Are You–Nobody–Too?

An Anthology of Essays, Stories and Poems

Composition, Section 160 (Grade 10) September 2011 -- January 2012

Paul D. Schreiber High School Port Washington, New York

Students: Ashley Barnett, Nathaniel Chu, Olivia Cisneros, Michael Correale, Alex Dover, Laura Eule, Joelle Feinberg, Alex Hadley, Sydney Heiden, Elizabeth Kallenberg, Helen Kim, Daniel Lee, Lauren Livingston, Derek Moss, Andrew O’Lansen, Kwan Park, Jillian Ring, Stephanie Short, Allison Stewart, Liz Wolf

Teacher: Dr. Sara Brock

Table of Contents

Ashley Barnett A Free Therapist Nathaniel Chu Mr. Antolini (A Monologue) Straightening Out Your Life Olivia Cisneros Past or Present? Michael Correale In Love and Loss Alexandra Dover Seclusion Laura Eule A Pursuit of the Past Joelle Feinberg Another Harmless Lie Alex Hadley An Escape Sydney Heiden “The Folly of His Haste” Elizabeth Kallenberg A Strange Move (A Monologue) Helen Kim Stepping into the Real World What is “Opinion”? Daniel Lee Batman Lauren Livingston The Prostitute That Talks: A Monologue by Sunny Kings in the Back Row: A Monologue by Jane Gallagher Derek Moss A Place to Be Andrew O’Lansen The Taboo Kwan Park Escaping to Freedom Jillian Ring Fall From Grace (A Monologue) Like Looking In the Mirror Stephanie Short A House or a Home? Allison Stewart Then There’s a Pair of Us Elizabeth Wolf The Runaways

NOTES: The title of this collection comes from a verse by Emily Dickinson: “I’m Nobody! Who are you? / Are you -- Nobody --Too? / Then there’s a pair of us! / Don’t tell! they’d advertise -- you know!” Cover photo by Sabrina Brennan.

A Free Therapist by Ashley Barnett

Modern day teenagers listen to music all the time. Some may love it more than others-- some live for it, and some will die for it. It’s a way to escape real life issues that are thrown at you in your life, all you have to do is turn up that I-pod or stereo and then your mind takes you somewhere else and you’ll forget all these little problems. This was also the case for a teenage boy named Paul in Willa Cather’s story, “Paul’s Case.” Paul has a love for the arts and music like modern teenagers. Art seems to be the only thing Paul really cares for in the story, even in his own life. Paul prefers to be alone while listening to music or looking at some sort of art, so he can calm down from daily life. The story seems to reflect that the arts are calming. They can uplift your mood, by making you feel less alone through a bad time.

Paul has many problems. He hates and lives in a poor neighborhood, has trouble in school, hates his teacher, lives in a rough home. His dad also has high expectations of him, and Paul just hates and is miserable with his life. Though there is one thing Paul likes about his town, which is the concert hall he works at as an usher. Before work he would go up to the gallery and feel “delighted to find no in the gallery” (Cather, 199). The reason Paul likes this place a lot is that it’s very quiet, and there is art, and this helping him be at peace to free his thoughts.

When Paul starts work, he ran down from the gallery passing statues and responds to their faces in a strange manner. Cather writes, “When he bethought him to look at his watch, it was after seven o’clock and he rose with a start and ran downstairs, making a face at Augustus Caesar, peering out from the cast-room an evil gesture at the Venus of Milo as he passed her on the stairway” (Cather, 199). Paul might be so alone with his problems that now he even only responds to what he loves the most, art. Teenagers today express their feeling through art or even towards art, like Paul.

Then Paul starts work and must sit everyone down. Once he does he is exhausted from faking smiles to them all, so that once the music comes on he “sinks into one of the rear seats with a long sigh of relief” (Cather, 200). For many teens today once they turn up the volume to their music and then sit or lay down after getting through another day they let out a long sigh.

Soon Paul can’t take his town anymore and runs away to New York for a week of its luxuries and art. While he is at a nice hotel alone, he doesn’t feel lonely cause he has music. Cather writes, “Nor was he lonely in the evening in his loge at the Opera. He was entirely rid of his nervous misgivings, of his forced aggressiveness of the imperative desire to show himself different from his surroundings. He now felt his surroundings explained himself” (Cather, 211). This is presenting how the arts are calming, and making you feel less lonely.

Paul really cares for the arts more than anything. Like teens today, it helps him to free his mind from how he was feeling. Even though Paul acts strange by not wanting to meet people and talking to sculptures, it actually helps him a lot to not be restless and not have to fake a smile, or any of his emotions. The story reflects the idea that music and art uplift your mood, and can help to release any of your emotions you have about anything going on at that moment, like free therapy.

Mr. Antolini by Nathaniel Chu

Frankly, I don’t know what the hell to say to you . . . --Mr. Antolini in J. D. Salinger’s The Catcher in the Rye

Holden and I knew each other well At least I thought we did He came over right before Christmas We talked about his life I tried to give advice I don’t think he cared I tried to write it down I was drinking and couldn’t think of anything He went to sleep late Woke up early Ran out of the house before I could say anything It looked like he was scared I don’t know by what though

Straightening Out Your Life: A Look at Problems During Teenage Years by Nathaniel Chu

A lady is driving quickly to a meeting, and she is running late. She decides to take a short cut that drives through mountains, even though the road is more dangerous. Signs along the road warn her about dangerous cliffs and to go slowly around turns, but she takes no notice to them and continues driving quickly. She takes to sharp of a turn and falls of the cliff. This passage describes the life of teenagers in today’s world. They are speeding through their lives and are taking no notice to the warning signs about them. If they ignore these signs the consequences could be devastating. Holden, from J.D. Salinger’s novel, The Catcher in the Rye, and Paul from the short story Paul’s Case, by Willa Cather, are both teenagers going through this very kind of situation. Holden and Paul start out, go though and end in similar situations and their stories describe the downfall of a teenager in modern-day society. Even though these stories were written during two different time periods, there are signs that show a teenager is headed down the wrong path.

Holden and Paul have many likenesses, which makes it seem as if the authors are describing the same character. Both characters seem to have a similar outlook; they are pessimistic and not being able to appreciate anything in their lives. An example of this is when Holden is talking to his sister Phoebe who asks, “`Name one thing [you like]’ `One thing? One thing I like? Okay.’ The thing is I couldn’t concentrate too hot. Sometimes it’s hard to concentrate” (Salinger, 169). Here you see that Holden cannot think of anything that he enjoys in his life. He may say that it was “hard to concentrate”, but you can infer that he just couldn’t answer the question. A similar example from the story Paul’s Case is a passage where the author talks about many of the physical things that Paul dislikes in his life. “After each of these orgies of living he experienced all the physical depression which follows a debauch; the loathing of respectable beds, of common food, of a house penetrated by kitchen odors; a shuddering repulsion for the flavorless colorless mass of everyday existence; a morbid desire for cool things and soft lights and fresh flowers (Cather). Paul has a desire to live a luxurious lifestyle and he is afraid that he may never experience this because he lives in a poor household. Both of these characters refuse to look for the positive things in their lives. In Holden’s case, it seems that it is impossible for him to find anything that he enjoys in life, and he always critiques everyone that he meets. Paul, on the other hand, has found things that he enjoys in life such as the concert hall, where he “[sinks] into one of the rear seats with a long sight of relief,” but when he comes home he cannot find the anything that he enjoys compared to the concert hall (Cather). Both boys dislike their lives because they cannot find enough in their present circumstances to be happy, which can be a sign that teenagers are going down the wrong path. Because of these negative outlooks, both characters are depressed and do not want to continue their lives.

Holden has thoughts of suicide after an encounter with a prostitute. Another character named Maurice hustles Holden and punches him in the stomach and Holden has to crawl to his bed and lay down. Here he says, “What I really felt like, though, was committing suicide. I felt like jumping out the window. I probably would’ve done it too, if I’d been sure somebody’d cover me up as soon as I landed. I didn’t want a bunch of rubbernecks looking over me when I was all gory” (Salinger, 104). In this passage, Holden feels that he would rather kill himself than go to his bed.

This also shows Holden’s contradictory nature. Because Holden critiques everyone around him, he wants to commit suicide, but he is afraid of how all of the “phonies” will react when he is dead. Paul also has suicidal thoughts, but is not as concerned about how people will react towards him if he dies. Paul runs away to New York so he can live in a luxurious hotel, but finds he cannot go back home and he ends up wandering the train tracks. “ The sound of an approaching train awoke him, and he started to his feet, remembering only his resolution, and afraid lest he should be too late. He stood watching the approaching locomotive… He felt something strike his chest, and that his body was being thrown swiftly through the air, on and on, immeasurably far and fast, while his limbs were gently relaxed” (Cather). In “Paul’s Case,” Paul does in fact commit suicide. Paul realizes that he cannot live in luxury forever, but is unwilling to go back to the poor lifestyle he was living before. Paul could not find the positives in his own household; he was too absorbed in the luxury that other people got to enjoy, where it was “warm…exotic, tropical… shiny… glistening” (Cather), while at home he was stuck with “[un]respectable beds… common food… flavorless, colorless mass of everyday existence” (Cather). Negative outlooks on life have led to suicidal thoughts and actions for both the characters, which is another sign that a teenager may be headed in the wrong direction.

