Identifying & Healing from Domestic Violence

OCTOBER IS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AWARENESS MONTH

LOVE SHOULDN'T HURT - IDENTIFYING & HEALING FROM DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AWARENESS PACKET

@WOMANEVOLVE @DOVESNETWORK DOMESTIC VIOLENCE RESOURCES & SUPPORT TIPS

We've created a listing of resources to address the most common needs sought after by victims, survivors, friends or family, and other organizations. If you are in danger, please consider calling 911. DOMESTIC VIOLENCE RESOURCES

STATE Specific State domestic violence coalitions: www.ncadv.org/state-coalitions

LEGAL RESOURCES Womenslaw.org | www.womenslaw.org

ELDER ABUSE RESOURCES National Clearinghouse on Abuse in Later Life |1-608-255-0539 | www.ncall.us DOMESTIC VIOLENCE RESOURCES RECOMMENDED APPS

FREE ON APPLE STORE / GOOGLE PLAY

RUSafe App - Guided questions to clarify if you're in an abusive relationship + gives safety planning Tech Safety App - helps identify technology facilitated abuse and tactics, while providing tips on how to protect yourself. myPlan App - password protected that helps you identify abuse and gives you recommended next steps + counseling options Noonlight App - gets you emergency help with release of button TapeACall Pro: Call Recorder (free or paid options) - Recording a phone call DocuSAFE Evidence Collection - Documenting abusive incidents Rev Voice Recorder - recorder that records in the background while using other apps

SOURCE: DOMESTICSHELTERS.ORG SUPPORT & HEALING TIPS WHY DOESN'T SHE / HE JUST LEAVE? CORRECTIVE LANGUAGE: WHY DOES HE/SHE ABUSE?

#1 - LEAVING IS THE MOST DANGEROUS #2 - UNDERSTAND THE MINDSET OF VICTIM (BELOW EXAMPLES)

FEAR FAITH Of being killed It’s against religious beliefs If there's children: to divorce Abuser will hurt the kids God hates divorce The children being taken God is testing my faith Of being alone Judgement from others FAMILY Self Protect - No one will believe you Children should be raised in It's all their fault a home with two parents They have no one Believe it‘s their responsibility to hold the family together FEELS Love for the partner FINANCES They don't want the relationship to end, Unable to work just the violence Has no job skills He / she might change Has no access to funds They have no place to go Unable to afford childcare It's only when they're drunk Violence episodes has caused Maybe I deserved it them to miss work No one will help me They can't do it on their own TIPS ON SUPPORTING A DOMESTIC VIOLENCE VICTIM & SURVIVOR Be a resource Know the national hotline number, chats, and app's Understand the dynamics of Domestic Violence and what it looks like Understand that while you don't relate to their suffering, it feels very real to them Don't get into the conversation trying to "problem solve" instead have the resources and intention to be a "safe space" for them to talk and feel freely without judgement Don’t try to fix everything Don't interrogate Do not insist on telling them what do if not asked Celebrate their survival success Small acts of kindness goes a long way Keep their business confidential Stand with them Be consistent Everyone heals differently Healing will take time Listen more than talk and listen with empathy Don't post pictures of them or tag their location on social media channels without their consent Generate your own code word and DO NOT PUBLISH IT ON SOCIAL MEDIA (abusers are on the internet too) SAMPLE SUPPORT RESPONSES TO DOMESTIC VIOLENCE VICTIMS & SURVIVORS

I'm sorry this happened to you. I believe you. You deserve to feel safe. You are not alone, we'll get through this together. It's okay for you to feel _____. You are not going crazy . You did not deserve that. You are not the cause of the abusers behavior. Thank you for trusting me by telling me. I'm here with and for you. How can I help? Is there anything I can do? Beyond safety - bills, free lunches etc. SURVIVOR HEALING JOURNEY KNOW THAT THE FIRST STEP OF HEALING KICKS OFF WHEN THE VICTIM OF ABUSE IS SAFELY AWAY FROM THEIR ABUSER.

Healing Trauma-Informed Therapy Environment Stable environments allows rest for survivors to adjust to a new normal Exercise Stay active by yoga, exercising, stretching, hiking, etc. Family You and your children can practice self care by: Crafting together Reading books Coloring Outdoor activities Connections Utilizing support groups to make meaningful connections Connecting to your faith / spiritual community Staying safely connected with your family and friends Breaking Cycles Personal Development Trainings Education & Prevention Programs Advocacy SCRIPTURES & SONGS RECOMMENDED SCRIPTURES

