Good Manners for All Occasions, Including Etiquette of Cards

m CCASIONS \RGARET E.SANGSTER LIBRARY OF THE NEW YORK STATE COLLEGE OF HOME ECONOMICS CORNELL UNIVERSITY ITHACA, NEW YORK Gift of v.- ' David A. Howe Public Library Wellsville, N.Y. _ Cornell University Library BJ 1853.S22 Good manners for all occasions, Including 3 1924 014 059 103 The original of tiiis book is in tine Cornell University Library. There are no known copyright restrictions in the United States on the use of the text. http://www.archive.org/cletails/cu31924014059103 @ooU tnanners a« ntatre up of pett^ eacrtCtcesi* -EMERSON. Good Manners FOR ALL OCCASIONS INCLUDING ETIQUETTE OF CARDS, WEDDING ANNOUNCEMENTS AND INVITATIONS BY MARGARET E. SANGSTER NEW YORK CUPPLES & LEON COMPANY PUBLISHERS CopTrigrht, 1904, by Louis Klopso Copyright, 1910, by COPPLES & Leon CompanV (3as Vlfam to Kmva 3b to Klmvc» attlt âve, Mts. Hums l&lapatii. 9 <^^ - (? —— Qmntte muett aoont bnomletisf^ anti emootl} its im^ tlirous^ t|ie toorlti. Hifee a great cous^ Dta^ tnonD, it mws Do ter^ indl in a doett b^ ina)? of curtofiitt^, anD alsio for its inttinek balue ; but tt Inill neber bt iDorn, nor $bto^« ^ tt t^ not poIt0lêD* -CHESTERFIELD. (> £J~ ^ FOREWORD A BOOK is the better for a preface, just as a house is the finer for a porch. People sometimes tell me they omit reading an author's preface. How can they be so rude? They might as well omit a bow when introduced to a new acquaintance. I make a point of reading the prefaces written by other people, and, Gentle Reader, I am sure you will read mine. This book is a plain-spoken treatise or talk on the ways in vogue in good society, the society to which you and I belong. It is a friendly book, and it will fit into any hour of leisure a busy woman may happen to have. A busy man may find some- thing in it for him, too, if he take the trouble to look. Like little Jack Homer, you may put in your thumb and pull out a plum anywhere in this particular pie. Some books are offended if you do not approach them with grave looks, and give them your close attention. They turn a cold shoulder on you if you viii Foreword lose your place. They demand that you give yourself up to them wholly. Other books do not mind if you run into their shelter when you can, and stay Tintil somebody calls you from upstairs, "Mother, mother, hurry here, please," or from downstairs, "Please come soon, dearest; the syrup has boiled over in the oven!" This is that sort of book. It has a message for you, and you may listen and consider, and maybe learn a little lesson or two by heart, precisely when it is most convenient to yourself. Some books are out of place except on the stateliest shelf in the library. Some books are proud and haughty and not satisfied except on the parlor table. Other books like to stay where you stay, and slip down beside you while you sew, or lie near you on a stand in the sitting room, among the flowers and the homely fumittire, and near the baby's cradle. This is that sort of book, too; it hopes to be your daily companion and friendly adviser, whispering just what to do, and how and when to do whatever is to be done, at the fireside, on the journey, and among the neighbors. The accepted etiquette of courtship and marriage is treated here, so the book is for the lover and the girl he loves, for the wife and the husband who Foreword ix cherishes her fondly, having gained his heart's desire. The etiquette of entertainment, of social inter- course, of correspondence, and of happy living is carefully outlined, and is derived not from hasty impressions but from the highest authorities in Europe and America. Here, too, is a chapter touching reverently mourning customs, funerals, and the behavior appropriate in hours of sadness and in the shadow of affliction. No mention is made in this book of the etiquette of certain forms of amusement about which many good people are divided in opinion. Dancing and card-playing and theater-going are approved by some and condemned by others, and whether or not one may engage in them is a question to be settled by the individual conscience. As the greater number of those who will read this book find other recreations sufficient for their hours of leistire, and as they do not necessarily enter into the domain of good manners, nor practically affect the daily life of our homes, these particular amusements are omitted in this volume. Let me add that no allusion is made in this volume to wine at the table, or to any form of hospitality X Foreword which is even remotely allied to the custom of mod- erate drinking. In the view of those to whom this book is offered, total abstinence is safe and inebriety a sin. alcoholic