>> SIT BACK, RELAX. YOUR STELLAR STREAM IS ABOUT TO BEGIN. [MUSIC]

>> YOU'RE WATCHING STELLAR. WELCOME TO TITANIQUE: THE MAIDEN VOYAGE CONCERT AT LE POISSON ROUGE! I’M KYLE FREEMAN AND I’LL BE YOUR TOUR GUIDE. AS YOU ALL KNOW, THE PAST YEAR AND A HALF HAS BEEN AN UTTER SHIT SHOW. SO WE THOUGHT, WHY NOT MAKE IT A MUSICAL SHIT SHOW. WHILE THE PANDEMIC MAY HAVE RE-CHARTED TITANIQUE’S COURSE, IT HAS NOT SUNK OUR SHIP OF DREAMS. SO TONIGHT, WE ARE LIVE, HONEY! [APPLAUSE] OUR AUDIENCE HERE IS SMALL AS HELL BUT THEY'RE MIGHTY. FOR THOSE OF YOU WATCHING AT HOME, CHAT WITH US ON THE STELLAR APP, DRINK LIKE SAILORS, AND SHOWER US WITH APPLAUSE FROM NEAR, FAR...WHEREVER YOU ARE. ANYWAY, I GOTTA GET TO THE SHOW - HAVE FUN GIRLFRIENDS! [APPLAUSE] [MUSIC] [PIANO] [MUSIC].

>> A NEW DAY, AHH.

>> A NEW DAY, AHH. WELCOME TO THE TITANIC MUSEUM. PLEASE, HAVE A LOOK AROUND. YOU'LL SEE ARTIFACTS FROM ONE OF THE GREATEST TRAGEDIES IN AMERICAN HISTORY.

>> AH!

>> AH! MMM...

>> OVER HERE YOU'LL FIND A VINTAGE MONOCLE WORN BY THE SHIP'S CAPTAIN. HE HAD LIKE...REALLY BAD EYESIGHT.

>> AH! AH! MMM....

>> AND HERE YOU'LL FIND AN ACRYLIC PORTRAIT OF A CHILD HOLDING A DAISY IN ONE HAND AND A MACHETE IN THE OTHER.

>> AH! AH! MMM….

>> AND OVER HERE YOU'LL FIND MY EX BOYFRIEND, BRIAN. BRIAN, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE? YOU LOOK DAMN FINE THOUGH. MMMM. I WANT TO TAKE A BITE OUT OF THAT. [LAUGHTER] I LOVE YOU, BRIAN. I'M STILL IN LOVE WITH YOU. ALRIGHT, WHERE WERE WE! COME ON.

>> AH! AH! MMM…

>> DON'T TOUCH THAT NOW. SINGLE FILE, COME ON EVERYBODY. THIS IS A GOOD ONE. ARE WE ALL HERE? AND HERE IS THE HEART OF THE OCEAN NECKLACE WORN BY ROSE DEWITT BUKAKI. I KNOW THAT WAS MY FAVORITE TOO. SHE WAS ONE OF THE SIX SURVIVORS PULLED FROM THE SHIP. DO I HAVE ANY MORE QUESTIONS?

>> I HAVE A QUESTION.

>> HOW ABOUT THAT MYSTERIOUS LOOKING LADY WITH A WITCH ON A STICK.

>> THAT'S NOT HOW I REMEMBER IT. [MUSIC] CELINE DION, WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THIS MUSEUM ON SUNDAY?

>> SURPRISE. THIS IS CRAZY, WHY AM I HERE? GIRLFRIENDS, HOW ARE YOU? THIS GUY RIGHT HERE IS DOING GREAT. GUESS WHAT, THIS GUY RIGHT HERE? I AM DOING BETTER. THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH FOR HAVING ME. I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I DON'T KNOW YOU BUT I LOVE YOU. YOU ARE MY FRIENDS. YOU ARE MY FRIENDS. YOU'RE MY BEST FRIENDS. IN DA WHOLE WORLD. AND I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. I AM SORRY, I AM CRYING, I HAVE BEEN IN THIS PANDE...HOW DO YOU SAY...THIS PAND...E... AH YES. THIS PANDA EXPRESS. I HAVE BEEN IN THIS PANDA EXPRESS FOR OVER A YEAR.

>> DO YOU MEAN...PANDEMIC.

>> AH YES, THAT IS WHAT I MEANT. BUT ALSO...ONE TIME...I WAS IN A PANDA EXPRESS FOR OVER A YEAR. IT WAS CRAZY. IT WAS ME AND THIS ORANGE CHICKEN AND I SAY TO THIS CHICKEN, CHICKEN, WHY YOU ORANGE, I GOTTA GO. ANYWAY, I GOT OUT OF THIS PANDEMIC, I CAME HERE TO THIS MUSEUM TO SAY TO YOU THAT I AM HERE BECAUSE THIS IS NOT HOW I REMEMBER THE STORY OF TITANIQUE AT ALL.

>> BUT CELINE DION, YOU JUST SANG THE THEME SONG TO THE MOVIE. YOU WEREN'T ACTUALLY ON THE TITANIC.

>> OR WAS I. [MUSIC].

>> BUT...THAT WOULD MAKE YOU AT LEAST 150 YEARS OLD.

>> AND YOU ARE CONFUSED BECAUSE...

>> PEOPLE DON'T LIVE THAT LONG.

>> OR DO THEY.

>> OH.

>> MY MOM ALWAYS TOLD ME...

>> SO, CELINE DION. IF YOU WERE ACTUALLY ON THE TITANIC...WHAT REALLY HAPPENED.

>> IT'S BEEN 84 YEARS AND I CAN STILL SMELL THE FRESH PAINT. CHINA HAD NEVER BEEN USED. THE SHEETS HAD NEVER BEEN SLEPT IN. TITANIQUE WAS CALLED THE SHIP OF DREAMS. AND IT WAS. IT REALLY WAS. LET'S SEE. WHAT ELSE DO I REMEMBER... THERE WERE NIGHTS WHEN THE WIND WAS SO COLD.

>> OOH.

>> THAT MY BODY FROZE IN BED IF I JUST LISTENED TO IT RIGHT OUTSIDE THE WINDOW.

>> HAHH.

>> THERE WERE DAYS WHEN THE SUN WAS SO CRUEL.

>> AHH.

>> THAT ALL THE TEARS TURNED TO DUST. AND I JUST KNEW MY EYES WERE DRYING UP FOREVER.

>> FOREVERRRR.

>> BUT YOU WERE HISTORY WITH THE SLAMMING OF THE DOOR. (YELLING) SLAM!

>> AND I MADE MYSELF SO STRONG AGAIN SOMEHOW. AND I NEVER WASTED ANY OF MY TIME ON YOU SINCE THEN BUT WHEN YOU TOUCH ME LIKE THIS AND YOU HOLD ME LIKE THAT IT WAS SO LONG AGO BUT IT'S ALL COMING BACK TO ME IF YOU TOUCH ME LIKE THIS AND IF I KISS YOU LIKE THAT IT WAS GONE WITH THE WIND BUT IT'S ALL COMING BACK TO ME.

>> IT'S ALL COMING BACK, IT'S ALL COMING BACK TO ME NOW.

>> THERE WERE MOMENTS OF GOLD AND THERE WERE --

>> FLASHES OF LIGHT.

>> THERE WERE THINGS WE'D NEVER DO AGAIN. BUT THEN THEY'D-- ALWAYS SEEMED RIGHT.

>> THERE WERE NIGHTS OF ENDLESS PLEASURE. IT WAS MORE THAN ANY LAWS ALLOW.

>> BABY, BABY, BABY. WHEN YOU TOUCH LIKE THIS. OOOHHH. AND WHEN YOU HOLD ME LIKE THAT. IT WAS GONE WITH THE WIND BUT IT'S-- ALL COMING BACK TO ME. WHEN YOU SEE ME LIKE THIS. OOHHH. AND WHEN I SEE YOU LIKE THAT. THEN WE SEE WHAT WE WANT TO SEE.

>> ALL COMING BACK TO ME.

>> THE FLESH AND THE FANTASIES.

>> ALL COMING BACK TO ME.

>> I CAN BARELY RECALL BUT IT'S... ALL COMING BACK TO ME NOW HOW?!

>> WELL, WELL, WELL WOULDN'T YOU GUYS LIKE TO KNOW? YAS QUEEN! (TONGUE POP) OOHHH. OK, I'M READY TO TELL THE STORY. BECAUSE...

>> IT'S ALL COMING BACK TO ME NOW. IT'S ALL COMING BACK TO ME NOW.

>> AND WHEN YOU TOUCH ME LIKE --

>> IT'S ALL COMING BACK TO ME NOW.

>> AND WHEN YOU HOLD ME LIKE THAT.

>> IT'S ALL COMING BACK TO ME NOW.

>> AND IF YOU DO IT LIKE THIS.

>> IT'S ALL COMING BACK TO ME NOW.

>> (WHISPERING) AND IF WE...

>> HOOO (APPLAUSE).

>> THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU SO MUCH. IF I MAY CONTINUE.

>> YES, PLEASE.

>> THANK YOU. I WILL NEVER FORGET THE DAY I GOT ON BOARD OF TITANIQUE. IT WAS JULY 4TH, 1776-- (CONFUSED) --UMMM, THAT'S INDEPENDENCE DAY. AND I WAS INDEPENDENT FROM MY CANADIAN HOME FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE. IT WAS SO EXCITING! THERE WERE SO MANY PEOPLE WAITING TO GET ON THE SHIP THAT DAY! THERE WAS A DREAMER NAMED JACK, AND HIS ITALIAN SIDEKICK WHO LOOKED LIKE LUIGI FROM MARIOKART!

>>(À LA MARIOKART) I'MA LUIGI! NUMBER ONE!

>> COME ON, LUIGI! LET'S PLAY A HAND OF POKER AND GET A TICKET TO THAT SHIP!

>> IT'S A-LUIGI TIME!

>>(SINGING UNDERGROUND THEME SONG) DAH, DAH, DAH, DAH, DAH, DAH.

>> AND WHO COULD FORGET TWO TIME ACADEMY AWARD WINNER, KATHY BATES. [APPLAUSE] UNSINGABLE MOLLY BROWN UNBREAKABLE KIMMY SCHMIDT. THAT'S WHAT I SAID. (BEAT) THERE WAS VICTOR GARBER FROM THE HIT TV SHOW ALIAS.

