fi rst week replaced with hand dryers over the Encountering other views, however you were told you were the best. h e summer, and will quite happily wax controversial, helps to shape yours, smuggest department gets nothing at Honour before pragmatism t’s not just the stories making lyrical about this for quite some whether they alter your opinion, or all, but I will tell you which it is!) If by Eogan J. Totten international headlines that time. I think big, you see. Students clarify existing ideas in your mind. such intelligent people won’t stand up are important to Imperial care what other students think, and Some topics come up in Comment and put forward their opinions, who students. As well as giving so why not share your perspectives? year after year: sexism, TfL, and the will? We as Imperial students love to How can academic institutions diff erent viewpoints on current At Imperial, we’re so accustomed to workload at Imperial, to name but a complain, but are generally reluctant prevent future scientifi c farce Ievents, Comment showcases any such diversity that it’s easy to forget few. As long as these issues persevere, to take action. Anyone who’s ever been and outrage? other issues that are signifi cant to that everybody off ers something it’s important to continue to feature slightly dissatisfi ed with their course, by Eoghan J. Totten your life. Whether you think that unique. Although you might not run and discuss them, to stir up debate, yet whined when the SOLE survey the food in the JCR is actually pretty into the huge spectrum of people rather than become complacent came around is guilty of it (and that’s To have a look at our paper on the good, or you feel strongly that lab here everyday, the variety means that and let important topics fade into pretty much everyone). So why not internet, as well as some of our demonstrators don’t get the credit there are a lot of interesting things obscurity. If you think something break the mould, and do something online only articles, head over to they deserve, there’s always space for to be said, and Comment can be the should change, Comment is your about these frustrations for a change? felixonline.co.uk an opinion. Whether you think that place to say them. Whether you had a opportunity to tell people why you the Union could be doing something mind-altering experience in h ailand feel strongly about it, and maybe Welcome to a new year with Felix

many more to come I’m sure) and pullout we’re doing pretty well for exam results both for current students ourselves in the worldwide rankings, and our new cohort of younglings. however sometime we forget that Congratulations, you made it through learning doesn’t just have to take place Joe Lettss your exams with minimal fatal injury in the library. Not to say that you Editor-in-Chiefhief and have made it to campus! It makes shouldn’t study but I hope that over me feel like an old man, but I have to the course of the next few years while tell you Freshers, cherish your years you work towards your Geoff Hurst or at Imperial (especially your fi rst year, your Trevor Nunn (or your Desmond, things only get harder from here). ouch) you also take time out to do Yes, you will be leaving behind old something fun, like write for Felix. friends and loved ones, but look at the h at’s not shameless plugging, honest. amazing opportunities you have here: h at said you’ll fi nd your time here ow! h at’s all I Life-changing friendships, a chance to at Imperial very stressful, but don’t can say! h is is make a real-life nemesis, a fresh leaf be afraid to ask for help if you’re my fi rst issue, and and a chance to really maximise your struggling, your department has I’m continuing life’s potential. You might think you’ve excellent support staff who are often the Felix spirit worked out your identity already and very friendly, and the Union also has a byW writing this editorial just before maybe you even walk around thinking support service and is available to give I send the paper off to the printers. you’ve already sorted out your life advice to students, as well as providing h is fi rst issue has been a huge plan, but don’t be so certain. You’ll cheap cider and a place to hang out. learning curve and a fantastic meet such a wide variety of people It’s time for me to stop writing now, way to stress and scream (well and be able to take part in so many the printer’s about to call and I don’t moan), something I haven’t diff erent activities (we have over 300 like to keep him waiting. Especially been able to do since last term. clubs for goodness sake!) that you’ll since he might not print the issue, look So, welcome Freshers (and returning fi nd yourself changing into a new at what you might have missed out on! readers) to Imperial College 2013/14! person over the course of the year. Anyway, I hope you have a fantastic h e summer has certainly been Now, as much as you’re here to time at Imperial and on behalf of all eventful in terms of a new series of Big have fun, apparently you’re also here the students who work at Felix (see Brother (although personally I don’t to study as well, or so I’ve heard. below), welcome to Imperial College! watch such tripe, anymore), a very Granted, Imperial College is a place We hope you’ll enjoy reading Felix each rainy week or two in September (with of learning, and, as you’ll see in the week and maybe you’ll get involved!

Felix, Beit Quad, Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB. Email: [email protected]. Tel: 020 7594 8072. Fax: 020 7594 8065. THIS BROUGHT Printed by Iliffe Print Cambridge, Winship Road, Cambridge. Registered newspaper ISSN 1040-0711. Copyright © Felix 2013. WEEK WASTO YOUBY Editor-in-Chief Joe Letts Layout Chief Tim Arbabzadah News Editor Aemun Reza Features Editors VACANT Business Editor James Tsim Science Editors Philippa Skett, Keir Little, Fiona Hartley Politics Editor Kartikeya Rana Food Editors Carol Ann Cheah, Michael Chung Comment Editors Eoghan J. Totten, Tessa Davey Arts Editor Arianna Sorba Books Editors Maciej Matuszewski Eva Rosenthal Music Editors Simon Hunter, Riaz Agahi, Stuart Masson, William Stocker (Interim) Television Editor John Park Film Editors John Park Games Editors Maximilian Eggl, Calum Skene, Imran Rashid Technology Editors Maximilian Eggl, Yong Wen Chua Travel Editor Chris Richardson Sports Editors VACANT Online Editors Philip Kent, Annina Sartor, Stephen Ball Puzzles Commanders VACANT Copy Chief Annina Sartor Copy Editors Carol Ann Cheah, Tim Arbabzadah Illustrators Hamish Muir CMYK’EDALLTHEPICTURES Tim Arbabzadah 10 FRIDAY 28 SEPT

Editor: Arianna Sorba ARTS [email protected]

5 POSTERS FOR YOUR BEDROOM WALL

Arianna Sorba Arts Editor Arianna’s Offers

Check out these sweet deals from world-renowned dance and theatre venues that can get you cheaper tickets, better seats and more. Sign up for free! More to come next week!

National h eatre “Entry Pass” Membership for 16-25 year olds that gets you £5 tickets to all their productions, access to exclusive 3. Lord Kitchener Wants workshops and events, as well as You the usual discounts in the shops 5. Nighthawks and cafes Lord Kitchener, or to give him his full name, Field Marshal Horatio Herbert Painted in New York in 1942, Nighthawks is a real beauty of an Edward Hopper Kitchener the 1st Earl Kitchener, was painting, and easily one of his most famous pieces of work. Royal Opera House “Student 1. Chinese Girl the British Secretary of State for War h e contrast between the murky gloom of the street and the harsh light Standby” during World War One. And he want- inside makes the picture ooze a kind of mysterious, melancholy atmosphere. Students can sign up to gain access Now one of the most popular art ed you. Eerie shadows are cast onto the pavement by the same unnatural light that also to any unsold opera and ballet prints of all time, the original Chinese And with that moustache, who could illuminates the lonely fi gures inside the diner. h ere’s a sense of isolation in the tickets a few days before the event Girl recently sold for almost £1 million dare say no? h e image, originally picture, as all three guests seem to be lost in their own thoughts, but there’s also for just £10, as well as advanced in a London auction. It was painted gracing the cover of the infl uential a sense of quiet dignity in their stillness. booking periods for every single in 1950 by Russian artist Vladimir London Opinion magazine, became performance Tretchikoff after he spotted the model one of the most iconic posters of all And the worst poster for your bedroom wall? KEEP CALM AND [insert for the painting in a laundrette. time when it was used extensively - something stupid here]. Just no. h e quirky contrast between the and successfully - to recruit millions girl’s blue skin, red lips and gold of volunteers to ‘Kitchener’s Army’. collar, combined with that fabulous h e boldness and simplicity of the hair, mean the painting has come to image, with that terrifying pointing embody the 1950s kitsch aesthetic. fi nger, have since spawned countless In fact it’s so iconic that if you imitations. look carefully you can fi nd it in the background throughout popular culture, from Father Ted to Monty Python to a David Bowie music video.

4. Campbellʼs Soup Can

Andy Warhol produced his set of 2. Tennis Girl 32 Campbell’s Soup Cans prints in 1962, at the very birth of the Pop Art Popular for perhaps a slightly diff erent movement. Displayed together, the reason, Tennis Girl started life as a 32 images are identical save for the calendar published for the Queen’s fl avour– but it is apparently widely Silver Jubilee in 1977. But it soon went known that his favourite was tomato. the 1970s equivalent of viral, and sold h e mechanised printing method over 2 million copies across the world. used for production and the It’s not just the impeccable timing banal subject matter meant many of this photograph that makes it so contemporary critics said that it successful. It’s very intelligently com- wasn’t even art, let alone good art. posed, with the afternoon sun beauti- But, 50 years later, people are still fully framing the girl in a halo of light, talking about the clean lines, striking cutting her fi gure dramatically against imagery and cultural symbolism the soft greenery of the background. of Warhol’s work. So he must have h ere are, after all, plenty of posters done something right. (Can you spot going around that have a bum in them. another version of Campbell’s Soup Not all of them have stood the test of Can on this page? If so, you win fi ve time quite like this one. points and an air of smugness. -Ed.) FRIDAY 28 SEPT 11

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facebook.com/FelixImperial ARTS An Eye for An Identity? Fred Fyles investigates the new Designers in Residence

What: Designers in Residence 2013 Exhibition Where: The Design Museum, London When: 4th Sept 2013 – 12th Jan 2014 Price: £10.75 Adults, £6.50 students

hat makes us who we are? h e answers that immediately spring to mind areW personal, intimate infl uences - our parents and siblings, friends and teachers; but there is one unlikely fi gure that has a profound and almost invisible impact on our lives - the Designer. From the clothes we wear to the cars we drive and the websites we visit, the designer has an enormous role in forging our individual identity. It is this theme, one of ‘identity’, which has formed the basis of the Design Museum’s Designers in Residence programme. Running since 2008, each year the programme selects four up-and-coming designers, exhibiting their work and THE DESIGN MUSEUM THE DESIGN MUSEUM THE DESIGN MUSEUM THE DESIGN MUSEUM exploring what design means to us. Perhaps the most direct link Eunhee Jo Adam Nathanial Furman Thomas Thwaites Chloe Meineck between designers and identity is found in the realm of product Designed a speaker system made Produces ceramic vases using 3D Created “Nabu” - An intelligent h e Music Memory Box links design. How things are made, and with a fabric touch interface. printers. Examines the identity of internet router that tracks and objects to sounds. Aids the how we interact with them, helps Infl uenced by emotional design. young people in today’s world. censors web traffi c. families of Alzheimer’s suff errers. to form a sense of both individual and national identity. h is idea of interaction has been explored in the powerful infl uence on our identity Everything in Furman’s work - the decisions’ - a bit like Richard h aler’s Identifi cation (RFID) technology work of Eunhee Jo who, after studying over the last ten years has undoubtedly blog, the video, and the designs for ‘Nudge h eory’, taken to the extreme. linked to MP3 fi les to transform in her native Seoul, completed been the role of the internet in our the vases - exist in a digital format, h e instruction manual for Nabu memories into something tangible. part of her Design Engineering lives. With over 80% of households reinforcing the role technology plays in emphasises the centrality the icon- Meineck hopes that the box could Masters at Imperial College. in the country having access to the forging our identity, and the shift away like router should play in life, forming play an important role in helping For the residency, Jo designed a internet, more people than ever before from handicraft in modern design. wicked parallels between the internet, the family to cope with the eff ects speaker system and lighting array that are using it as their own personal While Furman’s pieces focus on religion, and government control. Two of the disease; “for their families examine what the future of product space, to express, confess, and emote. what it means to emote and connect other pieces further this idea - a purse there is a sense of capturing as identity may be. Rather than use the In our ‘post-internet’ world, personal across the world, there is a dark controlled by Nabu that prevents much as possible”, she says. “As the glass and steel that seem to be the identity is confl icted - we constantly underbelly to the internet that is not reckless spending, and a pair of dementia gets worse the ownership prescribed vision of the future, she experience a relentlessly intense mentioned; everything we do on the boots that recommend ‘pilgrimages’, changes, and the family members has researched the use of fabrics as a barrage of information, making internet, every click and every ‘like’, helping the wearer become a better start owning the box”. h is work form of technological interface. h e it diffi cult to know who we are. can be converted into valuable market person. While these devices may shows that, although most modern lights and the front of the speaker, Adam Nathaniel Furman, the data. In this way our internet identity is seem outlandish, h waites’ work technology seems to be continuing for example, are both covered with second designer in residence, was mined by multinational corporations, forces the viewer to question how its unstoppable march of progress a soft fabric that responds to tactile born in 1982, placing him at the who can then deliver targeted we make decisions, and whether free towards the future, there will always infl uences – intuitive gestures such as forefront of the millennial generation, advertisements straight to our screen. will truly exists in the Internet Age. be a role for refl ecting on the past. swiping back or forth allow the user and his multi-faceted work identifi es h omas h waites’ work explores While these three projects are As the world becomes more and to change songs, lower the volume, what it is like to be a young person this idea, but fl ips it on its head and resolutely looking towards to future, more connected, and we are assaulted or illuminate the lights. Jo has spoken in today’s world. Alongside a collage adds a delicious lick of black humour. Chloe Meineck’s work takes a diff erent with more and more information, about the idea of ‘emotional design’ fi lm that bombards the viewer with He has created a series of theoretical direction, instead going back in the it becomes harder to keep track of in her work, and the fabric allows images, videos, and sounds, Furman products that monitor our lives, past. For the residency she developed personal and national identities. another level of interaction with the has created a fi ctitious character who and guide us towards better choices. a ‘Music Memory Box’, which h e designer tries to make sense of product, creating a bond between the blogs about the anxiety of modern life. Named Nabu - after the Babylonian links personal objects to sounds, this confusing world, condensing object and the consumer. “I imagined h ese themes lead to his main work – god of wisdom and writing - the key creating multi-faceted memories. the unstable miasma of modern the vision of the future to be very a series of colourful, complex ceramic piece in the collection is a wireless Meineck is particularly interested in culture into something tangible, organic”, says Jo of her work. “h e vases, produced using 3D printers. router that connects permanently using the device with Alzheimer’s something permanent. h e four fabric I use in this project is more Bulbous or angular, colourful or into a household’s devices, gathering patients - since many studies suggest designers displayed at the Design like skin”. With current developments monochrome, these vases display the data to form an idea of their identities. that memories of music remain Museum are paragons of this idea in smart textiles, it seems that this wide range of infl uences that can be After a few weeks it begins to unimpaired in those with the disease, of the ‘new designer’, and it is ideas vision of the future may not be far off . found through the internet, and refl ect place restrictions on the internet the box can become a form of therapy such as theirs that help maintain our While designers have a strong the culture-mashing that has been and television, forcing people to for the patient, their carers, and their identity in this post-internet society. infl uence in our lives, the most brought on through globalisation. avoid what Nabu decrees to be ‘bad family. h e work uses Radio Frequency 12 FRIDAY 28 SEPT Editor: Simon Hunter, RiazRiaz Agahi, Stuart MUSIC Masson,Masson William StockerStocke [email protected]@gmail.c Four of t The Felix Music guide to London Gig Venues

Café Oto Birthdays Union Chapel Old Blue Last

Café Oto is the jewel in the crown of Although a bar which I’ve heard has Union Chapel is a fully operational church h e Old Blue Last is the place to be seen. London’s experimental scene. Time and recently entered the burger serving scene, in Islington. It is a gig going experience like Located in Shoreditch, this pub / live ven- again it has proved worth a 40 minute trip the basement makes for a rather ominous no other. Instead of a can of lukewarm Red ue hosts the best in up and coming bands to Dalston. h is is in no small part due to gig venue. I remember my fi rst experi- Stripe you can have a fl apjack and choose along with some more esoteric favourites! its civilized atmosphere, where good gig ence there; walking down into the dimly lit from a selection of speciality teas. Instead h ey’ve played host to Arctic Monkeys, etiquette is the rule rather than the excep- basement to be enveloped by a pulsating of standing for hours waiting for the bands Foals and Hot Chip before they hit the big tion. More notable, though is its reputation wall of sound. In a way the venue lends to start you sit in pews. In keeping with the time. You’ll be able to fi nd the freshest new for presenting the upper crust of unknown itself to this, representing how live music environment they tend to have fairly folky acts in everything from hardcore punk artists as well as momentous collabora- was meant to be: intimate, cramped, or downbeat music and it’s the perfect ven- to indie pop. h ere’s something new and tions and residencies from some of the sweaty, intense and thoroughly enjoyable. ue for such acts. So when your favourite exciting on almost every single night. Best biggest names in free jazz and experimen- folk singer comes to Union Chapel, don’t of all, the majority of gigs are free! tal music. think twice about grabbing a ticket!

