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For Preview Only the ENCHANTED BOOKSHOP BOMBALURINA—Cat Ears

For Preview Only the ENCHANTED BOOKSHOP BOMBALURINA—Cat Ears

HEIDI’S LANGUAGE Being Swiss, Heidi speaks German as her native language. The language she speaks here, however, is a mishmash of English, German, and some made-up words. Here’s a glossary to help you make sense of it all. Mein Himmel! (mine HIM-mel)—Heavens! Ach du lieber! (ock doo LEE-ber)—Oh, my goodness! Was ist los? (VAHS ist LOHS)—What’s the matter? Kaput (kuh-POOT)—Done for. Klinken-klanken (KLINK-en KLANK-en)—Made-up. Represents the sound of a doorknob being turned. Gebrochen-schnappen (guh-BROKH-en SHNOP-en)—Made-up. Combines the German words for “broken” and “snapped.” By Todd Wallinger Mein (mine)—My. Auf wiedersehen, Fräulein Margie! (owf VEE-der-zane FROY-line MAHR- © Copyright 2017, by Todd Wallinger jee)—Goodbye, Miss Margie! As a guide to her accent, some of her words have been spelled rather creatively, with “w” becoming “v,” “s” becoming “sh,” and “th” Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that a royalty must be paid for every performance, whether or not admission is charged. All inquiries regarding rights should becoming “s” or “z.” These are suggestions only. be addressed to Pioneer Drama Service, Inc., PO Box 4267, Englewood, CO 80155. All rights to this play—including but not limited to amateur, professional, public reading and translation into foreign languages—are controlled by Pioneer Drama Service, Inc., without whose permission no performance, reading or presentation of any kind in whole or in part may be given. All other rights in this play, including radio broadcasting, television and motion picture rights, are controlled by TODD WALLINGER to whom all inquiries should be addressed c/o Pioneer Drama Service, Inc. PO Box 4267, Englewood, CO 80155-4267. These rights are fully protected under the copyright laws of the United States of America and of all countries covered by the Universal Copyright Convention or with which the United States has reciprocal copyright relations, including , Mexico, Australia and all nations of the United Kingdom.

ONE SCRIPT PER CAST MEMBER MUST BE PURCHASED FOR PRODUCTION RIGHTS. COPYING OR DISTRIBUTING ALL OR ANY PART OF THIS BOOK WITHOUT PERMISSION IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN BY LAW.

On all programs, printing and advertising, the following information must appear: 1. The full name of the play 2. The full name of the playwright 3. The following notice: “Produced by special arrangement with Pioneer Drama Service, Inc., Denver, Colorado”

36 For preview only THE ENCHANTED BOOKSHOP BOMBALURINA—Cat ears. Use makeup to give her a cat nose and whiskers. By TODD WALLINGER MOM—Fleece , . CAST OF CHARACTERS TIMMY—Whatever kids are wearing these days. (In Order of Appearance) The book characters like they do in their books. It’s not necessary, # of lines however, to give them elaborate . For the most part, each of the book characters can be identified by two or three key items, as MARGIE ...... bookshop owner; scatterbrained, 140 listed below: eternally hopeful ROBIN —Green pointed , green tunic. BOMBALURINA ...... Margie’s cat; likes to steal things 8 TOM SAWYER—, . MOM ...... bored bookshop customer 24 SHERLOCK HOLMES— hat, trench . TIMMY ...... kid; hates books 10 TOTO—Black pointy dog ears. Use makeup to give him a dog nose ROBIN HOOD ...... vain Medieval English outlaw 54 and whiskers. TOM SAWYER ...... mischievous Missouri schoolboy 36 DOROTHY—Calico dress, silver (as in the book). Note that SHERLOCK HOLMES ...... brainy English detective 58 the ruby are from the 1939 MGM movie and are not TOTO ...... Dorothy’s dog; not as brave as n/a in the public domain. he thinks he is HEIDI—Dirndl, braided hair. POLLYANNA—Frilly 1910’s-era dress, large hair bow. DOROTHY ...... Kansas farm girl; fearless, clever 64 LADY IN RED—Red dress, mink stole, red with . HEIDI...... Swiss mountain girl; 38 FAGIN—Shabby , flat wide-brimmed hat, scraggly beard melodramatic and moustache. POLLYANNA ...... schoolgirl; 42 LONG JOHN SILVER—Pirate hat, long coat, parrot. For the peg leg, annoyingly optimistic the lower leg in a cardboard tube painted to look like BOOK FAIRY ...... brings the book characters to 29 wood. Or you can buy a “peg leg ” from one of several life; overbearing online vendors. Either way, the realism of the effect will mostly LADY IN RED ...... mysterious bookshop customer 24 depend on the stiff-legged walk of the actor. FAGIN ...... English pickpocket; sneaky 13 OFFICER KETCHUM—Police including hat. LONG JOHN SILVER ...... English pirate; treacherous 17 EDDIE and FINGERS—Black knit , black sweatshirt. OFFICER KETCHUM...... confused police officer 24 DOCTOR DOLITTLE— hat, , stethoscope. QUEEN OF HEARTS—, with hearts. FINGERS ...... jewel smuggler; dumb 61 FRANKENSTEIN—Dark jacket, clunky shoes, green makeup. EDDIE...... another; bossy and dumb 90 WICKED WITCH OF THE WEST—, black dress, green DOCTOR DOLITTLE ...... English veterinarian; talks 16 makeup. to animals HOPALONG CASSIDY—, neck bandanna. QUEEN OF HEARTS ...... ruler of Wonderland; hothead 9 FRANKENSTEIN ...... monster; grunts a lot n/a FLEXIBLE CASTING WICKED WITCH BOMBALURINA, TIMMY, TOTO, OFFICER KETCHUM, FINGERS, and OF THE WEST ...... Dorothy’s nemesis; smart aleck 8 EDDIE can be played by either gender with few, if any, line changes. HOPALONG CASSIDY ...... noble cowboy 7 The actor playing FAGIN can double as DOLITTLE and either FRANKENSTEIN or HOPALONG. The actress playing LADY IN RED can double as QUEEN OF HEARTS and WICKED WITCH.

ii 35 RIGHTS MUST BE PURCHASED BEFORE REPRODUCING THIS SCRIPT For preview only PRODUCTION NOTES SETTING Time: Present. PROPERTIES ONSTAGE Place: A Likely Story used book store. Shelves with books, cat bed hiding a rabbit’s foot and a locket, sign showing the name of the store, “A Likely Story,” and a counter with SYNOPSIS OF SCENES cash register, phone, pen, notepad, bottle of glue, and containing some shopping bags. ACT ONE In ACT TWO, Scene Four, a fake is added to the locked book Scene One: One evening near closing time. that is onstage. Scene Two: That night. Scene Three: The next day. PROPERTIES BROUGHT ON ACT ONE Scene Four: That night. Scene One: Scene Five: The next day. Book (MARGIE) ACT TWO Phone (TIMMY) Scene One: That night. Scene Three: Scene Two: The next day. Locked book containing diamond necklace (LADY IN RED) Scene Three: That night. Scene Four: Pillow, Robin’s hat (BOMBALURINA) Scene Four: The next day. Slingshot, three marbles, two pennies, string, magnifying glass, SET DESCRIPTION beetle (TOM) A quaint used book store with the walls lined with bookshelves. The Bow, arrow (ROBIN) main entrance is at STAGE RIGHT. The entrance from the upstairs Hairpin (POLLYANNA) apartment is at STAGE LEFT. A counter with a cash register is UP Lock pick (FAGIN) RIGHT. The counter hides a low opening in the UPSTAGE WALL through Parrot (LONG JOHN) which the book characters enter and exit. ACT TWO Bombalurina’s cat bed is DOWN LEFT. A sign shows the name of the Scene One: store, “A Likely Story.” Slingshot (TOM) Scene Two: Photo (FINGERS) Scene Three: Binoculars (BOMBALURINA) Stretcher (ROBIN, DOLITTLE) Scene Four: Lasso (HOPALONG) “Real” diamond necklace (LONG JOHN) Book (TIMMY) COSTUMES The real-life characters wear contemporary clothing. MARGIE—Funky, bohemian-style clothing.

34 iii RIGHTS MUST BE PURCHASED BEFORE REPRODUCING THIS SCRIPT For preview only SET DESIGN 1 BOOK FAIRY: No, Margie. They’re not gone. They’re right where they’re supposed to be, just waiting for someone to open their books and bring them to life. MARGIE: But how will that ever happen? Hardly anyone comes to the 5 store anymore. And when they do, they don’t buy anything. BOOK FAIRY: Oh, Margie. You’ve got to have faith! Someday, maybe, if you truly believe— (Hears MOM and TIMMY approach.) Uh oh. Somebody’s coming. I’ve got to go. (EXITS UPSTAGE.) MARGIE: (Calls after her.) It was nice knowing you! I guess. 10 MOM: (Bursts IN RIGHT with TIMMY, who clutches his copy of Fang.) We’re back! MARGIE: What’s the matter? Didn’t he like the book? MOM: Are you kidding? He loved it! TIMMY: It was the greatest book ever! 15 MARGIE: I’m so glad you enjoyed it! TIMMY: Do you have any more? MARGIE: Do I have any more? I’ve got a whole store full of books! MOM: What would you recommend? MARGIE: (Pulls books off the shelf and names each one.) Well, there’s 20 Robin Hood and Pollyanna and Sherlock Holmes and Heidi and Tom Sawyer and… (Pauses at The Wizard of Oz.) And then there’s this one, the most special one of all. (Places the book in TIMMY’S hands.) TIMMY: The Wizard of Oz? I thought that was a movie. MARGIE: Oh, sure. They made a movie out of it, but if you really want 25 to see some great special effects, you’ve got to read the book. TIMMY: Awesome! MOM: We’ll take them all. MARGIE: Wonderful! I’ll bag these up for you. (Goes behind the counter and gets out a shopping bag.) 30 MOM: No, no. I don’t mean these all. (Gestures toward the books in MARGIE’S hands.) I mean these all. (Gestures toward all the books in the store.) MARGIE: The entire store? MOM: The entire store. 35 TIMMY: Wow! Thanks, Mom! MARGIE: Well, Bombalurina, it looks like we’re going to need some more bags! (Gets out a big stack of bags and starts bagging up books as MOM and TIMMY eagerly look through The Wizard of Oz. Delighted to finally get rid of them, BOMBALURINA brings her more books. And 40 more books. And still more books. LIGHTS FADE to BLACK.) END OF PLAY

iv 33 For preview only 1 POLLYANNA: I just wish we could have helped you save the store. THE ENCHANTED BOOKSHOP MARGIE: Don’t worry about that. I’m just so excited you’re here! ACT ONE DOROTHY: (Jerks backward.) Oh, no! Scene One MARGIE: What’s the matter? 1 AT RISE: MARGIE reads The Merry Adventures of Robin Hood. 5 DOROTHY: I don’t know. Something seems to be tugging on me! (Now BOMBALURINA lies in her cat bed, listening contentedly. the other BOOK CHARACTERS jerk backward.) MARGIE: Listen, Bombalurina! Here comes the exciting part! (Acts HOPALONG: It feels like I got a lasso around my ! out the story as she reads.) “At last Little John struck like a flash, BOOK FAIRY: Huh. So that’s how it works. 5 and—rap!—the Tanner met the blow and turned it aside, and then MARGIE: What do you mean? How what works? smote back at Little John, who also turned the blow, and so this 10 BOOK FAIRY: The spell, of course. It’s over. Dorothy and Tom and all mighty battle began.” the rest of them, they’re going to disappear into their books now. MOM: (ENTERS RIGHT with TIMMY, who plays a game on his phone. WICKED WITCH: Curses! And I just got here too! MARGIE doesn’t notice them.) Excuse me. HEIDI: Can’t you do something, Book Fairy? 10 MARGIE: (Reads.) “Then up and down and back and forth they trod, BOOK FAIRY: I’m sorry. It’s out of my hands now. (The BOOK the blows falling so thick and fast that, at a distance, one would 15 CHARACTERS lurch backward toward the hidden EXIT, bodies have thought that half a score of men were fighting.” jerking, arms flailing, as though pulled by an unseen force.) MOM: I said, excuse me. MARGIE: No! Don’t go! There are so many things I want to talk to MARGIE: (Reads.) “Thus they fought for nigh a half an hour, until the you about! 15 ground was all plowed up with the digging of their heels, and their POLLYANNA: We can’t help it, Miss Margie! The force is too strong! breathing grew labored like the ox in the furrow—” (MOM taps her on the shoulder.) Aaah! (Startled, throws up her hands, causing the 20 TOM: Uh-oh! Here I go! (EXITS UPSTAGE.) book to fly across the room.) MARGIE: Tom! MOM: I’d like some help, please. POLLYANNA: Oh, dear! Even I can’t put a positive spin on this! (EXITS UPSTAGE.) 20 MARGIE: (Flustered.) What? Oh, uh, yes! Of course! You want some help! And I’m going to help you! Just as soon as I get my book! MARGIE: Pollyanna! (Rushes over to the book. After checking to make sure it’s okay, sets 25 HOPALONG: Oh, well. I guess this is the last roundup! (EXITS UPSTAGE.) it on the counter.) Welcome to A Likely Story. How can I help you SHERLOCK: A most curious sensation, this! (EXITS UPSTAGE.) this evening? LONG JOHN: Hold fast, Captain Flint! We’re going down with the ship! 25 MOM: I’m here to buy a book for my son, Timmy. (EXITS UPSTAGE.) MARGIE: Oh! Isn’t that exciting! What kind of books do you like, WICKED WITCH: And I thought melting was bad! (EXITS UPSTAGE. Timmy? Timmy? 30 FRANKENSTEIN lets out a groan and EXITS UPSTAGE.) MOM: Timmy, she’s asking you a question. HEIDI: Auf wiedersehen, Fräulein Margie! (EXITS UPSTAGE.) TIMMY: (Continues playing with his phone.) I hate books. ROBIN: We’ll never forget you! (EXITS UPSTAGE.) 30 MARGIE: Ha ha! Surely you don’t mean that. Don’t you have a favorite MARGIE: Oh, Dorothy! You’ve got to stay! book at home? DOROTHY: I’m sorry, Miss Margie! I don’t have the strength! (TOTO MOM: Timmy doesn’t have any books. 35 barks, then EXITS UPSTAGE with DOROTHY.) MARGIE: No books at all? MARGIE: (Heartbroken, stares at the spot where they vanished. MOM: We always meant to buy him one, but we could never make the BOMBALURINA rubs up against her and purrs.) Oh, Bombalurina! 35 commitment. Books take up so much room, you know? They’re gone! They’re all gone! MARGIE: Yes, well, I’m sure I can find something he’ll like.(Scans the bookshelves.)

32 1 For preview only 1 MOM: We wouldn’t be here at all except his teacher is making him 1 WICKED WITCH: (Puts her hand on FRANKENSTEIN’S shoulder.) Where write a book report. we come from, it’s always Halloween. (FRANKENSTEIN grunts.) MARGIE: (To TIMMY.) Ooh, how about a mystery? Or maybe science EDDIE: We didn’t do nothin’, officer. We was just buyin’ a book. fiction. Wait. I’d bet you’d love a heartwarming animal story! OFFICER KETCHUM: Oh, yeah? Which book? 5 TIMMY: (To phone.) Take that! And that! 5 FINGERS: That book over there with the jewels in it. MOM: I don’t know why he has to write a book report. I mean, books EDDIE: How many times do I gotta tell you, Fingers? You’re supposed are so old-fashioned. to shut up when you’re talkin’! MARGIE: Oh, but they’re not! Books are wonderful! They strengthen OFFICER KETCHUM: (Picks up the book and the fake necklace.) Huh. your vocabulary! They fuel your imagination! They teach you about A book with a secret compartment. So this is how the jewels were 10 other times and other cultures! 10 smuggled. But this isn’t the necklace that was stolen. MOM: What do you mean? EDDIE: Gee, officer. I guess that means you gotta let us go. MARGIE: (Picks up the book from the counter.) Well, take this book, LONG JOHN: (ENTERS UPSTAGE with the real necklace.) Could this be for example. Robin Hood. It’s about these highway robbers in of interest to ye, constable? (Hands over the necklace.) medieval England… OFFICER KETCHUM: (Takes it.) This is the necklace, all right. But what 15 MOM: Oh, no. We would never let Timmy read a book like that. We’re 15 were you doing with it? very careful about what we expose him to. LONG JOHN: Me? Oh, uh, I was just keeping it safe from those two TIMMY: (To phone.) Blam! Blam! Blam! bilge rats over there. MARGIE: (Pulls a book from the shelf.) Okay. How about this one? EDDIE: I don’t know what he’s yappin’ about. White Fang by Jack London. FINGERS: Sure you do, Eddie. That’s the necklace we was gonna smuggle. 20 MOM: What’s that? A book about dentistry? 20 EDDIE: You know your problem, Fingers? Your mouth keeps workin’ MARGIE: No, it’s about this dog named White Fang, see? And he lives overtime while your brain is still on break. in the Yukon, and he gets sold to an Indian named Grey Beaver, OFFICER KETCHUM: I don’t understand. If this is the stolen necklace, only because he’s part wolf, the other dogs refuse to accept him. then where did the other necklace come from? (Acts out the story.) And then he gets into this fight with a dog POLLYANNA: That was my fault, officer. I thought if I gave the smugglers 25 named Cherokee. They pounce at each other, slashing and biting, 25 my Aunt Polly’s necklace, they would leave Miss Margie alone. I tearing and clawing, until Cherokee manages to close his jaws didn’t realize the necklace was fake. over White Fang’s throat. White Fang tries to shake him off, but he doesn’t have the strength and he stumbles to the ground, BOOK CHARACTERS: Pollyanna! exhausted… (On the floor now, looks up at MOM for approval.) WICKED WITCH: See? I always said you can’t trust little girls. 30 MOM: Sounds violent. LONG JOHN: Young lads ain’t much better. TIMMY: (To his phone.) Die, ogre, die! 30 TOM: Hey! MARGIE: (Scrambles to her feet.) Oh, no. It’s really a very good book. OFFICER KETCHUM: All right, you crooks. I’m running you in. I’ve got MOM: How much is it? more than enough evidence to book you. Hey, did you hear that? Book you! I made a joke! MARGIE: Three dollars. FINGERS: That’s a good one, copper! Hey, Eddie, ain’t that a good one? 35 MOM: I don’t know. That seems like an awful lot of money. 35 EDDIE: When I say shaddap, I mean shaddap! (OFFICER KETCHUM MARGIE: Would you buy it for two dollars? escorts EDDIE and FINGERS OFF RIGHT.) MOM: Come on, Timmy. Let’s see what they have at the library. (Starts MARGIE: Thanks, everybody. I don’t know what I would have done to leave with TIMMY.) without you. MARGIE: No, no! Please, just take it! (Holds out the book.) DOROTHY: We had to help, Miss Margie. We couldn’t stand by and 40 MOM: You’re giving us the book? 40 see you get hurt.

