1 CHAPTER 1 Life Is Great

The summer of 1996. My team, the Magnificent Seven, as we would come to be known, walked into the Georgia Dome to 40,000 screaming spectators, flash bulbs going off and a sense that this was our night. By the end of the competition we proudly stood atop the podium, receiving the first Women’s Team Olympic Gold Medal in history! It was a magical evening that I will never forget. Several days later I found myself approaching the on my final night of the individual event finals. The road had been rocky: a stumble during the All Around Finals, a miss during the individual Finals. And now it was down to my last routine. This was my last opportunity to bring home an individual medal for my country and the last 90 seconds of my entire Olympic career! Balance beam: 4 inches wide, 16 feet long. The most feared event in all of gymnastics. Was I ready? That moment was 15 years in the making and I can still remember exactly how I felt when my feet hit the ground on my dismount. A tremendous mix of emotions: joy, excitement . . . relief. After the competition and a 99-city tour, I went back to school to finish my undergraduate degree and then on to law school at Boston College. Exams and papers were a different kind of work but the lessons I learned through sport came in handy. So much of what we do every day is about setting and achieving goals. My coach used to set the team down on the exercise at the beginning of each year and pass out index cards. On one side we had to write down our long-term goals. “I want to compete at the !” We had big dreams, but he knew if we didn’t create a plan of action we’d never realize those dreams. On the back side of each card we had to write down our short-term goals. What were those little things we had to achieve every day in order to conquer that long-term goal? Learning a new dismount or sticking my landing, those were short-term goals important to the ultimate goal. I think back to that time and wonder how I got through those tough days of training, 7 hours a day, 6 days a week. It was the plan, the goals that I had set in place which kept me motivated through the injuries, pressure and tedious repetition. After graduating from law school in 2007, I started my foundation to fight childhood obesity and married a wonderful man. Then, in late 2009, I added yet another role: mom. While expecting our first child, I decided to launch my company, Lifestyle: Health and Fitness for Women. I felt the need to open the lines of communication for women going through similar experiences. I was inspired to provide a forum for women to come together and talk about the issues we face. This took the shape of a content-based website, a weekly call-in radio show, renewed efforts in social media and truly reaching out to women through programs and events that would benefit their overall health and well-being. I became a passionate advocate for women’s health based on my own experiences on and off the competition floor. Life was great. Little did I know, however, that my passions—my background in competitive gymnastics; my role as wife, mother and health advocate—would ultimately save my life. 2 CHAPTER 2 The Diagnosis

I’ve always taken good care of myself. My diet and exercise philosophy is one of “everything in moderation.” I try hard to practice what I preach and was eating fairly healthily, exercising regularly 30–45 minutes most days, with a mix of cardio, light weights and flexibility work. But just over one year into motherhood and less than six months after launching my company, I found myself facing the most difficult challenge of my life. It was the holidays and my schedule was crazy. My little boy was more mobile now and I had program launches for my foundation and my company coming up in January. I was going to be out of town on the date of my scheduled yearly physical exam and I didn’t feel any urgency to try and cram it into my overpacked schedule. So why not just put it off until next year? While on the phone, waiting to reschedule, something kept nagging at me. Maybe it was the countless physicians, nurses and survivors I had interviewed over the course of my weekly radio show. Maybe it was the fact that my mother is a cancer survivor, diagnosed in 2008. Or was it that little voice, that angel that tries to steer us in the right direction. Most likely, it was a combination of them all. I followed my gut and took the first appointment available, which happened to be that morning. So when I went to my regular doctor’s appointment in mid-December I got the shock of my life: I had a seven-centimeter tumor on my left ovary. I will never forget that morning. What had seemed a typical appointment quickly snowballed into a whirlwind of tests and exams after the initial cyst was detected. By early January I was hearing words like “mass”, “malignancy” and “cancer.” My world stopped. Everything that I thought was so important now seemed trivial. By January 13th I was in surgery to have the tumor removed. One of the most difficult parts of my journey was being wheeled into surgery not knowing whether the tumor was benign or something much worse. Benign, my biggest concern was not being able to pick up my 15-month old son for 8 weeks during recovery. A difficult thought but certainly something that I could handle. An inconvenience. But if it were malignant? Maybe they would need to perform an entire hysterectomy, in which case I’d never bear more children. What if it had spread? It was out of my hands. I couldn’t control any of it.

