PWLL OF YESTERYEAR

The two police officers looking after us are PCSO 8017 Dan Brown and PC 1092 Michelle Fuge.

Michelle (pictured) joined in April 2002 as a PC. To contact The Bônau Cabbage Patch or The She has always worked in Llanelli covering Pwll Action Committee please call 755665 or Felinfoel, Llwynhendy and Llanelli main station. 755260 or 777420 or drop your articles or The local police rely on She has been in neighbourhood policing for six reports through our letterboxes at 43 or 53 or us, the public to come forward and provide years. In that time Michelle has covered Bigyn, Edition 48 sees The Bônau Cabbage Patch 81 Pwll Road or you can send us e-mail at: them with information so they can provide a Elli/Lliedi and Hengoed. She currently covers approaching the twelve-year barrier. To be [email protected] better service. It also keeps them in the loop of the Hengoed and Elli/Lliedi areas of Llanelli what is really going on in our community. You honest it doesn't really seem that long ago Your local Neighbourhood Policing Team now Any photographs we use are first scanned and can contact them in several ways, all are that we launched the Bônau Cabbage Patch. have a twitter account. You can follow them then the originals are returned to their rightful confidential, and each will be investigated. You I hope you have all enjoyed the ride since we @NPTLlanelliTown owners so don’t be shy or fearful in sending us can notify them either by telephone, email, launched the magazine as much as we have your photographs. It would be handy though if Bobby Box etc. as follows: - PCSO 8017 Dan enjoyed riding the roller coaster with you. you wrote your name and address on the back Hang on for hopefully another year of Brown telephone number 101 or e-mail of the photo (in pencil) or you attached one of dan.brown@dyfed-powys.pnn.police.uk or at articles, jokes and news about the village those ‘post-it-notes’. our local Bobby Box which is situated at Pwll and its inhabitants. Remember we are April prepares her green traffic Post Office. You can also follow Dyfed Powys entirely dependent on you for the news and Police on Twitter at www.twitter.com/dafyddP or light and the world thinks Go. articles so don't be shy and come forward PWLL RESIDENTS & be their friend on Facebook at and give us what everyone else wants to TENANTS read. ASSOCIATION www.facebook.com/dafyddP

DIARY DATES The Pwll Residents

Association meet on the last Monday of every LOCAL THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS month in the vestry of Bethlehem Chapel. st NEIGHBOURHOOD 1 March St David’s Day We would like to welcome our new sponsors Do please go along as everyone is welcome to POLICING TEAMS 9 th March Commonwealth Day th to the magazine and hope that our association express their views and thoughts on what they 15 March Mothering Sunday th will be a long and enjoyable one. think should be improved in the village. Local Neighbourhood 17 March St Patrick’s Day Policing Teams hold regular 29 th March Clocks go Forward We would also like to express our thanks and th Partners and Communities 29 March Palm Sunday gratitude to all our sponsors without whose Together (PACT) meetings in st generous contributions this edition of the BÔNAU DEADLINES 1 April April Fools Day our area. PACT meetings are 3 rd April Good Friday magazine would not have been possible. th The deadline for the a chance to discuss problems 5 April Easter Sunday We ask our readers to patronise our sponsors summer edition of The in our community and help to 6 th April Easter Monday whenever possible and please mention the Bônau Cabbage Patch is set the priorities for local 21 st April Queen’s Birthday th Bônau Cabbage Patch when you make your 24 April 2015 for your police action. Our meeting 23 rd April St George’s Day purchases. articles or reports or 20 th April 2015 for any (HELP - Hengoed, Elli, Lleidi 4 th May Early May Bank Holiday amendments to your advert. wards) is held in Llanelli Town Hall on the 24 th May Whit Sunday second Wednesday every two months as 25 th May Spring Bank Holiday follows: nd 2 June Coronation Day th th 13 June Queen’s Official Birthday WE’RE ON THE WEB SUMMER’S COMING - April 8 @ 6:30 st th 21 June Father’s Day CLOCKS GO June 10 @ 6:30 st th 21 June June Solstice (Longest Day) Don’t forget that you can FORWARD August 12 @ 6:30 th th 24 June Midsummer Day view all previous editions of the October 14 @ 6:30

Don’t forget to turn your magazine on the web. We also have over 400 old and new photographs of clocks FORWARD one hour before going to bed on Saturday 28 th March. Everyone is welcome to attend the meetings Pick battles big enough to interest to Pwll residents there. Take a and contribute towards the setting of police British Summer Time officially starts at 2:00am matter, small enough to win. look by pointing your browser to: on Sunday 29 th March. priority actions for the area.

www.pwllmag.co.uk St PATRICK – THE 823 YEAR NO BARBEQUES OR If the plural of man is always called men, why th shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen? March 17 MYTH BONFIRES THIS SUMMER If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet, and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet? Born about 390 in Scotland If you own an email, Amadan Giblean - a Welsh If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth, why as Maenwyn Succat (Succat Twitter, Facebook or Assembly spokeswoman - shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth? is pagan for warlike) he was kidnapped from the any other social has asked the citizens of Pwll and Sandy to British mainland at age 16, and shipped to media account, chances are that you have refrain from lighting barbecue grills this coming Then one may be that, and three would be Ireland as a slave. He was sent to the come across an email or a post that claims that summer as air pollution in the area has those, yet hat in the plural would never be hose, mountains as a shepherd, where he spent his an upcoming month has a very rare specific worsened considerably and is now a danger to and the plural of cat is cats, not cose. time in prayer. After six years of this life, he had combination of days - usually, 5 Fridays, 5 the health of youngsters and, in particular, the We speak of a brother and also of brethren, but a dream in which he received a command from Saturdays and 5 Sundays. Such emails go on aged population. though we say mother, we never say methren. God to return to Britain. Seeing it as a sign, he to claim that such a combination is so rare that There would appear to be a major air pollution escaped from slavery and Ireland and studied it will not happen for the next 823 years. Then the masculine pronouns are he, his, and problem in the Pwll and Sandy area and certain in some continental monasteries. him, but imagine the feminine as being she, Before you get excited about this once-in-a- restrictions are being introduced from 1st April shis, and shim. He bacame a priest and was sent by Pope lifetime event and start telling your family and this year to try and prevent the situation Saint Celestine to evangelise England, then friends, know this: any such claims are false . worsening. The restrictions, which will be Let’s face it, English is a crazy language. Ireland. During this time his chariot driver was Special combinations of days like 5 Fridays, 5 backed up by legal prosecutions, included the There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in Saint Odran (legend says that one day on the Saturdays and 5 Sundays occur much more lighting of wood and coal fires, bonfires and hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. road, he spotted what appeared to be an often than every 823 years! barbecues. The Welsh Assembly has issued ambush. He traded places with Patrick without We take English for granted. But if we explore Every few months, a version of this rumour the environmental alert, which will also restrict telling him why, and died from the attack meant its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work surfaces on the internet. A recent version goes the amount of heavy traffic passing through the for his passenger) and Saint Jarlath was one of slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea something like this: village and the banning of any outdoor sports or his spiritual students. other outdoor activity at Pwll Primary School. pig is neither from Guinea, nor is it a pig. August will have 5 Fridays, 5 Saturdays and 5 In 33 years he effectively converted the whole And why is it that writers write but fingers don’t Sundays. This happens only once every 823 A recent Welsh Assembly report indicated that of Ireland to Christianity. In the Middle Ages fing, grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t years. The Chinese call it silver pockets full. pollution levels in Pwll and Sandy had reached Ireland became known as the ‘Land of Saints’, a new five year-high over one weekend last ham? and during the Dark Ages its monasteries were The email is right in that August 2014 has 5 summer causing health problems particularly in Doesn’t it seem crazy that you can make the great repositories of learning in Europe, - all Fridays, 5 Saturdays, and 5 Sundays. But this children and people over the age of 65. amends, but not one amend? as a consequence of Patrick's ministry. He dies is nothing special or unusual. You will not have If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers in County Down at the age of 74. His baptismal to wait another 823 years for the next time this Special environmental teams of enforcement officers, equipped with special pollution praught? name of Patricius means ‘noble’. happens in August. Only 11 years from now in 2025, August will have 5 Fridays, 5 Saturdays, recording equipment, will be touring the village If vegetarians eat vegetables, what does a and 5 Sundays. during the months from April to September. humanitarian eat? These enforcement officers will have the power LEAP YEAR In fact, a calendar month that contains 5 to implement immediate on the spot fines for In what other language do people recite at a Fridays, 5 Saturdays and 5 Sundays occurs anyone disregarding the order. play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and In our calendar 3 criteria must be taken nearly every year - May 2015 will have 5 send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and into account to identify leap years:- Fridays, 5 Saturdays and 5 Sundays. feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and In fact, the calendar 823 years in the future is - The year is evenly divisible by 4; wise guy are opposites? not even the same as the calendar of the month FOUR ALL WHO

- If the year can be evenly divided by in the many versions of the hoax! For instance, REED AND RIGHT:

100, it is NOT a leap year, unless; August 2014 has 5 Fridays, 5 Saturdays and 5

- The year is also evenly divisible by Sundays. 823 years later, August 2837 has 5

