Beyond Dance Etiquette: Success and Enjoyment in So cial Dancing Aria Nosratinia 1 Intro duction dancer's b est asset. In the following we touch on a few of the more People dance so cially mostly for the pure joy of it. imp ortant asp ects. For more details see the accom- 1 For the dancing enthusiast, nothing compares to the panying article \Elements of Dance Etiquette." thrill of moving with grace and harmony to a b eau- tiful piece of music with that wonderful partner of Never blame your partner for anything that the moment. may happ en on the dance o or. Not if you want him/her to dance with you again. But anyone who has ever b een to a so cial dance notices that not everyone is having a good time, A request for a dance must be accepted un- or at least not equally so. While some sit out many der almost all circumstances. If you decline dances, others are constantly in demand. These for- a dance, you yourself cannot dance until the tunate dancers seem not only to have a great time, end of that song. they also transfer their sense of joy to others around them. There is something ab out these individuals No unsolicited teaching on the dance o or! that transcends go o d lo oks and dancing skill. How There is a good chance this will make your do they do it? What are the p ersonal qualities, partner feel small and humiliated. Not ex- habits, and skills that lead to success on the so cial actly a great way of encouraging him/her, or dance o or? This article explores answers to these others, to dance with you. questions. Do not monop olize a partner on the dance o or. Dancers are p olite and rarely say no to a dance, but this is no carte blanche to im- 2 Etiquette and Beyond p ose on their kindness. Dance with everyone, and let everyone dance. Success in a so cial activity requires awareness of ac- cepted norms of b ehavior. The imp ortance of dance On the o or, b e considerate of the other cou- etiquette to the so cial dancer can hardly be over- ples. Exercise go o d o orcraft; do not cut other stated. Etiquette is imp ortanteverywhere, but es- couples o ; no aerials or choreographed steps p ecially in dancing, a delicate activity where un- on the dance o or. pleasantness has no place. One may argue that the remainder of this article Dance communities tend to b e fairly small, giv- is also etiquette-related. True, to the extent that ing a nice self-enforcing characteristic to dance eti- etiquette, in promoting happy so cial interactions, quette. Inconsiderate individuals may temp orarily shares many of the motivations of the discussions to enjoy themselves at other dancers' exp ense. But come. Where exactly etiquette mandatory b ehav- they quickly develop a reputation, mostly unb eknownst ior ends, and smart voluntary b ehavior starts, is to them, and b ecome outcasts. A go o d reputation, as a considerate and enjoyable partner, is a so cial 1 http:==www.ee.princeton.edu/ aria/dancing.html ~ 1 Entertain your partner: You are there not an academic issue. The skillful so cial dancer seam- only to have a go o d time yourself, but also to enter- lessly combines etiquette with other considerations, tain your partner. This means, among other things, to create for herself an enjoyable dancing atmo- making him/her comfortable, dancing at a level that sphere. We pro ceed to talk ab out some of these is enjoyable for b oth, and maintaining a go o d sense considerations. of humor if something go es wrong. If you are a p er- fectionist in your dance studies, leaveit b ehind in so cial dancing. Own up to mistakes if yours, but 3 Make Your Partner Happy do not dwell on them either way. Playfulness and lightheartedness in dancing also go es a long way. The single biggest secret of success in so cial dancing Lo ok at your partner and smile except in dances is to makeyour partners happy. Once you succeed one is not supp osed to. Fo cus not on yourself, but at this task, your p opularity will soar and you will on your partner. never have a shortage of willing and enthusiastic Make your partner feel appreciated: The partners to dance with. most p opular dancers are not necessarily the most Realization of this fact and the commitmentto skillful, but rather the ones who make clear to each use it as a guideline in so cial dancing is an imp or- partner howmuch that p erson's company is appre- tant rst step. Then, one needs to master the skills ciated and enjoyed. Most p eople would rather not needed to actually implement this p olicy. We will dance with someone who acts b ored or put up on, revisit di erent facets of this concept, but for now, no matter how amazing their dancing is. a few concrete examples: The annoyance factor: There are many things No uncomfortable leads: Cranking your fol- that may b e acceptable in everyday situations, and lower's arm to make her turn, pushing and pulling yet can b e very annoying when done at very close to bring her into p osition, and other forceful leads proximity, as one has to b e while dancing. In par- will not be appreciated. If she is not doing what ticular, avoid humming to the music, counting the you want, then probably your lead was not skillful steps, or chewing gum while dancing. enough. Unless you know a pattern well, do not ex- It is worthwhile to rep eat once more the cardinal ecute it on the so cial dance o or. Keep it for classes and practice time, until you have mastered the pat- rule of so cial dancing: You are happy when your partner is happy. tern, then bring it on the so cial dance o or. If the lead is go o d and the follower is still not following, again the leader is at fault, b ecause he is leading a pattern to o dicult for his follower. 4 Who is Popular? No back-leading: When you ask or accept to At this p oint you are a considerate so cial dancer follow someone in a dance, you implicitly agree to who always puts his/her partner rst. But building let them lead. While this do esn't mean you have a reputation takes time. What makes someone p op- to b e a p erfect follower, or even a particularly go o d ular at rst sight? If you lo ok around a dance hall one, it do es mean that you should not try to lead at the start of a song, you will see dancers going them. It is disresp ectful and disturbing to your part- around, scanning the crowd, lo oking for their next ner when you steal the lead; you are rejecting their partner. Surely,you think to yourself, they don't all contribution to the partnership. know their p otential partners. Then what are they Protect your partner: For the leader this has lo oking for? Here are some answers: two asp ects. The rst is o orcraft. Anticipate the Good dancers are in demand: This is by movement of other dancers, and matchyour gures far the most e ective way of b ecoming p opular in to empty spaces on the o or, so that you do not run the dancing circles. Regardless of everything else, your partner into other couples. Secondly, if there good dancers are always in demand. This should is imminent danger of collision, pull your partner serve as a powerful incentive to try and improve close and turn, so that you absorb the blow. The your dancing. There is no need to know a mil- follower can also protect her partner bykeeping an lion patterns; but one needs to have good technique eye out b ehind his back. If a couple is approaching and lead/follow. Practice, practice, practice! Then from his blind sp ot, a small pressure on his shoulder practice some more. or hand can warn him of p ossible collision. 2 memb er that although nature is not equally kind to Dancers seek dancers: Dancers are more likely everyone, we all have our strong p oints. Attractive- to seek those they see dancing on the o or. Only ness may help in getting the rst dance, but for the as a second choice do they turn to those sitting on second dance, p ersonality, sense of humor, and go o d the sidelines. Mayb e this is due to a feeling of con- dancing skills can easily win out over cuteness. dence that someone seen on the o or is actually a dancer, or a pleasant dancer, or is less likely to decline a dance. Whatever the reason, if you are seen dancing on the o or, you have a b etter chance 5 Dance Partners of getting the next dance. Think of it as a form of dancers' inertia. Getting over this inertia will help We already know ab out not monop olizing a partner. you have a pleasant night of dancing. Do your b est Dance etiquette has ruled that no more than two to get the rst few dances once you arrive at a dance consecutive songs b e danced with the same partner, event; it gets easier afterwards.