Funeral Planning & Bereavement Guide

ROBERTS CEMETERY PLEASE TAKE A COPY

1 2 Welcome

www.sullivanking.com 3205 North Highway 81 Anderson, SC 29621 ROBERTS CEMETERY 864-225-5431

About Us ...... Pg 4 Our History ...... Pg 7 Meet Our Staff ...... Pg 8 Our Services...... Pg 10 Planning Ahead ...... Pg 14 Pre-Planning Forms ...... Pg 26 When A Death Occurs...... Pg 38 Frequently Asked Questions ...... Pg 42 After Care & Grief...... Pg 48 Settling An Estate ...... Pg 56 Map & Location...... Pg 68

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3 About Us

Section at a glance:

• Our History • Meet Our Staff

Sullivan-King Mortuary, a family owned funeral home is conveniently located at 3205 North Highway 81 in Anderson, South Carolina. Our facility, designed and built to reflect timeless architecture and detail, is furnished throughout with beautiful antiques and colorful details. The décor suggests the feel of a lovely, inviting home.

Established in 1923, Sullivan-King Mortuary is widely recognized in this community as a respected, honored and trustworthy provider of funeral services. In addition to personalized funerals, Sullivan-King Mortuary provides pre-need planning, an on-site crematory, cemetery and mausoleum options at Roberts Cemetery and bronze, granite and marble cemetery memorials and monuments.

4 ROBERTS CEMETERY

5 Each funeral service is different, a unique memorial for the family to remember.

“As a near 100-year-old, family owned and managed business, passion, respect, knowledge and experience are evident with each family served.” Bolt McClain

6 Our History

In August 1923, the late J.S. McDougald, along with his associates, the late B.B. Bleckley and D.L. Reid, organized McDougald-Bleckley Mortuary. Mr. McDougald served as Manager and Secretary. Sam O. Sullivan purchased an interest in the company a few years later and served as Vice President and Treasurer. Following the death of Mr. McDougald in 1930, W.W. “Bill” King became Manager and Secretary. Following the death of Mr. Bleckley in 1935, D.L. Reid, Sam O. Sullivan, and Bill King became the major stockholders of the company.

In 1941, the company moved into the former Post Office on Main Street. In 1949, the name of the company was changed to Sullivan-King Mortuary. Original Location cc 1923 Mr. Sullivan and Mr. King continued to operate the company until March, 1969, when both men died in the span of three weeks. Jack D. Gilliland, who joined the firm in 1952, became acting manager. In May 1969, Mr. Gilliland became a major stockholder and was named President and General Manager. Mr. Gilliland would lead the firm for 28 years, until his retirement in 1997.

The company was sold to David C. King, son of the late Bill King, and Bolt McClain, a longtime employee of the firm. Mr. King now serves as Chairman of the Board while Mr. McClain serves as President and General Manager.

7 Meet Our Staff

Bolt McClain David King Sheila King Jeff Waters

Matt Young Laura Morrison Leland Hollingsworth Joel Gravely

Joe Marchbanks Jerry Kinsler Bill Marchbanks Lucretia Ray

8 DeeDee Waters John Marchbanks Rick Bradshaw Taylor King Young

Jack Anderson Ken Marshall Glynette Williams Imogene Cromer

Staff members of Sullivan-King Mortuary & Crematory are caring and experienced professionals who understand that each family is unique and has personal requests and traditions. These requests and Ken Cromer Cecil Foxworth Gene Timms traditions are of utmost importance to our staff.

9 Our Services

Section at a glance:

• Funerals • Cremation • Cemetery • Monuments

The professional staff at Sullivan-King Mortuary understands the importance of celebrating and creating a tribute to life. We offer personalized services in a respectful, comforting environment. Our professional team has been serving the community for many years and we extend our commitment of unparalleled customer service to you and your family.

10 ROBERTS CEMETERY

11 Funerals

Funerals are a celebration of life where friends and family gather together and pay tribute to a loved one. Our dedicated, professional team is committed to providing a personal and caring touch with exceptional customer service for every funeral arrangement. Whether you choose a traditional burial or a cremation; our licensed professionals will guide you through the many options available to meet your individual needs and budget.

Our pre-planning staff is available to discuss your wishes and take you through the many options available which will provide your family with a guide for your unique celebration.

12 Cremation Monuments

Families have enjoyed the personal service of our A monument is a lasting expression of your professionals, assisting with celebrations of life celebration of life. Choosing a monument may that memorialize loved ones for future generations. be for a loved one or part of your pre-planning Our team will assist you and your family with arrangements. We have the resources to inspire arrangements for cremation, urns and vaults and your decisions and the knowledge to guide you we do so with care and personalized service. If you step by step through the process. We are a full- are considering cremation for yourself or a loved service provider from selection to installation, and one, we are happy to provide any information to our knowledgable staff will consult with you on the aid in your decision and provide you with peace of style, design, type, and wording that will leave an mind. You will find more detailed information about impression for future generations. cremation on page 23. We are happy to provide you with more details and even show you the crematory. Make an appointment to discuss what we have to You also have the option of being present with your offer. loved one as the cremation process is started.

Cemetery

Roberts Cemetery, established in 1789, is a community cemetery on Highway 187 near the shores of Lake Hartwell. This historic cemetery includes grave spaces and a Pavilion Mausoleum with a designated area for family estate mausoleums and graves. The founder of Roberts Presbyterian Church, Rev. John Simpson, Anna Anderson Hunter, daughter of Gen. Robert Anderson, namesake of Anderson County and the City of Anderson and numerous war veterans are among those interred in this colonial cemetery.

13 Planning Ahead

Section at a glance:

• Plan For The Inevitable • Why Plan Ahead? • Why Sullivan-King? • Is Pre-Payment Required? • How to Pre-Plan Your Funeral • Arrange and Delegate • Pre-Planning Checklist • Funeral Arrangements • Visitation • Burial Plans • Graveside Service • Cemetery Property • Headstones • Burial • Memorial or Tribute Service • Cremation • FAQs

14 ROBERTS CEMETERY

15 Pre-Paid Funeral Savings: Funeral prices double on average every ten years. When you pre-pay, you lock in today’s prices until the time of death – no matter how many years later.