400. Then it is a leap year. Saturdays, 5 Sundays and 5 Mondays. We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes; but the plural of ox DAI AT THE CINEMA This means that 2000 and 2400 are leap The combinations of days that these messages became oxen not oxes. years, while 1800, 1900, 2100, 2200, or emails refer to are also not very special. This Dai decided to go to the 2300 and 2500 are NOT leap years. is because the first three weekdays of any 31- One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese, cinema with his wife. day month are repeated 5 times within that yet the plural of moose should never be meese. The year 2000 was somewhat special as it was "Two tickets, please." the first instance when the third criterion was month . So, any month that has 31 days and You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of "Is that for 'Romeo and used in most parts of the world since the begins on a Friday will have 5 Fridays, 5 mice; yet the plural of house is houses, not Juliet'?" transition from the Julian to the Gregorian Saturdays, and 5 Sundays. Similarly, any 31- hice. "No, it's for my wife and myself." Calendar. day month that begins on a Tuesday, will have 5 Tuesdays, 5 Wednesdays and 5 Thursdays. (Source: timeanddate.com)

CAT HEAVEN! Then try 10 kg potato bags and then eventually THE BUS ! try to get to where you can lift a 20 kg potato One day a cat dies of natural causes and bag in each hand and hold your arms straight DUSTING ! Pre-school Test For You... goes to Heaven. There he meets the Lord for more than a full minute. (We are very proud, Which way is the bus below travelling? To the himself. The Lord says to the cat, "You've lived we are at this level). "A house becomes left or to the right? a good life and if there is any way I can make After you feel confident at this level, put a a home when you your stay in Heaven more comfortable, please potato in each of the bags. can write "I love you" let Me know." on the furniture." The cat thinks for a moment and says, "Lord, all my life I have lived with a poor family and had TATWS PUM MUNUD I used to spend at least 8 hours every weekend to sleep on a hard wooden floor." The Lord making sure things were just perfect "in case stops the cat and says, "Say no more," and a Tatws Pum Munud someone came over." Finally I realised one day wonderful fluffy pillow appears. (Five-minute that no-one came over; they were all out living life and having fun! Can't make up your mind? potatoes) is a A few days later six mice are killed in a tragic traditional Welsh NOW, when people visit, I don't have to explain Look carefully at the picture again. farming accident and go to Heaven. Again the Lord is there to greet them with the same offer. stew, made with the "condition" of my home. Still don't know?

The mice answer, "All of our lives we have smoked bacon, stock, potatoes and other They are more interested in hearing about the Pre-school children all over the United Kingdom been chased. We have had to run from cats, vegetables. things I've been doing while I was away living were shown this picture and asked the same dogs, and even women with brooms. Running, As a stew, it is unique in that all the main life and having fun. question. running, running; we're tired of running. Do you ingredients are cut into slices, so as to lie flat. think we could have roller skates so we don't Because of this, it is normally cooked in a large If you haven't figured this out yet, please heed 92% of the pre-schoolers gave this answer. have to run anymore?" The Lord says, "Say no frying pan, on top of the stove, and served on a this advice. "The bus is travelling to the right." more," and fits each mouse with beautiful new plate (as opposed to a bowl). The vegetables Life is short. Enjoy it! roller skates. used are typically potatoes, onions, carrots When asked, "Why do you think the bus is

(sliced lengthwise) and peas. Although usually Dust if you must.... but wouldn't it be better to travelling to the right?" About a week later the Lord stops by to see the made with smoked bacon, minced beef is paint a picture or write a letter, bake biscuit or a cat and finds him in a deep sleep on the pillow. cake and lick the spoon or plant a seed, ponder They answered: "Because you can't see the occasionally substituted. door to get on the bus." The Lord gently wakes the cat and asks him, the difference between want and need?! "How are things since you arrived?" The dish is normally accompanied by crusty How do you feel now??? bread and butter. Perhaps oddly, for a Welsh Dust if you must, but there's not much time . . .. The cat stretches and yawns and replies, "It's . with rivers to swim and mountains to climb, dish, it is also frequently served with wonderful here! Better than I could have ever music to hear and books to read, friends to expected. And those little Meals on Wheels Worcestershire sauce. cherish and life to lead. you've been sending by are the best!!!" A similar dish, called Tatws Popty or Tatws THE CAN OF (Author Unknown) Pobdu, is made using chunky vegetables, and Dust if you must, but the world's out there with PEACHES the sun in your eyes, the wind in your hair, a cooked in an oven, popty being Welsh for "oven". flutter of snow, a shower of rain. Dai's 80-year old wife THE POTATO BAG! This day will not come around, again. was arrested for shop lifting. Here's a little tip that we thought would be Dust if you must, but bear in mind, old age will interesting to share with you all to build up your come and it's not kind… When she went before the upper body strength. It's really easy and takes judge he asked her, "What did you steal?" She no time at all but works a treat. NEWS OF THE WEIRD And when you go - and go you must - you, replied, "A can of peaches." yourself will make more dust! Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, The judge then asked her why she had stolen where you have plenty of room at each side. It's not what you gather, but what you scatter the can of peaches and she replied that she With a 2 kg potato bag in each hand, extend An unnamed 40-year-old man was charged in that tells what kind of life you have lived ... and was hungry. The judge then asked her how Briec, France, in May for a February incident in remember, a layer of dust protects the wood many peaches were in the can. She replied 3. your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a which his cat knocked over his statue of beneath it. The judge then said, "I will then give you 3 days Buddha, demolishing it. The man apparently so (Author unknown) full minute, and then relax. in jail." reveres Buddha that, enraged, he tortured the

Each day, you'll find that you can hold this cat by tossing it into his washing machine and Before the judge could actually pronounce the position for just a bit longer. setting it for a cycle at the equivalent of 104 punishment, Dai spoke up and asked the judge After a couple of weeks, move up to 5kg potato degrees F. I talk to myself because I like if he could say something. bags. dealing with a better class of The judge said, "What is it?" people. Dai said, "She also stole a can of peas." DAI IN HEAVEN bed of the ashpit pond, but there is one drawback. If you happen to be underneath the Dai arrived at the Gates flock you could get whitewashed!

of Heaven. While he was Before I go there was one TRY AND MAKE SENSE OF IT! waiting for Saint Peter to very unusual sighting in greet him, he peeked January - would you believe through the gates. Wanadoo for Wireless and Talk terms and - a bumblebee. Very strange conditions - "The failure to exercise or delay in He saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting all indeed! exercising a right or remedy under this around were his parents and all the other After living in Pwll for over fifty years and venturing on many footpaths overlooking the See you all in the 49th edition. Agreement shall not constitute a waiver of the people he had loved and who had died before him. They saw him and began calling greetings village nobody had ever mentioned to me that right or remedy or a waiver of any other rights or remedies and no single or partial exercise of to him, "Hello. How are you? We've been you could actually see part of the English any right or remedy under this Agreement shall waiting for you! Good to see you..." coastline but alas you can. If you go through BUTLINS HOLIDAY prevent any further exercise of the right or Libanus chapel cemetery and join the footpath CAMPS When Saint Peter came by Dai said to him, up to the silver gate and then look in a south to remedy or the exercise of any other right or "This is such a wonderful place! How do I get remedy. The rights and remedies contained in south easterly direction you will see a strip of Ayr (1947 - 1998) Known as in?" Wonderwest World from1988 this Agreement are cumulative and not land above the Gower coast. You will probably exclusive of any rights or remedies provided by "You have to spell a word," Saint Peter told him. think that it is part of the Gower, but it’s not, it is to1998. Operated as Craig law." England! However if anybody decides to Tara by Haven since 1999. "Which word?" Dai asked. venture on this walk be sure to take a safety Bahamas (1950 - 1980's) The site is now harness and rope and essentially an extra "Love." occupied by a new hotel and marina complex hodri Morgan, Welsh First Minister, for: oxygen supply as the ascent is quite steep! R Dai correctly spelled "Love" and Saint Peter known as Old Bahama Bay. Ensure that it is a fine clear day as you will also "The only thing which isn't up for grabs is no welcomed him into Heaven. change and I think it's fair to say it's all to play enjoy great panoramic views of the bay. Barry Island (1966-1986) Operated About a year later Saint Peter came to Dai and independently until closure in 1996. Demolished for, except for no change." (Mr Morgan was the Last winter storms badly damaged sections of overall winner this year, for the second time.) asked him to watch the Gates of Heaven for in 2005. the sea wall but in December after a three him that day. month repair project the wall was restored to Bognor Regis (1960 - Current) Known While Dai was guarding the Gates of Heaven, normality. as Southcoast World 1987–1998. Still open as his wife arrived. Butlins Bognor. Since the formation of the YOUR HEALTH "I'm surprised to see you," Dai said. "How have lakes in 2000 for the first Clacton (1938 - 1983) - Demolished. Now a you been?" time there has been signs of housing estate. badger activity around the FOODS HIGH IN SUGAR "Oh, I've been doing pretty well since you died," Filey (1945 - 1983) Operated independently for area with the ground being his wife told him. "I married the handsome and six weeks in 1986, but the venture failed and it severely disturbed, also • rich doctor who took care of you while you were closed. Gradually demolished between 1988 Granulated sugar and Other tracks could been seen in the soft mud between ill. And then I won the National lottery. I sold the and 2003. The northern end of the site is now Sweeteners (up to 99% sugar) the two lakes. • Drink Powders and Canned Soft little house you and I lived in and bought a huge part of the Haven caravan park, Primrose Drinks (up to 94% sugar) mansion. And my husband and I travelled all The red kite has now become a Valley, and the southern end is being • Sweets and Nougat (up to 83% sugar) around the world. We were on holiday in the frequent sighting between Stradey developed as The Bay Filey , comprising holiday • South of France and I went water skiing today. I woods and Penuwch farm, you homes, leisure and sports facilities and a hotel. Dried Fruits (up to 81% sugar) • Biscuits, Cakes and Pies (up to 71% fell and hit my head and here I am. How do I could probably say now that it is Minehead (1962 - Current) Known as get in?" almost as common as a buzzard sugar) Somerwest World 1986–1998. although some people have still • Spreads, Jams and Preserves (up to "You have to spell a word," Dai said. not seen this magnificent bird of Mosney (1948 - 1980) Operated independently 60% sugar) until closure and conversion into an Irish • "Which word?" his wife asked. prey. Ready to eat cereals, Cereal Bars and Government refugee centre for asylum seekers Oatmeal Packages (up to 56% sugar) "Czechoslovakia," Dai replied. While crossing the park at in 2000. Most of the original camp buildings are • Sauces - Ketchup, Chocolate Syrup, dusk back in January, in the still in use. Salad Dressing (up to 50% sugar) distance there was a massive • Ice Cream, Milk Shakes and Cafe My friend got caught for counterfeiting. swirling cloud of birds, Pwllheli (1947 - 1998) Known as Starcoast World 1990–1998; operated as Hafan Y Mor by Drinks (up to 26% sugar) He was making £1 coins. They caught thousands of starlings, they • were quite fantastic to watch. If you had been Haven since 1999. Canned fruit packed in syrup (up to him because he was putting the heads 22% sugar) on the cycle path land bridge overlooking the Skegness (1936 - Current) Known as Funcoast and tails on the wrong sides. ashpit pond you would have witnessed a World 1987–1998. Currently known as Butlins magnificent aerobatic display by these birds. Skegness. They actually come there to roost in the reed SOME STRANGE WYNNE’S INVENTORS WHO FAILED TO DAI AND HIS GOLFING REMEDIES (from Welsh CHRISTMAS PROFIT FROM THEIR IDEAS BOSS Herbal Medicine by David CHARITY Hoffman) merican inventor QUIZ AT THE A Walter L Shaw died Dai decides to take his boss

