MILESTONES IN (CONTINUED FROM PAGE 63) NUDIST CINEMA Until the late 1960s, the only LEGAL way for Americans to ogle the naked human form in print and on movie screens…well, the naked Caucasian form, anyway, sinceNational Geographichad no SIDESTEPPING THE trouble showing dark-skinned “primitive” nudes… was via the purposely non-erotic genre of IRONYof using computers to nudist go back to nature, nudists have magazines andnudist-camp movies. taken to the World Wide Web in Films featuring naked adults frolicking at nudist order to proselytize their lifestyle camps began to emerge in the early 1930s, coin- and network with similarly individuals. ciding with the first wave of American nudist-colony From what I can gather after reading a few dozen of their websites, nud- Employing desiccatedculture. grey-pubed The early films leftist are typically imbued with a ists consider the “textile world” alien to their sanctified world. They view it morethan mere triflin’jargon nakedness—it and pompous,pompous, Francophilic classically naturist, gob- as a corrupted, predatory, automated, sex-hating, fascistic mainstream bledygook amid feely-meely googly Edenic seeks to create a utopian society, to champion the struggle for women’s Triumph of the Will- let’s-all-mush-together-in-a-gooey-proto- freedom, and to maybe even smash the patriarchy if there’s any timestyled left conviction that nudism will bring about a plasmic-Love-Soup aesthetics, the nudist after all that other stuff. He proposes a world which accepts…nay, worldwide elevation of humanity. Überkulturfilled with meanies, a world whose violence and neuroses and theorist proposes a loftier, more spiritually cele-advanced mode of living which Elysia: Valley fast-food wrappers and fall from grace are all rooted in the fact that itsbrates …theis human available body, to anyonewith all simply its warts, by droppin’rashes, sagging trou. But flesh, don’tof theingrown be Nudes fooled—his(1933—foreign-language poster members AREN’T NUDE IN PUBLIC ALL THE TIME. Nudists use the toenails, andform swampy of nudism ass-stank. aspires to much pictured at right) word “textile” as both a noun ( was filmed at a California nudist he’s a dedicated textile) and an adjectiveit’s ( colony. The film begins with a producer’s statement that “Our purpose is to show the benefits derived a textile beach ), and it’s usually used with some level of pejorative malice. THE NUDIST WORLD,despite all its delusions of philosophical grandeur Nudists refer to the textile world’s pathological tendency to wear clothes as and human uplift, will forever remain a severely from the body in the sun and air. Our hope is to show that the rapid growth of tackyworld characterizedthe Nudist movement throughout the world is based on health—both of the body and “clothes-obsessiveness” and “clothes-compulsiveness.” by goofy jokes, by These days, many of the Socially Naked tend to shun the words Elmer Fudpucker at the Nudist comedyColony albums,mind.” The film’s plot (some nudist-camp films have plots, some don’t) concerns a newspa- and by zany nudist-camp cartoons depicting a guy who can carry two cups To the clothed world, the nudists might as well have been“nudist” Martians. and “colony” altogether. Instead, they label themselves per reporter who’s assigned write about a nudist camp and winds up of coffee in his hands and a dozen donuts on his Colonies faced frequent police harassment, public ridicule, and“naturists” evangeli- who congregate with “traveling clubs” or at “resorts.” It’s a boner. ’Tis a world encapsulated in irritatingly cal outrage. Even so, pasty white mammaries and wrinkly whiteconscious peni distancing measure from any sleazy/creepy/cultish associa- continued to flap defiantly under the open American sun. In the 1950s, clever catchphrases such as “Skin does not equal joiningit. Other early nudist-colony moviesThis include Nude tions people might attach to both the terms “nudist” and “colony.” Just courts decided once and for all that the idea of a cloistered nudist colony sin” and “I’ve got a brand nude attitude!” and World (1932), a documentary featuring European and American harboring consenting adults was perfectly legal. like San Franciscans hate it when outsiders call their city “Frisco,” “We are nude, not lewd” and “Grin and bare it!” nudist colonies…Hesperia(1937) filmed at an Oregon nudist Utopian nudist-colony culture became diluted (purists wouldmodern say self-describedpol- “naturists” frown upon usage of the term “nudistIt’s a world filled with an uncomfortably high camp that would later become Squaw Mountain Ranch…and luted) by an unwashed influx of free-lovin’, hard-druggin’, mass-orgy-colony,” because it makes the inhabitants sound like mindless ants. quotient of pervy weirdlin’s who, if it weren’t for The havin’ hippie culture in the 1960s. Public nudism became increasinglyThat’s really too bad, and I’m sorry to have to hurt their feelings, butnudism, I would be into, oh, Exposé of the Nudist Racket , (1938), which meldsReefer sexualized, more of a vulgar mass movement than an undergroundjust can’t folk use the word “naturist” seriously. I don’t like the way it rattles Madness off my keyboard or rolls off my tongue. It’s pretentious and not nearly as -style scare-tactic anti-nudist narration with, of course, religion. It devolved from its lofty Edenic origins, becoming a haven for Star Trekto satisfy sexually suggestive, in an erotically pre-porno way, as the delicious term footage from the evil camps themselves. At one point, the film’s nar- seedy swingers and pedophilic predators and thrill-seekers of all stripes. their lonely itch for communal belonging. “nudist.” I prefer to use “nudist,” and I’ll call those freaky nude bastards rator makes an unflattering comment about a portly female nudist. The culture of nude beaches and love-ins and Woodstock and smokin’ In many ways, nudism is also the natural-born enemy of pornography. hash oil naked in redwood hot tubs invaded the pristine culturenudists of whether they like it or not, fuck them In 1954, New York authorities banned Nudism proposes that Garden of Eden, filmed at a nudist camp, astringent nude diets and wholesome naked family living and 500 allof us should be naked, while pornobecause posits itthat allegedly portrayed nude humans in “unwholesome