Pre-Paid Funeral Expenses Flexibility: Pre-paid funerals are fully transferable with any other funeral home. For example, if you chose to move your funeral arrangements to Sullivan-King, it is as simple as coming in and signing a letter stating your wishes.

Payment Options: At Sullivan-King Mortuary pre-paid funeral funds are not held by the funeral home but by a third party insurance or trust. Payment plans are flexible and based on your needs.

Peace of Mind: Pre-planning provides your family with a guide to your celebration of life. In fact, pre-arranging one’s funeral can be viewed as a “high-benefit, low-risk” decision.

Our staff and pre-planning directors are here to guide you through the process; give us a call to discuss your celebration of life.

16 Plan For The It’s All About Inevitable Taking Control

Pre-planning your funeral should be a natural part Given time to consider these decisions, you’ll quickly of life, since you are making end-of-life decisions realize that pre-planning is all about ensuring that in a calm and rational atmosphere. Start the online your wishes are known so they can be acted upon planning process now through our website, or when the time comes. Making the commitment to meet with one of our pre-planning directors. This discussion just makes sense. • The process is simple. Absolutely everyone can make a pre-plan, and there is no waiting for Why Plan Ahead? return documents. The plan is completed, and • Pre-planning lets your family clearly know your Pre-Planning is a matter of taking the time to think wishes. about – and record – your end-of-life desires. This • Relieves your family members of making very thoughtful gesture is helpful to those you love, and a personal decisions on your behalf at the time of way to let go of anxieties about the future. Once done, need. you can relax, knowing your plans are available to your friends or family. Is Pre-Payment Why Pre-Plan With Required? Sullivan-King? The simple answer is no. You can establish your plan by simply recording your wishes, allowing your

By pre-planning with us, you’re assured that your family to pay for your desired services at the time of your passing. emotional duress. Or, you can protect yourself and your family, by pre- funding your plan. This ensures your expenses will be covered and guaranteed to lock in today’s prices.

17 Here are some tips that may help you start the How To Pre-Plan advance planning conversation with your loved Your Funeral

• Set a time to have the conversation. Schedule it as Pre-planning your funeral will make certain that an appointment with your loved ones, whether your choices are respected and carried out, without you want to share your plans with them or ask leaving your family to wonder what your wishes them to make their plans to share with you. might have been. • Tell your parent or loved one that you want When you’re ready to make a plan, call us and we according to their wishes, and you need their will have one of our pre-planning directors set up help to make that happen. an appointment to see you. There are many different • Ease into the conversation. Questions such ways to begin the planning ahead conversation. as “Have you ever thought about where you You know your family and how your loved ones would like to be buried?” or “What type of might best respond to the topic. For some families, funeral would you like to have?” may open the it might be a casual conversation over dinner or discussion to more details about your loved another family gathering. For other families, a one’s wishes. formal meeting might be better suited. Regardless • Attending the funeral of a friend, family member of your approach, the conversation is much easier or colleague, or watching a movie or television to have when death is not imminent. Bringing up show with funeral scenes may naturally prompt the subject with loved ones earlier in life when they the discussion with your own loved ones. Talk are younger, and most likely healthier, makes the about what you liked or didn’t like about the topic easier to discuss and keeps the focus on the services you saw or attended. celebration of life rather than an impending loss. • Tell your children or loved ones that because you care for them so much, you don’t want to arrangements with loved ones, or encouraging you’re gone. Tell them you’ve made your own loved ones to make and share their plans with you, the conversation about planning ahead is an record. important one for every family. While no one wants • Make your funeral and cemetery plans with us to think about their death or the death of a loved one and then wrap a copy of your contract and wishes any sooner than they must, having the conversation in a gift box and present it to your children. in advance alleviates the need for potentially more • Make it a family affair. Schedule an appointment with your chosen funeral home or cemetery provider and invite your children along to participate in the selection of services, funeral merchandise, and cemetery property.

18 Arrange & Delegate

The people who know and care about you will be • Provide your executor with a copy of your will. there when needed. Your role is to provide them • Make sure your delegate has a list of important account information or telephone numbers for then relax. retirement plans, insurance policies, investments, bank accounts, safety deposit boxes, properties, preferred attorney, and accountant. • Designate a power of attorney to ensure that proper information can be accessed in the event of your illness.

19 Pre-Planning Funeral Checklist Arrangements

For many, it feels like there’s an overwhelming Whether you’re planning for yourself or for a loved amount of things to consider. However, taking one, the funeral service is one of the most important control of the important things in life just feels good; you know it’s the right thing to do for you, and your opportunity for great personalization, the funeral family. Laying the foundation for a well thought out ]' plan for you or a loved one takes a bit of time, but, it’s honors. Regardless of whether you or your loved one worth every moment spent. After all, you’re setting have opted for burial or for cremation, the funeral the stage for a more relaxed and enjoyable life, ( because you’ll have the peace of mind preparedness ! • Honor, recognize, and celebrate the life of the deceased • Prepare a contact list of individuals who should • Allow friends and family to say their last goodbyes • Write an obituary or simply jot down information • Provide closure after the loss of a loved one you would like included in an obituary. • Allow friends to console the family of the loved • Decide where obituary and memorial one information should appear. So what is a funeral? In general terms, a funeral is • Choose the type of service you would like a gathering of family and friends after the death of including the burial you prefer and make those a loved one that allows the opportunity to mourn, " support each other and pay tribute to the life of the • Cemetery lot location deceased. The following are services to consider as • Casket type; cremation urn type part of the funeral arrangements. A similar service • Vault or mausoleum crypt generally referred to as committal often occurs after • # the funeral service. Funeral directors are often asked, denominational, or fraternal “What is the standard way to arrange a funeral?” • The contact details for the funeral home you We believe that each funeral can be as unique and designate memorable as the life being honored. When planning • $ ] your own funeral service in advance, think about the other readings way you want to be remembered. Perhaps you’d like • Preferred organizations or church to receive a traditional funeral aligned with certain religious or ] ethnic customs. Or, a celebration focusing on great • Select the speakers and the eulogies that you memories made with family and friends may be desire your preference. Maybe it’s a combination of both. You can have one service, or several, to honor your life. Regardless of the service or services you choose to include in your funeral plan, you can personalize them in almost any way imaginable.