COLLIERS ARMS penniless, and at one Bryn to play 9 holes one point lived in a bus afternoon. While both men are playing This year’s quiz was station - despite coming excellently they were often being held up by two Intoxication held on the Sunday up with many of the women in front of them moving at a very slow In order to be delivered from intoxication, drink after Christmas and was very well attended. ideas that underpin pace. Dai offers to talk to the women and see if saffron digested in spring water. The total raised was £260 and was made up as today’s telecommunications. Shaw patented the they can speed it up a bit. He gets about half of follows: - Chastity speakerphone, among dozens of other ideas the way there stops and jogs back. Entrance Fee £ 40.00 including conference calling and touch-tone If you would preserve yourself from unchaste His boss asks what the problem is. "Well one of Raffle £ 66.00 dialling - but some patents expired before they thoughts and desires, eat rue in the morning. those women is my wife and the other my Hamper Ticket Sales £154.00 were commercially viable, and Shaw’s mistress," complained Dai. Bryn just shook his To oblige a man to confess what he has employers failed to share profits with him. A big thank you goes to Wynne for, once again, head at Dai and started toward the women done Frustrated, he devised “interception-proof” call organising a brilliant quiz. Thanks as well to determined to finish his round of golf. Preparing Take a frog alive from the water, extract his boxes, but they too failed to make him rich. He Richard and Sarah for the buffet and the sale of to ask the ladies to speed up their game, he too tongue, and put him again into the water. Lay was found guilty of illegal phone usage in 1976. the Hamper Tickets. Finally, a big thanks to stopped short and turned around. this same tongue upon the heart of a sleeping you, who attended the quiz and bought all the man, and he will confess his deed to you in his Dai asked "what's wrong?" raffle tickets. You certainly made it a night to sleep. D aisuke Inoue, the remember. "It's a small, small world Dai, and you're fired" inventor of the Karaoke

For the dropsy or hydrops The winning team – Give Us A Clue – donated Machine, invented in 1971,

Rub young swallows with saffron, and in a short the money to Prince Philip Hospital Breast and became wildly popular time the old swallows will bring them a stone; Cancer Care Unit. around the world. But its with this stone the patient will be cured of the inventor, Daisuke Inoue, DID YOU KNOW The Christmas Hamper Draw was won by Doug hydrops. failed to patent his idea, feeling that he’d simply Langley of Pwll Road. stuck existing technologies together for his t's estimated that at any given time 7% of the For warts Wynne’s next quiz will be held on Sunday 5 th hand-built “8-Juke” machines. I Wash warts with water from a font in which the April 2015 (Easter Sunday) world's population is drunk. seventh son of the same man and his wife is Time Magazine listed the inventor as one of its baptised. “Most Influential Asians”. Inoue is unrepentant. Only one person in two billion will live to be

“When I see the happy faces of people singing 116 or older. To enable a man to hold fire in his hand karaoke, I’m delighted," he says.

Take marshmallows, and the white of two eggs, I was wrong once - I thought I anoint your hands therewith, mixed together; British engineer Geoffrey Dummer came up then cover your hands with powdered alum, had made a mistake. with the idea of the integrated circuit - what we and you may handle fire without harm, or hold know as the microchip - but having presented THE WAR OF THE OAKEN BUCKET fire and a hot iron in your hand without fear. his idea at a conference in 1952, no company (Italy) 1325-37 came forward with funds to help him build it. As A charm for uterine disease, which was given WASH DAY RHYME his ridiculous war started a result, Texas Instruments patented a very T by Rhiwallon the Physician to Gwyrvyl, over a stolen bucket. When daughter of Gruffydd ap Tewdwr They that wash on Monday similar idea six years later. “I have attributed it to war-weariness in one of my books,” Dummer a group of soldiers from the I adjure thee, thou diseased uterus, by the Have all the week to dry; said, “But the plain fact is that nobody would city of Modena in northern Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost, so that They that wash on Tuesday take the risk. The Americans took financial Italy invaded nearby thou mightest not infect pain, nor have power Are not so much awry; gambles, whereas this was very slow in this Bologna to steal a brown (for the evil) in me Gwyrvyl, the daughter of They that wash on Wednesday country”. oak bucket, thousands of Rhys, the servant of God, either in my head, Are not so much to blame; citizens were killed. breast, stomach, or any other part of my body. They that wash on Thursday, Bologna became angry and went to war with Let God the Father prevail, let God the Son Wash for very shame; Modena to take back their bucket and restore prevail, and let God the Holy Ghost prevail. They that wash on Friday, I poured Spot remover on my dog. their pride. The two cities fought for 12 years Even so be it. Amen. Must only wash in need; and thousands of lives were lost. Modena won Now he's gone. (Source: Welsh Herbal Medicine by David Hoffman) And they that wash on Saturday, the war; the people of Bologna never got their Are lazy folks indeed. bucket back.

PWLL ATHLETIC F.C . At a press conference, a UK Border Control LIFE'S SIMPLE spokesman said he believes the man is a PLEASURES League positions as at 24th member of the notorious extremist Al-Gebra January 2015 movement. He did not identify the man, who So what is it that has been charged by the Police with carrying makes mums happy? weapons of maths instruction. What simple pleasures in life lift our mood and Division One P W D L GD Pts 'Al-Gebra is a problem for us', the Spokesman brighten our day? Wellfield 14 9 2 3 17 29 said. 'They derive solutions by means and Here are just a few of life's simple pleasures Gorseinon 17 7 3 7 -11 24 extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in CAPEL BETHLEHEM CHAPEL that some mums might know and relate to. Killay 15 6 3 6 -6 21 search of absolute values.' They use secret