These two characters from The Catcher in the Rye and the short story “Paul’s Case” are similar in their outlooks on life. Holden thinks negatively towards all of the “phonies” in his life, while Paul thinks more about the unappealing details of his household. However, this approach led both of these characters to devalue their lives and have thoughts of suicide. I felt that these passages seemed to describe the same character; a teenager on the pathway to destruction. Perhaps in real life this could be avoided by looking for the positives in life, instead of looking negatively on everything as Holden and Paul did in theirs.

Past or Present? by Olivia Cisneros

...life being a game and all, and how you should play it according to the rules... --J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye

Throughout Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger many of Holden's problems are similar to conflicts teenagers have today such as friends, family and school. The setting and severity of Holden's problems are outdated and may not be completely understood today by teenagers but the overall message of the novel is clearly displayed. Holden, like many other teenagers, is confused and unsure about where he is going in life. At this point in the life of a teenager, we are stuck in between becoming an adult on our own and a dependant child. Holden has been thrown out of many schools for various reasons but generally because he doesn’t fully apply himself. Like teenagers everywhere, Holden is afraid of failure. Some teenagers believe that if they try they will fail, and so they don't even make an attempt at anything that doesn't interest them. Holden, a character from Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger, can still relate to teenagers in the modern day.

School, for all teenagers, is a huge stress, depicted by Holden’s struggles at private school. While at his private all boys school, Holden failed four courses including Oral Expression which led to him being kicked out of Pencey. He wasn't particularly interested in any classes that he took while at Pencey but one in particular aggravated him. While reflecting on the Oral Expression class, Holden says, "I don't know. That digression business got on my nerves. I don't know. The trouble with me is, I like it when somebody digresses. It’s more interesting and all" (Salinger, 183). He cared very little about his grades and wasn't thinking about his future. Most teenagers today have a goal set for their future, but Holden was unmotivated, with nothing to strive towards.

Naturally, teenagers today try to act more mature when they are surrounded by older people, in a struggle to fit in. Throughout the story, Holden goes to clubs and orders alcohol. While escaping Pencey, Holden meets a classmate’s mother on the train. Rather than introducing himself as a peer of her son, Holden offers to buy her a drink. Being in the company of an adult, Holden feels obligated to act mature. Later, although he is only 15, Holden walks into a bar as if he were 21 and attempts to order a drink, but is not successful. The waiter questions him, and Holden is disappointed but thinks, “They lose their jobs if they get caught selling to a minor. I’m a goddamn minor” (Salinger, 70).

Especially through the teenage years, people try to find their true selves and get some idea of what they want to do with their lives. Holden believed everyone was a phony and critiqued everyone without ever looking at himself. As the book came to an end, Holden thought about what really mattered to him and what he needed to do in his life. Teenagers, like Holden, are sometimes selfish and always want to do things on their own without any help. After realizing that they have explored all other options, they then seek help from others.

In Love and Loss by Michael Correale

Is there a right way to deal with a grieving friend? Skim, a graphic novel by Mariko Tamaki, tackles this issue through the side character, Katie. A teenage girl whose boyfriend recently killed himself, Katie is being bombarded with love and sympathy from her friends. However, she doesn’t want the compassion, as “She looked at the daises at her cast as if they were spiders. She wanted to crush them” (Tamaki, 101). She is likening the flowers, normally a sign of love and kindness, to something that is hated and disgusting. This shows Katie’s resentment towards her friends, as she wanted to “crush” all of their love and attention for her. The way that they are treating her is making Katie even more depressed, as she just wants to move on with her life, her friends are forcing her to stay in her miserable reality because they think that they are doing the right thing. This novel shows how you really never know how to deal with a friend who has lost a loved one, and sometimes, you may end up doing more harm than good.

Seclusion by Alexandra Dover

I have not seen as others saw... --Edgar Allen Poe, “Alone”

As people grow, everyone goes through a time when they’re faced with overwhelming pressures to be part of the norm of society. Some people are able to overcome it while others are not able to deal with the pressures while still being themselves. When reading Edgar Allen Poe’s poem, “Alone,” there are many lines that relate to the story, “Paul’s Case.” In both pieces, they describe an adolescent who doesn’t seem to fit in with everyone else, but the reason is not defined in either piece. Feeling different in life from everyone else and the mystery of the reason why seem to be a common topic between the two works.

Paul’s teachers describe him as a kid unlike anyone else and they’re not sure what makes him an outcast, “The drawing master had come to realize that, in looking at Paul, one saw only his white teeth and the forced animation of his eyes” (Cather, 199). With the obvious faking of his emotions, no one could understand why he had to fake them, and what was standing in his way of truly feeling the way he tried to pretend. All of Paul’s teachers had noticed odd behaviors and actions and didn’t know why a child would want to act that way. Looking at the poem, the first three lines, “From childhood’s hour I have not been as others were -- I have not seen as others saw --” bring to mind the fact that Paul was isolated from others in a way that no one could exactly define. In both references from the story and poem, the theme of feeling different and secluded from one’s peers is expressed. One difference between Paul and a normal kid of his age stood out; Paul would rather be alone than be around people. He was happiest at the places where he knew no one and they had no prior judgement of him, “He was delighted to find no one in the gallery...” (Cather, 199). The way Paul acted around people gave the idea that he was stressed or concerned by the way he presented himself, perhaps because he knew there was something peculiar about him but he didn’t want anyone else to notice. With no one around him, or only people who didn’t know who he was outside of the theater, he did not have to be anyone else. He could act the way he wanted to and be happy without anyone questioning why he wasn’t like that outside of the theater.

Paul was separated from peers, not solely by choice but because he was different from them. Although Paul knew there was something different between him and his peers, he tried to hide it. The mystery that stands out in this story is the reasons of Paul’s isolation from his classmates and his community. Paul has been separated from his peers his whole life and “could not remember a time when he has not been dreading something,” (Cather, 209). The fact that he was always dreading something gave the idea that he had extreme sadness. “Even as a little boy; it was always there – Behind him, or before, or on either side. There had always been the shadowed corner, the dark place into which he dared not look, but from which something seemed always to be watching him – and Paul had done things that were not pretty to watch, he knew,” (Cather, 209). There was something in Paul’s life that prevented him from enjoying and loving each day that no one was able to decipher. Paul may have been afraid of who he really was. The dark corner could represent the fear of who he really is and his life. The thing that is described as a ‘dark corner’ is

similarly described as a ‘demon’ in Edgar Allen Poe’s poem, Alone, “From the thunder, and the storm -- And the cloud that took the form (When the rest of heaven was blue) of a demon in my view.” The ‘demon,’ and the ‘dark corner’ are both describing a feeling of loneliness, sadness and mysteriousness. The feelings of despair expressed block both characters from living like everyone else, “When the rest of heaven was blue.” For both authors, the place where the characters dared not to look, and the mystery of why remain a prevalent theme.

After reading both pieces, “Alone” and “Paul’s Case,” it is clear to see there are many similarities in feelings and themes. The poem has many lines that remind me of passages from the story, because of the feelings each author expressed. They both seem to describe a teenager who isn’t thrilled with his life because of the distance they feel from everyone else. Something makes them different, although neither piece defines precisely what that difference might be.

A Pursuit of the Past by Laura Eule

Certain things they should stay the way they are. --J.D. Salinger, Catcher in the Rye

Thomas S. Monson once said, “The past is behind, learn from it. The future is ahead, prepare for it. The present is here, live it.” The gist of this quote is to live in the moment. Holden Caulfield, the main character in The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger, would have benefited from hearing this advice and applying it to his life. Throughout the novel, he is looking for a way to make things go back to the way they used to be. Holden only seems to be content when reminiscing about the past and he seems scared or hesitant when facing the future; he never really lives in the present. Although what he wants is ultimately unattainable, he does learn a thing or two about life along the way. Holden is searching for an escape from moving forward in life and he is taught an important lesson while on this quest.

Jane Gallagher is one of the people Holden uses as an escape from the present and the future. He spent a few summers with her while he was growing up and he seems to miss her dearly. When his roommate, Stradlater, happens to mention her, Holden can’t get her out of his head. At one point, he narrates, “All of a sudden, on my way out to the lobby, I got old Jane Gallagher on the brain again.” He “got her on” and “couldn’t get her off” (Salinger, 76). Holden is stuck in the past. He would rather think about Jane and what things used to be like than dealing with his current problems. He can’t let go of the happy thoughts that come to mind when he thinks about Jane and it inhibits him from moving forward with his life. Caulfield reminisces how “she was terrific to hold hands with” and how she was different from other girls. Holden remembers, with Jane, he was “never even worried.” Being with her, “all you knew was you were happy. You really were” (Salinger, 79). Holden seems nostalgic about the bliss that he felt with Jane, showing that he probably hasn’t experienced something like it for a while. She represents his innocence, which he reluctantly lost as he grew up. Holding on to memories of Jane is his way of holding on to the innocence of his youth. He also puts Jane on a pedestal so that no girl he meets in the future will be able to compare to her, thereby justifying his hesitance with them. Jane is one of his escapes from dealing with the future and what has yet to come because he would much rather live in the past.