2 31 RIGHTS MUST BE PURCHASED BEFORE REPRODUCING THIS SCRIPT For preview only 1 WICKED WITCH: Cool it, Frankie. They’ve already surrendered. 1 MARGIE: Sure. Why not? (FRANKENSTEIN lets out a disappointed grunt.) MOM: (Reluctant, takes the book. To TIMMY.) I guess if you don’t like TOM: If only we had somethin’ to tie ‘em up with. it, we can always sell it online. HOPALONG: (ENTERS UPSTAGE holding a lasso.) I’ve got just what you TIMMY: (To his phone.) Yay! Another five thousand points! (EXITS 5 need right here, pardner. 5 RIGHT with MOM. BOMBALURINA gives MARGIE a dubious look.) POLLYANNA: Thanks, Hopalong! You came just in the nick of time! MARGIE: Don’t look at me like that, Bombalurina. I had to give it to HOPALONG: Of course, little lady. I always come in the nick of time. them. I can’t imagine a child not owning a book. (Peers OFF RIGHT.) DOROTHY: I just wish the nick of time had come a little earlier. Oh, well. Might as well close up shop. It doesn’t look like we’re going to get any more customers tonight. (Locks the front door.) HOPALONG: (Ties up EDDIE and FINGERS.) Would someone please 10 Well, Bombalurina? Are you going to come up to the apartment with 10 call the police? (FRANKENSTEIN picks up the phone and grunts me, or are you going to stay down here and guard against burglars? into it.) (Alarmed, BOMBALURINA jumps out of bed and follows her.) I thought POLLYANNA: Uh, Frankie? It might be better if I make the call. (Takes so. You wouldn’t be much help against burglars anyway. the phone from FRANKENSTEIN.) BOMBALURINA: (Stops to put her paws on her hips.) Meow! MARGIE: Dorothy! Heidi! Tom! You’re real! 15 (MARGIE EXITS LEFT. BOMBALURINA hurries after her. LIGHTS 15 DOROTHY: You bet we’re real! FADE to BLACK.) HEIDI: As real as ze books ve came from! End of Scene One MARGIE: But what are you doing here? ACT ONE HOPALONG: It’s simple, pardner. Scene Two SHERLOCK: It was all the Book Fairy’s idea. LIGHTS UP: That night. 20 BOOK FAIRY: (ENTERS UPSTAGE.) Did somebody call my— (Looks ROBIN: (ENTERS UPSTAGE through the hidden EXIT behind the counter. around.) Whoa! Staggers dizzily.) Odds bodkins! It feels as though the whole world MARGIE: You made this happen? 20 is spinning… BOOK FAIRY: Who, me? (Laughs nervously.) I don’t know if I’d go TOM: (ENTERS UPSTAGE.) What’s the matter, old man? Did you swing that far. into a tree again? 25 WICKED WITCH: Sure it was you! You’re the one who gave us life! ROBIN: No. Miss Margie threw my book. I swear, every time she reads HOPALONG: Only you told us to lay low. me, I end up flying across the room. DOROTHY: You said if we ever left the building or were seen by any 25 SHERLOCK: (ENTERS UPSTAGE.) I thought you enjoyed flying, my good man. humans, we’d disappear into our books. ROBIN: I do. It’s the landing I’m not so fond of. (TOTO ENTERS BOOK FAIRY: Oh, yeah. Now it’s coming back to me. UPSTAGE, barking.) 30 MARGIE: But I don’t understand. I’m seeing you now. DOROTHY: (ENTERS UPSTAGE, following TOTO.) Toto, you’ve got to be ROBIN: Yes, and I fear this shall be the end of us. quiet! You could wake up Miss Margie! MARGIE: You mean…? 30 HEIDI: (ENTERS UPSTAGE.) Vorse yet, you could vake up zat DOROTHY: We gave up our lives, Miss Margie. To save you. cat, Bamboozle-o-mania! OFFICER KETCHUM: (ENTERS RIGHT.) Stop! You’re all under a nest! SHERLOCK: Her name is pronounced Bombalurina, Heidi. 35 No, wait. Not a nest. Arrest! You’re all under arrest! HEIDI: Zat’s vat I said, Bamboozle-o-mania! MARGIE: Those are the smugglers you’ve been looking for, officer. DOROTHY: What’s the matter with him? (Indicates ROBIN.) Right over there. (Indicates EDDIE and FINGERS.) 35 SHERLOCK: I’m afraid he’s suffered a traumatic injury to his cranium. OFFICER KETCHUM: (Crosses to the THIEVES, looks around at all the HEIDI: Mein Himmel! I can’t undershtand a vord he says! strange-looking characters.) It’s kind of early for Halloween, isn’t it? TOM: He means he took a blow to the noggin.

30 3 RIGHTS MUST BE PURCHASED BEFORE REPRODUCING THIS SCRIPT For preview only 1 ROBIN: Miss Margie tossed me across the room again. 1 EDDIE: All right, Fingers. Pick another book. DOROTHY: Oh, please. You don’t know what tossing is until you’ve FINGERS: (Grabs another book.) This one’s got a funny name. been tossed by a tornado! (Mispronounces Don Quixote.) Don Quicksoddy. (Tears pages out HEIDI: Vat means zis vord, tornado? of the book.) 5 POLLYANNA: (ENTERS UPSTAGE.) Ooh! Ooh! Let me explain it! A 5 MARGIE: Stop! I’ll give you all my money! Just please don’t hurt tornado is this great rush of wind that sounds like a freight train my books! and goes around and around like a carnival ride! EDDIE: Pick another one. DOROTHY: You know something, Pollyanna? Only you could make a FINGERS: (Grabs another book.) Ooh, I know this one! Heidi! (Prepares tornado sound fun. to tear pages from this book.) 10 HEIDI: Did anyvun see vat book vas taken? 10 ROBIN: (Bounds IN UPSTAGE.) Halt, you villainous rogues! SHERLOCK: I believe it was White Fang by Jack London. (BOMBALURINA lets out a screech and ducks behind the counter. TOM: Oh, no! Not White Fang! I’m gonna miss that ol’ mutt! EDDIE, FINGERS, and MARGIE stare in shock.) DOROTHY: Not me! I’m glad he’s gone. He used to chase Toto all FINGERS: Whoa! around the bookshop! (TOTO growls.) EDDIE: Who are you? 15 ROBIN: And he was always chewing on my ! 15 ROBIN: Who am I? Why, I am only the greatest outlaw in the land! POLLYANNA: Well, look on the bright side! At least Miss Margie sold EDDIE: Al Capone? another book! ROBIN: No! Robin Hood! SHERLOCK: She didn’t sell the book, Pollyanna. She gave it away. DOROTHY: (ENTERS UPSTAGE with TOTO, HEIDI, TOM, POLLYANNA, and TOM: Miss Margie’s got to stop doin’ that. SHERLOCK.) Boy, you really need to read more! 20 DOROTHY: I know. If business doesn’t pick up soon, she’s going to 20 HEIDI: Now please put mein book down! You’re making me nervous! have to close the bookshop. FINGERS: I don’t like this, Eddie! Let’s get outta here! HEIDI: Ach du lieber! Vat vill happen to us? EDDIE: We ain’t goin’ nowhere! Not until we get the real necklace! ROBIN: Who cares what happens to us? It’s Miss Margie I’m (FRANKENSTEIN ENTERS UPSTAGE with a roar.) On second worried about. thought, maybe we should get outta here! (Runs with FINGERS 25 for the RIGHT EXIT.) 25 TOM: Yeah. This shop is her life. DOROTHY: I just wish we could help. TOM: (Blocks the way with ROBIN and SHERLOCK.) Oh, no, you don’t, you big bullies! (FRANKENSTEIN stomps toward them. EDDIE and POLLYANNA: Hey, I have an idea! Why don’t we raise some money for FINGERS cry out.) her by opening a lemonade stand? EDDIE: Quick! Go the other way! SHERLOCK: I’m afraid we can’t, Pollyanna. That would violate the two 30 FINGERS: But we don’t know where it goes! 30 rules that were established for us by the Book Fairy. DOROTHY: Oh, no! You said it again! EDDIE: Who cares? It’s better than here! (Runs with FINGERS toward the LEFT EXIT.) SHERLOCK: Said what? What do you mean? DOROTHY: Get ‘em, Toto! (Barking, TOTO chases after EDDIE and FINGERS.) BOOK FAIRY: (ENTERS UPSTAGE with a flourish.) Did somebody call my name? WICKED WITCH: (ENTERS LEFT, cackling witchily. To EDDIE.) I’ll 35 get you, my pretty! And your little friend, too! (With a yelp, TOTO 35 BOOK CHARACTERS: (Unenthusiastic.) Hello, Book Fairy. hightails it away.) BOOK FAIRY: Tom, I didn’t hear your greeting. DOROTHY: Whew! I never thought I’d be glad to see you! TOM: (Downright glum.) Hello, Book Fairy. WICKED WITCH: Yeah? Well, I still want those shoes back! BOOK FAIRY: That’s better. Now what do you need my assistance with? EDDIE/FINGERS: (Stick up their hands.) We give up! We give up! 40 (FRANKENSTEIN continues stomping toward them.)

4 29 For preview only 1 MARGIE: Oh, you don’t want to read that one. How about a book like 1 POLLYANNA: No assistance, Book Fairy! Mr. Holmes was just Crime Never Pays or Twenty Thousand Years in Sing Sing? explaining to me why we can’t open a lemonade stand, only he EDDIE: No. It’s got to be the vegetable book. There’s a recipe I’m hadn’t gotten to that part yet. really interested in. It involves a lot of ice. BOOK FAIRY: A lemonade stand? Oh, no, no, no, no! That’s simply out 5 FINGERS: Hey, Eddie. I don’t think ice is a vegetable. 5 of the question! You know the rules I laid down for you when I gave EDDIE: Shaddap! You’re ruinin’ my metaphor! (Picks up the book with you the gift of life. the lock from the counter.) Ah, here it is. BOOK CHARACTERS: Yes, Book Fairy. MARGIE: Wait! Let me explain— BOOK FAIRY: Well, maybe we should go over them one more time— EDDIE: No explanation is necessary. Either the necklace is here or it ROBIN: (To SHERLOCK.) You had to open your big mouth. 10 ain’t. (Opens the book, pulls out a “fake” diamond necklace.) Well, 10 BOOK FAIRY: Can anyone tell me the first rule? well, well. Lookie here. Book Lady decided to return the necklace POLLYANNA: (Raises her hand.) Ooh! Ooh! I can! I can! after all. BOOK FAIRY: Yes, Pollyanna? MARGIE: What? Oh, yes! Of course I did! Why wouldn’t I? POLLYANNA: Rule number one—No leaving the bookshop! EDDIE: Come on, Fingers. Let’s take these rocks to the boss. BOOK FAIRY: Actually, you’re not allowed to leave the building. Miss 15 FINGERS: What happened to the ice? 15 Margie’s apartment is right upstairs, and while I don’t recommend EDDIE: Ice. Rocks. It’s all the same thing. going up there, it is fair territory. FINGERS: You know somethin’, Eddie? Some days you don’t make POLLYANNA: Good to know, Book Fairy! any sense at all. (EXITS RIGHT with EDDIE, taking the fake necklace BOOK FAIRY: And the second rule? Anyone? and the book with the lock.) POLLYANNA: (Raises her hand.) Ooh! Ooh! Call on me! Call on me! 20 MARGIE: Whew! That was a close one, Bombalurina. I don’t know how 20 BOOK FAIRY: Anyone else? Please? (SHERLOCK raises his hand.) Yes, the necklace got in there, but I’m glad it did. Now I finally have you, Mr. Holmes? a chance to fix that Sherlock Holmes book.(Grabs the Sherlock SHERLOCK: Rule number two—We must never permit ourselves to be Holmes book from the counter.) Well, that’s odd. It looks perfectly seen or in any way perceived by human beings. fine. I could have sworn the spine was broken. BOOK FAIRY: A little wordy, but correct. 25 EDDIE: (Bursts IN RIGHT with FINGERS.) Hey, what’s the big idea? 25 TOM: Rules are dumb. MARGIE: Why? What do you mean? HEIDI: But, Thomas, if it veren’t for ze rules, ve vouldn’t be here at all. EDDIE: (Holds up the fake necklace.) This ain’t the necklace we was looking for. These rocks is fake. (Breathes on the diamonds.) BOOK FAIRY: That’s right, Heidi. You’ve got to realize I went way out See? They fog up when I breathe on ‘em. (Tosses the fake on a limb for you guys. I mean, book characters are supposed to 30 necklace and the book with the lock on the counter.) What come to life the normal way—by being read. happened to the real necklace? 30 ROBIN: Here it comes… MARGIE: I don’t know! I never had it! BOOK FAIRY: But when I realized that was unlikely to happen here, I EDDIE: Tryin’ to pull a fast one, are ya? Well, we’ll see about that. Fingers? decided to step in. FINGERS: What book should I start with? DOROTHY: We know, Book Fairy, and we’re all very grateful. But can’t you make an exception just this once? 35 EDDIE: I don’t care. Just pick one. 35 BOOK FAIRY: Absolutely not! I mean, can you imagine what chaos it FINGERS: (Grabs a book from the shelf.) How about Mary Poppins? would cause if the humans saw you cavorting around? No, I have EDDIE: Whatever. (FINGERS tears pages out of the book.) to insist. If you break either of the two rules, you’ll disappear into MARGIE: No! Stop! your books forever. EDDIE: Are you gonna tell us where the real necklace is? TOM: How’s that supposed to work? 40 MARGIE: I already told you! I don’t know where it is!

28 5 For preview only 1 BOOK FAIRY: I don’t know, but it won’t be good. Now, if you’ll please 1 SHERLOCK: Dorothy, I admire your courage and I know you have only excuse me, I need to go look for Scarlett O’Hara. I understand the best intentions, but you must accept the facts. Without the she’s missing. necklace, there’s nothing we can do to help Miss Margie. HEIDI: Oh, no! Vat happened to her? DOROTHY: I suppose you’re right. 5 BOOK FAIRY: What do you think? She’s gone with the wind. (EXITS 5 SHERLOCK: Of course I’m right. I’m Sherlock Holmes. UPSTAGE. BOMBALURINA ENTERS LEFT, creeps toward ROBIN.) BOOK FAIRY: Now please, let’s get a move on. Miss Margie will be TOM: Can you believe that Book Fairy? She sounds like an old schoolmarm! coming downstairs any second! (EVERYONE but QUEEN OF HEARTS POLLYANNA: I know! Isn’t she wonderful? (Like a flash, BOMBALURINA and LONG JOHN EXITS UPSTAGE.) grabs ROBIN’S hat and runs OFF.) QUEEN OF HEARTS: Would you like to join me in a game of croquet? 10 ROBIN: Stop, thief! 10 LONG JOHN: As long as I can use me wooden leg. (Makes a stiff- TOM: (Chases after BOMBALURINA, but misses her.) Sorry, Mr. Hood. legged kick. QUEEN OF HEARTS laughs.) I thought I had her. BOOK FAIRY: (ENTERS UPSTAGE.) Are you still here? Come on! We’ve HEIDI: Was ist los? (German pronunciation: “Vas ist los?”) got to hit the road! ROBIN: Was ist los? This is los! I mean, this is the matter! (Points at LONG JOHN: All right! All right! 15 his head.) That foul feline stole my hat! 15 QUEEN OF HEARTS: You and that White Rabbit! Always in such a rush! DOROTHY: Wait a minute. Don’t you steal from the rich? BOOK FAIRY: (Steers QUEEN OF HEARTS and LONG JOHN OFFSTAGE. ROBIN: What? Oh, uh, sure. But that’s different. I give everything I To herself.) Why didn’t I listen to my mother and go into an easier steal to the poor. field, like teeth? (BLACKOUT.) DOROTHY: So it’s okay to steal as long as you don’t keep the stuff End of Scene Three 20 for yourself? ACT TWO ROBIN: Yes! Well, not exactly. I mean, it’s complicated. Scene Four DOROTHY: Not as complicated as you make it out to be. LIGHTS UP: The next day. Exhausted, BOMBALURINA shuffles in LEFT TOM: I wouldn’t talk, Dorothy. Didn’t you swipe the wicked witch’s shoes? 20 and collapses into bed. As soon as she does, MARGIE hurries IN DOROTHY: What? No! The good witch gave them to me! RIGHT. BOMBALURINA groans. 25 TOM: Oh. So it’s okay to keep somethin’ that was swiped as long as MARGIE: Oh, Bombalurina! What am I going to do? I’ve been to every somebody else did the swipin’? jewelry store in town and none of them have the right necklace! DOROTHY: If the person’s dead, it’s not swiping! (Continues bickering BOMBALURINA: Meow meow! Meow meow meow! with TOM. Soon, EVERYONE but POLLYANNA joins in.) 25 MARGIE: What’s that? You want me to lock the door? POLLYANNA: (Shouts.) Quiet! (ALL stop and stare at her, stunned BOMBALURINA: Meow! 30 by the outburst. Takes a moment to compose herself.) Look, I’m MARGIE: Ooh, that’s good. Maybe if it looks like we went out of glad you’re all so passionate about this subject, but I think you’re business, those hoodlums will go away. (Goes to the RIGHT EXIT to forgetting something. try to lock the door.) ROBIN: My hat? 30 EDDIE: (Saunters IN just then with FINGERS.) It’s a little early to be POLLYANNA: No! We need to figure out a way to save the store! closin’ up shop, ain’t it? 35 TOM: Oh, yeah. MARGIE: What? Oh, uh, not at all! It’s National Book Lovers Day! ROBIN: Now I remember. You know, the day people all over the country stay home and POLLYANNA: So what do you think? How can we help? (EVERYONE read a book! looks at each other, then they all start bickering again. Throws up 35 EDDIE: Hey, that sounds like a great idea. And I know just the book I’d her hands in defeat.) Why do I even try? (BLACKOUT.) like to read. It’s a book about vegetables. End of Scene Two

6 27 RIGHTS MUST BE PURCHASED BEFORE REPRODUCING THIS SCRIPT For preview only 1 DOLITTLE: Indeed, madam. I am. ACT ONE QUEEN OF HEARTS: Well, do I look like an animal to you? Scene Three DOLITTLE: No, but you don’t look quite human either. 1 LIGHTS UP: The next day. MARGIE and BOMBALURINA ENTER LEFT. QUEEN OF HEARTS: Of course not! I’m a playing card! MARGIE unlocks the door at STAGE RIGHT. 5 LONG JOHN: What kind of doctor do you want to see, then? MARGIE: Look, Bombalurina! It’s a brand-new day! A day filled with infinite possibilities! Why, today might be the day our business QUEEN OF HEARTS: What else? A cardiologist! 5 finally turns around!(LADY IN RED ENTERS RIGHT, holding a book SHERLOCK: (Looks in BOMBALURINA’S bed.) By Jove! with a lock on it. She looks around suspiciously.) See, Bombalurina? HEIDI: Vat is it, Mr. Holmes? We have a customer already! (BOMBALURINA hisses. MARGIE goes SHERLOCK: There’s a veritable treasure trove of pilfered items in this to LADY IN RED.) Good morning! I’m so glad you’re here! 10 cat bed. (EVERYONE rushes over.) LADY IN RED: A Likely Story. ROBIN: My hat! 10 MARGIE: No, really! We appreciate all our customers! TOM: My lucky rabbit’s foot! LADY IN RED: No, I mean that’s the name of your store. A Likely Story. HEIDI: Mein locket! MARGIE: What? Oh, right. (Laughs nervously.) I forgot. ROBIN: I knew the beast was a thief! LADY IN RED: (Examines the bookshelves.) Tell me, do you do a lot of 15 DOROTHY: (Sarcastic.) Oh, I don’t know. Maybe she was planning on business here? giving this all to the poor. 15 MARGIE: Oh, yes! We sell oodles and oodles of books! Well, maybe HEIDI: Vell, I’m poor, so I’m taking zis all back! (Grabs the items and not oodles. A couple of books here and there. hands them back to their owners.) LADY IN RED: Interesting. Very interesting. (Examines the bookshelves TOM: (Pockets the rabbit’s foot.) Thanks, Heidi. some more.) And do you have people come in and look through the books? You know, without buying anything? 20 ROBIN: (Puts on his hat.) At last, I feel like myself again! HEIDI: (Puts on her locket.) Zat cat better not steal anything else. 20 MARGIE: Oh, sure. We get the occasional looky-loo. But not very often. SHERLOCK: Great Scott! What’s this? (Grabs the note from the cat bed.) LADY IN RED: Fascinating. Simply fascinating. And what about police? MARGIE: What about police? DOROTHY: That’s the note we wrote to Miss Margie! LADY IN RED: Do they come in? Nose around at all? ROBIN: No wonder she didn’t know those villains would return. She 25 never saw the note! MARGIE: Oh, no. The police wouldn’t be interested in this place. 25 Nothing much really happens here. DOROTHY: Is the diamond necklace there? LADY IN RED: Excellent. Excellent. You’re just what I’m looking for. SHERLOCK: Not that I can see. MARGIE: Is there a particular book you’d like to buy? DOROTHY: Then where did it go? LADY IN RED: What? Oh, no. I’m here to sell a book. SHERLOCK: Elementary, my dear Dorothy. (The other BOOK 30 CHARACTERS look to SHERLOCK as though expecting some great MARGIE: Oh. (Disappointed.) announcement.) I have no idea. (The BOOK CHARACTERS sag.) 30 LADY IN RED: You do buy books, don’t you? BOOK FAIRY: (ENTERS UPSTAGE.) What are you all doing here? It’s MARGIE: Well, yes, but I prefer to sell them. I make more money that way. almost daybreak! LADY IN RED: Oh, but you’ll want to buy this book. It was left to me by POLLYANNA: Oh, dear! We have to return to our books! my great-great-great-grandfather. He was a general in the Civil War. (Hands MARGIE the book.) 35 DOROTHY: No! We have to stay and help Miss Margie fight those thugs! 35 BOOK FAIRY: Are you crazy? If anyone sees you, you’re going to MARGIE: (Reads the cover.) 1001 Vegetable Dishes Your Family Will Love? disappear forever! LADY IN RED: Oh, yes. You should see some of the recipes. HEIDI: Ach du lieber! I don’t vant to disappear! MARGIE: Well, sure, I’d love to. But there’s one teensy little problem. DOROTHY: But we can’t just leave! Miss Margie needs us! LADY IN RED: What’s that?