Clubs

Plastic People Coronet XOYO Corsica Studios

Situated below a Vietnamese restaurant, If you like your club nights huge then the Located just off the big Old Street rounda- With the entrance through a small door just off Old Street, Plastic People is a Coronet is a good place to start. Situ- bout, XOYO in Shoreditch is defi nitely under the railway arches just minutes’ walk tiny club that is dark and claustrophobic. ated in the heart of Elephant and Castle worth the trip east from South Ken for a from Elephant and Castle Underground Speakers hidden in the walls fi ll the space the Coronet is an ex-cinema that still has big weekend night. Split over two fl oors, station, Corsica Studios is a small club with impeccable sound. h e club has just many of its 1920’s Art-Deco features. Due the main room is down in the basement with a huge personality. Inside there’s the undergone refurbishment so should be to its size the Coronet attracts big names; with the more chilled out second room main bar, 2 nice size rooms with a great brand spanking, not that you’ll notice both bands and DJs. Grab a bunch of and (very cramped) smoking area on the sound and a decent sized outdoor area all though; it’s too dark. Expect nights encom- mates, book a night and at 5am when the entrance level. Nights vary from live indie interconnected with a maze of white brick passing disco, house and twisted techno. music stops you’ll wonder where all the bands to monthly raves hosted by Bugged walls. h e crowd is always friendly, drinks Oh, and dress to sweat. time went. Out! and EYOE. h e only downside is the are reasonably priced and entrance rarely often long queues coupled with the over goes above £10, meaning if you want a big touchy bouncers, but once inside you’re night with great music without breaking sure to have a good one. the bank this is the place to go. FRIDAY 28 SEPT 13

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facebook.com/FelixMusic MUSIC the Best nʼs best music venues and shops Record Stores

Phonica Honest Jon’s Rough Trade East Music & Video Exchange

Phonica is conveniently located in Soho’s Honest Jon’s is both a label, which has re- Rough Trade East is an independent Music & Video Exchange is exactly that. Poland Street. Just about the perfect place leased the likes of London-based badman record store just off Brick Lane. At 5,000 You can sell unwanted CDs and records to go when it comes to recent releases in Actress, as well as one of London’s best square feet it’s pretty massive by independ- to them, but, perhaps more excitingly, electronic music, providing great and often record stores. h e shop, located on Porto- ent standards, so it’s possible to waste you can pick up second hand goods at rare records. h e selection manages to bello Road, is best known for its amazing (or lose) hours browsing. h ere’s a great ludicrously cheap prices to restock your strike possibly the best balance of quality selection of jazz, with quality recs from selection of indie, post-punk and alt rock, collection! h ere’s a large quantity of shit, and quantity in London and probably best the knowledgeable staff , but has a solid with smaller specialist sections ranging to but if you’ve got the patience then you of all, is that the shop has turntables with electronic range in addition to some real doom metal and post-hardcore. h ere’s a can uncover some absolute gems at good headphones set up to allow previewing of gems of experimentalism and obscurity in great selection of vinyl and a fair trade café prices. With branches in Notting Hill, the records, perfect for those vinyl only the ‘Oddities’ box. if you need a break from browsing! h ey Soho and Greenwich, you’re always close editions. also have lots of free release shows, with to the world’s greatest bargain bin! 65daysofstatic, Local Natives and Savages having played in recent months.

Club Nights

Deviation Floating Points Residency OneMore White Heat

Last year Deviation, the club night headed A neuroscience PhD student by day, OneMore is a relatively new and excit- White Heat is a weekly club night held on by Radio 1 DJ Benji B, moved from its Floating Points hosts a residency at Plastic ing underground event held in the now a Tuesday night at Madame JoJo’s in Soho. small weekday night slot to XOYO. h e People every last Saturday of the month. disused Hearn street car park and more h ere’s usually a couple of great bands night runs on the fi rst Friday of every h e man has exceptional taste and crate- recently at the Scala. Combining the best playing in the early evening and then the month and in the past has showcased digging skills, fi lling the club with rare underground DJs around with sell out resident DJs take over. Playing a mixture of some of the best DJs and producers from Brazilian beats and undiscovered disco crowds of ‘old school ravers’, OneMore is alternative electro, hip-hop and indie it’s London and around the world, including gems. Every now and again Floating Points a monthly night with an atmosphere and inately danceable and it’s hard not to have Jackmaster, Jamie XX, Mala and Actress. enlists guest DJs to add a further twist to lineup like no other. If you’re looking for a fun. If you’re struggling to enjoy yourself, While the night usually focuses heavily on the night. Past guests include DJ Food and night in an unconventional setting coupled then there’s some impressive drinks deals the bass-centred house and techno, up- Marcellus Pittman. with a high quality sound with a truly pas- (I’m talking £1 tequila shots) that will cer- stairs there’s also usually some grime being sionate following then look no further. tainly help! h ere’s also a sister night at the laid down to get stupid to. Lexington on a Friday called White Light. 14 FRIDAY 28 SEPT

Editor: Maciej Matuszewski, Eva BOOKS Rosenthal [email protected] Your Autumn Genre Literature P The Science Fiction, Fantasy and Gothic Horror Society present their fa

At fi rst glance h e Prestige doesn’t seem like a science fi ction story. Indeed, most of it isn’t. But the story of two stage magicians Harry Dresden is the only Wizard in the Phonebook. Probably battling to out do each other in a lifelong rivalry at the turn of more importantly, in Jim Butchers Dresden File series, he is also the twentieth century, as turned in to a fi lm by Christopher Nolan A man chosen by his ability to walk bow-legged is dropped into one of many real Wizards (though the others tend not to advertise in 2006, is a wonderful tale of stage magic, illusions, unreliable an alien world. h e strange inhabitants are ruled by a dictatorial it). h e series, now more than a dozen books long and starting narrators and Nikola Tesla. Tesla! government, which tightly controls all information. And they are with Storm Front, tracks his progress as a Private Investigator of Unlike the fi lm, the novel has a section set in contemporary at war with the human race. Mowry’s mission is simple: be as the paranormal and a slowly maturing Wizard of some power, England, with the descendants of the two magicians meeting and annoying as possible. though little fi nesse. Without giving too much away they’re great trying to piece together the events of a century ago. h is serves as Not so easy, when the fearsome secret police are after him, or fun short reads for anyone that enjoys a little Urban Fantasy; the a framing device for the story of the magicians, and also provides at least the grassroots terrorist organization he’s fabricated. But vampires are more interesting than Buff y’s let alone Twilight’s a climax for the book as a whole. h e magicians in question Mowry, like a wasp, can cause disproportionate trouble for his sparkly buggers, the faeries are just hilariously conniving and are Alfred Borden and Rupert Angier, and their stories are told size. Mowry makes criminal contacts, steals documents, and Harry’s sarcastic, Star Wars quoting, humour manages not to get through the notebook of the former, written many years after most etches extremist anti-government slogans on buildings. All the old despite never really growing up. of the events in it, and the diary of the latter, charting his life in a time maintaining his disguise of another species. Don’t go in expecting too many surprises at the structure though; more direct, in-the-moment way. h e two accounts of their lives In Wasp, you step into Mowry’s shoes and see everything through Harry is going to get beaten up, repeatedly and increasingly are given one after the other, making you check back to see the his eyes. You can’t help but root for him. h is is a narrower focus severely until he’s an angry walking zombie (not literally, though fi rst’s account of an incident the second describes, and wonder of interplanetary war than most sci-fi I’ve come across, but no less there are those too) of a man that just wants to get through the which version is closer to the truth. Although, of course, the lesson thrilling for it. trouble, rescue the girl and sleep for a few weeks. Despite this the book tries to teach you is that neither narrator can be trusted h ough this book was published in 1957, and the Cold War slightly predictable nature, the books always grab me and I fi nd fully. themes of spies and torture cells are strong, this book seems very myself sadistically wanting to watch Harry struggle through h e science fi ction in the story is very muted, only appearing relevant to today. Wasp thumbs the nose at censors and security- with ever more ridiculous injuries and enjoying the entertaining near the end. And although it’s something very far away from the conscious states. One man wreaking havoc across a country characters that surround him. Some of these are shamelessly realm of possibility, it feels very grounded and real. Knowing the appears ridiculous and the contrast between Mowry and his stereotypical, for instance Harry, who it turns out is not highly man Tesla was, really would it be too surprising to fi nd out he’d shadowy opponents, whose administration is crumbling under its regarded in Wizarding circles – in part due to his chequered invented a technology we don’t even have today? h at said, the own paranoia, is hilarious. past – himself freely admits to being a bit old-fashioned when it fi nal scene of the book in the modern day does go a bit far. h e h is book is fast paced. When taking breaks I had to exhale comes to women (but then if you’re a wizard and anathema to all technology Tesla invented is used at the end in a way that makes and wait for my pulse to stop racing before trying anything that modern technology you’re allowed to be a little unenlightened on little sense in the context of the world previously established. And required focus. some things right?). One of the main recurring characters Karrin whilst it does lead to a chilling fi nal image, it is rather silly. Fans of hard sci-fi might be disappointed. h ere is little very Murphy is a diminutive Chicago cop with a black belt and an Overall though, a good read. h e style is very believable – the modern technology and at some points it feels like Mowry could attitude. Oh, and Harry has a literal faery godmother… which as it author has put thought in to how a notebook and a diary of those have been dropped into Nazi Germany or 50s Soviet Union. h ere turns out isn’t generally a blessing. sorts would read. Anyone who enjoyed the fi lm will love the book, are typewriters. However, the alien phrases and names throughout Anyway, I’d highly recommend it as something fairly light but and at a light 350 (or so) pages, it’s perfect for devouring in a maintain the feel of the exotic. h is is a book not to be missed. massively engaging. couple of afternoons. Rosemary Ware Alex Savell Tom Rivlin FRIDAY 28 SEPT 15

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facebook.com/FelixImperial BOOKS

Find all of these, as well as 9000 other books, 2000 DVDs and 500 graphic novels, in the Science Fiction, Fantasy and Gothic Horror Society’s very own library. Located in the West Basement of the Beit Building Picks it is open every weekday during term time from noon to 2pm, and often in the eve- nings. Check out icsf.org.uk for more infor- avourite books from their library mation. We hope to see you there!

One of Banks’ stand-alone science fi ction works, this is a novel of many facets. Set in the isolated but heavily colonised h rial solar system the book follows Sharrow – an aristocrat and former commander of a military fi ghter squadron. Faced with a vendetta by a militant religious order known as the Huhsz, she gathers up her former war buddies to fi nd the only artefact that will appease Are you a seasoned veteran of the fantasy genre? Do you want the Hushz’s anger – the deadly and mysterious Lazy Gun. to feel really confused even though you’re more than half-way h e fi rst part of the book, as Sharrow and her friends scour through the book? Do you want more characters than there are Neil Gaiman’s latest novel for adults has already, quite rightly, the solar system for clues to the location of the Lazy Gun, has equations in your heavily theoretical dissertation? Are you crazy? received a great deal of praise. The book follows a young boy a wonderful feel of adventure to it – which has, in recent years, If the answer to any of these is “yes” then pick up the fi rst book growing up in a large house in the country with his sister unfortunately become less and less common in science fi ction in Steven Erikson’s Malazan Book of the Fallen series, Gardens and their parents. However, when the suicide of their lodger works. h e novel’s premise gave Banks full reign to exercise both of the Moon. awakens an ancient and dangerous spirit he must find help his imagination and writing skill. As the story progresses we It takes some time to get into Gardens of the Moon, mainly from the Hempstock family who live down the lane and are far encounter more and more strange and wonderful cultures and due to Erikson’s way of exposing the story (which is throwing more than what they appear to be. settings – such a city built solely on abandoned naval vessels, a you straight into the deep end and giving you very little help). It While this may seem to be a rather standard and simple planet almost entirely covered with a gigantic plant, or a millennia was only when I got to part two of the book that I really started premise the novel, as might be expected from Gaiman’s old castle inhabited by an order of monks forever chained to its to appreciate the characters. h ere’s Kruppe the consummate previous work, goes far deeper. Told in first person and drawing walls. However, Banks’ main skill was making all these settings feel idiot who’s simultaneously the smartest guy in the book; there’s heavily from the author’s own memories of growing up this is believable and fi t together into a consistent picture. Whiskeyjack who just wants a peaceful life away from the a highly personal work exploring how children perceive the Indeed, soon the novel begins to paint a detailed and powerful fi ghting; there are the immortal Ascendants with their power world around them. Juxtaposed with the simple rural setting is picture of a complex yet decadent and near stagnant society. At the games. Gaiman’s well known fascination with myths and legends. These same, thanks to Banks’ well known mastery of characterisation, we Whilst the setting of the book is based far from reality as we more fantastical elements are masterfully used to emphasise get to explore how this society impacts on our protagonists – and know it, and despite the infi nitude of sentient species, Gardens both the feelings of wonder and helplessness the protagonist, as how they impact on it. h is interplay between the two leads to the of the Moon and the books that follow are really quite human all children, feels when faced with the world around him. The more serious consideration of themes such as loss, the corrupting in nature. Strip away the magic and the complexity and what’s author is careful never to explain too much – leaving us with infl uence of power and the helpless that even the powerful feel left is a story of human suff ering, the futility of war and quite a the same feeling of wonder and strangeness. As in most good when faced with a massive and complex universe. One could touching story of loyalty and friendship. books we are left with more questions than answers. describe this novel almost as a character study – but one in which h e great thing about the Malazan series is that it’s already This is a very short novel but not a word is wasted. Gaiman is in which the characters include not only our protagonists but the complete. Unfortunately, it’s ten books long and each book a master of both style and narrative. The prose instantly draws very setting itself. makes War and Peace seem like an easy read. However, if, like you into the story and envelopes you with a incredible feeling h is is a unique book – at times light and action fi lled, at times me, you get a kick out of overcoming the challenge of reading a of magical and melancholy nostalgia. This is an amazing book darker and more thoughtful – but always highly engaging. Even series that has more words in it than atoms in the universe, then – one that you’ll almost certainly want to read in one sitting. amongst Banks’ many other highly acclaimed novels, this stands you’ve picked the right book. out as one of the best. Meera Patel Maciej Matuszewski Maciej Matuszewski 16 FRIDAY 28 SEPT

Editor: John Park TELEVISION [email protected] Long live The White Queen? Not quite