Holden also speaks extremely highly of his younger brother, Allie, who passed away. He says Allie was “terrifically intelligent” and not only the smartest in the family, but also the nicest (Salinger, 38). Holden rarely has anything positive to say about anyone but when he talks about Allie, he has only nice things to say. He is very close-minded and it seems he has already made up his mind that no one else will be half as great as Allie was. It is almost like he compares everyone he meets to Allie and this prevents him from being able to form lasting relationships with anyone. This exhibits his inability to move on from the past and live in the here and now. Thinking and talking about Allie also makes him feel better when he is upset. At one point in the novel, he feels miserable and he “started talking, sort of out loud, to Allie” (Salinger, 98). Holden explains that he does that occasionally when he gets really depressed. He replays a memory he has of Allie and can’t stop thinking about him. He focuses on happier memories of easier times as a mechanism to avoid his problems in the present.

Holden makes his quest clear when he is talking about the Museum of Natural History. He says, “the best thing…in that museum was that everything always stayed right where it was. Nobody’d move … Nobody’d be different. The only thing that would be different would be you”

(Salinger, 121). His favorite part of the museum was that everything was frozen in time, the way he wishes things were for him. He doesn’t like most of the things that are part of growing up, such as sex and things changing, and so it has been hard for him. He wishes everything could stay innocent and easy. On his way to the museum, Holden narrates, “Certain things they should stay the way they are. You ought to be able to stick them in one of those big glass cases and just leave them alone” (Salinger, 122). Holden would do anything to have time stand still, back when he had Jane and Allie and he was happier. He reluctantly acknowledges the fact that it is impossible but he enjoys that it is possible in a place like the museum.

Holden Caulfield, the main character of The Catcher in the Rye, is on a pursuit to make things go back to the way they used to be and have them stay that way. He longs to return to the happier days in his life, the ones with Allie and Jane, and is very anxious about the future. Since he obviously cannot find what he is seeking, because it is impossible, he has no choice but to learn the life lesson of acceptance and moving on. He has to acknowledge the fact that he must move forward in life and he seems to do so by going to the mental hospital at the end of the novel. The fact that he is attempting to get better and learn to live in the present shows that he has come to an understanding that dwelling in the past is a problem. People have been telling him this for a while and he is on the pathway to finally comprehending. His time at the hospital should help him learn how to live his life in the way that Thomas Monson suggests.

Another Harmless Lie by Joelle Feinberg

Raised up in the ghetto streets of Brooklyn, Marisol had long wished for a chance to break out from her poverty-ridden neighborhood to start anew. And here she was, at that ‘new’, on what seemed to be the most frigid September morning she could remember. She walked up the steps of the most elite, and only, private school she had ever known, Sigma Prep. With little grace, Marisol managed to open the large, bulky doors just as an overwhelming gust of wind came rushing in. There she was, the daughter of a widowed housecleaner, gazing up at the high cathedral-like ceiling work of what she would come to know as her school. She peered at her reflection through the shiny marble floors, and didn’t see herself.

She didn’t see the silent warrior who had prayed for snow fall each winter so that she might earn her pay shoveling the driveways of wealthy white families. Such an event would call for a nine- mile walk through the thick snow in her ill fitting, hand-me-down down winter’s jacket and mud- stained ‘nurse-shoes’. On a good day she’d return home at sundown, having worked almost a full day, with the crisp twenty-dollar bills of upper-class citizens who lacked small change on-hand, tucked safely away in her inside pocket. She’d make her first stop at Stedman’s Bakery, where she could buy three scones at only a buck each, as she had been kind to the owner’s youngest daughter for many years. Next, she would stop in at Lenin’s to pick up some firewood, she was careful enough to single out the shabbiest logs, which could be bargained down. Her last stop was at the Public Library, where the lovely Ms. Krasner always had a good book waiting for her loan. She’d sailed right through Alcott’s “Little Women”, been touched by Austen’s “Pride and Prejudice”, and was inspired by Smith’s “A Tree Grows in Brooklyn”. Her adoration of reading had started when she was very young. Her father was still alive then, and he used to read to her late at night, when the world felt all peaceful and quiet and all that could be heard were the sounds of passing-by cars. She loved the words in the book, almost as much as she enjoyed the sound of his voice. His eyes were gentle, his heart was pure, and his fingers always stained black from working long hours at the factory. He had only wanted a better life for his innocent little princess.

The day he passed had been a day young Marisol would never forget. That was the day a small child at the age of seven transformed instantaneously into a young woman with a thick core. She didn’t cry, instead that pain and sorrow became motivation and ambition. She saved two things of his for herself – the newspaper headlined “Troubles at The Factory Responsible for Twelve Men Dead”, with a section containing her father’s obituary in which he was spoken very highly of by company executives whom he had never met, and a dusty old set of Encyclopedia Britannica, books she would come to know by heart. She didn’t see this girl any longer. Instead, she saw a girl in a dark-green lined private school uniform with flushed cheeks and a slightly red nose. In all the excitement, this entranced girl hardly took notice to the steadily growing crowd of white Sigma scholars edging in to greet their new classmate.

“Hey there!” said a friendly voice, “I’m Elizabeth. Welcome to Sigma Prep. What’s your name?” Startled by the acknowledgement, Marisol looked up from the floor to see a group of students, all wearing the same uniform as she, along with two braids. She wondered whether the glossiness of their hair had something to do with the atmosphere of the school. “Marisol,” she replied, rather timidly.

“Marisol? As in Marisol Glenn? Daughter of alumnus Kimberly Glenn?” Spoke another voice from the crowd of clones.

Maybe it was due to the enticing eyes of her peers, or maybe out of embarrassment of her actual family, or maybe something entirely different, but whatever the reason Marisol answered back “Yes.” Her heart sank as she stared back down at her reflection in the marbled floor. ‘No,’ she thought, ‘this is no longer Marisol Rivera, this is someone else.’ And there marked the start of a series of lies to be circulated throughout Sigma Prep.

An Escape by Alex Hadley

The tepid waters of Cordelia street had closed over him now and forever. --Willa Cather, “Paul’s Case”

Many people try to escape their problems; they feel that avoiding them or running away can solve those problems while the fact is that it really can’t. I was always told that you could never run away from your problems and that you had to face them. Paul did not follow this rule and tried to escape from the place that caused him problems, Cordelia Street.

Paul lived all his life on Cordelia Street a place he felt was wretched; where he could not stand near or he would feel physical and psychological symptoms. He would begin to become depressed and felt completely hopeless. He was miserable and could not stand the lifestyle that he had. His house caused similar pain; he hated his room. The author describes the “commonness” of Paul's decrepit room: “The horrible yellow wallpaper, the creaking bureau with the greasy plush collar-box and over his painted wooden bed the picture of George Washington and John Calvin and the framed motto, feed my lambs, which had been worked in re-worsted by his mother, who Paul could not remember” (202).

His street was not his only problem; he could not remember his own mother, which must put him further into depression. His father cared little about him which also put him farther into his deep depression. Not only did he not care but Paul could not even bring himself to talk to his dad. On one particular occasion he decided that he would rather be shot by his father than talk to him.

While Paul does hate Cordelia Street, he does not hate all of Pittsburgh. Paul likes to spend his time in the beautiful Carnegie Hall, the only place where he is not unhappy. He works as an usher and when his job is done is able to listen to the music, which makes all of his problems disappear. He becomes “lost” in the beautiful music.

Paul may have had Carnegie Hall, but the rest of his life was too much to bear for him, and he decided that he was going to escape that he needed to escape. Paul saw his opportunity when he was given money by the company that he was working for, which they instructed him to bring it to the bank. With the burden of his pain bearing down on him he took the money and ran away to a place that he thought was wealthy and luxurious, New York. Paul decided that he wanted to escape from Cordelia Street so he stole money from a business he was working for and then left. He went to a place that he thought was a wealthy area, New York. He wanted to have the lifestyle that was not possible for a person in his class. When he made it there he needed something to cement that fact in his mind that he was no long the Paul who lived on Cordelia Street, no he was the Paul who was living the good life, so he bought himself "silver mounted brushes and silk underwear." (208). Paul knew from the beginning that he would only have a few days but at the time the pleasure that he would have while in New York overshadowed the consequences. He risked his father's money, the fear of going to prison just for a week where he could live life the way that he wanted. When Paul's time was up he began to feel the pain of going back to Cordelia Street. On his last day the pain, sorrow and hopelessness of Cordelia Street returned, he felt walls closing in on him from all sides. He saw only one option and began running again for the same reasons as before. He made his way to a train track where he saw his escape and as the next train passed by, he took his shot at the only way he saw he could end his suffering. The train struck him in the side and his troubles were over.

Paul was suffering both inside and out. His life was not close to what he wanted it to be. He thought that he could run from his problems and suffering, he abandoned everything. In the end he died, his suffering was ended and he was able to escape it, before he was hit he thought for a second that he had made the wrong choice but that was gone quickly and as quickly as the idea had come it was gone and he was thing of escaping once more. He was thinking of the "blue Adriatic water" and the "yellow of the Algerian sands." (215).