>> AND DON'T FORGET KUNG FU PANDA 2!

>> THAT IS MY FAVORITE MOVIE. HIGH FIVE, GIRLFRIEND! AND THEN THERE WAS THE ENTIRE BRITISH AND IRISH CREW, PLAYED....BY ONE MAN.

>> DEAL WITH IT, WE DON'T GOT THE BUDGET. WE DON'T. THERE WAS THE SWEET INGENUE FIANCÉ, CAL.

>> YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY: "THE BIGGER THE SHIP, THE BIGGER THE DECK." UP HIGH, IT'S A JOKE.

>>(SULKING) YOU'RE NOT VERY FUNNY. [LAUGHING].

>> CAL, YOU'RE HILLLARIOUUUSSS.

>> AND THERE WAS ROSE'S MOTHER, RUTH. ANOTHER GORGEOUS DAY TO BE A RICH, WHITE RACIST.

>> DEAR, WHAT'S WRONG.

>>(SOFTLY) MOTHER, I DON'T WANT TO BE ENGAGED TO CAL--

>> (QUICKLY) --YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH. CAL MIGHT BE WEARING A FULL FACE OF MAKEUP, BUT HE'S RICH AS HELL AND YOU WILL MARRY HIM.

>> (HAVING A TANTRUM) BUT I DON'T WANNA!

>> EXCUSE ME, MISS. YOU DROPPED YOUR...

>> (IN UNISON) CRABTREE AND EVELYN SCARF. [MUSIC].

>> DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT YOUR LIFE.

>> DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT YOUR WORLD.

>> DON'T WANNA BE ALONE TONIGHT ON THIS PLANET THEY CALL EARTH.

>> YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT MY PAST.

>> I DON'T HAVE A FUTURE FIGURED OUT.

>> AND MAYBE THIS IS GOING TOO FAST.

>> AND MAYBE IT'S NOT MEANT TO LAST,.

>> BUT WHAT DO YOU SAY TO TAKING CHANCES,.

>> WHAT DO YOU SAY TO JUMPING OFF THE EDGE.

>> NEVER KNOWING IF THERE'S SOLID GROUND BELOW OR HAND TO HOLD, OR HELL TO PAY. WHAT DO YOU SAY, WHAT DO YOU SAY.

>> ROSE! WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING SINGING WITH THAT AGING TWINK!? DARLING, PLEASE BOARD ALREADY - OUR VERY FUTURE DEPENDS UPON IT! I JUST WANT TO START AGAIN.

>> MAYBE I CAN SHOW YOU HOW TO TRY,.

>> AND MAYBE YOU COULD TAKE ME IN, SOMEWHERE UNDERNEATH YOUR SKIN.

>> WHAT DO YOU SAY TO TAKING CHANCES, WHAT DO YOU SAY TO JUMPING OFF THE EDGE? NEVER KNOWING IF THERE'S SOLID GROUND BELOW OR HAND TO HOLD, OR HELL TO PAY, WHAT DO YOU SAY,.

>> FLUSH. LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE NEVER GETTING THAT TICKET TO THE TITANIC. MWAHHAHAHA!

>> HMMM. HAVE YOU EVER HEARD THE PHRASE... “WHEN YOU'RE LOST OUT THERE AND YOU'RE ALL ALONE, THE NIGHT IS WAITING TO CARRY YOU HOME?”.

>> (CONFUSED) WAIT...ISN'T THAT FROM THE SHOW... FULL HOUSE. WHICH BEATS FLUSH, BITCH!

>> LUIGI, WE GOT A TICKET ON THE SHIP! COME ON, IT'S BOARDING!

>> (À LA MARIOKART) HEREEEE WE GOOO!

>> WHADDYA SAY.

>> MAGNIFICENT.! WHO DESIGNED THIS BEAUTY.

>> I DID. I'M VICTOR GARBER, NICE TO MEET YOU.

>> WELL I'M AS HAPPY AS A PIG IN SHIT! I COULD JUST SPIT!

>> (DISGUSTED) SHE'S AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY.

>> (TO AUDIENCE) GET IT? KATHY BATES.

>> WHADDYA SAY.

>> EXCUSE ME, SEAMAN, CAN YOU DIRECT US TO OUR SUITE PLEASE? SECOND STAR TO THE RIGHT AND STRAIGHT ON TILL MORNING!

>> WHADDYA SAY.

>> ALL ABOARD!

>> WHADDYA SAY WHADDYA SAY WHADDYA SAY (YELLING) I'M THE KING OF THE WORLD!

>> WHOO! MY HEART WAS BEATEN DOWN, BUT I ALWAYS COME BACK FOR MORE, YEAH. THERE'S NOTHING LIKE LOVE TO PULL YOU UP, WHEN YOU'RE LYING DOWN ON THE FLOOR, BABE, SO SO TALK TO ME, TALK TO ME, AHH TALK TO ME, LIVE LOVERS DO LIKE LOVERS DO. WALK WITH ME, LIKE LOVERS DO. YEAH WALK WITH ME, WALK WITH. LIKE LOVERS DO, LIKE LOVERS DO. GAH GAH GAH! GAH GAH GAH.

>> WHAT DO YOU SAY TO TAKING CHANCES WHAT DO YOU SAY TO JUMPING OFF THE EDGE.

>>NEVER KNOWING IF THERE'S SOLID GROUND BELOW OR HAND TO HOLD, OR HELL TO PAY, [HORN.]

>> WHAT DO YOU SAY, WHAT DO YOU SAY.

>> DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT YOUR LIFE.

>> AND I DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT YOUR WORLD.

>> THANK YOU. THANK YOU SO MUCH. SO AT THIS POINT, EVERYBODY BOARDED THE SHIP. THEN IF MY MEMORY SERVES ME CORRECTLY, EVERYBODY PULLED UP THEIR IPHONES AND STARTED TEXTING EACH OTHER. FRIEND. [NOT IN ENGLISH] YOU HUNGRY? YOU WANNA MEET DOWN AT THE BUFFET IN LIKE 30? " AND SO...EVERYONE DID.

>> AH HA HA HA - CLINK!

>> SO VICTOR GARBER, WHEN ARE WE EXPECTED TO DOCK IN NUEVA YORK.

>> WELL, BARRING ANY ISSUES, WE ARRIVE WEDNESDAY MORNING, APRIL 17TH.

>> I SEE. VIC, VIC, VIC, I WONDER IF YOU MIGHT BE ABLE TO GET US THERE BY TUESDAY INSTEAD? I'VE GOT A HAIR APPOINTMENT IN SOHO. THEY BOOK WAY OUT. OF COURSE. BY ALL MEANS. LET ME JUST CONSULT MY SEAMAN. OH, HERE HE IS. SEAMAN, I'M RE-ROUTING OUR COURSE. I NEED YOU TO SPEED THIS BABY UP AND GET US TO NEW YORK BY TUESDAY.

>> SIR, I DON'T THINK THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.

>> OF COURSE IT IS. IT'S MINE.

>>FINE. I JUST HOPE THERE AREN'T ANY... ICEBERGS IN OUR PATH.

>> ROSE.

>> POSTURE! OH, CAL HOW DIVINE! YOU FOUND JUST THE MAN I WANTED TO SEE.

>> LISTEN, VIC, VIC, VIC, VICKY CHRISTINA BARCELONA. I WONDER IF YOU COULD GET US TO NEW YORK BY TUESDAY. CAL HAS A HAIR APPOINTMENT IN SOHO. THEY BOOK WAY OUT. SO, VICTOR GARBER. THEY SAY THIS SHIP'S UNSINKABLE, HUH? THAT'S FOR ME TO KNOW AND FOR YOU TO FIND OUT!

>> AH HA HA HA - CLINK!

>> SWEAT PEA, ARE YOU ALRIGHT.

>> I'M JUST FEELING EMOTIONALLY STIFLED. (QUICKLY) EXCUSE ME? I SAID MMM, I'M REALLY FEELING THIS BLACKBERRY TRIFLE!

>> OH, INDEED. IT'S TRIFLING.

>> ANYWAY, WHY'D YOU CALL IT THE TITANIC, VICTOR GARBER? YOU GOT A SMALL PEEPEE OR SOMETHING? AND VICTOR GARBER, MAESTRO, ONE LAST QUESTION. JUST HOW MANY FOLKS ARE ON THIS SUBLIME OCEAN CRAFT.

>> A LITTLE OVER 2200.

>> AND HOW MANY LIFEBOATS ARE THERE.

>> ENOUGH FOR FIRST CLASS.

>> AH HA HA HA- FORESHADOWING! CLINK!

>> WELL, I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE A TOAST. TO ROSE AND CAL, WHO MAKE SUCH A BEAUTIFUL PAIR. HEY ROSE, WHEN ARE YOU GONNA HAVE A BABY.

>> OH MY GOD, A BABY.

>> A BABY??! AHH!

>> WHAT DO YOU SAY TO TAKING CHANCES.

>> HEY!

>> OUTTA MY WAY! SLAP! SLAP!

>> WHAT DO YOU SAY TO JUMPIN' OFF THE EDGE NEVER KNOWING IF THERE'S SOLID GROUND BELOW A HAND TO HOLD OR HELL TO...

>> HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING UP THERE, HUH? TAKING...CHANCES.

>> NO! MORE LIKE TAKING MY LIFE! I'M PUTTING AN END TO THIS MISERABLE EXISTENCE!

>> DON'T JUMP.

>> STAY BACK! DON'T COME ANY CLOSER!

>> TAKE MY HAND. I'LL PULL YOU BACK IN.

>> STAY WHERE YOU ARE! I'LL LET GO.

>> NO YOU WON'T.

>> DON'T PRESUME TO TELL ME WHAT I WILL AND WILL NOT DO. YOU DON'T KNOW ME.

>> YOU WOULD HAVE DONE IT ALREADY. NOW COME ON, TAKE MY HAND.

>> YOU'RE DISTRACTING ME FROM TRYING TO KILL MYSELF.

>> BECAUSE OF YOUR HAIR.

>> WHAT.

>> NEVERMIND. LOOK IF YOU JUMP I'LL HAVE TO JUMP RIGHT IN AFTER YOU.

>> DON'T BE ABSURD. THE FALL ALONE WOULD KILL YOU.

