“Keep the Cat Free” 28/09/13 Issue 1553 felixonline.co.uk 2 FRIDAY 28 SEPT Editors: VACANT FEATURES [email protected] University Rankings and what you should (not) make of them Sample of Rankings: These statistics, there would be more than this.” Reality you outnumber them 3:1 – it would be while very is always underwhelming, isn’t it? foolish for the College to fail to cater Shiladitya Ghosh • QS World Rankings: 2013-14 Writer heartening and Unfortunately, the hard truth is that to you and your abilities…and no one’s o th Overall: 5 good to know, the only major way you infl uence saying it does. This article merely o th nd Engineering and technology- 6 (world), 2 (UK) also perpetrate the these rankings are through your serves to explain to you what the o Life sciences and medicine- 14th (world), 3rd (UK) myth propounded National Student Satisfaction (NSS) currently-published ranking systems do o matter who you are o Natural science- 9th (world), 3rd (UK) upon at the start survey (when you graduate), and how and do not imply about your Undergrad or where you come o Civil Engineering – 1st (world) of this paragraph. quickly you fi nd a job upon graduation. experience at Imperial because from, you are, to some • Times Higher Education Rankings: 2012-13 Just keep in mind Most of the score is contributed to by they do not factor in much about extent, proud of this o Overall: 8th that our seniors Postgraduate students and researchers Undergraduates. There simply isn’t esteemed institution’s worked hard to at the College who are frantically any real ranking system for universities o Engineering and technology-10th (world) very high rankings on various scales get their jobs no churning out theses and papers, and to from an Undergraduate perspective out N th o and from a variety of scorers around Life sciences – 10 (world) matter how easy it whom factors like ‘Student-Staff Ratio’ there (or at least one that’s not exclusive o th the world. It helps that the QS League Physical sciences – 17 (world) sounds now, and are a whole lot more important in the to US colleges) so we can’t say for sure. Tables just got updated earlier this o Clinical Health/Medicine – 5th (world) you will have to hunt for a supervisor. At the end of the Could Imperial be argued to month to show Imperial rising to its • Guardian University Guide: 2014 do so to match up day, it’s generally fi nal-year Undergrads be the World #1 University for greatest heights ever – hats off to Civ. o Overall: 9th to their statistic.) and more senior people who get to Undergraduates? Sure, it’s possible Eng., how does it feel to be on top of • Complete University Guide: 2013 You will come muck about with the ‘world-class’ (though unlikely). But no one’s manage the world? – just as we all start/resume o Overall: 4th to grudgingly facilities the College has, and it’s what to agree on a set of standard criteria our college adventure. (A selection admit (at least to they do that’s published to the world, to quantify this. Maybe you can try. of up-to-date rankings is shown yourself) that in and whose quality is judged to form in a table if you want to feel good mistake that for a lack of intelligence your year group there are people who the main basis of our world rankings. about yourself while you still can.) – they worked hard to get here, and are both smarter and better than you, But all this doesn’t mean Imperial is All summer, during and after waiting are probably just as deserving as you. who will effortlessly breeze through a lousy place for an Undergrad to be at around for your offers and crapping You will notice that criteria such exams and coursework in their sleep (though I did suggest to you earlier to your pants on the eve of Results Day, as ‘Research Excellence’ and ‘Staff- while maintaining a social life, and feel good about yourself while you still you’ve probably done your fair share of Student Ratio’, prominent features in there are also people slower than you could.) You’re going to spend between putting down UCL and tried to publicly several ranking methodologies will who will have to put in long shifts after 3-6 years here; most Postgrads are Wiki Commons believe that Oxbridge don’t know what hardly have any bearing on how your lectures at the library, poring over the only here for either 1 or 4 years, plus Top spot MIT/real life Tetris they’re missing with you headed here. fi rst few undergraduate years go. The lecture notes to understand things you Furthermore, with the updated rankings generous college endowment and thought were easy enough. You may showing just where we purportedly budgets will never really seem to be identify with the latter group, and Sponsored Editorial stand in the world’s grand scheme of trickling down to furnish your lecture may come to know brighter and more things, you might have started to believe theatre (LT) with swiveling seats admirable individuals at other colleges you’re something special, headed for and touchscreen desks. For naming like UCL or even King’s, who will The Chosen College, destined for ourselves the Imperial College of greatly trouble your self-esteem and More student cuts greatness and buzzing to meet other Science, Technology, and Medicine, make you wonder what you are doing whiz-kids/some legendary old people. you will see sluggishness in unexpected here. But you have to remember, no one You might expect to be herded into places on the technological front – just ever said you’re better than other people Discount haircuts for Imperial a factory of educational brilliance keep track of how many months it ends just because you’re in Imperial, and it’s where you enter with A*A*A*A* and up taking for every department to have not necessarily true at all. The fact that exit with a job at Google/JPMorgan a couple of LTs to fi nally be confi gured you’re here means that the College/ students at Fresh Hairdressers like clockwork. You might expect for AV recordings of lectures. Department admissions team thought to command awe and respect from You will come to realise that you have great potential on top of your near South Kensington your peers at other institutions just unfortunately, top jobs aren’t being undoubted academic prowess. Don’t by telling them where you study. You prepared to be handed to you on a plate forget to be humble and keep developing Men’s cuts £22 (normally £35) discount and bring your student ID we might expect Imperial to have all once you pass your degree. There are yourself all the time. Take chances to Women’s cut and rough dry £28 look forward to seeing you. the best facilities and most modern only a handful of those jobs to begin learn from anybody and everybody. Women’s cut and salon fi nish blow- We use only the best products, Wella, technologies implemented on campus with – chances are you won’t be getting That’s why you’re surrounded by dry £38 (normally £55) Moroccan Oil, L’Oreal, and KMS and and available for your learning benefi t. one if you sit around feeling entitled. people who don’t necessarily seem offer free coffee and herbal teas. You might expect that everyone around That’s why we need, and have, regular all that amazing. It’s because they’re FRESH Hairdressers has been offering To book an appointment call 0207 823 you knows just as much advanced Careers Fairs on campus, for you to fi nd not amazing yet, but by the time they high quality, fashionable haircuts for 8968. mathematics and physics as you do. out that employers do like Imperial, but graduate, after they have interacted over 20 years. All of our haircuts are Tuesday to Saturdays 9.30 to 5.30 Of course, rankings are a vague and hailing from here isn’t enough to make with similarly amazing people, they by highly experienced stylists, NOT We are only 70 metres from South general measure of how well a university the cut since they also like Oxbridge, will be. And hopefully, so will you. trainees. Kensington tube station. is doing in a broad sense. But, the LSE, the Ivies, etc. You have to do Somewhat in contradiction, you will www.freshhairdressers.co.uk above is not what these rankings imply, stuff. Partying twice every week will have to realise that studying a top-rated TO GET A GREAT HAIRCUT or are even necessarily a measure of. look doubly distasteful to employers course in a top-rated college won’t 1) You don’t have to spend a lot of By the time you read this, you may if you don’t show you can handle automatically make you awesome, but money at expensive trendy salons already have fi gured that with such responsibility and make productive use people will expect you to be awesome 2) You don’t have to spend hours as a a diverse and international student of your free time by contributing to a and be doing awesome things all the Guinea pig at a training school body, not everyone has had a similar few Clubs/Societies during your time time anyway. You will feel pressurised 3) You don’t have to be butchered at educational background.