INTERVIEW WITH “YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO NORMAN DICTATE TO ME WHAT I FINKELSTEIN HAVE TO SAY...” PAGE 19 “Keep the Cat Free” ISSUE 1476

03.12.10 ELIX Thee studstudenFen f Imperial ColleCollegege L ccee 119499 BUSINESS Inside the UCL Occupation

What does the future hold for BP? Interview: Page 17 Students at UCL are more than a week into their occupation of the Jeremy Bentham room. Ian Wei heads to Russell Square to get a taste of the occupations that have sprung up across the FILM country. Page 6

How bad is student debt?

A furious debate is raging about student debt. Felix speaks to graduates about They call him (and their experience of the current fees system and their thoughts the fi lm) Machete... on the changes. Page 8 UNDER PRESSURE Do high expectations put mental health at risk? Page 10 Review: Page 30 When will Imperial march? FOOD While others occupy and protest, Imperial students stay in the Your complete guide library. Will we ever to the perfect Xmas hit the streets? Page 5 dinner: Page 35 2 Friday 03 december 2010 FELIX HIGHLIGHTS On campus EDITOR’S PICK Union Notice Uncertain Ratio The Tuition Fee Vote President’s Surgery Artists from Goldsmiths College will transform the Thursday 9th December Institute of Mathematical Sciences with a series of Student Hub, Union Building installations, performances and experimental films. The pieces will “contrast elements from a scientific Friday 17 December 12:30-14:00 experiment with the mechanisms of film making”. The event is open to all. Contact Peter Lewis via: Got an issue with the Union? Alex [email protected] Kendall, The President, is all ears

IMS, 53 Prince’s Gate To be accessible and accountable to students, Alex Kendall, the Union President, will hold weekly surgeries 03 December 18:30-19:30 where you can come and ask or talk about anything, from academic or welfare issues to questions about the bars, nightclub, clubs & societies or upcoming elections The offshore challenge and Union politics. The last surgery this term will be right before the Christmas holidays. Maybe he’ll be giving Philip Heptonstall of the away presents? We can only hope so... Centre for Environmen- tal Policy, Andy Hiorns from the National Grid and Adrian Fox of The Crown Estate will debate Lolcat of teh week the challenges facing attempts to harness en- Depending on your stance, students are either going to get shafted ergy from offshore wind really badly, or shafted kind of badly but with decent justifi cation... farms. Free but registra- tion required in advance. Email Sarah Lester via If by some miracle you have failed to [email protected] spot the protests, sit-ins and university Room 1.31, RSM occupations that have been occuring 07 December 17:30-19:00 over the past few weeks then it’s time to fi nally take notice. The debate on higher Carols by Candlelight education will come to a climax this Would Christmas be Christmas without a carol ser- Thursday as Parliament votes on proposals vice? I think not. The Chaplaincy offer a chance to reflect on the term just past, as well as mince pie to raise the tuition fee cap to £9,000. and drinks, at their annual Carol Service at Holy Trin- ity Church. The service starts in darkness and then Students across the country are planning a single candle is passed from person to person to symbolize the shared light of the world. For further to protest in unprecedented numbers information email Andrew Wilson at a.willson@impe- rial.ac.uk against the proposals. Unless the Lib Dems suddenly decide to honour their pre- Holy Trinity Church election pledge to oppose tuition fee rises, 15 December 18:00-19:00 the proposals are likely to pass.

Felix, Beit Quad, Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB. Email: [email protected]. Tel: 020 7594 8072. Fax: 020 7594 8065. Printed by The Harmsworth Printing Ltd, Northcliffe House, Meadow Road, Derby. Registered newspaper ISSN 1040-0711. FELIX Copyright © Felix 2010. Editor-in-Chief Kadhim Shubber Deputy Editor Gilead Amit Copy Chief Lizzy Griffiths Assistant Editor Dan Wan News Editors Alex Karapetian Matt Colvin Layout/Design Editor Veronika McQuadeova Features Editor Lizzie Crouch Sports Editors Jovan Nedic David Wilson Science Editors Katya-yani Vyas James Goldsack Business Editors Sina Ataherian Afonso Campos Politics Editors Hassan Joudi James Lees Rory Fenton Rajat Jain Technology Editor Samuel Gibbs Comment Editor Anna Perman Arts Editor Rox Middleton Music Editors Greg Power Christopher Walmsley Luke Turner Film Editors Matt Allinson Jade Hoffman Ed Knock Food Editor Dana Li Fashion Editor Saskia Verhagen Games Editor Simon Worthington Online Editors Niharika Midha Dakshaa Rai Ravi Pall Chris Birkett International Editor Kenneth Lee Puzzles Captains Polly Bennett James Hook Aman Nahar Photo Editor Thomas Welch Travel Editors Dylan Lowe Chris Richardson Copy Editors Alex Nowbar Hannah Thomas Kai Li Loh Ayyub Kamaludin Shruti Mishra Sophie Lambrakis Sharanya Subbu Ritika Gupta FELIX Friday 03 december 2010 3 STUDENT PROTESTS A grassroots Edinburgh Newcastle Around 300 students marched Northumbrian police praised stu- through the city centre in a peace- dents for their peaceful conduct ful demonstration. Students from saying “there were no arrests and movement University of Edinburgh (UoE) have no trouble of any kind”. Students been occupying since the 24th of from University of Newcastle are November and are demanding that in their 10th day of occupation: tudents and school children across UoE reject the government’s cuts: ncluniocc.blogspot.com the country have been marching in edinunianticuts.wordpress.com Sthe streets and occupying university buildings to protest against cuts to teach- ing, higher fees and the loss of the EMA. Leeds They have been largely unorganised; a grassroots movement that has developed 500 university students and school through Twitter and Facebook. The graphic children protested in Leeds’ city cen- isn’t comprehensive. It’s only a snapshot of tre in a peaceful demonstration. Stu- the protests on the 30th of November, but dents at the University of Leeds have it gives an impression of the widespread been occupying for 9 days to protest anger felt by students across the country. “crippling tuition fee rises, education Text: Kadhim Shubber cuts [and] the scrapping of EMA: Graphics: Veronika McQuadeova occupiedleeds.wordpress.com Sources: BBC, the Guardian Sheffi eld

Liverpool Manchester 200 students marched on Nick Clegg’s constituency offi ce. Also, An estimated 200 students One of the larger demonstrations a group are 9 days into their marched in Liverpool in a “wild- last week, around 1,000 demon- campus occupation: cat” demonstration which saw strators marched through Man- sheffi eldoccupation.tumblr.com brief clashes with mounted police chester city centre accompanied and two arrests. by a large police presence. Stu- dents from all three Manchester Nottingham universities have been occupying for over a week: roscoeoccupation.word- Around 150 Students at the University press.com of Nottingham began an ongoing occupation: nsafc.wordpress.com Oxford Birmingham Cambridge In scenes similar to those in Bir- The city’s council chamber was mingham, around 30 students stormed by around 50 protestors. School children and university students stormed the Oxfordshire County Scuffl es were reported but the protested outside Senate House. A bro- headquarters. An occupation of small demonstration was, by ken window was paid for by students. An the Radcliffe Camera building and large, peaceful. occupation at Cambridge University has at Oxford university has now entered its 7th day: defendeducation.co.uk ended. Colchester

Around 400 University of Essex stu- dents marched through Colchester city centre. London

Several thousands students led Brighton police on a cat and mouse chase Cardiff Bristol around London as they dodged police lines and avoided ‘kettling’. Around 100 students from the Uni- One of the largest marches last 600 students and school children Accusations have been traded over versity of Cardiff protested in the Tuesday. 2,000 people took to the marched to Hove Town Hall in a whether police attempted to block city centre as the Welsh Educa- streets in a peaceful protest that demonstration that saw 100 protes- the protest before it began. Protes- tion Minister Leighton Andrews an- saw 10 arrests for “minor public tors climb the roof of a multi-storey tors eventually converged on Trafal- nounced that Welsh students would order offences”. Students at the car park and police offi cers kettle gar Square where 146 were arrest- have higher fees of £6–9,000 paid University of the West of England up to 60 protestors in Brighton city ed after being kettled and clashing for them with public funds. Students (UWE) are into their second week centre. Students from University of with police. Occupations continue have been occupying a lecture the- of occupation where they have been Brighton have been occupying since at SOAS, University of East London, atre since the 25th of November: holding educational workshops: November 24th: Goldsmiths, Roehampton and UCL. cardiffoccupation.wordpress.com act-at-uwe.blogspot.com brightonresistance.wordpress.com anticuts.org 4 Friday 03 december 2010 FELIX

News Editors: Matt Colvin Alex Karapetian NEWS [email protected] ‘PROTEST MONOPOLY’ Words and photos by Miles Robertson

tudents hit the streets of London once again this week to rally against the proposed rise in University tuition fees. Traffi c was brought to a standstill as thousands of sixth form and university protesters sped through Central Lon- donS in separate marches, avoiding police attempts to block them for fear of being ‘kettled’ again. The scheduled march from Trafalgar Square to Whitehall was supposed to set off at 2pm, accompanied by a police escort. This was not to be, as an early departure caught police off guard and with protesters rapidly approaching Whitehall, along the pre-arranged route, a police cordon was deployed to block their path. Following last week’s Westminster protest where stu- dents were ‘kettled’ for hours without access to food or water, there was a general feeling of panic in the crowd. Seeing their route blocked, protesters spilled out into side streets, forming several smaller marches in an attempt to evade police entrapment. The crowd detoured past Hyde Park Corner, Piccadilly and Oxford Street in what has been dubbed, “Protest Monopo- ly”. Activities were largely harmless, with protesters wav- ing to startled members of the public as booming reggae swept along the city streets. As time wore on, many of the previously fragmented groups returned to Trafalgar Square, where several speech- es were made from the plinth below Nelson’s Column. With police blocking every road out of the square and the snow falling harder with every passing minute, the crowd slowly dispersed via a controlled exit onto Charing Cross Road. As the evening progressed, there was violence as a small group of protestors refused to leave Trafalgar Square. Com- ing to the end of a day of peaceful protest, 146 arrests were made and a protestor and a police offi cer suffered head injuries and was taken to hospital. The Metropolitan Police have come under fi re for their lack of presence at the Milbank riots and later for their ‘kettling’ tactics used on 24 November. A Judicial Review is currently underway at the High Court in relation to exactly the same tactics that were used in the G20 climate protest. The Met denied any claims that they intended to kettle protesters at this week’s protest and said they formed the cordon to keep people away from an exposed gas line on Whitehall. President Aaron Porter this week apologised for his “spineless dithering” and ensured that all student protests and activism will be supported by the NUS. Plans for further protests are underway, with protests be- ing held in London on Sunday 5 and on Thursday 9, the date of the parliament vote on raising tuition fees . A can- dle-lit vigil is also planned, with 9000 candles (represent- ing the new maximum fee rate) being lit on the eve of the parliament vote. After the events of the previous three weeks, today’s pro- test was relatively mild. Although the movement has man- aged to shed most of its violent elements, it is yet to be seen whether momentum has also been lost. Furthermore, there are worries that University students’ departure over the Christmas period will cause the campaign to stall. Will the protesters achieve the goals they have been seeking, or will the police stamp out any further rebellion? Only time can tell. FELIX Friday 03 december 2010 5 NEWS When will Imperial march? While students around the country have been taking direct action, Imperial has re- mained quiet. Maciej Matuszewski fi nds out why

Mitesh Patel he government’s planned changes to university funding are anything but inconsequential. Protests and sit-ins have sprung up at univer- sities around the country, but the anger does not seem to have reached Impe- Trial in any signifi cant way. Walking around campus, the only signs of opposition to these changes are a few discreet posters. Indeed, the Imperial Student Union’s Council recently voted to broadly support the Browne review, which proposes lifting the tuition fee cap for home students. On the face of it, there does seem to be a widespread apathy concerning the govern- ment’s policy among many students. There are many possible reasons for this. Imperial has an Students are reluctant to disrupt their tight lab and lecture schedules exceptionally large proportion of international students: 34.5%, compared to 23.9% for UCL, whose student body is one of the most vocal Are Imperial students too busy juggling coursework to join the protests? about government policy. Most importantly, Imperial does not offer arts subjects, which will suffer the brunt of the government’s cuts; many an option for earlier repayment, and with the “we promoted the Council debate extensively. to oppose a large increase in fees as he fears will see an 80% cut in their funding while some interest rate being higher than what it is now. Students had ample opportunity to voice their that they might discourage EU home students, will receive no funding at all. In addition, fund- Caroline Clark, another member of Imperial concerns if they strongly disagreed with the a view supported by a number of current stu- ing for science subjects is being protested. Sim- for Education, believes that “it is inevitable policy that we put forward.” He did however dents. SCC Chair Rhodri Oliver, however, said ply put, Imperial students will not be affected that students from poorer backgrounds will be say that the Union plan to revisit and adjust the that he still supported the motion while RCSU as severely as those at other universities. They put off” and that the highest charging univer- policy in January. President Scott Heath argued for the need for have little motivation for action, with many of sities under the new system, which are almost Imperial for Education is critical of how a new opinion poll that covers more areas and the students interviewed reluctant to disrupt certain to include Imperial, will only be “acces- the Union’s means of determining students’ has better designed questions. He is quite open their tight schedule of lectures and labs to go sible to the privileged elite”. She believes that views about funding issues. According to Gib- to the Council changing its policy based on the and protest. Other students, while accepting “the government should increase taxes on the bons the student survey was limited, asking no results of this new survey and face-to-face con- that the funding changes will cause diffi culties, rich and clamp down on tax avoidance” instead questions about maintenance loans, and only sultation with students . Union President Alex grudgingly agree with them. Michael Lewis, of raising fees. Union President Alex Kendall including about 5% of students. Despite this, Kendall conceded that there was a need to a second year Chemical Engineering student, rejected their arguments saying that “the only he believes that Council was premature to draw properly gauge student opinion as “the debate summarised this saying that though he believed way to ensure that students can still come to up its policy on funding before consulting its has really grown recently”. CGCU Academic in “no fees, with the country in its current state, Imperial, and that Imperial has enough fund- results, which seem to suggest that students Affairs Offi cer Marcus Ulmefors has decided the increases are necessary”. ing, is by raising fees but also ensuring that prefer the current system. Only 5.3% of those to oppose a large increase in fees as he fears There are, however, some signs of resistance. bursaries and the necessary support is there to surveyed, agreed to students leaving university that they might discourage EU home students, This Tuesday Imperial for Education organised ensure access for all.” owing more than £30,000, which are certain a view supported by a number of current stu- a discussion on opposing the budget cuts and Gibbons believes that “people care the same to exceed if Imperial raises its tuition fees to dents. Even those council members who con- tuition fee increases, and led a small contingent here as elsewhere” about these issues but that the predicted £9,000. Alex Dahinten conceded tinue to support fee increases point out that of Imperial students to the protests in central they lack the support of the Union. This was that he “had the wrong expectations about how the Council’s priority is to help students, with London. Reuben Gibbons, who is heavily in- corroborated by a number of students, with a many students would participate in the survey” Recreational Clubs Committee Chair Nathaniel volved in this group, believes that the proposed group of fi rst year undergraduates saying that and while not wishing to dismiss the results, Bottrell stressing the Union’s commitment “to 80% cut in government funding to higher they had no time to organise action against the said that they were unrepresentative of the stu- campaigning for scholarships and bursaries to education, will be detrimental to universities, cuts without the Union’s help. They were angry dent body as 54% of respondents were in their enable the brightest students to come to Impe- which will be unable to recoup the losses by Are you angry about its policy and thought that they had little 1st year. rial regardless of their background”. Despite charging higher fees as these will discourage about the chance to infl uence it. This highlighted the Almost all of the Council members who vot- this there is no indication that the Union is go- many applicants. He rejects Union President very poor communication between the Union ed on the Union’s policy have refused to answer ing to support or organise the type of action Alex Kendall’s views that the debt will not proposed and the students that it is meant to represent. questions on their decision. Only 4 out of the seen at Universities such as Oxford and UCL. adversely affect students because the amount changes? Let None of the fi rst years knew the dates of the 35 elected student representatives were willing Alex Kendall told Felix that “students are wel- that they will have to pay back will be tied us know at Union Council meetings or how to contact to speak to Felix. Union Advocate Naida Dzi- come to protest but I think that [the Union’s] to their earnings. Gibbons points out that the Council members, despite one of them being a gal rejected the policy saying that she support- time is better spent working for our students. It debt will still be a real burden, especially with felix@imperial. year rep himself. Deputy President (Education) ed free higher education. CGCU Academic may be dull but it does more to improve their graduates paying it back for 30 years, without ac.uk Alex Dahinten rejected the criticisms saying Affairs Offi cer Marcus Ulmefors has decided university experience”. 6 Friday 03 december 2010 FELIX

News Editors: Matt Colvin Alex Karapetian NEWS [email protected] Ian Wei Imperial organises ‘Imperial for Education’ to build So what opposition to cuts on campus Kadhim Shubber happens at an occupation? As lecture theatres around the country play host to student activists, Ian Wei reports from the UCL occupation

s the parliamentary picted in the media. There is no sense of vote on tuition fees unyielding obstinacy and discussion is Students grill President Alex Kendall about what draws nearer, the in- encouraged. Indeed, disagreements hap- they see as a lack of representation in the Union tensity of the student pen frequently, and heated discussions protests against higher follow, but the atmosphere is anything The fi rst signs of opposition to the government’s fees, education cuts and the scrapping but hostile. higher education proposals are emerging at Imperial. of the EMA has rapidly increased. With That is not to say that the underlying ‘Imperial for Education’, a group opposed to higher A occupations of university buildings hap- purpose of the occupation has changed. education cuts, held its fi rst meeting in the SAF lobby pening all across the country, the reac- The protestors still feel extremely on Thursday. tionary protests have morphed into a strongly the issue of the tuition fee cap 18 students attended the organizing meeting which new grassroots movement of students, and the cuts to education funding. But The champagne socialists at the meeting ar was also attended by Union President Alex Kendall academics, school kids and trade union- as internal support for the occupation who said that “although I disagree with their views, ists. The defi ning images of the protests has increased, the demands of the oc- I’m glad that students are getting involved in the de- are still pictures of violence and chaos cupation have changed to refl ect that. bate and voicing their opinions in a democratic way”. “These thoughtful, articulate from Millbank Tower on the 10th of A student explained that since the oc- The students were extremely critical of the Presi- November; but a visit to the UCL occu- cupation enjoys support from some of dent and the Union’s stance on the higher education activists are a far cry from the pation is proof of how unrepresentative the academics and the support staff, the issue, saying that they thought the Union’s higher that incident was. demands have changed to tackle other education policy was passed prematurely without a thuggish brutes often depicted Upon entering the occupation in the issues as well; such as the wage of the proper understanding of student opinion. They also Jeremy Bentham room at UCL, there support staff and the job cuts of academ- questioned whether the Union was being representa- in the media” are three details which I immediately ics. tive on the issue of higher education with one stu- notice. First is the sheer number of peo- The organization of the occupation dent asking, “Why do we have a Union at all?” ple who are in the room. Second is the is very impressive. Protestors are split part of something much, much bigger- Direct action such as an occupation was also dis- variety of the protestors; looking around into groups which tackle certain issues, something that could make a differ- cussed with opinion divided between those who felt I can see students from different ethnic reporting back to the main body of pro- ence’. that such action would alienate other students and backgrounds, post graduates and staff. testors at each general meeting. And The scale of the occupation has also those who believed that there was a need to “break The last and most striking detail is what yet there is no leading fi gure organizing attracted visitors from across the coun- down the picture that everything is all right.” One the protestors are doing. the whole of the occupation. Every de- try. During my visit, I met students from student commented that occupations were probably Picture the scene. A protestor stands cision is made via a consensus or vot- Manchester, Nottingham and Brighton more interesting to people outside of the university up in a room giving a preamble to the ing system, truly refl ecting the views of who had all come to show their support than those actually at Imperial. issue at hand to an audience of about the majority. From speaking to several of the movement. It is not just students There was a rejection of what the students saw one hundred. Quiet murmuring can be students, it is clear that this system is either; media, representatives of the as the privatization of universities. “I don’t agree heard all around. A polite hand is raised working well. They explain to me that trade unions, feminist groups, public with the choice between £3,000 or £9,000 tuition and the microphone is handed over. The they feel as though all of their actions fi gures (including Polly Toynbee, Billy fees. Education is a public good. It should be free new speaker stands up and starts talk- contribute directly to the movement, and Bragg and Emmy the Great) and social- and funded through higher taxation on the wealthy” ing passionately into the microphone; consequently any successes are much ist organizations all frequently visit the said one student. However, in what was an open dis- audience members wave their hands in more satisfying. occupation. Speaking to a representa- cussion with differing opinions, another student said the air to show approval. Suddenly, as Integral to this feeling of solidarity tive of a socialist organization, who that the focus should be on “preserving the standard the speaker approaches a controversial is the overwhelming show of support would not clarify which organization of education.” point, hands shoot up, and the micro- from other universities. Support mes- he was representing, believes that they Imperial for Education organizer James Goldsack phone is passed on quickly. This is de- sages from universities across the UK, can use the momentum gained by the said that the meeting was “productive” and that it al- mocracy at its purest; where everyone such as Oxford, Newcastle and Leeds, student protests to point out other per- lowed “students to express their views and opinions is involved in the decision making pro- and even from universities abroad, such ceived injustices in the coalition gov- on the rise in fees and the funding cuts”. The next cess and no opinions are ignored. Simi- as Sydney and Pisa, are plastered all ernment’s policy; such as public sector steps were to “get as many students out on Thurs- lar events are happening all across the across the walls. The occupation also job cuts. day to protest on the day of the vote and to take a country – these are the ‘New Student hosts workshops on peaceful forms of It is clear that lessons have been paper to Council to get the policy on higher education Protesters’. protests which students from across learnt from the NUS marches. The pro- changed.” Kadhim Shubber These thoughtful, articulate activists the UK regularly attend. The message testors were careful of what was being are a far cry from the thuggish brutes de- is clear; ‘We are not isolated. We are said in my presence, and some of the

FELIX Friday 03 december 2010 7 NEWS Disabilities Offi cer resigns criticising ‘lack of disabled access’ in Union

Priyantha Kulatilake Deputy President (Welfare) Charlotte Ivison said she was “very sorry to see The Union’s commitment to disabled Nicola leave” but said that some of the students was called into question last issues raised by Hopkins are being re- week as the Union Disabilities Offi cer solved. The lifts in the Union Building resigned saying that the Union “should will be “fi xed as soon as possible” and be leading the way in accessibility for there are plans to have push button doors students, not lagging behind the rest of to each of the bars. However the issue the university”. of a drop bar (a lowered bar to allow In a letter published in Felix Nicola wheelchair users to be directly served at Hopkins described the diffi culties she the bar) was considered unfeasible “in faced whilst in her position, especially terms of cost and inconvenience when as the role is voluntary and part-time. considering the number of students it Hopkins explained that she had “raised will benefi t.” Although the Union did the issue of the lack of disabled access to say, “To minimise the problem caused by the new Union venues and that the dis- not having a drop bar, all the bars have abled lift in the Union Building is faulty staff on hand to offer an assisted service and therefore unusable for disabled stu- to any students who may need it.” dents. Neither issues has been resolved Nicola Hopkins responded positively to date (8 weeks later)”. Among other saying, “I am pleased to hear that the problems Hopkins felt the lack of ur- Union has taken on board my sugges- gency was disappointing since the Impe- tions and look forward to seeing them rial’s Disability Equality Scheme states put in place soon.” that all “refurbishments have considered If you feel the Union or College could re revealed after somebody asks, “Who wants a job in the city?” accessibility as a major priority”. With do more or have any suggestions for im- all this in hand Hopkins decided to step provements, email dpwelfare@imperial. down. ac.uk for the Union and disabilities@ people were reluctant to talk to me until In response to Hopkins’ resignation, imperial.ac.uk for College. I explained that I was from a student newspaper. Offers from media organi- Organising the protests zations for coverage of active protests n response to the govern- til their demands are met. They are considered cautiously, after the Sponsored Editorial coverage of the NUS protest march. ment’s proposal to increase often use the room as a base of In general the protestors understand Ithe tuition fee cap and cuts to operations. A demonstration is the importance of a good public im- higher education, protest groups a street protest, where activists age. I asked a student whether he felt have been ‘popping up’ all across march en masse to a designated any resentment toward the media; he the country. Each of these pro- endpoint. An example would be test groups are independent of the NUS marches on the 10th of More student cuts shrugged and said that while the media coverage was skewed, he believed that each other, which means the ac- November. the publicity generated by the contro- tual methods of protesting and versial pictures really helped bring the key decisions are made by the How do mass protests occur? Discount haircuts for Imperial issues into the spotlight. individuals within the group. Looking around the room, it is clear Although these protest groups students at Fresh Hairdressers that the initial response has been good. Who joins these groups? are independent of each other, But what about in two, three, or even many of them keep in contact four weeks time? Are there any plans There is no ‘stereotypical’ pro- using social media such as Face- More student cuts for Imperial 0207 823 8968. Ask for a to stop protesting? Talking to several tester; members of these groups book and twitter. students at South Kensington’s student discount and bring your students, they seemed resolute to keep are as diverse as the student This means that groups all FRESH Hairdressers. Imperial ID. protesting until the issues which they are population they represent– around the country can collabo- Men’s cuts £20 Cash only. concerned about are addressed. One stu- stretching across a range of rate for mass protests-such as Women’s shampoo and cut and dent grimly stated that she is prepared to ages, different ethnicities and the student protests earlier this shake dry £26 “go down fi ghting”. backgrounds. week. Groups mainly use the so- Women’s shampoo, cut and To see this level of commitment, pas- cial networks to contact each blow-dry £36 sion and enthusiasm from a generation How do they protest? other, sharing opinions, giving All of our cuts are done by highly often labelled as disinterested and fi ckle advice, updating each other on experienced stylists. is truly awe inspiring. Even if you do not The main methods of protesting progress and sharing messages Tuesday to Fridays 9.30 to agree with the reasons for the protests, used by these groups are occu- of support. These sites are also a 4.30 (sorry no discounts on even if you do not agree with the protest pation and demonstrations. An means for students who are not Saturdays). methods; the unity and solidarity shown occupation is where activists part of the group to show sup- We are only 70 metres from by these ‘New Student Protestors’ is ‘take over’ a room and refuse port or complain about the activi- South Kensington tube station something which you can not help but to leave of their own accord un- ties of the group. To book an appointment, call admire. 8 Friday 03 december 2010 FELIX