“Folly of His Haste”: A Case of Personal Struggle by Sydney Heiden

One of the most talked-about news stories in recent months is that of Tyler Clementi. Clementi, a young student at Rutgers with a bright future, who chose to take his own life after being sexually harassed by his peers for being gay. As devastating as his story is, there are many other young men and women like Clementi, struggling, forced to choose between conforming to our society’s standards of the “norm,” and living the life that they truly desire. However, the issue of gay suicide may not be as exclusively recent as one might think. A similar scenario of young tragedy is illustrated in “Paul’s Case”, a fictional short story written by Willa Cather in 1904, over one hundred years ago. Cather tells the story of Paul, a wistful, restless teenage boy, who often feels isolated from the world around him. One theory often suggested by scholars, in order to explain Paul’s strange behavior, is that he is gay. At several points throughout the story, Cather hints at this. However, the early twentieth century was a time when being gay was unaccepted by the general public, widely considered to be sinful, wrong, and disgusting. Paul’s homosexuality, and constant fear of being judged by his peers, is reflected by his personality and actions.

Throughout this short story, Cather makes subtle statements hinting that Paul may have gay impulses. Oftentimes, while dressing for his job as an usher among other young men at Carnegie Hall, Paul jokingly “teased and plagued the boys until, telling him that he was crazy, they put him down on the floor and sat on him” (200). Although this playful banter can be interpreted as brotherly behavior, it also illustrates Paul’s subconscious longing for a physical relationship with another male. As Paul cannot be fully explicit about his feelings during such a time period, he channels his romantic desires into innocent playing with his peers.

The people around Paul seem to somehow sense that he is different. Even his father appears to know that Paul has different hopes for the future. Paul is encouraged to echo one of his neighbors, who, several years Paul’s senior, had already married and had kids. At one point in the story, Willa Cather states that this young man once was “a trifle dissipated” (204). Although the author does not go into any more detail than this, it can be inferred that this young man, too, was questioning his sexuality; especially when it is stated that he was forced to “curb his appetites” (204). Paul’s father seems to already suspect that Paul, still a teenager, may never settle down and get married, and so, tries to encourage his son from an early age to lead a “normal” life.

Several days after Paul flees to New York to feign a life of luxury, he meets another young man, a freshman at Yale, whose name is never revealed. He and Paul spend a whole night together, embracing all that the city has to offer. They seem to automatically “click”. However, by morning, the boys’ “parting in the elevator was singularly cool” (211). Cather does not go into any further detail on the matter. Perhaps Paul mistook this bond for a romantic relationship, and began to behave in a romantic manner. The freshman, who was straight, did not respond well to these actions, which is why, by the end of the night, the two were barely speaking. Alternatively, Paul and his companion may have actually had a sexual encounter that night, and, afterwards, both felt too uncomfortable to continue their travels together. Given their conservative time period, it is quite conceivable that the two young men were embarrassed or ashamed of their actions. Either way, it is easy to speculate that there was some sort of sexual tension that morning between Paul and the boy.

Paul is upset by this encounter. He believes that no one accepts him, and his sexuality is “unnatural.” He suddenly feels betrayed by the world; he is now more depressed here, in his new,

pretend, lavish life, than he had ever felt while living on Cordelia Street. Cather states that “these images . . . made for him a part of the ugliness of the world” (214). The “images” to which she is referring are all of the recent events that seem to flash before him: his suspension from school, his flee to New York, and his failed romantic pursuit. Paul, seeing no other option, resorts to the unthinkable; he jumps in front of a speeding train and takes his own life.

Though it may not seem it at first glance, “Paul’s Case”, by Willa Cather, is the story of a young man’s struggle to accept his sexuality. When Paul finds that the world cannot yet understand him, he ultimately reasons, much like his present-day parallel Tyler Clementi, that there is no place for him in it.

The Strange Move by Elizabeth Kallenberg

Knock, Knock Who’s There A Familiar Face Appears It’s Holden A Confused Boy A Strange Boy A Troubled Boy He Comes in Sit On The Couch He Dozes I Stroke His Head I Don’t Know Why I Just Did He Awakened Frightened By My Gesture Ran Out The House There He Goes Holden A Confused Boy A Strange Boy A Troubled Boy

Stepping into the Real World: Holden’s Quest for Purpose by Helen Kim

“When a man does not know what harbor he is making for, no wind is the right wind,” wrote Seneca, describing the importance of having a goal in life. It is certainly true that most people without a clear purpose tend to wander by themselves, drifting along with the influences of others, but not knowing what they should do when left alone. In Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger, the narrator Holden Caulfield goes on a quest to find the purpose of his life. He doesn’t know what he is living for, although people around him counsel and provoke him to think about his future ahead.

The grown-ups in Holden’s life feel sympathetic to his lack of desire and attempt to guide him, so that he would learn to adjust to the fact that life goes on no matter what happens. His former teacher Mr. Antolini expresses his concern for Holden’s future that he is “riding for some kind of a terrible, terrible fall” that he doesn’t “honestly know,” which makes Holden feel frustrated and confined, for he himself doesn’t understand what he should be doing to be not heading towards the “terrible fall” (Salinger 186). Additionally, when Mr. Spencer tells Holden that “‘Life is a game,’” Holden criticizes his comment with his askew view of life, thinking to himself that there’s “No game” “where there aren’t any hot-shots” (Salinger 8). Holden boldly refuses to go along with the statement that one should play “according to the rules in life,” as one can observe from his lack of effort in his school work, which he knows would lead him to another discharge from his school (Salinger 8). Later on, Holden is again confronted with Mr. Antolini to “find out” where he wants to go and to “start going there… immediately” (Salinger, 188). By saying “You can’t afford to lose a minute,” Mr. Antolini points out to Holden that he has by then lost much more time than other people who are already well into pursuing their individual goals. Holden’s teachers sincerely wish to help him find his goals and passion for his life, although Holden doesn’t take their advice into heart and dismisses them.

Many people around him try to tell Holden that the way he is viewing the world is distorted and that he needs to straighten things out. When Holden suggests running away together to Sally, she reminds him that they are “both practically children,” and that the world isn’t so easy to live in by mentioning practical necessities. Holden’s reaction to her, however, shows that he doesn’t want to accept the reality and how the world actually works. He is not willing to accept that things he planned might not work out the way he wants them to and that people need resources and help from others to succeed in life. He doesn’t wish to apply himself to the world and its limitations; however, when Phoebe makes a somewhat cruel and shocking remark to Holden that he doesn’t like “‘anything that’s happening,’” he reflects on himself and his preference in life, which in turn lead to thoughts about what he would like to do later on for his long-term livelihood (Salinger, 169). He starts to deliberate on where he is aiming at with his life, which is another way of considering how to accept the world and live in it. Both girls’ remarks provoke him to think about what he wants to do in his future.

Stirred up by the recurring reminders about what he wishes to do, Holden thinks about what he really should do. He wonders where the ducks go in the winter, which symbolizes his

question of where he himself is going. When he asks the cab driver if “somebody come around in a truck or something and take them away,” his question has an underlying meaning that can be analyzed as him wanting somebody else to do what he has to do for him or at least guide him on how to survive in the world (Salinger 81). Questioned by Phoebe, Holden decides that he wants to be “‘the catcher in the rye and all,’” who catches “thousands of little kids…if they start to go over the cliff” (Salinger,173). His wish could be interpreted as wanting to help kids who are having troubles adjusting to life like he is. Holden spends time on what his goal was in the world full of insincere “phonies” and how to get to his goal.

Holden reaches the point in the end of the novel in which he finally starts to organize what he has learned so far from his experiences, guidance, and remarks of others to start a new beginning. His quest, all along, was to find where he wants to head with his life and to accept that it was time to move on from his cozy childhood seclusion and step into the real world, which is on many occasions not so warm and welcoming, with his own will. There are countless adults and kids in the world today who are unsure of their future like Holden—they should realize that even if one begins to follow one’s passion later than others, it is better to start following it then than to regret not tackling it at all afterwards.

What is Opinion? by Helen Kim

From childhood’s hour, I have not been as others were... --Edgar Allen Poe, “Alone”

My Teddy Bear

My grandmother gave me a polar teddy bear when I was five. The bear had an orange plastic ribbon on its head, a frilly collar on its neck, and a white baby pajama, the kind that cover the whole body, over it. I slept with it, carried it around wherever we went for longer than half a day, and always put it into my bag whenever we traveled. I even remember placing it carefully into my pink Barbie bag pack when I was in first grade or so for a plane trip abroad. It was just there with me ever since my childhood, and was therefore very tattered and worn out from the long years of mistreatment by the time it came with me to America five years later, no longer even fully white.

I went into the fifth grade in Sycamore Elementary School, located in California, when I arrived in America. During those first six months of my U.S. experience, I was constantly stressed out because I couldn’t adjust to the new circumstances. I couldn’t speak English, let alone understand it, so I had no one to talk to, no one to listen to me. There were three Koreans in total in the whole school including me. The other two were siblings, one in fourth grade and one in sixth— but neither of them spoke Korean.

