O O O O O OO O OOO OO O O OO O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O OO O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O OO O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O OO O O O O O O O OO O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O v

DRA

by

M EL H EIM ER

Illustrations by PEGGY BA CON

WH IT TLES EY HOU S E

- H M P M CG R A W I L L B x C A N Y IN C . oo O ,

NEW YOR K L OND ON THE BIG D R A G

M ELV IN L Co ri ht 1 b . HE IME R py g , 947 , y

i d T hi b ook or a h ht v . of A ll r g s reser e s , p rts t ere , m ay no t b e rep rod uced in an y form with out l p erm issio n of the p u b ish ers .

The q ual ity of the materials used in the ma nufac ture i ok i ov d b co i u d o wa ho a of th s b o s g erne y nt n e p st r s rt g es .

PU B L IS H ED BY WH ITT L ES EY H OU S E

A D IV IS ION OF TH E MCG R A W- H IL L B OOK COMP A NY , INC .

P R INTE D IN TH E U N IT ED S TA T ES OF A ME R ICA

CONTENTS

SCARS

ISSE I GOT A G S O Y L N, REAT T R

O . T N . Y . L A .

THE GREAT EM ANCIPATION

THE GIN- M ILL B LU ES

CITY SLICKER

P OU R LE SP OR T

NIGHT LIFE OF THE GOD S

H OTH OU SE FLOWER

IS EVERYB OD Y HA P P Y?

S NIGHT A H YES IGHT LA T , TERN

O C SEE V F O GOTT N E N, NE ER R EN

Beau tiful L ady with S cars

IT IS A i e slow, somehow macabre ser es of vents that begins each morning at a certain unearthly hour in many parts of this land . Roosters waddle obscenely out of the henhouse and scream

- their ugly , marrow chilling reveille . Alarm clocks cut out ’ sleepers hearts with hot knives . Cold showers , the rainstorms ’ of the devil, beat men s souls into jelly . Eyes are opened , shoe is laces are tied, coffee drunk and busses are caught . Finan cial pages are read , small talk dribbles across the landscape retchin s of r who like the g a d unk , and men have grappled through the night with the problem of whether to murder their brothers now behave to each other as if they were genu sk inely glad the y was blue and the sun bright .

In one form or another , this unholy ritual takes place in downtown Chicago with the damp lake air blowing in like ’ wet a kiss , in Boston s Beacon Hill with the milk horses clat w o 1 tering and skidding on the de y cobblestones , al ng Route winding its gray way through Maryland and in a thousand l other cities , vi lages and allegedly civilized places where men

. If ou and women live y get right down to it , it even takes f a New York . o o place in In the far reaches the Bronx, an / countan t inspects his tongue gloomily by the bathroom mir ror . Somewhere in Greenwich Village , a nurse stares at a ’ she strange ceiling , wonders how in God s name got there and tries to figure swiftly how long it will take her to taxi up to 2 The Big tD rag

u . P Bellev e for the early trick Over by Sutton lace , a willowy blonde struggles into her jodhpurs and out in the wilderness

of b o Queens , an office y listens sleepily to his old man giving s him hell forhaving the car out o late . u — All these things occ r everywhere except in Broadway . “ ” “ ” “ ”

I s a . Notice y in Broadway , rather than along or on I s a y it this way because Broadway no longer is just a street , ‘ is l of o s although there sti l a winding path full sh oting gallerie ,

movie houses , shirt shops , pineapple juice stands and cafe — terias ; Broadway now is a section the whole rococo , garish ,

hoopla midtown Manhattan area is Broadway , and to say you “ ” of are Broadway could mean that you live in the Waldorf, or write songs in the Brill Building or peddle reefers along

t - F . is i ty second Street More than that, Broadway a state of ‘ ' —a rarifie d t s im le arid mind , refined attitude hat may seem P harsh to the outlander but which actually is a complex and t involved thing hat could and will take a book to explain . for ? No But morning Broadway roosters , no alarm clocks , e no cold showers and, especially , no pl asant morning chit ’ chat . Is it five o clock that the first rooster crows in the out ’ ? u lands At five o clock , most of Broadway is in that first ho r i of deep sleep that the wise men tell us s the best. The effects of the las t midn ight benzedrine tablet have worn off and the

effects of the first sleeping tablet are begin ning . Paper and cardbo ard and trash lie sprinkled for blocks on end on side

l - wa ks and in gutters , like the trail of a gigantic hare and

- hounds chase . The movie house marquees have blinked out,

—oh l n and the dawn is cold , so cold even hot August ra Ma b e and g y s y a sailor beats his lonely way up the street , A A x u s uncertainly , waveringly . cop yawns . ta i b mps lowly A his over the trolley tracks . drunk shivers and draws legs B eautiful Lady with S ears 3 T closer to his chest in a doorway . his is Broadway asleep fitful , frowning, grinding its teeth in a bad dream ; waiting for - l the next day , waiting for the hundred dol ar parlay, the ’ ’ break at Loew s State , the blonde who s going to come around ’ for the corner of Lindy s ; waiting the big , wonderful surprise of tomorrow .

o . as By nine , the utlanders are on hand The street is dead f as old s o all r b and lat champagne , and are its sidest eet tri i — n dr utar es out o e . cold , from the ink too many But the drones are beginning to spill out of the subways and bus terminals and trolleys and train stations . They walk through i e the streets of Broadway l k the shapeless figures that float ,

r ~ the red and misty , th ough a bad dream . Past Paramount t f movie house hey shuf le , past the cheap little dance halls SO—GIR LS—SO With the signs , past the pigeons spread out i t l ke a dirty deck of cards before the sta ue of Father Duffy , past the big gin mills like the Latin Qu arter and the Zan dru zibar , which are tighter than a m , through the long , hard streets of crosstown all headed for a desk and a typ e

or . writer, a cage and an adding machine The Broadwayite sleeps .

But by eleven , life along the Big Drag has begun to ’

i . quicken , like an unborn babe k cking at his mother s stomach

The bartenders and the waiters wander into their cool, beery rl of places of employment , the very ea 'iest Broadway birds appear on the sidewalks in front of the raffish little hotels in the Forties/and maybe from an upstairs academie de mus i ue q we hear the first , tortured scales of the Manhattan — morning lark a trumpet stumbling over the latest broken of hearted ballad . The streets have emptied themselves the i e m ‘ al en elem nt of com uters , and only in front of the movie 4 The Big D rag

s ee k n wan houses do we the Jackson Heights and, Broo ly

derers . , eyeing the latest Hollywood masterpieces Now the real Broadwayite begins to pop up along the main

as if . stem , up through the sidewalks The dark shirt and light r No tie appears . The pegged trousers and the d aped jacket . ’ hat, natch . The long hair and the thick , Actors Equity side “ ” b e inn in of burns and, since it is the g g the day , the rogue

- sport shirt with no tie . The open toed sandal, if it is summer; the brown suede brogue , if it is winter . The deep tan right

of — - out the barber shop , and the cigarette ever present , smol — dering , sinister the final touch that makes our man another

Humphrey Bogart , as he wishes . P M Somewhere in the neighborhood of . . , Broadway makes its first move . Existence in Broadway is a series of moves ; the idea of a day just falling into place according to the laws of God and nature just never is considered by the You Broadwayite . always think, swiftly , smoothly , thoroughly , t before you make your move . The leng hs to which this ele mentary philosophy is carried are remarkable ; it extends to of n the of the tying eckties , buying newspapers , the decision of whether to take the taxicab to Columbus Circle or ride the bus as well as to the more solemn problems involving ethics , morals , character .

or of Each move , big little , gets an equal amount thought ; to the Broadwayite , the question of whether to invest a quar ter to spend a quick morning hour in a newsreel mowe house is studied as carefully as the plan to sink thirty thousand dol

- is lars in a new club along Fifty second Street . There no thought about which is more important; it is just that the has citizen of Broadway come up the hard, rough , tough way B eautiful Lady with S ears 5 and must forever be circling around in the tall grass and

trampling it down lest there be snakes hidden there . — But the first move the first move is lunch . It is breakfast , of course , and there is no question of its being just a pleasant is . If meal Lunch eaten in two ways , in Broadway . the day

is dull and the calendar empty , lunch is a chocolate malted ’ or in Walgreen s , a fried egg on rye and a glass of tea in one — of the delicatessens that dot Sixth Avenue now Avenue of — the Americas like kosher oases . But that is an unusual state f ' i o . affa rs Ordinarily , the Broadwayite lunches in a show ’ ’ ’ e —D int or cas y Moore s or Lindy s Toots Shor s , or wherever i midtown fash on decrees lunch shall be eaten . Lunch is the

a . first move , then , but it is also a series of moves within move C r' u boy drifts into the bar, first, where most of the stools already are full of other bull moose come down to the water

hole u Here - ing and there , bromo seltzer dots the bar, but

. chiefly , of course , the glasses hold Scotch Even during, the —ii war years , you got Scotch in Broadway you were of

Broadway . “ ” dr Joe , our Broadwayite says , slapping one inker easily “ on . on e . . the back The slapped nods Max , he replies There

- a tu is pause , while Max s dies the room in search of a more

oe . important character than j Momentarily , he finds none , ’ s o he turns back to Joe and begins to ask him what s on the

fire , or what looks good in the first at jamaica . Joe has been ’ s t0 b e wishing to God that Max wouldn t p and bother him , cause Harry is at his left and he has been trying to get Harry / — to plug one of his songs on his next broadcast but Max is

so . here , heaven forfend, Joe sighs and is reasonably cordial “ A goat named Five Pennies is going in the third up at Suffix 6 The Big q ag

l uf Downs (that wou d be the New England racecourse , S folk “

he says , patiently , and I have heard that but has im he gets no further . Now Max spotted someone more ’ ” portant than Joe . Par n me just a minute , Joe , he says n and is off across the room to slap Frank o the back . Joe ’ doesn t even take time to breathe heavily with relief; he has ’ swung back to Harry without b reaki ng stride and is talking

God . about my , but that Max is a wearisome bastard

Max goes through the routine time and again ; finally , he “ ” meets my appointment and goes in to dine . Not too soon , f n n ot too . o late A couple stray celebrities dot the dini g room , in— but mostly they arrive late . Ah , now they trickle maybe k l e on one im Fran Fay , the star sapphire g itt ring finger, the r maculate white shirt , the usty tie or Tallulah Bank ul t head, pleasantly exchanging ins ts wi h one and hi Ray Bolger, t n as a stalk of corn and much more sober than any judge a visiting Hollywood actor, expecting the moon and the stars on his first visit to Broadway and finding just an eating joint with too many celebrities for him to over of shadow and over all , the clatter dishes and silver u ware , the constant popping p and down and straining of

s ee - the necks to just who is where , the table hopping, cries “ ” For Chris s ake l " f o of , Bi l the swift, hurried sips coffee and mercurial stabs at food s o as not to mis s anythi ng . Broadway ’ is . Y . . ou eating Quiet , please both can t talk at once

Around three , roughly , lunch has come and gone and has Broadway scattered again into a mil lion jigsaw pieces . Some of the pieces have taxied up to the Polo Grounds or the n s it Ya kee Stadium , and there they behind third or first base n i watchi g the men of muscle . Here a pleasant afternoon s spent betting on whether Mel Ott will break his bat on the Beautiful Lady with S cars 7

e w e D iM a io the n xt pitch , or h ther Joe gg will strike out, only rule s of be havior be ing the cardi nal on e ne ver to show any s emotion . The Broadwayite may moke or chew gum or swig

n s 440- dow coke , but when a ballplayer belts a foot home run out the out me n i ls of park or strikes three on n ne pitched bal ,

not e hi s or : l he must ris from seat or applaud scream and yel ,

‘ iks d - like the mouj in the bleachers . A eed of derring do is his s an d merely signal to fish for his billfold, lowly , extract a couple of bills to pass to his more fortunate companion . Some of the other pie ces of the fabulous jig - saw puzzle out n are on Long Isla d improving the breed ; here , you find e d them wand ring aroun the clubhouse , hunting the Hot Tip , irn assivel the e or p y watching parad to the post, or taking the “ o field glasses slowly away fr m their eyes and muttering, For ’ ” 1 God s sakes . Sometimes it s eems that half of Broadway 3 out

r and . at the t ack during the week . Except on Wedne sdays

Thursdays , which customarily are matinee days , you them in their trumpeting jackets and long hairdos , faces to sun in il the a desperate effort to augment the barbershop bro , still twisting their heads from side to side every few minutes ’ 13 1n to see Who s Here . That the big game , anywhere Broad ’ way or wherever the Broadwayite gathers . Who s here? Any ld ? t body I shou see I heard tha . r w has w By six , B oad ay slipped earily into its gown of ’ ’ ‘ sequins . Now you can t take it from her; the old harlot s feet may hurt and there may be long lines un de r the eyes and e was d r ugly scars und r the ears where the face lifte , but unde l ld the ights and the dark night she is beautiful . Give the o girl a cocktail and watch the life course into her. v r s t h O er by the Times Building , the tou ist stand and stre c ’ the electric n the their necks at sign that rolls arou d cornices , 8 The Big Drag

an d . spilling its story of rape , arson , pillage politics There is no question of the movie - house marquees suddenly li ghting up as if in a fairyland; they have been singing theirjazzy song wa all afternoon , even in the bright sunlight that fingers its y

main s tem . despe rately over the Under the clock at the Astor, by now so celebrated that one passable movie used it as a old theme , young love and lust stand side by side , waiting for their respective rendezv ous and assignation . The crowds i on the i be g n to knot along the l g, curving street , filling s de walks to overflowing , and giving a new cadence to the noise

- - - - - of Broadway , a shuffling , over and over, eight to the bar i f t . rhy hm The cabs , wh ch have cruised in more or less com ort through the afternoon , now snarl and blast each other as they

o s too j ckey for position in street that are much too thin , much antiquated for Manhattan today . The commuters trudge tiredly back to their subway kiosks and their Grand Central

for and Penn stations , and in the Forties the busses load up

. u s the long , uninspired trip to jersey A handf l of lost soul queue up in front of the out- of- town newspaper stand at

- i e Peoria Trib Forty th rd Street , hunting desp rately for the u - ne or some other familiar home town gazette . is i co nos centi This the d nner hour , and the g are tucking away ham and eggs in Lindy’s or a steak in Gallagher’s or have wandered down to the wilds of Twenty - third Street for ’ is not too a session with a mutton chop at Cavanagh s , but it soon for the dance halls . So we find the seedy, stringy door men standing in front of the little yellow or red doorways with their faded photos of Blonde Beauties by Murray Kor man and muttering an occasional seductive comment at a s passing yokel, but mostly ju t watching the crowds mill by , w r an d ate . i with jaundiced y eye Upsta rs , the terribly , terribly Beautiful Lady with S cars 9 ’

’ and drums corny little bands , all saxophones , are beginning to beat out rumbas or swing or whatever the dancing pleasure of the hour might be , and the hostesses , beloved in song and — story , are sitting in their pen neither bitter nor morose , as the

learned and literary would have us believe , but rather ami — able and vacant marking time to the end of their youth in the most pleasant way they know . The three - for- a- quarter photo shops begin to bustle with

- o activity, and from the used record stores l ud speakers spew their tales of love and June and moon . The orange and

- pineapple juice stands , sloppy and wet and dirty, are doing ’ v ur big business , and in the se eral Child s resta ants , Helen Hokinson ladies ogle their creamed chicken with one dubious eye and their wristwatches with the other, because , my dear,

- the curtain goes up at eight forty sharp , which it never, never f does . In Du fy Square , a few stoical pigeons linger under the

' down the all glare of the lights , and up and Big Drag and um along the little side streets , the unattached males and the r attached females have begun their tawd y , garish game of ’ u- - - yo can t catch me .

v there are - O er it all , the never ending lights , selling every — thing from bananas to stove polish glittering , shimmering ,

b lue \ ink bursting red , yellow, , p , screaming their messages , t cas ing a jerky and eerie glow over the turbulence below . is This some kind of cool, noisy , affable Hell, where the pitch forks are the nightsticks of dumb COPS and where the flames l to are raucous , amazing neon Signs that te l you where go , what to wear and how many buttons your underwear should carry . You stand on the fringe and watch it , stunned and yet ffl as nervous , ba ed and yet caught up in it if by an undertow . le itimfi e showhouses By nine, the g have lured their quota, ‘ 10 The Big Drag

’ i and the coughers are busy destroying Shakespeare s l nes , while Broadway settles down to its nightly dose of make of believe . Now the world begins and ends in the wings a God theater , and help you if you are an actor and found in ou l t a public place at this time , for it means that y are at iber y

and thus a bust, especially if the season is busy . In the little gin mills like the Paddock and Conway’s and Mickey Walk ’ ers or in every bar and grill that dots Eighth Avenue , a block

of to the left the Big Drag , the ball games are replayed and the races rerun . Maybe a couple of thugs are fighting for the ’ fl e awei ht world s g title in Madison Square Garden , and a few thousand of the faithful are clustered there , their cigarettes making idiotic red needl epoint patterns in the dark buil d ing—the canvas and sweat and resin and screams sifting to

t t . ge her like a Hogar h painting In the nightclubs , the comics ’ lk v r l are wa ing through the first shows , gi ing just th ee do lars of ou worth themselves , for the dinner crowd goes sparing _ liquor .

Now Broadway is in the groove , winding up and exploding with a ceaseless bang . Somewhere in the night , colts are being af foaled and knives thrown , s es are being blown and Presi is w dents are being born , wheat aving softly under a clear and sk m s starry y , and waves are s ashing furiou ly against rocky coasts . Bridge is being played and deathless prose is being tw o written , a car is skidding on wheels around a corner and i kittens are drowning in a well . Yet all these th ngs are hap ’ f s o pening far rom Broadway , and they don t count , to the ’

. G od n Broadwayite damn it , man , how re you go na keep up with everything along the street if you’re gonna go poking around with what happens Out There?

B eautiful Lady with S ears 1 1

ru By midnight, the d nks have begun to dot the crowds

mushing along , and the seductions are at least half along the “ ” H rr . a road to consummation Oh , y, a little blonde says to

dowanna there . are a sailor , I go I wanna but they gone ,

love and lust , before we can find out where they do end up .

There are screams in the air , and giggles and the jackass bray

ings of executives Enjoying Themselves , but they are muffled and then swallowe d up in the incessant din that pounds along

- hr . r t ough the jagged canyons Along Fifty second St eet , the

is out - strange music that jazz seeps of the tinny , dog cared , on rundown little joints , where the war goes between cus ' tomer and proprietor over finances more op enly th an in the h plush joints like the Stork . And in places like t e Stork and r El Morocco , the singularly uninspi ed are lifting their pinkies not like mad and getting drunk so quietly .

By three , the Big Drag is unwinding , running down like s a gaudy little mechanical doll . In hallways , sailors lie a leep , and the cops are beginning the task of sweeping up the human trash that is scattered, out to the world , through the ’ n la i . o e s s area The drink being savored in the bars , which

to - - still have an hour go , and in a standard size , double bed hotel room a Showgirl is looking about her dubiously and say ’ ing sharply to the character that this isn t a suite , not by a long f ou . o shot , y little jerk Some the lights blink out along Broad

wa . y , and the movie marquees finally go dark

ah . 0 0 By five , but this is where we came in By five , a p yawns , a taxi rumbles over the trolley tracks , the streets lay littered and reasonably still, like a living room after a party . fl o In the hotels , in the apartments , in the p houses , Broadway pulls the bedclothes a little tighter around its neck and sleeps . Lissen I G ot a G reat S tor , y

THER E A R E some among us to whom the garish wonders of Broadway are beyond compare ; there is no sight to us more beautiful than the hokey signs blinking and the beggars beg ging and Broadway Rose hurling a defiant curse at the reced ing back of a minor ce lebrity who has refused her piquant

elt. or pleas for g And to us , the use of superlatives the employ

- ment of drum beaters to sing its praises publicly , in the call of a . of the birds , is completely unnecess ry And yet one the m one of of the most i portant , indeed the most representative ’

is . street s characters , the Press Agent There is nothing quite like him anywhere in the world today; he would be ill at ease in the R aflles bar in Singapore or the Savoy Grill in London , but in the throbbing heart of

Broadway he is at home . There are times when he is Broad

for way , , like Brooklyn , that marvelous area sometimes is nothing more than a state of mind and the creator of is that state of mind the press agent . f T God knows how many o them there are . o a practicing f the o . newspaperman , they seem in hundreds thousands They represent everything from a psalm - singing evangelist to a society glamour girl, and I believe there have even been cases o n record of a press agent representing another press agent . This is not so wierd or s o incongruous as it sounds ;

Russell Birdwell, for instance , is virtually internationally

- s o n s o known as a tub thumper ; is Steve Ha nagan , was the 12 Lis s en G ot a reat Stor 18 , I G y

matchless Dexter Fellowes . Birdwell is a going concern , with a volume of business that is tremendously impressive and ’ with offices from one coast to another . Why s houldn t he have a press agent of his own?

fiercer But the Broadway press agent is of a wilder , strain than his uptown or downtown contemporaries ; there is the look of a slightly shoddy eagle in his eye . Nothing is too stiff for him to tackle ; no client is too big for him to address with “ the familiar opening salvo , Now, look , kid , we gotta first get an angle . And more than any other of these enchant

- b alonies ing phony , he dedicates himself completely to his work .

- —a a ih The Big Drag public relations counsel design tion , ciden tall our — y , at which heroes hoot and sneer is living and

- fi e breathing his job twenty v hours a day . From the time he w opens a bilious eye until the time he cra ls under the covers , slightly plastered from having drunk heartily with a news “ ” a erm an i p p to whom he s trying to sell a spread, he is all eyes and ears to the matter at hand .

Roughly , the Broadway press agent is cut into four dif ferent sections of apple . The hottest and foremost piece , — the who - likely , is guy represents personalities strip teasers , chanteuses , song publishers , ham actors , aging soubrettes ,

. e ambitious models and the like H might be a newcomer, struggling along with a couple of accounts—for whom he may have offered to work for free unless he gets them some

—or of space he might be like one my particular favorites , f who of Eddie Ja fe , is cast in the mold Puck and has to fight

off . customers A small , quizzical young man with eyeglasses , of myopia, a hatful of neuroses and any number odd assist ants , Eddie has the two important requisites of any success ‘ 14 The Big Drag — ful Broadway press agent ah engaging personali ty and a

sane outlook on life . New York newspapermen and columnists are many things — i cynical, embittered , drunken , na ve , shrewd , grasping

of - A God thugs (among whom are a goodly sprinkling Grade , — fearing souls) but they are never impressed , except perhaps ,

t . by a horse hat can go a mile in and a fifth So , when a press agent swoops down on them with a toothpaste smile hl i God and the breat ess nformation that, my , they have the most beautiful or the most talented or the most something i tow cl ent in , he customarily receives for his trouble a yawn ’ n nl that isn t even stifled . These energetic you g men , u ess they learn early in life and turn to the field of industrial public — relations finan cial editors are not genuine newspapermen and are rather easily impressed—are the failures in life among the press agents . i —ah But Edd e Jaffe and his sane outlook , there is some on thing else again . I have my list , he will tell an editor “ or who columnist, the worst bitch ever hit this town . I do not k wh now y I took the account . On second thought, I certainly n she t — do k ow; pays me plen y of potatoes . However leaving i out n personal ties of this , I thi k there might be some interest to the poor publi c in the fact that she collects old Ivory Soap wrappers ahd has the greatest collection of old Ivory Soap ” wrappers in the United States today .

not The newspaperman , thus assured that Eddie is sleeping his with fair client and is therefore not unduly prejudiced , is enabled to weigh the story’s merits fairly and decide

- l o . whether the soap wrapper co lecti n is worth a piece If not , li hts a he g cigarette and says No . What else? “ Without breaking stride , Eddie will resume , Well, I gotta Lis s en, I G ot a Great Story 15

baritone who sang last season at the Savoy Plaza and is trying “ ” to break into the Met this year, and No baritones , the “ newspaperman may break in . The boss hates baritones . “ a Eddie continues , with refreshing candor , How bout LaVerne LaVere who , does grinds and bumps over at Leon ’ ” di ? r and Ed e s This outine continues , sometimes endlessly , ‘ his the o while the newspaperman answers mail, ogles c py

sweats over of girls , the lead a story and finally , more likely one of has a than not , tells Eddie that his clients a certain p ’ p eal and why doesn t he set up a luncheon date for next Tuesday? — financ1all i s There are no thanks except y, which really ’ — the only manner m which he d appreciate thanks for the press agent who embarks on the career of ( representing per i nalit e . s o s . His clients are never satisfied People in show busi who ness , form the great bulk of these clients , are fascinating , of humorous and highly entertaining , but they are also , m course , the ost egotistical souls in the world and count that day lost in which their names aren’t mentioned in the public

ur . prints at least fo teen times The average press agent, like E al ddie , learns after some time to disregard their beefs , though the more harassed and uncertain drum - beaters oc casion ally develop ulcers and nervous stomachs from being — z . bedeviled by unsatisfied clients all clients , that is Eddie , ’

on . the other hand , doesn t care He knows that he is a good press agent ; his reputation has been made and he realizes ’ that like stre etcars , there ll be another client along any

minute . ’ Eddie s only uncertainty is on the subject of his charm over

women , in which he has no great faith and which he swears

has led him regularly to the psychoanalyst . I have not made ' 16 The Big D rag

’ n t i up my mi d, over the years , whether his is part of Edd e s

— - routine the sending out of Christmas cards , for instance ,

- depicting his dullness as a Romeo , or the self designation as —or the ugliest man in the world , which he is not whether n he honestly has this amorous i feriority complex . I do not

care . To me , Eddie is a good press agent, which is a rarity,

like a good cabinetmaker , and that is enough . of t Eddie , course , is vastly more engrossing han any of his ’ -T clients . In the first place , he lives in Tub humpers Row , a ’ cluster of small apartments over the late Billy LaHifl s res

taurant now n i . e s , k own s mply as the Tavern Lik drone to the

queen bee , other press agents have engaged apartments in s o of the same building that now the place is full bellowing , ad ec scheming , brooding , sinister children of the tortured j ’ “ - f its tive . Eddie s place is a two room af air , notable for gen l era ly disheveled look and for the location of the telephone . on is o It is a very , very short cord and right next to the f ot ’ i of Eddie s bed . The logical conclusion s that Eddie wanted it there so he could awaken in the morning and start tele of phoning , as is the wont the good press agent , and it is true

; that this condition , as Durante says , does prevail .

- But actually , the telephone is in that awkwardly reached —r spot as a half cu e against phone spongers . The average

Broadwayite , especially if he has unloaded his bankroll the day before on a horse that proved to have only three legs in the struggle down the homestretch , is forever storing up — — phone calls to be made to be made for free whenever our hero arrives at a place where they can be sponged . “ oe s a of My God, J , he will suddenly y , in the middle try “ ing to sell a fellow Broadwayite on some scheme , I just

18 The Big hD rag

of pills abound, and many long hours are spent by the master himself in discussing his latest symptoms with a sympathetic

soul . The promise of a new, moneyed and newsworthy client is about the only thing that can cut short Eddie’s soliloquies f on his n . o ill esses It is likely , furthermore , that all these ail ments are imaginary and that Eddi e suffers from nothing more than an upset stomach induced by the occupational vice

of th e the practicing Broadwayite , that is eating of fried foods .

The press agents who sweat the most and labor the hardest

- are the movie tub thumpers . These are the unhappy ladies ’ and gentlemen who are engaged by the major studios East i ern offices , and whose lives are dedicated to the publ cizing

of . the visiting movie stars , of whom more later One of the basic reasons fortheir unhappiness is that the movie business is - i shot full of back slashers , kn fers , angle boys and cosmo politan thugs , and the turnover in personnel is tremendous . Nowhere is this more in evidence than in the publicity de artmen t for how ofli ce p , no matter much space the New York grabs in the newspapers , the Gods that be in California de cide regularly every seven or eight months that those god damn Eastern press agents are doing a lousy job , and they

fire the whole office .

fin d ~ Thus , we that movie press agents in the Broadway area are forever moving from one office to another; they may be with Gilt- Edge Pictures in November and Blotz Produc r tions in Feb uary . They take with them their most valuable — asset the contact . It is amazing how many movie press agents are hired because they have entry into a movie re ’ viewer s cfli ce or because they might know where the body Lis s en G ot a reat Stor 19 , I G y

is buried , by the simple method of having stumbled across the reviewer registerin g at a midtown hotel with a blonde “ to whom he is not married . Sure , the head of a movie office “ ’ s a l publicity squadron might y , et s hire Sammy Jacobs . At ’ least he ll keep Screech of the Glob e from slamming our pic ” tures too hard , anyway .

On the other hand , of course , there are respectable ones ’ too— i of or in this field , men like Fel x Greenfield Warner s ,

Ross Doyle at M . G . M . or talented Ralph Ober of Universal, l and an occasional good woman press agent , like Rosel en

Callahan of United Artists . They sweat and slave and bark back at the temperamental heroes and heroines whom they i m are shepherding around the ma n stem , but they anage to

keep morals and standards at a reasonably high level . They have one attitude in common ; they forever are going to quit of o this business whoring , as they refer to it, and g back to of honest journalism , but somehow the combination good pay and eccentric colleagues and clients generally proves irres ist “ ”

b . i le , and they remain prostitutes to the death They gen

- i erall too. s y die young , Press agentry not for the sedate or ri the o es hopeful of longevity .

of fl acks Blood relatives the movie , as the trade describes

these sellers of their souls , are the theatrical press agents .

These gentlemen , given to wearing clean linen and shooting

their cuffs nonchalantly , are the cream of the bottle and , more

than any otherpress agents , consider themselves professional c who of men . I suppose the itizen has given this touch class to these assorted thugs is an amiable Irish space - stealer who out of named Richard Maney , came Montana fifteen or twenty years ago to b ecome the editor of a trade paper on ‘ 20 The Big D rag — - fishing at thirty five dollars . a week and to take tickets at

night as a doorman at the theater . ’ ’ ~ who is on e u Bleeck s t Maney , of the fixt res at Ar ists and ’ is who Writers Restaurant , that extreme oddity , a press agent r can write . Of cou se , his prose is exceptionally florid and a

good editor would wear out a couple of blue pencils over it , but you must remember that our man is plyin g his art in a ’

u e . Mane s field where literat re is , usually , a compl te stranger y im way with the printed word always presses producers , and it occasionally titillates drama editors who are customarily weighed down by great batches of ungrammati cal handouts

from flacks .