News Editors: Matt Colvin Alex Karapetian NEWS [email protected] Tuition fees: Bearable burden o Felix speaks to graduates about the old system, the proposed changes and how greatly the

Matt Colvin “Opponents argue 2006 was itself not without controversy Olivia Ribeiro – not least due to the extreme closeness Louis Constant that because society of the 2004 parliamentary vote , and the involvement of a number of Scottish The latest higher education reforms have as a whole benefi ts, members of parliament – whose con- not been without signifi cant resistance stituents are unaffected by the changes from many, with one of the key issues the general public – voting for their introduction. being the fear of signifi cant debt follow- Tony Blair’s Labour government ar- ing a proposed increase in tuition fees. should shoulder the gued in 2004, despite their 2001 election Current graduates are no strangers to manifesto claiming that the party “[had] debt, with many owing several thousand fi nancial burden” no plans to introduce University top-up pounds following their degree. Felix fees, and [had] legislated to prevent their sought to discover just how dramatically introduction”, that the changes were the current system affects graduates and plied before the current system of top-up necessary for the country’s universities whether they themselves approve of fees was introduced, though feels that it to remain internationally competitive. the impending changes or stand against is “a fair [system], although I think we Indeed, the Russell Group of Universi- them. should be given more control over how ties, which includes Imperial College, All prospective and current students much we pay back.” supported their introduction. The gov- who are citizens of a European Union Repayment of the debt is structured ernment took the position that because member state are eligible for an an- such that a certain percentage (9%) of university graduates on average earn a nual tuition fee loan which matches the earnings above a minimum threshold significant (though disputed) amount yearly cost of their course. For the vast (currently £15,000 in annual earnings) is more over their lifetimes, it is reason- majority of students, this figure current- automatically collected from a universi- able for them to contribute to the cost of ly stands at £3,290, and rises each year ty graduate’s pay packet, similar to a tax. their tuition. with inflation. Additionally available is This means that someone earning the Tom MacDonald, 26, a graduate from a maintenance loan, up to a maximum of UK’s average graduate salary – around Northumbria University, determinedly around £3,500 (higher for London stu- £25,000 – will repay 9% of £10,000 per believes the current system to be suit- dents). Total student debt upon gradua- year, (£900) in debt contributions. At able: “Even though I prefer not to lose tion therefore, for most students making this rate, it would take over 20 years to so much money a month, I borrowed the maximal use of both of the loans avail- pay back the full extent of the loan, not money in the first place and now I have able over three years, will stand at at taking into account interest, which does to pay it back. I don’t see the point in least £20,000. not cause the amount owed to rise in real moaning about it because it wasn’t my Daisy Cantalamessa, 23, a graduate terms. money in the first place.” Vince Cable says that the new proposals, which double/triple tuition fees but increase the repayment threshold, are fairer than the current system from the University of Manchester, ap- The introduction of top-up fees in The current system’s opponents argue Marie Chkaiban World Old vs. New Aids Day Old system Flashmob Total debt: Over £30,000* Repayments: 9% of all tudents from Medsin Impe- rial congregated at Trafalgar earnings over £15,000 SSquare on Wednesday in a flashmob designed to raise aware- Debt expiry: 25 years ness of the problem of patents re- stricting access to anti-retrovirial drugs. They planned to jump into the fountains, symbolising placing Proposed system anti-retrovirial drugs in the ‘patent pool’. A combination of extremely Total debt: Over £50,000 cold conditions and a stern ‘oh no you don’t’ from the police unfortu- Repayments: 9% of all nately thwarted their plans. The stu- dents also sent a letter to Glaxos- earnings over £21,000 mithkline/Viiv Healthcare calling on them to sign their HIV drug patents Debt expiry: 30 years over to the UNITAID patent pool. That’s the last time I ask students for directions... Kadhim Shubber *Approximate figures for an Imperial student on a four-year course. FELIX Friday 03 december 2010 9 NEWS STUDENT or crippling debt? DEBT eir student debt affects their lives “Even though I

that because society as a whole benefits According to David faced with higher fees, Willetts brought earn more than the from those that hold degrees in a wide up the intended plan of the ‘National average salary, the range of fields, the general public should Willetts, “raising Scholarships Programme’, a £150 mil- shoulder higher education’s financial lion scheme designed to ensure that repayments would burden via tax increases. They believe the threshold “bright potential students from poor that a system of variable fees with some backgrounds” will not be disadvantaged mean I couldn’t universities charging more per year than reduces the monthly when applying to university. Benefits others inappropriately creates a kind of include a free first year or foundation afford my rent” market within higher education, and that repayments for every year in respective courses. it is wrong to burden students with such Currently, if annual earnings at any an amount of debt at such an early stage single graduate” point fall below the £15,000 threshold in their careers. This line of criticism is (for example, upon being made redun- Graduate Andrew Somerville particularly relevant to today’s continu- dant), repayments fall to zero. Unlike ing debate surrounding the current co- ter of State for Universities and Sci- a standard bank loan, failure to repay talks to Kadhim Shubber about alition government’s planned rise of the ence David Willetts outlined the future due to circumstance is not penalised, tuition fee cap to £9,000, as the level of of student finance after having listened and any outstanding debt remaining the burden of student debt debt that students graduate with is these “with open minds” to Lord Browne’s after 25 years is written off (a signifi- proposals’ most palpable change. proposals. cant contrast to the 30 years proposed Sarah Church, 21, a recent graduate Under the proposed changes, the by Willetts). What do you do now? debt I could take more risks and take a of the University of Lancaster, was minimum threshold of £15,000 will be Cantalamessa is opposed to the gov- I'm a researcher at a thinktank that fo- less certain, more diffi cult but more ful- amongst the first intake of students raised to £21,000, with 9% of earnings ernment’s planned changes, citing the cuses on international security. I spe- fi lling career path. who were affected by the introduction above this again being collected from loss of various “generous grants” and cialize in nuclear weapons and disarma- of top-up fees in 2006. She criticizes the graduate’s salary. According to Wil- noting a marked change in the situation ment. I studied Physics at Imperial for 3 What do you think of the govern- the current system as unfair, stating lets, “raising the threshold reduces the today, “Students now not only have larg- years and I graduated in 2008 with a 2:1. ment’s proposals? that, “At the time, I wasn’t really fazed monthly repayments for every single er debts, as they have to pay triple what I moved from a 4 year course to a 3 year I think that a progressive graduate tax by the top-up fees because I was too graduate,” although by the previous I did for course fees, not to mention that course because I wanted to do a different would be the fairest solution. It recog- excited about starting university. How- analysis, this will take considerably could triple again, but also are given less masters and I didn't want to waste my nizes that students benefi t fi nancially ever, now that I’ve finished, I am wor- longer than 20 years to repay. However, of a maintenance loan to live on.” money on doing the masters at Imperial. while also recognizing that some benefi t ried about paying my student loan back Willetts continues by making the claim Willetts suggests that the changes to more than others. The main problem that because I am in so much debt compared that around a quarter of graduates with funding “will deliver a better deal for our Did you have a good idea of how much I have with the changes is that I don't to my friends who graduated a year the lowest lifetime earnings will pay less students, for our graduates and our uni- debt you were accumulating at uni- want future generations of able students earlier!” than under the system currently in place. versities.” Graduates of the future will versity? to be forced to go into the highest paid In a speech to the House of Commons Seeking to address concern from those have no choice but to determine whether I was very aware of the cost of my degree professions at the cost of wider society. on the 3rd of November 2010, Minis- who will particularly be disadvantaged this is a deal worth the consequences. when I was at Imperial. I was assisted by my parents and I was also sponsored Would you have been deterred by the and so I wasn't under any illusions about increased fees? how much debt I was accumulating. I I wouldn't have been deterred but I'm Graduate views was very grateful for the support that I not certain that I would have come to had. If I had lived off my student loan London with the new fees. I think that only I would have had a very restricted people are understanding more and university experience. more the signifi cance of the debt that Daisy Cantalamessa 23 Tom MacDonald 26 Sarah Church 21 they are taking on. Before the fi nancial How big an impact does the debt re- crisis, in prosperous times, it would have University of Manchester University of Northumbria University of Lancaster paymnet have on your life? been relatively straightforward to fi nd a I haven't been able to afford to start highly-paying job and pay off your stu- Daisy does not worry about paying back Tom did not worry about paying back his Sarah was amongst the fi rst students paying back my student debt yet. Even dent loan. Now that people are less and her student loan, as it is a gradual pro- student loan until he was promoted to a who were affected by the introduction though I have a good job and I earn less certain that they'll fi nd employment cess and will not impose too much of managerial position and has since noticed of top-up fees in 2006. “I have not start- more than the average salary, the repay- after graduating, I think that they'll start a burden on her income. However she a considerable defi cit in his monthly sal- ed to pay my loan back yet because I ments would mean I couldn't afford my to reconsider entering into the amount of is concerned about the possible conse- ary. “Before being promoted, I hardly no- don’t earn enough money, but I dread rent. I don't have an expensive lifestyle, debt that one incurs from a degree; even quences of carrying the debt. Especially ticed the difference in my salary because when that time comes and I worry about I don't drink or smoke and I don't spend under the current system never mind with regard to applying for a mortgage it was something as little as nine pounds how long it will take to pay everything a huge amount on clothes. I've tried liv- with the new proposals. or bank loan. a month. Now that I am a manager and back.” ing at home to save on rent but because “I feel the current repayment system my salary has increased considerably, I Sarah insisted that the current sys- of high rail fares the savings were rela- Do you think that you will pay off all is a fair one, although I think we should lose approximately [...] seventy pounds a tem isn’t fair and that there should be tively small and I was spending 3 hours of your debt? be given more control over how much month repaying my loan.” a change in structure of how student traveling every day. The problem is that Yes I will. I'd feel bad if I didn't pay it we pay back. I would defi nitely feel When asked about the potential in- loans are repaid. “First of all, I believe London is an expensive place to live and all off because I do think that students differently if my student debt appeared crease in tuition fees, Tom is in agree- graduates should have to earn more be- work, and I haven't gone into a career should contribute to their education. I'm on my credit records. If I knew that in ment with the government. “I believe it, fore starting to pay back the loan, such which immediately pays a large salary. hoping to pay it off within 10-15 years. the future my student loan could affect [the cuts and fees], to be the only way as £20-25,000 a year. I won’t be earning I'd love to pay it off next week. my ability to get a mortgage or a loan, to get this country back on its feet. The enough earning £15,000 to live, never How has your debt affected the deci- I might think twice about how relevant government had to make cuts to make mind starting to pay back debt! Second- sions you're making? Have you found that your debt affects my course was going to be for future up for over-spending when Labour were ly, I believe graduates who earn a lot of Anyone looking at the system rationally your dealings with your bank? employment or maybe even if going to in power and if this is one of the only money, such as £40,000 a year, should would be motivated to take a high-pay- I haven't had any problems and my cred- university would be the right thing to ways we can get back to some kind of be made to pay big chunks of their loan ing job rather than a low-paying job that it card company treats me no differently. do.” normality, then so be it.” back on a monthly basis.” is worthwhile to society. If I had less In fact they're worryingly generous… 10 Friday 03 december 2010 FELIX

News Editors: Matt Colvin Alex Karapetian [email protected]

FEATURE Slobodan Radosavljevic Let’s be more open about mental illness Lizzie Crouch on the stigmas often attached to mental illness

wo o’clock in the morning. I had riod’ in life; you transition from depending on got home from an amazing night your family for many things including money to out and was falling asleep when I fully fl edged independence. And this whole pe- heard people running in the corri- riod is time-limited; you have to make the most dor. It was a Friday night and we of what you can and everything is all orientated were Freshers, so I thought nothing of it; I turned to an end-goal, a degree and “the passport to the overT and pulled the duvet tighter around me. next stage in life.” Caught up in this world of Literally seconds later I was woken from my practical, social and academic challenges, com- doze by the sound of loud, unnatural thump bined with the often “risky behaviour” associat- accompanied by splintering wood. I sat bolt ed with student living and the learning process, upright. Listening intently I couldn’t hear any- the stresses and strains that can take their toll. thing other the muffl ed sounds of people talk- The reported suicides of Cambridge students ing. Humph. I decided that I wasn’t getting up; also highlights a perceived problem amongst they’d woken me up and I didn’t want to get high performing universities such as Imperial. involved if they’d broken something! It is therefore important to note that despite the 10 minutes later, I was blissfully slipping into media’s opinions, the centre found that “con- sleep when I was woken yet again by people trary to earlier fi ndings and popular belief, running down the corridor. This time I marched suicide rates in Oxford and Cambridge Univer- to the door, and violently threw open my door, sity students do not differ from those in other ready to give whoever it was an earful. How- young people.” ever, I was stopped in my tracks when I came Universities across the board therefore all face to face with paramedics sprinting along have a responsibility to look after the mental the corridor and disappearing into my friend’s health of their students. But what makes some room, only metres from my own. I felt sick, students more vulnerable than others? Is this and very almost was; I knew immediately that simply random, or is it something to do with something awful had happened. the kind of personalities universities attract? I can remember stupid details from that night Professor Laycock, Head of Medicine Years so vividly, the smell of the wooden doorframe I 1 and 2, suggests that it is not, deeming our Imperial provides a range of support for students. Email [email protected] if you have leaned against and the pyjamas I was wearing as students to be ‘highly competitive’, who tend I stood shaking in my doorway whilst each sec- to ‘consider everything much more seriously’ ond ticked slowly by. Some agonising minutes than other young people. person arguably not uncommon at a university majority of Imperial graduates are well-adjust- later, I saw one of my closest friends stretchered Mental health problems within the medical like Imperial. Type B personalities, conversely, ed, healthy individuals). Depression is a com- past me. It was then I learned that he had tried school are common, although many conditions are easy going, relaxed and unhurried – people plicated illness, with many interplaying facets, to hang himself. The splintering noise from ear- go unreported. This week, Felix spoke to Dr who possibly wouldn’t cope with the intensely including genetics and predisposing factors lier was people breaking down his door, and the Mike Schachter, Senior Welfare Tutor for the competitive environment Imperial creates. (possibly personality type), as well as stressors muffl ed voices were them saving his life. medical school. He believes the problem to be Type A personalities, so the theory goes, are and life events. High-pressure environments I didn’t go back to sleep that night; I sat cold widespread across the UK, and not more preva- much more likely to experience problems with may exacerbate a problem that already exists. and shivering on the foot of my bed, with a lent in Imperial. “There is no national compari- mental health, as well as heart disease. Mental illness is probably more common multitude of emotions that running through me. son but in my own experience of a number of The idea of personality typography is very among your peers then you think, but there is That night was 6 years ago, as I was approach- other [medical] schools the percentage here is controversial, with much of the scientifi c world still such a stigma attached to having a mental ing the end of my fi rst term at university, but it similar to other places in the UK.” shunning its credibility. Many believe that the illness that people still refrain from discussing is etched into my memory forever. Whilst Imperial might not have a medical human condition is far too complex to be neatly it openly. As Rethink, a mental health charity, My friend was lucky; he survived, and after school less mentally healthy than other medi- sorted into two categories. Of course, nobody excellently defi nes it, “Stigma is something confronting his issues is actually one of the hap- cal schools in the UK, the same might not be can deny that students at Imperial are highly judged by others as a sign of disgrace and piest people I know today. Unfortunately, this able to be said about other colleges and uni- driven, ambitious individuals. This drive to something that sets a person apart from others.” is not an uncommon story; many people have, versities across Britain. The type of personality succeed will of course put added pressure on When something such as mental illness is or know friends with, mental health issues. The universities attract might have something to do the individual, contributing to possible mental stigmatised, the issues will be avoided. This Times recently reported that the University of with this. The concept of personality types is health issues. silence, and unwillingness to understand the Cambridge was reviewing its counselling pro- a modern and often controversial one. In the The most important thing to remember that problems, often makes people feel ashamed, vision after this term saw the highest rate of sui- 1950s, the idea of ‘Type A and Type B’ person- one mental health disorder is not the same as and sometimes prevents people from seeking cide at the university for over a decade. How- ality fi rst emerged, and has remained in popular another. Mental health issues encompass a help or even admitting they have a problem. It ever, Cambridge has one of the best counselling psychology ever since. wide range of conditions affecting a person’s is important that people address their issues. services among the UK’s universities. Type A personalities are the ‘stress junkies’ emotions and well-being. There is difference My friend felt he couldn’t be open and ap- The Oxford Centre for Suicide Research has of this world. They are highly ambitious, high- between ‘anxiety and worry about exams’, proach someone about his problems. He could published papers showing that suicides rates are ly competitive and often workaholics: a type of and more serious disorders such as depression pad down the corridor, duvet wrapped around highest in the 18 to 21 demographic, the very (the most common psychological problem ex- him, to come and sit on the end of my bed and demographic that makes up the majority of uni- perienced by Imperial students). Perhaps the gossip about menial things but he couldn’t tell versity students. The centre highlighted the fact “High-pressure environments high-pressure environment that Imperial offers me about his inner demons. Overcoming the that student life is a period of transition. How- could cause students to feel anxious, but no- stigma of mental illness will be a challenge, ever ready someone feels to move away from may exacerbate a problem that body can seriously suggest that such an envi- but increased openness and understanding will home, there are signifi cant changes that occur. ronment can be a sole cause of depression (or help prevent a repeat of those events which Time spent as a student is an ‘in-between pe- already exists” any other mental health issue – after all the vast occurred 6 years ago. FELIX Friday 03 december 2010 11 FEATURE YOUR STORIES “I tore myself to pieces because I couldn’t be perfect”

second year undergraduate And so self-harm was a way of punish- Eventually he was sent to a psychiatrist won’t hide the truth. The way I see it, is spoke to Felix about his life ing myself. I’d sit there and just look at who assessed him. In less than a year, he that this has happened to me and this is with mental illness. He has suf- it. I used to sit there stroking them as a saw a few different psychiatrists and at part of who I am. If you want to know me Afered with a diagnosed mental health reminder that I’d done this to myself and one time was on 10 pills a day. Life is for who I am and this comes up, then you disorder in the past, and still battles that this was my punishment.” now significantly better but he still strug- accept it. If you don’t, then tough.” with the aspects of the disorder to this It was just before his 19th birthday gles occasionally. “I’m repeating the sec- “I feel that you wouldn’t really un- day. that he “started having panic attacks ond year because I couldn’t deal with it derstand it unless you’ve been through “When I was 14, I started self harming. about [his] mortality,” and approached last year. I tore myself to pieces because I it yourself. I’m not going to ask anyone I didn’t do it very often. It kind of [hap- his own doctor in search of something couldn’t be as perfect as I wanted to be. I to go through that, I don’t want anyone pened sporadically] around until I was that might help. However, even after be- know I cant attain perfection, I won’t get to go through things such as that. The 18 and half,” he explained. “The way I ing put on antidepressants, he got pro- 100% in every exam but you do look at main thing I suppose is that it’s not a saw it was that self harm was a way to gressively worse. “I was self harming a the people around you, and [sometimes] weakness. Sure it’s not a nice thing, a cope with how I felt inside. I didn’t like few times a day, to quite bad levels. I you can’t attain their levels. good thing, but it’s not a bad thing. You myself and I didn’t like what I did. I’m was crying all day, I could barely get out When I asked whether he talks openly shouldn’t beat yourself up over it; you very critical of myself. If something’s of bed. I would sit in a corner all day about his mental health, he replied, “My shouldn’t run away from it. It is what it not done perfectly, it’s not good enough. looking out into space.” policy is if somebody asks, I won’t lie. I is. There is help out there.”

Living with depression in the family

he worst thing about thinking When my family found out, her diag- agree that she should try to get better. What restrains me most from confiding about my sister is that I automati- nosis came with news that she tried to I felt broken having nearly lost my in friends is their reaction if I expressed cally associate her with depres- take her own life. We each felt differently sister but what is worse is constantly my judgement of the situation. Things sion.T My most loved one cannot find about what happened. My parents, from dreading a phonecall confirming what most people have said to me are differ- any value in life, so much so that being a different culture, put her “stupidity” nearly happened, because with depres- ent to the feelings I have. These thoughts alive is a dread she faces everyday and down to the fact that she must have been sion there is no getting better. There is have taken up so much of me, it seems the thought of death is her only comfort . disheartened due to her drop-out from only being able to cope or not. like they are part of who I am. If people I cannot help but feel guilty for writ- university – not comprehending that this The biggest shock was the impact of don’t understand how I can think in this ing this article, I feel like I am exposing was a result and not cause of depres- her depression on my life. This hap- way it feels like they misunderstand a shameful secret, even though I know sion. They still don’t even understand pened during my overwhelming first me. Her depression has dramatically af- I’m not. Despite a modern acceptance of what depression is. My eldest sibling year at Imperial. Aside from distracting fected the way I just generally perceive its prevalence, there remains an uncon- believed that she needed to be distracted me from studies, I suddenly felt more things in life overall; although not for the any concerns scious stigma that won’t be shaken off. and doesn’t understand why she doesn’t isolated than I already was. worse, or better. It’s just different now. How much support does Imperial provide?