20 Visitation Burial Plans

Usually held the day before or the day of the funeral service, the visitation provides a way for friends and acquaintances to pay respects and offer condolences make is whether you prefer burial or cremation. to your family. As with the funeral service, you may ] want to decide if you want an open or closed casket, considerations such as elements of the funeral service should one be present. and type of cemetery property.

Funeral Or Graveside Service

Cremation Service As its name implies, a graveside service may be held at the grave site just prior to burial of a casket or A formal or informal ceremony or ritual prior to burial, a funeral service often provides a sense of memories. A similar service, generally referred to as closure to family and friends. Although your faith a committal, often occurs after the funeral service. or culture may dictate some elements of a funeral service, you may want to personalize other elements of the service. At a funeral service, a casket or urn is present, though you may choose to have the casket Cemetery open or closed. Or Mausoleum Property Memorial Or In addition to funeral services and the choice of burial Tribute Service or cremation, cemetery or mausoleum property, or “interment rights,” is another consideration when At a memorial or tribute service, a casket or urn is usually not present. Otherwise similar to a funeral in advance, or for a loved one. or visitation, a memorial service gives family and friends a time to come together in your memory and celebrate your life.

21 Questions To Burial

/ Most people are familiar with the concept of traditional casket burial, or “interment,” but may • Where should the funeral be held? At your place not be aware of the variety of options that are often of worship? At the funeral home? Another place available. Many cemeteries offer one or more of the of your choosing? • ) • Will your service adhere to the traditions of your • /:< faith or culture? ground. A “vault” or “outer burial container” • Do you want a eulogy, and who should deliver may be required at some cemeteries. this message? • A cremation niche in a mausoleum or at a grave • Would you like an open or closed casket? site. • What music should be played? • = / = • What readings would you prefer? large building that provides above-ground • Is there a special poem you’d like shared with entombments. the guests? • $ > = • Are there any special photographs or other that provides above-ground entombment of two memorabilia you would like displayed? or more decedents. • * ] • / / side-by-side or end-to-end. At Roberts Cemetery, music? end-to-end crypts are available for three • Is there a particular emblem or engraving you entombments. want on your headstone or marker? • Should there be refreshments served or a more elaborate party held after the service?

Headstones

Some cemeteries allow upright headstones, called “monuments,” to be used with ground burials. ! ] called “markers.” In some cemeteries, or sections of ] natural appearance of the landscape.

22 Cremation What Is Cremation?

Many people overlook the importance of cemetery Cremation is a process of reducing the body to bone property for those who choose cremation, but fragments by applying intense heat for a period of PQ two to three hours. The cremated remains, which ashes or “cremated remains” is an important part of are commonly referred to as “cremains or ashes,” Z are removed from the cremation chamber. They are • A permanent site gives loved ones a physical a temporary container. The ashes weigh typically ] between three and six pounds. An urn may be • The ceremony accompanying the placement of an urn in a cremation niche or a cremation garden remains. in a cemetery provides family and friends with closure after the loss of a loved one. While cremation is an alternative to earth burial or • When ashes of a loved one are kept with relatives, mausoleum entombment, the funeral service is not they can easily become misplaced or discarded limited in any way. Should you choose cremation, you through the years, as future generations may not will still have the same options for memorialization. feel a connection to the deceased. Cremation can take place before or after the funeral • A permanent placement provides future service. In this section, we’ve answered the most generations with a location to visit when common questions we are asked about cremation. If researching heritage. you desire further information, please contact us.

cremated remains are: Do We Need To Buy A Casket? • / [ # accommodate a cremation urn. A casket is not required however, law requires that at • / \ a minimum, the deceased must be placed into a rigid mausoleum or chapel and constructed of combustible container. Many options of caskets and numerous niches designed to hold urns. containers are available. • / : cemetery designed for the burial, scattering or other permanent placement of ashes. Where & When Does • = < Cremation Take Place? memorialize a loved one scattered or buried in a cremation garden, or actually contain the Cremations occur at a crematorium in a cremation remains. chamber or retort. Regulations allow only one cremation at a time. To assure continuous and trusted care, Sullivan-King Mortuary maintains an on-site crematory.

23 Is Cremation Cheaper Than Do We Need A Funeral If Burial & Would Embalming We Select Cremation? Be Required? Cremation does not limit the type of funeral service that may be chosen. The same options that apply to Typically, cremation is less expensive than earth earth burial are available with cremation. Some of burial. Depending on which cemetery is selected, the cremation cost may be less expensive than service and visitation, music selection, open casket the purchase of a cemetery plot. While cremation and the display of personal mementos. Some families is an alternative to earth burial or mausoleum elect to have a complete service at the funeral home entombment, the funeral service is not limited in any or place of worship. way. While not mandatory, some circumstances may require embalming. If you prefer an open casket with a visitation prior to the service, embalming is highly recommended. Embalming is required when What Can Be Done With The mausoleum entombment is chosen. Cremated Remains?

Burial Can We Place Personal Items The cremated remains may be buried in an existing In The Casket Or Container cemetery plot or a new plot may be purchased. Prior To Cremation? Inurnment The urn may be placed in a niche in an above-ground Many personal items may be placed in the casket structure called a columbarium. or container; however, some items may need to be removed prior to the cremation process. All items Scattering left in the casket or container will be destroyed Scattering areas are available at many area during the cremation. Your funeral director can cemeteries. advise you on what items may stay and what items must be removed from the casket or container. Shipping You may wish for the cremated remains to be shipped to another country. Our staff has experience with the details of international shipping.