sexually alluring positions.” mandatory daily nude Jumping Jacks. Essentially, the hippies murdered only a The film’s distributor appealed an initial the first wave of American nudist colonies. fewof us should. That’s a monumental difference. Porno depends on the general societal suppression of , or it wouldn’tcourt be decision, special and in 1957 the state The nude establishment (yes…sigh…there really is such a thing) has andtheir stupid colonies. enough that people would pay for it. Much of the sex industry’scourt ruled wealth in the is film’s favor, with one struggled to resurrect American nudism from the sex ’n’Nudists drugs imagedefend their lifestyle with the zealotry of the folk religionists actually dependent upon the mainstream judge arguing that “nudism in itself, and that has tainted it since the sixties. High-financed, tightlythey are. regimented They say that social nudism relieves psychological stress, and suppressionof nudity. If nudity nudist “resorts” catering to upscale couples and families constitute the without lewdness or dirtiness, is not they’ll show you medical studies to prove it. They’ll show you another were commonplace, it wouldn’t be so “exotic,” and guys wouldn’t actually modern Acceptable Face of American Nudism. Except for the clothing in law or in common sense.” survey that proves group therapy is more effective when conducted in PAY just to see a woman’s bare tush. policy, many of these neo-nudist resorts are indistinguishable from high- The decision made it easier for wider the nude. They’ll cite statistics that say nudists are typically richer and I tend to side with the pornographers. My main beef with social nud- tech health clubs. They offer nude swimming, nude ping pong, nude commercial distribution of nudist-camp better-educated than your average textile-wearing drone. They say that ism, apart from the oceans of aesthetic cheese, is the undeniable, proven- water skiing, nude badminton, nude dining, and com- movies, and exploitation directors nudists, rather than being sexual deviants, are statistically less likely to by-science fact that some people SHOULD be hung-up about their bodies. munal nude Macarena lessons. Nudist-friendly travel pounced on the opportunity, unleashing commit sex crimes or incest and engage in extramarital affairs than the I’m currently seeking evidence for my anthropological thesis that clothing agencies offer nude cruises and nude travel packages. countless whimsically naughty “nudie- sickos in the textile world. was initially invented not as vain, peacock’s-feathers-style adornment… The American Association for , cuties” for the commercial market in the late 1950s and early 1960s. They claim that clothing is a breeding ground for bacteria. nor for weather-related reasons…nor to hide a sense of naked shame…but currently the nation’s largest nudist club, claims They say one’s skin needs to breathe, to absorb and B-movie legend Herschell Gordon Lewis produced nudie-cuties such as 50,000 members. Its bland-as-shit website tries its solely as punishment for unattractive people. excrete, and that clothing subverts many of the skin’s I best to portray a safe/antiseptic/ desexual- natural functions. They claim that full-body exposure to ized/family-oriented strain of nudism, with sunshine ensures a higher absorption of Vitamin D, Nature’s obvious reasons. Modern Nudism equals essential to the immune system. They assert that lovemy body. Yours, I’m not so crazy about. There are so many peo- Playmates (1962),Daughters of the (1962),Sun andGoldilocks and the Three Big Bucks, and any intimations of nude nudity improves fertility, clears psoriasis, and pre- ple I wouldn’t want to relate to on a nude level. If I don’t even want to Bares meth-pipe circles or nude mud wrestling vents lyme disease. They say that basking nude in the look at them clothed, why would I want to see them with their shit all up-(1963) before single-handedly inventing the slasher-movie genreBlood with 1963’s with children would only hurt business. sun fights many types of cancer, even skin cancer. front and in my face? I don’t feel so swell about UtopiaFeast. if it means I haveRecently deceased cult director Doris Wishman was one of the nudie-cutie’s savvier Entrepreneurial nudism’s mouthpieces They say that clothes impede the body’s circulatory, to be naked along with everyone else. exploiters, concocting clever stunts such as transplanting a grindhouse onto nudist- cite stats claiming that the ranks of the reproductive, and lymphatic functions. They say Still, the warm wind feels great on my exposed skin. But for now,colony grounds and filming her—nothing illegal about American Nude are growing by twenty these ball-smashingly tight blue jeans I’m wearing I’ll raise the fence around my that—inBlaze Starr goes Nudist percent yearly. They trot out polls stat- right now could possibly lead to testicular cancer. (1965) and setting a nudist colony in outerNude space onin the Moon(1961). ing that Americans are growing owngarden of Eden and frolic there. Me The devoted nudist feels, deep in the Since full-frontal cinematic nudity was considered legally obscene in America until more tolerant of nudism. and m’woman’ll practice our bottom of the sockless toes he squishes in own private brand of Antisocial 1968, the nudist-camp films were always careful to artfully conceal the subjects’ the grass, that he lives in a fundamentally Dystopian Nudism. I like the genitals, especially swingin’ weenies. A strong distinction should be drawn between more moral, equal, and honest world idea of nudity for me…but not than those in the textile world. for thee. Or as my girlfriend nudistfilms and thepornographic films which immediately succeeded them. By succinctly phrased it when I definition, a nudist film prohibits any equation of nudity with sex. You’ll see nude asked for her thoughts on nud- adults playing volleyball and rowing canoes (known as “canuding” among initiates), ism, “I don’t need to look at but you won’t see any remotely amorous activity. When legal decisions allowed for somebody else’s junk.” naked onscreen sexuality in the late 1960s, the nudist-camp genre quickly expired, stampeded to death under increasingly bold cinematic eroticism and, finally, hardcore. ✗ ✗

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