Imperial College London here are three main places in the Union building (mezzanine Until last year, the number of selling,” he explained, “We don’t that you can initially seek out level.) It is open 10am-5pm Mon- counsellors at Imperial’s Counsel- know what the [spending] cuts will Thelp: day to Friday. ling Service had been consistently be like, but I’m certainly going to quite low. This was refl ected in a defend [these changes] to the hilt.” The Student Counselling Service The Imperial College Health Cen- ratio of 1 counsellor to 4375 stu- When I asked whether these servic- offers free, confi dential counselling tre provides 24 hour care for NHS dents. This ratio was well below the es are vital to Imperial, he replied on a short term basis to all stu- registered students in conjunc- Association for University and Col- simply “Well I think so.” dents of Imperial College London. tion with the local afterhours GP lege Counselling’s recommended “Demand for counselling is in- It is found at South Kensington, service. It is found at 40 Princes ratio of 1:3000, as well as ratios creasing slowly but steadily.” It’s Hammersmith and Silwood Park Gardens, by the South Kensington seen at other universities. Although diffi cult to pin down a specifi c rea- Campuses. Appointments can be Campus. As well as general medi- he has no control over our NHS run son for this increase; it could be made by calling 020 7594 9637, cal care (including mental health health centre, Professor Wright greater publicity about the services emailing counselling@imperial. issues) students can get help with made a bid to increase number of offered at Imperial, greater anxiety ac.uk or by going to reception on stress and study diffi culties. Stu- counsellors available to students about jobs, or a multitude of other Level 4, Sherfi eld Building, South dents can also gain access to a by increasing their numbers at the reasons. Kensington Campus. Consultant Psychiatrist, part-time Counselling Service. “Now we have What is Imperial’s recommenda- Counsellors, Psychotherapists and a much healthier [ratio], but I’d still tion if you have a problem? “Please The Imperial College Union Advice Physiotherapists via referral from a like it to be higher,” said Professor go and see somebody.” The help Centre is a confi dential centre in- member of medical staff. Professor Denis Wright oversees Wright. is there from different people Welfare Services at Imperial dependent from the college, de- “[The increase in number of coun- throughout Imperial; the wardens in signed to give advice on all sorts of Professor Denis Wright, Dean of sellors] was in spite of the fact I your halls, your personal tutor and welfare issues, including personal Students at Imperial, oversees the able to Imperial students? “Hope- had to make a 5% cut in the wel- the confi dential Student Counsel- safety, sexual health, alcohol and Welfare Services at Imperial. What fully it’s getting better, and I think fare budget. So I actually put more ling Service are just a few that are drug issues. The Centre is located does he think of the services avail- it’s pretty good now.” money into disabilities and coun- there to help. 12 Friday 03 DEcEMBER 2010 FELIX

Science Editors: James Goldsack Katya-yani Vyas SCIENCE [email protected] And a few suggestions... Want to save the planet Science and eat meat? Eat Man Fiction Column Samuel Furse orders of magnitude larger than this, it rather begs the question of how this has happened. One thing that is often said by vegetarians is Clearly clean water, medicine, education, shel- Maciej Matuszewski that meat farming is not sustainable. Figures ter and so on are important factors in this but are not (scientifi cally) clear, though what is so, I believe, is food. I understand there is evi- Hello and welcome to Felix’s new, unimagi- obvious is that farm production of animals for dence for the start of arable farming in either natively-titled, Science Fiction Column. I’ve human consumption requires a lot more in the the cradle of humanity, or further east in what always been passionate about this topic and I way of nitrogenous input than for arable farm- we now call the Middle East. This was the time hope that I’ll be able to pass some of this ex- ing – not least because the animals we farm when humans stopped being nomadic hunter- citement on to you. are chiefl y herbivores and feeds given to them gatherers and started living in one place. The Each week I’ll try to entertain you with my must themselves be grown. In practice this is wheat was bred to give the right kind of husk thoughts on fi lms, television shows and books achieved from grain not suitable for human and so on, and thus fed the population at the in the genre which, for good or bad reasons, I consumption (e.g. because the harvest period time. Presumably this, although a break from found memorable. I’d thought, however, that Finding moonshine was too damp). I do not know what we would what had gone before, was sustainable as the I’d start with something more general and de- do with such grain if we did not give it to ani- population grew and since then humans depen- vote today’s column to science fi ction’s rela- by Marcus du Sautoy mals – we would have to fi nd some use for it dent upon farming for food have dominated. tionship with science. in order to avoid just wasting it; its entry into A few thousand years of refi ning and develop- The genre is often criticised for its lack of In this whirlwind of mathematics, du Sautoy pro- the market is weather-driven and so pretty un- ment, including the use of draught animals to scientifi c accuracy. I think that this is quite un- vides us with an irresistible combination of anec- avoidable. do the work we could not or did not want to do, fair: science fi ction is just that, fi ction. If I want dotes, mathematical mysteries and history. Articu- So, we have meat production requiring more took us to the middle ages. Soon after then, we to learn something I pick up a textbook, not a lately conveying his own love for the subject whilst resources per kilogram produced than for ar- had ploughing. There was uproar in the 16th Star Wars DVD. also providing us with a plethora of mathematics, he able production. Good news for those who did century about ploughs. People did not trust I believe that the main purpose of this genre weaves an intricate and emotive tale of the funda- biology A-level is that all the stuff on the en- machines – why should they when they were is to try to predict the future, to describe how mental questions in mathematics. ergy levels in food webs they learnt has been doing their work? There were similar fears people will adapt to the new technology in this Marcus du Sautoy is a brilliant populiser of mathe- vindicated as not being wrong. On this basis about the use of animals to pull ploughs – what future and, most importantly, to entertain. matics and author of several other books, one of his it seems not too much of a leap to go to meat if all the animals die? A good grasp of science may help in the fi rst greatest strengthes being that he never patronises being unsustainable: we have over six billion There were few more developments until two of these goals, though, since the future is the reader, maintaining a belief that the wider public mouths to feed and only a limited amount of the end of the 19th century at which point the so unpredictable, even this may not always be can and should understand maths. fertile land that is divided up in so unegalitar- revolution of mechanisation started to take the case, but it certainly does not help in the It is this complete faith in the reader that makes ian a manner as to make the French strike for a hold. Eating meat is perfectly sustainable of third. the book so compelling, as is du Sautoy’s humble century. It is easy to reach the conclusion that course, provided we have the fertilisers (thanks Being scientifi cally accurate isn’t a require- writing; he is personable and describes his passion there are too many people for satisfactory meat to the Haber process) and methods with which ment for a good story. Hardly anybody would for and reliance on the subject. It is clear, however production. to farm it. The problem is that food produc- argue that The Matrix was a bad fi lm despite that perhap maths needs Sautoy as much as he In fact, taking away technology of any se- tion follows market forces, including demand. the ridiculous concept of machines using hu- needs it. Read this book – I challenge you not to rious kind, and returning humans to the food Over thousands of years we have used cogni- man brains as a power source. Conversely, last learn something. Katya-Yani Vyas web structure from whence we came, it has tive intelligence to increase food availability. year’s Moon won wide acclaim for its plausi- been calculated that there would be a popula- This has lifted a limit on the proliferation of bility but I found it almost unwatchable due to tion of around 10k across the globe. This is ap- our species. Thus, it is not crops or ploughing the antagonists’ completely illogical actions. proximately the same number as go in and out or even peculiarly-shaped bovines that are un- Far more important than science are interesting Schrödinger’s lolcat of Piccadilly Circus station every day. As the sustainable, but you and I. characters and a good plot. current world population is approaching four Perhaps we should eat each other. That is why the one demand that I do make of science fi ction is that its made-up science be at least logical and easy to understand. I hate the ‘technobabble’ so commonly found in Star Trek and Doctor Who. It adds nothing to the story to have the char- acters spouting nonsensical and vaguely tech- nical-sounding words for half of an episode. It also takes away all dramatic tension if you know that however perilous the situation it will probably be solved by some never-before-seen and never-again-to-be-mentioned technology. It’s not that I don’t like Star Trek and Doctor Who: I just think that they’re at their best when they tone down their ‘science’. Don’t get me wrong, my favourite sub-genre of science fi ction is the so called ‘hard SF’, where believability and scientifi c accuracy are You won’t believe it... the most important factors. It can be very re- freshing to get away from the bug-eyed mon- Sharks arrived in the Mediterranean because they sters so prevalent in the sci-fi that most people took a wrong turn. Dr Noble, who led the research, are familiar with and see characters dealing said: “They might have gone a considerable way... with such mundane restrictions as the speed of Then they start trying to turn east and north and the light. fi rst place you can go east, of course, is the Straits But I also appreciate the far greater scope of Gibraltar.” The sharks found here are most simi- that breaking a few rules of physics gives, such lar to those near New Zealand, about 12,000 miles as intrigues spanning galactic empires and epic away! space battles. I guess that I just like the best of I for one would rather eat Daisy (pictured) than save the planet by eating vegetables. both worlds. metricPresents

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imperialcollegeunion.org//metrict i 14 FRIDAY 03 december 2010 felix

Technology Editor: Samuel Gibbs TECHNOLOGY [email protected] Free App of the Week Google to make learning iOS - Google Mobile for iPhone languages redundant?

Kin-Hing Lo something in a different language and the app will attempt to translate it and read it back to It’s been 27 years since the first handheld por- you in English. This means you can have a table mobile phone came out and since then conversation with anyone, even if you know it has revolutionised the world. With the de- totally different languages. The application velopment of GSM technology and seamless uses the voice recognition and speech synthe- international roaming, it is now possible for sis technology built into Android, hence why any two people, on different corners of the it’s currently unavailable on the iPhone. The Earth not connected by wires, to talk to each range of languages supported is impressive, another at any time simply by dialling a se- with a full 30 operational including Chinese, quence of numbers on their phone. The mo- Russian and Welsh. I personally found the bile phone has torn down geographical and voice recognition to be slightly off and the national barriers and made the whole world interface to be slightly clunky, but Google’s feel a lot smaller. CEO Eric Schmidt demoed an improved Google have launched two apps, which aim “conversation mode” interface in September, to bring down not only communication, but which should make the application more prac- language barriers too. They promise to take tical to use. Douglas Adam’s ‘Babel Fish’ and Star Trek’s Ultimately, the usefulness of translation ‘Universal Translator’ out of the realm of sci- applications depends on their accuracy and ence fiction and into reality. speed. Every GCSE Spanish student who The Google Goggles application, currently has tried using an online translator for their available for iOS & Android, allows you to coursework knows that translators aren’t per- read in a foreign language. Using your camera fect. Compound that with errors introduced phone, you can take photos of signs or menus during optical character or voice recognition, in another language – the application then uses and the accuracy of the translations can be While Google doesn’t have just a Goggles app on the optical character recognition (OCR) technol- pretty poor at times. Furthermore, it still takes iPhone, the Google mobile app for iOS has Goggles ogy to automatically extract all the text from 10-15 seconds to perform a translation using and Voice search built-in, along with other big G stuff. the image and uses translation technology to Goggles or Translate, not ideal if you’re try- translate it into English (or your preferred lan- ing to hold a face-to-face conversation with guage). The application currently only supports someone or to understand all 20 items on a Latin-based languages such as English, French restaurant menu. Android - Google Goggles and Italian, but the goal is to eventually support Goggles and Translate give us a glimpse of a non-Latin based languages such as Arabic and future where the mobile phone will allow peo- Chinese once OCR technology has been devel- ple of different cultures and languages to com- oped further. municate seamlessly. They show us a future The Android-only Google Translate appli- where you could travel and not have to worry cation allows you to say something in English about ordering snails rather than chicken. It’ll and it’ll read it back over the speakerphone in take some further advances in OCR and trans- a different language. It works the other way lation technology before it becomes practical, too – your conversation partner could say but those days can’t be far off. WikiLeaks: Heat edition

Marcus Shepheard Berluscioni likes to party!”, “Medvedev is the Robin to Putin’s Batman!”, “Prince Andrew is “The released Whether you regard Julian Assange as a feck- rude and elitist!”. There is nothing surprising in less self-aggrandiser or a champion of much the reality that diplomats are only human, who communiqués needed disclosure, few can dispute that he has gossip and bicker as much as any other group. a knack for getting attention. While seeing usually-guarded politicians The latest release from the WikiLeaks proj- speaking frankly is novel, it doesn’t really edu- read more ect is a collection of communications between cate us. The noise in these logs is a little more American diplomats and the political heads of subtle, but hints towards the profound. a series of administrations. Much like the pre- The shift in China’s stance towards North like a political viously released Iraq War Logs, the ratio of sig- Korea, the Arabian perspective on Iran, and the nal to noise is heavily skewed towards noise. candid assessment of Israel’s position in the In the current release we see a similar slew of Middle East, as well as Americans spying on Google Goggles on Android brings all the picture, text edition of Heat unsurprising revelations that vary from the ba- the UN, and the fight to save Gary McKinnon and photo-based powers of search to green machine. nal to the humorous. — these topics are the signal amidst the noise, Snap, search, get the answer. Simples. magazine” The released communiqués superficially read and could have lasting impacts long after the as a political edition of Heat magazine: “Silvio sniggers about rude royals fade away. Web Designer Wanted Successful applications may result in fame & fortune, but this cannot be guaranteed... The Felix website, bless its soul, needs a redesign Applicants should have a good knowledge of: HTML CSS JavaScript Variety of browsers They will be expected to work with the back-end programmer Email felix@ imperial.ac.uk

FELIX Friday 03 DECEMBER 2010 17

Business Editors: Sina Ataherian Afonso Campos [email protected] BUSINESS WHAT’S Hamish Muir THE FUTURE FOR BP? Charles Betts talks to Emma Hardaker-Jones and Peter Duff about graduate opportunities, the Deepwater disaster and moving “Beyond Petroleum”

Left: Emma Hardaker-Jones, Head of Resourcing & Policy and Peter Duff, Senior Advisor, Projects and Capability

Why is BP a good choice for graduates? the region back to where it was. One of the key and gas are becoming increasingly difficult and energy industry is having to explore in ever more Emma: We are interested in having a long term drivers for people joining our organisation is to deepwater drilling is a part of this. difficult places including the frontiers of the deep relationship with Imperial graduates as many of be a part of that change, and to assist in develop- seas and oceans. These include Russia, Alaska, them have a desire to use their degree, and given ing BP going forward. Although there may be stu- But deepwater drilling has been happening for GoM, Brazil, West Africa etc. You could also Imperial’s focus on high quality engineering and dents who choose not to apply, we are still seeing years. think of frontiers in areas that are more geopoliti- science it is an extremely good match for us as an that high quality individual applicant. Students Peter: It has, although the trend has been to go cally challenging. organisation. The size and scale of the business who have taken the time to understand what re- deeper and deeper. In the 1980’s the North Sea is hugely exciting, and the chance to be part of ally happened over the summer will see how they was considered to be deep at 300-600ft. In the Do you think it is riskier for BP to extract oil a business which has over 80,000 people in over could be part of that change. 1990’s the West of Shetlands was one of the new from the Gulf of Mexico where there’s a big 100 countries is very energising. We have a high deepwater provinces and that was at about 1000ft. media spotlight than it is in places like the In- calibre, 3-year graduate training program that Oil companies encounter environmental, tech- And now in the Gulf of Mexico and West Africa dian Ocean? gives students the foundation they need to then nical and political disasters. What sort of pro- the operations are at 5000-10000ft. Peter: There are different risks in each area – geo- develop their technical or leadership careers. cesses does BP have in place to recover from political, security, technological. BP’s approach is Then there is the quality of the people at BP, not these and how do you plan for setbacks? Is it true that at the onset of the Deepwater that wherever we work, we want to maintain the just intellectually but in terms of their values and Peter: Setbacks aren’t inevitable. The oil and gas Horizon spill, the Blow Out Preventer (BOP) same high standard. their enthusiasm for what they do. The quality of industry is a hazardous one but has over the last should have been activated by the Remotely our people is what should ultimately influence a couple of decades become significantly safer. Our Operated Vehicle (ROV) but that the wrong BP has branded itself as “Beyond Petroleum”. student’s decision when choosing between com- track record on safety has been one of continual information was sent to the ROV and the oper- What does that mean? panies that on the surface look very similar. improvement, in terms of both personal and pro- ating valve was turned in the wrong direction? Peter: BP is an integrated oil company. There’s cess safety. When there’s an incident like the one Peter: There are a number of investigations ongo- exploration and production, refining, marketing, Do you feel your graduate scheme offers you an in the Gulf of Mexico, one needs to step back and ing, and BP has carried out its own investigation. alternative energies, etc. The demand for oil and advantage over others, for example Shell? see what has been learnt. It was a tragedy on both It appears that there was no single cause of this gas continues to rise but there are signs that the Emma: All oil companies have a role to play in a human and environmental scale, and there has accident, but there was a complex and interlinked energy mix is changing. We expect that there is a attracting people to the oil and gas industry. We been a lot of focus in terms of the response to the series of failures: some mechanical, some human, growing market for alternative energy and we aim have taken a pragmatic approach to how we hire spill and the clean-up. We also need to consider some engineering. The fact that the BOP didn’t to be a significant player. “Beyond Petroleum” people, typically once per year. That has the ad- what we can learn from it. A very central part of seal was one of the findings of that investiga- was a message that was around some time ago and vantage in that students create a cohort and set this is engineering and technology. Clearly there tion. But there are numerous investigations tak- what we would say now is we will be in the oil and of relationships that they can use throughout their are questions for BP and the industry about oil ing place and we can’t really comment on those gas business for a long time but we are making career. I think Shell’s training is also very high spill response technology and expertise. outcomes. steps to try and establish a move with technology quality, but it all comes down to the personality of Also, the leading oil companies, by the nature in new alternative energy areas. the organisation. The point about quality of peo- of what we do, operate on the frontiers – both po- Where else does BP presently search for oil? ple is our strongest differentiator. litical and technical. The places we go to find oil Peter: The world’s energy demand is rising. The You don’t think “Beyond Petroleum” is a bit of International Energy Agency’s (IEA) latest pre- an overstatement when you are actually a pe- What would you say to someone who was put diction is for an increase of around 45% over the troleum company? off applying to BP due to the events of the “The places we go to fi nd next 20 years. Peter: We are a petroleum company but we do summer? The demand for oil continues to rise and in or- also have a very active alternative energy busi- Emma: The incident in the Gulf of Mexico was oil and gas are becoming der to replace depleted reserves and supply that ness - as demand for more oil and gas and energy tragic and one that we as an organisation have growth, it is still projected that many new sources in general rises then companies need to adapt to worked hard to overcome and ensure we restore increasingly diffi cult” of oil and gas are required. So the international meet that demand. 18 Friday 03 december 2010 FELIX

Politics Editors: Hassan Joudi, Rory Fenton James Lees, Rajat Jain POLITICS [email protected] The world beyond College walls Washington, we

Russia have a problem

Russian President Dmitry Medvedev warns of a new Guo Heng Chin of crazies and did not wake up early enough” arms race between Russia and the West if NATO and in a 2009 cable. No surprise seeing that Liam Moscow fail to agree on a joint missile shield. Russia Wikileaks strikes once again and this time it Fox declared that the Tories’ were less reliant was invited to join the proposed missile shield following draws blood from not just the U.S. Wikileaks on British Pakistani votes. the NATO summit at Lisbon, but question remains over the is releasing up to 251, 287 confi dential US em- The U.S. blames the acquisition of the con- command over the proposed shield. President Medvedev bassy cables and the cables reveal “lying, cor- fi dential documents on the widespread access also spoke of Russia’s declining population, corruption, rupt, murderous leaderships from Bahrain to to their Secret Internet Protocol Router Net- the Russian budget defi cit Brazil”, Wikileaks fi gurehead Julian Assange work (Siprnet). Siprnet’s scope of access was and the economy during declared in an email. The leaked cables were widened post-9/11 to enable more effi cient his address to the Russian boasted to be 7 times larger than the leaked Iraq collaboration of information between intelli- nation on Tuesday. Presi- logs in October. Wikileaks plan to release them gence analysts, diplomats and security agents dent Medvedev also con- over the next few months and as of writing, 598 in hope of preventing another 9/11 style at- founded expectations and have been released. The US has been warning tack. However, The Times estimated that the stayed silent over his po- countries around the world to brace for the access was so widespread that up to 2.5 mil- litical future, leaving some leak, according to the summary on Wikileaks’ lion persons had access to the network, one of analysts to believe that he Cablegate website. them junior intelligence analyst Private Brad- will not be running for re- Beijing and Pyongyang may not be as cosy ley Manning, who downloaded the confi den- election in 2012 following as it was once assumed, with Beijing’s re- tial cable data into an erased Lady Gaga CD. Jullian Assange plays invisible tennis his lacklustre speech. luctance to rein in its communist partner for Some of the revelations were of an outra- the recent transgressions against South Ko- geous or comical nature. Conservative re- rea and its hawkish fl irtation with war. The search thought that the public found then leaked cables revealed that Beijing described power. The crown prince of Abu Dhabi also shadow chancellor Osborne to be lacking Kim Jong-il’s dictatorship as a ‘spoilt child’. likened Ahmadinejad to Hitler. “gravitas” due to his high-pitched delivery. North Korea Amidst the silence Beijing keeps on the ter- Brazil has been accused of covering up the US ambassador Louis Susman tried to evade rorist acts of its offi cial ally, Beijing sees the scope of terrorist threat in Brazil by giving VAT on the new US embassy building but was North as an unstable variable in its region and narcotic instead of terrorism charges. denied by Alistair Darling. Muammar Gaddafi The Democratic People’s Republic of Korea (DPRK) is ready for a North Korea without Kim and No. 10 has been alerted by The White House was revealed to have a phobia of fl ying over has revealed a new nuclear plant and details about a unifi cation with the South. However it was on the critical nature of some of the leaked open waters and is unable to climb more than its expanded nuclear programme. The plant which also revealed that China mounted hacking cables regarding the Conservatives prior to 36 steps. Nicolas Sarkozy was dubbed “em- was previously undetected has around several thousand attacks against Google, the Dalai Lama and their election. Mervyn King was reported to peror with no clothes”. centrifuges. The DPRK says the plant is scheduled to western government computers. have described David Cameron and George Though the impact of the leak is irrevers- be opened in 2012 and will be used to generate electric- “Cut off the head of the snake”, urged Saudi Osborne as not grasping the pressure they ible, Politico thinks that the leak reveals noth- ity. This claim appears to agree with a report from an Arabia’s King Abdullah to the United States, will face from various groups on their plan for ing “ugly or surprising” as it merely shows American scientist who was shown the plant last month. as King Abdullah together with his foreign spending cuts (prophetically foreshadowing “diplomats doing their proper jobs”. Even He however says that it could be easily modified to pro- minister and Princes agreed that the Arab the student protests perhaps?). King also criti- as many of the cables involved damning US duce weapons-grade uranium. Pyongyang’s revelations country needs to cooperate with the US to cised both Cameron and Osborne as lacking criticism of other national leaders, Robert is likely to increase tensions on the Korean peninsula curb the rising infl uence of Iran in the region. in depth beyond seeking strategies that im- Gates, the US Defence Secretary argued that and comes days after the shelling of Yeonpyeong Island. Saudi Arabia also implied that it is willing proved the Tories’ election chance. Mr Cam- the diplomatic relationship with many coun- Pyongyang is desperate for international attention amidst to host the deployment of US nuclear weap- eron was also quoted as being critical of the tries would nevertheless “survive” as the “US its increasing isolation in the international community. ons to prevent Iran from becoming a nuclear British Pakistani community: “we let in a lot is the indispensable nation”.

Ecuador Will you join my (Mili)band? Ecuador has offered Wikileaks founder Assange resi- dency in the South American republic and expressed concerns about American activities in the country. Ec- Joseph Letts with an approximate mean age just shy of 50, itself back into the hearts (or at least minds) uador’s Foreign Minister Kintto Lucas invited Mr Assange you have to wonder if this cabinet can be trust- of the general populous? It seems the plat du to present the documents and information he has through Ever since the new leader EDavid Miliband ed enough to crunch the numbers… jour is a serving of “distancing themselves the internet and attached no conditions to the offer of resi- stood up to the batting plate, how has Labour, Allegedly, a source allegedly close to the from all previous decisions” with a sprinkling dency. Ecuador, which expelled two American diplomats once preening in the glory days, adjusted to a shady leader himself has implied that EDavid of “championing the cause of anything Cool last year is likely to want to seek insight to an occasionally life as the Opposition? has been reduced to looking for new policies in Dave says because Dave C is a mean boy rough relationship with the United States. Wikileaks has After getting over the drama of usurping his ‘The People’s Manifesto’, a classic textbook by who steals everybody’s lunch money. No re- recently released secret diplomatic cables on the internet brother EDavid, EDavid had to face the inevi- author Mark Thomas. But while policies such ally, and he also has lots and lots of money causing a worldwide furore and caused the United States table mountain of confl ict that was choosing a as “the introduction of a ‘maximum wage’” and used to lie [allegedly] for a job so he’s to review the security of embassy communications. fairly representative shady cabinet. Now, ad- might get extra backing from the unions that not trustworthy!”. Mind you, he did break his hering to his ‘youth’ line, EDavid has tried to pushed him into power, EDavid still has a long ironclad promise to hold a referendum on the subtly belittle the age and mental capacity of way to go before he has to face the ‘real’ people Lisbon Treaty… maybe there is some truth to Edited by Kenneth Lee his predecessors by choosing a shady cabinet of ‘real Britain’. their rambling after all. He is still Cool Dave with as few over-50s as possible. Then again And what exactly is Labour doing to bring though... FELIX Friday 03 december 2010 19 POLITICS Kadhim Shubber Last Friday, the Jewish- American political scientist Norman “I’m sorry, but you have no Finkelstein gave a lecture at Imperial about right to dictate to me what I the 2009 Gaza confl ict as part of Islamic have to say.” Society’s Justice Week. A controversial fi gure, he is infamous for arguing NORMAN that Israel is exploiting a “Holocaust Industry” for its own ends FINKELSTEIN on Hamas, boycotts and Interview by Hassan liberty Joudi