Keeping Many people prefer to have the urn at home with them. Cremated remains may also be divided for distribution among loved ones and used in memorialization keepsakes.

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Section at a glance:

• Pre-Planning Forms • Obituaries

Most of us plan ahead in life, for weddings, children’s education, family vacations and other significant, anticipated events in life. We also plan for the unanticipated events of life by purchasing life insurance and insurance for homes, autos and health care.

With this understanding of planning, the benefits of making funeral pre-arrangements has become popular to so many others who have taken the steps to plan their own arrangements.

26 ROBERTS CEMETERY

27 Pre-Planning Forms

To my loved ones, I wanted to spare you as much anxiety, doubt, and confusion as possible so in this booklet I have suggested some " and cemetery requests, which are important to the funeral director while assisting you to plan the details of my service. I have also included more personal material for eulogies, obituaries and other remembrances. Please accept these arrangements with love, hoping to give you comfort and help you to remember the times we shared.

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SKM Decorative Arts is available to custom design and install bronze, granite, and marble memorials in area cemeteries. Financing is available.

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31 Information for newspapers - a guideline:

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32 A personal life review for the funeral and eulogy:

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INSTRUCTIONS / OBITUARY TEMPLATE

Replace all CAPITALS below with the appropriate information.

[GIVEN NAME] [MIDDLE NAME (AND NICKNAME)] [SURNAME NAME], [AGE], of [CITY], [STATE], passed away on [DATE OF DEATH] in [LOCATION OF DEATH]. Funeral service will be held at [LOCATION] on [DATE] at [TIME] with Reverend [NAME] of [CHURCH] officiating. Burial will follow at [CEMETERY NAME], [CEMETERY LOCATION]. Visitation will be held at [LOCATION] on [DATE] at [TIME]. [NAME OF FUNERAL HOME] will be handling the funeral arrangements.

[NAME] was born in [LOCATION OF BIRTH] to [PARENT’S NAMES] on [DATE OF BIRTH]. He/she went to high school at [SCHOOL NAME] and graduated in [YEAR]. He/she went on to earn a degree/certificate in [DEGREE TYPE] from [SCHOOL NAME]. He/she worked as a [JOB TYPE] for [COMPANY] for [NUMBER OF YEARS]. He/she enjoyed [ACTIVITIES/HOBBIES]. He/she received [AWARDS/HONORS] and was /!^_(({*|\_:^[(`^(\[*

[^={|_{~^(\[[^={/("~ spouse, children, siblings, parents, grandchildren, nieces and nephews). He/she is preceded in death by his/ _{~^(\[ [^={ ~ = \_:^[(`^(\[[^={=^(~([:^]]_{**

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[FINAL WORDS].

Remember most newspapers charge by the word, this template is good for getting the information necessary in as few words as possible. However, this template is not written in stone. You can make any adjustments you feel necessary.

Why Do We Need An Obituary? It is helpful to friends and the community to have an obituary notice published announcing the death and type of service to be held. A notice can be placed on our website and/or in a local newspaper.

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Established Since 1921 Colaricci Daudlin Tauro We can make your event memorable. Funeral Homes Ltd. BEREAVEMENT GUIDE

Bereavement Guide

BEREAVEMENT GUIDE 211 McNaughton Road East, Maple, ON L6A 4E2 We have private space available in the evenings or can Phone: (905)303-4400 Fax: (905)303-7102 [email protected] www.cdtfuneralhomes.ca Want to advertise in one of our high quality printed brochures? Telephone 1-514-667-3673 Call Summer at: (864)965-9030 or email [email protected] to discuss menus and pricing. www.skyways-media.com www.summajoes.com CANADA: 3rd Floor, 7111 Syntex Drive, Mississauga, ON L5N 8C3. Tel 1-289-290-4409 USA: 40 Wall Street, 28th Floor, Manhattan, New York, 10005. Tel 1-646-8105-748

Admitted to Practice in 1976 Lifelong Resident of Anderson, South Carolina

AREAS OF PRACTICE

Wills and Probating of Estates Living Wills and Powers of Attorney Elder Law / Healthcare Powers of Attorney Deeds of Distribution on Estates Conservatorship and Guardianship Actions Lawsuits to Determine Heirs Real Estate Transactions / Title Examinations

Office Location: 309 South Main Street, Anderson, South Carolina 29624 Office Phone: 864-225-2565, Ext. 1; Office Fax: 864-224-3321, Email: [email protected] When A Death Occurs

Section at a glance:

• Making The First Phone Calls • Calling The Funeral Home

38 ROBERTS CEMETERY

39 Making The First Phone Calls

Whether you receive a 2 a.m. phone call with news of moments of a long illness, your initial reaction to the death likely will be shock. It doesn’t seem to matter how prepared we are – or aren’t – a loved one’s death often leaves us feeling numb and bewildered. If you’re responsible for making the funeral arrangements or executing the will, shock and grief can be immobilizing. Even simple decisions can be overwhelming.

death. When someone dies in a hospital or similar care facility, the staff may contact the funeral home you choose on your behalf. You will need to notify family and friends. It may be easier on you to make a few phone calls to other relatives or friends and ask people, so the burden of spreading the news isn’t all on you. If you are alone, ask someone to keep you company while you make these calls and try to cope " to speak to the funeral home, to arrange a time to

Calling The Funeral Home

] to bring your loved one into our care and obtain approval to embalm as appropriate.

A funeral director is available by phone 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.

40 ^ The funeral director will register the death after arrange transportation of the deceased, obtain death particulars of the deceased from an appropriate marker and cemetery space, arrange the funeral/ person. The funeral director can then issue a death memorial/burial service and visitation, help you notify the deceased’s employer, attorney, insurance company and banks, offer grief support, or direct you to other resources.

