The Student Newspaper of Imperial College

Cults threaten Union Council disruption

GARETH MORGAN Union officers have been warned may now use them. A recurring In the meantime, ICU President about the possibility of harass issue has been the College Tasha Newton has issued a warn Imperial College Union has been ment. branch of Christian Union. They ing about the 'London Church of warned of the chance of disrup The Metropolitan Police are are prevented from becoming an Love', a group who are sending tion to tomorrow's Council by a apparently taking the matter seri ICU club because their constitu out email questionnaires, offering fundamentalist Islamic group ously; both Scotland Yard and tion requires their officers to sign the chance to become a priest. It called Almaha Sharin. The Uni College Security may make their a declaration of faith, which con asks for a credit card number, versity of London Union has alert presence felt at Council. travenes the Union's equal oppor which is then stolen, and the ed the London colleges, as the Religious groups who are not ICU tunities policy, but is required by owner threatened. Anyone who group are apparently threatening clubs were not given stalls at the their own funding rules. Christian receives this email should inform to disrupt Student Union meet Freshers' Fair, and were prevented Union are currently trying to the Centre for Computing Ser ings. The group has homophobic from using Union noticeboards rewrite their constitution in a way vices ([email protected]), enclos and anti-Semitic views, and during October, although they that is acceptable to both parties. ing a copy of the email.

Menigitis victim turns onto the road to recovery

SUNIL RAO ly sad thing to happen, and I hope Early symptoms - a feeling of necessary if any of the following that he is in the thoughts and feverishness, nausea, severe symptoms are exhibited: Meningitis, the killer disease prayers of everybody at Imperial, headache, and a stiff neck and a rash of small red bruises already notorious for hitting stu and that we'll all be looking after back accompanied by joint pains that do not fade under pres dents across the country, has each other even more closely - can appear characteristic of sure (say from a glass) struck again - this time much clos now." influenza or a hangover. However, a severe dislike of or feeling of er to home. On Saturday 30 The disease is caused by the within a matter of hours, this can unease at light October, a resident of Falmouth meningococcal bacteria which grow into something more seri a feeling of disorientation Keogh Hall (part of the Southside reside in the nose and throat and ous, so it is recommended that and/or drowsiness complex in Princes Gardens) was are passed on through prolonged you get a friend or friends to Further advice can be obtained admitted to hospital, with symp intimate contact. There is no check up on you regularly. It is from the following sources, which toms of what was soon confirmed greater risk of catching the dis absolutely imperative that you offer professional and confidential to be meningococcal septicaemia. ease from an affected person than seek urgent medical attention if advice: The student, a male Biochem from the general public, unless these symptoms are not relieved Imperial College Health Cen istry fresher, is now apparently sta you have been in extremely close by standard over-the-counter tre, Prince's Gardens - ring ble recovering, with his parents contact with the individual. As a medication. Although vaccination 020 7584 6301 (external), permanently by his bedside. He is precautionary measure people is now standard practice for First 49375 and 49376 (internal on the road to a long, slow but should be vigilant over the next Years, this does not offer protec extensions) steady recovery. few days; be especially watchful of tion from all forms of the disease. Meningitis Research Founda When contacted, Tasha New yourself and your friends as the Vaccinated students should not tion - 0808 8003344 ton, Imperial College Union Pres symptoms can suddenly develop ignore possible symptoms. The National Meningitis Trust ident, said "I think that it is a real very rapidly. Prompt treatment is absolutely - 01453 768000 News Felix 8 November 1999 Trinity reap the rewards of RAG

GARETH MORGAN ULU; Costly White Elephant or glue that holds london together? Imperial College Union Rag Felix investigates the role of a raised over £11,000 last year, federal students union. and on 28 October cheques were presented to the four main chari ties: Shelter, Avert (AIDS aware ness and research), the Imperial Cancer Research Fund and Trinity Ten years ago everyone thought Hospice in Clapham. Sarah the world was doomed - so what Coburn, last year's Rag Chair, happened? thanked everyone involved in the fundraising for their help and pre sented cheques for £2431 to ew each charity. This year's ICU Rag Week will felix interviews Chris Edwards, be 4-1 1 March 2000. The chari principle of Imperial College ties are Alone in London, Hope School of Medicine for Children, the Dyslexia Institute Rag Chair, Sarah Coburn(left), presents Trinity Hospice the donation Photo: Jonas and the Red Cross Agent Orange Appeal. Although Rag week is the involved, contact Joint Chairs Hall, above dB's). If you can find Union focal point of the fundraising, Martin Lord and Farhad Cooper it, everyone is welcome. there will be events and activities on (0207 59)48099 or There will also be a sale ol The RCS return to give us the latest throughout the year, including the [email protected]. old Rag pint glasses in the JCR on on what they're up to. Friday night cloakrooms. There is a Rag meeting on Tuesday 16 November, 12-2. The For more information on Rag, Thursday at 1200, in the Rag price is simplay a donation to this or if you would like to get Office (behind the Union Dining year's Rag. s

Breakpoint and Mishmash focus on the imminent replacement of In Brief the Rector. Joy. ical Science students studying at college seeking full university sta PORTALOO UMDS. Having undergone a tus will have to demonstrate an feedback major £800 000 refurbishment impeccable record of quality over Michael Portillo, the former Secre over the summer, Boland House, at least five years. Applicants will A slim postbag this week surely sug tary of State for Defence, has been which bore the brunt of the flood automatically fail if an institution gests I'm doing something wrong. selected as the Conservative can ing, had only be open for three has received a single unsatisfacto Most distressing. didate for the Kensington and weeks. The cost of repair will be ry grade in any quality assessment. Chelsea by-election. The safe met by insurers and Thames water. As well as several current appli Tory seat was left vacant when cants, dozens of existing universi Reviews Alan Clarke, the previous MP, died ties (including East Anglia and earlier this year. The constituency MCKINSEY MADNESS Leeds Universities) will also fall We go four-out-of-five tastic this does not include Imperial Col foul of the rules if forced to re week, with endless pages of quality lege's South Kensington campus Two Imperial College students apply under the new criteria. material itself, but residents of Evelyn Gar were escorted from a McKinsey It is also understood that min dens will be eligible to vote, on 25 Consulting presentation last Tues isters are planning to adopt con November. day night after one became the troversial plans to force institutions [Seven Days worse for drink. "They shouldn't to apply separately for degree have kept topping up our glasses," awarding powers at undergradu We have a Diary Editor! Hurrah! KINGS FLOOD the more sober of the two later ate and postgraduate level. Expect content to improve. commented. One of Kings College medical school sites has been hit with a NO SEX PLEASE... major catastrophe after a a main ARE YOU A UNIVERSITY? water pipe burst. The resultant Felix would like to offer its regards On one hand a comedy profile, on flooding left to the brand new Ministers have announced strict to the couple who were caught in the other a fiendish crossword. building being submerged under rules governing the use of the title flagrante delicto in the Maths six feet of water, causing millions "university" which will instantly locker room on Wednesday morn of pounds worth of damage. The rule out bids for university status ing. Their identities remain ort building in question is situated on from at least 1 1 higher education unknown, due to the fortuitous the Guy's Hospital site near Lon institutions. layout of the lockers. We didn't More impressive performances this don Bridge, and is the main site Any college aspiring to univer think that anyone here had it in week - silverware begins to beckon. for Medics, Dentists and Biomed sity college status or any university them. 8 November 1999 . Felix News 3 Cocktail of Chaos Major Mines Makeover

JAMES HOLIAN peak when one undergraduate RICHARD HOEY member of the Chemical Engineer

The annual fresher's chemical engi ing department was found face Funding shortages have disrupted neering cocktail party was a night down on the concrete just off the plans to refurbish the Royal School most of the revellers would like to main walkway. Having consumed a of Mines. The building is amongst forget. The Chemical Engineering plentiful amount of alcoholic cock the shabbiest in the University, but Society had planned a lightly alco tails it was thought that the delin a full makeover would have cost a hol fuelled evening of November 2, quent may be suffering from toxic massive 90 million pounds. It fun for students and lecturers alike. shock. An ambulance was duly would have also taken many years, However, they did not expect the called and took the casualty to the causing serious disruption to the Photo: Archive night of tumult that ensued. nearby Chelsea & Westminster hos hundreds of students and staff it The engineers, usually known pital. It is understood that an houses. Huxley school, which are currently for their Herculean capacity for overnight stay in the ward was A strategy is now being devised spread over a number of buildings, alcohol, began dropping like flies required with a drip to clean out the that involves development of the will also be brought together in the suspiciously early in the evening. victims system, but a stomach building in several phases. This way new-look School. The event soon became a wild affair pumping procedure was not the majority of the Royal School of These proposals will cost an with rows breaking out all over and required. Some victims of the night Mines can remain open during estimated 8 million pounds. An it was not long before college secu held those serving the drinks respon refurbishment work. Estates man HEFCE grant has been applied for rity arrived on the scene. Tuesday sible for plying the traditional mix ager Ian Caldwell told Felix that the under the "Poor Estates Initiative", evenings are not generally known tures with copious vodka. initial aim of the project is to bring but money may also be raised for their excitement and the required Members of the Chemical Engi together key infrastructure such as through the sale or lease of the security presence at the event pulled neering Society, the organisation lecture theatres, IT facilities and Management School building. The college security to full stretch. One who organised the event, declined library space, which are currently department would then be moved security officer commented that ded to comment as Felix went to press. scattered all over the building. into the Royal School of Mines, icated security staff should be However, it is understood that no These will instead be centralised although it is not known how keen employed for these events in future. further action will be taken against around the staircases and new lifts. it will be to comply with such a plan. The evenings mess reached its any of the guilty parties. The Materials department and the

Make yourself heard Imperial College Union Council Tuesdav 9th November Union Dining Hall burictl + iCU Council + ICU Council + ICU Council + ICU Council + ICU Council + ICU Council PL! Council + ICU Council + ICU Council + ICU Council 4 !CU Council + ICU Council + ICU Co'ur :il + ICU Council + ICU Council + ICU Council + ICU Counci' + ICU Council + ICU Council + ICI S fcvcMmm "«e election of a new SUIlllllGr Ball Lllfllir

Interested in standing? Then sign up on the notice- boards on the Union first floor, or contact any of the Union sabbaticals yj Big Issue Felix « 8 November 1999 ULU

DAVID ROBERTS many students are going to trek petition for players of all ability. dual, single and hybrid entry (see across London to find help when The other big benefit of the Issue 1 154) move to the fore... In the heart of Bloomsbury there's they have specialist advisors, ULU League and Cup system is to a road called Mallet Street, and counsellors and guidance centres provide a winning environment on the corner of that road you'll on campus? for sport in London. Because even Funding find a Union building. Not an The third string of the stan the largest London college is Imperial College Union building dard union remit is clubs and small on a national scale, and Part of the charter for the Univer (the College hasn't taken over societies, and consequently you'll because Central London loca sity of London as a whole says that anywhere in Bloomsbury yet) but find a wide range of student tions tend to make regular train there must be a federal Union for nonetheless every year the Col groups based at ULU HQ - they ing difficult, it's hard for our sides the University, and consequently lege hands the occupiers of that even have their own student to compete on a national scale every College in UL is locked into building something in the region newspaper. London Student (in (note that last year - an incredibly paying for ULU - in the case of IC, of £150 000 on your behalf. terms of circulation, the largest good season for IC sport - we still that means handing over funding Why? Because that building student newspaper in Europe). only managed to reach two BUSA of around £1 50 000 on an annu houses the University of London Again, however, these generally finals) - and consequently ULU al basis (that's around a sixth of Union (ULU), the federal Union serve to replicate and duplicate sport provides a more realistic what the ICU as a whole receives). for the students of all University of what's on offer at any of the larg framework within which we can Consequently, although various London Colleges - that's nearly er College's (UCL, QMW, IC, LSE, compete...and win. Looked at colleges across London (including 150 000 students in all. Very King's, Holloway and the like) - from a different point of view, IC) occasionally talk of disaffiliat nice...so what do they do? and the range certainly can't however, the fact that ICU sides ing from ULU, the question has to compare with what you'll find at play teams from the weaker small be asked: is there any point? After ICU. The one key difference is the colleges week after week could all, it's not the Union that's paying, What they do special BUSA entry arrangements. be seen as part of the problem. it's the College, and all signs seem Under the terms of a special deal, After all, how can we expect to to suggest that if ICU were to Like the NUS, the primary func wherever there is no serious inter get better unless we play against leave the federal body they would tion of ULU is to act as a means est in putting individual college good teams on a regular basis? n't receive an extra penny - and of representing students on a teams into national sporting com It's a question that's bound to be until that situation changes, wider scale than would be possi petition, a ULU side can be asked a lot over the next few there's no way anyone is really ble for any individual Union. By entered to represent the entire months, as the issues surrounding going to leave ULU... bringing together nearly 150 000 University. Consequently, marshal students from across London, artists, athletes and lacrosse and ULU can claim to represent the korfball players can (and do) take interests of a massive block of the part in national contests as mem FELIX NEEDS YOU local population, and conse bers of ULU squads. quently negotiate some fairly important deals. Until recently their reputation on this front was Sport not much better than that of the NUS - however, with the introduc In sporting terms, however, ULU's WE'RE LOOKING FOR WRITERS, tion last year of the London Trans key role is the co-ordination of all port discount card scheme com University of London League and REPORTERS, PHOTOGRAPHERS, ing almost entirely at the behest Cup competition. Indeed, one of of lobbying from ULU reps, they ULU's most high profile (and valu REVIEWERS, PROOF READERS, can truly be said to have achieved able) contributions to it's students a significant gain for their stu is the provision of this second tier GRAPHICAL DESIGNERS, dents. The challenge, now, how for College sport, providing a ever, is to follow this up with fur year-long alternative to tough COPY EDITORS, COLUMNISTS ther major initiatives - at present BUSA contests. Crucially, this student discounts at supermarkets means that College's can boast a ARTISTS & SUB-EDITORS is the pet-project of choice for genuine "Sport for all" approach ULU sabbaticals. as, unlike BUSA competition Like all student union's, there's where a maximum of four squads also a great deal of focus on wel are allowed per competition, ULU fare issues, and the Malet Street allow as many teams to enter building houses an Advice Centre their contests as a college can COME AND FIND US IN (with it's own dedicated staff) as field. Thus, whilst IC can only well as an Education and Welfare enter four ICU and four ICSMSU THE PORTACABINS BY PHYSICS, sabbatical. However, like much of teams into BUSA football, we can what ULU does, this facility is enter around a dozen teams OR EMAIL [email protected] almost entirely monopolised by (including squads from RCS and students at the smaller Blooms RSM) into the myriad of ULU bury College's - after all, how Leagues, producing suitable com Shell Business Challenge