You’ve said previously that there is a time when it was under fairly liberal actions ever justifi ed, or is there an “Whatever Israel the boycotts which are anchored in in- a possibility of resolving the Arab- publishers up until the early nineties. infringement on freedom of speech ternational law. So, if the settlements Israeli confl ict and it’s not an eternal Then it was a reputable paper. But now, when governments do these things? does that’s horrible, are illegal, settlement products are ille- confl ict that can’t be resolved. What you read it for laughs; it’s like the comic No, they’re never justifi ed. I’m not a fl ag gal, marketing those products is illegal keeps you so optimistic? section of the newspaper. Although, oc- waver but probably it’s one of the virtues it’s a tiny fraction of and the protesting the marketing of il- First of all you have to see if there are casionally, you know there’s an expres- of the United States that there’s a much legal products from illegal settlements, basic principles which people can agree sion in English “Even a broken clock is broader conception of liberty of speech. what the U.S. does I think is perfectly legitimate. Under on to resolve the confl ict. On the basic right twice a day,” and once or twice a The media are much narrower but at international law, it’s illegal to transfer principles, you have widespread agree- month there’s actually something in the least conceptually we’re pretty conven- [...] every minute” weapons to a country which is a consis- ment, whether you look at the voting Jerusalem Post of some interest. tional on issues of Freedom of Speech tent violator of human rights. Israel is, record of the U.N. General Assembly, and on the whole it’s much better. There according to Amnesty International, a whether you look at what the Arab You frequently attack and deconstruct have been cases of political people that were not the case and even if you in- consistent violator of human rights and League has said, what the Organisation Zionist propaganda, yet you seem un- we’ve banned from entering the country. terpret them as being hateful, well there Amnesty International says there has to of the Islamic Conference has said, or critical of Palestinian propaganda by But, in terms of range of viewpoints, it’s are two possibilities. Either they’re hate- be a comprehensive total arms boycott whether you look at the advisory opin- organisations such as Hamas. Do you pretty broad in the U.S.; at least what’s ful of the abstract, in which case they on Hamas and Israel. So, the protesting ion of the International Court of Justice. feel that this also needs to be decon- permissible. That doesn’t mean there’s still have the right to say it, but then they of arms transfers from the U.K. to Israel, You could look at a wide range of re- structed? a range of viewpoints on the television may be hateful in the specifi c sense that I supported. That’s the law. spected and representative bodies and Well, fi rst of all, I’m old fashioned. You or radio – no there is not. But what’s you’re doing hateful things. So, you’re But when you start going towards po- they all seem to agree on how to resolve don’t deconstruct, you critically analyse. permissible, and I think that’s sensible. evoking a hateful reaction. I hate injus- litical boycotts which include anything the confl ict, and judging from that re- I think that people are using this ridicu- I mean the basic principles of John Stu- tice – so I have a hateful message for and everything Israeli, I consider that cord the main obstacle is Israel and the lous French terminology and in French, art Mill’s ‘On Liberty’ I think is right. those committing injustice. I hate injus- problematic because if you were saying United States. And, at least in the United everything is empty. The arguments he makes in free, unfet- tice, I hate suffering. So it’s hateful, but ‘I’m boycotting anything Israeli until the States, you can see signifi cant shifts in So I critically analyse the Israeli pro- tered speech, I think are correct. I don’t I think that’s permissible-hateful. But, end of occupation’, I could see that. The public opinion. We’re still in the early paganda as though there is only one really accept there are any grounds for even if it were just hateful-hateful, it’s problem is people don’t say ‘until they stage but there seems to be the prospect fundamental issue, which is settling banning anyone. But that doesn’t mean still allowed. I’m sorry, but you have no end the occupation.’ They say ‘we’re that we can reach public opinion if we’re the confl ict. I don’t know much about you can’t have an opinion. You can say right to dictate to me what I have to say. boycotting anything Israeli’ and then reasonable and if we’re principled. We internal Israeli society. I follow public that Geert Wilders is what he is; a really you’re not really clear. Do they want can reach public opinion and maybe opinion polls on support or not support nasty piece of work. But a nasty piece Thousands of students across the U.K. to dismantle the occupation or do they force a settlement on the Israelis who for the settlement but, in general, my of work should have the right to speak. participate in activities like Palestine want to dismantle Israel? I don’t sup- are blocking it. range is pretty limited. I’m interested days, Gaza awareness weeks, fund- port dismantling Israel. Yes, Israel does in the foreign policy issues and, other- What would you say to people who raising or Boycott Israeli goods. They horrible things, but so does the U.K. and The Jerusalem Post published an ar- wise, I don’t particularly care. The same would describe you as delivering hate- believe they are making a positive dif- whatever Israel does that’s horrible, it’s ticle about the Justice Week here at thing with the Palestinians; I don’t really ful messages? ference. What would be your message a tiny fraction of what the U.S. does Imperial College, attacking it as anti- know much about internal Palestinian Well, what I would say is that people to them? that’s horrible every minute, of every Western and criticising some of the society. I’m just looking at who’s block- have the right to deliver hateful mes- First of all, I have faith in the reasoning hour, of every day. So, since I don’t see choice of speakers and event themes. ing the settlement. sages. There’s not any prescription in capacities and judgement of young peo- any boycotts calling for the dismantling Do you feel that they have a point or free speech only delivering love fi lled ple. I don’t really like to try to lecture of the United States, or the dismantling are they unjustifi ed in their attacks? In 2008 Israel banned you from enter- messages. I happen to think they’re not them on what they should do. I’ll give of the U.K. , then I’m not supporting the Well, fi rst of all the Jerusalem Post is ing the country for 10 years. Here in hateful, I happen to think they’re factu- my opinion but also I want to respect dismantling of Israel. There’s a deliber- not a newspaper. It’s just a propaganda the U.K., the government has also re- al. I happen to think they’re actually not other people’s political and intellectual ate ambiguity about whether you want rack. Nobody takes it seriously. It’s cently banned individuals like Geert even particularly radical. They’re pretty autonomy. to end the occupation or whether you very rarely cited, nowadays. There was Wilders and Zakir Naik. Are such mainstream in my opinion. But even if On the question of tactics, I support want to end Israel. 20 FRIDAY 03 decEMBER 2010 felix

Comment Editor: Anna Perman COMMENT [email protected] FELIX Facing a Wikiflood For a 61-year-old, The memos released by Wikileaks are part of a wave of you do swear a lot, information. But what are we going to do with it? don’t you Felix? Benjamin Kennedy

This coming Thursday will be an important day for students all across the country. Par- liament will vote on controversial proposals to raise the cap on tuition fees to £9,000. For the Editors of this newspaper the day is also important for another, albeit more light- hearted, reason. It will be 61 years to the day since the first issue of Felix was pub- lished. It is Felix’s birthday. George Wigmore The paper is now almost completely unrec- ognisable, in terms of its design and produc- “Information should tion, to that first issue. Throughout the dec- ades the various students who have had the be free. It belongs in privilege of editing the paper have taken bold decisions with regard to its appearance. In the public domain” fact the only connection, superficially speak- ing, that the paper has to that first issue is the logo. The same Cat that smiled out o says Bradley Manning, at students on Friday the 9th of December the US soldier working as 1949, now smiles out at students in 2010. an intelligence analyst in Baghdad. However, despite the changes in appear- The rights and wrongs of In this information age, Julian Assange holds the balance of power, not the government ance, the character and ethos of the paper the situation are irrelevant. The informa- have remained consistent. The aims and tionS is out there. This particular can of objectives laid out by the first Editor of the worms has been opened. Thanks to inno- they arose. A main point of controversy tween the public and these institutions paper, E.M. Hughes, are still the aims and vations like the internet and microchips about the recent leaks was Hilary Clin- gave them authority, but a peek into objectives that the team hold in 2010. “To which allow us to store huge amounts ton asking diplomats to monitor UN of- their inner workings make them seem comment upon the affairs of the College of information on a tiny memory stick, ficials, but, it has been argued that these grubby and corrupt. whilst they are still topical”, he wrote in that hacking into systems and disseminating instructions are not meant literally, and Perhaps if they were a bit more first Editorial; that is certainly still our aim. information from them has never been that diplomats would know the differ- open to begin with, the issues of leaks “Any contribution will be welcome”, he de- easier. Because of this, we face a flood ence. As a Science Communication wouldn’t exist, and we might respect clared; that is still the guiding ethos of this of information from Wikileaks. student, this reminded me of the issues their openness. Perhaps. But we proba- paper. “The success or failure of this paper But we also face the same onslaught around science reporting that we con- bly wouldn’t have as much faith in their depends principally upon you, our readers”, from more legal means from the Free- front daily. competence. Either way, I have more he noted; the current Editors of the paper dom of Information act. Institutions When covering science stories, jour- faith in the institutions the leaks are still firmly believe this to be true. are obliged to release information upon nalists are faced with jargon and lan- coming from than the journalists who request. guage, which is meaningful to the ex- are interpreting them. We have been especially fortunate this year Supposedly this access to previously perts using it, but to a non-specialist, is The likelihood is that we face an infor- in the number of talented students that have classified information acts as a demo- easily misinterpreted. mation arms race, as the US shuts down given up their valuable free time to contrib- cratic leveller. Any public institution One recent example would be one of access to lower levels, and implements ute to the paper; time that they perhaps faces having its authority undermined the emails pounced upon by the right- more and more sophisticated firewalls should have used to complete lab reports by leaks of information which might wing press in the aftermath of the Uni- and anti-hacking devices. But there will or catch up on lectures . At a university discredit their members or shed a less versity of East Anglia ‘climategate’ always be disgruntled employees all the where proficiency with equations and lab re- than flattering light on their practises. email fiasco, which, like the wikileaks way up who are willing to leak informa- ports is valued more highly than the ability So if these leaks are inevitable for all of recent days, involved technological tion, and there will always be someone to write, the fact that almost 200 students walks of life, should they be filtered? foul play, and leaking of emails between capable of hacking these systems. So if have already chosen to get involved with the The original leaked memos are all avail- researchers. Several groups maintained this leaking of information is inevitable, student publication speaks volumes for the able on the internet, but how many that these emails manifested genuine is an honest approach a better one, as it range of talents at this university. people have actually read them? Most evidence of scientific malpractice, bas- relies less on media spin? of us will have gained what informa- ing their claims around one email which Information should be free, and it But although we take pride in the achieve- tion we have about the contents through referred to ‘Mike’s Nature trick’. While does belong in the public domain. But ments made so far, we are ever aware of the newspapers. We only hear about the we often think of a ‘trick’ being devious that means we have to be extra careful where we have failed to meet the high stand- things they choose to tell us, and only or subversive, in fact this trick was sim- with how we interpret it. It may seem ards set by our predecessors. And because get the spin they choose to put on it. ply a statistical technique used by Mike that the papers are just laying open the of that we are always open to criticism and The problem with reading these docu- Hulme, director of the Tyndall centre for truth to the public, but just by selecting new contributors. E. M. Hughes really hit the ments, is that both journalists and the climate research, to unify two different which information to report, journalists, nail on the head when he said that this pa- general public are often poorly equipped data sets. whether meaning to or not, will always per relies upon you, the reader. Without you, to understand the linguistic nuances pre- The link here is that leaks have re- Have your say on report with a certain bias. this paper would be nothing. sent, and in addition these documents vealed how the scientific and the dip- These wikileaks are turning into a are being viewed out of context, and not lomatic worlds function. The degree of this article at wikiflood. How we direct the flow of in terms of the background from which secrecy and separation that existed be- felixonline.co.uk information is up to us. felix FRIDAY 03 decemBER 2010 21

The opinions expressed on the Comment pages represent the views of the author only. COMMENT The coalition’s plans are ideological

hose who support the gov- With an increasing number of students isn’t like real debt, with the introduction ject, and presumably aim for a job like- ernment’s cuts claim that entering higher education the govern- of real interest rates payable on loans, it wise, it shouldn’t be too unpalatable. people haven’t looked up ment will have to procure greater funds will be very much like real debt that will I am disappointed and surprised that or understood the proposi- to loan out. While the proposals assume linger on a student for decades after they the Union passed their opinions before tions, and that there are no that not all universities will raise their graduate, and there is a fear of having the results of their own survey were other viable options. I find this insulting fees, the Higher Education Policy Insti- that when in the foreseeable future there published. Council should pass papers Tand naive. tute argue that in due time most courses is little guarantee of graduate jobs or that based on the student population’s views. While student campaigners are vocal will be charging £9000. As university these will pay as well as in the past. Despite the low turnout for the survey about the rise in fees and scrapping of funding decreases it makes sense for the The main benefactors of the new it was clear that current students want EMA, at the heart of these issues is that establishments to charge as much as pos- changes, according to the Institute of to maintain the current system, disagree the government has announced an 80% sible. While Browne suggested monetary Fiscal Studies are most likely to be uni- that different institutions and courses cut in state funding to university teach- disincentives for this, the proposals do versities charging the highest fees, while should pay different fees and would ing which would see courses no longer not. With the proposal’s inaccuracies of students will suffer as well as, if univer- have been put off applying to univer- being offered, departments close, student lifetime earnings for female graduates sities opt for £9000 fees as expected, the sity if the fees were higher. Just 5.3% Reuben Gibbons to staff ratios increase and universities and introduction of real rate of interest taxpayer. This will leave a chaotic legacy of students thought leaving university cutting the resources required for their it’s unlikely a graduate will pay back the for future governments and students and with greater than £30,000 of debt was courses. To meet the funding gap the entirety of their loan. The Treasury are a higher education system incomparable acceptable, yet an increase to £6,000 cost will be shunted onto the students in going to make a loss from the inevitable to the one we have today. fees would see student debt for a 3 year terms of increased tuition fees. writing off of debt after 30 years. In the deficit ridden time that we are in course at this level, with longer courses The cuts to higher education are more Our own Union survey shows that there are two ways of reversing the prob- and higher fees being worse. I hope the “These reforms like an amputation. I feel these reforms current students would be dissuaded lem: lower spending or increase taxation. Union Council reconsiders its stance are an ideological attempt to privatise from applying to Imperial if higher fees If we increased income tax for high earn- and comes out against the proposals, are an ideological our university education. While savings were introduced, and Ipsos Mori has ers, this would affect graduates who ben- and at the very least lobbies college of public money may be a decent goal, shown that increasing of fees to £5000 efited from grant maintained education against £9,000 fees. Never before have attempt to privatise and the argument that non-graduates or above would dissuade those from the and also cause current and future gradu- I come across so many people talking should not pay for the university educa- lowest earning background from apply- ate to enter a system where they pay back in lectures against an issue. It’s time for our university tion of others is fair, there is a risk that ing to university, which flies in the face their fair share. If students are going to us all to make it clear to the Union and the future cost to the taxpayer would be of the so called fairness inherent in the higher education as our Union survey College that we oppose the changes and education” greater than under the current system. new system. While some say student debt shows because of a passion of their sub- introduction of higher fees. Higher fees will rescue our universities

n mid September, Europe began I can make a meal for under a pound and or the scheme abandoned. To argue then increasing tuition fees the covenant be- to howl. Guttural, deep, pained. would rather put on an extra jumper than that financially comfortable students tween student and university should be On one day, Spain joined Italy, turn on the heating. It is not churlishness should not face any worsening of their strengthened, with students demanding France and Ireland in staging a or superiority, then, that makes me back situation is insulting both to students more from their courses and universities General Strike. The hot streets of the fees. Ultimately, I back the fees for who rely on government help and to the more accountable to their students. This Cadiz thronged with protesters; shops a number of reasons, all centred on the public at large. can only be a good thing. hadI doors glued or taped shut. Europe fact that I believe the university system Another popular argument is that an The plans also include increasing had arisen to protest austerity measures currently falls far short of what it can of- increase in fees will deter many students equality of payment plans for part time imposed to combat massive national fer students and the country’s recovery. from University education: I find it hard and full time students. Currently, part- debt (16% of GDP in Spain’s case). A key argument against the increase to believe this. On the whole, the new time students are required to pay up front, Their people faced lowered minimum is that “students are the future-they are funding system allows for greater sub- which effectively bars access to these wage, mass unemployment (peaking vital for future economic growth”. Ob- sidies and grants, ensuring that students courses, many of which combine work- at 20%) and stark cuts in order to meet viously, I agree with this, or I wouldn’t have in fact a greater access to learning. ing and studying, for a large number of Prime Minister Zapatero’s aggressive bother being a student. However, I find The repayment plan should also ensure students. Creating a level playing field Laura Huckins plan to reduce debt. it irrational to argue that we shouldn’t that any student earning below an av- here may be an under-publicised area of In November, students across the UK face cuts in our budget when almost erage of £30,000 pa for 30 years after the government’s plans but is nonethe- began their own revolt, staging mass every other sector faces wage-freezes, graduating will never in fact pay back less a laudable one and one which shows demonstrations against the perceived in- mass redundancies or unemployment. their entire loan. It seems hard to argue, commitment to providing students with justices of the upcoming increase in tui- My cousin is a midwife and health visi- then, that students will be barred finan- greater choice over their education. tion fees. I did not join these crowds, nor tor. She has been unemployed for two cially from entering university. There are many who see the protests in was I at home too afraid to join in. I did years. Several relatives working in sci- I stated in the beginning of this arti- London as a true standard of courage, of not go, simply, because I support the rise ence face regular risks of redundancy. It cle that I believe the proposals will im- bravery, of revolution against an unfair in tuition fees. I fear that by not support- is unfair, it is hard: it is the same story prove the university system as a whole, system. More daring, however, are those ing these rises we doom ourselves to real across the country. I cannot find an ar- as well as simply plugging a yawning who choose to support the fees. It will national pain, real crisis, real unavoida- gument which can convince me that, in funding gap. A large amount of what is mean higher debt; it will mean harsher ble pain that blights so much of Europe. this atmosphere, we should be exempt. wrong with universities today lies in the standards of living. It will be worse, in “Every other sector It may not be the best possible solution: Universities face a funding crisis as the chasm between what students require the short term. In the long term, we may simply it is the best viable solution. government struggles to finance further and what universities actually provide. have a chance to rescue the system be- faces wage-freezes, There will be many who argue that I subsidies for ever-increasing numbers of It is sadly commonplace to hear tales fore it is corrupted and crippled. It may have nothing to lose by backing the fees, students. In order to continue to subsi- of Freshers discovering that they have be brave to stand in the snow and protest mass redundancies or who may assume that I could easily dise poorer students and socially respon- four “contact hours” a week at their top for lower fees: it is braver to stand by have afforded the increased fees. On the sible degrees (nursing, teaching, medi- twenty university, studying what should these changes and suffer slightly for the or unemployment” contrary, I struggle as it is: like everyone, cine, etc) some funding must be found be an academically rigorous course. By greater good.

Felix is 61 years old on Thursday. Felix Happy Birthday Felix! Kadhim Shubber Do you want to do a centrefold? Email [email protected] 24 FRIDAY 03 decEMBER 2010 felix

Comment Editor: Anna Perman COMMENT [email protected] Hidden behind a computer This week scientists made mouse organs screen: The psychological younger. Some speculated we could do effects of distancing the same to humans. The question is... through the internet

People find it easier to express their WOULD YOU TAKE AN ANTI- feelings ‘hidden’ behind their computer screens. They can confess things to peo- ple that they would never talk about face to face, like suppressed feelings or personal thoughts. So how exactly did people com- AGING PILL? municate before the internet?

However, the distancing effects of Informa- tion Technology have drawbacks as well. People tend to trust strangers that they have met in chat rooms or in Facebook, more than in other situations of every day life. For example, many people expose their personal details and private moments to people all over the world over the internet without consideration. but they would get upset if a stranger stared at them in the street! Matt Allinson Dan Wan Recently, I’ve learnt about the psychologi- h yes, Nature: eve- et’s start by confirm- cal experiment on ‘Obedience to Authority’ ryone’s favourite “Youth is wasted ing the fact that what “Reverse-aging by Professor Stanley Milgram at Yale Univer- science journal. scientists managed sity that began in July 1961, which I think We slag it off as on the young, to achieve with those would make life is provides very good proof that humans populist bullshit mice will probably behave very differently to each other when but secretly dream of the day and experience is never be emulated in humans. unfair. More unfair they are separated by a screen. Aour paper will be published in its LCall me a sceptic, but let’s call glossy, simplistic covers. What wasted on the old” off all hope for any sort of bona than it already is” The subjects of the experiment were ran- garbage have they thrown at us fide ‘reverse-aging treatment’ for dom people who thought that they were par- this week? Oh hurrah, we’re go- humans in the foreseeable future. I ticipating in an experiment on their memory. ing to be able to reverse the aging process. And no doubt, by the time the mean, we’re so far away from translating this experiment from mice to Everyone had the role of a teacher who was mainstream media has finished bouncing on this story like Berlusconi on humans, we’ll all be dead by the time it’s a realistic occurrence. These responsible to ask a “learner” some ques- a power hungry teenie-bopper; we will be queuing up in our thousands Harvard scientists were barely capable of reversing age, never mind res- tions and to give him an electric shock eve- to have this wonder enzyme pumped into our bodies. Let’s get one thing urrection. So, sit back down, close your mouth back up and calm down ry time his answer was incorrect. Of course, straight: if I earn enough money, I will probably get plastic surgery when for now. the learner was an actor who wasn’t actu- I’m older to sort myself out. However, back to a hypothetical world we go. ally receiving the shocks, he was just pre- My opponent in this head-to-head is lucky that he is Chinese. Anyone Reverse-aging would make life unfair. More unfair than it already is. tending to feel the pain. who has seen a Kung-fu film will know that Chinese people can only As a final year student currently looking for any dregs of the job market look one way when they get old, and that way is awesome. Crazy mous- that I can call ‘employment’, I do not want to be competing against an The results were astonishing; many of the tache, little goatee and an ability to look good in a dress with sandals 140-year-old for jobs. He’d absolutely hammer me in a head-to-head experiment participants administered a and socks, the Far East Asians are like a fine merlot when it comes to interview situation with all the wisdom he’s gained from, quite frankly, massive 450-volt shock, though many were ageing. I, however, am from the Middle East. When my people get old, more than his fair share of life. I’m ignorant and immature enough, thank very uncomfortable doing so. they grow jowls, and wrinkles deep enough to use as CD racks. Now as you very much. I count on people around me being more naïve, insensi- I’m sure you can tell from the photo above this article, I am a damn hand- tive and uncultured than myself. Life runs in relativity: stand next to Specifically, they were far more likely to do some man. A little problem with acne that crops up when it gets cold, but Peter Crouch, you’re going to look short (like a Borrower in my case); this when they could see the learner through otherwise, I’ve got the package baby. Monobrow, nicotine stained teeth, stand next to Graham Norton, you’re going to look positively butch (I’d silvered glass, but couldn’t hear them than weirdly small ears and frizzy hair: it’s a classic look that’s never going probably struggle with this one); stand next to Katie Price, you’re going when they had to press the hand of the away; and I would never let any concept of growing old gracefully ever to seem like Einstein (I’m a Biologist and Matt’s a Material Scientist, “learner” to the shock plate themselves. prevent me from preserving it. this last analogy isn’t working). “And what of the non-aesthetic reasons for preventing ageing, you vain Sexual selection is one of the evolutionary drivers of the human race’s It is not only obvious but also scientifically prick?” you may ask. We are all getting older and the government is sustainment. It’d be horrifically unfair if the female population were for- proven that the more the distance between now getting us to work till we’re 70 before we can get a one way ticket ever subject to a 20 year old Hugh Heffner and his planet-sized libido. people increases, the less they feel the ef- to the drain-on-the-state-finances-express queue at the post office each No other man would stand a chance. Hugh would end up being the father fects that their actions can have. And as week. Ignoring the fact that this trumped up miracle cure will ravage to even more children than he probably already is. Does that sound like one of the main goals of technology is to in- us all with cancer before we can even surprise our friends by seducing utopia to you? crease communication between people who their kids with our fresh young faces, it is ridiculous that we can reject a Growing old doesn’t scare me. Having youth on my side is great and are far apart, this phenomenon happens genuine proposal to “cheat death”, or at least have us ticking over very all that. But I look forward to the mid-life crisis, bus seat offerings and more and more nowadays to the majority of nicely until the sudden, final gasp. I mean, have you ever seen children? colostomy bags. I hate having to wash myself in the bath; when you’re people, without them even noticing it. They’re fucking horrible, messy things that bite and piss themselves. Or old, someone else does it for you. Life as an elder statesman sounds like teenagers? You know how obnoxious and annoying freshers are, right? THE life, and if fate wishes to take me there, who am I stop it? Plus, I’ve Does it work on you as well? They’re like that but worse. planned my mid-life crisis and I’m buying myself three in-house prosti- Youth is wasted on the young, and experience is wasted on the old. Any tutes and whatever four-seater Volkswagen is all the rage by then. There Anastasia Eleftheriou chance we get to redress that situation by doing away with the irritating, are so many benefits of getting old, see? take-forever-to-get-off-the-bus shit that comes with age will make this a Having youth in a pill sounds great, but it’s not for me thanks. Oh, why perfect utopian society for all. am I bothering? This argument is futile. It won’t bloody happen anyway. felix FRIDAY 03 decemBER 2010 25

The opinions expressed on the Comment pages represent the views of the author only. COMMENT Flee! Flee the St John Ambulance service!

