Becoming Unstoppable

BECOMING UNSTOPPABLE

MARIA & ELIZABETH RAHAJENG

Cover Details: Cover Photographer: Andra Ramadhan (@aryandrarmd) Cover Makeup Artist: Kiky Lutan (@kikylutan) Cover Hairstylist: Shaira Banu (@shaira_banu) Cover Co-Stylist: Wisnu Genu (@genunerd)

Editor: Michael Freundt Design & Layout: Caroline Tranggono (@carol_tranggo)

Photographers: Aryandra Ramadhan @andrarmd @aryandraphoto Cover, About Authors, p. 81

Govinda Rumi @govindarumi @terralogical p. 22, 49, 94

Indra Permana Kantawibawa @indrakantawibawa and the @iluminen team p. 35, 40, 104, 174, 190, 192, 195

718061182 ISBN: 978-602-04-7815-9

English Edition

Printed and bounded by PT Gramedia, Jakarta The printer company is not responsible for the content of this publication.

UnstoppableCS6.indd 6 8/10/2018 08:25:38 TABLE

OF CONTENTS

About Authors ix

INTRODUCTION x

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS 200

UnstoppableCS6.indd 8 8/10/2018 08:25:38 HUMBLE 1 - 23 01 BEGINNINGS

THE 25-33 02 BIG DROP

A WHOLE 03 NEW WORLD 35-59

GIRL ON 04 FIRE 61-83

FINDING OUR VOICE - 05 MAKING TOUGH DECISIONS 85-103

TAKING A LEAP OF FAITH - 06 WHY RISKS ALWAYS PAY OFF 105-127

BREAKING 07 STANDARDS 129-151

BEHIND THE SCENES: 08 IT’S NOT AS EASY AS IT LOOKS 153-171

WONDER WOMEN: 09 THE WOMEN WHO RAISED US 173-195

A LETTER TO OUR 10 YOUNGER SELVES 197-199

UnstoppableCS6.indd 9 8/10/2018 08:25:38 ABOUT AUThOrS

Maria and Elizabeth Rahajeng are identical twins who work in the world of fashion and media.

Together they have grown to become two of the top digital content creators in the country while also becoming the ﬁrst Indonesian correspondents for E! Asia. Maria got her start when she was crowned Miss Indonesia 2014 while Elizabeth began her career in fashion retail before transitioning into broadcasting and digital media. Combining their love for fashion, travel and lifestyle, they are the founders and writers of www.mariaandelizabeth.com. They aim to inspire their readers to live passionately with purpose and grace. Maria and Elizabeth both have a bachelor’s degree in Broadcasting Journalism from Pelita Harapan University.

UnstoppableCS6.indd 11 8/10/2018 08:25:39 01

HUmBLE BEGINNINGS

/ Where it All Started /

UnstoppableCS6.indd 18 8/10/2018 08:25:45 The year was 1991.

Our mother Maria was a 26-year-old school teacher who taught English, our father Chris, a 27-year-old lawyer. High school sweethearts, they married shortly after graduating from university, and like most Javanese newlyweds, decided to start a family - straight away.

After a year of marriage, our parents became pregnant with one baby girl, or so they thought. Up until her third trimester, her doctor assured our mother that they had only heard one heartbeat and therefore she was having one girl. But by the beginning of her third trimester (and by the size of her enormous belly), she wasn’t so sure. Suspicion came to play.

UnstoppableCS6.indd 1 8/10/2018 08:25:46 Chapter 01

Mom was either having one hell of a heavily-built, over-sized baby, or perhaps - twins, she thought. After all, our father was an identical twin himself – the family genes were strong. So, you can imagine our parents’ shock when, at two weeks to the delivery date, they discovered they were having not one, but two baby girls. The news sent (happy) shock waves to everyone in the family. Suddenly, instead of buying one pair of everything, they now had to stock up on twos!