26 7 RIGHTS MUST BE PURCHASED BEFORE REPRODUCING THIS SCRIPT For preview only 1 MARGIE: The book has a lock on it. (Holds up the book.) 1 DOROTHY: You’re scaring her. Let me talk to her. LADY IN RED: So it does. So it does. DOLITTLE: I speak fluent cat. I’ll talk to her.(Stopped by the wall MARGIE: Do you have the key? behind her, BOMBALURINA looks around with wild eyes.) LADY IN RED: Let me see. (Pats herself all over.) No. I sure don’t. ROBIN: Tell her we’re looking for a diamond necklace. 5 MARGIE: Then how am I supposed to know what’s in it? 5 DOLITTLE: Bombalurina, meow meow meow meow. LADY IN RED: Oh, I can tell you. On page one, there’s a nice DOROTHY: Tell her if we don’t find it, those thugs will destroy all ratatouille. Then on page two, there’s a green bean casserole the books. that’s out of this world… DOLITTLE: Meow meow meow meow meow. MARGIE: Well, that’s great and everything, but are you going to go BOMBALURINA: Meow meow. 10 home with whoever buys this book so you can tell them what’s in it? 10 DOLITTLE: She says she doesn’t have it. LADY IN RED: Oh, I see the difficulty. Yes. Yes. That would be SHERLOCK: Ask her if she’s laid eyes on it anywhere. very awkward. DOLITTLE: Meow meow meow? MARGIE: I suppose I could try to break the lock. BOMBALURINA: Meow meow meow meow. LADY IN RED: Oh, no! You must never do that! DOLITTLE: She says she hasn’t seen it either. 15 MARGIE: Why? 15 LONG JOHN: (ENTERS UPSTAGE.) If the scurvy beast won’t tell ye, LADY IN RED: Because this book is priceless! My great-great-great- make her walk the plank! grandfather would be devastated if anything happened to it! DOROTHY: We don’t have a plank. We’re in a bookshop. MARGIE: You mean he’s still alive? QUEEN OF HEARTS: (ENTERS UPSTAGE.) Off with her head then! LADY IN RED: I suppose not. But I don’t want to take any chances. (BOMBALURINA screeches, runs away, and EXITS LEFT.) 20 MARGIE: Well, I’m sorry, but I can’t buy this book. 20 DOLITTLE: I dare say, madam, you’ve frightened her off! LADY IN RED: Not even a little bit? SHERLOCK: It’s just as well. Bombalurina would never admit to the MARGIE: Not even one little corner. crime anyway. LADY IN RED: (Takes the book and starts to leave.) My great-great- DOROTHY: Oh, please. Bombalurina didn’t steal the necklace. It’s not great-grandfather will be very disappointed. like her to steal something so valuable. 25 MARGIE: I’m sure he’ll get over it. 25 ROBIN: Then what happened to it? LADY IN RED: (Stops.) You know, on second thought, maybe I will buy DOROTHY: I—I don’t know. a book. TOM: I’ll bet she hid it around here somewheres. MARGIE: Wonderful! What kind of book would you like? ROBIN: Good point, lad. Let’s spread out. If the necklace is in this LADY IN RED: Oh, you know. One with a cover. And some words inside. room, one of us is sure to find it.(With HEIDI, TOM, POLLYANNA, 30 MARGIE: Okay… (Turns to look through the shelves.) Let’s see. Moby 30 and SHERLOCK, they spread out, looking for the necklace.) Dick is an excellent book. And I just adore Robinson Crusoe. Oh, QUEEN OF HEARTS: You know, it would save time if we just chopped and you can’t go wrong with Little Women. off everyone’s heads. LADY IN RED: Fine, fine. I’ll take them all. LONG JOHN: I say chop off their heads, then make them walk the plank. MARGIE: Really? That’s great! (Starts to get the books down. LADY DOLITTLE: I’m afraid that’s a physical impossibility, my good man. 35 IN RED sticks her book on a bottom shelf and ducks OUT RIGHT.) I 35 QUEEN OF HEARTS: Well, someone ought to lose a head! really think you’re going to— (Turns to find LADY IN RED is gone.) DOLITTLE: You know, I’m a little concerned about your preoccupation Miss? Miss? (Looks around.) Bombalurina, did you see where that with violence. It may be a sign of something more serious. Can you lady went? (BOMBALURINA shakes her head.) Well, that’s odd. It’s stop by my office next week for a consultation? almost as if she didn’t want the books at all. Oh, well. We’ve still QUEEN OF HEARTS: Wait. Aren’t you an animal doctor? 40 got the whole day ahead of us. Maybe someone else will come

8 25 For preview only 1 DOLITTLE: I’m sure it is. After all, you have a broken spine. 1 in. (Puts the books away. She yawns.) Oh, Bombalurina! I’m so DOROTHY: Is there anything you can do for him, Doctor? tired! Your snoring kept waking me up last night. Would you mind DOLITTLE: I’m afraid not, Dorothy. Whenever one of my regular patients sleeping down here tonight? breaks their spine, I usually put them to sleep. BOMBALURINA: (Frantically shakes her head.) Meow! Meow! 5 DOROTHY: Put them to sleep? But that’s horrible! Isn’t that what you 5 MARGIE: Oh, you’ll be fine. It’s a lot quieter down here anyway. I’ll even do to horses? get your favorite pillow for you. (EXITS LEFT. BOMBALURINA turns to DOLITTLE: Precisely. AUDIENCE and heaves a huge sigh. LIGHTS FADE to BLACK.) TOM: That’s what we get for callin’ Doctor Dolittle. End of Scene Three DOROTHY: You know, Mr. Holmes, I think I can fix your spine with just ACT ONE 10 a few drops of glue. Scene Four SHERLOCK: It’s going to take a lot more than glue to mend this back, LIGHTS UP: That night. BOMBALURINA sleeps in her bed, snoring. Robin’s Dorothy. hat is by her side. TOM and ROBIN creep IN from the hidden EXIT behind DOROTHY: I’m not going to put the glue on your back. I’m going to put 10 the counter. TOM has a slingshot. ROBIN has a bow with an arrow. it on your book. (Goes to the counter, grabs the book and a bottle ROBIN: Have you spotted the villain yet, lad? 15 of glue.) Like this. (Pours a few drops of glue inside the spine of the TOM: Sure have! She’s sawin’ logs somethin’ fierce! book.) There we go. ROBIN: Very good. Let us advance quietly. We don’t want to wake SHERLOCK: (Sits up.) You know something, Dorothy? I feel her. (They creep toward BOMBALURINA. When they get close, they better already. 15 stop and aim their weapons.) All right now. On the count of three. DOROTHY: Are you sure? One. Two— 20 SHERLOCK: (Stands.) Oh, yes. In fact, I’m quite back to normal. POLLYANNA: (Bursts IN UPSTAGE.) Hey, what are you up to? POLLYANNA: Yay! I knew you’d get well! (BOMBALURINA wakes up, screeches, grabs the hat and runs OFF ROBIN: And not a moment too soon! LEFT. ROBIN is so startled he drops his arrow.) HEIDI: Vat do you mean? 20 TOM: Confound it, Pollyanna! You done scared her off! ROBIN: Didn’t you hear? The necklace is missing. If it isn’t back by the ROBIN: And just when we were about to spring our attack! 25 time those villains return, they’re going to destroy all the books! DOROTHY: (ENTERS UPSTAGE with HEIDI and SHERLOCK.) Don’t tell HEIDI: Oh, no! I don’t vant my shpine to be gebrochen-schnappen! me you were going to hurt that poor kitty! SHERLOCK: It’s worse than that, Heidi. Those scoundrels are liable TOM: (Hides slingshot behind his back.) What? Oh, uh, no! Of course not! to tear us page from page! No one will ever be able to put us 25 ROBIN: (Hides bow behind his back.) We wouldn’t dream of it! back together! DOROTHY: Then why is there an arrow on the floor? 30 HEIDI: Ach du lieber! ROBIN: An arrow? What arrow? DOROTHY: Can’t Miss Margie get the necklace back from the police? DOROTHY: That arrow. SHERLOCK: Ah, there’s the rub. Miss Margie didn’t give the necklace ROBIN: Fine. So maybe I did aim my bow at the beast. But I didn’t to the police. She never had it in the first place. 30 mean to hurt her. I only wanted to take back what is rightfully mine. DOROTHY: Then what happened to it? HEIDI: You mean your silly hat? 35 SHERLOCK: I can’t say for certain, but I suggest we question the ROBIN: It’s not silly. I find it rather dashing. one creature whom we know to be a thief. (EVERYONE turns DOROTHY: This from a guy who wears all day. to BOMBALURINA.) ROBIN: (Picks up his arrow and notices the new book.) Hallo! BOOK CHARACTERS: Bombalurina! (Terrified, BOMBALURINA starts 35 What’s this? to back away.) HEIDI: I sink zat’s your arrow, Mr. Hood. 40 ROBIN: Stop! We want to talk to you!

24 9 For preview only 1 ROBIN: I don’t mean the arrow. I mean this book. (Removes the locked 1 MARGIE: No! Please! Don’t hurt that book! book from the bottom shelf.) I’ve never laid eyes on it before. EDDIE: I’m not gonna hurt it. I’m just gonna bend it a little. (Bends DOROTHY: 1001 Vegetable Dishes Your Family Will Love? the book backward, cracking the spine. MARGIE cries out. Tosses HEIDI: Sounds like a cookbook. the book on the floor.) Now, are you gonna give us the necklace or 5 ain’t you? 5 POLLYANNA: Open it up, Mr. Hood! MARGIE: Sure! I’ll give you the necklace! I just don’t have it right now! ROBIN: Alas! I wish I could, but the book has a lock on it. EDDIE: What happened to it? SHERLOCK: What? Let me see that. (ROBIN hands him the book.) Well, that’s rather peculiar. A lock is normally used to secure something MARGIE: I had to take it somewhere! But I can get it back! of value. EDDIE: All right. I’ll give you one day. (Holds up the book with the lock.) 10 TOM: Yuck! What’s so valuable about some ol’ vegetable recipes? 10 If the necklace ain’t back inside this book by tomorrow, I’ll do the same thing to the rest of these books. SHERLOCK: My point exactly. There must be more than recipes inside. A treasure map, perhaps. Or a secret message. MARGIE: Understood. POLLYANNA: Now we have to open it! EDDIE: (Sets the book with the lock on the counter.) Come on, Fingers. Let’s get outta here. (EXITS RIGHT with FINGERS.) HEIDI: But how? Ve don’t have ze key. 15 MARGIE: (Rushes to pick up the damaged book.) Oh, no! They broke 15 TOM: If I had my pocketknife, I could bust it open! the spine! And on The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes, too! (Sets HEIDI: It’s a good thing you don’t! You could hurt ze poor book! the damaged book on the counter. BOMBALURINA rubs up against DOROTHY: Tom, do you have anything else we could use? her and purrs.) Oh, Bombalurina! There’s no time for that now. I TOM: Let me see. (Removes the items one by one from his pockets have to try to find a necklace that looks just like this one. (Shows and sets them on the counter.) Three marbles. Two pennies. Some 20 BOMBALURINA the photo.) Maybe if I buy it and give it to those 20 string. A magnifyin’ glass. And a dead beetle. hoodlums, they’ll think it’s the one they lost. You’ll be all right here HEIDI/POLLYANNA: Ewww! alone, won’t you? SHERLOCK: It doesn’t take a detective to know that none of these BOMBALURINA: (Waves her paws in an emphatic, “No!”) Meow! Meow items will be effective. meow meow! 25 MARGIE: Good. I knew I could count on you. Now remember, we take DOROTHY: What about you, Mr. Hood? Do you have anything in all major credit cards, but no out-of-town checks. Oh, and make 25 your pockets? sure you give each customer their receipt. (EXITS RIGHT.) ROBIN: I’m from the Middle Ages. I don’t even know what a pocket is. BOMBALURINA: (Follows her to the door, peers OFF RIGHT after her. SHERLOCK: If I had a long thin piece of metal, I could myself Sad.) Meow? (BLACKOUT.) a lock pick. End of Scene Two POLLYANNA: I have a hairpin you could use! (Removes a hairpin and 30 hands it to SHERLOCK.) ACT TWO SHERLOCK: Thank you, Pollyanna. This should prove most helpful. Scene Three (Unbends the hairpin and sticks one end into the lock.) 30 LIGHTS UP: That night. BOMBALURINA still peers OFF RIGHT, only now POLLYANNA: Be careful now! peers through binoculars. ROBIN and DOLITTLE bustle IN UPSTAGE, HEIDI: You don’t vant to ruin it! carrying SHERLOCK on a stretcher. DOROTHY, TOM, POLLYANNA, and HEIDI follow. Alarmed, BOMBALURINA hides past the end of the counter. 35 SHERLOCK: I’m not going to ruin it. I’m just going to insert this end in here and— (Jiggles the pick.) Wait a moment. Perhaps if I insert DOLITTLE: Careful now! We don’t want to aggravate the injury! it like this— (Jiggles the pick.) Oh, it’s no use! We need someone 35 ROBIN: Let’s set him down here. (He and DOLITTLE set down with the right experience to pick this lock. the stretcher.) POLLYANNA: But who, Mr. Holmes? It’s not like any of us are criminals. DOLITTLE: How are you feeling, Mr. Holmes? 40 (ROBIN whistles innocently.) SHERLOCK: My back, Doctor! It’s killing me!

10 23 RIGHTS MUST BE PURCHASED BEFORE REPRODUCING THIS SCRIPT For preview only 1 MARGIE: Good morning, Bombalurina! I trust we didn’t have any 1 SHERLOCK: I do know one person who possesses this particular skill. burglars last night? (BOMBALURINA shakes her head.) Good. I (Goes to the hidden EXIT.) Oh, Fagin! feel so much safer knowing you’re down here guarding the store. DOROTHY: The pickpocket from Oliver Twist? (Goes to unlock the front door. Finds that it’s already unlocked.) FAGIN: (ENTERS UPSTAGE.) I beg your pardon, my dear, but I’m much 5 Well, that’s odd. I could have sworn I locked this door last night. 5 more than a pickpocket. I’m a criminal extraordinaire! I guess I was so flustered by those two hoodlums, I forgot.(Goes SHERLOCK: Enough of your bluster, Fagin. I wouldn’t have invited you behind the counter.) Oh, well. It’s a brand-new day. Time to put all here at all except I have a lock that needs picking. that behind us. FAGIN: Oh, dear, dear, dear. Do you mean to say that even the great EDDIE: (ENTERS RIGHT with FINGERS. BOMBALURINA hisses.) Well, Sherlock Holmes is in need of my felonious proclivities? 10 well, well. If it ain’t the book lady. 10 SHERLOCK: Just open the lock, would you? MARGIE: I thought I told you two to get out of here. FAGIN: Certainly I’ll open it, but first you must agree to one EDDIE: I don’t know. You might have said that. The thing is, we don’t minor stipulation. hear so good. Do we, Fingers? SHERLOCK: And what might that be? FINGERS: Huh? FAGIN: I get half of whatever’s inside. 15 EDDIE: See? 15 DOROTHY: But Mr. Fagin, we don’t even know what’s in there! MARGIE: What do you want? TOM: I’ll bet it’s a treasure map! (OTHERS turn to shush TOM.) EDDIE: Oh, not much. Just a little somethin’ that belongs to us. Somethin’ you seem to think is yours. FAGIN: (Smiles.) Then, I want half of the treasure, or you shan’t reap the benefit of my talents. MARGIE: I don’t know what you’re talking about. SHERLOCK: One quarter and only if the treasure can be easily divided. 20 EDDIE: Show her, Fingers. 20 FAGIN: What? You must take me for a fool! FINGERS: (Pulls out a photo.) Did you take this? SHERLOCK: (Grabs FAGIN and calls OFFSTAGE.) Oh, Mr. Fang! I have MARGIE: What? The picture? the thief you’ve been searching for! FINGERS: No! The necklace that’s in the picture. FAGIN: (Tears himself away.) Fine! Fine! I’ll pick the lock, but I do so MARGIE: (Grabs the photo and looks it over.) I’ve never seen it before under protest! 25 in my life. 25 ROBIN: Do it any way you like. Just do it! (FAGIN pulls out a lock pick EDDIE: Come on. We know you found a diamond necklace inside that and starts to work on the lock.) cookbook and decided to keep it for yourself. POLLYANNA: Are you getting it? Are you getting it? MARGIE: I didn’t. I swear I didn’t. FAGIN: Silence, please. I must have absolute silence. FINGERS: Playin’ dumb, huh? Well, maybe you’ll get some smarts if SHERLOCK: Criminals can be quite temperamental. 30 we rough you up a little. 30 FAGIN: (Works in silence for a moment.) And so, as that great thief Ali MARGIE: Rough me up all you want. I don’t have the necklace. Baba said, “Open Sesame!” (Opens the book to reveal the hidden EDDIE: That ain’t no good, Fingers. If you want her to hand over compartment inside. EVERYONE gasps.) the goods, you got to threaten her about somethin’ she really DOROTHY: Why, it’s not a book at all! It’s a place to hide valuables! cares about. FAGIN: (Removes a diamond necklace from the book.) And what a 35 FINGERS: Like what? 35 valuable! A diamond necklace! EDDIE: Like books. SHERLOCK: Hand it over, Fagin! MARGIE: Wait. What do you mean? FAGIN: But you said I could have half! EDDIE: (To FINGERS.) You saw how upset she got when we dropped a couple of books on the floor. Just think what she’ll do if we rough SHERLOCK: I said a quarter and only if the item could be easily divided. (Grabs the necklace away.) Clearly, this necklace cannot. 40 up one of her books. (Grabs a book from the shelf.)

