The California Tech Vol. CXXII No. 24 Pasadena, California Monday, April 29, 2019 [email protected] SECURITY CAN- ASCIT HOLDS CELS PH 101 DEMO $170,000 IN ASSETS Angelica Zhou | News Alex Krotz | News Every year, Professor Sterl Phinney ASCIT’s annual budget fails to dis- leads Ph 101 students to the tallest close the majority of its assets. Despite building on campus, Millikan Library, being independent of Caltech, ASCIT for the Millikan Ball Drop experiment. appears to allocate only that year’s This activity entails releasing basket- membership contributions to its bud- balls and other assorted objects from get. Any remaining funds are placed the roof above the nine-story library. in reserve accounts that are not clearly On Monday April 22, 2019, a tradi- disclosed on annual reports. The annu- tion that remained unobstructed for al budget published by ASCIT gener- 30 years was suddenly curtailed when ally outlines expenses however fails to the reorganized Caltech Security team mention a $90,000 investment account showed up 35 minutes late and deemed and over $80,000 in cash reserves. the experiment unsafe because stu- All undergraduates that matriculate dents were not secured in harnesses. to Caltech are by default members of In 1989, Professor Phinney invented ASCIT and pay an annual membership the Ph 101 course, Order of Magnitude fee contributing in excess of $140,000 Physics, upon recognition that “stu- which is allocated to student activi- dents knew how to solve complicated ties. In addition to contributions from equations but didn’t necessarily un- members, ASCIT receives funds from derstand which ones were important.” the Moore-Hufstedler Fund for special The unique course exposes physicists events like the annual ASCIT Formal. and other curious students to exercises When questioned by reporters in regard involving estimates of everyday events. to their available finances ASCIT initially Homework sets cover questions such failed to disclose these sources of poten- as: Would the energy of all the calories tial funds. “It's not intentional” ASCIT you have consumed as food be enough Treasurer Dana He said. “We've been to eject you from the solar system? In budgeting for more than one year's worth this manner, the second homework of revenue, but a lot of times the fund- asked students to estimate how high a ing we allocate never gets spent.” While basketball would bounce when dropped it is at the discretion of ASCIT to make from a flying plane, and if this would be use of its funding it is clear that ASCIT different for a basketball dropped from has made no effort to do so, choosing to Sammy Piascik | Contributing Photographer | Continued on Page 4 | Phinney finds fault in Ph 101 fiasco. reserve funds without disclosing them.

the dining hall, dozens of mysterious result was nothing short of mesmeriz- BIOLUMINESCENT glowing bottles lined the walls, while ing, was it worth it? APPROVED REVISION platters of food covered the tables. Be- Blacker’s culture of building elab- TO BLACKER ROOM BLINTERHOVSE yond the typical chips, brownies, and orate Interhovses has been a source Brittany Percin | Review veggie/fruit platters, pigs in a blanket, of pride for the Hovse for years. From ALLOCATIONS A magical display of glowing col- Oreo popcorn, and Rice Krispie sushi flooding the courtyard, to multiple sto- RESCINDED ors, water features, and flowing fauna rounded out the menu, with rainbow ry dance platforms, the Moles always Sherry Wang | News brought the bioluminescent world to spaghetti continuing the colorful theme. seems to outdo themselves from year Earlier in April, Blacker Hovse voted Blacker Interhovse last Saturday. Par- Much like the ruins it represents, this to year. Yet the intense building comes to allow some singles to be converted into ty goers stepped through the gates and aquatic masterpiece was an incredibly with a price. Caltech students are often doubles in order to accommodate more were immediately met with towering time intensive project. According to Ju- busy enough without trying to balance students for room picks this year. The columns, emerging from a glowing pool nior Sarah Crucilla, the columns alone a combined hundreds of hours of extra- understanding with the Assistant Direc- of water, reminiscent of the ancient took over 24 hours to put together, with curricular activities. To add to the pres- tor of Undergraduate Housing, Joe Ben- ruins of Atlantis. The dance platform multiple Hovse members pitching in. sure, building had to be completed a day nethum, was that such a change would was accessible via a walkway suspend- Even getting approval for the use of wa- earlier this year, cutting down the pre- be acceptable as long as all the neces- ed over the pool, with jets of water arc- ter features was a serious time invest- cious last-minute hours. Students can sary furniture fit into the rooms and that ing gracefully overhead. Entering the ment. For the past few weeks of build- fall behind on sets, and with midterms such changes would be permanent going lounge, people were met with a cascade ing, students balanced their coursework right around the corner, and freshman of hand-made leaves hanging from the with this gargantuan project, with many no longer on Pass-Fail, the couple weeks | Continued on Page 2 | ceiling. The forest section of the master- pulling back to back all-nighters, or sur- of intense building can have long term piece was brought together by a mural viving on little to no sleep in order to get headed by Jenna Colborn. Heading to the spectacle completed. While the end | Continued on Page 2 | INSIDE THIS ISSUE Bioluminescent Blinterhovse. . . . 2 Rescinded Blacker Allocations . 2 ASCIT BoD Minutes ...... 3 ARC Minutes ...... 3 IHC Weekly Update ...... 3 Canceled Ph 101 Demo ...... 4 Mueller Report Released ...... 4 Smiling With Shuki ...... 5 Swaff's Picks Vol 2...... 6 Jack’s Movie Review ...... 6 Sports ...... 7 History ...... 7 Humor ...... 8 Ethan Jaszewski | Contributing Photographer Courtyard construction and glow-in-the-dark decorations at Blinterhovse. 2 The California Tech | News | April 29, 2019

BIOLUMINESCENT APPROVED REVISION TO BLINTERHOVSE BLACKER ROOM | From Page 1 | ALLOCATIONS RESCINDED consequences. Furthermore, while | From Page 1 | the pressure to build comes from the forward. At 2pm on April 24th, after the Hovse as a whole, a handful of members early Bechtel lottery, the Blacker Secre- end up picking up the slack and finish- tary received an email from Benneth- ing the job. However, every year, they um approving the change as discussed still manage to impress. in previous communications. However, Despite the cost, the production was around 5pm that day, Bennethum sent a an enormous success. Much like years follow-up email rescinding the approv- past, Blacker wowed the campus with al, stating “While Maria [Katsas, Direc- Ethan Jaszewski | Contributing Photographer over the top construction, refusing to tor of Housing] and I were trying to help Tented blacklight lounge at Blinterhovse. allow their creativity be stifled by four- out with the concerns about space in the foot platform rules, administrative re- house, we were told this afternoon that quirements, or shortened deadlines. As we are not allowed to make changes to per their motto, “Nothing is worthwhile the capacity of rooms at this time.” In unless it is difficult”, and while this was following emails, Bennethum disclosed most certainly not the easiest Inter- that Vice President of Student Affairs house to build, it was also one of the Joe Shepherd had not been consulted most spectacular. in the process of approving the capacity change so Bennethum and Katsas were not aware that Shepherd would prohibit any increase in House capacity. Shepherd’s reason for vetoing the ADVERTISE change was that he “didn’t want chang- IN THE TECH! es to be terribly disruptive” and that Ethan Jaszewski | Contributing Photographer [email protected] students who wanted to live on-cam- Suspended decorations glitter in Blacker's dining hall. pus had the option to pick into Bechtel. Communications between Blacker and Bennethum indicated that both sides M N expected the change to be approved, so rescinding the change after the ear- ly Bechtel lottery round had already ended placed those students who had INTRODUCING: RAD expected to be able to pick into Blacker (under the increased capacity) at an un- Looking for lonely Techers! fair disadvantage in the housing lottery We know you have trouble finding a date at this school. The staff ofThe California Tech system as a whole. Without an accurate has found a solution to all your dating woes: representation of capacity in House lot- RAD (Random Access Dating)! teries, those students would not be able to make an informed decision about If you fill out the survey at tinyurl.com/CaltechRAD, you have a chance of going on a their preferences regarding Bechtel, and date with another random Techer that fills out the survey. Dates will happen Saturday therefore participate in the early Bech- at 7 pm. Transportation and food costs will be covered. tel lottery in a meaning