At any rate , during any given theatrical season , Richard usually has ten or twelve shows lined up to publicize ; he is the favorite tub- thumper of Herman Shumli n and Gebrge s him she Abbott, and Lillian Hellmann insist on for any play R z writes . ussel Crouse , whose shows Maney has publici ed,

was i1n resse d di d Li e so p by Maney that he a piece in f on him , “ l s which began something ike , Maney should be writing thi ” story about me . l Tallu ah Bankhead, who occasionally ties her turbulent of two career in with that the Theatre Guild , used to have standing demands : (1) that Pete Davis be named company manager (the Theatre Guild found ultimately that it, too , an d 2 liked Pete , and named him its general manager) , ( ) that t Maney be her publici y man for any Guild show . All this adulation has left Maney singularly unaffected; he is a toler a of t ns ant , serene Celt with pixieish sense humor hat remai

- f r full bodied and strong . He once beat the drums o a show The uall called Sq , which left Robert Benchley , then review for The New orker m ing drama Y , li p and ill with disgust and Lis s en G ot a reat Stor 21 , I G y

out sent him into the street early in the night for fresh air .

Maney rose to the occasion superbly . The ads for the show “ the next day ran : S ee the play that made Benchley a street walker"”

On the whole , the theatrical press agents are a prosaic if elegant lot , who rarely stoop to dodges and stunts (well , to for palpable ones , anyway) space . However, there is among who o them a gent named Sam Friedman , is probably the m st efli cient of the group and who every now and then ducks away from the dignified realms of The Theater to publicize l accounts where his gleeful y vulgar taste can run riot . A while back he contracted to do publicity for Billy Rose’s Diamond h ’ Horseshoe , and during t is prison term he sweated long and

- — hard to stage a fine , old style stunt only to have it backfire . Sam wanted to get one of the Horseshoe Showgirls arrested for one reason or another, because editors pay attention to s on e arre ts , so he arranged to have appear in Central _Park in a bathing suit , which is against the rules . The cop on duty of was un inter in that section the park , however , curiously ’ es ted at , so finally Sam sent over a stooge to call the law s tention to the misdemeanor and demand that he do his duty . The cop grudgingly hauled out his summons pad and was “ about to write a ticket when he suddenly snorted . Why ” should I let that son of a bitch tell me who to arrest? he ex off claimed, and promptly tore up the ticket and strode indignantly . " — our Undaunted, Sam tried another day with f girls in

- bathing suits . He got them over to the horseshoe pitching co pits , and with joy in his heart spotted a p who watched the “ ” You procedure . know , Sam said , quietly but determinedly “ ’ ’ n to the policeman , I guess what we re doi g here isn t legal, ‘ 22 The Big Drag

”

? c0 . is it The p grinned Go ahead , he replied cheerfully , “ ’ ‘ I ll look the other way . Sam wheedled and cajoled and

co . finally persuaded the p to give the girls summonses Then , tired but happy , he herded them into a cab and drove down ’ to Rose s offices in the Ziegfeld Theatre to report his suc cess . You n ? k ow what happened after that Rose , to whom the ’ was d k whole stunt a complete surprise , decided he di n t li e — it anyway s o he ordered Sam to get after a lawyer and try ’ to have the summonses quashed . That didn t work, and the —“ girls had to pay two dollar fines but nothing got into the ”

t . u papers , for unately for Billy , Sam says He does not so nd

h . very ent usiastic when he says it, however

I suppose the one characteristic that really marks the press agent is resourcefulness . He must be ready to do everything from shoving a client under a shower with his clothes on to ’ f we t- c l o fset a hangover , to nursing another ient s baby while h i s e s out helling around the town . There comes to mind a story involving the Eastern publicity department of one of the big Hollywood studios . Its executive was planning a

e - scr ening of an Army made technical short , and he made elaborate plans to invite all and sundry members of the press “ ’ ” to the screening . You ll never get them there , an associate “ ’ l u . o t said , gloomily The only thing that l bring newspaper men is free liquor . Give a cocktail party along with the screen ’ ” ing and they ll come . The executive said no ; that there would just be the screen “ ” “ ’

. to ing Besides , he added indignantly , we re going have General Blotz and his entire staff flown in from Washi ngton T for the showing . hat certainly should be enough induce Lis s en G ot a reat Stor 28 , I G y

” ment . The associate just shook his head and retired . Came Blotz S or Screening Day , and General and company arrived — from the capital but five minutes before the screening was

was one ro ec scheduled , there just newspaperman in the p j ’ ’ tion room . And he d only come because he d been lunching ’ one who with of the studio s press agents , had asked him ’ desperately if he couldn t come up and ki ll another fifteen minutes . To on e e follow along with this story , must rememb r that

ariet V y, the trade paper of show business , refers to press ’ k h — . as w . agents as flacks Don t y Well the executive , showing a remarkable burst of imagination , rounded up his entire pub

’ licit ff an d y sta , including secretaries and clerks , excitedly shooed them up to the projection room to play at being news n p ap erme . s at There they , in the first five rows or so , with cigarettes of t c n icall ooks in the corners their mouths , clo hes rumpled , y on s — their face trying hard , in other words , to appear like Blotz rac gentlemen of the press . In walked General , with p tum tically a fanfare . He looked them over approvingly ; the

out of s of . the press wa in keeping , course , with his high rank But just as he was about to pick out an empty seat in the first ’ row or s it one of two and down , the press agents couldn t keep it in any longer . “ ’ I wouldn t sit there if I were you , General , he warned . ’ ” There s an awful lot of flack in that areal

I find radio press agents the least appealing , and I am not ’ at all sure this isn t because of the medium m which they deal . of eu It is an abortive art , to be sure , and has very little the i ls n t. chanti g about Therefore , publicizing it cal for a kind of ” 24 The Big Drag

who u Superman , can interest editors who look on it with ja n diced eye . to Suppose , for example , you are hired get some space in the papers for the new comedy show starring Benny Bene dict . In the first place , every radio columnist and practicing n a newspaperman knows that Benny , eve if he has

Hooper rating and is heard by pers ons nightly, is r a colossal bore , a righteous nincompoop and beats his mothe the ou with monotonous regularity , and minute y mention ’ ’ Benny s name to them they tell you for God s sake , take that thug out and shoot him .

In the second place , as George Jean Nathan once proved devastatingly by quoting long passages from on e of the al le e dl un ever g y inimitable Fred Allen broadcasts , nothing f ny — ’ is said on the radio and if Allen s stuff falls flat in the light ' re all oin of cold type , you and your Benny Benedict are y g g to be up Slush Creek without a paddle . — too exce As a result here , , I must make an occasional p — tion radio draws the least desirable of the press agents . Either they are the ones who are in the business solely for — h it the money and a good , fat liveli ood can be made in or the ones who have failed in more legitimate press - agentry

. a and are reduced to radio As a class , they more th n any other

- drum beaters go in for exaggeration , untruths and boring

- over us e of adjectives . If a man is kn own by the company he keeps , radio press agents are instantly damned , for they are in a field where to be personable and entertaining is to be out of step .

The fourth and final big field for press agents is nightclubs , and here again the boys are often the soundi ng- board for the

‘ 26 The Big Drag

u a fifty per cent chance that it has a certain amount of merit , anyway . And to the people in show business , an orchid from — Winchell or a gold star from Sobol or is it Kilgallen who ? — i gives out gold stars I forget are fine , lusty talk ng points for when the time is ripe a salary raise . Sb the nightclub press agent not only is clamoring at the ’ door of the columnist s offi ce continually; he also does every ’ - thing short of shine that worthy s shoes . He sets up front row tables for the modern Pepys , sees to it that Countess Mara ties or - Haig and Haig pinch bottles arrive in carloads , procures for f of women the more sin ul the columnists and, to name hi s most sizeable task , he even sometimes writes the colum ’ h - if is if ist s column he talented , that is , and he can dupli ’ cate the columnist s style with grace and ease . I have , while ’ n old ffi him resti g my bones in some press agent s o ce , seen turn out sheaf after sheaf of copy which tomorrow will appear word for word in one of the more prominent columns while ff the nominal author is home sleeping o a hangover . This ’ of isn t done , course , because the press agent just likes the columnist . It is done because somewhere in the contributed ’ column are planted plugs forthe press agent s clients . Colum n is ts seem to Operate on the theory that a fair exchange is no

for or of s robbery , and every six seven newsworthy bits go i s on e . p , they concede free plug

Ot t - five least seven y per cent of the time , the press agent n is a better writer than the colum ist , anyway , so the columns are more readable when sent in from outside sources . The only catch is that the press agent has a complete and sin cere u disregard for facts , and while many col mnists insist that they drop a press agent like a hot coal if he serves them up

l - t m a wrong item , general y speaking the tub hu pers get away Lis s en G ot a reat Stor 27 , I G y with their absorbing inaccuracies because of (1 ) their skill 2 ’ in relating them , and ( ) the columnist s lack of time for checking them thoroughly .

It was Igor Cassini, who does the Cholly Knickerbocker who out column for the Hearst papers , pointed recently that III during the recent war Huntington Hartford , the A . P . wa of heir , turned up in New York nightclubs , by y press ’ o no - agents rep rts , less than twenty seven times , and always i with a different g rl . “ hi10 30 hicall He took it rather p p y, Cassini chuckled in “ print , though the Navy Department is still checking their files to try and find out how he managed to be in Okinawa one evening and munchin g a crep e s uzette the following eve ” ning in one of oursmarter clubs . Cassini stated correctly that Hartford is what is known as “Old Faithful” among the press agents ; if ever one of the tribe is caught with his items down , “ he simply takes Huntington and sits him at a ringside table or n in his place , makes him wi k slyly at a pretty model , or perhaps even forces a rumba or two out of him with some new ” playgirl . The day is saved . In recent years there have been only a handful of press agents wh o deal in the glamorizin g of society girls or girls who to from bordellos want become society girls , but there on e was a time when this was a thriving enterprise . More than sweet young thing , observing the years over her shoulder and seeking the quiet and security of a little shack in Newp ort r for or Tuxedo Pa k her more mature years , has hired a press agent to spread to the world the news of her charms . of r who On the other hand, cou se , there are a few shy ones honestly believe that such fame is not too desirable , and they have gone to the extreme of hiring press agents who keep ‘ 28 The Big D rag

- out . their names of the papers Chic Farmer , the good looking gent who has specialized in beatin g the drums for such high the toned spots as El Morocco , Stork and the Embassy , has had several such assignments and has done beautifully by or them , although sooner later he cracks under the strain , because he is s o good a press agent and has such a hi gh ’ reputation that it s considerably easier for him to get items into a column than to keep them out. l On the whole , the Broadway press agent is a necessary evi , — l . I suppose yet never dul , and almost always entertaining ’ is He really the Boswell to the Big Drag s Johnson , and more

t . than any newspaperman or au hor, he is its biographer On the g audy sheets of stationery which he inserts into his b e “ draggled typewriter and heads arrestingly Exclusive to “ ” Walter Winchell are captured the heartbeat of the big “ ” artery . And when his exclusive releases end up in the waste s o s o of basket, as they often do , they are one with much how i Broadway anyway , for that is it is in this we rd man — on e of made jungle fresh and shiny and raucous day , full t of l the brea h life and screaming and how ing at the world ,

s irnile and in the junk heap the next night . Take any corny to you want about Broadway butterflies , and being at the p of the ladder on e day and the bottom tomorrow and s o on; ’ and they re all true . of When I think press agents , I invariably come back to the

of i genius of Jack Tirman , a man many cyl nders and many i insp red moments , and to the story they tell of honest Jack .

old was dl Young in flesh but and shrewd in mind, Jack han ing ’ on e a nightclub winter, at a time when business wasn t too heavy and it took sheer talent and hard work to crack a column . It was a time when the ballet was beginning to boom Lis s en G ot a reat Stor 29 , I G y

e in Manhattan , and such as Dolin and Markova were b gin

ning to acquire some rightful fame among the peasants . Jack, dreamily staring at the rain sweeping across the big town one afternoon and wondering by what device he could bring

his clients to the attention of the reading public , poked through a reV1ew of the ballet in one afternoon paper and

decided that here was the gimmick , the angle . He hurriedly m prepared some publicity about a ballet tea , a wonderful Russian ballerina and her equally unbelievable hunk of beau if who t ul man , were thrilling the customers nightly at the

Club La Plush .

To honest Jack , it did not matter that there was no such

i i . was of h s dance team He in there fighting on the side boss ,

and his main job was to get customers into the place . Happy h v at his inspiration , he sent news of his myt ical but mar elous

dancing duo to the columns . f o . t Inside three days , he was made In one column , here

- n was bestowed on the non existent dancers an orchid . In a

a . other , there was placed proud gold star And the pinnacle was reached when an especially inaccurate columnist carried a tart item that began “ Grab itoff Garchinka The dance team of and , now at

Club La Plush , is by no means as good as it is cracked up to be . R eefer S treet

FR A N CIS S corr KE Y FITZ GER A LD to has gone his reward , rest of w his troubled soul , and the beautiful and damned hom he wrote with the bewitching unevenness of a runaway drop n i of mercury are no longer o the town mak ng whoopee . Clara

Bow has long since retired to the ranch life , and the Central l r . a Park Casino is a wistful d eam The gin has improved , though there is a kind fresh from Cuba that makes the old ’ n em bathtub brand seem like nectar , and Con ie s Inn in Harl is a bawdy , dusty memory . The jazz age is gone these many years . — off its The jazz age is gone but Broadway , music remains , li k ke the echo of a shout , li e incense fumes the morning after

- t an orgy . For scattered along Fifty second Stree , like shabby ,

fl ea- bitten temples to a decadent religion , are the jazz joints , wherein resounds with the fury of a blast furnace the melody f of yesterday . In a couple o dozen nightclubs from Seventh

t five s ix- l Avenue to Fif h , the and piece bands play dogged y hr night after night t ough the smoke and rum ble of voices . ’ “ ’ Y ” “ ou . They don t play I ll Be Seeing , or I Surrender , Dear “ ” is one They play Dinah , than Whom there no finer in the “ ”

of . h state Carolina They play Ida , whom t ey idolize . They “ ” who play The Man I Love , some day will come along , and “ “ “ i Bo they play Ch na y , Tiger Rag , Muskat Ramble , “ ” “ ” “ ” “ Squeeze Me, Tin Roof Blues , Dead Man Blues , Royal 30 Reefer Street 81

” Garden Blues - out of - , all of them right the gin soaked, nos talgic top drawer of yesterday . “ “ The Guts , a cornetist once told me . songs had guts in them days . How are you supposed to do anything with the ” slush that passes for popular music now?

- at- - To these down the heel dumps , dedicated by their pro p rietors to the fleecing of anyone who comes withi n vacuum ing range and by their performers to the resurrection and f its tender worship of a music with the ring o truth to lines , come the most talented contemporary musicians of our day um men like dapper Roy Eldridge , the tr peter; Coleman Haw kins of the morbidly soulful tenor saxophone ; Zutty Singleton with hi s insinuating drums ; Buster Bailey and his Witchy — clarinet men who every now and then get tired of thi s b e draggled existence and get themselves seated with a big swing or the sweet band and try dutifully to play Slush , and then find

too sit it stifling , and drift back to the joints , where they and o f ol around with the melodies night after night , playing sadly if they are sad, playing gladly if they are glad . The customers who gather in these sinf ul spots are an odd mixture—suburbanites from New Jersey and Connecticut who have just seen Life with Father and are determinedl y ’ out to see the seamier side of Broadway s night life ; the crew cut children from the schools and universities who have dis covered the marvels oi jazz and come regularly to make

e - ob isance , until they reach , say , the age of twenty four and begin to feel their Kid Days are behind them ; the meager of a cionados handful honest jazz fi , who sit around silently and happily with their beer and glow inwardly when some body like Max Kaminsky cuts loose on his trumpet with a

- - - - of— blistering , get the hell out here chorus; and finally, the 82 The Bn D rag

Broadwa i te /hi mself t y , who knows and likes this music hey ’ — e too God play but can t wast much time on it because , my , these dummy reefer- smokers never had a dime in their lives ’ ’ and how the hell can ya make a buck sittin around lis tenin to them?

The names , the facades , the marquees , the personnel in n l of ift these places are ever changing , but the perso a ity F y ’

l o . in second Street itse f never d es Of course , it s not exactly to —it l expensive operate one of these joints takes , rough y , from ten to twenty - five thousand doll ars to s et one up in busi as on ness ; but everyone knows , money grows trees along

Broadway , and fat , fresh bankrolls are always springing up from the hot sidewalks .

So Joe Glotz , nightclub proprietor, bursts upon the scene s the with the Flashlight Club , some brisk fall night, spend next six months paying coolie wages to the hired help and i rak ng in the long green , and then shuts up shop for the hot l months , while the old signs stil sit wearily in front of the shuttered joint and inside the only sound is the steady rustle of the cockroaches clambering idly along the floor and up

- . n the walls These are ight bloomers , these caverns of jazz, and they come in the long winter night and di e off in the long summer day . ’ f b ar Here are Jimmy Ryan s , a long , stu fy and cabaret run

- n has nf by a lean , good looki g Irishman who u ortunately shown signs recently of wanting to get away from the old li fe , by opening a swankier branch on the upper East Side; m the Keyboard, a sy phony in leatherette , which at this writ ing was spanking new and which in a year may have a dif f erent x all r name or not e ist at ; the Th ee Deuces , brassy and

84 The Big. Drag

of k They go that way . Some them , like toothless Bun Johnson or i for round old Sidney Bechet , st ck around a long time, but ’ it s not something on which to put your bankroll .

was There a time late in her career when Helen Morgan , the girl with the tear in her voice , was the reigning queen of ift - - F y second, but now the honor goes to a sexy looking ,

- ~ imperious , sultry voiced dusky girl with flowers in her hair , ’ Baltirnore an s named Billie Holiday . The quality of this voice for cannot be argued about , it has no great quality; cus tom aril as fl at y , she sounds when in full flight if her voice is “ h off . s e ting the bathroom wall But says something , a

- of trombone playing friend mine once told me doggedly , and ’ I suppose that s as good an explanation as any for the charm that the Holiday exercises . There is a tired sadness in her r d voice as she th ows back her head , hunches her shoul ers a little and sings “The Man I Love” (which only a few years ago you heard in ragtime in a place called The Sil ver Slip “ Ted ” per . Lewis and Is everybody happy? Texas “ ” “ suckerl Guinan and Hello Look under the table , Joe ; the ’ ” stuff is here and it s mellow . Remember? R e member?) And there is a wrench to the flat voice and real as she anguish to the whole thing Sings the lynching song , “ ” ’ she Strange Fruit , which can t sing too much because it takes ut too much o of her .

has des erves a Swing Street , as it been wrongly named , niche in the hall of fame if only because it has offered haven to the Negro musician . These are the days of democracy and

of ou on one toe freedom opportunity; yet , y can count the of number Negro musicians playing the big hotels , where the to money is be made in the field of popular music . New York Reefer Street 85

of - who is full pseudo liberals live in these hotels and write , preach and scream about the freedoms , but the pianists and who clarinetists and bassists play for dancing there are white . So to Fifty - second Street comes the talented Negro musi cian n ew of , a grotesque thing in of the fact that most the better white men , like Benny Goodman , Artie Shaw, Buddy s o Rich , and forth , pilgrimage regularly to the little joints to listen to them . At this stage in civilized living , it seems unnecessary to point out that Negroes are better musicians than white men ; it is true , it is accepted , and the music they make is something for which we can be thankful .

The manner In which Fifty - second Street tries to beat your v f o . who money out you borders on the hilarious The doorman , ’ many times isn t even in uniform , but wears perhaps an old

two : 1 sweater and carries a patched umbrella, has tasks ( ) to

ou to lure y into the place first of all, which he attempts do by bearing down on you as you progress along the street and 2 ou trying to block your passage , and ( ) to assure y loudly — that the next show is just about to go on even if it is only ’

P . M v . , and most of the musicians in olved haven t even gotten out of bed up in Harlem yet . Wherever Billie Hol

a on b e iday is playing , there is a standard routine th t goes ’ old who k i tween the , cagy patrons now Miss Hol day s pen “ H o chant for appearing late or some nights never at all . w ” she on ? soon does go the shrewd customer asks the doorman . “ ” few i or In just a m nutes , the doorman answers , , In a little “ while . The cagy one turns to his companion . Let s go over ” “

. ot to a newsreel, he says We g at least an hour and a half ” to wait .

who Once inside , you are subject to the hatcheck girl , will 86 The Big D rag

spit on any tip less than a quarter and fling it back in your

if - . t face Indeed, F y second Street is perhaps the only sector

- is in Broadway where a stony faced individual apt to tell you , “ is w t o . The hatcheck charge bits , buddy , not a dime The of of hatcheck racket , course , is one the most thriving and

- prosperous in New York , and it thrives best in Fifty second, f where no bones are made about the necessity o the payment .

Past the hatcheck stall , there is the inevitable headwaiter , is who , basically , just like the headwaiter in the plushier joints n k dif arou d town in that he is loo ing for his rakeoff, but who too a fers from most in that he , , has little subtlety in his p “ ?” proach . A nice table down front he asks a customer . The ’ customer nods . The headwaiter doesn t move ; he looks hard i at the customer . This impasse rema ns until the customer,

- or reluctantly or embarrassedly, fishes a half buck a buck out

of hi s pocket and turns it over to the headwaiter . The gratuity ’ orE1 here isn t as high , perhaps , as it is in the Stork Morocco , ’ but at least the headwaiter is sure of getting it . If he doesn t , ’ you don t get your good table—your one - foot square piece

of t . the planking with a tablecloth , hat is In better joints , every now and then the headwaiter is fooled by an out- of who towner is led to a nicely located table , and just oddly

enough forgets to tip the suave clip artist . ’

it s . From there on , every man for himself There are rarely

cover charges in the jazz joints , merely minimums of three

or s o ou of . dollars , which y can drink up in three bottles beer t The liquor almost always is cut , except hat it is cut in a skill ful manner graduated down from a slight cut in the first drink until by the sixth you are drinking what can only be

described as water with Scotch flavoring . The owners figure , ’ t ou and rightly, that by the six h drink y haven t the faintest Reefer Street 87

’ ’ of i no idea what you re drink ng , and there s sense in wasting ’ full portions of li quor on you when you re in no state to ap

i . prec ate it What with the price of liquor the way it is today . can in it You get food these places , but seems a hard way

to die ; razors or acid would be better . The kitchens are t inevitably tattered and inadequate , al hough there is a cer tain coziness to them because the jazzmen like to sojourn

dr - of there between sets and ink tumblers full gin , and the

- spirit of camaraderie abounds . On the whole , the joints stop just short of what were known in prohibition as cab or clip ’ ou clubs . They don t give y knockout drops and take your ’ out b ut WIS tful bank roll while you re , I have noted a certain nostalgi a on the part of some of the owners when they talk of those days .

If you are loose in Broadway of a night and your purse won’t quite hold up under the pressure of Swing Street’s For v . of iolence , there is no need to fret the two requisites

- a giddy night along the main stem , liquor and entertainment , e l are to be found everywh re on a graduated scale , unti you drop down finally to the places where highballs are a quarter and the performers work for the bills and coins flung at them .

There is a Stork Club for every pocketbook on the Big Drag . for It might be a place , example , like the Metropole , situated right in the heart of Broadway at Seventh Avenue and Forty eighth Street. few e ars Until a /y ago , the Metropole was just a big , gaudy

- restaurant and bar , which was redolent of that roast beef aroma that fills such places and whi ch served big Shots of liquor and bigger glasses of beer . There are a thousand places like it in New York; a place to drop by to on a hot day for ‘ 88 The Big D rag

out to a beer , a place to duck into of the rain , a place get into

ou . t an argument over the Giants if y wanted Ac ually , the Metropole a few years back was more of a Chicago or Phila delphia or Los Angeles bar ; rough and ready without the seediness of a Bowery establishment , presentable without the

r - - glitter of the average Broadway ch ome and leather joint.

Then owner Ben Harriman , perhaps with an eye to the suc cess of Billy Rose over at his Diamond Horseshoe in the Para

of - ll mount Hotel, installed a collection old time vaudevi e of performers , most whom had played down the street at the ld n w o o . Palace , nothing but a movie house ’ The idea choked; today the Metropole is one of Broadway s — most curious and thriving businesses curious because its doors are never shut and the antics of its hoary performers can be observed just as easily from the street as from a place at the big circular bar behind which they go through their r l — gaudy paces . And it is th iving because these o d ones fat bleached blondes orgrizzled men in garish clothes and cigars

s - in their mouth know Show business , and while their ma teri al - - may be old hat , they have the Split second timing that of vaudeville has taught them , the ability to catch the mood mob e the and to turn it to their advantage , like a count r puncher in the ring blocking a jab and turning it into an Open ing forhis own right cross . To m old of the senti ental, watching these mastiffs yester y ear can bring a tear to the eye , because it makes you remem ber things like the Ziegfeld Follies or Gus Edwards’ revues ’ r reall o George White s Scandals . If you y want to cry in your sh beer over memories , p into the Metropole some night when — Helen MacA rdle is at work with her songs for here is the “ ” original strawberry blonde famous a decade and more ago . Reefer Street 89

Or take a look at her pianist , Frank Ross ; he was with Ted

for on accom Lewis ten years , and he was the Palace bill as p anis t for Fannie Brice when the others included a red - nosed comedian named Fields and an act named Edgar Bergen i was . Co . that just break ng in k Some nights , there may be blac face Eddie Nelson , who ’ Kid Boots was famous as Eddie Cantor s replacement in , many cold nights ago—but is more celebrated in the Show world as the guy who practically every Wednesday lent five — doll ars to the fellow playing the menace in B oom Boom one

to . Archie Leach , who changed his name Cary Grant Then ’ s there s Annie Kent , who played with the Gish si ters when was n Lillian six and Dorothy four , and who wrote so gs for

Eva Tanguay and Nora Bayes . Shed no tears for these headliners of old who are operating ’ f i out of a glorified bar and grill; a ter all, they re pack ng them n o old if in , and matter where an vaudevillian plays , the house ’ is full he s happy . ’ ’ ll r Sti d ifting around the main stern , there s Jimmy Dwy er s Or Sawdust Trail over there in the Forties , Diamond Jim ’ s ecIali zin Brady s , p g in the big beer and the fat sandwich , the Paddock Bar and Grill in the heart of the movie - house k of — of e district , where the tal is horses not their bre ding , ou e as y might get in the oases in L xington or Saratoga , but of the prices they paid and whether they were good things . on The Pink Elephant Sixth Avenue , spilling over with sailors , and a hundred others . There is no need to run short of places

w . to hile away the long , lonely night in Broadway The pain i k ller is there , ready and waiting , and there is always the to companionship of other lost souls , drawn the mob so they can rub elbows and get into arguments and feel they belong 40 The Big Drag

somewhere , if just for the night . In and out of doors they troop while Broadway sizzles and bubbles around them , hunting the forgetfulness that lies for sure in a glass , looking and t e for the spangles song hat will make th m forget the desk, h d i t e . the typewriter, the r ll, the crane , shovel

42 The Big Drag their publicity agents realize that Broadway is a goldmine SO of . n r free news , regularly we along the mai stem are t eated or a l fl h C b e e s . to the spectacle Of Joan Crawford Clark in the , ’ to In fairness the star involved , we must admit that it isn t

ob - i a snap j , and that the task Of being polite to wise crack ng and lecherous newspapermen and magazine writers all day , before being able to sneak Off to a secluded night spot some is not where , an easy one . The general impression among the public both in Manhat tan and Hollywood is that when Mamie Vere de Vere waves good - b y from the window of The S up erchief and that glitter ing monster slides away from the fairyland through the orange - fille d backyards of Los Angeles toward the desert she s that stretches East , is through with movies for two week “ Lu k is to . c and going make luxurious , grand whoopee y Marnie Vere de Vere"” the Hollywood columnists write wist “

l . . Y . l ful y Off to N . for a holiday, the grand girl Enjoy yourse f, — ’ Mamie and don t forget your fellow movie slaves , getting B n up at seven every morning to be on the s et by nine . o "” voyage

It was blonde Janis Carter, a rising young actress , who really put me wise . Miss Carter was involved in one of these t not s o c publici y junkets long ago , and when I aught up with ’ her one afternoon at Lynn e Gilm ore s Steak House in Forty

she s et eighth Street , had a fine lusty of circles under her blue She eyes . Miss Carter was a trifle bitter as explained that the bags were caused by guys like you . “ for he I have been in New York one week , s said , wanly, “ and I do not believe I ever have met s o many newspape rmen in my life . They are all fine , all gentlemanly like you , but they are all newspapermen , and I must be on my toes every min LA . to N . Y. 48

’ ute . I must be charming and gracious and mustn t swear too l much , and if the soup is cold at luncheon , I must just smi e ’ t pleasantly and say I really didn t wan any , anyway . Janis went on to explain that the interviews took place at of the convenience the journalists , who would decide perhaps that they could talk and drink with Miss Carter between the P M P M . . poker game and the . . date . A typical day M h A . . s e was for her began about By ten , supposed to be bright and chipper and ready for the cooking - page editor

he of e. S u a movie magazin Mostly, wo ld be wanted merely for t to pose pictures for this editor, but the latter na urally chats with her about food and exotic dishes and I have to Show that at least I would kn ow a crep e suzette if I fell over ” one . was At eleven , Janis bundled into a cab and rushed off to one News or Mirror of the tabloid newspapers , the the , to have her photograph taken in color—“when the circles under ’ my eyes haven t even begun to fade . And here Janis had to be careful not to duplicatethe celebrated stunt of another young actress who went over to the News and blandly cut “ loose to the photographers with her opinion of this lousy ”— ’ sheet while Cissy Patterson , the late publisher s sister, one watched with obvious interest . That was color picture that never saw the newsstands .