IV has not one, but two brothers: ploddingly, sometimes alarmingly John Park Television Editor George (David Oakes) and Richard quickly, that it’s difficult to have a (Aneurin Barnard), both with goals firm grasp on who’s who until at least and ambition of their own, which is quite a few episodes into the series. never a good sign when trying to rule It’s no doubt intriguing, once you The White Queen a peaceful kingdom. can take the time to wrap your head King Edward IV’s impulsive mar- around the setting and find yourself riage to Elizabeth Woodville (Rebec- deeply rooting for whichever charac- ca Ferguson, quite the rising star), lat- ter for whatever reason. It might be er dubbed The White Queen (their wise to brush up on your knowledge courtship starts with attempted rape on the War of the Roses to prevent and later ends up as true love), is not getting completely lost in this dense, Laughed at and ridiculed for its as- a popular one. They’re from oppos- multiple story-arc costume drama. tonishing amount of historical inac- ing families, plus there’s a rumour Staying faithful to Gregory’s books, curacies, BBC’s expensive produc- going around that Elizabeth and her a lot of the action takes place off the tion of The White Queen, based on mother Jacquetta (Janet McTeer) fre- screen, so don’t go into this expecting a series of historical fiction novels quently practice witchcraft. some grand battles or big sieges, be- written by Philippa Gregory came to The sudden rise in ranks of Eliza- cause where the action lies is in con- a close on Sunday 18th August, with beth Woodville is not taken lightly by versations and plotting that happens a swift cancellation notice from its Richard Neville the Earl of Warwick behind closed doors, inside cham- network, which isn’t all that surpris- (James Frain), known as the King- bers, dark alleys and forests. ing since a) this cost an absolute for- maker, for his instrumental role in And with every episode richly tune and a heck of a long time to put helping Edward IV secure the crown. packed with facts and events, it is together, b) the ratings and recep- Betrayals soon follow, and also tossed clearly a historical drama wanting tion were hardly something to boast into this deadly ring of scheming and to be taken seriously: a task compro- about, and c) for the most part the treachery are his two young daugh- mised due to its many startling and main stories were concluded satisfy- ters, Isabel (Eleanor Tomlinson) and quite frankly, embarrassing errors ingly with no loose ends left behind. Anne Neville (Faye Marsay) who are and goofs. Zippers on clothes and What once looked and sounded bound to be pawns in their father’s plastic clips may be easy to overlook, so promising at the start became viciuos games. but concrete steps and shiny metallic dishevelled and downright dull in But wait, that’s not all (still with me poles are not. Looking squeaky clean the period of ten weeks. There is so so far?). Praying and praying for her at every turn, the series’ general at- much to cover it seems, in this 10- son’s rightful claim to the throne is mosphere fails to really capture the part mini-series that the show often Margaret Beaufort (Amanda Hale), look and ambiance of the era, and finds itself warping through time, mother of Henry Tudor, a God- the sugar-coated, tidied up produc- only keeping the audience in check fearing, devout Catholic lady who is tion doesn’t resonate. with time-stamps at the bottom of single-handedly trying to orchestrate But despite the errors, this blood- the screen. It powers through the her son’s victory. Further messing less, sexless (a lot of the violent, racy significant historical events, ticking with your head is the addition of an- scenes were edited out for English away at the boxes other Margaret, this time Margaret audiences since, you know, we’re all The Lancaster and York fami- of Anjou (Veerle Baetens), the wife prudes) show marches on, aware of lies are at war for the control of the of mad King Henry VI (remember the fact that it has plenty of stories left English throne. When the mad King him?), now exiled to France, quietly to tell. And the actors all do a decent Henry VI of the Lancaster family falls plotting a comeback with her young job, although the best ones (McTeer and Edward IV (Max “son of Jeremy” son. and Frain especially) are sadly short- Irons) of York takes over the throne, Even all that, doesn’t begin to cover lived and don’t last throughout the it’s more challenging than ever to all the characters who eventually en- series. have absolute power over the coun- ter the picture for the many, many The series finds itself a neat point try. There are hidden plots at every conflicts that ensue. Whereas Game to finish off on, and although there corner, and in the day and age where of Thrones had a way of making eve- are plenty more events that the show your own family member is willing to ryone stick to our mind, The White could have focused on had there betray you for more money and au- Queen, despite some good perfor- been a renewal, BBC made the wise thority, it’s clear that you can trust no mances in the ensemble doesn’t decision to put this costly, confused one. Thus putting matters into fur- quite succeed. Everything moves at show out of its misery. ther turmoil is the fact that Edward such an awkward pace, sometimes The White Queen is out on DVD FRIDAY 28 SEPT 17

@feliximperial

facebook.com/FelixImperial TELEVISION There are new Desperate Housewives in town

history between the two. John Park Television Editor April’s husband passed away a couple of years ago and is struggling to be a single mother; also not helping is her belief that her husband Mistresses may still be alive. Joss is the most liberated one of them all, decides to strike up a lesbian relationship, something which she’s never done before, with a client’s girlfriend, even though her Four successful professional career attractive foreign boss with an accent women, all of them in complicated starts pursuing her. personal crises of their own - that is How these women have time for how you describe Mistresses, the US relaxing coffee meetings and fancy remake of the hit UK show. lunches is anyone’s guess, given the Savi (Alyssa Milano) is a lawyer, magnitude of the problems going on Karen (Yunjin Kim) is a psychiatrist, in their lives, but the soapy, dramatic April (Rochelle Aytes) is a furniture twists are deliciously absurd at times, store owner, and Joss (Jes Macallan) but that is kind of the appeal of the is a real-estate agent. show. The characters have a knack Zoila (Judy Reyes) and Valentina murder is the season’s long-running Savi and her hunky Australian for not taking anything too seriously John Park Television Editor (Edy Ganem) are devastated but mystery. Why is Marisol asking chef husband Harry (Brett Tucker) it seems, and as an easy-going drama hardly surprised, given what Flora questions about her? Who killed are struggling to conceive and she this sometimes works as a plus. was really up to. Flora? What exactly was Flora doing cheats on him with Dominic (Jason Everyone makes bad life choices, But life goes on. Carmen, working that put her in so much danger? George), a colleague of hers. and these women are experts Devious Maids for the famous Latin recording art- Behind the expensive doors of the Karen had an affair with a terminally when it comes to creating conflict ist Alejandro Rubio (Matt Cedeno), Beverley Hills mansions that are ill patient before prescribing him and getting stuck in impossible dreams of one day becoming a pop quite simply out of this world, these enough medication to kill himself. situations. Which is great news for sensation herself. Although working Latina maids work tirelessly, picking Now his son is distraught and seeks the audience, who only have to sit under Odessa (Melinda Page Hamil- up on all the gossip and dirty laun- her help, not knowing the shady back and watch. ton), a mean Russian who rules over dry of their rich and famous bosses. household with an iron fist is no easy Looking at the world through their Already renewed for a second season task. eyes, from the view of “the help” is in the States, Devious Maids, a new Rosie is under tremendous pres- certainly an interesting concept, but Lifetime drama/comedy, that serves sure working in the household of one that is perhaps not utilised fully, as a spin-off of ABC’s hit show Des- Peri Westmore (Mariana Klaveno), as there are so many plotlines to jug- perate Housewives has struck gold a self-absorbed actress and her has- gle at once. for the creator, Marc Cherry. been soap opera actor Spence (Grant When it deviates away from the In keeping with the Marc Cherry Show) who she has an inappropriate main murder mystery, the other sub- tradition of opening an episode, the crush on. plots have a varying degree of suc- pilot starts with a death. Not a sui- Zoila also has her plates full, deal- cess, mostly relying on the talents cide this time like Mary Alice Young, ing with her hilariously ditzy boss of its many stars to pull it off (all five but a murder of a maid, Flora (Paula Genevieve (Susan Lucciww). Fur- Latina actresses are spot-on), and Garces), who was working for Adri- ther adding to her list of things to they usually do, no matter how stale an (Tom Irwin, effectively creepy worry about is her daughter Valen- some of the weekly scenarios turn and slimey) and Evelyn Powell (the tina’s crush on Genevieve’s son, Remi out to be. excellent, irreplaceable Rebecca (Drew Van Acker). The big mystery of whodunnit is Wisocky who acts as comedy gold in The arrival of Marisol (Ana Ortiz), yet to be solved, but given the way every episode she’s in). a new maid at Michael (Brett Cul- everything is building up, it promises Her friends Carmen (Roselyn len) and Taylor Stappord’s (Brianna to deliver a season finale of shocking Sanchez), Rosie (Dania Ramirez), Brown) house, and her link to Flora’s reveals. So stay tuned.

BQ Union Building

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CANOE POND 6 5 7 4 8 13 3 9

Tuesday 1 OctobeOctober, 11am - 4pm 12 10 2 11 1

Prince Consort Road

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   8 7        Ground Floor     13 12 11 10 6 14 Freshers’ Fair is the biggest activities event of the year that transforms 5 4 3 2 1

our South Kensington Campus into a showcase of every Club, Society and 15 Project at Imperial College Union. If you’re not already planning on coming, I definitely recommend doing so to see the huge variety of what’s on offer, get some freebies and soak up the fantastic atmosphere. 16 17 18 19 Each year, thousands of students attend the fair, visiting many of the 300+ stalls that each Club, Society & Project get to promote their group, hold demonstrations, give out freebies and chat to students. Stalls are clustered Beit Quadrangle by type so if you’re a fan of the outdoors or a keen musician, you should be able to find the groups associated with those pursuits all in one area. However, I strongly advise you to make an effort to visit each area. We’re Union Dining Hall UDH incredibly proud of the diversity and dedication of our groups, allowing students to pursue almost any interest they can imagine, so make sure you 10 11 12 13 14 16 take full advantage of this. University is the best time to try new things and 17

meet new people so just go for it, you might be interested in something 9 completely new! 8 At Freshers’ Fair we operate a strict no trading policy, so you won’t part with any money on the day. Instead the groups will encourage you to sign up to their mailing lists so that you can be kept informed of when they are meeting and what they’re up to. Don’t worry about signing up to too many as it’s easy to unsubscribe once you’ve decided which groups you’d like to 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 remain involved with – initially the best idea is to keep your options open.

Give It A Go (GIAG) is a taste of what many of the Clubs, Societies & Projects offer with free or cheap taster sessions, events and activities Activity Spaces AS following Freshers’ Fair. This is a great opportunity to try things out and meet students involved before you commit to buying membership. Keep an 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 eye out for the calendar of fun events and activities on our website! 1

If you do miss any early meetings or events, don’t worry as you can get 11 in touch with groups via the contact details, join a group or sign up to a mailing list at any time of the year! And once you have decided which Clubs, Societies or Projects you want to join, many require you to pay a membership fee to join but doing so is easy. This can all be done on our website imperialcollegeunion.org. 20 19 18 17 16 15 14 13 12

Enjoy the Fair and I look forward to meeting many of you on the day!

imperialcollegeunion.org Queen’s Tower Rooms 44 8 1 66 65 64 63 62 61 60 59 58 57 56 55 54 53 52 51 50 39 33 21 27 Great Hall 15 46 Sherfield 67 9 2 40 34 22 28 68 16 47 1

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felixonline.co.uk FRESHERS’ PULLOUT bit.ly/18MPeyr Emergency conversation starter kit Scared to talk to people? Well donʼt worry about it at all. Freshersʼ Week can be intimidat- ing. Itʼs fi ne. Just cut this out and iron it onto your t-shirt.*

*If you actually try to iron this on your t-shirt then why are you allowed out of the house?

Hi, my name is ...... and I’m studying ...... At A Level, the grades I obtained were (delete as appro- priate) A*A*A*/A*A*A/AAA/UUU – I’m here from UCL/I took the International Baccalaureate, you wouldn’t understand. I’m looking for (delete as (in)appropriate – success rate not 100%) friendship/the bar/person with GSOH/fun, maybe more ;)/the library/my room/the toilets – they’re hard to fi nd. I swear on my life that I haven’t Facebook stalked you... that much. No, really, I honestly haven’t. I accidentally clicked on your profi le once, and then, just by accident, flicked through all of your photos. Let’s change topic, please. My enthusiasm for science (delete truthfully) is very high/ is lowering by the second as I see all the maths involved/is... what, I’m doing science? How did that happen/is solely down to Brian Cox/I’m an engineer/medic you arsehole You probably recognise me from the Oxford/Cambridge/ UCL/St. Andrews/UCL/Bath/Durham interviews/Facebook group for our course/a meme/YouTube/the toilets/spaceship FRIDAY 28 SEPT 23

@feliximperial

FelixImperial FRESHERS’ PULLOUT Uncle Rory’s Freshers Week Tips

so just leave that kettle at home. will prepare you for this. I went from Rory Fenton averaging 98% across my A Levels to scraping 60% here. Imagine being @roryfenton Donʼt Leave Your Door Open repeatedly and viciously beaten Columnist Again, everyone seems to be told around the head by a thick metal bar. to leave their door open so new h at bar represents knowledge and neighbours can just pop in to say hello the sick bastard wielding it is this ou’ll be hearing this a and share stories and eat cupcakes. university. h is is what your next 3-4 lot this week but things No. People cannot be trusted and will years will entail. Imperial will now were quite diff erent likely steal your stuff . Also they will spend two weeks wiping the blood back in my day. My laugh at that Final Fantasy poster I and tears of last year’s students from day was 2008- Metric have. I mean you have. that metal bar. Take advantage of wasY a box called DB’s, Southside and the lull. Talk to strangers. Take shots Eastside were building sites, Facebook GREG JAMES/RADIO 1 (YOUTUBE) from a cereal bowl. Join every club was a new thing and Justin Bieber Uncle Rory and the rest of his fl oor in Freshersʼ Week. Sorry Rory! (Ed.) Donʼt Become A Lad and society. Don’t sleep. Steal a traffi c was still an embryo. It was amazing. Congratulations, you’ve just left cone. Buy a top hat. Take one step But as you prepare for the modern the horrors of interacting with other Donʼt Buy A Kettle your expensive private school and inside an embassy and revel in the freshers’ week with your smartphones Homo Sapiens, as demonstrated by For some reason everyone is told to have now met the fi rst state educated thrill of having one leg in Britain and and status updates and hip-hop music the inventions of walls, monasteries, bring a kettle with them to university person of your life. h is does not the other in Yemen. Return the traffi c and all that, there is one thing you will earphones and science degrees. But so you can give out tea and make your entitle you to put on an inexplicable cone out of social responsibility. face that all freshers have faced since for the next 7 days you will be forced, neighbours love you. Don’t. Just don’t. East London accent, call people “mate” the fi rst freshers guzzled WKD from a cajoled and conned into interacting I don’t like tea and my Northern Irish and refer to your awful conversation h e world is your oyster. For two hollowed out wooly mammoth tooth; with h e Other. Having now looked on accent makes me pronounce “kettle” as “banter” or worse, “ban’ah”. weeks. And then that oyster will be social interaction. in horror at not one but four Freshers’ in a way that makes English people cracked open and swallowed whole, Social interaction is a terrible thing Weeks, here’s my guide to How Not To laugh at me. Obviously this only sliding slowly but inexorably down the and the less of it, the better. I think Make A Complete Idiot Of Yourself. applies to me and not necessarily to Donʼt Give A Damn And Just Have Fun gullet of this prestigious institution. we all agree on this. In fact, much of your new neighbours but my physics Imperial is really bloody hard Enjoy it while you can. human existence is spent minimising degree didn’t teach me to empathise work. Nothing you’ve done so far

#helloicu crew

Welcome to Imperial from Imperial College Union! Keep a look out for our team of student helpers around campus all Welcome Week in their purple shirts.