Burry Port 13 5 5 3 1 20 code names like "X" and "Y" and refer to • Soaking in the bath and then stepping *Llanelli Steel 15 6 2 7 6 18 themselves as "unknowns;" but we have We are still soldiering on without a minister in into clean pyjamas and a bed with Pontlliw 10 5 2 3 9 17 determined that they belong to a common residence, but the ministry has not been clean bedding - bliss! denominator of the axis of medieval with • Pontardullais 14 4 4 6 -4 16 neglected. The pulpit has been filled every Curling up with a book and finding a coordinates in every country. As the Greek Sunday either by a minister or a lay-preacher. quiet hour to read. *Garden Village 14 6 2 6 12 15 philosopher Isosceles used to say, "There are Our thanks goes to them all and to Mrs Lydia • Stepping outside on a chilly day and Pwll 9 5 0 4 1 15 three sides to every triangle.” Williams who has laboured long and hard to fill 'smelling' the frost and cold. Caerbryn 11 3 4 4 -10 13 the chapel calendar. Several services in Welsh, When asked to comment on the arrest, • Having a child fall asleep on your lap. Llandeilo 11 2 4 5 -10 10 English or both have been taken by members of Opposition Leader Ed Milliband said, "If God • Reading a trashy magazine on the *Carm Town Resrves 13 3 3 7 -5 9 the congregation. had wanted us to have better weapons of sofa, with a hot cuppa. maths instruction, He would have given us Unfortunately, for us, a few of our members • Getting up early whilst the house is more fingers and toes." Fellow Labour have been called to glory during 2014. These quiet and enjoying a hot cup of tea on colleagues told reporters they could not recall a were faithful members and they are sorely the back step. Reserve Div Two P W D L GD Pts more intelligent or profound statement by the missed by those who remain. • Opposition Leader. (W.Jones) Seeing the first snowdrops of spring. Ammanford 17 11 3 3 36 36 During the latter half of 2014 two of our • Walking on a windy day. Pontarddulais 18 9 2 7 17 29 members have reached the venerable age of • 70 years. Still going strong, we wish them good Snuggling up in bed in the mornings Johnstown United 13 9 0 4 36 27 all together, enjoying cuddles and *Camford Sport 16 9 2 5 -6 27 health and happiness in the future. They are Miss Gwyneth Jones and Miss Derith Thomas. giggles. *Pwll 13 9 1 3 21 25 • Watching my children as they sleep. We also offer our sincere best wishes to other Tumble 11 6 1 4 27 19 ALPHABETIC • Sitting curled up in front of an open members of our congregation that have Burry Port 15 6 1 8 -6 19 NUMBERS fire. celebrated birthdays that we might have • Caerbryn 13 6 0 7 -16 18 forgotten to mentioned here. Making footprints in the snow. West End United 16 6 0 10 -20 18 • When your children say 'I love you n English, the name of We have just celebrated Christmas where we Felinfoel 14 4 1 9 -12 13 I mummy'. every number shares a all celebrated the birth of our Lord and Saviour. Kidwelly 14 3 0 11 -19 9 • The smell of home baked bread. letter with each neighbour. As always, the chapel doors are open, and we *Pembrey 14 3 1 10 -58 8 • Going to sleep listening to the rain One shares an O with two, welcome all to come and join us in our services. which shares a T with beating against the windows. * Points Deducted three, which shares an R with four, which May the Lord bless you and keep you”. • Listening to my children as they play. shares an F with five, which shares an I with • The smell of fresh laundry. six, which shares an S with seven, which (I offer my sincere apologies to David Webb and the • Driving and singing to music (loudly). shares an E with eight, which shares an I with congregation of Bethlehem Chapel for the omission of the Bethlehem report in the last edition of the magazine. This Source: Netmums.com nine, which shares an E with ten – and so on was a complete oversight on my part.- Editor) TEACHER ARRESTED indefinitely.

A secondary school DID YOU KNOW

teacher was arrested today Obstacles are those frightful things at London's Heathrow NEWS OF THE WEIRD Turkeys can see movement almost 100 yards you see when you take your eyes off International airport as he attempted to board away. an international flight while in possession of a your goal. Two men in Detroit wound up in a gunfight ruler, a protractor, a pair of compasses, a over which one made Kool-Aid (a brand of n Ostrich egg needs to be boiled for 2 hours slide-rule and a calculator. flavoured drink) better. Neither man was hit, but A two bystanders were wounded. before it becomes a hardboiled egg.

Day. The Women's Institute in collaboration Traditionally the season of Lent, that time in the with the Soroptimists have organised the event Church’s year when we remember Jesus’s to explore the important issues of domestic temptation in the wilderness and seek to abuse and will be hosted by Dyfed Powys prepare ourselves through a period of self- Police. In the evening of the same day examination and discipline for the celebration of members will be attending the Bon Marche HOLY Easter, was kept as such a time of prayer and Fashion Show in Bronwydd Hall, Bronwydd, fasting. Still today, many Christians continue Carmarthen. Also in March the ever popular TRINITY CHURCH with that tradition, whilst others may choose to Creative Days are to be held at Carmarthen give up something during Lent, such as Community Centre. Members can try their hand Easter preparation chocolate or alcohol or watching television. at mini mosaics, french wire work, making Ironically, the things we tend to ‘give up’ for jewellery and also a fabric covered memory As my thoughts turn once again to preparing Lent, are often things that we probably don’t PWLL W.I. box. my piece for the ‘Spring edition’ of the Bônau think are very good for us in the first place, so in fact, by putting up with what we might think of The President, Christine Wheeler - Jones Looking ahead, on 18th September as part of Cabbage Patch, I sit at the desk in my study as being some kind of hardship, we are in fact welcomed members to the first meeting of the the Centenary celebrations the Federation of listening to the rain pounding onto the roof of doing ourselves some good. It seems that there year wishing everyone a Happy New Year. This Wales Gala Concert will be held at St. David's the bay window, with the knowledge that all is something in all of us that makes us want is going to be a very busy year in the W.I. Hall, Cardiff and the artistes will include may change quite soon, as an amber warning things that we generally don’t really need and calendar as we are celebrating our 100th Rebecca Evans, Rhys Meirion, Catrin Finch has been issued by the Met Office for the that, very often, can cause us more harm than Birthday as a women's organisation and many and students from the Welsh College of Music likelihood of snow later in the week. Indeed when my wife Paula returned from the good. events have been organised. It had been and Drama. The next day the Federations of decided in the Pwll W.I. A.G.M. to hold a Wales Conference will taking place in the same supermarket earlier today she told me that the Possibly, as in the case of Adam and Eve meeting only once a month. This gives venue. Also in September is our Federation's employees had been advised to prepare when they were in the Garden of Eden members the opportunity to be involved in other 'Centenary Celebration of W.I. Entertainment' themselves for the onslaught of panic buying surrounded by all the riches of God’s creation, events organised by County. Pwll W.I has been which will be a social time to celebrate 100 that the management were expecting as a we too find difficulty in resisting temptation, the only W.I. in Carmarthenshire that has had years through sing, dance, reciting and acting. result of the warning of bad weather to come. It whilst it may be that in the wilderness as it seems that whenever people believe that they were, in a time of abstinence, we might find it two meetings every month since it was formed Please make a note in your diary that Pwll W.I. might be unable to get to the shops for even a easier to see God’s will for us. We may see in 1984. now meets every 2nd Wednesday of the month few days, that panic seems to overrun all more clearly that it is the ‘I’ in the middle of the Christine read the monthly letter and, the at 6.30 - 9.00 in Pwll Community Centre. For reason, with vast quantities of provisions being word sin that is the real problem in our lives; it various activities and events members were more information contact Chris on 01554 laid up, just in case. Whilst I would not wish to is our selfishness that puts our will before the interested in during the next few months were 751596 or Anne on 01554 755665. If you want condemn due caution, it does seem that many will of our heavenly Father. But, as we step out discussed. This was followed by a very to find out more information about what is going in our society today would be horrified at the into the season of Lent, it is not so much our interesting demonstration by Teresa Morgan on in the W.I. organisation visit the website thought of having to go without their usual diet intention to give up something or not, but the from Trimsaran W.I. on encaustic wax painting. www.thewi.org.uk or the face book page - The for a few days, never mind the thought of reasoning behind that intention which is the This is a process of applying molten wax WI (National Federation of Women's Institutes) actually going hungry. It appears that although question for us to address. The challenge that colours to a surface for the creation of images A warm welcome to all. we are told that over 25% of the population are faces each one of us at this time is: What, if and decoration. Members were marvelled by Croeso cynnes i pawb. now classed as clinically obese, that we have anything, am I willing to do to be able to walk the techniques she used and the images she become addicted to the consumption of food, closer to God, to follow His will more closely? created. One of our members Jocelyn was very way beyond our need for physical sustenance, eager 'to have a go' and she was very pleased addicted as much as to drink or any other drug, Perhaps it might mean abstinence from with her attempt. In the meeting information THE CRUISE SHIP seemingly oblivious to the fact that many something for a while, the self-discipline helping was given about healthy eating - 'Swap it. Don't thousands of the world die of starvation every me in my struggle to deny myself the things that stop it.' - Change 4 life - a Welsh Government A cruise ship passes day. I know are against God’s will for my life. initiative. Further information can be found on a small desert island. Perhaps I might commit myself to spending All this seems to be such a far cry from the the website at www.change4lifewales.org.uk Dai, who was more time to study God’s Holy Word in the biblical perspective of our need to sustain scriptures, so that it might equip me, like Jesus, In February we celebrated our 31st Birthday enjoying his holiday ourselves both physically and spiritually. It is to fight off temptation when it comes, as St Paul with a Fish and Chips supper. This was cruise watches as a ratty-looking bearded right at the beginning, in the book of Genesis would say, ‘with the sword of the Spirit which is followed by an 'active time' when members took man runs out on the beach and starts that we find the account of God giving the the word of God’. Or perhaps, bearing in mind part in gentle sport activities. Members visited shouting and waving his hands. stewardship of the world and the provision of Jesus’ words to his disciples at Gethsemane, Furnace Rugby club to play dominoes against "Who's that?" asked Dai food to mankind, in both plants and animals. ‘Could you not watch with me one hour? Watch other W.I. members in the area. The Illtyd Throughout the bible, we are not only urged to and pray so that you will not fall into Group Quiz held in Bethlehem Chapel, Pwll "I have no idea," replies the captain. "But share our food with those less fortunate than temptation,’ I may feel inclined to attend a was well supported and everyone enjoyed. every year when we sail past he goes nuts." ourselves, but also to purposefully spend church service, in order to deliberately set aside On 6th March two members will be attending periods of time without food, in times of prayer just one hour in my week to devote solely to and fasting. the event to celebrate International Women's him. everyone who donated so generously. The However, ultimately, whether we decide to give PWLL NEIGHBOURHOOD WATCH & CAPEL LIBANUS next occasion will be the 2 nd week of May – up something for Lent, or to make an extra POLICING TEAM CHAPEL Christian Aid Week. On Monday, 11 May there commitment of our time to consciously spend will be a United Service and announcements with God in some way, whatever we decide to Cynhelir oedfaon will be made locally on the events of the week. do, it is a decision that we make before God. It bob bore Sul am ddeg Your donations are greatly appreciated and is between Him and us on a personal basis, as o’r gloch gydag Ysgol help the really needy. If you would like to help Jesus was at pains to emphasise in his sermon The Neighbourhood Watch & Policing Team Sul i’r plant ac Oedfa or need further information on the work of on the mount, where he repeatedly stated the hold regular meetings in Pwll Pavilion so that Gymun yn fisol. Christian Aid the contact numbers are 01554 need for us to make our actions on giving and the public can meet them and discuss their 772441 or 01554 758023 Pan gyhoeddwyd y rhifyn diwethaf, roeddem yn prayer and fasting, not as a public display, but problems and concerns. paratoi ar gyfer dathliadau’r Nadolig. Eleni eto, as a private action before our Father in heaven, Meetings (open to all) are held every cafwyd oedfa fendithiol yng nghwmni’r plant a’r who sees what is done in secret and will reward Wednesday between 11am - noon bobl ifanc o dan arweiniad Cathryn. Ymwelodd us. Siôn Corn â ni ar ddiwedd yr oedfa ac yna ROMANIAN AID Your local neighbourhood watch co-ordinator is cafodd y plant barti a’r oedolion gwpanaid o de Yours in Christ, FOUNDATION (SOUTH John Edwards. You can contact John on a chacen. Diolch yn fawr i’r plant a’r bobl ifanc WALES). 775534. You can contact your local Police am eu cyfraniad. Edrychwn ymlaen yn eiddgar Community Support Officer Dan Brown by Michael Thanks to your kindness and at gyfraniadau ganddynt unwaith eto eleni. phoning 101 or by e-mail at:: Priest in Charge of the Parish of Burry Port and generosity we were able to send 1256 Pwll. Christmas boxes filled with gifts and [email protected] toiletries, caps and mitts and stationary to HOLY TRINITY poor children who would not have had a gift Alternatively you can contact PC 1092 Michelle otherwise. The number had dropped Fuge by phoning 101 or by e-mail at: SERVICES considerably this year but nevertheless much [email protected] First Sunday: 09.00,The Pwll Eucharist appreciated. The last lorry left at the end of Second Sunday: 09.00,The Pwll Eucharist November and we were able to include

