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2006-10-01

A Modest Proposal, vol. 3, no. 2

Kimberly Allen, et al.

© 2006 A Modest Proposal

Find more information about this article here. This document has been made available for free and open access by the Eugene McDermott Library. Contact [email protected] for further information. A L T E R N A T I V E. U T- 0 S T U D E N T P U B L I C A T I 0 N

ALSO The ACL

page 8 INSIDE Outsourcing Torture Extreme measures to thwart terrorism are real threat to American safety page 4 Nudist colonies: towel r ired, clothin optional

O CTOBER 2006 • VOLUME 3 • ISSUE 2 • AMP U T DALLAS EDU 2 CoNTENTS OcTOBER 2006 • VoLUME 3 • IssuE 2

ARTS & EVENTS In Ibis Issue. • • I2 Taking it to the Austin City Limits The Slob and The Snob experience the rock for you. BY JONATHAN LANE GLOBAL POLITICS AND JORDAN YOUNGBLOOD

Life, Libertarians and the Mental Rewind 3 Pursuit of Congress Our intrepid writer revisits the movies of his youth. BY MICHAEL WADE BY JONATHAN LANE

Outsourcing Torture The Spin Cycle 4 Two excellent records collide with bitter disappointment. Extreme measures to thwart terrorism are a real threat to American safety. BY JORDAN YOUNGBLOOD BY KIM ALLEN Let's Speak Italian! 6 Whose House (and Senate) Is It? The Voice Inside Your Headphones Mter the election, it might still be the GOP's. BY KIM FELDER Contributors. BY BENEDICT VOlT SPORTS ,, ...Jonathan Coker Pumped at the Pump ,r Micheal Donaldson 7 Gas prices have fallen, but are these Extreme Makeover Kim Felder low prices here to stay? Beijing is stripping its heritage for the 2008 Olympics. Darby Hadley BY MICHAEL WADE BY LIAM SKOYLES Luke McKenzie Tristan Michael CAMPUS LIFE Megan· Newman Tyler Ratliff Our Modest Proposals Liam Sk9yles Annual Alumni Fund ideas. +Benedict Voit BY MICHEAL DONALDSON Michael Wade SOCIAL TYLER RATLIFF Molly Wurzer , MEGAN NEWMAN COMMENTARY METEOR THEATER Practical Naked Know-How 8 p u z z L ES & G A M E s My bare brush-in with the nudists of the Armadillo Resort. 20 Puzzles Page BY BEN DOWER The Uranus 8omments? Suggestion 10 Information Dehumanization 22 Flattery? Fan-mail? The most trusted news on the planet. How the Internet is reducing lives to lolz. Email amodestproposal BY BEN DOWER @gmail.com today!

Cover design by Luk€ McKenzie. Uranus cover design by Darby Hadley. . . ------~------

Do you feel that this issue is lacking? % Disclaimen Opin ions expressed in. this Then helP us fix it! publication are those of the :L J editor or writer ofthe article Got something you'd like to talk about? Politics? Campus life? We wanna hear from you! and are not necessarily those of,. the University administration, Even if you only wa~t to write one article - or if you've never written anything before. the Board ofRegents of the University ofTexas System or your [email protected] I 972-883-5354 office We're voice. Why not use it? the Board ofthe publication. ------~G~L~O~B~A~L~~~~- P~o~L~I~T~I~c~s~----- 3 Life, Libertarians and 'the Pursuit of Congress

broadcaster Hugh Downs, radio shock chart (see image) that supposedly does for society as a whole. First and foremost, jock Howard Stern and author Robert away with traditional "left" and "right" Libertarians desire to lower taxes, a stance Heinlein. political stances by separating the social from which they derive the alternate Officially founded in the 1971 by David and economic issues facing politicians name "Propertarians", end the "War on Nolan, a political science graduate from into a two-axes scale by which political Drugs", which they see as the government michael wade by MIT, the party's philosophy was shaped sentiments may be more accurately involving itself too much into the daily [email protected] heavily by the writings of Heinlein as well judged. lives of ci tizens, and the complete and as by aspects of Ayn Rand's philqsophy The Libertarian philosophy is centered absolute abolishment of the Patriot Act _ As November 2nd rolls around, the of Objectivism. Nolan, who is currently around reducing government in all its and all the invasion of privacy that comes biannual event of the season ~akes the running for Congress in Arizona's 8th forms in hopes that greater freedom (and with it. headlines as donkeys and elephants duke Congressional District, is also known the due responsibility) for the individual In addition, most Libertarians feel that it out in the political arena. In the midst for developing his eponymous political citizen will provide the greatest benefit the government has no right to dictate of all the mayhem, a lowly porcupine is what defines "marriage", whether or not a looking for its two minutes, eager to show woman is ready to have a child, or what the nation that there may just be a new creed an individual may choose to believe contender in the arena. nor should the government interfere with I recently sat down with the president national and international free trade, the of the newly formed campus Libertarian governments of foreign nations or the Party in order to get the word out on freedom of the individual citizen beyond an oft-overlooked group that might just keeping him safe from harm by war. bring some fresh ideas to the table this Essentially this philosophy centers election. Brent Friedman is a freshman around the "live and let live" belief, that to the University, but being new here so long as you and your neighbor are not hasn't given him pause in his desire to killing each other, what you do is your see a Libertarian group form on campus. own business. Each individual interprets Vice Chairman of the Collin County that belief in their own way, however, Libertarian Party at the ripe old age of18, leading to a degree of diversity within the he is both the group's youngest member party itself that isn't often found in other , and certainly their youngest official. parties. Partially responsible for a group of The lifestyles of college students around 100 members, Brent is in no frequently runs parallel to Libertarian way new to the leadership scene. He beliefs, which also includes the legalization is responsible for the newly formed of marijuana and reducing the legal Facebook group, UTD Libertarians, itself drinking age. If these issues appeal to you, already grown to a membership of over 60 or you're just fed up with political business individuals. Meanwhile, he has personally as usual, you are in luck. The campus group corresponded with at least 20 people who is organizing a number of events including have pledged support to the Libertarian "Operation Politically Homeless", where cause. Many of these people also turned booths will be set up around campus for out in person to the first meeting on participants to take a short political quiz September 11th, the day the group (which to find your place on the Nolan Chart, has existed on and off at UTD for some courtesy self-gov.org and seminars given by actual Libertarian years) was re-founded. candidates (see how many other parties Of course, a number of you must promise that!) be wondering who exactly are the iiThe Libertarian philosophy is centered around reducing Keep your eyes open for flyers Libertarians, and what they believe. For government in all its forms in hopes that greater freedom (and and posters around campus for more starters, a number of famous individuals. Information, or drop by the second These figures range from comedians the due responsibility) for the individual citizen will provide meeting on October 11th where you, Drew Carey, D avid Letterman, and Denis the greatest benefit for society as a whole. too, may become a member and fellow Leary, to actor Clint Eastwood, television '' porcupine. • 4 GLOBAL POLITICS SEPTEMBER 2006 • VoLUME 3 • IssuE 2 Outsourcing Torture Extreme measures to thwart terrorism are real threat to American safety

torture" to countries where inhumane treatment of prisoners is still legal. The importance of the CIA's "black sites" to the government escalated after the Abu Ghraib scandal drew by kimberley allen international attention to the United [email protected] States' mistreatment of prisoners overseas. With the army under fire to I'm usually the first to give the use humane interrogation tactics , the Bush Administration the benefit of Washington Post said that Cheney the doubt. After all, I voted for him and CIA Director Porter Gross asked in the 2004 elections, and his policies Congress to exempt CIA employees are usually defensible, if occasionally from legislation that would ban cruel misguided. This time, however, he's treatment of prisoners in U.S. custody. crossed an unassailable Constitutional Seem a little suspicious? Priest and moral boundary. points out that CIA interrogators President Bush acknowledged last are permitted to use "Enhanced month that the CIA has been operating Interrogation Techniques," some of secret prisons, called "black sites," for which are banned by U.N. convention the purpose of rendition-the transfer and U.S. military laws. of terrorism suspects overseas for The Senate and the White House interrogation. These prisons, it's been are grappling over the issue of detainee said, were an unfortunate necessity treatment, and no final resolution has of war and existed for the purpose of yet been made. From what has taken preventing dangerous terrorist suspects place recently, it looks like the Senate from killing more Americans. There's will concede the argument and give no doubt that many of those detained President Bush authority to personally were a serious threat to the United decide which CIA methods are States. The concern, however, is that Tab,The Calgary Sun permitted by the Geneva Convention. these "black sites" existed not only of American citizenship, or are they because no one will ever know? And A draft of the agreement has been to hold suspected terrorists but also the basic rights that indisputably how would indefinitely imprisoning hastily thrown together in an attempt to illegally torture •them away from belong to every human? suspects without just cause protect to come to some resolution before public view. There was no indication It might as well be said: terrorists "homeland security?" Congress adjourns until November. that the detainees would ever be given are people, too. While that may seem Take the case of Maher Arar, the Although the draft reinforces the a right to trial. None, that is, until ridiculous, it's the only mindset to Canadian computer engineer who was Geneva Convention's ambiguous someone blew the whistle. adopt when one realizes that innocent seized by U.S. authorities in New York restrictions on prisoner treatment, Enter Dana Priest, the Pulitzer­ people often are mistakenly targeted and deported to Syria. The gov~rnment it also prohibits former detainees · winningjournalist for the Washington in an attempt to purge the earth of acted off of a suspicion from Canadian from seeking civil damages under Post who broke the story on the secret terrorism. intelligence and seized him in Kennedy the Geneva Convention for wrongful prisons m November, 2005- ten Unfortunately, I doubt the Airport while waiting to return to imprisonment or mistreatment. months before Bush acknowledged government would agree. U.S. policy Canada. It is now known that his The CIA will, in essence, continue their existence. Priest was able to on prisoner treatment after 9/11 is closest tie to terrorism was a 20-minute to operate without oversight or show that the U.S. was not only evident: whatever you do, don't take conversation with a suspected terrorist limitation; only now, the CIA is holding known terrorists but was pictures. The government's mindset about inkjet cartridges. Regrettably, protected from legal liability for their also wrongfully imprisoning innocent is less like a responsible guardian the investigative work came four years actions. So, while "technically" the suspects, usually based on hunches or and more like an underage college after Mr. Arar's arrest and torture. CIA isn't supposed to snatch you out frightfully thin evidence. student: it's not illegal unless you're Human rights groups cite his case of bed and ship you off to Syria to be At the heart of the issue is this caught. Should the government deny to claim the U.S. is sidestepping the tortured in a secret prison, there's not question: are civil liberties the privilege foreign suspects due process simply Geneva Convention by "outsourcing a blessed thing you can do about it _A__ M __ o_o_e_s_T __ P_R_o __ P_o_s_A_L ______G__ L_o __ B_A_L __ P__ o_L __ IT__ Ic__ s ____ :;