SEEDS ARE PLANTED AND POWER OF THE WORD IS ACTIVATED WHEN YOU SAY AND PRAY SCRIPTURE, PLUS MEMORIZING IT IN YOUR MIND, HEART, AND SOUL. IF NOT FOR YOU, HERE'S SOME STARTER SCRIPTURES FOR COVERING, ENCOURAGEMENT, AND EVEN AFFIRMATIONS. WHERE YOU SEE “YOU,” REPLACE WITH A SPECIFIC NAME OR “I” TO MAKE IT PERSONAL. THE LORD IS FAITHFUL TO HIS WORD. “THEREFORE I TELL YOU, WHATEVER YOU ASK FOR IN PRAYER, BELIEVE THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED IT, AND IT WILL BE YOURS.” MARK 11:24

Love 1 Corinthians 13 4:7-8 (TPT) – Love is large and incredibly patient. Love is gentle and consistently kind to all. It refuses to be jealous when blessing comes to someone else. Love does not brag about one’s achievements nor inflate its own importance. Love does not traffic in shame and disrespect, nor selfishly seek its own honor. Love is not easily irritated or quick to take offense. Love joyfully celebrates honesty and finds no delight in what is wrong. Love is a safe place of shelter, for it never stops believing the best for others. Love never takes failure as defeat, for it never gives up. Jeremiah 31:3 (NLT) – “Long ago the said to Israel: "I have loved you with an everlasting love. With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself." Restoration Isaiah 61:7 (NLT) – “Instead of shame and dishonor, you will enjoy a double share of honor. You will possess a double portion of prosperity in your land, and everlasting joy will be yours.” Jeremiah 30:17 (NLT) – “I will give you back your health and heal your wounds, says the Lord...” Joel 2:25-26 (NLT) – “The Lord says. "I will give you back what you lost to the swarming locusts, the hopping locusts, the stripping locusts, and the cutting locusts. Once again you will have all the food you want, and you will praise the LORD your God, who does these miracles for you. Never again will my people be disgraced.” RECOMMENDED SCRIPTURES PAGE TWO Newness 2 Corinthians 5:17 (NLT) – “This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!" Lamentations 3:22-23 (NKJV)– "Through the Lord’s mercies, we are not consumed, Because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness. Job 8:7 (NLT) – “And though you started with little, you will end with much.” Fear Joshua 1:9 (NLT) – “This is my command - be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." 2 Timothy 1:7 (TPT) – “For God will never give you the spirit of fear, but the Holy Spirit who gives you mighty power, love and self-control.” Isaiah 35:4 (NLT) – “Say to those with fearful hearts, "Be strong, do not fear, for your God is coming to destroy your enemies. He is coming to save you." Confidence Proverbs 3:26 (ESV) - "For the Lord will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being caught." Luke 1:37 (TPT) - "Not one promise from God is empty of power, for nothing is impossible with God!" Isaiah 41:10 (ESV) - "Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. " RECOMMENDED SCRIPTURES PAGE THREE

Forgiveness Matthew 6:14-15 (AMPC) – “For if you forgive other people their trespasses [their reckless and willful sins, leaving them, letting them go, and giving up your resentment}, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their trespasses [their reckless and willful sins, leaving them, letting them go, and giving up your resentment], neither will your Father forgive you your trespasses.” 1 John 1:9 (TPT) - "But if we freely admit our sins when his light uncovers them, he will be faithful to forgive us every time. God is just to forgive us our sins because of Christ, and he will continue to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." Anger Ephesians 4:26 (TPT) – “But don't let the passion of your emotions lead you to sin! Don't let anger control you or be fuel for revenge, not even for a day." Romans 12:19 (NLT) - ”Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, "I will take revenge; I will pay them back," says the Lord." YOU ARE NOT FORGOTTEN SONG LIST YOU WANT A SOUNDTRACK THAT SPEAKS LIFE AND THE WORD OF GOD FULL LISTING AVAILABLE ON APPLE MUSIC, SPOTIFY, TIDAL, YOUTUBE

Good & Loved - Travis Greene See a Victory - Elevation Worship No Bondage - Jubilee Worship He Knows My Name - Torrance Greene I Am God / Restoring the Years - Donald Lawrence & Tri-City Singers Masterpiece - Tori Kelly Potter & Friend - Dante Bowe Psalm 23 (I Am Not Alone) - People & Songs If Not for Your Grace - Israel & New Breed Excess Love Remix - JJ Hairston Tremble - Mosaic MSC Conqueror - Vashawn Mitchell Kirk Franklin - Fight of my Life (whole album) Lauren Daigle - Look Up Child (whole album) Reckless Love - Cory Asbury How Deeply I Need You - Shekinah Glory Ministry Cycles - Jonathan McReynolds Goshen 432HZ - Donald Lawrence & Tri-City Singers Made a Way - Travis Greene He Cares for You - Rev. Milton Brunson & Thompson Community Singers 911 - Kirk Franklin Troubles Don't Last Always - Vincent Rutley You are for me - Kari Jobe Free - Kierra Sheard Whisper His Name / The Name of the Lord - William McDowell