How We Register A Death

If a person dies in South Carolina, the death must be registered with the Department of Health and Environmental Control (DHEC). The death ' concerning the deceased and forward it to a medical practitioner, coroner, or medical examiner to sign the ' \ request of the funeral director, the particulars of the death will be provided by an appropriate person in a required format. These particulars can be provided

• Nearest living relative of the deceased person present at the death or last illness;

• If no such relative is available, by any relative of the deceased;

• Any adult present at the death, if no relative is available;

• Other adult having knowledge of the facts;

• Adult occupying the premises where the death occurred;

• \ death, made an inquiry or held an inquest regarding the death.

41 Frequently Asked Questions

Section at a glance:

• What Is A Funeral And Can I Personalize it? • What Happens If A Death Occurs At Night Or On The Weekend? • What Should I Do If A Death Occurs While Away From Home? • What Do Funeral Directors Do? • What Type Of Service Should I Have? • Funeral Etiquette • How You Can Help The Bereaved • Eulogies

42 ROBERTS CEMETERY

43 What Is A Funeral And Can I Personalize it?

The funeral is a ceremony of proven worth and value for those who mourn. It provides an opportunity for the survivors and others who share in the loss to express their love, respect, and grief. It permits facing openly and realistically the crisis that death may present. Through the funeral, the bereaved take loss.

Can I personalize my funeral? - Absolutely, in fact, we recommend it. After all, the funeral is a celebration of life. Our funeral directors are happy to discuss all options and ensure your funeral is tailored to your wishes. It may be personalized in many unique ways.

What Should I Do If A Death Occurs At Night Or On The Weekend?

We are available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. If you request immediate assistance, such as a death at home, our professionals will be there as soon as possible. If the family wishes to spend a short time with the deceased to say goodbye, just advise us. We will then come when your time is right.

What Should I Do If A Death Occurs While Away From Home?

We can assist you if a death occurs anywhere on the globe. We can assume responsibility and coordinate the arrangements for the return of the deceased person to our community.

44 What Do Funeral Funeral Etiquette Directors Do? The accepted customs of dress and behavior in a funeral have changed over time, but courtesy never Funeral directors are both caregivers and goes out of style. Here’s what we’d like you to know administrators. In their administrative duties, they about funeral etiquette. make the arrangements for transportation of the deceased, complete all necessary paperwork, and It’s important to know what religious, ethnic, or implement the choices made by the family regarding personal considerations you need to take into ^ account. And it’s also important to be respectful of caregivers, funeral directors are listeners, advisors the emotions of close family members. Here are a few and supporters. They have experience assisting the bereaved in coping with death. Funeral directors are trained to answer questions about grief, recognize Offer an expression of sympathy. Sometimes we are at a loss for words when recommend sources of professional help. Funeral * directors also link survivors with support groups at saying “I’m sorry for your loss” is usually enough. the funeral home or in the community. Be respectful and listen attentively when spoken to, and offer your own words of condolence.

What Type Of Service Find out the dress code. Should I Have? These days almost anything goes, but only when you know it’s the right thing. In fact, sometimes the Only you can answer that question. The type of ( service conducted for the deceased, if not noted in a pre-plan, is decided by the family. The service can appropriately. be held at a place of worship or at the funeral home. The service may vary in ritual according to religious Gifts & signing the register book. denomination or the wishes of the family. The ( ] presence of friends at this time is an acknowledgment charity, as always, “it’s the thought that counts.” of friendship and support. A private service is by After a death, the family will likely be overwhelmed invitation only where selected relatives and a few and may not remember everyone they spoke with close friends attend the funeral service. A memorial and may not have had a chance to interact with service is usually a service without the physical body everyone. Signing a register book allows the family present and can vary in ceremony and procedures to know who was there, which can offer comfort and according to the family’s community or religious solace after the event.

45 How You Can Help The Bereaved

Before The Funeral

1. Offer to notify his/her family and friends 5. Help co-ordinate the food and drink about funeral arrangements. supply. 2. House-sit to maintain a presence in the 6. Offer to pick up friends and family at the home during the funeral and visitations airport and arrange housing. or to help at home with pets. 7. Offer to provide transportation for out- 3. Help answering the phone and greeting of-town visitors. visitors. 8. Help him/her keep the house cleaned 4. Keep a record of everyone who calls, and the dishes washed. visits or has been contacted.

After The Funeral

1. Prepare or provide dinner on a day that 8. Make a weekly run to the grocery store, is mutually acceptable. laundry, or cleaners. 2. Do Step 1. every week for two to three 9. Help with the Thank You notes and/or months. other correspondence. 3. Offer to help with household chores 10. ^ such as watering or pruning. anniversaries, birthdays, holidays, and anniversary of the day of death. 4. Feed and exercise the pets, if any. 11. Always mention the deceased by name 5. Write notes offering encouragement and and encourage reminiscing. support. 6. Offer to drive or accompany him/her to Above all, just listening and your concern the cemetery regularly. and presence will help. 7. Offer to house-sit so he/she can get away or visit family out of town.

46 Eulogies

• Gather information. Talk with family members, • Become familiar with your speech so you can close friends, and co-workers to get important recite it without making it look like you’re information on the deceased. Some important reading from a script. The more you practice the information to include in the eulogy is the family more comfortable you will feel. and other close relationships, their education/ career, hobbies or special interests, places • Make them laugh, but be respectful. A funeral is the person lived or traveled, and any special not a roast, however there is room for humor in accomplishments. your eulogy. Fondly remember a story about the person and keep it appropriate. Laughter is truly • Organize your thoughts and jot down your the best medicine, and some well-placed humor ideas. Create an outline of your speech, and fill will help people cope, and will bring back fond in the information that you gathered about the memories of the deceased. person. • Don’t be afraid to show emotion. Funerals are • Write it down. This is not a toast at a wedding an extremely emotional event, nobody expects where you can make off-the-cuff remarks, and you not to shed a few tears. However, if you feel you should not ad-lib a eulogy. Writing it all that you will be too strongly overcome by your down allows you to include and remember emotions, have a back-up plan in place where every detail you wanted in your eulogy. When someone you trust can deliver the eulogy for you bring a copy of your eulogy to the podium you. Give them a copy well in advance if you make sure it is easy to read, print it out in a feel this could be an issue. Always have a glass large font, or if it is hand-written leave a few of water as well as tissues handy. spaces between the lines. Keep in mind your time constraints, it’s best to keep things on the short side.

