NINTH WEEK Monday, September 29, 2003, 10:22 AM Chicago, IL

I walked to Shawn's car, my bags over my shoulder. As I waited, I saw Molly and Gail walk out of the hotel, chatting. At least, Gail was. Molly seemed to be listening. I checked them out with my glasses. Gail seemed abnormal, slightly dim but still there, as if something weren't right. Molly was still a silhouette, out of which the bright gold plate of the Women's title seemed to stand. Even when exiting a hotel, she carried it under her arm, as if it had more meaning that just being a strap of leather. Linda McMahon exited. Her face had a look of worry, as if her mind were loaded with chores her body couldn't possibly finish. I remembered the wedding this weekend and realized that must have been it. Yeah, the wedding... so many thoughts about it. Before being here, I thought it was a terrible thing, a political maneuver... but now... I don't think so. I think there's a chance it's for real. It has to be. I know too much to think otherwise. Steve Austin and Jim Ross exited together. Austin still looked like his old self in his shirt, cut-off jeans, and boots. Heck, he even carried a beer can with him. JR wore his cowboy hat, even off-camera. Some people just live their gimmick, don't they? Well, I guess when you have it long enough, it becomes harder to separate fantasy from reality. That may explain why we move around so much... either that, or to avoid becoming the other person... or... there I go again, thinking. You know, it would be nice to just talk. As if on some cue, I saw Lindsay. She was carrying her things in a roller suitcase and taking the ramp rather than the stairs from the hotel to the curb. She moved rather slowly and deliberately, but with long strides, as if she were a giant. When I removed the glasses, it became clear. She was Kevin Nash. "Kev, bro, lemme hear ya," I shouted. He looked my way and did a double take, then smiled and laughed. He picked up his pace and headed my way, limping noticeably from being careful with his quad muscle. She finally reached Shawn's car and opened the front door, sliding in. Harumph. He WOULD get shotgun. I got into the back. "How ya doin, Lind?" I asked. "Can't complain. I think I liked my last body better -- it was more reliable -- but I don't think I want to be Amy for anything this week." "Yeah, Vince is probably going to find a way to embarrass her." "Embarrass her? Hell, he's going to ruin her. Of course, that's how he is. I mean, you don't double-cross him unless you have a reliable retirement nest egg. Or unless you have that natural salon look like I do." I groaned. "So you're gonna keep doing the comedy, are you?" "It's part of the deal. I've pulled this off before." "Yeah, but back then you meant something. You were cool." "Not always, man. You ever been through surgery?" "No... can't say I have... why?" "Cuz I did. In fact," she said while tapping Kevin's quad muscle, "I experienced this." I winced. "Exactly," she added. "How did that happen? I mean, it was just so out of nowhere." "I wish I knew. I'd avoid it from then on. But the thing feels a lot better this time around, I know that. I hope it lasts, you know?" "But for how long? Kev's almost done. I mean, he is done. He should be done. I don't know what I mean." "No, I know. He knows too. But he can get a paycheck, so he's not worried. Then again, I guess being in a midcard story is a bit overboard, isn't it?" "Well, it's not the most gracious exit, that's for sure." "Yeah, but... you do what you have to do. I guess Nash just isn't where it's at any more. I just hope he has motivation, you know what I mean?" Before I could tell her that yes, I knew what she meant, the driver's side door opened. Shawn got in, looked to his right, and smiled. "Well, Big Sexy, what brings you over here?" "You know. Look." Shawn did so. "Ah, that. All right, boys, off to Rosemont. Hopefully everything is in order down there."

*****

02:55 PM Rosemont, IL

"Gregory, can we talk?" I found myself walking past a room when I heard these words. There was no doubting who said them. Lita did. "What's up, Amy?" "Um... it's about what we did..." Oops.

*****

03:45 PM

"Hot off the presses, kiddies. Get yer latest and greatest right here." Eric walked over to the locker room wall and put the booking sheets on it. As he left, we all rushed to the wall to see what was going on. I heard some audible groans from some people, along with a shout of joy from a few others. Scott Steiner seemed particularly excited, throwing his fists in the air before shadowboxing. I waited for Kevin to get back. I figured he'd tell me. "So, what's the word, bro?" "I dunno... I mean, you got stuff, and I got stuff, but it's who doesn't..." "Whaddya mean?" "Well, Hurricane's on Heat. And Lita's being forced to job tonight. I was afraid of this happening. I'm pretty sure Vince will say it's because they missed some meeting, but I think we both know why." "Yeah..." I had to stop and consider what I was about to talk about. "Um... you know, Gregory and Amy remember last night." "I was afraid of that. Dammit. Well... I guess we gotta warn Paul. If Matt finds out he's gonna go through the roof." "Yeah... I know. Especially because they didn't mean to do anything. It was all us." "Wait... say that again." "It was all us." "Yes it was... Then that means..." She got her glasses out and looked around, flipping them up and down as she did so. As she found Hurricane and Lita unpacking, she stopped. "Damn." "What?" "They're not all there." "What?" "They're... well, look for yourself." I did so. Just as she said, Hurricane and Lita were half-there and half-gone. They looked at each other uneasily, and every time they did so, they seemed to grow fainter. When they went back to each one's own individual activity, they seemed to grow in vibrance. It was as thought their crimes were one and the same. "You notice how they flicker, too?" I asked as I put away my glasses. "Yeah, I did... I think I know what happened, and I think we're mostly off the hook. If only I could be certain it was all the way." "But how can we find out? We can't ask." "I have my ways. Remember, I'm a locker room leader. As the oldest -- and best- looking -- RAW performer, I have my privileges." Kevin sauntered over to them and struck up a conversation. I couldn't hear any of it, and besides, I was soon distracted by Chris Nowinski. "Hey, old chap. Fancy we work on our promo together? We're being put in a nice position, I dare say." "That so? How?" "Well, we've managed to abscond a prime location in the second hour. This is a capital opportunity to cement our rightful spot on RAW, you know." "So we gotta be good in the prime time." He paused, then added, "Right," as if being pained by the words I used. "Further, with you making a second appearance in the penultimate hour of the show, our little cadre of mismatched ragamuffins can definitely make great strides towards the advancement of our mission." "So we can get over?" He looked at me with a slightly condescending glance. "Isn't that what I just said?" "I guess so. Well, we'll get right to work on it, right?" "Indeed we shall." I followed him to practice. Man... this guy's so full of himself.

*****

06:22 PM

The crowd was beginning to file in as a couple of local workers were getting airtime. I waited backstage, anxious. I wasn't sure what was wrong with me, but I just felt like there was something I had to do. I walked toward the exit, almost out of instinct. I found Shawn standing by there. He saw me coming and broke off his conversation with Brian Gerwitz. "What's wrong, dude?" "I don't know... I just have this urge of some sort, and I headed outside almost without thinking about it." "Oh. Don't worry about it. Teddy's just going out for a smoke. It's no big deal." "Oh, all right." Hang on... "Smoke? But I don't smoke." Shawn smiled. "You do now." I rolled my eyes and headed outside. I reached into my pockets and found a pack and a lighter. I methodically, almost robotically, took a cigarette out and stuck it in my mouth. I lit it. Oh, good grief. This stuff tastes awful! How in the world can Long do this? It's nasty... and I can feel my lung clogging up as I do it. Damn. "Nice night out, isn't it?" I turned. Lita was outside, smoking a cigarette of her own and casually looking off into the distance. Her hair was a mess, as if she wasn't entirely ready for her match. She began coughing madly, then tried to straighten up. "Man, I don't know why I'm doing this." "What do you mean?" "After Jeff... I mean... I just had to do this. I started this morning... God, I don't think I can. I just did this to try to get time away from everyone. I'm so lost. I'm just sick of the whole thing." I reached over and hugged her. "It's all right, girl. I understand." "No you don't! God, I'm sorry. I... I just want to know it's okay. I'm just so sick of people offering sympathy. I want my life back. I want my reality back. I want..." "What? You want Jeff back? Yeah, so do I. But he ain't comin' back." "It's not just Jeff. It's Vince. I think he hates me." "Why?" "Cuz I told him to take that picture down." "But he should have." "Doesn't matter." "Amy... there's more to life than just wrestlin. Look at me. I'm not gonna be out there much longer. I'm an old man. I got the rest of my life to prep for. What about you? What if that neck injury kept you from ever wrestling again? What would you do?" She paused. I could tell she had never thought of that. "Look, girl, you've got a lot goin' for ya. You've got a great job, a great support system... don't run from it. The world's gonna go on no matter what. Now, c'mon, sista. We got a show to do. You gonna be all right?" "I don't know... you don't understand. It's more than Jeff and Vince and... it's something personal." "Is it bigger than those?" "I don't know... it isn't... it shouldn't..." she began to cry. "Look, Amy... what's important isn't how you should feel, because that's a load of crap. How DO you feel?" "You won't get mad?" "No!" "All right... well, this morning, Gregory and I -- we -- I mean... we were staying together coming back from the funeral, and... well..." She began to look off into the distance. I could see tears forming in her eyes. "...it was all so fast. I didn't mean to have it happen. It just did." She wiped her eyes and stared at the cigarette on the ground. "I guess that's why I tried to smoke. I deserve the poison." "Oh, come now... Amy, you did something wrong, fine. But you know you did a bad thing, and you feel sorry. That's good. That's fine. It's healthy. But you gotta know that you'll be forgiven." "Please, I don't want to hear any Jesus stuff now." "Okay, then... you gotta talk to Matt. Let him know. It's the only thing you can do. Tell him you're sorry, and that you regret it, and that you want his forgiveness. He may not give it, but you did your part. And the Jesus stuff... it's true. You do your part, you are forgiven." She stopped. She seemed to be thinking. I checked my watch. "C'mon, we gotta get inside. I got Heat duty. Just think about what I said. It'll be all right. Trust me." She looked at me. "I want to... but I don't feel like I can... I'm sorry... I just don't know if I belong." I put my arm around her shoulder as I led her inside. "This is the WWE, Lita. You always belong."

*****

Wednesday, October 01, 2003, 03:14 PM Glen Burnie, MD

I walked up to the door of Michael's 8th Avenue, where I was told to do some scouting for the WWE. I knocked on the door. A tall security guard answered and asked for my credentials. Before I could reply that I didn't know what he was talking about, a voice called out from behind the door. The security guard turned around, then let me know I was allowed in. The bar was all set up for the upcoming weeks. A ring was set up in the center, with chairs all around pointed toward it. It was a regular setup, but something seemed different. Maybe it was the chandelier hanging over the ring, or the slew of advertising around the walls. One thing was for certain: this wasn't the big time. "Theodore Long -- it's good to see you here. On business?" I turned to the person who had spoken. He was a short man, and young -- no older than 30. He wore a first- class suit and tie, and had on a pair of glasses. But there were two things I noticed more than any others -- his giant notepad under his left arm, and a video camera slung over his right shoulder. I should know who this is... why am I blanking? Why is he blanking? "Well, officialy, yeah. But I can be convinced to put it aside if you want." "Oh... no, I'm not ready for something like that. By the way, it's nice to meet you. My name's Robert Feinstein; I'm the leader of this little tribe you WWE guys love to raid." Of course! "Ah yes... I'm sorry I didn't recognize you at first, kid. My mind's going. So, how go things in the Ring of Honor?" "Well, it's been a bit rough. This is the first card we've done since Jeff... you know... I mean, he tried with us, but it just didn't work. I wanted to give him a second chance -- just make him a heel outright... I don't know what happened." "Neither do I... it's a shame." I hate lying, but it has to be done. "Do you have any... plans?" "Yeah, actually -- we rented out Michael's here for a memorial show. We got a lot of people coming in for one show -- we had to turn them away. Everyone wanted to say goodbye. I never knew he was that well respected." "Well, he was a pioneer. He turned the flying around into an art. He helped make... the wild spot stuff... I mean, your scramble matches are a direct tribute, almost. In a way. You know?" "Yeah, I guess I do... but at the same time... well, he was a genuinely helpful guy. It's too bad... really too bad. I know a couple of our crossover guys who made it big up there are coming in for the weekend. I hope there's no repercussions." "Repercussions? Why?" "Well, from people missing the wedding." "Oh, right... come on, Vince wouldn't hold something as trivial as that against people." Except for Lita and Hurricane, but I think we're better off not going there. "Well, you know... Brian and Paul... they wanted to make one last visit and all. Michael... you know, Mike's a good friend of Trips', and he's kinda part of the Clique family, so really, I don't blame him for making the decision he did." "He's skipping the farewell show for the wedding? Aren't his commitments to you first?" "Well, he is Shawn's nephew, you know. I mean, he was invited to take part in the wedding party, and really, that's about as big an honor as you can get. I don't blame him for taking it. He's sent his condolences and all." "Yeah... but something... I don't know. I mean, I know I'm going to the wedding, cuz... well... we already... I was at the funeral and all... but... eh. I shouldn't be getting upset over this." "Are you?" "A little. I miss the guy. I wanted to see him bounce back, you know? The door was open for him to return." "Yeah, so he said... man, it's all just... look, I didn't want to get this on such a bad note, man. I'm sorry... it's just now's not a good time for you to show up." "I understand. I mean, when Vince sent me I figured he was just looking for more talent. I didn't think he meant any harm. He just..." "Wait, Vince sent you? Okay, that explains a lot." "What does that mean?" "Teddy, you and I both know that Vince is a heartless bastard who would take advantage of his own family if he thought he could pop another 50,000 buys for a meaningless Pay-Per-View. We're all taking bets as to whether Stephanie's breasts are going to be exposed at WrestleMania. The man could kill his son by having him re-create Owen Hart's freefall, then have someone rape his daughter in the center of the ring, and if it made news the next day, he'd feel no remorse whatsoever! I gotta wonder... why do people want to work for him?" "You want my answer?" I tried to keep a level voice. I could see that Rob was beginning to lose some semblance of control. I didn't want him to be consumed by his hatred for this man, justifiable or not. "I guess." "Well, if you don't, let me know." "No, no... I'm sorry... go ahead." Okay. You see, Rob, the deal is that he's got the biggest show in town. I'm a known quantity again, Rob. You ask a wrestling fan who I am, and they'll say, oh yeah, he's in the WWE. No one remembers when I managed Butch Reed or Mike Shaw. That was so long ago. But it's also... well, I need to work. And I was given a home here. Vince I can ignore, because the guys are the real people that matter." "But you don't matter. The McMahons matter. Triple H matters. The rest of you..." "Rob, c'mon... there wouldn't be a show with just the McMahons. Who'd wanna watch his ego tripping all day? He's not Ozzy Osbourne, you know." "You're right. He's the Ayatollah of wrestling." "Rob, what's wrong with you? Why are you so upset about this guy you've never had to deal with?" "Maybe because I grew up watching Flair and Steamboat go for 20, 30, 40, 60 minutes at a time, and I knew that was what I wanted to do. I met people who felt the same way. I met a lot of people who were as avid about it as I was. Paul Heyman wanted to build an entire mindset around it. He got people to believe in wrestling as being fun again, and being a way for people to take pride in their craft, wins and losses be damned. And now Vince... he... shit." "Rob... come on, be honest... if Vince McMahon offered you a job as a writer and production expert, wouldn't you take it in a heartbeat?" "No! I'm not going to sell out! What we had in ECW was magical. We can have it again here in the Ring of Honor. I mean it. We have a more talented, and a more exciting group of wrestlers than the big boys have had since the Austin heyday. Why should I have to give that up? Paul ran with it and made it work!" I paused. I couldn't quite believe what I was hearing. This man had taken the Kool-Aid from Paul, as we would say. Paul went bankrupt because he was incapable of realizing what the fans wanted. He owed millions to Vince at the end, let alone to everyone else. Does he really believe he can make ends meet? "Rob... Paul couldn't afford to make it work. Why do you think you'll be able to jump to the top? You have no TV deal, no Pay-Per-View, no source of income outside of the shows themselves. You can't make a living on that, can you?" "I have tapes. I sell these things. I get thousands of orders with every show. We have a TV show on the Philadelphia affiliates. We're not as small as you think. Reality is, we can break through. I know it. I will succeed where others fail. Besides, if I can't, Jerry and Jeff can. They're the future. I'd work for them." I didn't know how to reply. This was a man who had bought his own hype. He truly had begun to believe he was the truth behind the future of wrestling. I realized that anything I said would have no effect. He was going to fight his way to the poorhouse. "Well, good luck, man. I hope you do well." "Thanks."

*****

Thursday, October 02, 2003, 07:55 PM Stamford, CT

"You ready, Earl?" I was preparing the snacks for the referees as we had gathered in Titan Towers, and while technically I was no longer a referee, I was still welcome in the meetings. Tomorrow we would all be carpooling over to the Hamptons for the wedding. Only Earl Hebner knew the address among the referees -- a precaution to ensure that it didn't get leaked to the general public. Vince wanted a private wedding. "One second... getting the tuner ready. Man, I hope this episode is good. We gotta get on a roll now that HHH is out of RAW for the time being. Man, that Kane attack was something else, wasn't it?" "Yeah, I'm telling you... wild stuff." Too bad the rest of RAW was such a fiasco. I mean, come ON, what were we thinking having Lita lose in her return match? No wonder she wants to take up smoking. It would give her another reason to get out fast. "Well, you gonna come in or not? Man, you can wait a couple hours to light up, can't ya?" "Almost done, man. Damn, you so wouldn't understand." "Yeah, that's what Brian tells me. Kid doesn't know what he's getting into." I put out the last cigarette and headed back inside. The TV was set up. The show was ready to begin.

*****

- The SmarKdown Rant for Oct. 2 / 03, taped Sept. 30.

- Live from Milwaukee, WI.

- Your hosts are Michael Cole and Tazz.

- Opening match, United States Title: Billy Kidman v. Ultimo Dragon. According to Meltzer, this match is Asai's reward for getting a ***** classic out of Eddie Guerrero on the Hardy Memorial Show. Apparently, the ghost of Paul Heyman still has some influence in the booking nowadays. And thank heaven for small miracles. Handshake before the bell, then a chain-wrestling sequence to establish that this is face v. face. Ultimo is totally carrying Kidman through the early part of the match, working the neck area with weardown holds as Kidman tries to counter off of it. Stalemate as Kidman reaches the ropes, and the crowd applauds. Huh. Back up, and Dragon criss-crosses, ending in a crossbody from Kidman. Dragon returns fire with a headscissors, and the two go into a pinfall reversal sequence. Kidman gets the last two, causing Dragon to bail. Kidman slides out onto him, but Dragon powerbombs him to the floor (!) and hits the Asai moonsault, squashing Kidman against the railing (!!). Back in, Dragon goes for a dragon sleeper, but Kidman flips out of it and shoves Dragon into the turnbuckle, vaulting into a Victory Roll for two. Dragon kicks Kidman out of the ring, then fakes diving after him. Kidman tries to re-enter via the top rope, but Dragon meets him up there, so Kidman flips over in the MURDERDEATHKILL powerbomb for two. Kidman tries a German, but Dragon flips over in the reverse DDT for two. Crowd almost bought that. Dragon goes for a handspring elbow, but Kidman charges and catches Dragon in his handstand, landing a wheelbarrow suplex for two. Dragon chops Kidman into oblivion in the corner, then climbs for a tornado DDT, but Kidman crotches him and follows. Now Dragon goes for the powerbomb out of the corner, but Kidman blocks with a handstand, so Dragon tries to pull him back up, but YOU CAN'T EVEN MURDERDEATHKILL POWERBOMB KIDMAN, and the Shooting Star retains at 8:44. The handshake is repeated post-match. These two didn't click as much as you'd think. Then again, Asai is much more ground-based than he used to be. ***1/2

- BUT WAIT! Jamie Noble is out to demand that Rey Misterio put the title on the line TONIGHT. However, Torrie calmly explains that Rey's not here tonight, but someone else is... uh oh... I don't like the look of the other side of this commercial break...

- Jamie Noble v. Billy Gunn Oh, yay. Wasn't the world just waiting for this rematch? Cole actually has the audacity to remind everyone that Torrie was forced to sleep with Noble. Yeah, we all needed to remember that match. Gunn is on offense as we return from break, and a One and Only gets two. Press slam gets two. Noble goes low to stop the tide, and a sunset flip gets two. Superkick gets two. Neckbreaker, but Gunn rolls out on the momentum, and Noble hits a pescado onto Gunn -- who doesn't catch, causing Noble to crash and almost break his neck. Dumbass. Back in, Gunn gets two as the match begins to fall apart. Gunn hits the chinlock, but Noble has none of that and gets a backdrop driver, returning the favor, for two. Man, this is getting ugly fast. Just go home. Gunn and Noble slug it out, and the ref is bumped on a wayward haymaker and seems to be checking his nose. Oh dear. The match is actually better with both guys angry, now that I look at it. Noble DRILLS Gunn with a powerbomb, but Rey Misterio makes the not-so-surprise run-in and 619s him into a Dumbasser for the pin at 5:19. The match was a ton better than I give it credit for. **1/2

- John Cena and Undertaker v. Los Guerreros. Need I even mention it's a big-ass brawl to start? Taker pounds on Eddie, while Cena and Chavo are about even. Cena and Eddie collide, with Chavo trying a roll-up for two. Taker boots Chavo down, but Eddie gets a German, only to have Cena grab a flying legdrop. Everybody outside, and Chavo gets sent into the back seat of the Lo Rider. Taker chokes him down with the SEAT BELT OF DOOM, while Cena gets tripped by Eddie. Eddie with an armdrag for two. Eddie does OLD SCHOOL~! for two, pissing Taker off. He charges, but the ref intervenes and Eddie nails Cena with the chain for two. Chavo finally returns to the apron, making sure to notify the referee as he does so (which allows Eddie to do mean and nasty things with a tag rope) as we take a break. Coming back, Chavo has a surfboard, which allows Eddie to dropkick a wide-open Cena for two. Double suplex gets two. Eddie with the slingshot senton for two. POWERPLEX~! gets two, Taker saves. He's escorted out, so Eddie and Chavo switch off and Chavo gets two. Abdominal stretch (with cheating) eats some time. Eventually, Cena hiptosses out after Eddie is caught, and hits That F*cking Move for a double KO. Eddie cuts off the hot tag and hits a camel clutch, yelling at Taker the whole time. Taker is trying to look angry on the apron. Cena makes the ropes, so Eddie tries to drag him back. Cena rolls out of that and clotheslines Eddie down. Eddie charges, Cena hits a fallaway slam, and FINALLY it's a hot tag to Taker. Soupbone! Soupbone! Soupbone! Double clotheslines takes both Guerreros down, but OLD SCHOOL is broken up by Eddie. Cena back in, and the ref is trying to restore order. Eddie grabs the HOOD ORNAMENT OF DEATH, but his swing misses and Chavo takes it. F-U gets the win at 18:44. Crowd loved every last second of it. ***1/2 Sable applauds Cena's effort and makes a match with Test at No Mercy. Sounds like a squash. I like it.

- Charlie Haas and Bradshaw v. Shelton Benjamin and Ron Simmons. Okay, then. Cross-partner dancing to start, and Haas and Simmons get us going proper. Haas hits a German and a kneedrop for two. Bradshaw in, and it's ACOLYTE WARFARE! Simmons gets a spinebuster, then both men reach a block on a slam attempt and tag in their partners. Benjamin gets the better of that with some amateur stylings, but Bradshaw is bored so he pounds on both men. Benjamin pops up to the top rope and rebounds with a clothesline on Bradshaw, while Haas locks on the Haas of Pain on Simmons. Bradshaw breaks, then powerbombs Haas to give Simmons two. This is chaos. Benjamin introduces the tag belts to the equation, but the ref stops it. During the muddle, WGTT hit the leapfrog choke on Simmons, then get their finisher for the Haas pin at 6:03. Um, that was energetic. **1/2 I must be getting senile in my old age.

- Oh, good, a Hulk Hogan interview. Now I can play Mad Libs. Okay, opponent: A- Train. Justification: run in during the Rhyno match and at various house shows (well, that's different). Punishment: No Mercy. Well, if it keeps everyone happy, I can live with it, but I don't see how A-Train can get the rub.

- Handicap match: A-Train v. Spanky and Tajiri. Me and my big mouth. The little guys blitz the train to start. Spanky tosses him into a Tajiri superkick for two. They try it again, but Train barrels through and squashes Tajiri. Spanky jumps on his back and lands a Victory Roll for two. Tajiri kicks him several times, but Train catches the last one. Spanky clips Train, causing Tajiri to do the splits. Yeeouch! Spanky to the top, but Train follows. Spanky kicks him aside, and Tajiri flips over the top in the Tarantula. Ref breaks the hold, so Train heads outside and pounds Tajiri into the post. Spanky dives and lands on Train, then both men toss him back in for two. This is picking up. Spanky with a leg lariat and a HUGE cross body for two. Tajiri hits the handspring elbow for two. Wow. Train barrels out and tosses Spanky onto Tajiri, then covers both for two. Train Wreck on Spanky, but Tajiri clips and Spanky falls on top for two. Train is angry, and a blind charge misses. Train no-sells a Spanky punch, then starts swatting at the two cruiserweight gnats as they fly back and forth trying to get in a shot. By the way, you might want to start putting the Vatican on speed dial. Spanky goes for Sliced Bread #2, but Train launches him OVER THE BARRIER and into the front row. DAMN~! Tajiri hits the KICK OF DEATH to the back of A-Train's skull for two. Spanky pulls himself back into the ring, but Train javelins Tajiri right at Spanky, then hits a pair of Derailers (one on each) before pinning Spanky at 9:07. BRAVO! Not quite A-Train's best match ever, but really damn close. ***1/4 And I officially enjoy the taste of my words earlier.

- Kurt Angle waxes poetic about the No Mercy main event.

- Main event: Brock Lesnar and Rhyno v. Rob Van Dam and Kurt Angle. Van Dam cleans house to start, doing a somersault plancha on the heels to pop the crowd. Angle tosses Rhyno back in and goes for the rolling Germans, but Lesnar sneaks up on the third one and Germans both of them. Brock hits a powerbomb on Angle to keep him down. Rhyno with a powerslam for two as Angle is YOUR Olympian-in-peril. Interesting choice there. Brock with a series of waistlock suplexes for two. Rhyno clotheslines Angle down and tries a crossface, but Angle is ready and blocks. Rhyno with a mini-F5 for two as Brock yells at him about how he's not doing it right. Funny. Brock comes in with a spear for two, and now RHYNO yells about it. So they try a double suplex, but Angle DDTs them both, hot tag Van Dam. Van Dam kicks anything that moves, hitting the stepover enzuigiri on Rhyno and the flying kick on Lesnar. Angle stops Rhyno from retreating with the rolling Germans, so Lesnar rips his head off with a clothesline. Not literally. That would hurt. Van Dam flies in with a spin kick, but Rhyno hits the GOAR GOAR GOAR on RVD to take him out. Angle rolls in with an Anglelock, but the ref rightly ignores it since Lesnar's the legal man. Lesnar with the real F5 for the pin on RVD at 11:44. Whew. *** Lesnar and Angle stare down as we end the show.

The Bottom Line:

When even A-TRAIN has a good match, you know it was a special night. All in all, the wrestling is so much better than on RAW it's not even funny. Well, with the exception of Hogan, but really, what can you do about him?

Oh yeah, just have him talk. That'll work.

*****

I was dreaming. I was in the hallway. No one was to my left or my right, ahead or behind of me. Suddenly I saw a shadow. I tried to make myself small, but the shadow was approaching. I stood back up and walked toward it. My steps were deliberate. I didn't want to approach this shadow, but I felt I had to. The light never bathed on it. As I stood a few feet away, I called out, "Identify yourself!" Nothing in reply. I felt a deep chill and stepped backward. As I did, the shadow came forward. I continued to retreat, suddenly aware that the cold was coming from the shadow -- it was sucking away all the heat. I began to run the other way. I could tell the shadow was keeping pace. I reached the end of the tunnel and stumbled. I looked back. The shadow was over me. I looked forward. No one. I hunched in a corner, trying desperately to stay warm. I heard the shadow speak. "Cave Ides Martem!"

*****

Saturday, October 04, 2003, 08:14 AM The Hamptons, NY

I woke up with a start. I took a quick look around, trying to recover my breath. I'm back in a hotel room. I'm... I'm still Teddy Long. Oh my God... what was that? What was that? It seemed to freeze me. I can't... wow. I'm okay, I'm okay. "Teddy? You all right?" "Yeah... I... what time is it?" "It's... uh... quarter past eight." Earl Hebner must have heard me sit up and gasp for breath. He was half shaven and in his boxers, his eyes wide open. "Man, I thought you had a heart attack or something. "No... no, nothing like that. I don't know what it was." For once, I can be evasive by telling the truth! "You gonna be fine?" "Yeah, I'm good." "All right. Just making sure." He left to continue his morning routine. I slowly recovered my breath and turned on the television. The local morning news was on. "And of course, today's big social event is the marriage of the daughter of WWE entrepreneur Vince McMahon. Our Ron Bass is outside with the story. Ron, can you hear us?" Ron Bass? He's... oh, different guy. "Yes I can, and right now the scene here in the dining hall is a busy one. People are scattering all over the place attempting to get ready the reception for the wedding party for the First Family of the Ring. I'm here right now with co-ordinator James Cornette. James, I understand most of wrestling's who's who is going to be attending this grand event." "That's right, Ron, we got people coming in from various parts of the world that Vince has dealt with, we got the Rock here, we got Austin here, Hogan's going to be in attendance, Shawn Michaels, of course, and also some people from outside North America, like we've already heard from the old Great Muta about attending, it's going to be a heck of a party." Ron seemed taken aback by Cornette's speed-speaking style. I was more taken aback that he made a wedding reception sound like a promo. "Um... okay, James. So I know the reception is by invitation, but can anyone attend the wedding?" "Of course, Ron, you just need to make your way over to St. Vincent's Church, which is right on the corner of..." and Cornette proceeded to rattle off directions from the north and east in the next thirty seconds as the camera zoomed in on a hand-drawn map he had. I couldn't believe this was before 9 AM and Cornette was going on like this. "Thank you. Now, obviously, we here in the Hamptons are familiar with the bride, but who is the groom?" "I'm glad you asked, Ron, his name's Paul Levesque, he's one of the top WWE superstars, he goes by the name of Triple H in the ring, I'm sure all the wrestling fans are familiar with who he is, you may have seen him in the latest commercials for Stack..." "Hang, on, James. We can't have any product endorsements on the air." "Sorry, old boy." "Well, it looks like the whole area is buzzing with an unusual amount of excitement as the First Family of the Ring prepares to marry their only daughter. For Channel 6 News, this is Ron Bass sending it back to the studio." I turned off the television. "Hey Earl, it looks like we gotta be playin' out dere, belie dat." I laughed. "Yeah, Corny's already in character. Can you believe that, Teddy?" "Aw, lemme tell ya playa... this'll be the prime time ee-vent of da year, sho nuff." "Yeah, but what am I supposed to do? Pass out during the wedding and miss the vows?" We laughed heartily and exchanged more ideas as the morning went on. Cornette had definitely inspired us.