- By twelve thirty , Janis was in another studio being snapped of in a sweater , for she was the Motion Picture Sweater Girl

t, 0 P M . the year and a 1 : 0 . she lunched with a newspaperman ’ - h wn . two s e from the to s biggest syndicate At thirty , was in a department store for a “movie quiz” conducted by a fan she l magazine . Here had to be especial y alert, for all her fans two were out in full force . Janis has degrees from Western 44 The Big Drag

Reserve University , a startling accomplishment for the aver “ ’ age movie queen , but, If I can t tell the fans how Gable ’ ” A . S kisses , I m doomed as a dumb biddy a matter of fact , at

department store gatherings like this , a number of those ’ “ ’

. s a present aren t precisely fans They drift in , y , Who s that ?” “ ” up there and then , when somebody replies Janis Carter, ” s a they y , Never heard of her and drift out . a on An hour later , breathing h rd, Janis moved in a broad; casting studio to record an interview in Spanish for Latin f America . Miss Carter had a whole raft o Spanish during her o n k high sch ol days in Cleveland, but k owledge li e that fades away faster than the juice in a radio that’s just been snapped ’ off she she n , and went crazy trying to make sure wasn t calli g

- the Latin Americans blue pigs .

- r she was fi tu At four thi ty , in the of ce of one of the big pic re — magazines , being interviewed usually a waste of time for ' Li e for of the movie star , because f , instance , has a habit dis ' regarding ninety - nine out of a hundred stories with which it tinkers . By this time , Janis was beginning to chain smoke .

five - By thirty , she was buttonholed by Ida Jean Kain , the n who sy dicated beauty columnist , suggested reducing a trifle , the charming Miss Kain feelin g that you can even reduce your way into a seven the hard way when the dice are run

- s a . ning against you , as they y at Broadway and Forty second

six- t At thir y , Miss Carter was permitted to dine elegantly one on in her hotel room , lying on elbow a sofa , occasionally

k a - rubbing her tired feet , smo ing an fter dinner cigarette and contemplating the joys of a vacation in New York . By eight was f t for . thir y, she had to be ready the theater This a sti f chore, because she had to smile and Show her teeth all night A L . to N . Y. 45

s he long and had to applaud the , Show vigorously no matter

- how it stank, to guard against being called high hat within

the profession . As another professional task , if she was at the

theater escorted by a male movie star , she had to guard con ’ tinuall s e e — y all evening to that he wasn t scene stealing, or ,

- fl . as the trade puts it , y catching ofli ce on By midnight , the publicity , always the ball , had arranged for Janis to visit the night editor of one of the big

she d Ni ht newspapers , since had just finished a picture calle g i r a Ed to . w s This close to fatal , since all night editors have ulcers and vile dispositions and have been trying for years to l get on the day Side , and genera ly are unimpressed by

sufli cien movie stars . They are impressed usually only by t

whisky and a raise in pay .

A . M . At , stunned and dazed, Miss Carter was ready

for . bed She lay in the dark, smoking a cigarette and listening

to the Big Drag , many floors below, still whizzing and Sliding

and banging . There seemed to be a tic in her right cheek , and she her stomach twitched occasionally . However , by four — — off whaml . managed to fall to sleep , when the telephone

‘ And the whole fl apdoodle and merry - go- round ready to begin

again .

S u erchief Then , in two weeks , The p is pulling back into

the Los Angeles station and Miss Carter; in dark glasses and C ’ a off . h ngover , is getting the train olumnists stooges , planted

the depot , eye her dubiously , shake their heads and sidle “ ? s a o . over t the nearest telephone Hello , Queenie they y “ s a to their bosses . Just w Janis Carter stepping off The Super Bo she chief . y , really must have raised cain in New York; ’ it ll take her a month to get over this katzenjammer . She must 46 The Big Drag

sh have been soused every minute e was there . Those stars ’ certinn o y g hog wild when they vacation in New York, don t they?” t In justice to the stooge , we must admit that frequen ly , of he is right . One the greater nuisances along Broadway — not Miss Carter, incidentally is the drunken movie actor or who a l of actress , , fter sliding through the daily schedu e u interviews and luncheons , really settles down to tearing p_

e . the p apatch at night The legitimate Broadway stars , most of whom have been cradled in show bus iness and have done of wa everything short sleep in a trunk , always seem to be ry of of their actions in public , and never stop the portrayal the grande dame until they reach the seclusion of their apart crooke d the ment, where they can , and frequently do , get to

ears nightly . But the Hollywood vis itor too often has had no background ’ in the profession and doesn t realize how swiftly her reputa tion can be punctured by a couple of drunken scenes in night H ’ clubs . Besides , ollywood itself doesn t seem to bother too or nn much with the morals ma ers of its children . When I first Of hfe includin visited there , the easiness and informality , g i or the d sregard of the misbehaving movie actress actor, seemed to wither and reduce to a shambles my memories if of a lusty early l e in Greenwich Village . Having done many n w of i i tervie s these v siting movie queens , I must note that at least half of them have been suffering terrific hangovers when I caught up with them at lunch . n re It was John May ard, who does such excellent movie

ournal- A merican who views for the J in New York , startled me with the tale of the bewitchingly delicate and very blonde Hollywood star whom he met for cocktails one day when

48 The Bigs D rag

it— touch in his movies . Just what was without disclosing any c — trade secrets , of ourse that enabled him to get the quality and good taste in his productions that had s o frequently been remarked upon? “ ” Well , my solemn Foxy Grandpa said, looking down at his “ — manicured hands , consider taste . After all what is it but ? ’ the man himself You can t manufacture quality . Either the ’ has . producer quality and good taste , or he doesn t If he has, ” it , his movies have it . I left shortly after , a little shaken and

trembling. v They are all kinds , these isiting ladies and gentlemen , of some them boring, many of them drunks , a few of them

genuinely interesting. More than the Broadway performers , t unfor possibly , hey have the habit of being frank , which in n tunately often lands them trouble . I remember meeti g Lauren Bacall one day and lounging around her hotel room she d with her as , ressed in a black jersey blouse , black slacks i and a pink scarf around her d rty blonde hair , talked freely “ ’ and intelligently about love . I ve had my share , I suppose . of I guess none them lasted a year , but every time I really ‘

. is dived into it It would be Oh baby , this the real thing ; ’ ’ iv " I ll never be able to l e without this one I remember little i how Arline Judge , drinking orangeade and recalling w stfully there was a time when sooner or later of an evening I would ” be in every nice saloon in New York . she There was lovely Helen Walker , telling me how worked as a secretary for a businessman in New York and how he “ ’ chased her around the room every night , which I didn t mind personally, but I figured the poor guy was paying me twenty ’ n ot his four dollars a week and getting money s worth , so I ” quit . t N . Y LA . o . 49 I remember standing in a dingy Ninth Avenue bar with hs tenin Mike Mazurki, the wrestler turned menace , and g to Mike tell me how hyp othetically a lot of money could be made in the grappling racket by taking a dive and how he was sick one night and decided to lose early to Dick Shikat “ ou at Madison Square Garden , but mind y , this was not really b of a dive , ecause on the best day my life I could not beat

Shikat w . , any ay

- was - Once at Twenty One , there a four hour luncheon with Carole Landis at which she tried to enlist a little sympathy for the actress whose marriages end in divorce , as four of hers “ ’ she had . It might be the husband s fault , you know , said, “ but the public always blames the girl . There was Betty o Hutton , beautiful in a white blouse and p wder blue suit , sipping a milk punch painfully as she recovered from a bad night, and suggesting to the Lord that she would be better ’ off dead and why didn t he strike her down . 15 alon Broadwa for There a certain set social routine g y, and show people , these visiting movie performers soon get n into the swing of it . There is always just o e or two places — to go for lunch last season , for example , it was either ’ — - or T Twenty One oots Shor s and unless they are abnormal, the stars head for them to indulge in the traditional di does “ ” of table - hopping and screaming hel- lo"across the room at ’ or someone they ve met only once would like to meet . If they for are free cocktails , you will find them always in the Stork In low for Club , where they begin key , the long afternoon with out a has drink worn them a bit thin, but where after awhile l n s uawlin they are right q g stride . al There is never anything but the theater at night , and r ways sixth row center, and always th ee minutes after the 50 The Big Drag

is never curtain up , and the same gown two nights hand

n i f - r . o ru ning On the late sh ft , it is El Morocco , cou se , and i here they take up the long vigil , waiting gr mly to be seen an d by the right producers and the right newspapermen , dis tinguishab le from the El Morocco regulars only because they are forever beaming and showing their teeth , where the steadies are concentrating on out- frowning and out- staring h . t e each other Then , still later in the night, or earlier in s ix or n s morning , there is the nightcap of eight more dri k ’ fis tfi ht in someone s apartment , and more likely than not the g ’ n u that does t get into the papers , or the f rtive , childish little

- assignation , or the passing out on the sofa . Hollywoodians have been criticized for their frequent mar ri a es of g and divorces ; it is the one phase their lives , perhaps , " i e s for wh ch they should be forgiven , because wher a the

- average big town dweller can live his own existence and , as wolfishl she experiment y as he or likes , the movie people . ’ s o live in Macy s window , to speak, and any amorous pec cadill oes in which they engage must be legitimate ones . It

odd - hot seems , but because of the white publicity glare that i is forever on him , the movie star v rtually has to marry any girl he kisses for more than two seconds . Many Hollywood marriages have no roots in love at all , but are the natural result of a normal craving for companionship . The movie star lives in a glass house from the time he gets up until he goes to bed; it is a logical thing that he wants someone with whom his he can let down hair and become again Joe Doakes ,

c . garage mechanic , as he on e was

To the movie star come to Broadway for the first time , the reception must be a trifle dis appointing . For while the press claps its hands and clicks its heels at the sight of new material . Y LA t N . o . 51

for the printed page , the Big Drag takes the visitors in stride . Perhaps this is because a great portion of the Broadwayites t are important in show business hemselves . is k What more li ely , however, is that along the main stem , S for o the big hot comes three a quarter, and even the b ot blacks and newsboys have become inured to the dazzlin g — for a small- towner sight of Bing Crosby coming out of a

neighborhood restaurant minus his toupee . Even the auto graph fiends who crowd around the movie star are something

: less than adoring . To them it is a business deal . Either the ’ has for star s press agent contracted their services , in the hope “ ” that some columnist will comment on the hordes of fans or following Miss Vere de Vere around, else they are after her signature merely for the good American coin of the realm r it may bring on the open ma ket . of o h There are , naturally , a number syc phants to w om the e S for app arance in town of a movie tar is the signal a _con

- certed campaign of boot licking . Broadway is nothing if not less desirab le crowded with opportunists , and the of these are the ones without talent of their own who figure on hitching h w . o their wagon to a star What makes it all sad and cheap ,

l . ever , is their wil ingness to be satisfied with crumbs Maybe ’ “ ” n S or they k ow the tar s press agent and use that as an in , perhaps they just bother the Holly woodian herself so much that soon she is too numb to care whether her retinue contains n t of the boot licker or o . Whatever the manner tying in with n the star , the Broadway character can be seen taggi g after n her as she leaves her hotel, or sweepi g into a restaurant on of or with her, the fringe her large escort , telling some “ newspaperman that Gloria told me this morning , that when etc . 52 The Big Drag

“ ’ When the queen s vis it is all over and she has returned r f to the Coast with her bad d eams and pu fy eyes , the char acter has squeezed nothing out of the arrangement but a few of scattered seeds prestige that exist only in his own mind . on Yet he goes on and with each new star to hit town . Where ; he ends up ultimately , God knows In Hollywood, I guess . is h That would seem natural, for he , if possible , even p

than that phony town .

But sometimes , the visit to New York is accomplished by

a star to whom the town is home , and then there is usually for s ee more fanfare , the natives were sorry to him go and

glad to have him back .

This would be someone like Jimmy Durante , and if you are old is s timu and tired and beaten by life , there no greater ’ — 8 old r e lant not even the Broadwayite faithful, benzed in

than to wander up to his suite in the Astor , right in the mid

dle of Times Square , and watch the great man tearing around r the rooms in his bath obe , answering the telephone , looking out i in del ght at the Big Drag below, slapping anyone and everyone on the back and holding separate conversations h wit songwriters , agents , moochers , fighters and assorted

characters who have gathered at his feet . To a guy like is is of Jimmy , Broadway home , and when he in the center its whizbang , he is a happy man . He lies when he mutters his “ — famous song about I kin do widout Broadway but kin ” Broadway do widout me? He could no more do without the place than he could do without his nose .

in n too . Bing Crosby fits , roughly , along these li es , He Spent many happy and carefree hours in Broadway before his hair and s line receded , when he makes one of his visit these days , L A . to N . Y 58 he dodges personal appearances and publicity and spends his or hours listening to Eddie Condon play jazz , talking with a n or bookie he once k ew , just ambling around the main stem

And to see a really blissful man is to see someone like Frank the Fay come back after a sojourn in movie capital . Mr . Fay of the impeccable clothes and the starched collars l s always bewildered by the cheapness and gaudiness of movieland and L desperate to return to the ambs Club , where actors wear ties and are reasonably cordial to each other and talk about — s a or something other than movies the horses , y , or politics , i M i . 50 t whether D agg o is going to hit 8 his year . The Broadwayite who istapped for the movies cannot hon es tl tu wher y rn down the chance , because money is money '

ou earn . a , ever y it But every time he c n wangle it he piles, a couple of suitcases aboard one of those Santa Fe stream liners and heads back to home . It is weird to imagine someone

flutter relaxing within the confines of Broadway , with its y Of do pulse and its crashing pots and pans , but relax they f when they come home from the wars o the West . of to There are those , course , whom Broadway and Holly You S wood both are home . will see someone like George . Kaufman dining one night in the Copacabana and eyeing the glittering crowd in the Mocambo in Hollywood the next . These transcontinental travelers are forever climbing in and out of Pullrnans of planes and , and they live in a kind purga W tory , children ithout a country . Their names are forever ”

i . n ari . V et LA Y. being listed y under the . to N columns , and

1 their typewriters and secretaries are forever at the r Side . They are the ones who look hungrily at the California menu “ ” for the magical words New York cut opposite the s teak 54 The Big Drag i l l sting , and when they are sitting in their litt e bungalows at work—for mostly they are writers or independent producers — or designers or show people of some anonym ous kind their thoughts usually are on such faraway wonders as Roseland

Ballroom or the shooting galleries on Sixth Avenue . Behold “ x —or Broadwa ese the e patriate , God pity him , in y , the poor guy .

56 The Big Drag

” who women made the mistake of saying Uh, huh when they “ ” should have said Not tonight , brother . But on the whole , the Broadway girl is neither destitute nor drunk , penniless nor i heartbroken . It is st ll possible , of course , for a man to make ’ of a fool a woman , but don t forget that these are the days of s ex emancipation for the tender , and it is an unlikely ’ who i and woman indeed doesn t learn sw ftly , from books

- m street co er discussions at the age of twelve , the lesson that

or t Broadway girls used to learn at the age of eighteen twen y ,

one - - in lonely hall bedrooms or night stands at the Ritz Plaza . who Today , the girl comes to Broadway knows exactly where e ach mine is laid , where each booby trap hangs , and exactly what is going to happen to her if she blunders into one of e usually nothing except a dose chagrin , followed by h I t d f etermination never to be made a sucker o again .

- If you cut away the hard rubber casings of their hearts , ’ lot they aren t a bad , many of these Broadway women , and I suppose the worst that can be said of them is that they’re out for all they can get . Since the average Broadway man is out for the same objective , our butterfly can hardly be t blamed . Al hough I do think that she ought to give the male s ex a small handicap when the game begins , because when ’ who can it comes to bartering passion , the man doesn t live bat in the same league with a woman . If you are loose on Broadway some night without dinner or to get home to a lodge meeting , drop into one of the better joints , like the Stork or the Copa , and watch a Broadway man try to get a Broadway woman to come home to his bed and board with him at the least possible cost . Quite possibly, the butterfly would enjoy a tumble in the hay as much as the ’ - it s of hard working wolf , but a matter principle with her The Great Emancip ation 57 never to look up shyly and nod yes until she’s taken the ’ for his gentleman most of bank roll, the next three months

rent and a promise to marry her .

- i - i o t . I know that to out towners , th s atti ude seems sordid for of r It is hard , example , for a citizen Ve mont, whose life

is pure and wholesome , to reconcile himself to the seeming

promiscuity of the whole thing . But always remember that is life along the Big Drag a pinwheel , a rollercoaster , a fast motion movie ; everything is stepped up twenty times in for or tempo , and the Broadwayite , whether better worse , has at thirty - five lived four times as many lives as the Kansan

at seventy .

- Of We Speak not of a quiet , elm lined community God fearing citizens when we speak of Broadway; we speak of an

- u incredible , needled, jazzed p area that is a world apart from of the world Kiwanis clubs , Wednesday night bridges and No ne Saturday night movies . o has changed Broadway in a

hundred years , and it is unlikely that anyone will in the near

future . We must consider the phenomenon dispassionately , ’ mi r s like a cricket under a c o cop e .

On the other hand , we do an injustice to a certain share ’ of Broadway s females if we classify them all as hard- boiled ’ babies . Some aren t and some are , just as some are black and t some are white , some full of tha mystical quality that the Broadwayite calls class and others full of nothing but the ’ ninety - two cents worth of chemicals of the average street of — walker . Broadway has all kinds women tough , beautiful Showgirls ; stenographers nai ve and stenographers wise ushers and cashiers ; models ; artists ; prostitutes and semi — p ros ; salesgirls and Salvation Army lassies everything . It has girls who wear Bendel black or Bergdorf forest 58 The Big Drag

who green , at four hundred dollars a throw , and it has girls wh wear S . Klein pink at It has girls o live only for the

- who the dressing table mirror, and others clump along main i stem with the r lifts run over and their slips Showing . All the wonder and beauty and seaminess and spite that can be

found in the female is paraded before us nightly , and there

is something a little frightening about it all . The one female above all others to whom Broadway should b e more than a spit and a smile is the career girl , because per haps nowhere in the world can she cut loose to better ad vantage and make something Of herself than in this nervous f belly o the big town . It is not quite true that Broadway first “ ” “ ” asks you What can you do? and then What sex are you i as an afterthought , because if anyth ng, a girl with good legs and for n S talent , whether it be a talent designi g stage cenery orc ki of oo ng a good cup coffee , has the edge on a man whose

legs are not quite s o exciting . But there are a thousand women in New York whose fresh ideas and whose drive and skill have today made them com fortab l t y independent , a si uation that quite possibly would n ot exist in the hinterlands . Whenever I think along these e of lines , I contemplate th life and times Pat Allen , a little ‘ - h who f u l red haired girl wit blue eyeglasses , in a town l of

- - dr thieves , touts , fanatics , pigeon lovers , pigeon haters , eam

ers , schemers , professional burns , dancers , refugees and knife

throwers , stands unique . ’ To Pat Allen s disordered office just off the Drag come daily — the handsomest men in the world Greek gods , p latinum tr haired Adonises from the North coun y , swarthy romantics ,

- - l ian neatly shaved and crew haircutted specimens of col eg a. The Great Emancipation 59

t sli in i , u etl hr Fif y a day they drift into her place pp g ‘q y t ough the front door and sitting patiently in the ante - room for hours m . out at a ti e Once in a while Pat comes briskly, smiles her

con ta IOus one of g little smile , crooks her finger , and these

as chesty , gorgeous ones jumps though through a flaming dr hoop . Then when night ops its raucous mantle on the main she out stem , comes and smiles sadly at the remainder and

. they sigh and drift into the city , outside ’ For Miss Allen s fascination to these beautiful gentlemen — is a financial one she has what amounts to a monopoly on

the male modeling market in New York . Just as Conover , Powers and Thornton have cornered most of the charm

among the girl models , Pat has in her files the name and photo

of - b e l every would Ho lywood star , every ham Broadway

actor , every eager young Narcissus in town . When there is a

for - n o call a toothy , clean cut you g chap to be ph tographed

with a certain brand of cigarette sticking out of his jaw , the call goes to Pat; when the wet beer that dis s atisfies wants

S n - a erious young ju ior executive type , Miss Allen is the one

to see . ’ And Pat s is a story of the main stem that coul d have come

- about , maybe , nowhere else . Born at Eighty seventh and she oIS e of Madison , acquired the p the Broadway young at of was the age four , at which time she taken by her father, ’ a city Official , to christen some new lions at Central Park s zoo and a few days later was thrown out of a movie house when She insisted on pointing to herself in the newsreel and howl “ ’ m "” e ing delightedly , That s She grew up in Asbury Park , New Jersey and went to a half - dozen institutions along the hu for es of the Scoville School Young Ladies , after which she 60 The Big Drag

“ ” as - ffi tried acting , and ended up a high class o ce girl in a theatrical agency at five dollars a week .

- - There , Pat became the middleman in a supply and demand on situation . Commercial photographers were always the “ ” of prowl for new types men , and struggling young actors were always on the prowl for ways to make money that would sustain their Barrym ore souls and bodies . Pat got the gents —in together, and soon the famous basement lunchroom of ’ irnes Walgreen s T Square drugstore , where the young of the — theater go to brood and plot their dramatic futures she was “ - doing a land office business . Mine was the phone on the ” “ right , in the back , Pat recalls . The waitresses took my calls ” when I was out.

And here is where th e Broadway touch comes in . Pat could heractih have continued like that indefinitely , just getting : g and photographing friends together for the hell of it , doing ’ —if she each one a good turn hadn t been of Broadway . The his i Broadwayite , and I say this because I consider it to cred t

his and as a tribute to alertness , is always hunting for the angle that will make him a success . He knows that the world ’ won t particularly beat a path to your door if you build a bet — ter mousetrap but that it will if you build something that ’ has never been built before . What s the angle , he asks . ’ ’ Where s the gimmick? What s n ew? l s at Pat A len back and realized the whole thing was new . ’ ’ Why Shouldn t there be a models agency exclusively for ? men She snapped her fingers , shook her head determinedly, and lo and behold there was . With eight or ten reliable f 1942 Adonises in her files , Pat bravely Opened an O fice in and out who set to buck Powers and Conover, had also gone in extensively for the male trade . The gorgeous ones came to her The Great Emancipation 61

off like flies to honey , and today she has to fight them with a baseball bat . Dozens of young gents who later ended up with fat Holly wood contracts have spent the formative years sitting in Pat’s

- — who ante room guys like Eddie Price , became John Shelton ;

Buddy Alderdice , who turned into juvenile Tom Drake ; Jess

a who B rker , kept his name; Guy Madison , and Hurd Hatfield, the elegant b Ounder w ho played Dorian Gray in the pic ’ f turization . o of Wilde s novel As a matter fact, that photo graph of an esthetic young gent in fedora and raincoat, “ on : i marked the back Hurd Hatfield; eyes , brown ; ha r, 6 145 24 7 brown ; height , feet; weight , ; age , ; hat, shoe , ” ’ fil 8 Pat s es . tux, sports , is still in , “ Outside of the fact that her boys have a little ham in them , Pat says that they are the nicest fellows in the world . “ ” of she Lots my guys only use modeling as a stopgap , says , ’ — and I don t mind at all . After all what kind of a lifetime work for a man is modeling? The boys have their eyes on

of v two Hollywood many of them , and this kind labor ser es — purposes It pays the rent and it gets their faces plastered all over billboards , magazines , newspapers and subway ads , ” where somemovie Shylock might spot them .

I recall another Broadway girl who used to hang out ’ “ in that Walgreen s basement the Half- million - dollar ” Baby , they used to call her . Her name was Peggy Conrad , she e of and and had blu eyes and a mountain brown curls , her whole life was wrapped up in the rafli sh world of show — business . Maybe you remember Peggy the girl who just r a few years ago bank olled the children of the theater, to ’ ? morrow s Hepburns and Lunts , to cakes and coffee She used 62 The Big Drag

’ ’ sit s to in Walgreen s and pick up the kid soda checks , and or if they needed two or five ten bucks to pay their room rent ,

too . that was all right , t i to for nh The money meant no h ng her , she was due to i erit

i sh e - half a mill on dollars when reached twenty one , and the

f - friendship o these stage struck kids really mattered . The young hams sipped their cokes , rubbed their hands , grinned ' engagingly at Peggy and waited . Peggy got hers elf a chorus ’ i job , ultimately , but the young hams d dn t care too much ’ for she A ctors Cues that , because had been financing , the lit

- for tle help wanted paper show people , and her thousand dollar monthly allowance was cut off when she went on the r t stage . Fo all this philan hropy was taking place to the ac comp anim ent of a cacophony of roars and offstage shouts and ’ l murmurs by Peg s fami y . You wa on s o learn the hard y Broadway , many times,and ’ Peggy was startled to find the Wal green s children cutting sh he her dead after e no longer was t bank roll She had been .

Then , when she hurt her back while dancing , Broadway de its cided , as is macabre custom , that her usefulness was at an of end and washed its grimy hands her . Peggy blew town . f She dri ted South to visit some relatives , and soon she was ’

e . cashi ring m a Gulfport , Mississippi bar and grill It didn t al ik to own sound very ladylike , but Peggy ways l ed make her

Sh she wa . e s way did it so well this time , that promoted to of manager the bar , with the privilege of arguing with drunks , she ot but g homesick , came back North and patched up her feud with her mother . l she Show business sti l intrigued her , but was wary now, and she was letting other suckers subsidize her erstwhile ’ good companions rendezvous with Art . She ran across Buddy

64 The Big Drag

’ a blonde named Betty Fenske . She walked past me in Lindy s — l one night recently , wearing her new name Lauren Bacal . ’ She didn t give me a tumble . I thought it was funn y . Show ” f u people are nny , anyway .

’ I don t know who else you might have in mind as a Broad ’ lis tr without in way girl, but I couldn t seal up my personal — cluding Dainty June and Rose Louise the Doll Girl that would be June Havoc, and Gypsy Rose Lee . These days , they are forever shuttli ng off to Hollywood for one good cause

or another, but they are Broadway to the bone , and the Big

for . Drag is brighter them The last time I heard , they had patched up a sisterly feud of many years’ standing and were living together in a 24 - room house on East Sixty- third Street; an d with cigarettes in bed long discussions of life , love and

’ the pursuit of happiness over a drink and a roaring log fire . k Nobody would ever mista e Gypsy for a Smith girl, and no body would ever take June for the queen of Vassar’s daisy too i chain . They are trim , too fast with a wisecrack , too sw ft and steel- trapped of mind to be saddled with those dubious l a l comp iments , but they m ke exce lent specimens of the bet

ter side of Broadway . ’ was her Gypsy s talents are well known ; it Lee Wright , Simon and Schuster editor who said she was a natural as a “ writer because she knows instinctively where paragraphs ” start . ’ e June s assets , on the other hand , include a remarkabl

- shape , a grand comedy sense , a hand painted spittoon and the ability to do the front and back bumps and a special sidewis e ’ “ ” h “ —I as . s e bump well Me, says dreamily , me guess I m just ” a big slob . The Great Emancip ation 65 There was a distinct flavor of Broadway about the sisters ’ Hovick, when I first met them . June s movie bosses had just given a party celebrating the removal of a plaster cast from — her right leg such things go on all the time in the half- world that is the movies- and most of the guests finally had stag — h gered into the night . Gypsy started upstairs to rest s e was — going to have a baby In a few months and she tossed back a parting shot to June See how much of the liquor and “ ’

i . ou . cigarettes y can save , she said w th a grin It s all gravy ” for The studio paid the whole party . June gave her the “ ” - o . . double handy Okay , kid, she said

if the t I wonder , though , when you are hunting yp ical ’ ou for - firs t Broadway girl, y wouldn t pause a moment at Fifty

m - Street and the main stem , and then cli b the thick carpeted , mirror - lined staircase to Roseland? Times have changed in the quarter - century that Roseland ’ fid et - has been catering to Broadway s g y footed and its lonely ,

“ to its jittery ones who must dance away the rhythm within them and to its s ad ones who must hold a woman in their arms to fight Off the blues . Dance halls in the old days were rough

and tough , and it was accepted that the girls who worked in them were no better than they should be . There used to be

- at- fifty hostesses , and many of the more down heel places

of . were nothing more than glorified houses call Today , how

ever , they are the joints to which the boy comes and brings of d or t his girl a We nesday Sa urday night , for the prices are reasonable and the orchestras good , and Lord knows he is tired of rolling back the living - room rug every day in the

week . The result of this turn of events is that in dancehalls like 66

r Roseland, the number of hostesses has d opped sharply . At l last count , there were twelve or fifteen at that il ustrious

of - daddy the joints , and with their low cut evening gowns d and mascara, they furnishe a sharp contrast to the working

’ girls who came in with theirb oy friends after a quick dinn er ’ in Child s . The halls are honorable and circumspect, we are told, and the little ladies are little ladies . ’ dr a Let s ift upstairs , into the glittering hall with its bl ck

in 6- - 7 - modern decor and its indirect light g , past foot inch Ben Moros z was of , the bouncer , who once the idol the fight

ds . crow at Madison Square Garden , a block to the west Our visit is during the late War . We set our glass down on the red “ co- card that says , We earnestly request the operation of all our guests in seeing that no liquors are brought into or con ” ask tObe S sumed upon these premises , and we for Betty ent

- is over . Betty is slim and peach colored and her black hair piled high ; she wears a light blue evening dress . “ ” “ I was born in New York , Betty says . I live here , I used to model and I came here because it was a nice way to make ” h ll ? She . s e money . Does Betty sti like dancing Yes , does Does — one— i ? she keep busy all four hours nine to n ghtly Yes , i ? n . does . How are the customers The customers are ce Any Eu ? . ? . trouble with any of them Oh no , never Married No ’

? s . gaged? Yes . Ambitions Marry and have kid So you re ’

? . . at happy , Betty Yes , I m happy No quarrel with Betty We p

- ll Betty good b y paterna y and Florrie slides into her chair . and Florrie is in white satin , has yellow hair talks enchant l ’ ing y out of the corner of her mout . “ ”

Florn e . Buy me a beer , commands , almost menacingly b of The waiter puts the eer in front her and effortlessly, beau “ ” f d she ti ull she lf . Go y , drains ha a glassful , I hate dancing , The Great Emancip ation 67

“ ”

We __ ask . . r says , morosely her what She prefers Sit , Flo rie “ i wh n s t. o says . I like to I just love guys buy a stri g of tickets ’ i and then ask me to s t and talk . I don t care what kind of

Ho s it. Fl rrI dopes they are . w I love to o e says she lives in h w o . has Queens with another girl , models Florrie been at

l Off and on . Rose and for seven years She has been married , r “ n ow . she but is sepa ated If I ever get married again , says; “ ’ ” is ? it ll be to him again . You know how it so s a how We are afraid Florrie may cry , we y we know “ af - it is and ask Florrie what she does ter quitting time . Me l we and a couple of other gir s here , go out and hoist a couple , h “N s e . ot now maybe , says , smiling many men around and s out o the three of us women go and get some food and drinks . ’ Then we go home to Queens and go to bed . It ain t bad and we have fun . We thank Florrie and bend down to light a cigarette and we s ee who — when look up we Maxine , is like Florrie only “ bustier and generally bigger . Has that dame been telling you ” “ s h about me? e begins with a giggle . She drinks more than ”

. a ask she all of us put together We are st rtled , and if is kid “ ’ ” “ ’ i sh . e ding Sure , I m kidd ng , says . I m a great “ ”

. she ask if She can dance all the different dances Hell , no , “ ’ : says . I can t rumba Drives me nuts . Does Maxine still get a kick out of dancing? “ ” “ she of IS Brother , says wearily , my idea a good time to go ‘ ’ s a h somewhere and eat and rest and y No , thank you , w en

r n i da ce . a guy asks me to I like to s t. “ ” Y t ? ou oo . , we murmur “ ” Huh? she says . Maxine tells us that‘s ailors are a good crowd but that they “ f ” h ou f . s e t kill y with all the jitterbug stu Although , con inues, 68 The Bi g Drag

’ li m h smi ng to herself, someti es they buy the whole five ours s it worth of tickets and just and talk to you . They just like to ’

in . look at a dame . That s k da nice Soon Maxine is trudging her way around the floor with

- t a bald spotted , tired businessman , and Jackie is s udying us from behind black coffee . Jackie wears a black dress with what they call a sweetheart front and she wears a red jacket and has hair like Gyp sy Rose Lee 3 . She smiles easily and her “ ’ she l eyes are blue and says Hell , ta k all you want, I m not losing any money with this slim crowd tonight .