>> YEA YOU'RE RIGHT. THAT WATER LOOKS DARK. AND COLD.

>> HOW COLD? FREEZING. IT HITS YOU LIKE A THOUSAND KNIVES, STABBING YOU ALL OVER YOUR BODY, SYDNEY. YOU'RE GUTTED, HEAD IS BEING RIPPED OFF AND EATEN TO SHREDS. CROWS ARE PECKING OUT YOUR EYES, SYDNEY!

>> OKAY, GOT IT!

>> I GUESS I'M KINDA HOPING YOU'LL COME BACK OVER THE RAIL AND GET ME OFF....THE HOOK HERE.

>> YOU'RE CRAZY.

>> THAT'S WHAT EVERYONE SAYS. BUT WITH ALL DUE RESPECT, I'M NOT THE ONE HANGING OFF THE BACK OF A SHIP. COME ON, YOU DON'T WANT TO DO THIS. OKAY? TAKE MY HAND.

>> ALRIGHT.

>> I'M JACK DAWSON.

>> PLEASED TO MEET YOU MR. DAWSON.

>> AND YOU ARE.

>> OH. I'M-

>> ROSE! THIS IS COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE!

>> ROSE, I DEMAND TO KNOW THIS INSTANT. WHO IS THIS MONGREL!

>> WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU CAN PUT YOUR FILTHY PAWS ON HER SILKY DRAWERS? WOULD YOU PULL THAT CRAP WITH ANNETTE.

>> DID HE TRY TO GIVE YOU THE OLD WEINSTEIN-ONE-TWO-PUNCH? LISTEN I KNOW THE RIGHT TO VOTE FOR WOMEN IS LIKE EIGHT YEARS OR WHATEVER BUT YOU DO NOT HAVE TO TAKE THIS. TIME'S UP!

>> #METOO GIRLFRIEND!

>> NO, IT'S MY FAULT! I TRIED TO JUMP OFF THE BOAT AND THIS MAN SAVED ME!

>> JUMP OFF? GIRL. WHY THO? WE RICH.

>> I WAS TRYING TO...

>> [STUTTERING] SEE THE...PRO...

>> PROPELLERS? SHE WAS TRYING TO SEE THE PROPELLERS.

>> WELL, IT SOUNDS TO ME LIKE THIS KID SAVED HER LIFE. MAYBE OFFER A LITTLE SOMETHING TO THE HERO?

>> (CONDESCENDING) - I SEE. WELL, PERHAPS OUR LITTLE "HERO" MIGHT LIKE TO JOIN US FOR DINNER TOMORROW.

>> WHAT TIME? I DO INTERMITTENT FASTING UNTIL--

>> 8 PM. PERFECT. SEE YOU THERE. STOP IT.

>> HANG UP.

>> NO, YOU HANG UP. BYE. [LAUGHTER].

>> YOU GOT ANYTHING TO WEAR TO THIS SHINDIG.

>> JUST THIS BOOTLEG NEWSIES OUTFIT.

>> WELL, YOU'RE ABOUT MY SON'S SIZE. YOU CAN BORROW HIS TUX.

>>(LOWERS VOICE) WHAT'S YOUR INSEAM.

>> ROSE, I'M NOT GOING TO LIE TO YOU? EVER SINCE I ASKED FOR YOUR HAND IN MARRIAGE, YOU'VE BEEN SIDE WINDING ME LIKE MEGAN MARKEL ON A TUESDAY BUT I WANT TO GIVE YOU SOMETHING...

>> OH MY GOD. IS THAT....

>> A DIAMOND IN THE SHAPE OF A HEART? HELL YES. I GOT IT AT JARED'S

>> IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

>> ALL THAT I AM. ALL THAT I'LL BE. MEANS NOTHING AT ALL. IF YOU CAN'T BE WITH ME. YOUR MOST INNOCENT KISS. OR YOUR SWEETEST CARESS. SEDUCES ME I WANT YOU TO HAVE IT, ROSE. THERE'S NOTHING I COULDN'T GIVE YOU NOR ANYTHING I'D DENY YOU. SO DON'T DENY ME. WE'RE GONNA DO IT TONIGHT.

>> YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH.

>> SO ROSE WENT TO BED SCARED, ALONE, CONFLICTED. WOULD SHE HAVE SEX WITH CAL WHILE WEARING A NECKLACE FROM JARED'S? I MEAN OUT OF ALL THE DIAMOND STORES, JARED'S IS SOOOO SCARY. IT GOES LIKE NEIL LANE, ZALES AND THEN JARED'S, DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. I YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? DO YOU GUYS KNOW EACH OTHER? I FEEL LIKE I'M ANDY COHEN, SPECIAL GUESTS. PATTY LAPONE AND THIS LLAMA. SO ROSE KNEW SHE HAD TO FOLLOW NOT THE HEART AROUND HER NECK, BUT THE HEART INSIDE OF HER BODY. DY, DY.

>> GOOD MORNING, ROSE. YOU GOT A LAST NAME BY THE WAY.

>> ROSE DEWITT BUKATER.

>> WOW. THAT SOUNDS A LOT LIKE BUKAK---

>> --BUKAKI. I KNOW, ROSE DEWITT BUKAKI. I GOT IT A LOT AS A KID. JACK I...

>> CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION? ARE YOU IN LOVE WITH CAL.

>> WELL, THAT'S VERY RUDE. THIS IS NOT A SUITABLE CONVERSATION TO BE HAVING ON THIS BOUJEE DECK.

>> IF YOU ASKED ME, HE'S NOT THE MAN FOR YOU.

>> WELL, IT MAY BE TOO LATE FOR THAT...

>> HOLY COW! LOOK AT THE THING! IF YOU ACTUALLY JUMPED LAST NIGHT, YOU WOULD HAVE GONE STRAIGHT TO THE BOTTOM.

>> I DON'T KNOW, LATELY I FEEL LIKE I'M STUCK ON A TRAIN AND I CAN'T GET OFF BECAUSE I'M SUPPOSED TO MARRY A MAN WITH A PAINTED HAIRLINE.

>> SO DON'T MARRY HIM.

>> IF ONLY IT WERE THAT SIMPLE. DO YOU KNOW WHAT MY DREAM IS, JACK? TO CHUCK IT ALL AND BECOME AN ARTIST...POOR BUT FREE! THERE'S SOMETHING IN ME, JACK. I FEEL IT. I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS, BUT I SURE CAN'T WAIT TO FIND OUT.

>> WHAT'S THIS.

>> JUST SOME SKETCHES.

>> OH. JACK, THESE ARE QUITE GOOD! THESE ARE VERY GOOD.

>> YOU THINK.

>> YOU HAVE A GIFT JACK, YOU DO. YOU SEE PEOPLE.

>> IT'S A CAT. [LAUGHTER].

>> USED TO BE THAT I BELIEVED IN SOMETHING USED TO BE THAT I BELIEVED IN LOVE. IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE I'VE HAD THAT FEELING I COULD LOVE. SOMEONE, I COULD TRUST SOMEONE I SAID I'D NEVER LET NOBODY. NEAR MY HEART AGAIN, DARLIN'. I SAID I'D NEVER LET NOBODY IN BUT... IF YOU ASKED ME TO. I JUST MIGHT CHANGE MY MIND AND LET YOU IN MY LIFE FOREVER. IF YOU ASKED ME TO. I JUST MIGHT GIVE MY HEART AND STAY HERE IN YOUR ARMS. FOREVER. IF YOU ASKED ME TO IF YOU ASKED ME TO. BAE-BAE-BAE-BABY. BAE-BAE-BAE-BAE-BEA-BEA-BEA- THANK YOU! WHY CAN'T I BE LIKE YOU, JACK? WHEN WE GET TO NEW YORK, I WANT YOU TO TEACH ME TO RIDE HORSES. AND SPIT LIKE A MAN. WHY SHOULD ONLY MEN BE ABLE TO SPIT AND WOMEN ALWAYS HAVE TO SWALLOW? IT'S UNFAIR!

>> THEY DIDN'T TEACH YOU HOW TO SPIT IN FINISHING SCHOOL? HERE, IT'S EASY!

>> [SUCKS UP SPIT.]

>> SOMEHOW EVER SINCE I'VE BEEN AROUND YOU.

>> HOO.

>> CAN'T GO BACK TO BEING ON MY OWN.

>> HOO.

>> CAN'T HELP FEELING, DARLIN', SINCE I'VE FOUND YOU.

>> THAT I'VE FOUND MY HOME, THAT I'M FINALLY HOME.

>> I SAID I'D NEVER LET NOBODY GET TOO CLOSE TO ME, DARLIN'.

>> I SAID I NEEDED, NEEDED TO BE FREE.

>> BUT IF YOU ASKED ME TO IF YOU ASKED ME TO I JUST MIGHT CHANGE MY MIND. AND LET YOU IN MY LIFE FOREVER. IF YOU ASKED ME TO. I JUST MIGHT GIVE MY HEART. AND STAY HERE IN YOUR ARMS. FOREVER. IF YOU ASKED ME TO. IF YOU ASKED ME TO. BAE-BAE-BAE-BABY. BAE-BAE-BAE-BAE-BEA-BEA-BEABABY. HOO, HOO, HOO. OH, OH, OH. [SPITTING] [APPLAUSE].

>> AHH, GOOD EVENING LADIES. THE DINNER BUFFET IS OFFICIALLY OPEN! TONIGHT WE ARE FEATURING...LETTUCE.

>> ...THAT'S IT.

>>... THAT'S IT.

>> ENCHANTING. OH PS- HOW ARE WE LOOKING ON THAT EARLY ARRIVAL.

>> SO GOOD! WE ARE FLYING!

>> PARDON MY INQUISITIVE NATURE, BUT IS IT DANGEROUS TO GO THAT FAST. ONCE YOU HIT 48 KNOTS, WON'T YOU FALL OFF YOUR LONGITUDINAL PATH ANALYSIS. YOU'RE JUST ASKIN' FOR A PROMONTORY TO BITE YOU IN THE ASS!

>> DON'T WORRY LADIES - THE TITANIC IS UNSINKABLE.

>> AHH! IT'S 8 O'CLOCK! DINNER IS SERVED!

>> DO YOU KNOW WHO WAS FIRST IN LINE FOR DINNER? ME. I LOVE DINNER TIME. IT IS MY FAVORITE TIME. BUT AS I WAS STANDING AT THE THE BUFFET, WHO DID I SEE? ROSE.