*****

12:44 PM

The site of the wedding was lined with fans of all types. I almost had a fit laughing when I saw people carrying signs while dressed in their Sunday best. A few gate-crashers attempted to get in with Austin 3:16 shirts on, but I had to expect that. I wonder if Vince realized that the word was out. As I got out of the referee van, I looked at the crowd and stopped. "Whoa, Earl, hold up... should I wait for Rodney and Chris?" "Oh, for them? Lemme see if they're inside already. I don't think they were supposed to be here this early." He looked around. "I don't see their car... wait, here's Chris. You can come in with him." I darted over to the car as Chris, Rodney, and Jazz got out. Chris turned on the alarm on his car as everyone piled out and closed the doors. He adjusted his suit and started to walk to the church. Rodney, however, saw me. "Yo, Teddy... what's up?" "Nuttin, playa. Just thought we oughta represent togetha, belie dat." Jazz looked at me. "What?" "Oh, sorry..." I lowered my voice. "Lot of wrestling fans here... maybe we should play it up." She laughed. "All right." With that, we entered the church together, thuggin' and/or buggin' the whole way. As Rodney and Jazz entered arm-in-arm, I did my best Al Sharpton, complaining about all the white people at the wedding. I got into the church itself. I didn't see Stephanie anywhere, but HHH was in the back, waiting for the cue from the organ. On screen, he was a man of impeccable charisma that exuded confidence. On screen, he could kill you with a look that told you that you were his next target. On screen, he never faltered, wavered, or stammered. That was on screen; right now, he was a nervous wreck. He seemed to be sweating from just the emotion of the day, to say nothing of his tuxedo, which appeared to be designed specifically to show how huge he was. Kevin Nash, best man, didn't seem to be helping matters, trying to crack every joke in the book in order to keep things loose. I entered and blessed myself with the holy water. Now that we were away, Rodney Mack and Jazz were free to be Rodney and Charlene Begnaud, husband and wife. I searched for Shawn, quickly finding him along the side. He was with a younger man I hadn't seen before, but who looked frighteningly like Shawn. Oh well, so much for being out of character. "Hey, Shawn... what's happenin, playa?" "Teddy, it's ok. He's with us." "Oh, sorry... so, how's it going, Shawn? How's the groom?" "Oh, MAN, you have NO idea. He's going out of his mind right now. I haven't seen him this bad in ages. He's chattering randomly, just trying to get through it. I think he wants the music to start soon." He stopped and saw that the other guy was looking at us. "Oh, I'm sorry. Mike, this is Teddy Long. Teddy, this is my nephew, Michael Shane." "Hello, Michael. So you're with us now?" "Yes, Mr. Long. I..." "Oh, please... PLEASE, call me Teddy. Mr. Long... noooo..." I proceeded to do Fred Sanford's overblown heart attack routine. "I'm getting old." "Sorry, Mist-- er, Teddy. Yeah, I just signed an OVW deal a couple of weeks ago. They want to try to rush me to the big time so that I can take over Uncle Shawn's place. Nice to know I had one foot in the door, but I hope I can live up to his legacy." We were caught off-guard by the sound of a loud chorus of boos and the occasional "Asshole" chant from the fans around the church. You know, it's just not a complete wedding unless the father of the bride gets called an asshole. Vince McMahon strolled into the antechamber, swaggering as he did so. He passed the holy water and looked at it disdainfully, then turned to HHH and Kevin. "What's wrong, Vinnie -- hydrophobic?" Vince never took his glance off of Kevin as he dunked his fingers in the water. I heard a hissing sound from somewhere as he did so. Suddenly, there was a commotion outside. Eddie's car's brakes had nearly given out, and Paul Heyman was three inches away from being hit. Paul scrambled inside as Chavo began apologizing profusely. I ran to the door as Vince walked on. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see steam rising from the basin. Vince's demon had managed to boil the water by Vince's very touch. "Paul, Paul... are you all right?" I offered to help him along, as he was still visibly shaken from the close call. Chavo had his left arm and was saying "I'm sorry, sir," over and over. Paul's face was flush red as he regained his breath. "I'm okay, Teddy, thanks... lemme... lemme just talk to Shawn for a second. Please." "Okay, Paul." Paul grabbed the basin and steadied himself on the stone structure. He eventually made his way over to Shawn, asking for time to speak in private. Seeing that everything was in order, I walked to the front. "RAW or SmackDown!?" "What?" I turned around. Brian Gerwitz was standing with me, holding out a program. "Oh, Mr. Long. You're on RAW. Over to the left." I grabbed the program and walked on, certain that this would either be the best or the worst wedding I had ever seen.

*****

01:00 PM

The organ music had begun as the congregation hushed itself. I looked in the back, where everyone in the procession was standing. Behind me were rows and rows of WWE workers, employees, executives, and so on. In the balcony were sat the fans, many of them bringing signs to commemorate the event. I saw a series of cameras with WWE logos on them, ready to film the glorious occasion. Then, over my other shoulder, I saw Steven Richards and Victoria standing with a few other wrestlers in the back on our side. Steven was behind a sign that said "Heat Section." Oh no, it's going to be one of those days... The flower girl entered, sprinkling petals everywhere down the aisle as everyone made sure to act like she was the cutest thing they'd ever seen. The altar boys followed, holding the cross up high. The minister was behind them, dressed in a bright white and red outfit and basically one smearing of rouge away from being Brother Love. Behind him was the ringbearer, delicately balancing the pillow on his hands, desperate to make sure the rings stayed put. The groomsmen and bridesmaids were next. Shawn walked in staring straight ahead, arm-in-arm with Trish Stratus. William Regal was next, smiling as he escorted a very nervous Molly Holly to the altar. Scott Hall followed, seemingly leaning on Stacy Keibler for support more than anything else. Sean Waltman entered, perfectly groomed for once in his life, being accompanied by Dawn Marie. As he arrived at the altar, Sean turned to Scott and stared wide-eyed. Ivory was matron of honor. She walked alone down the aisle and took her position nearest Dawn Marie. Much like the bridesmaids, her dress was a monochrome teal ensemble that I could only assume was designed to make Stephanie's bridal gown look good by comparison. I turned around and saw Hunter and Kevin waiting to enter next. I half-expected to hear Motorhead start up, but thankfully, it never happened. Hunter walked down the aisle to the same music as before, with Kevin right behind him pretending to hold a gun to his back. Here comes the bride... The entire congregation turned around to look at the entrance. Stephanie was unbelievably stunning in her all-white gown, even with the veil covering her. The train seemed to extend for 20 feet. Vince stood by her side, smiling broadly and viewing his daughter one last time. The two walked together down the aisle as the fans in the back began to cheer her on -- moments after having booed Hunter, of course. The minister began. "Dearly beloved..." "WHAT?!?" Everyone turned around and looked up at the balcony. A group of fans were laughing and high-fiving each other. The Heat Section was trying to hold in their laughter. I turned back to the front. Vince seemed to smile, then whispered something to the minister. He continued, this time pausing deliberately after each phrase. "Dearly beloved," (WHAT?) "We are gathered here" (WHAT?) "to witness the union" (WHAT?) "of this man" (WHAT?) "and this woman" (WHAT?) "in the joyful bond" (WHAT?) "of holy wedlock." (WHAT?) "A union" (WHAT?) "that will persevere" (WHAT?) "through good and bad," (WHAT?) "through happiness" (WHAT?) "and sadness." (WHAT?) "And so, my friends," (WHAT?) "let us pray to the Almighty" (WHAT?) "that he may guide them in their journey together." (WHAT?) Thankfully for everyone involved, the peanut gallery was reverent during the prayer and their song. As the chords of the song finished, the balcony cheered. With some apprehension clearly showing across his face, began the most important part of the ceremony. "And now," (WHAT?) "the bride and the groom" (WHAT?) "will exchange vows." He turned to HHH first. "Repeat after me."

"I, Paul Levesque..." "I-uh, Paul Levesque-uh..." "...do take thee, Stephanie McMahon..." "...do take thee-uh, Stephanie McMahon-uh..." "...to be my lawfully wedded wife;..." "...to be-uh my lawfully wedded-uh wife-uh;..." "...to have and to hold..." "...to have-uh and to hold-uh..." "...to love, honor, and obey..." "...to love-uh, honor-uh, and obey-uh..." "...in good times and in bad..." "...in good times-uh and in bad-uh..." "...in sickness and in health..." "...in sickness-uh and in health-uh..." "...till death do we part..." "...till death-uh do we part-uh..." "...so help me God." "...so help me God-uh."

The minister, clearly flustered by this time, turned to Stephanie. "Repeat after me."

"I, Stephanie McMahon..." "I, Stephanie McMahon..." "...do take thee, Paul Levesque..." "...do take thee, Paul Levesque..." "...to be my lawfully wedded husband;..." "...to be my lawfully wedded husband;..." "...to have and to hold..." "...to have and to hold..." "...to love, honor, and obey..." "...to love and to cherish..." "...in sickness and in health..." "...in sickness and in health..." "...till death do we part..." "...till death do we part..." "...so help me God." "...so help me God."

I turned to Earl, then to Rodney. We all had noticed the same thing. For whatever reason, Stephanie had stumbled over her wedding vows. For whatever reason, the minister didn't even flinch. I looked at Vince. He smiled broadly, almost smugly. Was this intentional? "If there is anyone among us who has good reason why this marriage should not take place, let them speak now or forever hold their peace." Shouts from the balcony almost drowned out the last few words of the minister's traditional invitation. Vince took the mic. "He means a legitimate reason, and not just that you don't like the people involved!" The cheers turned to boos, then subsided. The ringbearer stepped forward. He held the pillow above his head so that Hunter and Steph could reach it without bending over. Hunter took Stephanie's ring, which I could tell because the glint off of the diamond blinded me halfway down the aisle.

"With this ring..." "With this ring-uh..." "I thee wed." "I thee wed-uh."

Hunter took Stephanie's hand and slid the ring on her finger. I felt a chill as he did so. I looked around. Was anyone else feeling this? I shivered. I looked up at the altar. Kevin was feeling rather uncomfortable himself. I wondered if Lindsay and I were the only ones who noticed, and what it all meant.

"With this ring..." "With this ring..." "...I thee wed." "...I thee wed."

Stephanie took the wedding band and put it on Hunter. The chill left as quickly as it had arrived, replaced with a sense of intense warmth -- not burning heat, but rather a comfortable glow of feeling. I almost took out my glasses instinctively, but I didn't want to know what it all meant. I stared at Vince. His grin was ear-to-ear, almost as if on the inside, his demon was laughing heartily at what was happening. "By the power invested in me by the State of New York and by the Lord Almighty, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride." In front of me, I heard a loud sniffle. I looked. Chris Jericho was in tears as he leaned against his crutches in the aisle. Everyone else was setting off their cameras as Hunter took Stephanie and planted the most graceful kiss he could muster given that his nose seemed to be getting in the way. Both heat and chill were present, as if that was possible. What's going on here? Is this just me? I tried not to seem confused. "Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. and Mrs. Paul Levesque!" Stephanie was smiling and trying to hold back tears. Hunter's grin was self- content, somehow out of place while giving the aura of being correct. The two left together to an ovation from the workers and a less-than-kind reception from the fans in the balcony. Well, this ain't making Confidential anytime soon.

*****

04:44 PM

Paul and Shawn were meeting with Kevin, A-Train (Owen), and myself as we headed to the reception. Shawn was in the back of the van with us, appearing very concerned. Kevin's face, normally smiling, was invisible; his head was buried in his hands. A-Train and I just looked at each other. One of us had to say it. "Shawn... when the wedding was going on, I..." "I know, I know. Kev... Lindsay told me. You're going to get that a lot over the next few weeks." "Why?" He didn't answer. "Lindsay? Owen? What's with...?" Owen responded. "October is the devil's favorite month. It's when he causes all the mischief he can. It all leads up to the 31st." "Halloween? But that's kid's stuff." "Oh, no it isn't!" Lindsay's voice indicated a deadly seriousness that Kevin Nash himself was never able to produce. "The demons come out to party that day. They put razors and poison in people's candy. They have cars run red lights as children cross the street. They're serious. It's not a good time for us to be around." "So what do we do?" "We have to hide. For our own sake. Look, the reason vacation's in the last week of October is so that we can be away from Earth on Halloween. I don't know whether we'll be in Recovery or in Purgatory or what. But we sure aren't going to be here. I wouldn't ask this on anyone. It's not right." "Wow." "Yeah, exactly," Owen interjected. "I didn't believe it either, and my first time out there... I nearly got destroyed. They were coming for me. They come for us. It's the safest thing to do." "So what do we do until then?" "Just do what we always do. They can't get to us while we're on the job. We're too strong. Sure, they could if we hadn't died, but... something happens. I can't explain it. Trust me." "Lindsay, is he pulling my leg?" "No. You gotta believe us. When things don't make sense, or bad things happen this month, you're gonna get that chill. You can't stop it from happening, but you'll know when it happens. The chill -- it's hatred winning over love, like someone's being destroyed by their own flaws." "Wait a second... you mean..." "What? What is it?" "Shawn, you may want to handle this personally. I think Hunter doesn't love her." He rolled his eyes. "I thought so. The guy's an egomaniac. He's not the guy I knew. I don't know where he went astray, but believe me, I've dedicated my life to helping him see the error of his ways. Maybe love will grow in him. I sure hope so. God, I hope so." Lindsay looked up. "Just for Kevin's sake... is he... gone?" "You know as well as I do that he isn't." "I know he wasn't. I didn't get to see him afterward." "I did." We both turned to Owen. "He's still there... just a little weaker. I don't know what it all means. I wish I could get inside his head and find out." "Why not? He's not lost." "Yeah, I know... it all depends on how bad it is. Some people... they can live for a week on their own without... without trouble. But if he's... if he's bad, then we can't touch him." "Well, for Greg's sake, I hope he's all right." Lindsay was taken aback. "Why, Paul?" "Well, let's just say I got a pair of requests for next week to pray over." We all looked at each other. None of us knew immediately what was going on. Then, after a few seconds, it clicked in me. "Oh no... Kathleen..." We all were stunned to silence. It was a full thirty seconds before Owen spoke up. "I sure hope they know what they're doing..." "Why, Owen? They seem to be all right with it. Why deny them?" "Well... I'm pretty sure Kathleen thinks it's okay. But... I'm a little worried about Greg." "What? How?" "Well, Paul... it all started back on RAW... I mean, Shawn knows what I'm talking about. Greg was... distracted by the Divas. I think he pretty much had to go to SmackDown!, just so he wouldn't have so much... I don't know... Shawn?" "What he's trying to say," Shawn continued, "is that Greg doesn't seem to have self-control. He was always leering at the women, and making comments that Owen thought were kind of in bad taste. I didn't hear what was said, but I saw him... the guy's still got a high schooler's maturity." Paul paused. "So you think he's using her?" "I don't know. I hope not. I really hope not." "Wait, wait, wait," I interrupted. "Wouldn't he be... gone by now? I mean, Lawler..." "Not if he doesn't do anything or lead his guys astray. If he's only looking, then yeah, he probably has impure thoughts, but he's not committing a grave error. I imagine the guy uses Recovery like a detox. I wonder what he did before he got here. Point is, yeah, he fades a little every time he does something like that, but not enough for it to be a problem. But now... I just hope he knows what he's doing." I paused. For the first time in my afterlife, I felt truly scared on Kathleen's behalf, rather than mad or sorry or any other combination of emotions. "I hope she knows."

*****

06:34 PM

The reception was advancing just fine. Thus far I had managed to avoid any major troubles being in the presence of a half-loving couple. I guess if the cold was Hunter's lack of love, the warmth was Stephanie's genuine emotion. The punch and alcohol was flowing, as Steve Austin, Scott Hall, and Bradshaw were busy keeping the tab up at the bar. The rest of us were enjoying champagne with our meal, as truly the catering team had spared no expense. "Hey... Hey, Long..." it was Ron Simmons, who was seated next to me. "Don't it look like there's another cake in the back?" I leaned in that direction. "It sure seems like that." "What's with that, man?" "I have no idea." Soon, Kevin began to clang his fork against his glass. The room turned to the stage where he was standing. He had a microphone. "Okay, guys. This is the part where I'm supposed to offer a toast to the bride and groom. Kinda goes with the territory of being a best man and all. Well, you know... I've known this guy here for something like 10 years. He's everything that his friends say about him and more... so Steph, I hope you signed a pre-nup." Laughter. Oh no, Lindsay's playing it funny... "Now, I can't say for certain what their marriage would be like, but I'm pretty sure I know what'll happen on the honeymoon. Stephanie, I hope you realize that this guy won't even lie down for you in bed." Shocked "Ohhhhhhhhh"s emanated from the reception party. "Now, I saw Jericho was crying during the wedding. I guess he just realized he isn't getting a main event spot for the next 10 years." More laughter, accompanied by Jericho's histrionics and shouting, "Why, God, Why???" Hunter was desperately trying to keep a straight face. "But in all seriousness, I can assure you, Stephanie, that you're getting a man with a lot of good in him. And probably a lot of Rogaine, judging from that spot up front." Kevin pulled HHH's hair back. Trips was trying to look mad, but even he thought the whole thing was funny. "Guys, I offer a toast. Rye bread with marmalade and... wait, wrong toast." Groans and laughs ensued. "So raise your glasses... Scott, you need to stop drinking for a few seconds." Laughter came from the bar, as Hall lifted the beer stein over his head to show everyone it was full. "To Paul and Stephanie. May their days be long and their nights even longer. May their children be many, and may they inherit their noses from their mother. And may they live together for all time, enjoying each other's true love of each other, to the end of their natural lives. To Paul and Steph!" Everyone cheered. Glasses were clinked together and alcohol was consumed in their honor. From the corner came a crash -- apparently Scott missed Austin's glass and fell over. He pulled himself up and got a new beverage. Suddenly, there was a bit of a scuffle. Everyone focused in on William and Sean. They were yelling loudly at each other near the edge of the stage. Members of the wedding party did nothing to break it up. I saw Stephanie turn to Hunter and say words of concern, with Hunter turning to Kevin, who merely waved his hand in assurance. Onstage, the two had gotten into a shoving match. William reached into the pocket of his tuxedo. Sean charged him, only to have William swing at him. I took a close look. William's left hand had brass knuckles on it. What the...? Sean staggered backwards to the edge of the stage, right above the table with the cake. "Oh, man..." "What?" "Just watch, Ron." Sean pretended to be trying to keep his balance as William approached. Kevin stepped in front, but William shoved him aside. Kev yelled out, "Wait! No!" It was too late. William swung again at Sean, who this time jumped off the stage and through the wedding cake and table below. The room was silent. Sean slowly got up and looked at himself, covered in cake and icing. He shook his head as he licked off some icing from the flower in his tuxedo. As he did so, Jim Cornette entered from the back with a second table, carrying an identical wedding cake. "Don't worry, folks. We had it covered. After all, you can't have this many rasslers in one room with a cake and not expect someone to go through it, can you?" Slowly, the shock wore off. There was a chuckle. Then another. Then some laughing. Slowly, but eventually, the whole room laughed harder than ever before. The laughter turned into applause, as the entire group of guests got up for a standing ovation. William and Sean took a bow. Ron turned to me and shook his head. "Damn."

*****

Sunday, October 05, 2003, 02:24 PM Providence, RI

With the Sunday off to recharge and a short drive to Connecticut for RAW and SmackDown! in the overnight offering, some of the members of the gang headed over for a Sunday of private football watching at the Friendly Tap. I remembered this place several times from RAWs past, when the boys would come to Providence and needed an off-arena site to do segments. Owner Tim White had opened the door then, and he did it again now, with Vince himself promising to cover all expenses, despite the presence of Scott Hall. As halftime approached in the Titans/Patriots game, with my favorite team beating Tennessee 14-3, I sat with the APA over a lunch of potato skins and a Reuben. "Damn, Teddy, how can you eat that shit? The dressing on that... yecch!" "John, it's only Thousand Island. It's what they put on Big Macs, for cryin' out loud." "Really? Huh. Maybe I'll try one." "Yeah, good idea, John," Simmons said. "Need a full stomach to handle your contest." As Bradshaw walked off and ordered lunch, I turned to Simmons. "Contest?" "Yeah -- last man drinkin'. Action starts at 9 o'clock tonight. You in?" "Um, no. And I don't know if this is a bright idea." "Aw, relax, Teddy. You know these guys know their limits. A lot of them bow out before they pass out. It's only the stupid ones who keep until they faint. Trust me, man, it'll all be good." "Yeah, but... I don't know my limit. I've never done this before, and I don't think I'll start now. I'll help Tim and the boys keep track." "Suit yerself, man. Sure you don't wanna place a bet?" "A bet? You're gambling on a drinking contest??" "Oh, hell yeah. John and I will put money on anything if we think we can win. A lot of the guys are picking their man and backing him up. You in?" "I... don't think that's smart, no." "All right... just stick around for the fun." "Sure." This is clearly crazy.

*****

05:14 PM

After taking time to relax at the hotel, I returned to catch some of the late games. Philadelphia had taken an early lead on Washington, but it didn't seem destined to last. Meanwhile, Tennessee had forced overtime, but an Adam Vinatieri field goal had sealed a 26-23 victory, earning Bradshaw $100 from Simmons, who clearly was upset at the turn of events. "Damn overtime rule," he mumbled. "They should change that." I wasn't listening. I was headed over to another part of the bar, where at the counter sat a lonely man. His shirt was messed up, and he was slumped over. His belt was undone, a fact that he seemed oblivious to. He leaned up and groaned, barely able to see through his brown eyes and greasy hair, but still recognizable by the one curl down the front of his face. "Scott? You okay, man?" He looked up. "Oh, is you, Teddy -- yeah, I'm all right. I'm just a little tired, man. I don't get it -- I got a lotta sleep last night after the party." "How much have you had?" "Nothin', man. I gotta save it for tonight, you know? I figure, if I win their respect, I can come back. I really wanna prove I can be of service." "Yeah, but... by drinking?" "Hey... we all have our ways, man. It's not my call how I get back to the big time. Just as long as I get there, it'll all be good. The thing I worry about is... well, people trusting me." "Trusting you?" "Yeah -- see, me and Kev... we used to have our way a lot. And I know it, and I ain't gonna deny it, Longboy. We were in charge back then -- and those were the good ol' days. Then I just stopped doing much of anything... and they let me go. But that was OK, cuz I had an idea to pay off of it. And Dubya See Dubya was just the group that was gonna make it happen." "So you thought of the NWO thing." "Yeah. That's mine. But it don't matter. See, I thought I was happy there, but... man, that place just sucked. No one had any idea how to run things, people were trying to figure out what they were doing from one week to the next... the only way we had a hope was to have the guys who'd done it before do it again." "You mean run things." "Right... but see, the people that the management listened to were people like Hogan and Savage, and a lot of us... we just started not caring. Kev was getting a huge upside on his deal, and he didn't give a crap for years. I was being yelled at and spit on everywhere I went, man. Sure, we had our fans, but the nWo was the evil group, you know?" "Yeah, I remember." "And I couldn't handle all that. I'd been the Bad Guy who was the Good Guy for three years -- I wasn't ready to be the face of evil. And I let it show. When they split me from Kev, man... I just lost my way. I started showing up in bad shape, I was stumbling around the ring... got so bad they made my character drunk to cover for it." "So that's it. I thought that you were just like that." "No, man... Well, yeah. I was. I wanted to clean up, you know? When WCW folded, and the whole InVasion went on, I wanted out of my contract right then. I knew I could come back home, cuz if Kev had a way in, he could talk me in the door. And the whole nWo in the WWF, dude... that coulda been gold." "So what went wrong? It worked just fine to me... you were the big story leading into WrestleMania." He shook his head. "No, no... Hogan and Rocky was the big story. Yeah, I got Stone Cold, and I thought it was awesome, but... they really shoulda given him a partner, man... someone like Edge or Diamond... but he wanted to do it alone. He seemed a little out there, ya got me? Like he was afraid he had to be the man all the time, and couldn't accept a back seat." I smiled. "Ironic, isn't it? The same things that hurt you before..." "I know, Teddy. I know. And when the match came around, and ol' Stone Cold was out there givin' me nothing and makin' us both look bad... I knew it. I knew we were a sideshow. We couldn't be a real threat if this one guy beat two of us. I keep watchin' the tape of that, and I keep seein' where I gave him the Stunner, and I just think... that shoulda been it. That shoulda been the finish." "Yeah -- we all thought that was odd." "And Austin goes and mopes for a couple weeks, and when he comes back, he's put right into the spotlight. Meanwhile, me and Kev almost get on a goldmine with the whole Hogan and Rocky thing... but Kev got hurt, and the boys felt we weren't ready to have the Kid take his spot. And before I knew it, I was facing Bradshaw in some meaningless match. Kev was gone, Austin was ruining me, fate had taken Hogan's rub away..." "So you went back to the southern comfort." "Yeah... It got real bad over in England. I remember showing up for the event. I remember being told to go back to the hotel. I remember falling asleep on the plane -- I don't even remember Brock nearly killing Perfect, you know? Next thing I know, we're back in Stamford... and I'm bein' called to the office. I dunno how I let it get away." "Scott... do you think you have a drinking problem?" He looked me straight in the eye. "It's crossed my mind. I just... it's all I got sometimes, man. You realize I've been on top of the world, been the focus of shows for years on end, and I ain't never gotten a title? The NWO was my idea. The ladder match -- I was certain I'd be headed up after that... but... every time, they didn't trust me. I don't get it. I gotta be the biggest name in wrestling that never won a world title. And I hate that." "But Scott... you never answered my question," I said. "Do you think you're an alcoholic?" He thought for a long time. "No," he finally said. "I can go without drinking. I can live without drinking. I just do it when I'm down, man. It helps me forget. And I got a lot of shit to forget, man." "Scott, you sound like one. You're describing the behavior perfectly." I had no clue what I was talking about, but I figured if I talked long enough, one of us would come to our senses. "Look at your life, man. Look at how high you've been and how low you are now. Look at how you were yesterday. I saw you, man. You were so damn wasted you couldn't even finish the toast! Did you need to drink? Why did you?" "Man... I didn't have that much, did I?" "Yeah, yeah you did. Don't you remember Kevin telling you to stop drinking during the toast? Don't you remember having to lean on Stacy Keibler for support as you walked down the aisle? Don't you remember anything at all?" The look on Scott's face told me he wanted to answer. He wanted to refute everything I had just said. He wanted to say it was all lies, or he wanted to say I was reading too much into it and he was just playing along. But the look on his face also told me he couldn't remember anything. A chill swept through my system, but in a way that left me confident it was leaving the area rather than entering it. "Scott?" He seemed breathless at the realization that maybe, just maybe, I was calling him. "I... when Vince said it, I thought it was just an excuse for him to fire me. The whole time in WCW... I was gettin' paid so much... and I could do what I wanted. It all seemed... so easy." "You thought you were in control, didn't you?" He waited. "Yeah, I did," he finally said. "I thought I was working the drink. It worked me. Oh God..." He slumped over again, seemingly unable to continue fighting. "Kev!" I called out. "Kev, we got some work to do." Kevin sauntered over. "What's wrong, man?" Then he saw Scott. "Oh, no... is he...?" "No. He's just... it's hit him." "Scott? Are you ok man?" Scott looked up at Kevin. "I'm sorry, buddy. I've been lying to you. I... get me out of here." We walked with Scott as tears came from his eyes. He pushed the door open and turned around as he did so. It was as if he was leaving the house of an old friend. Which, in a way, I guess he was.

*****

06:45 PM

I waited behind the wheel of the car as Kevin came toward me. His nose was red, and his face was puffed up. I could tell he'd been crying too when he got in. "You ok, Lindsay?" Kev slouched in the passenger's seat as he buckled up. "Yeah... I'm just... That was the hardest thing Kev or Scott's had to do." "How is he?" I asked as I pulled out of the parking lot on the way back to the Tap. "He's gonna be fine. I saw you pull your glasses out as we walked away. Maybe I should ask you how he is." "He was gone when I saw him. I think inside he... he let alcohol move him. It's good he's getting help now. But deep down... I don't know if he can recover." "Well, Andy... we all got demons, you know? I mean, not like Vince necessarily, but we all have our flaws. Scott's was drinking. Kev knew it all along. He was just waiting for Scott to know it. There's nothing he could do." Lindsay paused. "You know how hard it is to see someone waste their life on an addiction... to anything?" "I don't know whether I wish I could say so or not, but... not really." "Nothing? Not just poisons, you know... I mean any sort of activity." "Well... when you put it that way... there was one guy I knew back when. He was a serious tail chaser, man. And he was talking about going to strip clubs and trying to take the girls back, and kinda measuring himself by how much they gave him. And one day, he's talking about his latest stuff on the phone, and I just said something that connected out of nowhere." "That can happen, actually. Maybe you didn't really say it. Maybe someone said it for you." "Excuse me?" "We are everywhere, you know." Lindsay smiled. "What did you say?" "I just asked him, out of frustration, 'Is there anyone you know that you don't wanna get in bed with?' It was something like that, just some sarcastic comment. But he told me it was the thing he needed to hear. And he tried to settle down some, and he always told me it was that comment that turned it around." I chuckled. "Sometimes the Lord is in the little breeze, eh?" "What? OH, Ezekiel, right... yeah, it's strange. You don't know what's going to make an impact with someone. Some guys need to be shouted at, and some guys need to be treated with small words. And like you said, you may be making one point, and a subtopic of a subtopic of your argument is what hits home. But anything you can do to help helps. And what we did... I hope it helped." "I hope so too. I mean, I don't think I would've reacted to someone attacking me, but it helped him." Kev shrugged. "Maybe he had a bout of common sense. Don't worry, though; they have a topical cream for those things." I smiled and shook my head. "You just have to tell a joke, don't you?" "It's who I am. Well, for now," Lindsay said, winking as we pulled back into the parking lot.