Third Sunday: 09.00,The Pwll Eucharist shoes, clothing, bedding and toys which will

Fourth Sunday: 09.00,The Pwll Eucharist be put to very good use in the region of DID YOU 17.00, Parish Eucharist Dorohoi which supports 1500 needy families. On that consignment we had two used Fifth Sunday: 09.00,The Pwll Eucharist KNOW invalid buggies. One was given to a young Other Services: Sunday School each lady f 23 yrs old. At the age of 6 yrs she lmost 10,000 birds a Sunday during term time at contacted a disease which attacked her A 10.30 y plant a’r bobl ifanc wedi iddynt gymryd rhan yn y spinal chord, stunted her growth and year die from smashing into windows. Gwasanaeth Nadolig rendered her legs and right arm virtually CYMORTH useless. We were able to give her the used A queen bee can lay up to 1,500 eggs in a Bydd Cymanfa Ganu Undebol Llanelli ar fore Sul 1 af o Fawrth. Bydd manylion yngl ŷn â’r CHRISTNOGOL / powered buggy suitable for her needs. She day. is a very bright young lady and speaks very lleoliad a’r amser ar gael yn nes at y dyddiad a CHRISTIAN AID. good English and her parting words were The ratio of people to ants is 1 to 1 million. bydd rhaglenni hefyd ar gael yn y Capel.

“You have changed my life”. The other One in 4 people over 60 has lost all their Ddechrau’r flwyddyn, cynhaliwyd te prynhawn e are so pleased to be able to share such powered chair was given to a man who is gan aelodau’r Gymdeithas yng Ngwesty Parc y W teeth. good news with you. As you are probably immobile. His legs are useless and in order Strade. Cafwyd te hyfryd a chyfle i ymlacio ac i aware the Government is matching £ for £ on to move them he has string attached to his Over 2,500 left handed people are killed per gymdeithasu gyda’n gilydd. Gobeithir cynnal ankles and uses his hands to move the cinio G ŵyl Ddewi ddechrau mis Mawrth gyda charity donations until the beginning of year, from using products made for right chyfarfodydd eraill i ddilyn yn y gwanwyn. Mae February and we were able to take advantage string. Another life-changing gift. Thanks for handed people. of this concession. During the United Carol your support and because of your support croeso cynnes i ffrindiau ymuno â ni.

Service held at Holy Trinity Church this year we the work goes on. Although we have not A person uses about 57 sheets of toilet paper Efallai bod rhai ohonoch wedi gweld Libanus ar collected nearly £400 – a wonderful amount arranged a specific date for the collection of per day. y teledu’n ddiweddar. Bu Jonathan Gower a and thanks to your generosity Lesley, our goods, we will accept these at any time – chriw ffilmio yma wrth iddynt baratoi rhaglen ar Treasurer, was able to send a cheque for this please ring one of the numbers below. A There are over 9,700 juveniles in prisons Robert Jermain Thomas, cenhadwr a aeth o amount to the Christian Aid office in sincere thank you for remembering us. across the United States. Gymru i Korea i ledaenu’r Gair. Roedd yn Carmarthen soon afterwards thus enabling Please contact us on 01554 810640, 01554 hanes diddorol iawn. ome lions mate over 50 times a day. them to claim the equivalent amount from the 758023 or 10554 759771. Thank you. S Government. So a very sincere thank you to

WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THE TWELVE BARTHOLOMEW had widespread missionary PWLL CRICKET CLUB CONGRATULATIONS APOSTLES? travels attributed to him by tradition: to India KIDWELLY with Thomas, back to Armenia, and also to How they finished 2014 season Reports and legends abound and they are not Ethiopia and Southern Arabia. There are Kidwelly, this year, always reliable, but it is safe to say that the various accounts of how he met his death as a celebrates its 900th apostles went far and wide as heralds of the martyr for the gospel. Division Three - First XI anniversary since becoming a message of the risen Christ. An early legend JAMES the son of Alpheus, is P Pts borough. It became a borough in 1115 and is says they cast lots and divided up the world to one of at least three James Drefach 18 315 one of the oldest boroughs in Wales. determine who would go where, so all could referred to in the New Merthyr Tydfil 18 313 hear about Jesus. They suffered greatly for In ancient documents, Kidwelly was spelt Testament. There is some Pwll 18 312 their faith and in most cases met violent deaths Cadwely, Catwelli, Kadewely, Keddewelly, confusion as to which is which, Cimla 18 263 on account of their bold witness. Kadwelye, Kedwelle. Whichever way it is spelt but this James is reckoned to Pontyberem 18 262 we wish you every success in your celebrations The New Testament tells of the fate of only two have ministered in Syria. The Briton Ferry Town 18 225 and hope you continue for a further 900 years. of the apostles: Judas, who betrayed Jesus and Jewish historian Josephus Morriston 18 218 then went out and hanged himself, and James reported that he was stoned and Margam 18 207 the son of Zebedee, who was executed by then clubbed to death. Baglan 18 139 Herod about 44 AD (Acts 12:2). Pontardawe 18 92 SIMON THE ZEALOT , so the story goes, DID YOU KNOW