They are here to answer any of your questions and help you have the best possible welcome to the College and your new Students’ Union!

imperialcollegeunion.org/impact

26 FRIDAY 28 SEPT

felixonline.co.uk FRESHERS’ PULLOUT bit.ly/18MPeyr CAMPUS FOOD

here are lots of places doesn’t end up going cold – made that Department Cafes to stuff your face like a mistake too many times. If you want Loads of departments have their greedy pig (with glasses to be a true pro, and piss off the chef a own cafes. Essentially small counters on) around campus. Some bit, ask for an omelette. with tea, coff ee, sandwiches and are even super new so drinks. h e SAF Cafe is pretty good. Tit’s an adventure. Okay, not a good Library Cafe h e Business School one too. h e adventure like accidentally walking Why would I need to go here? I others are great for a cheeky chocolate into an all super model nudist colony, won’t be in the Library long enough to bar to eat in lectures while you try to but an adventure nonetheless. need sustenance. I’ll be out raving with understand if it is maths or a foreign Tinie Tempah and the other freshers. language being written on the board. Union (1) From semester to semester. Where do h ey serve lunch and dinner food. you think you are? UCL? Nah, you’ll SCR h e food is cheap and almost cheerful. actually be doing work and stuff . So, h is is only for postgrads and Well. It’s more cheerful than a man sorry to say, but, this will become lecturers, unfortunately. However, with vertigo standing on the top of the a main eatery. It has all the energy the breakfast is for all. How liberal of Shard. h at’s something. Nachos is a drinks you could want (and many them. If you can drag yourself in early good call and the bar staff are all nice. you don’t want). Plus it has wraps enough, give it a go. It’s amazingly that probably won’t kill you. h ere’s cheap and they have everything Eastside (2) also the infamous jacket potatos. I you could want. h e hash browns Just below Eastside Halls, it’s a IMPERIAL COLLGE LONDON heard tell of a couple breaking up are gorgeous. You’re missing out if posh pub, although looks more like after sharing one in the Library Cafe. you don’t go. Honestly, try this: pile an American bar. Serves pretty good you could want and more. A bunch place too, but they aren’t proper Possibly they broke up because he your plate with everything you could food at lunch and dinner that is veggie of sandwiches, a deli bar (which is crepes really: it’s essentially rubber wanted beans and she wanted cheese imagine eating. Go to the checkout. friendly and meat lover friendly too. actually surprisingly good) and even with some Nutella on top. Yum yum. and the two together just didn’t work. Be amazed at how it is still under £5. h e prices are low enough that they a pie and mash/salad bar shop. Back h at became a metaphor for their probably won’t leave you off ering £2 in the day you could do the mash QTR failing relationship and it had to end. massages on High Street Ken just to yourself, now they check, just incase If you want hot food then this is Or one of them cheated on the other. Other get by. So that’s a plus. you scam them out of 5p’s worth of your place to go. It always has a noodle Either way, at least they were full at College will be changing some areas potato. You’ve been warned. h ere’s based option, and a meal deal. You get the end of it. h e legends working by the time you get here so look for- JCR also a fast food counter, if you’re into a drink, dessert and a main for pretty there pile on the cheese and beans to ward to the new “College Cafe” near h is is, realistically, where you’ll that sort of thing. By that, I mean cheap. Word of warning though: if heroic amounts. So take advantage. the main entrance and a new outlet in end up eating most days. It has all rejected KFC food. h ere’s a pancake you get a hot dessert eat it fi rst so it the JCR!

NEAR CAMPUS FOOD

ored of eating the get. Amazing right? Also have a large same rotation of three selection of pastas, quiches, and some sandwiches and a Twix sandwiches. If you want a morning for lunch and dinner every perk, go for a coff ee and get a free day? Well you should be. croissant. Near Gloucester Road is BBut never fear, there are tales of places also h e Diner, and a Neros (23) with not near the Library where one can the comfi est sofas ever. Great for eat. doing work in a chilled environment. The Sandwich Shop (9) High Street Ken h is is like a mature student who h ere’s anything you could want sucks up to a lecturer: an old favourite. here. Wagamamas (32) is a good More accurately, though, it’s like a shout – free green tea is a plus. Giraff e shop that has a bewildering amount (31) are incredibly friendly and have of sandwich choices. h ere’s also a special Imperial deal (they did last Greenfi eld’s near South Ken station year, don’t kill me if it is no longer for an artisan sandwich. h e goat’s there). Just show your College card for cheese one is a solid bet. a discount. Of course there’s also all the big chains around too. Caffe Forum h is place has possibly the best South Ken pizzas in London. h ey are thin and Oriental Canteen (14) and yummy. Plus, between 4-7pm they Chopstix (15) are great for a quick are all £5, no matter what size you (erm, oily) snack. FRIDAY 28 SEPT 27

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FelixImperial FRESHERS’ PULLOUT LOCAL TRAVEL

alking around uses! Hmm, a tricky he Tube is London’s ondon is very well serviced ycling in London can is a great way one! Buses can be underground transport by trains. As well as be a fun or dangerous to get to know great to get around in, service, a bit like having getting trains to other and deadly. Many the local area providing the speed of trains underground that parts of London there are people cycle to college as well as a motor vehicle while come every 2-4 minutes also several stations that from where they live nearbyW parts of London. You often Bstill giving you a chance to absorb T(amazing I know!), can often be Lhost trains travelling across the Cand make the journey in one piece. fi nd the best places to go while your surroundings. Even if you’re a packed full of people during peak country, such as London Euston, However if you’re not used to big wondering around or walking to native Londoner, you’ll still have a times (I hope you don’t mind London Charing Cross, London city traffi c maybe take it easy at fi rst, another engagement. Great places lot of new things to discover, after standing in awkward positions) Marylebone and London Liverpool motorists can be rude, ignorant to walk to near South Kensington all it’s a big city! Buses do however and have a fewer number of chairs Street. You can even get a train to and just plain stupid at times. If a include Hyde Park (obviously), have downsides, they can be caught (bummer). However the Tube is an Scotland if you’re willing to spend 5 taxi doens’t want to stop to let you Fulham Road & Kings Road, in heavy traffi c during peak periods awesome way to get to places in a hours on a train. h ere’s not much cross Prince Consort Road to get Knightsbridge (and Harrods), and the seats can be hellish to sit in short amount of time; travelling more to say about train travel, we’ve to the Union, do you really think Bayswater and Osford Street. If if you’re above average height. Let’s from South Kensington you can get all been on trains and know how to they’ll be any better when you’re on you do wander down to Kings not get onto the subject of how to Charing Cross (Embankment) use them so here’s a picture of a cat. a bicycle? Road you’ll fi nd youself minutes cavalier some bus drivers are when within 15 minutes, Hammersmith On the positive side, cycling at away from the h ames and aross navigating the roads. in 10 minutes, Heathrow in night is really cool, the roads are the river from Battersea and the h e South Kensington campus 30ish minutes and Kings Cross mostly empty and you can cycle in beautiful Battersea Park. has fantastic links to the rest of Station similarly in 30 minutes. fanatstic locations. Hyde Park is an On the other hand walking is London via buses, you can even get h e Tube does stop running soon amazing place to cycle when it’s not much slower than taking other to Heathrow on a night bus! Buses after midnight (or 1 AM on some during rush hour if you’re planning methods of transport (unless you’re 9 and 10 go west to Hammersmith nights) so it’s not as helpful to get a leisure trip but you can also cycle on a bus during rush hour hut it’s and east to Trafalgar Square and back from a night out, so if you’re across it to make quick trips to healthy and refreshing! Oxford street while other buses can planning a late night excursion Paddington or Oxford Street. And take you to places far and wide. you’ll probably want to check how there’s always “Boris Bikes”. to get back by bus.

f you want to cycle as commuter Travel Savings Barclays Bikes to College or plan to cycle on the I roads, it’s probably best to get a #1 Oyster Card #2 16-25 Railcard “real” bicycle, and don’t worry Felix h is is a key item, buy one as soon You should already read about will let you know when this term’s as you can! It’s not really a saving this in the Business section, if you campus bicycle auction takes place becuase it’s the default travel tool haven’t then tut, tut! h e 16-25 (oh, and if you ever abandon your for the majority of Londoners but if railcard is the ultimate in discount bike around College, you might you don’t have an oyster card then rail travel, saving you 1/3 from any fi nd it here a few months later). bus and train prices are much more train fare as long as you travel after However if you’re more of a expensive. 10:30 (you might want to check casual cyclist then maybe give Oyster cards have a pay-as- that). For £30 a year you can take the Barclays Cycle Hire Scheme a you-go feature that allows you advantage of these reduced fares go. Aff ectionally known as “Boris to buy travel credit as well as by travelling around England Bikes” in tribute to the Mayor of longer duration travel passes (or and visiting new places. h e card London the cycle hire scheme let’s “travelcards”) which are valid for also works in London so if you’re you hire a bike for a short period a week, a month or longer. If you staying with your parents make of time. h ere are lots of docks plan to buy week or month long sure you pick one up sharpish! in Central London and the local travelcards, applying for a £10 Another awesome feature you area and if you didn’t already 18+ Oyster card will allow you to might want to know about, you can know they’re represented by get savings of 30% on your week’s link your railcard to the oyster card the red circles on our map! h e travel. Oyster cards are valid on we mentioned earlier in order to scheme seems daunting but it can buses, trains, tubes, the DLR and have one card to save them all! h is be really fun. My best experience of even the River service, but can only applies the saving to all Tube and You can buy a key or hire a bike with you r credit/debit card from the stand. the scheme has been cycling past be used in London. train journeys across London. Buckingham Palace at 1AM! 28 FRIDAY 28 SEPT

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FRESHERS’ PULLOUT FelixImperial STUDY HABITS: A Defi nitive Guide Shiladitya Ghosh talks about the techniques and myths of studying

ou’re freshmen now. Good ol’ pen(cil) and paper, coupled No more school for you with aforementioned computer – all grown up! (Yeah, (equipped with internet access) and a right. Still a teenager, handy printer (available in the College aren’t you?) Library and your Department), are YEver since you got your school- unbeatable. leaving grades and (congratulations!) your Unconditionals, all everyone’s #4: Studying Music been talking to you about is how to prepare for the “big jump” from school You may have long-practised to University: what laptop/tablet/ absorbing academic information in Macbook you should buy, which self- your headphone-generated enclave, help book (wait, no one reads books but according to recent scientifi c anymore – more likely to be a Buzzfeed studies, listening to music is little article) contains the best tips you need diff erent from keeping your ears open for strategically managing your time, to white noise in your surroundings – how to most eff ectively customise in fact, the regular changes in pitch, your Spotify ‘studying’ playlist, which tempo, timbre, voices etc. makes your energy drinks you should get used to, brain work harder to keep up with it what are the best “alternative’ sleeping JOE LETTS all (albeit subconsciously) in addition cycles that might work for you, and so Trying to revise for Fluid Mechanics, but hey itʼll be fi ne to doodle for a while right? Iʼm staying mentally active! to internalising the wisdom from the on. textbook before you, thus draining you However, all this clamouring about you’re getting no work done. Which Furthermore, deliverables (that’s of energy. You’re at Imperial; you’d do details doesn’t necessarily lead to a they knew 2 hours ago when you #2: Studying Time what projects and submissions that well to trust science. (Disclaimer: one successful studying strategy – indeed, frolicked off . are ‘counted’ tend to be called) are of the studies referenced was done by it can even backfi re. People can work So, the other option besides not h e average student boasts about generally due in the evenings, so you the University of Phoenix, so do take a themselves up and feel so daunted by studying at all, is to try to study in your how many all-nighters s/he’s pulled. may well fi nd yourself struggling pinch of salt with this.) the seemingly-immense prospect of room. h e better student boasts about how to be productive on a sleepy Friday From personal experience though, it college studies that they unthinkingly few all-nighters s/he’s pulled. While afternoon, rushing to complete and can help to be plugged in to an aural go with the fl ow and throw money How to make it work: Imperial is notorious for working you turn in an assignment after all your landscape while doing project work around in an attempt to embrace tips, - Be blessed [citation needed] with a harder than most other places, and ineffi cient late nights… unless you’re in the library for instance, as you tricks, and gimmicks – anything that single room in Halls practice makes perfect, what you’re adept at being productive while the aren’t distracted by friends constantly they’re told will give them an edge. - Have self-control regarding internet studying isn’t rocket science (okay, sun is out. Get some work done during walking by or chatting (because you However, during your time here, you usage – including Snapchatting tough luck, Aero Eng. crew), but it the day, folks. can’t hear them), and when you’re will see that people religiously sticking - Set a good personal deadline to can’t be reliably mastered at 0430hrs doing project work, it’s not so much with these techniques, even when fi nish your assignment i.e. if you after you’ve chugged 3 cans of Red #3: Studying Gadgetry mental acrobatics you need to do they aren’t working so well, will be expect to do the 3 assigned questions Bull just to fi nish the introductory at this point (that should have been killed off by George R. R. Martin, start in an hour, aim to do it in 45 minutes question of your project report. Firstly, regarding laptops: it really done when you were working out how falling by the wayside and struggle instead Eventually you will fi nd your doesn’t matter if you use Windows to even do the project) as much as in the crunch period building up to - Keep communicating with other timetable to be scattered throughout or Mac. Whatever you’re personally strategizing, formatting, summarising, Summer Finals. So, Felix shall attempt studious people working on the same the day, with lectures and tutorials at more comfortable using, is the best and writing what you already know. to disillusion you and clear up any assignment, to pace yourself/have any random time between 9am-5pm, bet. Period. misconceptions you might have about some troubleshooters handy and then clubs/societies meetings/ Secondly, all you’ll really need is As you may have realized, all the the art of studying at Imperial before trainings anytime thereafter – in a decent computer with a decent above is true to a certain extent and it’s too late. How to watch it all go up in smoke: which case, you may not even get internet connection (Long Live applies more to some and less to - Have a roommate (they may be opportunities to have powernaps Imperial-WPA/LAN!) to access your others. However, it is worth being #1: Studying Venue well-meaning but they are a fount of after staying up late. And any peer lecture recordings (may/may not exist well-informed about how things can opportunities for distraction) I’ve seen who’s taken the gamble of yet, depending on your department), go wrong before you have to learn the While studying in the College - Have leftover chores causing powernapping at 11pm (to wake up at Blackboard material, and lecture hard way (by messing up your fi rst Library with your peers is known mental anxiety – like cooking dinner, 2am and continue working) has failed notes/web resources. year grades – it ain’t pretty to have to to have undoubted positive eff ects, or doing your laundry, oh wait you still hilariously. Fancy-schmancy tablets, iPad see your batchmate have to leave the it isn’t for everyone. Furthermore, haven’t cooked dinner yet, but now Some of you might fancy yourselves Minis, Galaxy Tabs, all have the odd college so early.) sitting with a latte in Starbucks with it’s time to iron your clothes!! Maybe to be night owls, which is great for circumstantial perk but they aren’t Lastly, one of the only good ways your iPod and lecture notes before you’ll just copy the tutorial answers you, but unfortunately you do tend to necessary in any way. Many fi nancially you can take a break from studying, you is inevitably going to result in tomorrow morning. have lectures, tutorials, and exams in less-well-off students do well without is by writing for Felix. Look at this you fruitlessly doodling on the fruits - Have a TV/gaming rig in your the morning more often than not -> them all around the world, and even snazzy paper & pullout; wouldn’t you of your free printing credit and room (…just one more match on having sleep deprivation wouldn’t be a if they had the money, affl uence want your name on it too? Instaspamming people about how FIFA, I promise…) good start to the day. wouldn’t necessarily help. Felix needs you!