Jackie , it seems , ran away from home in Connecticut at she t i fourteen , and when came back wi h her ha r bleached, ” a couple of years later , My father wanted to put me in jail .

After a while , she got married , but after five years , she was

‘ ' i r ad vo ce . separated , and sooner or later she figures on getting ’ l ” They tell us you re not a lowed to date the customers , “ ’ ” h s a . o s e we y , trying hard not to look arch N , we re not , says , looking at us . we Later, going downstairs to Broadway , look at the slip “ f e — 14 n we o 8 88 o , paper with Jacki Murray , Hill it and ’

we . reflect philosophically that after all , aren t a customer Then we scratch around in our pockets for the other slip of on we the paper , which , earlier, had scribbled down Rose for in land requirements a dance hostess , as outl ed by blonde , “ - Forder our blue eyed Florence , the chief hostess . A girl, “ - notes read , should be quietly business like , neat in appear ance . She must be able to handle herself, and CHA PTER S I"

The Gin - M ill Blues

ON E OF TH E full- blown mysteries of Broadway is the ease with which the average citizen of the Big Drag slips from his daytime attitude of anti- sociability to his after- dark pose

of gregariousness . For during the ghastly ( to him ) hours

our 1ven of sunshine , Broadwayite is morose , gloomy and g oi or to hiding in dark corners bars , up over third base at or the Polo Grounds , in general telling any prospective com “ ”

1 . pan ons to blow, I got a headache Come the owl hours , — however , and he promptly turns up in a nightclub drinking

heartily , telling dirty jokes with lusty abandon , watching m , b e with cal eye the latest act to hit town and generally “ m hav g as if he were having a hell of a time . Part of the i time , I suppose , he is ; the other part of the time , it is l kely , For he is doing business . while the Wall Streeter or the mid town businessman is given to closing deals over luncheon ’ or in the Cloud Club the Waldorf Men s Bar, the Broadway boy has a penchant for carrying on his various enterprises ’ b lin tzeh over a in Lindy s or a rye highball in the Stork . Of all the eating and drinking joints in a Broadway that sometimes seems to be g1ven over entirely to eating and ’ i t k t on drinking joints/, is li ely that Lindy s , si uated right ‘ s tem itself Ca itol Theatre the main , just down from the p , is the most f amous . There are a number of reasons for f . o c this notoriety Damon Runyon , course , gave the pla e a certain stature in the sun with his popular short stories of 69 7 0 The Big Drag

s afeb lowers of horse players and thugs and , all whom are ’ u of reg lar inmates what he coyly called Mindy s . Another

sound reason is the food . ’ Lindy s does an exceptional job on such tradi tional Jewish

b lin tzehs s o dishes as , lox , bagels , smoked herring , and forth , of and Broadway , course , has a great Jewish population .

- However , the restaurant also has a slew of fine non kosher ham dishes , including a spectacularly tasty arrangement of n and eggs , a brand of strawberry cheesecake that is know from the Battery to Two Hundred and Forty - second l “ Street , and , as the waiters wou d put it, all kinds sand ” wiches . ’ Most likely , however , Lindy s is what it is merely because a couple of the Broadway crowd just picked on it as the th w place to go . There is no rhyme or reason for e ay in ’ ’ ’ which a Lindy s or a Toots Shor s or a D inty Moore s mush h ha . ave w t rooms into popularity True , the place has to it

takes to keep the hold it gains , but usually the hold in the ’ first place just pops up . Now, at any rate , Lindy s is the place for all good Broadwayites to go when they ( 1 ) want 2 cheesecake , and ( ) desire to hold a business conference of to the soothing accompaniment rattling dishes , screams ” of " of of eo Hello , Max and the motley sounds a torrent p

ple streaming in and out and around the tables . The man behind this establishment is an amiable restaurateur given

to wearing bright ties and boasting of his b lin tzehs . The — — b lin tzeh a cheese pancake is to the Jew what corn beef

and cabbage is to Jiggs or roast beef to John Bull . Made out of i by the right hands , it is this t red world, and Leo ’ th Lindy s are e right hands .

72 The Bi g Drag excellently prepared dishes of the kind that most men and i — t i all Broadwayites l ke steaks , stews , good chowders , h ck slabs of tasty pie and fine coffee . at In addition , the liquor served at the tables and the ’ ‘ little horseshoe bar is Of the best and s erved in good- sized it woul i . d glasses And , since be a poor k nd of Broadway ’ hangout if the bartender only tended bar, one of Shor s

- in barkeeps for a while was Frank Saunders , a good look g , dark- haired Irishm an who used to hang up his apron every ll so often and go Off for a singing audition . He fina y hooked up with radio . The customers at Shor’s are any show business per li — sona t of . y you can think Bert Lahr , Joe E Lewis , Bert nk —l Wheeler, Frank Fay , Brod Crawford , Tallulah Ba head ’ a hundred million of Broadway s home guard, augmented daily by the latest Hollywood character to hit town . Frank ’ Sinatra and his retinue make Shor s their headquarters when in town . ’ It - is in Shor s , perhaps , that the art of table hopping reaches its worst heights ; no one ever sits through an entire meal without waving at least a dozen times , getting up and yelling three or four times and wandering off to at least — two other tables to s ay hello and try to sell a song or an r act o a short story . I remember lunching there with Milton ’ Berle once , and the stream of callers to the genial comic s table reminded me of the throne room at Buckingham

Palace and the peasants being presented to the king . Milton had no illusions ; he knew they were there to impress some one or to get something , but he was too polite to brush them

r - the off . Later that afternoon , at least th ee quarters of The Gin - Mill Blues 7 8

“ ’ ' lunchin callers , I have little doubt , boasted Well , I was ’ ’ t da at Toots with Milton Berle y , and I said to Miltie , I said

- dr Twenty One, which aws a little more on the movie and the nouveau- riche mob than on the true strain of Broad

wa ite of . y , is another important part the Big Drag Operated by a couple of outwardly haphazard but inwardly shrewd gentlemen named Jack and Charlie , one of whom has de voted a great part of his life to the collection an d - use of

went - cowboy apparel, T y One stems from a speakeasy back t of r hi i ground . I was one the more elegant deadfalls in p o b of tion days , just as the Stork used to be one those illegal

- joints . Today , however , Twenty One wears fine linen and has a shiny face and combed hair . it It is beyond respectability , indeed; has reached the — — rarifie d point where it can and does very often spit in the of e is eye any customer whos fame , it decides , too limited for serious consideration .

As a practicing journalist, I have made frequent appear anoes in this lifted- pinky bar with various beautiful Holly wood maidens on my arm and have been buttered up “ extravag ntly . Ah"the headwaiter will exclaim in obvious a“ ” “ " s o delight , Miss Colbert And then , ever politely , And Harum h Mr . p "The presence of these queens will assure me either an excellent table in the coolness of the down stairs grill or the favored corner spot in the upstairs dining room , and my hungry knife will never want for pats of butter . Let me visit this joint without Veronica Lake or Hedy 74 The Big Drag f Lamarr , however , and I am greeted in somewhat di ferent “ ”

m . ? . H eirner? fashion by the head an Yes he begins , coldly

r m . . N H eirne ? Ummm No O tables right now . Then he

looks me up and down with obvious pity and disgust and,

u com t rning his broad back , dismisses me from his mind l t l p e e y . I stand there like the poor little match girl for a and ift while then disappear , crushed , into the glare of F y

second Street outside .

- two i for suc Twenty One , however , has the requ sites a

sf — ces ul Broadway restaurant good food and good liquor . It matters little that their prices are somewhat outlandish or

. s their service a bit incoherent Thi place , incidentally, car ries its incongruous snobbishness to something of an ex treme by having no signs to announce to the hungry or a l thirsty traveler that he is at an o sis . On y a handful of Old coachmen hitching p osts clutter up the front of an old “ ” 21 brownstone cellar , and only the magic numerals over

the door give you a clew .

' Other eating spots around the m ain stem where clusters ’ of D int the initiate are apt to gather include y Moore s , an

- a - fl oor on - old f shioned , tiled establishment Forty sixth Street that offers remarkable food and an occasional glimpse of George ( Bringing Up Father ) McManus at a corner table

as - its attractions ; the Barberry Room , a swank , starred ceil

on - ing , gloomy place Fifty second Street that is delightfully restful and boasts the best peach melba in town ; Chambord , the French restaurant over on Thi rd Avenue with the high ‘ ’ est prices and the most courteous service ; and Gilrnore s

on ort - fl Steak House F y eighth Street o Third Avenue . The Gin - Mill Blues 7 5

’ one Gilmore s , incidentally , is of the most unusual places catering to the Broadway mob . The last word in extravagant — — fittings it was decorated by Franklyn Hughes it is man a she aged by Lynne Gilmore , whose trouble during the ye rs sh was a Powers model was that e had brains . The spec tacularl ul - who y beautif Lynne , a symphony in red gold hair is addicted to wearing black dresses that she fills out ot os m handsomely , g tired of sitting around p g for photog h r s h L ra e s . S o e ou p and artists pestered husband Levin , whose firm specializes l n setting up and launching night clubs , into giving her a restaurant to manage . one It is true , also , that of the other reasons Lynne wanted to quit modeling was because she was gaining a dis “ r maying reputation as the gi dle girl . I was just the type , f s he . o it seems , says I posed in every kind girdle ever

— two- wa i dl made panty girdle , y stretch , lace g r e , flowered ”

of . girdle , even a couple choice corsets

She and Lou did it up right ‘when she entered the ’ restaurant business ; Gilmore s is s o lush it makes most of the other swank East Side spots look like hotdog wagons . The walls are done in green lizard; the draperies are of a flowered material costing twenty dollars a yard; the entire place is soundproofed and the powder room is the only one in the world that looks like a powder room in the movies . Its waiters are almost entirely graduates of the Pullman to runs from New York Washington , which may be one wh e reason y th service is several cuts above average , and its clientele includes people like Gloria Vanderbilt Stokowski

she —for a when is in town little Gloria , my de rs , is of Broad wa an d not y of Park Avenue , no matter how much she 7 6 The Big Drag — o . might insist Ge rge S Kaufman , Russel Crouse , Norman N lli Mc e s . Krasna , Maggi and Wesley Ruggles

Moving from the places more noted for eating than drink

to is r we ing , over those where the reverse t ue , come first to ’ Peron a s John El Morocco , which , though more social than f o . Broadway , still attracts a great many the Big Drag crowd — El Morocco or as The New Yorker once labeled it so bril “ li antl i old y , the splend d goldfish bowl, full of some very ”— ornate specimens is the place to spend the last part of

. or A . M . your evening By midnight , the suburbanites d out and college chil ren have usually cleared , and Broad

s i way and Park Avenue gather in equal parts to t and stare . The exceedingly respectable atmosphere of this East Side nightclub makes even the transaction of business seem a n sin cardi al , and Broadwayites usually carry on their affairs

u . in normal voices , which for them amo nts to whispering i is But the average social te unawed by this splendor , and very frequently goes in for fis t- swinging and nose - bloody ing . There have been some good , lusty battles in El of Morocco , but the number Broadwayites involved have — on - been comparatively few , which might prove that the ' whole their b ehavior is somewhat better. than that of the1r brothers from Groton and Andover . Newspapermen on the prowl for stories are wont to pay — an occasional visit to El Morocco it was the favorite

- f . stamping ground o the late Maury H B . Paul when that rotund eccentric was setting the nation on its ear in his “ ” l t l . co capaci y as Chol y Knickerbocker However , if it is ’ umnis ts on you are after , Sherman Billingsley s Stork Club ,

- is a Fifty third off Fifth Avenue , the place to which to c rry The Gin - Mill Blues 7 7

your old bones . For Mr . Billingsley, perhaps more than any

1n New a other café owner York , has a gift for and an p

preciation of publicity . o It is in the Stork , sandwiched between giggling and ver mellow debutantes and all the motley characters who make

up the Broadway nightlife crowd , that you will find

of Winchell, telephone in hand and determined look eagles or on his face ; amiable Earl Wilson , the celebrated saloon editor who asks nothing more of life than the right to oc cas ionally see Carole Landis in a bathing suit; or gray

- haired , harassed looking Lee Mortimer , every nightclub ’ f - or owner s friend; or blu f, good looking Ed Sullivan ; small, for , , intense Leonard “Lyons searching ever searching the - u won for O . Henry form la anecdotes that Mark Hellinger f a certain amount o journalistic notoriety . The Stork is tastefully appointed and serves good enough is of food and liquor, but here again a prime example a spot that became the place to go just because a handful of ’ citizens s o decreed . Mr . Billingsley s stature as a nightclub

18 owner is somewhat of a surprise , because he neither suave , n or as is John Perona of El Morocco , crudely interesting , f after the fashion o Toots Shor . Billingsley is a smart busi nessman , but exceedingly colorless . Perhaps the bubbling manner in which he treats newspapermen , which extends even to storing their shaving mugs in his private barbershop

at the Stork , has more than made up for this outward lack

of vivacity . Many of the main - stem denizens Spend all or some part on of their evenings at the big , gaudy Monte Carlo , Madison

- W - at Fifty fourth hich has obvious but to date , unsuccess

— - ful aspirations on the Stork El Morocco clientele . There 7 8 The Big Drag i s n m m a orchestra here , aug ented by that necessity of mode i day l fe , a rumba band, and the drinks are good . But Monte

Carlo to date has fallen just a bit short . Tomorrow, next — ou week , next month perhaps by the time y open these — Go pages someone will have made it The Place to , and the great gray rats will have tumbled away from the other joints and over to this East Side rendezvous .

The Versailles is another spot to which Broadway 0 0 :

I n ll Its f caS O a y foots it across town . habit o presenting an elaborate floor show and its policy of aiming at the

for ni ht have of suburban trade , in town a g f made it one the goldmines of the Broadway gold coast . Here,inciden l one of b ta ly , is the few ars in town where an authentic ,

- A 5 l . 7 Grade French , the drink of the devi , can be procured , if anyone cares .

There are dozens of others where you will find the Broad — way m ob scattered at night the Carnival at Eighth Avenue

- firs t and Fifty Street , where a slight , quiet man named old Nicky Blair, an hand at the nightclub profession , runs i on the works ; the Zanzibar , a glittering , hoopla jo nt Broad way at Forty - ninth that is a showcase for the best of the

- e Negro Show talent ; the Copacabana , the East sixtieth Str et

- - café operated by one time press agent Monte Proser, that is an authentic gathering spot for the Big Drag mob; the

Latin Quarter , a cavernous , dreary place at Broadway and Forty- eighth where the patrons are invited to hit on the ’ of tables with hammers and that s about enough that , and ’ ort - Billy Rose s Diamond Horseshoe in F y eighth Street , generally fitted out with stenographers and their boy friends from Weehawken and Union City who are in town for a

80 The Big Drag an uncle in a Naples department store and then worked his way to Venice , where he and a cousin took photographs ’ —a u of tourists in St . Mark s Square forer nner, perhaps , of the sinister nightclub photography business that flourishes

n ow . along the main stem From there , Tony became a wine n bottler in the cellar of a Parisia restaurant, was a bellboy in Bermuda and South America , came to New York to work in the Waldorf and Ritz- Carlton as a bellhop and

finally , a decade ago , opened Le Ruban Bleu and Theo ’ wa dore s . He is now a long y from dealing in vegetables , although an - occasional customer might seem like an over ripe tomato . the wo Then there is Barney Josephson , the owner of t n d Café Societies , one downtown in Greenwich Village a one uptown . Barney was a shoe dealer in Trenton , New Jersey , who used to take business contacts over to Broadway to

Show them a good time . He claims he got so tired of being bored by the average nightclub that he opened his first “ ” for Café Society as the right place the wrong people . Jack of Gilford , an early master ceremonies there , once described “ it- as just a little place for a few of us b oys tryin g to escape from Brenda Frazier . However, that degenerated a bit into the present - day clientele , which comprises equal parts of the Newport and Piping Rock crowd and a few of the more aflluent cloak- and

- o or two . suiters and a broken d wn newspaperman Barney , ’ who li might be a ttle arch in saying this , insists he doesn t “ know why people go to nightclubs . You know how noisy f ” “ and stuf y a nightclub can be , he declares . Walking in the

s o . park is much nicer , weather permitting

’ ’ n Joh Perona , whose El Morocco is the rich man s Stork The Gin- Mill Blues 81

Club , comes from a little town in Italy called Ivrea . He served as a deckhand on a small trans - Atlantic tub before he got together enough of the long green to come to this country and

- open his first unpretentious place in West Forty sixth Street . 19 2 His present plushy palace saw the light of night in 8 . ’ Perona s own 1948 Mr . career reached a dizzy pinnacle in , ’ s at — 21 however , when he in Jack Topping s box Number at the opening of the season in the Metropolitan Opera House the first saloon - keeper in history ever to s it in the D iamond Horseshoe at the Met .

The best of the uptown Russian places is the Casino Russe .

Li off - the Its manager , Peter g , is a one time pharmacist from

old . country Its owner is short, dynamic Sasha Macef, who 22 k n fled the Russian Army in 19 . It is li ely that the most u usual background of a saloon owner is that belonging to h w o . Herbert Jacoby , runs the Blue Angel was Jacoby once secretary to Leon Blum , leader of the o Popular Front in France , and at another time was edit r of ’ Le Po ulaire E the leftist paper , p , until the time of lum s resignation as Premier . Jacoby , a native of Paris , wrote books on e for economics , was a diplomatic couri r the French War for af Department and also was a press agent the Paris c é , — L e B oeuf s ur le Toit which he later bought out and used as a background for the heinous S in of introducing to the “ ” oulove - l eO le l public the incomparable ( Oh , y y p p ) Hilde

- - - i t. garde , the All American What is Then there is the former ham graying Nicky uattrociocchi—who Q runs El Borracho , the saloon with the coyly named Kiss Room , the ceiling of which is coated with the autographed lip prints of hundreds of feminine celeb riti es . Nicky was graduated in 1917 from the Royal Nautical 82 The Big Drag

tu of a our Insti te Palermo in It ly , which is comparable to the tu Annapolis , and early in Twenties he rned up in Holly

wood as' an actor named Lucio Fiamma and played opposite

t . Pola Negri , Baclanova and o her assorted sirens

’ in These days , there aren t many rackets that are tied with b e a the . nightclub business Law and order seem to ramp nt , and an honest thUg has a hard time scratching out a living . one : However , method of making an easy buck still prevails

This is the hatcheck racket , which until recently was more orless incomprehensible and a black art insofar as the pay ing customer was concerned . When Henry Lustig was sentenced for to a long stretch in U S . District Court evading income

the hi s for taxes , testimony at his trial included a comment by fi mer of ce manager that the rococo Longchamps restaurants , w ll o ned by Lustig , picked up around eight thousand do ars monthly in hatcheck tips . ’ I don t know what if any effect the publication of that in formation will have on the hatcheck racket , but eight thou sand bucks per month means that every thirty days thirty two thousand assorted gents flipped quarters into the plates ’ at the assorted Longchamps merely to s ee a girl s face light “ ” s a ou sir a up and hear her y , Oh, thank y , or more especi lly “ ” s a — " not to hear her y sharply , Thanks sport ’ ’ di out The girls salaries dn t come at the Lustig trial , but ’ of to if they rate with those other restaurants , they didn t p ’ fifty dollars a week . In other words , your quarter didn t go ’ toward little Mamie s first fur coat . It went into the coffers s s of a hatcheck concessionaire , who by organizing and y tematizing a service that should b e provided free by a res tauran t or of nightclub to its customers , struck a gold mine The Gin- Mill Blues 88

. r b e easy money A good restau ant , like the Stork should worth twenty thousand dollars a year or more on the hatcheck con is l cession . There nothing i legal about the profession . It is just part of the p rl ce you pay for that hilarious nebulousness “ ’ called exclusiveness . In Joe s Bar and Grill, the manage t for ment provides ha racks free ; in the Stork , a charming wench takes your straw and returns it to you later on receipt ’ of anything from a quarter up . I wouldn t want to s ay they ’ out r wouldn t let you of the Stork without tipping the gi l, m h but it ig t be your last appearance in that establishm ent .

If anyone ever barks about the racket , the concessionaires inevitably come back with the crack that if you let the check m ’ girl keep the oney she makes , who d pay the people behind the counter who hang up and sort the coats and hats? And if ou y suggest that , well , they could split the tips between “ ’ s a them , they cough politely and y well , damn if it doesn t ”

l too. look ike rain again and right after that rainy spell , r In a few scattered places along the Big Drag , the gi ls — do keep their tips after they pay th e management for the concession rights . This situation , I understand, exists in ’ Cavanagh s celebrated steak house down at Twenty - third f i ew . s Street , and a other places A unique distinction enjoyed ’ who s by Renee Carroll , has been checking hats at Sardi cele b rate d theatrical hangout for all of the two decades that that f r restaurant has been open . Renee pays nobody anything o her concession ; the Sardis figure that her personality , her talent ’ for knowing nearly everyone s name and her national fame as a celebrity of sorts are payment enough .

Allegedly , in the better spots the contract between pro p rietor and the hatcheck concessionaire Specifies that the if patron is not to be embarrassed he neglects to leave a tip , ‘ 84 The Big D rag

ne of but less than o per cent all customers fail to tip . Surely there must be more tight- fiste d skinfli nts like myself than that . Most of the girls in the business are union members and ’ lead pretty regular hours . While they don t make fortunes out the or of business , a smart checker can knock down steal

one of . out every ten tips The concessionaire even expects it ,

“ just as the saloon owner who knows his bartender clips into l the ti l . n Generally , the Broadwayite k ows where his quarter goes . wh ’ There are many reasons y he doesn t do anything about it . ’ He doesn t want to be embarrassed . He figures he might ’ u f throw the hatcheck girl o t o a job if he doesn t tip . He may l . os be a union man , and the girls are solid y unionized Or m t r likely , he hates to create a scene . You true Broadway Joe will run a block rather than make a fuss . So he goes on paying for Henry Lustig’s racehorses—all ’ except me , that is . I don t wear a hat any more CH A PTER S EVEN

City S licker

IF YOU WER E padding idly along the hot streets of Hollywood, dubiously eyeing the gaudy shirts and generally amusing i yourself , and a blue fa ry suddenly appeared in smoke and fire and commanded you to go all over town and find the

- For t . yp ical American girl , you would be hard pressed Holly

- wood seems to be full of tall , leggy , white toothed , wind of blown young females , any one whom could qualify as Miss

S irnile America . The reason I drag this in by the heels is that you would have just as hard a time making a selection if that same blue fairy ordered you to produce one single character h from the Big Drag wo might be called Mr . Broadway . “ Maybe you might end your search with Broadway S am

who Roth, sells all kinds of tickets but is more given to holding court , his white sombrero bobbing energetically as he gets over a point , along the main stem at night . Maybe your choice ul wo d be BillyRose , the bantam Barnum , who , clad in a bath ’ Flo robe , wanders idly through Ziegfeld s elegant suite atop the theater where once the Follies were p erformed . Perhaps e your Mr . Broadway might have be n Damon Runyon , who for sook the Buckingham each night when the stars came Out and wandered downinto the sinful Big Drag with a happy smile . er On the oth hand , it might be that your choice would be — someone less known a bass fiddler standin g hopefully out da n side the Brill Building y by day , a so g plugger drifting ’ past Variety s offices,the doorman Of the Paramount or a press 85 86 The Big D rag agent sitting moodily in the cavernous recesses of a nightclub r in the afternoon when the chai s are piled on the tables . All ’ of these citizens are Broadway , to an extent , and you couldn t describe the place without them . Pick any one of them , call ’ f ff B ou ar o . him Mr . roadway , and y wouldn t be the track own d But my choice is a quizzical , sharply dresse , dark w t cravate d haired ( i h Franchot Tone bald spot) , gaudily nightclub comedian named Joe E . Lewis . Those adjectives for citified for are unnecessary readers , wherever there is a metropolis with a passably respectable café and a horse room

. . t to take bets , there Mr Lewis has been He is a ci y man , whose moony face wreathes in smiles at the clatter and honk f who the of tra fic , and sleeps contentedly and best when noonday sun is trying desperately to sneak into his hotel room ’ n eh around the corner of a Venetian blind . I don t k ow wh t er

Mr . Lewis ever has spent any considerable time in the coun i try , but somehow it is a terrify ngpicture to me ; I can see him ,

r of - shivering and cu sing , at the dead silence a farm country night , with the bullfrogs gurgling and the crickets whistling and the strange fumes of pure fresh air filtering into hi s bed room .

And of all the cities in which Mr . Lewis has spent his time s o s o the of amiably , none seems to fit him well as city

Broadway . I remember it was bright and early in the Broadway day

t P . M . when I first met Joe ; hat would be about , when the late papers were beginning to fl op from the trucks onto the s in stand the Forties , and the natives had retired in haste

“ sit one e - to the bars , to over a quick b fore dinner and to glare balefully at the commuters hurrying for the busses and sub ways .