*****

08:55 PM

"Gather round, boys, the contest is about to begin!" I looked around the table. The APA, RVD, Big Show, Hulk Hogan, Earl Hebner, Tommy Dreamer, Kane, and Zach Gowen were all entered. Soon after the chairs were arranged, Bradshaw put out an open invitation for one more person to join. Gail Kim sat down, much to everyone's surprise. Simmons handed me the book, complete with everyone's marker for wagering. There were a lot of heads-up bets that were going to be settled in the morning, as well as a few for who would be the last man drinking -- including one person who bet on Zach, with a smile next to it. Shawn and A-Train passed around the shotglasses and bottles of gin. Each man was given the rules. He would pour off one shot into his glass in turn as they went around the circle. If a man or woman wasn't standing for a full ten-count after drinking the shot, that constituted an elimination. Last one able to stand won. I looked at Shawn as he passed around the essentials. "Do you condone this?" I whispered. "Nah, but these guys know what they're getting into -- well, most of them, anyway." I ran over to A-Train as he left the table to observe. "Why are you doing this? Zach's just a kid, and Gail is..." "Relax," he said as he winked to me and pointed to a glasses case in his pocket. "I got it covered." I thought about that as the contest began.

*****

09:15 PM

And then there were two. Some time around Round 5 they began to drop. Hogan, much to no one's surprise, got sick of the taste and begged out first. Gail didn't last much longer, running to the bucket early. Kane decided to stop early so he could be ready for tomorrow's RAW. Hebner fell over at the count of 9 on the seventh drink. Van Dam fell asleep between rounds and couldn't answer the bell. Simmons crashed at 10, while Dreamer made it to an even dozen. Bradshaw, considered the favorite, hurled in dramatic fashion as he pulled himself up for Round 16. What was in the drinks? Shouldn't people be lasting longer? After so much being consumed, it was down to Big Show and Zach. I looked at A-Train again. He was chuckling to himself as he watched. Kevin had also noticed, and seemed to indicate that a lightbulb had gone off. I took note of the participants. Big Show was dazed and confused. His eyes were going bloodshot, and his breath reeked. His hand was shaking as he poured, and over the last three rounds, more had landed on the table than in the glass. Zach, meanwhile, had a wide-eyed wonder about him. He was almost a spectator rather than a competitor. Everyone was admiring his stamina. It was as if he was still sober. Show began to stand up for Round 17. He shakily poured the drink into the shotglass and tossed it back. As Hogan shouted, "Be careful, brother," Show stood. Five, six, seven... a slight tremor in his leg. Eight, nine, ten. He had made it. Zach pulled himself up on his leg and prosthesis. He poured the drink carefully, almost as if measuring a laboratory sample of ethanol. With an unusual confidence, he sipped it and finished it. Without moving, he stood for the full ten seconds before calmly sitting down. Show attempted to stand up again. He slowly rose from his chair. As he did, his leg twitched again, causing him to pause. He placed his arms on the table for support, with A-Train and Shawn counterbalancing the other side. Finally, something gave out and he fell forward into the table. The bottles went flying, although Zach saved his, and Show fell to the floor, not quite unconscious but certainly the worse for ware. The wrestlers gasped in shock. I stared at Zach, who smiled. A-Train placed his hand on Zach's shoulder and proclaimed him the winner. Everyone cheered, then headed for the their tables to watch the Browns/Steelers game or to the restroom to clean out their system. Zach remained at his seat as I walked over. "Wow. I didn't know you could drink that much... how do you do it?" "I don't know either," he said. "I sure haven't had this much at one time before." "Hey, man," interrupted A-Train. "You had a friend." It was at that point that I remembered that Owen was A-Train that week. I checked Zach's bottle. No telltale bubbles of gas in it. I opened it. No smell emerging. I looked at A-Train, smiled, and shook my head. He grabbed the bottle and took a hearty swig. Zach was drinking water all along.

*****

Monday, October 06, 2003, 08:00 AM Stamford, CT

I woke up as before, but something was off today. I couldn't quite place it at first - - my daze kept me from recognizing my surroundings -- but there was definitely something that I hadn't experienced before. Funny, I don't remember being warned of some sort of crisis or anything. I rolled over and saw a blond head of hair on the other bed. The long locks seemed familiar from behind, and at any rate, the shape of the body was easy to pick out. When the person rolled over, my suspicions were confirmed. I pulled the covers off, but as I did so, I noticed my hands. They were longer and more slender than I had ever been used to. On top of that, the fingernails were perfectly rounded and of considerable length -- one which usually meant it was time to cut them. Soon the cobwebs cleared, and I realized that a lot more than my fingernails seemed out of place. I jumped out of bed and reached for my glasses. I knew I was going to need some time to adjust to this one. As I grabbed the case, I saw two identical cases next to each other. I opened them both. Both had our pair of glasses. I put one of them on and looked around. I saw myself in the mirror -- the first comforting sight since I'd awakened. I slowly turned my head to the person next to me. I let out a sigh of relief. Lindsay was curled up in the other bed, trying to catch the extra sleep. I removed the glasses, slowly. As I did, I gulped. All the differences I thought I felt I had felt. Everything was different. My hair, usually short and almost black, was now long and blonde. My legs, which had been powerful in my life, were rail thin. But it was more than that. Entire parts of me were out of whack. At least I knew why. This is going to be painful. Wow, am I glad that Lindsay's my roommate. It's as if God knew I'd need the help. I'd better let her know about this. I am so in trouble... maybe if I wore my glasses she'd realize the problem. I hope that is Lindsay. I hope I wasn't seeing things. I walked over to her, pausing to see myself in the reflective surface of the lampstand as I did so. I slowly removed the glasses to see myself again. As I did so and took in the reality, the person next to me awakened. "Could you turn off the light? I wanna get a few more minutes." "Not this morning. This is an emergency." The other person looked up. "What's wr--" I turned toward Lindsay. She paused, then reached for her glasses. As she got them out and put them on, she burst out laughing. "Hey! This isn't funny! I need your help!" I threw myself back on the bed and whimpered. I was not having fun yet. "I'm sorry, Andy, I really am. Don't worry. Let me just talk to Shawn." She picked up the phone and dialed some numbers. "Hello, Shawn? It's Lindsay. Yeah, how are you? Look, Andy and I are going to be a bit late, so take notes for us at the meeting, would you please? Thanks. Oh, the problem? Just a little adjustment period, that's all. Thanks, Shawn. You're wonderful. Bye." She took off her glasses and looked at me. "Man, are you ever a mess. Don't worry, though... we can fix that easily. The differences aren't as big as you all think. It's the little things you have to worry about." I removed the glasses and put them in the case, then looked ahead. "So, Trish Stratus," I said to Lindsay, hoping the change to character would help me adjust, "where do we start?" She smiled. "Everywhere, Stacy Keibler. Everywhere." TENTH WEEK Monday, October 06, 2003, 08:14 AM Stamford, CT

"That's not much of a help, you know." "Relax. There aren't as many differences as you think. Caught me off-guard too, the first time, way way back when. Look, if you're afraid of something, just let me know, okay?" "Well, there is something... kinda big..." "What?" I got very nervous. Maybe physically I was female, but metaphysically I was still male. I hadn't yet lost any gender identity I had had. Would I ever? Well, now's as good a time to find out as any. "Um... you know, I think I'm kinda hot." Lindsay blinked. "What does that mean?" "Well, she is, anyway. I mean, I... when I was alive, she..." I shook my head. "Forget I ever said anything." "No, no, it's okay. Just spit it out. Look, I've heard a lot worse said about a lot of people. You don't have to worry about offending me. Trust me, I've heard it all." "Well, okay, Lindsay... but it's kinda..." Oh, just suck it up. "I'm nervous about her body. Like, I'm going to have to do things like get dressed and take showers and stuff. And... well..." Trish's face lit up. "Oh, I get it! Yeah, Kathleen was telling me the same thing. She couldn't even shower in public cuz she was surrounded by guys. Oh, yeah, I totally understand what you're saying." "You do?" "Yeah! Look, don't worry. Don't be upset about it. I mean, good grief, I still think about some guys even though I've been a guy something like 80% of the time since I died. It's not going to go away." "Hardly a help, you know." "Look, there are going to be some things you'll have to get used to, but hey, at least you lucked out and have me as a roommate, right? Like I said, I'll help you through it. Now, seriously... you'll be fine. If you're worried about just you, you'll never make it tonight, so... lighten up." "Tonight? Why, what's tonight?" She smiled. "You know the Divas get their own locker room, right?" "Oh yeah... we do." A smile crept across my face. "Hey, careful now. We can't have you losing yourself in some lustful thinking, you know." I snapped my fingers. "This is gonna be so difficult." "Well, if you want to take the day off, you can try to do that." "No, no, it's not that... it's that... oh, I'm never going to be able to do this!" I buried my face in my hands. I had visions of being useless all week. I could see myself getting fainter and fainter, whether or not it was true. I had been a woman for about 20 minutes and was already a failure. "Hey, hey... you'll do fine. Don't worry. Pull yourself together." I looked up. "I should... why am I so...?" "It happens, okay? You're scared, you're nervous... Stacy's an emotional person. You're going to experience that. Just so long as you can pull through it, you're going to be fine." I sniffled. "Thanks. I need to wash up, don't I?" "Eventually. But I think it's nothing a little make-up won't be able to hide." "Make-up? Oh, no..." "What's wrong with that?" "Lindsay, I... I've never worn make-up before! I'm a guy! Guys don't wear make- up!" She laughed. "Honey, you've never taken a good look around New York at night." We both laughed together. This was one week I was going to enjoy on a personal and professional level. Just the fact that I was going to be spending so much time with Lindsay almost made me forget how much of a struggle things were going to be adjusting to my new life.

*****

11:44 AM

After spending most of the morning together, including a wonderful breakfast with the rest of the Divas, Lindsay and I decided that maybe Shawn needed to know where we were and what the big deal was. She went off to find him and explain, leaving me alone in the hotel room. I looked at what I was wearing. I had on an old Dudley Boyz T-shirt that was apparently given to Stacy when she was the Duchess. I was wearing long jeans, normal shoes, and a pair of ear studs. All in all, it was a very casual look, and not one I was used to seeing with Stacy. Well, now's as good a time as any. I walked over to the closet and opened the door. There was a large mirror on the inside of the door, which I positioned so that I could see what I was doing. I closed the shades and returned to the mirror. I made sure no one could see what I was about to do. They wouldn't understand. I kicked my shoes off behind and pulled the socks off as well. I set them aside. I undid the belt around my waist and paused. The next step was the crucial one, mentally, for me. I took a deep breath and regained my composure. With a businesslike pace, I undid the button and zipper on the jeans and slid them off, then pulled my shirt up over my head. So far, I wasn't seeing anything new. However, the surreality of being so close to it was getting to me. I half-wanted to stop and get dressed again, but I knew that if I didn't do it now, the first time would be in the locker room, in public. I closed my eyes. I wasn't interested in getting there, just being there. While keeping my eyes shut, I fumbled around behind my back for the bra hook. As I slid my hands up to where it was, I worried about how long the next step would take. Surprisingly, it was simple, almost an automatic thing, as the arms and hands knew how to undo it. I pulled the bra off of me, then tossed it aside by the rest of what I had been wearing. I slowly moved my hands to the last piece of clothing I had -- the panties. Without looking, I slid them down my body and off my feet, discarding them as before. Just then, I heard a card slide into the door. I turned around and saw the handle turn. Quickly, I dove behind the bed and crawled out of view, only sticking my head up over the edge so I could see who it was. Trish re-entered the room with Shawn. As she did, she was talking to him, saying, "Yeah, so I guess if we could both talk to Andy, he'd be--" She turned around and saw Stacy's outfit on the foot of the bed, and me curled up behind the bed, thankfully out of view. I smiled and waved. Shawn froze, as if unable to comprehend what could possibly have just happened. Trish, however, instantly turned around and said, "Actually, now's not a good time, so if you could give me a few minutes, I'll get back to you." With that, she shoved Shawn out the door and closed it. She turned around and sat down on the other bed, facing me. She smiled. "Did we catch you at a bad time, Andy?" "Um... yeah." "How long have you been like this?" "Actually... um... only a few seconds. Honest, you caught me just as I was going to go take a shower." She half-smiled and gave me a smirk. "Sure you were." "Look, I swear, I just got undressed, ok?" "Okay, Andy. That's fine. Just... throw the deadbolt next time. Seriously. Do you want me to leave you alone?" I paused. "Could you?" "All right. Just make sure to lock up completely next time you want to do this." I blushed. "Don't worry," she said reassuringly, laughing as she did so. "There's nothing I haven't seen before. I was female, and I am female. You don't have to hide for me." "You sure? I mean, I'd think you would want the setting to be a little more... romantic." She rolled her eyes. "Andy, there's time for us to be us later. Odds are we're going to be together a lot this week anyway. We can be... look, would it make you feel better if I left?" "Yeah, it would." "All right, I'll get going." She got up and laughed again. "Don't worry, okay? You're fine. It's all right. Look, you're always going to be a guy. Heck, the times I've been the Rock I've taken some extra time by the mirror, okay? You just have to be sure you control yourself. It's like I said earlier. Now, I'll catch you in about an hour, okay? That oughta be enough time." "Thanks. I'd do the same thing for you." "Thank you. Now, I'd better explain to Shawn why I was so rude to him." She walked to the door and left. As the door closed, I heard her say to Shawn, "Don't worry about that. Andy was just--" before the door slammed shut. I crawled back from behind the bed and went to the mirror, keeping my eyes closed as much as possible. Once in front of the mirror, I opened my eyes and admired the view.

*****

03:35 PM Mohegan Sun Casino, Uncasville, CT

"Read 'em and weep, ladies," said Eric Bischoff as the latest RAW was announced. I went over to check it, able to get a good look in the Diva locker room. The segments with the women in it were highlighted, helping me find what was going to happen. Molly rolled her eyes as she walked away. I checked the sheet. The first highlighted passage was: "Jazz/Gail vs Trish/Molly (Gail p Molly clean -> match next week)". Right below it, though, was a series of stuff I would be involved in. First, I'd be at ringside while Scott Steiner did an interview for an open challenge. After that, the challenge would be answered by Sean Morley, who would beat Steiner in his return. The last one, though, caught my attention. It read: "Segment Richards w/Stacy (abduction)". I chased after Eric, who had already made it halfway down the aisle to the planning room. "Eric, excuse me... s--whoa!" I tumbled over and fell onto my hands and knees on the floor. Eric raced back and helped me up. "Stacy... you all right?" "Yeah, I'm fine... anything damaged?" "No, you look ok... what happened?" "I just tripped." Damn high heels -- how do women ever wear them? "I'll be fine." "Okay... did you want to talk to me about something?" "Yeah... um, what's the abduction thing?" "Oh, that. Well, Steven is Sean Morley's manager, and basically he's dumping Victoria to try to get you. He'll explain the whole thing during the challenge and the segment after it. Don't worry, Stacy... you're not really being kidnapped. It's just for show." "No, no, it's not that... it's that... well.... wait, did you say StevEN? Not StevIE?" "Oh, I guess I did. Yeah, he's going back to Steven... it's the whole psychological... you know what, if you saw Heat it would make sense. Victoria ditched Stevie there, and he seemed to get this look on his face, remember?" I didn't, but Stacy did. "Yeah..." "Well, he promised that tomorrow, the world would be sorry for what Victoria did. I can't say any more. It's all hush-hush. In fact, Steven and Sean are being kept in a separate dressing room." "So I can't talk about the match with them?" "Just be yourself, Stacy. You'll do fine." "Thanks, Eric." "Hey -- what are old bosses for?" He grinned and hugged me. I wasn't exactly creeped out, nor did I feel a chill as I thought I would. Instead, I was too caught up in the fact that in heels I was taller than Eric to notice.

*****

09:37 PM

HOLLA - IF YA HEAR ME! The crowd began to boo Scott Steiner as the monster went to the ring. Well, most of the crowd did -- a good portion cheered on their bad boy leader, and another portion cheered me on. Scott, still a gentlemen despite being programmed to be a heartless ass- kicker, made sure to hold the ropes open for me as I swung my legs to enter. Scott then took the mic from Lillian Garcia. "Now, I understand from the boys in the back that there are a few guys who are upset with the Big Bad Booty Daddy and how he does his actions. Well, I don't give a damn who it is that wants a piece of me, because you know that I can beat anyone here in the WWE. So this goes to all the boys in the back -- if you gotta problem with the one and only Scott Steiner, step into the ring and let him know what it is if you're prepared to face the genetic freak with the greatest peaks. And if you're a Diva, well after the show, you and I can do a little contest of our own back in my room. So this goes to all you freaks out there -- Big Poppa Pump is your hookup! Holla if ya hear me!" Throughout the time, I positioned myself on Scott's free arm to cement where my choice was. After all, Scott saved me from that abusive boyfriend of mine, Test -- how couldn't I be grateful? We both turned to the entrance as the seconds ticked by. We didn't know what to expect. Sirens went off again, but much, MUCH louder ones, heightening the cacophony. I placed my hands over my ears and ran away from the entrance. I didn't need to look up at the TitanTron -- I knew I would find the big red circle with the line through it on the screen. Stacy may have never heard this in person, but I sure had. The music -- er, noise -- stopped soon after. I looked in the aisle, knowing exactly what I was going to see. It also explained the change to Steven Richards, as he and Sean Morley were in the aisle, dressed in the familiar shirt, tie, and slacks they had worn three years earlier. Steven had the mic, and his raspy voice began to explain it all. "Last night, when that no-good woman of loose morals named Victoria decided she had had enough of me, I came to a realization that I was falling into a trap. It was a trap that would lead to the disintegration of my own personal well-being. I knew something had to be done about it, so I contacted Mr. Morley here and told him we had to go back on the crusade against all that was wrong in the WWE. And a good example of what is wrong is right there in the ring. Miss Keibler, how can you live with yourself? You parade around in the slightest of material, planting sinful thoughts in the minds of men everywhere, and then you spend your time with a man whose whole life is based on excessive violence and gratuitous sexual exploitations! Well, I say no more! Tonight, you, Scott Steiner, will be taught a lesson! And you, Stacy, will be shown the error of your ways -- for your own good." Morley charged the ring as I ducked out the other side. Steiner and Morley were exchanging blows when I turned around. Steven yelled instructions to Morley, while I just stood and reacted. Morley whipped Steiner back and forth, driving his knee into Steiner's gut as he did so. He went for a bulldog, but Steiner shoved him off and planted him with a bodyslam. He dropped the elbow and covered, but as the ref went down to count, he said, "No, no, not now," and delivered some push-ups to fire up the crowd. I applauded and smiled to the fans behind me. He stood back up and picked up Morley. He went for an overhead suplex, but Morley elbowed out. He then put Steiner in a headlock, but again Steiner shoved off. On the rebound, Morley was caught and planted with an overhead suplex and a DDT. Steiner covered, and got two. Steiner went to the top rope, but Morley caught the axhandle with a thrust kick on the way down, then delivered a fisherman's suplex for two. I gasped as Morley yelled at me and called me a "call girl" and other various things. Morley returned to the match, trying a figure-four, but Steiner cradled for two as I cheered, then deflated in turn. I yelled words of encouragement to Steiner, making sure to lean over as I did so that the cameras could choose a more favorable viewing angle. Steiner began to flex for the crowd as Morley rolled to his hands and knees. Just then, I felt someone grab me from behind. I looked over my shoulder. It was Steven. I screamed. The ref heard me and ran over to check it out. He tried to separate us, but Steven let go first. He then checked to see if I was all right. I knew something was up, and that Steven and the ref had worked out a finish. I kept him distracted long enough to allow Steven to sneak in and superkick Steiner right in the face, then roll out. As we turned around Morley climbed to the top rope and hit the big splash, which got the win. I did my best "shocked" face as the alarms went off again. Then I got deeply angry as Steven and Morley posed in the ring. I slid under the bottom rope, nearly sliding out of my dress in the process, and ran behind both men. I dropped to one knee and struck Richards right between the legs. He hopped around and yelled in pain, while shouting instructions to Morley. On his orders, Morley grabbed me and tossed me across the ring. I lay down hurt as Richards and Morley grabbed me. Richards hit me in the gut, and when I doubled over, Morley lifted me on his shoulder and walked off with me to the back. As we walked through the curtain, Kevin Dunn approached us. "All right, guys, quickly, to the back. We got two minutes! Let's go!" Sean set me down and I began to follow everyone. Then, when I realized my running style was severely hampered, I took off my high heels and carried them with me. Out in the parking lot, I put them back on and walked to position. Morley picked me up as before, and Dunn shouted at us, "All right, guys, places everyone! We got ten seconds!" "You all right, Stacy?" "Yeah, Sean. I'm not too heavy, am I?" "Not at all." "Five, four, three, two..." Sean carried me over to a car parked next to the arena. The trunk opened. Richards flung it open as Morley dumped me into it. Richards grabbed the lid and stared into my eyes maniacally as he spoke. I was paralyzed with fear. "Listen to me, Miss Keibler. We're going to show you the error of your ways this week. We will make you a better person, and you'll thank us for doing this when we're through. And if your excuse for a man wants to stop us, then next week, he can have a rematch in which we'll show him exactly why we are in the right. If he can win, we will give up on you. But he cannot beat us, because you know that the truth is on our side. Miss Keibler, this is for your own good. Now get down!" He shoved me as flat as I could get against the floor of the trunk and closed it. I waited a few nervous seconds as I heard the engine rumble. I heard more doors close. I braced myself for the inevitable. Finally, the car jolted forward and began to zoom off. I felt it take a hard right turn and speed onto a road. Then, it came to a stop. The trunk popped open. I looked out of the back. We were still in the parking lot, some quarter mile from the arena. A pair of huge black slacks blocked my view. The trunk opened. A familiar face smiled, dressed in the same garb as the others. "Hey, Stacy -- you all right?" It was Mark Henry. He held out his hand and helped me out of the trunk. I climbed out and walked around to the right. The back door was open for me. I climbed in and sat down. Sean Morley was next to me. "You ok, there?" "Yeah... thanks, guys... I'm fine." "All right," said Steven, in the navigator seat. "Let's head back in and watch the rest."

*****

10:03 PM

I re-entered the arena and followed the others. As I passed the Diva locker room, I pulled off to the side and opened the door. William Regal was in there, heading to a back door. I gasped. "Oh, truly sorry, miss. I was just sent on an errand by one of your colleagues. I suppose I can try later, though. I'll be off." He left, walking past me as he did. I felt a deep chill as he brushed by me. I went into the locker room, intending to shower off before the others got there. As I did, I saw a piece of paper sticking out from Molly's tote bag, looking innocuous. It wasn't one I remembered being there. I pulled it out. It was a small note. It read:

"NG warning -- Wed 2000 yours DM"

I didn't know what it meant, but I suddenly felt a need to take a shower. I put the note back, trying to make it look like it hadn't been touched. I began to undress for the shower, but soon changed my mind. It was suddenly too freezing to be washing off in the locker room anyway.

*****

Wednesday, October 08, 2003, 05:44 PM Vero Beach, FL

Stay calm, Andy. Stay calm. Just try to ignore the fact that you've got a first- person seat to a Divas photo shoot and they're all walking around down here in swimsuits. Think of something else. Like how cold it is outside. Yeah, that's it. Cold thoughts. Get everything back to... wait, that's not a problem, is it? Just don't stare... Andrew's right there. Don't let him get the wrong ideas. Each of us had been allowed to invite one person along with us to spend the next few days in still sunny Florida as we rested before the weekend tour. It was just the RAW girls, though -- Torrie and Sable were off in Europe prepping for Rebellion, the UK pay- per-view show. Nidia, however, stayed at home to take part in her first photo shoot, babbling like a maniac the whole way. "Wow, I can't believe this. I've really arrived, haven't I? This is wonderful. I can't believe I'm going to be doing this. I'm so excited." Yeah, I noticed. The pictures were to appear in the 2004 calendar. Torrie and Sable had submitted studio photos so that they could take part in the proceedings. Their absence hadn't gone unnoticed by the male members of the crew and company, who seemed somewhat disappointed not to see them here. The Divas themselves, however, were relieved. In the tent where we were unwinding from the shoot, the talk dealt with the various male members of the roster who had accompanied everyone. Nidia and Jazz got into a fun discussion as to whose husband/fiance could defeat the other in a legitimate street fight, and the terms were getting quite personal. I tried to pay more attention to Ivory, who had her entire family along with her for the trip. "Hey Tina," I asked, "what's it like to be a mom and a Diva?" She hesitated, then sent her children to go play with Daddy. She came closer to me. "In what way?" "Well, does it bother you at all that here you are, parading around in these tight outfits, and your children are going to have that image of you?" "But why would they? I don't let them watch my show." "Well, not now... but eventually their friends are going to see you. They'll recognize you." "Yeah, I thought of that. It's a tough ride. You gotta try to teach the kids to behave one way and then be another -- you want to just be yourself. You have to establish what's personal business and what's public." "I don't understand." "Well... who are you?" "Me? I'm Stacy." "No, no, no -- I mean, what do we see out there that matches who you are inside?" I thought. I was afraid I'd have to go ask Stacy about this. What is it that Stacy has that's so true to form? "Well... I guess I'm a cheerful person." "Okay... what else?" "Well... I do miss Andrew. I'm glad he got excused from the European tour to be here." "Yeah, but -- even that... you think Test is a jerk. Of course, you and Scott... but anyway, who are you?" "I'm a simple girl from Baltimore who won a talent search and went from a dancer to a superstar. I don't know how, but I did." "Just remember that, then. That's what's important. You need to separate the real you from the fake you. They may have the same name, face, mannerisms... but the person out there isn't you." "I know that, but -- but how does this relate to your kids? They don't know that." "Stacy, when you've been doing this for as long as I have, you know how to turn it on and off. I know how to tell people what I do and why I am the way I am. I'm an actress at this point. I'm not even really a wrestler any more. Back when you were still a grade schooler, I was an athlete. Now, I'm just a teacher, an actress, and a mother. And this is my role." "But don't you wish you could be an athlete again? I mean, I don't know what I'm doing in there, and I don't know if I ever will. But you... you're like this now. I can't imagine what you must've been like back then." "You've never seen me? Actually, be glad you haven't. I hated that so much." "Why?" "Remember GLOW?" I know what she's going to say, but Stacy probably doesn't. My eyes went wide. "You were in that? Whoa... but that was all about beauty. How did you ever...?" "Because I was the only one with any talent. It was the only good thing about it. GLOW and POWW... it was all that stupid McLean living out some fantasy... I should've quit sooner, but I needed the money. Now, at least, I can get respect for my talent." "Tina... look around... we're in skimpy bathing suits getting photographed for a Wack of the Month calendar. How does your talent..." "...I know what we're doing! I asked to be in the original Right to Censor so I didn't have to be a part of this!" She paused and lowered her eyes. "Sorry, I didn't mean to yell. I know it seems weird, but when Tough Enough came along, and I got all that time being the trainer... you know, people here saw me in a different light. And I felt human again." "Why did you need others to feel human?" Oh, dammit, why did I say that? How did that come out of me? I gotta be more subtle. "I'm sorry, that didn't..." "No, no. I know. I've wondered that too. I know that my family loves me for who I am, and I know I'll always have fans from everywhere I've been. I still keep in touch with Luna, that wacko. But I just haven't really convinced myself, I guess. Maybe it's that I've always been around these Barbie girls, with their platinum hair and long legs, looking like department store mannequins and with almost as much wrestling acumen... man, how did I ever live with those people?" I was stunned into silence. I felt tears coming down my cheek. Ivory seemed to be in the middle of free thought, without looking up. I just waited until she was done, then stared at her through my watery eyes. "I don't know -- how did you live with us?" I shoved her aside and walked out of the tent, grabbing a nearby robe to keep warm. I ran across the sand and behind a large rock the photo company chose for a possible background, where I sat down and cried. I thought I knew her. She seemed so nice. How could she think that of her? Of me? "Stacy Girl? You okay?" "Go away, Andrew. Please." "All right." I didn't even look at him. I couldn't. I was too busy thinking about why I was so hurt. I'm not Stacy. I'm Andy. Everything she said... Stacy is here for looks. She knows it. I know it. If I had just acted upset, this would've been fine... but... but I am upset. Why? I stared at my hands. My thoughts drifted to the glasses in my hotel room. I don't need out, do I? Greg needed out when he was Stacy. Is this happening to me? Where's Lindsay? I'd better talk to her! I slowly stood up, but was surprised when I saw Trish standing in front of me. She just hugged me and provided her sympathy. "You're okay, Stacy. You're just fine. We like you... we really do." "Thank you. I like you all... I like you... so much." "Thank you, Andy. You're gonna be just fine."