22 11 RIGHTS MUST BE PURCHASED BEFORE REPRODUCING THIS SCRIPT For preview only 1 FAGIN: It’s not fair, I say! Not fair! I did a dishonest day’s work! I expect 1 ROBIN: Ah, but who shall serve as scribe? a dishonest day’s pay! TOM: Don’t look at me. It sounds too much like schoolwork. SHERLOCK: Come, Robin. Help me get rid of this thief before he tries POLLYANNA: I’ll write it! I have the best penmanship in my class! to steal something else. TOM: (Rolls his eyes.) Of course you do. 5 ROBIN: For once, I’m glad I don’t have any pockets to pick. (Helps 5 POLLYANNA: (Grabs a pen and notepad from the counter.) I’m ready! SHERLOCK hustle FAGIN toward the hidden EXIT.) SHERLOCK: Very good. Now write down exactly what I say. (Dictates.) FAGIN: (Scoops TOM’S pennies off the counter as they go.) Oh, woe is Dear Miss Margie, we do not wish to alarm you… me! Woe is me! Always cheated out of my unfair share! (SHERLOCK ROBIN: Have you gone mad? Of course, we wish to alarm her! That’s and ROBIN shove him OFFSTAGE.) the whole point of writing the note! 10 TOM: (Searches the counter.) Hey! He swiped my pennies! (EXITS 10 POLLYANNA: (Writes.) Dear Miss Margie, we wish to alarm you… UPSTAGE, going after FAGIN.) SHERLOCK: (Dictates.) As there are a pair of scofflaws… SHERLOCK: (Examines the necklace.) A curious thing indeed. ROBIN: The word is ruffians. DOROTHY: Who hid it there, Mr. Holmes? POLLYANNA: (Writes.) Bad guys. SHERLOCK: I can’t say for certain. But I do know one thing. This SHERLOCK: (Dictates.) Who shall return tomorrow for a diamond 15 necklace was stolen. 15 necklace they misplaced. POLLYANNA: Wow! What clue tipped you off? ROBIN: Mislaid. DOROTHY: Did you find a suspicious hair inside the compartment? POLLYANNA: (Writes.) Lost. HEIDI: Or a fingerprint on ze clasp? SHERLOCK: (Dictates.) Be on your guard as they may cause you a SHERLOCK: Not at all. I saw a story about it on the news. grievous affliction. 20 ROBIN: Alas! If Miss Margie gets caught with a stolen necklace, she’ll 20 ROBIN: Great injury. be thrown in jail for sure! POLLYANNA: (Writes.) Harm. DOROTHY: We have to warn her! SHERLOCK: Do you have it all? POLLYANNA: But how? POLLYANNA: I think so. HEIDI: (Points OFF DOWNSTAGE.) Ach du lieber! Look! Sunlight is SHERLOCK: Excellent. Now leave it there on the counter. Miss Margie 25 coming srough ze vindow! 25 will be certain to see it in the morning. (The BOOK CHARACTERS POLLYANNA: Hurry! We have to clean this place up! start to leave.) SHERLOCK: We don’t have time. Miss Margie will be coming down ROBIN: I think that was rather well-written, don’t you? the stairs soon. SHERLOCK: Well, it’s not as gripping as an Arthur Conan Doyle story, HEIDI: Zat’s right! If she catches even a glimpse of us, ve vill all but it’ll do. (The BOOK CHARACTERS EXIT UPSTAGE. A relieved 30 be kaput! 30 BOMBALURINA ENTERS LEFT with her pillow. As she passes the POLLYANNA: But we made such a mess! counter, she sees the note. Looking around to make sure no one’s SHERLOCK: Leave it. When Miss Margie finds the necklace, she’ll watching, she takes the note and stashes it in her bed, where she know what to do. promptly falls asleep. LIGHTS FADE to BLACK.) HEIDI: Come on! Ve have to shkedaddle! (ALL EXIT UPSTAGE.) End of Scene One 35 LONG JOHN: (ENTERS UPSTAGE. To the parrot on his shoulder.) Well, ACT TWO Captain Flint, it’s about time those scalawags abandoned ship. Scene Two Now we can see if they left any booty. (Goes to the counter and picks up the necklace.) Well, shiver me timbers! A necklace made LIGHTS UP: The next day. BOMBALURINA sleeps in her bed. As 35 of the finest diamonds! What do you think I should do with it, MARGIE ENTERS LEFT, BOMBALURINA stretches and yawns, having finally gotten a good night’s sleep. 40 Captain Flint? (Puts his ear to the parrot’s beak.) A most excellent

12 21 For preview only 1 FINGERS: Because I’m holdin’ it right now. 1 plan. Those scalawags will never miss it! (Laughs evilly, pockets EDDIE: What? Let me see that. (Goes over to FINGERS.) That’s the the necklace, and EXITS UPSTAGE. LIGHTS FADE to BLACK.) book, all right. (Opens the unlocked book.) And see? There’s the End of Scene Four secret compartment. ACT ONE 5 FINGERS: Yeah, but where’s the necklace? Scene Five EDDIE: Look around. Maybe it fell out. (He and FINGERS search the store.) Well, if it’s here, I ain’t seein’ it. LIGHTS UP: The next day. A weary BOMBALURINA pokes her head into the room from OFF LEFT. Seeing no one around, she tiptoes IN and FINGERS: Maybe it’s invisible. 5 falls into bed. EDDIE: You meatball! The boss ain’t goin’ to have us smuggle an MARGIE: (Bursts IN LEFT.) Wake up, Bombalurina! It’s a brand-new day! 10 invisible necklace! How would he know we delivered it to him? A day filled with infinite possibilities! Why, today might be the day FINGERS: How would he know we didn’t? our business finally turns around! (Unlocks the STAGE RIGHT door. EDDIE: Ah, you got bats in your belfry! (Thinks.) Hey, now that I think BOMBALURINA sits up, bleary-eyed, sees the mess on the counter, about it, that book lady was actin’ kind of suspicious-like. I’ll bet 10 rushes over to clean it up and closes the book with the lock.) What she picked the lock and kept the necklace for herself. are you doing? (BOMBALURINA stretches out arms, blocking her view 15 FINGERS: What are we gonna do? of the mess.) Are you hiding something from me? (BOMBALURINA EDDIE: What do you think we’re gonna do? We’re gonna come back shakes head.) Come on. Let me see. (Reluctantly, BOMBALURINA tomorrow and make her hand over the necklace. Now let’s scram! steps aside. She gasps.) Oh, Bombalurina! Why did you steal all (The THIEVES start for STAGE RIGHT. TOM pokes his head out from 15 these things? (BOMBALURINA claps a paw to forehead.) If you’re behind the counter and shoots his slingshot. Slaps the back of his not careful, one of these days the police are going to come right 20 neck.) Ow! (Swats FINGERS.) What did you do that for? through that door and arrest you! (OFFICER KETCHUM ENTERS RIGHT. BOMBALURINA lets out a screech.) I didn’t mean it! FINGERS: What are you talkin’ about? I didn’t do nothin’! (EXITS RIGHT with EDDIE, still bickering.) OFFICER KETCHUM: Didn’t mean what? HEIDI: (ENTERS UPSTAGE with ROBIN, SHERLOCK, and POLLYANNA.) 20 MARGIE: That you’d arrest Bombalurina! Oh, zis is bad! Zis is very, very bad! OFFICER KETCHUM: Bombalurina? That’s a rather unusual name for 25 ROBIN: I know Miss Margie like I know the back of my perfectly a cook. Wait. Not cook. I meant crook. That’s an unusual name muscled hand. She would never steal a necklace. for a crook. SHERLOCK: Perhaps she recognized that the necklace was stolen MARGIE: You’re not going to lock her up, are you? and turned it over to the proper authorities. 25 OFFICER KETCHUM: Of course I’m going to lock her up! I can’t let DOROTHY: But if she doesn’t have the necklace when those thugs hardened criminals run around willy-nilly! Well, maybe I can let 30 come back, they might do something terrible! them run around willy. But I certainly can’t let them run around nilly! Now where is the miscreant? ROBIN: Have no fear! I am the finest swordsman in all England! I shall cut them to ribbons! MARGIE: What do you mean where is she? She’s right here. 30 (Indicates BOMBALURINA.) DOROTHY: That won’t work. We can’t let ourselves be seen. OFFICER KETCHUM: What? Behind the cat? POLLYANNA: I know! We could leave Miss Margie a note! MARGIE: No. She is the cat. 35 TOM: (Sarcastic.) Oh, sure. And we’ll sign it, “From the characters inside your books.” OFFICER KETCHUM: You’ve got to be kidding! I’m not going to arrest a cat! HEIDI: Thomas is right! Ve can’t give ourselves avay! 35 MARGIE: Then why are you here? (Looks around.) DOROTHY: No, but we could sign it, “From a concerned friend.” Miss Margie will never know it came from us. OFFICER KETCHUM: Don’t tell anyone, but I’m after a gang of jewel thieves. 40 SHERLOCK: A brilliant suggestion, Dorothy. MARGIE: (Gasps.) Jewel thieves?

20 13 For preview only 1 OFFICER KETCHUM: Shhh! Keep it down! 1 EDDIE: I don’t know. Why don’t you start lookin’ on that side of the MARGIE: (Softer.) Jewel thieves? store? I’ll look over here. (FINGERS goes to the other side of the OFFICER KETCHUM: Who told you? store.) And this time, make sure you put the books back where you found them. We don’t want book lady to know we was here. MARGIE: You did. 5 FINGERS: You got it, Eddie. (She and EDDIE start to look through the 5 OFFICER KETCHUM: Well, keep it under your hat. Wait. Forget that. books. TOM sticks his head out from behind the counter. Taking You’re not wearing a hat. I’ll keep it under my hat. (Lifts his hat and careful aim, he shoots his slingshot at her. She slaps the back of pretends to place something under it.) her neck.) Ow! MARGIE: Do you know what the thieves look like? EDDIE: What’s the matter with you? OFFICER KETCHUM: No. All I know is they’ve been stealing diamonds 10 FINGERS: I just got bit by a mosquito. 10 from a number of jewelry stores, then smuggling them out of the country, only I don’t know how they’re smuggling them. EDDIE: Are you crazy? There ain’t no mosquitoes in here! MARGIE: Oh, how exciting! It’s just like a mystery novel! FINGERS: If you say so, Eddie. (She and EDDIE continue looking through the books. Again, TOM shoots his slingshot at her. She slaps OFFICER KETCHUM: This is nothing like a mystery novel, ma’am. This the back of her neck.) Ow! is serious. Why, your very knife could be in danger! 15 EDDIE: What’s your problem now? 15 MARGIE: What? FINGERS: Somethin’ bit me that ain’t a mosquito. OFFICER KETCHUM: Did I say knife? Sorry. I meant life. Your very life could be in danger. EDDIE: Yeah, it’s called a stupid bug. Now shut yer yap! (He and FINGERS continue to look through the books.) MARGIE: Oh, dear! DOROTHY: (Sneaks IN UPSTAGE, sticks head out from behind the other OFFICER KETCHUM: Have you seen any suspicious activity lately? 20 end of the counter. Whispers.) Tom! 20 MARGIE: Well, I did have a very well-dressed young woman come in TOM: (Whispers.) What? and try to sell me a book that she couldn’t unlock. DOROTHY: (Whispers.) I told you to put that slingshot away! OFFICER KETCHUM: I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about thieves! I’m talking about criminals! I’m talking about people with TOM: (Whispers.) But I’ve got a clean shot on her! (Shoots his slingshot bad teeth and horrible scars! at FINGERS.) 25 FINGERS: Ow! (Slapping the back of her neck, looks around for the 25 MARGIE: I thought you didn’t know what they looked like. culprit. TOM and DOROTHY duck behind the counter. Joins EDDIE on OFFICER KETCHUM: All criminals have bad teeth and horrible scars! his side of the store.) MARGIE: All right. I’ll keep a lookout for them. EDDIE: What are you doin’? OFFICER KETCHUM: You do that. After all, it’s citizens like you who FINGERS: I’m helpin’ you look for the book over here. are the mouth and stomach of the police force. 30 EDDIE: Well, don’t! You’re supposed to be lookin’ on that side of the store! 30 MARGIE: Don’t you mean the eyes and ears of the police force? FINGERS: But I don’t like that side of the store. It hurts. OFFICER KETCHUM: Not when it’s this close to lunch. I’m starving! (EXITS RIGHT.) EDDIE: If you don’t get over there right now, I’m going to hurt you myself! MARGIE: Did you hear that, Bombalurina? Jewel thieves! Oh, how FINGERS: All right, Eddie. If I hafta. (Starts for the other side of the I wish they’d come here! I’d give them a good drubbing with my store. The book with the lock catches her eye and she picks it up off 35 the counter.) Hey, Eddie. Did you say the book we was lookin’ for 35 quarterstaff, just like Robin Hood used to do! Oho! (Pretends to hold quarterstaff and fight off the thieves. Embarrassed, BOMBALURINA had a lock on it? buries head in paws. MARGIE returns to the counter.) Oh, well. I EDDIE: Only about a million times. suppose I’d better get these things out of the way. But first thing FINGERS: And was it called 1001 Vegetable Dishes Your Family tomorrow, I want you to return them to whomever you stole them Will Love? 40 from! (Leaves the book with the lock on the counter, picks up the 40 EDDIE: Yeah. How did you know?

14 19 RIGHTS MUST BE PURCHASED BEFORE REPRODUCING THIS SCRIPT For preview only 1 away. BOMBALURINA turns to the audience and meows a sound 1 rest of the items, and EXITS LEFT. EDDIE and FINGERS ENTER like, “Uh-oh!” BLACKOUT.) RIGHT. BOMBALURINA hisses.) End of ACT ONE FINGERS: Hey, Eddie. Is this the place? EDDIE: It sure looks like the place, Fingers. I mean, it’s got books ACT TWO 5 and everything. Scene One FINGERS: I thought we was lookin’ for jewels. LIGHTS UP: That night. BOMBALURINA tosses and turns in bed. POLLYANNA, HEIDI, DOROTHY, ROBIN, TOM, and SHERLOCK ENTER EDDIE: We are lookin’ for jewels, you meatball! The jewels are inside the book! 5 UPSTAGE, all of them staggering dizzily. Annoyed, BOMBALURINA covers head with pillow. FINGERS: How’d they get in there? POLLYANNA: Oh, dear! What happened? 10 EDDIE: Let me go over this one more time. Step one, the Lady in Red HEIDI: I sink ve vent through a—vat do you call it?—tornado? steals the necklace. Step two, she puts the necklace in a book. Step three, she sells the book to a used bookstore. Step four, we DOROTHY: That was no tornado. Those thugs hurled our books to buy the book from the used bookstore. Step five, we give the book 10 the floor. to the boss. ROBIN: I really wish people would stop doing that. 15 FINGERS: That’s a lot of steps. TOM: I don’t know what you’re all bellyachin’ about. I thought it was fun! EDDIE: It’s for the boss’s protection. He don’t want the Lady in Red to ROBIN: Of course, you thought it was fun. You’re just a paperback. You know who he is, in case she gets caught. had a much softer landing than we did. (BOMBALURINA gives up FINGERS: Oh, okay. (Thinks.) Hey, wait a minute. What if we get caught? 15 on falling asleep, grabs pillow, and storms OFF LEFT.) EDDIE: Who cares? We ain’t doin’ nothin’ illegal. We’re just buyin’ HEIDI: Uh-oh! Did you hear zat? 20 a book. SHERLOCK: What is it, Heidi? FINGERS: Oh, yeah. (Looks around.) Well, there sure are a lot of books HEIDI: I heard a funny sound, like a klinken-klanken! here. How are we supposed to know which one has the jewels? POLLYANNA: Oh, no! Somebody’s trying to break into the store! EDDIE: The boss told me to look for one book in particular. He even 20 TOM: Don’t worry! I’ll chase ‘em off with my slingshot! made me repeat the title again and again so I’d remember it. DOROTHY: You’d better not! If the burglars see you, we’ll all disappear! 25 FINGERS: Oh, really? What’s the title? SHERLOCK: Quick! We must endeavor to conceal ourselves! EDDIE: I forget. But I know the book has a lock on it. HEIDI: Vy doesn’t he ever shpeak English? (TOM hides behind the FINGERS: (Scans the bookshelves. Pulls out a book.) How about this one, counter. The other BOOK CHARACTERS EXIT UPSTAGE.) Eddie? Treasure Island. It sounds like this might have jewels in it. 25 FINGERS: (ENTERS RIGHT with EDDIE.) Wow. This is the easiest break- EDDIE: Does it have a lock? in we ever broke. 30 FINGERS: No. EDDIE: That’s because we didn’t break in. Book Lady left the EDDIE: Then that ain’t it. door unlocked. MARGIE: (ENTERS LEFT.) Oh! Can I help you? FINGERS: Why would she do a thing like that? EDDIE: You the book lady? 30 EDDIE: Oh, you know these book types. They read so much their MARGIE: I’m the proprietor of this bookshop, yes. brains turn to mush. 35 EDDIE: Well, my name’s Eddie and this here’s my business FINGERS: You got that right, Eddie. I ain’t never read a book in my life partner, Fingers. and look at how I turned out. MARGIE: Oh? What type of business are you in? EDDIE: Please, I’m tryin’ not to look at you. EDDIE: Business? 35 FINGERS: So where do you think this book is at? MARGIE: Yes. If you’re business partners, you must be in some type 40 of business.

18 15 RIGHTS MUST BE PURCHASED BEFORE REPRODUCING THIS SCRIPT For preview only 1 EDDIE: Hey, Fingers. She wants to know what business we’re in. 1 MARGIE: Of course you can do that. Just make sure you put the FINGERS: Monkey. books away when you’re done. EDDIE: Ha ha! She means we import monkeys. EDDIE: You got it, Book Lady. (MARGIE returns the book to the shelf FINGERS: And export them. That’s right, import and export. We send and goes to busy herself behind the counter.) 5 them out, and then we bring them right back. 5 FINGERS: (The THIEVES grab a couple of books.) This ain’t it. MARGIE: The same monkeys? EDDIE: This ain’t it either. (They toss the books over their shoulders FINGERS: Oh, yeah. Monkeys is very active creatures. They don’t like and grab a couple more.) to do a lot of sittin’ around. FINGERS: Nope. EDDIE: We was hopin’ you could help us find a book. EDDIE: Not even close. (He and FINGERS toss those books over their 10 MARGIE: Well, you came to the right place. I’ve got thousands 10 shoulders. They grab a couple more books.) of books. FINGERS: Hey, Eddie. I’m not findin’ it. EDDIE: Yeah. The thing is, we’re lookin’ for a particular book. EDDIE: Well, keep lookin’. It’s got to be here. MARGIE: What’s the name of it? MARGIE: (Looks up to see the books on the floor. Horrified, charges out EDDIE: We don’t know. from behind the counter.) What are you doing? 15 15 MARGIE: Can you tell me what it’s about? EDDIE: We’re doin’ just like you said. We’re lookin’ for books. EDDIE: (Holds hands a few inches apart.) Oh, about this big. MARGIE: But you’re throwing them on the floor! I told you to put them away when you’re done! MARGIE: No, no. I mean what’s inside. Its contents. FINGERS: Well, see, that’s the thing. We ain’t done yet. (She and FINGERS: Oh, jewels! EDDIE toss the books in their hands.) MARGIE: What? 20 MARGIE: (Grabs books off the floor.) Stop it! Don’t you know you could 20 EDDIE: (Swats FINGERS.) You’ll have to excuse Fingers. She means damage them that way? the book is a jewel, it’s so well-written. Ain’t that right, Fingers? EDDIE: They’re just books. FINGERS: Yeah. It’s got some good words and stuff. FINGERS: Yeah. It ain’t like they got any feelings. (She and EDDIE MARGIE: Well, that’s not a lot to go on, but I’ll see what I can find. check a couple more books and toss them over their shoulders.) (Removes a book from the shelf.) Could this be the book? (Hands 25 MARGIE: (Scrambles around, picking up all the books.) Get out! 25 book to EDDIE.) EDDIE: What? EDDIE: (Opens it.) No. That ain’t it. (Hands back the book.) MARGIE: I said, get out! MARGIE: Is there something wrong with the book? FINGERS: But we haven’t found what we’re lookin’ for. EDDIE: Yeah. It opens too easily. MARGIE: I don’t care! I can’t have you ruining my books! MARGIE: It opens too easily? 30 EDDIE: But— (BOMBALURINA arches her back and spits.) 30 EDDIE: We’re lookin’ for a book that don’t open. FINGERS: Uh, Eddie? I think we’d better go! (Gestures toward BOMBALURINA.) MARGIE: Then how are you going to read it? EDDIE: All right. We’ll go. But mark my words. We’ll be back! (EXITS FINGERS: Oh, we’re not goin’ to read it. We’re goin’ to smuggle it. RIGHT with FINGERS.) (EDDIE swats her.) MARGIE: Oh, Bombalurina! Thank you for chasing those horrible people MARGIE: What? 35 away! I guess you’re a lot braver than I thought! (BOMBALURINA 35 EDDIE: Snuggle. She means we’re goin’ to snuggle it. You know, put holds herself up proudly.) In fact, you’re so brave, I’m going to it close to our cheeks. have you sleep down here from now on. (BOMBALURINA makes MARGIE: On second thought, maybe you should just look for the a questioning sound.) Why, sure. After all, you heard those two book yourself. brutes. They could come back at any time! (Goes to put the books FINGERS: We can do that?