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13

An ecological mystery - David Roberts investigates

en years ago the news was plastered with envi strophic as it seemed, why not? Should we still be ronmental concerns. Every week when I was in planning for the day when large tracts of the country junior school the biggest news story would be disappear into the sea, palm trees become common T something to do with Global Warming or place at Clacton and British farmers become the Ozone Depletion - so much so that every school kid world's major producer of olives? Or has everything in our generation can still quite happily run off a changed? decent essay on the environmental impact of mankind In truth, there are three genuinely plausible expla at a moment's notice. If it wasn't sea level rises (cue nations for what has happened here: worrying pictures of large chunks of ice cap falling into

the sea) it was "the hottest summer on record" (cue 1 .) News blindness has set in - for the same reason comedy pictures of British people turning beetroot red that you no longer find starving Africans or mass on Blackpool beach) or the dangers of skin cancer murdering Americans on the front page of even (cue Australian cricket team covered in war paint). the most serious press, environmental doom sim One way and another, the impending environmental ply isn't news any more. catastrophe that we would all have to face within our 2. ) We solved the problem - the endless summits and lifetimes seemed assured. councils of ministers that we have to endure final And now...? When was the last time you saw ly achieved something constructive (besides good Trevor McDonald gravely announcing the results of the PR) and brought about a quick-fix solution to the latest research into the Greenhouse Effect or a Hori world's crises. zon documentary explaining how Cambridge was 3. ) The scientists were wrong - the bane of modern going to become a seaside resort within the next twen news coverage is the over-simplified scientific ty years? Quite obviously, the environment is no argument (think GM foods, the BSE saga etc) and longer news (you only have to compare the populari this is simply another example. ty of the Green Party ten years ago with recent election

results to see that) - but, if the problem was as cata Let's look at the evidence: 8 November 1999 Felix Feature

course of it's thirty year (or so) life-span the rotting The Science vegetation left beneath the lake will release about as much carbon dioxide as burning down most of the

o, are we really all doomed? Well, the world is woodland in Western Europe. Sundoubtedly getting hotter, with figures released by However, whilst it's easier to shunt responsibility the US Governments Environmental Protection Agency onto someone who can't afford to rectify the problem, showing that global mean surface temperature has eventually a share in the blame has to be taken (after increased by 0.5-0.6°C in the last hundred years, with all the Industrial Revolution was hardly the most envi the ten hottest years in this period falling in the eight ronmentally conscious period in British history). Thus D ies and nineties and 1998 officially declared the the Rio Summit in 1 992 was called to bring the world's warmest year on record. However, in global terms the leaders together to attempt to sort out this mess. picture is much more complex: night-time lows are ris Although many of those present used it as a blatant ing about twice as fast as day-time highs; similarly win opportunity to present their environmentally friendly ter temperatures are warming fast whilst summer tem image, it did produce a very important basis for further peratures seem to show little trend. Moreover, a large change in the shape of the Framework Convention on section of leading experts are unconvinced that the Climate Change (FCCC). The signatories of the treaty atmosphere is warming in conjunction with the sur all promised to push for anthropogenic (human face, as satellite data does not show any warming induced) greenhouse gas emissions to reach "levels trends, and consequently insist that we still have much that would prevent dangerous anthropogenic interfer to learn about the physics behind global climate ence with the climate system". The FCCC also required change. that all signatories develop and update national inven At the same time, the snow cover in the Northern tories of greenhouse gas emissions, so that further out Hemisphere and floating ice in the Arctic Ocean have put could be closely monitored. This framework has decreased (as any seasoned skier will tell you), leading since been modified and further endorsed by contin to a global sea level rise of between 10cm and 25cm ued meetings such as the Kyoto Summit in 1 997. How (depending on which set of research findings you ever, at the same time research into carbon dioxide believe) over the course of the last century. A similar sinks (ie major areas of forest and vegetation which time-scale is also believed to have seen a one percent soak up human based emissions) have created divi increase in global precipitation (although rainfall pat sions in the scientific community, with leading figures terns would seem to have become a lot less pre suggesting that the sheer volume of forestry in the US dictable along the way). means that their greenhouse gas emissions can prac So far so good - it all sounds suspiciously like the tically go unchecked - leaving the rest of the world to figures I heard at school - but what does it all mean? sort out the mess. Well, the latest predictions suggest that average glob In total, therefore, whilst international leaders have al temperatures could rise 1-4°C by 2100 (with major made many pretty speeches on the subject, there's an regional variations). As a result, soil moisture (ie areas understandable lack of desire to go back to their coun of fertile soil) will diminish whilst rainfall increases, and try and actually force factories to close and production sea level will rise anything up to two feet on a global methods to alter. Whilst moves have begun to be made scale (local values are much harder to quantify). in slowing the emission of greenhouse gasses, the total Thus, whilst the latest figures are somewhat less production rate has thus not altered substantially since dramatic than those originally projected (don't expect the late eighties. London to become submerged or the home counties to become a desert in our lifetimes) the news certainly isn't good. Whilst the scientists and geographers would The News certainly seem to have been guilty of a degree of scaremongering and over-statement and simplifica o what are we left saying? That yes, this crisis is tion, the general thrust of the argument still holds true S real, and that yes, no government on the planet has - left unchecked the Greenhouse Effect will have a so far done anything substantial to make a difference. very serious impact on the shape of human civilisation. And, OK, that yes, we certainly don't know enough So the question remains, why does no-one care any about the mechanisms of climate change to fully more? explain or analyse what's going on - but nonetheless we're certainly aware that without some significant movement on the behalf of the world's major powers, The Solution we're going to be up a certain creek without a certain instrument...

nce the Western World finally cottoned onto the So, to finally get back to the original point, why Ofact that global warming was real (a feat that isn't any of this news any more? Having accepted that took an impressively long time and a massive amount points two and three are only partly the cause, we have of scientific evidence to accomplish) the mission began to accept that, in a bizarre form of compassion fatigue, to pass the buck onto someone else. The first task was we simply don't care any more. We simply forget about to explain that it wasn't actually the West's problem, a problem once it's stared us in the face once too and the nineties began with blame being firmly shifted often, and, in a strange way, we eventually give up and onto ailing Russian power plants and fossil fuel burn accept our fates simply because we've become bored ing Third World countries (who had usually built their with the issue in hand. Until everything starts to go power stations with our money...). Indeed, one of the wrong - or a random scientist starts to spout off ran most comical examples of a complete lack of fore dom theories about an approaching armageddon - thought remains the Aswan Dam project - over the this is one story that will, quite happily, go away. 8 Interview Felix 8 November 1999

2500 students. £120 million. Five campuses. One School of Medicine. One Principle. So Chris Edwards, Principle of iCSM, what do you do?

How would you describe your job? with the consultants going in two- grate research in a meaningful way. from other Medical Schools - there In one way or another, the by-two, so that if one was absent The other critical element of is a great deal of interest in our new Medical School represents around there would always be proper cover ensuring quality research is recruit course structure, and GKT are look half of the College; it brings in 51 % - which was a very good system ing and retaining the best people. ing at the possibility of introducing of the research income, represents when there was less emphasis on So, I spend a lot of my time meet a Audio Visual link-up system very around 50% of the College payroll research. Now, however, there is a ing people and trying to sell them similar to our own. Moreover, the and has 25% of the students. need to translate research into clin the vision. I'm also working to build Council of Heads of Medical In essence, my role is to fulfil ical practice, which in turn requires bridges with other departments - it Schools (which I happen to be the the Medical School's mission: to mergers to generate far greater crit would be idiotic to have an isolated chair of at present) meets regularly become a centre of international ical masses, because world-class Medical School, completely sepa and provides a means to bring all research and to provide world-class research needs an enormous rate from the rest of the College, so the schools together. teaching. I'm also responsible to the base...This also means that stu we have numerous interdepartmen General Medical Council for the dents are being taught by people tal projects currently in operation. In terms of student numbers, is big quality of our courses.. .when the who are at the cutting edge of their Indeed the first thing I did when I ger always better? GMC produced their paper called field and can thus excite and inform visited Imperial back in 1995 was The results of the Research "Tomorrows Doctors" it precipitated as they teach, providing a much to set up six audit groups to look at Assessment Exercise seem to show a major restructuring in medical more beneficial environment for the work of the separate Medical that there is a minimal size (some teaching. It recommended a our students. Moreover, the shift Schools, and one of these was des thing in the region of forty people decrease in teaching a stream of from basing teaching entirely ignated to specifically look at what per group) beneath which research facts and an increase in self-learn around learning by rote to a much medical research was already seems to suffer, so size clearly is an ing. Consequently we've introduced more practical approach means going on in the Old College... advantage. On the other hand, a new course that is unique in the that students are far more likely to there is always the danger that stu UK in the way that the modular BSc remember what they've been taught What's your relationship with the dents will feel lost in an anony elements are taught, which I think and learn in a more meaningful National Health Service? mous, amorphous Medical School, will become critical as the rele way. We are critically dependent on and so we're looking at ways of cre vance of science to medicine Nonetheless, there's still a big the NHS for the delivery of our cur ating smaller groups within the stu becomes increasingly important in factual base, and consequently the riculum and for access to patients dent body which will ensure that the 21 st Century. GMC have forced us to identify our for clinical research. In return, the every individual feels noticed and core courses and focus on them - NHS gains a great deal of expertise cared for. How would you describe the merger? which is a really tough process, and access to cutting-edge tech We've done what you'd never because every professor or lecturer niques. The formation of ICSM has Finally, when will the merger want to do - merge two undergrad would like to think that what they had an extraordinary effect on the process finally be complete? uate teaching schools, two post are teaching is essential. However, pattern and delivery of health care With so many courses currently graduate schools, several different we've been really ruthless and con in London, and we remain at the running, it's critical that we move courses, a variety of campuses and sequently we've managed to free up forefront of this process as a lead the ends of all our current courses a brand new building. Naturally, it's far more time for practical learning. ing partner in the West London Part towards the style of our new course, a very stressful process, but my job We're always going to be faced nership Forum (which consists of so that no-one feels that they're is to hold the whole thing together by the problem of geography. Con ICSM, representatives from NHS being sold yesterday's goods. and show everyone the advantages sequently, we've set up the interac West London and the Chief Execu Ultimately, mergers are never of the merger; the bigger picture tive video link system, which is just tives of all the local trusts). complete...there will always be the that we're all working towards. Crit coming on line, which is a very The Forum helps to highlight tension of local geography. What ically, we need to incorporate the important part of our plans for the special areas and bring services we've done is to avoid basing divi ethos and traditions of all the older future. together, leading to the develop sions or courses at individual sites, schools and then build in our own ment of the Strategic Outline Case so that groups meet up on a cross- new ideas, and thus create some How important is research? (currently under consideration by campus basis and provide the glue thing that's greater than the sum of Unlike the other rest of Imperi the Secretary of State) which sug that holds the system together. it's parts. al, research in the Medical School gests a series of major relocations Nonetheless, they'll always be doesn't map directly onto conven for our research divisions. alumni with their own visions of How does that effect teaching? tional departments. Consequently their old medical schools - which is The structure of a typical old- we've developed a structure consist Will what you're doing here set an fine, but we must persuade them style London medical school simply ing of a series of cognate research example that other medical schools that their old traditions and ethos wasn't compatible with 21st Centu groups which act horizontally will be following? have not been lost, and will all be ry medical teaching. The situation across the vertical lines of our Aspects of what we're doing are incorporated into the new Medical was analogous with Noah's Ark, departments and divisions to inte certainly under very close scrutiny School which we're building. Where have

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W. mat, ,h. «,,„,, (ha, 10 Union Felix 8 November 1999

Whether you're hunting for a job or just for treasure, the Royal College of Science Union can offer a home for your search....

Job. Some of you may not mal, (semi) sane student (which, a Departmental Welcome, with assured there will be plenty more recognise this word at first seeing as you're studying here, cocktails, and a boat party on coming soon. If you want to get sight (hint: you can find it you should be) then the Treasure Wednesday 10 November. All notification of RCSU events then Ain the dictionary under the letter Hunt will be a hugely enjoyable departments have a DepSoc there is the rcsu-list mailing list, 'J') but, like it or not, a job is evening, and one where you which is only too keen to take on which will also allow you to keep probably what you're here for. could stand to win a pairs of new members who want to help up to date with your Union. There Thankfully, the Royal College of Odeon Tickets for each member out and make a difference. Phys- is also another list, rcsu-matters, Science can make things that little of the winning team and an RCS Soc in particular needs new which is a discussion forum about bit easier for you. On Monday 1 5 scarf each - there are even prizes recruits, so if there are any bud the Union - sign up and have your November at 7:30pm is the RCSA for runners up. Entrants should be ding physicists out there, do get in say. Subscription details in the Careers Forum - an informal get- in teams of four, but if you don't conta ct. contacts box below. Just time for together where you can discuss have that many friends then you That's probably it for the next a quick mention of: your ideas and prospects with can join the lost souls list and four weeks or so, but you can rest employers from out in the real hope to be united with a kindred world and, as an added incentive, spirit. Or something like that. 1 there will be nibbles and drinks Sign up sheets are on all RCSU provided. Also that evening is the notice boards or you can email us Post-Graduate Information and entrance is just 50p - cheap ROAD Evening. considering the value of the For the rest of you, who don't prizes. want a job, there are fun events Also coming up is the annual so you can waste your time in a RCSU vs RCSA Darts Match (that more fulfilling and pleasant way. is the people who are currently at In particular there is the Treasure College vs the people who used HEET Hunt. If you can't read a map to to be at College). Of course you save your life then you'd better don't have to play darts to come not sign up. If you think West is along (although it would be nice). ave you picked up your back where you can win a £10 something you wear during winter It's just an excuse to get together copy yet? In BroadSheet book token (its so amazingly diffi to keep warm, don't apply. If the and enjoy a bit of bitter/friendly you'll find the latest news cult that there has yet to be a last time you tried to get to a 9 o' rivalry. Come along and see the Haffecting you, all the recent complete solution to any cross lock lecture on Monday morning sort of people you could turn into ground-breaking and not so word - thankfully incomplete solu you got lost and ended up in bed, when you finally finish here. ground-breaking developments in tions are accepted). This offer is er, no... in the Serpentine, then The Royal College of Science science, reviews, opinion, latest not available in the shops, so this isn't the event for you. If you Union's Departmental Societies events and information from the where can you find this fascinat think a compass is the name of (or DepSocs for short) also have RCSU and, allegedly, humour - all ing read? At the entrance to your the local pub then, quite frankly, events planned. MathSoc has a for the incredibly low price of department, every other Thursday you'll be crap at the Treasure Staff vs Students football match nothing. There's even an impos morning. - the next one goes out Hunt. If, however, you're a nor coming up and BioChemSoc has sibly difficult crossword on the this Thursday. Don't miss it!