*****

07:39 PM

I was alone in my and Trish's room. I lay in bed watching Jeopardy and waiting for Trish to come back from meeting with Shawn. Even while trying to answer the questions that Trebek was throwing out at me, I couldn't stop mentally wandering back to the beach. Every time I didn't focus, I focused on Ivory's words. I worked hard in high school. I got straight As. I did the math team. But I wanted to be thought of for more than just a genetic gift. But what was I? The Brain. The fucking Brain. Who cares about a brain, anyway? I tried everything I could. I tried out for the football and basketball teams. I went to the big games. I spoke to people regularly in the halls. Nothing worked. I was just a weird guy -- and a brain. Always, always, I was a tutor or an arbiter. That's not who I am. I didn't want to be a label. I didn't want to be one-dimensional. I was better than that. I was better than the others. The athletes who took the easy electives -- I'd show them when they worked for me. The cheerleaders concerned about their hair and face -- when it left them, they'd admire what I had. The pot-smoking bullies in the back of the class who thought I didn't belong with them -- they were right; I was so much better. But oh, those so-called "beautiful people" -- the ones who everyone admired for the shallowest of reasons -- I hated them so much. They did nothing to earn their place, or they did all the wrong things. They were politicians, or models, or loud-mouthed clowns... and they liked each other, and not me. And somehow, they began to design the social world, and I was left out. I went on to college -- on to Duke -- and I started to form a life for myself. And all the time, I saw the same thing again and again... these people who were loud or good- looking or both, controlling the agenda, making people notice them. They wanted to date the basketball stars; they wanted to be the dance team. There wasn't any room for a math major not in a fraternity. Too clean cut. Too straight-laced. Not enough of a punk to fit in. Well, now I have my wish. Now I'm one of them. Now I can get the attention by existing; I can set the rules; I can make people want to follow my orders. And she... she said what I thought of people like who I am. And it hurt. It hurt a lot. I never thought of people as people. It's so hard to do when they fit in, like a character in a storybook. Everyone in my life was a peripheral character, someone I met a few hours a day or a few days a week if I was lucky. I could know only as much as I had to, in order to get through. It was easy to marginalize and group together. But now -- I'm not even a central character, and everyone else is. And everyone has feelings and perceptions. Now I can't just make rash statements like she did -- they could hurt! Now I can't just say what's on my mind, because it's no longer on MY mind, and it's no longer just MY opinion. On top of that, my actions and my reactions -- everything matters. Everything means something. Wait a second. Why does this mean something to me? I mean, sure, I just saw that how I thought was dangerous, but I knew that. I never told them how I felt. But this was more personal. Her statement hurt Stacy -- but it hurt me! I'm not Stacy. But I am Stacy. Oh, shit. This is so confusing. There was a knock on the door. I went to it and looked through the peephole. Trish was on the other side. I opened it. "Are you dressed?" she asked with a smile. "Come on in," I replied. "I'm decent." She sat down on her bed and watched the show with me for a while. All the time, though, she seemed like there was something she wanted to say but didn't know how to say. I wasn't sure if I should prompt her or not. "Something wrong, Trish?" "Trish? No. Lindsay? Yes." I turned off the television. "What is it?" "A couple of things... first, I went to see you while you were sleeping off your pain earlier. You're perfectly fine. No sign of being absorbed or faded or anything. It's like these comments never happened." "But they did. Why would I make this up?" "No, that's just it -- I know they did. Gail told me." "So, why are you worried that I'm okay?" "You remember when the trade happened? Greg came in here and said he was getting emotional and was afraid he was losing it?" "Yeah, of course I do." "Well... you're handling this a lot better than he did. I just wonder about that." "What? What are you getting at?" "Okay, I've thought about a lot of this, but I never really pieced it together. See, Greg didn't know I was headed to RAW then. He just went looking for someone. Now, here's the thing... he wasn't the first person to bail out that week. Kathleen was. And now, if their prayers were answered, they're off on a honeymoon." "Yeah, and good for them. They probably met there and fell in love. What's the big deal? Relationships happen; you should know that." "I do! But I don't know if... if... if he's in a relationship. You heard Owen talk about his tendencies." She shuddered as she said this. I found myself shuddering as well, even though I knew he wasn't around to look at me right now. "Whoa, that was weird..." "Well, you are a woman." "I guess so. But anyway, yeah... I think he's legit. I mean, he talks about having been around a long time and counselling all these people who were our age. He's said it's his gift." "He says... all I know is he died in some war, with his combat gear on. For all we know he just kicked it over in Iraq. Point is, I don't know if I can trust him, I don't know him that well, and I hope he legitimate and not just trying to screw around." "Of course he is! He wouldn't last this long otherwise." She waited. "You're right. I'm getting too worried. I guess it's the other thing that's getting to me." "What do you mean?" "Well, the girls are headed out for a big dinner together. You can come along, by the way, if you want... but the point is, we were gonna go at 8, but Molly was pushing for 9. We kept asking why, and she said she just had something to do at 8. She seemed really evasive. Didn't matter, cuz we're gonna go at 9 anyway, but it was just so weird." For whatever reason, 8 o'clock seemed to strike a chord with me. Why were alarm bells going off in my head as I heard that time? Where have I heard it before? What about it? "Andy? Andy, what's wrong?" "What day is it?" "Wednesday." "Wednesday... 8 o'clock... at night..." "Yeah. At night. Why?" "I wish I knew. I just feel like this time means something. I'm... you know, I'm probably just weirding out like you are. But I've been getting some vibes about her." "How so?" "Well, she got this note after her match. I still remember what it read, because it made me feel dirty and cold all of a sudden. NG warning Wed 2000 yours DM. Now, NG I guess is Nora Greenwald -- Molly. But the rest... I dunno." "Warning? What could be the warning?" "Maybe someone is trying to help her out... warn her about this weekend somehow. But who?" "Maybe the DM... but I don't know of too many DMs..." "Yeah -- Dawn Marie? But isn't she on SmackDown?" "Maybe that's why they needed to meet here. I saw her walking around with some new girl from OVW -- Alexis I think. Maybe it's about someone here. We should keep an ear out for this. Maybe we'll talk to Dawn tonight and see if everything's ok." "Yeah... you know... I feel like going for a walk. You wanna go?" "Sure." We got up and headed out to the hall. As we did, Gail exited her room, calling back, "Be back in a few minutes, Nora." She headed to the elevator in front of us. We walked past her room and stopped. An unbelievable chill was coming from inside. "What's wrong in here?" "I don't know -- should we find out?" "Sure, I guess." I knocked. After a few seconds, Molly answered, dressed in evening attire. "Oh, it's just you two." "Anything wrong, Molly? I thought you'd be joining us for dinner." "Yeah, I am. I just wanted to see if this new outfit.. um, fit. You know, I went shopping this afternoon and I wanted to try it on." I looked her over. The outfit was something you'd have expected Stacy to wear, from the spaghetti straps on top to the short length of the skirt below. It certainly didn't look right on her, and didn't seem right either. The cold feeling grew stronger. "Well, it fits, but... Molly, it's just not your type of dress. It's..." Lindsay hushed me. I'll take Lack of Tact for $400, Alex. "Well, anyway, Nora, we'll talk about it tomorrow. No need to wear it tonight, though." "I know. I just felt funny. Anyway, thanks for being concerned." "Sure. Catch you later." "Okay, bye." As she closed the door, I felt my wrist. "Oh, shoot... do you have a watch?" "No, I don't," Trish responded. "I hope we're not out too much." We took the elevator to the lobby. As the doors opened, we got off and William Regal and Test got on. I gave him a big hug as we passed, feeling strangely happy as I did so. I never thought hugging a guy would get that out of me. "Hey, William," Trish asked, "you got the time?" "Oh, yes I do. It's twenty ought five and... oh, sorry, five past eight. Got my watch on bloody naval time." "Thanks," we both said. I felt the warmth of Test's embrace turn into an icy chill as the elevator closed. Deep down, I realized what the note really meant. "Lindsay," I said as soon as we were outside, "Wed 2000! Wednesday 8 o'clock! That's why Molly was so inistent on waiting for an hour!" "Ohhhhh... of course. But what could the warning be?" "I wish I knew. I really wish I knew."

*****

11:14 PM

The dinner was outstanding. Everyone had a great time -- even I did after Ivory reconciled. "I guess even an old dog needs to learn some new tricks," she said as she apologized to me. We got to meet the new girl down in Ohio Valley. Her name was Alexis Laree, and she was no stranger to the big time. She still did work with other organizations while fulfilling her OVW duties, most notably for the NWA group in Nashville. She had tons of stories about our old friends like Raven and D'Lo, Road Dogg and Russo. She even had fun starting a Dusty Impersonation Contest. We were all judged too thin to get first place. As the night ended, I headed off to the ladies' room to accompany Dawn Marie. Well, I guess I'll finally figure why women need a buddy system. As we entered, I found I didn't have to use any facilities and felt a little silly just carrying things around. Fortunately, the same was true for Dawn -- she just put her purse on the counter and touched up her makeup. "Can you believe that girl? Man, she's wearing way too much eye shadow for her own good!" "Yeah, I know! It's like she doesn't know what she's doing!" And believe me, I speak from experience. "And I saw her on those posters for the group my Simon works out of -- MAN, she looks like such a dance hall girl, like she's just trying to hook up with someone." "Really? But isn't that just who her character is?" "I guess, but... oh, man, she's a cult princess down there. There must be a whole slew of guys who want her -- well, not my Simon, of course." "Of course not... I'm sure he'd let you know, though, right?" "Oh yeah, we're open about everything. Wait, why ask?" "Actually... I was just trying to find a way to get to something I saw on Monday."

She sat down on a bench. "What was it?" "Well," I started as I sat down next to her, "Nora got this note about a warning for something. It was signed DM. Did you have anything--" "Hold on, there, girl. I wasn't even in the building on Monday. Sorry to disappoint, sweetie, but I think it's some other DM. Not that I know who it could be -- although we only have a few thousand people here." "Yeah, I guess so." "Besides, I sign my name Dawn anyway. It's much better that way." She reached into her purse and fumbled around. "Oh, crap. You got any cigarettes?" "Me? No! I don't do that!" "Oh well, thought I'd ask. Well, how do I look?" "Just fine, really. I can hardly see the difference, truth be told." "Great. Let's get back before they think we were kidnapped or something." We exited the restroom and returned to the table, just in time to pass Trish and Molly headed back the same way, talking about what we were saying, with Lindsay trying to figure out more than what we knew.

*****

Thursday, October 09, 2003, 02:52 PM Vero Beach, FL

"Rescheduled? Why?" I had just arrived at the beach for my session when I got the news. I was supposed to be ready to go in the water for the shots in 10 minutes, and I had arrived all set to begin shooting. But when I got to the set, they told me to turn around and head back. "Look, the water's too cold today. We don't want you to get sick. We'll try again tomorrow." "But I'm all ready to go now!" "I know, I know... but we can't afford to take chances. Look, we still have the shots of you on land; we can use those if we have to." "You sure about this?" "Yeah -- just head back to the hotel. We've got other people we need to take care of anyway." Reluctantly, I picked up my stuff and trudged back across the sand to the hotel. As I did, though, I heard a commotion on the set, and a lot of laughter from the workers and divas. I stopped and looked in their direction. A bunch of people were running after Trish, who had something in her hand. She was headed towards me. "Keep this away from Alexis," she said as she handed it off. I looked in my hand. It was the top of a two-piece bathing suit. Instantly, Stacy's mind triggered off to me that this was a ritual of some sort. I smiled and kept running. Ivory appeared next to me. I tossed it to her. As the girls took turns trying to hang on to the prize, poor Alexis kept running around, wearing a towel over herself, begging for the others to give it back. I saw the men over her shoulder. They were laughing hysterically. One yelled, "Get the towel!" Eventually, the top made its way back to me. I ran straight to the changing tent, with Alexis following me one step behind the whole way. All the other women followed. Gail closed the tent "door" behind her, drawing a series of groans from the male crowd. Inside, we all applauded as Alexis stood in the center, angry and bewildered. Trish approached her and hugged her. "Congratulations, babe, you're one of us now." I handed her back her top and smiled. Her face slowly broke into a smile, then laughter. She got dressed again as the girls returned for the rest of their shoot. I went ahead to the hotel, wondering why I was the only one put off until tomorrow.

*****

05:44 PM

Lindsay and I were in our hotel room, preparing to join the rest of the group for dinner and SmackDown!. She was trying on various outfits in an attempt to decide which would look best for the guys -- "I'm a flirt, what can I say?" I was busy trying to determine what would happen that night. It would be the first time Andrew and I would be together for any significant period of time this week. "Lindsay," I finally said, "what can I do tonight?" "Do?" "With Andrew. I know we're going to be spending time together." "Oh! Well, I wouldn't worry about it. Just remember to say no." "I know that much. But what if he wants me to... you know..." I made a motion of bringing my hand to my mouth. "Like I said, say no. I mean, you can touch him, sure, but I would be very careful. Don't let him do anything that could lead to going all the way. You're supposed to wait. But I wouldn't be worried; he's too nice a guy to do something like that." "You think so?" "Honey, I know so. Stacy talks about him all the time. Heck, I think he's kinda cute myself." I smiled. "Really?" "Oh, yeah -- the guy's a catch. Stacy is a very lucky girl. I wish I could spend time with that guy. Maybe I'll get to be Stacy some day." "You haven't yet?" "No... why, you wanna switch?" "Can we?" She laughed. "No, no, no... I just want to." "Why? Just so you can be with him?" "Well... I am kinda curious." Something about her nonchalance bothered me, but I was having trouble getting to say it. After all, my problems were most likely meaningless -- in the short term, anyway. Nonetheless, I had to say it. "What about me?" She paused. "Andy... I still like you. You're still a very wonderful person. I'm glad we have time together. But I'm allowed to think other guys are cute, aren't I?" "Yeah... I guess so..." I felt ashamed. I was being overtaken by jealousy for no reason. "I mean, I still think the divas are hot... heck, I know I am... even though... I'm so sorry." "No, no, no -- don't be. I'm not upset. You're still a guy, deep down. We're people. We have feelings and emotions of our own. It's what we do with those emotions -- whether we think cruel thoughts, or perform bad deeds -- that determines how good we are. You don't think the saints ever wished they could fool around, that they weren't called to a higher life?" "I don't know! I guess... I..." I was running out of words. Lindsay saw it and kissed me. "It's all right. Now, about Andrew... you know the rules, right? They're the same as always. Anything you think is wrong, is wrong. Why are you worried about this?" I didn't answer right away. "It's because you're not the guy, isn't it?" "Yeah." "Please. You're in charge now." "I am?" "Yeah! You only think guys control it because we let you," she said while winking. We both laughed. "See? You'll do fine. Just say no, and if he doesn't listen, slap him and kick him out." "All right, I will." A thought crossed my mind. "Lindsay? You said you wanted to have time with him?" "Well, yeah... it would be nice." "I have an idea."

*****

08:00 PM

- The SmarKDown! Rant for Oct. 09, 2003 / Taped Oct. 07.

- Taped from Hartford, CT.

- Your hosts are Michael Cole and Tazz.

- Before I begin, I just want to say that, no, I haven't seen the tape of the WEDDING OF DOOM that has been circulating around the black market, but if anyone has it, I'll pay money to see it. I've heard a ton of funny things about it, and all I can say is, if you make the wedding open to the public, the public will show up. It couldn't happen to a nicer bunch of people.

- On another note, it seems that Scott Steiner has shot himself in the foot on live radio and is out the door. It figures, doesn't it? He probably found he was going to put over the RTC and decided to leave with guns blazing. Apparently, this leaves a gaping hole in terms of who the RTC will feud with, not that you hear me complaining. That group got old FAST back in 2000, and I doubt anyone wants to see them again.

- Oh, and there's a show to do. Fine.

- Opening match: Rob Van Dam vs. Sean O'Haire. Man, did the WWE ever screw the pooch with O'Haire or what? They had a guy who was getting over on his own, then stuck him with Piper in what looked like an attempt to push him to the next level. Of course, the braintrust in the WWE decided to use O'Haire to get PIPER over instead of the other way around, and that was a dumb decision on so many levels. So now they have O'Haire wallowing in the midcard and no credibility or idea how to use him. Anyway, we have a match, don't we? Van Dam attacks to start and gets nowhere. Powerslam by O'Haire gets two. To the outside, where Van Dam hits the STEEL steps. O'Haire chucks him back in over the top rope and gets two. Flapjack gets two. O'Haire tries the Prophecy, but RVD wiggles out and hits an enzuigiri. Flying kick gets two. Martial arts duel favors O'Haire, who delivers a BRUTAL thrust kick for two. Chops in the corner, but RVD reverses. RVD with a slam, but Rolling Thunder hits the knees. O'Haire climbs to the top, but RVD meets him with a superplex for two. RVD potatoes O'Haire a few times, then hits his stepover enzuigiri for two. O'Haire lariats him down for two, but RVD kips up and gets a crossbody and Five Star Frog Splash to finish at 7:33. No flow or anything, but as a wild spotfest it worked. ***1/4 Rhyno gores RVD into oblivion after the match, then challenges him for No Mercy, saying he'll teach him to mind his own business.

- Sable and Test perform some really, REALLY bad sketch about how they'll get John Cena at the Pay-Per-View. I can't tell if Sable's really that bad or just not trying, but Test is clearly phoning it in. Of course, if you had the choice between Sable and Stacy, I think we all know who we would take, right?

- Zach Gowen vs. Paul London. Good to see he's back and healthy, but I wonder if he's improved any. London punches him out and kicks his leg out of his leg. Senton gets two. Gowen kicks him aside and chops him in the corner (whoo). London bails, so Gowen gets in his one offensive move -- a moonsault -- to pop the crowd. Back in, Gowen spears London for two. London hits a legsweep to block, then a single-leg crab. London Bridge (a spinebuster/pinning combo) get two. Cole actually notes that London couldn't balance himself, because there weren't two legs to grab on the flip over. Um, okay. London hits a superplex for two. Flying Jalapeno is ducked, and Gowen punches away to come back. Slingshot legdrop gets two. London ducks a crossbody, then tries a back suplex. Gowen elbows him off, then gets the moonsault for the pin and the welcome back at 5:48. London and Gowen shake hands afterwards. Well, I still don't feel 100% comfortable watching Gowen wrestle, but at least they put him with someone who didn't expose him. **

- The APA are shown backstage playing poker with some guy who apparently is a world poker champion. Also, his last name's Moneymaker, which makes me think he's a fictional character until I go to the World Series of Poker website and realize his last name really IS Moneymaker. Learn something new every day. He's also a fan of World's Greatest Tag Team. Aren't we all? Bottom line, APA lose the game and will defend against WGTT at No Mercy. Not the most orthodox way to establish a match, but it'll do.

- Los Guerreros vs. The Rey Gunns. What, you got a better team name for these guys? Billy starts with Eddie, and a punch-out and drop sleeper get us two. Chavo gets a cheap shot, drawing Mysterio over to get even, and a huge brawl erupts. Rey hits a somersault plancha on both Guerreros on the outside, but back in, Eddie CHEATS TO WIN~! to make Rey face-in-peril. Chavo with a German suplex for two. Eddie slingshot sentons back in for two. Eddie rakes the eyes and low blows Rey while Chavo distracts the ref, then goes up top with a sunset flip for two. Chavo hits Eddie's rolling verticals for two. Eddie hooks the Gory Special, but Billy saves. Chavo in with the Cruiserweight belt, but the shot hits Eddie, hot tag Billy. Dumbasser gets two. Press slam gets two. Eddie is wobbly, but Billy's out of finishers! Cobra clutch (!), but Chavo saves and it's BONZO GONZO. No exclamation point, though. Not that BONZO or GONZO yet. Anyway, Rey wipes out aiming for Chavo on the 6-1-9 and is tossed, leaving Billy two-on-one. Powerplex gets two. Chavo tries the brainbuster, but Billy reverses to a Jackhammer for two... before the ref realizes Chavo isn't the legal man. WHO CARES? Eddie runs in with the belt, but Billy ducks and kicks it back in his face. With the ref distracted clearing the belt, Chavo hits a cross body on Billy and puts Eddie on top for two. Rey returns with a 6-1-9 to Eddie, but the West Coast Hop is ducked... allowing Chavo, who was standing behind the groggy Eddie, to get it instead. Oops. Billy and Rey hit the hop-up rana on Chavo, but as the ref escorts Rey out, Eddie uses a HUBCAP from his car for the pin at 14:53. So for those who are curious, the trivia answer is: it takes three people to carry Billy Gunn. **** Jamie Noble interrupts an argument between the faces by attacking Rey from behind. Gunn pulls him off.

- Kurt Angle promises to make Brock Lesnar tap, but not at No Mercy. Rather, TONIGHT!

- United States Title: Billy Kidman vs. Charlie Haas. By the way, scuttlebutt has it that Kidman's getting a swell head over his US title run and all the great matches he's been putting on, which is JUST what we need -- another ego backstage. Apparently, someone forgot to tell him he's on payroll as a favor to Torrie. At least, he was. Maybe this whole "getting over" thing is working, but he's still a midcard curiosity right now, and will be until he gets a personality. Haas opens fire to start as Shelton Benjamin waits at ringside. Kidman gets whipped into the ropes and uses the momentum to take Benjamin down, which just leads to a double-team as the referee is distracted with Torrie. And really, wouldn't we all be? Back in, it gets two. Haas with the rolling Germans for two. Spin kick is ducked, and Kidman ranas Haas down for two, leading to a pinfall reversal sequence. Haas clotheslines him out of it for two. Haas up top, but Kidman pops up with a Greco-Roman throw for two. Dropkicks stagger Haas, and a flying forearm sends him over the ropes, where Kidman nails him with a backflip. Shelton finds a ladder and sets it up outside, and it's a HUGE one, like the type used at X-7. Haas returns to the ring and tosses Kidman into the ref. Shelton enters for the leapfrog choke that gets nothing because the ref is out. Haas climbs the ladder on the outside, but Torrie shakes it and Haas falls straight into a Kidman dropkick. Shelton goes for a powerbomb, but YOU STILL CAN'T POWERBOMB KIDMAN, but Haas grabs Kidman from behind and WGTT get their finisher. The ref wakes up and counts two. The APA show up at ringside and beat down Benjamin, distracting the ref long enough for Kidman to set the ladder up IN THE RING and deliver the Shooting Star Press off of it for the three (as Torrie scrambles to toss the ladder out of the ring) at 9:44. The ending probably looked better on paper, but points for effort. *** WGTT beat down Simmons to get even.

- Brock Lesnar punks out Kidman to remind everyone who the real champion is, then demands Angle come out. He does, and a HUGE brawl erupts. It's pretty much the same as the HHH/Nash brawl from May, except it gets over.

- Undertaker vs. Rhyno. Rhyno is getting booed out of the building here. It's funny: HHH gets his own stable, new theme music, a manager, Goldberg's head on a silver platter, the single most overprotected job in history, and he's less over than Rhyno, who simply walks out and kicks ass. Think about it. HUGE brawl to start, and Undertaker wins that, then takes it outside. Rhyno chucks Taker into the steps, the railing, AND his bike, then brings him back in, where he punches him down for two. Big uppercut gets two. Nothing fancy here, just punching and kicking, but it's stiff as hell and the crowd is really into it. Taker returns fire and tosses Rhyno by the hair across the ring. Rhyno goes low, then grabs Taker's throat and throws him to the ground by it. Not really a chokeslam, per se, because Taker didn't get elevation; more like that move in SmackDown that resembles a chokeslam, you know? Anyway, it gets two. Rhyno goes to the ribs, punching away repeatedly in the corner, but Taker beals him over the top to the floor, then boots Rhyno as he tries to get back in. Rhyno gets up and kicks Taker HARD in the gut, then gets a PILEDRIVER for two. Sweet sassy molassy. GORE GORE GORE misses, and Taker gets the chokeslam proper for two. Eddie Guerrero runs in and clocks Taker with the LEAD PIPE OF DOOM, and Rhyno hits the GORE GORE GORE on a staggered Taker for the real pin at 6:17. Short and intense -- which is Taker's specialty. *** Rob Van Dam runs in and answers the challenge by kicking Rhyno down and frog splashing him. I'll be shocked if there isn't a black eye from the RVD/Rhyno match.

- "Main" event: John Cena and Hollywood Hulk Hogan vs. A-Train and Test. Of all the teams from 2000 to re-unite, did you HAVE to pick T&A, even if it is just for one match? And really, where are the sunglasses? The co-ordinated outfits? The boring music? Trish? Are these too much to ask for? Faces clean house to start, and the brawling continues all around the ring. Cena controls back in on Test, and a fallaway slam gets two. Train clotheslines Cena to give Test two. Cena goes for ten punches and makes the hand signal, which allows Test to toss him over the top and make him YOUR face-in-peril. John "Edge" Cena? Apparently, since Train comes in with a bearhug slam for two. Test with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for two. T&A whip-splash-boot combo gets two. Test with the pumphandle for two. Train Wreck gets two. Heel miscommunication on a double-team allows Cena the chance to clothesline A-Train and spear Test, hot tag Hogan. Everyone eats the right hand, but Test clips him and gets the Boot for... two. Hulk up, yada yada yada, but the legdrop is blocked by Train and it's BONZO, but not quite GONZO. Train finds Cena's chain and blasts Hogan with it (including sweet bladejob) for the pin at 7:14. Sable directs orders for a beatdown, but both faces Hulk up and the heels run off. Served its purpose. *1/4

The Bottom Line:

Well, it's pretty clear the money matches are Brock/Kurt and Taker/Eddie, but that doesn't mean I have to like the Pay-Per-View. Better wrestling up and down the card than RAW, of course, and even Hogan brought his working boots. Nonetheless, the nostalgia trend with RTC and T&A is a bit worrisome.

Next week: Eric Bischoff hires Vince Russo to manage the New Blood, while Too Cool and Rikishi dance. You heard it here first.

*****

11:03 PM

"Andrew, honey, can I ask you something?" We were alone together for the first time, and in his room. I was cuddling in his arms, wearing one of his shirts on top of my underwear. I felt his warmth around me in a way I never thought I would. I could tell he loved Stacy. "Sure... what's wrong?" "Do you think Sable's cute?" "What?" "Is she?" "Oh, come on. That's just Test. He's trying to get into a position of influence. I don't care." "You don't?" "Can't you tell? She's old. She's... yecch. She's a big phony. Why would I want her?" "Because I'm making you wait." I am? How did I know that? I'd think I wouldn't have access to that. "You think I can't save myself? Look, Stacy, I want to make you happy. That's why I'm not pressuring you." "Yeah, because you don't need to." I don't doubt his sincerity, but I just want him to say it, dammit! "No! What makes you think that?" "You two are spending all sorts of time together on SmackDown!. Nidia said she's been hanging on your arm." "Well... that's just for show!" "Sure. It's because she's easy." "No! Don't think that! Look, I'll prove it to you, okay? What do I have to do?" I was beginning to feel the doubt manifest itself. Maybe these words were her true feelings. "I don't know. All I know is I really miss you, and I'm scared that you don't miss me. I want to know you still care for me." "Of course I do!" I was shaking my head. "I don't know. I don't know. Look, just... please. Give me some space. I don't know why I feel this way. I just want to trust you." He let me stand up, then stared and shook his head in disbelief. "Stacy, come on. What have I ever done to make you think I'm not trustworthy?" "It's not you. It's... I want to believe you. I'm just really caught up in a lot of emotions right now. It was just seeing you, and her, and the way you were making eyes with her the way you do with me... I don't know." He got up and put his arms back around me. "Stacy... I want you to believe in me. I will always, always -- care for you. I will always have you first in my heart. I want you to know that right now. I really do love you." "Thanks... I wanted to hear that." I turned around and kissed him again. "I should be going. I don't want people to talk." "Okay, baby. I understand." We exchanged one last quick kiss, then I put on my jeans and walked off. I felt a spring in my step as I returned to my room.

*****

Friday, October 10, 2003, 01:35 PM

It had been five minutes, and none of the other divas or workers were here. I waited by the shore for someone to show up. The lighting was causing me to keep warm, despite the unseasonably cold day. I guess they decided the water was too cold again. As I picked up my belongings and began to leave, I saw a whole group of people arriving. Everyone -- from the other girls to their friends to the cameramen -- were present. Shawn was walking ahead of the pack. I saw him put some sunglasses on, but the frames were definitely not prescription. He walked up to me and whispered, "You're doing fine." Soon everyone was standing together, staring at me. "What?" I asked, nervously, looking to see if I was indecent or out of place. "What's wrong?" "Nothing," said Shawn. "Truth is, the guys never wanted to take shots of you in the water. The whole thing was a ploy so that we could be here together at the right moment." "What moment?" At that point, Andrew stepped out of the crowd and walked towards me. He had took my hands in his and looked into my eyes. I saw a bulge in the pocket of his jeans, square in shape. "Stacy, this past week I've been thinking... you know, four years ago my character was going to be in the big wedding with Stephanie. It never happened, because HHH got involved. Last weekend... well, Stephanie and HHH made it official. It hit me then that... that I needed to do something." He dropped to one knee. My eyes grew wide. My hands and legs trembled. I could barely breathe. Tears of joy were coming to my eyes. "Stacy... would you make me the happiest man on earth?" He pulled the bulge out of his pocket. It was a ring case. He opened it and produced a beautiful diamond ring. He slid it on my hand. I had no idea how I would find the composure to respond -- my emotions were running high. "Will you marry me?" I stared at him and at the ring on my hand. I was crying. I saw Shawn look at me through the glasses and smile. The women were beaming and ready to explode in glee. I looked him straight in the eye again. I couldn't talk. All I could do was nod and let him pick me up off the ground. I was flying high as the crowd applauded.

*****

09:14 PM

I looked in the mirror. Surprisingly, I hadn't become absorbed in Stacy yet. Lindsay, too, was still herself. I had no idea I could hold out this long through such a wild week. I turned to Lindsay as I took the glasses off. "I don't get it. You'd think I would lose myself in her by now." "Maybe the fact that I'm here is helping you. I wouldn't be surprised. Now, how do I look?" I turned to face her in her robe. Her hair and makeup were perfectly in place. She certainly had put Trish's modelling experience to good use. "Beautiful. He'll love it." "I hope so." There was a knock on the door. "Quick, hide," I said. Trish ducked into the bathroom as I went to the door. I opened it. Andrew entered. "Hey there, baby." We kissed at the door. "Thank you so much, Andrew. I love you." "I love you too." I took him into the room as the door closed behind us. "Honey," I said, "I want to give you a present too. Something to say thanks." "What is it?" "Well, I gotta ask -- what do you think of the other girls? You can say you think they're attractive." "This isn't a trick like last night, is it?" "No... I wouldn't do that to you tonight." "Okay... well... they're all good-looking, especially Trish. Maybe it's because she reminds me of you, but she's the best of the rest of them. Why do you ask? Isn't she your roommate?" "Yeah... well, see, I was hoping you'd say that, because I was talking to her earlier." "You were?" Andrew seemed confused, but happy, as if he didn't know what was coming but knew it would be good. "What about?" "About this," said Lindsay, emerging from the bathroom. She turned Andrew around and took off her robe, revealing her night garments. "Congratulations on your engagement, big boy." Andrew went wide-eyed. He turned back and forth between the two of us before finally facing me. "Is this ok with you?" "Just this once. I wanted to say I'm sorry, and she wanted to help. Is everything fine?" Test broke out in a huge grin. "It sure is." For the next hour, we didn't break any rules. Even so, we were immersed in the love each of us had for each other.