• Review and Revise. Your first draft will not be the last. When you think you are done, sleep on it and look it over in the morning when it is fresh again, that will be the time to make any necessary revisions.

• Practice, Practice, Practice. Read over your eulogy several times in order to become familiar with it. Practice in front of a mirror, read it over to some friends or family and have them give you feedback.

47 After Care & Grief

Section at a glance:

• What Is Grief? • The Grieving Process • Accepting A Loss

48 ROBERTS CEMETERY

49 What Is Grief?

After the cards are all open, the guests have gone, ] years following a funeral.

With our free grief support you’re assured of our time. Sullivan-King is very proud to be able to coordinate a comprehensive grief follow-up program to assist the surviving loved ones with practical guidance, literature, and emotional support any time it’s needed. Our mission is to help the family not just during the funeral process, but also be there with support and other programs.

The death of a loved one is probably life’s most painful event. People’s reactions to death remain one of society’s least understood and most off-limits topics for discussion. Oftentimes, grievers are left totally alone in dealing with their pain, loneliness, and isolation.

Grief is a natural emotion that follows death. It hurts. Sadness, denial, guilt, physical discomfort, and sleeplessness are some of the symptoms of grief. It is like an open wound which must become healed. At times, it seems as if this healing will never happen. While some of life’s spontaneity begins to return, it never seems to get back to the way it was. It is still incomplete. We know, however, that these feelings of being incomplete can disappear.

50 Healing is a process of allowing ourselves to feel, Sometimes a person can become overwhelmed experience, and accept the pain. In other words, or bogged down in the grieving process. Serious we give ourselves permission to heal. Allowing losses are never easy to deal with, but someone ourselves to accept these feelings is the beginning of who is having trouble beginning to actively re- that process. engage in life after a few months should consider getting professional help. For example, if continual The healing process can take much less time than depression or physical symptoms such as loss of we have been led to believe. There are two missing appetite, inability to sleep, or chronic lack of energy parts. One is a safe, loving, professionally guided persists, it is probably time to see a doctor. atmosphere in which to express our feelings; the other is knowing how and what to communicate. Allow Yourself The Grieving To Mourn

Process Someone you love has died. You are now faced When we experience a major loss, grief is the normal Mourning is the open expression of your thoughts and natural way our mind and body react. Everyone and feelings regarding the death and the person grieves differently and at the same time, there are who has died. It is an essential part of healing. You common patterns people tend to share. are beginning a journey that is often frightening, painful, overwhelming, and sometimes lonely. For example, someone experiencing grief usually This guide provides practical suggestions to help moves through a series of emotional stages such you move towards healing in your personal grief as shock, numbness, guilt, anger, and denial. experience. $ sleeplessness, inability to eat or concentrate, lack of energy, and lack of interest in activities previously Allow For enjoyed. Numbness Time always plays an important role in the grieving process. As the days, weeks, and months go by, the Feeling dazed or numb when someone loved dies person who is experiencing loss moves through is often part of your early grief experience. This emotional and physical reactions that normally lead toward acceptance, healing, and getting on with life emotions time to catch up with what your mind has as fully as possible. told you. This feeling helps create insulation from the reality of the death until you are more able to tolerate what you don’t want to believe.

51 Realize Your Be Tolerant Of Grief Is Unique Your Physical &

Your grief is unique. No one will grieve in exactly Emotional Limits "] Your feelings of loss and sadness will probably person who died, the circumstances surrounding leave you fatigued., your ability to think clearly the death, your emotional support system and your and make decisions may be impaired, and your cultural and religious background. low energy level may naturally slow you down. Respect what your body and mind are telling you. As a result of these factors, you will grieve in Nurture yourself. Get daily rest. Eat balanced meals. your own special way. Don’t try to compare your Lighten your schedule as much as possible. Caring experience with that of other people or to adopt for yourself doesn’t mean feeling sorry for yourself; assumptions about just how long your grief should it means you are using survival skills. last. Consider taking a “one day at a time” approach that allows you to grieve at your own pace. Develop A Talk About Support System

Your Grief Reaching out to others and accepting support is But the most compassionate self-action you can take Express your grief openly. By sharing your grief outside yourself, healing occurs. Ignoring your grief of caring friends and relatives who will provide the won’t make it go away; talking about it often makes understanding you need. you feel better. Allow yourself to speak from your heart, not just your head. Doing so doesn’t mean you are losing control, or going “crazy”. It is a normal part of your grief journey. Find caring friends and Treasure Your relatives who will listen without judging. Seek out those persons who will “walk with, not in front Memories of” or “behind” you in your journey through grief. Avoid people who are critical or who try to steal Memories are one of the best legacies that exist after your grief from you. They may tell you, “keep your someone loved dies. Treasure them. Share them chin up” or “carry on” or “be happy.” While these with your family and friends. Recognize that your comments may be well-intended, you do not have to memories may make you laugh or cry. In either case, accept them. You have a right to express your grief; they are a lasting part of the relationship that you no one has the right to take it away. had with a very special person in your life.