The ﬁrst three years of our lives were spent in Blora, a regency in the northeastern part of Central Java province in Indonesia. Its capital, also called Blora, is about 127 km east of Semarang and is a small, quaint town, with a population of 15,000. It’s a classic Javanese town where everybody knows everybody. Ever heard of Sate Blora or Soto Blora? Yeah, we’re famous for our delicious cuisine. Aside from food, other fun facts are that we have exceptional quality teak wood (it’s a heavily forested area) and I bet you didn’t know that one of Indonesia’s most well known and respected writers, Pramoedya Ananta Toer, was born in Blora in 1925!

It was here that our sense of Javanese values was Contrary to what most engrained in us - love, harmony, serenity, strong people believe, we bonds to family - just to name a few. Contrary to didn’t come from a what most people believe, we didn’t come from wealthy background. a wealthy background. We were, however, raised We were, however, surrounded by a loving, tight-knit family and lived raised surrounded by a a happy, albeit, simple life. loving, tight-knit family

Our mother is the quintessential Javanese woman: and lived a happy, soft-spoken, very well-mannered, smiles non- albeit, simple life. stop, would rather lose an arm than say anything

UnstoppableCS6.indd 2 8/10/2018 08:25:47 Humble Beginnings

mean-spirited towards anyone, and has a work ethic like no other. A humble and unpretentious woman, she grew up in a family of scholars. Both her parents taught at the local high school (our grandpa, or Kakung, eventually became the school principal), and a number of her uncles and aunts also chose the teaching profession. “Growing up, I really admired how they taught with such passion. I wanted to be just like them,” she recalls. “They were teachers. They lived simple lives, but found tremendous happiness in what they did. This had a strong afect on me and ultimately is what led me to follow the same path”. And since English was her favorite subject in school as a little girl, she chose to study precisely that in university. After graduation, she secured her irst oicial teaching job as a high school English teacher back in Blora.

In the arms of Eyang and Kakung at two months old.

Our father, a young, ambitious individual, dreamed of a diferent life outside of Blora. To understand his mindset, you’d have to understand a little bit of his background. You see, while Mom came from a family of scholars, Dad lived on the other side of the tracks, so to speak.

UnstoppableCS6.indd 3 8/10/2018 08:25:47 Chapter 01

He had an extremely rough childhood and grew up most of his life in poverty. Tragedy struck when, at just eight months old, his father abandoned the family, leaving his mother to raise three sons on her own. His mother, our paternal grandmother or Nenek as we liked to call her, had an elementary school education, was almost completely illiterate, and in a blink of an eye had become the sole financial provider for her family. For an illiterate woman in rural Indonesia, the opportunities that lined up for her were very few and far between.

Nenek didn’t allow her lack of education to get in the way of working hard to provide the best she could for her family. She worked tirelessly, taking on physically demanding jobs – up to two or three at a time. When she wasn’t working as a maid, she would walk door-to-door selling coal and fruit. As a single mother earning little to no income, even managing daily meals for her family became a struggle. Dad often reminisces about those days where he and his brothers would take baths in the local river (the water bill was too much to afford sometimes), and ate “whenever food was available”.

As discouraging and tragic as the situation was, Nenek had an unwavering spirit. Our Dad and his brothers miraculously received a steady education as she used most of her hard-earned money toward her sons’ monthly school tuition fees. She eventually remarried when Dad was 15. Nenek might not have been able to give her sons an idealistic upbringing, but she certainly did the best she could with the circumstances at hand. She might not have been able to give her sons any materialist luxuries, but what she was able to provide was much more important. She instilled in them a love of education and was able to raise them to understand the immense importance of having one, something she never had. She was convinced that the only way her boys could escape the cruel hands of poverty was through education, and education alone. Now that’s what we call one hell of an unstoppable woman.

Starting in junior high, Dad and his brothers worked part-time jobs to help support the family. After graduating high school, he found himself accepted to medical school, only to realize he couldn’t afford the expensive tuition. Instead, he opted for his second option, law school in Semarang where he received a scholarship.

UnstoppableCS6.indd 4 8/10/2018 08:25:47 Humble Beginnings

Fast forward three years after we were born.