88 The Big Drag

hr oe All t ough that meeting , J kept reaching , sometimes

effortlessly and at other times grinning and struggling hard,

for gags , in the true Broadway tradition , which believes that

is for tu . there a crack every si ation Of course , with Lewis , it generally comes so easily that other comics hear him and

then go home to bat their heads against the bathroom wall . in There was the time in Chicago fifteen years ago , for

stance , when he was razored up and slugged so badly that ’ l ’ “ for three years he couldn t talk and cou dn t write . I sent all ” of who o three the mugs did it a nasty letter in the m rning , — Joe cracked about that one and the next time he played n Chicago , furthermore , he drove arou d in a car “ labeled , Deputy Sheriff . There is much waving of hands and half- smiles an d vague “ ”

ou ou . comments of Oh , y know, when y try to pin Mr Broad for is ob m er way down to facts , it a j comparable to pasting

cury to a wall . But it does seem likely that he was raised on the East Side of Manhattan an d was a Western Union mes d senger as a kid . At fifteen , he took to the roa , ending up in a Michigan lumber mill—which must make him grin to s o ik himself these days , since many lumber magnates , l e the ta e D oor the one in the play S g , are steady cash customers at

- oe . high class joints where J toils During the first World War , Joe was underage for the draft but did get into the Merchant Marine and made one trip from Hoboken to Brest and back ’ as an officer s messman . His show career began with a couple of weeks in bur les ue—a of — q couple rehearsal weeks , at that and almost ended there , because he still was pretty tender in years and ’ his mother didn t think too much of show business . She ’ shipped him off to his brother s general store in a li ttle Penn City Slicker 89

lvania o exhib i y town , but that was n place for a good , lusty i nis t o t. So at nights , Joe managed to get away and do a black

for Hone b o . face act an outfit called the y y Jazz Band . Came —an d ou vacation time , he wandered down to Atlantic City , y

know, never did get back to the general store . He got himself ob for a j singing in a beer garden , and after kicking around tu l a little while , perfecting his timing and expanding his na ra h a e . comedy into a professional turn , c me to New York

of the Around the same time , the prominent New Yorkers who l day included Larry Fay , did quite well in the mi k who racket; Dutch Schultz , was an excellent Prohibition beer baron until he ended up punctured with a half- dozen slugs who ould over in New Jersey , and Vincent Coll, never c keep his trigger finger quiet . Joe worked in a lot of booby traps operated by gentlemen for of this general caliber , they had the nightclub business

tintil by the short hair , as well as everything else . However , i oe . s x Chicago , J kept his nose clean The Chicago story has versions now, and I never could get Joe to talk about it , but it would seem to have happened like this was oe There a place called the Green Mill , where J , as its star , picked up five hundred dollars a week , which was paid out one McGurn to him regularly by Machine Gun Jack , who r had g aduated from gunman to impresario . Then there was f oe another place called The Rendezvous , which o fered J a

- - E or five . grand , two hundred dollar bills , a week ven in those

oe days , J had a good working knowledge of the horses , and he figured out reasonably that a thousand simoleons would ' take care of a good many more bets . than five hundred : He — M urn took the offer and riled cG . “ ”

M cGurn . You better quit that place , said 9 0 The Big Drag

“ ” Nah , Joe said . He op ened at The Rendezvous under police he protection and knocked t customers into the aisles . Nothing r n happened Opening night , and Joe just g in ed and settled ll n all back to working , co ecti g that dough and playing the

horses . hr It was about two nights later that t ee guys , none of them f l e “ q uali ying as co lar ads , walk d into his dressing room . We oe — hate to do this , J , . they said and then beat him over the

- five s head with the butt ends of forty , slit his cheek wide open

an d almost severed his vocal cords . ’ It was a rough deal, and there wasn t much talking , breath r i f r e ing o walk ng o Jo for the next several years . But he came o ut of old it , and before long was right back at the stand, gag

ging , betting , grinning and , quite possibly , winning so much ’ respect from the underworld that nobody has taken a poke f at . o him since Since those days , course , the musclemen have pretty muc h drif ted out Of the clubs and into more modern

hkel methods of graft , like the labor field, but it is y that Joe e for i di t misses th m just a bit , they lent an authent c , if r y , color

to the tinselly life of which he is a part . oe ot of J g into a couple movies after he recovered , and “ “ f lk n o . o e these he ta s nonchalantly I made two , he says ,

grossed four hundred dollars and the other was a flop . He also turned up in occasional vaudeville shows masquerading “ as — musical comedy , but the seats were bad they faced the ” s tage . He did one called R ight This Way that lasted eight d The Lad Comes A cros s ays and another called y , which drew him from critic Brooks Atki nson the affectionate label of “ vaudeville mountebank . Burns Mantle merely called him

o . a genius and let it g at that , which is perhaps the best way for hi But these were only extracurricular jaunts Joe ; s . soul

92 The Big Drag customers , he has enough to win for himself a weekly salary that lies between three and four thousand doll ars a week about three times as much as the President of the United

States makes , and considerably more than the salaries of the fabulously paid movie stars . ’ Many of Joe s best gags have been coined in the rowdy d w nn o of . I cafés Chicago It was at College , for example ,

- that Joe , fellow comic Jerry Bergen and a newspaperman

one . v went night to tear a herring The waiter , falling o er backwards to please Lewis , listened attentively to the dinner orders , whereupon Joe ordered his entire meal in doubletalk , that strange tongue of which he is a complete master . The waiter , diplomatic to the end , padded off and soon came —w tu . back ith the wrong food , na rally Joe tried again , and “ ”

. o . s again in doubletalk And again , the wrong f od Thi time — the waiter brought the manager to whom Joe gave his order in straight English , with a pained look on his face because ’ the waiter hadn t understood . There might have been over of tones unkindness to this , except that Joe grinned and l slipped five dol ars to the waiter . Joe makes no bones of the fact that he once had a deep t the n1 hts and abiding hirst , and many were g when he would m weave onto the floor , fix his audience with a s irk and com “ t ment that he was up here wi h my two partners , Haig and ” Haig . s of He tell another story inebriation , however , in which ’

the . i he wasn t dominant figure Th s involved John Black , “ ’ of n D ardan ella who was the author the tu e , once Joe s “ ” “ oe his partner . One night , J says , John was celebrating was r birthday or something , and when he went on , he d unk

. was as a hoot owl That all right , for most of the act, because City Slicker 98

he just sat in the shadows playing the piano while I sang . He

. of our was a helluva pianist , tight or sober But I was afraid

smash finish , in which I moseyed to the piano , John went into ff a duet with me and we walked o the stage together . He

started Off swell , until it came to the part of the song where

I was supposed to laugh and slap John on the back . Fearfully , I just gave him a gentle slap—and poor John went head first was into the orchestra pit . And that how I decided to work solo the rest of my life As a respected member of the exclusive s et that rides to ’ hounds in camel s - hair coats with cr0 ps made of rolled - up R acin Form g s , and indulges in hunt breakfasts of lox and ’ bagels at Lindy s , Joe for a long while had the orthodox n Broadway outlook o women . A dame was a dame . A woman — is only a woman , but a good cigar you know . Girls were

broads , tomatoes , onions and bags , and some of them were — f r . good kids but just o laughs Never take a dame seriously . And Joe was the most cynical of all so you can imagine how stunned the boys were when he fell in love with a

dirn le d - p , creamy faced little nightclub Singer and movie star

let named Martha Stewart . The citizens of the Big Drag even looked up from their scratch sheets for five minutes to discuss

the atomic news . e t The love life of a Broadwayit always has in rigued me , because I am never quite sure where he fits it in among the l omnipresent business deals , the hours in the gin mil s and the e horses . So I w nt to Martha to find out about her love affair oe she on e with J , and told me quite cheerfully morning while polishing Off breakfast in her hotel room and looking the way

every woman should across the table . “ ” “ she To begin with , said, in the days when I was kicking 94 The Bi g Drag i around the country sing ng with bands or in clubs , I always used to hear of Joe E . Lewis , the wonderful nightclub enter — ' i . ta ner. Boston , Chicago , Hollywood always the same story ‘ — ’ s ee . Go Joe E Lewis funniest man in the world , friends ‘

SO . would tell me . I would duck off, instead , to a movie No ’ ‘ ’ body is that good , I said . Phooey . “ Then one night I went into the Show at the Copa 1mNew — York and Joe turned out to be the star except that we t e hearsed for three weeks before the opening and he never ap ’

eared . p once He didn t even turn up for dress rehearsal, the of s o afternoon the night Opening , I had my mind definitely ’ —‘ ’ made up about him . I couldn t stand him already yet , as off they say . Came the first show, and I did my number , got the floor and went up in the back of the club where they work the spotlights , folded my arms grimly and waited to watch his — o . act . You know g ahead , show me “ l k of And then wel , then , he wal ed on , kind quiet , wa to the y he does , and started make with all his wonderful — business and I just stood there with my mouth open : I think ” that with the first joke he told , I fell madly in love with him . ’ love with oe But if Martha was madly in Joe , J didn t know ’ ” h n s e . existed , and he did t love nobody The Cupid to fix the

of f u - r deal turned up in the person a mourn l looking , colo less

- l is multi mi lionaire from Cuba , whose name Jorge Sanchez

. s ad and whose business is sugar I recall spending a , empty t little night doing the town with Sanchez and a par y of poor , di ls - on is zzy little dol and hangers , but that not , as they say , n here orthere . It seems that Sanchez and Joe are like Damon

t was and Py hias , and Martha soon found that wherever one ,

was too . the other ,

i b e This informat on came in the natural course of events ,

96 The Big Drag l Big Drag , it seems , may be carried on more garishly than ove

on Park Avenue , but it can be just as sincere . Probably

s more o . The only thing that may ever spoil their idyll is Joe’s for un penchant playing the horses , which Martha tries to

derstan d . but never quite does Most women , of course , die ’ a thousand deaths when they s e e their men s moneyfly out the “ ’ ” - two win . she dollar window I don t mind his playing them , ’ if b et told me , before their marriage , but he d only limit his one —ou on e ting to bet a week a twelve to shot , for instance , ’ — ” that couldn t lose thi nk how much better it would be . Another little thing that annoys Martha is the fact that

she to oe whenever sits down dinner with J , every waiter in “ the room comes over and whispers hot tips to him . I feel like ’ “ ’ - . two I m in a stable , she protests I feel like I m a new year old filly being paraded around the paddock . Sometimes when ’ out oe I m with J , I swear I can smell that damned racetrack , ’ ” even if it s more than thirty miles away .

oe was J , on the other hand , worried about only one thing — before he married Martha that she was on her way to b e ’ a o coming great movie star , and while I m still kn cking my

out - - in brains , entertaining the butter and egg men gin mills , ’ ’ " ” on e of ll - you ll be the Hollywood élite and you brush me off . “ ” h “ How could I do that? s e asked me . Even if I ever fell ’ of out love with him , I d still stay married to him because ’ ” I d be sure of laughs for all my life . ’ En tratter CO a Jack , who s head man at the p in Broadway , oe says J is the greatest nightclub entertainer of all time , but “ h ’ he has one weakness . He gets carried away while e s doing “

En tratter . his act , says The musicians have to blow a whistle his to get him off the floor . Once he finished number and ran City Slicker 97

r was so into his d essing room to change, but the applause — great that he trotted back on again wearing his dinner

jacket and gym shorts . He also is a little difficult for the average newspaper inter

viewer . There was one poor young man to whom he told this “ one : It was at the Trocadero , that I gave judy Garland, i — George Raft , Deanna Durb n and the Martins Tony and — Mary their first chance . Mary came to me , poor kid , and begged for a tryout . She was about to be dispossessed . N0 one to i wanted l sten to her , but I told the mob to pipe down and

give the youngster a chance . “ So li . : e Pause Then And that , help me God , is the biggest ” I can think up to tell you at the moment . Westbrook Pegler tells of the time he and ]0 e were wander ing across the street from a bank in Chicago and Joe stuffed his hand into his overcoat pocket and rammed it into a police ’ “ ” “ oe a- man s back . Get in there , J barked, and grab us hun ” nert grand , and be quick about it . The cop just turned,

ou . smiled and said , Mr . Lewis , y are so comical

: As an entertainer , he is blessed twice he has a Groucho i Marx attitude toward l fe , in which everything is slightly w ridiculous , and he orks hard and polishes his material end h t e . lessly , between bets on horses His songs can be recog —“ nize d instantaneously Humdrum She a nd Monotonous ” “ ” “ - five Me , Twenty Thousand Dollars a Year , Sam , You ” Made the Pants Too Long , and his plaintive one about poor little February, which has only twenty - eight days when the

- other months have thirty and even thirty one .

’ toured throu h During the Second World War , he g thirty “ off thousand miles of South Pacific , as he puts it, showing ” “ ” “ ’

l . for the boys . I saw some real talent , he recal ed I member 9 8 The Big Drag

was or I doing a show in the rain , outdoors , on Guam some l of place like that, and right in the midd e my act , a rat walked ‘ across the stage . Hey , bud, where ya think ya I said and would you believe it , the rat stopped, turned and looked , i r with more perfect t m ing than C osb y . He was the hit of the ” show .

- . i r Mr Broadway is usually up and about at three th ty, at which hour b e promptly turns on the radio for the early “ horse results and then calls up room service to ask for the ” four freedoms , breakfast , newspaper , mail and a scratch “ ” l ’ s . heet Then he lays around unti it s time to go to work, out unless he gets to the track for the last few races , and he listens to the radio , paying particular attention to programs

i . l ke Superman About eight , he walks over to the has a quick cup of coffee and strolls out on the floor with his “ ” or — hi s H . V . Kaltenborn Blues something and to credit , he gives the dinner customers the same full show as the ’

A . M . f . crowd A ter that , he gets over to Shor s about nine “ ” ‘ — thirty and joins the boys who may be Bert Wheeler or “ Brod Crawford or orchestra leader Eddy Du chin and other ” “ for jerks like them and me , and we lie to each other an hour ” or so . After that , he patronizes one of the two newsreel houses in the neighborhood and finally returns to the “ club for the midnight show . “ ’ ” “ Y do . ou When that s over , Joe says , I my hostess work ‘ k i for now , I dr ft around the tables an hour with the Hello , ’ ” pal business , and slapping backs and such . If Sanchez is ’ oe or was around, J ends up at Jorge s table , when Runyon in for of the house , he squared off with the columnist a game gin

- r h G rummy . About three thirty o four t e opa shuts down and ’ Joe and any accumulated friends will drift over to Marian s

Pour le Sp ort

IF YOU WER E to give the average citizen of Broadway a base for lit ball bat and ball, he probably would fumble around a “ tle while and then turn to you and complain that this cue ’ is awfully thick and how in God s name . do you think a ball ” this size is going to fit into the corner pocket? For there is nothing even remotely athletic about the average Broadway

N r - ite . o unsightly muscles w inkle his neatly draped jackets , f and the closest thing to tragedy in his li e is an elevator strike , when he is forced to call on all his reserve to walk up five

flights of stairs in the Park Central . There are times when it ’ does seem probable that Broadway s population is composed almost entirely of the kids who always finished last in the obstacle race back in school . n Beari g this in mind , it is a little startling to observe the relish and frenzy with which Broadway goes in for spectator n sports . Drift down and around the mai stem early of an

. afternoon . Along the street corners and in the bar and grills of s o and the lobbies buildings , much of the talk is about the fourth at Belmont, or whether Vandermeer will shut out the

Giants that afternoon , or if Louis will take more than five rounds to knock out his latest setup , or what Dempsey would have done to Louis had they both been in their prime to k gether . And by midafternoon , many of the little nots of sharpies have evaporated , and you will find the component parts only by taking a cab up to the Stadium or the P0 10 100 Pour 16 Sp ort 101

out Grounds , or a Long Island Railroad train to Belmont, or on Saturdays by wandering off to the nearest coll ege foot

as Fordhams ball game , involving such New York teams the , or the Columbias , even, imagine , the Manhattans . On Sun of days , course , he is watching the pro footballers destroy themselves . Perhaps wishful thinking is at the root of this mass interest in the doings of those with strong backs and weak minds ; does undoubtedly it have something to do with it, as the Broadwayite identifies himself with the ballplayer who has

out lot or who has just belted one of the , the jockey hand n ridden a long o e home under the wire . A more realistic view is of os point , however , the understanding the gambling p i ili i s b t es involved . Nine out of every ten guys along Broadway are betting men ; they were when they came to the main stem , and if they ’ weren t , they soon were converted . They will bet on every — thing and anything on the respective speed of two rain on drops skidding down a restaurant window , the poker

- hands involved in automobile license plate numbers , on which horse will finish last in a given race , on whether the next batter will walk or strike out. And the possibilities for ‘ engaging in this sinf ul but pleasant p as time are endless in the sport . They reach their zenith in one sport that above all others has been identified with the Broadway crowd—horse racing . in the ears war Even , y before the years , those incredible seasons at the track when fantastic betting was engaged in , and the rickety old New York ovals bulged dangerously with crowds of fifty and sixty thousand , Broadway was enamored f he o t . sport Any afternoon from one to five , you would find 102 The B ig Drag

of the citizens the Big Drag , their blinding clothes taking on a more natural look when mingled with the rococo garb of the track regulars , wandering around the paddock or clubhouse at whichever park they were off and running . There would eaéh forever be Al Jolson , for instance , amiably doping out race and then unloading thick bank rolls with s ang - froid and aplomb . The gentleman with the patent- leather hair studying - the Mornin Tele ra h g g p would be George Raft , and the big , pale looking man with the grin and the six stooges would be sn a m Milton Berle . Bathed in his Miami tan and pp g his fingers once as the horses thundered across the finish line r would be Joe E . Lewis , and if you went th ough the house ou h carefully , y could count a t ousand more Broadway per s on alities who were engaged in the engrossing but always

- fatal war with the pari mutuel machines . Many of Broadway’s first citizens have gone in even more for —or completely the sport by buying and racing horses , as ll d of Winche likes to escribe this gesture , the Beginning the

End Department . Fred Astaire , once of the Big Drag but more recently of Hollywood and Vine , has raced galloping f was gluepots or nearly a quarter of a century . It only last summer that his Triplicate pulled down a hundred- thousand on e dollar jackpot at Hollywood Park . Don Ameche , another time Broadway boy in the films , is a big racing man all over the country and sends his horses from Calif ornia to Chicago f r and New York on many occasions o big stakes events . 1946 In the summer of , Louis Prima, the trumpeter , was — the idol of the main stem he raced a stable of horses that automatically were played heavily by Broadwayites because he out is a Broadwayite , and they turned to be fairly good

104 The Big Drag W w herever the races are , there ill always be found at least a part of Broadway . In the cold months they are at lovely

Hialeah in Florida . Come August , when the Big Drag is an

- an d empty, humid barnyard , the Forty second Street riding laded old rub marching society is to be found in g Saratoga , bing elbows with Whitneys and Wideners and doing card tricks for the delighted natives . ’ Any night in August along Saratoga s own Broadway is like for m a night on Broadway , the same faces are there , the sa e

- dark shirts and wide shouldered jackets , the same skeptical faces from which the same cracks are made , via the same

- m mouth co ers . The Saratoga nightclubs , the Piping Rock, ff Arrowhead Inn and the Lakeside , are stu ed with acts that

“ might have been at . La Martinique or the Copa the week

- before . Only the crickets and the weird tasting water and the ' roosters crowing at dawn on the outskirts of town bring you back to reality .

If there is one night of the week that may safely be said our le s ort —fi ht to be set aside p p , that night is Friday g night '

the Garden . at The Garden , of course , is Madison Square

Garden , moved uptown from Madison Square , more than r t . a score of blocks , since that memorable nigh when Ha ry K

Thaw pumped Stanford White full of lead . Each Friday in one this gloomy cavern , Michael Strauss jacobs , his store

- teeth clacking merrily , offers a couple of plug ugly pugs in the squared circle at outlandish prices . Fight night at the

Garden is an engagement that must be kept , and if you can n ot put your finger on a particular Broadway character that s ix two in evening , it is , and even , the language of the rabid, that he will be at ringside in the Garden .

106 The Big. Drag

or im atient‘ oun a quarter , halting some p y g mauler and boring hi m with the story of how they knocked out Kid Snatch in three heats just fourteen years ago today . Cabs pull up in front of the Garden in the early evening of fight night and discharge their brawny young fares at the of to r doors this palace of swat , and as they hurry their d ess ing rooms they grin or chuckle at the looney antics of some

- l slap happy o d fighter on the sidewalk . But will they end up “ ’ ? VVho— ? on i . the r heels like that me Don t be . silly When I ’ get a hundred grand, I m going to quit this racket and open i ll a nice l ttle bar and gri over in Orange , and It has a familiar ring . Running bars seems to be about the only occupation for which the average fighter is suited , once he has hung up his f “ o t . c gloves , and there are many hem around town Mi key l old Wa ker, the middleweight champ , used to have a place — it still bears his name right across the street from the Car . s den , but he sold it to give all his attention to painting in oil , in which he developed a startling proficiency . of Max Jim Braddock , whose defeat Baer for the heavy weight title in the Thirties was one of the all - time ups ets in the fight business , was another who once ran a tavern in

- . or the Garden area And up in Seventy second Street , twenty thirty blocks north of the main stem , Benny Leonard fronted for a joint for awhile .

of Most the saloons in the Garden area , however , are taw dr - on - - floor y , sawdust the institutions , where , if they have on u s a waiter, he slaps drinks down yo r table and then direct ’ - you to pay him seventy fi cents right away . They are sand wiched too s in , , by dingy little delicatessens and liquor store ’ - and second hand men s shops and newsstands , and with their Pour le Sp ort 07

clientele of mugs and pugs , they have a strange , mus

of yesterday about them . The fighters themselves are familiar ones along the Big Drag when their long weeks of training are done with and l the big bout is behind them , they cut loose , general y , in m " s te . T every booby trap on the here is a dogged , pitiful de out to termination about them as they go Have a Good Time ,

and at their heels , like coyotes out on a scavenger hunt , are

- on for the customary hangers and the babes , fighting the free

. wh . o drinks and the loose money No matter the mug is , whether a hell- for - leather genius like Dempsey or a big clunk “ ” is like genial Primo Carnera , he always The Champ to the f bums who are out for the contents o his purse .

It is a lonely , misbegotten life that a fighter leads , and when one who occasionally comes along like Max Baer , could counterpunch the grifters and spongers into submission with one was of im hand , because he essentially Broadway h self ,

is . oe of all it a delightful occasion J Louis , most notable latter in day fighters , usually limits his nightclub appearances to frequent visits to Fifty- second Street jazz joints to hear some good colored saxophonist or to ponder the torch songs of Bil

lie Holiday .

Besides fights and racing the o ther big sport to draw the is two Broadway trade baseball, and come or three in the of afternoon of a summer day , many the citizens are to be ’ f in in . a or found up the ballyards Ray Bolger s fternoons ,

stance , melt into a sort of ritual; he rises around noon after ’ of his show the night before , breakfasts in the Waldorf Men s n or Bar and then heads for the Polo Grou ds the Stadium , on where he is such a regular that special occasions , like bene 108 The Big Drag

or on fit games festive days , he is called as master of cere for monies . Milton Berle is another who goes baseball, and George Raft will be found on the days when he is in New

York, sitting in a box at Ebbets Field watching approvingly f a o . the m nagerial antics his pal , Leo Durocher

Not many of the ballplayers themselves return the trade ,

and spend their nights along Broadway , for this is a project for of calling the expenditure funds , and since time began , the ballplayer has rather deservingly carried a reputation as f . oe D iMa io a skin lint However, there are exceptions ; J gg and

Hank Greenberg are nightclubbers in a mild way . the Horace Stoneham , whose family owns Giants , and who is of their president , is a nightly habitué joints like the Stork ’ and Toots Shor s , and there have been sharp complaints from many sports writers and private citizens that he is given to transacting and announcing his deals for ballplayers in the Ma hail l of of . cP hallowed hal s saloons that sort Larry , head of the Yankees , is only once in a while to be spotted along the

l s o as V main stem , but not ha f often you might expect , in iew of his general similarity in appearance and actions to the

average Broadwayite .

The other sports draw some , but not too much of Broad ’ for way s business . Hockey is the out and out gamblers , and football only lately has come to absorb the interest of the

Broadwayite , with the rise in popularity of the professional of on games . Ordinarily , the native the Big Drag looks the “ ’

collitch . gridiron sport as the boys dish , and he shuns it

Tennis and golf attract an occasional Broadway fan , but on the whole these sports are Greek to the average sharpie ,

1 10 The Big Drag has a finger in the restaurant on Broadway that bears his l name . Even the elegant Gene Tunney occasiona ly forsakes his well- bred Connecticut friends to put in appearance

- - along the rattle de bang Big Drag . Ch aracters S tu died

IN THE EN D . , of course , the people are Broadway The lights tick and click and blink and shimmer , and the cab horns burp and the smell of popcorn and orange juice lies over the

' lik e a throngs cloud of gas , and all these help to make up the image of the Big Drag . But the people of Broadway count most of all, for these are citizens who once might have been i farm boys or shoe salesmen in Duluth or college k ds in Cali forni a who , but now have been molded in the eccentric , weird — . are form of the Broadwayite And the people , roughly , split into two sides . Some , like Joe E . Lewis , are the core and cogs

- of mains tem o . the , the machinery that makes it g And others are the people who press the starter and pull the switches like Billy Rose . Billy Rose has a five - story house on Beekman Place that six cost when it was new; it has fourteen rooms , ‘ baths and a wine vault . On week ends he kicks around a fifty

- so seven acre farm up in Westchester County, just how true ? is the label Broadwayite for this bantum Barnum Very true , out of I think . For while you can make a country squire a man , ’

out . nominally , you can t beat the Broadway of him And Billy Rose has soaked up Broadway too long ever to be anything ’ but a part of it . He s been around more than twenty years , r sleeves rolled up and fists flying , and wheneve I think of him 1925 of I think back to , the year raccoon coats and bell bottom trousers . 1 12 The Big Drag

“ ’ ” The crowds were humming bits of The Prisoner s Song “ A lab am and y Bound , as they shuffled along the Big Drag , who was and something about stole their hearts away . It the ’ ’ year of Flying Ebony s Derby in the snail s time of and

three fifths . The Pirates won the World Series , Jack Dempsey was in court all the time and the dirigible Shenandoah broke

up and scattered itself all over Ohio farm country . It was a was nervous , hysterical , silly year , and nowhere it jumpier

or . more hysterical than along Broadway The two young men , one dark- haired and tiny and the other dark- haired and

stocky , looked out at the big stem dubiously .

' “ ’ ” I m - five only twenty years old, the tiny young man said , “ ’ ’ ’ and I think you ll admit I m not doing badly.When I m ’ - I ll thirty one , have enough saved to get away from Broad ’ - way . If I have to go to a South Sea island, I ll get away just ’ ” the same . And I ll never come back .

was . His name Billy Rose The stocky young man , who also not was doing badly , just grinned and suggested they go get

as . s et a drink . His name w Mark Hellinger They off up Broad r “ u way , sifting through the mush ooming crowd , and j st to in watch the tiny young man gave you the shakes . He was w tense and nervous , and he moved ith quick, jerky motions and grabbed at his companion’s arm whenever they came

to a street intersection . He was scared to death of traffic , and h ‘ patient with it at t e s ame time . He had a lot of things to

do , and there was little enough time in which to do them . It ’ was like the way he drank coffee ; he couldn t wait for the an b e damn lump sugar to melt , d worried it and mashed at n it impatiently with hi s spoon . You had to get a move o ; this

ou . . is a fast world , y know Snap it up The race , my boy , is to the swift .

Twenty years make a difference . The tiny young man never

1 14 The Big Drag

i — as new interest in l fe his career a columnist . He started fid dl in g around with odds and ends in his paid ads for the l ‘ Diamond Horseshoe , and then reported y received such great reader interest that a syndicate took him under its win g and started selling the pieces that he formerly paid to have appear

in print . “ ” Billy called the column Pitching Horseshoes , and it was as of s offered a potpourri philosophy , old joke and wisecracks , some of which were good and some of which were n ot so of good . Billy did almost all the work himself; a young advertising - agency account executive polished the crude gems but they were mined originally by Rose . ’ The way our hero looks at it, there isn t any reason for him n u i to k ock him self o t any more . At the ti me I interviewed h m om — Carmen ones he had three ventures g g the operetta, J , i the his n ghtclub , Diamond Horseshoe and the Ziegfeld Thea h e h t ow Boat. ter , which he had rented to smash musical S ‘ ‘

told me ll . The latter , he flatly , would gross five mi ion dollars l is Would gross Billy Rose five mi lion dollars , that ; no one

M ons oor no . has any slice of Rose , no cut , graft 1923 1936 di ot From to , accor ng to Billy , he never g to bed once before s ix in the morning and in the last three years he

’ ' was n told for married to Fan ie Brice , he didn t see her all fif ot i more than teen weeks . When things really g roll ng in the on early Thirties , he used to send fifty wires a day the tele He type , and he had a battery of phones like in the movies . ’

. s still has a battery , but it doesn t work now He u ed to sign a ? seven oreight hundred checks a week . What ch nged all this — He is in clined to charge it up to two items hi s marriage to him Miss Hohnand the success of his A quacade . Eleanor got 1939 o m n interested in home life , and in he b ught their Beek a Characters Studied 1 15

e ars f urnishin Place house and spent the next several y g it . “ ” “ A uacade so The q , he said , ended my financial worries ,

e m en and I just staffed my various ( with good let nterprises g

them handle their end of things by themselves . Actually , I ”

. . was guess , I retired at forty He smiled But I bored at forty — two s o I got back into the swing of show business on a modified scale .

It has been a long road since , at eighteen , William S . Rosen of R é berg was the amateur shorthand champion the world . member the days when he ran the Backstage Club and sug gested one night to a teary- voiced brunette named Morgan that s he sit on the piano when she sing? Or when he Operated f the Fifth Avenue Club across the street from John D . Rocke ’ feller s home , and a beautiful girl named Betty Compton sang or to r f Billy but a dapper , sha p gentleman named Jimmy Walker whose avocation was being Mayor of New York? Or when the Shuberts allegedly lifted one of his songs for their reat Tem tations musical , G p , at the Winter Garden , and he hired thugs to scatter s ix thousand handbills over the audi ” Shub ertl ? ence with the comment , Shame on you , Jake Or when Sweet and Low opened in Philly in 1931 and he winced “ of on e dl under the jab newspaper hea ine , THE ROSE THAT DID NOT SMELL SO SWEET” ? Or the days when — — Forty - ninth Street Tin Pan Alley was his beat and he was “ ” “ ” and writing Barney Google , Me My Shadow and I Found a Million Dollar Baby” ? Billy never was actually what the Broadway boys call a — tummler a guy who always lands on his feet and can take the public in a hundred different ways—because his ventures a of lways had a touch quality to them , and he never was as interested in milking the citizens as he was in finding some 1 16 The Big Drag

legitimate attraction for which they would pay their good

money . However, like many another New York kid , he knew — all the angles right from the time , he says , when he learned

fift - how to beat the gun by two yards in the y yard dash , back

- PS . 44 won in , a trick that him a half dozen medals . He once said that the big thing in his life was that he never admitted to himself the possibility he might be a failure . Five years after that first memorable conversation with did Hellinger (who get away from Broadway , to become a who movie producer , but comes wandering forlornly back of to the Big Drag a couple times every year) , Billy met Mark “ “ - - n r n . Yo . o e . o t o e u again It was forty , he said F y , I meant can bet your last cent I’ll be away from Broadway when I’m ” - 1939 w t . as for y one And a little later, in , when the Rose “ ’ - out of thirty seven , he said, I ve made all the money I need ’ ” show business . I ve gone about as far as I care to go in it . m who is con The Beek an Place house is run by Eleanor, ’ tinually astounding her man with the efli ciency with which a she does it . He also is amazed at the w y she charms those “ ” hi s — t friends of whom he calls the bitter Bills intellec ual , i cynical people l ke George S . Kaufman , the late Beatrice “ — u - s ix m Ka fman and such . At seventy , Bernard Baruch y — a ” boss when I was a secretary is her most devoted be u , “ Billy told me . She can certainly win people over . M allord In the big house are canvasses by , Turner , El

Greco , Rubens , Titian , Holbein and Rouault . Just a couple ’ “ ” of years ago , Billy bought Rembrandt s A Pilgrim at Prayer f or t - five o seven y thousand dollars , but while he has bec me an r out art patron with a vengeance , he has never lost his sh ewd “ ’ ” look . The things on which I ve been most extravagant , he “

ll . says , logica y , always have proven the best investments

1 18 The Big Drag

t ofli ce and I left him here in the big , with the dark green walls ’ and the carpet as thick as a radi o script writer s head and the

paneled desk and the overstuffed furniture . h out on W en I got Broadway , I fell in step behind a couple “ of one of was i fin songwriters , whom saying , Max e , I just ‘ ’ i shed b it . the biggest since Three Little Words Why , after ’ the first four bars He looked as if he hadn t a nickel was n to his name . I wondered if he savi g to get away from

Broadway .

There always seems to be one person who has Broadway for or talking about him a season two , and currently the

eu choice is Bernard (Toots) Shor , the restaurateur, sports thusias t and confidant of celebrities . While I am a member of a reasonably substantial group that has never been able ’ to quite understand either Shor s humor or the grasp he has on f of so the a fections many , it would be virtually sacrilege to our for dismiss him from discussion of the Big Drag , he is

. t or not certainly a part of it Whe her the omnipresent Mr . ” a s Shor and his eternal greeting , Hi , ya , crumb bum , are p i ' rec ate d s eems to . p by all , he still be here to stay

Certainly , no man makes a more natural saloon owner than was h the burly Toots . It George Frazier w o recently brought to light the crack that sportswriter James Cannon made about Shor when a friend asked him if Toots was much of a street “ ’ ’ ” fighter . I don t think he s ever been out on the street , Can “ ’

. in non said , weighing the question carefully He s been those ” saloons all his life .

s on shirtrnaker Shor is a Philadelphia native , of a , and f worked first as an o fice boy in a cigar factory, later switching over to the selling of shirts and finally coming into his own Characters Studied 1 19

as the manager- bouncer of a Prohibition deadfall called the ’ Five OClock Club . In time he became manager of Leon and ’ ift - Eddie s , a raucous , tinny , monotonous F y second Street Af gin mill for the suburbanites . ter that he went to Billy La ’ Hiff s on - Tavern West Forty eighth Street , which has a right ful place In New York history as the joint that is situated fl ’ under Eddie Ja e s apartment . was It at the Tavern , undoubtedly , that Toots really began to spread his wings and go in for the wholesale insulting of

customers , and this paid off in such remarkable good will that — when his own place was opened in 1940 backed financially of e by a syndicate gentlem n , chief among them a New Jersey — movie - house operator called Leo Justin it was almost in s tantl of y a success . There is a suspicion coyness about “ ’ for Shor when he says I ve been lucky , actually the good o f od , the fine liquor and the inexplicable fact that his place has become The Place to G0 are responsible for its high ' position in the sun among the Broadway spots . al It has been operating smoothly ever since its inception , i though n the spring of 1944 the O . P . A . leaped on the place with both feet when it announced that Shor had overdrawn his food rations by points . Shor was cleared after an embarrassing period during which no meat was sold at the place , but oddly enough , his predicament just seemed to

i of . make the jo nt more a magnet than ever I recall how, ’ whereas ordin arily it is merely tough to get a table in Shor s during luncheon hour , it was next to impossible in those try ing days .