m n [email protected] | Announcements | April 29, 2019 3

ASCIT BOARD OF DIRECTORS MEETINGS IHC WEEKLY UPDATES Minutes for 21 April 2019. Taken by Rachel Sun. Alicia Tirone | IHC Secretary Officers Present: Sakthi Vetrivel, Erika Salzman, Sarah Crucilla, Varun Shanker, This week, the IHC discussed Blacker Interhovse, which went well with zero Alice Zhai, Dana He, Rachel Sun transports. We also briefly discussed the effectiveness of having an extra on call Alejandro López, Albert Nazeeri person in the Houses. Some members of the IHC felt it was not very effective. We Guests: briefly discussed Dabney Interhovse (which is in a few weeks) and noted there were Call to Order: 8:15 PM fewer alcohol concerns since it is a dry party. We also discussed roompicks and President’s Report (Sakthi): Bechtel filling. Some Houses had issues with students signing up for House picks ASCIT Elections are tomorrow. Open invitation to Tuesday Night Bowling with with the intent of picking into Bechtel later on. There was some confusion over Sakthi (President’s Office Hours). Feel free to email her. the how the room picks process worked, and since people could not be certain of their Bechtel status, people had difficulty deciding on housing plans. This made it Officer’s Reports: difficult for houses to handle the resulting overfilling of rooms when they had to V.P. of Academic Affairs (Erika): account for groups picking into the House that would have preferred Bechtel as a GDB/Valgrind software seminar happened yesterday. Termly ombuds training is first option. All Houses except two filled to capacity. happening Friday at 12:15 PM in the CTLO. ARC just published Research FAQ on the ARC website. Having a meeting this week with Math Option Rep and EO about One topic up for discussion as well was orientation and Frosh Camp. Many de- quality and attendance of math lectures. Working with occupational therapy to de- tails of Frosh Camp are still being decided such as where frosh camp will be held. velop a Frosh Guide (e.g. staying on track academically, study habits). The ASCIT BoD has also proposed changes to how FCCs are chosen. The IHC is unclear on what the current proposal is and are waiting for updates from ASCIT V.P. of Non-Academic Affairs (Sarah): about what these changes will be. Ruddock Frosh Party happened last night. Blacker Interhouse is next week and someone from Blacker will go around to all the houses to talk about rules and safe- Finally, sign-ups for numerous officers are still posted on the Olive Walk. They ty. IHC has minutes and the summary is going in the Tech: Assigned various liai- will be taken down next Wednesday. We are looking for more ways to reach out to sons of IHC to different offices that they work with, Discussed updating the Cases upperclassmen and solicit input from all parts of campus. If you have comments, of Concern Committee. Met with Felicia and now have a timeline of deadlines for you can now submit feedback at bit.ly/IHCFeedback and leave your name if you things to get done. Planning on reaching out to all students in Bechtel to get an idea want me to get back to you. You can also email [email protected] or of their experience. email me directly at [email protected]. Open IHC meetings are 12PM every Sun- day in SAC 13. Director of Operations (Varun): Nothing to report.

Treasurer (Dana): Nothing to report.

Social Director (Alice): ARC MEETING MINUTES 4.21.19 Sphere Search happened early this morning. Color Me Mine event will be next Present: Arushi Gupta, Erika Salzman, Olivia Grabowsky, Schuyler Dick, Daniel Sunday; an email will go out about that soon. Neamati, Michael Yao, Amy Wang, Alejandro López, Sophie Howell, Nathan Suri Ombuds Training had 5 signups and was cancelled for the term. Contact Arushi Secretary (Rachel): Nothing to report. ([email protected]) if you would like the material from the meeting. The ARC Research FAQ Page is up. Students are recommended to visit the arc.caltech. If anyone has any questions or concerns about a section of the minutes please email edu > Resources > Research FAQ. We have 4 new course compliments this week! the appropriate officer. We are happy to answer any questions. View compliments at arc.caltech.edu > Programs > Course Compliments. Remem- Meeting Adjourned: 8:33 PM ber that students can add their name to the form to have the opportunity to win a lunch/dinner with a professor, instructor, or TA! The SFC Survey has been sent Minutes for 28 April 2019. Taken by Rachel Sun. out to all undergraduates. We are looking to find out why students came or did not come and if there are ways we can improve the SFC experience for future years. Officers Present: Sakthi Vetrivel, Erika Salzman, Sarah Crucilla, Varun Shanker, Alice Zhai, Dana He, Rachel Sun ASCIT Teaching awards are still out! Students can nominate a professor! Plus, Sec- retary and At-Large Representative positions are posted under the RF Arches. We Guests: Arushi Gupta, Irene Chang, Yuying Lin, Alejandro López, Ben Cassese highly recommend that students sign up by Friday 5pm. Faculty Board Committee Call to Order: 8:35 PM appointments will be out in a few weeks. Lastly, the ARC discussed the new Frosh Guide from Occupational Therapy. This guide includes content for frosh to reflect President’s Report (Sakthi): ASCIT Elections happened. The new officers will be instated 5/13. Discussing FCC on the throughout their first year and to help frosh stay on track. selection process with the Deans. Please talk to Sakthi if there are any concerns. Submitted by: Daniel Neamati Officer’s Reports: V.P. of Academic Affairs (Erika, Arushi): Ombuds training was supposed to happen on Friday, but not enough people showed up so the information was distributed electronically. Published a research FAQ page on the ARC website. Sent out an SFC feedback survey and still waiting for more responses. Having a math core meeting this week to discuss math lecture at- ARC TIP OF THE WEEK tendance. ASCIT Teaching Award nomination sign-ups are up. Will be appointing Remember that you can submit Course new ARC Secretary and At Large Reps soon. Concerns and Course Compliments! Concerns can be submitted through Donut and V.P. of Non-Academic Affairs (Sarah): Compliments can be submitted Sign-ups for revcomm, stewcomm, ath manager, and food comm are on olive walk through the ARC website. and will be taken down on Wednesday. Meetings to appoint those positions will happen afterward. IHC has met to discuss things that can be viewed in detail on their Tech article: Room picks results and the effects of the changes to Bechtel picks, Concerns with changing the FCC selection process.