Remember when we said he dreamed of a life outside of Indonesia? It came as a surprise, especially to our mother, when he decided, on a whim, to move the family to the U.S.A. In his perspective, America represented endless opportunities, and of course, the American dream. But more than that, it represented a different life to the one he lived. Different was good. Different meant he could provide for us a childhood better than the one he had. Coming from a small town and having just started a family, this was a bold and risky move. In Blora, moving to America was just something people didn’t do. This was essentially unheard of. Our parents had never stepped foot outside of the country, let alone to the other side of the world. But Dad, with his unstoppable character, was never afraid to reach higher.

The idea was simple: Dad would be the one to travel to America first. He would find a job, get an apartment, make sure things were settled before the rest of the family joined him.

CALIFORNIA, USA

He arrived in San Diego, California in May of 1995. I know this is hard to believe, but when he landed, he spoke very limited English, had no cash in his wallet (this part even we found hard to believe but he swears this is true), no friends to call, no contacts waiting for him, no place to stay, and no concrete plan. He was on his own.

For a second, try to imagine what it must have been like in his shoes: a plane takes you to a foreign country of which you barely know anything about, drops you off at the airport with absolutely zero resources, and the universe says: “Kthxbye, figure it out. Make it work!” J

Heading toward the exit gates, he began to realize he was homeless: he had nowhere to go. When he got out of customs, the first thing he did was walk up to a stranger and ask to borrow his phone. He called the only place he could think of: The Indonesian Embassy. He asked for the names and numbers of Indonesians living in the area. The embassy gave him 13 names and numbers, and one by one he

UnstoppableCS6.indd 5 8/10/2018 08:25:47 Chapter 01

made the calls. He explained to them the same message—that he was an Indonesian citizen who had just moved to the U.S., alone, needed a place to stay and was trying to find work. He repeated his story to each person he called. He was hoping that one of them, out of the kindness of their heart, would be willing to help a fellow countryman in need. Talk about a long shot!

After being on the phone for over two hours with no luck, he came to the last and 13th person on the list. His name was Afron Wirajaya. After telling Afron his story, Dad couldn’t believe it when—this person, this stranger on the other end of the line, a person he had never talked to before in his life prior to this—said he would pick him up at the airport in three hours.

It turned out that Afron was a young student living in San Diego. Astonishingly, he allowed Dad to stay with him at his apartment for two weeks while he figured out a plan. Until this day, Dad doesn’t know how or why someone could do something so selfless for a complete stranger. He credits Afron’s kindness for saving him that night at the airport and for being the first person to give him the start he needed.

During his time in San Diego, Dad visited a local Catholic church and it was there that he first met Father Raymond. Father Raymond was originally from Flores, Indonesia, and after some talking, agreed to help Dad find a job in a nearby town north of San Diego called San Bernardino.

Once in San Bernardino, Father Raymond introduced Dad to three Indonesian married couples: Johnny and Marry, Elvis (yes, Elvis) and Sumi, Benny and Siana— all of whom were young immigrants, had young children and families to support, sought for better lives, just like himself. They were all in the same boat. These individuals would become a significant source of guidance and support for our family, and to this day are life-long friends.

They greeted him with open arms.

Two of the married couples, Johnny and Mary, and Elvis and Sumi, lived in one apartment. They offered Dad their couch to sleep on while he hunted for jobs. This

UnstoppableCS6.indd 6 8/10/2018 08:25:47 Humble Beginnings

lasted for two weeks then Johnny introduced Dad to another fellow Indonesian by the name of John Rindo Rindo. Dad then moved into John’s mobile home. John let Dad stay in an empty room he used for storage. “Small, but comfortable,” he recalls. He was a nomad, moving from place to place every couple of weeks. By this time, Dad was desperate to find a job, any job. John called his brother-in-law, a manager at a local McDonald’s, and scored Dad his first job!

Like most people, he had eaten at McDonald’s a few times before, but never imagined he would work in one. He was hired and assigned to cleaning duties; the job no one wanted. The job that, let’s be honest, was at the bottom of the food chain. He mopped the floors, scrubbed the bathrooms, polished the windows, made sure the chairs and tables were spotless. Mind you, this was a man who had a law degree under his belt and practiced it not too long ago. He didn’t care. He prayed and prayed for a job and he finally got one. Get a job, save up for an apartment, see his family again. This was the plan. This was all that mattered. This was what motivated him.