*****

Saturday, October 11, 2003, 11:45 AM Vero Beach, FL

I was still in bed. We had had a long, fun day and night yesterday, and I was both tired and lost in thought. Trish was up and about brushing her hair and making plans for the rest of the day. She and Molly were going to go shopping for more diva apparel. Of course, she told me that along the way she was going to try to talk Molly out of her shell. If she said any more than that, I didn't hear it. I was looking at my left hand, with the diamond ring standing out perfectly from the fourth finger. I was lost in its facets and brilliance. I couldn't stop smiling. "Andy! Are you listening?" "Hm?" "Oh, never mind. You're off in your own world." "What? Is that so bad?" "Well... just be careful. Remember, you're not getting married, Stacy is. And as much joy as you had, come Monday it'll all be gone. You'll be someone new, with new feelings, emotions, highs, lows..." "Lindsay," I said, somewhat bored, "can this wait for later? I don't feel like facing reality yet." She smiled. "In that case, I know something you might need to work with." "What?" She ducked into the bathroom. "Let me find it!" I was curious. What could she have that would help me now? And why would I need it? I can get by with just my dreams, can't I? I rolled over in bed and faced where she was coming from. Even though it meant the light no longer danced in my ring, certain things were, for the time being, more important. "Lindsay, should I tell Stacy? I mean, does she know?" "She probably does, but I'm sure she wouldn't mind being able to find out. It's worth trying to find out how to do it." "Yeah, but -- what will she think of the experience?" "Memory fails at the right times, you know." "Okay..." I lay on my back and tried to clear my thoughts. I stared at the ceiling fan, slowly rotating above me, its mesmerizing circle aiding my rookie efforts.

*****

I looked around. I was in a small room, maybe 10 feet in all directions. Across the way was a figure, seated and asleep. Wow, that was quick. I walked forward toward the figure, soon recognizing it as a female shape. As I got closer, I realized it was Stacy. I extended my hand to tap her on the shoulder, only to pause just before reaching her. The ring was still on my finger -- and it was my finger, not Stacy's. I checked the rest of me. I soon realized I was in Stacy's clothing all around. After regaining my senses, I began to shake Stacy's shoulder to get her attention. Her eyes opened. "Wha--? What's happening?" "Relax. You won't even remember this in the morning." "Am I dreaming?" "Yeah, you are. I just wanted to show you something." "What is it?" "This is yours," I said, as I pointed to the ring on my hand. She took it in her hands and looked at it. Her eyes widened as she beamed. "Is this from him?" "It is. Congratulations." "Thank you... thank you so much." "You're welcome... I... uh... gotta go now. It's time for us to wake up again." "Right." She seemed confused, but her spirits were hardly dampened. I turned around and walked to the door. As I reached it, I looked back. Stacy had resumed her position, and was most likely sleeping peacefully and blissfully.

*****

"Lindsay? You sure she won't remember this?" I was back in the hotel room. Actually, "back" isn't quite the right word, since I had never left. I had simply taken a zone out -- sort of a field trip inside her mind. I had talked to her while she was on break. Had I done something wrong? "I'm telling you, she won't notice a thing. You were in and out in under a minute anyway." "Oh... okay. Can I be yanked out of it?" "What do you mean?" "I mean, suppose you came back out and shook me. Would I have been thrown out of the door?" "Oh, that. Yeah, probably. That's why you don't do this at the spur of the moment. You gotta make a conscious effort, and you gotta make sure no one's around. It's hard to learn the timing at first. Ah, here it is." She returned with something I'd never seen in person. It was a long, thin item, golden in color, with a black base. It looked like a bullet magnified about 100 times -- at least, the shape was the same, even if the size wasn't. "Here you go." "What... what is it?" She laughed. "You've never seen it before?" "No... I haven't. I mean... I guess I've seen something that looks like... wait... is this a...?" She showed me a switch on the side and flipped it. I heard a buzzing noise as the object began to make small, rapid motions, almost as if it were a hand-held massager. "Wow," I said. "I've never seen one of these before. But why would I want to use it? Isn't fantasizing bad?" She laughed. "If thinking about sex was such a bad thing, we'd all be in Hell. There's nothing wrong with wanting it -- you just have to make sure you don't go for it. At least, that's what I was told so long ago, and I have no reason to believe otherwise." "Why not?" "Because I've never faded from it. It's just good fun, Andy -- besides, suppose you wake up and you're a married woman. Don't you want to know what it's like before you get sent straight into the sheets?" "I... guess... but what about Stacy?" "Oh, she won't mind. That's one benefit of being a woman on this job -- you can swap stories... and everyone has them." "They do?" My eyes went wide. "You talk about... you do?" "Just wait. The girls get together for a slumber party on Saturday nights. And when you get a bunch of ladies together who are used to being half dressed, things can get pretty wild." I was stunned. "No! Not like that," she said, quickly realizing what I must have been thinking. "This isn't some porn film -- but we tend to be rather risky anyway. There's a reason the guys aren't allowed in." She winked. "Wow... that's... but..." "What? What's wrong?" "I just feel kinda weird hearing this from you." "Me? Why? Some girl was going to tell you anyway." "I mean -- we're close to each other, and... I guess the last person I expected to hear this from is... well..." "Your girlfriend? Andy, we're not really dating. We can't. You know that, right?" "But don't you like me?" "More than you can imagine. But we can't exactly plan for things to do on a free night because we're on the job most of the time. Besides, I don't want a repeat of that Sunny Days thing. You know that." "I know... But I don't want to do you, Lindsay. I just want to spend time with you. I thought we had something special. Doesn't kissing me mean anything?" She smiled. "It does. I'm... I'm sorry, I'm just worried. I don't want to lose you. I feel closer to you than... than even Terry. I told you, my heart leapt with joy when I saw you joined us, even though I'd never seen you before. Something just told me..." "What? That we were meant to be together somehow? Yeah, I've felt that way too." She came over to the bed and sat down next to me. "Andy, I care for you. I can't call it love, because I don't know if it's real. I've had crushes before, alive and dead. I destroyed one of them. I did that. I'll never see him again, and I had to spend weeks alone, isolated, with nothing to think about but that I had taken a life rather than renewed it. I've worked for six years through a whole slew of people, until no one knew what happened. The last guy who knew was the guy you replaced. I can start over now. I don't want to make the same mistake twice." I was silent. Something inside me had shifted from Andrew -- Stacy's love -- to Lindsay -- my closest of friends. I began to feel warmth, but a new warmth, almost penetrating the air between us and connecting us in its heat. I looked at her. I could tell she felt it too. "You don't have to worry. I don't want to lose you. I love you, Lindsay." We hugged. As we did, she sighed. "I know... but I can't say it. All I know is, whatever assignments we draw after this one is done, I'll never forget you." We kissed again as I fell backward. She smiled as she pulled away. "There. Something to think about while you try that toy on for size." I smiled as my mind seemed to trigger all the smells of romance that I remembered from prom nights in my life and Stacy's. Trish walked toward the door. As she moved around the corner and out of sight, she smiled and winked back. "I'll be back in a few hours -- lots of time for you. Be ready for tonight! And make sure to throw the deadbolt if you're not done." "Thanks." I got out of bed as she walked out the door and closed the blinds. I grabbed the Do Not Disturb sign from my side of the door and opened the door a crack. I slipped it around the handle so that housekeeping wouldn't come by. I then closed the door. I found a full-length mirror and stood before it. As I had on Monday, I undressed. This time, though, I had fun with it. As my hands caressed my skin, I began to wonder if I was taking advantage of Stacy. A rush of warmth within me made me feel otherwise. I thought of Lindsay, imagining her running her fingers where mine were going. All that was left was to find out what it feels like for a girl.

*****

03:37 PM

I felt a gentle rustling on my shoulder. I slowly tried to regain my bearings. My eyes opened to see the blinds down. I rolled over and saw Trish crouching by the bed, smiling and holding the object. I smiled at her. "Thank you," I said. "Don't thank me yet," she said, smiling. "You must have passed out soon after being done." "Why?" "Well, look around." I slowly picked my head up off of the pillow. As I did, I became aware that I wasn't under the covers as I had thought, but rather on top of them. I looked at the bed. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary -- in fact, the covers were still made from when we came back from breakfast. Then it hit me. I was still undressed. I stared wide-eyed at myself and quickly sat up, red-faced. I curled up into a ball, trying to use my legs to protect my body -- even though she undoubtedly had seen it all already. I tried to bury my head behind my knees as she laughed at my actions. "Oh, God... I'm so embarrassed..." "Don't be. You look great. Besides, I've been a Diva before -- I've seen everything there is to see. It was okay in the locker room, wasn't it?" "Yeah, but that was different." I'm not sure how, but it was. "I know, I know... but don't be ashamed. She looks beautiful, doesn't she?" I smiled. "She does. I wouldn't mind being like this all day." "Well, you can't be. We have the party to get ready for." The slumber party! I almost forgot! I sprung out of bed and headed to the bathroom to get showered off and made up. I stopped part of the way through and turned back to Trish. She was smiling at me, a smile that somehow this was an initiation -- to be a member of the opposite gender -- and that I had passed with flying colors. I sat down next to her and kissed her on the cheek. "Lindsay? Am I all right?" She reached for her glasses, then paused. "All things considered, you'd better make sure for yourself." I took the glasses from her and put them on. There was no damage. "I'm all right!" "I told you there was nothing to worry about. Why are you so apprehensive?" "Well... because there are so many ways to falter, and each one could hurt me." "It's not as hard as you think. Most things are morally neutral anyway. People are a lot better off than they think. All the same, you have to be careful what you believe. Some opinions are considered innocuous, but they're the difference between life and death. It's all about remembering that people are meant to live their natural lives as themselves, with a complete soul. That's the overriding principle." I shook my head. "You make it seem so easy." "When you've been doing this for eight years, it'll be easy for you, too. Now, go get ready." "Lindsay... can I ask you again how I am?" She giggled. "You're a great person... even if you are forgetful. Didn't I tell you to throw the deadbolt?" "Yeah... you did. Sorry." "Hey, I didn't mind. I liked walking in and seeing you like naked." Me? Did she...? "Wait, me or Stacy?" "Stacy. I wouldn't sneak a peek at you without your permission. Now go!" "Yes, sir!" I saluted and pranced off to the showers.

*****

Sunday, October 12, 2003, 08:44 AM

I slowly opened my eyes and assessed the situation. After a wild night of pizza, gossip, pillow fights, and a movie requiring more Kleenex than should be allowed by federal law, we had all crashed in one room. There were eight of us piled into two beds and spread out along the floor. Lita and Molly were in one bed. Ivory and Dawn Marie were asleep in different chairs. I noticed Gail and Alexis curled up together on the floor between the beds. Trish and I were in the other bed -- still dressed, thankfully -- keeping warm next to each other. I pulled my glasses out of the pocket of my boxers and scanned the room. Dawn Marie was healthy, although her heart looked different from the rest of her -- must be Simon. Molly was still in silhouetted form, now darker than ever, as if a shadow of herself. Gail was still half-there, while Alexis was perfectly healthy. So was Ivory, although for someone who was married ten years, there wasn't any sign of being linked to anyone. Lindsay was perfectly fine, looking more beautiful in Trish's nighttime attire than Trish did on Friday night. Lita, meanwhile, was recovering, but still mainly translucent except for around her waist and stomach, which were fully opaque. The alarm went off. Seven women groaned at once as they opened their eyes and complained about the early wake-up call. I put my glasses back and acted like I had simply awakened on my own early. Alexis seemed the most upset by it. "Turn the damn thing off!" she yelled, to general agreement, even though it wouldn't buy them an extra ounce of sleep.

*****

01:34 AM On the road from Wheeling, WV, to Pittsburgh, PA

Shawn was busy at the gas station attempting to finalize the directions. In the back, Lindsay and I were staring into each other's eyes. Even though they weren't ours, they seemed to radiate something I couldn't understand. It was almost a feeling of satisfaction rather than anything else -- like we could just be happy knowing the other person was alive. "You two have been acting funny today -- what's going on?" It was Alexis, up in the front seat. So much for being alone. We looked at each other, then at Alexis. It was clear what she was thinking. Here were two divas acting like boyfriend and girlfriend rather than female co-workers. To say the activity seemed out of place would be an understatement, especially since Stacy just got engaged. I tried to think fast, but fortunately, Lindsay was even faster. "Oh, we were just remembering the other night." "What other night? What happened?" Trish turned to me. "Can I tell her what we did?" I giggled. "She'll find out anyway." "Yeah. Well, after Stacy got engaged to Andrew, she wanted to give him a present to pay him back." "What sort of present?" Alexis turned around and cocked her eyebrow. "Well," I said, "see, Trish here really likes him cuz, you know, the whole Toronto thing, and since Trish and I room together all the time, you know, we're used to sharing things. So..." "Wait, wait..." said Alexis, her eyes wide. "You all had a th--" "No, no! We didn't do it together," Trish stammered out. "No... we just performed for him." "You mean you... with each other?" "Alexis, all we did was make out and let him join in." Her jaw dropped. "Wow, that's insane! How'd he like it?" Trish smiled and blushed. "He appreciated the gift." "You gotta tell me the details. Wow. I wish I had been there." As we talked for a few minutes, Shawn got out of the station after talking to the attendant. As he opened the door, he heard Alexis say, "Whoa, you did THAT for him?" Shawn stopped in his tracks and looked in the car. "Why do I sense I'm going to have to talk to you three about fraternization?" he said, staring mainly into the back seat as he did so. The message was loud and clear. Shawn wanted to remind us what the rules were. "It's not what you think," I said, trying to save face. "Oh, you did it? I guess that's better. All right, I know where the hotel is now, so let's get going." Suddenly, I heard an explosion in the distance. Shawn jerked his head over his shoulder as suddenly as he had ducked it to get into the car. On the other side, a pane of glass shattered. Shawn climbed all the way in and gunned the motor as Alexis, Trish, and I screamed in fear. "Calm down!" he yelled. "Just stay calm!" Shawn slammed the door shut and peeled off in a hurry, finding his way back to the main roads. I looked in the direction of the explosion and saw something bright orange move in the back. My mind began to race. "Oh God," I yelled. "He almost got us!" "Who? Who did?" "He did, Alexis. That shooter!" Trish looked at me. "The sniper guy? But he's down in Virginia!" "That's what I thought... but... I..." "Wait, wait," ordered Shawn from the driver's seat. "How can you be sure?" "I saw an orange outfit... off in the woods... the stuff he... he wore in prison." "Shit," he said. "It's all right, ladies. We're all safe on the road. Damn... I was almost killed. Wow. Shit." Trish leaned over and held my head in her arms. "It's okay," she whispered. "He can't get you again."

*****

Monday, October 13, 2003, 09:30 AM Pittsburgh, PA

I finally arose from my bed. What a wild week I had. And that dream... man. The dream was nothing special -- the old "new kid at school who seems lost and alone" bit -- but what struck me was that I had it. I didn't remember dreams unless they meant something. What did this mean? I looked around. I was on a cot near the foot of the other two beds. In one was a black man, in the other a hispanic man. I checked my pockets for my glasses. Finding them, I put them on and turned to the mirror. I was myself -- not faded, scarred, traumatized, or morphed. I had survived a week of more emotions than I knew existed. I saw something fall out of my pocket as I had reached for my glasses. I picked it up. It was a Ziploc bag, with some brown substance inside I couldn't readily identify. I opened the bag and smelled it. The smell was foreign to me, but strangely uplifting, like coffee. I'd better save this for later. There was a knock at the door. The hispanic man grumbled, "could someone get that, homes?" I walked over and checked the peephole. Shawn was on the other side, paler than usual. I opened the door quietly. "Hey, dog," he said, "good to see you again!" "Yeah, great to see you too. Listen, I'm the only one up here, so could you try to keep it down?" "Oh, sure -- I just wanted to make sure you guys knew to be at the arena by 2 o'clock. Wouldn't be right to have you late so soon, you know?" "Yeah, I know." No, I don't know. I'm not sure who I am yet! "Say, Shawn, you feeling better? That was a hell of a scare last night." "I'm fine... it was just a little weird, you know, seeing your life flash before--" he stopped. He did a double take. "Wait a second. You've been asleep all day. How did you know about it?" "I was there, Shawn," I responded, holding up the glasses. He took them from my hand and put them on. "So you were, Andy," he said. "Well, don't worry about it. Anything you wanna discuss while it's just us who can hear?" "Yeah," I whispered. "I had a dream last night. I was the new kid in school, and everyone was looking at me as I walked the halls, trying to figure out where things were. Then I met these two guys at the end of the row of lockers who were in the same situation I was. We all talked about our experiences back in our old school before heading off to class. What the hell does it mean?" "Andy," he said, half-surprised I didn't know. "Look at yourself and who else is in your room. Then it'll make sense." "Thanks... I'll see you in a couple hours out by the car." "Sure thing. Catch you then, dog." "Dog?" "You'll see." I took my glasses back and closed the door quietly. I examined my surroundings to try and get a clue. I ducked into the bathroom, where I found three bags with identical red-and-black TNA logos on them. Well, that explains the new in town bit... we just arrived from the NWA. I looked up into the mirror. It all clicked -- the brown substance, the two guys with me, and Shawn calling me a dog. Why I hadn't put it together before was beyond me. I didn't know what the public would call me this time around, but I knew who I was. I was Brian G. James. ELEVENTH WEEK Monday, October 13, 2003, 03:14 PM Pittsburgh, PA

"Here you go, boys! Let's make it work!" Eric Bischoff was particularly happy as he walked through the locker room door and posted the daily schedule. While Konnan went to check for us, I stayed in the back and listened to some Bob Marley that Ron had given to me. I needed to clear my thoughts. Lindsay was right. Today I'm someone new, with new emotions and feelings, highs and lows. Already I wish I could be Stacy again. When Andrew proposed... wow... I felt like I was flying on air. But now it's all in the past. I'm not supposed to remember any of it. Konnan came over to me and got my attention. "Hey, dog, we got a big 6-man coming up tonight. Us against dem RTC guys. You ready to put em down and fire up dat crowd?" "I sure am, K! Let's do it right! Say... you seen Ron? I wanna tell him." "Oh, don worry bout him, man. He's off prepping in his own way. We'll catch him soon enough." "All right, that's fair." As we spoke, Bischoff returned. "Guys, I just want to remind you... this is a big night. All you people in the main event, you gotta do your best. In fact, I don't want to see anyone slacking off, top to bottom. I want the people out there to forget there's a Pay-Per-View this weekend, you got that? So, make sure to talk to your opponent about every match. Everything is a high priority. No freebies, you got it?" Everyone cheered. "All right! Now let's get crackin'!" As Bischoff left, I turned to Konnan. "You talk to Steven for a while... I'm gonna go find Ron and return the music." In reality, I just wanted to clear my head for a while. I hadn't seen Lindsay all day, and I had no idea who she was. Furthermore, I had a feeling I knew where Ron really was, and I had no personal desire to go talk to him. I just needed a friend. I needed a reality check. I ran into Shawn Michaels. "Hey, Dog, what's goin' on?" "Oh, hi Shawn. I just needed some time to get my thoughts. You seen my partner anywhere? I've been looking all day, and we haven't met up yet. I'm getting kinda nervous." I was hoping that to anyone else, it would seem like I was asking about Ron's whereabouts. Shawn, however, knew better. He understood who I was really wondering about. "Follow me," he said. We went to a back room. He produced his card and let me into the conference room. "Andy, there's no easy way to say this... I don't trust you right now." "Why? What did I do? Am I all right?" "No, no, it's not you... it's Brian. You see, he's not always in control, and I want to make sure you're in the right condition when we interact. I was worried that before the show you'd be out with Ron doing what he's doing." "You mean... he's just out to have a smoke, isn't he? What's so... oh, that kind of smoke." "Exactly. And in those conditions, I didn't want you to see her. I'm telling you right now, that stuff clouds the mind. There's no telling what you could do. I've experienced it first-hand. Some of the worst mistakes I made were when I was partaking in those activities. I just feel I gotta warn you." "Thanks... I think. I... dammit. I'm so confused. I feel like something's missing in my life." Shawn smiled. "You're in love, aren't you?" "I am. I don't know if she is. She doesn't want to say it." "That's not important. Look, I know how you feel. I have to spend so much time away from my family. It hurts. But... relax. These feelings you got... they'll slow down. The intensity will go away. You'll get used to being around her in a professional setting. At least, for your sake I hope you do." Yeah, I know. "So what do I do now?" "Just go plan your match. Everything will be fine."

*****

09:42 PM

The sirens and alarms went off in the arena as Steven Richards, Sean Morley, and Mark Henry headed to the ring to a swarm of boos. Mark had a burlap sack over his shoulder that wiggled a little as he carried it. They got into the ring and put their hands up to the crowd. Steven took the mic. "As you can see, we are a serious organization. Last week, we told Scott Steiner to face his troubles and repent of his ways. When he did not, we had no other choice but to make sure he wasn't in the building tonight. However, he is just the small prize in our quest to clean up the WWE. Right here, we have a person who we are in the process of re-educating. She is not fit to show any of you. She is not healthy enough to be a part of this company right now. But soon, all of her decadence and misguided thoughts will be taken away from her, and there isn't anything that any of you can do about it. When we are done, she will thank us, because it will have been for her own good." Backstage, Eric handed a CD to the soundman. I saw the label read "Ashes to Dust". I looked at Konnan. "Ashes to Dust? What does that mean?" "Oh, it's a little somethin' I did back in WCW, man. Don worry bout it." The rap song played as Sean Morley was about to speak. The crowd didn't react at first, but soon they saw us heading out of the back, dressed in our typical baggy attire, ready to set things straight. I heard a good welcome back cheer as I emerged, chopping it DX style on the way to the ring. Konnan got a mic from the timekeeper and began. "Yo yo yo, let me speak on dis -- ODELAY!" The crowd echoed him. "ARRIBA LA RAZA!" Again, the crowd replied, but this time, Steven cut him off. "Just wait a minute here! Who do you people think you are to interrupt us?" I took Konnan's mic and stared him down. "Don't you remember, Steven? It's your old pal Road Dogg! And I gotta say, you could use an update to your wardrobe. Seriously, the shirt and tie? Didn't that go out of style three years ago?" For the sake of argument, we'll ignore that my shtick is even older. "As for who these guys are, allow me to introduce them to you. Now, first, to my left, we have a man who is the future of this business. He's a guy I brought in way back when, but since then he's gone on to heights you can only dream of. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and children of all ages, I present to you, THE TRUTH, Ron Killings! And over here, well... you in the crowd know who he is. He's the lucha superstar, the Wolfpack leader, the Filthiest of Animals. But Steven, you can simply call him Konnan." Steven smiled as I introduced him. "Konnan, is that right? Well, it seems very fitting, because looking at your way of dress and your method of speech, you certainly are a barbarian." Konnan took my mic. "Hey, we ain't da ones dat kidnapped anybody, chico!" The crowd cheered. "But you put da challenge out last week to see if we could get her back. So how bout it? Tree of us and tree of you, can you hang with 3 Live Kru?" The RTC called a huddle. As they did so, I went over to the bag and tried to untie the strings. Mark saw me and pounded my back as a referee came in. The bell rang, and the match was on. We all brawled around to start, with Mark sending me down with a gorilla press slam. He then took the burlap sack and tossed it roughly over the top rope to the floor, earning him some serious booing. I charged him from behind and began to slug him to the ground. He was reeling as I hit him with rights and lefts from the mount position. Morley grabbed me and tossed me into the corner, but Henry's follow-up missed. I left the ring in a hurry as Steven and Konnan began the match proper. Konnan charged Steven in the corner and gave him a lariat, then the facejammer. He played to the crowd for a while, but only long enough for Morley to deliver a spinebuster powerbomb type maneuver to turn the tide. Steven rolled out as Morley continued the punishment. My eyes floated to the bag. Something over there had caught my attention, but I couldn't figure out what. Then, I saw it. There was a second bag under the ring apron, a string poking out just far enough for me to see it. I had no idea how they did it, but they must have swapped bags. The person in the original was a stunt double. Back in the ring, I saw Henry put Konnan in a bearhug to wear him down. He began to punch his way out of it, only to have Steven trip him up on the outside. However, during the distraction, Ron jumped in and dropkicked Henry's knee, causing the hold to be broken. Konnan ran the ropes and hit a rolling clothesline to even things up. Both men were down, but Konnan tagged in Killings before Morley could stop him. Killings ran through anything that wore a shirt and tie and dared to get in the ring. A huge German suplex on Morley got two before Richards saved. Soon enough, we were all in the ring again. I tossed Richards out of the ring right next to the bag, as he had requested earlier. He saw the bag start to open and tried to grab it shut, but a long, beautiful arm emerged and scratched at his eyes. Stacy stood up out of the bag, still dressed in her usual garb. Richards was staggered back into the ring as Stacy got on the apron. He began to yell at her, causing her to lean over and plant one on his mouth. Richards hyperdramatically acted spitting the taste out as the referee tried to clear Konnan and Henry out of the ring. Stacy climbed in and low blowed Richards, who hopped around in pain. As she left, I rolled up Richards from behind. The referee turned around and counted three. Stacy re-entered the ring as our music played. She gave each of us a thank you hug for setting her free. As she did, though, I saw the RTC on the outside, regrouping. I grabbed Stacy and helped her through the ropes and to the back. Meanwhile, Konnan, Ron, and I formed a human shield between her and the RTC, to make sure that there wouldn't be an instant replay.

*****

10:15 PM

"Oh, hey guys, been looking for you," said Eric as he approached us. "That was a fun little show you put on. I'm thinking Stacy should be your full-time manager. She can add to your little theatrics as you go along. But first, I want you guys to be part of the main event. You know, on the outside." I turned to Konnan. "What does he mean?" "Oh, don worry, dog, is a lumberjack match." "OH! Then, sure, no problem, Eric. We'll be there." "Okay, good."

*****

10:52 PM

I scanned around the ring. On one side were Nowniski, Rodney, La Resistance, and Lance Storm. Next to them were the RTC, Christian, and Big Show. With me were Konnan, Killings, and the Dudley Boyz. Over on the side by the entrance were Goldust, Hurricane, Maven, Conway, and Benoit. All 20 of us were given the duty of keeping the match in the ring. Evolution's theme hit as Randy Orton emerged, alone. Ric Flair had been sent to the back for the match, so as to keep the numbers even. He wore the Intercontinental Title around his waist as he headed to the ring. He pointed at Benoit's World Title, as if to indicate he would be the next target. In the ring, he posed for the boos of the crowd. Booker T came out to his music next. He went through his routine, with the pyro, on the way to the ring. He stopped by Goldust and talked with him. I read Dust's lips; they said, "Good luck, Bro. I'm here for you." Booker then climbed into the ring and wasted no time starting the match. Three minutes in, Orton was tossed over to our side. D-Von and I picked him up and threw him back in. Orton stopped to yell at us, which allowed Booker to charge him and roll him up for two. Orton then bailed near La Resistance, who gave him time to rest. Booker baseball slid all three of them, but that put him on the outside, where Nowinski got in some shots before tossing him back into the ring. The tone had been set. Over the next five minutes, the face lumberjacks would do their job, while the heel ones would be less straightforward about it. Finally, Orton tossed Booker to the outside and distracted the referee. Christian hit the Unprettier on Booker on the floor, then tossed him back in. While Bubba Ray and Konnan argued, Orton got two. Booker kneed Orton in the back to send him to Goldust. While trying to throw him back in, the "seizures" acted up, and instead Orton hit the apron, the post, and the railing. La Resistance objected. The referee went to separate them, allowing Big Show to come in and get his mitt around Booker. I jumped into the ring and broke it, then tried to punch Show down. Instead, he grabbed me and tossed me to the RTC. They began to attack, drawing over the rest of the Kru to save. But that brought Christian into it, and before anyone knew what was happening, all 20 lumberjacks were brawling by the Spanish announcer's table. Amazingly, no one went through it yet. During the chaos, I heard the crowd cheer. I got a glimpse of the ring and saw Booker warming up the spinaroonie as a man darted through the crowd, security surrounding him. I continued punching away at Storm as the match ended in the ring. Booker T's music brought everything to a bit of a standstill. He had won the belt. Booker celebrated in the ring. Benoit got in and congratulated him. Christian followed, banging their heads together. Big Show came in as well. The four of them brawled, ending with Booker sending Christian flying into all of us. 18 bodies, weighing close to 5000 pounds, crashed backwards. The Spanish Announcer's Table clearly met its match.

*****

11:49 PM

I waited in the conference room. I was told Lindsay would be arriving shortly. I nervously looked at the time, forgetting that time had no meaning in the room. Where was she? And why was Shawn so nervous? Terri walked in. She seemed somewhat more approachable in her street clothes than she did in a golden swimsuit she usually wore. I stood up and smiled. "Hello." "Hi, Andy," she replied. "Sorry I couldn't tell you sooner who I was. I've been really busy. I don't know how much interaction we can have this week." "That's fine, but... why the secrecy? Why doesn't anyone trust me?" "Andy, it's not that. It's that I can't be seen with you this week. Don't you get it? I'm not available." "I don't understand." "Look at who I am! I'm married! I have a daughter! I can't be seen with another man in any sort of setting. I had to sneak away just to get to talk to you. I'm sorry. I just hope I can trust you to be co-operative." "I'll do what I can, Lindsay, but... don't you trust me?" She sighed. "I trust you. I don't trust Brian. If you let him take time to be himself, he might get you in trouble. You saw the stuff he had. I'm worried about what it'll do to you." "Is it wrong?" "No. Not in and of itself. But you won't be the same guy I know. You gotta be careful, Andy. Just please be careful." "Okay... I will." We kissed briefly before she headed to the door. As she stepped outside, I waited a couple minutes, even though it wouldn't matter. I felt like I needed to give her space. She was going back to her job, being in love with someone who wasn't me.