Toots has been credited with some fine , lusty insults that t e have the Jack White flavor about hem , but I have yet to h ar them . 120 The Big Drag The first time I ever saw this rapier wit at work was when I was lunching there one day with comedian Phil Silvers and

on his beautiful wife , and Toots greeted Phil by spitting his not s e t almost bald head . Now , I do myself up as a prig , but it is merely that the humor of that bit of business escaped me ; it reminded me a little too much of the Ritz brothers’ routine f “ ’ ’ ” o . with its flavor Hey , look , I m bein funny

to on Of course , my allergy the Shor humor may be based

- what I call my Twenty One Complex; being merely a writer , ’ u 37 0 n witho t a . batting average or a Congressman s seal o my stationery , I have been introduced to Toots over and over again and have never drawn even the remotest hint of an if n . do o insult I know that he ever spat my head , I would if make an earnest , feeble attempt, to kick over every table in the place . ’ It was no contest when I was in Shor s one day with Milton

Berle , the great ad libber of our day , and Toots came over ’ n to bandy words with Mrs . Berle s boy . Milton had bee trying to explain humor to me when he spotted Shor threading his “ ” way through the tables toward us . Now this big clunk , he “ ‘ s a said, morosely , is going to come over and y Hi, ya , crumb ’ ’ ’ ” bum , and if that s funny , I m in the wrong business . The i t pred ction came to pass , and Milton hen spent the next five minutes lathering Toots once over lightly and sendi ng him on his way with a bit of a sheepish air .

Berle , of course , is standard equipment for any discussion f ’ o . Broadway In his late thirties , he has the Actors Equity i haircut, the wisecrack , the bright tie , the beautiful w fe — the t . w Joyce Matthews and all other accou rements Ho ever, he is most famous along Broadway as the great ad libber

122 The b ig Drag

Ward wanted to meet him so she could have her face lifted

for nothing . He was even sued for fifty thousand dollars in 1936 by a couple of playwrights named Harry Ross and Ed who Edwards , claimed he stole a gesture denoting exaspera

tion from their play .

Berle himself went along with this theft routine , even “ s ee - - originating the line , I went to such and such a comedian ” s o r the other night and laughed hard I d opped my pencil,

n was . but actually , he insists , the whole thi g a gag The late " r dr m Richy Craig , J . , a fellow vaudevillian , ea ed it up with ’ him in Dave s Blue Room one night in the late Twenties and

after a while people believed it .

Of course , there is nothing exactly impromptu about the “ ad lib , and Berle admits it freely . Every time a joker steps “ t ors in front of an audience , he says , he has at least fif y ixty ’ flexible gags for use as ad libs . Lots of times they don t come s o — as swiftly as they should , you start talking seriously and of m then if you have the right kind co ic sense , pretty soon a weird mental picture comes to you and you tell it to the ’ ” audience , and you ve got your gag . He recalls the time that he and a heckler fired away at each h for one a ot er a few minutes in the Carnival night , fter which “ the drunk cooled down and apologized . I guess I just lost my ”

. on e head , he said Berle saw only clear picture in his fine , dis r ed — to t mind the heckler running around without a head . “ ” t r — You know some hing , he said d eamily , you look better ” that way .

. r Generally , he hates hecklers Only one in a hund ed , he of claims , has a real sense humor ; the others are wise guys , ’

x . e hibitionists , parlor comics and drunks They don t even Characters Studied 123

“ ” make good stooges . A drunk , Berle grouses , shouts at you , ‘ ’ a — Ah , ya bum , y which is certainly an inspiring remark, ’ ” is n t it? You can do wonders with that . Yeah . Broadway is full of ad libbers who have brightened the lif e and times of the Big Drag . One of the best was the late Jackie of Osterman the nightclubs , who , while in the doldrums near “ was out the end of his career, told by a friend to Snap of it , — "” “ ?” “ b o y look up , look up What Osterman said, dourly , and ’ ” s e e Berle s name in lights? Groucho Marx is another master S ’ wh of . o o this black art is radio s Fred Allen , ran into Milton ’ on Broadway one afternoon during the early weeks of Berle s

- - a- l ten thousand week engagement , and remarked , dark y , “ — ” Hey how much does it cost to see you on the street? “ l Not Bob Rip ey , in Believe It or , once described how

Milton has memorized sixty thousand jokes ; actually , memo

rized hi s 000 . and written , joke library totals Yet , while ’ he doesn t go to the extremes that many comics do , of being ’ — for n gloomy and morbid offstage Bert Lahr , i stance , is the complete pessimist in person—Berle has his serious side and

- can be soft spoken , seriously intelligent and exceptionally

- wh . o humane It is a jolt to find that this hokey pokey lad , only a few years ago was a brash kid wandering around on the l Palace stage , talking a mi e a minute and waving frequently to hf the r his fait ul mother in f ont row , is the driving force behind Mending Heart , the Florida cardiac institution for children .

/ r of So these a e some of the citizens Broadway . Maybe the e is typical Broadwayit someone less famous than these , some ’ ik - - body , let s say , l e Colorado born Ray Cook , a curly haired 124 The Bi g Drag young chorus boy who grins at you n ightly a cros s the foot the lights as he taps along in line , and gives singing , dancing his and piano lessons in spare time to pick up extra change . ’ it s Maybe Dan Eisenberg , the stocky , balding , bespectacled

who - man walks and talks like a well oiled Gatling gun , and as the head of Skip Tracers is a famili ar figure along the Big

Drag as he tracks down amnesia victims , bill dodgers , errant “ own husbands and , in his words , everything from missing cigar store Indians to valuable art treasures . ’ on e - Maybe it s skinny Ray Bolger , in his button jacket and spats , turning back the clock a couple of decades as he nods to the—professor in the pit and slowly begins his little soft - shoe of dance the shuffle feet, the prop smile , the delicate ges ’ a of . it s tures the hands Maybe Tallulah B nkhead , pulling n up her stocki gs , snapping her white garters , storming across

- the living room floor and saying God damn it , my drinking is my own business and I never had a pick- up shot in the ” morning in my life . ’ I don t know . Of them all, I like as much as any a little

on e - cab driver named Irving Gottlieb , a time baker and insurance salesman who in fifteen years of hacking has had his jaw broken , his nose fractured and his eyes blackened , “ although he insists he walks away from fights . I have it all ” on e down in my diary , Irving told me day as he deposited ’ me in front of Lindy s and waited, with outstretched palm . “ ou Any story that any other taxicab driver tells y , I can duplicate , not to say double . I could keep you all day . I talk to my customers . I find I make considerable more money when I talk to them than when but his words were lost ’ off far of in the exhaust s roar , as he skidded to the corner the block, where waited the unsuspecting next customer .

Night Life of the G ods

WH EN was n deli htq I a stripli g , that g y earnest stage that w comes before being a sapling , I wanted to become a ne s p ap erman and I did . But this unnatural desire was achieved f o . in spite , and not with any help from , public Opinion I found at the age of twelve that the average citizen of the

nf who world has a kind of scor ul , jesting regard of one puts pen to paper ; the fact that I wrote an excellent sonnet about an oak tree at that time could never half compensate for the ’ unfortunate fact that my curve wouldn t break two inches in a high wind and the Green Street Terrors once made four “ ” ff — wa . " teen straight hits o me Hah the scribe s themanner of was in which I , and all others my ilk , greeted , and this refusal on the world’s part to recognize the seriousness of my on hr oun manhood chosen profession continued t ough y g ‘ o was As a young sp rts writer and police reporter , I toler ated by third basemen and managers as if I were s ome ~ p oox

~ Mongolian idiot of a child that had to be protected , and dis regarded by desk lieutenants as if I were the corner spittoon , did an to which they never pay y attention . When I sold my

first magazine article , my neighbors seemed to become of not k ashamed me for being in honest work, li e hammering nails or selling groceries . My credit at the corner saloons was

- n never robust , and grubby little small tow politicians kept me waiting hours whi le they prepared statements that never 126 Night Life of the Gods 127

'

. a n ews a erm an parsed I was a writer and p p ; thus , I was a

bum . All this adds up to one reason why I will never quite fathom the astounding place in the Broadway sun that is occupied

by the newspaperman .

God of Along the Big Drag , , course , is Winchell . Lesser

gods include Ed Sullivan , Danton Walker , Leonard Lyons , Kil allen Dorothy g , Earl Wilson , Bob Dana , all the drama of critics , the whole herd movie critics and any stray reporters who may have stumbled into the orbit from the faraway

reaches of Criminal Court . Press agents butter up these ladies

and gentlemen in an incredible fashion . Nightclub owners on of consult them matters policy , honor them at celebrity

nights and openly consort with them in public . Playwrights

frequently write about them , and once in a while commit of suicide because what they have written . Policemen lend t dr hem squad cars and , Lord preserve us , even ad ess them “ ”

. n are as sir Their aisle seats , ri gside tables and guinea hen

. r all free Thei advice is solicited, their sayings repeated, their

i is law . pictures taken , and the r word ’ who Outlanders , read Winchell s syndicated column and consider it amiable trivia that brings Manhattan a little closer before they stuff the paper into the garbage can and turn with ’ to the or a sigh morning s work the breakfast dishes , would be jolted to their heels if they knew of the influence this one '

- - - . as a time song and dance man wields As a matter of fact , frequent working visitor to the Big Drag and a commentator

/ hav e come for of s - u thereof, I in a part thi buttering p myself . While I have found myself drinking free champagne cocktails and tellin g some producer just what the hell was wrong with I u e his show , have cried softly to myself beca se somewher 128 The Big Drag

our tirne u across broad land , at that same , a sub rban society matriarch undoubtedly was telli ng a desperate young re ’ porter to use the servants entrance .

u . Publicity , of co rse , is the answer The great mass of people who come to Broadway to spend their money on food or of —or liquor or entertainment have one thin lifeline truth , to — - be more candid , half truth that stretches from themselves t i s to Broadway , and hat link the newspaperman . The place s o t l is so gigantic , and has many wheels urning and be ls

clanging and lights flashing , that absolutely the only reliable method of knowing where to waste your money the least painf ully is to read the writings of those whose business it is

to know the main stem from root to petals . ’ e John Jones busin ss is insurance . He has no time to spend " show and going to opening nights to find out the merits of a , whether it is worth the it will cost Myrtle and him to wa s ee it . There is no y he can preview the new show at the

Copacabana, and we are a far distance from that Utopian day when the kitchens of the best restaurants will be thrown open to the public so John Jones can hover over the chef’s shoulder

and see that he merely rubs the salad bowl gently with garlic . r Advertisements and billboards , of cou se , have no stature

at all; indeed , I am inclined to think that the more adjectives

are hurled at the public in paid announcements , the more sullen the public becomes , retreating further into its shell and ’ ” muttering suspiciously , I don t believe ya . So John Jones leans heavily and hopefully on the news a erm an forhis in t p p perspective , and it is a pa ful du y to report to him that frequently it is a cockeyed , prejudiced, crooked ’ perspective . Let s study the Broadway columnist .

130 The B ig Drag

’ you do , your readers won t believe you . It is a known fact , of course , that the average moronic movie fan hates to hear anything detrimental about his favorite star; if you tell him that Mamie Vere de Vere is a lesbian or that Richard Strong ’ heart beats his mother with a cat- o - nin etails regularly each own night at seven , he snarls at you to mind your goddamn business and stop spreading lies about fine , decent people . i So it is with those who read rel giously about the Big D rag .

Honesty and candor bores them . Superlatives and lush writ ing enable them to make breakfast- table conversation with s e e Blotz Mabel , enable them to comment , Say , I where of E res s the xp says the new show at El Stinko is a killer . Why don’t we lace r a wa , , B o d In the third and perhaps most important p _ _ y column writing is an easy comfortable rut into which to slip r o , of . and sooner later most us do A , case of liquor in return r for a plug fo a new show . A whole column written for you by a press agent , thus giving you a day at the beach with the or for wife and kids your latest girl friend , in return one itsy ’ ur bitsy mention of the press agent s client . Yo name spread

- - across a twenty four sheet poster in big red type , announcing that you have seen this newest presentation and consider it — in absolutely tops oh , your name laid before the public that i as magn ficent fashion is a fascinating lure , childish it may seem . And when headwaiters b ow reverently to you and lead you r l to the best table in the house , at which you stuff you se f — with fine free food and finer liquor and on which the master of ceremonies occasionally has the spotlight turned , while ou b ow i — y get up and rid culously why , what a small favor it is to pat the owner of the joint on the back and assure him Night Life of the Gods 131

that he has a smash floor show on his hands and that by God , ’ you re certainly going to tell your Public about it . ’ one of - There is only catch , course , and it s a peanut sized

one . l Every now and then , John Jones , after sitting hopefu ly at some joint’s table and watching a mediocre show for half ’ or to an hour so , turns his wife and whispers , I don t under stand this ; Blotz of the Express says this show is the best buy ” for your money in town . John , in the language of the Big i . s of Drag , has been had His wallet financing your case liquor, your day at the beach , your guinea hen under glass , your moment in the spotlight .

- However , his disappointment is invariably short lived , and are since you his idol and his guide , he finds himself making —“ excuses for you You know , we just hit this place an off i n ght, I bet , Mabel Barnum , of course , was unerringly —a or — right , and it is no time day two at the most before John Jones is back devouring your column at the breakfast table and smiling happily as he thinks of the new musical comedy for which he is going to buy tickets because you have just assured him that it makes Pal Joey or The G ay D iv r o cee look sick by comparison . About the only manner in which this comfortably- ruttish life b ackfires for a columnist has to do with his place in the

of t k . eyes his poor coun ry cousin , the wor ing newspaperman The reporter may be no better morally or spiritually than the

c1rcums tance or an Broadway columnist , but because of one other , he is leading a considerably more honest life . He chooses his adjectives sparingly and considers everyone a for bastard until proven otherwise , and except an occasional

. His policy story , he writes with truth and objectivity hands — are clean and thus , more frequently than not , he reads half 132 The B ig Drag

flin s of your column , then crumples it in disgust and g it at the nearest copy b oy with the comment that you certainly are a Judas among newspapermen . A s the ou is columnist , y may have a sneaky feeling that he ur ou one — right , but of co se , y adopt only attitude the toler “ ’ ”

i . ant , pity ng one Ah , don t blame that poor guy , you say , “ ’ too generously . You d grouse just as much , , if you were out sweating your life as a lousy little legman in Brooklyn. ” m ob r — The Broadway itself , of cou se the show producers , the saloon owners , the restaurateurs , the pitchmen and the — shills has no such code of honesty with which to contend, m off and if your co fortable little rut is paying , it has nothing “ ” l z for . B ot but admiration you That , they say, shaking their “

. n head reverently . He is a smart cookie Why , do you k ow , he gets fifty grand a year for that column—and he don’t even

? . write it no more Sure , sure He has a kid he pays fifty a week , who does the whole thing , while he gives his time to that new ’ Y of Blotz s . ou radio show his , Breakfast Bugle are a smart ‘ hin k is hot . t cookie . You are a apple The latest saying , I , “ ”

so ou . fabulous , y are fabulous You have wrung a handsome living out of the Witchy old street; you have produced blood Y u from the turnip . o have arrived . The average Broadway columnist is s o tied up with the people about whom he writes , that he cannot conscientiously wa of say wrong of them . In that y , he is true to himself,

course , for he would be a low character indeed if he knifed who him r companions have broken bread with , gotten d unk on with him , lent him money and advised him what stocks

or to . u to grab , what horses play The columnist , of co rse , is

his being unfaithful to public , but he has learned long ago

- that , like a back street mistress , he can kick his public in the

’ 134 The Big Drag Stanley Walker referred when he announced forlornly that out of nh was he was clearing Ma attan , partly because he unable to even mildly question the qualifications of a Broad way columnist as an expert on world affairs without be1ng beaten with baseball bats by everyone withm listening dis tance . the But within Big Drag , Winchell is a law unto himself, h and he holds court nightly at the Stork Club , as the ric and

- the poor , but mostly the publicity conscious , come to make fl their obeisance . His in uence is enormous and his circle of acquaintances is wider than the girth of this tired old world whose fate he sometimes seems to hold in his energetic hands .

There is no getting away from it , men; Winchell is here to stay . News its a Ed Sullivan , the pride of the and accomp nying

di - syn cate , is a rugged looking Irishman who has a kind heart is t n to recommend him . If his column an innocuous hi g , at least his benefit performances are countless and he has re tain e d a startling enthusiasm for sports and the colorful life ’ ou his that is a cheerful thing . If y don t take writing seriously , you may find him entertaining . Kil allen k on e So let it be with Dorothy g , the dar haired, time crack reporter who , incidentally , did excellent work il on d . K al the Lindbergh ki naping story , years ago Miss g ’ m len s column is a Broadway colu n , no more and no less , and if you skip the plugs and turn the page on the day she is de of voting her space to the glories some nightclub proprietor , she can be amusin g and informative on the important points

who . of just is sleeping with whom Next to Earl Wilson , per Kil allen is of haps , Miss g the most literate the columnists , Night Life of the Gods 135 and it is a pleasant surprise to come across a deft phrase here

- or a three syllable word there . Perhaps the most gentlemanly and the quietest of the is New ork os t menagerie dark little Leonard Lyons of the Y P , which at last count had some thirty - seven columns in addi ’ tion to Lyons . Lyons seems to have taken up where Mark

- l li of . Hel inger left off, in the tel ng brief O Henry type stories , n a d he does a competent and reasonably accurate job of it . New Yorker Like Winchell, he has rated a profile , which is ’ n perhaps Ma hattan s accolade , and undoubtedly he knows more of the great and near - great than any of the other

columnists . 1 s ou s ee His favorite haunt is Sard , and y will him there at all hours hoverin g wraithfully over tables with pad in consol entiousl hand , y taking down notes , and beaming to

one and all . Mr . Lyons never has disgraced the profession , f and indeed he seems to have li ted it up a little . In . . M t re f c o s . There is no O O y among any them , of cour e This is not so much because none has his gift for melodrama or colorful , hokey presentation , but rather because they all n have made the mistake of coming to k ow the old strumpet ,

too . Broadway , well Her wonders are commonplace to them , kn f her charms are old hat . They ow the inside story o the bar ’ ’ tender at Moore s or the doorman at Lindy s or the cashier

at the Rialto , and find it , perhaps , a bit of a bore . “ ” Not s o with the Ohio gentleman called Odd . He pre ferred to be wheeled through the Big Drag with his wife ” out - in his limousine , peering at the razzle dazzle but never a of becoming a p rt it , never wasting his time in conversation

all w . about it, but putting his fanciful thoughts do n on paper 136 The Big Drag di To Sullivan or Winchell , the tall , saturnine in vidual in burnoose and slippers outside El Stinko is a Brooklyn gent who named Fred Rabinowitz , used to paint houses before his he broke elbow , but to Odd , eyeing the housepainter

through the polished glass of his town car , he could very well have been a one - time Arab Chieftain who had fourteen hun dred blooded horses and who killed sixteen men before some our violent incident brought him to shores . So he philoso

hize d p in print , and if you were sitting in the quiet living of ran chhous e or room a Texas a Cape Cod cottage , with the

oil l lamp burning steadi y and the wind whistling outside , you read him and believed him and the wonder and glory of

Broadway mounted within you .

‘ ’ A couple of the three - minute wonders who Wi ite ab out Broadway are out- and - out professional prostitutes ; their for columns are yours a price , and day by day , someone

always seems to have the price . The remarkable thing about

these gentlemen is that they manage to get away with it , do one t year after year, but they , and must only surmise hat they know where the body is buried . They come to their work as mechanically as a black marketeer approaching his ware of house full butter or automobiles , and they mince no words when they barter their wares . “ h ’ ?” W at s in it for me is a trite phrase and an ugly one , r ’ but these characte s don t cringe from saying it, and those along Broadway who deal with them have come to accept it as the orthodox opening salvo in the start of relations . There is for who s ix a nightclub columnist , instance , in the last n months has yet to print o e bad review of a ginmill show .

138 The Big Drag

- phonograph record shops , that I do ponder the advisability f now o outlawing the Broadway column as it stands . As “ Victor Moore used to say in the days of the old Palace , Why ’ ” don t you boys change your act or go back to the woods? CH A PT ER ELEVEN

H othou se Flower

— WH ER E D O they come from and why? A casual stroll in and around the eventful alleys that make up Broadway , at any hour from three in the afternoon on , can of be a jolting , dazing affair, as the parade faces and figures streams past you . The Left Bank of Paris the extremes of ’ d A zur— Soho and the West End of London , the Cote none ’ of nor these can quite match this Joseph s coat , in any of them can there be found a more motley crew . Everyone in the world , they say in story and fable , sooner or later comes across

of ort - the corner F y second Street and Broadway , and there o are times when this impossible situation almost seems t exist . — Bankers and touts and ranees and porters and bums all of them at one time or another seem to be hung out on the Big ’ Drag s line to dry . of who t The bulk them are visitors , are in Broadway onight ’ but won t be back until next Saturday or next July or five years from now orperhaps not until their reincarnation comes to pass . As people , of course , they have a certain amount

of to we do _ n ot interest , but be truthful have to come to d tu Broa way to s dy them ; we can find them on the farm , in

e l n their palaces , running their departm nt store Milwaukee

. is or waiting tables in a Pullman diner There , however , a species to be found here and nowhere else , a species that k on or would be li e a lost sheep a farm , a stunned and forlorn 139 140 The Big Drag minstrel in a palace . Let us take up our microscope tenderly to examine the Broadwayite .

In the first place , most of them are men . Broadway is a ’ men s town . The women come , and some of them stay , but

. i its to most of them it is an evil thing Th s , it would seem , has

r t : on roots in a peculia si uation the fact that Broadway , n — wome are treated as nowhere else sharply , realistically , lr brusquely and with a minimum of false chiva y . However

- of melodramatic it may sound, the Big Drag really is full o — — s who br kenhearted and reformed ideali ts , happen to have turned to the main stem in t1me of trouble rather than to the more logical Bowery . And there is nothing more irritating or detestable to the average woman than a man who has been led up the wrong alley by a female and has come back again from - the - all ey into the daylight with chin s et and mind made up that no god damn woman will ever make a sucker of him again . The ’ h An woman doesn t live w o can crack that armor . d there is no fullness to a woman’s life when a man won’t take her l r seriously . She throws herse f completely into her life of o — — mance whether or not it has any logical foundation and then to run up against the stonewall of a man who yawns R acin Form or to his and turns to the g , gives her the key room and tells her he’ll be up a little later when he finishes the poker game with the boys—such things send her fleeing to the suburbs or the farm or some other city where men are more practical and thus more easily chipped away at . l z I am genera izing , I reali e; there are , of course , a thousand ' i happy marriages along the ma n stem , and more than a thou sand happy affairs being carried on . But in the main , Broad

142 The Bi Dra g g J

later ou ll rtu . of of easy vi e And sooner or , . y wi find many them in the big apartment houses or the better hotels with mink on ’ n i their backs and charge accounts at Bo w t s and Saks . ’ e t If th y don t make that grade , they urn professional, and who will furnish us with the party girl , s do anything within thin s o ut for reason and a number of g of it , a price . And if ockrnarked for ou they are too p or dumpy even that, y will find them any night in the side streets or up the Avenue of or the Americas on the subway platforms , their heels run over at the sides , their slips showing but the smile and the side winder walk always present . of Columnists , press agents and defenders the faith have campaigned in recent ye ars against the feeling of long ago

“ "” Heaven forbid they exclaim , and they go on to point out ’ that today s chorus girl, for example , rooms with three other

- chorines , and they all are in bed a half hour after the last show and go to church on Sundays . This is an honorable and admirable campaign , but the facts really are that Broadway ’ ’ girls morals are no better or worse than Boston girls morals ’ — or New Orleans girls morals excep t that they are given more rein . ‘

- The most high minded girl, when cut loose in a place where nobody gives a damn whether you sleep with no men or with

two . s a or twenty , is hard put not to relax just a little Let us y

: i of it it this way Broadway women are rarely chaste , wh ch a — s o self is technical and unimportant thing but , too , are

IS . they rarely promiscuous , which a most important thing The Big Drag is the one place where a woman can earn a salary commensurate with her ability . It is a s ad fact that on the whole businesswomen throughout the country and H h r ot ous e Flowe . 143 even in the business world of New York , are infrequently paid ’ ’ men s salaries even though they may be dcmg men s jobs . A ’ - editors s alar woman editor will get two thirds of a man y , or a personnel director will be told she can have the job of “ hiring six thousand people in a department store , although ’ of we course , you realize , we can t pay you quite what would ” pay a man . c im But on Broadway , money runs a poor se ond always in portance to fame and glory; indeed , sometimes it is tossed ’ so of around lavishly , as in the case Milton Berle s ten thou sand dollars weekly nightclub salary , that it takes on the “ ”

of . aspects racetrack money , as contrasted with real money or or If a girl can sing dance shake her hips , Broadway will hire her and p ay her well . There is large and vast swindling im ever present along Broadway , but of niggardliness , no pressive amount . of No matter what kind girl you were , nor in what kind ou s a of business y are , if you have been in Broadway for , y ,

five years , you are of a type .

s . You dre s well, and as expensively as your purse allows You have poise and you wear high heels , and you Spend more time n f on your hair than o any other o your attributes . You smile easily and you tip well , and more often than not your dress — ’ is black although you . haven t a worry in the world about ’ u You dressing strikingly and very freq ently do . don t have ’ an y stomach , unless you are over forty , and then it s only a ’

. h little one Your ands are white and carefully kept, and it s m been some ti e since you turned around at a corner whistle . You too ou drink a bit , but not much , and y smoke at least k a pack of cigarettes a day , the kind that the men smoke , li e

Luckies or Ches terfields . Your apartment is comfortable and 144 The Big Drag

ou y pay more for it than you can afford , unless you are mar ried , in which case your husband pays more than you both You i can afford . know what streets the d fferent legitimate on n theaters are situated , and you k ow in which restaurants the steaks are good and the service impressive . ’ ou ou or If y honestly like Broadway , as y do , you wouldn t

of out- of— r have stayed , most your town friends bo e you , and you not only hate to put up with them for a night , but you ’ candi dly duck them and don t answer your letters or yoiir ou dr doorbell . Once upon a time , y had great eams about Broadway and what you would do to it when you got it by the of scruff the neck , but somehow things seem to have gotten of a little out hand and passed you by , but what the hell , ’ it s a good li fe . You get drunk once a year and mutter about

" Is lan d b ut leaving the main stem for a place out on Long ,

do ou . you never , y never do

— ’ The men ah , the men . Take all the similes you ve ever ’

ou . heard , and there y are They re the moths around the flame , the flies to the honey , the bees at the rose . To some , the flame to is money and the others the rose is power and fame , but — — whatever the lure and it is one of the two it hauls in the

- ki d Who starry eyed ones like a giant magnet . The East Side — ’ can imitate Jackie Miles or Bing Crosby he s going to be on e ou a big some day , y can bet your bottom dollar , and you know where he has to go to be big .

The Pennsylvania pool shark , with the fast hands and the — ’ talented eye for the horses you kn ow where he s going to end up , following the floating crap game from one hotel to

- another . The serious minded youth from Raleigh , North who is Carolina , grimly determined to make a success in the

146 The Big Drag

fli shuf ng and throwing punches in the smoky dark of night . ’ Maybe he s the kid you s e e running along lower Houston ’ t Street at one o clock in the morning , dirty and ragged, wi h f a big stack o morning papers under his arm . He grows up to or run theaters , or manage actors , do something along the White Way that pays his rent and keeps forever from his door th e wolf that walked side by side with him as a boy . ’ he s ki d who or a Maybe the sings dances , desperately , fr n tically . He becomes the mournful nightclub star , whose tired face brightens into an unbeli evable white smile the minute ’ the spotlight s hard finger touches it . These , in large part , are those aggressive ones who later in life will take over the Big

. n ot Drag For that fairyland is , like the earth , to be inherited by the meek . ’ i s . In one way , Broadway like politics You can t very well ’ make out in either on e if you re going to keep your fingers

- clean . Life along the main stem is a deadly , vicious , dog eat not dog affair , and you wear your armor across your chest but along your back as protection against the inevitable stab .

- u The double cross is the r le rather than the exception , and underneath the wit and the banter an d the geniality that bub bles along the surface , the air is sinister . It is the first unwritten law that you look out for yourself and nobody else . Around every corner , there are friends and ’ citizens honing their razors , whetting their knives ; and it isn t long before you recognize the fact and come to accept it

- of- factl ou matter y , just as y realize that all cab drivers , out waiters , porters and doormen are to clip you for what ever they c ’ Maybe you don t have to be a crook to make the grade in on Broadway , but you certainly have to be the watch for the Hothous e Flower 147

- other crooks twenty four hours a day . To midtown Mannie , sin the greatest in life is to be a sucker . How your stature ’ ou of drops , how y descend the scale in the eyes the Lindy s ’ “ ” " crowd , when you re taken

Once he has become part and parcel of Broadway , the citizen is easily recognized . He dresses the part . There is of ou nothing startling about this , course ; y can spot a Prince ton undergraduate or a jun1or executive fresh out of Yale just as easily by his peculiarities of uniform . What sets the Times

Square tempo in clothing is the sharp touch . ’ i hors eb lankets of or Broadway tes don t wear bright coats , racetrack trousers on which you can play checkers . More

ou or — often than not , y will find them in blue gray suits the sharp touch being the Harlem cut of the suits . The drape is s tl a little more pronounced , the shoulder a lit e wider , the ‘ lapels more flared . Tweeds are out ; tweeds are for the East ’

or off . et Side for butlers on their day Besides , you can t g a an d razor crease in tweeds , a gentleman of the main stem would sooner be found at Forty - eighth Street and Seventh

Avenue in his underwear than in a pair of unpressed pants .

is for There a reason the plain blue and gray suits , inciden for tally , they serve as beautiful backgrounds the major item of dress , the tie .