3 CHAPTER 3 The Gold Medal Mindset

After the surgery, there seemed to be great news. While the tumor was indeed a malignant germ cell tumor, a form of ovarian cancer, it had been caught very early and the prognosis was positive. Both my husband and I breathed an audible sigh of relief. Little did I know that I was in for a one-two punch. A couple of weeks after surgery I got the call. I learned from my oncologist that my pathology reports indicated the tumor was a higher-grade malignancy than originally thought. The typical course of treatment would be nine weeks of very aggressive chemotherapy. That conversation was a game changer. Though I had absolutely no control during surgery, chemotherapy was a process in which I could actively participate in my own health. Up to this point I had felt so useless. The tests were going to detect whatever they detect. My oncologist would perform the surgery, I couldn’t help him there. However, I could participate and be proactive before, during and even after chemotherapy. In gymnastics I never worried about the other competitors. I would win or lose the competition on my own terms. My goal was to prepare and compete to the best of my abilities. To participate as fully as I could. I began to see cancer as my competitor. Not the type of competitor that you race to the finish line. This is the type of competitor that you out- train, out-maneuver. Many times you win the competition before you even step on the floor. You prepare, dig in, and do the work. Chemotherapy was a tool that I could use as part of this strategy. Of course, preparation was key. How could I prepare my body and my mind for this battle? I spoke to my doctor about diet and exercise leading up to and through chemotherapy. I took up walking and swimming, two of the most beneficial ways to stay fit. They were also activities I could handle after surgery. I would have to be conscientious about wearing sunscreen while outside, but I felt these activities would be good ways to get me out of the house and in the fresh air.

4 I began doing at least one long (30–45min) walk each day prior to my treatment. I added some lightweight exercises (2 lbs.) and yoga. In fact, I used the workouts from my Fit Pregnancy DVD because they were a bit gentler on my body while still helping me build my strength. My diet became focused on consuming enough calories to make up for the weight I had lost from surgery, approximately 10 lbs. After talking with my personal physician it became clear that I needed to focus on protein, calcium and water (or other hydration) and not worry too much about fat or calorie content during this time. I have to admit I was pretty excited about the license to eat anything I wanted! Surgery had limited me, chemotherapy would limit me. I don’t deal well with limits and need to maintain some control. Diet and exercise were areas where I could be active in creating the best possible starting point for chemotherapy. I knew the healthier I was going into treatment, the easier and faster my recovery would be. Sometimes it takes a crisis to get us back on track, or to move forward in a new way. And, actually, I’d been strangely fortunate to experience this firsthand before. In 1992, while training for the Olympic Trials, I dislocated and broke my left elbow while performing a dismount off at practice. I was off on my timing, landing arms-first from 10 feet in the air. In the span of three seconds my path had changed. Prior to my injury, I may have been “in the mix” to squeak onto the team. However, the injury helped me realize that everything could be taken away in the blink of an eye. This completely focused my thought and action. Not only did I come back to make the 1992 Olympic Team, but I went from a possible team member to walking home with more medals than any other American athlete, from any sport! The path had changed for the better. Cancer is a game changer. It focuses your priorities like never before. Now, I had a new long-term goal: to live. That meant everything now, and defined all my actions and choices. I wanted to be a mother to my son, a wife to my husband, an advocate for women. I wanted to live.