My mom hated the sight of my worn out teddy bear and wanted to throw it away, but I was determined to not ever let it go. I had her promise me that she would never toss it, but one day after school, I came back home to find it gone. G. O. N. E. I turned the whole house upside-down, searching every crook and shadow: I looked under the stairs, opened up all the drawers, shifted the beds, crawled under tables and desks, and shuffled the coats in the closets. Realizing that it was really gone, I cried, screamed, and begged my mom to bring it back. Unable to stand my persistent nagging and the feeling of guilt, since she had promised me, my mom unwillingly went out and look for it in the dumpster.

“It might not be there, you know,” she warned me before she walked out the door. “I don’t care! Just bring it back to me!” I screamed at her, no longer caring that I wasn’t using proper honorific to my parents.

She left in her slippers to go look for it, and she brought it back, thanking God that the dumpster truck hadn’t come by yet. She put it straight into the washer for me, although I didn’t forgive her for trying to throw it away without my knowing until I got it back in my arms, smelling like detergent, not trash.

I know that the incomprehensible obsession over a worn out teddy bear might’ve been a result of some mental disturbance, because the tenth year of my life has been the worst year I’ve ever had. I was at that time unquestionably homesick for Korea, heartsick for my former friends, and overall depressed about my failure in learning English. I could not bear going to my school every day, and I cried my eyes out every night with my sister, pitying our own selves. I think, more now that I’m not so obsessed with the teddy bear anymore, that the teddy bear represented my life back “home,” Korea, and the past that I truly and deeply missed then, making it an inseparable part of me that my mom could not take away.

The teddy bear has been with me since the day my grandmother handed it to me, March third 2001, to this year, 2012—I’ve had it for nearly eleven years, which makes me feel as though I should’ve had a special remembrance party on our tenth anniversary last year, reliving the bittersweet memories of my childhood. However, no matter how passionate I was for it back then, it’s now sitting on top of my dresser, waiting, waiting, and waiting, accumulating dust on top of its used-to-be clean white head, for me to sometimes just look over and give it a pat, if not a hug like I used to do when I was smaller.

I Am Korean

During the first few weeks in Sycamore Elementary school, I was always questioned by someone who asked, “Are you Japanese?” I always answered, “No.” Then he or she tried again: “Chinese?” Again I replied, “No.” At that point, most people ran out of their list of Asian countries. Furrowing their brows, they asked again, “Then what are you?” Every time that happened, I indignantly stated, “I am Korean,” with a miserable pronunciation, feeling ashamed of my insufficient English skills. “Korean? Where in the world is Korea?” They wondered. And I always tried to explain with simple sentences that made sense in my head. “It between China and Japan. It so small.” They listened, tried to think of where on the map, but soon gave up, saying, “I have no clue,” unless I happened to have a map with me to point out, which was not very often, if ever. A tiny number of people actually remembered hearing about Korea though. Those that did asked, “North Korea or South Korea?” At that, I answered, “South,” with a sniff of arrogance. “North Koreans not go out of they country. Only if they very rich and connect the government.” At that, everyone stared at me blankly, making me feel awkward and out of place. To make the situation better, I said, “Nev, Never mind, it not matter,” and they moved on to talk about a different topic. Nobody understood me.

Never mind

One day in September, I was sitting on the green grass below a tree with a couple of my new American friends. We were sitting in a circle, stretching our legs while the gentle breeze shuffled our hair.

We—though more like they—were talking about the assignment we got today in Language Arts class. Mrs. Luebbers, the English teacher, wanted us to write about our opinions on the frequently asked question about whether we should have uniforms in public schools.

“In my opinion, I don’t think they should have uniforms at schools. They don’t look pretty,” said Saskia, twirling her long blonde hair with her forefinger.

“I think it would be much more comfortable to not have to worry about what clothes you are going to wear everyday to school though,” said Destinie, stretching her legs.

“Well, in my opinion,” commented Stephanie sarcastically, leaning on her arm. “I think this assignment is useless, ‘cause it’s not like that’s ever going to happen in my lifetime.”

Not following the conversation at all, I asked in a timid voice: “What is opinion?” “What?” they asked back at me, because they didn’t hear what I said. “I said, what is opinion?” I repeated, a little strongly. Saskia and Stephanie looked at each other. “What is what?” they asked again, feeling sorry but really not understanding my pronunciation. “She said, ‘what is opinion,’” said Destinie. She was the kindest among all the girls in my class and also the most patient and understanding. “Hmm…” they deliberated on what to say to me. I guessed that it was hard for them to explain it to me, the case being that we were all still in the fifth grade. “Never mind,” I said quickly, to get their attention off of myself. My cheeks heated, and tears burned behind my eyes. Waiting for them to continue on with whatever they were saying, I smiled tightly to not cry in front of them, because I knew that I would look stupid, crying at a stupid thing like that.

But I hated it. I hated that whatever I said, they didn’t understand because I said it wrong. It made me feel stupid and dumb, and I felt lonely, because nobody understood or could explain anything to me. ‘Why can’t I ever say anything right?’ I blamed myself, day after day, while still doing the same thing, again and again.

Halloween

Korea doesn’t have a Halloween day. So on my first year in America, I really wanted to go trick-or-treating and see what it was like. But I didn’t know what you were supposed to do, what you were supposed to say, or how you were supposed to dress up.

Because I was in the elementary school, they had us dress up for school on Halloween day. I didn’t have a costume, so my mom had me wear my traditional Korean dress. It was made from a closely woven lightweight material, and the skirt and the blouse-like upper garment were dyed deep purple, and they had tiny flowers and butterflies of various colors embroidered at the hems, which were dark pink. The skirt was a full one, and it reached my feet to the point that you couldn’t see my shoes, which weren’t the traditional ones but sneakers, because I didn’t own the former. I

had a purple vest that went along with it, which gave it a more of a Chinese feel than Korean. Plus, because my dress was one of those modernized dresses, it didn’t look much like the typical Korean traditional clothing one would see at a Korean cultural event. But it didn’t matter, because none of the people in my school—or so I think—had seen one before.

Considering the fact that I was almost the only Asian kid in my school, everyone was surprised with my dress. They all asked me what it was, and I answered all of them patiently. They told me that it was very pretty and I shyly answered “Thank you,” blushing up to my ears.

No matter what happened at the school, however, I didn’t have anyone to go with on the actual trick-or-treating. My sister didn’t want to go because she was embarrassed, so I went alone. Not entirely, because I went with my mom, but that was only because neither of us could understand English completely.

Nervous because it was my first time and at the same time stressed out because I didn’t speak English, I went to some houses—about five houses, and no more.

“What are you today, honey?” One of the American ladies with the typical shoulder-length curly blonde hair handing out the candies asked me. I was at the front step of a large white house that had Alpine Currant bush along the entrance walkway. I didn’t know what to say, so I nervously looked over my shoulder at my mom, biting my bottom lip.

She stepped up to the steps and said, stuttering, “K, Korean traditional dress.” We both blushed, ashamed of our English. But the lady nodded understandingly, not showing any signs of surprise, although I am pretty sure that she was very surprised to have an Asian kid at her doorstep that day.

She smiled and exclaimed, “It’s beautiful!”

I blushed once again, and blurted out, “Thank you.” Then, taking a step backwards, I sort of hid behind my mom. We walked back home very soon after that, hand-in-hand.

My sister, even though she didn’t want to go trick-or-treating with me, still wanted the candies I got. We’d never seen most of the candies, although there were a couple of globally known treats such as Snickers, M&M’s, Skittles, and Crunch. There were also Tootsie Rolls, Butterfinger, Reese’s, Milky Way, Dots, Twix, Almond Joy, Nerds, Sixlets, and more, which we hadn’t seen even once in our lives before. We were afraid to taste them, so we all shared pieces of them, tasting this and that, swearing to never eat a Twizzler again, and falling in love with the tasty Jolly Ranchers. After all those, we finished by sticking lollipops into our mouths, which we figured were the safest—which proved to be not true. I almost immediately spat mine out, because the taste was too artificial and was cherry flavored, which I hate in anything else other than the real fruit. It didn’t say what brand it was, but I had memorized what it looked like, so I swore not to eat it ever again. But even so, I broke my oath two years after that, although it was with a different flavor. It still tasted too artificial even so that I threw it away after sucking on it for five seconds, remembering once again my first Halloween goodies.

Batman by Daniel Lee

One time, when I was a little kid, I was watching TV and I saw both Batman and Superman. Superman was the bright, smiling, model hero in the spotlight, while Batman was the grim, dark character away from the rest of the heroes. There are many heroes similar to superman, friendly and heroic, like knights in shining armor. However, Batman is something else. Batman is an outsider wherever he goes. In his crime-fighting life, he is a vigilante criminal and most of the time wanted by the police. In his normal life, he has few friends and is a voluntary loner. Even his home is far away from others’. His mansion is located outside the city on the outskirts. This character is interesting because unlike most outsiders, he is one by his own choice. Batman wasn’t forced to be a vigilante or a loner. He is admirable for sacrificing his safety and social life to fight crime and help innocents.

One example of Batman as an outsider, is how in most versions, whether it be in a comic or a movie, Batman is either wanted or at the very least under close inspection at all times by the authorities. Most other heroes are not sanctioned by the police; however, batman takes it to a whole different level, being chased and even shot at by the police in some versions. Batman is an outsider in this situation because he is outside of the law and society. An example of this could be how at the end of the movie, The Dark Knight, Batman is considered a wanted criminal and is chased by the police in the last couple of scenes.