The Broadwayite , from learned Doc Mischel , the big ’ to street s favorite physician down Broadway Sam Roth , probably has a wider varl ety of neckties and undoubtedly spends more tirne on research and investigation of necktie counters than any other character in the book . A couple of

of years ago , at the height the war , Florida stores were charg — — ing and getting the outrageous price of a hundred dollars han aint f per dp e d tie . And most o the customers were Broad 148 The Bi g Drag

wa i tes . y , on hand for the races Riotous colors , weird designs , t of s — lush ba ik prints , paintings horses or duck or geese the

Broadway b oy goes for them all . — Most of Broadway lives in hotels the Park Central , the

Victoria , the Abbey , the Waldorf, the Essex House , the Astor, — the Ritz - Carlton and the like the two- buck fl0 phous es in the

- Forties and the ten buck joints along Central Park South . or Whatever its price its reputation , it remains simply a place For in which to sleep . when the Big Drag character leaves the ’ a reservation in the fternoon , he doesn t return until early or off late the next morning , and then only to peel his sharp costume and crawl under the covers for four or five hours’ sleep . His home life is an existence made up of equal parts of lob who bies , cigar stands , bellhops , the maid cleans up, floor clerks and elevator girls . He claims that he has never washed or dried a dish in his life and if anyone so much as suggested ’ - - i - b e the pipe and sl ppers routine after dinner for him , he d come apoplectic and scream “for God’s sake just how old do ” ? was you think I am , anyway He read a book once , but it a d long ago n it bored him; and besides , man , the only dough

is wh in those things movie rights , so y not concentrate right n on the film people themselves . There is no photograph o his u dresser, nor any photo alb m in the closet, because you never get rich thinkin g about yesterday . has if He eaten in restaurants all his l e , and when he is ’ home cooked trapped into a meal , doesn t think too much of it . He never, never eats his meals in the dining room of his hotel, for some strange reason . His food is steak and pie , and

’ green vegetables were meant to be shoved to one side of the plate and ignored . He should drink milk , because he has an

150 The Big Drag

Nothing gives him a more V 1cari ous thrill than to be able “ ’ ’ ’

s a . ? to y , Yeah , yeah , a course I heard Who di n t You know ’ wh ? 0 ? y Flynn did it , a course N Oh , my country cousin . Well , you see this Flynn has been

He never gets into fights himself . Fights are for suckers . He

ot is no might be getting a p belly and probably , but would more go near a gymnasium or a tennis court than he would k ’ take poison . A Tur ish bath ; that s the ticket . Every now and on d a . then he cuts down cigarettes , but that only lasts for a y He might use benzedrine to stay awake or sleeping tablets to go to sleep , but he tries not to ; those are for suckers , too , or deb utram s like trumpet players Park Avenue p . To be a — sucker you might just as well be dead . t In a way , here is something poignant , God forgive us , ’ all s if had r b een about thi , because it isn t as there never any h — other kind of world for ourhero . Long ago e how was it R u

it? elt b reathed came aware pert Brooke put f , , f n o skies that were blue and dreams that were full and exciti g .

But somewhere along the track something happened . Maybe the taste for dash and thrill and hoopla was s o strong and so seductive that it would n ot be denied . Maybe he fell in love and had his heart broken ; God knows such things happen B even beyond the bounds of the movies . Maybe it was just a break; maybe one day he was running a gas station in Allen

was - town , Pennsylvania and the next day he at Forty second and Broadway watching the electric sign running around the

Times Building , not quite sure how he got there . Maybe he had a fight with his father and wanted to put a thousand miles between them , or maybe he had an itch to ship to Mexico on a freighter and had headed for the docks

e the . b fore the Big Drag blinded him , on way Whatever it

152 The Big Drag when the rattlesnake has a beauty of movement and a shiny is k orhow skin . So it with the Big Drag ; Lord only nows why of its f many citizens get there in the first place , but a ter a few years there is no other place on the face of the earth that can

15 u of lulla e i keep them content . There the so nd a b y in ts sub wa of y rumble and its harsh rattle taxicabs , and its incessant din , washing back and forth like tinny breakers . There is the soothing prick of the dope needle in its violence and its star tling happenings of the gaudy night . We each of us must have our r anchor , and to the Broadwayite , a wei d hothouse flower , the Big Drag is home . Is Ev eryb o dy H ap py?

’ WA S IT AM A ND A in Noel Coward s Private Lives who re “ s o t t f t marked ritely but ruth ully , S range how potent cheap ” music is ? It comes to mind now because there is a part of of i Broadway which I am think ng , and somehow through my ’ head there keeps drifting the melody of a ha - penny tune “ ” called Lonely Town , which a couple of years back studded On the T n the score of a musical called ow . ’ ’ - ukeb ox It s a gin soaked, j y little song and it s full of lines ’ dr A town s that have been written a hun ed times before , like , a lone l town when ou as s throu h A nd there is no one y y p g , ’ waitin there or ou till it s a lone l town unless there g f y , and S y ’ A l ve that s s hinin like a harb or i h is love o g l g t. There is is nothing memorable in it , and unless your mind given over of ra leta le is to the collection weird , gg gg data as mine , you undoubtedly long since have forgotten it . But we must sing the biography of a civilization in the of if we patois its people , and are to talk of the blues along ’ into f Wa ner Broadway , we can t very well dip g or Debussy ” for the incidental music . Perhaps Lonely Town is the right overture for us , so into the pit, professor . A little sawing on m the violins , a little muted wahwah from the co ets , a few t stray forlorn no es in the upper register on the piano , a grad ual dimming of the lights . of It will be conceded, course , that there is loneliness and

dée the p ache of the blues in New York, but somehow when 153 154 The Big Drag

of of w we talk like that we think the dark halls the Bo ery , hot with the El creaking and rattling by , or the , smelly streets n i of the East Side o an August night . Lonel ness is a disease that you pick up when you are broke and hungry and thirsty — s o how can anyone be lonely in Broadway? Everybody on has or Broadway a hundred million dollars , a reasonable fac is r simile thereof; the food piled high and the d inks , watered fl or ow . legitimate , from a Spigot that is forever open There

s o s o — can are many lights and much noise and why , how anyone possibly be lonely along the Big Drag? ’ Did you ever go to one of those New Year s Eve parties P M where everybody Sits down grimly at . . with the de or termination to be soundly and roundly drunk by midnight , , “ as they are apt to describe it more euphemistically , to have ” — a helluva good tim e l ? Work has been hard and taxes high ’ and the year has been long , but by God , this night all that s

of m . going to be forgotten , in the interests a Good Ti e The lid off out is , school is ; but somehow the liquor takes longer than of usual to act , and somebody makes the mistake turning on “ the radio just as a torch Singer is offering What Is This Thing Called Love? and pretty soon everyone is slumped down in a chair , fingering the drinks with their melting ice , and a maudlin tear is skidding down a cheek . — ’ A big part of Broadway is like that New Year s Eve every is . who is night It not the Broadwayite himself lonely , because he has long since learned to steel his heart against emotion , and n no one f if loneli ess ever chips at its edges , but himsel i for w ll ever know . No , the lonely ones are the visitors , they have heard of the Gay White Way and they make a beeline for it with the avowed intention of checking their sadness at the front door . Into the main stem from all corners they pour,

156 The B ig Drag

r hi a dressing gown and pou ing mself small beers , and he wel corned me with that mournful expression that I was to learn

was a permanent fixture . “ ” out The best way to find anything about me , Jorge said, n 13 to make the rounds with me . Meet me for di n er tonight ’ ” at La Martinique and we ll do the town up right . Then he h l patted his temples worriedly , sucked in his stomac a ittle

and measured out another small beer . I said sure and backed lk out. I wa ed down the hotel corridor mentally patting myself on the back; I was going to tour the bright spots with a fa of — mous figure , the tosser thousand dollar champagne parties ,

the distributor of bracelets as if they were mint wafers . No was newspaperman ever had done this story before . I in great

good luck . off its dres sm Come nightfall , when Broadway slips ggown

with a sigh and climbs into a clean shirt , and I found myself — in that garish nightclub known as La Martinique a place hitherto distinguished in my memory book because an heiress who was launchi ng a professional career approached me there in the dead of evening once and asked me po int- blank

if . This She could take me to luncheon the next day time , how a ever, I found myself with about dozen people , including — assorted redheads one dark and one with hair the color of — who rusty water brunettes , colonels and a girl looked intel li ent Time was t out g and worked for , but who here , it turned , on of f pleasure and not business , being the date an army o ficer

Sanchez knew . A couple of quarts of good Scotch sat on the table and a bucket of champagne leered at us from one side of the

- — - banquet style board . Jorge sat opposite me sadder faced ,

if possible , than when I had seen him earlier in the day . He Is Everyb ody Happy? 157 clapped me on the back and pointed me at the Scotch , but ’ it wasn t five minutes later , before I was halfway through my

first drink , that he was plucking at my cuff, across the table . “ ”

ou ? . Are y having fun he said , earnestly I assured him everything was fine . He smiled faintly . Then he looked ’ he gloomily out at Pancho s orchestra and the dancers . Then n l took out a scrap of paper and wrote o it . Then he took a swa

low of wr . his highball and made a y face Finally , as if he were casting about for a conversation piece , he pointed out to me an owl - faced man with thick spectacles and a straggly mus h f “ ’ w o s at o . tache , at the end the table That s Swifty Mor ” ’

. . owl gan , he said . Swifty is a character Hi ya, Swifty The m an b eam ed a faced , barked something rudely at a w iter — I think he wanted more food and came over to me , putting his finger on my forearm . “ f s ol The greatest guy in the world , Jorge is , Swi ty said “

mnl . e . y When he works , down in Cuba , he works hard When

- he plays , he plays hard . Has sixty one hundred employees and they all love him . Got cold there once , and they had no for sweaters to wear . Jorge had sweaters himself, but ’ wouldn t wear them because they had none . Great guy . for out Swifty paused breath , took a big bite of a roll and “ ’

b e . gestured at me . Me , resumed , I m a character Lived in

Europe twenty years . I been living off Jorge for fifteen years , ’

? r . haven t I , Jorge Was down at the acetrack today All the ’ - big shot newspapermen came to talk to me . It ll be all over the columns tomorrow . Nice stories , all about me .

’ did f or was And that me , as far as Swifty concerned; I

- turned back in alarm to the s ad faced sugar daddy . He looked “ ” up from the note he was scribbling . You having fun? he “ t r said , inten ly . Eve ything Th i ra 158 e .B g D g

- was The pretty dark red haired girl at the table , who sit “ ’ - m o ting kitty corner fro me , sh ved her hand at me . Isn t that ?” ring lovely she said, waving a grotesque band that was studded with what apparently were rubies and di amonds “ ” l spelling out I LOVE YOU . I bravely a lowed that it was e she gorg ous , and slumped back against her mink coat, smil

- ing happily , and resumed her wide eyed telling of dirty jokes ” that ? to the man at her right . But is funny She would say, ' ’ in professed innocence that was worse acting than any I ve seen since silent movies came to their end . Jorge looked over “ ” b e at her moodily . Hello , baby , said, halfheartedly . She gave him the Pep sodent smile .

- n I turned to the girl on my left , the intelligent looki g one . ” How did you ever end up here? I asked . She just smiled sweetly . “ ’ ” “ n I haven t the faintest idea, she replied . I ever met Jorge ’

if . . ou in my l e I had a date , that s all But y know what burns ? ’ me up I ate meatballs at home before I came here , and if I d held off I coul d have had the best and most expensive meal h of . s e my life I shook my head sympathetically , and just ’ grinned and took a slug of Scotch , something I wasn t sure

Time employees did . The girl who takes the inevitable nightclub photographs at a buck a throw snapped some of th e gay party and came i dr back in a few minutes w th the prints , which she opped into ’ Jorge s lap . He passed them around solemnly and had every n f one sign each o e . A ter watching their progress around the table like a mother hen , he finally gave two to everyone . “ ” “ ” n w? ot ? . o Everybody g two he demanded Sure , n hi The dinner dragged on . Jorge at o e stage pulled out s gold Louisiana colonel badge and showed it to me proudly .

1 60 The .Big Drag

to Years ago , he said , in a flat voice , I used do this every

for . night for s ix months . Now I can only spare two months it ’ Too much to do on the plantation . I ve been coming to New ’ fif - 1895 . t . York since , you know I m y four I saw the parade for Admiral Dewey . Then suddenly everyone at the table seemed to be talking of to someone else , and over the gabble the talk , I looked at was . n Jorge , the host He staring disconsolately at the da cers “ ’

. VVe ve o on the floor . He caught me looking at him g t lots “ ’ to do . yet , he said determinedly After here , we ll go over ’ to the Copacabana and then to the Blue Angel . You won t

ou . be in bed before dawn , I can tell y that He made it i l sound more like a threat than a thr l ing promis e . I took the bull by the horns . “ ” ” Wh ou ? y , I asked , do y look so sad , Jorge “ ’ l a I a w s . I y look like that in these places , he said Don t ’ ” of worry . I m having a lot fun , really It was about this point that the dark redhead be gan a i too d rty story that was a little much even for me . Every Time who body chuckled politely except the girl from , just looked bored and as if she were caught with a Royal Coach man and was just waiting to be reeled in and flung into the b k d of . oo e s o bottom the boat But nobody had me yet, I said I had to wash my hands and I got up and excused my hr self . I threaded my way t ough the tables , hurried down

rt - stairs and went out into Fo y eighth Stree t . I walked over to Broadway , and a couple of sailors were stomping their way south with a couple of cheap but happy little girls . All of them were roaring with laughter; I watched them and shook my “ ” “ ”

. u . head The poor g y , I said to myself . The poor guy Then ot I g into a cab and went home . Is Everyb ody Happy? 161

A M It was about . . and all the lights in my apartment house were dark . Back in the Latin Quarter , I guess , the show was about over and the greatest guy in the world was hus banding his redheads and brunettes and colonels into taxi cabs and heading for the Copacabana . I imagine they never was did get to bed before dawn . I asleep by myself .

r The pat on saint of the lonely in Broadway is a tall , slender

who s young man with good taste in clothes , sometimes wear a mustache and sometimes does not . His name is Art Ford ,

orb all but to hundreds of thousands in darkened hotel rooms , or em bedrooms , gilded boudoirs that have everything in th i to make sleeping a pleasure except a marriage cert ficate , framed and hanging over the bed , he is the milkman . off Promptly at midnight every night , Art peels his tailored jacket , loosens his tie , eyes a sleepy radio engineer and then ’ spins a phonograph record . The Milkman s Matinee , com

on the panion to the insomniac and pal to the forlorn , is a1r . I wonder if anyone is so well versed in the loneliness of

Broadway as young Ford . Every night he gets from fifty to of two hundred and fifty telephone calls , from every kind person in the city . Drunks in barrooms call him up ; they say n ot they want to settle a bet , but more often than they just

— - t want to talk . Girls two thirds of all the calls he gets mus hot or o s be from girls , alone in their cold bedro ms , their head — next to their little radios tell him that although they never his r are have seen him , voice th ills them to the socks and they madly in love with him . Women who are feeling good at ’ how k s parties , and who perhaps remember the mil man soothing voice and music have carried them through more 162 The Big Drag

t w tu than one sad , emp y night , ill s mble into a bedroom and telephone him to tell him how the party is going . his Sitting there by battery of telephones , Art talks to them all . He calms down the impassioned small fry , settles the bets as well as he can and thanks the exuberant females for the “ ” is Vari . et party gossip He a disc jockey in the language of y, is nf but he is more; he father co essor, big brother, old pal , mystic lover . The Milkman’s Matinee might mean romance and vicari

ous . thrills to some , but we must state candidly that Mr Ford ’ l has a realistic approach to it . He doesn t ike to work in the of o daytime , having a solid share that unspeakable sc rn that who his all night owls have for persons labor by day , and favorite phonograph record is Artie Shaw’s “Concerto for - Clarinet” because it takes approximately four minutes toplay ’ two and therefore , each time he plays it , Art can get minutes m sleep , allowing hi self a minute to get to sleep and a minute i to awaken in t me to make the next announcement . He has of n for been doing this kind thi g years , and once even used ini on to broadcast while recl ng luxuriously a couch . A M At . . , he drags out a little stove and brews himself d ’ some soup , whereupon hun reds of listeners decide that it s ’ a good time to raid the icebox . He doesn t drink coffee or smoke during the show, for fear of becoming too dependent on those means to stay awake . He has become acquainted with a stripteaser who baked she and sent him pies because liked his voice , and he has met — — over the telephone pretzel benders , morticians , bakers , housewives , film cutters and writers . One night , he remem bers , Duke Ellington called up . It was just before the Duke was t his - to open wi h band in a high class spot , and he asked

T he H am Wh at A m

YOU WIL L F IND t them in other cities and o her lands , of course

’ —ou y might turn over a rock in Liverpool, for instance,and out or a juvenile would crawl , Open a dark closet door in Bombay and flush an ingénue into the daylight - but in the

an d is to main , virtually every actor actress in the world be

. is h found, in season , along Broadway Whether this a healt y

of state affairs , I do not know , but it certainly gives an aroma f to the Big Drag , like a curiously attractive bit of incense rom

- - the five and dime store . The people of the theater are the i a n marasch no cherry atop the p rfait , the olive in the marti i . s Whatever their faults , and they are many , actor have con — s iderab le stature in Broadway much more s o than movie f r o . performers , instance Even the most intense of movie fi in l . O tt who . S critics , , as S J Perelman g y says , can quote from h ne D r Cali ari n ot r T e Cab i t o . o f g once but four five times , a rarely take movie performers seriously , realizing th t their art i , after all , is one of being placed in a certain l ght at a cer

n s e tain spot o the t and being told to smile for ten seconds . But Broadway holds the legitimate actor in some esteem n ot only because he has mastered a reasonably difficult pro f es sion has , but what is more important , because he the ability , ’ ’

on . if he is good , to touch one s emotions This talent should for e be good , the Broadwayite figures , at l ast fifty thousand has a . year The good actor something saleable , something for 1 64 The Ham What A m 165 k which there is a mar et , and the Broadwayite envies and f r respects him o that .

This is no place , Lord knows , to take a Broadway actor apart to find out What Makes Him Tick . Many books have of been written along those lines , all them unsatisfactory , and of many more will be written . I think the best description an actor on the Big Drag is to call him a wonderfully insane peacock . His ego is boundless , and unless the conversation b e revolves around him and his activities , is utterly bored; but at the same tim e his charm is s o lush and his personality s o overp owermg that pretty soon you find yourself talking n about him and liki g it . It was a celebrated British movie “ h the actor w o remarked about Noel Coward . Noel is most ” “ b ut enchanting person to meet I ever encountered , he said , after five minutes , the conversation inevitably turns to Noel ’ Coward, and if it doesn t , he loses all interest . Mr . Coward i s typical of his Broadway cousins of the boards .

Any time from the afternoon on until eight , and then from , s a on of ou y, eleven for a couple hours , y can meet almost any ’ u working actor in town by sitting at the tiny bar in Sardi s , p

ort - on F y fourth Street the West Side , across from Shubert

Alley . Started a couple of decades ago by Vincent Sardi and on now carried by his enterprising son , young Vincent ; this establishment is the Stork Club Of the theatrical world . Just ’ ’ as everyone in the café society set must come sooner or later ’ - . so to Mr Billingsley s joint on Fifty third Street , must all of the mummers ultimately end up at a corner table in ’ Sardi s .

The food is excellent and the drinks are good , but on the whole it must be said that Sardi’s charm springs from the fact that most actors and actresses have played in at least one 166 The; B ig Drag

English drawing - room comedy and know which fork to us e and how low to keep their voices pitched . Good manners are i someth ng of a novelty in any joint along Broadway , but they ’

on . are gaudily display in Sardi s Sometimes , to be sure , the is k graciousness is a trifle exaggerated , but it , than God , one place where one can be fairly sure of avoidin g the lifted pin ky around the coffee cup . ’ a i S ardi s has several coincident l features . Ch ef among ’ t 15 k S hem the aforementioned Renee Carroll , li ely the world most famous hatcheck girl . Stories have been written and who has movies filmed around the life of Renee , the shrewd ’ knack of remembering customers names and who a lso has achieved some prominence in the past as a backer of shows ’ is on herself . It customary , entering Sardi s , to rouse Miss

“ and Carroll from the reading of a play manuscript , it would not be too startling to find her rehearsing some matinee idol ’ hi l in s ines . Another interesting item at Sardi s are the carica . r tures by Alex Ca d of stage celebrities which line the walls .

These drawings , which Gard did for the hell of it at first , were really the springboard that launched hi m to the mild sort of fame he enjoys as one of the best- known b ook illustrators ’ B lle t Lau hs is ne in the country . Gard s a g o of the best books done about that weird medium of entertainment . ’ It is in Sardi s that the noted exhibitionism and affectation n a witch of the children Of the theater are o display . Gloria L S ;

k - n min coated and mascaraed to the hilt , will stride i to the oo v place at high n n or in the early e ening , and spot Valerie Fli b ottom u p , whose g ts She hates because she ousted her ’ from the leadin g feminine role in last season s smash hit . “ ” “ ” Valer " r n ll da li ie . " Gloria will screech Gloria , g Valerie wi l w fire back, and will get up from her table and trip ha f ay

168 The Big Drag

Elizabeth Brownings of our day . Actors have a tremendous capacity for talkin g Shop ( mostly in withering criticisms of contemporaries) , but they will abandon that tack occasionally to talk of the horses . ’ Besides Sardi s , there are several other gathering spots for ’ the theatrical s et in town . One is Louie Bergen s Theater

on - fifth t th e Tavern West Forty Street , a lit le joint with cuisine of a Village spaghetti joint and an Actors’ Equity n e clientele . Business and pleasure mi gle in this establishm nt ; ’ was it in Louie s place , I believe , that Saroyan met Betsy

Blair , then being wooed by Gene Kelly , and five minutes later his The Beauti ul Peo le al had signed her for the lead in f p , though she never had spoken a line onstage in her life . The big shots and the little shots of the stage mix freely in the are S Theater Tavern , although most of its customers econd

- on s or who leads and bit players , walk and chorus boys girls i some day , by God , are go ng to become Bernhardts and

or Booths . Occasionally an ordinary civilian , a sailor a street for cleaner , perhaps , drops in a beer , but the conversation

fl - s o about upstaging and y catching , and forth soon drives

hi m . back out into the street , pale and shaken For some reason , the stage door of the Winter Garden is

for is a rendezvous thespians , especially if there a show whirl

. ou ing around inside Wandering down Seventh Avenue , y are of apt to fall across all manner juveniles and heavies , some of them made up and ready to go , others pallid and forlorn .

to This situation , of course , applies in a minor way other stage A f d . S o oors around town a matter cold fact , during the eve

is fl ecke d - u ning hours , all Broadway with heavily made p out or citizens , ducking for a swift beer hurrying over to ’ Lindy s for a plate of borscht before the second- act curtain The H am What A m 169

goes up . Since the average tourist figures that anybody in

- theatrical makeup is a star, there is much neck craning and ogling at even the stoutest and bleariest burlesque queen who may be skipping off for a fast couple of shots at the Pink

Elephant before the next show . Along Broadway and just down Forty - fourth Street from ’ — ’ Sardi s is the real hotbed of the theater Walgreen s drug ’ - of store . Here is the breeding place tomorrow s performers ; here the star - kissed speeches of Juliet are tossed off earnestly ’ between lettuce and tomato sandwiches . For Walgreen s is ’ ’ it the poor man s Sardi s . There was a time when s famous basement lunchroom contain ed s o much budding talent per square inch that they even spilled over to the up s taif s lun cheonette b aflle d , where they occasionally the more sedate customers by going through scenes from Winters et or Eliza

b eth the ueen . Q Since those happy days in the Thirties , how ’ on ever , Walgreen s management has cracked down a trifle its complement of would- b e geniuses and today the ranks f are fewer . But the place still has its full share o young actors t or and actresses ; indeed , in the las five ten years , nearly all of those who have come upon sudden fame in films or on the — or for — stage girls like Bacall Lizabeth Scott , example spent ’ their customary apprenticeship in Walgreen s , mulling over ’ ’ A rs u s Leo Shull s cto C e .

There is , of course , no profession anywhere that affords

he the sheer kick , t shot in the arm , that the theater does ’ which is why , I suppose , that backstage in any of Broadway s

- legit houses often resembles a full blown Opium den . In the ’ i i on s . h t expressions the children s faces , that Chorus boys or players or even stars drift through the wings and ste p over 17 0 The ~Big Drag wires or in and out of dressing rooms as if they were in a

- . one . starry , narcotic fog The world of make believe is a heady I remember a 'day when some of the flash and glitter rubbed

- Off on me and sent me out in the street day dreaming . It was an afternoon that I talked with young Joan Mc

- i Cracken , the ballerina comedienne , dur ng her performance Bloome r irl th e in the musical G at Shubert, and it was just e s like in the movies , with h ad sticking themselves into her “ s o dressing room every often and muttering hoarsely , Five

McCracken . minutes , Miss was Out front , the clarinetist eyeing the overture with one eye and counti ng the house with the other while the E ast

Tuckahoe Sewing Circle , bosoms high and bird hats jaunty on their graying heads , swarmed into sixth row center . I kept ’ t out N get ing of Joan s dressing room while Clara , her egro maid , changed her costumes , and lovely tanned chorus boys were looking me over as if I were a sirloin steak , and i or well , it was much more interesting than clean ng streets changing twenties in a bank .

M cCracken t Miss , incidentally , is perhaps ypical of a new kind of actress on Broadway today . She reads . She thinks .

. as She talks She does everything but , the carnival barker li not used to put it , crawl on her belly ke a snake . I will say of l whether this armament intel ect is for the better or not , ’ i but the fact remains that t s different . I came across Miss

M cCracken she Billion later in her career , when was acting in D ollar Bab y, and this time we were Sitting in the kitchen of her Greenwich Village apartment and discussing Schopen n hauer and Freud . She had just been raki g the back yard and ’ didn t have any makeup on and looked like hell, and I couldn’t help but contrast the whole setting with the cus

1 72 The ~Big Drag

“ ” “ refl ectivel Well, he once told me y , some chorus boys

turn straight and go in for legitimate acting . But not many f o them ever have gotten far . They just drift along and pretty soon one day they’re not around any more and that’s the last

you hear of them .

odd An kind of actor along the main stem is Ralph Bellamy ,

- ] of tate o the Un on the one time movie yoke and later star S f i , h the Pulitzer Prize play . Most of the weird citizens w o trod Yo . u the boards , of course , have appetites just as weird will h find them eating at stray hours , stuffing t emselves with not ’ on e of but four Reuben s Specials , wallowing in plates full Of fried food and generally doing everything but patting the

inevitable ulcer on the back and inviting it in for a Short beer . ’ - ” h i is . h h In Not Mr . Bellamy . He a home man And in s Oe the

kitchen is the throne room . “ Just call me a talented amateur cook, Mr . Bellamy says , — casually . Talented amateur hah . The big stiff all his life has been one of those guys who not only knows what sauce goes

. is with asparagus but can make it On stray Sundays , he apt ’ to wander over to Henri s restaurant , operated by the broth e rs Gorini , Silvio and Pierre , and just take over the whole ’ ‘ k . one itchen I remember Sunday he walked into Henri s , eyed the forty or so customers idly and then said refl e ctively to S “ ilvio , You know , I could make a stew for all these people

that would melt in A n d he did .

The last I heard of the Bellamys , they were not under the Mr l h b u s . w o same roof, t while they were , Bel amy , is the n former Ethel Smith , the celebrated organist, had an i ter

estin g time of it . The petite Miss Smith was the original hotel

girl before wedding Mr . Bellamy . She lived in trunks , ate in The Ham What A m 173

. a restaurants , and , as Mr Bellamy put it enthusiastic lly , “ never really kn ew the thrill of putting together leftovers ” in the icebox to make an exciting new dish . After the mar

ria e she g , however , she gamely tried to acquire this art , but , now said to me sadly , Every and then I come up with a

recipe that I think is pretty good, and he just looks at me sadly ‘ ’ reall and says reproachfully , Now, Ethel, you don t y — ’ Those Bellamy meals wahoo . Breakfast wasn t exactly

—di was of haphazard , but dinner nner right out a Mary Petty

was P . M . n . o e drawing It at , not one minute before or f tat U n minute after . While the rest of the cast o S e of the nio undoubtedly was bolting hamburgers or propping racing of b lintzehs r sheets in front , Ralph and Ethel we e sitting elegantly down to a table full of snowy linen and the correct P M forks . Supper used to be at exactly . . , when Ralph had scrubbed off his greasepaint and taxied like mad up to

the apartment . In between times , Ralph would address any living soul on the subject of starting out with a quarter of a r su box of stale macaroni and making c ép es zette out of it . of Mr . Bellamy , course , is a prime example of the fact that

the theater contains . more bizarre and unusual characters

than any other given profession except perhaps procuring . not However , he is my favorite along Broadway . Every now ‘ and - then , tired of taking movie money and a little beaten around the edges from presenting Shakespeare to unapp re

i a iv c t e . audiences , my favorite blows into town to rest This

c . would be Ri hmond Reed Carradine , grandson of Dr Bev of erly Carradine , founder the Holiness Methodist Church the Holy Rollers—and the only person I ever met in my life

who b orn . was in Greenwich Village He is , of course , more

familiarly known to one and all as John Carradine , the orig 17 4 The Big Drag

1 off inal barbers tch . They itch to Shear that hair which he fl h n wears down to his shoulders . I would say o a d that Car

i is - — a n rad ne the biggest ham I ever met mercuri l , charmi g , — a breath of fresh air in a commonplace world and the last ’ of the theater s great hams . There is no slight intended in the use of the word; I think every great actor has a streak of ham in him and John Barry Exhi for . b i more , instance , was the greatest and hammiest fin e ti onis m is another word for it . The actors are those who strutted like peacocks as soon as they quit the cradle . Katha for is rine Hepburn , instance , is a ham and Helen Hayes not ; s o I storm the theaters where Kate is playing and avoid those ’ r where Hayes performs . Of cou se , maybe you re the other way around . “ Speaking of Barrym ore—Carradine dresses like Barry m ar m more , talks like Barry ore , wears shirts with B ry ore t collars , plays and adores the Shakespearean roles hat made M D ear Children Barrymore famous , and even does y , Barry ’ more s last play , in summer stock . In other words , he might be suspected of trying to present himself as a latter- day “ "” l “ m A l s m . . wa Barry ore Barry ore he wil comment, bitterly y " ? n Barrymore Why never Carradine Was there only o e Shakespearean actor? Am I to go through life with that ac —‘ ’ r . ? cursed stigma Tell me about Ba rymore , Mr Carradine t This , of course , is merely a preamble to a long and s udious ’ i “ discussion of Barrymore s art . John of Gaunt bel eves that “ m his God - Barry ore was a great man , because of given

” ‘ a r m r w s B r o e a . spark . What he means is that y a ham The last s aw i on ] time I Carrad ne , however , he was a Mantel tack; he was raving about what a great actor Robert Mantell had

17 6 The Big Drag

However , Golden later told me that Betty was talking r n ot o to b ut th ough her hat , and that only did he g college , that he never made the crack about the barber . The story is yours for. the asking .