efore coming to London, ies, indeed, wherever there are people. It to the creation of, at varied different the fear of the unknown, with the caveat my friends and family can appear perfectly harmless from a dis- times, fire, religion and the light-switch. of some pretty good guesses. loaded me up with good tance but when it strikes, it strikes hard. Sport is no exception. I’ve mentioned But there is also a fear of the inevita- advice. A common theme It doesn’t discriminate between young before how a fundamental fear of leop- ble. On the savannah plains, every time running through these and old, rich and poor or any other di- ards drove our ancestors to running. a leopard took down a weak or injured kernels of sagacity was that London is chotomy society sees fit to draw. I am of Where we once had leopards, we now gazelle, it was a memento mori to the Ba very dangerous place – something I course referring to St John Ambulance. have St John Ambulance. herd that they too were mortal. So too won’t even try and refute. Now, you mustn’t misunderstand me. But unlike leopards, the phobic re- do St John Ambulance toll the bells of With every month that I stay and study I think the service that St John Ambu- sponse to these Good Samaritans is our doom – with crowd-parting klaxons here, I can feel the years sloughing off lance provides is fantastic. Looking intricate and well-crafted. It is the fear and flashing lights. Avoiding St John my life-expectancy. My lungs are the after people with on-the-scene first aid of the unknown. If you’re unfortunate Ambulance at all costs avoids too the council estate battleground between TB and treatment is great, especially when enough to be caught by St John Ambu- grim spectre of Death. Rhys Davies and tar and their respective gangs. There it can take the pressure off the other lance, what do they do to you? Osten- But for all this, St John Ambulance are macroscopic dangers too, such as the ambulance services. Thanks to their sibly they’re there to help, the rational contributes a valued service to society. fine art of stepping into the road to at- sterling efforts, the mortality from the mind reasons; what is the harm? Then It’s not a necessary evil – the work they tract a taxi’s attention without losing a Oxford/Cambridge Boat Race has never thoughts drift to the gas canisters, the do is probably good... if their patients limb in the process. The strange other- been lower. However, I will say this. I ampoules of drugs, the defibrillators survive. No, instead they are the terrify- “Every other sector kin that inhabit London after midnight think that St John Ambulance prevent and people who have been trained to ing good. You know they’ll be there for are equally dangerous. Are they drunk- incidents at all these public events in use them – and would do anything to you if you need them but you fervently faces wage-freezes, fighty, drunk-chatty, drunk-flirty or the same way the Bogeyman keeps five- try them out. And while that thought pray that day will never come. Through- some horrid combination of the three? year-olds in their beds at night. lingers and malingers in your head, you out this letter, I have been comparing mass redundancies But there is one danger in the Big It’s fear, pure and simple; it’s one of wonder why, of all the patients you’ve them to leopards but now I realise this Smoke that is not confined by the M25. society’s greatest stimuli. A primaeval seen go into those ambulances, you’ve isn’t quite right. They’re more like vul- or unemployment” This threat can be found in all major cit- fear of the dark – and its contents – led never seen any come out again. There is tures with high-vis jackets. Letters

of Justice Week, over 100 tickets were equivalent to a lecturer (he was denied tion in the first place. Restoration of se- By using phrases like “Israel under- Justice Week purchased by Islamic Society members tenure in the US), and he has a track curity for Israel was absolutely essential stands only one language – language of and there were many more Muslim record of controversy among academic after more than 3000 rockets were fired force”, “Israel wanted a bloody conflict was inclusive and non-Muslim students amongst the colleagues. into Israel during 2008 alone. He forgot ...”, “before they (Israel) go for the kill crowd. We’ve received support for Jus- Being at his lecture reminded me of to mention the reasons for the blockade, ...”, “Israel would attack in the next and balanced tice Week from our members, Muslim the movies by Michael Moore which implemented to restrict the influence 12-18 months ...” he actually looked to and non-Muslim students, the Union supposedly reveal hidden conspiracies and power of Hamas and to stop them escalate hatred. Finally, by saying “we and the College. Justice Week has been behind any action or event. But if the from smuggling weapons, consequently have to get prepared for their exercise Dear Sirs, In the Name of God, the a great success for Muslims at College; movies by Moore are usually taken with used to attack Israel. He did, however, in insanity”, “we have to act”, “things Most Merciful, the Most Kind. who have found wider support for their a pinch of salt, I was surprised to see a mention the humanitarian crisis and pur- will not change”, he seemed to encour- Justice Week intended to highlight opinions on injustice and will continue lack of critical reflection on behalf of ported starvation in Gaza, while forget- age a call for action! This is hardly various injustices from around the world to share these in the future. the people in the audience who failed ting to mention that Hamas had no short- something that can provide a construc- and offer Islam as a potential solution to to challenge any of Finkelstein’s views. age of the rockets or ammunition before tive force or harmony which can help these. Various powers were implicated Many Thanks, Worse than that, the inaccuracies of and during the fighting. bolster any peace process in the Middle in injustice during this week including some of the facts presented went mostly As is commonplace in talks regarding East. several Arab nations – particularly for Umer Hakeem unnoticed because of the crowd’s almost this topic, Finkelstein used emotional The Middle East is at a very important their complicity in torture at Guanta- President of Islamic Society naïve willingness to believe. metaphors to engage the audience rather cross road. The journey to peace is hard namo. UNICEF were invited to speak Most of the focus of the talk was on the than offer rational arguments to defend and at times can be unpleasant. It is clear at our event on exploitation of the third operation “Cast Lead”, a 3-week armed his cause. However, what made me most that both sides, Israel and the Palestin- world. In addition, an American speaker conflict in the Gaza strip during winter anxious was the fact that he praised Has- ians, have made and will continue to was invited to give his views on the in- 2008-2009. Israel started the operation san Nasrallah, the leader of the Leba- make mistakes. In this context, a radical vasion of Gaza in 2009. Justice Week Norman after an escalation of rockets fired into nese paramilitary group and political speaker can only hinder the journey, and was inclusive, balanced and united stu- its territory by Hamas militants. Hamas party, Hezbollah. This group calls for should be left at home. We all need lead- dents together against injustice. Finkelstein is the largest Palestinian militant Islam- the imminent destruction of Israel and ers and speakers who can see beyond The Jerusalem Post chose to side- ist organisation widely recognised as a is regarded by the international commu- specific events of a conflict, who can in- step the issues raised by Justice Week. terrorist organisation, which took over nity as a terrorist organisation. To much spire an audience with peace initiatives Instead of contacting us, they chose misled his control of Gaza in 2006. amusement from the crowd, he glorified and proposals, and pave the way for a to refer to sensationalist right wing From the beginning Finkelstein bril- the leadership of Nasrallah while joking- time when harmony will be achieved. propagandists posing as mainstream audience liantly downplayed the necessity of the ly suggesting the illiteracy of King Hus- With God’s Help = Beezrat Ha Shem = thinktanks for their views. On the other Israeli action, and made the situation sein of Jordan and of Hosni Mubarak Inshallah! hand; we acknowledge Mr Scally’s non- into an almost one-sided-conflict por- (President of Egypt) with whom Israel discriminatory account and thorough Dear Sirs, What can be done with a con- traying Israel as an unprovoked aggres- has peace agreements. This, for an Israe- Sincerely, investigation of affairs in the Felix last troversial radical, who also happens to sor. His rhetoric reminded me of that of li in the midst of an apparently tolerant K.Gena week. be a charismatic speaker? a politician who highlights those aspects UK university was very disturbing and The Editorial suggests we misrepre- I am speaking of course about Nor- which favour his statements, while ig- simply unacceptable. sented the views of the Muslim popula- man Finkelstein, a speaker invited by noring others that don’t support his case. Sadly, Finkelstein also abused his The author K.Gena wished to remain tion at our College during Justice Week. the Islamic Society to Justice Week. For example, he “forgot” to mention the privilege of lecturing to Imperial stu- anonymous due to teaching responsibili- We would like to point out that amongst He was introduced as a professor, al- reasons why the Israeli government de- dents by using a rhetoric which did ties. His contact details can be supplied the 560 people attending the final event though his academic rank would be cided to go into the complicated opera- not fall short of calling for resistance. upon request. 26 Friday 03 december 2010 FELIX

Arts Editor: Rox Middleton ARTS [email protected] If you read nothing else this week... Matt Colvin wants you to pick up a Go Go Go Gauguin cult hit from 1998. Step this way for Cecily Goodwin wall proclaim such statements as ‘I am a great into the wallpaper. He includes other elements artist and I know it’. A painting is also on of myth in many of his paintings, from the a brilliant satire on unrequited love, Tate Modern's exhibition on Gauguin is his fi rst show, ‘Christ in the garden of olives’ in which Christianity of Brittany to the pagan myths of international exhibition for more than 50 years. Gauguin likens his suffering to Christ on the Tahiti. Despite the fact that the island convert- horrifi c murder and high school It documents his shifting styles, focusing on his eve of his crucifi xion by portraying Christ ed to Christianity almost 100 years before and interest in depicting myth and the supernatu- through self-portrait. The whole exhibition many of the women dressed conservatively, ral, and culminating in his most famous works gives the general impression Gauguin may this did not deter Gauguin from painting exact- painted in Tahiti. As well as allowing the view- not have been such a modest guy. As much ly how he wanted to portray his ‘savage’ ideal, The Basic er to observe Gauguin's very variable painting as Gauguin is self-congratulatory, he is very and describing to others the innocent purity of by styles and progression as an artist, it also docu- scathing of other artists, describing the pointil- the beliefs and dress of the natives. Daniel Handler ments and provides context to the painter’s life, list Seurat as the “little dot” in his letters. After he left his wife, Gauguin lived perma- Eight providing two rooms full of articles, letters and The highlight of the exhibition is the works nently in Tahiti taking various women as his historical memorabilia. Gauguin painted in Tahiti. Female fi gures in mistresses. The hedonistic life Gauguin now The exhibition begins with a series of self earthy shades of yellows and greens, amongst followed is illustrated well in the exhibition by Probably best known under pseudonym Lemony portraits. Each portrait shows how Gauguin scenery of vibrant oranges, purples and greens the door to his home, carved with lintels and Snicket, author of the popular ‘A Series of Unfortu- wanted to project himself at different point in have a very exotic quality and show Gauguin’s the words ‘House of Pleasure’. His argumenta- nate Events’ books, Handler’s debut novel delves his career, from amateur artist and stockbro- very original and bold use of colour. These are tiveness did not wane and he got in trouble with into the lives of a group of close-knit friends at a San ker to fulltime artist. There is one particular very distinctive, but he seems to have only re- the authorities over his refusal to pay tax. His Francisco high school with razor sharp precision. self portrait completed when Gauguin returned ally developed such a unique style on his move later years, however, were plagued by syphilis In a year where they should be worrying about uni- from his travels in Tahiti for the fi rst time, de- to Tahiti. His earlier work is often reminiscent and he died of heart failure in 1903. versity applications, we instead, through the diary picting himself in front of one of his own Ta- of impressionists such as Van Gogh, who he Although I found Gauguin’s earlier paint- of the smitten Flannery Culp, enter a world where hitian paintings, showing his determination to spent time with in Arles in 1888, and whilst not ings a little bit disappointing, the later paint- pretentiousness runs high and academic rigour less picture himself as the exotic travelling artist unpleasant, is a bit unremarkable. ings in Tahiti may make the exhibition worth so. Amidst the trials and tribulations, the dinner par- and starting to give an indication of the artist’s There are, however, some more interest- a visit. And whilst Gauguin is a very interest- ties and social politics, the group end up encounter- general attitude. ing early paintings. I particularly liked one of ing man, revolutionary in his time, I have to You get a further clue beyond the fi rst room, his children sleeping, Clovis Asleep, in which say that the exhibition portrays him as a little where quotes from Gauguin displayed on the Gauguin had incorporated dreamlike imagery obnoxious.

ing far more adult problems than their precocious minds can cope with, culminating in murder by un- questionably fashionable croquet mallet. Very loosely based on Handler’s own experienc- es at high school, the author delivers a perfectly pitched account of late teenage life, which, despite the exaggerations, strikes particularly true to real- ity, especially with regards to the relationships be- tween the friends. Flitting from high tension to good natured banter with ease, it is this interaction of the characters, and lack thereof, which drives the heart Nevermore O Tahiti (Courtauld Gallery), Gauguin Uncovered at the Tate Modern until 16th January, tickets £13.50 of the story. Writing from the perspective of Flannery, a fantas- tically unhinged yet perfectly composed character, Handler is able to use the blackest of black humour both through both the mentally fraught individual and the plot itself to deliver a thoroughly uproarious yet hugely uncomfortable tale. Enchanting glass memories Handler proves to be a playful master of words and comedy, with lines so deadpan that they prob- Christina Flanagan thought Sinéad Matthews as Tom’s frail sister sharp contrast with her extreme awkwardness ably deserve their own funeral. A triumph of unreli- Laura gave the best performance in the play. I and the strange parallel reality this isolated able narration, the reader’s perceptions of the main The Glass Menagerie enfolds us in the memo- was so convinced I would fi nd it hard to ever family lives in. When the family’s electricity is characters changes with alarming regularity, yet this ries of Tom, a young poet trapped by his depen- imagine her walking straight. It is believed this cut off, the stage is lit with real candles, draw- never quite stretches credulity to breaking point. All dent family, who both appears in each scene character was based on William’s own sister and ing us into their home and lives. I found the the better, by the end one is left with countless and narrates the play from his present. This is his portrayal is tender and sometimes painful. moment when Laura and her caller dance espe- interpretations as to the motivations of Flannery – the play that made Tennessee Williams famous The premise of the play is the mother’s ob- cially sweet and memorable. We see her begin this is a book fi rmly placed outside any kind of black and aside from an occasionally dodgy South- sessive plans to fi nd a “gentleman caller” for to blossom in his presence and the inevitable and white defi nite conclusions. A scathing satire on ern accent (Deborah Findlay as the mother) Laura so that she can be taken off her brother’s disappointment when it transpires he has noth- various issues such as education, media scaremon- and a limp that may have hopped from foot to hands, as their father, represented here only ing to offer her is crushing and hard to watch. gering and the arrogance of adolescence, polished foot (the sister) the Young Vic’s production is by a giant portrait, quit the family many years The mother, a faded Southern Belle indomita- off with a healthy dose of Grade A wit, The Basic fl awless. An aura of memory is cleverly craft- ago. But Laura’s physical fragility is matched ble and hilariously fl irtatious when her gentle- Eight rewards multiple reads and proves that Han- ed by the presence of the two musicians as part by a crippling shyness, totally opposed to the man fi nally calls, is hugely enjoyable to watch. dler isn’t just for the kids. of the multi-level set – particularly poignant huge character of her mother, leading her to Her character provides laughs but Findlay also moments in the play are haunted by the eerie hide in a world of glass animals. gets across her insensitive, domineering side What’s your favourite book and why should we read sound from the percussionist’s array of wine Matthews makes Laura very likable and from which Tom is so desperate to escape. it? Tell us in 350-400 words and send it to glasses (the licking your fi nger and running it we cringe with her in a perfectly pitched fi nal [email protected] round the rim trick). scene when a gentleman caller does indeed ar- Glass Menagerie at the Young Vic until Despite any observations about her limp I rive. His normality and easy charm provides a 15th Jan. Tickets from £10. FELIX Friday 03 december 2010 27 ARTS Come and join The Looking Glass Club We meet Imperial alumnus Gruff Davies, who launched his sci-fi novel last week in Southside Halls

Louise Murphy read about it, about new ideas and be- years of my life there and I just fell in Yes! Absolutely! I had a meeting with came so engaged in it that I actually love with London and Imperial the mo- an agent and her assistant editor and be- I should start off by saying that I loved thought about writing a book about ment I arrived. cause she’d been so enthusiastic about it the book – you’ve converted me to Sci- physics itself; then I realised that that I sort of expected that I’d been going in ence Fiction! (See the review below) probably wasn’t going to happen and it Was it diffi cult to fi nd a publisher for the right direction. Her assistant editor Fantastic! You weren’t a sci fi fan before would take about ten years of dedication a Science Fiction book? didn’t have the same views though – he then? and incredible mathematical rigour so I Yup, it’s an incredibly tough market be- didn’t really like the science and didn’t thought I would do the next best thing cause it’s so niche – in fact there are only like the fact that it was so technical and No, and I was nervous about reading and make a novel instead. I had a dream six publishers for it in the UK. I think he basically said ‘you can’t do this, it’s it in case I thought it was awful! actually – It was one of those moments part of the reason for that is because not your job to write a book about phys- Lots of people have felt the same way where you just run out of bed and get most of it is rubbish! I fi nd that as a sci- ics or philosophy – it’s your job to write –I’ve had some fantastic feedback from right to the keyboard and start writing. entist it’s very frustrating to read a badly about guns and car chases.’ At that point people though – it’s really lovely to hear written SF book with fundamental prin- I just thought ‘well, you’re an idiot – people say that they’re not normally sci- What made you decide to set part of ciples so badly written and sometimes don’t tell me what to write!’ ence fi ction fans and yet the absolutely the novel at Imperial? even wrong and you just think ‘God, loved the book. That’s something I re- That was a very conscious decision be- why are they even bothering?’ Any tips for budding authors? ally wanted to achieve. cause I get a bit sick of reading novels Yes! Don’t go it alone – get involved set in Cambridge colleges and I just There’s so many ideas and theories with an authors group. I found a great How did you come up with the idea of thought ‘But Imperial’s great!’ and it about physics, philosophy and tech- group online which was a great form of ‘The Looking Glass Club’? deserves to be on the fi ctional map. I’m nology in the book – were you ever support as it is quite a lonely endeavour, I’m not still a physicist but I do like to very proud of Imperial – I’ve spent six told to ‘dumb it down’? and writing a novel is hard!

But do you want to read it? GE Global Research

Louise Murphy and ridiculous – from the pregnant stranger with amnesia to the talking dog Redefining What’s Possible ‘The Looking Glass Club’ tells the story with a new found religion. There is a of a rather elusive Union society – a so- fantastic mix of philosophical and phys- ciety without a stall at the Freshers’ fair ics theory and ideas interweaved with a anyway; a society which convenes in truly gripping story line, as well as some GE Global Research Europe is set in the inspired environment of a university campus, hosting a dark and dank room somewhere un- bizarre advances in technology. The plot cutting-edge industrial labs that focus on creating the newest breakthroughs and long- derneath South Kensington, accessible is complicated but works – don’t ask me range technologies for all of GE’s markets including renewable energy, healthcare, aviation, and oil & gas. Located just outside of Munich, Germany in Garching, on the campus of the only through a secret tunnel with the how, but Davies manages to keep a track Technical University of Munich, the site houses more than 150 researchers from countries membership list kept a closely guarded on two interweaving storylines, theo- around the world, with a variety of disciplines and backgrounds. At GE Global Research you secret. It is the story of Zeke, an oth- ries, puzzles and characters and come will be working hand-in-hand with some of the world’s most creative and talented scientists, on some of the most remarkable breakthroughs in technology. erwise normal Physics student, that is out with a, dare I say it, brilliant Sci-Fi until he was approached and befriended thriller. There are hints sometimes of a If you have a passion for innovation, visit the careers page at www.ge.com/research by a PhD student; in the midst of devel- story run amok and a well thumbed the- to learn more. oping a, to put it lightly, mind altering saurus, but these, I assure you, are only drug, who persuaded him to come along brief patches in an otherwise great book to a club meeting. which could very easily translate bril- liantly to fi lm. “sometimes funny, At the end of each chapter are puzzles taken from the notebook of a former sometimes scary and member of the club – puzzles which took almost a year for Davies to com- overall thoroughly pile and are almost unique in their form but translate to the same thing – an im- addictive” age. Davies is offering a prize of up to £1,000,000 to the clever beast that can The book switches from Zeke’s stu- solve them all. But, if like me, a basic dent days and the club set in the famil- Sudoku is more your cup of tea the book iar background of South Kensington to is still worth a read anyway – it is easy Manhattan and the present day future – to be put off by the science and compli- full of scary robotic nurses, the Freedom cated ideas within the book but the book Tower and some truly mystifying hospi- is accessible from several levels – with tal scan results. several readers commenting that they ‘The Looking Glass Club’ is a fast have read it several times in quick suc- paced, sometimes funny, sometimes cession and are still discovering new scary and overall thoroughly addictive and exciting things about it. new book. Full of mystery and intrigue the book maintains its balance on the Published by Sencillo, available in thin line between being unpredictable the Union Shop. 28 FRIDAY 03 decEMBER 2010 FELIX Music Editors: Greg Power Luke Turner Christopher Walmsley MUSIC [email protected] Album of The Week My Chemical “I Wanna Go Back...” Romance Danger Days: The A look at the re-issue of one of the 90’s greatest albums True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys Weezer acoustic guitar with walls of feedback, the only was heard of the Weez. But by some miracle, Pinkerton (Deluxe) Reprise Records Geffen remaining feature being their signature quirky, over those fi ve years the album began gather- ★★★★★ pop culture referencing lyrics. But even these ing steam by itself, slowly gaining recognition 2010 were distorted and made darker, becoming ob- with both fans and critics, and went on to be- Chris Dean sessed with sex, heartbreak, and what Japanese come one of the biggest sleeper hits ever con- school girls get up to in their spare time (if you ceived. There has always been one paradoxical quote catch my drift). Now, a full 14 years later the album is being The album that launched MCR’s career into the strato- about Weezer that amused me. I’m paraphras- Largely ignored by the press when it was fi rst reissued and re-mastered as a 2 CD, 36 track sphere, 2006’s The Black Parade, saw the band fi nally ing, but it goes along the lines that “Weezer released, it was both a commercial and critical album of odds and ends. The B-Sides and un- realising their ambitions of Queen-inspired grandiose are the worst rock band in America to release fl op, and placed #1 on Rolling Stones’ worst released tracks from this era remain of a ludi- pop anthems. In my opinion it was full of fl aws – and two of the greatest albums of the last 20 album of 1996 list. The band retreated into hia- crously high quality: “Devotion” feels heavy a huge step back from their 2004 masterpiece, Three years”. tus for the next fi ve years, and nothing more and sluggish to the verge of breaking point, Cheers For Sweet Revenge – but the gloomy cancer- Whilst I disagree, it’s easy to understand why but somehow works. New track “Getting Up centric concept of the album struck a chord with the they might be labeled as such. After the initial and Leaving”, only heard before from the Not emo masses. They scrapped the album they were disappointment of their comeback Green Al- Alone concert where frontman Rivers Cuomo making for a year, and vocalist Gerard Way came up bum in 2001, and the series of pitfalls along the performed it acapella is a lost Weezer classic. with a new concept for the album, about a reckless way (Parts of Red and Hurley, all of Make Be- And that’s not forgetting the Coda version of crew of freedom fi ghters living in a post-apocalyptic lieve and Raditude) you’d probably be thinking “Longtime Sunshine”, or the end cap of the al- world ruled by vampire cyborgs. Or something. The it’s a miracle if Weezer had any followers left. bum “Tragic Girl”. result is a genre-blending and infectious reconcili- Yet you’d be surprised to fi nd a community of However, what’s most striking upon listen- ation of their earlier Misfi ts-tinged gothic punk and dedicated, and often frustrated, people who ing again is that it hasn’t aged. Opener “Tired their recent venture into stadium rock. It’s catchy, up- truly love this band. Of Sex” is still as debauched; the chorus of beat, full of great lyrics and a true joy to rock out to. It comes down to one album: Pinkerton. “El Scorcho” still has the same fi st in the air, Check out “Party Poison”, “Vampire Blood”, or watch Coming from a troubled past, it has become the feel good factor; the bass of “Getchoo” full the “Na Na Na...” video to see the cyberpunk princes albatross that hangs around the bands’ collec- on rawk; the closing chords of “Butterfl y” a in their full glory. Greg Power tive neck. A blessing in that it is quite simply sting of regret. It’s abrasive, blistering, and at a work of genius, and a curse in that they have times uncomfortable, but beneath these layers never been able to follow it up. lies an incredibly personal, humourous and 1. Radiohead Originally spawned as a space rock opera emotive album that is utterly relatable. So if Most lis- 2. Muse named Songs from the Black Hole, it morphed you’re a Weezer veteran, recovering addict, 3. The Beatles into a quasi-concept album based around Ma- or only know “Beverly Hills” (Shudder... tened to dame Butterfl y and was a swift departure from (Editor’s note: Shame on you!)) then this is 4. Kanye West (AW YEA their eponymous debut’s geek power pop. Vo- an essential purchase for the coming wintery this week by BABY) cal harmonies were swapped with screams, Rivers Cuomo is a seriously weird dude months. 5. The XX Felix Music 6. Bloc Party 7. The Killers members on 8. Gorillaz last.fm 9. Four Tet 10. Florence & TM Botown bring the Bollywood Join in at: http://www.last.fm/group/Felix+Music Botown The Jazz Café lywood fans singing along whilst the saxo- to play along the balcony, which appeared to be 5th November 2010 phone and bass later got everyone grooving. too much for the classy drunk next to me who ★★★★✩ The crowd of mainly 30-somethings couldn’t almost fell fl at on her face trying to work out help shaking it down. what was going on. Make sure not to miss Rishi Mistry The band’s female singer, Rekha, didn’t Despite one or two songs and the nine of make much of an appearance at fi rst but later them being crammed on to the stage, Botown SOAD @ Download 2011 A week ago I unexpectedly stumbled across came on to showcase her wonderful voice, ac- provided some great soul and jazz, and Bolly- Botown, a band promising reborn Bollywood companied by the sax and some well timed wood music that I actually enjoyed…for once. Castle Donington, Nottingham grooves with a funk soul twist. I’ve never con- breaks. The highlights of the night were defi - I’m not sure how they would go down in In- Wednesday 8th June 2011 sidered placing these music genres together, nitely ‘Chura Liya’, a 70’s Bollywood classic dia but for those who grew up with their par- especially as their roots lie half way around the brought to life with some reggae beats and the ents playing Bollywood classics on cassettes, It’s a little early, I know, but with the fi rst wave of world, but the prospect of a night in the Jazz ever impressive sax, ‘Roop Tera’, Botown’s or others who are just curious about Bolly- tickets online yesterday, and with a single headlin- Café with a new take on funk and soul was fi rst single, and ‘Laila’ which Rekha took to wood, jazz and soul with a difference, Botown ing act it is already guaranteed to be one of the something I couldn’t pass on. town. ‘Haule haule’ saw the band running up won’t fail to deliver. greatest events of the year: System of a Down are I was lucky enough to get a pre-gig interview reforming to rampage through the Summer festival with Ajay and his band. It was clear that they circuit (and possibly a new album? please?). After had a strong musical focus, “Bollywood is the fi ve brilliant albums, including the now seminal Tox- soul of India, it has the same purpose as soul icity and their Mezmerize/Hypnotize double-album music, the identity thing, the liberation thing,” concept piece, SOAD have a ton of brilliant, raw, and for the Western band members who had heavy and downright weird material to draw from. never heard Bollywood before, funk and soul Their live performances are legendary – guitarist instantly worked with it. They also told me that Daron Malakian usually writhes around on stage, although they were excited about the launch messed up on some sort of horse medication – of their debut album (‘The Soul of Bollwood’, and with the added bonus of being millionaires launched that very night), to them the band is they’ll probably have an insane stage show too. all about the live gigs. Greg Power As soon as they got going Ajay had the Bol- Botown are like one big funky family with an addiction to Bollywood music FELIX FRIDAY 03 decemBER 2010 29 MUSIC The Micro- Hidden treasures Venue Playlist Great bands who have all played small London venues in the last In this new series Charlotte Ridler picks out the best venues in year. Catch them now before you London for gigging off the beaten track have to pay a fortune to see them! Charlotte Ridler Pains of Being Pure at zy strip club, but on Tuesday nights it Heart ATTICS & sees some of the most exciting breaking Come Saturday bands from all over the world gracing its doors for the excellent White Heat BASEMENTS Club. You usually pay £5 to go down Correspondents into the faintly lit basement, where three Washington Square ometimes, being a music or four bands will play up on a curtained lover can be a tough job. You podium with DJs afterwards. Names fork out £20 to go and see a such as The xx, Wild Beasts, Dan Le Allo Darlin’ really exciting new band at Sac, Noah and the Whale and The The Polaroid Song Brixton Academy or HMV Kills have been on the billing before. Forum. You then queue for ages in the cold.S Once you’re in the venue’s sound The Lexington: Nedry system sounds like it’s playing through 96-98 Pentonville Road Squid Cat Battle four inches of cotton wool and a sweaty The Lexington is basically a pub for seven foot yeti man decides to stand half hipsters. Downstairs is the main pub an inch in front of your face. Sigh. It’s area, which has some pretty crazy dé- Horse and Condor at Madame Jojo’s Memory Tapes not always that bad, but there is another cor with chandeliers, buffalo skulls on Bicycle way to see live bands that is cheaper, the walls and big fancy sofas, making more intimate and often has better qual- it look like a baroque hunting lounge. The Book Club: where club goers dance their feet off to ity music than the main concert halls. DJs play great music, the bar special- 100 Leonard Street, Shoreditch DJs sampling 1920’s tunes with hip hop The Bobby McGees Tucked away down side streets, in base- ises in American brewed beverages and This one is a really eclectic and crazy beats. We Never Sleep ments and attics away from the crowds, you can even get some hearty pub food. venue: it always offers something un- That’s just a sample of the great fun small gig venues give you the opportu- Climb the spiral staircase up to the at- usual and fun. You never really get a that can be had on a budget and the nity to see the bands that will be playing tic and there is a second bar and gig bog standard gig here. DJ sessions or fantastic hidden treasures of London’s Yuck the big venues in a year or two’s time venue where bands play most nights. Band nights can be accompanied by arts small gig venues. If you like the sound Georgia up close and personal at a fraction of the Prices can be very variable, but if you and crafts nights, fi lm showings, life of the venues above and are looking price. Here are a few of the best ones: keep your eye out there are a few free drawing classes, spoken word poetry or for people to head out to these places album launches held there, and White anything in between, and prices range to with, feel free to message Imperial If you want to share a Madame Jojo’s: Light (the sister club to Madame Jojo’s from free gigs and £1 gigs to more ex- Alternative Music Society at alt.mu- mind-blowing playlist 10 Brewer street, Soho White Heat) is held every Friday, with pensive nights up to a tenner. They also [email protected] and you can come along send it in to Ordinarily, this venue is host to a slea- DJs playing until late afterwards. host an infamous Electro Swing night with us. [email protected]