Forthcoming Events Wednesday 10 November Contacts BioChemSoc Welcome & Boat Party 7:30pm - RCSA Careers Forum RCSU - [email protected] (Senior Common Room) BioChemSoc - [email protected] Saturday 13 November MathSoc - [email protected] Paintball Monday 22 November Treasure Hunt Mailing Lists Monday 15 November Send an email with "subscribe " 5:30pm - Post-Graduate Information Evening Saturday 27 November (without the quotes), where is either (BioChem Common Room) RCSA v RCSU Darts match rcsu-matters or rcsu-list to [email protected]. 8 November 1999 Felix Union 11 The State of the Union

Council By Tasha Newton, Imperial College Union President academic career, you ever want to Tomorrow night, the sovereign apply again. It's not an easy deci body of ICU will meet to discuss the sion to go into debt, but it's one important and interesting stuff from that the best part of 7,000 current the last month. We'll also have a IC students have made! star appearance from the ULU Pres ident Matt Butt who will be talking - This Week's Union Meetings - on ULU services for ICU and answering your questions. Council Mon 8th Nov is open to all members of ICU and ULU Council if you get bored half way through you can wander down to the bar Tue 9th Nov and come back! Union Dining Hall, 6.30pm ICU Council in the 6.30pm, Tuesday. Union Dining Hall 9pm CAG Soup Run Meningitis all be feeling paranoid about hang but you must do it before 19th As most of you will know and pre overs, headaches and drunk November. There are some finer Thu 1 1th Nov: sumably read in this issue, IC has friends, but that is no bad thing. rules and priorities, the details of 12pm RAG Committee in the had a meningitis case in one of the Quick action is essential in menin which are going up on posters or RAG office behind the UDH Halls. It's a very sad thing to hap gitis cases, having worked the you can email me, Kevin Butcher or 1 pm Social Clubs Committee pen and there will lots of people 'other side' of A&E, I can promise Martin, the Union Adviser (presi meeting in the Table Tennis Rm who feel personally affected by that nobody will criticise you for dent®^, dpew@ic or m.m.thom- 12.30pm Recreational Clubs someone they know being seriously bringing someone in who turns out son@ic.) First and second years will Committee Treasurers meeting ill. It's hard to miss the posters not to have meningitis. also need to apply for hardship in the Resource Centre telling you the symptoms but I loans, but that's not a problem as 18.00 ICU Exec in the would like to reiterate that those of Access Funds both funds just need a form filling in Resource Centre you who have had the jab are only For those of you who are feeling initially. This is probably a good Silwood Committee Elections protected against type C bacterial broke, a little ray of sunlight. If you time to remind the Freshers that you meningitis, not type B (twice as have already taken out a loan for need to apply for support from the 12th Nov: common) or viral (less serious, but this academic session then you are Student Loan Company, even if it's 1 pm SCC Treasurers meeting in still nasty). For a while now, we will eligible to apply for an Access loan. for £0 now, if in the rest of your the Resource Centre

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McRON'S OPEN FOR BUSINESS space for the Union hardly seem like the sort of ond Class degrees is accelerated. This could pro causes likely to receive major funding from IC. The pel IC to the top spot in the league tables, the ulti There is a need for decent names for the redevel summer of 2000 sees Imperial hosting a one-off mate high note on which the Rector could leave. oped areas that will result from the SCR project. - event billed as a showcase of British science for the This would obviously also be good for students, "Common Room" is just so Oxbridge, and entirely Millennium. It is planned that Beit will house the perhaps giving encouragement to some of those inappropriate for the wonderful spaces that are world's journalists, who will have use of the Union's who have become disenchanted on realising that if about to be created. Kevin suggests ideas are e- new 'media suite'. Kevin hopes that ICU ensures they had attended almost any other university in the mailed to [email protected] and they will be this situation is fully exploited to our advantage. country, they would earn a better classification of passed on. Please be inventive, Kevin would rather degree. There never has been a convincing expla the areas be innominate, than find himself eating in nation answer to the question: why when IC takes the "Oxburgh Lounge" or patronising "Ronald's". in such well-qualified students does it have such a relatively low proportion of Firsts being awarded? DISTANCE LEARNING SUCCESS? Mish CONNECTIVITY.CONUNDRUM Kevin has been hearing a plethora of complaints

from medical students about the abject failure of The portacabins, which are presently the home of the School of Medicine's new distance teaching Felix are still not connected to the College network. video network. The team responsible has been Mash This is a ridiculous situation for the student newspa rewarded with the prestigious: "Rector's award for per at the MIT of Europe. Kevin recalls that when excellence". The baloney excuse for this bizarre act A Mostly Harmless Column by The Estates Division occupied the premises they currently circulating ICSM has been that the award Kevin, a random entity who were connected to the Net. A cursory inspection by was, not for the new network, but for a promotion knows nothing about nothing Kevin's untrained eye reveals that the network al video production: "Training Tomorrow's Doc cabling was not disturbed when estates moved out. tors", which features the system. Kevin suggests that The solution that Felix have been waiting eight if the fiasco is not over, and the system is not work LEAPING UP THE LEAGUE TABLE weeks for can't be as simple as someone from the ing perfectly, students should ensure their views are CCS flicking a switch, ould it? heard at the presentation on 25 November. The Rector, will be retiring from IC shortly after the

start of the next academic year. Beit, and the exhi Comments on the state of the Union? Talk to bition are just examples of the many efforts that are ICU Council: Tuesday 6pm, UDH. JOURNALISTS DESCEND being made to ensure that he leaves in a blaze of glory. Kevin would not be at all surprised if efforts To comment or contribute: Why is College spending millions on the Beit rede are being made to ensure the current trend of http://come.to/mishmash velopment? Better rooms for students and more increasing the proportion of First and Upper Sec or email [email protected]

Point For the vast majority of you, the next tific scouser, and guarantee his retire claiming to have discovered peni annoy somebody else), suffers from big milestone will be the advent of ment. cillin, and already has a College delusions of grandeur, and will prob the new Millennium at the end of next The College Senate has appoint building named after him. Worrying ably resign at the first sign of trouble. year (a pint for anyone who can ed a selection committee to find his application form states will only take prove it happens sooner). However, a successor. Obvious candidates for up the job if his lab technician can Anakin Skywalker much bigger celestial event will be the job include Lord Winston (the come with him to do all the work, so Born a long time ago, in a galaxy upon us even sooner than that - on noted TV presenter and fertility spe Fleming can take the credit. far, far away, this candidate has a August 1, a new Rector will take the cialist, based at IC's Hammersmith forceful application form, but worry helm of the great ship IC. Hospital), Professor Susan Green Michael Portillo ing early signs of a respiratory prob The incumbent, Professor Lord field, currently head of the Royal Insti Originally thought to be more lem may be off-putting. Not thought Oxburgh of Liverpool (yes, that's tution, and Dr Arpad Pusztai, recently interested in Alan Clark's seat, Por to be the Senate's first choice - yet. right, Liverpool - calm down, calm thrust into the public eye with his oh- tillo stepped out as a surprise candi Stated intention to rebuild Imperial down!), is due to pass on. Before the so-accurate research into GM foods. date when he heard that IC had a forces and bring us A New Hope. medics get excited at the prospect of Given your £1000 per annum share 200ft tall Queen's Tower. Can provide own black robes for taking out their anger on the remains in Imperial College pic, Breakpoint Graduation Ceremonies. of the great ICSM architect, 1 mean of feels it right that you know who is in Andy Heeps course, passing on to the ultimate old the running, and has, at considerable Former President Jabba the Gutt Breakpoint, however, has decided to folks home, our noble House of personal risk, broken into the Rec was last seen marching round the back the dark horse candidate, a Mr Lords. Keen political watchers will tor's Suite and discovered the follow Sherfield Building quoting the Union M Al-Fayed from Knightsbridge, know that while hereditary incum ing shortlist. Constitution at all who cross his path. because he is without doubt the best bents of the House have only 75 His CV states that he has "done the man for the job. Must dash now, words in which to justify their seats, Sir Alexander Fleming bloody job already". Not favoured by have to go and spend the contents of Sir Ron had the luxury of many more Already canonised as the new College Administration as catering my brown envelope at Harrods, a (in the form of the Dearing Report) to "St. Mary" by at least one-twenty-fifth budget limited. ICU's own Margaret truly remarkable British shopping make himself Tony's favourite scien of the College, has an impressive CV, Thatcher (he just won't piss off and experience. CIT^T & GUILDS COLLEGE UNION THE C&G FRESHERS DINNER AeroSoc - BAMS - ChemEngSoc - CivSoc - DoCSoc - EESoc - Management - MechSoc

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Freshers £15 - Continuing Students £17 - tickets available now in Waterstones & CCS Shop - ticket deadline: Tue 16th 14 Feedback Felix 8 November 1999 Feldc Feedback EXCELLENCE EXPLANATION where. It does of course rely on know the cost of every new sign supporting technology (for exam and tree that appears on the ISSUE 1156 Dear Felix, ple for the quality of data trans campus, and it is my opinion that mission over the lines supplied by his many student colleagues do In response to the letter writ the telecoms companies). not either. Editorial Staff ten by 1 3 fourth year ICSM stu I accept, as was made clear dents to the Rector (dated 4 in June, that the situation has Keep talking, Editor. David Roberts October but published on 25 been very poor indeed and I Breakpoint Deputy Editor....Marie Nichoiaou October 1999), I am keen to set repeat the apologies that have the record straight. As the article already been made. News Andrew Ofori in ICSM Bulletin made clear, the CONVERT CAUTIOUSLY Photograpy. Jonas Lindsay Rector's Award for Excellence was John Green, Sports Gus Paul awarded to "a video production ICSM Secretary Dear Felix, Science Vacant entitled Training Tomorrow's

Music James Holian Doctors" not the AVIT system. Following the editorial in Film Helen Clark This video was used at an event COLUMNISTS BITE BACK issuel 155 extolling the virtues of Games Andy Vivian, Mark held in the Sir Alexander Fleming Cash Converters, can I just point Jelinek & Ben Roe Building in March at which many Dear Editor, out that a surprising number of Arts.'. Ben Fisher ICSM students were present. the bargain CDs and videos on Books Russell Cummer The widely publicised time Although the column is non- sale there are actually nicked Diary. Tom Leggett scales which are referred to in the controversial (I suspect) this week, (perhaps I should put allegedly in letter were set out in the Position I really feel that I need to answer there just in case anyone decides Statement about the AVIT System my critics directly - in particular to sue for libel). Writers which I issued on 29 June 1999; Simon Baker's letter. The source of this information Gareth Morgan, Andy Ofori, this clearly states that interactivity He says that "it is impossible is an old friend of mine who Sunil Rao, Tom Leggett, Richard will be achieved "on/by 6 Octo to do a good job without one's worked at the Kings Heath branch Hoey, James Holian, Gus Paul, ber 1999". identity being widely known". in Birmingham for a year after Marie Nicholaou, Kevin, The position now is that the What rubbish. For the past three graduating. He tells me it was Thomas Cobb, Helen Clark, system is fully operational and years, the medics have roundly very common for dodgy looking Natasha Newton & David interactive. There remains a num insulted Simon Baker for his col blokes to come in with hundreds Roberts ber of commissioning details to umn, often without reading it first. of CDs which they claimed were be completed (balancing of lines Does Mr. Baker also realise how theirs and they needed to sell, Reviewers etc) but in essence the system is much misinformation was deliber usually for something ridiculous Rachael, The Masked Bandit, finished. ately fed to him during his years like STLG2 each. James, Disa, Matt, Ian, Ben, At a lecture a week or so ago, at FELIX, simply because people Now everyone in the shop Valmik, Kunal, J Patch, Ed, a quick briefing was given by the knew who he was, particularly was convinced that they were Christian, Graeme, Joel, Gef, installation technicians to indi from the Union? Did this make actually stolen, but unless the hobo, William, Ben P, Russell, cate how to use the system; that his column better? person wanting to sell them actu Drew & Eddy was clearly not sufficient - neither Secondly, Mr. Baker failed : it ally says 'these are nicked', then the students nor the lecturers IS extremely patronising to sug at least legally the shop is in the Photographers were able to use such a complex gest that we should not attack clear because they are not know Jonas Lindsay system without much more thor ICU. Last time I checked, FELIX ingly handling stolen goods. The ough training and briefing. had not been renamed PRAVDA, morality of the operation is rather Therefore rather than use the sys and free opinions were still wel more questionable, and in fact Felix, The Portacabins, Prince tem straight away with the danger come. BreakPoint will not suck up my friend finally resigned after a Consort Rd, London, SW7 2BB of teachers being unaware of its to the President or any other friend of his came into the shop Internal tel: 58072 functionality and capability and union officer (in the way Mr. to find a TV on sale which had External tel & fax: 0171 594 8072 also the danger of students Baker was known to) to help been stolen from his girlfriend's URL: www.su.ic.ac.uk/Felix rejecting the system out of hand cover up their misguided inten flat the week before. E-mail: [email protected] we are now embarking on a full tions. Tim Trailor, admirably, I just thought I would point programme of training to ensure proved that this is not necessary this out, because personally I Felix is produced (or and on that the system can be used prop as we finally got some explana would feel bad about buying behalf of Imperial College erly and to its full capabilities. tion of his union policy in a very someone else's stolen CD collec Union Media Group and is When staff are trained then the important "field". tion, because I know how long it printed at MCP Litho Limited, system will be used. Meanwhile it Mr. Baker goes on to suggest would take to replace my own if it Units B2 & B3, Hatton Square, will continue to be used in broad that I turn my many guns on the were stolen. 16 - 16a Baldwins Gardens, cast mode only. Sherfield Building, and it's Borg-

London EC IN 7RJ This system is one of the most like occupants. Sadly for me, I do Regards, complex and sophisticated any not have a pathological desire to Rob Leah Felix is a registered newspaper: ISSN 1040 - 0711 The deadline for letters intended for publication is Wednesday 12 noon - drop into the porta Copyright © Felix 1999. cabins or email [email protected]. Letters may be edited for length but not grammar or spelling. 8 November 1999 Felix Feedback 15

Feel strongly about: editor/aL Student Rights as Consumers?