CIA interrogators are permitted to use "Enhanced Interrogation Techniques," some of which are banned by U.N. convention and U.S. military law. Photo courtesy of Abu Ghraib

issues like torture and human rights. certain "inalienable rights" that no Perhaps that is why the administration government has the authority to is in such a hurry to pass the bill this violate. As Karel De Gucht, Belgium's week-with elections looming close by, foreign minister said, "You cannot senators are willing to sign anything spread democracy and deny the basic that fosters their reelection. principles of democracy." Beyond wrongful imprisonment, Keeping in mind that the the extent of the government's abuse government directly derives its powers of power is alarming. The Reporters from the Constitution, it is imperative Torture, under the Bush Administration, an "unfortunate necessity .of war" Committee for Freedom of the Press to the safety of U.S. citizens that Photo courtesy of Abu Ghraib Guards confirmed that in the four years the government be questioned from when it happens. against the White House's demands following September 11th, the "state time to time when it crosses certain Still, U.S. Army Lt. Col. Keir-Kevin . for an unrestrained CIA, is reportedly secrets" privilege has been invoked like boundaries. It is evident that terrorists Curry promises that every prisoner "is "upbeat" and "satisfied" with the a colossal trump card an outrageous 23 are not the greatest threat to this detained because he poses a security arrangement. Democrats who usually times-almost half of the 55 that had nation's safety. While a suicide bomber threat to the government of Iraq, the oppose every word spoken by the Bush been invoked prior to 2001. One of the may kill hundreds, a government that people of Iraq ~r coalition forces." Administration have suddenly lost most recent came in April, when the goes unchecked will devastate lives on Tell that to Khaled Masri, a German their sense of principle. Afraid their government sought to evade a lawsuit a drastically larger scale. citizen who was unjustly detained for constituents will see them as "soft on claiming the U.S. was using AT&T's As possibly the most powerful 5 months and released without being terrorism," they are unwilling to take systems for broad, illegal surveillance of government on earth, the U.S. is in the charged. He is suing, but the Justice sides. There's little indication that U.S. citizens. Instead of counteracting best position to get the facts straight; Department has invoked a "secrecy either party cares about anything other the evidence, the government simply there can be no excuse for such blatant privilege," stating that this is a matter than winning November's elections. patted the prosecution on the head and negligence. Congressmen are locked of national security and cannot be The Washington Post quoted one said this matter is much too important in debate over the issue and will brought to court. leadership aide as saying this was a for citizens to concern themselves eventually decide whether the CIA Where are the voices of opposition? waste of a week when Republicans with. Since 9/11, the government has has the power to violate the Geneva Senator McCain, a former Vietnam should have been showing a united placed itsel'f above reproach and cannot Convention and the rights of average prisoner ofwar who once led the charge front, not dabbling with divisive be held accountable for its actions, a citizens in order to protect American direct exploitation of power that is interests. Each citizen must use his opposed by America's founding ideals. vote in November to remind legislators ii At the heart of the issue is this It's time for the U.S. government that this is democracy ruled by the to recognize that every human being people-nothing less. • - question: are civil liberties the privilege possesses, as the Constitution affirms, of American citizenship, or are they ' Although the images piinted in this ~cle may be offensive to some ofour readers, they do not even begin to show the extent ofthe atrocities that are occuring in U.S.- ' operated prisons all around the world. In fact, these images were picked deliber­ the basic rights that indisputably ately because they are relatively mild. While we considered not printing the photos belong to every human? at all due to their disturbing nature, we felt that the visual was necessary to depict '' the indefensible, unconstitutional, and ultimately immoral nature of these acts. 6 GLOBAL POLITICS SEPTEMBER 2006 • VoLUME 3 • Is s uE 2

Whose House ~8 _nate) is it? After the electio be the GOP's

candidate is no Democrat at all. Cue Joe Lieberman. Running against Ned Lamont in his Connecticut primary, this once star of the Def~!S?,ff:atic Party (he was the 2000 VP nominee!) . · · the biggest traitor known to the Democrats by benedict voit because ' he refused to back down from his [email protected] Iraq 'f:1ar. lost the primary, much to the glee of the It is hard to find a state other than Rhode Island where But now he is running as an President Bush has lower approval ratings. Coloring the -y·"~" ·~· ~~··· ·v on track to change the label of the state Blue is probably being too moderate. Registered . to I -CT. In the end, the Democrats Democrats outnumber registered Republicans hands heavier than the there was ever may 'lose a Senate seat (on paper at least) because of down; this combined with the left-leaning views of a time for a strong and unified Democratic platform, their inability to do what they claim this country needs many citizens makes this state the quintessential North now would be it. to do: compromise. The Senate majority is hanging Eastern liberal stronghold. But leave it to the crazed and far-out faction that in the balance, and Democrats are too busy splitting Senator Lincoln Chafee (R) of Rhode Island controls the liberal agenda to, again, screw it up. hairs. has caused the Bush administration his fair share This brings us back to Lincoln Chafee. His opponent When the Republicans saw a maverick candidate in of headaches over the years. Chafee supports legal in the primary was Stephen Laffey (R), a current mayor RI, they winced but understood the power of the party abortion and stem cell research; he has recently delayed who believes in the need for fiscal responsibility. Laffey\ was worth the million dollar campaign. When the the renomination of UN Ambassador John Bolton; and campaign highlighted him as a Washington outsider, Democrats saw a maverick in CT, they ran negative ads in an ultimate act of defiance, in the 2004 Presidential someone who could bring such needed reforms. against him, hated him, and eventually gave him $62 election, he wrote in George H .W. Bush instead of However, the NRSC understands that the bigger for his efforts. No, I did not leave off the zeros: sixty­ voting for his son. picture- a Senate majority- is at stake. Having a liberal two dollars. So why did the National Republican Senatorial Republican as senator is far better than having a liberal Love 'em or hate 'em, at least the Republicans can Committee (NRSC) pump over a million dollars in Democrat as senator; at least he is still a Republican. strategize, and they understand concepts that last a campaign to help him win the primary? Because This concept is so fundamental, that when polls showed longer than a few months. This "Strategery" is what even though Chafee may be too liberal for some GOP Laffey having no chance of beating the Democratic gave Republicans in power in 2000 and in 2002 and supporters, he still has that reaffirming 'R' by his name. candidate in November, the NRSC claimed that if in 2004. Don't be surprised when it does so again in Political junkies of all ideologies have turned their Laffey won the primary it would pull out of the race November. • lives to the upcoming mid-term elections. For the and provide no support in order to better use those Democrats, after living through painful experiences funds in more competitive states. Benedict Voit is currently interning at the National ---~e Democratic leadership, Republican Senatorial Committee. -- -though, has yet to value \. 1in the strategy.Uhey have

\. The Democrats-refused to support former party star Joe Lieberman in his primary giving him a total of $62; the Republicans, on the other hand, pumped $1.2 million to' support maverick Lincoln Chafee. This willingness to moderate may just be what the GOP needs to retain its majority in both the Senate and the House this November. A MoDEST PROPOSAL GLOBAL POLITICS 7 Getting pumped at the pump Gas prices have fallen, but are these low prices here to stay?