16 17 For preview only 1 EDDIE: Hey, Fingers. She wants to know what business we’re in. 1 MARGIE: Of course you can do that. Just make sure you put the FINGERS: Monkey. books away when you’re done. EDDIE: Ha ha! She means we import monkeys. EDDIE: You got it, Book Lady. (MARGIE returns the book to the shelf FINGERS: And export them. That’s right, import and export. We send and goes to busy herself behind the counter.) 5 them out, and then we bring them right back. 5 FINGERS: (The THIEVES grab a couple of books.) This ain’t it. MARGIE: The same monkeys? EDDIE: This ain’t it either. (They toss the books over their shoulders FINGERS: Oh, yeah. Monkeys is very active creatures. They don’t like and grab a couple more.) to do a lot of sittin’ around. FINGERS: Nope. EDDIE: We was hopin’ you could help us find a book. EDDIE: Not even close. (He and FINGERS toss those books over their 10 MARGIE: Well, you came to the right place. I’ve got thousands 10 shoulders. They grab a couple more books.) of books. FINGERS: Hey, Eddie. I’m not findin’ it. EDDIE: Yeah. The thing is, we’re lookin’ for a particular book. EDDIE: Well, keep lookin’. It’s got to be here. MARGIE: What’s the name of it? MARGIE: (Looks up to see the books on the floor. Horrified, charges out EDDIE: We don’t know. from behind the counter.) What are you doing? 15 15 MARGIE: Can you tell me what it’s about? EDDIE: We’re doin’ just like you said. We’re lookin’ for books. EDDIE: (Holds hands a few inches apart.) Oh, about this big. MARGIE: But you’re throwing them on the floor! I told you to put them away when you’re done! MARGIE: No, no. I mean what’s inside. Its contents. FINGERS: Well, see, that’s the thing. We ain’t done yet. (She and FINGERS: Oh, jewels! EDDIE toss the books in their hands.) MARGIE: What? 20 MARGIE: (Grabs books off the floor.) Stop it! Don’t you know you could 20 EDDIE: (Swats FINGERS.) You’ll have to excuse Fingers. She means damage them that way? the book is a jewel, it’s so well-written. Ain’t that right, Fingers? EDDIE: They’re just books. FINGERS: Yeah. It’s got some good words and stuff. FINGERS: Yeah. It ain’t like they got any feelings. (She and EDDIE MARGIE: Well, that’s not a lot to go on, but I’ll see what I can find. check a couple more books and toss them over their shoulders.) (Removes a book from the shelf.) Could this be the book? (Hands 25 MARGIE: (Scrambles around, picking up all the books.) Get out! 25 book to EDDIE.) EDDIE: What? EDDIE: (Opens it.) No. That ain’t it. (Hands back the book.) MARGIE: I said, get out! MARGIE: Is there something wrong with the book? FINGERS: But we haven’t found what we’re lookin’ for. EDDIE: Yeah. It opens too easily. MARGIE: I don’t care! I can’t have you ruining my books! MARGIE: It opens too easily? 30 EDDIE: But— (BOMBALURINA arches her back and spits.) 30 EDDIE: We’re lookin’ for a book that don’t open. FINGERS: Uh, Eddie? I think we’d better go! (Gestures toward BOMBALURINA.) MARGIE: Then how are you going to read it? EDDIE: All right. We’ll go. But mark my words. We’ll be back! (EXITS FINGERS: Oh, we’re not goin’ to read it. We’re goin’ to smuggle it. RIGHT with FINGERS.) (EDDIE swats her.) MARGIE: Oh, Bombalurina! Thank you for chasing those horrible people MARGIE: What? 35 away! I guess you’re a lot braver than I thought! (BOMBALURINA 35 EDDIE: Snuggle. She means we’re goin’ to snuggle it. You know, put holds herself up proudly.) In fact, you’re so brave, I’m going to it close to our cheeks. have you sleep down here from now on. (BOMBALURINA makes MARGIE: On second thought, maybe you should just look for the a questioning sound.) Why, sure. After all, you heard those two book yourself. brutes. They could come back at any time! (Goes to put the books FINGERS: We can do that?

16 17 For preview only 1 away. BOMBALURINA turns to the audience and meows a sound 1 rest of the items, and EXITS LEFT. EDDIE and FINGERS ENTER like, “Uh-oh!” BLACKOUT.) RIGHT. BOMBALURINA hisses.) End of ACT ONE FINGERS: Hey, Eddie. Is this the place? EDDIE: It sure looks like the place, Fingers. I mean, it’s got books ACT TWO 5 and everything. Scene One FINGERS: I thought we was lookin’ for jewels. LIGHTS UP: That night. BOMBALURINA tosses and turns in bed. POLLYANNA, HEIDI, DOROTHY, ROBIN, TOM, and SHERLOCK ENTER EDDIE: We are lookin’ for jewels, you meatball! The jewels are inside the book! 5 UPSTAGE, all of them staggering dizzily. Annoyed, BOMBALURINA covers head with pillow. FINGERS: How’d they get in there? POLLYANNA: Oh, dear! What happened? 10 EDDIE: Let me go over this one more time. Step one, the Lady in Red HEIDI: I sink ve vent through a—vat do you call it?—tornado? steals the necklace. Step two, she puts the necklace in a book. Step three, she sells the book to a used bookstore. Step four, we DOROTHY: That was no tornado. Those thugs hurled our books to buy the book from the used bookstore. Step five, we give the book 10 the floor. to the boss. ROBIN: I really wish people would stop doing that. 15 FINGERS: That’s a lot of steps. TOM: I don’t know what you’re all bellyachin’ about. I thought it was fun! EDDIE: It’s for the boss’s protection. He don’t want the Lady in Red to ROBIN: Of course, you thought it was fun. You’re just a paperback. You know who he is, in case she gets caught. had a much softer landing than we did. (BOMBALURINA gives up FINGERS: Oh, okay. (Thinks.) Hey, wait a minute. What if we get caught? 15 on falling asleep, grabs pillow, and storms OFF LEFT.) EDDIE: Who cares? We ain’t doin’ nothin’ illegal. We’re just buyin’ HEIDI: Uh-oh! Did you hear zat? 20 a book. SHERLOCK: What is it, Heidi? FINGERS: Oh, yeah. (Looks around.) Well, there sure are a lot of books HEIDI: I heard a funny sound, like a klinken-klanken! here. How are we supposed to know which one has the jewels? POLLYANNA: Oh, no! Somebody’s trying to break into the store! EDDIE: The boss told me to look for one book in particular. He even 20 TOM: Don’t worry! I’ll chase ‘em off with my slingshot! made me repeat the title again and again so I’d remember it. DOROTHY: You’d better not! If the burglars see you, we’ll all disappear! 25 FINGERS: Oh, really? What’s the title? SHERLOCK: Quick! We must endeavor to conceal ourselves! EDDIE: I forget. But I know the book has a lock on it. HEIDI: Vy doesn’t he ever shpeak English? (TOM hides behind the FINGERS: (Scans the bookshelves. Pulls out a book.) How about this one, counter. The other BOOK CHARACTERS EXIT UPSTAGE.) Eddie? Treasure Island. It sounds like this might have jewels in it. 25 FINGERS: (ENTERS RIGHT with EDDIE.) Wow. This is the easiest break- EDDIE: Does it have a lock? in we ever broke. 30 FINGERS: No. EDDIE: That’s because we didn’t break in. Book Lady left the EDDIE: Then that ain’t it. door unlocked. MARGIE: (ENTERS LEFT.) Oh! Can I help you? FINGERS: Why would she do a thing like that? EDDIE: You the book lady? 30 EDDIE: Oh, you know these book types. They read so much their MARGIE: I’m the proprietor of this bookshop, yes. brains turn to mush. 35 EDDIE: Well, my name’s Eddie and this here’s my business FINGERS: You got that right, Eddie. I ain’t never read a book in my life partner, Fingers. and look at how I turned out. MARGIE: Oh? What type of business are you in? EDDIE: Please, I’m tryin’ not to look at you. EDDIE: Business? 35 FINGERS: So where do you think this book is at? MARGIE: Yes. If you’re business partners, you must be in some type 40 of business.

18 15 RIGHTS MUST BE PURCHASED BEFORE REPRODUCING THIS SCRIPT For preview only 1 OFFICER KETCHUM: Shhh! Keep it down! 1 EDDIE: I don’t know. Why don’t you start lookin’ on that side of the MARGIE: (Softer.) Jewel thieves? store? I’ll look over here. (FINGERS goes to the other side of the OFFICER KETCHUM: Who told you? store.) And this time, make sure you put the books back where you found them. We don’t want book lady to know we was here. MARGIE: You did. 5 FINGERS: You got it, Eddie. (She and EDDIE start to look through the 5 OFFICER KETCHUM: Well, keep it under your hat. Wait. Forget that. books. TOM sticks his head out from behind the counter. Taking You’re not wearing a hat. I’ll keep it under my hat. (Lifts his hat and careful aim, he shoots his slingshot at her. She slaps the back of pretends to place something under it.) her neck.) Ow! MARGIE: Do you know what the thieves look like? EDDIE: What’s the matter with you? OFFICER KETCHUM: No. All I know is they’ve been stealing diamonds 10 FINGERS: I just got bit by a mosquito. 10 from a number of jewelry stores, then smuggling them out of the country, only I don’t know how they’re smuggling them. EDDIE: Are you crazy? There ain’t no mosquitoes in here! MARGIE: Oh, how exciting! It’s just like a mystery novel! FINGERS: If you say so, Eddie. (She and EDDIE continue looking through the books. Again, TOM shoots his slingshot at her. She slaps OFFICER KETCHUM: This is nothing like a mystery novel, ma’am. This the back of her neck.) Ow! is serious. Why, your very knife could be in danger! 15 EDDIE: What’s your problem now? 15 MARGIE: What? FINGERS: Somethin’ bit me that ain’t a mosquito. OFFICER KETCHUM: Did I say knife? Sorry. I meant life. Your very life could be in danger. EDDIE: Yeah, it’s called a stupid bug. Now shut yer yap! (He and FINGERS continue to look through the books.) MARGIE: Oh, dear! DOROTHY: (Sneaks IN UPSTAGE, sticks head out from behind the other OFFICER KETCHUM: Have you seen any suspicious activity lately? 20 end of the counter. Whispers.) Tom! 20 MARGIE: Well, I did have a very well-dressed young woman come in TOM: (Whispers.) What? and try to sell me a book that she couldn’t unlock. DOROTHY: (Whispers.) I told you to put that slingshot away! OFFICER KETCHUM: I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about thieves! I’m talking about criminals! I’m talking about people with TOM: (Whispers.) But I’ve got a clean shot on her! (Shoots his slingshot bad teeth and horrible scars! at FINGERS.) 25 FINGERS: Ow! (Slapping the back of her neck, looks around for the 25 MARGIE: I thought you didn’t know what they looked like. culprit. TOM and DOROTHY duck behind the counter. Joins EDDIE on OFFICER KETCHUM: All criminals have bad teeth and horrible scars! his side of the store.) MARGIE: All right. I’ll keep a lookout for them. EDDIE: What are you doin’? OFFICER KETCHUM: You do that. After all, it’s citizens like you who FINGERS: I’m helpin’ you look for the book over here. are the mouth and stomach of the police force. 30 EDDIE: Well, don’t! You’re supposed to be lookin’ on that side of the store! 30 MARGIE: Don’t you mean the eyes and ears of the police force? FINGERS: But I don’t like that side of the store. It hurts. OFFICER KETCHUM: Not when it’s this close to lunch. I’m starving! (EXITS RIGHT.) EDDIE: If you don’t get over there right now, I’m going to hurt you myself! MARGIE: Did you hear that, Bombalurina? Jewel thieves! Oh, how FINGERS: All right, Eddie. If I hafta. (Starts for the other side of the I wish they’d come here! I’d give them a good drubbing with my store. The book with the lock catches her eye and she picks it up off 35 the counter.) Hey, Eddie. Did you say the book we was lookin’ for 35 quarterstaff, just like Robin Hood used to do! Oho! (Pretends to hold quarterstaff and fight off the thieves. Embarrassed, BOMBALURINA had a lock on it? buries head in paws. MARGIE returns to the counter.) Oh, well. I EDDIE: Only about a million times. suppose I’d better get these things out of the way. But first thing FINGERS: And was it called 1001 Vegetable Dishes Your Family tomorrow, I want you to return them to whomever you stole them Will Love? 40 from! (Leaves the book with the lock on the counter, picks up the 40 EDDIE: Yeah. How did you know?

14 19 RIGHTS MUST BE PURCHASED BEFORE REPRODUCING THIS SCRIPT For preview only 1 FINGERS: Because I’m holdin’ it right now. 1 plan. Those scalawags will never miss it! (Laughs evilly, pockets EDDIE: What? Let me see that. (Goes over to FINGERS.) That’s the the necklace, and EXITS UPSTAGE. LIGHTS FADE to BLACK.) book, all right. (Opens the unlocked book.) And see? There’s the End of Scene Four secret compartment. ACT ONE 5 FINGERS: Yeah, but where’s the necklace? Scene Five EDDIE: Look around. Maybe it fell out. (He and FINGERS search the store.) Well, if it’s here, I ain’t seein’ it. LIGHTS UP: The next day. A weary BOMBALURINA pokes her head into the room from OFF LEFT. Seeing no one around, she tiptoes IN and FINGERS: Maybe it’s invisible. 5 falls into bed. EDDIE: You meatball! The boss ain’t goin’ to have us smuggle an MARGIE: (Bursts IN LEFT.) Wake up, Bombalurina! It’s a brand-new day! 10 invisible necklace! How would he know we delivered it to him? A day filled with infinite possibilities! Why, today might be the day FINGERS: How would he know we didn’t? our business finally turns around! (Unlocks the STAGE RIGHT door. EDDIE: Ah, you got bats in your belfry! (Thinks.) Hey, now that I think BOMBALURINA sits up, bleary-eyed, sees the mess on the counter, about it, that book lady was actin’ kind of suspicious-like. I’ll bet 10 rushes over to clean it up and closes the book with the lock.) What she picked the lock and kept the necklace for herself. are you doing? (BOMBALURINA stretches out arms, blocking her view 15 FINGERS: What are we gonna do? of the mess.) Are you hiding something from me? (BOMBALURINA EDDIE: What do you think we’re gonna do? We’re gonna come back shakes head.) Come on. Let me see. (Reluctantly, BOMBALURINA tomorrow and make her hand over the necklace. Now let’s scram! steps aside. She gasps.) Oh, Bombalurina! Why did you steal all (The THIEVES start for STAGE RIGHT. TOM pokes his head out from 15 these things? (BOMBALURINA claps a paw to forehead.) If you’re behind the counter and shoots his slingshot. Slaps the back of his not careful, one of these days the police are going to come right 20 neck.) Ow! (Swats FINGERS.) What did you do that for? through that door and arrest you! (OFFICER KETCHUM ENTERS RIGHT. BOMBALURINA lets out a screech.) I didn’t mean it! FINGERS: What are you talkin’ about? I didn’t do nothin’! (EXITS RIGHT with EDDIE, still bickering.) OFFICER KETCHUM: Didn’t mean what? HEIDI: (ENTERS UPSTAGE with ROBIN, SHERLOCK, and POLLYANNA.) 20 MARGIE: That you’d arrest Bombalurina! Oh, zis is bad! Zis is very, very bad! OFFICER KETCHUM: Bombalurina? That’s a rather unusual name for 25 ROBIN: I know Miss Margie like I know the back of my perfectly a cook. Wait. Not cook. I meant crook. That’s an unusual name muscled hand. She would never steal a necklace. for a crook. SHERLOCK: Perhaps she recognized that the necklace was stolen MARGIE: You’re not going to lock her up, are you? and turned it over to the proper authorities. 25 OFFICER KETCHUM: Of course I’m going to lock her up! I can’t let DOROTHY: But if she doesn’t have the necklace when those thugs hardened criminals run around willy-nilly! Well, maybe I can let 30 come back, they might do something terrible! them run around willy. But I certainly can’t let them run around nilly! Now where is the miscreant? ROBIN: Have no fear! I am the finest swordsman in all England! I shall cut them to ribbons! MARGIE: What do you mean where is she? She’s right here. 30 (Indicates BOMBALURINA.) DOROTHY: That won’t work. We can’t let ourselves be seen. OFFICER KETCHUM: What? Behind the cat? POLLYANNA: I know! We could leave Miss Margie a note! MARGIE: No. She is the cat. 35 TOM: (Sarcastic.) Oh, sure. And we’ll sign it, “From the characters inside your books.” OFFICER KETCHUM: You’ve got to be kidding! I’m not going to arrest a cat! HEIDI: Thomas is right! Ve can’t give ourselves avay! 35 MARGIE: Then why are you here? (Looks around.) DOROTHY: No, but we could sign it, “From a concerned friend.” Miss Margie will never know it came from us. OFFICER KETCHUM: Don’t tell anyone, but I’m after a gang of jewel thieves. 40 SHERLOCK: A brilliant suggestion, Dorothy. MARGIE: (Gasps.) Jewel thieves?