PETER and PAUL were both ministered in Persia and was killed after martyred in Rome about 66 AD, refusing to sacrifice to the sun god. Division Three – Second XI during the persecution under P Pts The most yokes found in a MATTHIAS was the apostle chosen to replace Emperor Nero. Paul was Morriston 18 265 single chicken egg was nine. Judas. Tradition sends him to Syria with beheaded. Peter was crucified, Merthyr Tydfil 18 254 Andrew and to death by burning. Cimla 18 251 Parrots can live to be 120 years old. upside down at his request, since he did not feel he was worthy to JOHN is the only one of the Drefach 18 221 oodpeckers can peck at a rate of 20 times die in the same manner as his company generally thought to Baglan 18 218 W Lord. have died a natural death from Briton Ferry Town 18 184 per second. old age. He was the leader of Margam 18 184 ANDREW went to the "land of the man-eaters," catfish has over 27,000 taste buds more the church in the Ephesus area Pontyberem 18 177 A in what is now the Soviet Union. Christians and is said to have taken care Pwll 18 128 than any other animal. there claim him as the first to bring the gospel of Mary the mother of Jesus in Pontardawe 18 82 to their land. He also preached in Asia Minor, The adult Ladybird can eat up to 100 aphids a his home. During Domitian's modern-day Turkey, and in Greece, where he is day. persecution in the middle 90's, he was exiled to said to have been crucified. the island of Patmos. There he is credited with LETTER TO THE "Doubting" THOMAS was probably most active writing the last book of the New Testament--the EDITOR in the area east of Syria. Tradition has him Revelation. An early Latin tradition has him preaching as far east as India, where the escaping unhurt after being cast into boiling oil DAI AND THE GOLF BALLS ancient Marthoma Christians revere him as at Rome. (Source: www.christianity.com) their founder. They claim that he died there ai goes into the golfers pro when pierced through with the spears of four ear Editor, D D shop and looks around soldiers. Many thanks for the recent copy of your frowning. PHILIP possibly had a magazine. My wife and I look forward to reading NEWS OF THE WEIRD Finally the pro asks him what he wants. "I can't powerful ministry in Carthage it every quarter. It is filled with such diverse and in North Africa and then in find any green golf balls," Dai complains. The Sainsbury's supermarket in Basford, interesting articles and news. Keep up the good Asia Minor, where he Nottingham, has an work. The pro looks all over the shop, and through all converted the wife of a operational ATM on an the catalogues, and finally calls the Roman proconsul. In Mr JD - Croydon outside wall - the screen and manufacturers and determines that sure retaliation the proconsul had controls are only 15 inches enough, there are no green golf balls. Philip arrested and cruelly put off the ground, forcing customers to bend over to death. As Dai walks out the door in disgust, the pro or kneel down to get cash. A Sainsbury's Pride of nationality depends not on asks him, "Before you go, could you tell me MATTHEW the tax collector and writer of a spokesman said no one had complained, but why you want green golf balls?" Gospel, ministered in Persia and Ethiopia. that the store would look into moving the ignorance of other nations, but on Some of the oldest reports say he was not machine. The only explanation offered for the ignorance of one's own. "Well obviously, they are so much easier to find martyred, while others say he was stabbed to placement was that the store is located on a in the sand bunkers!" death in Ethiopia. hill. TEDDY BEARS He is the one propelling the dart to a desired BÔNAU WET OR DRY location using skill. The result depends on the CABBAGE In November 1902, competitor's physical skill. PATCH President Theodore The horse and sow live thirty years, In non-sports, the competitor does not ANNUAL Roosevelt and some of necessarily have to be the one making the And never know of wine and beer. his friends went on a RAFFLE physical moves. For example, in poker or The goat and sheep at twenty die, hunting trip to chess, (which aren't sports because no physical To help with the costs or printing and And never taste of or Scotch or rye. Mississippi. After hours skill is necessary) the competitor does not have distributing this magazine we are again holding The cow drinks of water by the ton, of searching, Roosevelt to be the one physically moving the pieces, and his group had not come across any wild our annual mid-summer raffle. The money we And at eighteen is nearly done. flipping the cards, or moving the chips. Another raise in these raffles covers the cost of animals. Finally, the group did track down and person can do those things for the competitor The dog at fifteen cashes in, surrounded a helpless bear. One of the guides publishing one edition - the other three editions (from verbal or written instructions), and the are funded by our sponsors (the advertisers), Without the taste of rum and gin. asked the president to shoot the bear so he result will still be the same. The result does not could win a hunting trophy. The president public donations and grant funding from Llanelli The cat in milk and water soaks, depend on the competitor's physical skill. Rural Council. We are extremely grateful for the refused, and news reporters throughout the And then in twelve short years it croaks. So it would appear from this definition that darts help and contribution we receive from these country spread the story of Roosevelt's kind The modest sober bone-dry hen, is a sport. Sorry Dai! sources to help to keep this magazine alive. act. Lays eggs for years and dies at ten. We have a small band of volunteers who will be Not long after this took place, a famous All animals are strictly dry, cartoonist named Clifford Berryman drew a tramping the village over the coming months knocking on your door and asking you if you They are sinless live and swiftly die. cartoon based on Roosevelt 's rescue of the bear. When a store owner in Brooklyn saw the TO CURE A COLD . would like to buy some raffle tickets. Please But sinful, ginful rum-soaked men, cartoon, he decided to make toy bears to sell in give generously. The tickets cost £1 per book of Survive for three score years and ten. Put a large his shop. He asked president Roosevelt for five tickets. The draw will be made on teacupful of linseed, th And some of us, the mighty few, permission to use the name “"Teddy's Bear"” Wednesday 25 June 2015. with 1/4 lb. of sun Stay pickled till we're ninety-two. for his toys, as a reminder of the bear raisins and 2 oz. of We would like to thank all the people who have Roosevelt had set free. Nowadays, everyone stick liquorice, into 2 so generously donated prizes towards this raffle knows these toys as Teddy Bears, but few quarts of soft water, and we are always looking for more kind- people know that they were named after and let it simmer over hearted people to donate more prizes for the President Theodore “"Teddy"” Roosevelt. DUMBEST DEATHS IN HISTORY a slow fire till reduced raffle. We are also seeking some volunteers

to one quart; add to it who are prepared to sell the raffle tickets for us. We need your help to keep the magazine 1/4 lb. of pounded sugar-candy, a tablespoonful EROME IRVING RODALE: afloat. Thank you for your support. J of old rum, and a tablespoonful of the best Founding father of the organic I went for a walk last night and she white-wine vinegar, or lemon-juice. The rum food movement, creator of asked me how long I was going to be and vinegar should be added as the decoction "Organic Farming and gone. I said, "The whole time." is taken; for, if they are put in at first, the whole Gardening" magazine, and soon becomes flat and less efficacious. The founder of Rodale Press, a dose is half a pint, made warm, on going to GRANT AWARD TO THE BÔNAU major publishing corporation. bed; and a little may be taken whenever the CABBAGE PATCH cough is troublesome. The worst cold is How he died : On the "Dick Cavett Show", while generally cured by this remedy in two or three The Bônau Cabbage Patch has recently been discussing the benefits of organic foods. Rodale, who bragged "I'm going to live to be IS DARTS A SPORT days; and, if taken in time, is considered awarded a grant of £1000 from Llanelli Rural 100 unless I'm run down by a sugar-crazed taxi OR A GAME? infallible. Council to help towards the printing and driver," was only 72 when he appeared on the (Mrs Beeton) distribution costs of this magazine. The grant "Dick Cavett Show" in January 1971. Part way Discussion in the pub was awarded under The Community through the interview, he dropped dead in his the other night prompted Development Grant program of the council and chair. Cause of death: heart attack. The show me to look into this question. Here is the DID YOU KNOW was awarded at a recent meeting of the was never aired. explanation: - Community Development Grant Panel.

Darts requires a physical skill in order to We would like to thank Llanelli Rural Council ne and a half million Americans are charged achieve an objective, the same as bowling, O and the Community Development Grant Panel football, basketball, swimming, gymnastics, with drunk driving per year. for their very kind and considerate donation. I put a pound in one of those race-car driving, running, and all other sports. change machines. Nothing Therefore it is classed as a sport. The The grant has secured the future of the competitor must be the one making the moves About 200,000 people die from cigarette magazine for a little while longer. changed. in these sports; nobody else can do it for them. smoking every 6 months.

THE CLOTHESLINE SAID SO MUCH MICHAEL DANIEL JONES

LLANELLY OF YESTERYEAR Michael Daniel Jones (2

March 1822 – 2 December A clothesline was a news forecast 1898) was a Welsh To neighbours passing by. Congregationalist minister and There were no secrets you could keep principal of a theological college, but is best When clothes were hung to dry. remembered as a founder of the Welsh

settlement in Patagonia known as Y Wladfa and It also was a friendly link as one of the fathers of modern Welsh For neighbours always knew nationalism. If company had stopped on by

To spend a night or two. Jones was born in Llanuwchllyn, Merioneth (Gwynedd) in 1822. After training for the

For then you'd see the fancy sheets ministry in Carmarthen and London, he And towels on the line; emigrated to America and was ordained at

You'd see the company table clothes Cincinnati. After the death of his father he With intricate design. returned to Wales to follow him as the principal

of Bala Congregational College. The line announced a baby's birth His name is closely linked with the attempt to To folks who lived inside establish a Welsh settlement in Patagonia, As brand new infant clothes were hung Argentina, in the 1860s where Welsh would be So carefully with pride. the language of religion, government, trade,

and education. The ages of the children could Jones is recognised as the first to advocate a So readily be known political solution to defending Welsh identity By watching how the sizes changed and therefore is seen as one of the most You'd know how much they'd grown. significant forerunners of Welsh nationalism.

It also told when illness struck, Michael Jones visited Patagonia only once. His As extra sheets were hung; vision for a New Wales in Patagonia was not

Then nightclothes, and a bathrobe, too, completely fulfilled, but this region of South Haphazardly were strung. America still bear unmistakeable traces of

Welshness. It said, "Gone on vacation now"

When lines hung limp and bare. LOBSCAWS It told, "We're back!" when full lines sagged

With not an inch to spare. Lobscaws (or

New folks in town were scorned upon lobsgaws) is a If wash was dingy grey, traditional dish of

As neighbours raised their brows, North Wales, And looked disgustedly away. normally made with

braising or stewing But clotheslines now are of the past steak, potatoes, and any other vegetable

For dryers make work less. available, or when made with mutton is known Now what goes on inside a home as cawl. Lobscaws was traditionally regarded

Is anybody's guess. as food for farmers and the working-class people of North Wales, but is now popular as a

I really miss that way of life. dish throughout Wales. The recipe was brought It was a friendly sign by the canal barges [to Stoke-on-Trent where it

When neighbours knew each other best is called "lobby", the shortened version of By what hung on the line! "lobscouse".