52 Expect To Feel Embrace Your A Multitude Of Spirituality

Emotions If faith is part of your life, express it in ways that seem appropriate to you. Allow yourself to be around Experiencing a loss affects your head, heart, and people who understand and support your religious spirit, so you may experience a variety of emotions as beliefs. If you are angry with God because of the part of your grief work. Confusion, disorganization, death of someone you loved, recognize this feeling fear, guilt, relief, or explosive emotions are just a as a normal part of your grief work. Find someone to few of the emotions you may feel. Sometimes these talk with who won’t be critical of whatever thoughts emotions will follow each other within a short period and feelings you need to explore. of time or they may occur simultaneously. You may hear someone say, “With faith, you don’t As strange as some of these emotions may seem, need to grieve.” Don’t believe it. Having your they are normal and healthy. Allow yourself to personal faith does not insulate you from needing to learn from these feelings and don’t be surprised if talk out and explore your thoughts and feelings. To out of nowhere you suddenly experience surges of deny your grief is to invite problems that build up grief, even at the most unexpected times. These grief inside you. Express your faith, but express your grief attacks can be frightening and leave you feeling as well. overwhelmed. They are, however, a natural response to the death of someone loved. Find someone who understands your feelings and will allow you to talk about them. Allow A Search For Meaning

The Value Of " P )Q “Why this way?” “Why now?” This search for A Funeral meaning is another normal part of the healing process. Some questions have answers. Some do

The funeral ritual does more than acknowledge the not. Actually, the healing occurs in the opportunity death of someone loved. The funeral helps survivors to pose the questions, not necessarily in answering face the reality of death and can be an important step them. Find a supportive friend who will listen in the grief process. The funeral is a way for you to responsively as you search for meaning. express your grief outside yourself, together with family and close friends that can lend support and consolation.

53 Accepting A Loss Move Toward Your

For each of us - rich or poor, young or old - there are Grief And Heal times in our lives when we must face and deal with personal losses and the pain and sorrow they cause. The capacity to love requires the necessity to grieve Examples that come easily to mind are the death of when someone you love dies. You can’t heal unless a parent, spouse, child, or other close family member you openly express your grief. Denying your or friend. Many other events and transitions also grief will only make it become more confusing and overwhelming. Embrace your grief and heal. Reconciling your grief will not happen quickly. • Being told you have a serious, possibly terminal Remember, grief is a process, not an event. Be patient illness. and tolerant with yourself. Never forget that the • Having to give up interests and activities that death of someone loved changes your life forever. have been a major part of your life. It’s not that you won’t be happy again. It’s simply • Seeing serious decline in mental or physical that you will never be exactly the same as you were health of someone you love. before the death. • Retiring from a work career or voluntary activity that has helped shape who you are and what you “The experience of grief is powerful. So, too, is your stand for. ability to help yourself heal. In doing the work of • ~ grieving, you are moving toward a renewed sense of and mobility; even giving up driving a car can be meaning and purpose in your life.” • Moving out of your home. - Dr. Alan D. Wolfelt, Center for Loss and Life Transition • Saying goodbye to a favorite pet.

Losses such as these are simply part of living. Like their counterparts among the joyful occasions in our lifetime - the birth of a child or grandchild, a celebration of marriage, an enduring friendship - they are part of what it means to share in the human experience, and the emotions they create in us are part of living, as well.

Settling An Estate

Section at a glance:

• Important Documents • Estate Settlement Issues • Death Certificates • Administration Of A Will • Probate Or Administration? • FAQs • Settling An Estate

56 ROBERTS CEMETERY

57 Probate is a rather formal procedure. One minor omission, failure to notify all required parties, or a Estate Settlement missed deadline can cause unnecessary delays. While Issues there is no requirement to use a lawyer, having help from someone who knows the process can certainly be an advantage. The death of a family member or Wills, probate, administration without a will, friend is a stressful time. Experience shows that even $ $ in close families it is possible to get emotional over estate matters, which can be upsetting and raise claims of dependents and creditors, probate fees, issues of fairness or create unfounded suspicion. A income and estate taxes, and other issues may appear overwhelming after the death of a loved one. Sorting and settling all the details may be confusing because many of the terms are unfamiliar. We hope that this document might eliminate some of the mystery and Important help you in the process. This guide is not intended Documents estate settlement advice, as the issues and concerns Locate as many of the following documents is necessary or appropriate, consultation with a competent professional is strongly recommended. documents, bank statements, statements from Most of all, keep in mind that while it is important to *< take care of all of these concerns, it’s also important social security card/number, income tax statements, to move at a pace that is comfortable for you during pension statements, vehicle and boat registration your grieving process. documents, insurance policies, and marriage and divorce documents.

Before the business and legal issues of the estate can be pursued, it will be necessary to obtain a death ( These are obtained from the Department of Health and Environmental Control (DHEC). Vital Records will only be given to the appropriate individuals.

58 Administration Probate & Of A Will Administration

Preparing a will allows you to deal with your estate $ in the manner you choose. With the assistance of a lawyer this should be fairly straightforward. A of the estate. will makes the administration of your estate much simpler and less expensive. However, a will might Administration is also a court process but a representative is appointed to handle the estate, usually of a person who died without a will. Once the • ^ such as life insurance proceeds, pass directly to can handle the deceased’s estate. Obtaining probate or administration of an estate is not cheap or quick. can sometimes be affected by the wording in a Both probate and administration are processes that will and care has to be taken in that regard. require court approval. The executors of a will, or • Property that is held in joint tenancy with the administrators of an estate without a will, must someone else generally passes automatically to determine the assets and liabilities of the estate. This the surviving joint tenant. A provision in a will process can be time consuming depending on the leaving the deceased’s share in that joint asset to complexity of the assets of the deceased. Documents someone other than the surviving joint tenant outlining the assets and liabilities must be presented would have no effect unless all joint tenants died to the court for approval. Depending on the activity simultaneously. schedule of the court calendar, approval could take • Property that is held in a spousal or other trust several months. remains in the trust and does not pass to the Most people have not dealt with the legal process • Pension plans, IRA, 401(k) or other retirement of obtaining probate or administration. A lawyer who is experienced with estate matters can provide not pass through the estate. an estimate of the legal costs involved to assist you with your loved one’s estate. Do not hesitate to ask for help.