20 13 For preview only 1 FAGIN: It’s not fair, I say! Not fair! I did a dishonest day’s work! I expect 1 ROBIN: Ah, but who shall serve as scribe? a dishonest day’s pay! TOM: Don’t look at me. It sounds too much like schoolwork. SHERLOCK: Come, Robin. Help me get rid of this thief before he tries POLLYANNA: I’ll write it! I have the best penmanship in my class! to steal something else. TOM: (Rolls his eyes.) Of course you do. 5 ROBIN: For once, I’m glad I don’t have any pockets to pick. (Helps 5 POLLYANNA: (Grabs a pen and notepad from the counter.) I’m ready! SHERLOCK hustle FAGIN toward the hidden EXIT.) SHERLOCK: Very good. Now write down exactly what I say. (Dictates.) FAGIN: (Scoops TOM’S pennies off the counter as they go.) Oh, woe is Dear Miss Margie, we do not wish to alarm you… me! Woe is me! Always cheated out of my unfair share! (SHERLOCK ROBIN: Have you gone mad? Of course, we wish to alarm her! That’s and ROBIN shove him OFFSTAGE.) the whole point of writing the note! 10 TOM: (Searches the counter.) Hey! He swiped my pennies! (EXITS 10 POLLYANNA: (Writes.) Dear Miss Margie, we wish to alarm you… UPSTAGE, going after FAGIN.) SHERLOCK: (Dictates.) As there are a pair of scofflaws… SHERLOCK: (Examines the necklace.) A curious thing indeed. ROBIN: The word is ruffians. DOROTHY: Who hid it there, Mr. Holmes? POLLYANNA: (Writes.) Bad guys. SHERLOCK: I can’t say for certain. But I do know one thing. This SHERLOCK: (Dictates.) Who shall return tomorrow for a diamond 15 necklace was stolen. 15 necklace they misplaced. POLLYANNA: Wow! What clue tipped you off? ROBIN: Mislaid. DOROTHY: Did you find a suspicious hair inside the compartment? POLLYANNA: (Writes.) Lost. HEIDI: Or a fingerprint on ze clasp? SHERLOCK: (Dictates.) Be on your guard as they may cause you a SHERLOCK: Not at all. I saw a story about it on the news. grievous affliction. 20 ROBIN: Alas! If Miss Margie gets caught with a stolen necklace, she’ll 20 ROBIN: Great injury. be thrown in jail for sure! POLLYANNA: (Writes.) Harm. DOROTHY: We have to warn her! SHERLOCK: Do you have it all? POLLYANNA: But how? POLLYANNA: I think so. HEIDI: (Points OFF DOWNSTAGE.) Ach du lieber! Look! Sunlight is SHERLOCK: Excellent. Now leave it there on the counter. Miss Margie 25 coming srough ze vindow! 25 will be certain to see it in the morning. (The BOOK CHARACTERS POLLYANNA: Hurry! We have to clean this place up! start to leave.) SHERLOCK: We don’t have time. Miss Margie will be coming down ROBIN: I think that was rather well-written, don’t you? the stairs soon. SHERLOCK: Well, it’s not as gripping as an Arthur Conan Doyle story, HEIDI: Zat’s right! If she catches even a glimpse of us, ve vill all but it’ll do. (The BOOK CHARACTERS EXIT UPSTAGE. A relieved 30 be kaput! 30 BOMBALURINA ENTERS LEFT with her pillow. As she passes the POLLYANNA: But we made such a mess! counter, she sees the note. Looking around to make sure no one’s SHERLOCK: Leave it. When Miss Margie finds the necklace, she’ll watching, she takes the note and stashes it in her bed, where she know what to do. promptly falls asleep. LIGHTS FADE to BLACK.) HEIDI: Come on! Ve have to shkedaddle! (ALL EXIT UPSTAGE.) End of Scene One 35 LONG JOHN: (ENTERS UPSTAGE. To the parrot on his shoulder.) Well, ACT TWO Captain Flint, it’s about time those scalawags abandoned ship. Scene Two Now we can see if they left any booty. (Goes to the counter and picks up the necklace.) Well, shiver me timbers! A necklace made LIGHTS UP: The next day. BOMBALURINA sleeps in her bed. As 35 of the finest diamonds! What do you think I should do with it, MARGIE ENTERS LEFT, BOMBALURINA stretches and yawns, having finally gotten a good night’s sleep. 40 Captain Flint? (Puts his ear to the parrot’s beak.) A most excellent

12 21 For preview only 1 MARGIE: Good morning, Bombalurina! I trust we didn’t have any 1 SHERLOCK: I do know one person who possesses this particular skill. burglars last night? (BOMBALURINA shakes her head.) Good. I (Goes to the hidden EXIT.) Oh, Fagin! feel so much safer knowing you’re down here guarding the store. DOROTHY: The pickpocket from Oliver Twist? (Goes to unlock the front door. Finds that it’s already unlocked.) FAGIN: (ENTERS UPSTAGE.) I beg your pardon, my dear, but I’m much 5 Well, that’s odd. I could have sworn I locked this door last night. 5 more than a pickpocket. I’m a criminal extraordinaire! I guess I was so flustered by those two hoodlums, I forgot.(Goes SHERLOCK: Enough of your bluster, Fagin. I wouldn’t have invited you behind the counter.) Oh, well. It’s a brand-new day. Time to put all here at all except I have a lock that needs picking. that behind us. FAGIN: Oh, dear, dear, dear. Do you mean to say that even the great EDDIE: (ENTERS RIGHT with FINGERS. BOMBALURINA hisses.) Well, Sherlock Holmes is in need of my felonious proclivities? 10 well, well. If it ain’t the book lady. 10 SHERLOCK: Just open the lock, would you? MARGIE: I thought I told you two to get out of here. FAGIN: Certainly I’ll open it, but first you must agree to one EDDIE: I don’t know. You might have said that. The thing is, we don’t minor stipulation. hear so good. Do we, Fingers? SHERLOCK: And what might that be? FINGERS: Huh? FAGIN: I get half of whatever’s inside. 15 EDDIE: See? 15 DOROTHY: But Mr. Fagin, we don’t even know what’s in there! MARGIE: What do you want? TOM: I’ll bet it’s a treasure map! (OTHERS turn to shush TOM.) EDDIE: Oh, not much. Just a little somethin’ that belongs to us. Somethin’ you seem to think is yours. FAGIN: (Smiles.) Then, I want half of the treasure, or you shan’t reap the benefit of my talents. MARGIE: I don’t know what you’re talking about. SHERLOCK: One quarter and only if the treasure can be easily divided. 20 EDDIE: Show her, Fingers. 20 FAGIN: What? You must take me for a fool! FINGERS: (Pulls out a photo.) Did you take this? SHERLOCK: (Grabs FAGIN and calls OFFSTAGE.) Oh, Mr. Fang! I have MARGIE: What? The picture? the thief you’ve been searching for! FINGERS: No! The necklace that’s in the picture. FAGIN: (Tears himself away.) Fine! Fine! I’ll pick the lock, but I do so MARGIE: (Grabs the photo and looks it over.) I’ve never seen it before under protest! 25 in my life. 25 ROBIN: Do it any way you like. Just do it! (FAGIN pulls out a lock pick EDDIE: Come on. We know you found a diamond necklace inside that and starts to work on the lock.) cookbook and decided to keep it for yourself. POLLYANNA: Are you getting it? Are you getting it? MARGIE: I didn’t. I swear I didn’t. FAGIN: Silence, please. I must have absolute silence. FINGERS: Playin’ dumb, huh? Well, maybe you’ll get some smarts if SHERLOCK: Criminals can be quite temperamental. 30 we rough you up a little. 30 FAGIN: (Works in silence for a moment.) And so, as that great thief Ali MARGIE: Rough me up all you want. I don’t have the necklace. Baba said, “Open Sesame!” (Opens the book to reveal the hidden EDDIE: That ain’t no good, Fingers. If you want her to hand over compartment inside. EVERYONE gasps.) the goods, you got to threaten her about somethin’ she really DOROTHY: Why, it’s not a book at all! It’s a place to hide valuables! cares about. FAGIN: (Removes a diamond necklace from the book.) And what a 35 FINGERS: Like what? 35 valuable! A diamond necklace! EDDIE: Like books. SHERLOCK: Hand it over, Fagin! MARGIE: Wait. What do you mean? FAGIN: But you said I could have half! EDDIE: (To FINGERS.) You saw how upset she got when we dropped a couple of books on the floor. Just think what she’ll do if we rough SHERLOCK: I said a quarter and only if the item could be easily divided. (Grabs the necklace away.) Clearly, this necklace cannot. 40 up one of her books. (Grabs a book from the shelf.)

22 11 RIGHTS MUST BE PURCHASED BEFORE REPRODUCING THIS SCRIPT For preview only 1 ROBIN: I don’t mean the arrow. I mean this book. (Removes the locked 1 MARGIE: No! Please! Don’t hurt that book! book from the bottom shelf.) I’ve never laid eyes on it before. EDDIE: I’m not gonna hurt it. I’m just gonna bend it a little. (Bends DOROTHY: 1001 Vegetable Dishes Your Family Will Love? the book backward, cracking the spine. MARGIE cries out. Tosses HEIDI: Sounds like a cookbook. the book on the floor.) Now, are you gonna give us the necklace or 5 ain’t you? 5 POLLYANNA: Open it up, Mr. Hood! MARGIE: Sure! I’ll give you the necklace! I just don’t have it right now! ROBIN: Alas! I wish I could, but the book has a lock on it. EDDIE: What happened to it? SHERLOCK: What? Let me see that. (ROBIN hands him the book.) Well, that’s rather peculiar. A lock is normally used to secure something MARGIE: I had to take it somewhere! But I can get it back! of value. EDDIE: All right. I’ll give you one day. (Holds up the book with the lock.) 10 TOM: Yuck! What’s so valuable about some ol’ vegetable recipes? 10 If the necklace ain’t back inside this book by tomorrow, I’ll do the same thing to the rest of these books. SHERLOCK: My point exactly. There must be more than recipes inside. A treasure map, perhaps. Or a secret message. MARGIE: Understood. POLLYANNA: Now we have to open it! EDDIE: (Sets the book with the lock on the counter.) Come on, Fingers. Let’s get outta here. (EXITS RIGHT with FINGERS.) HEIDI: But how? Ve don’t have ze key. 15 MARGIE: (Rushes to pick up the damaged book.) Oh, no! They broke 15 TOM: If I had my pocketknife, I could bust it open! the spine! And on The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes, too! (Sets HEIDI: It’s a good thing you don’t! You could hurt ze poor book! the damaged book on the counter. BOMBALURINA rubs up against DOROTHY: Tom, do you have anything else we could use? her and purrs.) Oh, Bombalurina! There’s no time for that now. I TOM: Let me see. (Removes the items one by one from his pockets have to try to find a necklace that looks just like this one. (Shows and sets them on the counter.) Three marbles. Two pennies. Some 20 BOMBALURINA the photo.) Maybe if I buy it and give it to those 20 string. A magnifyin’ glass. And a dead beetle. hoodlums, they’ll think it’s the one they lost. You’ll be all right here HEIDI/POLLYANNA: Ewww! alone, won’t you? SHERLOCK: It doesn’t take a detective to know that none of these BOMBALURINA: (Waves her paws in an emphatic, “No!”) Meow! Meow items will be effective. meow meow! 25 MARGIE: Good. I knew I could count on you. Now remember, we take DOROTHY: What about you, Mr. Hood? Do you have anything in all major credit cards, but no out-of-town checks. Oh, and make 25 your pockets? sure you give each customer their receipt. (EXITS RIGHT.) ROBIN: I’m from the Middle Ages. I don’t even know what a pocket is. BOMBALURINA: (Follows her to the door, peers OFF RIGHT after her. SHERLOCK: If I had a long thin piece of metal, I could fashion myself Sad.) Meow? (BLACKOUT.) a lock pick. End of Scene Two POLLYANNA: I have a hairpin you could use! (Removes a hairpin and 30 hands it to SHERLOCK.) ACT TWO SHERLOCK: Thank you, Pollyanna. This should prove most helpful. Scene Three (Unbends the hairpin and sticks one end into the lock.) 30 LIGHTS UP: That night. BOMBALURINA still peers OFF RIGHT, only now POLLYANNA: Be careful now! peers through binoculars. ROBIN and DOLITTLE bustle IN UPSTAGE, HEIDI: You don’t vant to ruin it! carrying SHERLOCK on a stretcher. DOROTHY, TOM, POLLYANNA, and HEIDI follow. Alarmed, BOMBALURINA hides past the end of the counter. 35 SHERLOCK: I’m not going to ruin it. I’m just going to insert this end in here and— (Jiggles the pick.) Wait a moment. Perhaps if I insert DOLITTLE: Careful now! We don’t want to aggravate the injury! it like this— (Jiggles the pick.) Oh, it’s no use! We need someone 35 ROBIN: Let’s set him down here. (He and DOLITTLE set down with the right experience to pick this lock. the stretcher.) POLLYANNA: But who, Mr. Holmes? It’s not like any of us are criminals. DOLITTLE: How are you feeling, Mr. Holmes? 40 (ROBIN whistles innocently.) SHERLOCK: My back, Doctor! It’s killing me!

10 23 RIGHTS MUST BE PURCHASED BEFORE REPRODUCING THIS SCRIPT For preview only 1 DOLITTLE: I’m sure it is. After all, you have a broken spine. 1 in. (Puts the books away. She yawns.) Oh, Bombalurina! I’m so DOROTHY: Is there anything you can do for him, Doctor? tired! Your snoring kept waking me up last night. Would you mind DOLITTLE: I’m afraid not, Dorothy. Whenever one of my regular patients sleeping down here tonight? breaks their spine, I usually put them to sleep. BOMBALURINA: (Frantically shakes her head.) Meow! Meow! 5 DOROTHY: Put them to sleep? But that’s horrible! Isn’t that what you 5 MARGIE: Oh, you’ll be fine. It’s a lot quieter down here anyway. I’ll even do to horses? get your favorite pillow for you. (EXITS LEFT. BOMBALURINA turns to DOLITTLE: Precisely. AUDIENCE and heaves a huge sigh. LIGHTS FADE to BLACK.) TOM: That’s what we get for callin’ Doctor Dolittle. End of Scene Three DOROTHY: You know, Mr. Holmes, I think I can fix your spine with just ACT ONE 10 a few drops of glue. Scene Four SHERLOCK: It’s going to take a lot more than glue to mend this back, LIGHTS UP: That night. BOMBALURINA sleeps in her bed, snoring. Robin’s Dorothy. hat is by her side. TOM and ROBIN creep IN from the hidden EXIT behind DOROTHY: I’m not going to put the glue on your back. I’m going to put 10 the counter. TOM has a slingshot. ROBIN has a bow with an arrow. it on your book. (Goes to the counter, grabs the book and a bottle ROBIN: Have you spotted the villain yet, lad? 15 of glue.) Like this. (Pours a few drops of glue inside the spine of the TOM: Sure have! She’s sawin’ logs somethin’ fierce! book.) There we go. ROBIN: Very good. Let us advance quietly. We don’t want to wake SHERLOCK: (Sits up.) You know something, Dorothy? I feel her. (They creep toward BOMBALURINA. When they get close, they better already. 15 stop and aim their weapons.) All right now. On the count of three. DOROTHY: Are you sure? One. Two— 20 SHERLOCK: (Stands.) Oh, yes. In fact, I’m quite back to normal. POLLYANNA: (Bursts IN UPSTAGE.) Hey, what are you up to? POLLYANNA: Yay! I knew you’d get well! (BOMBALURINA wakes up, screeches, grabs the hat and runs OFF ROBIN: And not a moment too soon! LEFT. ROBIN is so startled he drops his arrow.) HEIDI: Vat do you mean? 20 TOM: Confound it, Pollyanna! You done scared her off! ROBIN: Didn’t you hear? The necklace is missing. If it isn’t back by the ROBIN: And just when we were about to spring our attack! 25 time those villains return, they’re going to destroy all the books! DOROTHY: (ENTERS UPSTAGE with HEIDI and SHERLOCK.) Don’t tell HEIDI: Oh, no! I don’t vant my shpine to be gebrochen-schnappen! me you were going to hurt that poor kitty! SHERLOCK: It’s worse than that, Heidi. Those scoundrels are liable TOM: (Hides slingshot behind his back.) What? Oh, uh, no! Of course not! to tear us page from page! No one will ever be able to put us 25 ROBIN: (Hides bow behind his back.) We wouldn’t dream of it! back together! DOROTHY: Then why is there an arrow on the floor? 30 HEIDI: Ach du lieber! ROBIN: An arrow? What arrow? DOROTHY: Can’t Miss Margie get the necklace back from the police? DOROTHY: That arrow. SHERLOCK: Ah, there’s the rub. Miss Margie didn’t give the necklace ROBIN: Fine. So maybe I did aim my bow at the beast. But I didn’t to the police. She never had it in the first place. 30 mean to hurt her. I only wanted to take back what is rightfully mine. DOROTHY: Then what happened to it? HEIDI: You mean your silly hat? 35 SHERLOCK: I can’t say for certain, but I suggest we question the ROBIN: It’s not silly. I find it rather dashing. one creature whom we know to be a thief. (EVERYONE turns DOROTHY: This from a guy who wears pajamas all day. to BOMBALURINA.) ROBIN: (Picks up his arrow and notices the new book.) Hallo! BOOK CHARACTERS: Bombalurina! (Terrified, BOMBALURINA starts 35 What’s this? to back away.) HEIDI: I sink zat’s your arrow, Mr. Hood. 40 ROBIN: Stop! We want to talk to you!

24 9 For preview only 1 MARGIE: The book has a lock on it. (Holds up the book.) 1 DOROTHY: You’re scaring her. Let me talk to her. LADY IN RED: So it does. So it does. DOLITTLE: I speak fluent cat. I’ll talk to her.(Stopped by the wall MARGIE: Do you have the key? behind her, BOMBALURINA looks around with wild eyes.) LADY IN RED: Let me see. (Pats herself all over.) No. I sure don’t. ROBIN: Tell her we’re looking for a diamond necklace. 5 MARGIE: Then how am I supposed to know what’s in it? 5 DOLITTLE: Bombalurina, meow meow meow meow. LADY IN RED: Oh, I can tell you. On page one, there’s a nice DOROTHY: Tell her if we don’t find it, those thugs will destroy all ratatouille. Then on page two, there’s a green bean casserole the books. that’s out of this world… DOLITTLE: Meow meow meow meow meow. MARGIE: Well, that’s great and everything, but are you going to go BOMBALURINA: Meow meow. 10 home with whoever buys this book so you can tell them what’s in it? 10 DOLITTLE: She says she doesn’t have it. LADY IN RED: Oh, I see the difficulty. Yes. Yes. That would be SHERLOCK: Ask her if she’s laid eyes on it anywhere. very awkward. DOLITTLE: Meow meow meow? MARGIE: I suppose I could try to break the lock. BOMBALURINA: Meow meow meow meow. LADY IN RED: Oh, no! You must never do that! DOLITTLE: She says she hasn’t seen it either. 15 MARGIE: Why? 15 LONG JOHN: (ENTERS UPSTAGE.) If the scurvy beast won’t tell ye, LADY IN RED: Because this book is priceless! My great-great-great- make her walk the plank! grandfather would be devastated if anything happened to it! DOROTHY: We don’t have a plank. We’re in a bookshop. MARGIE: You mean he’s still alive? QUEEN OF HEARTS: (ENTERS UPSTAGE.) Off with her head then! LADY IN RED: I suppose not. But I don’t want to take any chances. (BOMBALURINA screeches, runs away, and EXITS LEFT.) 20 MARGIE: Well, I’m sorry, but I can’t buy this book. 20 DOLITTLE: I dare say, madam, you’ve frightened her off! LADY IN RED: Not even a little bit? SHERLOCK: It’s just as well. Bombalurina would never admit to the MARGIE: Not even one little corner. crime anyway. LADY IN RED: (Takes the book and starts to leave.) My great-great- DOROTHY: Oh, please. Bombalurina didn’t steal the necklace. It’s not great-grandfather will be very disappointed. like her to steal something so valuable. 25 MARGIE: I’m sure he’ll get over it. 25 ROBIN: Then what happened to it? LADY IN RED: (Stops.) You know, on second thought, maybe I will buy DOROTHY: I—I don’t know. a book. TOM: I’ll bet she hid it around here somewheres. MARGIE: Wonderful! What kind of book would you like? ROBIN: Good point, lad. Let’s spread out. If the necklace is in this LADY IN RED: Oh, you know. One with a cover. And some words inside. room, one of us is sure to find it.(With HEIDI, TOM, POLLYANNA, 30 MARGIE: Okay… (Turns to look through the shelves.) Let’s see. Moby 30 and SHERLOCK, they spread out, looking for the necklace.) Dick is an excellent book. And I just adore Robinson Crusoe. Oh, QUEEN OF HEARTS: You know, it would save time if we just chopped and you can’t go wrong with Little Women. off everyone’s heads. LADY IN RED: Fine, fine. I’ll take them all. LONG JOHN: I say chop off their heads, then make them walk the plank. MARGIE: Really? That’s great! (Starts to get the books down. LADY DOLITTLE: I’m afraid that’s a physical impossibility, my good man. 35 IN RED sticks her book on a bottom shelf and ducks OUT RIGHT.) I 35 QUEEN OF HEARTS: Well, someone ought to lose a head! really think you’re going to— (Turns to find LADY IN RED is gone.) DOLITTLE: You know, I’m a little concerned about your preoccupation Miss? Miss? (Looks around.) Bombalurina, did you see where that with violence. It may be a sign of something more serious. Can you lady went? (BOMBALURINA shakes her head.) Well, that’s odd. It’s stop by my office next week for a consultation? almost as if she didn’t want the books at all. Oh, well. We’ve still QUEEN OF HEARTS: Wait. Aren’t you an animal doctor? 40 got the whole day ahead of us. Maybe someone else will come