>> SHE LOOKED SO BEAUTIFUL, WAITING FOR HER NEW LOVE, JACK.

>> I GOT SO INSPIRED TO SING ABOUT IT, I DECIDED TO INVITE ONTO THE SHIP, MY DEAR FRIEND, AND TWO TIME GRAMMY AWARD WINNER, SIR PEABO BRYSON-- --TO SING OUR HIT DUET, “BEAUTY AND THE BEAST.” AND WHEN I ASKED DISNEY FOR THE RIGHTS TO THIS SONG, THEY SAID TO ME, "LOL. WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?" AND I SAY I AM CELINE. FUCKING. DION."

>> TALE AS OLD AS TIME. TRUE AS IT CAN BE. BARELY EVEN FRIENDS THEN SOMEBODY BENDS UNEXPECTEDLY. JUST A LITTLE CHANGE. SMALL TO SAY THE LEAST. BOTH A LITTLE SCARED. NEITHER ONE PREPARED. BEAUTY AND THE BEAST. EVER JUST THE SAME. EVER A SURPRISE. EVER AS BEFORE. EVER JUST AS SURE. AS THE SUN WILL RISE. AHH , OH, OH, OH. CERTAIN AS THE SUN, AHH. RISING IN THE EAST. TALE AS OLD AS TIME. SONG AS OLD AS RHYME. BEAUTY AND THE BEAST, AHH. TALE AS OLD AS TIME.

>> TALE AS OLD AS TIME!

>> SONG AS OLD AS RHYME.

>> SONG AS OLD AS RHYME!

>> BEAUTY AND THE--

>> BEAST! (LAUGHING) AND THEN I SAID, IF YOU DON'T GET OFF YOUR KNEES, BY GOD, I'LL SQUIRT!” I FIND YOU REVOLTING.

>> LIKEWISE, HONEY.

>>WELL, LOOK AT YOU JACKIE. YOU COULD ALMOST PASS AS A GENTLEMAN.

>> AND YOU COULD ALMOST PASS AS COUNT DRACULA.

>> (A LA COUNT DRACULA) AH. AH. AH.

>> WELL, JACQUELINE, HOW ARE THE ACCOMMODATIONS DOWN IN STEERAGE.

>> THE BEST I'VE EVER SEEN MA'AM. HARDLY ANY RATS. YOU SEE, I DON'T HAVE ANY NEED FOR CAVIAR AND FANCY THINGS. ALL I NEED IS THE AIR IN MY LUNGS AND MY RUSTIC ITALIAN SIDEKICK.

>> AND DO YOU FIND THAT SORT OF ROOTLESS EXISTENCE APPEALING, YOU POOR UNFORTUNATE TROLL.

>> SHE'S A REAL ASSHOLE.

>> I'M GLAD SOMEBODY SAID IT. [WHISPERING].

>> PSSS! ROSE! WANNA GO TO A REAL PARTY? MEET ME AT THE CLOCK WHEN DINNER'S OVER. BRING CLOGS!

>> SO ROSE MET JACK AT THE CLOCK AS PLANNED.

>> AND ROSE WAS LIKE, "HEY GIRLFRIEND, HOW ARE YOU? AND JACK WAS LIKE, "I'M GOOD GIRLFRIEND, HOW ARE YOU? " AND ROSE WAS LIKE, "SORRY I'M LATE. I WAS LEARNING HOW TO PUT ON A BRA. AND HE WAS, LIKE, OH, WELL I KNOW ALL ABOUT THAT. AND SHE WAS LIKE, COME AGAIN? AND HE WAS LIKE, YES, ONE OF THE WAYS I MAKE MONEY BESIDES CAT PAINTINGS IS WORKING PART TIME AT THE VICTORIA SECRET. DO YOU WANT THIS UGLY LEOPARD PRINT BRA FOR 8.99. SHE SAID NO. THEY DID NOT KISS BUT THEY DID ESKIMO KISSES WITH THEIR NOSES THEY DID FIVE IN A ROW 1, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE. ROMANCE. THEN THEY WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND THIS IS WHEN IT GOT SO SCARY. THERE WERE 5 MILLION BATS WITH HUMAN FACES AND AND THEY SAID GET OUT WE'RE SCARY HUMAN BATS. AND THERE WERE ALL THE LOTIONS OF BATH AND BODY WORKS. THEY WERE LIKE, OH, THEY SMELL LIKE FRUSCIA, THANK YOU THAT'S A DEEP CUT. AND THERE WAS A FRAMED POSTER OF JESSICA ALBA. WHICH IS SO SCARY WHAT IS HER CAREER, SITCOMDY, DRAMA, I DON'T KNOW. THEN THEY REACHED THE BOTTOM OF THE STAIRS THEY SAW A IRISH LADY WAS HOLDING A BABY. AND THEY KNEW RIGHT THEN AND THERE. IT WAS TIME TO DANCE. [APPLAUSE] [HUMMING] I GET WINGS TO FLY HARDWARE.

>> LIVE, LIVE, LIVE, LIVE, LIVE, LIVE.

>> YEAH.

>> YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH!

>> ALRIGHT, YOU TWATS! WHO WANTS TO LEARN HOW TO RIVER DANCE! [CHEERS].

>> WHERE ARE WE.

>> YOU'RE IN STEERAGE, M'LUCKY CHARM. THIS IS THE PARTY THE RICH PEOPLE DON'T WANT YOU TO KNOW ABOUT! NOW, HOLD M'BABY WHILE I DANCE!

>> WHEN YOU CALL ON ME.

>> WHEN I HEAR YOU BREATHE. I GET WINGS TO FLY. I FEEL THAT I'M ALIVE. WHEN YOU LOOK AT ME. I CAN TOUCH THE SKY. I KNOW THAT I'M ALIVE.

>> I DON'T KNOW THE STEPS!

>> JUST MOVE WITH ME! DON'T THINK!

>> WAIT STOP!

>> COME ON! LET'S SPIN!

>> SO HOW'S THE WEDDING PLANNING GOING.

>> I'VE DECIDED THE GROOMSMEN WILL ALL BE WEARING PERIWINKLE SUITS.

>> OMG, PERIWINKLE? RISKY...BUT I'M FEELING IT.

>> SO THE SAVE THE DATES WENT OUT YESTERDAY AND I FOUND A DIY DONUT WALL ON PINTEREST THAT I THINK WE'RE GONNA USE.

>> OH MY GOD I LOVE YOUR PINTEREST PAGE.

>> THANK YOU SO MUCH. THE ONLY THING THAT WE HAVEN'T DECIDED IS RED VELVET OR HUMMINGBIRD CAKE. ROSE - WHICH ONE WILL YOU ORDER.

>> GODDAMNIT! SHE'S LITERALLY NEVER HERE! SHE WON'T EVEN RETURN MY TEXTS!! SHE JUST SAID, NEW PHONE, WHO DIS?

>> WHAT'S GRINDR.

>> ERRRRRRR---

>> WE HAVE TO FIND HER! [SINGING] YOU WANT TO SEE A PARTY TRAIL?

>> NOW THAT I'LL BE THE ONE. STANDING BY, THROUGH GOOD AND THROUGH TRYING TIMES.

>>THIS IS ME ON MY TOES!

>>AND IT'S ONLY BEGUN. I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. [BARF SOUND] GASP!

>> HURRAH!/YEAH/WHO. WHEN YOU BLESS THE DAY.

>> WHEN YOU BLESS THE DAY. I JUST DRIFT AWAY.

>> ALL MY WORRIES DIE I KNOW THAT I'M---

>>YOU'RE MY FIANCE! AND YOU WILL HONOR ME THE WAY A WIFE IS SUPPOSED TO HONOR A HUSBAND!

>> TAG, YOU'RE IT.

>> ROSE, YOU WILL HONOR HIM AND HIS EVERY DESIRE!

>> GODDAMNIT MOM!

>> DON'T GODDAMNIT ME. YOU MUFF DIVING WITCH!

>> OH.

>> YOU'LL NOT SEE THAT BOY AGAIN. NOW WHERE IS THAT DIVINE KIKI DE MONTPARNASSE CORSET MOMMY BOUGHT YOU? AH. IT'S RIGHT HERE. NOW TURN AROUND. YOUR BODY.

>> NEED I REMIND YOU THAT SINCE YOUR FATHER LEFT US WE HAVE NOTHING? I LITERALLY THINK I HAVE LIKE ONE DOLLAR ON ME. THAT BEDAZZLED METROSEXUAL IS OUR ONLY HOPE, YOU DOLT! YOU WILL DO WHAT HE SAYS AND YOU'LL DO IT WITH A REHEARSED, PORCELAIN SMILE.

>> DO. YOU. UNDER. STAND??!

>> (GASPING) TOO TIGHT!! MOTHER IT'S JUST NOT FAIR!

>> FAIR! IT'S NOT FAIR. FAIR. YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT'S NOT FAIR!? THIS HOOP SKIRT'S NOT FAIR! THESE PEARLS FROM FOREVER 21 AREN'T FAIR! GETTING TYPED OUT OF A DANCE CALL FOR KICKING BOOTS IS NOT FAIR. MICHAEL YORI'S FUCK ING CAREER IS NOT FAIR.

>> WE'RE WOMEN! AHHHHHHHHHH!!! OUR CHOICES ARE NEVER EASY. MY DARLING, I KNOW THIS IS HARD, BUT YOU MUST FIND A WAY TO ACCEPT THIS AS YOUR FUTURE, TO EMBRACE HIM, TO LOVE HIM, AND TO TELL HIM EVERY DAY.

>> TELL HIM WHAT, THOUGH.

>> DID YOU REALLY JUST INTERRUPT ME IN THE MIDDLE OF A MONOLOGUE. I'LL PRAY FOR YOU. TELL HIM THAT THE SUN AND MOON RISE IN HIS EYES. YES. REACH OUT TO HIM, AND WHISPER TENDER WORDS SO SOFT AND SWEET. HOLD HIM CLOSE TO FEEL HIS HEARTBEAT. LOVE! LOVE. MY FAIRY DAUGHTER WILL BE THE GIFT YOU GIVE YOURSELF. AND MYSELF. LET'S NOT FORGET I STAND TO BENEFIT FROM THIS AS WELL. NOW. YOU WILL SCREW HIM TONIGHT. LOCK IT UP CUNT, LOVE YOU. [APPLAUSE].