From cleaning, he was soon promoted to the task of heating buns and making burgers. He worked double shifts—7 AM to 4PM, then 4PM to 10PM—and on top of that took any overtime opportunities that were available. McDonalds didn’t provide meal benefits, so how did he feed himself, “There was a moment you ask? For lunch and dinner, he would go when I quietly cried to for takeout at his favorite Chinese restaurant myself as I mopped the located nearby. They had one of those lunch floors. Not because I felt box buffet deals that was way too good to degraded or deflated, pass. Impossible amounts of food for just $1! but rather, I felt a sense You receive a styrofoam container and then go to the buffet section to choose what you want. of relief. This job meant Whatever you can fit into the container, you take that I was a step closer home. Fresh, hot, fast, and ready to eat. Dad was to seeing my wife and thrifty, so he would carefully save the food so daughters again. This job that it lasted him up to three days. Great value meant the world to me.” for money. J

UnstoppableCS6.indd 7 8/10/2018 08:25:47 Chapter 01

He tells us he’ll never forget his very first night at McDonald’s. “There was a moment when I quietly cried to myself as I mopped the floors. Not because I felt degraded or deflated, but rather, I felt a sense of relief. This job meant that I was a step closer to seeing my wife and daughters again. This job meant the world to me.”

After three months he saved enough to rent out a small, two-bedroom one- bathroom apartment. Mom packed our bags and moved us to California not long after.

For Mom, the incredible feeling of being able to see her husband again, came with the serious sacrifice of saying goodbye to her parents, her friends, and ultimately her home. “At that moment, I came to a realization that life is full of trade-offs,” she said. “One half of me was so happy and excited, the other half was feeling a pain I had never felt before. What hurt me the most was knowing that I was going to take you girls away from your grandparents, the two people who helped me raise you for the first three years of your life. On the plane, I couldn’t help but cry all the way to California.”

OUR FIRST APARTMENT

The apartment was modest, but perfect for our little family. When we first moved

in, Dad still hadn’t bought any furniture (no beds, not even a couch) so we slept on bath towels placed on the bedroom floor. Slowly but surely, the apartment filled up with“ furniture our parents bought at Goodwill, a nonprofit chain where people can find all sorts of pre-owned clothing, furniture and housewares.

Maria: Fascinating details come to mind as I recall my first memories of this foreign place. As a child, I remember my wonderment when I saw a bathtub for the first time in America and my absolute excitement when I learned we had one in our apartment (back in Blora, having one was considered a luxury). For me it equated to having a swimming pool inside the house. How awesome?! Bubble

UnstoppableCS6.indd 8 8/10/2018 08:25:47 Humble Beginnings

baths galore came shortly after, all day every day. I remember early mornings spent watching our new favorite TV show, Barney - a huge purple dinosaur.

On our first day of Pre-School, Elizabeth and I both cried our eyes out begging Mom not to leave us with children and grownups we couldn’t understand (why are all these people speaking gibberish?). It was a completely new and bizarre world we were suddenly in. The language, food, sights, people, everything. School and our surroundings exposed us to children from different races and ethnicities – American, African American, European, Hispanic, Asians beyond Indonesia. America has traditionally been referred to as a “melting pot” and now we found ourselves a part of it.

Ultimately, from a three-year-old child’s perspective, moving to a different country wasn’t“ such a big deal. We were too young to comprehend the logistics of it all, too young to understand the massive shift that had just occurred in our lives. The three-year-old us went with the flow. I’m sure we may have cried or wondered why Eyang and Kakung weren’t around, but according to Mom, we carried on regular activities shortly thereafter. This comes from the fact that children live more in the present compared to adults who are more time conscious. We also know that children are resilient, learn new languages easily, and adjust to changes in their environment with more ease than adults.

To say that the first few years of moving to America was a struggle for our family would be a tremendous understatement. Mom and Dad were not only broke, they were broke with two young toddlers - in a foreign country. They had solid careers back in Indonesia, and like most first-generation immigrants in the United States, were forced to abandon their careers altogether, and due to language and credential barriers, restart at the bottom of the occupational ladder.

UnstoppableCS6.indd 9 8/10/2018 08:25:47