8 25 For preview only 1 DOLITTLE: Indeed, madam. I am. ACT ONE QUEEN OF HEARTS: Well, do I look like an animal to you? Scene Three DOLITTLE: No, but you don’t look quite human either. 1 LIGHTS UP: The next day. MARGIE and BOMBALURINA ENTER LEFT. QUEEN OF HEARTS: Of course not! I’m a playing card! MARGIE unlocks the door at STAGE RIGHT. 5 LONG JOHN: What kind of doctor do you want to see, then? MARGIE: Look, Bombalurina! It’s a brand-new day! A day filled with infinite possibilities! Why, today might be the day our business QUEEN OF HEARTS: What else? A cardiologist! 5 finally turns around!(LADY IN RED ENTERS RIGHT, holding a book SHERLOCK: (Looks in BOMBALURINA’S bed.) By Jove! with a lock on it. She looks around suspiciously.) See, Bombalurina? HEIDI: Vat is it, Mr. Holmes? We have a customer already! (BOMBALURINA hisses. MARGIE goes SHERLOCK: There’s a veritable treasure trove of pilfered items in this to LADY IN RED.) Good morning! I’m so glad you’re here! 10 cat bed. (EVERYONE rushes over.) LADY IN RED: A Likely Story. ROBIN: My hat! 10 MARGIE: No, really! We appreciate all our customers! TOM: My lucky rabbit’s foot! LADY IN RED: No, I mean that’s the name of your store. A Likely Story. HEIDI: Mein locket! MARGIE: What? Oh, right. (Laughs nervously.) I forgot. ROBIN: I knew the beast was a thief! LADY IN RED: (Examines the bookshelves.) Tell me, do you do a lot of 15 DOROTHY: (Sarcastic.) Oh, I don’t know. Maybe she was planning on business here? giving this all to the poor. 15 MARGIE: Oh, yes! We sell oodles and oodles of books! Well, maybe HEIDI: Vell, I’m poor, so I’m taking zis all back! (Grabs the items and not oodles. A couple of books here and there. hands them back to their owners.) LADY IN RED: Interesting. Very interesting. (Examines the bookshelves TOM: (Pockets the rabbit’s foot.) Thanks, Heidi. some more.) And do you have people come in and look through the books? You know, without buying anything? 20 ROBIN: (Puts on his hat.) At last, I feel like myself again! HEIDI: (Puts on her locket.) Zat cat better not steal anything else. 20 MARGIE: Oh, sure. We get the occasional looky-loo. But not very often. SHERLOCK: Great Scott! What’s this? (Grabs the note from the cat bed.) LADY IN RED: Fascinating. Simply fascinating. And what about police? MARGIE: What about police? DOROTHY: That’s the note we wrote to Miss Margie! LADY IN RED: Do they come in? Nose around at all? ROBIN: No wonder she didn’t know those villains would return. She 25 never saw the note! MARGIE: Oh, no. The police wouldn’t be interested in this place. 25 Nothing much really happens here. DOROTHY: Is the diamond necklace there? LADY IN RED: Excellent. Excellent. You’re just what I’m looking for. SHERLOCK: Not that I can see. MARGIE: Is there a particular book you’d like to buy? DOROTHY: Then where did it go? LADY IN RED: What? Oh, no. I’m here to sell a book. SHERLOCK: Elementary, my dear Dorothy. (The other BOOK 30 CHARACTERS look to SHERLOCK as though expecting some great MARGIE: Oh. (Disappointed.) announcement.) I have no idea. (The BOOK CHARACTERS sag.) 30 LADY IN RED: You do buy books, don’t you? BOOK FAIRY: (ENTERS UPSTAGE.) What are you all doing here? It’s MARGIE: Well, yes, but I prefer to sell them. I make more money that way. almost daybreak! LADY IN RED: Oh, but you’ll want to buy this book. It was left to me by POLLYANNA: Oh, dear! We have to return to our books! my great-great-great-grandfather. He was a general in the Civil War. (Hands MARGIE the book.) 35 DOROTHY: No! We have to stay and help Miss Margie fight those thugs! 35 BOOK FAIRY: Are you crazy? If anyone sees you, you’re going to MARGIE: (Reads the cover.) 1001 Vegetable Dishes Your Family Will Love? disappear forever! LADY IN RED: Oh, yes. You should see some of the recipes. HEIDI: Ach du lieber! I don’t vant to disappear! MARGIE: Well, sure, I’d love to. But there’s one teensy little problem. DOROTHY: But we can’t just leave! Miss Margie needs us! LADY IN RED: What’s that?

26 7 RIGHTS MUST BE PURCHASED BEFORE REPRODUCING THIS SCRIPT For preview only 1 BOOK FAIRY: I don’t know, but it won’t be good. Now, if you’ll please 1 SHERLOCK: Dorothy, I admire your courage and I know you have only excuse me, I need to go look for Scarlett O’Hara. I understand the best intentions, but you must accept the facts. Without the she’s missing. necklace, there’s nothing we can do to help Miss Margie. HEIDI: Oh, no! Vat happened to her? DOROTHY: I suppose you’re right. 5 BOOK FAIRY: What do you think? She’s gone with the wind. (EXITS 5 SHERLOCK: Of course I’m right. I’m Sherlock Holmes. UPSTAGE. BOMBALURINA ENTERS LEFT, creeps toward ROBIN.) BOOK FAIRY: Now please, let’s get a move on. Miss Margie will be TOM: Can you believe that Book Fairy? She sounds like an old schoolmarm! coming downstairs any second! (EVERYONE but QUEEN OF HEARTS POLLYANNA: I know! Isn’t she wonderful? (Like a flash, BOMBALURINA and LONG JOHN EXITS UPSTAGE.) grabs ROBIN’S hat and runs OFF.) QUEEN OF HEARTS: Would you like to join me in a game of croquet? 10 ROBIN: Stop, thief! 10 LONG JOHN: As long as I can use me wooden leg. (Makes a stiff- TOM: (Chases after BOMBALURINA, but misses her.) Sorry, Mr. Hood. legged kick. QUEEN OF HEARTS laughs.) I thought I had her. BOOK FAIRY: (ENTERS UPSTAGE.) Are you still here? Come on! We’ve HEIDI: Was ist los? (German pronunciation: “Vas ist los?”) got to hit the road! ROBIN: Was ist los? This is los! I mean, this is the matter! (Points at LONG JOHN: All right! All right! 15 his head.) That foul feline stole my hat! 15 QUEEN OF HEARTS: You and that White Rabbit! Always in such a rush! DOROTHY: Wait a minute. Don’t you steal from the rich? BOOK FAIRY: (Steers QUEEN OF HEARTS and LONG JOHN OFFSTAGE. ROBIN: What? Oh, uh, sure. But that’s different. I give everything I To herself.) Why didn’t I listen to my mother and go into an easier steal to the poor. field, like teeth? (BLACKOUT.) DOROTHY: So it’s okay to steal as long as you don’t keep the stuff End of Scene Three 20 for yourself? ACT TWO ROBIN: Yes! Well, not exactly. I mean, it’s complicated. Scene Four DOROTHY: Not as complicated as you make it out to be. LIGHTS UP: The next day. Exhausted, BOMBALURINA shuffles in LEFT TOM: I wouldn’t talk, Dorothy. Didn’t you swipe the wicked witch’s shoes? 20 and collapses into bed. As soon as she does, MARGIE hurries IN DOROTHY: What? No! The good witch gave them to me! RIGHT. BOMBALURINA groans. 25 TOM: Oh. So it’s okay to keep somethin’ that was swiped as long as MARGIE: Oh, Bombalurina! What am I going to do? I’ve been to every somebody else did the swipin’? jewelry store in town and none of them have the right necklace! DOROTHY: If the person’s dead, it’s not swiping! (Continues bickering BOMBALURINA: Meow meow! Meow meow meow! with TOM. Soon, EVERYONE but POLLYANNA joins in.) 25 MARGIE: What’s that? You want me to lock the door? POLLYANNA: (Shouts.) Quiet! (ALL stop and stare at her, stunned BOMBALURINA: Meow! 30 by the outburst. Takes a moment to compose herself.) Look, I’m MARGIE: Ooh, that’s good. Maybe if it looks like we went out of glad you’re all so passionate about this subject, but I think you’re business, those hoodlums will go away. (Goes to the RIGHT EXIT to forgetting something. try to lock the door.) ROBIN: My hat? 30 EDDIE: (Saunters IN just then with FINGERS.) It’s a little early to be POLLYANNA: No! We need to figure out a way to save the store! closin’ up shop, ain’t it? 35 TOM: Oh, yeah. MARGIE: What? Oh, uh, not at all! It’s National Book Lovers Day! ROBIN: Now I remember. You know, the day people all over the country stay home and POLLYANNA: So what do you think? How can we help? (EVERYONE read a book! looks at each other, then they all start bickering again. Throws up 35 EDDIE: Hey, that sounds like a great idea. And I know just the book I’d her hands in defeat.) Why do I even try? (BLACKOUT.) like to read. It’s a book about vegetables. End of Scene Two

6 27 RIGHTS MUST BE PURCHASED BEFORE REPRODUCING THIS SCRIPT For preview only 1 MARGIE: Oh, you don’t want to read that one. How about a book like 1 POLLYANNA: No assistance, Book Fairy! Mr. Holmes was just Crime Never Pays or Twenty Thousand Years in Sing Sing? explaining to me why we can’t open a lemonade stand, only he EDDIE: No. It’s got to be the vegetable book. There’s a recipe I’m hadn’t gotten to that part yet. really interested in. It involves a lot of ice. BOOK FAIRY: A lemonade stand? Oh, no, no, no, no! That’s simply out 5 FINGERS: Hey, Eddie. I don’t think ice is a vegetable. 5 of the question! You know the rules I laid down for you when I gave EDDIE: Shaddap! You’re ruinin’ my metaphor! (Picks up the book with you the gift of life. the lock from the counter.) Ah, here it is. BOOK CHARACTERS: Yes, Book Fairy. MARGIE: Wait! Let me explain— BOOK FAIRY: Well, maybe we should go over them one more time— EDDIE: No explanation is necessary. Either the necklace is here or it ROBIN: (To SHERLOCK.) You had to open your big mouth. 10 ain’t. (Opens the book, pulls out a “fake” diamond necklace.) Well, 10 BOOK FAIRY: Can anyone tell me the first rule? well, well. Lookie here. Book Lady decided to return the necklace POLLYANNA: (Raises her hand.) Ooh! Ooh! I can! I can! after all. BOOK FAIRY: Yes, Pollyanna? MARGIE: What? Oh, yes! Of course I did! Why wouldn’t I? POLLYANNA: Rule number one—No leaving the bookshop! EDDIE: Come on, Fingers. Let’s take these rocks to the boss. BOOK FAIRY: Actually, you’re not allowed to leave the building. Miss 15 FINGERS: What happened to the ice? 15 Margie’s apartment is right upstairs, and while I don’t recommend EDDIE: Ice. Rocks. It’s all the same thing. going up there, it is fair territory. FINGERS: You know somethin’, Eddie? Some days you don’t make POLLYANNA: Good to know, Book Fairy! any sense at all. (EXITS RIGHT with EDDIE, taking the fake necklace BOOK FAIRY: And the second rule? Anyone? and the book with the lock.) POLLYANNA: (Raises her hand.) Ooh! Ooh! Call on me! Call on me! 20 MARGIE: Whew! That was a close one, Bombalurina. I don’t know how 20 BOOK FAIRY: Anyone else? Please? (SHERLOCK raises his hand.) Yes, the necklace got in there, but I’m glad it did. Now I finally have you, Mr. Holmes? a chance to fix that Sherlock Holmes book.(Grabs the Sherlock SHERLOCK: Rule number two—We must never permit ourselves to be Holmes book from the counter.) Well, that’s odd. It looks perfectly seen or in any way perceived by human beings. fine. I could have sworn the spine was broken. BOOK FAIRY: A little wordy, but correct. 25 EDDIE: (Bursts IN RIGHT with FINGERS.) Hey, what’s the big idea? 25 TOM: Rules are dumb. MARGIE: Why? What do you mean? HEIDI: But, Thomas, if it veren’t for ze rules, ve vouldn’t be here at all. EDDIE: (Holds up the fake necklace.) This ain’t the necklace we was looking for. These rocks is fake. (Breathes on the diamonds.) BOOK FAIRY: That’s right, Heidi. You’ve got to realize I went way out See? They fog up when I breathe on ‘em. (Tosses the fake on a limb for you guys. I mean, book characters are supposed to 30 necklace and the book with the lock on the counter.) What come to life the normal way—by being read. happened to the real necklace? 30 ROBIN: Here it comes… MARGIE: I don’t know! I never had it! BOOK FAIRY: But when I realized that was unlikely to happen here, I EDDIE: Tryin’ to pull a fast one, are ya? Well, we’ll see about that. Fingers? decided to step in. FINGERS: What book should I start with? DOROTHY: We know, Book Fairy, and we’re all very grateful. But can’t you make an exception just this once? 35 EDDIE: I don’t care. Just pick one. 35 BOOK FAIRY: Absolutely not! I mean, can you imagine what chaos it FINGERS: (Grabs a book from the shelf.) How about Mary Poppins? would cause if the humans saw you cavorting around? No, I have EDDIE: Whatever. (FINGERS tears pages out of the book.) to insist. If you break either of the two rules, you’ll disappear into MARGIE: No! Stop! your books forever. EDDIE: Are you gonna tell us where the real necklace is? TOM: How’s that supposed to work? 40 MARGIE: I already told you! I don’t know where it is!

28 5 For preview only 1 ROBIN: Miss Margie tossed me across the room again. 1 EDDIE: All right, Fingers. Pick another book. DOROTHY: Oh, please. You don’t know what tossing is until you’ve FINGERS: (Grabs another book.) This one’s got a funny name. been tossed by a tornado! (Mispronounces Don Quixote.) Don Quicksoddy. (Tears pages out HEIDI: Vat means zis vord, tornado? of the book.) 5 POLLYANNA: (ENTERS UPSTAGE.) Ooh! Ooh! Let me explain it! A 5 MARGIE: Stop! I’ll give you all my money! Just please don’t hurt tornado is this great rush of wind that sounds like a freight train my books! and goes around and around like a carnival ride! EDDIE: Pick another one. DOROTHY: You know something, Pollyanna? Only you could make a FINGERS: (Grabs another book.) Ooh, I know this one! Heidi! (Prepares tornado sound fun. to tear pages from this book.) 10 HEIDI: Did anyvun see vat book vas taken? 10 ROBIN: (Bounds IN UPSTAGE.) Halt, you villainous rogues! SHERLOCK: I believe it was White Fang by Jack London. (BOMBALURINA lets out a screech and ducks behind the counter. TOM: Oh, no! Not White Fang! I’m gonna miss that ol’ mutt! EDDIE, FINGERS, and MARGIE stare in shock.) DOROTHY: Not me! I’m glad he’s gone. He used to chase Toto all FINGERS: Whoa! around the bookshop! (TOTO growls.) EDDIE: Who are you? 15 ROBIN: And he was always chewing on my boots! 15 ROBIN: Who am I? Why, I am only the greatest outlaw in the land! POLLYANNA: Well, look on the bright side! At least Miss Margie sold EDDIE: Al Capone? another book! ROBIN: No! Robin Hood! SHERLOCK: She didn’t sell the book, Pollyanna. She gave it away. DOROTHY: (ENTERS UPSTAGE with TOTO, HEIDI, TOM, POLLYANNA, and TOM: Miss Margie’s got to stop doin’ that. SHERLOCK.) Boy, you really need to read more! 20 DOROTHY: I know. If business doesn’t pick up soon, she’s going to 20 HEIDI: Now please put mein book down! You’re making me nervous! have to close the bookshop. FINGERS: I don’t like this, Eddie! Let’s get outta here! HEIDI: Ach du lieber! Vat vill happen to us? EDDIE: We ain’t goin’ nowhere! Not until we get the real necklace! ROBIN: Who cares what happens to us? It’s Miss Margie I’m (FRANKENSTEIN ENTERS UPSTAGE with a roar.) On second worried about. thought, maybe we should get outta here! (Runs with FINGERS 25 for the RIGHT EXIT.) 25 TOM: Yeah. This shop is her life. DOROTHY: I just wish we could help. TOM: (Blocks the way with ROBIN and SHERLOCK.) Oh, no, you don’t, you big bullies! (FRANKENSTEIN stomps toward them. EDDIE and POLLYANNA: Hey, I have an idea! Why don’t we raise some money for FINGERS cry out.) her by opening a lemonade stand? EDDIE: Quick! Go the other way! SHERLOCK: I’m afraid we can’t, Pollyanna. That would violate the two 30 FINGERS: But we don’t know where it goes! 30 rules that were established for us by the Book Fairy. DOROTHY: Oh, no! You said it again! EDDIE: Who cares? It’s better than here! (Runs with FINGERS toward the LEFT EXIT.) SHERLOCK: Said what? What do you mean? DOROTHY: Get ‘em, Toto! (Barking, TOTO chases after EDDIE and FINGERS.) BOOK FAIRY: (ENTERS UPSTAGE with a flourish.) Did somebody call my name? WICKED WITCH: (ENTERS LEFT, cackling witchily. To EDDIE.) I’ll 35 get you, my pretty! And your little friend, too! (With a yelp, TOTO 35 BOOK CHARACTERS: (Unenthusiastic.) Hello, Book Fairy. hightails it away.) BOOK FAIRY: Tom, I didn’t hear your greeting. DOROTHY: Whew! I never thought I’d be glad to see you! TOM: (Downright glum.) Hello, Book Fairy. WICKED WITCH: Yeah? Well, I still want those shoes back! BOOK FAIRY: That’s better. Now what do you need my assistance with? EDDIE/FINGERS: (Stick up their hands.) We give up! We give up! 40 (FRANKENSTEIN continues stomping toward them.)

4 29 For preview only 1 WICKED WITCH: Cool it, Frankie. They’ve already surrendered. 1 MARGIE: Sure. Why not? (FRANKENSTEIN lets out a disappointed grunt.) MOM: (Reluctant, takes the book. To TIMMY.) I guess if you don’t like TOM: If only we had somethin’ to tie ‘em up with. it, we can always sell it online. HOPALONG: (ENTERS UPSTAGE holding a lasso.) I’ve got just what you TIMMY: (To his phone.) Yay! Another five thousand points! (EXITS 5 need right here, pardner. 5 RIGHT with MOM. BOMBALURINA gives MARGIE a dubious look.) POLLYANNA: Thanks, Hopalong! You came just in the nick of time! MARGIE: Don’t look at me like that, Bombalurina. I had to give it to HOPALONG: Of course, little lady. I always come in the nick of time. them. I can’t imagine a child not owning a book. (Peers OFF RIGHT.) DOROTHY: I just wish the nick of time had come a little earlier. Oh, well. Might as well close up shop. It doesn’t look like we’re going to get any more customers tonight. (Locks the front door.) HOPALONG: (Ties up EDDIE and FINGERS.) Would someone please 10 Well, Bombalurina? Are you going to come up to the apartment with 10 call the police? (FRANKENSTEIN picks up the phone and grunts me, or are you going to stay down here and guard against burglars? into it.) (Alarmed, BOMBALURINA jumps out of bed and follows her.) I thought POLLYANNA: Uh, Frankie? It might be better if I make the call. (Takes so. You wouldn’t be much help against burglars anyway. the phone from FRANKENSTEIN.) BOMBALURINA: (Stops to put her paws on her hips.) Meow! MARGIE: Dorothy! Heidi! Tom! You’re real! 15 (MARGIE EXITS LEFT. BOMBALURINA hurries after her. LIGHTS 15 DOROTHY: You bet we’re real! FADE to BLACK.) HEIDI: As real as ze books ve came from! End of Scene One MARGIE: But what are you doing here? ACT ONE HOPALONG: It’s simple, pardner. Scene Two SHERLOCK: It was all the Book Fairy’s idea. LIGHTS UP: That night. 20 BOOK FAIRY: (ENTERS UPSTAGE.) Did somebody call my— (Looks ROBIN: (ENTERS UPSTAGE through the hidden EXIT behind the counter. around.) Whoa! Staggers dizzily.) Odds bodkins! It feels as though the whole world MARGIE: You made this happen? 20 is spinning… BOOK FAIRY: Who, me? (Laughs nervously.) I don’t know if I’d go TOM: (ENTERS UPSTAGE.) What’s the matter, old man? Did you swing that far. into a tree again? 25 WICKED WITCH: Sure it was you! You’re the one who gave us life! ROBIN: No. Miss Margie threw my book. I swear, every time she reads HOPALONG: Only you told us to lay low. me, I end up flying across the room. DOROTHY: You said if we ever left the building or were seen by any 25 SHERLOCK: (ENTERS UPSTAGE.) I thought you enjoyed flying, my good man. humans, we’d disappear into our books. ROBIN: I do. It’s the landing I’m not so fond of. (TOTO ENTERS BOOK FAIRY: Oh, yeah. Now it’s coming back to me. UPSTAGE, barking.) 30 MARGIE: But I don’t understand. I’m seeing you now. DOROTHY: (ENTERS UPSTAGE, following TOTO.) Toto, you’ve got to be ROBIN: Yes, and I fear this shall be the end of us. quiet! You could wake up Miss Margie! MARGIE: You mean…? 30 HEIDI: (ENTERS UPSTAGE.) Vorse yet, you could vake up zat DOROTHY: We gave up our lives, Miss Margie. To save you. cat, Bamboozle-o-mania! OFFICER KETCHUM: (ENTERS RIGHT.) Stop! You’re all under a nest! SHERLOCK: Her name is pronounced Bombalurina, Heidi. 35 No, wait. Not a nest. Arrest! You’re all under arrest! HEIDI: Zat’s vat I said, Bamboozle-o-mania! MARGIE: Those are the smugglers you’ve been looking for, officer. DOROTHY: What’s the matter with him? (Indicates ROBIN.) Right over there. (Indicates EDDIE and FINGERS.) 35 SHERLOCK: I’m afraid he’s suffered a traumatic injury to his cranium. OFFICER KETCHUM: (Crosses to the THIEVES, looks around at all the HEIDI: Mein Himmel! I can’t undershtand a vord he says! strange-looking characters.) It’s kind of early for Halloween, isn’t it? TOM: He means he took a blow to the noggin.