>> KNOCK, KNOCK. HEY, PRINCESS. I BROUGHT YA THIS BEN NYE FOUNDATION. YOU'RE GONNA NEED IT LATER TO COVER THE BRUISES. IT'S CLOUD NINE.

>> YOU'RE AN ANGEL. THANK YOU, UNSINKABLE MOLLY BROWN.

>> MY PLEASURE, ROSE. YOU KNOW, I COULDN'T HELP BUT OVERHEAR ABOUT YOUR MONEY TROUBLES. WELL, A FAMOUS COUNTESS ONCE TOLD ME THAT MONEY CAN'T BUY YOU CLASS. BUT IT CAN BUY YOU A HIT ON YOUR MOTHER AND A ONE-WAY TICKET TO MEXICO. I'M JUST SAYING, WE'RE ALL THINKING IT.

>> UM...THANKS.

>> LISTEN, I'VE BEEN RICH AND I'VE BEEN POOR, BUT WITHOUT LOVE IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE. SO DITCH THAT LIBERACE KNOCKOFF AND RUN AWAY WITH JACK! YOU'LL BE POOR AS HELL, BUT AT LEAST YOU'LL GET SOME OF THAT GOOD D. [MUSIC] I'M SCARED. SO AFRAID TO SHOW I CARE WILL HE THINK ME WEAK IF I TREMBLE. WHEN I SPEAK.

>> OOOH. I'VE BEEN THERE. WITH MY HEART OUT IN MY HAND. BUT WHAT YOU MUST UNDERSTAND. YOU CAN'T LET THE CHANCE. TO LOVE HIM PASS YOU BY. TELL HIM. TELL HIM THAT THE SUN AND MOON. RISE IN HIS EYES. REACH OUT TO HIM. AND WHISPER. TENDER WORDS SO SOFT AND SWEET. I'LL HOLD HIM CLOSE TO FEEL HIS HEARTBEAT. LOVE WILL BE THE GIFT YOU GIVE YOURSELF.

>> MOLLY, I HAVE TO TELL YOU SOMETHING. I...I'VE NEVER BEEN WITH A MAN. CAN YOU TEACH ME.

>> TOUCH HIM.

>> OOOH.

>> WITH THE GENTLENESS YOU FEEL INSIDE. I FEEL IT. YOUR LOVE CAN'T BE DENIED THE TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE YOU'LL HAVE WHAT'S MEANT TO BE. ALL IN TIME YOU'LL SEE. OOOH. I LOVE HIM.

>> THEN SHOW HIM.

>> OF THAT MUCH I CAN BE SURE.

>> HOLD HIM CLOSE TO YOU.

>> I DON'T THINK I COULD ENDURE. IF I LET HIM WALK AWAY. WHEN I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY. TELL HIM. TELL HIM THAT THE SUN AND MOON. RISE IN HIS EYES. REACH OUT TO HIM. AND WHISPER. TENDER WORDS SO SOFT AND SWEET. HOLD HIM CLOSE TO FEEL HIS HEARTBEAT.

>> LOVE WILL BE THE GIFT I GIVE MYSELF.

>> LOVE IS LIGHT THAT SURELY GLOWS. IN THE HEARTS OF THOSE WHO KNOW. IT'S A STEADY FLAME THAT GROWS.

>> FEED THE FIRE WITH ALL THE PASSION YOU CAN SHOW. TONIGHT LOVE WILL ASSUME ITS PLACE. THIS MEMORY TIME CANNOT ERASE. YOUR FAITH WILL LEAD LOVE WHERE IT HAS TO GO. TELL HIM. TELL HIM THAT THE SUN AND MOON. RISE IN HIS EYES. REACH OUT TO HIM. AND WHISPER. WHISPER WORDS SO SOFT AND SWEET. HOLD HIM CLOSE TO FEEL HIS HEARTBEAT. LOVE WILL BE THE GIFT YOU GIVE YOURSELF. OOOH. NEVER LET HIM GO.

>> I'LL NEVER LET GO. [APPLAUSE].

>> SO ROSE WENT TO BED AGAIN, THIS TIME FEELING EMPOWERED. MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE SHE FINALLY FOUND HER VOICE. OR MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE THAT EGGPLANT...WAS IN HER ASS. [LAUGHTER].

>> HELLO, JACK. I THOUGHT I MIGHT FIND YOU UP HERE.

>> YES. I'VE BEEN STANDING ON THIS DECK, PONDERING ABOUT LIFE, LOVE, WHAT TO EAT FOR LUNCH ETC.

>> IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL, ISN'T IT.

>> HEY, GIVE ME YOUR HAND. STEP UP ON THE LEDGE. CLOSE YOUR EYES, DON'T PEEK. HOLD ON TO THE RAILING. KEEP YOUR EYES CLOSED, DON'T PEEK.

>> I'M SCARED, JACK.

>> WELL, DO YOU TRUST ME.

>> TRUST YOU? I BARELY KNOW YOU.

>> OK, WELL...WHAT'S YOUR SIGN.

>> LEO.

>> FAVORITE COLOR.

>> BURNT SIENNA.

>> COOL. OKAY. NOW WE KNOW EACH OTHER A LITTLE BETTER. THERE'S NOTHING TO BE SCARED OF, ROSE. DO YOU TRUST ME.

>> I TRUST YOU, JACK.

>> 6, 7... 8, 9, 10, 11, 12...

>> TAKE ME BACK INTO THE ARMS I LOVE NEED ME LIKE YOU DID BEFORE. TOUCH ME ONCE AGAIN AND REMEMBER WHEN THERE WAS NO ONE THAT YOU WANTED MORE. SEE AS IF YOU NEVER KNOW. HOLD SO YOU CAN'T LET GO. JUST BELIEVE IN ME. I WILL MAKE YOU SEE, ALL THE THINGS THAT YOUR HEART NEEDS TO KNOW. I'LL BE WAITING FOR YOU. HERE INSIDE MY HEART. THE ONE WHO LOVES YOU MORE. I'LL GIVE YOU EVERYTHING YOU NEED, TO LOVE YOU MORE. ALL THE LOVE THAT WE HAD, WHATEVER IT TAKES WE'LL FIND A WAY. [MUSIC]

>> WE WILL, I'LL MAKE YOU SEE ALL THE THINGS THAT YOUR HEART NEEDS TO KNOW. I'LL BE -- WAIT FOR IT. WAITING FOR YOU, HERE INSIDE MY HEART. I'M THE ONE WHO WANTS TO LOVE YOU MORE. YOU SEE I CAN GIVE YOU EVERYTHING YOU NEED. FOR US TO LOVE MORE.

>> I'M FLYING! I'M FLYING JACK! WHOAAA! WHOA, WHOA WHOA, WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. [APPLAUSE] [MUSIC].

>> HELLO, GIRLFRIENDS. WELCOME BACK FROM OUR TWO SECOND INTERMISSION! GIVE IT UP FOR MY BACKUP SINGERS, WE'VE COURTNEY AND JAYLYNN AND WE HAVE ME, CELINE. LET'S GO.

>> WHO LET THE DOGS OUT!

>> WHO! WHO! WHO! WHO!

>> WHO LET THE DOGS OUT!

>> WHO! WHO! WHO! WHO! WHO LET CELINE OUT? BABABABABA. OKAY. THAT IS FROM MY DVD. OKAY. IT'S A DEEP CUT! OK OK, SHIT'S ABOUT TO HIT THE FAN. OUR TWO LOVEBIRDS ARE HAVING AN AFFAIR, CAL IS DYING TO HAVE SEX WITH HIS FIANCEE, RUTH IS A MONEY GRUBBING WHORE, AND MOLLY...YOU IN DANGER, GURL.

>> OHHH WHOAAA.

>> CAPTAIN, CAPTAIN!

>> WHAT? I'M SINGING.

>> SIR! WE ARE GOING WAY TOO FAST.

>> SHUT IT, SEAMAN! I HAVE TO GET TO FIRE ISLAND YESTERDAY! NOW GO DOWNSTAIRS AND PUT MORE FIRE IN THIS BOAT'S ENGINE OR ELSE YOUR ASS IS GONNA BE GOLDEE HAWN IN OVERBOARD. BEAT IT! BITCH.

>> WILL THIS LIGHT DO? DOES THIS LIGHT MAKE ME LOOK POOR? MY MOTHER ALWAYS SAYS, “IF YOU SEE FLUORESCENTS...YOU BETTER RUN, BITCH.”.

>> YOUR MOTHER'S JUST...WONDERFUL.

>> IS THAT A MONET? ISN'T HE GREAT. THE USE OF COLOR...I USE THE SAME TECHNIQUE IN MY CAT PAINTINGS.

>> I PICKED UP ON THAT!

>> WILL CAL BE JOINING US.

>> NOT AS LONG AS THE CIGARS HOLD OUT.

>> AH HA HA HA - CLINK!

>> JESUS CAAARHIST ON A CAAAROSS! WHAT IS THAT THING. IT'S HUGE. IS IT A CRYSTAL. A RUBY? A SAPPHIRE.

>> IT'S A VERY RARE DIAMOND, CALLED THE HEART OF THE OCEAN. IT COST MORE THAN YOU AND THIS SHIP COMBINED. JACK, I WANT YOU TO DRAW ME LIKE ONE OF YOUR FRENCH GIRLS. WEARING THIS! ONLY THIS. GENTLY PLACED ON MY CHEST, MY BOOTY HOLE OUT, AND THIS CHAPEAU.

>> WAIT, WHAT? THAT CHAPEAU.

>> YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT. THE LAST THING I NEED IS A PORTRAIT OF ME LOOKING LIKE AN AMERICAN GIRL DOLL NAMED KIRSTEN. AND AS A RICH BITCH, I EXPECT TO GET WHAT I WANT, HENNY! NOW...DRAW ME!

>> HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE? YOU COULD TOUCH THE MOONLIGHT. WHEN YOUR HEART'S SHOOTING STARS. YOU'RE HOLDING HEAVEN IN YOUR ARMS HAVE YOU EVER BEEN SO IN LOVE.

>> OK...JUST DÉVELLOPÉ YOUR LEFT LEG A LITTLE. LOWER YOUR HEAD. FIX YOUR FACE, SUCK IT IN, POP THAT PUSS. YEAH, THAT'S IT. THAT'S IT. THAT'S IT.