damage wrought by Hurricanes Katrina and Rita mean that the oil's processing will be an efficient and rapid ii I recommend filling up your process. Obviously, a source of oil that not only is unaf­ car this weekend, enjoying the mild fected by conflicts abroad but also need not be bought from foreign oil cartels would greatly increase national respite for what it's worth, but don't by michael wade confidence in oil supplies as well as reduce fears stirred get used to it. It won't last. [email protected] up by "peak oil" doomsayers who predict that the world oil supply is running out. With such a vast new find that . Reaching for my wallet, I cringed, knowing that once contains equally large amounts of natural gas, the market Republicans see no reason to slow. again it would be significantly lightened as I had to pay has naturally responded with falling prices. Having researched the potential causes of falling'' out hard-earned cash for the gas in my car. To my pleas­ Finally, a possible reason (albeit admittedly conspiracy numbers at local pumps, is there a possibility that these ant astonishment, the cashier demanded far less than I theory-esque) is the rapidly approaching mid-term elec­ prices are here to stay? Unfortunately, not likely. Conflict had feared. Mter months of continuous rise in the price tions, coming this November to a voting booth near you. in the Middle East is a constant that can be counted on of gas, there has been a marked change in the amount of The oil corporations and energy suppliers of this nation to never end. The most recent cease-fire between Israel money that this writer has had to lay down in order to are well known to be deeply tied to the current Repub­ and Lebanon has already proven itself ineffectual since fuel up. Confused and interested in the cause of this for­ lican administration, evidence of which can be inferred Lebanon did not itself supply Hezbollah, the force that tuitous event, I decided that some research was in order from events such as the Republican senator from Alaska actually attacked Lebanon, and has already declared it­ to discover why prices were dropping and whether or not dismissing claims that oil company execs needed to be self the victor in the war while simultaneously refusing this trend was here to stay. sworn in when divulging information to Congress on the to disarm. Also of note is that, while the Israel-Lebanon The first and most well-publicized reason for the drop record profits accumulated last year. Thus, they benefit conflict is the most recent local strife, of much greater in prices is attributable to the recent signing of a cease­ greatly from maintaining the status quo of continued concern is the developing enmity between the U.S. and fire between Israel and Lebanon. Israel had declared war Republican control of Congress. If they can suppress gas Iran. Iran has publicly stated its intentions to develop on Lebanon due to a kidnapping of Israeli soldiers by prices a bit as November approaches, fewer disgruntled a nuclear energy program and, although this does not the terrorist group Hezbollah which operates inside of citizens will be at the polls demanding a change in lead­ necessitate a nuclear weapons program, they are often Lebanon with sizeable support from Iran and Syria and ership in order to bring outrageous energy prices back in considered to go hand-in-hand. The U.S. has publicly holds considerable sway in Lebanese politics. Israel, a line. Prices may have fallen in the name of stasis, a move stated its discontent with this development, threatening suspected nuclear nation, had caused substantial con­ that evidence has shown would greatly benefit the com­ sanctions and possi ble military action should the devel­ cern worldwide as it struck heavily against much of the panies that are raking in phenomenal revenues which oping programs continue. Such an event would cause Lebanese infrastructure which generated significant ire unimaginable disruption of the oil supply as well as fur­ among the rest of the Muslim world in the Middle East. ther invoking anti-U.S. sentiment in the region. Iran has Concern was high enough that numerous media outlets Chinese, Russian and most recently French support for dubbed the action the start of World War III, paralleling diplomatic solutions over economic sanctions, support the action with the assassination of Archduke Franz Fer­ that may once again lead to unilateral U.S. action. dinand in its status as ignition for the First World War...... , The oil find in the gulf is also of almost no signifi­ Thus, tensions were high throughout the Middle East . cance in the grand scheme of things. U.S. oil consump­ and concern over the stability of the oil infrastructure tion is around seven billion barrels per year; the Gulf there was quickly rising, trickling down to increase prices Coast oil find obviously will not last long. Also, as both at your local pump. With the cease-fire and subsequent China and India continue their rapid growth, oil sup­ reduction in violence in the region, fears of damage to Plus ply is being stretched further and further without being the oil infrastructure have reduced bringing down pump able to expand much to meet demand. Oil may not be as prices with them. abundant as the world would like to believe. Additionally, there has been a new discovery of an oil Finally, if the oil companies are manipulating prices, reservoir in the Gulf of Mexico that is rumored to possi­ they will go right back up after the election. And lest we bly increase US oil reserves by as much as 50%. Estimated forget, oil and gas prices danced this exact same dance to contain between three and fifteen billion (3)000,000 last fall, falling $10 or so per barrel until around winter - 15,000,000) barrels of oil, the Chevron Corporation when prices shot right back up. With all this in mind, I and its affiliates tote it as the newest alternative to for­ recommend filling up your car this weekend, enjoying the eign oil. Additionally, its location just off of the US coast mild respite for what its worth, but don't get used to it. and near the numerous refineries that have just recently It won't last. • been brought back to full production after the crippling Image by Micheal Donaldson 8 Practical Naked Know-How My bare brush-in with the nudists of the Armadillo Resort

David Sedaris's bestseller Naked, a semi­ scavenger hunt and t-shirt optional contest catering to "the needs of families as well as autobiographical book of short stories that more your thing, or would you rather just couples and singles," weekend movie nights, included his weeklong stay at a nudist resort, relax outside and bake? and catchy theme song (I'm not kidding, for I decided I had to go undercover (or rather Nudist websites are funny things; on the lyrics and information go to http://www. without cover.) It was time to experience a one hand you're drawn to those sites that armadilloresort.com.) In addition to these by ben dower taste of the au natural lifestyle for mysel£ host pictures of attractive young couples tantalizing features was the Second Annual [email protected] Shopping for the "right" clothing laughing and playing games. On the other "Roadkill Rally," a three day extravaganza optional resort is a bit like trying to decide hand, there's something much more deviant, with specific events, discounted prices, and "Don't forget to put sunscreen on, you where to go to college. Skimming through much more suspicious about such places. the assurance that rain or shine, there would know, down there," my new friend advised homepages filled with images and factoids, It seems impossible that their product is be plenty of nudists to interact with- the with the air of someone who knows from you quickly realize there's about ~ million as good as they make it out to be. And kind of nudists that would go to something personal experience. "Where the sun don't different choices and each location has its what does it really say about a place that called Roadkill Rally. usually shine is the first place to burn when own unique characteristics. Would you advertises their nudist gallery and charges And that's how I found myself at a it finally gets the opportunity." prefer a small cozy colony for an intimate a monthly fee for access to videos of topless small ranch twenty minutes north of This was only one tidbit among feel or a ranch resort with plenty of room girls sunbathing? Weatherford, about two hours west of UT the plethora of practical nudist-know­ to walk around and commune with nature? In the end, I decided to play it safe and go Dallas, surrounded by elderly naked people. how I obtained last Friday. Inspired by Are scheduled events such as the naked to the Amarillo Resort, a place notable for Now I use the word elderly a bit loosely; the average nudist was probably between the ages of fifty-five and sixty. But when you're Young or Old, We Bring Nudism To Life. looking at wrinkly, weathered bodies- like a fleet of old Spanish galleons finally being put iri.to retirement after decades of use­ such words come to mind. That being said, the people I talked to were some of the nicest, friendliest, homeliest folks I have ever met. And southern, boy, were they southern! It seems strange for a man to be conversing outdoors completely bare with the exception of his Confederate flag bandana. I guess when someone tells you, in all seriousness, that the south will rise again, you usually expect them to be wearing pants. I could feel my Texan drawl getting heavier as it adapted * Our Nudist Video Galleries* to the naked-cowboy environment until I There is no better way to learn about nudist behavior than to could almost forget that I spent half my life w·atch 681 high-resolution nudist videos that capture the in Yankee Minnesota. dynamics nudist family and individual nude life. But the drawl wasn't the only aspect of communication that was different. E In a clothing optional environment, communication has its own distinct rules From ... ~~udist Beaches, Nudist 0 Camp_, r·Judist Pool Parties, r\Judist u and challenges. Maintaining eye contact Sports, Education, Naturist Dining, becomes a high stakes trial and any Resting, r\Judist Garnes, r-Judi st E moment of weakness could spell disaster. ,1/)_ Colonies, Festivals, Plantations, A nudist must at all times project an aura Barns :3<. r-Judist & ~.Jaturist Life. u :J of calm recognition and acceptance. "Yes, I can see that you're naked and I am perfectly '•Ne also accept nudist videos z and nude pictures from \1.) fine with it," is the ideal message. The members. If you are a nudist, !... line between good-natured enthusiasm please submit your nudist video. ::; ~~ CL and creepiness is thin. Thus, apathy, not " zeal, becomes the goal. Mter all, the last thing you want to hear is a naked stranger This website advertises attractive. vouthful nudists - orimarilv women. The real demol?'raohics. however. oaint a somewhat different oicture. l!rinnimr at vou and savinl!. "So. I see vou're A MODEST PROPOSAL SOCIAL COMMENTARY 9