DEMOCRACY IN ACTION Consequently, I'm going to Student Debt? abandon all these subjects and

Those of you living South of instead I'm going to talk about Cromwell Road and North of the job hunting. NATIONAL DEMO river will soon be given the It never ceases to disappoint opportunity to return Michael me when I see what typical th Portillo to parliament. There willy Imperial graduates choose to do 25 November 1999 of course, be other candidates, with the rest of their lives. but sadly no-one has a clue (or Backed with degrees from one of indeed a care) who they are. the best institutions in.the world, From ULU to Kennington Park Anyhow, given that someone as does your average IC student decide to put their talents to unpopular as Alan Clark man If you have a disability making it difficult to get aged to secure a majority of good use, developing tech 10000 on a day when Labour niques, technology or theories to ULU and back from Kennington Park, contact was storming to massive majori for the betterment of mankind? Kevin (DP(E&W)) on x.58064 or ties nationwide, the chances of Or do they head straight for the "that nice Mr Portaloo" (as Neil highest starting salary and com [email protected] to arrange a place on the Kinnock once termed him) mit the rest of their lives to the, minibus. screwing this one up are ridicu ahem, exciting world of consul lously small. Consequently, tancy/accountancy/ manage you're all being offered a ment? Now, as I've said before I chance to see democracy in do have a tendency to be a little Event organised by NUS and ULU action as a man who once apol idealistic, but nonetheless there ogised for being half-Spanish are days when I almost think that and is widely regarded as one of the College should start to the most hypocritical and homo timetable mandatory lectures in phobic public figures around morality into every course. §.!?: THE BUSINESS SOC (strange really) is returned as Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe Imperial College, London -»"""*'"" nrwwM.ic.acuk/si$ your representative to the gov Management Consultancy really ernment. As Tony the Tiger is about helping to make the would say, Grrrrreat. better place after all. Maybe it's unfair to expect the brightest TIME MANAGEMENT people in the world to take a

SO MUCH TO SAY, SO larger share in shaping the FEW WORDS TO SAY IT future of the planet. Maybe I'm USINESS RAINING just scared by the concept of B T Right, now; I've got the obligato committing to a job and then ry rant out of the way I'll be get allowing that to map out the next ting back to more important forty years of my life. What do issues. Firstly, thanks to Anony you think?::;;:. mous Chris for filling in for me on the editorial front last week - I'm afraid I was otherwise indis A BIG THANK YOU posed. This week, however, I really can't decide what to write Earlier today 1 suddenly realised about, I could rant at length that I haven't thanked the team WITH about politics or the forthcoming behind felix nearly enough for elections (go Ken go), but I don't their assistance so far this year. think you'd be interested. I could Consequently, I'd like to finish ANDERSEN tell you about this amazing girl i off by saying a big thank you to know, but I don't think that everyone on the editorial team, CONSULTING would be wise. I could even and in particular to James and espouse on a variety of topics Gareth. Without them, Felix surrounding the world of pub wouldn't happen and I'd be WITH FREE BUFFET lishing and news dissemination, seeking counselling. Thanks. Register for Event Updates at www.su.ic.ac.uk/sis but I suspect you'd fall asleep at the vital moment in your lecture. Dave Tuesday 9th November, Elec. Eng Building Lecture Theatre 408 Max. 40 People - please register your place by email with [email protected] All complaints should be addressed to the Editor. If no satisfactory AH events are open to members of the Business Society only. Membership is £1 per academic year. reply is received, contact ICU Exec via the Union President You can sign up at the beginning of any SIS event tk

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S, COCKT UESTS / F mm YOU* UNION - BE PAUT OF I /CU Your Union - Pun for lTov IMPERIAL COLLEGE UNION 8 November 1999 Felix Reviews Welcome to the reviews

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Westlife frequency Beth Orion Fetish

Corpus Christi method Boetti A Babel

reMix Cool Classics books The Alchemist

Shadow Company react Rogue Spear © Mission: Impossible

Ride with the Devil East is East screen l_J Competition Music Felix 8 November 1999 frequency >A

Hello again. Today I'd like Westtife Ian Brown to start off by thanking everyone for the tremendous Westiife Golden Greats response we got to last week's Death in Vegas com (RCA) (Parlophone) petition. One lucky reader got lucky and David Lewis Now, there are many reasons to dislike Westiife: they describe themselves as The years since the acrimonious and got a brilliant night out with a 'Boy Band' (a collective noun more abhorred than the Tory Party), they don't undignified collapse of the Stone Roses nine friends courtesy of Felix, write their own music, they can't play instruments and they wear those match have seen the former band members try Carling and Death in Vegas. ing puffer waistcoat things. and fail to recreate past glories. John This week we've got a Beth Squire gave us the cynical, market-led dis Orton competition with some Of course, they've been hugely successful (another thing we hate in this aster that was the Seahorses. Gary 'Mani' lovely prizes including some country), having recently perched quite happily at the top of the charts with Mountfield fell on his feet and joined Pri signed CDs. If you want to their third number one single Flying Without Wings. And this their self-titled mal Scream. Ian Brown's first album, get lucky you've got to enter. debut album will, no doubt, take up residence at the same spot in the album Unfinished Monkey Business was a pas So do so now (see page 21 chart, as they relentlessly recruit the nation's youth into their fan base. tiche of only half realised ideas and for details). unused Roses outtakes, dominated by his These five Irish blokes do have an advantage over their 'Smash Hits' peers, bitterness towards Squire, and particularly ... frequency... however,, inasmuch as they have been favourably touched by the hand of the guitarist's cocaine use. Saint Ronan. And if you're going to be managed by anyone then how about, ... james rants... um, oh yes, the lead singer of the band who practically wrote the Boy Band In this context Golden Greats comes Handbook. Pretty good start really, and it does avoid all those usual tabloid across as a small, but not insignificant, tri As for the rest of my rant, I'd headaches of headlines screaming about infighting and the despotic man umph. The inauspicious opener Getting like to pick up on letter on agement versus a bunch of naive young scamps. They're Irish. They're all High is compounded by the diabolical the lack of drugs articles in nice guys. electro-funk of current single Love Like A Felix that appeared on these Fountain. However from here on in the hallowed pages last week. Ok, so it's easy to be cynical but I'm afraid I actually quite enjoyed Westiife. Monkey King finds his rhythm. 'Jingle jan We all know that Ed's dope Obviously, they're not breaking any musical frontiers but then are we expect gle, here's the jailer' snarls Brown on Free obsession proved to be ing them to? It begins with the debut and number one single Swear It Again. My Way, as Her Majesty's prison sen/ice quite a feature last year and This is a cute ballad that will have you tapping your foot by the end no mat feels the full force of his bile. Somewhat I suppose we will all miss his ter how hard you resist. unsurprisingly, given our hero's recent views. Anyway, drugs have detainment following an air rage incident, always been an important With seventeen tracks and over an hour of music they are being ambitious - freedom is a recurrent lyrical theme. ingredient in music and even the most devoted will be waning by the end. There's a bad choice of Album highlight So Many Soldiers' master clubs and I think that it's cover version half way through in the form of the ultra naff Seasons in the fully weaves a desolate, absorbing path. about time we ran some Sun (why?) and Extreme's More than Words. I'd be hard pushed to predict articles within the pages of another number one but I would guess it would be from amongst the first Late in the day things start to get strange frequency. Any articles, half, possibly Moments which stands out from some of the other more with Dolphins Were Monkeys emerging views, rants would be mediocre tracks. from portentous origins to reveal one of appreciated and if you send the albums rare tunes. Finally we come to me any stuff, anonymnity is This is not a brilliant album and what they do is not original, but at least they the stunning Sabasonicos, the languid and assured. I know that there are doing it better than most. I need only to direct you to track two - also a fragile result of a collaboration between are more than just a few of number one - If I Let You Go. This song is fantastic. Okay, lyrically it's not Ian and some South American chums. A us around campus who are Chaucer but it has one of the most infectiously singalong choruses since / fitting finale to a record which is intermit quite different at weekends Will Survive. This is true sing your heart out in front of the mirror, classic pop. tently wonderful, but seldom less than to the way we are during the It's fun. And what is pop music for if not for that? interesting and intense. week. Make it largel Rachael The Masked Bandit 8 November 1999 » Felix Music frequency Gilles Peterson Barry White Oobermann INCredible Sound of Staying Power The Magic Treehouse (INCredible) (BMG) (Independiente)

In a series that has previously fea This album is the greatest piece of Since I'd only heard the name on tured the likes of Trevor Nelson and shite ever to be played on my stereo. the radio before reviewing this, I Jo Whiley, the Incredible Sound of I don't even know why we bother was half-expecting some kind of Cities Peterson is the first of these reviewing it. Barry White had his Teutonic collective (as in "uber compilations that really deserves moment. At some point or other he alles...") preparing to unleash the Incredible badge. While Mr was in some way at least a little bit electro-Euro-pap on the world. I Peterson may come from the same cool. Yes, he does have the most was therfore pleasantly surprised Radio 1 stable as Mr Nelson and increcibly deep and sensuous voice, to discover that Ooberman are Ms Whiley, he is the only one of the the voice of sex. On this album in fact a) adopted Scouse, and b) JoeStrummer three whose sound has not been though, he just sounds old and per talented, debatable name aside. diluted by the experience of work verted. Hearing him say "baby" Rock Art and ing on the biggest radio station makes me think of a paedophile try around ing to get his way with a child. Dis the X-Ray style gusting. The operating level of Gilles Peter (Mercury) son is therefore quite different to his The music is so incredibly minimalis- colleagues. With more influences in tic you hardly notice it. The lyrics are For those whose rock histories only his sound than there are books in so diluted they make noodle soup go back as far as when Take That the library, his sound is matched by sound poetic. split, Joe Strummer was frontman for no other. Indeed this compilation The Clash. London Calling, Rock provides the buyer with an item that The album never takes off, it just The Casbah and I Fought The Law is quite a rarity, as the album cap flows, forever churning out monoto were chief among a succession of tures the best of both Gilles Peter nous synthesised keyboard cack, on classic tracks starting from the son's radio and club DJ sets. There's top of which Barry White rambles on Queen's Silver Jubilee year. This is all the funk, vibe and eclecticism about getting up, laying down, and only his second solo effort in the thir that you could imagine as the tunes all the other perverted activities teen years since The Clash disband range from all-time classics to just- going on in his old-man head. So - Liverpool as the continuing ed. off-the-press fresh flavas. spiritual home of catchy, innova tive pop records? Well, probably. The album is generally mellow, with

Giles Peterson is thus managing to The album is a little slow to start, reggae style guitar and a world maintain his sound and culture in a with supposedly chart-friendly music feel to several of the tracks minefield of blandness that brings previous singles Million Suns and such as Sandpaper Blues with its so many down. While the sound of Blossoms Falling being nothing African chanting. Strummer's voice his radio-and-label mates becomes much to shout about, but beyond would at times still have difficulty giv more and more mainstream every these the standard is high. ing Bob Dylan a run for his money week, the sound of Giles Peterson There's a lot happening on this on tracks like The Road to Rock 'n' goes from strength to strength. Put album - a hell of a lot. From up- Roll and Yalla Yalta. So don't be put simply, the sound of Giles Peterson for-it mentalness (Bees, Sugar off singing along. Nitcomb is a laid- can be summed up in one word - Bum), to brief but engaging back jam about the minutiae of city incredible. musical musings (My Baby's Too life, optimism tempered with resigna James Tall & Thin), to haunting multilay- tion: 'Love buys a six pack and gives ered symphonic beauty and it to the bums'. He started from the splendour (Roll Me In Cotton, Westway, so Willesden to Crickle- Don't bother with this, even if it Shorley Wall). All laced with wit, wood, fhe melodious final track, comes free through your letterbox. emotion and psychedelia, sug may be a coming home song. No Disa gesting that the band had a social climbing done there then. rather good time recording this record. An honest, and often uplifting James & Ben say: album. It deserves to get some air- Sorry Disa, we can't agree. After lis It may be said that the odd track time even on AOR stations. Less con tening to Mr White's latest offering becomes more like background frontational than The Clash were, extensively in the office we'd give it at music, but from these first album fans will still want to buy it. If you least a three. Okay it's cheese, but beginnings, Ooberman should weren't into The Clash (or were too it's perfect for background music go far. Maybe even uber alles? young then), it's worth a punt now. while we work. But who are we to Matt Ian comment? 20 Music Felix 8 November 1999 frequency

Basement Jaxx Primal Scream Jump and Shout Blur Swastika Eyes (XL Recordings) No Distance Left to Run (Creation) Gouryella (Food) Walhalla Basement Jaxx seem to have a way How the Primals do it is (Code Blue) with beats. Jump and Shout kicks in Blur's newer songs have moved quite beyond me. with a style that almost sounds like a away from singing about a fictional Swastika Eyes is anoth Tunes from this lot may bad DJ crashing rhythms, but like character in the third person and er absolutely barn err towards the cheesey their other tunes a few more listens taken on a much more autobio storming track. They've end of the dance music are enough to win you over. The lyri graphical mood. No Distance Left had a little help from spectrum, but it's easy cal delivery comes from an African To Run is about Damon's split with the Chemical Brothers, to forgive when you tribesman, and all in all this is Base ex-partner Justine Frischmann. The but the way they turn consider the way they ment Jaxx classic. Don't be surprised song is pensive in mood, beutiful in out gorgeous tracks make you want to if these lads feature highly in Felix's tone; one of the saddest songs I one after another is just dance. There's some end of year charts. have ever heard. immense. This is a masterful mixes from killer and with this the Armin Van Burren and boys are laying down Hybrid on board and it's some lucious founda a package that pleases tions for their next album.