Want to join FELIX? Great! We need regular writers, section editors, photographers, illustrators, copy editors and more! email me at [email protected] to get involved. Sir Alexander Fleming Building SAF

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imperialcollegeunion.org The El Salvador Project It’s all about safe specs... 32 FRIDAY 28 SEPT

Editor: John Park TELEVISION [email protected] The body count keeps going up and up John Park reviews a few more summer television hits

Under the Dome Bates Motel The Bridge Hannibal Ray Donovan

A modern reimagination of a much The light goes off and a body’s Before Hannibal (a cool and suave “How does it feel c***s*****?” says beloved classic film (Psycho) is never dumped on the Bridge of Americas Mads Mikkelsen) met Clarice, there Mickey Donovan (Jon Voight, in his a good idea; but the creators have at that serves as a crossing between was Will Graham (a brilliantly unsta- mightiest presence with peculiar ec- least done an admirable job of not El Paso, Texas, and Juarez, Chihua- ble Hugh Dancy), a story previously centricities), as he sticks a gun into completely demolishing the original hua in Mexico. Immediately tak- covered in The Red Dragon, but a priest’s mouth, firing it shortly af- material with their new tv series, ing charge of the situation is Sonya NBC’s new drama takes all the blood, terwards. We just saw him released Bates Motel. Cross (Diane Kruger), an El Paso gore, and guts to a whole new level of from prison a minute ago, and yet it It takes a while for everything to detective. But as she discovers more graphic sadism in their remake. seems he’s back to his old habits. kick off and reach the more inter- details surrounding the case, the Graham has the special gift/curse Soon after there’s another body. esting part of the season’s story arc. more complicated everything gets, of being able to very accurately rec- This time a female. The man lying for which she needs the help of Mar- reate a murder scene in the point of next to her, a sports star now in a co Ruiz (Demián Bichir), a Mexican view of the killer. It’s his skill to em- flurry of panic, dials Ray Donovan detective. pathise with, and truly understand (an excellent, excellent Liev Schreib- You’ll never guess just how much the nature of the vicious, dangerous er). And boy did he call the right of a can of worms a single body can people out there committing hei- person; for Ray is a professional fixer In a plot that combines elements of open up. Buried evidence, unsolved nous crimes. Having an agent like for the rich and famous of sunshine Lost and The Simpson Movie, the cases from the past, government Will as a consultant is great news for L.A. He’s the taller, bigger, more residents of Chester’s Mill find them- conspiracy, red herrings, a mighty Jack Crawford (Laurence Fishburne) brutal, white, male, cable version of selves enclosed in a mysterious dome resourceful killer etc...the show of the FBI when hunting down the Olivia Pope in “Scandal”. By “cable” that appears out of the blue. Cut off reaches far and for the most parts it most wanted men and women, but it means there’s more violence, more from the rest of the world by this absolutely succeeds in selling the sto- every case takes a toll on Will’s own sex, more drugs, more swearing. mysterious, indestructible structure ry with credibility, a lot of it thanks to sanity. Ray Donovan is a fascinatingly cru- that encloses their town, it’s not long Concerned for his mental welfare is el, cynical family drama that packs before civilisation starts to shows its his colleague Dr Alana Bloom (Caro- in all the familiar dark and twisted cracks and disintegrate into chaos. line Dhavernas) and this is where events of late and creates convinc- At the centre of it all is Dale “Bar- Hannibal Lecter comes in, a brilliant ing characters to play out such sce- bie” Barbara (Mike Vogel), a new- psychiatrist asked to treat Will. Little narios. It’s certainly a show that will comer to the town who is seen bury- Norma (Vera Farmiga - deservedly do they know that what Lecter serves make you feel better about your own ing a body when we first meet him. nominated for an Emmy for her fan- up at his picture-perfect dinner par- family. What Donovan and his fam- Journalist Julia Shumway (Rachelle tastically brave performance) and ties is 100% pure human meat carved ily have to face on a daily basis ring Lefevre) wants to know everything her son Norman (Freddie Highmore up, seasoned, and cooked to culinary shockingly true to some of the top that’s going on (kind of a must for - just as good) relocate to Oregon. excellence. headlines today. someone in her line of business), ra- Having bought a motel, Norma The brilliantly suspenseful cat-and- What complicates Ray’s life further dio station workers Dodee (Jolene wishes to renovate the place, and mouse game the two lead characters is the unexpected early release of his Purdy) and Phil (Nicholas Strong) start a new chapter with her son, father Mickey, who he despises for are trying their best to make contact leaving their horrific past behind reasons unknown to the audience. with the outside world, Sheriff Linda them. Enter Dylan, Norman’s half- His wife Abby (remarkably fierce Esquivel (Natalie Martinez) is naïve, brother, and hello trouble. Paula Malcomson) warms to Mick- Mayor Big Jim Rennie (Dean Nor- The most intriguing narrative ey’s presence, not quite knowing the ris) steps up to the position of power, strand here is the two distinctly dif- its grounded leads. full picture, since Ray’s the secretive his son Junior (Alexander Koch) has ferent mother-son relationships Kruger’s Cross is a detective with kind of guy who keeps everything an unhealthy obsession with Angie between the three characters: with Asperger Syndrome, making normal locked up. (Britt Robertson) who’s clearly not Norman+Norma there are subtle social interactions difficult for her. Every narrative advancement is that interested, whilst Angie’s broth- hints the audience is shown that the She’s a stickler for rules, and has a perfectly judged and paced, with er Joe (Colin Ford) and his friend attachment these two share might clear sense of what’s right and wrong, rich, layered characters played by the Norrie (Mackenzie Lintz) start hav- not be entirely appropriate. With what’s legal and illegal. And the awk- faultless cast - simply unmissable. ing sudden onset seizures. Weird. Dylan (Max Thieriot) on the other wardness she feels even with close Each character seems to have a hand, Norma is someone else, which colleagues of hers is oddly touch- story to tell, and with an explosive further highlights the strikingly ing, and her frequent bursts of blunt, pilot episode the series seems to be strange bond Farmiga and Highmore frank truths give room for laughter. off to a flying start. But as the show so skillfully portray. Mismatched but partnered up with progresses there is a notable quality But it’s a shame the show decides her anyway is Bichir’s Cruz, a more play take some individual stand- drop, failing to keep up with the mo- to leave this theme unattended for a easy-going, rule-bending man from alone episodes to truly get going. But mentum its early episodes set, which lot of the season’s episodes. More in- across the border - and it’s this bud- with outstanding twists, turns and establishes a threatening, uneasy terested in the close-knit surround- dy-cop angle that works so well. downright horrific images, Hannibal mood, leaving the audience hungry ing townspeople and what they get No character is squeaky clean, they stands out from the rest, as a must- for more of what the dome and the up to, the season seems to be going all have human imperfections, and see police drama, even if you have a crumbling society will have to offer. somewhere when they introduce all whilst the long-winded investigation low tolerance level for unpleasant im- But by in large the dramatic ideas these shady characters, but in the end as well as the large cast take up a lot ages. Plus as a massive bonus there’s still keep the suspense going, al- no big climax ever quite materialises. of episodes to fully gel as a whole, this Gillian Anderson making wonderful though it’s now time for answers. It’s slow, but certainly worth it. is a fresh take on a buddy-cop drama. special guest appearances. FRIDAY 10 MAY 3

@feliximperial http://on.fb.me/1busqHa FRESHERS’ PULLOUT 34 FRIDAY 28 SEPT

Editor: John Park FILM fi [email protected] 57th BFI Londo

ear freshers, welcome to London. And to those returning, welcome back. And what a way to kick Doff the misery that is October with British Film Institute’s (BFI) stunning 57th London Film Festival. With fi lms that are sure to be contenders when it comes to the big awards, the London Film Festival has that rare appeal of having a huge public presence. It’s easy to score some tickets (although the big gala screenings might be fully sold out by now), so keep an eye out Opening Night Gala: Captain Phillips Closing Night Gala: Saving Mr Banks for those screenings that will be shown all across central London cinemas. h is year, London will be graced with the presence of the legendary Tom Hanks who is both opening and closing the festival with his new fi lms. Other key talents expected to attend include Emma h ompson, Judi Dench, Sandra Bullock, Joel & Ethan Coen, Carey Mulligan, Ralph Fiennes, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, amongst many, many more. So roll out the red carpets and watch this space as Felix Film attends various press screenings to bring you the most up-to-date reviews of fi lms from the Festival. h e Festival is also known for helpfully classifying each participating fi lm into diff erent themes: this year consisting of Love, Debate, Dare, Laugh, h rill, Cult, Journey, Sonic and Family. So plenty for everyone to choose from! For more information regarding Directed by Paul Greengrass, a man who knows how to make expert thrillers Ever wondered how ‘Mary Poppins’ the novel became Mary Poppins the hit tickets and venues, visit the festival with budgets both big ( e Bourne Supremacy,  e Bourne Ultimatum) and musical fi lm starring Julie Andrews, which won her the Best Actress Oscar? Walt website bfi .org.uk/lff or call 020 7928 small (United 93), Tom Hanks plays the real-life American Captain Phillips Disney (Tom Hanks) must negotiate and compromise wisely with the author of 3232. Good luck, have fun, and make whose cargo ship was seized by Somalian pirates. What ensues is tense stand- the novel, P. L. Travers (Emma h ompson) to bring her words to screen, by no sure you send us your thoughts on off , gut-wrenching survival drama, and a heart-thumping rescue mission that means an easy task as creative control over the published work proves diffi cult. whatever fi lm you manage to watch - may or may not go as planned. Watch as Hanks heroically stands off against the Word is, the fi lm is full of wonderful performances, heartwarming insight, and fi [email protected] villains and looks out for safety of his ship’s crew. an entertaining behind-the-scenes story. FRIDAY 28 SEPT 35

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on Film FestivalFilm Forever

Accenture Gala: 12 Years a Slave Centrepiece Gala: Inside Llewyn Davis

Director Steve McQueen has had tremendous successes in the past with Hunger Having already received quite the critical acclaim at this year’s Cannes Film and Shame and for his third feature he seems to have struck gold with his Festival, the Coen brothers’ new hit will be screened in London. A melancholic, unfl inching, brutal, and powerful telling of the true story of Solomon Northup’s soulful look at the American folk music scene in the early 1960s, Llewyn (Oscar harrowing life as a slave. Already a smash-hit at Toronto, Chiwetel Ejiofor’s Isaac) is a struggling musician trying to make it big as a solo artist, although powerful leading performance has been praised, as well as McQueen’s frequent the troubles and obstacles that keep heading his way are preventing him from collaborator Michael Fassbender’s chilling portrayal of a ruthless plantation achieving his goals. Unwanted impregnantion of a married woman, losing of a owner. Get your hopes up for this one. pet, are examples of what he needs to worry about.

American Airlines Gala: Gravity May Fair Hotel Gala: Labor Day

James Cameron was reportedly fl oored by the technical marvel of Alfonso Jason Reitman (Juno, Up in the Air, Young Adult) moves away from his usual Cuaron’s new space drama, so it must be good. In his rave statement he comfort zone of directing off -beat dramedies for a much darker feature fi lm compliments the fi lm’s space photography as well as the human dimension in starring Kate Winslet and Josh Brolin. When a depressed single mother (Winslet) which the fi lm creates “an absolutely seamless portrayal of a woman fi ghting kindly takes in an injured, intimidating man (Brolin, who else?) to their home, for her life in zero gravity”. Matt Kowalsky (George Clooney) and Ryan Stone this little chance encounter will change everyone’s lives forever, including that of (Sandra Bullock) are on a mission in space when a freak accident leaves them her young son Henry’s (Gattlin Griffi th). It’s thrilling, melodramatic, with a hint stranded on limited oxygen. Will they survive? of romance, all weaved together skillfully.

American Express Gala: Philomena Festival Gala: The Invisible Woman

Dame Judi Dench once again shows off her never-ending acting prowess in Ralph Fiennes’ sophomore directorial eff ort deals with the fi nal few years in Stephen Frears’ new witty, touching drama about the titular character (Dench) Charles Dickens’ (Fiennes) life, when he reportedly shacked up with a mistress looking for her long lost son she had to give up for adoption decades ago. Steve (Felicity Jones) young enough to be his daughter. Scandalous back during the Coogan provides support as a journalist helping her on her journey, and the two time of traditional values, their relationship had to be a secret which is why very strike up an unlikely friendship along the way. A fi lm that “breaks your heart and little is known of the actual relationship. But Fiennes bravely tackles the theme then repairs it”, it’s no wonder the Weinstein brothers snatched this up to release with strong performances and a potent period mood to mesmerise and captivate in time for the competitive Oscar race. the audience. 36 FRIDAY 28 SEPT

Editor: John Park FILM fi [email protected]

LOVE LAUGH DARE h e big Palme d’Or winner of this Joseph Gordon-Levitt is just so He knew he was trouble when he year’s Cannes Film Festival, Blue is talented that he directed, wrote and walked by…but Franck (Pierre the Warmest Colour, famous for its even starred in the leading role of his Deladonchamps), a handsome almost 3-hour length, plus the many fi rst directorial feature fi lm, Don Jon. romantic enjoying his time at extended, incredibly graphic lesbian All Don (Gordon-Levitt) cares about his usual spot on a popular gay sex scenes, headlines the Love section is his body, his pad, his ride, his family, cruising beach in southern France, of the Festival. It’s a fi lm so powerful his church, his boys, his girls, and his immediately falls for the dangerously and worthy that the Cannes’ Jury porn – which is fi ne for him, until seductive Michel (Christophe Paou), awarded the top prize not only to he gets caught in a compromising a mysterious stranger towards whom the director (Abdellatif Kechiche), position by a girl who could be “the he feels irresistible sexual attraction. but also to its two incredible stars one”. h e girl being played by the sassy h row in a murder, and that’s how (Adèle Exarchopoulos, Léa Seydoux). and confi dent Scarlett Johansson, we get Stranger By the Lake, an eerie, You don’t need a bigger stamp of Gordon-Levitt has assembled himself provocative erotic French thriller that approval than this. What’s it about? quite the cast, including Julianne embodies everything you’re searching We follow the life of Adèle (newcomer Moore and Tony Danza, putting for when looking at something fi led Exarchopoulos), as she explores her together a hilarious, emotional and under “Dare”. Like its characters sexuality and has her life turn upside Other notable titles in LOVE: confi dent debut. the fi lm is full of risks and is all the down when Emma (Seydoux) enters Adore, Gloria, On My Way,  e Past, more shocking because of its direct, her life. Grand Central,  e Spectacular Now confronting style.

THRILL DEBATE

With an all-star Australian cast Meek’s Cutoff , although no-one saw including Aaron Pedersen, Jack it, was a critical hit back in 2010, h ompson, Hugo Weaving and Ryan and director Kelly Reichardt follow- Kwanten, director Ivan Sen’s new up feature is Night Moves, leading thriller Mystery Road deals with racial the fi lms in the Debate section. Eco- tension and wealth gap, always a fi rm terrorists Josh (Jesse Eisenberg) Dena starting place for basing your grizzly, (Dakota Fanning) and Harmon (Peter grounded cop thriller on. Jay Swan Sarsgaard) execute what they believe (Pedersen), an Aboriginal cop, having to be an excellently planned act. h is returned to his hometown after years is until the media storm that sparks of absence, is to investigate a brutal from their actions has unpredictable, murder of a teenage girl – this leads to unintended results. It’s a slow-burning nowhere pleasant, as corruption and (much like Reichardt’s other fi lms), yet conspiracy cloud the mystery even taut political thriller that makes you more. It’s a compelling, unfl inching think and question each character’s cop drama, which explains its place Other notable titles in THRILL: All is motive and the blurred lines between leading the h rill fi lms of the Festival. Lost, Pioneer, Kon Tiki right and wrong.

CULT JOURNEY

Vampires seem to be everywhere Bruce Dern won the Best Actor prize these days but don’t go in expecting at this year’s Cannes Film Festival, the norm when watching Only Lovers in Alexander Payne’s (Sideways,  e Left Alive. Eve (Tilda Swinton) and Descendants) moving black-and- Adam (Tom Hiddleston) are vampires white father-son road-trip drama. reunited after some period apart. When the forgetful, boozy Woody All seems well, until Eve’s sister Ava Grant (Dern) becomes convinced that (Mia Wasikowska) turns up to spoil he won a million dollars and that he the fun between the two. Basically, also needs to travel to Nebraska (the the sister’s acting as the third wheel, fi lm’s title) from Missouri, his son and no one likes that. h ere’s a strong David (Will Forte) reluctantly agrees. theme of dark sensual gothic romance Payne has a knack for working his running through this off -beat drama, Other notable titles in LAUGH: magic in turning a touching narrative and the remarkably well-cast Swinton Enough Said (featuring James into relatable drama minus the corny and Hiddleston put on impressive Other notable titles in CULT: Grand Gandolfi ni’s last on-screen cheese, rather than resorting to over- performances. Piano,  e Zero  eorem performance), Drinking Buddies the-top, sentimental melodrama.