*****

Wednesday, October 15, 2003, 07:57 PM Nashville, TN

The boys decided to pay a surprise visit to the Asylum to say their goodbyes to the boys who helped revive their careers in NWA:TNA. Konnan and I were walking around backstage, speaking to some of the old-timers who still called Tennessee their home. Ron was off with the young guns of the X Division, who seemed to view him as a bit of a hero. I looked around at my former home. The county fairgrounds locker room was no bigger than the lockers at my high school. The lighting was poor, and the atmosphere smelled of mold and the occasional emission. But there was something comfortable and familiar about it. It was BG James's home for over a year. Furthermore, the people who were here were generally in great spirits. They were exchanging stories of life on the road, great matches they had, and sick stuff they did to make a living. Christopher Daniels was enthralling a group of 20-year-old rookies with stories of life in Japan. Sandman talked about the old days of ECW and about how he put his body on the line. "Well, well, look who's come back for a final goodbye." I turned around. Before me was a giant of a man -- in every sense of the word. An old veteran, his face bore the scars of many wars in the ring and many razor blades. His eyes still sparkled, and I could see joy when he talked and smiled. His obese frame hid beneath an outstretched NWA shirt, but it seemed more of a reassurance than the comic farce of a characteristic it had been when I saw him in the ring. "Yeah, we thought it would be good business to say goodbye formally. The call came so fast that -- well, we only talked to Jerry over the phone. I'm kind of hoping we don't seem treasonous." "Brothuh..." said the old man, "it's never a treason to go for the dough. We know we're just a group with a dream. But lemme tell ya -- a lotta people wouldn't make the decision you and your boys did." "I know, Dust, but..." I had to think of the best way to say it. "The thing is, for me it was a matter of going home. These guys -- a lot of them don't view the WWE as anything more than a dream, and you've always been willing to support the dream. For me, it's my blood. It's who I was. It's really where I belong." "I know, my man, I know," he said sympathetically. "Bro, I've seen the wars come and go. I've seen the NWA rise, fall, and come back from the grave. This is mah home, and this is mah life. But I don't begrudge mah boy one bit for making his own name up north. Ya gotta be yer own man, you dig me?" "Of course. I'm glad you understand. But I just wonder about other people. I mean, Jerry seemed sort of resigned to the fact, even though I personally called him and told him about the offer. It wasn't much of a vote of confidence." "Brian, man, you gotta understand that the Jarretts -- they think this is a war all ova agin. They don't have the perspective that comes from bein' in the trenches for 30 years like your ol' pal Dusty here." "And what's your perspective, ol' man?" "That this rasslin thing -- it's all about the people, my bro. We're making our waves, and we're our numba two because we have the product the people want. It's not about tellin' the people what they want, it's about listenin'. It don't mattah if you's in front of twenty thousand or just twenty -- you gotta give the people what they want, and you gotta love doin' it." "But what about the money?" As soon as I said it, I covered my mouth. Why am I of all people concerned about money? I'm dead! Dusty, though, smiled and laughed. He knew what I meant. "It's all right, man. I mean, love don't put no food on the table, and some boys here gots fam'lies to worry about. Look, the NWA at its core is a group of small-timers who wanna pool resources. This is their major league, and when they get their man on our show, it's their dream. We're doin' what we can to ennertain and to provide a livin' for the boys here. I just hope this little ol' rasslin' company doesn't die from an agenda, you know what I'm sayin'?" "I think so. It's all about the NWA name. It's all about providing the wrestling. Sure. That's fine. But it's also how you wind up #2 and stuck there, isn't it?" Dusty stared at me. "It's not about how the comp'ny does. It's about how you do. Did you go out there and give a hunnert percent ev'ry night? If so, you ain't got nuttin' to apologize for. If you skimped, well, you bettah sit yo'self down and think about why you doin' this for a livin'. We chose this bidness. It don't choose us." I looked Dusty square in the eye. "Why do you keep choosin' this business? It's going to kill you. Heck, you're a prime candidate for bad health right now! One too many matches, and your ticker could go." Dusty smiled. "Thanks for worryin' bout me, boy, but you see, I can't leave the bidness. It's in mah blood. It's in mah family. I'm at home in that there ring. It's what I love to do. You don't stop doin' what you love just because it might send you to the good Lord a li'l sooner, do ya?" "Well, I cut back. You have to make considerations." "I know, brothah, I know, and that's why I ain't gittin' in the ring. But this... is my life. The NWA made me, and I wanna return the favah. That's why I'm here. We all here for diffunt reasons, but we gotta work togetha. That's life, ain't it, boy?" Our conversation was interrupted by a commotion in the back. Jeff Jarrett had walked in and was in a shoving match with Konnan. Chris Daniels and AJ Styles were trying to separate the two so that they wouldn't kill each other. Jeff had a murderous look in his eyes. I ducked around the corner as Dusty went to break it up and put on my glasses. I couldn't find Jeff. What's more, where Daniels stood was someone else. The new person was a slender individual, 30 years old, with short black hair. His muscle definition seemed non-existent compared to the wrestlers around him. Styles, too, was different. In his place stood a Hispanic woman, thirtyish, with raven hair. The two seemed incapable of holding Jarrett and Konnan apart, even though they were. After the fracas died down, I went into the locker room to talk to others. I slowly made my way over to AJ and Christopher. "Guys," I said to them. "Can we talk? In private?" They shrugged and agreed, then followed me. As we were alone, I pulled my glasses out. Their eyes went wide. "Wait, wait... who are you?" Christopher asked. He pulled his glasses out and looked at me. "I've never seen you before. Are you new here?" "Ben, c'mon," said AJ. "You know Brian doesn't work here anymore." "Oh, good point. So who are you, anyway, and what brings you here?" "My name's Andy," I said, "and I drew Road Dogg this week. Konnan, Ron, and I wanted to return to the Asylum to say a proper good-bye. We didn't mean to cause trouble." "It's all right. Why are you Road Dogg? Who are you working for?" Christopher's eyes narrowed in suspicion. "I'm working to help Vince McMahon. I've been on the job for about three months. If you're asking who I report to, you know as well as I do I can't share that information." "True enough," said AJ. "I'm sorry we were suspicious. My name's Stefani. Ben and I got called to this assignment back when TNA began. See, Jeff here is lost in his anger. He truly believes that he needs to destroy Vince McMahon any way possible. We have to convince him that there's more to life than professional glory." "Tough sell, I'm guessing?" "Well, we've tried everything. We've been just about every person who comes through here. Russo's the big problem. He's lost, too. And he's fuelling Jarrett's fire. If only we could keep those two apart." "I wish you guys luck, man," I said. "The wrestling world's really gone to Hell, hasn't it?" "You have no idea," Ben said, raising his eyebrows. "It's all about hurting people. I can remember a time not 10 years ago when the best people at telling a story in a match could rule the roost. Now we have bloodthirsty, mysogynistic crowds who just want their male fixations satisfied. I mean, look at me!" I did. "What about you, Ben?" "No, not me -- who I am!" "You're... Christopher Daniels." "I'm a Satanic preacher who prescribes to evil ways under the cloth. I'm a guy who spreads evil and comes close to blaspheming the name of the Church. I wanted to be off the show this week because I'm not comfortable with my message. The only thing I have in common with his character is a nickname!" I was wondering when he'd mention that. "Ben, come on," Stefani -- er, AJ -- said. "This is your time. You can lead by counterexample, can't you? Show what NOT to be doing in the guise of leading people?" "Stef, that doesn't fly anymore. The bad guys are the good guys. Peer pressure works backwards nowadays. No one listens to anyone who's not telling them what they want to hear, and right now what people want to hear is not what to do, but to keep doing what they already do!" "Guys, guys!" I was beginning to see trouble here. "Thanks for the update, really, but you people seem to be missing something. Aren't we supposed to work on fixing individuals? Most of the people out there are good people, right?" Ben pursed his lips. Stefani spoke instead. "I think they are. I know it would be good if they were. I see souls out there. But... well, life is a funny thing. People forget to judge others by all their acts and not their worst act. That's really where we come in. We have to try to re-educate people. I know it sounds bad, but if we were a world where we viewed people as strengths against weaknesses rather than the other way around, don't you see how much better the world would become?" I thought for almost a full minute. What was it Dusty said? "If you give 100%, you ain't got nothin' to apologize for." If we do the right thing but can't reach others, have we succeeded or failed? Or, by doing the right thing, do we reach others by default? "I know what you're saying. But there's gotta be more to life than just doing good for others and avoiding sins. We have a job to do, and unlike wrestling, this job did choose us. We're called to something higher. Right?" "Yeah. Yeah we are," said Ben, slowly shaking his head. "We gotta do more than be ourselves. We gotta change the world. It's only impossible. We've been banging our heads against a stone wall here in Nashville for months. I feel sorry for you, man. Vince can't be cracked." "We'll see. We can try. If you give 100%, you've done all you can, and no one can ask for more than that." Stefani laughed. "You just talked to Dusty, didn't you?" "Yeah -- he's a cool guy, isn't he?" "Very. He--" Jeff came by around this time, his eyes wide open and glaring at me. "What the hell are you doin' here, you sellout? Get outta my company before I throw you out!" "All right, Jeff, I'm going," I said as I looked him over. "I just thought we could be here as old friends." "Dammit, any man who goes up north ain't no friend of mine. Now scram!" As I caught up with Ron and Konnan outside and we headed to our hotel room, Ron shook his head. "I pity Jeff. He won't have a friend in the world if that's how he judges them."

*****

Thursday, October 16, 2003, 08:00 PM Ft. Worth, TX

I was at Dusty's house for the time being on special invitation. Goldust, Terri, and Dakota had also come over to spend time with him before we headed up to New England the next day for the house shows. Dakota seemed happy to meet "Grampa" again, while Dustin and Terri acted like they'd never been through marital hell. I just tried to focus on the television.

*****

The SmarKdown Rant for Oct. 16, 03 / Taped Oct. 14.

- Taped from Cincinnati, OH.

- Your hosts are Michael Cole and Tazz.

- Opening match: Charlie Haas vs. Ron Simmons. I almost feel sorry for Simmons. Sure, the guy has the tag belts, but unless backstage politics has done a 180, any and all jobs will be his to take for the team. Just watch. Haas blitzes him to start, hitting suplexes from every angle. Simmons comes back with power stuff, none of it really holding my interest. Sorry, but I'm not looking forward to this show, seeing as it's the last one before No Mercy, so I think I'm entitled to a Hyatte-esque half-assing every once in a while. Simmons blows the comeback as Haas hits the rolling Germans. Simmons goes low to stop the tide, then hits a powerslam and spinebuster before Shelton Benjamin superkicks him for the Haas pin at 6:44. WGTT tie him up and beat him after the match. Expect Bradshaw to go over Shelton later tonight. **

- John Cena raps about No Mercy, saying he's the next Prime Time player in the WWE. He's ready to prove his point, and tells both Brock and Kurt to "keep the title warm." Now, that's a promo we like -- nothing fancy, and it focuses on the big event. The title should be the biggest prize.

- Bra and Panties Match: Nidia (w/Jamie Noble) vs. Torrie Wilson (w/Rey Misterio). Plus ten for good booking, minus several million for the match. It basically involves the two women rolling around and pretending to do the moves of the people they second before Billy Gunn mercifully runs in. And when you're cheering a Billy Gunn appearance, something's wrong. He dives at both women, but the Dumbasser hits Torrie (the announcers claim Nidia pulled her in the way, but she blew it, of course) and Nidia wins at 4:22. Guess how much I liked this match. -**1/2 Matt Hardy comes out (Matt Fact: Matt is healthier than Ken Griffey -- ouch) and challenges Billy Kidman to a US Title match, "for Jeff." Matt should be ashamed for doing this, assuming he had a choice.

- Undertaker vs. Chavo Guerrero. Well, this'll give us an indication, I think, of how No Mercy should go. Taker slugs Chavo down to start, and a sideslam gets two. Chavo breaks the chokeslam and goes low to take over, then works the leg. That goes on a while as Uncle Eddie taunts on the outside. Chavo hits a suplex (called a "brainbuster" by Cole, but that's likely wishful thinking) for two. Tornado DDT gets two. Frog splash hits the knees, which is good because if he killed BOTH Guerrero's finishers on free TV I think I would've cried. Chavo hits a figure-four as we take a break. Coming back, Taker powers it over to reverse, so Chavo hits the ropes and bails. Taker follows him out, so Eddie gets a free lick in and is ejected from ringside. Back in, Chavo goes for a second Tornado DDT and a Gory Special, but Taker blocks the latter and hits a swinging neckbreaker instead. ROPEWALK OF DOOM gets two. Chavo chop blocks him, but Taker reverses a rana into the Last Ride for the pin at 13:27. Not bad, but not a good sign either. **1/4 Eddie returns and bashes Taker in with a chair, then cuts a SPECTACULAR rudo promo on him describing how he'll use the cage to basically kill the Undertaker. I love the buildup to this, but I doubt they can deliver. Their SummerSlam brawl is looking more and more like the best they can do.

- Bradshaw vs. Shelton Benjamin. Who called it? And indeed, this is a quick match, as Bradshaw runs Shelton over (with Shelton bumping like a pinball) until a dropkick turns the tide. That doesn't last long, as Bradshaw makes a quick comeback and hits the Clothesline from Heck at 3:59. I'm shocked, I really am. *3/4

- Rhyno and A-Train place bets as to who will have more success this Sunday. Total hype for No Mercy, and neither guy's strength is talking, really.

- Kurt Angle vs. Test. Angle goes ballistic, suplexing Test every which way but loose. Test bails out and tries to trick Kurt into falling into the steps, but Kurt will have none of it. Sable distracts the referee, allowing Test to hit the boot for two. Pumphandle is reversed to the Ankle Lock for the tapout at a brisk 3:24. Brock Lesnar tries to attack from behind, but Kurt fends him off too. Crowd is going ballistic for Kurt here. **

- Rundown of No Mercy:

* World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Kurt Angle * US Title: Billy Kidman vs. Matt Hardy * Cruiserweight Title: Rey Misterio vs. Jamie Noble * Tag Team Titles: APA vs. WGTT * Cage Match: Undertaker vs. Eddie Guerrero * Hulk Hogan vs. A-Train * Test (w/Sable) vs. John Cena * Rhyno vs. Rob Van Dam

- It's a small thing, but they covered all the title matches first, to put them fresh in everyone's mind. They then showed still pictures going back in reverse order at the finish, so that they ended with Brock and Angle. I think the buyrate will hinge on whether the cage match and World Title match have any sort of interest.

- Main event, non-title: Brock Lesnar vs. Billy Kidman. Torrie cuts a promo on Matt Hardy that isn't really bad, but shows why she's generally seen and not heard. Brock goes medieval on Kidman, destroying him with suplexes all over the place. He even busts out the triple powerbomb for old time's sake, as the announcers note that not everyone can powerbomb Kidman. Kidman reverses the F-5 to a crucifix to try to take over, but his offense has almost no effect. Unprettier gets a desperation two. Missile dropkick gets two. Brock swats away a crossbody, then hits a belly-to-belly superplex. Kidman ducks a Brock spear and sends him flying outside, but his backflip is caught and he's F-5'd into and through the announce table. Back in the ring, Brock hits a second F-5 for the pin at 8:44. He continues the punishment post-match, including a vicious chair shot, all the while screaming about Angle. I hope Kidman can recover, both physically and heatwise, before he drags the US Title back to the midcard. ***

The Bottom Line:

Well, another hype show here, as every match built to something at the Pay-Per-View. That said, No Mercy looks solid on paper, and there are no McMahons in sight, which is probably something I should enjoy while it lasts.

Excuse me while I go put a hit out on Stephanie during her honeymoon.

*****

Saturday, October 18, 2003, 07:45 PM Providence, RI

"Ladies and gentlemen, the following six-man tag team contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, in the ring, at a total combined weight of 743 pounds, the team of Chris Ford, David Heath, and Michael Bucci!" The opposition raised their arms in the ring to a moderate reaction. Backstage, all of us did a double-take at the names announced. Why did everyone go by their real names? "Wait a sec," said Konnan, "ain't that Crowbar out there?" "Yeah," I added, "and that's Gangrel, too!" "And the other guy's Nova from ECW," added Ron. "These ain't nobodies we're going against here." "You thought they were?" asked Stacy, who was ready to come out with us. "Well, I'd never heard of the names." "Guys," announced Bischoff, startling the four of us, "you're on." Indeed, "Ashes to Dust" had played over the PA system. The three of us emerged from the back as Lillian Garcia continued her ring introduction. "And their opponents, making their way to the ring and accompanied by Stacy Keibler, at a total combined weight of 729 pounds, Konnan, Road Dogg, and Ron Killings, Three Live Crew!" We all danced, chopped, and shouted various comments with the fans on our way to the ring. When we got to it, I climbed one turnbuckle and gave the X sign with my forearms crossed, while Ron did the same thing on the turnbuckle next to me. Stacy posed between the two of us as Konnan reached for a mic. "Yo yo yo, let me speak on dis -- ODELAY! ARRIBA LA RAZA! Yeah everyone talking bout how dey gon be the big thing in this bidness, but you lookin at da tru next big thing right now. But more dan dat, Providence, Rhode Island, Tree Live Kru and Sweet Stacy be BOWDY BOWDY and--" The crowd replied as necessary. I took the mic and decided to do some freestyling on my opponents. "Hey, guys, look at this freakshow they got us going against. Yo, what did you say your name was, David? Dave... the sun's still up. What are you doing out of your coffin?" I used my fingers to imitate fangs. "And Chris, man... why are you with these guys? And where's your crowbar anyway? Man, they really cut the knees out from all of you." Ron took the mic from my hand. "The knees? Damn, man, I'd say they did worse than that. I see six things missing from these guys." "Oh, yeah?" I asked, looking out to the crowd and smiling. I saw Konnan signal with his hand while we smiled. "What?" "Their--" All three of them attacked us as the Stacy left the ring and the match began. Heath worked me over in the corner, then stood up for a few punches. He lowered his head to me and placed his mouth near my forehead. I flailed around wildly and fell to the ground, half-dead. I twitched a few times as I lay there. Heath stared at me for a few seconds, then went to cover. As he did, I sat up, Taker-style, staring straight ahead. The crowd laughed, getting the joke. I slowly got up to my feet, no-selling Heath's punches. The four other competitors continued brawling on the outside, oblivious to our act. Eventually, I saw Ron look into the ring and see what was going on. I did my best vampire scowl as even Heath was close to losing it. I punched him down in the corner, then bit him back. As I did, I brought my hand close to the bite and poured a baggie's contents into my mouth. "What are you doing?" Heath asked. "You'll see." I pulled back and smiled, letting the "blood" run out of my mouth. Heath slumped in the corner, having realized what I just "did". Killings jumped into the ring and landed a Bronco Buster on Heath for good measure. As Ron then urged me out of the ring, Bucci entered and morphed into Super Nova right before our eyes, hitting "spider splats" on both of us as we went flying. Konnan snuck in and hit the facejammer on him, then struck a Hurricane pose to complete the silliness. Ford ran in with a foam rubber crowbar-type object that he originally was going to use, but Konnan caught him and knocked it away. I picked it up and stared at it, then pretended to "strongman" it into a knot. Bucci came off the top rope with a crossbody, but I merely stepped aside and let him crash land. Finally, I put Konnan's Tequila Sunrise on Heath and Konnan and Killings hit stereo Stunner/Cutter moves and got the victory. We celebrated as Stacy returned to the ring. She began to dance in the center as Konnan and Killings played Roxbury Boys around her, causing her to lose her smile and feel very uncomfortable. Meanwhile, I slowly rose from the submission hold and stared at her, then did the vampire look again. Killings ran over and waved a second baggie under my nose. I mellowed out, and all four of us headed to the back, the audience in stitches.

*****

08:39 PM

We were in a back corridor, away from the rest of the action. We had been talking about how great our first week back (or there) had been, and how much of a jerk Jarrett was. Suddenly, Killings got an idea. "Hey Dogg, you got the stuff?" "Me? No, I thought it was your turn to bring it." "No way, man. I got it last week!" "Relax, guys," Konnan said. "I got ya covered." He reached into his pocket and produced a baggie filled to the top with some brown grass-like substance. I wasn't a rocket scientist -- well, neither was Brian -- but I knew what he had. "Sweet! I owe you guys one," I said. "Wait, I think I got the other half." I felt around in my pockets, remembering something I had noticed beforehand. I pulled out about a dozen pieces of paper, each one of the same consistency as the outside of a cigarette. Killings smiled and nodded his head. "Aw yeah," he said, "that's what I'm talkin' bout!" As we prepared for our first post-house show match ritual, we heard a voice. "Brian? Can I speak to you?" I turned around. Terri was at the intersection, looking for me with her glasses on. Aw, man, great timing. "In a few minutes. I'll be right there. We gotta work out some... travelling details, that's all." "Brian, it's urgent." "Can it wait?" She rolled her eyes. "Oh, all right." I turned back. Killings had produced a lighter. "What was that all about, man?" I thought fast. "Don't worry about it, man. I can't stay for long, though... just one. That okay, guys?" "Oh, yeah, that's cool," said Ron. "More for us," added Konnan. I prepared the first roll. I had never done this alive or dead before. Konnan passed the light. I drew on Brian's experience -- then I drew on the cigarette in my hand.

*****

My eyes slowly opened. I felt sick and weak. My vision was blurry. I couldn't move again. That was some really potent stuff there. As my vision cleared, I began to see I wasn't alone. Lindsay's head was on my chest. "Holy sh--" "Stop. I just wanted to make sure I had your attention when you got up." Her body walked over and picked her head up off of me, holding it under her arm. "Andy, do you know what happened?" I began to try to process the information in front of me. My memory systems were failing short-term. Either that, or I was blocking something. "No," I finally replied. "Okay. Do you know where you are?" "I... I'm..." I looked around. Everything was dark green again. "I'm in Recovery, aren't I?" "Yes, you are. So am I. I came here to talk to you. It's very serious." "Why? What did I do?" I began to sense I didn't want to hear this. "Andy... you hurt me." "Look, I just wanted a few extra minutes with the guys. I didn't think that was such a big deal." "It wasn't that," she said, as I saw tears roll down here eyes and into her hand. "It's what happened after that. You know how long you kept me waiting?" "A few minutes?" I was trying to be optimistic. "Over an hour. I wanted to give you time alone so that we could be ourselves. Andy, you stood me up for over an hour!" "I... I didn't know..." "I know you didn't. When you did show up in the room, you were completely lost. Your eyes -- I could see the fire beneath the veins. You looked so... weird." "Fire? What type?" "Orange." "Orange?" Red is anger, blue is lust, green is envy... come on, think... "Gluttony?" "Yeah. You put Brian's desire for a high ahead of your duty. You made a big mistake, Andy. I'm sorry. I had to do this." "What do you--" suddenly it hit me. I held up my arms. I was still there, but something seemed off. I could look through my hands and still see Lindsay's body. I felt a tear in my eye. "Oh, no. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." "Andy, it happens to all of us. The point is, you're out. You're okay. Don't worry about it." "Don't worry? What's Brian going to do now?" "He'll do what he has to. Look, I know all about mistakes. I've made enough of them. Even the best of us are here about once a month. That's why five of us are required for this task. It's not easy, but you're allowed to make a few errors along the way." "No I'm not. I've thought about it. We have no bodies. We screw up, we're finished." "Andy, it's not that hard. You feel sorry. I can sense it's genuine. I feel the warmth of your heart thawing you out." She sat down next to me. "What you did -- I can forgive you. Terri will forgive Brian." "Terri? Oh no... what did I...?" "No, no! It's not as bad as you think. I kept it from being too much. You... you didn't take no for an answer a few times. Things went farther than I wanted." "Oh my God." I could see it all. She was going to give the big lecture about trust now, and about how I had ruined it. She was going to say that I had to go, and that she wasn't sure she could work with me. I could sense my "dream job" disappearing. "I'm so sorry. I'll leave. I'll find something else to..." "Wait." She came over to me and picked me up. I could sense an incredible glow from her heart. "I never said I didn't like it. I just said it was more than I wanted. Andy, I... thank you." "Me?" I tried to pull myself up. "Why me?" "Because you've taught me that I have to get out of the past. I've been holding back because I've been afraid. I was afraid I would destroy you. But today... well... I was able to control myself. I was able to say no, and mean it, and not think it was a bad thing. I did something I couldn't do as Tammy." "Wait, now I'm confused. I harassed you, and you're thanking me?" "Yes! Because I was in a position that I put Terry in. And after you got in here, I began to feel sorry, because I realized I... I didn't want to hurt you. And when I said 'no,' I found myself thinking 'later' instead of 'never.' Andy... I guess I do love you." I was both elated and depressed. I'm in love. We're in love. But so what? We're dead. We can never have anything come of it. We're stuck in limbo. Both of us have decades left to live, and when this is over, we'll just move on and never see each other again! "Wonderful. Fat lot of good it does." "No... no, Andy, stop thinking like that. We need each other. We all love each other to some degree. But what I feel for you... it makes me happy to be working with you. Greg was telling me the other day how much he could see you care for me. And I can see it. It's a good feeling. Don't ever deny it." "But Lindsay... it's like a high school crush. Sure, we'll act in love, and feel in love, but soon we'll move to other people and forget each other... or at least, never see each other." "Is that bad? Is it so wrong to feel an emotional attachment? If we all held back like this, the human race would self-destruct! Some of the greatest people came from unions that weren't destined, like Owen's. Feelings on earth are God's greatest gift. Never shove it aside." I leaned back and closed my eyes. That was the most beautiful thing I've heard. "Get some rest, Andy. We'll have time together tomorrow." I bolted upright. "Tomorrow? Oh, no! No Mercy is--" "Relax! I told Shawn to make a tape of it. Find him Monday morning and we'll watch it together. There's more to life than a Pay-Per-View anyway." "I... I guess so. Thank you." "No, thank you." She moved her head closer to mine. She kissed me as I drifted to sleep, leaving my mind in the mood to heal.

*****

Sunday, October 19, 2003 Recovery

Something bothered me. It wasn't that I was here; by now, I had accepted that I had done something wrong. What bothered me was that I wasn't alone. In fact, I realized something; I'd never been alone. Every time I'm here, someone else shows up. Whether it's before I arrive or after, I'm not alone. First I went there when Lindsay was already there; then Greg and Kathleen were gone when I arrived; then Kathleen didn't last much longer than I did; now Lindsay's here. It makes no sense. Well, the first two -- I guess those make sense. That's just timing. But what about the other two times? You'd think that at some point I'd be forced to spend time isolated. Why doesn't this make sense? Why am I surrounded by other people all along? Wait a second... it's just this time! I mean, Kathleen had to get out -- she nearly lost it all. So why now? Could Lindsay have made a mistake too? No, not really; she was walking around perfectly healthy when I woke up yesterday. So why is she here? I thought I was in the wrong... No, I KNOW I was in the wrong. Whatever I did was a mistake. Lindsay said so. Besides, I could see I had done something wrong. I wasn't all there. So what was it, and why was she here? I'm so confused. "What's on your mind?" I turned around. Lindsay was behind me. Now was the time for honesty. "Why are you here?" "Me? Because I felt guilty. I was afraid I drove you to this. As soon as you got in here, I told Shawn I wanted out. I wanted to make sure my actions didn't hurt you." "Lindsay, that's great and all, but... you were fine." "I know I was... but life's not always fair like that. Sometimes the people who didn't do anything wrong are guiltier than the people who committed the act." "Isn't that all in the mind?" "Usually. And yeah, I'll admit, I was scared for you. But I... what we did... that was a mistake, and soon after it happened, I began to think of Terry and of Bret. And I freaked out." I hated the vagary. "Lindsay... what did I do?" "You mean, exactly?" "Well... how am I to live and learn and do better if I can't learn? You haven't told me how I went too far. What didn't you want to happen?" I looked at her head, which she was trying to balance on her shoulders. She blushed and smiled. "Well, I was being a bit of a prude, I guess... you wanna sit down? I really don't like holding up like this." We sat down. "There, that's better," she continued. "Andy, I just wanted to spend time hugging and kissing. I didn't think you were more than some crush. I knew I had feelings for you, but I didn't understand their intensity until... well, until I let you do what you did. And I felt this wonderful feeling that I hadn't felt since Terry was around. So I didn't resist more than offering a no -- which I only used to cover myself." "Resist what? Did I... do you?" "No, you didn't. You wouldn't be here if you did. That I know. But you..." "Just say it, Lindsay. Please." "Okay. You stripped me." Whoa. "I... did... that? Wow. I'm sorry... I... that's..." She laughed. "No, no. I let you. You don't think I couldn't have stopped you? At first, when you went for my shirt, I was slapping your hands away. But as time went on, I found myself saying no and thinking yes. I felt like I wanted to do this, like I wanted to give something to you -- and I realized I loved you." I smirked. "Kind of a funny way to recognize your love for someone, isn't it?" "Yeah, I know... but sometimes, when you're afraid and you're holding back, it takes someone forcing you to confront your fear to make it go away. And in this case, I was afraid of loving and losing again. I didn't trust myself. By not wanting to hurt you, I hurt you. That was my mistake." "I don't think it was just yours." "What?" "Sorry." Where did that come from? What is it I want to tell her? "No, no -- what do you mean?" "Oh... I..." That's it! "Remember when we first kissed? Remember the circumstances?" She shifted her body into my lap, turning her head to face me as she did so. "Yeah," she replied. "It was awesome." "No," I said. "Well, maybe. But I think we did something bad." "Why?" "The next morning, after we left... they were still together in the hotel room. And they... well, Lita said they had sex." "Oh. Wow. But that's not our problem." "Sure it is. If we hadn't trusted each other -- if we had remembered we wouldn't be there the next day -- we would've gotten separate rooms, and those two wouldn't have had the opportunity." "Andy, it's not about opportunity. It's about motive, if you will. It's all about control. I'm sure Amy's been in the room with Matt several times and never gone for him. I'm sure Gregory has been in a situation and said no. I don't know whose fault it is, but -- well, it's both their faults. It takes two. We didn't set them up. They did this on their own." "That's awfully nonchalant of you." "But it's true, Andy. We're not responsible for other people's actions. We can set off a chain of events, but only so far as we're concerned. Andy, other people are not dominoes. They don't fall when we push them. Everyone has free will. That's the beauty of life." "Not everyone." "What?" "When we're out there -- someone doesn't have free will." "I don't understand." "Oh, come on, you have to have thought of this. We become someone for a week at a time. During that time, they do what we say. They act how we make them. They say our words. It's our will and not theirs." "But that's just it. We become them. They don't get any responsibility either. If we screw up, they're fine. If we sin, we suffer. They don't. They're not themselves, and they're not responsible." "So they're crazy?" "No. They're safe. Brian didn't do anything to Terri -- you did that to me. Eddie didn't lose his temper way back when -- I did. Bret didn't commit adultery -- Terry did. Don't you see? Even the best souls need to rest. Even God needed to rest, remember?" She's right. Even God took a day off once in a while. "Andy, don't worry. What we do is our problem -- we have no control over what anyone does after we leave them. Amy and Gregory made a decision. Whether they would have had that decision to make if we weren't around doesn't matter. What matter is, they made it, and it was wrong. I'm certain it was in the heat of the moment?" "Why?" "Because they were still kinda there the next day. Remember how I said Terry was gone, and I was nearly invisible?" "I do." "Well, they were still very visible, weren't they?" "Yes, they were." "So it wasn't to the same degree. They didn't premeditate this. It happened." She shrugged. "Besides, I talked to Matt about it down at the beach. He's forgiven her." "Wasn't she saving herself, though?" "Yeah, that upsets Amy. But Matt... well... he understands. I think Jeff's death helped him put perspective on things. It helped him realize that mistakes happen, and that really it's not worth holding a grudge. It's funny, isn't it -- how even through tragedy, God can work a good deed?" I smiled. "You know, it really is." I held her body closer to me. "Hey, now -- what are you thinking of?" "I dunno... what can I do?" "Not much, I assure you. I'm in no condition while I'm in here -- for obvious reasons," she said smiling as she picked her head up and held it to me. I took it and began to kiss her. As I did, I felt her hands and arms wrap around me and caress me. "Now, what are you thinking of?" "Must you always be so ironic?" We laughed. I set her head to the side as her body crawled onto me. I held her in my embrace and let the warmth flood me. "This is going to be hard to adjust to when October's over." "What is?" "The feeling of love." She smiled. "We'll see." She held me closer to her. "Does this bother you?" "What? That your head's over here and your body's over there?" "Yeah." "Should it?" "It bothered Terry." "Well, I'm not Terry," I said. I smiled and hugged her tighter, moving my hands around her back. "Andy, wait," she said, pulling away. "I'm sorry, but... we get out tomorrow. Maybe if this were Wednesday or Thursday, I would, but... I need to be ready to start a new week. I'm sorry." "No," I said. "I understand." And the weird part was, I did understand.