>> HAVE YOU EVER SAID A PRAYER AND FOUND THAT IT WAS ANSWERED. ALL MY HOPE HAS BEEN RESTORED. AND I AIN'T LOOKING ANYMORE. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN SO IN LOVE, THE TIME I SPENT. WAITING FOR SOMETHING THAT WAS HEAVEN-SENT. WHEN YOU FIND IT DON'T LET GO.

>> I KNOW.

>> SOME PLACE THAT YOU AIN'T. LEAVIN'. AAAHH. SOMEWHERE YOU'RE GONNA STAY. WHEN YOU FINALLY FOUND THE MEANIN'. HAVE YOU EVER FELT THIS WAY. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LERVE. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE. SO IN LOVE... I LOVE YOU GUYS. THANK YOU. SEE YOU SOON, LATER. NOW.

>> YOU GUYS ARE SO HOT TOGETHER.

>> REALLY.

>>NO!

>> ROSE! I DEMAND TO KNOW THIS INSTANT! WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING? AND IS THAT SEMEN ON MY MONET.

>> NO, SEAMEN RIGHT HERE, SIR. SEAMEN RIGHT HERE.

>> YOU LITTLE SLUT. I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD GET PAINTED- NAKED- UNDER THIS LIGHTING! SERIOUSLY! I'VE SEEN BETTER LIGHTING IN JAIL!

>> AND WHAT'S THIS. WHY DOES THIS CAT HAVE CURLY HAIR AND BOOBS? ART IS SUBJECTIVE! OW! YOU HAD SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH MY SOON TO BE WIFE! AND I HAVE A SNEAKING SUSPICION YOU CHECK HIS POCKETS YOU MIGHT FIND SOMETHING ELSE THAT BELONGS TO ME.

>> OH MY GOD. IS THAT---

>> A NECKLACE FROM JARED'S? HELL YES. AND THIS PEASANT TRIED TO STEAL IT. NO! I WOULD NEVER STEAL THAT NECKLACE IT WOULDN'T FIT IN MY POCKET. THESE ARE SLIM FITTED KHAKIS!

>> ARREST HIM! NOW! THROW HIM DOWNSTAIRS WITH THE IRISH LADY AND HER BABY.

>> CAL'S FRAMING ME, ROSE! NO!

>> TAKE HIM AWAY! WE NEED TO GET READY FOR DINNER! WHAT SHALL I WEAR? CAL? DARLING, HELP MOMMY-IN-LAW PICK OUT SOMETHING NICE.

>> NO! I DON'T WANNA GO TO DINNER!

>> I'M SUPPOSED TO WIN, CAL ALWAYS WINS!

>> I'LL LET YOU WEAR MY EYELINER.

>> ROSE! YOU'RE TO SIT HERE AND THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU COULD HAVE COST US. YOUR FATHER WOULD BE APPALLED. FALLING FOR A SEWER RAT, WHAT'RE YOU NUTS!

>> NO! PLEASE! PLEASE DON'T TAKE ME AWAY! I SWEAR I DIDN'T STEAL THAT NECKLACE. ROSE! PLEASE! WHY AM I HANDCUFFED TO A PIPE IN A WHITE ROOM WITH A TEENY TINY WINDOW. WHAT'S GOING ON. I USED TO BE POPULAR, REALLY COOL. I LOVE TATER TOTS, I..I... I WANT TO BE THE FACE YOU SEE WHEN YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES. I WANT TO BE THE TOUCH YOU NEED EVERY SINGLE NIGHT I WANT TO BE YOUR FANTASY. AND BE YOUR REALITY. AND EVERYTHING BETWEEN. I WANT YOU TO NEED ME. LIKE THE AIR YOU BREATHE. I WANT YOU TO FEEL ME. IN EVERYTHING. I WANT YOU TO SEE ME. IN YOUR EVERY DREAM. THE WAY THAT I TASTE YOU, FEEL YOU, BREATHE YOU, NEED YOU. CAUSE I NEED YOU MORE THAN. YOU COULD KNOW. ANDSY NEED YOU TO NEVER NEVER LET ME GO. AND I NEED TO BE DEEP INSIDE YOUR HEART. I JUST WANT TO BE EVERYWHERE. YOU ARE. I WANT YOU TO NEED ME. AHH, NO YOU DON'T KNOW. FAR AWAY. NEVER LET HIM GO. BUT NOW THAT SEEMS SO FAR AWAY. BUT IT SEEMS SO SO FAR WITHOUT A TRACE. WHERE DO SILENT HEARTS GO? WHERE DOES MY HEART BEAT NOW. WHERE IS THE SOUND. WHERE DOES MY HEART BEAT NOW. I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT. AHH. WITHOUT FEELING IT INSIDE. WHERE DO ALL THE LONELY. HEARTS GO. WHERE DO ALL THE LONELY HEARTS GO. WHERE DO ALL THE LONELY HEARTS GO? THEN ONE TOUCH OVERCOMES THE SILENCE. LOVE STILL SURVIVES. TWO HEARTS NEEDING ONE ANOTHER GIVE ME WINGS TO FLY..

>> WHOA, WHOA... SIR! PLEASE! YOU'VE BEEN SINGING THAT SAME PHRASE OVER AND OVER AGAIN FOR THE PAST FIVE MINUTES.

>> I KNOW, I TOOK LIKE 8 MOLLYS. GOTTA GET TO THE WHITE PARTY IN FIRE ISLAND, HUNTY! I HAD TO ESCAPE, THE CITY WAS STICKY AND CRUEL.

>> HERE! HOLD MY WHEEL!

>> AHH! MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE CALLED YOU FIRST. BUT I WAS DYING TO GET TO YOU. I WAS DREAMING WHILE I DROVE. THE LONG STRAIGHT ROAD AHEAD. UH-HUH, YEAH. COULD TASTE YOUR SWEET KISSES, YOUR ARMS OPEN WIDE THIS. FEVER FOR YOU WAS JUST BURNING ME UP INSIDE. I DROVE ALL NIGHT TO GET TO YOU. MAYBE THIS IS GOING TO FAST. IS THAT ALL RIGHT? ARE YOU ALRIGHT? I DROVE ALL NIGHT CREPT IN YOUR. WE'RE HEADING FOR SOMETHING! WOKE YOU FROM YOUR SLEEP TO MAKE LOVE TO YOU. IS THAT -- SIR, SIR! LOOK OUT! IT'S AN---

>> IS THAT ALL RIGHT.

>> ICEBERG RIGHT AHEAD!

>> I DROVE ALL NIIIIIIIIGHT!

>> AND SO THE BOAT HIT THE ICEBERG! AND THE ICEBERG...CAME TO LIFE! LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLAYING THE PART OF THE ICEBERG THIS EVENING, PLEASE WELCOME MY DEAR FRIEND TO THE STAGE. THE QUEEN OF ROCK N ROLL, THE ONE. THE ONLY. MISS. TINA TURNER! [APPLAUSE].

>> WELL WHO THE HELL ARE YOU.

>> I'M THE ICEBERG, BITCH.

>> WHEN I WAS A LITTLE GIRL I HAD A RAG DOLL.

>> I'M CONFUSED.

>> ONLY DOLL I'VE EVER OWNED.

>> SHE'S THE ICEBERG, PERSONIFIED.

>> NOW I LOVE YOU JUST THE WAY I LOVED THAT RAG DOLL CLEVER.

>> BUT ONLY NOW MY LOVE HAS GROWN. AND IT GETS STRONGER IN EVERY WAY. AND IT GETS DEEPER LET ME SAY. AND IT GETS HIGHER DAY BY DAY. OH, DO I LOVE YOU MY OH MY. RIVER DEEP MOUNTAIN HIGH YEAH YEAH YEAH. IF I LOST YOU WOULD I CRY. OH HOW I LOVE YOU BABY BABY, BABY. BABY! ALRIIIIIGHT. TIME TO GET DOWN TO BIDNESS!

>> NO, PLEASE SPARE ME, ICEBERG BITCH! IT WASN'T ME. IT WAS ALL THE MOLLIES.

>> WELL, THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR BEING A GREEDY LITTLE TROLL! NOW GO WARN THE OTHERS BEFORE I SINK THIS SHIP!

>> OH NO! NOT MY SHIP! MY BABY! RAISING SPIRITS HIGH GOD KNOWS THAT WE'RE ALIVE! EVERYONE PLEASE! LISTEN TO ME. WE'VE HIT AN ICEBERG! AND NOW THE ICEBERG BITCH IS COMING FOR US.

>> I'M SORRY, BUT THE ONLY ICY BITCH ON THIS BOAT IS MY DREADFUL FIANCÉ WHO ONLY PUTS OUT TO HOMELESS CIRCUIT BOYS.

>> ANYONE? NO.

>> CAPTAIN! I HOPE THIS DOESN'T MEAN THE DAMAGE CAUSED BY THE COLLISION WILL ALLOW WATER TO FLOOD SIX OF THE SIXTEEN WATERTIGHT COMPARTMENTS!

>> WHAT ARE YOU, A FUCKING NAVY SEAL??!??!

>> BARTENDRESS, PLEASE - WOULD YOU GIVE ME ANOTHER BRANDY? AND MAKE IT A DOUBLE...ENTENDRE.

>> NO! I'M SERIOUS! WE NEED TO GET TO THE LIFEBOATS, LIKE ASAP. THERE ARE ONLY TWO AVAILABLE FOR THE WHOLE SHIP. ONLY 2 LIFEBOATS AVAILABLE FOR 2000 PEOPLE? WHAT IS THIS, NORWEGIAN CRUISES.

>> VICTOR GARBER! WHERE'S JACK? I NEED TO SAVE HIM BEFORE HE DROWNS!

>> ROSE! YOU GET BACK HERE!

>> WHEN YOU WERE A YOUNG BOY. DID YOU HAVE A PUPPY THAT ALWAYS FOLLOWED YOU AROUND? JACK. JACK. WELL I'M GONNA BE AS FAITHFUL. AS THAT PUPPY. NO I'LL NEVER LET YOU DOWN DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO,

>> JACK I FOUND YOU SO QUICKLY! THANK GOD! I THOUGHT I'D NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN! I MEAN FROM THE MOMENT WE FIRST SAW EACH OTHER I KNEW YOU WERE TROUBLE. I MEAN, THIS HONEYMOON PHASE IS GOING TO END SOON. THEN YOU'RE PROBABLY GONNA GET BALD AND FAT AND BECOME A DEAD BEAT DAD, ET CETERA.