A much more amiable producer , who seems like a genial or S ab in s on who bookmaker press agent with money , is Lee , makes a practice of putting on good plays that never make

i d Tri H m the Br v . d o o e o a e fo r him much money He and f , example , and these efforts seem a bit incongruous , because there is nothing of the altruist or esthete in S ab in son out r l wa d y ; he looks as if he were out to make an honest buck . of However , he has that Eddie Dowling idea , striking out for we continually good , intelligent theater , and I suppose had just better accept it gratefully and make no cracks about what Lee looks like .

He is a real Broadway boy , though ; only a little while ago we both acted as judges in a dance contest up at Roseland , on and every time I looked over at him , surrounded all sides

- - by the lusty , rowdy de dow atmosphere of the Big Drag , he was beaming happily .

of - Then , course , there are the lifted pinky producers , like

. t ro John C Wilson , who does any hing that Noel Coward p i r or or L a e r. duces , Brock Pemberton Alfred di g , J , and the récocious inevitable , p Theatre Guildsmen like Lawrence H elb rn f Langner and Theresa u . But citizens O this stripe ’ or n too aren t seen k own much by the Broadway mob . They stay around the main stem long enough to get their plays into production and safely past an opening night , and then they vanish into the wil ds of Connecticut or Bucks County ’ to live the squire s life and read articles in Theatre A rts on the f role of the theater in our modern scheme o existence . A s for The Ham What A m 17 7 their relationship to the Big Drag itself—I guess they must

be considered necessary evils .

But some of the theatrical stars are the real idols of Broad l way . Not Katharine Cornel or Helen Hayes or Gertrude — Lawrence or Lynn Fontanne not these grandes dames of on the theater , who summer the Cape or revive Chekhov or give out long interviews to the press on the importance wh of o . being earnest , or Live Their Roles No , the heroines t along the Big Drag are ear hier , lustier characters , whose act ing is broad and vital; more than li kely they are musical

comedy actresses . If one were to pick out one lady of them all whocan most one easily bring Broadway to its knees , that undoubtedly would be a one - time Long Island stenographer named Ethel “ ” - Zimmerman , a German American girl who cut the Zim out of her handle and became brassy , bouncy Ethel Merman , for

more than a decade the queen of the main stem . Miss Merman is a purely local idol; s he has had her fling

at movies with indifferent success , and since movies are the only thing resembling the theater that the rest of the nation ’ has to enjoy , her name doesn t mean too much outside of

“ k i s n e of the New Yor . o But in town , a Merman Opening f i events o the season . Perhaps it s because there is so much of Broadway about Ethel; she is a great deal like the parts

she on e plays , warm and generous and extrovertive , never

to mince words or hold back an oath that suits the occasion . wa ou s a she is — In a y , y might y Broadway wise in the ways of the world , garish and noisy , full of talent and with a good

heart to boot . Mary Martin is right behind Miss Merman in the affections 17 8 The B i g Drag of the Broadwayites ; while this wonderful redhead has a Con n e cticut s he is home , and has been a familiar figure along the

she Big Drag , and never has made any pretensions about her

t - - a Art . She claims to be nothing more han a song and d nce en tertamm she is girl, but at that g profession a top kick .

Among the menfolk , Broadway admires and applauds such li — as Wil e Howard , Lew Parker , Jim Barton professional performers whose efforts at entertaining can best be de scribed as putting on a Show . Their careers have never been “ of affected by Russian schools acting; indeed , the rough spots have usually been polished off in burlesque or six- a- day vaudeville .

who the - is i Of the ladies go in for deep dray ma , it l kely ’ i that Tallulah Bankhead s the closest to the Big Drag s hé art.

I know I have found her the most enchanting of all, per sonall y , right from the very moment I walked into her hotel dr o suite , found her sultry and glamorous in a black ess t pped

e — was ao by a choker of p arls and promptly asked, to the com animent i of p of the snapp ng white garters , to help her move the bed around closer to the telephone . I got the — pression you checked your pomposity at the door that if ’ ou dn s ou or y di t move bed , y at least washed dishes recited

ou ot . or played charades before y g out That particular day , she - lk sang , chain smoked , imitated radio announcers , ta ed a endlessly, bawled out her secret ry and asked me to , damn it , out of cut some . the damns when I wrote about her . John Mason Brown has described Tallu as “ the world’s only vol ” cano dressed by Main b ocher and he has hit the brad on the pate . There is something nostalgic about watching an d listening

L ast Ni ht A h Yestern i ht g , g

A S Time W UL D as O intone , nostalgia has come Often , it must to every man , to Broadway . Billy Rose has made one of his

out of heimweh one several fortunes nothing but , and has only to drift past the Palace movie house these days to spot

old b e an occasional hoofer explaining to a patient listener , tween glowering over - the - shoulder glances at the posters for the latest Orson Welles movie , just how he had them in the ' f i aisles twenty years ago . We all o us are add cted to fl oun der ing lovingly around in the past , as if reveling in a bubble bath , ’ we he t . and the older become , the more lustrous past s sheen SO , it is difficult in the face of this natural penchant for

of for painting the dead lily , to assess Broadway last night

W . a comparison ith Broadway of tonight Last night , of course ,

- - is many things to many persons ; to the eighty year old , it ’ — could mean the day of Sherry s lovely café bar on Forty or ou fourth Street , the time when y could step into the Knickerbocker bar and order not one but two Manhattans for a quarter . But the majority of any civilization always seems

of to be those of us who are slightly potbellied, possessed about thirteen hairs Which we comb hopefully from one side

our of gleaming pate to the other , given to the relentless use of Serutan and involved somewhere in the fourth chapter of

Forever A mb er The Sun A lso something like , rather than ’ R is es too think , because , hell, we re getting old to have to

While we read . Last Ni ht A h Y s terni ht e . 181 g , g

And to those forlorn ones among us , Broadway last night — is the Broadway of the Twenties and early Thirties the gilded age , the age Of champagne baths and fresh gin every o hour , the age of needled beer and Imogene Wils n and ’ on u Was whoopee and a chicken every s gar daddy s lap . it so ? of b allroom r wonderful Or , in the vernacular the hou i, What ’ did it have that we ain t got now?

. was Well , maybe it was the speakeasy After all , it against

e articu the rules , and Wh re else but in America , and more p larl s o y along the Big Drag , do the citizens like well to spit in the eye of authority? Broadway has nothing now that is i hors eroom comparable to the blind p g , lest it be the , and it

- takes a great combination of world weariness , abnormal gambling desire and allergy for fresh air to reach the point where one becomes a regular patron of these establi shments .

hors eroom ou Besides , in the y can lose only money ; in the r average speak , you were laying your eyesight , you health , your reputation and your stomach on the line every time you told the man behind the Slot that Jack sent you . You walked to of closer the rim death , in other words , and man has always had an itch to s ee how far out he could stick his neck without “ ’ ” having it razored . The urge to s ee what ll happen if I do this is without a doubt one of the oldest in the world . ’ it—on But let s face the whole , the average speak was a

- for- a- n two ickel affair, with uncomfortable chairs , shaky tables and liquor that today wouldn’t even be used to season ’ the hogs corn . There were all kinds of these deadfalls , but the average on e was the basement in the brownstone : a of u couple m rky , stuffy rooms , usually , with greasy wallpaper and indifferent waiters . The silence of the grave .prevailed, because everyone had a hilariously silly fear of John Law , 182 The Big Drag who usually strolled by the joint thinking only of payday at the back door next Thursday . l Even in boob traps ike this , cocktails brought a dollar a if un clip and you wanted to chance their champagne , you corked the top of the twenty - five - dollar section of your bill r fold . The fraternity spi it of the whole thing was intriguing for a while ; when Benny opened the door after a peek at your “ ” ou ou membership card , y felt as if y were on the inside , as h ou . t e if y belonged Of course , after a while speak proprietors

’ did everything but ring a bell and use a giant magnet to get

ou . y into their places , but that came later Of the legitimate clubs that fl ecked Broadway like a thou ’ on sand beads of sweat a colt s neck , few had anything to Offer n if ou . that y can ot find today , that is your pleasure A couple - of —1 of the saloons had female impersonators , course the late Jean Malin was a standby at The Argonaut on West Fifty fourth Street , and there were rougher, less Skilled pseudo — pansies at the Club Calais on Fifty - firs t but aside from that doubtful entertainment , everything was the same as today . ’ s aw Oh , maybe you more navels and bare chests , but there s little difference in a couple of inches covering one way or another . of was an The El Morocco its day El Patio , which was

on of - chored , all places , West Fifty second Street , now the f t i was . home of the hot trumpet . No h ng di ferent there Emil ’ Coleman s orchestra played for dancing , dinner jackets and not mob tails were seen more Often than , and the Broadway the Four itself paid little attention to the place , leaving it to

r . Hund ed Then there was the Hollywood , the Latin Quarter

i . an was a ts . of day , where N T Gr lund the m ster of cere

184 The Big Drag

then , Harlem was a frenzied , nervous , mad arena, that came nl i one alive o y after the lights had begun blink ng out , one by , along Broadway .

The main stem of the place was Jungle Alley , or One Hun dred and Thirty- third Street between Seventh and Lenox ’ W l Avenues , herein reposed such amiable dens of sin as Til ie s ,

Cata onia . the Clam House , the Nest and the g Club Everyone

out- of- drank gin , and for the town trade , there were such ’ - - tazz razz ma spots as Connie s Inn and the Cotton Club , fea turin g what the press agents always frantically called fast stepping revues . the One place unique to those days , was fairyland called

. who the Central Park Casino Decorated by Joseph Urban , was was the Dorothy Draper of his day , the Casino a monu its and ac ment to grandeur , with Pine Room , its Silver Bl k

- and Gold salons and its Pavillon , cluttered up beautifully with baskets of flowers . They took your eyeteeth at the was Casino , but this an infinitesimal detail . Because to squire — your woman to the Casino was the great gesture and where of ou s e e s o ? else , course , could y get to Jimmy Walker close up

its five - couvert When this unbelievable place , with buck , was torn down to make room for another of those damned playgrounds that Bob Moses has spread so insidiously around was t the city , there Open crying in the s reets , and Broadway ites were s ad at their play . There were a couple of other

— S ea lade traps with Casino pretensions the Embassy , the g , — the Villa Venice but they were like movie sets by com parison . The gaming along the Big Drag was pretty much as it is fl hi r as e . today , possibly a little heavier and a little The dif ference n ow is that the dice throwers and stud players are Las t Ni ht A h Y st rni ht e e . 1 g , g 85

’ cagier , and don t turn up in the newspapers the way they did then . For every Arnold Rothstein and Nick the Greek of last night , there is an Arnold Rothstein and Nick the Greek today; but they are careful not to pose for photographers , and the

1nnm 1 - n government has a hard time p g ncome tax raps o them .

There still are steerers all over the Big Drag , however

to cabbies , waiters , bartenders and bellhops just pining tell you , for a small fee , where the big game is progressing . Dice , — stud , stuss , roulette , faro whatever your pleasure , you are on entirely likely to find it the main stem tonight . There is no ’ guarantee that the game is on the square or that you won t ” “ ” run into shapes or dynamite (loaded with quicksilver) ’ dice , but it s a game , anyway , which is all the average gam “ ” The ou bler asks for . games still float ; y still will find them on e t m - night in a u ble down , tattered hotel in the Forties , and the next night in a loft building in the Bronx . ‘ The food is no worse tonight than it was last night . If you can fight your way through the celebrities and hand - wavers

- at Twenty One , for example , you will come upon a chopped sirloin steak thati s a specialty of the house and is a thing of beauty and a joy forever . Where there was the Caviar of yes ’ terda Maeef s y, today Sasha Casino Russe serves Russian food

out . . that is of this world The Colony , of course , was and is ’ ’ ” was i - fof Say no more . Reuben s yesterday s eat ng place on Broadway; While it still has a hold the night owls , its place in the stomachs of its countrymen seems to have been ’

eo . 0 i usurped by L Lindy s herring house N , noth ng has hap ’ pened to the Big Drag s kitchens overnight .

l . Last night , the chorus gir s were a little different They r ou l candals were Ziegfeld gi ls , then , if y wi l remember , and S ou girls , and no matter how y slice it , a good many of them 186 The Big Drag

no - could be labeled by other name than gold digger . A mink ’ was coat dream s end , and While the respectable married ones for now will deny it , quite a batch of those babes the world

of - five - consisted champagne gold bracelets , a minute look a at the newspapers , hangovers and the boring task of p rading

around a stage at night . is Today , it seems to me , the average Showgirl considerably as more earnest about her work , much tighter with her p — s a so sion and , I should y offhand , not quite successful in the overall search for a millionaire because of the grimness him and intensity with which she pursues . In the old days , ’ r - t B oadway s Showgirls were hazy daisy ypes , in love with

frivolity and free and easy in the boudoir , with the result that

at many a rich citizen of the Four Hundred , raised in a mos here f Wh p of stu fy and priggish women , fell for them ole s 1n heartedly and , after a few month the hay , married them .

e off Today , the wealthy citizens are fr quently frightened by the chastity- belt atmosphere that surrounds the front- line ul cuties , with the inevitable res t that the girls marry musi

cian s dr , who are notorious suckers for a fast line and a opped r shoulders t ap . h The Showgirl in recent years has been glorified by a s rewd , r ente prising nightclub owner named Monte Proser , who once was a press agent and now is magnificently aware of the bene h fits of being nice to newspapermen . What t e Ziegfeld Girl t a o was twen y years g , the Copacabana Girl seems to be to f . o ins titu day Inside five years , Proser made the Copa gal an

tion , and had sixty of them snatched from him in that time —if — by the movies . These lucky that is the word wenches included June Allyson , Lucille Bremer, Martha Stewart , filli to Adele Jergens and Jane Ball , Miss Ball adding a p the

188 The Big Drag

’ for bet oughly clad than last night s filly , that is all either the or ter worse , depending on your emotional maturity .

of of Broadway yesternight had no Broadway Rose , course , and I suppose that is on e count on which mother and father

of . had the best us This tattered and disheveled wench , real

name Anna Dym , delivered into our midst from the wilds

l t of the of Brook yn , reached in the late Thirties the sta us ’ dl world s most exclusive and most Obnoxious panhan er . She one e begged from no but celebrities , usually , and accept d

nothing but folding money . It has been reliably estimated that her income was between ten and twelve thousand dol

n who her lars a year . God k ows began the practice of giving

money, but he should be drawn and quartered and hanged by his thumbs . In her heyday , during the late Thirties , Broad wa was the y Rose the scourge of Big Drag , using longshore ’ of who men s language , spitting in the eyes those refused her i wa . s honeyed pleas , and generally behaving l ke a zombie It

“ of - said that the cops the West Fifty fourth Street station , who once nerved themselves and pulled her in for creating ’ “ ”

i t of of . a d s urbance outside Lindy s , were terrified her ’ Rose s technique was to devour her victims with hugs and

of kisses . This frightening method operation brought her into

' 20 1939 when she contact with the law first on December , , was arrested during the premiere of Gone With the Wind

co on who by a Bronx p special Broadway duty , obviously e was ignorant of the tiger he had by the tail . She scr amed s o much that the West Fifty - fourth Street OOp S let her go the she next morning . On another occasion , was sent to Kings t Park State Hospital for a s retch , but was released after — ’ several weeks through , she said , a columnist s pull . She made a weird figure when s he was at work along the Las t Ni ht Ah Yesterni ht . 1 g , g 89 m —co t ain stem vered with cheap jewelry , shod in ta tered h n O galos es , topped with a skati g hat and more ften than not w a u . 1944 ith an extra p ir of Shoes h ng around her neck Since , when she did a few days’ penance in the psychopathic ward 0 5 — of Bellevue H pital for climbing into parked cars , honk ing their horns . and leaving only after being gifted with — R has d money Broadway ose droppe out of sight , and there e are stories that she has b en cleaned up and is leading a quiet, i . t ur normal l fe However, the specter hat was Rose d ing the ’ the late Thirties still hangs over Big Drag, like Morley s ghost . v is b Another lo ely thing that gone is the grind and ump ,

v o - it- the revolving hips , the qui ering b som , the Shake and

- ar h break it routine burlesque . There e two s c Ools of t thought on this art ; mine is the one hat considers it, God for give the expression , a fine and lusty slice of Americana . It seems distressing that the campaign for a cleaner and ’ brighter world (which began in New York , blast em , with the destruction of the aforementioned Central Park Casino)

S fle a- b ur hould have extended to the ridden , crumbly old l in e les ue s . E t hou es of Broadway The Gaiety, the , the q — g Republic the se are names that will live forever in thehearts of those old ones among us who spe nt our time watching Stinky and Shorty or the incredible Carrie Finnell when our more refeene d playmates were sighing over Katharine COT-3 nell and Brian Aherne . ’ of u Many Broadway s most honored citizens , of co rse , had i the r roots in burleycue . I remember Phil Silvers , the movie c if and —afé comic , telling me what a magnificent l e it had be en how you slept every day until noon and then did four shows and afterward you drank gin an d sauerkraut juice in ’ o u i s ix someb dy s dumpy hotel room nt l five or in the morning, 190 The Big D rag when the bellboy blew a whistle and you all went back to l s wn o . a m o o t . m your r oms Well, all of you You never made ore than $150 a week and the troupe manager always was trying 150 to slit you up the back , but $ went a long ways in those days and it was great good fun getting rid of it between the a horses , the bad gin and the cards . You never gave damn — or . T whether school kept not hat was burlesque and, as “ ’ ’ Silvers told it , It s a wonder I didn t die .

of it— - c i He had four years sleeping in dressing room ha rs , eating the wrong food at the wrong time , betting on the wrong horses all the time , never seeing the sun and living i if like a mole . He contrasted it w th his l e today in the Cali i forn a of . movie colony , full sunshine , vitamins and sleep I “ ‘ him m asked him what the healthy life had done for . I lost y hair , he said . To Silvers , Broadway without burlesque looks as if it had a tooth missing . It was a low business and he loved it . In his heydey, he was teamed with the late Rags Ragland , and as t ac they became as famous Stinky and Shor y , the highest f colade I can offer . Improvisations were the breath of li e for to them , and I remember Phil explaining me the intricate “ ”

of . business preparing a new routine Strike out that new, ’ — : come to think of it there hasn t been a new burlesque rou s it tine in fifty years . Everybody would around after the A M n . Show, yaw ing and eating hamburgers and read

of News ing the pink editions the , and the manager would

s was ask Phil and B ag what ya first scene . “

n . Fun in the park, Phil would a swer “What’s that?” “ ’ Oh , that s the funniest skit you ever saw . Always goes

192 The Big Drag you can’t help but feel a kind of nervous vitality and lift a lthough, of course , you also can feel a thorough irritation when some shuffling gawker jams his elbow into your eye

m t - rounding the co er into For y seventh Street . ll thirnb le ll — If you wi permit a tiny fu of philosophy why , ’

. i t Broadway is what you make it L ke Brooklyn , it s pret y of much a state mind, and when someone like Stanley dis a Walker shudders , wraps his cloak around him and p pears into the night because he feels that the Big Drag h as lost its charm , the natural conclusion , to me , is that poor lf Stanley is aging . Every now and then I catch myse ready to take a swing at someone along the main stem whose b e i havior has been except onally annoying to me , and then I bring myself up short an d remember that ten years ago I ’ wouldn t have noticed the irks ome one b ut would h ave - been ” looking up at the signs and breathing in the flash and rattle r and ban g of Broadway and loving eve y minute of it . It ' the oun might be , naturally, that the Big Drag is for y g in a he rt . Once S een Never For otten , g

E ON ONC UP . a time , there was a street called Broadway ’ It was quite a street . Get your father s face out of the sports page some night and beg him to tell you about it . ’ ’ He ll remember . When I think of how he ll remember it

w l c r of how he i l recall the white ties and ermine , the a ria es the litter l , the roof gardens , g and crack e and sunburst —g there comes to mind a passage from the Hecht i Fowler

The reat Ma oo. l i play , G g It was a play about carniva l fe ,

m of ou firs t- so e y may remember, and there was a scene s curtain peech by the hero , a talented barker , in which he be gan his spiel about the sad - eyed little sideshow tart with “ whom he was in love . It went something like this : Hidden — under these black veils is beauty a White body made to torment the dreams of men . When I tell you this is the most ’ beautiful woman in the whole world, I do not lie . That s " d facts When you have seen her rop the last veil , and stand fi writhing in the nal movements of her dance , ladies and ’ she gentlemen , your money back if isn t the girl of your s — He n s h n "wha t e o . on dream and more ( g g g ) Come inside , ’

s ee l . everybody , and all the vei s come Off Seven of em Salome she’ll make your heart beat faster and your o — arteries b il here you are , folks the one and only — " Salome once seen never forgotten Once heard always re membered . What in God’s name became of it? What became of the 193 194 The Big Drag

of d girl our reams , the most beautiful woman in the world, the white body made to torment the dreams of m en? Who turned it into an ashcan ; who touched his dark wand to the coach and four and turn ed them back into a pumpkin and mice? Who did this awful thing to Broadway? hi h . clas s The movies , maybe Count the g nickelodeons as

ou ffl . y shu e up the long street The Paramount , the Strand,

the Hollywood , the Palace , the Winter Garden ; the little joints like the New York and the Rialto and the Mayfair: It used to be that a buck was a reasonable tip for the gents’ room attendant in any place along Broadway; now it gets

ou s ee two- y in to some gripping melodrama , a hour stage i wa show , a dozen grinning tootsies k cking their y across a “ ” stage , a limp baritone singing Night and Day and any n given orchestra that puts o funny hats . wa is —firs t t The y Broadway runs this a movie house , hen

- n a shirt shop , then an orange juice sta d , then another movie h s 0 . house , then another shirt p Maybe it was the class revolution that has been mush i . t rooming across Manhattan Maybe was the depression .

God . knows , maybe the bad gin had something to do with it was i Whatever it , Broadway has a d rty collar and a tattered w t n o . cuff, The locusts have swept hrough it, as they did

R ow - fl e a- - to Park , a rum soaked , bitten shell of a once great was newspaper street . Fourteenth Street the same way; now ’ Luchow s only sits , surrounded by Russian movie houses and i ts . bargain basements , to remind us Of holy past They all have their little day ; West End Avenue was a snooty , nose in - - now n the air residential area Once ; it is a di gy , rundown of s boulevard full denti ts and drugstores and cavernous ,

196 The Big Drag

’ H s u the Jackson eight is neat and orderly , and they fold p

l P . M . sidewa ks at in New Rochelle , so the suburban ites have come to the main stem for their adventure . — u war out- of too D ring the second , towners came , , from

New Zealand, India , Ireland and the Orkneys ; where they s had come in the thousand before , they came in the hun dreds of thousands . They made wartime Broadway a fabu —a e lous , incredible Sight pinwhe l of browns and blues and b e ic grays . There were soldiers everywhere ; soldiers ing s k or on corners , soldiers swaggering six abreast and running afoul of other soldiers going the other way . Soldi ers stand s ing on the steps Of the Astor with the traveling sale men , and soldiers playing football at the corner of Forty - sixth

Street with a bag of doughnuts . They spilled over into the ’ of the l sidestreets ; they ran out Broadway s ears , and ame , the halt and the blind among us who had not gone to war who u watched them , grinning and envious . They were abo t to die saluted us in their peculiar way .

’ ’ Everybody s looking for the brass ring , so let s hop on the

- fifth carousel . We plunge in at Forty Street; the first thing ’ - we s ee is the big Bond s store advertisin g two pants suits . — — Wait a minute are we on the right street? Broadway t wo — pants suits on Broadway? gee . A couple of sailors are look

two- t ing at the pants suits , wistful enough to cut your hear to bits .

- - h n as k a taxi dri ver J oe taxi drivers know ever t i . , ; y g ’ He b udd d a know where y, y, y

o t - t You lo k over For y six h Street carefully , and on one

—One - - pole there are eight signs way , Quiet School, No — - U - i Parking , No Turn and leaning aga nst it are a couple of

198 The Big Drag

- s on chine , forty nine cent plus one cent tax , come in and

- ouven - for make a lit tle s eer the folks at home .

and this lowli e A rcaro he is comin in alon the f , g g rail with Neb ras ka whe n ’

Poor men s Stork Clubs ; they line Broadway endlessly , uivérin n with their q g , Shimmering , bli king neon signs . ’ Here s one called Iceland . Downstairs , mirrors , red walls . The orchestra beats industriously; p ersp 1r1ng men dance doggedly around with either very young girls or equally red faced old bags who could be no one but their wives . A big

smorgasbord table . Two soldiers a bit under the weather ; f the management care ully guides them into the night . A do t f s couple of magicians their s u f and the crowd laugh , a little too loudly , a little too long . They want so badly to ’ have a good time . Don t let me take more than one drink , ” ou fift - is h Edward, y hear a y woman whisper at the next table . the Ah , Broadway was for the big bank roll once , roll that could choke a horse ; now the lure is something for nothing . — You stop in front of a restaurant called the Aquarium NO n MINIMUM , NO COVER a big sig says , almost reaching out and grabbin g you by the shirttails as you drift slowly by . And there—over there is the Latin Quarter—the FAMOUS “ Latin Quarter . The Sign says , Nowhere in America can you ” ’ spend so glorious an evening at so moderate a cost , that s ’ ’

ur . what the Sign says . Shades of Ch chill s Wouldn t Texas — Guinan twist and spin in her uneasy grave old Texas , who ou kicked y in the teeth and made you love every minute , even while your poor billfold was bleeding to death in your hip pocket? “ t f The Tango Palace over here , Always beauti ul girls to ' On e S een Never or otten 199 c , F g

dance with , and the little leather shop called Chic de Paris

- at Forty eighth Street , and the Paddock Bar and Grill with

the photo of the triple dead heat, the day Brownie and Wait a Bit and Bossuet finished all together and Broadway talked

of nothing else for a week . The drugstore with the cheap ,

wearying little dirty Zito dog pictures in the window . Over

the Capitol Theater , two lonely windows anounce that “ ” Dr . Grimm , Dentist, is sweating it out this night , dream or ing up an inlay a bridge , perhaps , while the main stem

shivers and screams and grinds its teeth below him . look Florence ou know how much we need or , , y f he r s h k A rri ht i u hink w c n r t e t o t e wee . s o o t e a a o d f g , f y fl ’ this lace wh let s p , y We peer into the window of McGinnis of Sheepshead

Bay , a hot and noisy restaurant, and we watch the double entendre cartoons unwind on a sort of spool around the top

of - A Ni ht in the bar , like the penny arcade movies of g ’ Tilli s r m i e Bed oo . s Two Canadian soldiers , the r big hoes of s it shined like the top a stove , on stools and eye the ’ — ie humor uncertainly . Lindy s blue tile and brass and p tures in the window and Leo Lindy worrying around inside

somewhere , hovering tenderly over the race of man . A soldier asks a cheap little blonde on the corner if she ’ wan ts a - s katin she go rolla , but we are past before stops t pouting to answer . Little red urtles in the window of a novelty shop , slipping and skidding around on the wet ’ stones of thei r glass prison and trying desperately to escape ’ from this forsaken hellhole of noise and light . Whelan s —“ VVante d . drugstore at Fiftieth Street , soda girls and men ’

Lots of men outside , all sizes and shapes , but they don t ’ seem to want the job . Everybody s an executive now; every 200 The Efg Drag il body has a m lion dollars , every night is Saturday along Broadway n r O us t a little lo e sweetheart. ne more b k . loc j g , , H w do ou eel? D o ou think can honey b aby . o y f y you ff and Here we are back at Du y Square , gray and quiet u r st dded with hangers on and bu ns , and now it all seems the melted together like the sherbet and ice cream , like the i fix t McGee is . closet hat always go ng to Over there , an “ orange- juice stand whi ch advertis es that ZIGZAG OPER A TOR S A R E un WANTED , and you speculate on that

- - certainly for a while . Then a book and record store; a couple — — of fat little girls sixteen , maybe step away from the crowd un and come close to the window, where they eye , a little Ideal Marria e The S ex Techni ue in Marria e certainly, g , q g M — The Marria e anual. and g Dubiously, dubiously then they look in the adjacent window and see squirt cigarettes and “ ” on snake jam and buttons with HELLO , MISTER them in

- r . ; big ed letters . Big grins Wah hoo i The crowd thickens , l ke molasses , and you know from the density of the turgid mass that you are in front of the Para ’ mount movie house . Over a sailor s shoulder you see the iting on the garish poster that advertises the film in “ ” lipstick, scrawled childishly , Whitey , I left for the Capitol . “

. S . F . ( that would be Mr Sinatra, doubtless without a ” l “ ” irn . . s : doubt ) , I love you And , p y , brilliantly I was here 50 n 50 The Paris Danceland Offers Charming Part ers , and iff four soldiers accept the offer somewhat ind erently , and clump upstairs . Men with slack jaws and empty eyes stand in front of the latest horror movie at the Rialto and los e them s elves momentarily in the announcements of the ghoul- meets