Another Level Dillinger Bomb Diggy Cocaine In My Brain (Arista) (Mercury)

Apparently the "theme Supergrass Dina Carroll Some relaxed rapping tune from the T4 pro Mary Say You Love Me skips over this ragga gramme North Holly (Pariophone) (Mercury) tune, filled to the brim wood High" which the with the sort of funky cover-mounted sticker Supergrass albums keep getting bet Slightly more regular than the beats usually heard on helpfully informs us can ter and better yet conversely their Olympics, Dina Carroll turns up Sly Stone records. In be seen Sundays on sales get lower and lower. This is every three years - but each time fact, the original ver Channel 4. The boy one of their current album's weaker with only one decent song. In 1 990 sion of this song was band with R 'n' B per tracks but offers a contrast to previ it was a cover of It's Too Late with around in 1976. The suasions provide us ous releases, the breathtaking Mov Quartz. In 1 993 it was the wonder chorus goes: "A knife, a with another silky soul ing and the fun but hardly innovative ful Don't Be A Stranger. 1996 fork, a bottle and a tune. The title is rhymed Pumping On Your Stereo. Mary brought her a No. 3 single with cork - that's the way we with a lot of silly phras (where Gaz sings about shocking his Escaping. And this year it was that spell New York." Well, it es such as "goody eponymous girlfriend) still retains song out a couple of months ago - is if you've got cocaine goody" and "chocolate enough quirky brilliance and charm and not this one. in your brain. puddy". This song is to soon become infectious. ...Singles reviews neither. by Ed, Ben and James... 8 November 1999 Felix Music 21 frequency ^/^

Beth Orton @ Shepherds Bush Empire Fear Factory @ Brixton Academy .. sweet lips, sweeter songs... .. heavy metal rocks!...

After selling out her Friday night show, Beth Orton managed to fill the Say what you will about metal - "It's just a load of old noise... That bloke's just Empire for this extra night too; people have read so much about this 28 shouting... They have silly shorts, etc" - but for sheer emotional impact, this year-old that they are curious to know what sort of an artist can get both stuff works better than any Oasis ballad or Italian opera. Tonight's incredible of her albums on the Mercury prize shortlist and yet be twice overlooked show was both draining and cathartic. First up: Will Haven. for the award. Non-lyrical insights into her character, however, were not abundant since she was not in a very conversive mood. Instead, she let It starts with feedback. The band come on in suits and promptly explode, fol her singing do the talking (if you see what I mean) and impressed the lowed quickly by the moshpit. The music simply shreds the air to pieces. The entire audience with her incredible voice. It is in a live context that singers band sway, jerk and thrash about, caught in the maelstrom of noise they're can really prove themselves; the mediocre can splice together the best stu unleashing. With something this intense, this primal, you become enveloped dio takes on record, but there is no room for error on stage. Orton justi and suffocated by it, until there's no option other than to scream along and fied her enviable reputation during her 1 V2 hour set last Saturday, which pump your fist in the air. The sense of fear and anger expressed onstage is ail- included a new, apparently untitled song (although I'd hazard a guess at too human. It ends with feedback. Totally inspirational. So Long) and a cover version of The Ronette's / Wish I Never Saw The Sun shine. Next: Fear Factory. For nine years, they've been honing their brand of industri al metal to a brutal art. The music seems so inhumanly precise, what with the

For most of that time she remained unspectacularly rooted to the centre players stabbing out riffs like machines, and the machine-gun drummer. How of a sizeable stage in a dappled, pure white spotlight. She was joined by ever, it's prevented from being a clinical exercise by frontman Burton. He does an 8-piece band (including a mandolin player and string section) who n't play guitar, so he's free to connect with the audience, providing that human filled out the sound effectively and permitted her to ditch the guitar for a link the music needs. His crooned choruses and rallying cries to jump higher few songs, during which time she seemed to loosen her up a little. Lack and sing louder make the vital difference. of energy afflicted the crowd too, although this probably had less to do with the better-than-average support band, Doves, than the age demo And then Gary Numan comes on, and I'm suddenly reminded why Fear Fac graphic of the audience (i.e. there were a lot of old fogies about). tory are able to fill such a large venue to breaking point. Their cover of Cars' is very big stateside. Thematically, it's the correct song for them to do, con

Things changed when Beth revealed that she was to be joined for a duet cerned as it is with their favourite subjects of technology and machines, but by one of the collaborators on her Central Reservation album, Terry Col tonight it just sounds like the original played at twenty times the volume. One lier, who had himself played a couple of gigs at the Empire during Octo glitch in an otherwise routinely excellent show. Face facts: Metal is great. ber. Half the crowd was ecstatic; the other half were left asking their mates Kunal who the hell he is. Visibly, Beth was one of those excited by his presence. ...Competition News... They performed some of his songs, and the pair's voices worked well BETH ORTON: together. It's just a shame that the last song of a long encore was spoilt by WIN, WIN, WIN!! This week for my lovely readers I've got some Beth Orton misunderstandings between them and technical difficulties - it was a rare goodies including a signed copy of her latest album, a few more unsigned slip. Clearly, the danceable beats from the records were absent in this live copies and some lovely posters. To win just send answers to the following set, but this was no great loss, it just meant that nobody could hide behind question to [email protected]. Nice! expensive producers. I shall refrain, however, from saying that we were What is the name of Beth Orton's recent album? treated to folk music, since 'folk' is one of those words (like 'country & BEDROCK ALBUM: western' and 'Belgium') which just makes me turn off. That would be unrea The Bedrock competition run a few ago was won by Patrick Gilfeatherfrom the sonable: Beth Orton deserves a good listen. Humanities School so there'll be some funky tunes on his stereo then. DEATH IN VEGAS: Beth Orton's Central Reservation album is out now. To win a copy The lucky winner of last weeks massive goodie bag was David Lewis. He gets and some other goodies enter the competition to the right 1 0 free gig tickets, 1 0 free t-shirts and a crate of beer, which should guaran Valmik tee him and his mates a good time. Have a good one! | Music i:eli x 8 November 1999 frequency x/^

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Fabric Live P1Torture Garden Hallowee3n Event @ Mass Recommended @ Fabric .. fancy fetish fun and frolicks... Clubbing

After Fabric's launch week Not quite the Skin Two Rubber Ball, but part of the weekend's More clubs that may take your fancy... end being a raging success events and no doubt many of the same people were there last Sat all round, the second urday in this great venue, which is a converted church. Torture Gar Thursday J 1th November weekend at the venue had den holds large events in random venues at random intervals. Bedrock @ Heaven; £6 quite an act to follow. With What they all have in common is a fantastic, friendly atmosphere, Bedrock is a clubnight going places. Last drum'n'bass in the loud thumping house and techno on the main floor, outrageous clothing month's nights at Heaven and at The room (that's probably the on the people, chill out rooms, and basically one of the best nights Beach down in Brighton were out of this best way to describe it) and out around. Feast your eyes on the people, the video visuals, the world, and this bash won't disappoint. James Lavelle, the Scratch performance artists, dance and drink. The dungeon boasts a num Friday 12th November Perverts and co in the main ber of pieces of scary looking equipment which people were tied Undertom @ Trenz; £6 room it was a line up to to/on/in etc. Don't be scared, bizarre as it may seem, they were all High energy uplifting acid techno tance rival any other in London laughing and smiling, and perfectly happy to be there! Most (if not on the top floor with a more deep and that night. Thankfully the all) venues have a dungeon room where people can "play", but you spiritual experience to be had down night was far from a disap don't have to and no one will make you. All have changing rooms, below. This is a club promoted by two pointment. so you can come in normal clothes and change, if you are too ex-Imperial people so get there and sup embarrassed to go out in your rubber dress. Dress codes are port. It will be a great night. The room styles perfectly enforced - you will feel awkward if you're not dressed right. How The Weekly Sessions @ The Annexe; £8 complimented each other ever, cyber/punk/futuristic/role play (i.e. French maid/nurse/mili Milk'n'2 Sugars parties are always worth as the beats thundered tary/lingerie) is OK too, and less expensive. The cheapest fetish a look. This week they've got Mark Fari throughout the venue. stuff is PVC, you can get a full outfit e.g. a dress for about £30, na over from San Franciso to deliver the Indeed the volumes most places will bargain if you have the nerve to! beats and cuts. achieved in the loud room Saturday 13rd November are quite phenomenal and Get clothes/equipment for fetish events from "Paradiso" in Old Fabric @ Fabric; £12 not for the sensitive-eared. Compton Street, "Honour" on Lower Marsh near Waterloo Station, With a sound system unmatched any Perfect though for me and "Murray and Vern" and "Black Rose", both in Stables Market, Cam where in the capital, Fabric boasts a night my pals, who seem to den, and a variety of other places. Tickets for clubs from Paradiso, that others can only dream of putting on appreciate hurting our Zeitgeist or Murray and Vern, usually costing £10-15 and most Headstart @ Turnmills; £5 ears. clubs run 10-4am or 10-6am. OK, so maybe you're interested - or Dave Clarke and Andy Weatherall are just morbidly curious - and want to go. Well, you've missed the rub headlining Headstart's two rooms and Anyway Fabric Live was a ber ball, but most weekends there are events - look out for Club this should be a good one. To tell the brilliant night, and I'm sure Rub, Club Flesh, Submission, and various others. truth Headstart has been lagging a bit it will remain a brilliant lately, but this night should be the first of night for however long it It is a fabulous night out, and infinitely amusing to take friends and a resurgence. keeps its residency. As for watch their reactions. As long as you dress right, once you get there Sunday 14th November the venue, Fabric has you can be as outrageous or as conservative as you want to be - it Metalheadz @ Dingwalls; £6 arrived as one of the top can be just another club, it is fine to just drink and dance - and Have you been yet? If not then why not? nightclubs in London. It many people do just that. If you are open minded enough to give Get, get down! may not have the name yet, it a go, you are guaranteed to have a good time, so why not try it? but if nights like these a If you like the idea but haven't got the nerve, try Full Tilt at Electric To have your club added to this list just fast growing reputation is Ballroom in Camden on a Friday night. It's Goth/Alternative/Rock, invite us along, we'll check it out and if assured, and as the word and you don't have to go quite as extreme - black will do! we like it we'll put it down gets around things can fetish female e-mail: [email protected] only get better. phone: 020 7594 8072 ask for James

J Patch Felix 8 November 1999 method A

Boetti : Ihe maverick spirit of Arte Fovera Spend Spend Spend Higher Than Bable

Whitechapel Art Gallery - Aldgate East tube Piccadilly Theatre - Piccadily tube Bridewell Theatre - Blackfriars tube Finished £1 2.50 standby £8 Cone.

A gallery of vast tapestries, abstract wooden Spend Spend Spend, which has been hailed as "The Best Higher Than Bab/e was directed and pro sculptures and paving slabs. Before experiencing New British Musical in Years" by some critics, opened at the duced by ex-IC engineers; Clive Pagent them in the flesh, you might be forgiven for think Piccadilly Theatre a couple of weeks ago. As the house- and Tim Sawers, both of who were in ing that these are just the hackneyed hallmarks lights fade and the overture starts you feel as though you Dramsoc. of a conceptual artist. If you still think this after are in for a treat. The orchestration is a happy medium having seen this major retrospective of the artist between pop and jazz, the set is slick and you get the feel Clive Swift - the husband from "Keeping Alighiero e Boetti, I have doubts about your san- ing that the producers certainly have Spent, Spent and Up Appearances" - who played Cardinal ity. Spent bucketloads in putting the show on stage. and Matthaus, showed how good actors we see in general crap on TV often are; a While being mostly unknown in the UK, the dis The show is based on the story of Viv Nicholson: the superb performance. tinctive style of Boetti has a cult following across woman who went from rags to riches and then back to the Atlantic and over the Channel. He started in rags, by virtue of football pools, going through five hus The plot was a little jerky in its jump the mid-sixties with Pop Art (Ping Pong, Stiff bands along the way. In a similar vein to shows such as between one time and another and Upper Lip) before becoming a leading force in Blood Brothers, it makes for a moving and worthy tale that throughout the play there is no edge-of- the Arte Povera movement, producing a few for should really work, especially in a West End musical. the-seat stuff. It is not an action play but a givable duds (Scala, Tavelle) along the way. In thoughtful one dealing well with a complex the late 60s he renounced all this and started We are immediately introduced to the 50-old Viv working subject. afresh with a pared-down and more sophisticat in a beauty salon, who then becomes our narrator for the ed conceptual style. evening, taking us through her life from the age of 15. So The central issue was the relationship far, so good, but after about fifteen minutes of act one, between society and science. The play His interest in world affairs and extensive travels when every single sexual innuendo imaginable has been explores this by comparing a scientist prompted him to commission a series of giant thrashed to death, and you haven't been properly intro ahead of the field (in fifteenth century Italy) tapestries depicting the world map (Mappa), duced to any character, you start to realise that maybe the persecuted for his "unGod like" ideas of updated every so often for political changes until plot is being lost behind smutty jokes and slack direction. making a flying machine, with a German his premature death in 1994. In another vast The characterisation is so weak that when Viv looses her (in Nazi Germany) who, dropping his orig tapestry, Tutte (Everything), he presents a startling second husband in a car accident and comes downstage to inal moral objections, used his genius to chaotic weave of people and objects, reflecting belt out the shows best tune, "Who's Gonna Love Me help work on the nuclear bomb. his other long-term interest in order and chaos. Now", you simply don't care.

Difficult issues were raised if a little obvi By employing anonymous volunteers to do the Casting Barbara Dickson in the role of Viv was a ously To what extent does society define painting, sculpting or tapestry weaving, he man choice, and although a blatant attempt at getting bums on what individuals find acceptable in the sci aged to subvert the traditional role of the artist as seats, and she puts in a good performance. Along with the entific world? For example I am against sole author of her or his work. But is he also sub rest of the cast she manages to give the show the pace and GM foods but if people were originally verting our interpretation? After all, many of the life it needs. against flying (a view I now find ridiculous) works are gently mocking, even silly (Senza does this not show that I am just unwilling numero l-VI), as if to say 'I mean all this to be a The chances are that you would enjoy Spend Spend Spend to change? This play is a real springboard joke.' If it is a joke, it certainly is a good one. should you part with your precious cash, but with over fif for philosophical discussion, one for the teen other musicals currently running round the corner, I theatre lovers. reckon you could do a lot better for your money.