>> OKAY! ENOUGH! THANK YOU! NOW WILL YOU HELP ME GET THESE HANDCUFFS OFF- BUT, I WOULDN'T CHANGE ANY OF THIS FOR THE WORLD.

>> NOW GRAB THAT RANDOM AXE ON THE SIDE OF THAT WALL. JUST PICK IT UP, CLOSE YOUR EYES AND SWING. YOU CAN DO THIS!

>> OKAY! I DON'T THINK I CAN...I CAN'T...I CAN! OH MY GOD, I DID IT!

>> NICE WORK THERE, PAUL BUNYON! HIGH FIVE. [HORRIFYING BABY SCREAM SOUND EFFECT].

>> AHHHHHHH!

>> YOU CUT MY FUCKING HAND OFF!

>>OH STOP BEING A PUSSY! IT'S JUST A SCRATCH.

>> AND DO I LOVE YOU MY OH MY--

>> AHHHHHH!

>> RIVER DEEP MOUNTAIN HIGH . YEA YEA, YEA! AH! AND IF I LOST YOU WOULD I DIE. OH HOW I LOVE YOU BABY BABY BABY. BABY! WHOAAAA!

>> WELL, LOOK WHO DECIDED TO SHOW UP. YOU KNOW, ROSE...I SHOULD HAVE GIVEN YOU UP A LONG TIME AGO. I HAD THE OPPORTUNITY TO SELL YOU BACK IN THE 1800S FOR A NEW PUSSY CAT SHOULDA DONE IT!

>> BURN IN HELL, KAREN!

>> WILL YOU PLEASE STOP! WE NEED TO GET IN THE LIFEBOATS NOW!

>> BUT THERE AREN'T ENOUGH!

>> HAHAHA! NOPE! THERE SURE AREN'T!

>> WHAT! HOW MANY OF US ARE LEFT??!

>> SILENCE! SIX QUEENS STAND BEFORE ME. LADIES, THIS IS YOUR CHANCE TO IMPRESS ME AND SAVE YOURSELF FROM DYING. THE TIME HAS COME FOR YOU TO LIP SYNCH FOR YOUR LIFFFFEEE...BOATS!

>> GOOD LUCK AND DON'T. FUCK. IT. UP. [MUSIC].

>> I LOVE YOU BABY LIKE A FLOWER LOVES THE SPRING.

>> SAFE!

>> AND I LOVE YOU BABY LIKE TINA LOVES TO SING.

>> SAFE!

>> AND I LOVE YOU BABY LIKE A SCHOOL BOY LOVES HIS PET.

>> SAFE! AND I LOVE YOU BABY, RIVER DEEP MOUNTAIN HIGH. SAFE!

>> ONLY JACK AND CAL REMAIN. NOW, FOR THOSE OF YOU WATCHING AT HOME, WE WANT TO HEAR FROM THIS IS YOUR CHANCE TO VOTE ON WHO SHOULD WIN THE FINAL LIP SYNCH. ARE YOU TEAM CAL OR TEAM JACK? #TITANIQUE. SO GO TO THE STELLAR CHAT NOW AND GIVE US THE T! AND MAY THE BEST WOMAN. WIN! AHH, AHH, AHH, AHH, AHH. OH, YEAH, YOU GOTTA BELIEVE BABY. RIVER DEEP BABY. YEAH YEAH. YEAH, YEAH. DO I LOVE YOU, MY OH MY. RIVER DEEP MOUNTAIN HIGH. IF I LOST YOU WOULD I CRY OH HOW I LOVE YOU BABY. BABY, BABY, BABY. DO I LOVE YOU MY OH MY. RIVER DEEP MOUNTAIN HIGH. IF I LOST YOU WOULD I CRY? HOW I LOVE YOU, BABY, BABY, BABY, BABY. [APPLAUSE].

>> SO, WHAT DID THE WORLD TO HAVE SAY ABOUT OUR FINAL TWO QUEENS.

>> I'M FRANKY YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA CORRESPONDENT. TYPECAST. WE HAVE JULIE FROM BOSTON. JULIE SAYS JACK. WE HAVE THE D, QUESTION MARK. MANDY ALTEMAS FROM STAR MASON, OHIO. READING WASN'T MY STRONG POINT. THAT'S JACK. WHY THOSE SUSPENDERS, THOUGH. MEGAN FROM CHARLOTTE, JACK, HE SAYS WHY BECAUSE HE LERVES ROSE. LERVES ROSE. ONE VOTE FOR CAL. CONGRATULATIONS, SCORING, TEAM JACK, TEAM JACK IT'S PRETTY UNANIMOUS THAT EVERYONE WANTS JACK TO WIN. THANKS FOR LETTING ME HELP OUT. I LOVE MY JOB, GUYS.

>> THAT'S CUTE, BUT GUESS WHAT, MY RUSE, CAL, SHANTE YOU STAY.

>> THANK YOU. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS CHANCE TO GROW. I WILL NOT LET YOU DOWN, ICEBERG BITCH.

>> THANK YOU. YOU MAY JOIN THE OTHER SURVIVORS. VANNNNNJIE. VANNNNNNJIE. VANNNNNNJIE.

>> JACK DAWSON...'S CREEK. YOUR STRENGTH HAS MELTED THIS ICEBERG'S COLD HEART. NOW. SASHAY AWAYYYYYYY.

>> BABY! [APPLAUSE].

>> I CAN'T BELIEVE MY LIP SYNCH DIDN'T WIN A LIFE BOAT!

>> YEAH...YOU LOOKED...PRETTY. AMAZING OUT THERE. GAY OUT THERE.

>> WHAT.

>> NOTHING.

>> COME ON! THE LIFEBOATS ARE ALMOST FULL AND THE SHIP IS SINKING!

>> UM, EXCUSE ME. MESSICA SIMPSON. HERE PUT THIS ON.

>> OHH. I'VE GOT US A BOAT. IT'S NOW OR NEVER.

>> DO YOURSELF A FAVOR, ROSE, SAVE YOURSELF. THERE'S SO MUCH LIFE I'VE LEFT TO LIVE. AND THIS FIRE'S BURNING STILL. WHEN I WATCH YOU LOOK AT ME. I THINK I COULD FIND THE WILL. TO STAND FOR EVERY DREAM. AND FORESAKE THIS SOLID GROUND. AND GIVE UP THIS FEAR WITHIN. OF WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF THEY EVER KNEW I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU.

>> AGH! I CAN'T DO IT! I CAN'T! GET ME OFF THIS STUPID LIFE BOAT…JESUS…MOVE!

>> ROSE, WHAT'RE YOU DOING!

>> I'M STAYING WITH YOU, JACK.

>> YOU'RE SO STUPID, YOU'RE SO STUPID ROSE! WHY'D YOU DO THAT, HUH? YOU SHOULD HAVE STAYED ON! I LOVE YOU, ROSE! YOU'RE SO STUPID!

>> YOU JUMP I JUMP, RIGHT.

>> ROSE, YOU GET BACK IN THAT BOAT! GOODBYE, CAL. ALL THAT I AM ALL THAT I AM. AND ALL THAT I'LL BE. MEANS NOTHING AT ALL. IF YOU CAN'T BE WITH ME. YOUR MOST INNOCENT KISS. OR YOUR SWEETEST CARESS. SEDUCES ME.

>> I ALWAYS WIN JACK. ONE WAY…OR ANOTHER!

>> AND IF I SHOULD DIE TOMORROW. I'D GO DOWN WITH A SMILE ON MY FACE. I THANK GOD I'VE EVER KNEW YOU. I FALL DOWN ON MY KNEES. FOR ALL THE LOVE WE'VE MADE.

>> YOU'RE GOING WITH HIM, TO BE A WHORE, TO A GUTTER RAT!.

>> I RATHER BE HIS WHORE THAN YOUR WIFE! 'CAUSE I'D SURRENDER. EVERYTHING TO FEEL THE CHANCE. TO LIVE AGAIN. I REACH TO YOU. I KNOW YOU CAN FEEL IT TOO. WE'D MAKE IT THROUGH. A THOUSAND DREAMS I STILL BELIEVE. I'D MAKE YOU GIVE THEM ALL TO ME. I'D HOLD YOU IN MY ARMS AND NEVER LET GO.

>> I'M AVAILABLE.

>> NEVER GONNA HAPPEN.

>> I SURRENDER.

>> THANK YOU FOR AGREEING TO PLAY VIOLIN FOR THE REST OF THE NIGHT, BERNARD. IS A 50 OKAY? YOU DON'T HAVE TO PAY ME. SINCE YOU KNOW...IT'S THE END FOR ALL OF US. SURE, I DIDN'T THINK ABOUT THAT. ALL I NEED IS MY CRISP TUXEDO JACKET, AND MY WORLD RENOWNED VIOLIN PLAYING SKILLS. IT'S BEEN AN HONOR, MR. GARBER. [HORRIBLE VIOLIN MUSIC] [SCREECHING.]

>> MUSIC TO MY EARS.

>> VICTOR GARBER! WHAT ARE YOU STILL DOING HERE? AREN'T YOU GONNA GET ON A LIFEBOAT.

>> NOPE. I'M GONNA STARE AT THIS PAINTING AND KILL MYSELF.

>> NOOO! YOU'VE BEEN IN SO MANY MOVIES AND I CAN NEVER QUITE SAY WHICH ONES BUT I'M ALWAYS LIKE...”OH WOW, THERE'S VICTOR GARBER!"

>> THANK YOU. NOW, THIS IS ME.

>> I KNOW I CAN'T SURVIVE. ANOTHER NIGHT AWAY FROM YOU. YOU'RE THE REASON I GO ON. AND NOW I NEED TO LIVE THE TRUTH. RIGHT NOW, THERE'S NO BETTER TIME. FROM THIS FEAR I WILL BREAK FREE. AND I'LL LIVE AGAIN WITH LOVE. AND NO THEY CAN'T TAKE THAT AWAY FROM ME AND THEY WILL SEE... GLUG, GLUG, GLUG!

>> COME ON ROSE, WE GOTTA STAY ON THE SHIP AS LONG AS POSSIBLE.

>> HOW.

>> THIS WAY - TO THE BACK OF THE BOAT!