Another example of Batman being an outsider is how even in his normal life, he lives as a billionaire socialite, but he truly trusts only his loyal butler Alfred. He hides his distrust and loneliness with a façade of being a carefree playboy. An example of this would be how as Bruce Wayne, he would throw lavish parties, as seen in Batman Begins and The Dark Knight, but inside, he would never truly like any of the people invited. This is evident when it is shown how his only confidants are his faithful butler, and later his love interest.

In conclusion, Batman is an outsider and loner wherever he goes and whatever he does. When fighting crime, he is wanted by the cops and is never truly accepted as a legitimate hero since he is a vigilante. In society, he is a lonely and distrustful man that masks his true personality with that of a rich and empty-headed playboy. Being an outsider in just about every single place he goes, he is still commendable for voluntarily living that difficult lifestyle for the safety of innocent citizens.

The Prostitute Talks: A Monologue by Sunny by Lauren Livingston

So long, crumb bum. --Sunny in J.D. Salinger’s The Catcher in the Rye

What would one expect when you walk in Not a boy And definitely not a boy around the same age as me A boy around the same age as me He called me into the room for a fee 5 bucks and hour And all he did was cower

He wanted to sit and talk But, it didn’t matter Because I had him on clock He was a boy Around the same age as me

He had some weird surgery An ignorant lie But he was a boy Around the same age as me

My pimp beat him up For another 5 dollars on the clock

Kings in the Back Row: A Monologue by Jane Gallagher by Lauren Livingston

That kind of stuff doesn’t interest most people. --Holden in J.D. Salinger, Catcher in the Rye

Summers ago we were neighbors Playing checkers with my kings in the back You always did me many favors And then I left up and packed

I dated a handsome young lad Your roommate no less His name was Stradlater and it was quite sad Because he was quite the mess

I wanted away from my drunk step-dad And the booze-hound that runs around naked Away from the raving mad And all that was sacred

A Place to Be by Derek Moss

...does somebody come around in a truck or something and take them away, or do they fly away...? --J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye

Everybody has a place in the world, although not everybody knows theirs. Holden Caulfield, the main character of the book, The Catcher in the Rye, is expelled from Pencey Prep school and is not going to tell his parents. He decides to live by himself for the next week. This is a very crucial week in Holden’s life because it is where he begins his quest. He is not looking for any object or place, but he is searching for himself. The Catcher in the Rye is a quest story about Holden trying to find his place in the world; though it is unknown if he ever takes his place, he does learn a valuable lesson.

Holden is very confused about where to go for the rest of his life. He doesn’t know his purpose. He reveals this to the reader when he talks about the ducks. When talking to the cab driver Holden says, “You know those ducks in that lagoon right near Central Park South? That little lake? By any chance, do you happen to know where they go, the ducks, when it gets all frozen over? Do you happen to know by any chance?” (60). This comes up a few times throughout the novel. Holden also displays his confusion when saying, “I mean does somebody come around in a truck or something and take them away, or do they fly away by themselves –go south or something?” (81). The thought of the ducks represents Holden contemplating how he is going to go about toward the future. Is he going to do the work by himself or is somebody going to take him to his place? He doesn’t know what to do and what everybody else does or is supposed to do, just as he doesn’t know where the ducks go; however, later in the novel Holden has epiphany of where he should be. While talking to Phoebe Holden says:

I keep picturing all these little kids playing some game in this big field of rye and all. Thousands of little kids, and nobody’s around-nobody big, I mean-except me. And I’m standing on the edge of some crazy cliff. What I have to do, I have to catch everybody if they start to go over the cliff-I mean if they’re running and they don’t look where they’re going I have to come out from somewhere and catch them. That’s all I’d do all day. I’d just be catcher in the rye and all. I know it’s crazy, but that’s the only thing I’d really like to be. I know it’s crazy (173).

Holden has finally realized where he wants to be heading in his life. He wants to help people; and he wants to make sure that they don’t fall. The field of rye represents the kids in their childhood, but when they leave he wants to make sure that they are on the right path. If they are heading for the path of the cliff, Holden will catch them. When the kids are becoming adults he wants to make sure that they don’t fall to the world of crime, drugs and such, but to the world of living.

The place at which Catcher in the Rye ends doesn’t let us know for sure if Holden becomes the catcher in the rye, or how the rest of his life is. The last we know of Holden is that he is in a hospital and is awaiting the arrival of next school year. While talking about what he plans on accomplishing for the new school year Holden states:

A lot of people, especially this one psychoanalyst guy they have here, keeps asking me if I’m going to apply myself when I go back to school next September. It’s such a stupid question, in my opinion. I mean how do you know what you’re going to do till you do it? The answer is, you don’t. I think I am, but how do I know? I swear it’s a stupid question (213).

We don’t know if Holden actually does apply himself or if he actually continues with a life. Holden might have been able to catch himself from off the cliff or might have let himself fall by not applying himself in school.

The other possibility of Holden’s “catcher in the rye” future is the impact on Phoebe. Like Holden, the book doesn’t say anything about how Phoebe’s future ended up. Was Holden able to touch her life so that she was saved from the cliff or did she fall? Both the characters of Holden and Phoebe are at the point in their life in which they will soon be off on to the future, but need a place to go. Despite the uncertainty of Holden’s future, it is sure that Holden did learn a valuable lesson from his experiences in the time transpired in the novel. Holden becomes aware that he is heading for “a fall” that he won’t be able to get out of when he talks to Mr. Antolini. Mr. Antolini tells Holden, “I have a feeling that you’re riding for some kind of a terrible, terrible fall. But I don’t honestly know what kind… Are you listening to me?” (186). Holden mustn’t waste any time with his life and he must be productive. Mr. Antolini states, “You’re going to have to find out where you want to go. And then you’ve got to start going there. But immediately. You can’t afford to lose a minute. Not you” (188). The lesson taught in this novel is to find what you want to do in your life and be productive with it. Holden wasted his life not trying in school and lost himself the opportunity of doing what he wants to do. He should have been applying himself and following his interests and passions like Mr. Antolini told him to do.

Holden’s quest of finding what he wants to be ends in uncertainty, but teaches him a very important lesson. The story of Holden Caulfield is one that I think is very relevant to myself and many kids today. Like Holden, we are all at the age of seeing where our paths are heading and what our interests are in. Holden’s soul searching quest leads him to believe that he wants to become “the catcher in the rye”. We don’t know if Holden ever becomes “the catcher in the rye,” but the reader of the novel (along with Holden) learns the valuable lesson of being aware of the future and using time wisely to bring you to your right place in the world.

The Taboo by Andrew O’Lansen

Have you ever read a story with a character who is so unusual that you wonder, “What is he doing and why is he doing it?” Bizarre characters often pique our interest and stick out it our memory. The character of Paul in Willa Cather’s Paul’s Case is certainly unusual. He is always nervous, lies about himself to everyone, and despises the mundane working class life he was born into. Some readers take these characteristics at face value, but others take a deeper look into Paul’s mind and wonder if Paul might be gay. At first this idea may seem unlikely, but the evidence suggests that it is not entirely out of the question. Paul’s sexuality is not defined throughout the story, but struggles with sexuality would certainly explain some of his unusual behaviors, as well as his general displeasure with reality.

In the conservative environment of the early 20th century, being gay was seen as a sin and was not to be discussed in polite society. One can see where a young gay man might be constantly on guard to make sure no one discovered his secret. Paul is similarly wary; he makes nervous gestures such as glancing about and lying constantly. “Paul was… always glancing about him, seeming to feel that people might be watching him and trying to detect something” (p198, paragraph 2). It is never fully explained as to why Paul is so nervous, leaving tensions around sexuality as a possible explanation.

Paul and his father do not share a very close bond. They rarely talk to one another, and Paul goes out of his way to avoid coming home. An unexplained tension is in the air at Paul’s home life. At one point in the story, Paul is afraid is father will “come down, pistol in hand” and be “horrified to think how nearly he had killed him” (p203, paragraph 1). How many people do you know who would be nervous about their own father accidentally killing them? Perhaps this distance is due to Paul being ashamed. Once again, being gay in the early 1900’s was viewed as disgusting. Paul might feel that if he is too close to his father, he would somehow find out about his sexuality.

People who wish to change their identity might lie about themselves in order to more closely resemble the person they want to be. Paul lies to everyone about everything. He tells his classmates that “he was… going to Naples, to California, to Egypt.” Of course he wasn’t, and “he would slip back… nervously smiling; his sister was ill and he would have to defer his voyage until spring” (206). Paul was such a fraud he would lie in order to cover up his lies! Paul desperately wishes to be someone else. He hates reality and the middle-lower class life. Paul may be dissatisfied with life because he hates the fact that he was cursed with the “evil” sexuality. Existing in a fantasy world where he can enjoy the highest of luxuries and experience the finest of art would distract him from the reality in which his sexuality torments and haunts him.

Paul may or may not be in a relationship of a sexual nature with a boy named Charley Edwards. “For more than a year Paul had spent every available moment loitering about Charley Edwards’ dressing-room” (205). Paul doesn’t seem to pay much attention to girls or express interest in dating them. Meanwhile, “every available moment” in another man’s dressing room is a lot of time. They could just be close friends, or it could just be Paul wanting to experience the theatre as much as he can by hanging around Charley. However, it seems to me that the affiliation is much more intimate.