EDWARD WILLIAMS groups; a treatise on Welsh metrics called SHAKESPEAREAN the late 1600s that the term bully took on the Cyfrinach Beirdd Ynys Prydain ("The Mystery of TERMS OF negative sense of “a blustering, quarrelsome, dward Williams, better E the Bards of the Isle of Britain"), published ENDEARMENT overbearing person who habitually badgers and known by his bardic name posthumously in 1828; and a series of hymns intimidates smaller or weaker people.” This

Iolo Morganwg (March 1747 published as Salmau yr Eglwys yn yr Anialwch sense has survived the centuries, while the LAMBKIN - When lamb – 18 December 1826) was in 1812. other, more positive senses have fallen into isn’t enough of a an influential Welsh (Source: Wikipedia) obscurity." diminutive, try lambkin. antiquarian, poet, collector, Used lovingly to refer to a WAG - The largely obsolete term wag refers to and literary forger. He was person who is a person given to mischievous humour, and in widely considered a leading collector and exceptionally sweet, young and innocent, this is Shakespeare’s time it was often used by expert on medieval Welsh literature in his day, DUMBEST DEATHS IN HISTORY the ultimate warm and fuzzy pet name. The mothers to tenderly refer to their baby boys. In but after his death it was revealed that he had Oxford English Dictionary attributes the first two Henry IV, Falstaff uses wag several times while forged a large number of his manuscripts. RANCIS BACON : One F recorded citations of lambkin to Shakespeare in directly addressing Prince Henry. At one point Regardless, he had a lasting impact on Welsh of the most influential minds Henry IV, Part 2 and Henry V, both from 1600. Falstaff drunkenly asks: “But I prithee sweet culture, seen most notably in his foundation of of the late 16th century. A wag, shall there be gallows standing in England CHUCK - The archaic term of endearment the Gorsedd, and the philosophy he developed statesman, a philosopher, a when thou art king?” in his forgeries had a huge impact on the early writer, and a scientist, he chuck first appeared in Shakespeare’s time. neo-druid movement. was even rumoured to have Meaning roughly “my love,” this nickname was BUD - The term of endearment bud might applied to husbands in addition to wives, sound like 1980s surfer slang, but Shakespeare Edward Williams was born at Pen-onn, near written some of Shakespeare's plays. children and dear friends. It comes from the was an early adopter of the sense of this word Llancarfan in Glamorgan, and was raised in the How he died : Stuffing snow into a chicken. Middle English chuk, a word that approximates meaning “an immature or undeveloped person.” village of Flemingston. He followed his father One afternoon in 1625, Bacon was watching a the sound of chicken clucking. In Love’s Labour Bud comes from the Middle English budde, into a career as a stonemason. In Glamorgan snowstorm and was struck by the wondrous Lost, Shakespeare writes: “Sweet chucks / beat which literally means the bud or pod of a plant. he took an interest in manuscript collection, and notion that maybe snow could be used to not the bones of the buried". Bud used as a shortening of buddy or brother learned to compose Welsh poetry from poets preserve meat in the same way that salt was has an entirely different etymology. That BAWCOCK - Shakespeare was fond of the such as Lewis Hopkin, Rhys Morgan, and used. Determined to find out, he purchased a particular mode of address popped up in the term bawcock, meaning “a fine fellow.” It comes especially Siôn Bradford. In 1773 he moved to chicken from a nearby village, killed it, and 1850s as an American colloquialism and is to English directly from the French beau coc London where the antiquary Owen Jones then, standing outside in the snow, attempted to unrelated to the bud first used by Shakespeare. introduced him to the city's Welsh literary stuff the chicken full of snow to freeze it. The referring literally to “a handsome rooster.” In community, and where he became a member of chicken never froze, but Bacon did. Henry V the comical character Pistol uses the HONEY - People have been calling their the Gwyneddigion Society: he would later also term bawcock in conversation with the king: sweethearts and dearest friends honey since be active in the Cymreigyddion Society. In 1777 “The King’s a bawcock, and a heart of gold. Shakespeare’s time. The term honey, referring to the sweet, viscid fluid produced by bees, he returned to Wales, where he married and DUCK - In A Midsummer Night’s Dream, came to English before 900, and likely got its tried his hand at farming, but evidently met with Maybe this world is another planet's Shakespeare employs the term of endearment name from its tawny color, though etymologists no success. It was during this time that he duck, meaning “dear” or “darling.” The Hell. are unsure of this. It wasn’t until the mid-1500s produced his first forgeries. character Nick Bottom utters “O dainty duck, o that honey became used as a form of address. deare!” when he takes on the role of the lover After Williams's death some of his collection This sense of honey has stuck, and it is still was compiled into The Iolo Manuscripts by his Pyramus in the play within the play, put on to widely uttered with affection today. son, Taliesin Williams. His papers were used by entertain the Duke of Athens, his betrothed and many later scholars and translators, and were NEWS OF THE WEIRD the rest of their party. MOUSE - While the term mouse has existed in English since the time of Old English, between used for reference by Lady Charlotte Guest as LADY BIRD - Romeo & Juliet contains the first the 16th and 19th centuries, people sometimes she was translating the prose collection An Australian man said he called the Qantas recorded use of ladybird in English. The nurse Mabinogion . Guest did not, however, rely on used mouse as a term of endearment applied to airline and waited for 15 hours, 40 minutes and calls out to find Juliet: “What lamb, what ladie William's editions of the tales themselves women. In Hamlet, the troubled Prince of 1 second before hanging up the phone. bird... Where’s this girle!” The term of except for Hanes Taliesin . Later still, more of Denmark tells his mother in reference to the endearment refers to a close female friend or king, his uncle, “Let the bloat king tempt you Williams's forgeries were published in the text The man called Qantas at 7:22 p.m. sweetheart. known as Barddas . This work, published in two Wednesday to confirm his travel arrangements again to bed; / Pinch wanton on your cheek; call volumes in 1862 and 1874, was claimed to and remained on hold until 11:01 a.m. Thursday BULLY - In the mid-1500s, people would flock you his mouse...” have been a translation of works by Llywelyn while a recorded voice said an agent would to bullies rather than run away from them. This (Source: Dictionary.com) Siôn detailing the history of the Welsh bardic speak to him "as soon as possible." is because back in Shakespeare’s time, the system from its ancient origins to the present term bully affectionately referred to a good ''I wanted to find out what exactly they meant day. Though it contains nothing of authentic friend or fellow, or a sweetheart or darling. would be as soon as possible. I never got an druidic lore, it is the fullest account of the Shakespeare, exceedingly fond of this term, Today is the last day of some of answer." mystical cosmology Williams developed. Other used it in several of his plays including Henry V, your life. works by Williams include the "Druid's Prayer", Qantas apologised and said it is investigating A Midsummer Night’s Dream, The Merry Wives still used by the Gorsedd and by neo-druid the incident. of Windsor and The Tempest. It was not until

JANUARY 7 th Have lent a helpful hand; THE WELSH With the case attracting more and more 1867 In half an hour they’ve dragger her o’er FASTING GIRL attention it was agreed to mount a watch on A furlong of deep sand. Sarah that was to last for two weeks. Her father, Evan Jacob agreed but the watch was The Gem , of Hull, a Two hours twelve pair of brawny arms Sarah Jacobs, the not day and night and the result was schooner of 130 Have forced her through the wave, little 12-year-old tons, from Greenock, who had not eaten inconclusive. As Britons only ply the oar, bound to Their brother man to save. for over two years, Despite her lack of nutrition, and as she neared Southampton, laden with machinery and pig died of her fasting her maturity, Sarah grew plumper and fatter. And now the watchers on the mast iron, wrecked last midnight on the Middle Patch, on December 17th People began to suspect fraud. It was decided Have cast away their grief, about a mile from Laugharne Burrows. Having 1869. to bring in 6 nurses from London to mount a 24- been disabled in the voyage and driven along Full well they know a life-boat’s rig She was born on hour watch on Sarah. Her position now became the Cornish Coast, she made for Milford, and And see their own relief. 12th May 1857 on a untenable and if she had previously been able mistaking Caldy light for St Anne’s, ran into With grateful hearts, but feeble strength, farm in the village of to feed herself during the night it was now made Carmarthen Bay. Their rescuers’ hands they clasp, impossible by the 'nurse watch'. Llanfihangel-ar-Arth While one the shawl that saved their life The captain lashed his wife and himself to the in Carmarthenshire. Little Sarah could not admit to fraud or lying; cross-trees, and a seaman and a boy (his Still clutches in his grasp. At the age of nine, little Sarah fell ill with pride or religious conviction, or even her nephew) lashed themselves to the shrouds (Source: Carmarthen and the Neighbourhood by William convulsions of some type. As she recovered undiagnosed medical condition, would not let below, where the four perished, one or more Spurrell - 1879) from her illness she was allowed to sleep in her her. And so she simply lay there, waiting to die, before being quite overwhelmed by the tide. parents room where she laid in bed all day as the nurses watched and made notes in their The mate and another seaman, climbed to the writing poems and reading the Bible. This was diaries. The nurses were instructed to feed or top-sail yard, where they remained till the tide the time when she started to refuse food. provide water only if Sarah requested it. ebbed, and having, as their only hope, in the I keep telling myself that I am a After four or five days Sarah lapsed into a coma bitterness of their hearts, cut the lifeless woman pathological liar, but I am not sure Her parents claimed that little Sarah had not adrift to obtain her shawl to hoist as a signal of eaten anything from 10th October 1867 until her and a few days later she died - as did the if I believe it. death just over two years later. As her fasting 'miracle'. the distress, they were descried, and rescued by the Ferryside life-boat. continued Sarah became something of a local An autopsy on Sarah found some bones of a celebrity. This is how it would have remained if The tale of the wreck and rescue is told with the small bird or fish in her stomach so she had it had not been for the local vicar who wrote to a simple eloquence of truth in “The Night upon clearly been eating. More tragically were the newspaper about this amazing miracle that was the Mast,” “A true Ballad,” by the Rev. Jasper grooves found on her toes - as if she had been AMAZING NUMBERS! happening in his parish. trying to remove the stopper of the stone water Nicholls Harrison, vicar of Laugharne. You will need a calculator Sarah fame was assured. People travelled from bottle that had been placed in her bed - They hoped their moving forms, though dim, all over the country to visit her and gazed at the obviously a desperate attempt to get water. for this: Upon the mast descried, wonder of this young girl who was defying all Sarah's mother and father were convicted of Might tell of life in jeopardy, Take the number of the month you were born, the laws of nature. Her visitors bought gift and manslaughter and spent 6 months and twelve Amid the angry tide. Multiply by 4, donated money, which they dropped on her months respectively in Swansea prison. Both bedspread, where she was surrounded by And so it chanced – a fisherman sentences were with 'hard labour'. The nurses Add 13, flowers. Sarah would read and quote passages Far scanning with his glass were not tried. Multiply by 25, subtract 200, from the bible.