30 3 RIGHTS MUST BE PURCHASED BEFORE REPRODUCING THIS SCRIPT For preview only 1 MOM: We wouldn’t be here at all except his teacher is making him 1 WICKED WITCH: (Puts her hand on FRANKENSTEIN’S shoulder.) Where write a book report. we come from, it’s always Halloween. (FRANKENSTEIN grunts.) MARGIE: (To TIMMY.) Ooh, how about a mystery? Or maybe science EDDIE: We didn’t do nothin’, officer. We was just buyin’ a book. fiction. Wait. I’d bet you’d love a heartwarming animal story! OFFICER KETCHUM: Oh, yeah? Which book? 5 TIMMY: (To phone.) Take that! And that! 5 FINGERS: That book over there with the jewels in it. MOM: I don’t know why he has to write a book report. I mean, books EDDIE: How many times do I gotta tell you, Fingers? You’re supposed are so old-fashioned. to shut up when you’re talkin’! MARGIE: Oh, but they’re not! Books are wonderful! They strengthen OFFICER KETCHUM: (Picks up the book and the fake necklace.) Huh. your vocabulary! They fuel your imagination! They teach you about A book with a secret compartment. So this is how the jewels were 10 other times and other cultures! 10 smuggled. But this isn’t the necklace that was stolen. MOM: What do you mean? EDDIE: Gee, officer. I guess that means you gotta let us go. MARGIE: (Picks up the book from the counter.) Well, take this book, LONG JOHN: (ENTERS UPSTAGE with the real necklace.) Could this be for example. Robin Hood. It’s about these highway robbers in of interest to ye, constable? (Hands over the necklace.) medieval England… OFFICER KETCHUM: (Takes it.) This is the necklace, all right. But what 15 MOM: Oh, no. We would never let Timmy read a book like that. We’re 15 were you doing with it? very careful about what we expose him to. LONG JOHN: Me? Oh, uh, I was just keeping it safe from those two TIMMY: (To phone.) Blam! Blam! Blam! bilge rats over there. MARGIE: (Pulls a book from the shelf.) Okay. How about this one? EDDIE: I don’t know what he’s yappin’ about. White Fang by Jack London. FINGERS: Sure you do, Eddie. That’s the necklace we was gonna smuggle. 20 MOM: What’s that? A book about dentistry? 20 EDDIE: You know your problem, Fingers? Your mouth keeps workin’ MARGIE: No, it’s about this dog named White Fang, see? And he lives overtime while your brain is still on break. in the Yukon, and he gets sold to an Indian named Grey Beaver, OFFICER KETCHUM: I don’t understand. If this is the stolen necklace, only because he’s part wolf, the other dogs refuse to accept him. then where did the other necklace come from? (Acts out the story.) And then he gets into this fight with a dog POLLYANNA: That was my fault, officer. I thought if I gave the smugglers 25 named Cherokee. They pounce at each other, slashing and biting, 25 my Aunt Polly’s necklace, they would leave Miss Margie alone. I tearing and clawing, until Cherokee manages to close his jaws didn’t realize the necklace was fake. over White Fang’s throat. White Fang tries to shake him off, but he doesn’t have the strength and he stumbles to the ground, BOOK CHARACTERS: Pollyanna! exhausted… (On the floor now, looks up at MOM for approval.) WICKED WITCH: See? I always said you can’t trust little girls. 30 MOM: Sounds violent. LONG JOHN: Young lads ain’t much better. TIMMY: (To his phone.) Die, ogre, die! 30 TOM: Hey! MARGIE: (Scrambles to her feet.) Oh, no. It’s really a very good book. OFFICER KETCHUM: All right, you crooks. I’m running you in. I’ve got MOM: How much is it? more than enough evidence to book you. Hey, did you hear that? Book you! I made a joke! MARGIE: Three dollars. FINGERS: That’s a good one, copper! Hey, Eddie, ain’t that a good one? 35 MOM: I don’t know. That seems like an awful lot of money. 35 EDDIE: When I say shaddap, I mean shaddap! (OFFICER KETCHUM MARGIE: Would you buy it for two dollars? escorts EDDIE and FINGERS OFF RIGHT.) MOM: Come on, Timmy. Let’s see what they have at the library. (Starts MARGIE: Thanks, everybody. I don’t know what I would have done to leave with TIMMY.) without you. MARGIE: No, no! Please, just take it! (Holds out the book.) DOROTHY: We had to help, Miss Margie. We couldn’t stand by and 40 MOM: You’re giving us the book? 40 see you get hurt.

2 31 RIGHTS MUST BE PURCHASED BEFORE REPRODUCING THIS SCRIPT For preview only 1 POLLYANNA: I just wish we could have helped you save the store. THE ENCHANTED BOOKSHOP MARGIE: Don’t worry about that. I’m just so excited you’re here! ACT ONE DOROTHY: (Jerks backward.) Oh, no! Scene One MARGIE: What’s the matter? 1 AT RISE: MARGIE reads The Merry Adventures of Robin Hood. 5 DOROTHY: I don’t know. Something seems to be tugging on me! (Now BOMBALURINA lies in her cat bed, listening contentedly. the other BOOK CHARACTERS jerk backward.) MARGIE: Listen, Bombalurina! Here comes the exciting part! (Acts HOPALONG: It feels like I got a lasso around my waist! out the story as she reads.) “At last Little John struck like a flash, BOOK FAIRY: Huh. So that’s how it works. 5 and—rap!—the Tanner met the blow and turned it aside, and then MARGIE: What do you mean? How what works? smote back at Little John, who also turned the blow, and so this 10 BOOK FAIRY: The spell, of course. It’s over. Dorothy and Tom and all mighty battle began.” the rest of them, they’re going to disappear into their books now. MOM: (ENTERS RIGHT with TIMMY, who plays a game on his phone. WICKED WITCH: Curses! And I just got here too! MARGIE doesn’t notice them.) Excuse me. HEIDI: Can’t you do something, Book Fairy? 10 MARGIE: (Reads.) “Then up and down and back and forth they trod, BOOK FAIRY: I’m sorry. It’s out of my hands now. (The BOOK the blows falling so thick and fast that, at a distance, one would 15 CHARACTERS lurch backward toward the hidden EXIT, bodies have thought that half a score of men were fighting.” jerking, arms flailing, as though pulled by an unseen force.) MOM: I said, excuse me. MARGIE: No! Don’t go! There are so many things I want to talk to MARGIE: (Reads.) “Thus they fought for nigh a half an hour, until the you about! 15 ground was all plowed up with the digging of their heels, and their POLLYANNA: We can’t help it, Miss Margie! The force is too strong! breathing grew labored like the ox in the furrow—” (MOM taps her on the shoulder.) Aaah! (Startled, throws up her hands, causing the 20 TOM: Uh-oh! Here I go! (EXITS UPSTAGE.) book to fly across the room.) MARGIE: Tom! MOM: I’d like some help, please. POLLYANNA: Oh, dear! Even I can’t put a positive spin on this! (EXITS UPSTAGE.) 20 MARGIE: (Flustered.) What? Oh, uh, yes! Of course! You want some help! And I’m going to help you! Just as soon as I get my book! MARGIE: Pollyanna! (Rushes over to the book. After checking to make sure it’s okay, sets 25 HOPALONG: Oh, well. I guess this is the last roundup! (EXITS UPSTAGE.) it on the counter.) Welcome to A Likely Story. How can I help you SHERLOCK: A most curious sensation, this! (EXITS UPSTAGE.) this evening? LONG JOHN: Hold fast, Captain Flint! We’re going down with the ship! 25 MOM: I’m here to buy a book for my son, Timmy. (EXITS UPSTAGE.) MARGIE: Oh! Isn’t that exciting! What kind of books do you like, WICKED WITCH: And I thought melting was bad! (EXITS UPSTAGE. Timmy? Timmy? 30 FRANKENSTEIN lets out a groan and EXITS UPSTAGE.) MOM: Timmy, she’s asking you a question. HEIDI: Auf wiedersehen, Fräulein Margie! (EXITS UPSTAGE.) TIMMY: (Continues playing with his phone.) I hate books. ROBIN: We’ll never forget you! (EXITS UPSTAGE.) 30 MARGIE: Ha ha! Surely you don’t mean that. Don’t you have a favorite MARGIE: Oh, Dorothy! You’ve got to stay! book at home? DOROTHY: I’m sorry, Miss Margie! I don’t have the strength! (TOTO MOM: Timmy doesn’t have any books. 35 barks, then EXITS UPSTAGE with DOROTHY.) MARGIE: No books at all? MARGIE: (Heartbroken, stares at the spot where they vanished. MOM: We always meant to buy him one, but we could never make the BOMBALURINA rubs up against her and purrs.) Oh, Bombalurina! 35 commitment. Books take up so much room, you know? They’re gone! They’re all gone! MARGIE: Yes, well, I’m sure I can find something he’ll like.(Scans the bookshelves.)

32 1 For preview only SET DESIGN 1 BOOK FAIRY: No, Margie. They’re not gone. They’re right where they’re supposed to be, just waiting for someone to open their books and bring them to life. MARGIE: But how will that ever happen? Hardly anyone comes to the 5 store anymore. And when they do, they don’t buy anything. BOOK FAIRY: Oh, Margie. You’ve got to have faith! Someday, maybe, if you truly believe— (Hears MOM and TIMMY approach.) Uh oh. Somebody’s coming. I’ve got to go. (EXITS UPSTAGE.) MARGIE: (Calls after her.) It was nice knowing you! I guess. 10 MOM: (Bursts IN RIGHT with TIMMY, who clutches his copy of White Fang.) We’re back! MARGIE: What’s the matter? Didn’t he like the book? MOM: Are you kidding? He loved it! TIMMY: It was the greatest book ever! 15 MARGIE: I’m so glad you enjoyed it! TIMMY: Do you have any more? MARGIE: Do I have any more? I’ve got a whole store full of books! MOM: What would you recommend? MARGIE: (Pulls books off the shelf and names each one.) Well, there’s 20 Robin Hood and Pollyanna and Sherlock Holmes and Heidi and Tom Sawyer and… (Pauses at The Wizard of Oz.) And then there’s this one, the most special one of all. (Places the book in TIMMY’S hands.) TIMMY: The Wizard of Oz? I thought that was a movie. MARGIE: Oh, sure. They made a movie out of it, but if you really want 25 to see some great special effects, you’ve got to read the book. TIMMY: Awesome! MOM: We’ll take them all. MARGIE: Wonderful! I’ll bag these up for you. (Goes behind the counter and gets out a shopping bag.) 30 MOM: No, no. I don’t mean these all. (Gestures toward the books in MARGIE’S hands.) I mean these all. (Gestures toward all the books in the store.) MARGIE: The entire store? MOM: The entire store. 35 TIMMY: Wow! Thanks, Mom! MARGIE: Well, Bombalurina, it looks like we’re going to need some more bags! (Gets out a big stack of bags and starts bagging up books as MOM and TIMMY eagerly look through The Wizard of Oz. Delighted to finally get rid of them, BOMBALURINA brings her more books. And 40 more books. And still more books. LIGHTS FADE to BLACK.) END OF PLAY iv 33 For preview only PRODUCTION NOTES SETTING Time: Present. PROPERTIES ONSTAGE Place: A Likely Story used book store. Shelves with books, cat bed hiding a rabbit’s foot and a locket, sign showing the name of the store, “A Likely Story,” and a counter with SYNOPSIS OF SCENES cash register, phone, pen, notepad, bottle of glue, and containing some shopping bags. ACT ONE In ACT TWO, Scene Four, a fake necklace is added to the locked book Scene One: One evening near closing time. that is onstage. Scene Two: That night. Scene Three: The next day. PROPERTIES BROUGHT ON ACT ONE Scene Four: That night. Scene One: Scene Five: The next day. Book (MARGIE) ACT TWO Phone (TIMMY) Scene One: That night. Scene Three: Scene Two: The next day. Locked book containing diamond necklace (LADY IN RED) Scene Three: That night. Scene Four: Pillow, Robin’s hat (BOMBALURINA) Scene Four: The next day. Slingshot, three marbles, two pennies, string, magnifying glass, SET DESCRIPTION beetle (TOM) A quaint used book store with the walls lined with bookshelves. The Bow, arrow (ROBIN) main entrance is at STAGE RIGHT. The entrance from the upstairs Hairpin (POLLYANNA) apartment is at STAGE LEFT. A counter with a cash register is UP Lock pick (FAGIN) RIGHT. The counter hides a low opening in the UPSTAGE WALL through Parrot (LONG JOHN) which the book characters enter and exit. ACT TWO Bombalurina’s cat bed is DOWN LEFT. A sign shows the name of the Scene One: store, “A Likely Story.” Slingshot (TOM) Scene Two: Photo (FINGERS) Scene Three: Binoculars (BOMBALURINA) Stretcher (ROBIN, DOLITTLE) Scene Four: Lasso (HOPALONG) “Real” diamond necklace (LONG JOHN) Book (TIMMY) COSTUMES The real-life characters wear contemporary clothing. MARGIE—Funky, bohemian-style clothing.

34 iii RIGHTS MUST BE PURCHASED BEFORE REPRODUCING THIS SCRIPT For preview only THE ENCHANTED BOOKSHOP BOMBALURINA—Cat ears. Use makeup to give her a cat nose and whiskers. By TODD WALLINGER MOM—Fleece jacket, yoga pants. CAST OF CHARACTERS TIMMY—Whatever kids are wearing these days. (In Order of Appearance) The book characters dress like they do in their books. It’s not necessary, # of lines however, to give them elaborate costumes. For the most part, each of the book characters can be identified by two or three key items, as MARGIE ...... bookshop owner; scatterbrained, 140 listed below: eternally hopeful ROBIN HOOD—Green pointed hat, green tunic. BOMBALURINA ...... Margie’s cat; likes to steal things 8 TOM SAWYER—Straw hat, suspenders. MOM ...... bored bookshop customer 24 SHERLOCK HOLMES—Deerstalker hat, . TIMMY ...... kid; hates books 10 TOTO—Black pointy dog ears. Use makeup to give him a dog nose ROBIN HOOD ...... vain Medieval English outlaw 54 and whiskers. TOM SAWYER ...... mischievous Missouri schoolboy 36 DOROTHY—Calico dress, silver shoes (as in the book). Note that SHERLOCK HOLMES ...... brainy English detective 58 the ruby slippers are from the 1939 MGM movie and are not TOTO ...... Dorothy’s dog; not as brave as n/a in the public domain. he thinks he is HEIDI—Dirndl, braided hair. POLLYANNA—Frilly 1910’s-era dress, large hair bow. DOROTHY ...... Kansas farm girl; fearless, clever 64 LADY IN RED—Red dress, mink stole, red pillbox hat with veil. HEIDI...... Swiss mountain girl; 38 FAGIN—Shabby overcoat, flat wide-brimmed hat, scraggly beard melodramatic and moustache. POLLYANNA ...... New England schoolgirl; 42 LONG JOHN SILVER—Pirate hat, long coat, parrot. For the peg leg, annoyingly optimistic wrap the lower leg in a cardboard tube painted to look like BOOK FAIRY ...... brings the book characters to 29 wood. Or you can buy a “peg leg sock” from one of several life; overbearing online vendors. Either way, the realism of the effect will mostly LADY IN RED ...... mysterious bookshop customer 24 depend on the stiff-legged walk of the actor. FAGIN ...... English pickpocket; sneaky 13 OFFICER KETCHUM—Police uniform including hat. LONG JOHN SILVER ...... English pirate; treacherous 17 EDDIE and FINGERS—Black , black sweatshirt. OFFICER KETCHUM...... confused police officer 24 DOCTOR DOLITTLE—, frock coat, stethoscope. QUEEN OF HEARTS—Crown, gown with hearts. FINGERS ...... jewel smuggler; dumb 61 FRANKENSTEIN—Dark jacket, clunky shoes, green makeup. EDDIE...... another; bossy and dumb 90 WICKED WITCH OF THE WEST—Witch hat, black dress, green DOCTOR DOLITTLE ...... English veterinarian; talks 16 makeup. to animals HOPALONG CASSIDY—Cowboy hat, neck bandanna. QUEEN OF HEARTS ...... ruler of Wonderland; hothead 9 FRANKENSTEIN ...... monster; grunts a lot n/a FLEXIBLE CASTING WICKED WITCH BOMBALURINA, TIMMY, TOTO, OFFICER KETCHUM, FINGERS, and OF THE WEST ...... Dorothy’s nemesis; smart aleck 8 EDDIE can be played by either gender with few, if any, line changes. HOPALONG CASSIDY ...... noble cowboy 7 The actor playing FAGIN can double as DOLITTLE and either FRANKENSTEIN or HOPALONG. The actress playing LADY IN RED can double as QUEEN OF HEARTS and WICKED WITCH.

ii 35 RIGHTS MUST BE PURCHASED BEFORE REPRODUCING THIS SCRIPT For preview only HEIDI’S LANGUAGE Being Swiss, Heidi speaks German as her native language. The language she speaks here, however, is a mishmash of English, German, and some made-up words. Here’s a glossary to help you make sense of it all. Mein Himmel! (mine HIM-mel)—Heavens! Ach du lieber! (ock doo LEE-ber)—Oh, my goodness! Was ist los? (VAHS ist LOHS)—What’s the matter? Kaput (kuh-POOT)—Done for. Klinken-klanken (KLINK-en KLANK-en)—Made-up. Represents the sound of a doorknob being turned. Gebrochen-schnappen (guh-BROKH-en SHNOP-en)—Made-up. Combines the German words for “broken” and “snapped.” By Todd Wallinger Mein (mine)—My. Auf wiedersehen, Fräulein Margie! (owf VEE-der-zane FROY-line MAHR- © Copyright 2017, by Todd Wallinger jee)—Goodbye, Miss Margie! As a guide to her accent, some of her words have been spelled rather creatively, with “w” becoming “v,” “s” becoming “sh,” and “th” Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that a royalty must be paid for every performance, whether or not admission is charged. All inquiries regarding rights should becoming “s” or “z.” These are suggestions only. be addressed to Pioneer Drama Service, Inc., PO Box 4267, Englewood, CO 80155. All rights to this play—including but not limited to amateur, professional, public reading and translation into foreign languages—are controlled by Pioneer Drama Service, Inc., without whose permission no performance, reading or presentation of any kind in whole or in part may be given. All other rights in this play, including radio broadcasting, television and motion picture rights, are controlled by TODD WALLINGER to whom all inquiries should be addressed c/o Pioneer Drama Service, Inc. PO Box 4267, Englewood, CO 80155-4267. These rights are fully protected under the copyright laws of the United States of America and of all countries covered by the Universal Copyright Convention or with which the United States has reciprocal copyright relations, including Canada, Mexico, Australia and all nations of the United Kingdom.

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