*****

Monday, October 20, 2003, 07:39 AM Scranton, PA

I bolted upright. I didn't remember dreaming, but something in my system told me it was time to wake up. I looked around. It was another hotel room. I fumbled in the dark for the glasses. As I did, I looked over to the other side of the bed. Gregory Helms was asleep, facing me. I found the glasses and put them on, looking right at him. Much like Lita, he was showing signs of recovering. This seemed much more normal than her, though. He was a consistent translucency, whereas Lita had been shady in some areas and complete in others. I looked in the mirror, my eyes adjusted to the level of light. I was back. That was what mattered. Although, to be fair, I guess it does matter who I am... I removed the glasses to view who I really was. I was Lance Storm.

TWELFTH WEEK Monday, October 20, 2003, 08:15 AM Scranton, PA

"Okay, guys," said Shawn as he hooked the television and VCR up, "after this is done, I'm gonna let you guys stay here for a while so you can catch up on your sleep if you need to. I'm sorry you got dragged out of bed so soon, but this really was the only time we could schedule this. Thanks for playing along." I sat down in the closer chair and leaned back. Lindsay -- now Booker T -- was behind me, wearing prescription lenses to view the screen. Shawn put in the tape and pushed PLAY. "Oh, one more thing," he added. "If the matches seem to be in a weird order, it's because Owen used who he was to influence things. I had to double-check with Paul, but apparently at least one person insisted on their spot in the rotation, and Owen may have had something to do with it." "Who was he?" Lindsay asked. Shawn merely smiled. "You'll know."

*****

- The SmarK Rant for No Mercy, Oct. 19 / 03.

- Live from Baltimore, MD.

- Your hosts are Michael Cole and Tazz.

- Just to show how awesome Asai is getting given the chance, Ultimo Dragon and Chavo Guerrero went out and had a ****1/4 match on No Mercy Velocity just to show up everyone on the PPV card. Dragon won with the Dragon Sleeper at 12:44. Rumor has it Vinnie Mac wants to capitalize on the new cult following Ultimo's getting, but is a little lax to do it due to Asai's thick accent when he speaks. Figures, doesn't it? A guy can wrestle for all he's worth, but if he can't talk, he's not getting over. That's WWE for ya.

- Opening match: Hollywood Hulk Hogan vs. A-Train. I really don't know HOW they talked Hogan into the opening slot, but this is probably the best place for him and we all know it. Hogan punches Train around to start, including the ten punch count along and bite at the end. Outside, Train sends Hogan into the steps, allowing Hulk to do his usual wiggling around in lieu of selling. Back in, Train suplexes Hogan a few times, getting two. Hulk tries the BACKRAKES OF DOOM, but through that dense growth of hair I don't think a lawn mower would have much effect. A slam fails (I'm as shocked as you), but Train misses a falling headbutt. Elbowdrops get two. Train reverses a cross-corner whip and gets an avalanche, into a body vice. That lasts a while. Train Wreck finally ends the torture (for me) and gets two. Hogan goes low (ah, like the good old days of fair play and sportsmanship), but a clothesline misses, and Hulk walks into the Derailer. Cue ending sequence, legdrop finishes at 7:14. As a way to fire up the crowd it worked, but as a match it was the usual red and yellow crapfest. 1/4*

- Test vs. John Cena. Test has Sable with him, which one would think would produce a giant black hole of suck on the heel side, but sadly none is evident. Test gains the edge at first, and a slam gets two. Cena bails and uses the steps to get even. Back in, Cena punches down Test for two. Cena hits the Protoplex for two. Test comes back with a tilt- a-whirl for two. Sable jumps on the apron and distracts the ref with her, ahem, feminine wiles, allowing Test to nail Cena with the chain for two. Big Boot is ducked, and Cena hits a fallaway slam for two. German suplex (with bridge) gets two. Test blocks a second one, then gets a sort-of Stunner for two. Pumphandle slam gets two. Test goes up top, but the elbow is ducked, and Cena hits the F-U. Sable stops the count and slaps the ref, but Test is so out of it that Cena hits a flying legdrop and a second F-U for the three at 8:21. That's different, certainly. ** Sable tries to low blow Cena, but he stops her and F-Us her too. I don't think anyone is upset by that development, do you?

- United States title: Billy Kidman vs. Matt Hardy. Matt Fact: Matt is 1-0 against Kidman on PPVs. Lovely. Hardy points to the sky to draw face heat. Lockup and clean break to establish this as a fair fight. Chain wrestling follows, with neither man getting the advantage. Matt armdrags Kidman around, then follows with a pescado when Kidman bails. Outside, Matt with a railrunner, hit 100x better than his brother. Back in, Matt works the arm some. Cross armlock is converted by Kidman into a few near-falls, as the crowd applauds when he breaks. Off the ropes, and Matt with a dropkick and yodelling legdrop for two. Kidman reverses a hiptoss to one of his own, then hits three straight ranas, sending Matt out. Matt talks to Shannon Moore, allowing Kidman to backflip onto both of them and do HIS version of the railrunner (somewhere between the brothers') to a MONSTER pop. Inside the ring, Matt hits a pair of German suplexes for two. Northern Lights gets two. Kidman flips over on a backdrop suplex and bulldogs Matt for two. Matt spears Kidman down, but Kidman goes with it and we go to a pinfall reversal sequence. Kidman ends it by trying to rana Matt, but Matt catches him and tries for a powerbomb, but YOU CAN'T POWERBOMB KIDMAN, but Matt is ready and allows Kidman to crash-land on his face. Twist of Fate is blocked into a Northern Lights by Kidman (!) for two. The guy's been working with Asai again. Matt bridges out of the pin and goes for a backslide, but Kidman flips over on that into the Unprettier for two. Matt gets the Twist of Fate, but decides to go up for the Swanton. Shannon, of course, climbs up on the apron to celebrate, and in doing so dislodges Matt on the top rope. Kidman knocks Shannon backwards, then hits Rey's hop-up rana for the pin at 15:19 to deflate the crowd. Kidman's not good enough to go 15, and the booking makes NO sense whatsoever. Okay, so Shannon's in the doghouse, WE GET IT ALREADY. Good match, but not the spectacular one the announcers seemed to think it was. *** Matt bitches out Shannon afterward.

- Cruiserweight title: Rey Misterio vs. Jamie Noble. But first, a replay of the Bra and Panties match "highlights", which becomes important later. Noble suplexes Rey around to start, with Rey bailing to the outside. Out there, Nidia slaps Rey, but the distraction fails and Rey takes over. Back in, Rey snaps off the rana and a guillotine legdrop for two. Noble clotheslines Rey down and gets a half-nelson suplex for two. Rey gets hit with an Uncle Slam for two. Noble tries a powerbomb, but Rey flips over top with a sunset flip for two. Noble tries a clothesline, only to get hit with a crucifix rollup for two. Noble misses a blind charge, allowing Rey to climb the ropes and get a 450 rana for two. Noble bails, so Rey gets a somersault hilo to wow the crowd. Back in, Noble ducks a flying whatever off the top and covers for two. Noble celebrates, but Torrie drops him onto the middle rope. As the ref admonishes her, Rey hits the 6-1-9, but Billy Gunn runs in and turns on him, getting the One and Only. Noble hits a powerbomb for the pin and the title at 10:39. Billy Gunn getting ANOTHER push? ARGH! ***

- Tag Team Title: APA vs. WGTT. Haas and Simmons start, and Haas gets bumped around by spinebusters and powerslams. Shelton tries his luck, same result. Bradshaw adds some power stuff, including the STIFFEST powerbomb I've ever seen on Shelton that could've killed him. APA get two with a front/back clothesline. Simmons is escorted out, however, and Bradshaw gets clipped by Haas to play cowboy-in-peril. Shelton with a superkick for two. Haas gets the rolling Germans, the third one with Shelton's help in the form of a lariat, but Simmons breaks it up as the ref's back in turned, and Bradshaw gets two. WGTT hit the leapfrog choke for two. Haas takes Bradshaw down with a superplex for two. Shelton hits an electric chair drop for two. Doomsday Device gets two for the heels. Haas with the Haas of Pain, but Simmons breaks rather viciously. Heel miscommunication leads to a double clothesline, hot tag Simmons. Shelton gets tossed to the outside, but Haas clips Simmons and hits a flying elbow for two. Bradshaw gets a piledriver try, but Haas backdrops him into a Shelton backbreaker for two. Ouch. APA do a variant of the Hart Attack for two on Haas. Shelton superkicks Simmons into Bradshaw, and Haas dives off the top onto both for two. Bradshaw up first, and he KILLS Haas with the Clothesline from Hell, but he's not the legal man (Bradshaw). So the ref sends him out, allowing WGTT to hit their finishing sequence for the titles at 14:59. Whew. When the APA are in your best match of the PPV, something's different. ***3/4

- Rhyno vs. Rob Van Dam. Crowd gets an up-close look a minute in, as both men fly over the railing. A few fans try to punch Rhyno, who simply glares them down. RVD takes a suplex on the concrete stairs and tumbles the whole way. Back in the ring, Rhyno continues the mugging with a Davey Boy powerslam for two. Rhyno misses a clothesline, and RVD kicks away. Rhyno rolls out of bounds, so RVD hits a somersault plancha to thrill everyone... and Rhyno just DROPS him on the outside. Yeeouch. Back in, Rhyno with a frog splash (sort of) for two. Death Valley Driver gets two. RVD catches a boot and gets the stepover enzuigiri for two. Flying kick gets two. RVD goes up top, but Rhyno follows him and superplexes him for two. To the outside, where Rhyno chucks RVD headlong into the barrier, opening a HUGE gash. Rhyno visits all four posts in turn, and when the ref tells him to return to the ring, Rhyno growls, "MAKE me!" Brilliant. Finally in the ring, and Rhyno mocks RVD, then steps on his throat (with RVD selling like a champ). Van Dam slowly gets up and punches away at Rhyno, but when he tries to do his shoulder thrusts, Rhyno catches him on the rebound with a GORE GORE GORE, then pulls him up at two. A second GORE GORE GORE finishes at 10:11. Wow, who'd Van Dam piss off? ***1/2

- World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Kurt Angle. Long amateur wrestling sequence to start, but Brock ends that by lariating Kurt down. Three overhead suplexes follow, and Kurt bails. Outside, they visit the various announcing tables, as Brock preps the poor Spanish team. Kurt tosses him back in and hits the rolling Germans for two. Brock clotheslines Kurt out of his boots (almost literally), then hits the HOGAN-KILLING BEARHUG OF DEATH. Kurt reverses it by tripping Brock and falling on top for two. Kurt gets a monkey flip (!) out of the corner, then goes up top for a flying DDT for two. Kurt tries an F-5 of his own, but Brock slips out the back door and tosses Kurt over the top rope to the railing. Brock baseball slides out, then heads to the Spanish table. The referee tries to break, so Brock F-5s the poor ref through the table instead. Silly ref. And now Brock gets the ring bell and clocks Kurt with it ten or so times. With everyone down, Brock climbs the turnbuckle as Cole reminds us of his botched SSP attempt at Mania. Kurt's ready, though, and he hits the Pop-Up Superplex onto the ringbell. Kurt clocks Brock with the bell, then slaps on the Ankle Lock. Brock manages to get to the ropes as the referee fades in and out of consciousness on the floor, then nails Kurt with an enzuigiri. Rolling Greco- Roman beals follow for Brock (something I know he does in SDSYM, but never saw before in real life), and the ref returns to give him... two. Brock is irate and argues with the ref, allowing Kurt to roll him up for two. Brock sets Kurt up for the F-5, but Kurt reverses to a Tornado DDT! Up top, but the Moonsault misses (duh) and Brock gets rolling Germans of his own for two. Another F-5 try, but Kurt slides down the back into a sunset flip for two, reversed by Brock for two, reversed by Kurt for two, reversed by Brock for what seems like three, but the ref sees his feet on the ropes and the match continues. Kurt hits a flying jalapeno, then tries the anklelock again. Brock makes the ropes. Kurt readies the Angle Slam, but Brock lands on his feet and goes for a clothesline. Kurt ducks, then delivers a 3/4 nelson rollup for the pin and the title at 32:13. Not as great as I expected from these two, but this night's been weird on many levels anyway. **3/4 Not the least of which is that we set up the cage now for the main event.

- Normally I would ignore interviews, but here's an exception, as Eddie Guerrero talks about how Undertaker has his credibility, but tonight Guerrero gains it on his own. He says it's not about taking a spot from him, but rather at his expense. An awesome video package reminds us that this all started with a mystery partner gig a couple weeks after Vengeance. Wow, how time has changed.

- Main event, cage match: Undertaker vs. Eddie Guerrero. Taker slugs Eddie down to start, and backs him into the corner. Eddie kicks out of it, then climbs the ropes and ranas Taker down into the corner. First attempt is made by Eddie, through the door, but Taker grabs him. Eddie eats cage a few times, and Taker climbs. Eddie stops him and tosses him down back-first, so Eddie moonsaults off the ropes onto him. Both men up, and Eddie rakes the eyes and vaults off Taker to the cage. Taker follows him up and bashes his head into the cage, drawing blood. Taker goes OLD SCHOOL using the cage for balance, but Eddie heaves him halfway across the ring. Eddie climbs now, and Taker drags him back into the ring. Taker climbs, so Eddie ranas him off the top rope. Both men charge each other, and both men go down. Eddie up first, and he crawls to the door, but Taker blocks and goes for an anklelock! Eddie kicks him off and lunges for the door, but Taker grabs the mullet and drags him back in. Eddie goes flying into the corner, but Taker's charge misses and Eddie grinds Taker into the fencing for more blood. Eddie gives him a German on the way out, but Taker trips him up going for the cage and hits an STF. Eddie can't break, and tapping is pointless, so he edges his way to the door while in the hold. Eddie's almost got his hand to the floor when Taker pulls him in and tries a chokeslam. Eddie flips over top and gets a neckbreaker, and both are down. Eddie up first, but Taker crawls to the door as Eddie climbs, so Eddie dives onto Taker from above. Eddie then ties Taker into the corner and climbs up the opposite way, only to have Taker flip him off. That sets Eddie off, so he hits a VAN TERMINATOR FROM THE TOP OF THE CAGE, DIAGONALLY ACROSS THE RING! I know gravity-wise it isn't as impressive as RVD's version -- he had more height to jump from -- but it's still a markout moment. Both men are down, and the crowd is RABID. Eddie up and climbing, but the kick freed Taker, so he crawls after Eddie. At the top, Taker grabs Eddie from behind with a dragon sleeper, but Eddie falls back and both men crash to the ring below. Now Taker's up first, and he gets the chokeslam, then climbs. Eddie meets him at the top and superplexes him back in. How Taker is capable of this is beyond me. Eddie climbs again, but Taker follows and choke slams him off the top rope. Last Ride is set up, but Eddie grabs the cage and kicks away, then climbs it. However, the cage he climbs is right next to the door, so Taker reaches out the door and pulls Eddie back in after Eddie goes over the top! Eddie grabs the ropes in desperation, so Taker grabs the mullet instead (poor mullet) and pulls Eddie up for the Tombstone. Eddie kicks out of it, then tries a figure-four, but Taker tosses Eddie into the cage and both are down again. Eddie is up first, and he climbs with Taker in pursuit. At the top, both men slug it out, and Taker knocks Eddie down, but then has to grab his arm and try to pull him back up. Eddie slithers free and lands on the ground (taking one last bump) to win at 23:44. Waaaaaaaaaaaaay too much resting for my liking, but the match is a suitable welcome for Eddie into the main event scene. **1/2

The Bottom Line:

Well, nothing actively sucked on this card, as even the opener did its job. Four straight matches over the three-star barrier is certainly nothing to sneeze at, so consider this PPV a success. The stories attached to it will be forgotten in time, but the matches -- especially Eddie/Taker II -- will stand on their own.

Thumbs up.

*****

03:24 PM Wilkes-Barre, PA

"Here you go, boys," said Eric Bischoff as he walked in. "We got a few matches to build up to, so everyone be ready to rock!" I checked the booking sheet. Nothing. I had the night off. It figured, actually -- I was a midcarder who just had his program exhausted, so what was the point of putting me on the air? I noticed that other people fit this description as well, like Kevin Nash and Mark Henry. I walked over to the bench and sat down. Booker found me. "What's wrong, sucka?" "Nothin. Just not goin' tonight, that's all." "Well, you knew you were gonna have days off, right? Tell ya what -- do what I did when I was free. Head back to the hotel and enjoy yo'self. Watch the show, or don't. Take a swim. Hit the weights. Just be thankful you ain't part of the grind." "You sure that's okay?" "Course I'm sure. Relax, buddy. I know what it is I'm talkin' bout." "All right." I got up and grabbed my things. I winked at Booker and smiled as I did so. I knew that was mainly for show, but what I couldn't figure out is why he would send me back to the hotel. "Hey, Lance." "Yeah, Book?" "Check the lay of the land, will ya? I think I got a clue." "Right..." I sat back down and whispered. "What sort of clue?" "Well, it's like dis, sucka. I think ol' Molly needs some time off too, but she gots a match comin' up. What I want you to do is see if you can get in her head. Check if she gets a note, and if so, ask her to be witchoo at the same time. See what happens." "But Book," I stammered, "How... how will I find out about the note if I... if I can't get in the locker room?" "Relax, foo. I gots some insider stuff goin' down. See, someone remembers us talkin' about it earlier, and she's concerned too. So she'll come to you, and you'll get the note and get the ball rollin'. Now, it's very important that you don't show her the note, dig? We gotta act like dis is all on de up'n'up." "Wait... we're going to steal the note? Couldn't that get her in more trouble?" "I don't think so. Not if we do dis right. B'sides, ol' DM might tip his hand." "I see. Well, should I stay or should I go back?" "Go on back, dog. Stacy knows your number -- she'll find you." "Okay. Thanks." I grabbed my things and left the locker room. As I did, I bumped into Stacy coming around the corner. Nervously, I looked up into her eyes and whispered, "Is the plan on?" "Plan?" "Booker didn't tell you?" "Ohhh, that. Yeah, it's good." "All right. I'm in 525. Find me after 11:30. Got it?" "Of course." "Good. And thank you." She went on into the Diva locker room while I walked out into the night.

*****

Monday, October 20, 2003, 08:57 PM Scranton, PA

I returned to the hotel after a long dinner to cool my jets and watch RAW. I kept thinking about Molly in the back of my mind. Lindsay believes that whatever's bothering her is connected to that note. But I read the note: it was a bunch of gibberish apart from a time. Maybe this whole scheme will give us another clue, but I doubt there's much we can learn. Molly hasn't exactly been forthcoming to me no matter who I've been. Maybe she doesn't want help. Maybe. But she needs help.

*****

- The SmarK RAW Rant for Oct. 20 / 03

- Live from S-W-B, P-A.

- Your hosts are Jim Ross, Jonathan Coachman, and Jerry Lawler.

- RNN is up first, as Randy Orton complains about the interference that cost him the Intercontinental Title. Footage shown on the "OrTron 900" reveals it to be Shane-O-Mac who dove in and cost him the match. I wonder how Booker T feels knowing his big win is now a McMahon win. Anyway, Orton invites out Stone Cold Steve Austin, who says the referee's decision is WHAT? I mean, it's final. Orton protests, but makes sure not to touch Austin. Austin then says he has a bigger announcement: Elimination Chamber II for Survivor Series. He's going to greenlight Chris Benoit and Kane for status in the Chamber, and says that the others will be decided later. Orton says he should be in it, and Austin allows him the chance... if he beats Benoit tonight in the main event. Interesting.

- Handicap match: Molly Holly vs. Gail Kim and Jazz. The schizophrenic push for Molly continues, as they seem determined not to get her over TOO much. Gail starts, and Molly handles her easily, carrying her through a wrestling sequence. Jazz comes in and kicks her ass. Double chickenwing into a bridge gets two. DDT gets two. Gail comes off the top with a crossbody for two. Molly ducks a clothesline from Jazz and gets a neckbreaker. Gail hits a rana for two, reversed by Molly for two. Jazz hits a fisherman's DDT for two. A second try is reversed to a small package for two. Gail goes up top but gets slammed off onto Jazz, and Molly covers both for two. Can you guess who the weakest link in this match is? Jazz tosses Molly to the outside, and Gail throws her back in to get Jazz two. Molly throws the heels into each other and hits the Molly Go Round on Gail for the upset win at 7:07. Molly really should be more over than she is. **

- And now, the return of one of my favorite time-wasters, WEEKEND UPDATE WITH 3 LIVE KRU! Konnan runs the news desk and reveals that reports of a bomb in Baghdad have been confirmed: "Gigli" opened in the Middle East. Road Dogg does the sports report and gets attacked by a Don Zimmer look-alike, while Ron Killings reports a warm front around Stacy Keibler's ass. Konnan then offers his service in taking out Kane for later that night, and the camera cuts to Road Dogg and Killings holding a candlelight vigil. Stupid but fun. Clearly they can't get away with stoner humor without the PTC noticing again, so they're going this route, which will make for an interesting assignment.

- Intercontinental Title: Booker T vs. Sean Morley. Speaking of censors, we have these guys. Booker goes to town to start, and Morley bails, allowing Booker to unleash a plancha on all three RTC members. Big mistake, as Steven Richards distracts the ref and Mark Henry works him over. Note to the WWE: he's fat, and he's not over. Just letting you know. Morley runs the ropes with Booker, and a Blue Thunder bomb gets two. Spinning elbow gets two. Booker ducks a clothesline and gets an axe kick for two. Spinebuster and kneedrop follow, but Richards runs interference and Henry powerslams Booker. Morley gets two. Morley goes up top, but Booker superplexes him off and gets two. Scissors kick, spinaroonie, and leg lariat finish the deal at 5:14. Walk in the park for Booker. *3/4 Christian attacks after the bell as a program that didn't work the first time is started up again.

- Meanwhile, La Resistance take their frustration about being out of the tag team title match out on Rob Conway.

- Elimination match, Tag Team Titles: Dudley Boyz vs. Chris Nowinski and Rodney Mack vs. Goldust and Hurricane vs. Christian and Big Show. Bubba Ray and Christian start, and that goes poorly for Christian. Rodney Mack gets a clothesline and some punches for two. Hurricane in, and he and Goldust do a SUPERHERO BODYSLAM OF DEATH on Big Show. D-Von attacks from behind as tag rules pretty much are thrown out the window here. Nowinski talks Christian into attacking both Dudleyz by himself, then laughs until Goldust elbows him down. Hurricane flies over the top onto all four heels, while the Dudleyz give Goldust the Wazzup Drop. Tables are fetched, but their use leads to a DQ of the Dudleyz at 5:48, meaning they will lose the titles. LAAAAAAAAAME. All four heels then pass Hurricane off in rapid succession. I mean, no one's in there longer than one or two moves. Mack hits the Blackout, but Goldust saves as a tag match starts to gain order. Nowinski uses the FACIAL APPLIANCE OF DOOM for two. A second try, but Show gets it. A very angry Show headbutts and chokeslams Nowinski, and he's easy pickings for the Shining Wizard at 9:24. Christian keeps up the pressure with Move #285 (ARM-bar). Show drops the leg for two. Christian hits the Unprettier for two. Show in, but Hurricane kicks the legs out, hot tag Goldust. Flip Flop and Fly on Show, Shattered Dreams for Christian, but Show gets AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHTHE CHOKESLAM for the pin and the titles at 14:11. I've seen worse, but these guys don't need the titles. **1/4

- But then the purpose is revealed, as Eric Bischoff announces that, as co-GM of RAW, he'll fill the chamber with all the champions. So Booker T is in, Christian and Big Show join the Chamber, and (Bischoff evil grin here) Molly Holly will be forced in there. Jimbo starts making her funeral arrangements. Um, Molly? He's kidding, right? Well, we'll see where this goes, though realistically not much good can come out of Show or Molly being in there longer than a few minutes.

- Kane vs. Konnan. I don't see any good coming out of this. Konnan is attacked during his pre-match spiel as Ron Killings joins commentary. Kane kicks his ass all over the ringside, sending him to the STEEL steps. Konnan makes a brief comeback using groinal abuse, but the rolling clothesline is caught into an armbar. Konnan makes the ropes. Kane tosses Konnan by the arm across the ring. Kane gets the CLOTHESLINES OF DOOM for two. Chokeslam finishes the brutality at 4:15. *1/4 The rest of 3 Live Kru runs in and gets dealt with.

- Shane McMahon returns to speak about RAW. He says that RAW has been in the tank, and it's due to Eric Bischoff's mismanagement. He says not even Steve Austin can keep Bischoff in line, so he'll do it himself. No comment. Bischoff interrupts and says he knew Shane would be trouble, so he found himself some enforcers. Evolution (minus Ric Flair, but with Batista) emerges and kicks Shane's ass. SITOUT POWERBOMB OF DEATH, KICK WHAM PEDIGREE, and RKO add to the brutality. Bischoff tells Shane he's unwelcome here. Pot, kettle, black.

- Main event, World Title: Chris Benoit vs. Randy Orton. Benoit attacks from the crowd, but runs into Evolution before they can be ejected from ringside. We take a break as Benoit gets sent over the top by HHH. We come back with Orton holding a legbar while Benoit tries to sit up and chop away. Orton releases and tries a dragon screw, but Benoit spins out of it and chops Orton down. Benoit tries the Crossface, but Orton blocks. Benoit works the arm in several nasty ways, but Orton kicks out of it. RKO attempt, but Orton can't grip Benoit due to the arm damage. Benoit does a judo throw as the announcers note Al Snow at ringside taking notes. Orton slams Benoit down, and the Play of the Day gets two. Flatliner gets two. Orton goes up top, but the crossbody is caught and turned into the Crossface in midair for the tapout at 10:23. Orton is emminently carryable, which makes him appear a lot better than he is. *** Kane lays everyone out and stares at Benoit as the show ends.

The Bottom Line:

The buildup to Survivor Series gets off to a flying start, as RAW delivers the goods on the way to its half of the card. Molly in the Elimination Chamber is definitely an interesting choice, but realistically in a six-way match, it's next to impossible to establish six contenders. Still, no problems with the Chamber announcements, and Shane getting beat up is always a plus.

Until next time, BUY THE BOOK!

*****

11:37 PM

"I got it." "Good." I took the note from Stacy's hands and stuffed it in my pocket. "Did anyone notice you?" "I don't think so," she said. "I didn't see who dropped it off, though, but I got there before Molly could find it." "Excellent. You've done well." "Thanks." As she left, I unfurled the note. It read:

"NG important Tue 1930 yours DM".

Just as cryptic as last time. This time, though, I was ready. I called up Booker T and told him the information he would need. Operation Little Miss Can't Be Wrong was underway.

*****

Tuesday, October 21, 2003, 10:37 PM Scranton, PA

We returned to the hotel. I could sense the nervousness in Molly's behavior. It had been her first night out in weeks, she said, but something else was a problem. I couldn't quite determine what it was. We got off the elevator on her floor, and I walked her back to her place. She stopped at the door and smiled. "Thank you," she said. "This was wonderful." "Anything to help a friend," I replied. "You have no idea how much I needed this." She looked around, as if something was missing. "I... uh... you wanna come in?" I thought for a second. This isn't Jessi. I can trust her. "Sure, no harm in that. Is your roommate here? I don't want people talking." "Gail? Yeah, she's here." I entered her room and looked around. Everything was in order on the surface. Bags of tea and packets of sugar were available on the counter. Molly plopped down on the bed and lay back. Gail noticed me and smiled. "Hi, Lance. What's up?" "Oh, nothing. I was just returning Nora from a night on the town. Lemme tell you, she really needed it." "Yeah," Molly concurred. "It's nice not to have the same routine all the time." Gail seemed hesitant. "Would you like to be alone?" I turned to Molly. She rolled her eyes and nodded. Gail skipped up and left the room. Molly then faced me. "So what are you going to do?" "Do? Me? What do you mean?" "Oh... I thought you were... never mind. I just wanted to know if I needed to repay you." "Why would that be?" "Well, you know how guys are." She laughed nervously. "I shouldn't be talking about this." "About what?" "Lance, why do you think Gail left the room? Don't you know what she thinks we want?" After a few seconds, it dawned on me. "Oh! No, no, no, Nora. I'm married. I wouldn't dare." "Well, at least someone has principles." I looked at her pillow and saw the Women's Title lying there, almost as if it were a teddy bear a five year old takes to bed. Molly followed my line of eyesight, then gulped noticeably. "Um... if there's something you wanna know..." "Well, actually, yeah. You see, I asked you for the night out because Stacy handed me a note that got me worried. It..." "A note? What did it say?" Her breath seemed shorter than usual. "Well, it was about tonight... I think... I couldn't make much out of it." "Tonight? Oh no! He's gonna kill me." "Who is? What?" "Nothing. It's not important. I was just supposed to meet with... with someone. About the Chamber. I... ugh. I'm sorry." "Well, you wanna go talk to them now?" "I'd better call them and see if... I'm sorry, Lance... I had a lot of fun... but I gotta..." "I know." I turned around and exited. Well, that settles it... someone's doing something to her. There are times when I wish I didn't have to know about her trauma. I know it's my job to help people, but it's a rotten job sometimes. As I headed back, Booker T intercepted me. "We gotta talk, Andy." I lowered my voice. "What is it?" "DM. Darren Matthews. Regal. He was here at 7:30. I managed to keep him at bay for over half an hour before he checked in on her. He was furious when she wasn't there. I think he's the problem." "Well, what do we do about it?" "Next week, we're off, right? Well, when we next get the chance, I wanna make this our priority. Got it?" "Of course. I'll do everything I can... can't we spy on her during our time off?" "Yeah. But I don't know what we'll get... I just hope my hunches are wrong, bro. I mean, I got chills talkin' to the guy. He's bad news. I don't know what we can do."