"when you sit where someone else sat, you are sitting with everyone else they sat with" problem, nudists are required to sit on their They think we just sit around here towel whenever they choose not to stand. While a practical and necessary and have big orgies or something, big precaution, seeing people walking around with only towel draped around their sex parties, and nothing could be shoulders enhances the "j ust out of the shower" impression which is difficult to further from the truth. ignore. Introducing yourself to someone, you have to fight the urge to ask if you should come back at a better time. were just like any other father-son having Our society is so taboo about older'' bodies On the plus ~i de, the towel is a fantastic a good-natured ticklefest. At the same that we try to ignore them. If you don't identifier. Naked people are difficult to time my society-endowed instincts were believe me, just remember what a stir Kathy describe without using words like saggy, sending up more red flags than the biggest Bates caused in her hot tub scene in About perky, hairy, or well endowed. However, Communist golf course. Schmidt. it is quite easy to ask about the gentlemen I asked Norris what the neighbors As a society we cling to youth- worship with the orange and green striped towel thought of the nudist resort next door. it- and even as we try to prolong our lives, near his waist. At the Armadillo Resort, "The ones right over there," he said, we avoid thinking about what that actually many people also wore bandanas, which gesturing to the ranch across the distant means. Someday, I too will be old and I suppose is another candidate for key­ fence, "don't mind us all that much. They're gross, and even if I choose not to be quite storing locations, although admittedly an a little bit curious and every once in a as enthusiastic as the nudists, I hope I can unlikely one. while they'll ride over here on their horses take it with the same unbroken stride and The most memorable person I met at the and check us out, see what's up. The ones unwavering confidence. So for that reason, Popular Southpark character Towfie is a Armadillo Resort was a man named Norris farther down the road though, they're the I salute the old nudists of the Armadillo must-have nudist pal and accessory. (yes, like Chuck Norris.) He was probably ones who have a problem with our lifestyle. Resort. They might not be pretty, but they in his late fifties with a scraggily gray beard, They think we just sit around here and have certainly have my respect. • uncircumcised too- isn't it great that we American flag bandana, piercings on both big orgies or something, big sex parties, and have so much in common?" his nipples, and dragon tattoos on both nothing could be further from the truth." As I was busily not talking about being arms. Like many of the people I met on He went on to explain that the naked, I discovered another difficulty that Friday, he was a regular, which meant that Armadillo Resort often has difficulty only a nudist would know. Many times I he was thoroughly tanned from head to keeping up their signs, as often they would found myself sliding my hands across my foot, his entire body one universal shade of mysteriously disappear during the week. I hips, instinctually searching for pockets extra crispy. It also meant that he had a go­ wondered whether the culprits were more or folds . Everything becomes so much cart on location- apparently all the regulars worried about moral implication or what more significant when you're naked, did. the nudist neighbors were doing to their at least in terms of physical posturing. Beyond his physical appearance, Norris property value. What is normally a thoughtless exercise is was also a very likable, outgoing guy. He Later that night, as I sat on my towel transformed into a game of patience and told me that unlike other nudist hotspots, and waited for a naked man to grill my creativity. Eventually I settled with crossing the Armadillo Resort wasn't uptight about burger, I tried to absorb everything I was my arms across my chest, although I noticed their physical proximity policies. He had experiencing. Nudists weren't the creepy some of the regulars had a high tendency a big gripe with another location that had perverts I had feared them to be, nor were to lean against things, be they pole, wall, or made him stay at least one foot away from they attractive youth that many a website even other nudists. his wife while they were dancing. projected. They were just people that liked This begs another question: what do "It's just not natural!" he told me. to hang out with their friends while naked. nudists do with their cell phones, car keys, "Children are supposed to see affection In a society that places so much emphasis and spare change? A purse is out of the between their parents. Psychologists would on appearance, these were a people who question for a man, and there's something agree with me on this one- if kids don't see rejected personal aesthetics. about a woman that chooses not to wear affection, they turn out messed up." And while many of the nudists I saw clothes but sports a denim Louis Vuitton While I agreed with his statement were gross and had unpleasant folds of skin clutch that just doesn't fit. (Although one completely in theory, seeing child-nudist and bulging veins, in the moment I found it could imagine this fad catching on some love was a little bit unsettling at first. Only difficult to judge. It wasn't my place to visit fifty years in future if our current modesty a few minutes after this declaration, a a culture that avoided using appearance as trends continue. Ladies, don't say I didn't different naked man was playfully attacked criteria for evaluation and throw society's warn you.) Either way, I don't know how by his fully clothed son. Seeing a nude standards back upon them. And I had to nudists do it. If I were to become naked adult wrestle with a child is a difficult thing admit my own bias. If I had been seeing full time, I think I would sew a pocket into to watch. On the one hand, the kid didn't a younger, more beautiful generation, the my travel towel. seem bothered at all by his father's lack nudism might not have felt so taboo. For those ofyou who haven't experienced of dress, even when his face was within More than viewing a foreign, deviant the bare and breezy life, virtually every inches of the exposed crotch area. And people, what I was staring at was the future. This nice Armadillo Resort regular grilled nudist living ·area requires you to bring a there was nothing actually deviant about Yes, we have attractive, youthful bodies now, my dinner a few weeks ago wearing nothing towel with vou at all times. To avoid the the behavior- take out the naked and thev but what about fiftv vears down the line? but a spatula and a smile. 10 SOCIAL COMMENTARY Oc T OB ER 2006 • V o LUME 3 • IssuE 2 Information Dehumanization How the Internet is reducing lives to lolz

seattle-tacoma craigslist > casual enconnters

seattle-tacoma I seattle I eastside I snohomish co llcitsap co I tacoma I olympia by ben dower [email protected] search for: [._·-·-····-·---·------.. ------] in: ~as~~~ .~::~u!:l..~~~----·--1@1] L . se~rch. ] D only search t.iU~s 1 1 . Poster's Age: E~~ - . WOJ l m ~ 1 As long as there are men, there will ...... _,,,, ______,,,,.,_ ..... __ .,__._.___.. .. ,_,...... ______, ·------·-· be men looking to score with strangers. And what could be stranger than using [ Sat, 23 Sep 1915:58 ] [search keywords: mw4w, ·.v4m, vF1w , m4w, m4m, t4m, etc] the Internet as a way to make the lust connection. Craigslist, everyone's favorite community-based alternative to eBay, has long provided a way to do just that. Under the "casual encounters" Young barely legal lo oking for first time - m4m- 18 section of the personal ads, countless men and women - well, countless men anyways - can post their ideal encounter. With luck, they will receive a plethora of 1LQOQo~b;:.u:~Jgg_!:to~b~eJ:u~s~ed~boy_y_jv~o~u~an~d:JYISO~urd •• !ftn~4~v.~7.:..- ]3~5 (Lynnwood) pir~ responses, often including provocative L- pictures and a brief self-description. Craigslist casual encounters. Screenshot courtesy of craigslist.com From that point, the poster is free to pick among the responses and the two can make their connection outside the information. Then - and this is where it of lol. It started off as an exclamation, And if, somehow, they could become cyber world. gets interesting - he posted all of these but is now often used as a noun meaning the largest group on Facebook, video What's interesting about this is that responses, including the pictures and interesting or funny Internet content." evidence of the encounter would be many users post their real personal contact info, on Encyclopedia Dramatica So there you go. Destroying lives of provided! information when responding to these (a Wikipedia branch-off focusing on real people, all from the comfort of your Brody Ruckus, the group's creator intensely personal and often taboo want Internet scandal and lingo) as well as own home. But hey, it's all in good fun, and patron saint, claimed to be a college ads. In addition to legal names, responses his Livejournal (a form of online diary right? student from Georgia. Like the story include work email addresses and home similar to MySpace.) "If this group reaches 100,000 itself, this bit of information turned phone numbers. While reasonable Suffice to say that people quickly members, my girlfriend will have a out to be completely untrue. There is within the context of making the hook­ began identifYing the potential threesome." no such person as Brody Ruckus, or up connection, this information could be participants. At a minimum, this has Chances are you're already familiar at least, no threesome-seeking college disastrous in the wrong hands. led to some extreme embarrassment on with this short-lived experiment in student. Theories about the origins Enter Seattle web developer Jason the part of dozens, if not hundreds, of human momentum. The premise wasn't of the group range from an organized Fortuny. Taking a real want ad from Craigslisters. More damagingly, several new. A "red-blooded" college guy makes attempt to advertise Ruckus (an online another area and reposting it, he posed employers, family members, and spouses a bet with his girlfriend that he can get a music service for college students) to a as a "27 yo sexy str8 woman, 5 ft 7 in, have now been alerted. In short, one guy seemingly improbable number of people password-snatching scam. 145 lbs [tennis player] long brown hair." with a computer has now destroyed the to show their support (in this case by Perponally, I am far less interested in This is about the only portion of the post lives of dozens of strangers. joining a Facebook group.) In return, the true story behind the scam than in I can actually quote here. The rest is What drove Jason Fortuny to commit she performs a seemingly improbable its success. In less than one week, the extremely explicit and inappropriate for these acts? Was it a moral stance against act, in this case a threesome. group's membership exceeded 100,000 anyone under the age of. .. well really it's the increasing perversion in our society? The plot only thickened after the people. The growth was exponential. By just inappropriate for anyone with any Was he trying to crusade the cause of group attained its initial goal. With the time Facebook shut down Brody's sense decency at all. truth over deceit? Hardly. In his own such public support, the story couldn't account and the group itself, the number Within minutes our mischievous words, Jason did it for the lulz. Now this end there. A new goal was necessary of members had grown to 400,000 with blogger received numerous replies isn't a term I hear very often, but luckily I and so pictures of the much-anticipated literally hundreds joining every minute. including a fair number of nude had the Encyclopedia Dramatica to spell threesome were promised if only the It was the kind of momentum politicians photos and a plethora of personal it out for me. Lulz is a "plural variant group copld gain an additional 200,000. spend millions to obtain. A MODEST PROPOSAL SociAL CoMMENTARY II

(;r=)Up: The Official Petition To Bring Back Brody Ruckus Network; Global Common Interest · Currer,t E\'ents Description

Am I the only straight guy NOT in the 100,000 threesome group? Global Just for Fun - Totally Pointless Name

Brody Ruckus and his threesome group are fake ... Global Common Interest - Beliefs & Causes Name and Description

Everyone against Brody's 100,000 to get a threesome group Global Common Interest - Beliefs & Causes Name

Jason Fortuny mocks his victims. Image courtesy of http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com ......