Can you handle the truth? Will you have what she’s having? Want to make us an offer we can’t refuse? You’re the king of the world? You’ve always relied on kindness of strangers? Not in Kansas anymore? Tell us all about it: [email protected] FRIDAY 28 SEPT 37

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h e Double A comedy in which a man is driven Official Competition to insanity as his doppelganger starts taking over his own life, Simon (Jesse Eisenberg) always seems to be living in the shadow of James, his “double”. Parkland Whilst tongue-tied, embarrassed and Would you like to see Zac Efron as awkward around his crush Hannah your surgeon if you’ve just been shot? (Mia Wasikowska), James successfully Yeah...me neither...but in Parkland, climbs the corporate ladder, which President John F. Kennedy’s shocking catches Hannah’s eyes, much to assassination leaves the entire Simon’s dismay. country in turmoil. h e hospital staff It’s quirky, edgy, with a typically (including Efron - the surgeon on-call strong performance from Eisenberg it seems, and Marcia Gay Harden as who absolutely excels in the odd but a nurse), the authorities (led by Billy likable roles. Bob h ornton) are working as quickly as they can to track down the shooter/ shooters, and Paul Giamatti plays Under the Skin Abraham Zapruder, the man who Scarlett Johansson is an alien creature Tracks inadvertently fi lmed the assassination. who has been sent to Earth by a large In 1977, Robyn Davidson travelled It no doubt has an incredible corporation - her task? To prey on from Alice Springs to the Indian ensemble; further adding to the long unsuspecting hitchhikers. Ocean, crossing approximately 1,700 list of names above is Jacki Weaver, As the huntress she goes on the miles of Australian deserts - this she James Badge Dale, Jackie Earle Haley, prowl, luring these poor souls into the did with her dog and four camels. Tom Welling, Colin Hanks and Ron dark so she can have her wicked ways Tracks tells this amazing true story Livingston. However early reception with them. of this one woman’s courage to achieve from the festival circuit has been Some have dismissed the fi lm calling the impossible and her never-ending mixed - with far too many characters it laughably bad, but others have ambition. Wasikowska gives one of taking up room, not allowing each praised the lead performance as well the strongest performances of her individual “vantage point” to breathe as the chilling, creepy atmosphere that career, showing both the independent, and have a sustainable plot-line of its creates a unique surreal feel to the spirited energy of the lone traveller, own. So the chances of this winning overall narrative. Quite the audience- as well as the often emotionally anything is miniscule. divider, this one. vulnerable and fragile nature. An Iron Monster at ICU Cinema

Iron Man 3 picks up where h e ICU Cinema Avengers left off , Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr) has PTSD after a trau- matic near death experience but he ANNOUNCEMENT FRESHERS: has no time to recover before a new University charts the origins of Mike h ursday 3rd October Autumn Line up: FREE ICE CREAM and cinema eyeliner-clad super villain arrives on and Sully as they navigate through the 18:30-Monsters University screenings too! Imperial cinema-your the scene; surrounded by his badman unchartered waters of frat houses, let- 21:00-Iron Man 3 1st/3rd October: Iron Man 3 & Mon- student cinema- is putting on a dou- posse he posts sketchy videos outlin- terman jackets and beer pong (all of sters University ble bill during freshers’ week of two ing his plans for domination of the which will totally happen during your Tickets for individual screenings 8th/10th October: World War Z & summer blockbusters during freshers’ West before acting accordingly. Will freshers’ week). Jokes aside, Monsters are £3 for members and £4 for non- Man of Steel week. Wanna learn how to use your Robbo Jr save ‘murica from the evil University might teach you some valu- members, buy on the door. 15th/17th October: Despicable Me 2 Imperial science skillz to become like racially stereotypical baddie? Come to able life lessons about the fi rst year of Tickets for a double bill are £5 for 22nd/24th October: Pacifi c Rim Tony Stark or to use your abundant Imperial Cinema to fi nd out! unayy! members and £7 for non-members. 29th/31st October: h e World’s End Imperial social skillz to make lifelong In 10 years time, remember how £5 Membership includes one free 5th/7th November: Elysium & h e bff s like Mike and Sully? If so then excited and optimistic you were as a Tuesday 1st October fi lm and cheaper ticket prices all year! Wolverine come along to see Iron Man 3 and fresher before crippling self-doubt 18:30-Iron Man 3 Buy it here: tickets.imperialcinema. 11th November: Kick-Ass 2 Monsters University! and depression took over? Monsters 21:00-Monsters University co.uk 38 FRIDAY 28 SEPT

Editor: Carol Ann Cheah, Michael FOOD Chung [email protected] Emergency hangover cures Been out last night and not exactly feeling the best for your Maths test this morning? Fear not! Felix Food is here to help you feel better!

Need something No morning lectures? Shall we spice it up a quick? Try some fusion bit? Beans on toast with a twist

Got a bit of bacon in the fridge but nothing else for your full fry up? Why not start your morning with a bit of Asian fl avour? Noo- dles are one of the most popular foods in the world and it is so easy to cook, even if it is not the ones in the plastic pot. You can use fresh or dried noodles for this, both are available in both conven- tional and Chinese supermarkets, although the dried noodles will be able to sit in your cupboard for longer and possibly cheaper. If Not feeling good from Freshers’ Flu and you still want to be keen you do go round China Town, I would defi nitely recommend you and attend your 9am lecture? h e spices in this omelette will clear stock up on some Chinese branded dried noodles – not only is it the airways and put you back into active mode! You might not quick to make, so is a great alternative to the baked beans on toast, know that apart from making non-alcoholic beer, ginger is also but also fl avouring sachets often comes in the packet, so you even a well known nausea remedy that has been used for hundreds of save on the soup stock! years – and the protein in the eggs will help you get rid of alcohol in your bloodstream. Recipe • 1 piece of smoked back bacon, chopped and trimmed Recipe • 2 spring onions, white and green separated and fi nely • 2 eggs sliced • Half a red pepper, chopped into small cubes • Some frozen peas • A small piece of ginger, peeled and fi nely chopped • 1/4 teaspoon paprika • Dried chilli, depends on your spice-ability. • 2 teaspoon cornfl our • A clove of garlic, peeled and fi nely chopped h e classic beans on toast is an awesome hangover cure. Not only • 200mL vegetable stock/ soup from sachet fl avouring do the beans contain high protein, it also releases energy slowly, so • 150g (or how much you can eat) of noodles • Whisk the eggs until smooth you feel better for the day! If you want to increase your appetite at • Splash of Worcestershire sauce • Pour the remaining ingredients into the egg mixture and the same time, why not add a can of tinned tomatoes? Tomatoes mix well. are high in Vitamin C so you have a higher chance of avoiding the • Coat the pan with oil and heat up on the hob. Only when good old Freshers’ Flu, while making the whole thing taste better. • Boil and drain the noodles if it is dried. the oil is very hot, pour in the mixture and swirl it so that the • In a small pan, fry the bacon for a few minutes, add the whole pan is coated. Recipe: (if it is not obvious enough) white parts of the spring onions, peas and paprika, then cook for • Fry the mixture until it becomes a semi-solid omelette. • 1 can of Baked Beans 1 minute more. To get a bit of smooth texture, fi rst mix the corn- You should be able to move the pan and the omelette stays one • 1 can of chopped tomatoes fl our with a little stock to make a paste, then stir this into the pan piece. • Bread with the rest of the stock. • Time to cook the other side. If you are feeling adventur- • Add the noodles and a great splash of Worcestershire ous and awake, fl ip it on the pan! If not, then the best way to do it • Toast the bread sauce to give it more fl avour is to place a plate over the pan and turn them both over. h en you • Heat up the tin of beans and mix in the tomatoes • Leave it to simmer for a couple of minutes until thick can slide the uncooked side back on the pan. • Serve when hot! and saucy, the scatter the green parts of spring onion on top to • Should take about another minute, then time to eat! give it the looks! Michael Chung Remember – all the recipes above is not exclusively for hangover, you can have it as your everyday breakfasts as well! Want to write for ? YES NO

How about How about copy writing News? editing etc?

NAH, YES SOUNDS NO WHAT IS THAT? SHIT

WOOP!Email: YES How about writing Fair enough. Keep It’s basically where [email protected] Hangman? on reading then you proof read to check for peoplse mistaeks NO HMMM. I KNOW SOUNDS FUN WHICH ONE NO Okay. What section?

WHAT DO YOU HAVE? Great! Email: Well. There’s: Features, [email protected] Business, Science,Politics, Food, ONE OF THEM Comment, Fashion, Arts, Books, Music, Television, Film, Games, NO Technology, Coffee Break, Hangman (again), Travel, Sports, Puzzles

NONE OF THEM...

FINE. I WILL NO Make a new one?

COME ON. WE’RE DYING OVER HERE. HELP US OUT!

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@feliximperial 40 FRIDAY 28 SEPT

Editor: Maximilian Eggl, Calum Skene, GAMES Imran Rashid [email protected] Broke and Bored? Gunning for a game? Have a look at these Crafty reviews which will

game, it is easy to play and you can hardcore battlefi eld and COD players be missed out if you are a fan of that can be used perfectly for that short Maximilian Eggl play anyway you want. If you want to - try it, you may actually like it! genre. With Valve’s Source engine, study break that you aff ord yourself. Games Editor be a rugged explorer, a creative artist these two versions are really top One of the reasons that this game or an ingenious redstone (electricity notch games that can perform at will rack up the hours is the input of equivalent) engineer this game allows comfortable levels for most PCs. the community, which is very vibrant Ahead of you, dear reader, be you you to do exactly that. h is freedom Game: h ere is no story or anything of the in both GO (Global Off ensive) and fresher or a returning student, is and lack of pressure is liberating, and is sort. h e only thing you do is sign Source, and has lead to multiple a substantial (or perhaps not so a great way to wind down after an exam CounterStrike on to various servers (community or modifi cations of the standard substantial) amount of work. To (or even before if you feel foolhardy). offi cial) that have diff erent types of Counter-terrorist versus terrorist provide some relief from the never A great thing about this game is the Source/Global game modes. It varies from the casual default modes. You can go from the ending coursework and lab reports, fact that you get free updates pretty gun game, to the very competitive most casual sniper deathmatches, to this article will try to introduce you much from the point you bought it, Offensive offi cial hostage/defuse missions. h en very intense zombie maps very easily. to some games that will serve you which means every so often something you play rounds based on those modes. Getting one of these games is the well this year, without breaking the new will come in that will change Price: £13.99/£11.99 on steam h is way of playing is very eff ective easy choice, the hard part is deciding bank. h ese games, while not the your game experience. Furthermore Platform: PC and Mac and entertaining, as you don’t really which one. Source has a bigger newest you will ever see, have a lot the modding society is very active as need to invest a lot of time for a lot community, as well as having bigger of replay value and are easily worth well, meaning if you do ever get bored of fun. At the start you may have to variations on the defaults modes, and their money. In fact, comparing there are tons of things to look for! It is hard to believe that this game learn the ways of the game, but after seems less buggy. Global Off ensive them to some of the new stuff out h is game is for all those casual started out as a mod of half life. It that its all very well balanced. h e (cheaper one) is newer, has better there, I would take these any day. I gamers looking for a game that won’t was so successful as a mod, that it fact that you can drop in and out graphics, and handy offi cial servers try to split these beauties into their break the bank and that is relatively made it into its own game. h is is of servers, as well as the fact that as well as the community ones. Also diff erent genres, so that you get a easy in terms of learning curve, yet pretty much the big daddy of all each round on average lasts about 5 the learning curve is a bit gentler for quick overview of the games on hand. very engrossing. Even for all you modern FPSs and really should not minutes max, means that this game the initiate. However in the end it doesn’t really matter which one you get, you will pour a ton of time into it. Game: Minecraft Game: Price: 20€ on the website (for PC/ Mac version) Mount and Blade: Platform: PC, Mac, Xbox 360, iOS and Android Warband

If you haven’t heard of Minecraft, Price: £14.99 on steam then you should get out from under Platform: PC that rock you have been living under. It has been the sensation of the indie gaming world, propelling Of all the games I have talked about, its creator Magnus (Notch) Persson this one here is my favourite and to game-creator stardom. In fact it possibly the one that most people won’t has been so successful that several know, which is quite a shame. Made characters and features of the by the turkish studio TaleWorlds, this game have entered popular culture. indie game perfectly captures that h e idea behind this game, is that you adventure feeling. Basically you are an are a blockheaded character, who is adventurer dumped in the medieval stranded in a cube world and must lands of Calradia, and you can do what survive in any way. Simple, right? Look at my horse, my horse is amazing! you like. Want to go and marry one of And that is the greatest feature of this the local beauties? Go ahead. Want

42 FRIDAY 28 SEPT

Editor: Maximilian Eggl, Yong Wen Chua TECHNOLOGY technology.felix@imperial. ac.uk Back to School, Technically Yong Wen Chua reveals a bunch of tech secrets for yʼall!

It’s the time of the year again. imperial software shop (unless you which have reasonable prices for their After a very beautiful summer, are medicine student, then its £25) subscription. You could also subscribe it’s time to get ready to face the Entertainment to various cable services such as cold, harsh winter and get ready Sky TV and Virgin Media some of for a new academic year. Winter is Gadgets which off er student rates. (You would coming, and so are we in helping (Skiving) also have to pay for a TV License, you make the best out of the new If you do not own a laptop or do not which off ers a student discount.) academic year, technically of course. fancy bringing your 10 pound desktop Otherwise, you could always replacement around, a tablet might be All work and no play makes stream TV shows for free from BBC for you. You can use a tablet to take Jack a dull boy, and we certainly iPlayer, iTV Player, or Channel 4 on Productivity notes during lectures, browse the don’t want YOU, our dear reader Demand so long as they are not “live”. web when you are bored (also during to be dull. Here are some tips for If you are luck enough to have lectures), and even play some candy you to keep yourself entertained. parents who suscribe to sky make Software crush if that’s your kind of thing. sure that you install sky go on your For a tight budget, look no further devices, use it on your PC. As long as than the new Nexus 7 running on Music you haven’t reached your device limit If you are looking to buy yourself Android 4.3, which is yet another , you should be able to get free sports! a copy of Microsoft Offi ce, head version of Jelly Bean. Prices start from Getting music legally is now so to Software4Students (www. £199. It is an awesome device with a much easier than before. Spotify off ers software4students.co.uk) and grab beautiful screen. Felix will be reviewing a music streaming service that allows Cloud Services yourself a copy of “Microsoft Offi ce the tablet in a future issue. If Android you to stream everything in their large 365 University” for a mere £54. (For is not your thing, try the iPad mini, library for free during the fi rst six  ere are several services out those who do not know, this entitles from £269. For a simple e-book reader, months, after which some limitation there that will greatly simplify your you to a four year subscription for try out the new Kindle Paperwhite for applies. If you pay up £10 a month, you life at Imperial, especially when you Microsoft Offi ce.  e new Microsoft just £109. We’ve heard that it’s really get unlimited plays and you can even need to work with others. Google Offi ce is now subscription based.  e good although we don’t own one. use it on your phone. Google Music, Drive is a very good tool to allow non-subscription based “Microsoft Oh, if you want to save some on the other hand, off ers a free cloud collaborative editing of documents, Offi ce Home & Student 2013” is a money on your monthly mobile storage service for your music that spreadsheets, and even presentations. whopping £95!)  e website also sells phone bill, you might want to check allows you to store up to 20000 songs If you are looking to “wow” people other useful software at a discounted out Giff gaff . For a mere £10 a month, on their servers to stream everywhere with your presentation, try out “Prezi”. price. If you are looking for a free you get 250 minutes of talktime, from your phone to your PC. If you Fancy not chugging around a alternative, look no further than unlimited text and 1 GB of internet. pay up £10 a month, you get the ability portable hard disk with all your fi les? LibreOffi ce and Mozilla  underbird Add £2 for unlimited internet! If you to stream any song from their massive If so, you really need to try out the for all your needs. Another interesting recommend someone to Giff gaff , both library, similar to Spotify. Both various cloud storage services. Google option would be open offi ce, a of you will get £5 free credit each! services off er some sort of “radio” Drive, Dropbox, iCloud and Skydrive like for like program of the offi cial service that plays songs based on are just some of the most popular ones offi ce which includes a spreadsheet, your listening habits. In this editor’s on the internet right now. Use them -- word and powerpoint component. Apps opinion, Google’s algorithms seem you won’t have to panic if you forgot (http://www.openoffice.org/) to off er up better recommendations. to bring your USB drive to college. However if you do use this Apps are the heart of every If streaming isn’t your kind of thing open source project, make sure smartphone and, and a good set will and you prefer to “own” the music you that you save in the right format! make your life much easier. Some buy, Amazon and the iTunes store Apps In addition, why not check out usability and productivity apps I use allow you to buy digital music from something new? How about learning on a regular basis are the Barclays their stores. Amazon MP3 even has a Apps can be very useful in terms LaTeX? LaTeX is a typesetting mobile banking account (which has “cloud player” that allows access to your of productivity, however they can language that allows you to produce equivalents for the other banks, is songs from anywhere. You might also also add that extra element of very good looking documents. very useful in checking my balance want to know that Amazon now off ers entertainment that your gadget may LaTeX is not the easiest to learn, and doubles as a PINsentry), a free MP3 version of the CDs you buy be lacking.  e FML app, is a good and if you are just starting out, Buschecker (or any other highly rated from them through the new “Autorip” port of call for a quick laugh, and cut try LyX. We will cover LaTeX in bus time app, which is very useful service.  is off er even extends to CDs the rope is a very good game to have a future issue, so keep a lookout! for getting around after a night out) you bought from them in the past. even if it is not free. Furthermore have Also if you are in any of the and iFormulas (iOS) (which helps me a look at Plants vs. Zombies 2 which engineering , maths, phisics related remember those pesky formulas that actually is free, and is quite a time killer! courses I would have a look at haven’t been ingrained in my head). Film and TV matlab and maple.  e prior can be Lastly, while not intrinsically useful, You can watch your heart’s content “Do you like technology? Email tech- acquired through the university ICT the imperial mobile app should be worth of TV and fi lms using online [email protected] and send service, and the latter is free through on every imperial students phone, services such as Netfl ix and Lovefi lm in a review!” FRIDAY 28 SEPT 43