5 CHAPTER 4 Failing to Win

I grew up and trained in Oklahoma, following my older sister into the sport at the age of five. I had never watched gymnastics on television; more that anything in the world, I simply wanted to be like my big sis. I was a shy, tiny, knob-kneed little girl with big frizzy curly hair. I did not have the legs of a Mary Lou Retton or the talent of a Nadia Comaneci. What I did have was a passion for the sport and a never-quit attitude. I went from being a recreational gymnast to a competitive athlete through endless hours of training, pulled muscles and, most of all, the desire to win! I competed with myself on a daily basis. Could I stick 10 landings in a row? Could I make it through a full floor routine without falling? I loved setting goals and accomplishing my task. For most of my career, I was not the most talented athlete in the gym. In fact, for the first several years of my competitive career, I’m not sure I stayed on the beam during a competition. It took me longer than other girls to learn some of the critical skills I needed. At times it seems that I spent my entire career learning how to come back from defeat. Those challenges gave me a dogged determination and instilled a work ethic that rivaled that of a more seasoned athlete. In 1996, after remaining in the sport an additional four years simply for the opportunity to represent my country on home soil at the Atlanta Olympic Games, I faced yet another setback. While competing at my Olympic qualifier, I fell during the first event, balance beam. The saying was always “you can’t fall and win.” However, what I had learned from my career was that when you fall, you get back up. You minimize your mistake and you KEEP GOING. No matter what. You keep going. I went on to perform some of the best routines of my life in the other three events, and by the end of the night I proudly stood atop the first place podium securing a spot on my second Olympic Team. Sometimes, you can fall and win. Maybe in life that’s the only way you can win. You fall . . . and then you get back on the beam. We truly learn more from our challenges and our mistakes than our successes. Falling didn’t rattle me as much as it did some of the other athletes because I was used to it. I had been falling for years. I was also used to picking myself up and putting the past behind me. When you are facing a challenge, and cancer is often the ultimate challenge, you must pick yourself up and keep moving forward. You can do it.

6 CHAPTER 5 The Game Plan

Baby steps. It’s important to have a game plan while going through chemotherapy. First, set a long-term goal. For example, finishing chemo or the completion of each round of treatment. Next, you need to set short-term goals. These can be monthly, weekly and even daily goals. And make sure you reward yourself when you reach these important milestones. My favorite reward is shopping! A new pair of shoes always gives you a spring in your step. Talk to your physician about your diet and exercise plans. There are hundreds of different chemotherapy regimens. Mine looked like this:

Shannon’s Chemotherapy Regimen Total: 9 weeks ROUND 1 Week 1: 5 days straight, (5–6 hours per day) Week 2: Monday chemo (4 hours) Week 3: Monday chemo (4 hours) Repeat for rounds 2 and 3 for a total of 9 weeks. I learned to really pay attention to my cycles. I felt great on Monday and Tuesday of each week. Those were days I could spend quality time with family and accomplish a bit of work. These were also good days for me to fit in a little exercise. My game plan looked something like this:

Shannon’s Game Plan for Each Round (3 rounds) Week 1 This is my tough week. Focus on resting and staying hydrated. Walk at least 5 minutes each day. On early days of the week, add 10 minutes of yoga. Rest on latter days. Week 2 Nausea tends to be more difficult this week and fatigue levels out. Stay hydrated and work hard to meet protein and caloric intake. Walk 10 minutes during the early days of the week. Do light weights (2 lbs.) to keep up arm strength for lifting baby boy. Rest on weekend. Week 3 Typically, this is my best week. Make sure to eat (or drink shakes) throughout the day. Take in plenty of fluids in preparation for next round. Be active, run errands, return calls and email and generally rejoin the world during this week. In order to achieve any goal, you must first create a plan. Having a strategy and specific goals to work toward helps you plan your days. It also encourages you to remain forward-thinking, to stay on track. No matter how small the goal, if accomplished, you have taken a step in the right direction. When I achieve a goal, no matter how small it may be, I feel this wonderful sense of accomplishment. I feel that I have “won” that day. And isn’t life all about feeling like a winner every day?