Director of Operations (Varun, Rachel): Rachel and Yuying will be meeting with the Tech editors, Tom Mannion, and other administrators tomorrow 4/29 to discuss improvements to the Tech.

Treasurer (Dana): Sakthi and Dana finished ASCIT taxes this week.The Tech will be writing an article about ASCIT’s finances.

Social Director (Alice): Blacker Alternate Interhouse event happened yesterday 4/27. Color Me Mine event CDS IS MOVING TO THE BIG 8 happened today. ASCIT Movie Night is happening tomorrow 4/29. Thinking of ideas for a midterms destressing event. ALLERGEN SYSTEM The Big 8 refers to the eight major allergenic Secretary (Rachel): foods: milk, eggs, fish, crustacean shellfish, tree Nothing to report. nuts, peanuts, wheat, and soybeans. According If anyone has any questions or concerns about a section of the minutes please email to research, of the 10% of Americans that have the appropriate officer. We are happy to answer any questions. food allergies, 90% are allergic to at least one of these 8 foods. A shift to this system would ensure Meeting Adjourned: 9:45 PM that students with such allergies are supported with respect to their dietary restrictions. Under this system, food handlers will avoid cross con- tact with allergens during the preparation and serving process. 4 The California Tech | News | April 29, 2019 for a total of 35 minutes before security der, which is probably the most danger- Security took the report, they promised SECURITY CANCELS arrived at 1:30 pm. When the three se- ous part.” To ascend to the parapet from to be in contact with him regardless of PH 101 DEMO curity officers arrived, one led the TAs the base of the roof, there is an 8-foot whether there was sufficient evidence | From Page 1 | up to the roof, and the other two made ladder that must be climbed. This is not to go through with the case. He has not Millikan library. The Millikan Ball Drop phone calls to the Business and Grounds completely risk-free, as a student could heard back and has received no respons- experiment has been performed since Coordinator, and Student Affairs. Pro- ostensibly fall down the eight feet, but es to his phone calls in the two months the very beginning of the course, and fessor Phinney began informing them students have been dropping pumpkins since. students are often allowed to bring var- that this was not a student activity. Be- off the library without harnesses since Dean Gilmartin was at lunch with ious safe objects including index cards, cause the scheduled event was instead 1972. Phinney the day after the incident. Af- large poster boards, soccer balls, crum- an academic course activity, the officials After the conflict, Phinney even ter investigation, Gilmartin found that pled paper, zumba balls, super balls, phoned had no record of the experi- stepped out of his way to perform an or- since the demonstration happens every and golf balls. From the ground, Phin- ment. The security team then conclud- der of magnitude calculation, in Ph 101 other year and the security member who ney films these drops and the rebounds ed that the demo would not be allowed, style, of the cost of the time wasted by provided roof access had left Caltech, in slow motion to analyze the rebound especially not without safety harness this botched security intervention. As- the current security staff were unfamil- heights in different frames of video. training. In the days since the canceled suming there were 60 students, waiting iar with the process. “It was clear to me Many of these objects actually reach event, Professor Phinney has consulted for 40 minutes, with a tuition valued that access was not granted as a result terminal velocity after the nine-story with administration and reports that “It at $70,000 per year over 15 hours of of a misunderstanding among some Millikan drop, and the area is clear- has now officially been concluded that class per week for 30 weeks, the total staff about the process for roof access by ly blocked off so that passersby do not security contacted all the wrong people, cost of the time works out to be about faculty” according to Gilmartin. “This cross the drop zone. and gave them incorrect information $5000. situation has been corrected, and I am In an interview with Professor Phin- (e.g., that it was a student event, not an Phinney admits that he fully sup- confident that the demonstration will ney, he explained the history of work- academic one), leading to the cancel- ports security’s decision to prioritize an continue in future as it has in the past.” ing with security on this regular exper- lation.” Both administrators contacted emergency over this scheduled event, Gilmartin also reiterated that Student iment. Phinney has always emailed the claim that their offices should never but would have liked to been informed Affairs is not responsible for faculty ac- director of security in advance to sched- have been involved in the first place, sooner in order to optimize lecture time. cess to campus facilities, and they were ule the event. The involvement of secu- and security later admitted they were The replacement of the bulk of the secu- not responsible for denying roof access rity is absolutely necessary to grant roof unaware that the policies were different rity force with Allied Universal officers to Phinney. access to the TAs, who are in charge of for non-student events. The correct way has disrupted the uniformity students Minimizing danger is a valid goal for the dropping. Atop the library, they then to double-check procedures and regula- were familiar with just a few months both staff and students, but many do spend about 10 minutes performing the tions would instead have been to contact ago, but members of the community not agree with the priorities and hasty experiment with various objects, and the Chief of Safety. Phinney states, “this express that having well-informed of- decision-making habits of the current then exit for the security officers to lock is the the way it’s been for the last 30 ficers with integrity is a priority. If the security force. Perhaps over time, the the door again. Working with the secu- years, and it still is the right procedure.” new security staff were better trained new team will better understand the rity team has caused no impediments to The mention of a preventative safety about procedures in general and re- needs of the community it serves. Pro- the experiment in the past. harness for the first time in the history searched this specific academic activity fessor Phinney elucidates: “The purpose The procedure this year was more of the experiment took many of the in- beforehand, the missed educational op- of Caltech, I think, is to solely to educate convoluted. Phinney emailed Victor volved by surprised. Professor Phinney portunity could have been redeemed in students about science and and engi- Clay weeks prior to the planned date captured a few photos of the rooftop other ways. Ph 101 student Krittanon neering. Everything else is just to sup- and never got any response. He called from years past and pointed out the Sirorattanakul recalls, “we ended up port those goals and actually is funded and was referred to Christina Matthews structure of the sides of Millikan from having only half an hour of class instead by those goals.” Over the years, he has and eventually the appointment was his office. It turns out that the Millikan of an hour and a half… and this class in observed that this “used to be pretty confirmed. The class of 60 arrived ear- parapet extends almost as high as the particular is different from most other well recognized by all the staff. As the ly the day of the event at 12:55 pm, but average student; there is barely enough classes because it’s about order of mag- bureaucracy has grown inexorably, cer- there was no sign of security. Phinney room for someone to reach their hands nitude, so there’s no rules on how to tain branches have lost sight of that fact called Matthews once at 1:05 pm, and over and drop a basketball. It would approach the problem. The more exam- and think that students and faculty are again in ten minute intervals only to be nearly impossible to fall off the side ples you see the better.” Sirorattanakul nuisances and the important thing is learn, after a few attempts, that security of Millikan from the roof. Phinney ob- also told the story of a bike theft near now the bureaucrats, not the other way had run into an emergency across cam- serves that the one obstacle worthy of his residence, which took place between around.” pus. He would have liked this update caution is when “you climb up the lad- his short window of sleep from 3:30 am sooner, as the students were left waiting to 5:00 am one morning. When Caltech