beverages being permissible only and strictly when ordered as medicine by reputable physicians. To a host of friends, dearly beloved, far and near, I commend this book, sent to each with a personal greeting, and good wishes for all the year round. Margaret E. Sangster. —— TABLE OF CONTENTS CHAPTER I PAGE A Bit of Talk about Politeness. —Manner and manners Table manners—Table etiquette—Manners may change The basis of good form—A complaint box i CHAPTER II Children and Manners. —Little courtesies—Children and hired help—The children and the school—The children's money— The old and the young—Children and guests—Good manners in the church—Some other hints ii CHAPTER III "^ Good Manners when Traveling. —Getting ready for the road— Anticipate, do not forebode—On packing a trunk—^What to do in a sleeper—Traveling by sea—A few useful don'ts Standard time—Who pays a lady's fare?—About seats in cars—Â minor infliction—Stopping at a hotel—Hotel etiquette for women—Some rules of the road 23 CHAPTER IV Good Manners in Correspondence.—The typewriter—Â good letter—Forms of salutation and conclusion—The signature When in mourning—Sealing, stamping, and directing letters—Letters of introduction—Invitations and announcements—Letters of condolence—Acknowledging letters of condolence—Children's letters—Hints to young girls ... 46 Correct forms of Correspondence 571 CHAPTER V Concerning Introductions and Other Social Forms. —Riding, its etiquette—Driving, its secrets—Walking, its pleasures Entering a carriage—About paying a visit for the first time—It all depends on the place—Tips to the maids Monopolizing the talk—By way of a summary—Salutations 58 —A xii Contents CHAPTER VI PAGE Concerning Courtship. —Chaperonage—Friends merely—Mis- construes ordinary attentions—On the other hand—The moods of girls—^Whom to marry—The question of finance Opposition of relatives—December courts May—The marriage of convenience—"My face is my fortune"—Compati- bility—An engaged pair—Etiquette of the man's people— broken engagement—Useful maxims for married and single In case of the fair one's refusal—In the matter of a proposal Should a lady ever break her engagement—If a man asks release 75 CHAPTER VII Good Manners and Marriage. —The groom's wardrobe—^The bride's trousseau—The family—Etiquette between husbands and wives—The wife's duty—The husband's duty—^The wedding ring—The bride's bouquet—Wedding cake—The wedding gown—The bridegroom's gift to the bride—The wedding journey—The home-coming—Shall the bride say "obey"?—Each sex the complement of the other—Wedding presents—Wedding cards—A country wedding—A home wedding—^The marriage license—As to the marriage certifi- cate—The two mothers—Â church wedding—A list of wedding anniversaries 113 CHAPTER VIII Good Manners in the Family. —Some pleasant games—The traveler's tour—Crambo—Conversation in the family—Other little points of family manners—Home-comings—In the in- valid's chamber—A shut-in—If the hired help are ill—Good manners between parlor and kitchen—Some suggestions about dress—Colors that contrast and harmonize—A boy's dress—Hints to women 138 CHAPTER IX Good Manners in Hospitality (Receptions, Luncheons, Etc.).— The guest chamber—Good manners for the guest—Children at the table—Receptions irj — Contents xiii CHAPTER X PAGE Good Manners in Entertaining. —Setting a table—The proces- sion to dinner—The table talk—Incumbent on dinner guests The table linen—A little dinner—A ladies' luncheon—A club luncheon—Rules of table etiquette for everyone .... 167 CHAPTER XI Good Mamners at Breakfast. —Good manners and the morning toilette—Good manners at dinner— Grace at a meal—Desserts for every day—A word to the carver 180 CHAPTER XII The Etiquette of the Visiting Card. —Size of card—Etiquette at calls—Social calls for men—Cabalistic letters—Engaged, or not at home—New Year's calls—How soon must one return a first call?—Calls and calling igi CHAPTER XIII Mourning Customs and Funeral Etiquette. —Cremation or burial—Funerals—Funeral music—Sunday funerals—Flow- ers at a funeral—Gloves—The dress of pallbearers—Crape on the door—Mingling with the world again—Useful suggestions—Servants' mourning 204 CHAPTER XIV Good Manners in Church and Other Public Places.—George Washington's rules of conduct—Other public places—How to behave in a library—How to behave in a museum—In the zoological garden—Good manners in a crowd—Good manners in hotels—Shopping—Street etiquette 221 CHAPTER XV Good Manners in Conversation.—Common errors—Etiquette of conversation 231 CHAPTER XVI Correct Manners for Men.—The etiquette of the capital- Correct dress for men—The bachelor as a host ...

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