>> EVERY NIGHT'S GETTING LONGER. SWALLOW MY PRIDE, AND THIS FIRE IS GETTING. I'LL BE ALIVE. STRONGER, BABY. I'LL SWALLOW MY PRIDE AND I'LL BE ALIVE. CAN'T YOU HEAR MY CALL? I SURRENDER ALL. 'CAUSE I'D SURRENDER EVERYTHING TO FEEL THE CHANCE TO LIVE AGAIN I REACH TO YOU I KNOW YOU CAN FEEL IT TOO WE'D MAKE IT THROUGH A THOUSAND DREAMS I STILL BELIEVE I'D MAKE YOU GIVE THEM ALL TO ME I'D HOLD YOU IN MY ARMS AND NEVER LET GO I SURRENDER.

>> JACK, THIS IS WHERE WE FIRST MET!

>> ROSE, QUICK! CLIMB ON THE BACK AND HOLD ON! THE ICEBERG BITCH IS COMING FOR US SO HARD!

>> JAAAACK! TAKE A DEEP BREATH!

>> I AM SINKING THIS SHIP! AHH! AAAH! IT'S GONE. AHH. I'LL NEVER FORGET THE DAY THE ICEBERG BITCH LET US HAVE IT. SHE LEFT SO MANY PEOPLE WITHOUT HOPE AS THE SHIP WENT DOWN. BUT NOT JACK AND ROSE, ROMEO AND JULIETTE OUR JACK NICHOLSON AND DIANE KEATON IN “SOMETHING'S GOTTA GIVE.” NOW, LET'S GO AROUND THE ROOM AND HEAR FROM OUR SURVIVORS.

>> HI. I'M MOLLY AND I'M A CRYSTAL METH ADDICT.

>> HI, MOLLY.

>> AND I'LL BE DOING A 32 BAR CUT OF ALL BY MYSELF. AND A ONE AND A TWO AND A... WHEN I WAS YOUNG I NEVER NEEDED ANYONE AND MAKING LOVE WAS JUST FOR FUN THOSE DAYS ARE GONE LIVIN' ALONE-- --IT'S CALLED ALL BY MYSELF. LIVIN' ALONE I THINK OF ALL THE FRIENDS I'VE KNOWN BUT WHEN I DIAL THE TELEPHONE NOBODY'S HOME [SHIVERING.]

>> OK, I'M ON! AND THERE'S PLENTY OF ROOM FOR YOU UP HERE ON THIS BIG, WOODEN DOOR.

>> NAH, I'M GOOD.

>> ...ARE YOU SURE.

>> I'M TOTALLY FINE. GREAT.

>> BUT YOU'RE GONNA FREEZE FROM THE BOTTOM UP.

>> I'M COOL, I'M COOL. TIGHT. I'M GREAT. THANKS. I JUST WANT TO SAY IN THE FEW DAYS I'VE KNOWN YOU, I'VE RUINED YOUR MARRIAGE, YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR MOTHER, MADE LOVE TO YOU, RAN YOU AROUND IN FREEZING COLD WATER FOR 3 HOURS AND NOW...WELL...YOU MIGHT DIE.

>> AND I WOULDN'T HAVE IT ANY OTHER WAY. I LOVE YOU, JACK.

>> NO...DON'T SAY YOUR GOODBYES, ROSE. DON'T YOU GIVE UP. DON'T DO IT.

>> I'M SO COLD.

>> YOU'RE GOING TO GET OUT OF THIS...YOU'RE GOING TO GO ON AND YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE BABIES. YOU'RE GONNA MAKE BEAUTIFUL BABIES WITH BABY SMILES ALL OVER THE WORLD. DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME? YOU ARE GONNA DO THAT. ALL OF THAT. YOU ARE NOT GONNA DIE HERE.

>> I CAN'T FEEL MY TITTIES.

>> ROSE, LISTEN TO ME. YOU MUST DO ME THIS HONOR...PROMISE ME YOU WILL SURVIVE, THAT YOU WILL NEVER GIVE UP. NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, NO MATTER HOW HOPELESS, PROMISE ME NOW, AND NEVER LET GO OF THAT PROMISE.

>> I PROMISE.

>> I PRAY YOU'LL BE OUR EYES THIS IS WAY COLDER THAN I IMAGINED. AND WATCH US WHERE WE GO BRRRRR.

>> AND HELP US TO BE WISE IN TIMES WHEN WE DON'T KNOW LET THIS BE OUR PRAYER. WHEN WE LOSE OUR WAY LEAD US TO A PLACE (MAKING PTERODACTYL NOISES).

>> GUIDE US WITH YOUR GRACE. (MAKING PTERODACTYL NOISES) AHH!

>> TO A PLACE WHERE WE'LL BE SAFE.

>> JAAACCKKK!

>> UN MONDO DI GIUSTIZIA E DI SPERANZA. OGNUNO DIA LA MANO AL SUO VICINO. SIMBOLO DI PACE, DI FRATERNITÀ.

>> I'LL NEVER LET GO, JACK. I'LL NEVER LET GO!

>> BUT THAT'S WHAT YOU DID.

>> WHAT. ICEBERG BITCH, TINA TURNER. THAT'S WHAT YOU DID.

>> NO, I...

>> BABY GIRL, THAT'S WHAT YOU DID.

>> I..I... THAT'S WHAT YOU DID.

>> HELLO!? ANYBODY OUT THERE. HELLO!

>>(WHISPERING TO ROSE) USE YOUR RAPE WHISTLE... ALL BY MYSELF DON'T WANNA LIVE ALL BY MYSELF. [WHISTLES] ANYMORE!

>> I'M COMING FOR YOU. IT'S MOLLY GIRL. PHILANTHROPY ALL BY MYSELF DON'T WANNA LIVE ALL BY MYSELF AHHH BY MYSELF NO I DON'T WANT TO LIVE BY MYSELF ANYMORE BY MYSELF ANYMORE [APPLAUSE].

>> SO...WAIT A SECOND. I GUESS I'M NOT FOLLOWING. JACK DIED? EVERYONE DIED.

>> THIS IS THE PART OF THE STORY THAT GETS SOOOO CRAZY. BASICALLY EVERYONE WAS DEAD EXCEPT FOR A HANDFUL OF PEOPLE...LIKE ROSE. I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT. I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO SO I JUST...I STARTED TO SING. IT'S CRAZY BECAUSE I JUST STARTED TO SING VERY WELL. FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY PERFECT HEART. EVERY NIGHT IN MY DREAMS I SEE YOU, I FEEL YOU THAT IS HOW I KNOW YOU'LL GO ON ACROSS THE DISTANCE AND SPACES BETWEEN US. YOU HAVE COME TO SHARE YOU'LL GO ON. AND YOU'RE HERE IN MY HEART AND MY HEART WILL GO ON. WHY DOES THE HEART GO YOU OPEN THE DOOR, AND YOU'RE HERE IN MY HEART AND MY HEART WILL GO ON AND ON.

>> AND THEN SOMETHING KOOKY KRAZY HAPPENED! THE POWER OF MY VOICE MAGICALLY LIFTED UP 2,000 DEAD SOULS AND RESTORED THEIR LIVES! AHHH! WE'RE ALIVE! YOU'RE HERE THERE'S NOTHING I FEAR AND I KNOW THAT MY HEART WILL GO ON WE'LL STAY FOREVER THIS WAY YOU ARE SAFE IN MY HEART AND MY HEART WILL GO ON AND ON. YOU'RE HERE, AHH THANK YOU SO MUCH. YOU'RE AN INTERNATIONAL TREASURE.

>> BECAUSE OF ALL OF YOU OUR HEARTS WILL LITERALLY GO ON BEATING.

>> WE CAN FINALLY BE TOGETHER.

>> OHH. OOO, OOO. OOH. OOH. A NEW DAY AHH A NEW DAY AHH.

>> SO...EVERYBODY SURVIVED.

>> EVERYBODY SURVIVED. THANKS...TO ME.

>> BUT WHATEVER HAPPENED TO JACK AND ROSE.

>> WELL, JACK FOUND OUT HE WAS GOOD AT PLAYING POKER, SO HE MOVED TO LAS VEGAS AND CHANGED HIS NAME TO RENE ANGELIL. AND ROSE FOUND OUT SHE HAD A GIFT FOR SINGING AND WRITING MUSIC, SO SHE MOVED WITH JACK AND OPENED UP HER OWN SHOW AT CAESARS PALACE.

>> BUT, WAIT A SECOND...YOU HAD A SHOW AT CAESARS PALACE. CELINE DION, ARE YOU...

>> ROSE? AAH.

>> KKKK. [PLOP SOUND].

>> AND THAT'S THE WAY IT IS I WAS WAITING FOR SO LONG FOR A MIRACLE TO COME EVERYONE TOLD ME TO BE STRONG HOLD ON AND DON'T SHED A TEAR THROUGH DARKNESS AND GOOD TIMES AHH I KNEW I'D MAKE IT THROUGH AND THE WORLD THOUGHT I HAD IT ALL BUT I WAS WAITING FOR YOU HAH, AHH. HUSH LOVE. I SEE A LIGHT IN THE SKY HAH, OHH OH IT'S ALMOST BLINDING ME I CAN'T BELIEVE I'VE BEEN. I CAN'T BELIEVE TOUCHED BY AN ANGEL. TOUCHED BY AN ANGEL WITH WITH LOVE. LOVE LET THE RAIN COME DOWN AND... WASH AWAY MY TEARS. LET IT FILL MY SOUL AND DROWN MY FEARS AND DROWN MY FEARS LET IT SHATTER THE WALLS FOR A NEW SUN A NEW DAY HAS... LET THE RAIN COME DOWN AND WASH AWAY MY TEARS LET IT FILL MY SOUL AND DROWN MY FEARS LET IT SHATTER THE WALLS FOR A NEW SUN A NEW DAY HAS COME WHOA LET THE RAIN COME DOWN AND LET IT FILL MY SOUL AND AND DROWN MY FEARS LET IT SHATTER THE WALLS A NEW DAY HAS COME, AHH I CAN'T BELIEVE I'VE BEEN TOUCHED BY AN ANGEL. BELIEVE YOU'VE GOT TO BELIEVE IT AS LONG AS HE NEEDS ME AND THAT'S THE WAY IT IS. [MUSIC] [MUSIC]

>> AND HERE WE GO. [MUSIC]