@felixtechnology

facebook.com/FelixImperial TECHNOLOGY Are we seeing Apple crumble? Max Eggl is dismayed after the Appleʼs offering at the latest keynote

et another Apple keynote has interesting to the iPhone and the have been the iPhone 5. And you know original. iOS 7 was a step in a good understood a while ago is; empires come and gone, and once again very fragile glass construction that what the really sad thing is? It would direction, but that’s only a part of the never last forever, even ones that seem Y there is a sense of frustration were used in previous constructions. have even been possible.” At least it experience. I am so tired of looking so inexplicable great like Apple. Soon in the air. At least that bitter taste on However the “purpose” of this phone isn’t as much of a disappointment as at my iPhone and thinking how something else will come to push the tongue is one I have gotten used is what has me so annoyed. Basically the 5C, and I can see it being quite many things would make this thing this faltering giant of his throne, be it to after Steve jobs died, along with this is Apple’s attempt at a phone successful. However, what’s up with better. h e thing I have learnt from sooner or later. all his intuition, drive and creativity. that everyone could aff ord. However the “Champagne” colour? It just looks this, something I guess I should have For all the fancy technical terms that contradictory to hopeful reports that cheap bling. What happened with the Apple likes to throw around, they this may really be something truly understated beauty that Apple used once again managed to frustrate. aff ordable, Apple decides to slap to perfect? Everything they revealed, was known another hundred dollars on the price. Generally looking at the keynote itself two months in advance. Every cut £469 for the 16GB and £549 for the you can also see how precarious their and fi nish, every new touted feature, 32GB. You are really telling me this position even the name of the new products is your cheap phone? C’mon people, h ere used to be a time, were Apple were leaked friggin 2 months ago. No think realistically here. You can get a stood impervious, invincible to wow, no oohs or ahs, no wonderful great phone in the Nexus 4 for half doubts or pressure from investors/ innovation that bowled us over. I that. Apple has decided that since they competitors. h e only time other remember in the past, the keynotes have the fruity logo that they stick on companies or products were where something unexpected would the back of the polycarbonate body, mentioned was in graphs or tables, come up, and I would sit there thinking that they can overcharge everyone. I illustrating Apple’s dominance. to myself “How epic is that?!”. Now mean why even do a cheap phone if However now snide comments and it’s just like, “Yeah saw that already a all you are going to do is really make jokes are needed for the Cupertino while ago, and even then it was pretty it unaccessible for those who really company to feel like the top dog. boring.” Apple used to innovate, now looking forward to it. Either do it Sounds like a schoolyard bully doesn’t they are just following the market and right, or don’t do it at all. h e sad it? this keynote proves it. thing is, probably a ton of people are Furthermore, to gauge the hype Let us start with the two products going to buy it anyway. and excitement surrounding this they released, the iPhone 5S and 5C. Now about the iPhone 5S. It actually keynote, all you had to do was look Firstly is the fact that they revealed looks like a really good phone. h e at the crowd, and compare it to the I wish it had, but among many things, brightening my day was not among them two phones simultaneously a good specs are up there with the top reactions of previous keynote crowds sign or a bad one? One on hand it phones. h e 64 bit processor seems to tell that something has changed for shows that they are ready to bow like a really good new addition, and I the computing giant. Laughing was to consumer demand in a strange really would like to see how graphics rare, and cheering was even rarer and fashion, on the other hand it means intensive software runs, especially that was because to be honest, there that they are willing to follow their with the next generation of games. was nothing to cheer about! The News Bubble competitors. Time will tell if this was h e fi ngerprint sensor also looks like All in all its another disappointment General news from around the tech world, so you can keep up a good strategy. a handy feature, and one of the only for me. I have been a loyal Apple user. to date with the newest, wierdest and most futuristic things So the 5C. When I fi rst heard of things I got excited about. However I have bought several iPhones, own a around. the 5C I thought that the C would these two things really are the only macbook, the whole shebang. I used stand for cheap, meaning that Apple standout features of this phone. these, because the products you used would fi nally release a budget phone. Everything else is just catching up actually were the bees knees, there Samsung watching the time? Basically it a rehashed iPhone 5, with the competition. When looking were things on these devices that with very similar specs, and the big at this phone, all that was going other companies either didn’t have or h e Korean heavyweight has released a new accessory to complement diff erence being the plastic colour through my mind was: “Yeah, well this ripped off from Apple. Now I watch its existing devices. Featuring a 1.6” LED screen which can play apps, palette that the iPhone 5C utilises. is nice, but it would have been really in dismay as Apple falls further and messages etc., this smartwatch sees Samsung jump ahead of Apple h e colours add something new and innovative and amazing if this would further behind in anything remotely the wearable tech world. However its low battery life and inability to pair with non Galaxy devices, make this device a bit of a hassle to use.

NokiaSoft - MS buys part of Nokia

Probably the tightest partnership in the smartphone market today, Nokia and Microsoft have gone even further by the latter buying the smartphone part of the former. h e Redmond based company hopes that this acquisition will help the windows 8 phone compete against iOS and Android with a tighter integration of software and hardware. Ex-Felix Technology editor, Jason Parmar, who now works at Microsoft (who predicted a similar outcome with his article on NokiaSoft in 2011) declined to comment on the tech giant’s latest buy.

Maximilian Eggl Yong Wen Chua Technology Editors 44 FRIDAY 28 SEPT

Editor: VACANT CLUBS & SOCS [email protected]

ICRADIO.COM IMPERIAL COLLEGE RADIO KOP’s visit to Kenya George Butcher IC Radio Kenyan Orphan Project KOP

h is July Imperial College’s branch of the Kenyan Orphan Project set out for their annual trip to Kenya to see the work that their eff orts had made pos- sible. h roughout the year, the group had been fi nding new and novel ways of raising money for their cause, be it through nights out, tube collections, or a Valentine courier service. It was with high expectations that the students disembarked at Nairobi You have a student radio airport in the early morning of July station. It’s in Beit’s West 5th. h ey were not disappointed by basement, just next to the Felix any means, and extent to which they offi ce and to be frank, it’s pretty enjoyed the experience can be easily Oasis of Hope school dren which can help them get jobs and vulnerable children and orphans in awesome. We have about 10,000 seen from the following accounts. Oasis of Hope school off ers second- become self suffi cient so that they don Kenya through health, education and CDs and vinyls down there, h e students spent two weeks in ary education at a low cost to very not have to go back to streets. KOP social welfare projects. KOP is sup- we host live bands from our west Kenya in a town called Kisumu. bright and motivated children from also funds a number of street children ported by a number of UK universi- recording studio (yep, got one h ey had the chance to spend one the neighbouring slums who would through primary education and addi- ties including Imperial College (since of them too) and you can have week in Ombeyi feeding centre and otherwise not have been able to aff ord tional support for those within HOV- 2010) who each make a huge and valu- listen at www.ICRadio.com. the next week at Oasis of hope sec- secondary education. New dormito- IC in secondary education. able diff erence to the lives of hundreds h e best thing about us, is that ondary school. ries were built funded by KOP which To ensure the children’s safety KOP of children. any of you can come and join the students from the summer team also helped with the purchase of a Each summer, a group of Imperial in, whether you want to host Ombeyi Feeding centre painted and decorated. h ey took part property in Kisumu for ‘night shelter’ Students form the summer team who your very own show, make our h e Ombeyi feeding centre provides in lessons, taught health education where up to a 100 children can sleep travel to Kisumu, West Kenya, for two website even more awesome, meals regularly for orphaned or vul- and discussed gender issues with the at night safely. weeks to directly work on the projects commentate at the upcoming nerable children. It also provides a children. Many of the KOP students A student tells us of his experience that we support. You could fi nd your- Medics v College rugby match fresh water borehole and a water were very impressed by how intelli- visiting HOVIC: self teaching children about health- or go to gigs backstage and management system on the site for gent the children were and how keen “h e HOVIC centre for street chil- care, helping to build schools, playing review them for us (for free of the whole community. h is centre they were to learn. dren really opened our eyes to a diff er- games with the children or helping course), we need your help! was built by KOP funding and built by Alex Lai a member from 2013 sum- ent side to the lives of children we had with the feeding programmes created h is is the best time you could KOP students in 2007. Here the stu- mer team had this to say: met so far. h e children here had been for street children, whilst also being possible chose to get involved dents helped with gardening, cook- “Oasis of Hope is a huge inspiration, through some unimaginably trau- able to explore Kenya. We place a big with us. Freshers’ Week will be ing and serving meals to children and having 200 very talented students, the matic lives and the centre was a way emphasis on welcoming all members our biggest yet, we are hosting then later were able to spend time majority of whom have had a tough to allow them to be children again. We and holding regular socials. live bands at both Freshers’ with them. h ey also had the chance upbringing. We were immersed into were also lucky enough to be able to Whether you’re looking to person- Mingles and the Freshers’ Ball to visit some of the children’s’ family their daily routine from attending play a game of football against them, ally make a diff erence to the lives of (we hope you enjoy them!) and and houses. h is came as a big shock their lessons to doing scouts as their which was actually quite a challenge.” vulnerable children (whilst also seeing this term we want to fi ll out our to many of the students who realised extra curricular activity. At the end After coming back from the projects Kenya’s amazing wildlife, scenery and schedule with all of your brilliant the harsh realities that many of these of the week we were treated to many everyday students were able to wind culture), an outlet for your creativ- talent. At the end of this year, young children face every day. performances from the students, such down and socialise at the rooftop bar. ity, being involved with KOP’’s wider we will say a sad farewell to the One of the students from the pro- as poetry, drama, singing and danc- h ey also had a chance to visit many activities (such as the Big Chill Mu- studio as it all gets refurbished gramme tells us about his experi- ing. h ese performances showed how cultural locations such as Kit Makai, a sic Festival) or being part of a grow- into a brand new, state of the art ences: talented these students are and how religious place for the locals. ing society that supports extremely studio in time for October 2014. “I was lucky enough to visit Ombeyi inspirational they could be to other A student from the trip said this worthwhile projects, KOP has a place If you want to get involved feeding centre in Kenya. students around the world. about the social aspect of KOP sum- for everyone. in Imperial’s most fun, wide h is centre feeds around 80 chil- h e trip has had many thoughts and mer programme: All members are encouraged to join ranging and funky society, dren who are have lost one or two of emotions from excitement and joy “Although in the daytime is ex- in, whether they choose to be a part of get yourself to our Freshers’ their parents or have parents who are to the realization of the harsh reality tremely rewarding and enjoyable, the the summer team or not, and we will Fair stand. Failing that, we are unable to look after them. h ere are many face here, we only saw a small events in the evenings and weekends help to support all possible fundrais- hosting our annual ‘Beer and around 3 cooks who work very hard part of Kenya, but big changes can be are really fun and great way to get to ing ideas and challenges! Biscuits’ welcome event on so that the children can have two made to small parts. It is a trip I would know everyone in the group. h ese in- To fi nd out more about us and how the 7th October in the Physics meals a day regularly. encourage everyone to undertake, as clude karaoke and bar nights and visit- you can get involved, visit our stall at common room at 7 o’clock. Grab We got stuck in straight away and not only is it highly enjoyable but it ing the equator and the Masai market.” Fresher’s Fair or send us an email at a couple of friends and come helped with cooking, gardening, and opens your eyes more to the world.” h is annual trip opens the eyes of [email protected] and drink some of our (free) cleaning and helped with serving food many of the students to the ugly face You can also visit the KOP website drinks, eat our food and listen to the children. HOVIC of poverty in developing countries or follow us on Facebook by joining to good music. See you there! What I enjoyed most was spending h e students were also lucky to spend such as Kenya and how the most vul- the ‘Imperial KOP’ facebook page. h e time with the kids and singing and some time in HOVIC. HOpe for Vic- nerable people of society suff er from links for these respectively are given dancing to the games they showed toria’s Children (HOVIC) is a week- it. h e money raised is incredibly below: us. I also realized how hard everyone end feeding programme for over 100 valuable. h e money raised by the stu- works in the centre to help these chil- street children. Street children in dents transforms the lives of so many Facebook page dren and it was truly an inspiration.. Kenya face many hardships from lack orphans and gives them a fi ghting http://www.facebook. h e home visits made us realise how of shelter to physical and sexual abuse. chance in life and to help them fulfi l com/pages/KOP- lucky and privileged we are. Seeing HOVIC helps these children by not their dreams. Imperial/404156182982496?fref=ts the poverty and diffi culties the chil- only providing meals but also helps dren face made me even more deter- with their education development and Background Facebook group mined to fundraise and stop children medical care. h ey try and teach valu- h e Kenyan Orphan Project (KOP) http://www.facebook.com/ having to face such situations.” able vocational training to the chil- is a charity and society that supports groups/114706818558259/ FRIDAY 28 SEPT 45