Fuck the guy with the 100,000 people threesome group. The surface level similarities between want him to support me if I were in his Global these two stories are fairly obvious. Both shoes. Therefore, since it doesn't cost Common Interest - Current Events Facebook and Craigslist were used in an me anything, I will join his group as a Name attempt to make the sexual connection. shout out to masculine patriotism. In the former, the public rallied in favor However, this can at best serve as of the depravity and in the latter, they only a partial explanation. While I moved against it. However, in both may support the idea of a threesome, cases the Internet was used as the I don't think they're a healthy part of a medium of exchange and in both cases, relationship. I certainly don't support · the personal nature of the experience the idea of someone getting pressured Even weeks after the threesome experiment ended, the controversy continues. was made entirely too public. into one, as the group description Screenshot courtesy of Facebook.com There is great temptation to stop indicated. Iffriend were being pressured the analysis there, to focus entirely on to participate in such a sexual encounter, reaction to the story was to laugh. What ourselves from the lives of others, to the nitty-gritty details. Was Brody or anything they didn't feel comfortable could be funnier than perverts exposed? forget that they are people just like real and did he get his threesome? with for that matter, I would certainly But if I, or someone I knew, were in ourselves. Did the Craigslist users sue Jason advise them to resist the pressure. that situation, I would be incredibly With just a computer and an Internet Fortuny or Craigslist? If so, were their People flocked to the threesome embarrassed and ashamed. And while connection comes a shocking level of cases successful? These questions are group in droves. The vast majority of the idea of deviants revealed is funny, power. As Reality TV, YouTube, and interesting, but they distract us from the these people would never participate there's nothing amusing about the even Facebook continue to blur the broader implications of these events. in a threesome and probably wouldn't reality of marriages destroyed, diligent line between entertainment and human Why would so many people support approve of their friends having one. workers fired, .and families disgraced. being, we must be mindful of our own one guy's effort to have sex with two They joined the group purely for the But hey, the idea in and of itself is pretty dehumanizing tendencies. We don't women at the same time? You could entertainment value: the thrill of the darn hilarious. So who cares? necessarily need to reject these new argue, as I did when confronted with forbidden exposed encompassed by the We live in an age where information forms ofleisure or even view them with this same question, that it tied back to idea of a threesome and the excitement is available at the touch of a button. suspicion. But we do need to remember the basic desire to hook up in the first of contributing to a movement much Stories arrive from all over the world that behind every pixel there is a person place. As a guy, I naturally empathized bigger than themselves. for us to digest. Some are serious while and to treat them with the respect they with Brody Ruckus. I would want to As for the Craigslist victims, they others are funny. But the more plugged deserve. • have a threesome and moreover I would are just that - victims. I admit my first in we are, the easier it is to distance 12 OcTOBER 2006 • Vo LUME 3 Taking it to the ·

These lanky . c· e.coli epidemic Lead singers Dan Krug often tore through the The Slob and The Snob expetr." the rock -for you Mary, and even "You are a Runner Two years ago, Jordan Upon recovering. he began to Thus, intrepid readers, we Start drum Youngblood was informed tell his friends of his experiences. bring you the 2006 festival as about Austin City Limits for the One of those friends was experienced by these first t ime. He went down with Jonathan Lane. Jonathan was two men: the music snob and ::·: • ...... f/l:il ...:::... . low expectations and came interested in these tales of rock, the music slob. You get to enjoy . : ...... fj····:··· back a converted man to the roll, sweating. and a lot of women the festival vicariously. · ~· :: I 1: ..• • gospel of ACL. He also came dressed in a lot of nothing. He and w ithout the threat of by jonathan lane back w ith a case of mono, but was not disappointed. Both men getting mono. and jordan youngblood that's not important agreed to go again this year. Not a bad deal. • jwiOJJ()()()ttutdallas.cdu John Mayer TV on the Radio Y Okay, confession time. Not only do I own all of John Mayer's albums, including Continuum, I've already seen him in concert before. I can always make the excuse that there wasn't anyone else play­ ing until Van Morrison, but that's really not why I showed up early to the stage to get a decent spot. That being said, I don't remember any time that I was more disappointed in a show. From the mo­ ment he stepped on the stage, he seemed like a guy who was completely in love with himsel£ Every song had a guitar intro that, although technically impressive, rarely matched the song that he was about to play. Imagine an experimental, new-age guitar solo followed immediately by "Why Geor­ gia." It just didn't do it for me. At one point, I received a text message telling me that Van Morrison was sounding amazing: That was all it took to get me to start wad­ ing through the thousands of people that were The Flaming Lips watching Mr. Mayer play yet another self-ab- orbed solo. I made it to the other stage just in As I approached the crowd that was waiting for The Flaming time for "Moondance. the to go on stage, the sound of a marching band playing some ort of anthem blasted out f the speakers. The crowd tarted to go wild as be t decision I made all weelc,.r~ein . photo by Jonathan La ne I still like John Mayer's albums. I d carne out and start d to pose as if they were politi ·ans the masses. Then, out of nowhere, the lead inger started rolling on you think. - JL Raconteurs A of the crowd in clear, plastic ball. At that very moment, I knew thi was ·ng to the most gimmicky band I've ever se n. Wh e ~~!!IW! But real! , what c you expect fro a b d who has an AT s ta ge~. .. ff-tliriOlllo.J called "Yoshimi Battle the Pink Robot ?"Apparently you can ofBen er women in alien suit , giant hands, an inflatable Santa, fake blood, bur I had an otcq lou fiui so much confetti that you actually begin to worry about det<)resltatil Have you ewrbeea in a tuad.on fi&h:t: before JW kn The thing that I came away from the show with, be ides about to happen? 1hat is f::act1y tiow I felt JW.: ....beCote tbelUd bit the saagt.1heyton l:broup wondering why Captain America was on tage, i that the band set, exhibiting an eoagy that I dodr think ever felt from a band betOre. really, really good. They've been around forever o they've learned I was worried that they weren·t going to be able to fill an entire hour with mataial; given that~ have to control the audien e. When they do ed the show with aDo only released one album that docks in at just ~ly ovu 30 minutes. However, not only did they fill the hour. Realize??" and " he Don't Use Jelly," the entire crowd was nr~<-tir•• they didn't even play one of the songs off' of the album. People are always disappointed when a good set is screaming the choruse .They didn't need all the gimmicks, they're over, but when The Raconteun finished, the crowd was begging for an encore. Unfortunately, the encore never better than th'lt. - JL happened, but I left the tage believing that I had just seen the best show of my life. - JL Is sue 2 • A Mo DEST P ROP OSAL ARTS & EvENTS

Wolf Parade > Phoenix were minus a member thanks to the sweeping Hailing from France, Phoenix brought however, their ound didn't seem to lose a step. enough effortless cool to fill an arena - too bad and Spencer Krug traded vocals with ease, with they got stuck with a 1:30 set on Saturday just as harmonies for Boeckner's gruff howl. They people were starting to flood into Zilker Park. A of their debut album, Apologies for the O!Jeen smaller crowd and a blazing sun didn't seem to a few older songs from their EPs. Set highlight faze lead singer Thomas Mars, who was dressed my Father's Son" was propelled by a jerky, stop­ in all black and bounced around the tage as if he rupdy morphed into a massive "Fancy Clap ," owned it. The band focused primarily on material · away at his keyboard and leaping up to clap from new album It's Never Been Like That, "Modem World," the band went back to their which traded their synthesizer-heavy approach of the song, replacing the strummed acoustic for guitars. "Long Distance Call" opened things with a fuzzy, distorted electric and a prominent off with ringing guitar and an immediately Everything built up to Krug's "I'll Believe in memorable chorus, "Consolation Prizes" b_ounced 'where the collective crowd yelped along "Give and rolled along to Mars' suggestion to "spit out eyes; I need sunshine" in the mid t of the 100- your lies and chewing gum," and "Sometimes ~t For a band playing at 3:30 on Friday, they in the Fall" got the people up and moving after headliner set; I walked away thinking it'd be a being admonished "we came a really long way good festival if! saw another performance for you guys- get up and clap!" Older material as strong as theirs. - JY got its moment in the sun as well, with favorites photo by Jordan Youngblood "Too Young" and "If! Ever Feel Better" sounding revitalized and muscular. This is the pop music n the e Brooklyn natives walked out on stage with wind chimes, woodblocks, a axophone you should be hearing on the radio. -JY m, the crowd knew something unique was about to go down. TV on the Radio didn't disap­ huge sheets of noise and sound·for lead singer Tunde Adebirnpe to unleash his frustrations 1 politics, and the state of the nation. The man has a hell of a set of pipes, and guitarist Kyp Explosions in the Sky ost as gifted; the two harmonize effortlessly together, with Malone supplying the falsetto for Adebirnpe's deeper register. Speaking of spiritual experiences, Explosions in the Sky returned "The Wrong Way" and "Wolf Like Me" were nuclear bombs live, a the band played the songs triumphant to Austin just as the sun was etting on Saturday night. The band speed covered in distortion. "Satellite" left the crowd breathless as guitarist David Sitek shook looked utterly stunned at the huge crowd that had surrounded the stage, · es on the end of hi guitar into a microphone while still playing, creating a warped jangle as especially considering that Iron & Wine and Kings of Leon were all playing Adebimpe sang about "waiting for a signal, a sign." On "Dirtywhirl," half the band crowded at the same time (perhaps one of the worst scheduling decisions in ACL :rumset with shakers and woodblocks, creating a percussive backdrop to the swooping vocals. history). They said a few short words of introduction and then launched into alone could have captivated an entire audience as he whirled, spun, gesticulated, and ul­ 45 uninterrupted minutes of monolithic post-rock, building a gende melody screaming his lyrics through a bullhorn as huge beads of sweat poured down his face. only to rip it to shreds with distortion and sheer volume. Most of the members approach ACL as a chance to spread their music. TV on the Radio approached it as a shared looked as if in a trance while playing, with bassist/guitarist Munaf Rayani By far, one of the most memorable live set I've ever seen. - JY often closing his eyes and swaying back and forth, mouth agape, only to snap back to reality at the next crescendo. As the sun fell over Austin and night took hold, the band was swathed in red and blue lighting, creating some of the most distinctive images of the festival- especially Rayani collapsing after one song, slumped on the stage for a good minute as the next song started. The crowd screamed for an encore, but the band insisted "these were all the songs we'd practiced." Even with a shortened set, I doubt anyone walked away di appointed.- JY