William Burns Ben P Ben ICII presents

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AMflTHFR ^FRHII"F FRfllVI YflllR IIMIRN Felix 8 November 1999 Arts/Books method A books

reMix, Jon Courtenay Grim- wood

reMix is the third book from Jon Courtenay Grimwood, whose previous cyber punk works neoAddix and Lucifer's Dragon, met with favourable reviews.

reMix is your standard cyber-punk blend of corporate espionage, sex, vio lence, technology, sex and more violence, with various intertwined narratives. Taking place in what is essentially the William Gibson universe (complete with the razor fingered Molly of Neuromancer and Mona Lisa Overdrive fame) reMix manages to go one better than the established formula. The book has a somewhat wider scope than some of Gibson's books and certainly man ages to satisfy the requirements for violence and sexy Asian assassins. Corpus Chris-ti The sub-plots themselves are too involved to summarise in any meaningful way, but the books has a little bit for everyone, from the Christian cult in space Pleasance Theatre - Caledonian Road tube (very novel prayer techniques between the leader and his hand maidens) to £10 Cone. the steel eating virus sweeping across Europe and the Akira-type powers that one character discovers that she possesses. Although not written with quite Jesus Christ, what a dreadful play! Half an hour into it and I was praying for Gibson's attention to atmospheric details, and somewhat less literary in its' the crucifixion, just to end the whole terrible charade. The play was billed as a approach, reMix succeeds because of its blend of black-humour, stunning controversial take on the Jesus Christ Bible stop/ and was hot from the Edin technologies and sheer energy. burgh Festival Fringe. With that sort of hype, it was off to a bad start... and it got worse and worse. The story cast Jesus as a homosexual southern Baptist It rocks, enjoy. preacher, the Disciples as his gay lovers and God as Woody Allen. Russell I should confess that I am not religious and certainly not homophobic and therefore went in suffering from controversy fatigue. Sure, it might offend some right-wing vicars and those blue-rinse Surbiton wives who hold coffee-morn Cool Classics and Books You ings. Actually, the more vocal of God's people were protesting outside in the street, guarded by a few fed-up police. They were singing Gospel songs and Should Have Read telling us the error of our wicked ways. This was the most exciting event of the evening, by far. I almost went over to thank them for it. The Alchemist, Paulo Coelho But what of the play? I must admit that there were a few amusing moments, like the self-conscious tableau of the Last Supper. There was still too much reli The most successful book by Brazilian author Paulo Coelho, the gious singing, though. And the 'controversy bits' when the men French kissed Alchemist has sold over 20 million copies in 42 languages. weren't all that controversial. The plot structure was oh-so-confused. The play wright (Terrence McNally) had updated some aspects of the story, with Jesus' The allegorical tale of Santiago, a young Andalusian shepherd boy who early life set circa 1950 in Corpus Christi, Texas. (Why, you may well ask. I cer is haunted by dreams of the Pyramids and great treasure waiting for his tainly did.) Then McNally must have got lazy and everything went back to the discovery, the Alchemist is about realising ones dreams. During the usual setting in Israel with Pontius Pilotte and his chums. Slavishly following the course of Santiago's travels we are presented with the wisdom of Coel story without any trace of irony made the whole thing seem like a New Age ho, namely that it is always best to follow your heart and to heed the Christian conversion session. omens and sighs that fate presents us.

My God, can I think of anything good to say about this play? I find it hard to The more cynical among the Imperial College student population might criticise the actors; in fact, I feel deeply sorry for them. They all worked hard have something of a hard time with notions like, "When you want some and were on stage for the full two hours, which is no mean feat even for pro thing, all the universe conspires in helping you achieve it." or "...the prin fessionals. They certainly did the best they could with the dire material given to ciple of favorability, beginner's luck. Because life wants you to achieve them. Oh, and the crucifixion was quite grisly, and mercifully short. (I was your destiny.", but taken on a less analytical level, there may be some dreading the fact that they might do the resurrection and drag the thing out truth that you can take away from the book. further.) Certainly this is a book that I would recommend to all final year students I can't think of any reason why anyone in the world (gay, straight, religious, thinking about what to do after graduation, who might be tempted to for atheist) would ever go to see this dreadfully boring play. God only knows why get about destiny or their dreams when focusing too intently on starting the theatre was packed on my visit. But maybe this bad play is a good sign of salaries and bonus structures. Just a thought. the increasing equality between gay and straight: gay people can make appalling plays, just like all us straight people have been doing for millennial Buy it, read it, and then loan it to a friend. William Burns s Russel 26 Games Felix 8 November 1999

In association with gameswire. com A WHOLE NEW WORLD

Shadow Company (PC) Rogue Spear (PC)

Shadow Company is a real time strategy game and involves lots of creep Rogue Spear puts you in charge of a crack anti-terrorist team in the near ing about battlefields in the dark, lots of guns and ammunition and lots of future. The break up of the Soviet block has led to great instability in much killing. The player is placed in charge of a group of mercenaries and the of the world, and to top it off, some nutcase has got hold of a nuke and goal is to complete your objectives and get out, hopefully without dying. isn't afraid to use it. As the missions progress the plot of the game is revealed until it becomes clear only you can save the western world (The

There are many aspects of this game which I liked. The missions are com rest of the world is already in pretty bad shape in this near future....). pletely non-linear and the maps are very well designed. The player is completely free to choose his own path to accomplish the mission. The When Rainbow Six was released, it was something of a novelty - a realis emphasis is always on using stealth and guile rather than firepower. In tic first person shooter, with a unique planning element that made it a general the game is very playable. However the game is marred by a few cerebral challenge. Since then, the likes of Hidden and Dangerous have problems which I'm sure more extensive testing and quality control would improved considerably on R6's graphics and even moved the planning in have solved. to real time, so it's about time to see what Red Storm can do to get back on top.

For example, the graphics are one of the best and most frustrating aspects of this game. The scenarios take place on very well rendered three dimen Rogue Spear's graphics are certainly improved, and the level design is sional landscapes. The player views through a camera which is free to even more imaginative than its predecessor, with one mission in the war- move anywhere on the map. The battlefields are littered with blown up torn streets of Kosovo being very reminiscent of a recent Speilberg movie. vehicles and destroyed buildings. However more thought could have If there was one area that suggested itself for improvement however, it was been put into the control of the player's camera. It can be difficult to posi the planning stage, and unfortunately this remains very similar. It's not pos tion it where you want quickly. Another annoying feature is that the mer sible to change a team's plan during the game, even when things are cenaries cannot be told to automatically pick up the supplies left by the going diabolically, but maybe that's the point. The majority of missions are enemy. This allied with the difficult camera control makes restocking your hostage rescue or bomb defusal style, and I suppose you only get one go soldiers inventory difficult and time consuming. at those. However, having to click on scroll and zoom buttons to navigate around any reasonably sized map during planning becomes tedious, though it is necessary should you choose not to accept the (often flawed) The game appears to have some bugs in it, for example I encountered default plan. A more intuitive map that could be dragged around its win soldier's graphics being out of sync with their positions and occasional dow would have made a huge difference. problems with ladders and saving the game. The enemy Al is also poor. The characters have a very limited range of responses and even if you do manage to set the alarm bells ringing in the enemy camp, the characters Additional features include the ability to play each mission in either "Lone merely ready their weapons and sit tight. Wolf" style or "Terrorist Hunt" once you've completed it normally. Lone Wolf puts you in a Die Hard situation, where you simply have to escape on your

Shadow Company feels like a game which is nearly finished; the graphics own, and Terrorist Hunt takes out any hostages and puts in more terrorists are there and the game is certainly playable. However a little more time to give the game a slightly more arcade feel. Terrorist Hunt is also avail spent refining what is generally a good game could have turned it into a able in multi player, which saves cursing when your mate uses an unsi- lenced weapon and all the hostages get wasted. great one. Graeme Flaws aside, the planning element is still a vital and rewarding part of the game (I love it when a plan comes together!). The action is also swift and smooth as long as you have a 3D card, and if you have the patience to play it realistically rather than Quake style, it's great fun. You do have to play lots of missions over and over, but it takes less time than joining the SAS, and it's safer.

Gef 8 November 1999 Felix Games 27 react©

MISSION-.IMPOSSIBLE sees you take on the role of neat features, such as the option that allows of various members of the Impossible Mission you to save halfway through a level so that Force (the IMF - no relation to the screw up that should you fail you need not repeat the entire is the International Monetary Fund. At least I stage again. It may not breach the supremacy of hope not), in particular their most capable agent Metal Gear Solid, but as an action-adventure and point man, Ethan Hunt. You initially assume game it is well recommended. Your mission, the identity of this hero on a variety of short mis should you decide to accept it, is to hop down to sions loosely based on the film. These range your nearest retailer and check Ml out. This from infiltrating the Russian ambassador's review will self-destruct in five-seconds... embassy (what no ferrero rocher?) to the unfor hobo gettable Eurostar train scene. The game is 'a la

Tomb Raider1 most of the time with the view being from behind the character, although you can switch to a first person perspective when you are carrying a weapon for aiming purposes. The control is pretty straight forward, and an initially MISSIONrlMPOSSIBLE (PSX) tricky system of changing what you are holding soon becomes second nature. The graphics, 1 while being nothing spectacular, are perfectly * ~ '' T^ilBii'ji Having released a mediocre version of this title acceptable and the regular cut scenes help the game along nicely. Add the sound and music Hi 1 on the N64 a while back now, Infogrames are .

Get Fresh with Post-it Note Goody Bags!

Post-it Notes have teamed up with Eidos Interac your preliminary research the two Pilot pens are After all that work it's time to relax! In the Playsta tive to provide you with a truly amazing offer: a perfect for jotting down your notes! tion game Gex: Deep Cover Gecko the loveable student goody bag that will not only help you lizard's mission is to find and rescue the beauti organise your work, but allow you to play! A ful agent Xtra after she is kidnapped. You must combination of several packs of Post-it Notes, guide him through 24 different levels, taking on handy Scotch Tape Strips, CD Wipes, pens and several different disguises and trying your hand a Playstation game can't fail to get you off on the at scuba diving, snowboarding and driving right foot at College! enemy tanks

The Scotch Tape Strip Hand Dispenser, with an additional refill pack, eliminates the need to bite or pre-cut several pieces of tape - now all you have to do is pull one tape strip and another one pops straight up automatically (that's technolog ical progress for you). The perfect stress-free way to put up posters in your room. Scotch CD Wipes ensure that time spent on your The Post-it Notes are indispensable when computer is smooth and trouble-free by remov researching essays or studying for exams - you ing the oily fingerprints, dust and dirt on CD- To win one of these fabulous goody bags come can use them to tag pages and quickly reference ROMs that could result in lost work and missed up with a humorous acronym of our aptly?? different sections of a book without damaging deadlines. named logo REACT. You get points for humour the pages. In addition, the Post-it Note arrow and suitability. Send in your effort to shaped pad is also a great way to mark key [email protected] or visit Felix by Wednesday 12pm. places in documents. And when you've done all 28 Films Felix 8 November 1999

So, the 43rd London Film Festival is here. It kicks off with the premiere of this Ok, the cinema was in Brixton, it was a bit messy, everybody was try film, which fully deserves its top billing. It is a film of quality, with superb acting ing to sell us "puff" and the number of people watching this preview and fantastic cinematography. Set in the American Civil War, this film will not equalled your average ICU presidential election voting turnout (about be your average IC student's cup of tea: there are no light sabres or flashy spe eight). Bad omens for a film I knew nothing about having had the tick cial effects, no Keanu Reeves wandering about with nice shades on. It is a film ets thrust at me only hours before. "It's got the doctor from Eastenders at the other end of the spectrum; it involves you by stirring your emotions and in it," was all the information I was told. Things started to look up when the cinema started playing Big Band music in the time gap between the telling a rousing story rather than throwing hundreds of computer generated film starting and all eight people turning up. This was going to a British images at you. And what a nice change it is as well. Film and a very cool one at that. I wasn't let down.

The film follows the fortunes of a group of pro-Southern Bushwhackers around East Is East' is set around a large Pakistani family living in Salford (the the Missouri-Kansas border in the 1 860's. For those of you who not up to director's hometown) in 1 971. The father came over from Pakistan in speed on your American Civil War history, I will quickly explain. In 1 854, the 1937, leaving behind his first wife, and married an English woman. Kansas-Nebraska Act was passed which meant that States had to vote on They raised seven children and run a chip shop. The father is deter whether they would allow slavery. They would then be either slave states or free mined to impose his Pakistani beliefs onto his offspring. One such states. However violent conflicts in and around Kansas ensued with pro-slav belief is arranged marriages. When he arranges for his two eldest sons ery settlers, allied with people from neighbouring Missouri, fighting anti-slav to be married to two of the ugliest girls on the planet, things start to ery Kansas "Jay-Hawkers". Soon afterwards, the Civil War broke out, with Mis blow up in his face. Whilst this all sounds very serious, the whole plot souri (now a slave state) siding with the Northern Union, rather than the South revolves around a set of comic set pieces, involving circumcision, the ern Confederacy, i.e. most of the states surrounding it. What followed was divi thick girl next door, the racist bigot across the road and one sons attempts at modern art. sion of loyalties, even between members of families and led to local militia "Bushwhackers" (pro-Confederacy) undertaking guerrilla warfare against the From the start it was obvious that 'East Is East' had a script with the cal North's Union soldiers and sympathisers. The worst atrocity was the Lawrence ibre of a 1 2 bore shot gun. Well written, sharp, witty, hilarious, touch Massacre (re-created in the film) in which the town of Lawrence was ransacked ing, sensitive and glorious are all words that could be used to describe by pro-Confederacy militia with the loss of 1 80 lives. the script writing. One moment you are rolling about on the floor and then before you know it you are almost crying at the sadness of the So we follow in the trials and tribulations of a small band of men, firstly as they leading roles. This was not just due to the script. All of the actors man hide in the hills during the winter from the army, and then into the spring where aged to portray such a sense of realism that, even in some of the more differing opinions lead the group to disband. Leaving their companions obtusely funny scenes, your level of empathy was huge. You just behind, Jake Roedel (Tobey Maguire) and a former slave Daniel Holt (Jeffrey believed in the characters and the story as a whole. This level of Wright), try to put the violence and brutality behind them by heading south and involvement is also heightened if you have ever had any Pakistani making a new start for themselves. The characters having slowly realised that friends who have gone through the whole arranged marriage thing, and helped them get through all the cultural clashes that go on when the situation is hopeless and futile; the only people the Bushwhackers are East meets West. Another aspect that added to the atmosphere of the killing are innocents. They are not killing members of the army but their fami film was the attention to detail in the clothing and sets. It looked and lies. But the other members of his unit are not so sympathetic and would pre felt like a genuine 1971 Salford street. fer to stay until the bitter end, showing that these men had no real humanity and were nothing short of animals. Film Four has done it again: produced a low budget, all British, dif ferent but brilliant film. Ok, so I only recognised one actor and I Maguire plays a difficult part excellently, as does Wright, but the whole cast haven't a clue who the director is, but this film is fantastic, touching must be congratulated on a fine performance. The production of the film is first and hilarious and, for me, better than 'The Full Monty'. rate with director Ang Lee showing again (after Sense and Sensibility) that he is an accomplished period filmmaker. The emotions are stirred effectively by the struggles of the central characters, while the realism is of war is often sick- eningly displayed. You could do far worse than spending a few hours watch Eddy ing a film of this calibre. Drew 8 November 1999 Felix Films 29 screen r~]