7 CHAPTER 6 Preparing My Family & Friends

Formulating a game plan helped me focus on moving forward. However, sometimes you just need to have a pity party for yourself. There were days I broke down in tears and cried for hours on end. I wanted to scream, “Why me?” “Why now?” I was terrified of not being there for my son. You have to allow yourself to have those real emotions. It can be difficult to try and stay positive for everyone around you. Depending on your family dynamic and your friends’ coping styles, you may decide to tell them, or not. That’s a very personal decision. It was difficult making that call to my parents. My husband and I were hoping to be announcing a second child on the way. Instead we were discussing cancer and chemotherapy. My mother is a cancer survivor and another close family member had been diagnosed recently. So much of my family had dealt with the issue at some point. I am blessed that everyone remained very calm. A positive attitude is important. I was able to receive good advice along with the understanding that there were days I simply needed to vent. I had to keep my mind focused on the future or I would have completely lost it. Communication is important. However, you have to find that fine line based on your own tolerance and personality. How much do you want to talk about it? Whom do you want to talk to? Make those decisions and let close family members know how you feel. One of the most difficult parts for me was wondering how my son would take it. Luckily, Rocco was very young so we didn’t talk to him about “cancer” or “illness.” Mommy was “resting” or “didn’t feel well.” When I lost my hair I was terrified that my son would be scared of me. It was heartbreaking to think that he might not want to hug me or be near me. I had nightmares of him crying in fear of bald Mommy.

8 This is one area where I leaned on friends and family the most. We all want to believe that we would be strong enough to not flinch at the loss of our hair. It’s just hair, right? It’s a huge part of our identity. For me it was such a reminder of illness, such a symbol of cancer. Having to look at yourself in the mirror each day with that reminder can be very difficult. I had to turn this around in my mind and say, “No, losing my hair is a sign that I am doing everything I can to get and remain healthy.” Losing my hair was tough. The process is the most difficult. Clumps of hair fall out and it can be very depressing, embarrassing and, quite frankly, a bit yucky. One of the best pieces of advice I received was to shave it off as soon as possible after it begins to fall out. Here are my top reasons for taking the plunge and shaving it off! 1. It saves you from the devastating realization each day that you are losing your hair (and the embarrassment of losing it during lunch with friends or during a black tie event—yes, I did both!) 2. You’ll feel more comfortable. When you lose your hair your head will be very tender; drawing out this process means drawing out the discomfort. 3. Lots of fun wigs, hats and scarves! Take this time to try new hairstyles or colors, or simply enjoy the extra time to sleep in the morning! 4. You’ll feel empowered. Hold your head high and show cancer who’s boss! This is one area where you can take control. Go big and go bald. Hint: If you’re not completely comfortable heading to the supermarket or running errands “au naturale” then try this easy look. Simply throw on a head covering (wig, scarf or hat), large hoop earrings, lipstick and oversized sunglasses. You’ll look like a star and no one will even know. Get your friends and family involved by throwing a head-shaving party. I chose a handful of friends and family to help give me courage and share in the journey. Whether you’re enjoying a glass of wine or delicious hors d’oeuvres, or simply focusing on the task at hand, you’ll want to include lots of laughter. Try on wigs, learn to tie scarves and enjoy time with loved ones. This is not a sad occasion; it is a celebration of life!

9 CHAPTER 7 Staying Positive During Treatment

After the tears were shed and the hair was swept away, I was left feeling uncertain about how my appearance would affect my son. One night, while voicing my concern, a good friend said to me, “Shannon, if you’re not comfortable with how you look, Rocco certainly won’t be.” Simple, yet profound. I took a few days looking in the mirror and feeling my scalp before introducing Mommy’s new look. I had shied away from mirrors and worn hats or wigs constantly. However, I knew that wasn’t the solution. And when I showed Rocco for the first time, he didn’t even flinch. Apparently it was just another hairstyle for Mommy! It was during this time that I realized the loss of my hair allowed me to gain so much more insight into who I am as a person and what is truly important in life. Cancer is such a life-altering diagnosis. It’s important to find those things that keep you positive throughout your treatment. It’s very easy to slip into depression. There will be times when you just don’t think you can handle it. You want to give up. Do NOT give up! There were several things that really helped get me through the rough times: • Creating a game plan: This is an important step in keeping on track. When the fatigue, nausea and physical changes like hair loss or sensitive skin begin to take their toll on your spirits, review your plan and stick to it. • Keeping a journal: Write down the important parts of your journey. How much exercise are you getting? What have you eaten? Are you staying hydrated? Write down your medications, dosage and timeline. Remaining focused on your goals and writing them down will help you to keep taking those baby steps toward the finish line. • Exercise: It’s important to get rest on the days you need it. It’s also critical to get out of bed on the days you can. I may have been winded walking my son to the park five minutes away, but it got me out of the house. I had to get dressed and reenter the human race; I was outside breathing fresh air. On better days I could do a longer walk. It’s important to move your body. This will help before, during and after chemo! • Support: Lean on friends. We all want to be Superman (or –woman). However, understand that it is not a sign of weakness to ask for help. Whether you need a friendly ear to hear you, a strong shoulder to support you, or even just information from your doctor about what’s going on with your body, make sure to keep the lines of communication open. • Laughter: It really is the best medicine! One of the most important aspects of support for me was laughter. My husband has such a wonderful sense of humor. He kept me laughing through the rough days, the nausea, fatigue and even losing my hair. You need that break in the tension. Smile, laugh and find the little joys each day.