cial justice activists, religious groups, legal term. Instead, Mueller’s team con- Trump. Eight days after the firing, fol- MUELLER REPORT conservative groups, and LGBTQ activ- sidered whether the Trump campaign’s lowing calls for the appointment from REVEALS TRUMP'S ists, with names like “United Muslims contacts with Russians violated laws on within the Justice Department (includ- ATTEMPTS TO CURTAIL of America”, “Don't Shoot Us,” “LGBT foreign agents or conspiracy. ing the FBI), from legislators, and from United,” “Being Patriotic,” and “Secured The second volume of the report fo- the public, Rosenstein instructed Muel- INVESTIGATION Borders” – some of which had hundreds cuses much more on Trump himself. It ler to continue the FBI’s investigation. Alejandro López | News of thousands of followers. Some U.S. reveals much of the behind the scenes According to the report, after hearing Following a nearly two-year long in- politicians even retweeted tweets from drama which took place in the White of the appointment Trump became vestigation, on April 18th, the U.S. Jus- IRA controlled Twitter accounts, some House as the investigation unfolded irate and within the following months, tice Department delivered the highly of which had tens of thousands of fol- and looks into whether multiple epi- Trump directly instructed White House anticipated redacted version of Special lowers. The report also describes how sodes constituted obstruction of justice Counsel Don McGahn to fire Mueller. Counsel Robert Mueller’s investigation the Russian Federation's Main Intelli- by Trump. The investigation itself be- McGhan refused and decided to quit, to Congress and the public. The report gence Directorate of the General Staff gan in May 2017 when Deputy Attor- telling members of Trump’s staff that is divided into two volumes; the first (GRU) hacked and strategically leaked ney General Rod Rosenstein appointed the President has asked him “to do cra- focuses on Russian efforts in the 2016 emails from the Clinton campaign. Robert Mueller special counsel to lead zy shit”. Trump also told Sessions that election and links and connections The report elaborates on previous- an investigation into Russian cam- he had “let [him] down” saying to him to the Trump campaign, and the sec- ly known contacts between the Trump paign efforts (as then attorney general “you were supposed to protect me,” or ond focuses on whether U.S. President campaign and the Russian government, Jeff Sessions had recused himself from similar words. Trump obstructed justice in relation which included “business connections, overseeing the Russia investigation). At the conclusion of the second vol- to investigations on Russian interfer- offers of assistance to the campaign, The FBI had previously been conduct- ume, the Mueller team notes that they ence and connections to his campaign. invitations for candidate Trump and ing an investigation into Russian inter- declined to make a traditional prosecu- Much of the second volume chronicles Putin to meet in person, invitations for ference in the election, but President torial judgement on whether the Presi- Trump’s multiple attempts to alter the campaign officials and representatives Trump fired FBI Director James Comey dent committed the crime of obstruc- course of these investigations, some of of the Russian government to meet, on May 9th, 2017. According to CNN, tion of justice. Mueller further states which were only prevented by Trump’s and policy positions seeking improved following the firing, Acting FBI Director that although he did not charge Trump own staff refusing to comply with his re- U.S.-Russian relations.” Ultimately the Andrew McCabe began an investigation with obstruction of justice, the report quests. report concludes that “although the into potential obstruction by President does not exonerate him. The report concludes that Rus- investigation established that the Rus- sia intentionally tried to influence the sian government perceived it would election through social media and by benefit from a Trump presidency and obtaining material on Democratic can- worked to secure that outcome, and that didate Hillary Clinton through hacking. the campaign expected it would bene- It details efforts made by the Russian fit electorally from information stolen government’s “Internet Research Agen- and released through Russian efforts, cy” (IRA) to disseminate information in the investigation did not establish that support of Trump’s campaign through members of the Trump campaign con- Facebook and Twitter accounts. IRA- spired or coordinated with the Russian run accounts made over 80,000 Face- government in its election interference book posts which reached at least 29 activities.” In describing his prosecution million people in the U.S. It targeted and declination decisions, Mueller de- people and social media accounts across scribes how the term “collusion,” which the political spectrum, creating Face- gained usage in popular discourse while book groups purporting to be black so- the investigation was ongoing, is not a Wikimedia Creative Commons 3.0 [email protected] | Interview | April 29, 2019 5 SMILING WITH SHUKI Jennifer Du | Interview This week we sat down with Professor Shuki Bruck, who is a professor in the CNS and EE department. Among students, he is best known for teaching IST 4. We were able to talk to him about his hobbies, his wife, his approach toward teaching, and his feelings on Comic Sans. What do you do for fun? I love reading, travelling, and watching sports. My wife likes the first two especial- ly, the reading and the travelling. We had some fantastic trips last year in 2018. We went to the Galapagos and to Ecuador. It was an amazing trip and then later in the year, we went to Japan for three weeks. We’ve travelled a lot together. Travel gives you a perspective about life because it puts you in a mindset where you look at the world suddenly from a first timer’s point-of-view. Even in Pasadena, it’s fun to walk around, but we don’t do it. But when we go to Japan, we suddenly pay attention to everything because it looks so different. It’s called defamiliarizing, it’s like trying to look at things as if you are looking at them for the first time. When we go on trips, it’s very natural to do it, so I like the feeling of discovering in a new place. How did you meet your wife? We are from the same little place in Israel. Her name is Anat. She’s a bit younger than I am, by a couple of years. We went to the same high school. We kind of knew of each other because it’s a small place, but it was nothing more than that. And then in Israel you serve in the army; we both served in the army after high school. We met because I grew up on the beach, like Santa Monica. My parents lived walking distance, so we would walk barefoot and swim. I used to meet many people from my high school there. But one day when I was in college and my wife was in college, I took the bus because we didn’t have cars. I took the bus at 6 am or so, and then she got on the bus. She sat next to me, we knew each other, and we talked. And then more or less since then we’ve been together! I went to the Technion, which is like the Caltech of Israel. It’s like a technical university, the Israel Institute of Technology. My wife studied to be a teacher, specif- ically a teacher for young kids. Why did you choose electrical engineering? I didn’t have anyone to consult with, and there was no internet at that time. So I thought I would just go and apply for studying mathematics because in Israel, in the Technion, you have to declare your major when you enroll. But then I talked to someone and this person asked me why I study mathematics, and I said, “Well, it’s my favorite subject.” He said that it’s one of the easiest majors to get into the univer- sity with, because no one wanted to do it. So I said, “What’s the hardest one?” And he said electrical engineering. I read a little bit about that, and I thought that it was cool. There is a lot of mathematics and physics, and you could actually build things and so on, so I applied and got accepted. I loved it. Why do you use Comic Sans in your lecture slides? Honestly, I like this font. It feels the closest to writing on the board. I had no idea Professor Shuki Bruck paradise.caltech.edu that there is some context around it (which I still don’t understand). I know there is some issue with that and then by the time I discovered that there is a cult around it, it was too late. I was already used to Comic Sans. But I know every year the students have fun when they see Comic Sans. We have essays in IST4, and some students write the essays in Comic Sans too. Do you think you’ll retire? It depends on the definition. If the definition is that I will do what I enjoy, then I The California Tech am already retired. But if the definition is that I will formally be retired, it will proba- bly happen at some point. I think it mainly depends on family constraints and health constraints. If I am still happy and healthy, then I will keep doing this. If there is one thing you’d like your students to take away from your Editors-in-Chief Albert Nazeeri | Umesh Padia classes, what would it be? The fact that I am smiling when I teach. I think at the end of the day, that’s the Page Editors main thing. Students should see that there is a possibility to really enjoy a topic, Alejandro López | Aileen Zhang and that there is a joy in understanding ideas. That’s what I’m trying to teach. And Copy Editor the other aspect is that I hope they can learn from my behavior as an example, how Rebecca Mikofsky I treat them, how I respond to their questions, how I try to address their concerns, and if they need help, how I helped them. So at the end of the day, I hope that they Reporters Alejandro López | Angelica Zhou will do the same when they are in a position when they teach or there are people that need their help. So those are the two things, respect for the other person and the joy Staff Writers of doing what we are doing. Alex Krotz | Brittany Percin What is one thing you would change about Caltech, if you had to change Sherry Wang | Jacob Ressler-Craig something? Columnists First of all, I love Caltech. I really love Caltech. I came here in ‘94, the internet Jennifer Du | Isabel Swafford was at its beginning, and I could choose any domain name that I wanted. And I chose “paradise” because that’s how I felt. I hope that we are able to maintain the culture Film Critic because this is a unique place. It’s hard for people from other places to appreciate Jack Lloyd that, but it is a unique place. Humorist If you forced me to say one thing… I love the Caltech logo, the real logo. Where Daniel Xu one hand is passing the torch to another hand. And I don’t know what happened. It’s not on our front page. If someone came to me and said, “You have one thing you can Circulation Manager Daniel Xu change.” I’d say, “Put it back on the front page.” It’s on my lab webpage. It’s not on the Caltech webpage. It’s the best logo in any university worldwide because it really Advisor depicts the idea of why we are here, which is to pass the torch. Richard Kipling