Christopher Walmsley Beach House are the cherry on the cake

Beach House the intricacy and beauty of their sound is Be’, the former beginning with wonder- tendance we are part of a ‘good cake’, Sheperd’s Bush Empire fully realised. Scally’s guitar parts and fully simple repetition of a piano chord appropriately bowing in reverence to 23rd November 2010 ★★★★✩ effects linger delicately providing the and is a slow-burner climaxing with the crowd. This evening is quite a big perfect foundation for the most distinc- Legrand crying out: ‘The one that you deal for the Baltimore duo, their biggest Tytus Murphy tive element of Beach House to shine, love is gone’. ‘Used To Be’ is cut from show to date and they seem keen to earn that is Legrand’s sumptuous drawn-out the same cloth, with Legrand hauntingly these stripes, playing with real urgency, Beloved by Pitchfork, Jay-Z and Be- husky voice. warning: ‘Don’t forget the nights, when verve and intensity throughout. yonce as well as your humble reviewer, Legrand could be the ghost of the Vel- it all felt right’. The set culminates with ‘Take Care’, Beach House are a well regarded two- vet Underground’s Nico: her vocals The ambient quality of the music of an alluring and serene song that waxes some emanating from Baltimore that have the very same low and powerful Beach House is typifi ed by ‘Zebra’, this and wanes with power and grace. Just as comprise of Alex Scally and Victoria resonance, which – despite their limited abstract hymn is delivered with tremen- it majestically closes the LP it makes a Legrand. This scruffy and seductive pair range – fi xate you, sucking you into the dous energy, beginning with infectious perfect closer this evening. have been riding an ever-growing wave realm of this enigmatic femme fatale. Le- guitar and lengthened high-pitched or- However this was not to be the fi tting of critical adoration since 2004 which grand cuts a captivating presence, pitched gan soundscapes. This breath-taking ending as the pair returned for an encore now appears to be translating into a wid- somewhere between a youthful Horses- track builds and builds, becoming soni- including the epic ‘10 Mile Stereo’. I er commercial acclaim, as evidenced by era Patti Smith with swathes of messy cally more and more expansive but never was a little underwhelmed by the ‘big healthy sales of their beautifully beguil- black hair and the subtle swagger of Cat losing its sense of melody, with Legrand fi nish’ nature of the encore, backed with ing 2010-released LP Teen Dream and Power, she captures the hazy melodic again at the fore, echoing: ‘Anyway you pulsating percussion and screeching their sell-out gig at the Shepherd’s Bush rhythms of her band with elegant sways. run, you run before us, black and white keys, for Beach House are most impres- Empire. Teen Dream is showcased in its en- horse, arching among us’. sive when they hold back, allowing Le- Opening with ‘Glia’, Beach House tirety, fragmented by early singles such There is little conversing with the ap- grand to take centre stage. Nonetheless, instantly do more than simply reproduce as 2008’s ‘Heart of Chambers’, allow- preciative crowd, a notable exception it was a commanding performance, with The sultry Legrand of Beach House brought the room to a the layered textures of their distinctive ing the set to fl ow smoothly. Highlights being Legrand metaphorically remark- stripes fully acquired and defi nitely well standstill ‘dream pop’ sound on record, in the fl esh include ‘Better Times’ and ‘Used To ing that together in our collective at- worth the hype. 30 FRIDAY 03 decEMBER 2010 felix Film Editors: Jade Hoffman Matt Allinson Ed Knock FILM fi [email protected] Classic Cinema Pure entertainment The Breakfast Club

Stop for a second and look at what he’s wearing... Seriously, WTF?

Ever felt like your parents don’t understand you? Do they put pressure on you to achieve? Do they spoil you? Beat you? Or worse, ignore you? Everything is their fault. In fact, all adults just don’t understand kids, because ‘when you grow up, your heart dies’. In my day student protestors were rather more friendly than they are today... Or so I’ve learnt from watching John Hughes’ 80s classic The Breakfast Club. Let me set the scene for you. Five teenagers from Losing his family early on in the film, Ma- off someone twice her size with her high-heel different teen film tribes are forced together for an Machete chete is given the predictable “nothing to lose” shoes is again ridiculous, but fun. entire Saturday in detention. They spend it belittling Director Robert Rodriguez, Ethan kind of characteristic that drives him to do Moving at a rapid pace balancing hectic ac- each other, getting high, and having emotional out- Maniquis unimaginable things to complete his mission. tion and a plot that unexpectedly deals with pourings. Then, because there’s a load of sexual Screenwriter Robert Rodriguez, Álvaro Rodríguez Apart from the fact that he is a skilled and often racism, immigration and politics, Rodriguez energy floating around and it has to go somewhere, Cast Danny Trejo, Jessica Alba, Robert brutal killer who can use a range of weapons relies on a killer soundtrack to comfortably they end up pairing off and snogging in a broom cup- DeNiro, Michelle Rodriguez for the purpose of spilling his enemy’s blood, move events along. It’s a set of compositions board. Apart from a dweeb named Brian. I don’t know not much is told about this man. This is a good that certainly evoke the feeling of all the hum- about you, but from my experience of teenage rela- John Park thing in fact, since Trejo would not have been ble and trashy 70s blood-gore-sex romps. The tionships, so far, so familiar. able to portray anything more sophisticated gritty, down-to-earth atmosphere the music But this isn’t just some shit 80s movie where If you can remember back as far as 2007, you than that. His moody, dark expression that is creates ties in nicely with Rodriguez’s visual gawky adolescents sit around, complain nobody un- may recall the film called “Grindhouse,” an at- style: something he clearly has an eye for. The derstands them and then get off with someone hide- tempt made by Robert Rodriguez and Quentinin confident choppy editing only further empha- ously unsuitable. Tarantino to make the idea of a double featurere sises the film’s rough and energetic tone. Ok, maybe that is the bulk of the storyline. So film more appealing. You may also recall thatat RodriguezRRodrigueodriguez nnever gives Rodriguez knows how to make proper use of what? The whole reason I love this movie is that it there was a fake trailer made to fill the gap be-ee-- his range of outstanding cameo stars. Steven is banal – and we’ve all been there. This is the main tween the two separate films. That trailer wasaass upup trytryinging ttoo impress Seagal, whose films have not seen the inside essence of why John Hughes films (Ferris Bueller’s “Machete” and what was going to remain as a of a cinema for a while, makes a welcome re- Day Off, Pretty in Pink) live on: teenagers haven’t “fake” preview became so popular that now, the audienaudience withthh turn as the trash-talking, brutal antagonist. Don changed, and they never will. in the year 2010, we finally get the full-length Johnson is spot-on as the power-hungry bor- I know it’s easy to wish those days of pimples, feature film. imaginative actionoonn der-patrolling vigilante who acts as the film’s mood swings and embarrassment away, but there Danny Trejo has dazzled the screen for years main antagonist. Lindsay Lohan has a small was some good in there too. Teenagers feel things as charismatic, tough antiheroes or villains part, but the drug-addicted, attention-seeking with an intensity that fades later in life. When you get making him perfect as the star. “Machete” tells effortlessly sustained throughoututt is allal the film teen she portrays shares striking similarities older, your heart doesn’t die, but it does harden a lit- the story of an ex-Federale who has vengeance requires of him and he nails it. with the actress’ personal life – so no room for tle. Being a teenager is shit. Sometimes, it’s nice to at heart – after an operation goes awry in Mex- Even after the terrific opening sequence, di- error there. De Niro seems to have most fun take an hour or two to look back on all of the bullying, ico, a ruthless drug lord murders his family and rector Robert Rodriguez never gives up trying as the fascist Senator who has moments of hu- insecurities and mind-numbing pretentiousness, and leaves him to die. Being the hard man that he is, to impress the audience with his endlessly im- mourous monologues in what must be the ac- remember that, for all your teenage failings, you were Machete Cortez (Trejo) survives and escapes to aginative action set-pieces. Yes, a lot of them tor’s simplest and easiest role to date. probably no more of a tit than anyone else. Texas, carrying out odd jobs as an illegal im- are bonkers, but that is exactly what made “Sin Nothing can be easier to watch than “Ma- The Breakfast Club helps you remember, just for an migrant for much-needed cash. It’s here that he City” so great. It has the exact same effect here. chete.” It’s the perfect grown-up, Friday night- hour or two, what it feels like to go from suicidal con- gets an enticing offer from business man Mi-“The biggest highlight most definitely involves out film that breezes through its absurdly fessions, to flailing 80s style dancing in the average chael Booth (Jeff Fahey); $150,000 cash for the Machete pulling out a guy’s intestine for the entertaining action scenes with memorable per- time it takes a teenage guy to ‘rock your world’. And assassination of a racist US Senator (Robert de purpose of using it as rope. Completely nuts formances and a somewhat thought-provoking that really isn’t long, trust me. Niro) who is up for re-election. But Machete and implausible, but watching how calmly and plot. The underlying serious subject matter is finds himself betrayed yet again and he ends casually Trejo carries this out is pure entertain- deliberately left untouched in places because Anna Perman up running from the law, from the people who ment. And it’s not just Trejo who gets to slice let’s be honest, who gives a damn about poli- hired him in the first place and also from Immi- people up: Alba lands a feisty” role that she tics when you have arms, legs and heads flying grations Officer Sartana Rivera (Jessica Alba). suits surprisingly well and watching her fend all over the place? felix FRIDAY 03 decemBER 2010 31 FILM The next move for iCU Cinema Jade Hoffman

Over this term, we have been following the relaunch of iCU Cinema and celebrating its successes – from its sold-out opening night with Inception to its recent screening of comic-book gold Scott Pilgrim vs. The World – as it brings blockbuster films back to the comfort of the Union. But now iCU Cinema is set to an- nounce the return of the ‘All-Nighter’ which is sure to be welcomed by all die- hard film fanatics wishing to test their endurance in an epic 12 hour blockbust- er extravaganza. All-Nighters run in the final week of term, from 6pm-6am and features six films back-to-back, with the Union Bar opening up in between intervals all through the night. The line-up this year includes a wide range of genres from the all-star shoot-em-up The Expenda- Social Network. week. Running on the night of Tuesday bles, to the controversial British comedy We have lots to look forward to from 14th December, the iCU Cinema’s All- about terrorism Four Lions, to the criti- iCU Cinema next term, too, as they look Nighter will serve as a fitting end to a Evil and ginger - a chilling new take on Santa Clause cally acclaimed Facebook drama The towards putting on two screenings a highly successful comeback. A festive comedy- horror from Finland Rare Exports: A these two shorts has led to the financing of this fantastically inventive feature. Christmas Tale Coming from these roots, however, the film is predictably flawed, by just being Director Jalmari Helander too damn long. At 82 minutes, the run- Screenwriter Jalmari Helander Cast Jorma Tommila, Onni time is unfortunately asking too much of Tommila, Peeter Jakobi this one, albeit brilliant, idea: the char- acters and plot line just don’t quite fill Jake Lea-Wilson up the time. That’s not to say that the film is dull. It packs a fair punch of jokes Bored of the festive season? Bored and scares, with the first half featuring of mince pies and cold weather? If a good selection of harrowing scenes you’re looking for something differ- and touching moments. The comedy is ent this season, you need not look any of the deathly black variety with a few further than this Finnish film about an one liners, building to the final, climatic ancient child-eating devil Santa, Rare scene involving a helicopter, a reindeer Exports: A Christmas Tale, which pen and a lot of explosives. A personal has been slated as this year’s premier favourite scene is when Peitari’s father festive-comedy-horror. catches a ‘Santa’ in a home-made wolf It’s the week before Christmas and trap and proceeds to interrogate him. young Pietari uncovers the truth about One of the great aspects of the film Santa Clause: far from the Coca-Cola is that it examines our ridiculous sen- invention of red suit and bells, Santa is sationalisation of the Christmas period. in fact a two-horned fiend, preying on Gingerbread, Christmas lights, presents the young and naughty. Over the course – anything you can think of to do with of this film’s bizarre events that sees a the modern consumerist Christmas is 400-strong reindeer herd lying bloodied highlighted in this film and ridiculed. STEPHEN WAS LOOKING FOR A BIGGER IT CHALLENGE. WE GAVE HIM GLOBAL in the snow, mysterious disappearances It’s not an uncommon gripe about RESPONSIBILITY. When we needed someone to manage our new server infrastructure, Stephen was the of children, and American scientists ex- Christmas, but this film brings the point natural choice. His team now handles 1,200 server installations and decommissions a year. He has closer contacts cavating an ancient mountain, Rare Ex- subtlety home. Overlooking the fact that with our global teams – and delivers solutions that ensure our success. Read his story at credit-suisse.com/careers ports keeps you guessing. Humour and the running time is slightly too ambi- suspense are handled well in this sea- tious we can take away some interesting sonal story, and you’ll laugh as you’re ideas from this film and have fun whilst treated to one Christmas cliché after doing so. I urge you to do something a another. bit different this year and give this off- Seven years ago Jalmari Helander beat Finnish film a try. Even if you don’t made a short internet viral about smug- like horror films, this is a great exam- LOCATION: LONDON glers hunting Santa Claus, following up ple of modern independent film-making Credit Suisse is an Equal Opportunity Employer and does not discriminate in its employment decisions on the basis of any protected category. in 2005 with another. The success of driven by rare originality. © 2010 CREDIT SUISSE GROUP AG and/or its affiliates, subsidiaries and branches. All rights reserved. FELIX Friday 03 december 2010 32 Fashion Editor: Saskia Verhagen [email protected] FASHION The rise and rise of the Fashion Blog A select group of fashion obsessives are bringing fashion to the masses: Fashion Editor Saskia Verhagen explores the burgeoning online world of fashion blogging

he fashion industry has out of the perfectly manicured talons of and designers alike – gaining entry into fashion photographers roam the streets fashion blog that appeals - and if you always been deemed inac- the fashion editrixes at Vogue and the runway shows and press days alongside in search of the sartorially inspired, to can’t, start one up yourself! cessible, elitist and perhaps like. Such is the world of fashion blog- the very editors who have always held personal style blogs, where individuals Some of my personal favourites are slightly indimidating by ging. Now very popular, just a few have fashion at arms reach, on the page of a exhibit their own inspirational styling. below – though I implore you to take a general consensus. It seems gained a loyal following, and even few- magazine, on the body of a supermodel. What is so special about them though, is look for yourself, and fi nd yourself in- only natural, then, for people to start er have earned endorsements from the The scope of fashion blogs range the fact that each is completely unique; spired without having to fl ick though the Ttaking fashion into their own hands, and heavy-hitters in the fashion world – PRs from street style blogs, where budding anyone interested in fashion can fi nd a pages of a magazine. Fashion Toast Sea of Shoes

Rumi Neely, personal style blogger behind Texan-born Jane Aldridge has gained one Fashion Toast, is one of the pioneers in of the highest of accolades in the fash- making fashion blogging a career. Spawned ion blogging world: an endorsement from from her blog has come a modelling con- none other than Mr Kanye West. A fellow tract with US fashion giant Forever 21, a appreciator of the very fi nest in footwear, it jewellery collection with Dannijo and a cap- would seem that Kanye enjoys Jane’s fl am- sule wardrobe collection with RVCA, whose boyant, too-much-is-never-enough vintage/ previous collaborators have included su- designer style. Her personal style posts permodel Erin Wasson. Her signature is ef- are always rich in colour and luxurious tex- fortless SoCal style – loose, draped lines, tures; both Jane and her mother are col- an excess of heavy metal jewllery – rings lectors of all things fashion: from vintage and necklaces are a favourite – combined couture to the most unusual accessories with unexpected designer accents: Chloé (they both have something of a fetish for platform boots, Dolce and Gabbana wedg- animal jewellery). All this, combined with a es or an Alexander Wang Diego bag. The shoe collection to make any fashionista’s secret behind her huge popularity is her eyes water. Jane recently posted a photo- penchant for accessible fashion - Topshop, graph of her Shoe Wall: you name it, it’s on Zara, H&M and thrifted/vintage pieces fea- there - Margiela cowboy boots, YSL cage ture heavily, making a clear case for fash- shoes, Chanel bow booties, Prada chande- ion being for everyone, not just for those lier sandals... Every iconic shoe a girl could who can afford it. want, and more.

www.fashiontoast.com www.seaofshoes.com

The Sartorialist Clothes Whisperer

One for the gentlemen, The Sartorialist is Kristin Knox, fashion writer, author and arguably the most famous of all fashion proud owner of an MPhil from Oxford, has blogs. Scott Schuman is a New York-based cornered the market on an intellectual ap- street style photographer with an eye for proach to fashion with her fabulously witty classically elegant sartorial style. His par- writing and fl awless New York-comes-to- ticular favourite subjects include Milanese London style. With posts ranging from in- gentlemen (clad in bespoke three-piece depth runway analysis (scholar-style) to her suits, complete with cravats, leather gloves signature Style Whispering (photoshoots and perfectly formed handmade brogues), in designers’ showrooms, putting her own cute New York girls on bicycles and Anna spin on their current collections), each one Dello Russo and the Vogue Nippon editorial provides a peek into the world of fashion. team (wearing super-luxe designer couture Funny, envy-inducing and always truthful, – fresh off the catwalk, of course). Togeth- in addition to the innumerable pictures rife er with his girlfriend, fellow fashion blog- in all fashion blogs, Kristin’s is one of the ger Garance Doré, whose blog has a huge only blogs out there whose text is actually following of its own, he is a fashion week worth reading. Particularly entertaining are regular – particularly funny to watch are the her posts on the “Champagne and Canapé fashionistas standing outside the catwalk Diet” - a self-admitted fashion addict, Kris- tents vying to catch his eye and be deigned tin prefers to spend her cash on clothes with fashion blogging’s greatest honour - a than food, and so, makes the most of the portrait shot on The Sartorialist. fantastic spreads provided at press days!

www.thesartorialist.blogspot.com www.theclotheswhisperer.co.uk 33 Friday 03 DECEMBER 2010 FELIX

Games Editor: Simon Worthington GAMES [email protected] Elder Scrolls V to See life in a fresh gamma value be Oblivion sequel

Omar Hafeez-Bore lessly fl icking things on and off , test- sediments, the igneous and the meta- The near-silent hum of street lamps Journalism is all about being in the right ing the difference, moulding uncanny morphic like some GCSE geography fe- suddenly becomes signifi cant and the place at the right time, as proved again Power: I’m not used to it. My last laptop worlds of half-sense at my leisure. It is tishist (or perhaps a materials student). fl oatiness of snow an even greater thing this week by Danish gaming magazine was not a gaming powerhouse; it strug- compulsive. Hours can slip by as I mar- But after getting through the magma of wonder. The machinery beneath our Eurogamer Denmark. One of their edi- gled to run even modest stuff smoothly. vel at light refraction in water pools or in the middle, you start chipping away world, the clockwork laws we take for tors took a plane with someone from Like Solitaire, say. Or Word. abuse the gamma slider like I actually back to the surface, learning the process granted, suddenly take on a new rele- Bethesda who just happens to be work- But like all electronic machines it know what gamma is. In other fi elds of backwards and ending up in our world vance when made from scratch by game ing on the next Elder Scrolls game. eventually developed human emotions, life this crazed amount of fi ddling and again. Well, Australia. developers. Lighting, physics, texture, The unnamed source, with “game and in a desperate act of self-gratifi ca- ogling is frowned upon and, if you’re a First, you might go to Specsavers and animation, feedback, camera, controls – papers in hand”, confi rmed that the tion managed to tempt some local thug teacher, even jail worthy. But these PC be amazed that when you wear your new all are crude, megabit mirrors onto our next title in the series will be a direct, to steal it from my fl at by blinking its game menus practically encourage de- frames, the world doesn’t go all jerky to own world. But close enough to fi ll fo- chronological sequel to the 2006 smash red LED in the window like some two- viancy, to break out the settings scalpel compensate. Next you might start ap- rums with mouth-foaming fanboys com- hit Oblivion. The project has been in de- bit, silicon-chip seductress advertising and peel back the layers of illusion. preciating the late afternoon shadows paring hair-strand-clarity between PS3 velopment for more than two years and its pathetically slow services. The slag. And that peelin’ is mighty revealin’; stretched languidly across the streets. and Xbox 360; close enough for critics will run on a heavily modifi ed version of Anyway I got over her... er, it, and you learn so much. It’s like being some to wax lyrical about Ico’s Mediterra- the Fallout 3 engine. The game is appar- now a year later I’ve invested some digital Da Vinci, ripping apart the anat-anatat-- nean lighting or the convincing tarmac ently “ready to show” but Bethesda are good money into a good laptop. And omy of graphics and sound to workk out in Gran Turismo 5; close enough to get yet to release more details. with this good laptop has come a whole how bytes became beauty. “The“Thee ccloclockworkc laws worryingly excited about the realism of new world of tweak-able settings. But here’s the really magical thing:thing: wwee take ffor granted rubble weight in Crysis 2 and most of No longer do I settle for just playing as you dig deeper and deeper intoo vir- all, close enough to look upon our own with the TV’s contrast and brightness tual world’s strata of effects, you soon oon suddenly take on a world again with some wonder. to get my power fi x. Now I can dial up start digging back into our own world. Do games not teach you anything? resolution and dial down texture qual- It’s like grabbing a spade and digging new relevance when Then you are missing out. With a little ity at will! I can add soft shadows and straight down in Hyde Park: sure you’ll thought, games are an education in ap- remove water refl ection in a fl ash; end- start your journey ploughing through“ the made from scratch””preciation.

...Advising a CEO on global strategy? Where will you be ...On the path to becoming a Partner at Oliver Wyman? in five years?...... Landing a leading position in industry? ...Launching your own business or non-profit? ...Graduating from a top business school?