Readers are often perplexed by Paul’s unusual conduct. From his constant anxiety to his tension-filled home life to his far-fetched lies, we can just wonder, “Why?” When taking in all of the

elements of Paul’s character at once and connecting the dots, we can reach a possible conclusion: Paul is a closeted gay man.

Escaping to Freedom by Kwan Park

It was bad enough, what he saw there; but somehow not so bad as his long fear of it had been... --Willa Cather, “Paul’s Case”

People often believe that escaping from reality and their problems is the best way to solve their conflicts. For example, there are many articles about suicides, and suicide is a great illustration of how people run away from their problems rather than working through them. In the novel, The Catcher in the Rye, by J.D. Salinger and in the story, “Paul’s Case,” by Willa Cather, the main characters have many conflicts in their lives. Despite the fact that they come from totally different economic backgrounds, they are both being rejected from their own society and struggle to fit into it. In addition, Holden and Paul have similar personalities. Also, the authors make the settings similar along with the characters. Paul and Holden are two characters who make the mistake of trying to escape from their issues instead of facing and working through them.

Holden and Paul both have a difficult time with the expectations that they have to fulfill. Holden often talks about how smart his siblings are. He describes Allie, his dead younger brother, as being "fifty times as intelligent" as he is (Salinger 38). Not only Allie, but he also talks about his younger sister, Phoebe, saying that she is "very good in all her subjects" (Salinger 160). As shown, Holden is under pressure to be smart, in order to fit into the environment he is in and this allows us to predict that his parents are expecting a lot. However, he decides to cut classes, because he was failing them, which later causes him to get kicked out of Pencey, his school in Pennsylvania.

Paul, who also lives in Pennsylvania, struggles to fit in with his surroundings. His interests are very different from people in his social class, or his neighbors. Paul is never satisfied with his environment. In the story, Cather writes, "Paul never went up Cordelia Street without a shudder of loathing" (Cather 202). Paul feels that his home, Cordelia Street, is sinking into "ugliness and commonness" (Cather 202), and that causes him to be agitated. Not only is Paul being isolated because he has different interests from everyone such as loving arts, instead of being interested in girls or sports like other teenagers, but Paul himself is isolating himself from everyone as well. Because Holden and Paul couldn't handle the pressure and loneliness they have to go through, they decide to break away from their environment and escape to New York.

Escaping to New York gives Holden and Paul a sense of freedom, and while they are at New York, we are able to find another similarity of Holden and Paul. Holden and Paul both often lie to people to avoid being judged. After Holden calls Sunny, the prostitute, into his room, he realizes that he is afraid to do anything with her but to talk to her. However, in order for Holden to avoid Sunny to think of him as a scaredy cat, he makes up a lie saying, "I had an operation recently on my clavichord" (Salinger 96). Also, Holden is jealous of those people that are better than him; he calls them a "phony", because he feels that he will never be like them. Along with Holden, Paul also lies so that people won't treat him like a lower class person. When Paul registers in the hotel, he lies that his parents "have been abroad" and that "he came down to await the arrival of their steamer" (Cather 208). By saying this, he is trying to seem like his family is part of upper class, and that his family is rich enough to travel to different places. Lying helped Holden and Paul avoid being judged.

Holden and Paul have many similarities. They are both having a difficult time trying to fit into their society and later decide to escape from their stress. However, there's an irony between Holden and Paul. Although, they have so many common things and are facing similar issues, each would love to live the other's life. Because Holden wants to live in a place where act who they truly

are, like in Paul's neighborhood, he might appreciate the lack of pretention or posturing in Cordelia Street where only "commonness" (Cather 202) exists. Also, because Paul always wants to be part of the upper class, loving art, he would enjoy being like Holden, who can casually drop into expensive plays with famous stars such as, "the Lunts".

Holden and Paul are both running away from the hurtful reality in order to keep themselves satisfied. Although, they face the same conflict, which was not being able to fit into the society, they follows different paths at the end. Holden is forced to accept the truth and return home, while Paul chooses death. These two characters are great examples of the people who deny the reality. But Holden’s story suggests that it’s never too late to face the problem and once you work it through, your life becomes a lot happier than it used to be.

Fall From Grace: A Monologue by James Castle by Jillian Ring

He lent me his sweater That green, turtleneck sweater Then they barged into my room Asking for an apology, One I would not give. Beat me, bruised me As the clouds became black The window was freedom My only escape from the hurt. It felt like flying, But the ground was growing closer It was calm and quiet. Comfortable, In that green turtleneck sweater.

Like Looking In a Mirror by Jillian Ring

Those eyes stare back at you, picking up every wrinkle, laugh line, pimple and scar. Eyeing those insecurities and reflecting every emotion back to you. Looking in a mirror is one of the challenging acts to overcome. It transforms your reflection into something more, and reveals the substance beneath the skin. Holden Caulfield, the main character in The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger feels surrounded by phonies, and in the short story, Paul’s Case by Willa Cather, Paul feels out of place with the people around him. These two boys whose stories were written fifty years apart, portray similar characteristics and feelings surrounding their situations. For these two boys, it is like looking back into a mirror for both of them.

Holden and Paul feel that there is more to life than sitting in a classroom. School poses a barrier between who they are and what they want to become. Paul gets “suspended” from school for a week but didn’t really care: “His teachers felt this afternoon that his whole attitude was symbolized by his shrug” (198). Paul was not fazed by this drastic measure because he never liked school. He hated the people just as much as the place, “He could not bear to have pupils think, for a moment that he took these people seriously” (206). Just like Paul, Holden too was “kicked out” of Pencey Prep, “On account I was flunking four subjects and not applying myself and all” (4). Holden felt like he was surrounded by “phonies” and “crooks” at the school. Paul and Holden have very similar outlooks on school. Holden thinks that Pencey Prep is just one in a slew of many fake schools preaching to phonies, and Paul thinks that school just keeps him from the concert hall. On the whole, Paul and Holden dread having to attend school, where they are contained in a four-wall environment from which they yearn to break free from.

Holden and Paul share an interesting characteristic that plays a significant role throughout both their stories: they are both compulsive liars. Holden claims he is the, “most terrific liar you ever saw in your life” (16). Holden lies to everyone he meets, such as the mother of Ernest, a boy he went to Pencey with. He introduces himself as Rudolf Schmidt, and then processed to give her a sham life story because he didn’t feel revealing his actual life story. It was easier to just to make one up. Even though Holden is a neurotic liar, he hates when people act fake, or like “phonies.” He feels overwhelmed by the number of “phonies” who were “coming out of the goddamn windows.” In this sense, Holden is a hypocrite, who lies to feel comfortable but will criticize people when they are not acting like their true selves. Paul is also as habitual liar. Paul, “never lied for pleasure, even at school; but to be noticed and admired” (211). Paul feels like he needs to stand out from the monotony and atrocity that he thinks is school. He would tell his class that he would be “traveling for a while,” going to distant parts of the globe like “Naples, to Venice, to Egypt.” But then on Monday, when he returned to the classroom he would say his “sister was ill” and would have to “defer his voyage until spring” (206). Paul felt imprisoned by his ever looming miserable future and escaped to New York City, where he lied to the hotel manager saying his parents were out and he needed a room. Holden and Paul both lied to attain the attention they both craved. They wanted to be unique from the people around them, but also fit in with the elite of the times.

Even though Paul and Holden lie to seem older and more mature, underneath that tough bravado they display is a scared boy who is lost at heart and trying to find the place where he belongs in the world. Paul was terrified of the future his father was trying to set in place for him. It was his father’s, “deepest hope that he [Paul] would pattern,” a young man’s life who was “daily held up to Paul as a model” (206). Paul would then have these terrifying nightmares that his father would come downstairs with a “pistol in hand,” and shoot, thinking Paul was an intruder. Near the end of the story, Paul starts to drown in the sea of lies he has created in order to feel like his true

self, the person he was actually supposed to be. In Paul’s mind, he was a man of wealth and comfort, living on Fifth Avenue, not some poor school boy, forever to be sitting on Cordelia Street. That was the thought that scared Paul the most, having to return to the mundane life in Pittsburg. This perpetual fear causes him to leap in front of the train, thus ending his life. Holden is also a scared and confused young boy at heart. He wandered to New York City to try and find his purpose in life. He stated to become miserable thinking about how he might “disappear.” Holden feels like he’s going crazy and losing himself in this self-perpetuating quest. He is frightened that he is going to lose all of his innocence, the innocence of being a boy, being confused, being scared. This thought then causes him to want to become the “catcher in the rye”, he wants to catch little kids running through the rye before they fall of the cliff they’re on. The fall off the cliff is the fall from innocence, something that Holden wants to prevent. He feels the need to catch someone, because no one ever caught him before his scary fall out of innocence and his crash into the real world.

Holden Caulfield and Paul are alike, even though their stories were conceived fifty years apart. If they looked into a mirror, they would see two bright, and intelligent men but underneath their scars from the world would show they are still both scared little boys trying to make something of themselves in their own worlds.