CINEMA What's on at ICU Cinema This Week East Is East Competition

So have you been to ICU cinema yet? C'mon then get going. Did you This week's competition courtesy of the Odeon Kensington gives you know it has one of the largest screens in London and a brand new the chance to win tickets to see 'East is East'. Have you read the review amazing sound system. Well, now you do. This week ICU cinema is and decided that you would like to see it? If so enter this competition showing the piss-your-pants funny South Park and hilarious Analyse and you and a friend could be going to see East Is East for free. This. Both are definately five star films so if didn't get to see these films over the summer now's your chance. Instead of the normal answer a question and you could win a prize just e-mail South Park (in case you haven't been on this planet for the last 12 film.felix @ ic.ac.uk months) is an adult cartoon about four kids living in a town called South Park. There has been a TV series and mass merchandising so I telling me why you want to go and see this film. Please try and be think everyone knows what I'm talking about. This film is one of the funniest films of the year and is a must see for all students. You will imaginative, as I hate reading boring e-mails. The more interesting the find yourself quoting for weeks after this film so be warned. South Park answer the better your chances of winning this week. The best five e- contains explicit language so if you don't like the word f*** and get mails will win and be able to enjoy a night out for zero pence. Just offended by bad language don't bother watching this film. While the make sure you e-mail films by 12 noon on Wednesday 10 October. language in the TV series in bleeped out, the naughty words in this film are not. Apparently, this film uses the F-word more times than Pulp Fic Congratulations to the winners of last week's Pushing Tin competition. tion. Now that's an achievement. They are : A Georgilidakis Analyse This is a comedy starring Robert De Niro and Billy Crystal. You D Mcshane probably read the review in the first edition and never got to see it as S Jasay you were too busy doing Freshers Week. Well now you can see Analyse E Bray This in the comfort of the Union. De Niro is a gangster (what a sur A Majid prise!) who has 'issues' and needs a psychiatrist to help him sort him self out. Crystal is the unfortunate psychiatrist who has to deal with him. Also starring in Analyse This is Lisa Kudrow (Pheobe from Friends) Please call by the Felix office to collect your tickets or mail us at the who's character is not that dissimilar to Pheobe. She plays Crystal's above e-mail address to make other arrangements. wife to-be. The film follows the antics of this off-the-wall patient-doc tor relationship.

Both films are being shown on Monday and Tuesday evenings in the Union but as always make sure you check the posters on the walkway Offers, Offers, Offers or the advertisement somewhere in Felix for the times and details of prices. Ok, it doesn't show the latest blockbusters, but as least it's If you have been entering the competitions and not winning do not cheap and you can take your beer and curry in with you. despair. The Odeon Kensington has a money saving scheme. You are able to purchase a film credit booklet for £47. I know that sounds a ICU Cinema is looking for staff to sell tickets, ice-creams and do other lot of money but read on to find out what you get. Your little booklet stuff so if you fancy getting to watch free films or would like to know contians, amongst other things, 8 cinema tickets - so in effect you get how a cinema works then get in touch with the cinema. Either ask the two tickets completely free. You also get 4 vouchers for money off people working at the cinema when you go this week or mail them at [email protected]. drinks and popcorn, discounts on subscription to Heat and Empire magazines, a voucher for a discount film soundtrack and a chance to win their groovy competition. Sounds good, doesn't it. It is a really good offer especially if you enjoy going to the cinema quite a lot. Odeon Kensington is situated at the far end of High Street Kensington and you can buy the film credit booklet fom the box-office there. 8 November 1999 Felix Seven Days 30 Seven Days Felix 8 November 1999 ICU Community FELIX DA Y V N Saturday Sunday Next Week Monday Tuesday I Wednesday I Thursday Friday

xs Pop Tarts ACTION Classic party tunes Relax and cc Cheesy music and Group for the post-match four bars combine 8pm do A i .i party, plus cocktail to make a perfect bar and chill out end to the week. ICU Community Action room. 9-1 am, dBs Bust-A-Gut Comedy 8pm dBs Group URGENTLY NEEDS The up-and-coming Simon Evans joins MINIBUS DRIVERS for the the more familiar Hal Cruttenden. Tuesday and Thursday night soup runs. Kung Fu Club Kung Fu Club Fencing Club CAG (Wu Shu Kwan) (Wu Shu Kwan) Rag Union Gym Union Gym, 1 2pm Soup run, 8.1 5pm Southside Gym 4:30DITI - 6:30or So if you're over 21, have been driving in Week's Basement §t:30pm - 6:30prn pint gloss sale Wine Tasting the UK for at least 2 years, and can spare a Tuesday 1 6th (simon katin@ic ac uk) 6pm, dB's ICU Choir couple of hours on Tuesday or Thursday :".':'0;T."cr."ic-'". Rehearsal, 6.15pm Canoe Club Room 342, Mech November evenings, then ... Archery Practice session, 7pm Eng. 12-2pm, JCR CAG Contact Nada at [email protected] Soup run, 8.1 5pm

Blondie & Squeeze Horace Andy @ LJF iCU Jazz and Rock presents... Scala £10 Eminem @ Dodgy @ Scala; £8 The Divine Comedy @ The London Arena; £22.50 Better known for his Astoria; £12.50 Yes, they're back with @ The Barbican; distinctive vocals on The scrawny white rap a new lead singer £12.50 Massive Attack songs Music per cruises over the The crew behind and the same old The Divine Comedy CALAMARI than as a solo artist. Atlantic to tour his infa Rcpc ii :: . ght songs. Support from will play an accoustic mous new album. ; - ' : : z z. -i set as part of Flux. http://listen.to/calamari

Tarzan Runaway Bride Disney's latest criti Gere and Roberts The Sixth Sense Blair Witch Project Deep Blue Sea "sensational alternative rock" cally acclaimed attempt to recapture the Bruce Willis stars in Supposedly the scari A ,. i'ci- The scariest (an . ras animated feature. Pretty Woman meg'c. ~Melody Maker est film ever - certain cheesiest) shark filr fhisv -sureel, oP

a human touch. ly the most hyped. since Jaws. come.: Film Odeon Kensington Odeon Kensington 12.20, 2.30, 4.40 6.05, 8.45 Virgin Fulham Rd. Odeon Kensington Virgin Fulham Rd. See them live at : 3.40,6.30,9.10 4.55,7.05,9.15 4.00, 6.10, 8.40 3.30, 6.00, 8.20 3.30, 8.40 Later with Jools Songs of Praise KINGS HEAD, FULHAM Holland Staying Lost Crash The 11 o'clock show It's a knockout 5.30pm BBC1 11.25pm, BBC2 'Night Fever' for 9.00pm, C4 11 pm, Sky Moviemax 11pm, C4 8.00pm, C5 Top bands and less the Sunday Find out how to Show ; - ssip Couples get horny as News satire with Daisy Keith Chegwin and On Saturday 13th November well-known acts play evening crowd. TV spend time in Soho if they watch massive Donovan and Ian Lee. Frank Bruno provide for Jools. it all gets too much at motorway pile-ups. Hopefully Ali G will some pre-club enter @9pm home... present Zoe Bafi. Whatever turns you on. make an appearance. tainment!

Contemporary Nirvana - a ret- Photography Fair; rospective The Art of Blooms- Murder & Madness The Davids Bazart Strand Palace Proud Galleries Flyers available from Union office bury Gielgud theatre, £5 Finborough Theatre, £6 iifhis touringishowcase of Hotel, 10am - 6pm 24th November Tate Gallery Three shod plays kick This play promises to turn new artsts starts in Lon A new exhibition of the See and even win A retrospective of Nir a few heads with its don today Wz: Arts some top photogra vana with a British Debut EP "A LITTLE MORE" out now - contact us artists paintings. Run examination of mas at [email protected] ning until 20th Janu phy. theme. culinity and a picture of a Foyles Bookshop, ary so there's no hurry. naked bloke on the flyer. Charing Cross RoddsliiN 32 Ents preview Felix 8 November 1999 Bust-a-Gut Comedy

The third show in this year's Bust-A- bit-part appearances on shows like Gut Comedy line-up lands in dBs Eastenders, Kavanagh QC and this Friday, with Simon Evans and Bramwell. As a comic his TV credits Hal Cruttenden on the menu. include The Warehouse, House of Fun, Net.Comedy and Hoot. Simon Evans Hal has performed at the majority of comedy clubs on the One of the most exciting new tal London circuit including the Come ents to emerge in recent years, dy Store, Jongleurs and Banana Simon (right) is rising fast - not like Cabaret. He is also becoming a a souffle, but powerfully and with regular face at comedy clubs purpose, more like a Polaris, or a across the rest of the country, from long oppressed people... Dublin to Manchester to Exeter. Since reaching the finals of succession of sell-out performanc Hal Cruttenden Looking further afield still, Hal has the 1997 Daily Telegraph Open es. Simon has also become a reg recently returned from the Aus Mic Award he has gone on to ular feature on a variety of radio Having trained at the Central tralian Comedy Festival and the headline venues around the coun and TV shows, and is currently School of Speech and Drama, Hal Edinburgh Fringe, where he starred try, and his debut show at this developing a new sitcom with the (above) began his professional in a very successful three-handed year's Edinburgh Festival saw a BBC. career as an actor with a string of show.

The Felix Crossword, by Turnip Henry

Across Down 1 . Leaves piles of sand. (7) 1. Outdoor jamboree has 4. Nobleman with title goes suport for portal. (8) South for piercing places. (8) 2. Greek letter may be 7. Start a story in ancient implemented, initially, in times. (1,4,4,3) shapes. (6) 9. Yes, German corn for this 3. Swan has ring. (6) man. (5) 4. One mile up, Nathan 10. Money skill. (6) goes East to kill someone. 1 1 . Covered with printer ink, (9) he sings. (7) 5. A mall returns creature. 1 3. A rotor chops up the (5) speaker. (6) 6. Not in the West, but 1 4. Obtain cod for Marsupi- everywhere else a hill is al. (9) politically important. (7) 16. All points to spy selling 7. Pre-mongolian: very old papers. (9) crockery. (7,5) 1 8. Just what one needs for 8. Far far away, and perhaps the train. (6) more than a bit old. (4,3,5) 22 23 1 9. Live here wearing 10. Revolutionist runs slowly monk's clothing. (7) on snow. (7) 22. Lorraine's food. (6) 1 2. Accessory to suicide. (7) J I I 24. Geometrist who sounds 15. Self-imposed handicap, a bit greasy, perhaps. (5) prehaps because one can 25. Messy Spica hairdos do it all alone. (3-6) make one horny. (1 2) 1 7. Warm gusts from under 26. Confessed to having wear. (8) been let in. (8) 18. Mexican that makes you 27. While falling over, baby happy, perhaps. (7) Answer to 1155 turns alien to Religious Stud 20. Look after cot that Across: Cwm, Aardvarks, Amber, Heifer, Pablo, Lipophilic, Elute, Moog, Obelisk, ies. (7) makes room...(6) Bargain, Noah, Realm, Decahedron, Tutti, Hobbit, Diazo, Moderates, Nut. 21. ...for dweller: worker Down: Companion, Marble, Absolution, And Spam, Alibi, Sir, Hippo, Elite, Leek, with inside-out net. (6) Gargantuan, Gnarliest, Burn, Credo, Overt, Hirsute, Mutton, Amble, Hum. 23. Tall headgear for drum- kit. (2-3) I like alternative spellings...they make my life easier. I promise they're all valid, but do be careful (would I lie to you?). Union Building, 2nd Floor. The cinema is open to I.C. students & staff. Tickets £3 (Guests £4). Doors open 15 mins before time stated. No smoking, but drinks from Da Vinci's bar are welcome. #CU CINEMA £3 For more info: tel. 0171 594 8098 int. 48098. www.su.ic.ac.uk/cinema Monday 8th November 8:30pm Tuesday 9th November 6:00pm

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SUPPORTED- BY $TA TRAVEL* tMPCMAL COLLEGE 7EL- *>M WJ 4 £7J 34 Sport Felix 8 November 1999 IC come from Fencers keep QMW on the hop behind

Fencing Hockey 2nds

Men's Fencing (Bints) ing of Dave "...so, are you single?" EPEE: IC II .. APK Davidge, Dave "Jaws" Hughes IC Kings After the last match, we were pre and Pete "the Leprechaun" Mont QMW pared to change our tactics - we gomery (also making his debut). A Riding the boogie-board, on the were gonna win. An almost full convincingly good fence by APK Bints 17-10 QMW crest of a wave IC 2nds sweep all turn-out... Marino "Never here" who won all his fights (nice one before them. Janahan being the only first team Dave). Jaws won two and the Lep The start did not go as selection who was missing. First rechaun was unlucky and having Ladies Fencing (Wannabe Bints) planned. Captain Chunder missed weapon was sabre: Meaty John, only won one fight. With the match an open goal, and Multi-Storey Joe-Joe "Lightweight" Wong (mak now firmly in the Bints' grasp we Unfortunately QMW produced scored an own goal. IC0-1 down. ing his IC first team debut) and Mo could now afford to ease up, spar a very competitive team this year The boys were shocked into "Captain Animal" Mansoori. Our ing QMW the embarrassment of a and many of our regular fencers action. Bruce Lee and Jean first time with three sabreurs on the crushing defeat. were hit by the dreaded flu bug. Claude van Damme destroyed the sabre team meant that we totally The team consisted of "Legal" Cap midfield, steady Eddie took it out outclassed QMW in what turned FOIL: tain Katherine, "Cockney" Clare wide and Geography Teacher fin out to be our best weapon per IC Grove and Ursula "Titi's" Marcinio- ished off sublime move 1 -11 formance with Meaty and Animal QMW mi who fenced admirably against a Finally the 2nd team have winning all their fights and Light team of regular international play developed into a fluid attacking weight only losing one of his 5-4. Epee was next with Riccardo ers (they're bloody good at fencing force. Captain Chunder made up Excellent display by the IC sabreurs "The Italian Stallion" Sapienza, tool). Many of the fights were close for the earlier cock-up by finishing (good skills boys!). Jaws and Lightweight. The Stallion providing excitement for the men's the attack move of the millennium. showed his prowess with his team, but alas victory was not ours Geography Teacher swept in the SABRE: weapons (and also fenced well). He for the taking. Hopefully the (com third goal, and only the referee IC won all three of his fights with ease. plete) team will fare better against prevented a landslide. Fired up QMW. Jaws and Lightweight failed to Kings next week. and ready to go, the disco squad impress the ladies badminton team should be afraid of revenge. Very Foil next and the team consist by losing all their fights. Wannabe Bints 1-17 QMW afraid!