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Oliver Wyman is a leading global management consultancy. Visit us at oliverwyman.com. Get there faster. Start here. 34 FRIDAY 03 DECEMBER 2010 FELIX

Food Editor: Dana Li FOOD [email protected] Your review Dana says: Awana: Malaysia’s pride The best (roti) tissue you’ll fi nd in London

Dana Li

People tell me a job as a food critic would get boring. Good food, VIP treatment and food ba- bies (don’t pretend like you don’t know what I mean) – it’s a hard life, isn’t it? Walking down towards Sloane Avenue, you bypass the size 0 mannequins adorned with Chanel handbags, Ferragamo coats and Jim- Heston’s hidden orange pleasure pud my Choo heels. No you haven’t misread this as the Fashion section. But it isn’t exactly my regular stroll up to my next dinner location eBay, a place to get cheap steals and gorge at un- either. I’m hunting for the highly acclaimed attainable Lanvin dresses. Now it’s also a place to Awana, Malaysian restaurant of the year, in buy Heston Blumenthal’s Christmas Pudding for Wait- Brompton. You get a feeling that this is not rose. At the time of writing this article, the going price your average Kiasu (student friendly Malay- was £77.00 + £7.00 P+P. Originally selling at £13.99 sian in Bayswater), with 19” LCD screens instore, you’re probably wondering why the hell people dotted around the restaurant showing the view are parting with their cash so easily for a silly little at the Satay Grill, where apart from the satay, Christmas pud. Firstly it’s not little: it feeds 10-12 peo- the chef also prepares the roti canai and roti Awana’s snazzy restaurant front is not an illusion, it looks as good as it tastes ple. And it’s no ordinary pud either. Drenched heavily tissue which guest star in this review later. with English Cider and Spanish sherry, you’ll be sur- The choice is vast, with a special menu pay- prised to fi nd that it holds a whole orange inside all ing homage to the chilli crab festival that oc- winner of the Malaysian Curry Fest, hosted sight, and it is perfectly edible. It uses the same its goodness. curs every September-December period. The by Malaysian Kitchen earlier in August. With ingredients as roti canai, but the dough is spun satay is a must. There is nothing skimpy about it, there was also the butterfi sh, a much lighter out so incredibly thin that it is quite simply a it – just big lumps of corn-fed chicken that are option compared to the rendang, wrapped in 1mm thin pancake, about 2 feet in diameter; freshly prepared at the Satay Bar and brought banana leaf and grilled with chilli ribbons and almost as big as our fi sh eyes gawking at the Mulled Wine By Jamie Oliver over within minutes, so no chance of food poi- lemongrass sauce. The complementary coco- sheer size. Satbbir/Flickr soning. Best not mention those hellish words nut rice was defi nitely not the standard sludgy, I believe a plug is due, and I’m here to tell you in conjunction with a restaurant I’m trying my almost porridge-like coconut rice I have been that Awana is offering a 3-course lunch for £15 best to portray positively... The satay comes served before, so fear not, it’s safe to order. every day of the week so no need to feel sore with red curry or dal curry sauce; two small But the star of the show was defi nitely the roti pots of pleasure. tissue. For those not familiar with this type of Awana 85 Sloane Avenue, Chelsea SW3 3DX. The beef rendang is Awana’s proud baby, ‘tissue’, it’s safe to say there is no Kleenex in Nearest tube: South Kensington 020 7584 8880

Some like it Haute French gourmet named UN heritage 2 clementines peel of 1 lemon Charles Betts surely the guardians of ‘Haute Couture’ de- heritage status (apart from nondescript UNES- peel of 1 lime serve one too? CO fat cats based in Paris of course, wining 250g caster sugar Italy may be home to the greatest number of The committee also added that one of the and dining at the best restaurants)? Food is 6 whole cloves UNESCO World Heritage Sites in the world, reasons behind its choice was that French gas- an art and as with all forms of art there are no 1 cinnamon stick however, as of last week the French can boast tronomy is a “social custom aimed at celebrat- truths, only perspectives. Ranking sushi, curry, 3 fresh bay leaves pipping the Italians to arguably the most ques- ing the most important moments in the lives of and pizza is akin to ranking Katsushika Hoku- 1 whole nutmeg tionable of awards ever granted by the United individuals and groups.” Not only will Italians sai, Anish Kapoor, and Botticelli. Haute French 1 whole vanilla pod, halved Nations’ cultural organisation. The French balk at this statement, knowing full well that cuisine has always been a diffi cult, subtle, and 2 star anise multi-course gastronomic meal has been they have their own form of haute cuisine for extravagant affair. But sometimes, fresh, sim- 2 bottles of Chianti, or other Italian red wine named to the Convention of Intangible Cultural special occasions, but so too will any under- ple food is enough to entice a palate. Variety is Heritage. graduate that has ever celebrated a hangover the spice of life, and a country’s cooking tradi- Peel large sections of peel from your citrus fruit. Put The central argument to securing ‘la cuisine from an epic night out with a full English break- tions are central to its identity. Indeed, if one the sugar in a large saucepan over a medium heat, française’s’ new status appears to be, in the fast. If foie gras, souffl é, and stinky cheese can takes tangible statistics as truths, then Tokyo add the peel and squeeze in the clementine juice. words of President Sarkozy, that the French make it to UNESCO’s list, why shouldn’t fried now boasts more Michelin stars than Paris – Add the cloves, cinnamon stick, bay leaves and about have “the best gastronomy in the world, at least eggs, beans, and black pudding? Wouldn’t it be does that make it a better city gastronomically? 10 to 12 gratings of nutmeg. Throw in your halved from our point of view.” Perhaps, but Michael nice to see the words “spotted dick” on the list Food is more than a necessity; it is more than vanilla pod and stir in just enough red wine to cover Winner is the best food critic in the world, of cultural heritage items? a microwavable meal; it defi nes who we are, the sugar. Let this simmer until the sugar has dis- from his point of view, and he hasn’t made it to The French ambassador to UNESCO, Cath- and can enhance our understanding of a culture. solved and bring to the boil. Keep on a rolling boil UNESCO status. erine Colonna, stated that “the French love Perhaps the problem lies in the defi nition of the for about 4 to 5 minutes, or until you’ve got a beauti- The argument that promoting French food to getting together to eat and drink well and en- UNESCO award - it is granted to “intangible” ful thick syrup. When your syrup is ready, turn the this level will “stem the rising tide of snacks, joy good times in such a manner. It is part of jewels of mankind. That only 178 practices heat down to low and add your star anise and both fast-food and TV dinners”, in the words of An- our tradition - a quite active tradition.” Do the have made the grade is incredulous, especially bottles of wine. Gently heat the wine and after around nick Vin of the French heritage and gastron- hoards of French school children that descend considering that there are 193 countries in the 5 minutes, when it’s warm and delicious, ladle it into omy mission also does not hold. In that case, upon McDonalds daily for lunch fall under this world. The whole scheme is absurdly preten- glasses and serve. You can keep this on a low heat why is Jamie Oliver not a cultural heritage? Or, statement? Or the 18-year-old lycéens that grab tious, vulgar and kitsch. So much so that even for hours and serve as and when guests arrive. God forbid, Trinny and Susannah. If defending a pre-kip kebab at the local Lebanese at 2am? Michael Winner has no reason to howl “calm Haute cuisine merits a UNESCO badge, then Who is to say what food deserves cultural down dear!” FELIX FRIDAY 03 DECEMBER 2010 35 FOOD A STUDENT’S GUIDE: HOW TO... DO HALL CHRISTMAS DINNER Get together before term ends with yet more wine and a huge bird: By Nadia Paes

or me, hall Christmas din- Citrus and Thyme Turkey ner was one of the highlights of fi rst year. It made sense Of all the things to be prepared for our Survival Time we’d pay homage to our hall Christmas dinner, the turkey (chick- plan newly adopted family and en in our case because it worked out to celebrate Christmas together with the be cheaper!) was the thing that scared bastingF of an oversized bird and a vat everyone the most. After a term of par- With a fl oor or staircase of people full of mulled wine. A good excuse to tying hard and sleeping little, our pal- helping, prep should be done in reminisce about the fi rst term’s antics ates were more familiar with Kentucky no time. Then you can get down (with much naming and shaming), get Fried than home-roasted, and our culi- to the real business: hanging out a little snozzled and eat pig wrapped nary skills hadn’t quite reached their full and having a team mulled wine. in pig; hall Christmas dinner is not to potential. Nevertheless someone on our Getting everything ready for the be missed. Staircases seven and eight staircase took on the Delia challenge and same time can be harder than it of Selkirk Hall came together and our made an amazing job of it. Once you’ve looks, but here’s a rough plan to twenty strong team of culinarily chal- worked out the correct time to cook the help get things rolling: lenged, blurry eyed students actually bird given its weight, it’s actually not produced a feast of a meal (despite my that scary. Here’s a fl avour packed reci- 10am Preheat the oven to 190˚C/ meagre contribution of peeling approxi- pe that is easily adapted to chicken: Gas 5. The turkey should ideally mately three whole root vegetables) . be at room temperature. Prepare To test some of our recipes we did a 2 Bunches of thyme or lemon thyme the turkey and put it in the oven. dry run of Sunday lunch inviting fi fteen 1 Orange 10.30am Get your mulled wine of our closest friends. The main learn- 1 Lemon on… it makes the next few hours ing points were as follows: 8 tbsp Olive oil The fi rst Christmas dinner of the season... Yummy in my tummy whizz by and gets even the most 4.5-5.6kg/10-12lbturkey, thawed if fro- hung over on your corridor drift- • It is not normal to look well turned zen, giblets removed ing into the kitchen. out and completely in control when 4 Bay leaves Perfect Roasties Roasted Autumn Veg 11am Start prepping all of your cooking for this number of people; 4 Carrots, halved lengthways and cut veg. Store potatoes and sprouts in Delia Smith and Nigella Lawson lie. into chunks Roast potatoes make or break a Sunday When the mulled wine is fl owing and bowls of water until they’re ready • It is probably important to have a 1 Large onion roughly chopped roast for me. Should Christmas dinner you’re panicking trying to cook your to be cooked. Make stuffi ng balls glass of wine to hand, particularly 50g Butter disaster strike, the loss of the turkey fi rst ever turkey, a one roasting dish rec- and pigs in blankets. Store in the for the last hour or so of preparation. Stuffi ng (homemade or bought) would be nothing compared to the loss of ipe like this makes life a little easier. It fridge until ready to be cooked. • There can never be too much meat. perfectly golden crunchy on the outside, combines all the usual Christmas dinner 11.30am The turkey should have Meat wrapped in meat is a particular Chop the leafy tops of the thyme (set fl uffy on the inside roasties. Some peo- suspects; carrots, parsnips, red onion and had its fi rst hour. Remove from hit with all. Except vegetarians. aside the woody branches for later). ple swear by goose or duck fat. Whilst potatoes. But infused with thyme and the oven, baste and return to the • Once everything is cooking and Finely grate orange and lemon zest into running out to the Serpentine might be whole garlic cloves roasted in their skins, oven foiled. Repeat an hour later. when everyone’s together it is well the same bowl. Add olive oil and sea- a cost effective method of acquiring our suddenly veg is no longer a dreaded ob- 1pm Get your roasted veg into worth the effort! soning, mash the mix with a spoon to ac- own, as students, I think butter will do stacle to the meaty star of the Christmas the oven. Start boiling your roast tive the fl avours and set aside to infuse. just fi ne. My trick is a mixture of veg- dinner plate. With minimal preparation, potatoes and get them in the oven Here’s our guide to preparing Christ- Heat the oven to 190C/Gas5. Put the etable oil for crispiness and animal fat you can throw them all in a pan together when you’re ready. mas dinner. I hope the recipes and tips stuffi ng into the neck of the bird and for fl avour with a sprinkling of fl our to and once in the oven can forget about 1.30pm Turn your roast potatoes serve you well! push it towards the breast. Stuffi ng will create those extra crunchy edges. them until you’re ready to serve. and give your roasted veg a quick expand when cooking, so don’t overfi ll! toss. Pop stuffi ng balls and pigs in Secure the neck fl ap with a skewer. 16 Potatoes (Desiree, King Edward, 8 Large carrots blankets in the oven at this point. Weigh the stuffed turkey and calculate Maris Pipers are all good) 5 Parnips 2pm Take your turkey out. Our Sunday the cooking time (18 mins per 450g). 2 tbsp Plain fl our 100g of New Potatoes Check if it’s cooked and leave to Season the turkey generously inside 150g Butter/Goose or Duck fat/dripping 4 Red onions rest for half an hour. Start making Roast Menu and out. Halve the orange and lemon 3 tbsp Sunfl ower or vegetable oil Cloves of 1 bulb of garlic, in their skins your gravy. and put it in the cavity, (squeeze the fruit Salt for seasoning 6 Springs of thyme 2.15pm Put some sprouts on to Pork tenderloin with mush- as it goes in) along with the remaining 5 tbsp of vegetable oil cook in a pan of boiling water. room and herb stuffi ng. thyme branches and 2 bay leaves. Heat over to 190C. Peel potatoes Salt and pepper to season 2.20pm Whack some frozen Salmon with a herb crust. Put the chopped carrots, onion and re- and cut in half or leave whole if they’re Cut the carrots and parsnips into chunky peas on. They’re quick and maining bay leaves into a large roasting small. I recommend leaving them rela- portions (batons 1.5 x 1.5cm, 5cm in easy and Christmas dinner just Roast potatoes. tin. Sit the turkey on top of the vegeta- tively large so they’re manageable. length). wouldn’t be right without them. Apricot and hazelnut stuff- bles and smear the butter over the skin. In a saucepan cover with cold water Quarter the red onions. Cut in half again 2.30pm SERVE!! ing balls wrapped in streaky For a really tender turkey you can add and bring to the boil. Allow to boil for if they are large onions. bacon. the same amount of butter under the skin 2 mins. from the neck. Drain and then toss in the colander to Slice the new potatoes in half. Leave Pigs in blankets. Cover with a loose tent of foil. Roast fl uff up their surfaces. This will create whole if they are small. Roasted autumn vegetables. the turkey for the calculated time, bast- that crunch. Sprinkle over the fl our as Peel the outer layer of the garlic and ing with the pan juices every hour. Half you go and fi nish with a good sprinkle separate into cloves, leaving them in Minted peas. an hour before the turkey’s ready re- of salt for seasoning. their skins. Braised red cabbage with move the foil and leave to brown. After On the hob, place a large roasting Combine all in a roasting tray. Pour cider and apples. 15 mins drizzle with the thyme oil. tray over high heat and add the fat and over the oil and seasoning and evenly Celeriac and pear winter oil. When sizzling add the potatoes and spread the thyme throughout the tray. coleslaw. How to know if the turkey is cooked: brown for 5mins, turning occasionally Toss the vegetables to ensure even coat- Insert a skewer into the thickest part of so that all sides are covered in fat and ing in oil. Blackberry and poached pear the thigh. The juices should run clear. If getting a bit of colour. Roast in an oven at 190˚C for 1hr 15 crumble. they’re still pink, then cook for a further Roast for an hour, taking the tray out mins. Toss at regular intervals. 20-30mins and test again. A turkey of every 20 mins and turning the potatoes Garnish with fresh thyme and/or this size should take about 3 ½ hrs. to allow them to cook evenly. chopped fresh parsley when you serve. unionpage We Are Metric Your Club, Society or Project’s chance to host a night in Metric

We Are Metric gives you the opportunity opportunity to put on an interesting and In the past there have been many to host a night in our new nightclub exciting event for others to enjoy. The successful events held by students such Metric. Open to Clubs, Societies and theme of the event doesn’t have to be as Imperial Idol and Battle of the Bands. Projects as well as Halls of Residence, tied into your group’s core activities; it We are looking for more events like these. this is a great opportunity to team up with could simply be an idea you’ve had that Ravi Pall the Union Entertainments team to host you think others will enjoy taking part in. To host your night at Metric you need Deputy President (Finance & Services) club nights and events for your fellow to go online to imperialcollegeunion. students to enjoy. Although we want as many ideas and org/wearemetric. Here there is more people to take part in this process as information on this opportunity and the The application process is now underway. Hosting one of these nights will be a great possible, there are also some things we process to get your night chosen. There If you are interested in hosting a club night way to raise the profi le of your group, as don’t want. We would like events people are also some example events to get your at Metric next term (January – March well as making a little bit of money for it. can take part in and enjoy, this is what creative juices fl owing! 2011) fi ll out the form and send it to dpfs@ It is well worth your time and effort as these nights are all about, however we imperial.ac.uk or hand in a printed version it can help you to promote your group to don’t want events that people come along Fill in a request form, complete this at Union Reception, Floor 2M Union other students and help them learn more to simply for cheap alcohol and a cheap and submit it. Then our Entertainments Building. The deadline for submissions is about what you do. It will give them a night. These nights are not bar nights Committee will look at requests and then midnight 10 December. chance to experience something new, or opportunities for budding nightclub inform successful applicants. A date can and for your members it will be a fantastic promoters! then be booked and planning can start.

Study Skills Week

Study Skills Week, 6-10 December is -For more library workshops and useful • 12.00-13.00 Ethos: Free Circuits Class-suitable • 13.00-14.00 Training Room 1, Central Library: designed to tie together all the study tips, visit: www.imperial.ac.uk/library/ for everyone Using Web of Science skills support currently offered at Imperial news/studyskills • 13.15 RSM G.02: Free Creative Meditation • 13.10-13.40 Chaplaincy Prayer Room: Introduction with some fun and friendly student faces Session to Silence and Stillness thrown in and bring it to you just before Timetable • 17.15-18.00 Ethos: Free Kondi Class-upbeat the revision break. fi tness suitable for a ll Friday 10 December Monday 6 December • 12.00-13.30 RCSU Offi ce: RCSU Exam Surgery Really useful links: • 13.00-14.00 Training Room 1, Central Library: Wednesday 8 December • 13.10-13.55 Chaplaincy Prayer Room: -For College’s study guide in pdf form How to use RefWorks • 13.00-14.00 Training Room 2, Central Library: Top Mindfulness Meditation visit: tips for successful studying www.imperial.ac.uk/students/studyguide Tuesday 7 December Tuesday 14 December • 12.00-14.00 Activity Space 1 & 2: Tea and Thursday 9 December • 12.00-13.30 RCSU Offi ce: RCSU Exam Surgery - -For top tips on stress management Wisdom – tea, biscuits and tips from older • 12.15-13.00 Ethos: Free Kondi Class- upbeat drop in to talk to friendly faces about any worries and details of exam stress workshops students! fi tness suitable for all run throughout the year, visit: www. • 13.00-14.00 Training Room 1, Central Library: • 12.00-13.30 RCSU Offi ce: RCSU Exam Surgery - imperialcollegehealthcentre.co.uk/exam. Using CSA Illumina drop in to talk to friendly faces about any worries php imperialcollegeunion.org FELIX Friday 3 DECEMber 2010 37 TRAVEL Back on the beaten track Because there’s only so much self-discovery and fi gurative bridge-building you can handle before you’re in desperate need of a well-deserved heroin cookie

Chris Richardson back into town and begin the bar crawl that goes on well until the early hours. This heavily travelled part of the world While the town lacks a Charlie’s Kebab offers great variety in the potential cir- the resident sandwich stalls are truly ter- cuits suited to the varied tastes of the rifi c –mouth-watering bacon with melted people you meet out there: if you want cheese and any sauce you’d like awaits to stay well off the track it’s more than your drunken self as you stagger out of easy to do so, or you can hop on and off the bars at sunrise. For some people this the track as and when you please, as I routine continues for weeks but for me a did. Some people prefer the somewhat few days was enough, and surprisingly I more reductionist ‘circuit’, bouncing even managed to squeeze in some more between Thailand’s infamous full moon ‘cultural’ activities. parties on Koh Phangan and tubing in The surrounding landscapes are truly Laos’ Vang Vieng. breathtaking and easily explored by bi- Vang Vieng is a tiny lethargic village cycle. We took off for the day in search sat alongside the Mekong River, sur- of the ‘blue lagoon’, a remote little spot rounded by a scrum of beautiful moun- out in the forest. What makes it even tains and plenty of rice paddies. When more diffi cult to locate are the several you look at it from a moral standpoint false signs on the way, intentionally the thoughts are certainly sombre, as it’s set up to trap tourists into visiting other a real indication of the perils tourism You! Boy! Come here or I beat you with big stick ‘lagoons’. A day of cycling through the can infl ict on otherwise savvy destina- beautiful rice paddies was just awesome tions. Unfortunately the fun and games as we got to interact with many of the on offer here aren’t truly Laotian and villagers and see so many great sights. often people miss the point of visiting Easily the best sight of the day was be- this country. It’s like visiting Amster- ing honoured the position of photogra- dam and spending all of your time in a pher by Fearny, who wanted to broaden coffee shop: extremely fun but not the his blossoming penis portfolio. be-all and end-all. Conjunctivitis was at an all time high After a 27 hour bus ride on the infa- while I was there, what with everyone mous ‘death bus’ (curse you, pledge of lacking an active immune system and no unnecessary overland fl ights) from sharing needles (well, beds). Thankfully Hanoi and a stopover in Laos’ sleepy I invested the 20p in eye drops as a pre- capital Vientianne, the chaos that this cautionary measure so managed to avoid place offered was certainly welcomed. the unpleasantness. I did however have I’d left my previous clan to do some a slight near-death experience when I trekking, as they’d decided to stay put attempted kayaking further upstream: in a city to watch a world cup game (that Steph and I were the epitome of com- we lost, naturally), so I had to go on a placency and failed to acknowledge the bit of a recruitment mission. If there’s impending rapids and proceeded to cap- one place where travelling solo is a big size into a thorny tree. I’ve never felt as no-no it’s here, so I formed a fellowship Voluptuous blondes await your charm and charisma Sweet, nourishing, contaminated mud stupid as I did when the bag containing on the bus with a couple of crazies who our passports, cameras and bank cards turned out to be a good laugh. In partic- fl oated downstream, but thanks to some ular, Fearny, who sported an extensive you can plunge from 20 metres from a (tight budget and all). If you think that participate in the fun mud-based tug-o- emergency whistles we were rescued collection of naked photos from various tree swing into the fast-fl owing muddy excessive drinking and swimming are war and volleyball. and the bag was recovered unscathed. wonders of the world. river below. I’d been warned about the terrible activities to combine, you’d be So the process of drifting downstream Just to top off the hilarity, we made We checked in to a quaint little guest- rocks and diseases but was determined right – even more so when we decided continued into the early evening as we it the 20km downstream to the bars and house in town, dumped all of our stuff to ignore the sensible advice, until I saw got more and more out of breath. Some decided to get as drunk as possible. We and grabbed a taxi upstream. Tubing in- a girl total herself on a bed of rocks as of the bars offer delicious treats that were about to migrate to the next bar volves fl oating the three kilometres back soon as we arrived. Thankfully the bar- “If you think that ex- any child would love in a goody bag: via the inviting rickety bridge, only to down the Mekong towards Vang Vieng, tender doubled up as a doctor and had mushroom muffi ns, heroin cookies and see a screaming girl fall through said inside an infl atable ring, stopping off at her shipped back to town (where there’s cessive drinking and the like. Some of the more ‘hardcore’ bridge and get carried away by the cur- the various bars on your way down. The no hospital), and then the music resumed people there decided that these would be rents. At that point we decided that we’d accident rate here is alarmingly high, but as everyone proceeded to ‘get on it’. swimming are terrible the real cherry on the danger cake, and head back and unwind with a massage thanks to no concept of health and safety Scattered along the river at regular in their stupor missed the fi nal collection and quit while we still had our lives (and it’s not been shut down: monsoon sea- intervals are little wooden shacks, serv- activities to combine, point downstream and ended up in lands passports). Massages there were cheap son resulted in some even more interest- ing a wide array of drinks, snacks and you’d be right” afar only to have to walk back through- and brutal – a truly winning combina- ing experiences as the currents were at shishas. Stationed at each is a dastardly out the night, getting repeatedly bitten tion. My only qualm is that upon refusal warp speed. ‘looky-looky man’ who’ll lure you in by mosquitoes along the way no doubt. of cheeky extras the brutality peaked By the time we made it up there at by tossing you a rope and pulling you We made the fi nal dock and headed into and I left the parlour in more pain than noon the party was in full swing as shot ashore. You can drink for free all the that we’d swim down and not bother town for the after party. when I entered: standard. I plonked my glasses were continually refi lled and end- way down as long as you’re willing to paying for the infl atable rings. And I guess it’s a bit like freshers’ week, but backpack on my achy spine and hopped less dubstep blared. It all kicks off at the stick to the snake, scorpion and hornet along the way we continued to plunge with a lot more drinking. You wake up at on the bus north in search of waterfalls imaginatively-named ‘Bar One’ where whiskies, which is exactly what I did from swings and slides into the river and 11, head upstream, drink all day, then get and monasteries. 38 Friday 03 december 2010 felix

HANGMAN [email protected] Twatter SexyOsama69 An interview with a real-life

wats all this bout wikileaks student protestor... e Barack_attack_l33thaxor Hangman risked kettling and near death to talk to an idiot student protestor in his natural environment duno

Cameron_DA_Maneron!!! Hello there, what’s your name? NO IFS NO BUTS, NO EDUCATION CUTS.

no idea. Did you know that some Hi umm sorry, excuse me... penguins are gay? NO IFS NO BUTS, NO EDUCATION SUPERACEGORTHEROAR87 CUTS. Can you please stop shouting in my face? What’s your name? I can’t tell you my name. It’s too lol yeah. read that in the news dangerous.