10 CHAPTER 8 A Long Road: The Challege of Cancer Treatment

The nitty-gritty of treatment can be confusing. I remember having a bucket of all my different medications beside the bed. A bucket! My husband and I kept a log so we could make sure I was taking the correct dosage and changing patches at the correct time. I was incredibly tempted to research the medications and my particular tumor on the Internet. And I admit that I did Google a few things. I truly believe that knowledge is power. However, you want to make sure you are getting the most current and reliable information. What I had to remind myself was that every person is different. It was extremely important to me to discuss any concerns with my personal physician. I was appreciative that each of my doctors along this journey took the time and effort to proactively present my case and receive additional opinions on diagnosis and treatment. Never hesitate to seek second or even third opinions if you feel you need them. The feedback I received from having interviewed and spoken to countless doctors for my radio show is that any caring doctor will welcome additional opinions. Keep in mind that these may not change the diagnosis, treatment or outcome, though they may give you peace of mind about the path you are taking. You must be an advocate for your own health. That means you must educate yourself, speak up when you have a concern and be proactive about the things you can control, such as diet and exercise. I landed back in the hospital after my first full week of treatment. I went through five days straight, four to six hours of chemo each day. By the end of the week my blood pressure had dropped and I couldn’t keep anything down. I spent that night in the hospital. The next morning I lay in bed thinking, “I can’t do this for another eight weeks!” I was so sick I began to wonder if it was worth it. I had to remember to look at the bigger picture. The nausea would eventually pass. Quitting was not an option. I had to move forward. I thought about the tough times I’d been through in my life. Each of them had made me a stronger person. I reminded myself that God never gives us more than we can handle and with His Grace, we can overcome all obstacles. Finding comforting thoughts allowed me to remain calm and work with my doctor to find solutions to this first setback. No doubt there would be others, but facing them head-on with the help of my entire “team”— doctors, nurses, family and friends—I would make it through this difficult time.

11 CHAPTER 9 What’s Next?

On May 2, 2011, I had my last chemotherapy treatment. Doctors, nurses and other survivors had all told me that I wouldn’t feel completely like my old self again for six months or even a year. Did I listen to them? Of course not. After completing my last treatment I walked out of the doctor’s office expecting the clouds to part and birds to sing. All would be perfect in my world. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way. It’s important to remember that all cancer diagnoses are different and there are hundreds of chemotherapy regimens. What’s important is that you focus on the goal in front of you. Don’t get to far ahead of yourself because it can be overwhelming, even paralyzing. For me, a touch of denial, while remaining aggressive in my treatment, was a good thing. This was a type of mental strategy that came in handy during my competitive days. Spectators often wonder how such young athletes can bear the pressure of international competition. You have to have a healthy dose of denial. This does not mean that you get to slack off in training or that the outcome isn’t extremely important. It means that you can pick and choose when to tune in (or tune out) the noise. If you block out the crowd or the television cameras then you can focus much more easily. If I could pretend the Georgia Dome was just a much larger version of my personal gym it was easier to see the balance beam as the same one at home in Oklahoma. Handling pressure and adversity is about understanding the things that you can control. For me it came down to preparation and giving my best each day. If I accomplished those two tasks there was no reason to worry. I transferred this mentality to my treatment and overall diagnosis. I needed to focus on my nine-week sprint. I tuned out anyone who wanted to dwell on the negative. And I looked only far enough down the road to keep informed yet not to a point where I became paralyzed by fear of the unknown. Everyone heals on his or her own time. Whether that time is six months, a year or more, it’s important to take everything in stride. I control the things that I can control and the rest I leave in God’s hands.