A House or a Home? by Stephanie Short

Why do some people feel uncomfortable in their own home? While most people are in their houses, they feel safe and secure. Other people don’t feel the same way. These few others feel uncomfortable and nervous in their own home. Willa Cather, the author of the short story, “Paul’s Case,” decided to write about one of these exceptions, Paul. Paul feels uneasy whenever he comes near his home and the street that he lives on. Most people think that everyone has a nice home and a good caring and loving family. What they don’t realize that they are lucky and fortunate because some people do not have this comfort. Many people take living in a home for granted and they shouldn’t.

Early in the story the author reveals, “Paul never went up Cordelia Street without a shudder of loathing” (202). Paul describes this feeling of “loathing” when he walks up his street. When most people are walking up their street, they do not describe the feeling they have as a “shudder of loathing.” People may describe it as a safe or welcoming feelings. As Paul comes closer to his home, Cather explains this feeling as a “nervousness sense of defeat.” Paul’s feelings never change when he arrives home or close to his home, they are always a “hopeless feeling of sinking back forever into ugliness and commonness.” There may be a reason that Paul felt this way whenever he arrived home. Paul may feel that he does not deserve to be in his home, or he may feel down and lousy about himself whenever he is home. Paul feels “hopeless” which may also mean he feels that he is going to go nowhere in his life. It is odd that just by being in his house, these feelings come to Paul.

At home, Paul lives with his father and his sisters. Cather shows details in the story that may be giving us hints about how Paul feels about his father. Moments before returning home, Paul speculates, “Suppose his father had heard him getting in at the window and had come down and shot him for a burglary?” (203). Most people would never even think to imagine their parents doing this; it is strange that Paul does. Paul makes it sound like he is scared of his father. It shows that Paul may be distant from his father. Maybe they do not get along. In the story, Paul’s father also explains how he wants Paul to be just like a man who lives on their street. This man married a school teacher when they were both very young, has many kids, and he does not have a good job. Paul doesn’t want his future to be anything like that. Paul does not want to live the rest of his life on Cordelia street. Paul wants to have a successful life and go someone in the future and be something. I think that since his father said this, it scared Paul a little because his father does not think that he can do better. Considering the interactions between Paul and his father, this may be another reason why Paul feels uncomfortable in his home.

Cordelia Street is full of people who are not wealthy. The people who live there are mostly in the working class. Most people who live on Cordelia street have family who live there and have lived there for most of their life. Paul did not want to be one of those people. Paul was not like the other children who lived on Cordelia street, “the children played on the streets” (204). Willa Cather chose to write this in the story because it may be giving more hints as to why Paul felt the way that he did whenever he was on Cordelia Street. Paul may have felt left out, or unwanted, by seeing the

kids playing and having fun on the streets. It may also show that Paul did not like that children were having so much fun on his street. Perhaps Paul was envious that these children were having so much fun and he was not. This could go back to Paul's past. Was he not able to play he he was a child? This may be a cause as to why Paul wanted to escape from his house so badly. “On seasonable Sunday afternoons the burghers of Cordelia street usually sat out on their front ‘stoops’ and talked to their neighbors on the next stoop, or called to those across the street in the neighborly fashion” (204). Everyone who lives on Cordelia street knows each other. Maybe Paul feels left out whenever he sees his neighbors talking to each other.

Paul has many reasons to why he feels nervous and scared whenever he is in his home or on Cordelia Street. They're are many different possibilities as to why he felt this way. Paul may feel like an outsider among his neighbors, or scared whenever he was near his father. Unlike most other people, Paul feels safest whenever he is far away from his house.

“Then There’s a Pair of Us” by Allison Stewart

You felt like you were disappearing every time you crossed the road. --J.D. Salinger, Catcher in the Rye

Many teenagers today are curious about their ultimate purpose in life. Relating to this, many in their adolescent years may expect their lifelong path to be apparent, but most teenagers discover the difficulties of maturing along the way. This can relate to the protagonist in the novel, Catcher in the Rye, by J.D. Salinger. The protagonist, Holden, is a teenage boy who is in search of adulthood but is uncertain of how to get there. Holden travels from school to school, but never comes upon one that is pleasing to him. He lives his life unsure of his position in the world, feeling like he will never fit in to common society, as if he is nobody. Holden’s confusion about his identity and his outlook on the rest of the world can relate to a poem by Emily Dickinson, “I’m Nobody! Who are you?”

Throughout Holden’s teenage years, he feels as though he is accomplishing nothing. He has no one to guide him through his life. Holden thinks that he is nobody in the vast world, full of overachievers or “phonies,” as Holden would refer to them as. In Emily Dickinson’s poem, she states, “I’m Nobody! Who are you? Are you – Nobody – too? Then there’s a pair of us! Don’t tell! They’d advertise – you know!” This mimics Holden’s belief that he has no purpose; that he is just one useless person in the millions of the world. At one point in the novel, Holden states, “I don’t even know what I was running for – I guess I just felt like it” (5). It’s as if Holden is living his life for no reason. He acts as though he has no intentions of becoming famous, or having some impact on the rest of the world. He later says, “…you felt like you were disappearing every time you crossed a road”(5). This can mean that every time Holden tries to accomplish something, like doing well in school, his success would just vanish before he could reach his goal. This suggests that Holden may have wanted to be “somebody” but it could have been more of a challenge to thrive than he had imagined. Consequently, Holden repeatedly uses excuses for the purpose of concealing these faults.

Holden excessively uses the word “phony” to describe anyone that does not meet his standards of individuality. He uses it as an excuse, trying to convince himself that he lives up to the ideal standards, while in reality, that “phony” may be recognized as superior to him. In the second stanza of Dickinson’s poem, she states, “How dreary – to be – Somebody! How public – like Frog – To tell one’s name – the livelong June – To an admiring Bog!” This relates to how Holden loathes people who are famous or somehow known in the world. He particularly criticizes movie stars, who he feels are acting out a perfect, artificial life; a life that no ordinary teenager, specifically himself, could obtain. A previous teacher of Holden’s once states, “Life is a game, boy. Life is a game that one plays according to the rules” (8). In response to this, Holden thinks to himself that only for already successful people is it a game, but for others, like Holden, it is no game at all. Holden feels as though there is no point in playing the “game,” if his life will not be memorable or influential in some way. Most likely he would like to be on the side with the achievers, but he covers up these feeling by calling those people “phonies”, making it seem as though they are living their life wrong. He puts them down to hide his longing for a greater repute.

Dickinson’s poem, “I’m Nobody! Who are you?” relates in several ways to Holden’s view on himself and others. Like the speaker of the poem, Holden feels alone and useless in the world. He feels that no matter what he does, he will never be “somebody”; he will just go “down, down, down, and nobody’d ever see [him] again” (197). Like many other teenagers, Holden seeks guidance in finding out who he really is and his purpose in the world.

The Runaways by Liz Wolf

Holden, the main character in J.D Salinger’s The Catcher in the Rye is a troubled and confused boy, just like Paul, from Willa Cather’s short story “Paul’s Case.” Although the boys lived very different life styles, they still have many things in common.

Holden is a troubled kid. He attends Pencey, an all boys’ boarding school. One day after Holden’s fencing tournament, Holden found out that “they kicked me out, I wasn’t supposed to come back after Christmas vacation, on account of I was flunking four subjects and for not applying myself at all” (4). He didn’t seem to care much about his expulsion, but the one thing he did care about was Sally Hayes. Sally is a girl Holden takes ice-skating. At the end of their date Holden turns to Sally and says, “Look, here’s my idea. How would you like to get the hell out of here?” (132). Holden starts telling Sally all about his plan to drive up to Vermont and Massachusetts with only 200 bucks to his name. Sally just looks at him as if he was crazy and tells him he can’t do something like that, but Holden doesn’t understand why she thinks it’s a bad idea. They soon go their separate ways. Willa Cather’s character, Paul, also had school issues. He got suspended “… on account of his various misdemeanors” (197).

When Holden gets kicked out of Pencey and is turned down by Sally, he doesn’t really know what to do with his life and is confused about leaving New York to run away. After Holden leaves Mr. Antolini’s apartment, he writes his sister Phoebe a note telling her to meet him at the museum of art. As soon as Phoebe arrives he thinks to himself, “The thing I couldn’t understand, she had this big suitcase with her” (205). He soon realizes she has the suitcase because she wants to run away with him, but Holden refuses to let her do that. At the end of the novel, Holden starts to leave without her but is soon overwhelmed and is brought to tears. He decides to stay in New York with Phoebe. Unlike Holden, Paul does run away. He spends a couple days in a beautiful New York hotel, but soon figures out that the person he worked for found out that Paul stole money. When Paul hears this news, he does the first thing he could think of. He gets into a cab and takes it to the nearest train tracks. As soon as he arrives he sits on the snow-filled ground, waiting go the train to come. Not knowing what to do “… he started to his feet remember his only resolution, and afraid lest he should be too late. He stood watching the approaching locomotive when the right moment came, he jumped” (214), right in front of the moving train.

Although both boys had very different life stories, they had the same problems. Holden could have anything he wanted but never took advantage of it and he was the cause of his own problems. Paul did not have an easy life. Getting the things he wanted, proved to be too much of a challenge, but I think he could of figured things out in a more successful way, instead of taking his own life.