The wreck-strewn waters of the bay, A vacant hour to pass, Add the day of the month on which you were People were amazed at her appearance, one visitor remarking: "Her eyes shone like pearls, Spied one dark speck, some three leagues off born, DAI AND THE FROG as alert as my own - She had rosy cheeks and The breakers’ foam above Multiply by 2, subtract 40, multiply by 50, add looked like a lily amongst thorns." Dai was walking down the Whereon there seemed at intervals the last two digits of the year in which you were path to the pond when he A thing of life to move. born, To survive for two years without food or water is now known to be impossible but in the Victorian spotted a bullfrog. He The life-boat coxswain’s practised eye Subtract 10,500. Age people thought they were witnessing a reached down and grabbed Confirms his doubtful guess – miracle. How Sarah got her nourishment is not the frog and started to put him in his pocket It is the mast of shipwrecked bark, Notice anything funny about your answer? known. Some people would conjecture that her when the bullfrog said, "Kiss me on the lips and And signal of distress. I will turn into a beautiful woman." sister was feeding her, passing food from her “Ring the alarm bell! Rouse the place! mouth whenever they kissed. Others believed Again Dai started to put the frog in his pocket. Collect our crew with speed; I require only three things of a that Sarah would simply climb out of bed when The frog asked, "Didn't you hear what I said?" Lend all a hand to launch the boat, the rest of the family were asleep and feed man. He must be handsome, rich We’ll save them in their need!” herself. The truth will never be known. Dai looked thoughtfully at the frog and said," At and stupid. my age I'd rather have a talking frog." Right heartily the villagers "Now, like, I'm President. It would be pretty hard SOME UNUSUAL Out of WD 40 and need to fix a squeaky hinge? for some drug guy to come into the White USES FOR Take a cucumber slice and rub it along the House and start offering it up, you know? ... I CUCUMBERS problematic hinge, and voila, the squeak is bet if they did, I hope I would say, 'Hey, get lost. gone! – At least until you buy another tin of We don't want any of that.'" - George Bush, Cucumbers contain most WD40. These laugh-out-loud talking about drug abuse to a group of students. of the vitamins you need every day, just one Stressed out and don’t have time for massage, responses were all aired on TV and radio, cucumber contains Vitamin B1, Vitamin B2, facial or visit to the spa? Cut up an entire captured for ever for the world to see and hear. "For seven and a half years I've worked Vitamin B3, Vitamin B5, Vitamin B6, Folic Acid, cucumber and place it in a boiling pot of water, alongside President Reagan. We've had Vitamin C, Calcium, Iron, Magnesium, the chemicals and nutrients from the cucumber They were compiled for satirical magazine triumphs. Made some mistakes. We've had Phosphorus, Potassium and Zinc. will react with the boiling water and be released Private Eye's "Dumb Britain" - which gathers some sex ... uh... setbacks." - George Bush. Feeling tired in the afternoon? Put down the in the steam, creating a soothing, relaxing the most ridiculous show answers every caffeine soaked fizzy pop and pick up a aroma that has been shown to reduce stress in week. "I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward cucumber. Cucumbers are a good source of new mothers and university students during more freedom and democracy. But that could Vitamin B and carbohydrates that can provide final exams. GWR FM DJ: What happened in Dallas on change." - Dan Quayle. that quick pick-me-up that can last for hours. Just finish a business lunch and realise you November 22, 1963? CONTESTANT I don't know, I wasn't watching Tired of your bathroom mirror fogging up after a don’t have gum or mints? Take a slice of it then. "Hawaii has always been a very pivotal role in shower? Try rubbing a cucumber slice along cucumber and press it to the roof of your mouth the Pacific. It is in the Pacific. It is a part of the the mirror, it will eliminate the fog and provide a with your tongue for 30 seconds to eliminate BAMBER GASCOIGNE What was Gandhi's United States that is an island that is right soothing, spa-like fragrance. bad breath - the photochemical will kill the bacteria in your mouth responsible for causing first name? here." - Dan Quayle during a visit to Hawaii in Are grubs and slugs ruining your plant beds? bad breath. CONTESTANT Goosey? 1989. Place a few slices in a small an aluminium pie tin and your garden will be free of pests all Looking for a ‘green’ way to clean your taps, JAMES O'BRIEN, LBC: How many kings of "What a waste it is to lose one's mind--or not to season long. The chemicals in the cucumber sinks or stainless steel? Take a slice of England have been called Henry? have a mind. How true that is." - Dan Quayle react with the aluminum to give off a scent cucumber and rub it on the surface you want to CONTESTANT Er, well, I know there was a addressing the United Negro College Fund. undetectable to humans but drive garden pests clean, not only will it remove years of tarnish Henry the Eighth.. er, er, three? crazy and make them flee the area. and bring back the shine, but it won’t leave streaks and won’t harm you fingers or LOTTERY HOST: What is the world's largest "I am honoured today to begin my first term as Looking for a fast and easy way to remove fingernails while you clean. continent? the Governor of Baltimore - that is Maryland." - cellulite before going out or to the pool? Try Using a pen and made a mistake? Take the CONTESTANT The Pacific? William Donald Schaefer, first inaugural rubbing a slice or two of cucumbers along your address. problem area for a few minutes, the outside of the cucumber and slowly use it to photochemical in the cucumber cause the erase the pen writing, also works great on collagen in your skin to tighten, firming up the crayons and markers that the kids have used to SPEECH GOOFS "The caribou love it. They rub against it and outer layer and reducing the visibility of cellulite. decorate the walls! they have babies. There are more caribou in

Works great on wrinkles too!!! "I want to make sure everybody who has a job Alaska than you can shake a stick at." - George

wants a job" - George Bush, during his first Bush, on the Alaska pipeline. Want to avoid a hangover or terrible headache? SPRING Eat a few cucumber slices before going to bed Presidential campaign. and wake up refreshed and headache free. Spring is not the best of "I hope I stand for anti-bigotry, anti-Semitism, Cucumbers contain enough sugar, B vitamins seasons. "This is a great day for France!" - Richard anti-racism. This is what drives me." - George and electrolytes to replenish essential nutrients Cold and flu are two good Nixon, while attending Charles De Gaulle's Bush. the body lost, keeping everything in equilibrium, reasons; funeral. avoiding both a hangover and headache! wind and rain and other sorrow,

Looking to fight off that afternoon or evening warm today and cold tomorrow. (Author Unknown) snacking binge? Cucumbers have been used The Bônau Cabbage Patch is published and issued by The Pwll Action Committee. The editors are: Peter Kent for centuries and often used by European (53 Pwll Road - 755260) & Jeff Williams (81 Pwll Road - 777420). Please submit your r eports, articles etc to either editor or any other committee member. Hand written reports are OK – we’ll type them up for you. Please ensure you include your name, address and trappers, traders and explores for quick meals telephone number so we can contact you just in case we need clarification or we can’t read your writin g! You can also contact the to thwart off starvation. Yesterday the twig was brown and bare; magazine by e-mail at: [email protected]

Have an important meeting or job interview and To-day the glint of green is there; Closing date for submissions of articles, reports etc for the summer edition is 24 th April 2015 – you realise that you don’t have enough time to Tomorrow will be leaflets spare; amended adverts by 20 th April 2015. polish your shoes? Rub a freshly cut cucumber I know no thing so wondrous fair, Any views and opinions expressed in this magazine are not necessarily the views and opinions of The Pwll Action Committee. http://www.pwllmag.co.uk over the shoe, its chemicals will provide a quick No miracle so strangely rare. Copyright exists on all articles and photographs published in this magazine. All photos and articles copyrighted © by their respective and durable shine that not only looks great but I wonder what will next be there! owners. (L.H. Bailey) also repels water.

PWLL OF YESTERYEAR