ICSM Mountaineering Society

mountaineering venture out District) was put to the test, only this a narrow path that is steeply carved ciently with "natural" protection, side Britain was long overdue time in a more authentic setting. I still into the mountainside laced with the weaving the rope between fixed boul but it needed the incentive to remember vividly hearing agonising ice. What am I doing? Reason goes ders to keep safety to the forefront Atake on the organising and sorting cries for help as Kate rapidly disap out of the window - best just accept without sacrificing speed. Only on the out that such an undertaking requires peared down an icy crack, out of whatever comes your way - just put harder sections one climbs while the - Caroline did a first class job. view. Oh, did we laugh! one foot in front of the other. Not other belays in the conventional way. On the 19th of July we wear When the Sun appeared we were even time for photographs. All too soon we reached the hut and ready. Got across the Channel with already well on our way. "Climb slow Four and a half hours after start spent the rest of the afternoon partic out throwing up but made up for it on ly, conserve energy, keep going but ing off, both groups reached the top ipating in local customs (drinking several roundabouts on the way to don't stop" was the instruction from at 4,027 metres, the highest point for schnapps while banging on a cow Switzerland. Eighteen hours after the front. Up and up digging our some of us. Some sweated blood to bell). leaving Wilson house, we arrived at crampons into steep ice, put one foot get there, while others wondered A big breakfast with extra help our destination on the campsite in front of the other, watch out for the what all the fuss was about. Yet all ings of coffee, bread, butter, cheese "Shoenblich" in Saas Grund. crevasses next to you, spike in, step agreed upon one thing, an incredibly and the jam put us on the right frame If action was the key word, there up - the ridge looks miles up on the good feeling standing on top of the of mind for a day of rock climbing. was enough in the next three days to sky. After an hour we can still meas world with breathtaking views all Our route possesses everything any satisfy the biggest of appetites, start ure the distance behind us but look around us. The Sun is out in full force one could wish for. Steep walls, airy ing off with a lesson on how to and ing ahead it still feels as endless as and we are at peace with our sur traverses, some tricky mantelshelves, how not to behave on a glacier. Kevin before. Black dots on the white back roundings. "Heaven" (even the heavy a slight overhang and as a bonus a (Batman) our other guide took the ground show that there are other breathing has seized and the only "Tyrolean traverse" (a rope set up more experienced group, while Robin people around but all that is audible sounds are a faint breeze and the between two rocky spikes, some dis (friend of Batman) took the rest. We are thumps in the snow, occasional clicking of our cameras). tance apart, where you clip yourself in practiced step cutting, front pointing, click from an ice axe and heavy After a bite to eat, we were ready and pull hand over hand across the moving up and down steep ice, breathing - plenty of that. to go down, this time on the south void). That completed our three-day jumping across crevasses, burying ice Crossing frail looking snow side to get to the "Almagellerhut", our course. Robin and Kevin were on the axes and the more awkward job of bridges, passing sheets of ice with ici abode for the following night. The whole pretty satisfied with our per locating them again. Crevasse rescu cles like giant lances dangling from its route is mixed snow, ice and rock and formances, wished us luck and stay ing (as we had practiced in the Lake side, scaling steep walls or just follow we learnt to move down (in pairs) effi safe. 8 November 1999 Felix Sport | Seconds slay St. George's Ladies split a pair

Ladies Hockey Ladies Football

IC II 3 sneaked a crafty one past the Sun. 31st Oct. Wed. 3rd Nov. St George's 0 goalie and we were 1 - 0 up. IC Ladies 2 IC Ladies The football girls were at times LSE 1 QMW Having been told that we didn't a little confused by the rules of have any opponents, the girls hockey, but they were great. The witches of LSE tried their best QMW beat us 9-0 the previous boarded the coach eagerly to Half time came and went to cast their spell on IC this week, mainly because only 9 peo head for their walkover. But quickly and we continued in Halloween but failed. Ex-IC ple turned up for the match. This when we got to the pitch, we style. Patsy's classy goal swiftly striker Juliet was up to her week, with a full team and three found not only a full team but followed and we were on a roll. usual tricks, hacking our subs, we felt we were in with a one with plenty of subs. As George's had a shot at goal but defence down and LSE hadn't chance. The game was almost there were only 8 of us (since that was easily dismissed by our changed a bit since we beat evenly matched in the first half Underdown had a rather too fabulous goalie Louise. That them last year 1 -0. hour. IC had a few chances but good night at Scandies the was the only attempt they had IC went ahead after about lacked finishing touches. QMW night before and was deemed on goal. After this slight shock, 15 mins thanks to Marie's div finally pierced through the IC to ill to play, plus a few others the girls were back to work and ing header off a flicked on cor defence, but we were back in the who missed the coach), Chun- just before full time, Tinky- ner. From then on it was an game with an excellent individual derbird kidnapped 3 football Winky cunningly defected the evenly matched game of offside effort from Becky. With the score players, Marie, Vasso and ball into the net making our vic ping-pong mostly due to great 1 - 1 30 seconds from half time, we Sarah whilst the team battled tory complete. Just as well we defensive tactical manoeuvres still felt we were in with a chance to on. Despite the fact that the turned up, otherwise it would from both sides. Jasmine slid get three points from the game, but opponents had a full team and have been a 6-0 defeat for us. one away after a cross/shot a lack of chances in the second we only had 8, we were storm Once again we are grateful to skidded across the goal face half didn't yield any more goals. ing and whilst the football girls the football girls Marie, Vasso and Juliet put one past our QMW were luckier, winning the were having a quick lesson at and Sarah and we'll return the stand in keeper Mel to leave it game with a shot going in off the hockey on the sidelines , Katie favour soon. 2-1 to IC at full time. post from outside the area.

Ladies Rugby Football IC shooters in charge IC Virgins 35 IC I 4 UCL 0 ICSM 1 Rifle Shooting Our winning ways continue its now From the start, I.C. lsts controlled 3 out of 3. A period of intense the play. Slick passing throughout During the summer, three mem bridge, Edinburgh, Nottingham, pressure straight from kick off led the team left the defence a little bers of the Imperial College Oxford, Reading and Southamp to a penalty that Romy duly con bored, so bored in fact that the Union Rifle and Pistol club ton universities, London came verted. We were then straight back medics managed to take the lead entered the National Rifle Associ fourth in the musketeers (short at them again and after a long with their first, and last chance of ation's 130th Imperial Meeting. and middle distances), 2nd in the period of pressure Romy crashed the half. Finishing proved to be a This event attracted over a thou university's long range and 1 st in through to score, and then convert slight problem for most of this sand competitors from all over the universities aggregate match ed her try. Despite excellent play by game with numerous chances the world for two weeks of indi es. Andrew also shot for the win their fly half, our forwards were going begging. The score was vidual team matches. ning England team in the Univer stunning and no. 8 Claire powered finally levelled just before half-time In the individual competitions sities National Match. through 5 players to score. An when Marcos found out he could Philip Golds scored an excellent The social side of the meeting excellent break by Clare allowed kick again! 49.7 (ex 50.10) in the 900 yard proved equally enjoyable with Joe to score her 1 st try. Then Betsy The second half followed the Conan Doyle competition to fin events such as the annual Univer scored a runaway try to complete same pattern as the first: loads of ish 59th and was placed in the sity of London Hog Roast, which the half. The good play continued chances, loads of misses. Nak Clementi Smith and Elkington catered for over 120 people and into the second half and we were finally gave the 1 sts a well-earned aggregates. Gareth Hillier shot involved the cooking of a whole starting to look impressive. After lead finishing from close range well in his first proper Bisley lamb and a pig on the barbecue. spending much of the half in after a slapstick goalmouth scram meeting, being placed on five Phil and Gareth narrowly avoided scrums. We ended up on their line ble. The third came from Private prized lists including 14th in the being put on the barbecue them and Kate went over in the comer Waight, scoring with his head from Admiral Hutton Tyro Trophy. selves, having arrived wearing for her debut try. The game finished Steve's corner. The best goal of all Andrew Eldridge made the top polo shirts bearing the legend with another try from Betsy. Well came next with Marcos scoring fifty in six competitions, including "Smallbore: for men who don't done to Jessamy Miriam and again after a controlled build up, 6th place in the final of the St need big guns" Emma for their 1 st matches. to wrap up the game. Georges Prize. Al! in all, the meeting proved Rs. You're not supposed to At the end of the day, a com All three IC shooters shot for very successful for the shooters laugh at Kryzi's conversion attempt fortable win for the lsts, and the University of London in the BUSA representing IC. Our thanks to when you were all too chicken to margin of victory could easily have team matches. Against opposi ICU for their support of entry. try. been more. tion from Bath, Bristol, Cam 36 Sport Felix 8 November 1999

SCOREBOARD Medics prove tough nut to crack HOCKEY ICSM Hockey IC I 11-2 RUMS IC III 11-1 RUMS IC Wmn I I 3 - 1 Georges

GKT I .. zone. and classy. A free hit to the edge ICSM I The ICSM gameplan of the area was blitzed across :OOTBALL revolved around absorbing pres the D, and the hitherto anony IC I 4 - 1 ICSM A depleted ICSM squad sure, and relying on rapid count mous GKT centre-forward stole IC II 3 - 4 Goldsmiths made the trek to one of the less er-attacks. With the defence in front of his marker, to glance IC IV 2 - 6 Kings salubrious parts of South London again working splendidly as a the ball in off the far post. IC VI 7 - 2 LSE to take on a talented and young unit, and the midfield industrious The second half saw the mid- IC VII 3-11 KCL GKT side. With four regular in their tackling cover, it was left field area open up as fatigue set IC Ladies 1 - 2 QMW players missing, the voyage was to Boyle and Hadfield to create in. But the only goal of the half made more in hope than true chances at the GKT end. The first was again scored on the counter, RUGBY expectation. However, despite goal came from a short-corner when a deft lob by Hadfield IC I 34-0 Bucks the loss of many crucial mem won from a counter attacking cleared the prostrate keeper for IC III 50-0 St Mary's bers of the side, it was the return breakaway. The short corner the matchwinner. ICSM thus IC Ladies 35 - 0 UCL of Hugo Boyce that was to have strike from Fishpool worming gained three crucial away the biggest influence on the and squirming through a sea of points, and GKT were sent back 3ARTS match. His presence added both boots and sticks, before embar to the drawing board, perplexed IC Darts League : defensive steel and attacking rassingly nudging the back at how to break down such solid Southside 9 - 6 IC United flair to the critical centre midfield board. The GKT reply was swift defensive display.

Want to see your team in IC put best print? Then get your Rugby lads kick bucks foot forward reports to the Portacabins Rugby Cross Country on Wednesday evening

IC I 41 game for the 1 sts. Richmond Park was the setting for Buckinghamshire Chilterns 7 The opposition got in a flukey the second round of the League. The entertaining white space that try while the ref. wasn't looking and Dorchie went one better on her has enjoyed exposure here over Once again the lads started half their side were blatently off second place last time to win the the last few weeks, has, unfortu well some good scrummaging and side. We increased the pace as race, backed up by the ever-pres nately been head-hunted by "The rucking. This week Jamie "disco half time approached but we ent Luise (14th) and debutant Mirror" to star on their front page superman" Duggin started the couldn't force one through the Delies in 29th completed the ladie game, but due to the fact that he'd gaps in their defence. team. In its place therefore, we provide had 28 pies and 30 union curries The second half saw a 104 men toed the line and our readers with an oppurtunity to before the game he wasn't quite as decrease in performance but two Ben-Ron led home the men in 5th enjoy the up coming star of space sharp as usual. The first try came class tries were scored and one not place having seen slightly more of filling, entertaining black space. from a strong run from Sven Jupp so classy try for Matt Poolips, who Neil than he wanted. The ex- playing on the wing, quickly fol came good with some nice runs Gaffer (9th) and Frank who En|oy. lowed by a belly flop of a try by and a well deserved try. Dave spanked the race in 1 5th were next Matt the twat. The third try came G.A.Y. Gol also scored a quality home before Jodie (20) and Daisy from another superb run by mon 50 yard try with elusive running Boy (24) completed the A team. key man Stevns (a little greedy per and great dummies. All in all a The runners continued to pile haps?) Rainey yet again to score, good game but we should have in and before we knew it our B + except with his best mates bird! scored more. The ref was C teams had beaten UCL and There was excellent support from appalling, the coach driver was a Kings As. We return to do battle in Dan and Tref, as well as the subs knob, but good play and some a fortnight at Wimbledon and by who were in good voice. Craig good kicking form Hoggy lead to a Christmas IC should be top of the Withers also had an awesome first good win. Roll on next week. league. Watch this space. Great.