12 CHAPTER 10 Victory! Cancer Free and Stronger Than Ever

The game has changed. After my last treatment, I was in a good mental state, simply knowing I had crossed the finish line. I was still dealing with the nausea and fatigue, but within only a few weeks I was able to realize big strides in my energy level and the nausea subsided. I was so excited to finally reach that last day that I hadn’t thought about life after chemotherapy. My game plan was a nine-week plan. It was specific and had a clear start and finish line. The trouble with cancer is that there is no clear start and no clear finish. That’s why it takes such a mental and psychological toll, in addition to the physical devastation it brings. Dealing with the aftermath continues to be a process. After winning Olympic gold, I went on countless talk shows, then toured across the country performing in shows almost every night. The pressure of the Games was replaced with the ongoing toil of training and performing on a different, albeit enormously thrilling, level. It was hard work but I enjoyed the opportunity that came with each new step. After crossing the chemo finish line I quickly realized that I had taken only the first step. Just as I went through years of touring I would go through years of PET scans, CT scans, blood tests, all of the ongoing necessities of the aftermath of treatment. This process wouldn’t be nearly as glamorous as the post-Games excitement but it is a critical part of the journey and one I have come to embrace as a positive step in remaining healthy. The insight I have gained throughout the process is the realization that we are all under observation of some sort. Post-cancer care might involve a different level of tests, but we should all be going in for our regular screenings and exams. Whether the health issue is heart disease, diabetes, cancer or less dramatic concerns, we all need to take responsibility for our own health. I work each day to think in positive terms. I just look at my next test as a confirmation of health instead of a question of cancer. Understand that there is a certain amount of observation that we must accept in order to provide the best outcome for any issues that do arise. Throughout my journey, I have been so thankful for the support of so many. The letters, emails, Facebook and Twitter messages I’ve received have truly helped me understand my priorities. My life has changed. There is nothing like the threat of losing everything to remind you what is important. Cancer has changed me in subtle yet very important ways. I am more confident and self-assured than I have ever been in my life. Once you’ve stared down cancer you can do anything! I don’t sweat the small stuff. All of those issues that seem so important take a back seat to my family’s health. As one cancer survivor wrote to me, “You’ll never have a bad hair day, just some that are better than others.” I’m looking forward to “hair” days. I have learned that it’s okay to take a break. There will always be more to do. And I look forward to learning new things and spending time with family. The blessing of cancer is that you realize what is truly important in life. I have become even more passionate in my work with women’s health, childhood obesity and the sport that gave me the foundation I needed to succeed against all odds. Create a game plan. Formulate your goals. Accept support. Communicate with your “team” and above all believe in yourself. With God All Things Are Possible. 13 Shannon Miller America’s Most Decorated Gymnast

Shannon Miller is the only American to rank among the Top 10 All-Time Gymnasts and is the only female athlete to be inducted into the U.S. Olympic Hall of Fame twice (Individual 2006 and Team 2008). Among her career highlights, Miller has won an astounding 59 International and 49 National competition medals, over half of which are Gold. She is the only U.S. gymnast to win two World All-Around Titles. Her tally of five medals (two Silver, three Bronze) at the 1992 Olympics in Barcelona, Spain was the most medals won by a US athlete. At the 1996 Games in Atlanta, GA, she led the “Magnificent Seven” to the U.S. Women’s first ever Team Gold and for the first time for any American gymnast, she captured gold on the balance beam.

Miller is now President of Shannon Miller Lifestyle: Health and Fitness for Women, as well as an author, television personality and radio host.

Official website: www.shannonmillerlifestyle.com Twitter @SMillerGold Facebook @ www.facebook.com/SMLifestyle

14 www.cancersolutioncenter.com

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