@feliximperial

FelixImperial CLUBS & SOCS The El Salvador Project Robert Wright reports back from their latest contstruction project

his summer, the annual previous village, which was mainly In addition, existing wall cracks are El Salvador Project saw jungle terrain with a very large lake. fi lled with a local substance known as a team of 10 Imperial h e team stayed in the centre of town ‘Cemento Plastico’ , and the house is College students once again in a rented house that was equipped painted with waterproof paint to help embark on a journey to with two rooms (an open plan kitch- protect against the monsoon season. TCentral America. h eir mission this en and bedroom for ten), an outside h e project is hands on, with the en- time was to upgrade a set of houses fl ushing toilet (the team were thrilled tire team practising their DIY skills constructed in 2008 that, following a after a week of the latrine in Costa through the use of power tools and a structural analysis by the engineering Rica), plumbing that only worked in- good old fashioned hammer. We try consultancy ARUP, were deemed to termittently due to water shortages, to get the locals involved in the work be dangerously unstable under certain and fi nally a local shop worker Jordie too if they are willing, and this helps seismic conditions. El Salvador being (the other tenant and man-with-the- to promote information exchange and a seismically active part of the world plan should anything in the house skills development. h e offi cial lan- meant that a retrofi t was in order. break). And oh did it break. Blocked guage in El Salvador is Spanish and h e retrofi t was initially trialled in toilets, burst pipes, leaking roofs, this naturally we had translators with us to 2011 in a small village in El Salvador was defi nitely not living the life of Ri- help do all this. known as Costa Rica (confusing, we ley. Whilst the weekdays were devoted know). Here, a total of 28 of these When we weren’t battling it out with to work, at weekends we went into El Salvador Project houses were retrofi tted. As part of this the day to day diffi culties of living in a tourist mode. h e pacifi c side of El Their mums are going to be so angry at how messy their rooms are year’s project, the team visited Costa third world country, we were of course Salvador is a famous surf spot and Rica in order to check whether there retrofi tting houses. When we fi rst ar- the team spent some time here ‘surf- oversee the running of the project and is based) will automatically receive a had been any earthquakes and more rived in town we had a meeting with ing’ and chilling on the beach. Other new long term objectives that focus recruitment email, but applications importantly the condition of the retro- the community in order to fi nd out weekend ventures included clubbing on engineering, evaluation and educa- from students in other departments fi tted houses. h ankfully all 28 houses who wanted the work done and when in the capital city San Salvador, tomb- tion. As in previous years, we continue are also welcomed. If you’d like to were standing despite some reported would be a convenient time for us stoning off 10m tall waterfalls (there to work with the UK registered charity join us, just follow us on Facebook seismic activity, which, together with to visit their home and carry out the are taller ones though if you dare), and Engage for Development (founded by (facebook.com/ElSalvadorProject) or some minor modifi cations, gave us the work. a trip to ancient sites containing Ma- Imperial College alumni) and the lo- Twitter (@IC_ESP) and look out for green light to continue with this year’s h e actual retrofi t involved brac- yan ruins. cal NGO in El Salvador, REDES, who the recruitment email. We’re particu- retrofi tting project in the much larger ing the existing structure with timber h is year’s project has been a great advise and help out. larly interested in hearing from Span- town of San Jose Villanueva. beams as shown in the picture. h is experience and we hope the work has Recruitment for summer 2014 will ish speakers. For information and San Jose Villanueva is home to ap- is done by bolting the internal beams been benefi cial. h e project this year soon be underway. Students in the enquiries, email us on elsalvad@impe- proximately 20,000 people so it natu- through the wall to external steel has undergone a slight transformation Department of Civil and Environmen- rial.ac.uk or check out our website at rally takes on a diff erent feel to the plates positioned at each column. what with a committee now in place to tal Engineering (where the project www.elsalvadorproject.org.uk. My Speech, My Little story Yi Liu reminisces about his fi rst Toastmasters speech

adies and Gentlemen, ence members are enough to form a I stood in front of 20 people, legs to be the most graceful lady on stage the feeling of accomplishment, the Imagine yourself standing formidable wall in your heart. h is is slightly trembling and defi nitely feel- (off -Stage too). You can’t really believe satisfaction that was imprinted on on the stage with a thousand the moment that you start to wonder, ing very anxious about my speech. So (I still can’t) that a human can be so my heart when people just cheered pairs of eyes staring blankly at “What’s wrong with me?” as I tried to make a desperate attempt composed on stage, even though the me on after a successful speech. It is you, anticipating the glorious Let me share a little story. As a fi rst to calm myself down, I began to shout evidence is blatantly just in front of cliché but the truth is that every time Lmoment when your mouth opens year Imperial undergraduate, I had in fragments: “GO-OD EV-E-NING you. However, behind this grace, be- members come to me and thank me to push out the words that you have the fortune of discovering a young LA-DI-ES...”. I sounded like a spoilt hind the composure, behind all this for inspiring them, I am proud of my prepared for so long. Somewhere in club hidden in the Mechanical Engi- microphone that only makes a sound unbelievable confi dence, is nothing speech because it is changing people’s your heart, you reassure yourself again neering department called Imperial when you bang it on its corners. How- more than two years of public speak- life one at a time. and again that it is all going to be okay, College Speakers. Amazingly, it is part ever, the amazing thing about Toast- ing experience. Trust me, if you are Now, it is time for me to end off with but then what comes out is nothing of a global organization that dedicates master is that immediately after the willing to go that extra mile, eventu- a little scenario for you to consider. more than a struggling, noiseless itself to nurturing great speakers and speech, the audience gave me an ap- ally you will be a better speaker than When we look at the professional ‘pop’. Does this sound familiar? leaders, Toastmasters International proving glance that even I found it to you ever dreamed yourself to speakers standing in the limelight with Public speaking is a little misleading (a tip for the job-seeking students: be unbelievable. Hey, all the members be. people cheering so loudly, there is devil that haunts us in our daily lives. HR departments know this organiza- are just here to learn, so this is a chal- It is through making one idea that crosses our mind “wouldn’t When we look our student presiden- tion well). I remember the fi rst meet- lenge with no failure, it is just another speech after another that it be great if one day I can speak like tial candidates running from lecture ing quite vividly: the joyous, relaxed experience. I learnt a lot about how to him?”(Admit it!) Well, maybe theater to lecture theater to speak in atmosphere that illuminated the air, As I went down the journey towards inspire people, how to be it is time for you to give this front of us before the lecture starts, sandwiched with the slight nervous- being a speaker, I learn a few lessons humourous and how to thought a little nudge. it seems to be an easy, smooth, per- ness from each member as they stood and cleared a few misconceptions. carry on a conversation. Who knows, maybe haps even enjoyable experience to up on the stage and started speaking. First of all, speaking can be improved But it is not twenty years down the them. However, when these inevita- Yes, this is a club that asks you to make by experience. If you ever have the only about road, you will be thank- ble moments eventually come to you, a speech. chance of audience a speech by Ex- the skills that ful that little decision it seems that even two to three audi- I had my share of embarrassment. president Michelle, you will fi nd her I acquired, it is you make here. 46

HANGMAN [email protected] Blog standard quality The Hangman reviews the fi rst blog from YOUR dear leader

oday, h e Hangman critically who use the word ‘receptive’ when evaluates the Sabbatical they’re trying to get you to come to Blog written by our a night out. incumbent union president Our glorious and eternal leader David ‘Shorts’ Goldsmith. would like to encourage all of the Th ere’s only one possible thing that freshers not to “take it too seriously could be worse to read, and since they at the beginning”, but some of us don’t don’t do death warrants in this coun- do medicine, and actually have to do Cyclopean to English that makes the try anymore, this blog post moves work in the fi rst few weeks. Some of article so terrible, perhaps he rushed swiftly to the top of my list. us even have tests to take and lectures the article as he hurried to don his Your sphincter should already be to sleep through. But it’s sage advice, human skin before his next meeting twitching by the time you’ve read the after all, David didn’t get where he is to decide how best to convert human three exclamation points in the title, today by ‘working’. souls into tuition fees. Who knows? but your anus goes from ‘puckered’ h e third point just abandons any What I do know is that whatever to ‘Niagara’ by the time you read the semblance of style with a three-line dark recess of the world he pulled this body of the text. title and no subtitle. h e classic joke post from, the creatures that dwell “You’re soon to be immersed in the is that doctors have bad handwrit- must be the ones responsible for the madness of freshers’ week”. David ing, but will we one day see an article most recent blight upon humanity: and I have wildly diff erent defi ni- in the Lancet by David ‘Barbie sold YOLO.a tions of the word ‘madness’. For me, separately’ Goldsmith that consists h e acronym that came to be syn- a mad night out is not an awkward solely of a 4 page Abstract? onymous with a devil-may-care atti- queue for expensive drinks while a When I picture him writing this, tude held by those that desperately fi ll 30-something DJ spits out the playlist I picture a nightmarish creature their social media with a thick black WHICH IS THE REAL PERSON? he wrote for his niece’s Bar Mitzvah crouching upon an offi ce chair in the ichor known as swag. All joking aside, See page 52 for the answer party. dead of night, while its hideous, bloat- this is just plain embarrassing. h e “Even the shyest students are re- ed tongue lolls across the keyboard to man has one job this week, and that ceptive to social interaction!”. I don’t create words that our mere human is to try to make the Union look good. know about you, but I was always bodies are able to pronounce. Per- It’s a shame you only live once, be- Ken David taught to stay very far away from men haps its this language diff erence from cause he’s really mucked that up. CANCER GEMINI TAURUS VIRGO ARIES LEO

This week you looking up and You’re going to have a rela- You arrive at university with You hold your breath for a You see the Freshers’ arriv- As you reach college you re- down your corridor in halls... tively good week. You’ll only a big smile and lots of hope. dare. When you recover from ing with their “14” hoodies alise you’ve forgotten your So many possible friends, throw up once, sleep in one Once you get into your new your lack of oxygen Freshers’ and bright smiles. This only books, calculator and glasses. where to start? You go to lecture and get a C on your room while your parents un- week is over, nobody wants serves to remind you how old You’ve also forgotten to brush your computer and code an introductory maths test. Well pack your things you decide to to be your friend and the rats you are and how much dignity your teeth and comb your hair algorithm that devises the done you! As you sit back read the newspaper laid care- in Fisher Hall have eaten the and self-esteem you’ve lost but you assume nobody will most efficient route to take. and enjoy this week of peace fully on your bed. You turn to sandwich your mother left you. while trying to get your PhD. notice. As you enter the lec- The results shocks you. DIE you realise you can smell Hangman and laugh at the bril- Welcome to Imperial! You sigh and reach into your ture theatre and walk towards NERD DIE!!! smoke. You wake up to see liantly written horoscopes until desk drawer where your hand the front everybody turns to your roommate burning your you lose consciousness. slides over your Felicies be- look at you and silence falls.

textbooks with black candles. CAPRICORN fore fi rmly gripping your trusty You jump onto the stage, head SAGITTARIUS bottle of vodka. AQUARIUS to the lectern and begin the

SCORPIO lecture. PISCES LIBRA

THIS WEEK YOU SHARE YOUR HOROSCOPE. The Hang- WOW WOW WOW WOW! A This week you arrive at univer- This week you decide it would This week you decide that you’ll man just doesn’t care enough about his job. real life Bow and Arrow set! You sity and fi nally see your new be funny to tip a bin full of beans follow whatever your horo- You’ve just arrived at Imperial from an all-girls school and are get to ride through the streets room. You see a curious news- over unsuspecting passers by scope has planned for you. amazed at the sheer number of boys there are on campus. of London on your trusty steed paper resting on your bed as through the window in you room. Well, it’s a Wednesday evening You expect to have a fun Freshers’ week where you plan to “Arriva”, shooting arrows at ap- you walk in to the room. While You pick up the bin, it’s heavier and you’re bored. You decide make lots of friends and forge new experiences. Instead you ples on people’s heads as you you read the paper, your par- than expected. You struggle to to head over to the Beit Quad have a week where boys only mumble in your presence and pass by. Except that this is not ents pack away your things, carry it over to the window and and visit the Felix Offi ce in the can’t look you in the eyes while the other girls have disap- a dream, you are arrested by and- oh, wait. Damn, can I start with a huge heave chuck the West Basement with a crate peared off to the UCL halls to fi nd some people with real the police and removed from the question again? What do bin out. But wait, the window re- of beer. You wake up 3 years social skills. You resign yourself to four years of misery and Arriva in shame. Jail, do not you mean the exam’s almost stricters! Damn, it’s gonna be a chained to an iMac in the offi ce loneliness and quietly plot to take over. pass GO! over? This will affect my future! smelly winter. wearing glasses. Damn it! FRIDAY 28 SEPT 47

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28/09/13 Felix wins a trophy at the support Issue 1553 felixonline.co.uk staff BBQ. Tour de Football: Poland Edition Spencer Bennett goes on a lads holiday (they even got matching shirts) our began on the fi nal Friday of the summer term. Amongst the celebrations, that are usual at this time of year, there was a sense Tof trepidation amongst some of the younger members of the touring party. What lay ahead was the football club’s summer tour to Poland by the end of which this feeling of trepidation had been truly justifi ed. After a feast of Librarian’s Michelin starred Bizzquick© the 22 of us began the journey to Krakow. K.Arthur ar- rived just in time with another story to add to his growing anthology. h e hostel staff in Krakow were treated to our unique culture of box (which the Union’s patrons enjoy week in week out) with the traditional tour addition of bong. Our fi rst night in Krakow was the scene for one of the great discov- eries in human history. To the list of Columbus and the Americas, Newton and gravity, Fleming and penicillin, the discovery of Shakers by ICUAFC can be added. Georgia, who just hours earlier had been reduced to tears by a mop, was now delighted whilst S.Campbell and Marius formed a per- sistent wading team. Sunday saw our fi rst footballing en- counter of the week against Poland. Spirits were high before kick-off and after an extensive warm up we locked horns with Poland. After a bright start MACIEJ WITKOWSKI by ICUAFC the experience and tech- nical ability that is common at inter- this cause must be commended. h e and Spaniard 3 took an unprovoked to shower his homeland in honour of his life ICUAFC gained the upper national level allowed Poland to gain line “can you blow up my shark” was dive. In the second half goals from regardless of the accuracy of his tales. hand without ever threatening the the upper hand. Despite Gayson’s best surprisingly successful until Spaniard Librarian and Marius, the fi rst a deft However, the beauty of Wroclaw com- goal. On the stroke of half time the eff orts ICUAFC found themselves 2-0 1 decided this was dishonourable and chip over the keeper and the second bined with Shambolic’s love of hotties home side grabbed a goal that proved down at half-time. With some Spanish confi scated the prop. a casual pile-driver from range, were led to a pleasant evening. h e next to be decisive. Despite a late maraud fl air coming off the bench and Librar- Jewsuf defi nitely not completing the not enough to earn victory against the day’s dinner was rudely interrupted from Phone Shop and goal line hero- ian taking 5 minutes to calm down shooting challenge was followed by an tenacious youths. Live music helped by some unwelcome visitors who were ics from Georgia and Dr. Love a 1-0 the second half performance showed afternoon of pint-seeing in the most us forget the day’s defeat and our fi nal suitably punished for the presence. defeat was the only reward for a solid some signs of improvement with beautiful city in the world. K.Arthur night in the most beautiful city in the Crab made a swift exit to propose to performance which was always going chances spurned by Reply all, Spaniard abused a free-hug initiative and Sergei world saw Librarian bring dishonour local children leaving a furious Blue to have an end of tour feeling to it. 2 and (most impressively) Dr. Love. Dr. quoted his doctor more times than is on his family as No stood watch from Steel with the bill. By this point bowel Having been mesmerized by Librar- Love’s maraud from centre back went decent. his outpost in shakers and Georgia’s control was becoming an issue with ian for the previous 90 minutes the unnoticed by the Poles and his gamble h e next day saw ICUAFC’s sec- selfi es reached new heights. K.Arthur and No retiring early. bumper crowd of 17 showed their ap- at the back stick so nearly resulted in ond match of tour this time facing up h e coach journey to Wroclaw Our fi nal encounter saw ICUAFC preciation, as did the rest of the team, a headed goal. h e eff ect of chasing against some local street youths. A began with some shock revelations take on Wroclaw Institute of Tech- and he was inevitably awarded player the ball began to show in the last 15 rousing rendition of the national an- which Blue Steel found diffi cult to nology. As both teams felt each other of tour. Honourable mentions to Dr. minutes and a disappointing perfor- thems was followed by a cagey open- accept. Napoleon was crowned the out in the opening stages it was the Love, Emma’s fi t, Georgia and Sausage mance ended in a comfortable win for ing 30 seconds after which Sausage second most hated man in the club home side that were nearly gifted an (Sausage!) who also gave inspirational Poland. h at night the Spaniards’ mis- had had enough and decided to give (Myles Jarvis just pipping him) and early goal by a hilarious misjudgement performances over the week. ery was compounded by their national the youths a head-start by throwing “6/10, house party” was repeated by Phone Shop in goal. Charging out h ere was time for just one more team’s appalling performance. Na- the ball into his own net. Marius’ se- several times. A combination of of his area our stand-in keeper could piwo before the squad headed home poleon’s DJing was well received but lection policy was being called into S.Campbell’s awful musical taste, a only watch as the ball bounced high to bask in the memories and pain that Shakers beckoned. Later, Emmanuel question when Sausage produced an- four hour wait in traffi c and the ne- over his head. Fortunately, fi nishing the previous week had created. A wise Frimpong watched on in disgust as other goalkeeping clanger to see IC- cessity for Spanish penises never to ability appeared not to be an entry aeronautics PhD student once said Sausage and Crab committed animal UAFC 2-0 down early on. h e massed piss alone meant that morale was low requirement for our opponent’s team. that by the end of tour you will want rights atrocities on Krakow’s pigeons crowds watched aghast as Gruby Lysy upon arrival in Wroclaw. h is was not With Gayson pulling the strings up to go home. He was yet again proven although Sausage’s commitment to produced a spectacular overhead kick helped by Spaniard 1’s determination top and Spaniard 1 having the game correct. Game to edit? Be Sports Editor, email [email protected]