The California Tech is published weekly except during vacation and examination periods by the Associated Students of the California Institute of Technology, Inc. The opinions ex- pressed herein are strictly those of the authors and advertisers. Letters and submissions are EDITORS’ NOTES welcome; e-mail submissions to [email protected] as plain-text attachments, including the author’s name, by Friday of the week before publication. The Tech does accept anonymous contributions under special circumstances. The editors reserve the right to edit and abridge all submissions for any reason. All written work remains property of its author. The adver- tising deadline is 3 pm on Saturday; all advertising should be submitted electronically or as Please write for The Tech! camera ready art, but The Tech can also do simple typesetting and arrangement. All adver- tising inquiries should be directed to the business manager at [email protected]. 6 The California Tech | Entertainment | April 29, 2019

the question at hand and the emotion the sentiments of “Carry the Zero”. Lead other womxn, and the world. “Like a SWAFF’S PICKS VOL. 2 of love and uncertainty. This rock bal- singer Mark Foster laments “we're in Girl” is the newest feminist bad bitch Izzy Swaff | Review lad is an ode to fear within love and the the lion's den, consumption is our medi- anthem off of ’s latest release and Another week; another playlist! This strength of vulnerability. cine / and so I'm high again, you can say major studio Cuz I Love You. She week’s playlist features new music and I'm a true American / well the sweetest makes references to various role mod- Carry the Zero - Built to Spill some of my favorite artists. Be sure to Possibly the most famous thing from revenge is being set free / you can't take els like Serena Williams, Lauryn Hill, check out this playlist, and other edi- Idaho besides potatoes, Aaron Paul, or it from me,” these restraints being soci- and of course, herself. She sings “woke tions of “Swaff’s Picks”, on Spotify, and Napoleon Dynamite, Built to Spill is a etal expectations we set for ourselves. A up feelin' like I just might run for Pres- for next week’s edition of “Swaff’s Picks” indie rock band from Boise known for sarcastic clip finishes out the trumpet- ident / even if there ain't no precedent, featuring a review of the debut of Just head-man Doug Martsch’s live guitar ing broadcast that says “Yeah, just do it switchin' up the messaging / I'm about Like Heaven Music Festival! solos. They formed in the early nineties, in style,” ignoring whether it is to fight, to add a little estrogen.” Lizzo knows and are very obviously influenced by the love, or hate. that she needs to be her own role mod- - grunge rock movement of the time; the el before anyone else, because not only Broken Social Scene is an amalgamation Real Thing - Middle Kids does society not represent people that of the likes of Feist, Metric, and Do Make stinging guitar riff that permeates the Another new release, “Real Thing” hints song is evidence of this influence. “Car- that Middle Kids is exploring their vo- look like her, but that society also de- Say Think, with this collaboration find- mands standards of beauty and perpet- ing its beginning in the early 2000’s and ry the Zero” is a classic for indie rock cal style and developing who they are fans, with Martsch’s distinctive twang as a new band. Their debut album, Lost uates stereotypes in contrast to her own returning 15 years later to make the al- body and attitude. She declares that “if bum Hug of Thunder. The title track fol- and undeniable “give no fucks” atti- Friends, is another great listen, fully tude. This song calls out all who are out- representing the band’s shining indie you fight like a girl, cry like a girl / do lows a timeline similar to that of a sum- your thing, run the whole damn world / mer thunderstorm; the melody crashes wardly obsessed and too “occupied with anthems. In “Real Thing”, lead singer what other persons are occupied with Hannah Joy harkens back to her roots if you feel like a girl, then you real like a into focus like a strike of lightning, and girl / do your thing, run the whole damn fades to thunderous oblivion. The songs and vice versa,” saying that they have in church choirs, singing airy hymns on become “what you thought was dumb; Sunday mornings. This influences her world.” By using the ubiquitous phrase trains the ear to anticipate each strike. ‘like a girl’, this song powerfully and Feist’s ethereal voices ties together the a fraction of the sum,” this possibly be- vocalization, but is in contrast to her ing an inspiration to think for oneself intimate, exposed, and familiar lyrics of eloquently stands up to discrimination heavy contrast of melody and interlude. against women across all walks of life. , one of the main members and like Martsch does so well, not give memory and experience, as well as the of the band, told Pitchfork that “the ti- a fuck. riffs of guitar that cut through the song. tle represents exactly who we are. That Through doubt and realization, the song Style - Foster the People is our show. We’re trying to create that Divergent from the previous light alt explores the fact that reality isn’t as ro- hug of thunder. That sound. That em- pop of the early 10’s, “Style” is Foster mantic as it seems. brace amongst the chaos." the People’s latest single. The cyclic Like a Girl - Lizzo and introspective rhythm is a step away In just the past few years, Lizzo has When Am I Gonna Lose You - Local Natives This song is a release and realization of from what first made Foster the People skyrocketed to popularity, not only in love and vulnerability, and a damn good famous, but the song still retains the music but in feminism and self love, song to dance and/or cry to. The sparse best parts of that era while also incorpo- and if you didn’t see, she just played placement of piano notes give the more rating more heavy and pulsing beats of at Coachella(!!!). If you were to scroll bare sections of the song the quality of a today’s indie pop and rock. Right off the through her profile on Instagram, you’d ballad, while the more vibrant moments bat, the song launches into a sermon of be likely to find numerous videos of her are raw and soaring. With each utter- declarations, stating “we're born to die twerking with her backup dancers, - ance of the title’s question, the word so I'm gonna fight for how I wanna live,” ter known as the “Big Girls”. She stands ‘you’ echoes out, emphasizing the sub- followed by more ominous deliverances. for every womxn, big or small, but es- ject of the song. The melody is drawn The lyrics provide the conclusion that pecially the big ones. Her live shows are out, almost dragged to each succeeding today’s society only cares about what’s sermons in body positivity and self love. beat highlighting the vulnerability of in style and how to look cool, similar to You leave feeling ready to love yourself,