Cameron_DA_Maneron!!! Too dangerous? You don’t know man, the risks that I take… the police are watching man, they’re always watching and then they What a fucking knob... Ahem sorry! I mean what a brilliant display of radical anti-authoritarian direct action Comrade!!! come to your house. And plus my mum I want one for Christmas. will be well pissed off if she finds out SexyOsama69 I’m missing lecture. What about the Millbank violence? Nick!” kind of way. What are you doing today? Yeh I mean we’ve got to be heard. I sup- Protesting man, we’ve got be heard. our port all of it. Except you know when that WHAT? I want a gay penguin too! Secret views can’t just be ignored guy threw that cat off the roof. I mean, I Yeh for real, I mean he’s raping our uni- santa anyone? Do you honestly ain’t got nothing against cats. Cats aren’t versities with his cuts so it’s only fair Your views? And what are they? destroying our higher education system. and progressive and all that. Cameron_DA_Maneron!!! NO IFS NO BUTS, NO… fl ick straight to It’s the cuts that are ruining everything! this trash? You That’s terrible! God... Umm do you see Alright, alright enough of that. seriously pick Cat? The guy threw a fire extinguisher! the need for spending cuts because of Do you think the violence is justified? up the paper Yeh whatever, they all go ‘woof’ anyway. the huge deficit? Do you accept that? A secret santa where we all get Naw mate we shouldn’t be cutting, we each other gay penguins? Well I mean the police start and the fi rst What? Never mind… What do you should be building and sewing. Cross- SexyOsama69 it, I mean they’re just standing thing you read is think of Nick Clegg? stitches and all that mate. We need to con- there in hi-vis and stuff. Hangman? You He’s a total cunt you know, I mean, I struct and thread together instead of cut- like they’re just asking for would totally rape him… Not in a gay ting, slicing and chopping and... umm... trouble. disgust me... way I mean. More like in a “take that uh, NO IFS NO BUTS NO EDU...

Yeah Barack_attack_l33thaxor Dunc-E

I’m in! The w0rld Expla1ned by hen its begins t0 start sn- Cameron_DA_Maneron!!! Dunc-E, the clumsily- 0win, s0me0ne is like 0mg it’s sn0wing and every0ne programmed and seriously runs t0 the wind0w and is likew but they cann0t see the sn0w be- My one is goin to hav cleggman’s misinformed robot cause there is hardly very much sn0w but seat in the house of commons pe0ple are still excited because England never gets sn0w s0 even a bit of sn0w is exciting. Then it keeps sn0wing and DRUNKEN MATE OF THE WEEK This week Dunc-E every0ne is like yey 0mg it’s still sn0wing Send your photos to [email protected] and every0ne is g0ing yey and then but explains... we all decide we are n0 longer want the (drunken snow photos get triple points...) sn0w because there is t00 much. The THE BIG FREEZE end felix Friday 03 december 2010 39

THE NEWS WITHOUT THE NEWS Horoscopes Aries Taurus You are a child psychologist who works You spend 139min watching a film with a boy that can see dead people. You about a guy who hates his job, so forms have been unknowingly dead during the a fight-club with a soap salesman. After entire encounter, you tell your living 138min of sub-standard shit, there’s a wife you love her, and you leave behind “clever” twist which reveals that the two the world of the living. Now don’t both- blokes are in fact the same person - this er watching The Sixth Sense. apparently makes the film epic. Gemini Cancer You run a motel. Your mother murders If it hasn’t taken you 6 pain-stakingly a female guest that you fancy. Actually, slow movies to figure it out yet, Harry you are your mother. You murdered the Potter is bullshit. Let me save you the real one after catching her with a lover. time of watching the last 2. Voldemort Consumed with guilt, you try to erase dies, Snape is good, the kids all grow up the crime by bringing her to life in your and live happily ever fucking after. It’s a mind. Psycho? You bet. kids book, what did you expect? Leo Virgo You chase a killer that commits his crimes You date a girl that turns out to be in with based on the seven deadly sins (yeah, the bad guys. She’s the only girl you ever he’s quite the moralist). You become the loved. She drowns herself. Embittered, “Potter Fans desperately try to embodiment of “wrath” by murdering the you travel to Russia to find the bastard serial killer after he presents your wife’s that turned her. You then have hundreds head to you in a box. Seven killings in of meaningless, empty shags and never find Diagon Alley” one movie? Definitely worth watching! get over it. You become James Bond. Libra Scorpio All work and no play makes Jack a You are Luke the Skyfighter. You get DRUNKEN MATE OF THE WEEK dull boy. AlL WORK AND nO PLaY cornered by the Dark Knight called In- MaKES Jack A DULL bOy. vader or something, and he tells you All work and no play makes Jack a dull he is your father. You are horrified and boy. All work and no play makes Jack shocked, and don’t believe him. Having freeze to death in the snow and you see lost your hand, R2Z2CPO7 finds a med- his dead face. The Shining rocks. ical centre for you. Star Wars V ends. Sagittarius Capricorn You are a maths genius that was promised You are travelling in space and crash a single room but have a roommate (see land in 3002 on a mystery planet ruled where this is going?) He becomes your by apes. Go on, guess the twist... yes, best friend. Turns out he is not real, the planet is in fact Earth and you only and you have been hallucinating. You realise this right at the end of the movie make two more fake friends. You have a when you see the Statue of Liberty. It’s Beautiful Mind. the Planet of the Apes. Aquarius Pisces Inception. It’s when you enter peoples After 13 blissful years as a happy kid, dreams in dreams in dreams... clear? you become a compulsive masturbator, No, and the characters are confused too. before fucking a few girls and At the end, they no longer know the questioning your sexuality. You study difference between reality and dreams. dull shit at IC, get a mediocre job, get a I know how you feel mate. You’re drunk, home is far away and you can’t bear the idea of walking in on me and Although wait 20min after the credits mediocre wife, and die a pretty mediocre your girlfriend doing the dirty. BOOM! and they tell you the answer. death at 72. That is the end of your life. 40 Friday 03 December 2010 FELIX Puzzles Editors: Polly Bennett James Hook Aman Nahar PUZZLES [email protected] Last Week’s Solutions Pictogram Crossword If I eat equal amounts of white and ! eme: ! e Key dark chocolate, is that a balanced Slitherlink 17 across is unclued and leads to a one-to-one code (i.e. “A” and “A” only translates to another diet? letter). ! e three asterisked clues must be encoded thus to interlock with the other normal clues. 3 22 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 1 2 2 1 3 3 1 2 1 2 212 1 9 10 10 2 3 221 2 2 1 2 31222 322 22 2 11 12 12 15 2 22 The French word that refers to any 3131 2 1 1 14 of several types of sweets 3 2 1316 1417 1618 14 1915 152016

16 21

Nonogram 1722 18 23 1824 19 19 25 20

1 3 1 21 3 2 1 1 2 2 33 4 1 1 1 1 2 55 262220 2321 22 24 22 23 25 1

1 1

1 2 2624 25 27 Usually very sweet, extremely rich and 2 1 frequently flavoured with cocoa 2

1 4 2826 29

10

4 2 Across 24. Stubborn (9) 4. Deliver (6) 1.* Ancient antiquity (5) 26. Resistance of acceleration 5. Bunker (4,4) 2 2 4. Large supply (9) (7) 6. Perch (5) 6 9. Redid work on PC (7) 27. Paper folding (7) 7. Belonging to Greek city (7) 10. Specimen replacing another 28. Surprise (6,3) 8. Listed quickly (6,3) that no longer exists (7) 29. Female relative (5) 13. Leave (inf.) (4,1,4) Crossword 11. Repulsive (9) 15. Stipulated condition (9) 12. Conical tent (5) 16. Make undue claim (8) A piece of dragée candy that is made D A Z Z L E R H I J A C K 13. Skill (6) Down 18. Americans (7) of dried fruits and made into a small E I E U N P N 14. Soup (8) 1. Concept of actions having 20. Give out (7) round shape 17. Unclued (8) consequences (5) 21.* One with milky skin (6) L A P S E O N O W H 10E R E 19.* B Vitamin (6) 2. Bag (7) 23. Coffee (5) I W D A R E 22. Invalidate (5) 3. Artifi cial language (9) 25. Superior group (5) 11V O L C A N 12O O R A I L 15S E I Y U D T S 1316R A 1417M P L E 18B B 1915R R 2016I N G Chess – I R T O F O Black Mate in 3 2217M A T T 23E N 1824E X 19C U 25S E D O L F D E E S 2620U N E Q 21U A L A L E 22V E 23E General term for a rich, fairly homog- T S G Y O O N enous starch or dairy based dessert 24H A S T E N 25S S T E W E D

I M C H R Y L Q W A O T P Bishop King Knight 26E V K Z G N X U D J F B S

Going Underground Pawn Queen Rook R U I S L I P 18 21 9 19 12 9 16 Word Wheel Correction S A Make as many words of at least I H ! ese have a texture that is wonderfully 4 letters as you can, always using the central crisp and crunchy Last week, Cryptic Crossword 1471 was reprinted in one. NO plurals, M error. Apologies to those who were expecting a new conjugated verbs, comparatives or superla- challenge . I take full responsibility for the mistake. I L tives, because I said so.. There is always at Editor least one 9 letter word. W C The red letters spell...

TARGET: 17 FELIX Friday 03 december 2010 41 PUZZLES Going Underground SLITHERLINK Riddle Corner 1. What familiar name might be represented by “Iron-59”? Each letter in the alphabet is assigned Underground station) the sum equals a number value between 1 and 26 (see the total shown. Send the Underground 1 2 2. Which word in the English table) and when added together for a station that is hidden each week to language has the consecutive let- specific word (or in this case specific [email protected] 2 2232 1 ters “ufa”? A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 3 1 3 1 2 3. You overhear people being let in to a rather swanky party by use B A N K 122 2 of a code. ! e fi rst person, upon = being asked “12” replies “6” and is 2 1 14 11 28 2+1+14+11=28. Job done. let in. ! e next person is asked “6” 3 2 3 2 2 2 and replies “3”. ! e third person So which London tube station sums to ? is asked “4”, replies “4” and is let ______0212 22 in. You then march up to the door = 77 and are asked “10”. What should 222 2 3 3 you reply? FUCWIT Answers if you please! The Felix University/College-Wide In- 3 2 League Leader Board vitational Tournament League is new and improved, with prizes for both TTeams:eams: the winning team and the winning 312 2 2 individual. Have Ye a Scribble Below I “Am” Squidhead 74 Killuminati 58 Points will be awarded per individ- ual puzzles solved. The first person/ 2 3 3 2 3 2 2 Big Gay Al 33 team to send in a correct answer for a puzzle will receive 2 points per puzzle. After that people who send If you’ve ever played minesweeper, then around it. Lines can never cross! In the in correct answers will be awarded IIndividuals:ndividuals: 1 point per puzzle. Double points you should be able to understand this end, you will end up with a closed loop. are awarded for cryptic crosswords. puzzle. The number in each box repre- Just have a look at the solution in the op- Shadi Sharbain 51 sents the number of lines that can exist posite page. James Ko 17 Send your solutions to: [email protected] U Sahil Chugani 12 for points galore! Wordoku I G S Don’t look so surprised y’all, you know F M T how this works by now, surely? Every S T M row, column and three by three square must contain each letter once. ! e U F S Nonogram end result is a rather useless word or F D I 1 3 1 phrase. F H S I 2 3 31 23 31 21 2 32 What? Fine, go do your computational H G T 331 3 45 15 1 131 1 32 4755 labs if you don’t want to play. I just M thought...you know...it might be fun... S F T 13

1 11 12

12 25

1 24 11 2 1 1 1 4 2 1 10 2 2 4 2 4 3 2 2 5 3 6 3 3

The cells in a grid have to be coloured The numbers measure how many or left blank according to numbers at unbroken lines of filled-in squares the side of the grid. there are in any given row or column. I,SCIENCE THE SCIENCE MAGAZINE OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE INSIDE THIS ISSUE: BIODIVERSITY: THE POINT OF NO RETURN? ARE WE INHERENTLY SELF-DESTRUCTIVE? FRACTALS: REMEMBERING MANDELBROT THE SCIENCE OF A NIGHT OUT WAKING UP TO THE WORLD’S WATER WASTE 5 WAYS THE WORLD COULD END out 10th december FIND I, SCIENCE AT ALL NORMAL FELIX DISTRIBUTION POINTS

FOLLOW US ON TWITTER @I_SCIENCE_MAG AND ON THE OFFICIAL I, SCIENCE FACEBOOK PAGE felix FRIDAY 03 December 2010 43 Sports Editors: Jovan Nedic David Wilson [email protected] SPORT Felix [email protected] League Football’s not Netball win second game sponsored by ....Cotinued from back page Louie Barnett, provided courtside analy- ished the fi rst quater 4 points ahead. sis. He promptly concluded that he’d be coming home The second quarter saw some scrappy scared to see the Brunel GK on a rugby play from the IC girls, and despite stay- fi eld, let alone a netball court. ing ahead, everyone knew they could However, GS, Heather really put up a Team P W D L F A Diff Index David Wilson do better. The team went into the third tough fi ght and received pass after pass quarter with a fi rm resolution to play to from WA, Lucie. 1 Basketball M1 4 4 0 0 256 222 34 5 The dust hasn’t even had time to settle; the Davids Cameron the best of their ability. The girls knew a win was in sight at 2 Squash W1 4 4 0 0 14 1 13 5 and Beckham as well as HRH Prince William are making Center Amelia worked tirelessly to en- the start of the last quarter, but this didn’t 3 Table Tennis M2 4 4 0 0 63 5 58 5 their way back to England defeated. The 2018 World Cup will sure play stayed at the right end of the make then complacent, with them play- 4 Table Tennis W1 4 4 0 0 18 2 16 5 be played in Russia and the next opportunity for England to court. Newly created shooting duo, An- ing their best to the end. 5 Basketball W1 2 2 0 0 85 74 11 5 host the event will be in 20 years time. Initial reports suggest gela and Heather demonstrated beautiful Brunel, however, seemed to be happy 6 Hockey W1 7 6 0 1 45 9 36 4 England, once favourites to stage the event, were eliminated movement and awareness around the to take the loss after an injury to their 7 Table Tennis M1 6 5 0 1 70 32 38 4 during the fi rst round of voting. To many, the news signals goal third, scoring goal after goal, keep- center; mid-way through the quarter they 8 Tennis M1 7 5 1 1 52 32 20 3 disappointment but perhaps not surprise. ing the team ahead. 1st XV rugby player just seemed to give up, meaning that IC 9 Netball W1 8 6 0 2 344 229 115 3 Russia were offered the most lucrative bid; they have the and try scorer in last week’s match, earned the well deserved win. 10 Tennis W1 4 3 0 1 26 22 4 3 backing of their government, the wealth of their numerous 11 Rugby M1 7 5 0 2 153 124 29 2 oligarchs together with plans to construct new stadia and up- 12 ICSM Netball W1 6 4 0 2 262 163 99 2 date run down transport routes. The concerns over the Rus- 13 Hockey M1 4 2 1 1 11 10 1 2 sians’ bid centred mainly around the transport of fans across Cryptic Crossword 1,469 14 ICSM Football M1 4 2 1 1 16 9 7 2 a country as vast as Russia. 15 Lacrosse M1 4 2 1 1 11 10 1 2 The English bid has been sliding down a slippery slope 1 2 3 4 5 5 6 7 8 16 Badminton M1 6 3 1 2 27 21 6 2 since May this year when Lord Triesman lost his job as chief 9 17 ICSM Hockey M3 5 3 0 2 9 18 -9 1 of the Football Association after being taped accusing Russia 18 ICSM Netball W2 5 3 0 2 187 162 25 1 and Spain of attempting to bribe referees. Triesman was in 10 10 19 Netball W2 5 3 0 2 200 198 2 1 charge of the 2018 World Cup bid and his resignation left the 20 Hockey M3 6 2 2 2 6 5 1 1 bidding team without its spearhead. 21 Hockey M4 6 2 2 2 6 5 1 1 BBC Panorama investigations identifi ed corruption within 11 12 12 13 15 22 ICSM Badminton M1 5 2 1 2 16 24 -8 1 FIFA, the governing body of world football, with the televi- 23 Football M1 7 3 1 3 20 13 7 1 sion program naming a number of FIFA members who have 14 24 ICSM Hockey W1 11 5 1 5 28 30 -2 1 accepted bribes in exchange for votes when deciding on 151316 1417 1618 191517 2016 25 Fencing M3 4 2 0 2 460 447 13 1 which country should host football events. FIFA insisted this 26 Hockey M2 7 2 2 3 12 23 -11 0 would not harm England’s bid. Of course they did. Of course 2021 27 Fencing M2 5 4 0 1 613 499 114 0 they were lying. That is not to say that England would have 182217 23 1824 19 19 25 20 28 Badminton W1 5 3 0 2 20 20 0 0 won had these allegations not been made, but they certainly 29 Lacrosse W1 3 3 0 0 47 8 39 0 damaged the bid. 30 Volleyball M1 3 3 0 0 6 0 6 0 Surely England, despite their bid self-imploding, could 31 Volleyball W1 3 3 0 0 6 0 6 0 have held off the threat of the joint Dutch-Belgian bid whose 262120 21 22 23 22 23 32 ICSM Badminton W1 4 2 1 1 22 16 6 0 selling point was ‘small size’ and ‘2 million bicycles’. It 24 33 ICSM Rugby M3 4 2 0 2 84 143 -69 0 would appear not. So, summer holiday 2018 in Russia any- 34 ICSM Hockey M1 4 1 0 3 6 6 0 0 one? Thought not. 2524 25 26 35 Fencing W1 1 1 0 0 135 71 64 0 36 Squash M1 6 0 0 6 4 26 -22 0 37 ICSM Hockey W3 2 0 0 2 0 13 -13 0 2726 28 38 Fencing M1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 39 Ice Hockey A1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 40 ICSM Football M3 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 Across imaginary angle (3) 41 Lacrosse W2 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 South Africa 1. One singular eastern dress, 3. Persuade nobody inside without 42 Water Polo M1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 something that doesn’t need airing? (8) electroshock treatment to vote in this 43 Water Polo W1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 5. Orderly one who may defy joker? (6) (10) 44 Netball W3 5 2 0 3 139 129 10 0 train at Ethos 10. Harvardian reward that leaves some 4. No preferred candidate selected in 45 Hockey W2 6 2 0 4 5 24 -19 -1 wiggle room? (6,2,7) ancient times to find untamed horse (5) 46 ICSM Hockey M2 6 2 0 4 8 20 -12 -1 David Wilson 11. One having attack of nerves to 6. Top of particular chest, it is said (4) 47 ICSM Rugby M1 6 2 0 4 107 193 -86 -1 hamper court proceedings (6,4) 7. Novel where Ides may be seen? (11) 48 Squash M3 6 2 0 4 10 18 -8 -1 The South African rugby team followed in the footsteps of 13. Happy, good boy (4) 8. Happy with Imperial, yet moving away 49 Football W1 3 1 0 2 7 8 -1 -1 their Southern Hemisphere colleagues, New Zealand, and 15. Summon to be taken back, having (7) 50 ICSM Football M2 3 1 0 2 8 13 -5 -1 trained at Ethos on Thursday morning in preparation for their perfect recall (7) 9. To kill is a fun pursuit, ecstasy when 51 Football M3 4 1 0 3 11 13 -2 -2 match against the Barbarians this coming weekend. 17. One iceman agitated by losing blood nobody can see you! (3,5) 52 Rugby M3 4 1 0 3 37 123 -86 -2 The team arrived by coach and practiced their lineouts (7) 12. Increasing waistline perhaps, these 53 Squash M4 4 10 3 5 7 -2 -2 beside the rock climbing wall, the exact same place where 18. Dispirited garden party? (7) are unwanted repercussions (4,7) 54 BadmintonBadminton MM22 5 1 0 4 1 199 2 211 - -22 - -22 the Imperial College 1st XV carry out the same practice on a 19. Country rearms partially after 14. 50s singer on converted Amazon 55 Fencing W2 5 10 4557 621 -6464 -2 Tuesday. Following their hour long session, some of the play- revolutionary collapse (7) Rail (5,5) 56 ICSMICSM HHockeyockey WW22 5 1 0 4 11 23 -1 -122 - -22 ers had a snowball fi ght whilst awaiting the arrival of their 21. Having lost leader, drift apart? (4) 16. Cut-back by Cameron, for instance, 57 Rugby M4 5 10 446 197 -151151 -2 team bus. Tendai Mtawarira, also known as ‘The Beast’ was 22. Draft schedule around Thai anorexic being brainless (8) 58 Footba Footballll M2 6 1 0 5 1 100 21 -11 - -33 a noticeable abstainer from the snowball fi ght, hiding behind (6,4) 18. Proclaims triumphantly that he 59 Squash M2 6 10 5 8 22 -14 -33 the glass railings outside of Ethos to prevent being hit by a 25. Unreal character heard to grapple, pillages, losing one but gaining fifty (7) 60 Rugby MM22 7 1 0 6 1 10909 19 1911 - -8282 multitude of snowballs thrown in this direction. then snorts semen by mistake (4,4,7) 20. Where one may get dumped during 61 ICSM Netball W3 6 0 0 6 115 218 -103103 -4 The team appeared calm and relaxed ahead of their upcom- 27. Second question to derive for Valentines? (7) 62 ICS ICSMM BBadmintonadminton M2 4 0 0 4 7 2 255 -1 -188 -4 ing game against the Ba-Bas captained by Wallaby Matt Gi- interrelated elements (6) 23. Brief pause for deep sleep outside 63 ICSM Rugby M2 40 0 434 189 -155155 -4 teau. The Springboks will be looking to build on their victory 28. Untrustworthy person got people motorway (5) 64 TennisTennis MM22 4 0 0 4 8 39 - -3131 - -44 over England last weekend by defeating a team largely com- kicked out of the garden (3,5) 24. Up-front payment grabbed in gallant prised of players from the southern hemisphere which will escape (4) be no mean feat considering the South Africans had a dismal Down 26. Pointer to summit (3) Tri-Nations tournament as well as suffering a demoralising 1. Loud pervert’s bail due (7) loss at the hands of Scotland earlier this Autumn. 2. Noise to vent frustration heard from ISSUE 1476 03.12.10 SPORT Felix Sport sponsored by I propose a game of Fives! Imperial’s Fives team succeed at Eton tournament

Alun Meredith rowly lost the top two slots that would Fives have seen them through. Their fortunes changed in the plate and they beat their two Cambridge rivals to see them take Eton seemed like a fi tting venue for Im- third place. Tommy Fagen and partner perial’s fi rst offi cial Eton fi ves tourna- passed through the quarter fi nals without ment as a society. incident but in a cruel twist of fate found Sixty eight players competing in pairs themselves against the same Cambridge from seventeen different universities de- fi rst pair that kept them from the top spot scending on the birthplace of the sport in the pools. to prove they have the best teamwork, After a long couple of games the pair coordination and skill in the academic found themselves out of the competi- world. tion. Congratulations to the pair who Best described as squash with your achieved a top 4 position out of the 34 hands, Eton fi ves has only three walls pair turnout. In the girls competition we and a multitude of ledges modelled on are proud of the London fi rst pair who the alcove of Eton school where it was beat Oxford in the fi nals; the fi rst time fi rst invented. The ledges made the Oxbridge hasn’t taken the prize. game unpredictable, coining the phrase Fives is an extremely fast growing Netball pummel Brunel “a game of hazards”. sport, only now breaking out of the The universities tournament is tra- secondary school mould; we have just ditionally dominated by Oxford and formed a Fives society to catering from Imperial’s girls put impressive score on rivals Cambridge who, with their own courts all forms of fi ves and one wall hand- in numerous colleges made a third of the ball. turnout. This year, however, the London If you want to try this unique, friendly Fern Gibbons Wednesday. Play started poorly for Imperial with teams, spearheaded by Imperial’s Tom- and social sport, contact the fi ves soci- Netball The Imperial girls went into the game Brunel overturning their fi rst centre my Fagen brought the pain, losing only ety at fi [email protected] which with mixed feelings, as that Brunel have and scoring. Defenders Nakai and Fern to the Cambridge fi rst pair in the pools. allowing you to be placed our mailing Imperial 3s 45 - 27 Brunel 6s a rather impressive reputation when it worked hard, along with centre court Meanwhile the London second team lists so you can be kept up to date with comes to Netball. However, captain Lu- players Becky and Sarah, to get the ball with our very own Raju Patel beat Ox- upcoming events. There will also be a The dedication of the Netball 3rd team cie’s Christmas themed team joke of the back down to the Imperial goal third. ford’s fourth pair with a dominating free introductory session for all novice to their training fi nally paid off with day set the girls in good spirits for the The girls’ hard work paid off as they fi n- score (12-2) in their fi rst game but nar- fi ves players on the 8th of December. a thrilling 45-27 win over Brunel on game. ...Continued on Page 43

TECHNOLOGY COMMENT ART TRAVEL HANGMAN

Do we need to learn Should we reverse Alumnus releases Tubing in Vang Vieng Interview with ‘dem languages?: Page 14 ageing?: Page 24 debut novel: Page 27 rocks!: Page 37 yoofs’: Page 38