It u. 10011 as they staru:d bJaziog through the inltrumeotal"Scolth aod Choc:ota: the thousands of people who gathered around the ttage became enchanted with the trio.'Ihe energy that came from both the tudience .and the stage bullt to a peak when the band began their~ of "Toxic. Never before had I been glad that I knew any ofthe wonts to a BritneySpears eoog.lt's a shame that the band has decided togo on-a breakamr next year, so. ifyou ~ get the chance to see them live, don't miss out on the opportunity. - JL ARTS & EVENTS OcTOBER 2006 • VoLUME 3 • IssuE 2 Mental Rewind Our intrepid writer revisits the movies of his youth

Because so r:nany people seem to have such fond memories of this movie, it's almost a shame that it doesn't hold up very well. In fact, if you do like this by jonathan lane movie, forget everything I said, don't [email protected] watch it again, and enjoy the bliss that comes with remembering the great Recently, while I was fighting a bout false? Well, I -decided to be the sacrificial Homeward Bound. ofboredom at my parent's house in New lamb and watch a few of these movies Mexico, I found myself rummaging to see if any of them still hold up. through my family's movie collection. To do so, I set a few rules for myself Mter I dug through my sister's collection First off, these have to be movies that of chick flicks, I stumbled across the my family actually had on VHS. If I long forgotten VHS tapes from my didn't like them enough to own them childhood. Overcome by a strong feeling as a kid, there's almost no chance that of nostalgia, I started to reminisce of I would like them now. Secondly, all the time I spent watching these no Disney animated movies. Would Homeward Bound: The movies, firmly believing that each of anyone be surprised ifl said that I liked lncredihle Journey these movies were testaments of great Ihe Lion King? Anyone? Thirdly, these cinematography. had to be movies that I haven't seen in I remember that when this movie But then I started to think of at least five years. Basically, that means came out it was hailed as an incredible all the different times that I've had that Rookie of the Year and A Goofy achievement. Even the movie's box has conversations with my friends where Movie are out. Finally, and much to quotes dubbing it an "instant classic" and we deemed certain movies of our past as my sister's dismay, no Mary Kate and "a lot of joy." My parents even told me "great." Sometimes these recollections Ashley Olsen movies are allowed. How that this is one of the movies that I stole had merit; after all, Ihe Sandlot is still the WCst T#ls Fun sucked then, and I'm that I absolutely have to return. I have no incredibly entertaining. More often sure it sucks now. problem with that. This was one of the The Land Before Time than not, though, the movies are nigh So, without further ado, I present most boring movies I can remember. unwatchable. my experiences watching some of the The movie is about two dogs and a If there is any movie that always So the real issue is this: do we take a movies that I stole from my parents. I cat that are left by their owners with a comes up in discussions about great kids' chance and watch these old movies, or hope you learn from them, and that you relative while the owners are out of town. movies, it's this one. I was nervous about do we simply keep those fond memories never watch anything you used to think Because they are stupid, they decide that watching it because it was one of my in our hearts, even if those memories are was good. • the best course of action is to run away favorite movies ofall time. In fact, the only from the relative's ranch and travel to stuffed animal that I distinctly remember their house, which is apparently some having was a giant Little Foot. If there 10,000 miles away. Along the way, the was any movie that had the potential to animals form a bond of friendship that crush me with disappointment, it was allows them to overcome even the most this one. difficult of obstacles ... or something like Luckily for me, though, it was still that. really, really good. The animation was The main problem with the movie, simply okay, but everything else about which didn't seem to bother people 13 it still held up.The story was interesting, years ago, is that the animals don't move the voices were good, and it was about their mouths when they talk. Maybe dinosaurs, which gives it a distinct it's because I've been spoiled with advantage right off the bat. Plus, there movies such as Babe, but that's just the was a Pizza Hut ad before the movie way things should be. I'm not going to that I distinctly remember inspiring my debate this. With the voices seemingly choice of location for my 4th birthday. detached from the characters, I felt like The one complaint I have about the I was watching a really long episode of movie is that it is really short, just barely ''America's Funniest Home Videos." And over an hour. I did a little research after yeah, the humor was about at that level watching the movie and discovered that The only one of the four kids' movies featured here that still holds up. too. the reason it is so short is that 10 minutes A MoDEST PROPOSAL ARTS & EVENTS

of the movie were cut out because it his last name between movies without This executive went through many showed all of the dinosaurs dying and telling anyone? Is there any valid reason hardships, most notably in his then going to Heaven-the actual that the Japanese girl would have flown attempt to get other actors to appear meaning of the Great Valley. I'm pretty back to the United States just to play in this crap-fest of a movie. Seriously, sure if they had left that footage in, the in a little-league baseball game? Why the two biggest names in the movie depression rate among children in the were all three brothers on the same besides Shag are Da Brat and one of late 80's would have been at an all time baseball team even though Rocky is the kids from Free Willy 2. high. Of course, this would eliminate six years older than Tum Tum? How The movie follows a kid who the currently existing 10 sequels of ever­ were the producers not able to get stumbles across a magic boom box declining quality. That's not a bad thing. two-thirds of the original brothers to in a condemned building while he return for the sequel? Although this is being chased by a dozen teenage movie doesn't actually answer these hooligans. For whatever reason, these questions, it at least causes the viewer hooligans become intimidated and to think. You don't find that in many run off when a seven-foot tall genie kid's movies. comes out of the boom box, rapping in one of the most horrific fashions known to man. To be fair, ifl heard a rhyme as sick as "What's the matter, your tongue is broken? At a time like this, you should be stokin'," I'd probably run too. After this point, the plot doesn't really matter any more. It is a fairly stereotypical genie movie with the kid making a ridiculously dumb first wish (to have junk food to the sky) to the genie gaining his freedom at the end. The ending may sound like a rip­ off of Aladdin, but it makes sense to 3 Ninjas Kick Back me. After all, you can't stop Shag; you can only hope to contain him. This movie, the second of four in Between the beginning and the end, the franchise, continues the tale of the only thing that kept me watching Rocky, Colt, and Tum Tum as they was the desire that Shag would rap have to use their ninja skills to re·scue Kazaam more, a desire that was always fulfilled. their grandfather, who got kidnapped If you're into crappy rapping and in Japan. To perform the rescue, they Kazaam is the touching story of excruciating boredom, then Kazaam charge $11,000 worth of first-class how some movie exe~utive believed is right for you. Otherwise, I'd steer plane tickets to their grandfather, that it would be a good idea for clear. How did I ever like this movie wander around Japan aimlessly, and Shaquille O'Neal to star in a movie. in the first place? • beat up ninja after ninja. Clearly these children are great role-models for the young boys of America. The 3 Ninjas franchise was obviously riding on the waves ofa few movies from that era. Specifically, it almost blatantly rips off 7he Karate Kid and Home Alone. What should have happened is that if the filmmakers really wanted to make a movie that incorporated elements from both those movies, they should have just had Macaulay Culkin star as a roundhouse-kicking child stranded in Chicago. I would have paid money to see that, and I was only nine. The movie as a whole is fairly captivating, mainly because it raises important questions in the mind of the viewer. How can a four-foot tall kid take down a sumo wrestler? Why would an old Taoanese man chan~re See these three kids from "3 Ninjas"? Only one of them is in "3 Ninjas Kick Back." 16 ARTS & EVENTS OcTOBER 2006 • VoLUME 3 • IssuE 2 The • by jordan youngblood p1n yce [email protected] Two excellent records collide with a bitter disappointment. . Go go Spin Cycle!

M. Ward does not sound 32. In fact, singing backup on the chorus. Rockers he sounds as if he should have died many "Right in the Head" and "Requiem" re­ years ago in some sort of Mississippi Del­ veal his prowess with an electric guitar, ta flood, washed off with the likes of Sun "Rollercoaster" sways and bobs to a slowly House and other gravel-voiced singers. strummed melody, and "Magic Trick" is a However, this Portland singer-songwriter slice of perfect 2-minute pop. is very much alive, having released 4 al­ However, it's "Chinese Translation" bums of yearning, crackling low-fi songs naked over synthesizer and acoustic guitar that takes the album into a whole new based around his raspy howl. On Post­ until real strings and a full band fill the realm. Over the best instrumentation of War, he expands and broadens that sound, space behind him. "One or two won't do; his career, Ward pleads "What do you do leading to the best album of his career and I want it all," he croaks. The barnstorm­ with the pieces of a broken heart?" It's M.Ward­ one of the highlights of this year. ing "To Go Home," a cover of a Daniel the pinnacle of an already stunning al­ Post-War The album starts out with the stunning Johnston so~g, bounds along on clanging bum, and makes a case for the best song (Merge Records) "Poison Cup," with Ward's voice hanging piano, with alt-country diva Neko Case of2006.