works to the films advantage as each of Also, Chris Hemsworth reinvents Thor character results in uneven pacing that AVENGERS: ENDGAME the remaining Avengers is given enough in a way that is as shocking as it is amaz- really makes this feel like a three-hour IS AN EMOTIONALLY solo screen time to build up their char- ing. Josh Brolin does a good job but is movie. However, these issues do resolve FULFILLING acters and confront their own personal just given a lot less material to work themselves in the final act which takes conflicts. All of these character stories with than in the previous movie. There’s celebrity-packed superhero action to a CRESCENDO FOR A were at the very least ‘okay’, but some also an expectedly insane amount of gratuitous extreme that will likely never GENERATION OF were downright fantastic and heart cameos, the quality of which fluctuates be seen again. And if there is any doubt MARVEL FANS wrenching. In the context of Endgame pretty broadly. about the future of the Avengers fran- Jack Lloyd | Review itself, these aspects are strong, but the Unfortunately, the plot that sur- chise, the film spells out some new se- After 11 years, 22 movies, and bil- real feat is how well the story uses the rounds the characters is a lot weaker quels/spinoffs very clearly. lions of dollars spent, Marvel has drawn groundwork of the entire series. The re- than the characters themselves. There’s It’s been a wild ride since Iron Man its illustrious Avengers saga to an end. sulting movie is one that will be enjoy- a lot of sluggishness and even a com- (2008) first launched the cultural phe- The planning and execution required to able for everyone but perfect for dedi- plete false-start in the first third as ev- nomena of the Marvel Cinematic Uni- steer such a behemoth of a franchise to cated Marvel fans. erything gets put into place. Packed in verse over a decade ago. At the jour- a satisfying conclusion is tremendous. The core group of Avenger’s actors with that are some nagging potholes ney’s conclusion, Endgame stands as a Frankly, it is an achievement of every- are as enjoyable as ever to watch. Rob- and a few throwaway comedic relief satisfying and respectable achievement. one involved that Avengers: Endgame ert Downey Jr. and Chris Evans pull the scenes that feel almost tone-deaf giv- From the perspective of a fan of these is as good as it is. While the film creaks most weight, but there are memorable en the seriousness of the rest of the movies, this gets a 4 out of 5 stars. and groans a fair bit from the weight of contributions from Scarlett Johansson, film. This fluff mixed in with a story its bloated plot and runtime, it accom- Jeremy Renner, and Paul Rudd as well. that jumps around from character to plishes the series goal of delivering en- thralling action with emotionally reso- nant characters. It should be stated outright that this is not a standalone sequel where you CALTECH JAZZ BAND & CALTECH-OCCIDENTAL WIND ORCHESTRA PRESENT can still enjoy the film having not seen the first one. The movie not only ex- Featuring the iconic works: Caltech Jazz Band will feature works by: First Suite in E-flat - Holst pects you to be familiar with the details Sammy Nestico, Bill Holman, Bob Minzter, Irish Tune from County Derry - Grainger of Infinity War, but also with the gen- Thad Jones, & Bert Joris. Suite of Old American Dances - Bennett eral events of the recent franchise. It is something to be aware of if you want to Also featuring: see this movie but aren’t up to date on The trombones on John Clayton's FRI, MAY 17-8PM your Marvel jargon. "Sunny Side of the Street" and SAT, MAY 18-8PM the saxes on the Supersax tune, A large part of why all this back- RAMO AUDITORIUM ground stuff is especially important to "Cool Blues." know for Endgame is because the plot FREE ADMISSION focuses so much on the pasts of the he- roes. In order to defeat the purple mal- thusian tyrant, Thanos (Josh Brolin), and undo the galactic holocaust he BANDORAMA BANDORAMA created in Infinity War, the remaining Grad students Sophie Miller, Showcasing clarinet soloist heroes must confront challenges from Richard Feder, Muir Morrison and Lynne Snyder in a wonderful throughout the history of the series. As freshman drummer, Tighe concerto by British composer Didden, will also be featured. a result, the bulk of the plot is split off Martin Ellerby. into a bunch of smaller subplots that re- Directed by Barb Catlin Directed by Glenn D. Price convene for the big finale. This structure [email protected] | History & Sports | April 29, 2019 7