59 Q. What Is Probate Or Q. Why Is Probate Or Administration? Administration Necessary?

Answer: Probate is the legal process whereby your Answer: Probate establishes the executor or named executor applies to the court to have the will administrator as the legal representative of the estate proven as valid and to be given the authority to and gives the executor or administrator the power to deal with the estate property in accordance with the distribute the assets of the estate in accordance with provisions of the will. the provisions of the will or pursuant to the Wills, Estates and Succession Act. If the net value of the Typically, probate is a procedural matter that does estate is less than $25,000 it may not be necessary not involve an actual court appearance. However, if to apply to the court to administer the estate. The the will is challenged this changes considerably. probate or administration process also provides a mechanism for setting a deadline for contesting a Only a small percentage of wills are challenged. will and creates a time frame for the distribution of Your executor determines the various assets and the deceased’s property. liabilities of the estate and presents them to the court ^ Q. What Is Involved In ( Administering The Estate? no one challenges the will, then probate is granted in favour of the executor. It is preferable to have a will Answer: Your executor/administrator has many so that the deceased determines how their estate is distributed and who will deal with the process. safeguarding all property owned by the Deceased; obtaining a valuation of the estate assets; paying all If the deceased died without a will in South Carolina, debts and taxes; proving that the will is valid and their estate passes in accordance with the provisions legal; and distributing the property to the rightful of the Probate of Wills and Administration Act. A heirs. formula is followed to determine how the estate is distributed. If there is no will, the next of kin usually takes on the role of the administrator of the estate Q. Who Is Responsible For and goes through basically the same process as an executor to determine the assets and liabilities of Handling Probate? the deceased. The court process to be appointed as an administrator is very similar to that of obtaining Answer: In most circumstances, the executor named probate. There are some extra steps due to the fact that in the will takes this job. If there isn’t a will, or the will there is no will and it is generally more expensive to fails to name an executor, another family member has deal with an estate without a will. In both situations, to step forward to apply to deal with the estate. This the court will approve a representative. If there is a is typically the closest capable relative, or the person will, the probate court appoints an executor. If there is who inherits the bulk of the deceased person’s assets. no will, the probate court appoints an administrator.

60 Q. How Long Does Estate Q. Should I Plan To Avoid Administration Take? Probate?

Answer: The duration varies with the size and Answer:: marriage of a husband and wife, it is possible to determining the deceased’s assets and liabilities, arrange your legal affairs so that property can pass to the surviving spouse without the necessity of probate or administration. It is almost always necessary to returns for the estate. It can take up to 12 months go through the probate or administration process following the death of the second spouse. clearance from the relevant agencies. If the will is contested or, if anyone objects to any actions of the It is becoming less common for people to have only executor or administrator, the process can take a one marriage. If you are in a second marriage, or have long time. A normal estate takes between 12 and 18 months to complete. Some estates have been known and accounting advice when planning your estate. to drag on for decades.

Q. What Is The Probate Process Of An Uncontested Will?

Answer: Typically the executor or administrator deals with a lawyer experienced in probate matters. The probate or administration documents outlining the assets and liabilities of the estate are submitted ^ objection if they disagree with the application. The vast majority of estates are resolved in this way. Unfortunately, you only hear about the estates percent of estates are actually formally disputed. If no objections are received, and everything appears in order, the court approves the application and issues the court authorization appointing the executor or administrator.

61 The executor must arrange to collect income from Settling An Estate investments or other sources. Bank accounts must The deceased person remains a legal entity through pay the costs associated with estate administration, their estate. The assets, debts, and obligations of the including funeral and burial expenses and probate individual need to be settled. fees.

A lawyer can help you complete the required Life insurance policies must be assembled and the paperwork to wrap up the deceased’s affairs. $ should be deposited in an estate bank account, and < ( / ^ is sought, notice of the application must be sent to { ( employers may be available and should be pursued. Particulars should be obtained of any annuity in providing notice. Due to their status as charities, * * they must exercise diligence in receiving the gift, and / may require a detailed accounting from the executor through the Department of Veterans Affairs. * Interests in real estate properties should be distanced from the deceased by relationship or location can sometimes sense an unexpected windfall investment property, vacation property or otherwise. and become demanding of information. If title was not solely in the name of the deceased, the nature of co-ownership is important to determine. Even if estate assets are not perishable or subject to Mortgages on any such properties should be reviewed volatile value swings, the executor must take special (' care to ensure they are secured and protected. it is essential to determine if and how they can be This may include reviewing current insurance for kept current. Tax obligations and status should be adequacy, and instituting or modifying insurance determined, and insurance coverage reviewed. coverage as required. ( Where appropriate, assets should be taken into ( custody by the executor. This is especially important the ability to complete the estate administration for assets such as cash, marketable securities, valuable could be affected. IRAs, 401(k)s or other retirement papers, jewelry, deeds of property, and insurance { policies. If the deceased owned or operated, or was involved in, a private business, it may be necessary taxable income to the deceased or estate, income tax to arrange competent management, and to consider liabilities incurred. if the business should or could be sold.

62 All of the foregoing assumes the deceased had ! of American adults have not done so. If there is no valid will in place, it is normally a close relative who would take on the role of estate trustee; however, /^ is more involved, and distribution of assets is determined by statute rather than by the intent of the deceased. As this section hopefully indicates, the role of the executor in administering an estate is { professionals is an important aspect of the work of the executor, and can mean the difference between a successful administration and a frustrating, drawn out experience.

63 SKM DECORATIVE ARTS monuments & bronze

3205 North Highway 81 • Anderson, SC 29621 64 [email protected] • 864.225.5431 • www.SKMDecorativeArts.com FLORIST

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After hours please call: (864) 367-3129

Important Notes

65 Important Notes

66 A NEW TRADITION IN FAMILY CEMETERIES

CEMETERY AND MAUSOLEUM SPACE AVAILABLE

PRE-NEED PRICING AND FINANCING AVAILABLE

MONUMENT AND BRONZE MEMORIAL OPTIONS

67 ROBERTS CEMETERY

3205 North Highway 81 - Anderson, South Carolina 29621

Phone: (864) 225-5431 | Fax: (864) 224-6428 Email: [email protected] | Web: www.sullivanking.com

www.skmdecorativearts.com | www.robertscemeterysc.com

Concord Road is Bridge Ro Harr ad

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