Ah, the Decemberists. Everyone's fa­ The aformentioned 13-minute "Th.e Is­ vorite literary pop band, singing proudly land" lets Meloy loose and his voice meets about pirates and Spanish princesses, the challenge, hitting falsetto highs only ·somehow got signed to the same label as hinted at before. "0 Valencia!" is a won­ Coldplay and had a large budget to work derful R.E.M. homage, "Yankee Bayonet" with for the first time. A chance to appeal has Meloy harmonizing with Laura Veirs to a large audience awaits. So what do to gorgeous effect, and both "Crane Wife" they do with 7be Crane Wife, their debut he's still throwing around SAT vocabulary songs hit with real emotional intensity. for Capitol? They make the second track a with ease. However, the jump to Capitol However, "The Perfect Crime" falls into 13-minute epic that sounds a lot like Yes. has burnished the band's occasionally rough excessive repetition, and "When the War Appealing to a mass audience has never sound to a gleaming shine; there's none of Came" doesn't rock, as convincingly as The Decemberists - been a source of concern to Colin Meloy, the muddiness of 2005's Picaresque. their eariler The Tain did. The peaks are The Crane Wife lead singer and commandes- of the Decem­ Of course, it all comes down to the wonderful, but this still isn't the master­ (Capitol Records) berists. Nor has dumbing down his lyri~s - songs, anc! the band (mostly) succeeds. piece Meloy is capable o£

And now we reach the disappointment Banner's guest on "Seeing Thangs" is the of the month. best thing . on here. However, the album There are some things you can sense abruptly veers from style to style, ultimate­ are bad from the moment you look at ly coming to rest on the 'future-rock stuff them. DJ Shadow's astonishing first al­ he did so much better on Psyen ce Fiction. bum, Endtroducing, had on its cover a With his clout, Shadow could get anyone blurred-out look at guys digging through - but a dude from Kasabian? The moment stacks of records. It matched the mood of as the album sounds. that "You Made It" appears with its hor­ the albP':ll - a full-fledged embrace of all 7be Outsider features Shadow's first for­ rible Chris-Martin-on-the-cheap vocalist kinds of music, blended and mashed into ays into straight-up rap music on his al­ and Radiohead-lite instrumentation, this each other into one of the most defining bums. Considering his incredible produc­ listener was in tears. Sad, sad tears. OJ Shadow­ statements of the 1990s. This one's got tion skills in the past, this isn't necessarily Don't waste money on 7be Outsider. It's The Outsider a kid in a Zorro mask and some crappy a bad thing, and those rap tracks are most the sound of an artist intentionally ignor­ (Universal) Western font. It looks as thrown together of the highlights of the album - David ing his own talent, and that's a shame. • A MoDEST PROPOSAL ARTS & EVENTS

The Voice Although he doesn't claim forgot all the French. get 30 minutes of a language everyday. Inside Your to be a linguistic expert, I did decide that it would have to be an Headphones Why did you choose pod casting everyday podcast, I thought, you know, Mike Terry's podcast, as a way to teach others, rather five minutes a day, and of that 5 minutes then just teaching a night school if a couple of that is new material, that A monthly look "Let's Speak Italian," offers into the world or the like? would be great. basic lessons In Italian, So I just started doing it, and I had of podcasting I've been a podcaster for over a year; this been doing it, just maybe a week or two a language he picked up is actually my third podcast, so I thought weeks and iTunes picked it up and put there's a market out there for people wanting it on their front page under their 'new seventeen years ago. to learn foreign languages. And I said 'well, and notable' podcasts and I immediately it's been a long time went from 500 listeners to 10,000 since I spoke Italian, but listeners overnight- it just went through it'd be fun to relearn it' the roof. Most everything you hear on and I could easily teach the 'Let's Speak Italian' podcast is just a beginners course on me reading, because I want to make sure Italian even though it that we come in on under 5 minutes on has been so long. the show. Then I decided I probably spend maybe an hour a Coming that I wanted to week to come up with the live shows. Next Month find a niche, I could probably do a year of podcasts a podcast and not go through one text book We The holy grail of How did you where it are moving fairly slowly, in comparison Tech Podcasts end up in Italy? was going to to a coliage course, where you would be featuring British be a popular going though a couple chapters a week, When ·I was 19 years podcast because • but we're still a month and a half into accents, British old (I'm 36 now) I was what I envision is this podcast and I think that I'm only wit and whole lot sent [to Italy] as a missionary being able to make in the second chapter, so we are moving of tech centered for my a little bit on slowly, but it doesn't take that much banter. church. We do time to go though it. a two-year mission and we go all over Any other message for a the globe, and it's bunch of college kids in Texas? really not our choice where we go. When You know, I'm a big fan ofTexas even they do send you money off of though I've never been to Texas. I'm a overseas to learn a podcasting. huge Dallas Cowboys fan. In fact, my new language and so you really · son (he's 13) -his name is Dallas, and, they serid you to a church college need thousands uh, there are quite a few Dallas Cowboy really for about two and a half of listeners before fans outside the state ofTexas. Especially months where we learn a lot about anyone wants to in place like Utah here where we don't the language. · advertise on your podcast. havt a pro football· team here we just I studied French when I was in high adopt someone else's, so I've ·chosen to school and college, [but] then when you Compared to other adopt the Dallas Cowboys. turn in your paper work to go on a church podcasts, yours is mission trip I had assumed that they considered very short. Why did you would have picked me to go to France choose to do It that way? or a French speaking [location], maybe To hear Mike Terry, go to: http:!/ Canada or something like that. But then, I realized that the average listener to letsspeakitalian.libsyn.com/ or find him in as soon as I started to learn Italian I really a podcast doesn't really want to have to iTunes under 'Education'. • ___ xtreme rna eover Bei;.ing's remodeling strips city of its heritage

portions of the temple admittedly look nice, but they lack the crackled surface that constantly reminds you ii [China] has carved a that people have worshipped here for a thousand years. patch of heaven in Beijing while Some Beijingers are beginning to resent this flashy new skin the government has strapped on top of the city simultaneously gutting the city of its by liam skoyles while sweeping under the rug t~e growing problems history. liam. skoyles@student. utdallas. edu like unemployment, poverty and pollution. I have had a chance to talk to quite a few Beijingers, In slightly less than two years, people all over the and all have mixed feelings about the Games. Hutongs - crowded groups of tenement style buildings world are going to tune their televisions in to a celebra­ Some taxi drivers salivate at the increased fares they filled with lower class workers - once epitomized Bei­ tion of international cooperation, athletic exhibition are being allowed to charge while others lament the jing. They were filled with close knit family units'' and and global excitement. The Olympics were created as Los Angeles-esque traffic. Some restaurant owners are communities with deep connections, important parts of a way for nations to come together in athletic competi­ looking forward. to the unlimited stream of custom­ the Chinese lifestyle. But now those that haven't al­ tion and, if only for two weeks, forget their pressing ers while others resent the fact that they can barely see ready been destroyed are being covered with a cloud of differences; however, the mission of the 2008 Olympics the other side of the street. Some local students see the smog that is quickly becoming the new symbol of the is decidedly more sinister. games as the best chance for Ghina to prove it is a world capitol. Ever since Beijing was chosen as the official host city superpower while others see the government's failures Hutongs have become· so scarce that reserves have for the Olympics in 2001, the Chinese government has as proof that China is not. been set up though out the city to attempt to save the been wiping out ancient parts of the city to make room One thing is certain: Beijing is heading toward few remaining areas. for massive stadiums, natatoriums and athletic com­ a place from which it cannot return. No matter how Many days in Beijing are literally so smoggy you can plexes, and this is creating a decidedly mixed r ~ac tion much money is thrown into construction, the old city hardly see skyscrapers less than a block away. This air­ from the majority ofBeijingers. that is being demolished will never be restored. The pollution problem is going to be "addressed" before the The sight of an Olympics by turning off 800-year old Con­ the city's industrial areas fucian temple being for two weeks, a tempo­ stripped of its ancient rary fix at best. paintwork is a painful The focus of the 2008 sight for historians, Olympics seems to be on but it is commonplace just about everything but in Beijing. Every sin­ the actual athletic com­ gle noteworthy tour­ petition. To be sure, the ist attractiqn within games have been politi­ 12 hours of the city cized before - America is undergoing a ma­ has boycotted games in jor facelift. And the Berlin and Moscow, but Chinese version of a this Games is different. facelift is significantly China is hell-bent on more violent than the showing the world it can American version. outclass the West. It has On a recent trip to a carved a patch of heaven temple complex, I was in Beijing while simulta­ greeted to an army of neously gutting the city migrant workers hack­ of its history. Beijing is a ing away the ancient city without equal. How­ paintjob with axes and ever, the rich national chisels, slowly chip­ history that has made the ping away at antiquity, city what it is threatens to ready to lay a fresh lay­ The Friendlies, official mascots of Beijing's 2008 Olympics, draw their inspirtation from the five Olympics Rings and China's most be destroyed by a govern­ er of plaster and paint. popular animals. From left to right, they are Beibei the fish,Jingjing the panda, Huanhuan the Olympic Flame,Yingying the Tibetan ment bent on "national The "renovated" antelope, and Nini the swallow. Photo by James Fickensher. pride" at all costs. • C A M P U S~----l___._I...... _ F ___E _ ___ Our Modest Proposals AMP contributors give their ideas for the Alumni Annual Fund

A recurring complaint of UTD is sphere of its student life. Portions of the golf course and a future community gar­ group just has a phenomenal idea for a that it, unlike other universities, does not Alumni Annual Fund have been set aside den into realities, and more funds are program that could start a new tradition, have a unique sense of identity. Students to help transform the campus into a place still out there for other proposals. This the alumni fund student grant could really walk from building to building between that students can truly be a part o£ program exemplifies the faculty's policy get the ball rolling. For more information classes in a virtual fog, paying no mind to The fund grants up to $5,000 to pro­ of actually listening to what the students about submitting a proposal, contact Dr. the mundane landscape and architecture posals to student organizations, faculty, have to say about the university. There is Rachavong, Vice-President for Student along their route. However, there is a way staff and departments for ideas which will plenty of room for change and growth at Affairs, and start changing this university for aspiring students to literally contrib­ improve campus beautification or student UTD. into our university. ute, not only to the aesthetic aspects of involvement. In the past, the money has So whether you see something that The following examples of ideas that the campus, but also to the very atmo- helped turn ideas like a nine-hole disc needs improvement or your student students have considered submitting:

Life-size Maze by Micheal Donaldson Drive-.iri Movie Theater by Meteor Theater As a consummate Pac-Man enthusiast and To ~p~a t9uchof IlJ ''# gia to our young campus, lifelong puzzle-solver, I thought that it would be movie t?~e~ pke rny{;e . . uld be thrilled,.to see the . fun to have a life-size maze set up on campus that additiorr 9f a dtive-ih ' rll.o~e' theater oh campus. The students could walk through and try to solve. The - parking 18t by"'the police station already provides maze would consist of moveable wall segments ample ~pace to fuifill this flesire, and convenient it that could be repositioned to regularly provide a would be~onsideri~9;the "near~st alternrtiXe right new challenge, say monthly, with a contest held ~0~ ~~ ~J~~g : ~i,v~ a~ . ~qws·lb:r m~~erials on the first day with prizes for those who can itself wo\ll<(not be exor itantly expensive to obtain: solve the maze the fastest. a strong projector, a temporary screen onto which the Doors located at regular intervals could pro­ movie couldbe' projectea for movies and removed vide quick exits for anyone that becomes hope­ when they riot sho~ng .aqd a low powered AM/FM lessly lost. Constructing the maze of plexiglass radio tr · · er to broadcast the audio track of the would allow it to be easily monitored to prevent moVi~. . ., .···· ea oftll~ '~c.~~l is typically gafl( and people from lurking in some far corner. Addi­ unused anyway, and ix,nproVing it would oilly add to tionally, it would be a unique attraction among the value of the school without detracting or disturb.,.. universities, drawing attention to UTD and ing any already existirig 'a~tivities on campus. w .. ·' .~ ~ (Not actual design) hopefully attracting many students.

Amphitheatre by Megan Newman &Tyler Ratliff

Walking from Johnson towards the Student Union still somewhat unlikely, might not be totally inaccessible. our two "fountains" caught my eye. I say "fountains", Rather than usin~e fund money to attempt to build because I have only ever seen the one running. The something the campus already naturally has, the resources other seems to be a pointless sinkhole most of the could be spent on a sort of staging area, some lights and time. And then I realized the amazing design of the speakers, and canvas flats for a backdrop. The perform­ area: a lower deck exposed to a good three or four ing arts department and Rat PAC could even be asked rows of seats on at least two, maybe even three of its to help out, as it would give them an outdoor venue for sides; a good source of constant backlighting at night, shows like Shakespeare in the Park. And how nice would with the an available water effect if ever desired. it be to be able to have concerts some place besides the With a little bit of work and ingenuity, this place Pub, where people could actually get into the music? would make the perfect outdoor amphitheatre. I know this idea may never come to fruition, A project of this magnitude would require a good because we always need that one extra fountain going deal more money than the generous $5000 grant would for graduation, but in this humble freshman's opinion allow. However, upon noticing the features of our mostly the student body would be much better served with abandoned of fountains, I realized that my dream, while an amphitheatre than an eyesore. • ampitheatre could still be awesome. 20

5 1 9 7 s 9 7 5 2 8 6 5 u Last Month's Crossword Solution D 3 8 5 9 6 2 - - 0 3 7 9 2 4 3 5 K 9 7 u 8 3 7 2 4 2 7 ·8 1 A MoDEST PROPOSAL PUZZLES & GAMES 21 Crossword Test your skills with this month's puzzle

by micheal donaldson and michael wade [email protected] spartan.24601 @gmail.com

Across 41 Former S.G. VP __ 1 Places where prices have Kwong recently fallen 43 Beauty resorts 6 Multiple dream phases 46 Insane, slang per night 50 Not Dem or Lib 10 Popular pepper (abbr.) 52 Cruel 14 Scientific name for a 55 Comf()rtable pillow portion of the elbow material 15 riah esroH 56 Org. of U.S. _periodicals 16 Baldwin brother 57 Nimble 17 Philosophical 58 Leave out · nothingness 59 CIA forerunner 18 Sexual innocence 60 Mean taunt 20 U.S. org. of physical (three words) therapists · 62 Water in the desert 6 Uncover 36 Measure of a solute 21 Children's 64 Dallas-based printing 7 Qyandary 3 7 Hillbilly parties construction toy - company 8 What .Robinson 39 Negative drill sergeant 22 Finger, e.g. 65 Of Green Gables Crusoe was response (three words) 23 Your grandfather's 66 Said to audience alone 9 Uzi, e.g. 42 Next to the water daughter's sister-in-law 6 7 Comedy and drama 10 She's got a gun 43 Hebrew peace 24 U.S.M.C. make-up representative 11 Sets straight 44 Buddhist temple 25 Halloween month 68 Applications 12 Small 45 Comes up 26 Give weapons to .. 69 Menage atrois number 13 Grim Reaper 4 7 Latin "In the name of" ;;:<.~. 27 Sicily, e.g. ;~r; . ~·: li f:'tl~~ equipment · 48 Binding materials 29 View' .. D~~ . 19 I don't think (abbr.) 49 Picnic pest 30 No is good __ 1 A man, a plan a canal: 21 Round of MLB playoffs 51 Out of fashion, 32 Fencing instrument 27 27A, restated anglicised . 35 Lord of the Flies 2 Legend animal 28 Printer spec (acronym) 53 Trim protaganist · 3 You can't touch this 31 "What is it good for? 54 Not him 3 8 Mariah Carey and 4 Traditional Absolutely nothing!" 61 Org. that recently de­ Whitney Houston Hawai'ian soup 33 Beyond Good and moted Pluto 40 Conseq. of morgage 5 NBC sketch comedy 62 Qyaker breakfast grain default staple 34 Aural organ 63 Burned wood THE MOST TRUSTED NEWS ON THE PLANET

ilhe caug t with pot LOL 2 URANUS Oct . 2006 STRAIGHT fROM URANUS!

ACW to f~~t pl!lnetary d1scr1m1nat1on

by Eries Ceres Xena Dwarf Spokesplanet

Today, in a surprise press conference, the American Civil Liberties Union announced that they would join the fight against one of the newest forms of prejudice: the denial of rights to dwarf planets. Planetary rights activists have been livid ever since the International Astronomical Union's decision to create a new classification of celestial bodies, seemingly to discriminate against a minority of the Sun's satellites. "Scientists have banded together against these fine planets for no clear reason. What did these planets ever do to them?" cited one ACLU member." Plus, the term 'dwarf planet s' is horr ifi~. They prefer to be called 'little people planets." One of the ACLU's primary goals is to fight against the stereotype that these planets are lazy, only orbiting the Sun once every 248 years. "Jupiter is over 100,000 times the size of Pluto, yet it only goes around the Sun in one-twentieth the time ~t takes Pluto. You tell me which planet is lazy," said another ACLU member. All across the world, planetary rights activists have been seen picketing outside of observatories .. One activist was arrested after he was found streaking through a planetarium in Missouri, hoping that the young children on their field-trip would get the message painted on his chest: "What's so great about Neptune?" · Some elementary teachers are even getting in on the act. "Removing Pluto from the planets makes -it much harder to find a pneumonic device to help the children remember all nine, I'm sorry, eight planets," said Jan Baldwin, a 3rd grade teacher in South Dakota. "My Very Evil Mother Just Slapped Ugly Norwegians? it doesn't work quite as well as the old way."

humane, police ,,_,n__ rH_ li:;,r ww,.:c: -~----· -_ were ' . "Does a ;bear piss budget and police abl~ to make in, tl):e woods?" This reporter responded by some much-needed upgrades to the police 't sure because he .. had never ~senal. After con~id~~ing soli~.<~old baqges, h~ F wciods or .. an}rwhere on Escalade patrol vehiples and . UTD attack a · tter~To this the chief of police helicopter, the depart,ment addressed one of The vehicles work." its most pressing needs: bear protecti,on. asks students The forq~ .·. adde ee 11~Y!!(·~~ pear ;-W:1la'is ;;feliicles to::n\e· t last e · Th~sday. egligene'e, anti-bear vehicles are equipped with the_latest , who is wanted for arsbn. by Forever Solo sparked outrage in the Jedi "general in the Knights of the Old Star Wars Geek & Eternal Virgin community, a tight-knit group of Republic." He also appeared to individuals who share a common answer to the moniker "James,'' as VATICAN (AMP) - Officials in love of talking backwards and yelled by his mother to take the the Catholic Church have been avoiding normal human contact. trash out for once. scrambling to control the damage Many Jedis considered getting Acts of semi-violence have from Pope Benedict's recent up from their computers in their already sprung up across the globe. comments about the Force, a · parents' basement to complain Many churches have reported men "hokey religion" that apparently is about such heresy, but found the in brown robes standing outside, "spread by the sword." walk a long and arduous one. squinting really hard at them "I have not been able to see the "We feel the Pope has committed and then resorting to swinging value in the Force. Its teachings a grave error in his comments. . Such colorful plastic swords at children. only seem to spread violence, ignorance of a tradition that goes Many · Catholic websites have danger, and awful roles for Samuel back more than 500,000 imaginary had "JEDIS RULEZ" pasted across L. Jackson. Show me what the Force years is a sign that such a man is them, Comic stores have noted has brought, and I will show you a not fit to head one of the world's a sharp increase in the purchase line of destruction, cheap action major faiths. We demand that of Star Wars: Galaxies trading figures, and Pepsi merchandise,'' the Pope give an official apology cards, with the intent to throw the said the Pope, quoting ·from the to Jedis everywhere or face the mildly heavy decks at people. The mouths of countless mothers and consequences of a bunch of people Vatican plans to address the acts fathers waiting for their children squinting in his general direction, with a revolutionary conference to stop dressing up in robes and trying to lift things with their mind on the neutral ground of a World of going to conventions. to throw at him,'' said a man who Warcraft server, where many Jedis Immediately, these comments would only identify himself as a already reside.