al) joined Hu in the 10000, with Reese to be absolutely necessary for the se- HU, MARASIGAN NAB rounding out the top 10 with a 42:55.01 nior to make finals in the last SCIAC SCHOOL RECORDS AT while Feng made a 44:16.39 debut. Championship meet of her career, as SCIAC'S DAY 1 Caltech received two more points her previous-best 2:24.11 would have Mark Becker | Sports from sophomore Molly Crotteau (Chica- put the senior on the outside looking The Caltech women's track & field go, Ill. / Walter Payton) in the women's in. Sophomore Sirisha Gudavalli (Boul- team got on the board with 10 points on 3000 Steeplechase. Crotteau, who set der, Colo. / Fairview) joined Marasigan the first day of the 2019 SCIAC Cham- the Caltech steeplechase record in the fi- in the second heat, running a 2:35.66. pionships, eight of which came from nal SCIAC Multi-Dual of 2019, finished Sophomore Nora Griffith (Santa Cruz, sophomore Claire Hu (Palo Alto, Calif. 10 seconds off her record-setting pace Calif. / Santa Cruz) led Caltech in speed / Henry M. Gunn) in her record-set- but still managed to net a seventh-place events with a fourth-place 1:05.25 to ting 10000m debut while senior Mi- finish amidst a 16-woman field. Junior qualify for Sunday's 400 hurdles finals chelle Marasigan (Elk Grove Village, Alexa Lauinger (Ortonville, Mich. / while freshman Moya Ly (Cincinnati, Ill. / James B. Conant) also took home Brandon) rounded out Caltech scorers Ohio / Cincinnati Country Day) finished a school record in the 800. The Bea- with a finals appearance in the javelin in 1:17.35 to take over the 10th spot in vers currently find themselves ahead of for the second consecutive year, scor- the Caltech top-10. Competing in her fi- Chapman University heading into the ing with a season-best 30.82m throw. nal SCIAC Championship meet, senior second and final day of competition. The junior also scored with an eighth- Melissa Gutierrez (Pico Rivera, Calif. / Hu, now the owner of two Caltech place finish in the hammer finals thanks El Rancho) concluded her 1500m ca- distance records, crossed the finish to a PR of over two meters (36.56m). reer on a high note thanks to a 15th- line in 37:38.12, broke the school re- Lauinger's big take in the hammer throw place 5:03.96, good for the eighth spot cord by nearly three minutes and be- moves her to third in the Caltech top-10 in the Caltech top-10. The senior's time came the first Beaver to complete the (119' 11 1/2"). Senior Muskaan Goyal is also a seven-second improvement on mammoth distance in under 40 min- (Apple Valley, Minn. / Eastview) com- her previous season best. Fellow Caltech utes. Saturday marks Hu's second peted in the hammer throw for the final top-10 1500 competitor sophomore trip to the podium in as many years time, hitting 27.08m on her best throw. Krystal Brodsky (Redmond, Wash. / with the sophomore taking third in Caltech also had two more compet- Bellevue College) competed in the same the 5000m run in another record-set- itors qualify for Sunday's finals. Senior race and posted a season-best 5:20.16. ting performance. Juniors Skye Reese Marasigan ran a posted a program-re- Head Coach Ben Raphelson and the (Concord, N.H. / Concord) and Nicole cord 2:22.21 in the 800m run to place Beavers will return to the track for tomor- Caltech Athletics Feng (Bethany, Conn. / Amity Region- eighth out of 23 women spread across row's finals and will have representation three heats. Marasigan's time proved across five different women's events.

world, and we revealed ourselves in our fact it turned out too great because while the courtyard became the rest 36 YEARS AGO: true form to a huge crowd. Somehow, we ran out of food and german beer of a small Northern Irish village. To INTERHOUSE 1983 though, something went wrong and we before 11 o’clock. (No reflect on the complete the authentic atmosphere en- At this year's Interhouse, the under- didn’t seem to get our point across. We amount of beer purchased, rather on tertainment was provided by an Irish graduate houses presented themes from made one more attempt at 11:00, but by its overwhelming popularity). Alpine band, The Road to Shiloh. As is always different countries, different times, and that time, the disruptive Dr. Bartender Village will get their barrels back soon. true of the Irish, the locals 'come out in even different dimensions. The follow- had hit many of us with his Zoo Juice Ray, The highlight of the evening was force for a night of partying including ing "Inside World" accounts describe and we were lucky to get out a coherent the play, written by Tom Kupiszewski, the local IRA representatives who were what went on at last Saturday's event: sentence, much less communicate to the around the theme of Fansomes's He- determined to destroy all the British world our true identities and purpose. roes. Impressive performances were Buildings in the courtyard before the Blacker Well, there we were, sixty-some Having failed in this, we decided to turned in by all involved, with the ex- night was over. In addition to the tra- Moles just minding our own business retain our anonymity. We had found that ception of Mike Kilby, who as usual for- ditional fore of O'Brennan's Pub there (as usual, I guess) when suddenly there the campus did not satisfy our criterion got his lines. - Ed Zanelli were, also O'Thommasy's Burgers avail- was a great thunderclap, and the skies for colonization, so now we are leaving, able featuring' imported Tommy's chili and none shall know of our visit. None Lloyd for those who desired a bite with their were rent asunder with an awesome Interhouse! After a typically slow but he who finds this letter.” - Spot brew. Many thanks to the kind true Irish presence. We felt our bloods turn to ace- start, everything finally got moving with present for providing us with quick les- tone and our hairs become starched and a lot of prodding from our Interhouse Dabney sons on how to dance to Irish music, our ears become stretched out to six- WAR IS PEACE. FREEDOM IS SLAV- Work Chairman, Matt. Alaric did a very an experience thoroughly enjoyed by teen inches as a dark cloud descended ERY. IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH. good job of hiding our fireplace, Ross all who participated (after they caught upon Blacker House. Our memories of THE TRUTH SHALL MAKE YOU FREE. did manage to find ten potted palms their breath). Finally Ricketts House what happened next consist of nothing With Jerry Falwell as big broth- and transportation for the roulette table did its usual job of monopolizing the but blackness, a blackness blacker than er, Dabney pulled off a Moral Ma- (which, by the way, had the truly power- contest for the first house to dismantle the black in blacker back in blacker. jority/1984 Interhouse. The lounge ful intake of $1.55 for the evening), and interhouse by restoring the house to its We might all have woken up on Sun- was transformed into the Ministry of despite the fears of many, Paul did get the usual state of disorder by 4:55 am Sun- day morning with no idea of what had Truth, where believers could come "Rick's Cafe Americain" sign finished. day morning. gone on the night before (many of us did hear speeches and sermons decrying Although Marty's plane didn't take anyway) but for a note found in a bot- all forms of immorality and individual- off due to bad weather, the interior effect Ruddock tle in the mud pit. The note read thusly: ity, and exalting Big Brother, mindless was quite pleasant, complete with the Imagine that you're traveling through “We’ve almost all left by now and adherence to the words of leaders and usual pile of excellent Lloyd food pre- a deep, dark jungle when all of a sudden I feel a need to tell the world of what the ideal-ness of a merged church and pared by the usual pile of excellent Lloyd you spot a beautIful sea-side resort. As we’ve done, despite explicit instructions state under right wing religious fanatics. cooks. Many thanks to all who helped you walk along the boardwalk and over to leave no trace. I think Batman said But wait! There were subversives in cook, bulid, wait tables, and sing Ger- a bridge by a waterfall, you begin to hear that the criminal mind is such that it the crowd, passing out banned pam- man national anthems. - Rod Van Meter the soothing sounds of Jazz and smell a needs to brag, and that is what causes phlets that talked about such strange succulent roasting pig. It's not a dream, their downfall in the end. Perhaps so. and evil things as “free press”, “fair tri- Page you're at Ruddock Interhouse '83. Interhouse was a huge success. The I only know that I must tell this story. al”, “personal freedom.” The Thought Things were swinging to a Hawai- traditional ride was just the beginning We had been planning this for Police handily escorted these scum ian beat as Rudkiki got underway with of a long, confusing journey through months. I think it was originally Fiendish down to the Ministry of Love, where they a pleasing set by the "Hawaii-5" (a.k.a. ''The Twilight Zone." Emerging from Plan Man’s idea, but that’s not import- were re-educated to love Big Brother. Caltech Jazz Band) in the Aloha lounge. the misty black train tunnel, the travel- ant. We saw the confusion of Interhouse Meanwhile, a large group of subver- Next door, one could find a little more ers stumbled upwards through a strobe- night as the perfect background for our sive scum gathered in the secret cafe, "local flavor" at the Hurricane Hole, lit stairwell to the maze. For those plan, so on that night, House Steal- where alcohol was available in diverse where the tone of the evening was pool, lucky enough to find their way out the ing Man used his House Stealing Ray forms. Rock’s Band played music with whiskey, and a rowdy good time. Lat- party was only a nurl pit away. Every- to capture Blacker House and replace reverse time sequence encoded messag- er, while patrons of the high class Aloha one danced to the music of Head First it with our own home, Gotham City! es, telling the young people to worship lounge relaxed in the gentle, quiet atmo- (although a few needed to visit the bar Everything was going perfectly! Dis- Satan and register as a Democrat. Crazed sphere, they were entertained by that first-to get psyched!) and recuperated guise Man set us all up to look identical youth entered into demonic dances. It nightclub singer extraordinaire Don on soft pillows by the fire in the lounge. to the members of Blacker House, and was a true den of liquidity. - Bill Callahan. "Biff" Ho; who not only dazzled the au- Except for a few minor problems such we wandered out to infiltrate the oth- dience, but also I won the heart of every as last minute procurement of a strobe er houses. Some of us picked up some Fleming woman, in the place (especially B-day It was of us to make Interhouse 1983 and lethal Black Russians,' fun was had instruments that were lying around, girl Debbie Pinck, to whom he sang a severe event. The Fleming Courtyard, by all. The Interhouse Chairman, Mark and lots of people started having a Happy Birthday). Soon, though, it was engineered by Mark Eggleston and Dave Waggoner, obviously did a great job great time hopping around in front of discovered that Don was really that no- Durham went off well even though it was getting Page organized. Thanks. -Sean us. That may have had something to torious criminal Wo Fat. As he and his not completed because we were 10 hours Moriarty do with the “DANCE this means you” bodyguard made a break for the door, behind schedule. Still, the fiber optics sign that was on a wall nearby, proba- Steve McGarret and I his gang broke ship, acetylene cannon, audio effects, Ricketts bly put there by the Random Sign Man In honor of our new MOSH. Rick- through the crowd and captured the and simulated storm were impressive. (He’s been known to do such thing) etts house went Irish at this year's in- imposter on the spot. That commotion The German beer hall, organized At 9:00 pm, we decided to make terhouse. The lounge and dining room over the evening ended! with another by Rajiv Sahney turned out great. In our identity and our plan known to the was transformed into O'Brennan's Pub great set from the Hawaii-5. 8 The California Tech | Humor | April 29, 2019 Caltech is being steered towards helping THE CONSPIRACY the global elite conspiracy develop new technology to perpetuate their rule for OF CALTECH all of posterity and bring about the New Society for the Liberation of Techers World Order. Last week, cars lined the Bechtel It is glaringly obvious that these peo- Mall, the far-off region past the- Tur ple do not have the interests of individu- tle pond and Millikan library. These als on campus as heart. Why else would weren’t normal cars like a Civic or an they allow the Caltech Dining Services Accord, these were nice cars, cars that to exist? Why do they hire professors the students, staff and faculty might who can’t tie their shoes or teach class- be able to buy, but would cost them an es? Why does Caltech increase its tui- arm and a leg. These cars belonged to tion every year? the Board of Trustees, a secret group on Wake up sheeple! Caltech is not a campus which determines all Institute bastion of pure higher education. It is policies and can act directly on any mat- instead a tool for the global elite to ex- ter in an event of an emergency. tract as much meaningful labor out of students and professors alike. Students, Many believe that the President of when they leave many times are burned Caltech, Dr. Thomas F. Rosenbaum, out to the core and face both physical is the person who at the top. Howev- and mental injuries. Undergraduates er, they are simply wrong. Instead, the are stripped of their family’s money and clandestine Board of Trustees holds un- told to do research as much as possi- questionable control over all of Caltech. ble. Graduate students work in the labs From their room in Millikan Library, generating research for the global elite the trustees determine everything that 12-14 hours a day. Professors are forced Caltech will do. Among the decisions to produce immediately impactful re- that they make include the executive search for illuminati to use lest they get compensation of lead administrators, kicked out. determine singlehandedly the entire The Society for the Liberation of student experience and the overall look Techers writes to you all to inform you of the campus. Such is the power of the of the facts. The fact that the Illuminati Board of Trustees that even the Feder- and its members disguised in the Board al Government needs to negotiate with of Trustees will not listen to the pleas of them to keep JPL running properly. students, but have their own agenda, to Despite possessing such power on make Caltech seem attractive as to en- campus, you would be hard pressed to tice more unsuspecting individuals, and find any student on campus who can to produce technology to bring about name a single trustee. Who is Jon B. the New World Order. All we ask is that Kutler? Who is Robert B. Chess? The you learn of the the example of Chris Board of Trustees is obviously made up Knight, a student at Pacific Tech, who of members of the global elite who want destroyed a chemical laser developed influence at the 12th best institution in there that would have been used to un- Wikimedia Creative Commons 3.0 the United States. It is almost certain The Ivory Tower: Millikan Library speakable horrors. that this organization exists as some offshoot of the illuminati considering the number of well-connected business executives included. The direction of

PUZZLE: KILLER SUDOKU Difficulty: medium Puzzle and instructions from killersudokuonline.com

Rules: As in regular sudoku, every cell in each row, column, and nonet must contain a unique digit. In other words, each row, column, and nonet must contain all the digits from one to nine.The values of the cells a cage must sum up to the to- tal for that cage. The values of the cells in a cage must be unique.

Definitions: Cell: A single box. It can contain any digit from one to nine. Row: A horizontal group of nine cells. Each cell in the row must contain a dif- ferent digit. Column: A vertical group of nine cells. Each cell in the column must contain a different digit. Nonet: A 3x3 grid of cells. It is sur- rounded by bold lines. Each cell in the nonet must contain a different digit. Cage: A group of cells surrounded by a dashed line. The values of the cells in a cage must sum up to the total specified in the upper right of the cage. The val- ues in a cage must be unique even if the rules of regular sudoku would allow for duplicates. Region: An area of the puzzle that can- not contain duplicate digits. That is, a row, a column, a nonet, or a cage.