*****

Thursday, October 23, 2003, 03:44 PM Venice Beach, CA

Shawn was driving us through a community area. We were trying to count streets and follow signs. None of us had been here before, but we were here through invitation. Shawn had brought us along to make things easier. "Are you sure you have to do this, Shawn? I mean, he's retired, right?" "Well, I gotta start here. Besides, I have never met the guy. I wanna know if he's the nice fella you say he is." "Well, trust me," Booker chimed in. "He's as good a man as you'll meet. But if ya really wanna go through wit dis, you gotta lot of convincin' to do, sucka." "I know I do... and you can cut the act, Lindsay; it's just us. The point is, this is something I think Vince would go for, and I think he'd go for." I sat back and thought. "There's more to it, isn't there?" "What makes you think that?" "Because if there weren't, you could go through Vince and he'd arrange everything. Why aren't you asking Vince first?" Shawn remained silent for over a minute. "Well... I guess... it's because I think he can help us." Booker's eyes went wide. "But he's not supposed to know about..." "He won't! He doesn't have to! He and I... we can work together too. Look, when Vince got possessed, I realized we needed backup. This guy's been handled before. He's like me -- saved. I don't know why, but I trust him to do the right thing." "What does it matter if he's saved or if he always believed?" "Lance -- Andy -- it's -- it's just me, but I think that if you choose your life, you stick to it. I hate to say it, but there's a lot you probably took for granted. There's a lot of things you assume Vince believes. I don't. He won't. We've seen and heard it all, and we know exactly the answer to anything that demon comes up with." "Why should you know and not us?" "Because we've asked the same things you have. Look, the devil's a sicko. He tricks you with double-logic. You can't just blanket it with platitudes; you gotta twist it right back in his face. It takes someone who's heard the answers, and short of a minister, priest, or rabbi -- which we don't have, you notice -- the people who've heard it all are the ones who asked it all." "Isn't that kind of an arrogant attitude?" "Andy, please!" Booker turned around. "Look, Shawn's always gonna be Shawn. It's best if he talks to Vince that way. None of this other crap is that big a deal. The most we can do is try to fight as whoever we are. But never -- NEVER -- forget who you are. Never forget your mortality." I waited. Shawn continued, "He's right, in a way. If you guys get too close to the demon, he can... well, I dunno, but I don't like your odds. He knows who you are, and he knows you're weak. Me? He can't touch me. Not the same way. Besides, you both know I have Vince's ear from way back when." "But what about--" "He's my backup. If Vince brings him in, he'll be of a help. I don't even know if this guy's interested, you know. I just want to find out. Look, the fact is, Vince needs all the help he can get, right? Well, this guy is help! I trust him -- even though we haven't met -- and I know him to be a man of his word. So let's just see what happens. Here we are." We pulled up outside the estate. As I got out, I took a note of my surroundings. The house was nothing overt, but certainly better than your average two-level house. In the garage were two sports cars, one all gold, another white with black streaks in a very familiar fashion. We walked up the path to his front door. Shawn knocked. We waited. A man about Booker T's size answered the door. He had kept himself in great shape through all the years. His black hair was still in place from how we remembered, while his shades helped make him more and not less recognizable. He was dressed in old Wolfpack colors, and had the smell of someone who preferred the gym life and took pride in his body. "Shawn," he said with a smile as he shook his hand, "it's good to meet you, finally. I see you brought friends! Lance, Booker, my old pals! Wonderful to get together again. C'mon in! Help yourself to whatever I got around here. It's good to see old buddies one more time." It sure is, Stinger. For the next 45 minutes, we talked about the old times in WCW and about the Wars. Sting's face lit up as he described in detail the feeling of winning the World Title for the first time. Booker and Shawn smiled and seemed drawn into their own memories. I, of course, wasn't so lucky, but Sting captivated me in his own way. In fact, as he described the last time around with Ric Flair, we all were captivated by it -- even though all of us saw it live. "So why did you stop there?" "Excuse me?" "You've only wrestled a few times on US soil since. What happened, Sting? We could've used you for the InVasion." Sting sighed and sat back. "Yeah, I know, Book -- that thing was a piece of crap, wasn't it? I thought about buying myself out and joining in on the fun, but... a lot of things happened in the meantime. First they had Torrie demean herself for Vince... yeah, that put them on my Do Not Call list pretty fast. Then the whole thing with DDP -- I just knew I wouldn't want to throw away what I was if that's the way it would be treated." "But that was Page. Look at Hogan or Flair. Or Goldberg, even. They got instant cred!" "Goldberg? Where is he now? Out of work and sitting at home, because the WWE guys wouldn't let him win. Flair? Ha! Flair's been turned into a two-bit manager. I heard he quit, anyway. And Hogan... Hogan's not WCW. Hogan never was WCW. He ruined WCW -- no wonder he's welcome in Titan-land!" I had to step in. "But you're not any of those guys. You're a legend of your own! Think of the run Flair had at the beginning! If he could have walked away... if he could have stepped out and picked his spots... the guy beat Chris Jericho! He beat the living hell out of Vince McMahon! He beat Eddie Guerrero -- and by the way, look where Eddie is now! He's a WCW guy, isn't he?" "He wasn't when it mattered, Lance. Besides, why are you asking me to share your fate? Look at how you are in the ring. You're a buffoon. You're a charicature. You could be the best technical wrestler on RAW, and they have you performing skits in some lair. And you, Booker! Look how they've buried you at every turn! How can you take pride in the Intercontinental Title as anything more than a pacifier?" "Listen, Sting!" Shawn snapped him to attention. "That's not important. What happens to them -- that's not important. Something else is more important. We need you. We need your help. Vince needs your help." "Well, if Vince wants me, he knows where to find me. But given what he puts on TV, I don't know if I want a part of it." "Stinger, I understand. But... it's not about TV. It's about the man. A fever -- a cancer -- a... demon or something... it's taken over him. He's not in control of his own faculties anymore. We have to save him. All of us. And I want your help." Sting was listening now. Shawn continued. "I've heard you. I've heard what others say about you. You're... your way with words is incredible. I know you can have the same effect on Vince. I know you can give it a try. It's all we got, is an idea, but it's a good one. The more people he hears it from, the better." Sting arched an eyebrow and turned to Booker and myself. "You two -- you in on this?" I looked to Booker. Lindsay picked up the cue and answered. "We are. We'll do what we can, when we can. But HBK here -- he's the one with the connections. And we think you can get them connections too." "If he hires you," I added, "he will treat you with personal and professional respect so that he can keep you -- and that's how you get to him." Sting turned back to Shawn. "Why would he treat me better? I'm just a washed-up old wrestler anyway." "No," he said. "Not to Vince. You're the crown jewel in his empire. You're the one guy who never came over. If he could get you, you'd be the ultimate prize. You could make him feel he truly, truly conquered wrestling. And then he'd want to hear from you. So, are you in?" Sting removed his sunglasses for the first time. A face I didn't recognize -- a human face, a weathered face, Steve Borden's face -- looked directly at Shawn. "I'll do it. But just for you. Give me until... say, the Rumble. I'll train again. I'll get in wrestling shape again. And at WrestleMania, I'll fight one more time. That's the plan. Is that fair?" "You got it. Let me work it out with Vince, now." "Wait... he doesn't know?" "No. I'm asking you first. I wanted to know your terms before I went to him." "Very well. You have my terms. I'll expect Vince to call me about it." "Good. Thank you." Shawn and Sting shook hands. The tension in the room settled down completely. Sting smiled. "Now," he said, "how about we watch some TV? I hear there's a show coming on soon."

*****

- The SmarKDown! Rant for Oct. 23 / 03, taped Oct. 21.

- Taped from Albany, NY

- Your hosts are Michael Cole and Tazz

- Opening match, WWE Title: Kurt Angle vs. Matt Hardy. Matt Fact: Matt bet on the Cubs to win the World Series. Angle controls with matwork to start, but Hardy goes low and takes control. Outside, a rather subdued Shannon distracts the ref, allowing Matt to use the ring bell to full effect. Back in, yodelling legdrop gets two. DDT gets two. Angle blocks a German and gets his rolling Germans instead. Angle Slam is flipped out of, but Matt's Twist of Fate is blocked to a Northern Lights for two. Shannon gets on the apron, but Angle tosses Matt into him and finishes with the Ankle Lock at 7:44. Good start, although the sanity of putting Angle in the opening match is not mine. **1/2

- Stephanie's back. Now I can sleep at night. She calls out Sable, and I have hope for HLA, but no such luck. Stephanie calls Sable a failure who brings nothing to the table in her job. I love shoot comments that aren't meant to be shoot comments. She says that at Survivor Series, she will have one last chance to stay on: if she can make a team that can beat Stephanie's team. Sable agrees, then a catfight breaks out and Sable gets stripped. Eh, seen it already.

- Hollywood Hulk Hogan and Rob Van Dam vs. Los Guerreros. Odd placement of matches tonight, eh? Hogan opens with Chavo, and that goes as well as you'd expect. Eddie comes in and gets beaten up some. NOGGIN KNOCKER puts both men down, and RVD dives out onto them. Back in, Hogan with the punches and bite on Chavo, but Eddie shoves him down. Chavo with a Tornado DDT for two. Hogan boots Chavo to the corner, and RVD and Eddie come in. RVD kicks Eddie down, but misses a blind charge and gets levelled. Chavo cheats for no reason, and RVD is stoner in peril. Eddie with the slingshot senton for two. Eddie is selling the cage match beautifully, btw. Chavo works the neck area and gets Gory Special 2000 for two. Brainbuster gets two. Double-team spinebuster gets two. Chavo goes up top, flying elbow gets two. Eddie hits La Majistral for two. RVD gets a stepover enzuigiri, hot tag Hogan. Punching abounds. Eddie floors Hogan and gets the frog splash for... two. Hulk up, but as Hogan runs the ropes for the legdrop, Chavo uses the HOOD ORNAMENT OF DEATH to get Eddie the win (CHEAT TO WIN~!) at 11:54. Great for a Hogan match. **1/4 Eddie then volunteers to be the captain of Sable's team, declaring that he will make an impact one way or the other. After pinning Hogan, who am I to argue?

- And from that, to...

- WWE Tag Team Titles: World's Greatest Tag Team vs. Ultimo Dragon and Tajiri. Heels charge in to start, and all four men rumble. Haas is kicked out of the ring by Tajiri, setting off the trainwreck as Tajiri dives onto him. Shelton follows with a dive of his own, then Dragon fakes the dive to complete the sequence. Everyone back in, and Shelton sneak attacks Dragon from behind. Holds and counter-holds I can't even begin to describe take up the next three minutes, as these guys totally adapt to the Japanese style. And the crowd CHEERS it. Tajiri in off a blind tag, and Shelton gets smoked with a roundhouse kick for two. Haas jumps in and overhead suplexes Tajiri into the corner, allowing Shelton to baseball slide in and take over. WGTT get the leapfrog choke on Tajiri, getting Haas two. Haas goes for a figure-four, but Tajiri cradles for two, reversed for two. Haas does amateur wrestling, with Shelton superkicking Tajiri over into a pinning predicament for two. Tajiri trades some SERIOUSLY STIFF kicks with Shelton, but Shelton blocks the handspring elbow and lands the IRON CLAW~! Dragon pulls him off with a Dragon sleeper, but that leaves him wide open for a Haas dropkick to the face. Ouch. We take a break as the ring is cleared, then return with Haas holding the Haas of Pain on Tajiri, who manages to wiggle out. Shelton applies a camel clutch, but Tajiri rolls through to break. Whip is reversed, and Tajiri tries a rana, but Shelton powerbombs him down for two. Abdominal stretch, and of COURSE he gets assistance before Tajiri breaks. Spike piledriver gets two for WGTT as Dragon is BEGGING for the tag. Ah, he CAN be taught! Tajiri lands the Tarantula on Haas, so Shelton punches the back of his head to get a break. FINALLY, Shelton airballs on the Doomsday Device, hot Hot HOT tag to Dragon. Dragon chops down both Haas and Shelton, then hits the Asai moonsault on both men who are halfway down the aisle. Okay, maybe not, but SERIOUS hangtime there. Chaos in the ring as Paul Heyman makes his triumphant return. Haas and Shelton both yell at him as Tajiri is escorted out, so Heyman hits the GREEN MIST OF DOOM to subdue Shelton. A confused Haas is left spotting Dragon on the top rope too late, as a SUPER FLIPPING REVERSE DDT ends the match for the titles at 19:34. Holy. Living. Crap. ****3/4 One of the best straight-up tag matches the WWE has ever done. Easily the best match in SmackDown! history. Heyman raises the hands of Asai and Tajiri to cement the alliance.

- BROCK IS ANGRY~! Not quite the same as the Almighty Luke, but it'll do. He demands someone come out so he can prove himself worthy of the title again. And here comes the victim...

- Brock Lesnar vs. Nick Dinsmore. And indeed, the pain is on, as Lesnar smokes Dinsmore all over the ring. F-5 looks to finish, but he picks Dinsmore up at two. The slaughter continues, including the TRIPLE POWERBOMB OF DOOM, but again Lesnar gets arrogant and goes for a one-fingered cover, only to get pulled into a cradle for the upset win at 5:24. I'm feeling generous, and Dinsmore sold for 20. *** Brock beats him senseless after the match, too.

- Billy Kidman and Rey Misterio vs. Jamie Noble and Billy Gunn. I think we all know what the result will be, and we will all regret it. Rey and Noble start, and Rey takes him down with several ranas in a row. Gunn in, and Rey tries with him but gets slammed down. Gunn gets a gorilla press slam for two. His variant of the Jackhammer gets two. Noble in with a cradle for two, followed by a facebuster for two. Cross armlock, but Rey slides out and rolls him up for two. Gunn back in, and a belly-to-belly throw gets two. Baseball slide gets two. Rey squirms out of a piledriver, hot tag Kidman. Gunn and Noble go flying, and Kidman backflips onto them on the outside. Back in, Unprettier on Noble, but Gunn flies in with the Dumbasser for the pin at 7:02. Well, I only hate one guy in the match, so I'll be nice. *** Anyone who didn't see Billy Gunn getting his five thousandth push doesn't know the WWE that well, though.

- Kurt Angle volunteers to be a part of Stephanie's team, but Steph says he's already on it. In fact, she says, the team's been decided. Interesting...

- Main event: Rhyno vs. Undertaker. No match, as Charlie Haas and Shelton Benjamin storm the ring and a 3-on-1 beatdown ensues. Hogan and RVD "run" in to even the odds, but Los Guerreros follow. Kurt Angle blitzes the heels to a huge pop, but the numbers don't last long as the Guerreros double-team him mercilessly while Rhyno beats Hogan down with a lead pipe. Sable appears and introduces her team, but that brings out an angry John Cena, who gives Sable her second F-U of the week (there's a joke in there) and evens the odds. Hogan hulks up, and he and Taker double powerbomb WGTT. The faces clear the ring as Cole assumes this is Stephanie's side. And indeed, Kurt Angle confirms it and says that at Survivor Series, Sable will be humiliated, defeated, and fired. That's always nice.

The Bottom Line:

Well, the tag match pretty much makes this an automatic thumbs-up for me, and any time Hogan breaks two stars you know you have a good night. The constant pushing of Billy Gunn will actually have me rooting for Kidman to have a LONGER US title reign, which is a scary concept. Hopefully that title won't change hands at Survivor Series.

Of course, given that the entire main event is in one match, something has to happen, right?

*****

I was dreaming. I felt a chill all around me in the tunnel. I heard the voice from earlier repeat: "Cave ides Martem!" I tried to identify the source, but couldn't. Everything went colder and colder. I saw Owen next to me. He could sense it too. He and I stared at each other. Without saying a word, we both knew we had to follow the source of the cold, and that the answer would be there. We followed. At the end was a figure clad in a dark toga. His back was to us, but his aura gave him away. Trying to stay mobile in the arctic air, I approached him. As I got within a few feet of him, he turned around. His face was that of a Roman legion, complete with laurel and short beard. His eyes, though, were two black discs. While staring at him, I felt my blood run cold. My body seemed to freeze in place. He smiled and sneered, then repeated his warning. I turned to run, but felt like I couldn't. Owen grabbed me and tossed me down the hallway. I looked at my feet. They were heavy and gray, as if two concrete shoes had been attached. I crawled to the nearest exit, trying to get out of this world. As I did, I felt the warmth return. I could sense feeling in my legs again. I looked down and saw my feet return to normal. I crawled to the exit as the spirit's presence approached me. I screamed. As I did, I felt a sudden burst of warmth come from me. Upon further thought, I discovered it wasn't warmth, but rather the absence of cold I felt. I looked up. The spirit was gone. Owen stood back from where it was, holding the heart of Martha in his hand. I looked at him. "What... happened?" "It's gone. The spirit is gone. I don't know how, but... Martha saved you. I don't think he was going to destroy you anyway. But be careful. This is the kind of thing that almost happened to me Halloweens ago." I slowly crawled back to my world, my arms and legs shaking as I did so. I took one final look over my shoulder. Owen was walking back, his head on a swivel to see if any spirits returned. At any rate, I knew what the message meant. Cave ides Martem. Beware the ides of March.

*****

Saturday, October 25 - Sunday, October 26

I walked forward into what I now called the Dream Tunnel. As I crossed the bridge, I had my head on a swivel. No sign of any demons this week. I continued over to the SmackDown! side and looked around. I expected to find someone in particular this week. Instead, I found three people. Kathleen was sitting on the ground, crying. Owen was staring ahead, without his usual smile or sign of life. Greg had his arms around Kathleen and was silent the whole time. They didn't have to say a word. I heard. I knew. I walked over and sat down next to Owen. He turned his head to see who it was, then smiled sheepishly. He reached over and hugged me, and as he did, something seemed to brighten within him. "Thank you," he said. "Hey, what are friends for?" I felt tears coming to my eyes for a man I never knew, never met, and had only known as a progenitor. I didn't know why the tears were there for me -- for Lance earlier today, sure, but why me? Was I having residual effects? "Owen, I... I don't wanna be a prick or anything, but... I don't feel like crying much, you know?" "I know," he said. "Do what you want. I... I didn't think I'd be this way either." "What do you mean, 'this way?' Are you shocked, sad, numb... what?" "No, that's just it. I'm nothing. If anything I'm really happy. I shouldn't be. This is just... weird and all, but... I don't feel the sadness others do. Maybe I've just been dead long enough to know, but... whatever." "To know? Owen, he... what's there to know? I know if my dad..." "Right, right -- if you were still alive. But trust me -- you'll feel more joy than sorrow when it comes because you'll know more. I've seen people go all the time. At first it was... well, it was a bit of a shock. I'd be upset. I'd take it personally. But you know, then I saw things another way. If someone's time has come, why would you wish them to remain on earth?" Words came out of my mouth faster than my brain could slam on the brakes. "Because death sucks. We know; we've done it. It's not fun to be ripped away from everything and everyone you know and thrust into a brand new situation where you have to start from scratch and try to rebuild everything. Dammit, don't you realize that our life isn't ours anymore? We're subject to the rules and regulations that change us at a whim! How can you keep a smile on that face after four and a half years of being stuck in some time warp knowing your dad's about to do the same thing?" "He's not!" Owen's fierce comment snapped me out of my rant and caused Kathleen and Greg to look up. "Andy, he's not going to be one of us. He doesn't have to be. My dad lived his life. His sentence is served. I know you don't get it -- I didn't get it. I had to see it. I'm sorry, but... he's gonna be fine. You have to trust me." Greg spoke up. "He's right, man. I've seen it all the time with my old buddies from the war. Their parents are up there, and they think, 'well, that sucks. My mom, my dad -- they died.' Truth is, Heaven beats Earth by an infinity. You'll see this. You'll understand this. I hope, anyway. Trust me, man -- grieving is for the living. The dead don't feel sorry for themselves." "Yeah they do." We all turned and looked at Kathleen, peering up through tear- soaked eyes. "I didn't wanna die. I don't wanna do this. I wanted to be a mom, be a leader, be someone. This isn't fun at all." Owen turned to her and smiled. "I know it's hard. But don't you think everything is under control? Look, Andy was right in one way." I was? "Our life isn't ours right now. But it never really was. There's always a time when you hate your lot, when you hate death, and yeah, it's tough. I'm sure Dad will need time to clear himself of who he was. But you know what -- when he sees his reward, no way he's gonna want to go back." "Some reward," she choked out. "This isn't what they promised me. This isn't Heaven. And if it is, show me Hell." I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned around. Lindsay had arrived, biting her lip. "Oh, hi," I said. "I'm sorry I was--" "No, no... today you should've been. Tomorrow... do something proud. Do something right. But you were fine, really." She turned to Owen. "Congratulations." Kathleen stopped crying and stared at Lindsay. "Congratulations? Are you NUTS? How can you say that right now? This isn't a time to celebrate! This is just -- this is sad! This is tragic! And you have the... the nerve to say congratulations? You pathetic little b--" Greg covered her mouth and shushed her. Owen and Lindsay simply watched the events. I was astounded. For the first time in my life, I didn't know who to believe. I always thought of Lindsay as a good person and Kathleen as the impulsive one. But Kathleen has to be right -- death isn't something to congratulate a man over! Is it? "Kath, honey, listen," Greg said to her in a fatherly tone. "Listen to me. What they told you about death -- the sadness, the mourning, the loss -- it's all wrong. Death is the best thing that happens to a healthy soul, because it is ready for Heaven. Isn't that why we're here -- to get people to Heaven? Someone, somewhere, succeeded, whether it's Mr. Hart himself or whether it's people around him. So yes, congratulate Owen. He's going to see his dad someday." Kathleen was lost. She struggled in Greg's grip, trying to figure out how to rebut him. I shook my head and turned to Lindsay. "We're not really dead. We may sugarcoat it by saying that we can see the light at the end of the tunnel, and yeah, physically we're not ourselves anymore, but... we're still human, on Earth, and in danger of failure. If that's not living, what is?" Lindsay looked into my eyes. I could feel the sincerity as I heard her every word. "You're right. We're alive. But we're more than alive. We are special. Everything we do has a greater impact now, and every activity has greater weight. We are God's police. We are here to reform and to reward. What we've done already, comforting Matt, calming Eddie... that's all in our work. If you keep this up, and you don't ruin yourself -- your reward will be great. You'll see." "When? How? My reward is Heaven -- and personally, I thought I'd be there by now." She gave me a quick kiss to silence me. "You will see. Just wait. You're gonna learn a lot of things next week." She walked back toward our side of the Tunnel and motioned for me to follow. "Come on. This will all make sense in the future. We have work to do."

*****

Sunday, October 26, 2003, 12:44 PM stormwrestling.com

Hello everyone.

I'm sure by now all of you got the news about Stu Hart's death at age 88. When I heard last night while swinging through the Maritimes for some make-up house shows, I was at a loss for words. I'm hoping that 24 hours will help clear the brain so I can give you my personal thoughts on him.

Stu got me started in wrestling. I don't necessarily mean as an actual wrestler, mind you; it was his Stampede television shows that got me hooked on the sport. I can still remember hearing Ed Whalen's calls as he described the action of the Hart boys going against the evil Stomper and Bad News Allen. Heck, I even got a kick out of pretending to bow down before the Almighty Luke. (For those who never saw it, be thankful.) Simply put, I got the bug.

I couldn't do anything with it until I met up with another struggling Canadian. He was about my age, and had grown up in a bad family, with his father constantly on the road with the Rangers. Somehow, we formed a bond that has yet to be broken. Through our trips over to Japan, through the Smokies with Jim Cornette, and into the Bingo Hall for Paul Heyman, we constantly kept in touch. But it was Stampede that made him a fan and brought us together.

But more than that, really, is the fact that he made stars in that tiny basement of his. Those stars went on to do big things in Stampede and in the majors. In addition, I met them, and I got to be their friends. To this day, I still talk to the people I met that Stu Hart touched personally:

- The kid with the hockey dad, who became known as Y2J Chris Jericho -- get well soon, buddy;

- His own children, Bret, Ross, Bruce, Keith, Wayne, and of course dear, sweet Owen;

- Their buddy Chris Benoit, who really allowed the renaissance of my style to become acceptable;

- Keichi Yamada, a Japanese friend whom Stu let into the country on a work visa so he could learn English -- and a guy you know as Jyushin Lyger;

- Tom Billington, the legendary Dynamite Kid, whom we all idolized and who showed size didn't matter;

- and most importantly, Stu himself, who was always there to teach me that looks are deceiving and that even the oldest lion can still control the pride.

I'm sorry. I wanted to talk about the great week I had, and about a field trip a few of the WWE guys took out to California to meet our old WCW friend Sting. But this had to come first. I promise I'll talk next week about that.

In the meantime, I'd love to hear your stories and remembrances of Stampede, of the Harts, and of Stu himself. If you have any personal stories, feel free to share them. Maybe we can keep the memory alive.

Thank you, Mr. Hart. You've been the best.

*****

Monday, October 27, 2003, 06:44 AM Fayetteville, NC

I slowly came to my senses. I couldn't quite place where I was -- other than on the floor. I tried to stand up and look around, but as I did, I hit my head on something above. I looked up and saw a low clearance, then backed out from underneath where I was. Able to stand up, I surveyed the situation. Shawn Michaels and Kevin Nash were asleep in adjacent beds in a hotel room. Okay, I'm clearly the third wheel, right? I scanned the room, only to find that something seemed out of place. I looked down, only to find myself on top of what appeared to be a huge cliff. I backed up and banged into a metallic object. Turning around, I saw the Recovery lamp. Okay, what IS this? As I began to try to collect my bearings I looked to the mouth of the lamp. Lindsay's head emerged from within it, followed closely by her body. She landed on the "ground" and dusted herself off, then reached back in and pulled out a roll of tape. Calmly, she carried her head and the tape and walked over to me. "Can you help me with this?" I couldn't answer. "Andy? Hello?" "Wh... what the h... where..." She giggled. "Andy, don't worry. Everything's under control. It's Monday morning -- you're not Lance anymore." "Well, yeah, but... who... who am I?" "Look at your shirt, Andy." I did. There was the same white shirt I remembered from months ago, with the motor oil and blood stains. I lifted my hand to my forehead to feel if the hole was there. It was. Everything fit. "I'm... I'm me!" "Yes, of course you are. We're on vacation, remember?" "Of course! Vacation! We're free! Well... sort of. It's a long way down." She laughed. "I'll explain more later. Now, help me tape my head onto my shoulders -- carrying it around all week isn't gonna be fun." As I did, I prepared myself for the experience of being accountable to no one but myself. For the first time since I died, I was myself. Vacation had begun. THIRTEENTH WEEK Monday, October 27, 2003, 06:55 AM Fayetteville, NC

"Lindsay, I'm confused. I mean, I get that we're not on duty right now, and I know why, but... what do we do?" "Do? We relax. We observe. We take time to be ourselves. Sure, on Halloween, we go into hiding, but that's one day. The rest of the time, it's all up to us." I looked down again. It sure looked like a hotel room. And that was definitely Shawn over there. But something seemed odd. I looked in the direction of a mirror, but none was readily available. I thought of using the Recovery lamp's reflective surface, but it didn't seem to be much help. All I could do was see the carpeted floor, looking like it was hundreds of feet away. "Lindsay, not to put too fine a point on it, but... we're kinda stuck, aren't we?" Lindsay laughed. "Oh, right -- you don't know." "Don't know what?" "Andy, do you think the laws of physics apply to you?" "Of course. Why shouldn't they?" "Let me try another way. In your opinion, are we made of matter?" "Um... is this a trick question?" "Not really. See, we're just souls right now, right? We don't occupy much in the way of space or time. We can do things that humans can't." "Why?" "Because we're not of this earth anymore. Think about it. Do you remember what the Bible said about faith?" "You mean about moving mountains?" "Yeah! Well, we can't do that, but when it comes to ourselves, it's pretty astounding what we can do." I crossed my arms. "Prove it." "If you insist." She ran to the edge and jumped off. I hurried after her, trying to find her against the background of the floor. I saw her falling down until near the very end, when she suddenly reversed direction and swooped up, gliding back to my level. "You can... you can fly?" "Sure, why not? Not like I weigh anything." "Let me try." I got a running start, extended my arms, and lifted my legs. I could feel the wind currents thrusting me upward and allowing me to float carefully over to Shawn's bed. Of course, when I got closer, I realized that the bed seemed a lot bigger than I thought it would be. For that matter, so did Shawn. Lindsay landed next to me on the bed. She saw my face grow pale and laid a reassuring hand on my shoulder. "Oh, that. We kinda have to be able to fit into Recovery for Halloween, so we're going to have to make a few adjustments. You'll get used to it. Besides, we don't need to travel spatially if we don't want to. We can go as fast as--" "Lemme guess... the speed of light." "No. Faster." "Nothing's faster than light." "Nothing physical. But I know of something faster. The speed of thought. Just think about it and you're there. Watch."

*****

12:53 PM Paris, France

"Wow, Lindsay. That did work." "Told you."

*****

06:54 AM Fayetteville, NC

"What the--?" "We're back. Andy, relax. That was just a demonstration. Most of the time, we'll be travelling through space anyway. We can fly pretty fast, but sometimes it's not enough." "Yeah, but -- what's the point? I mean, we have to stay close to Shawn, don't we?" "Sure, when Halloween rolls around we do. But that gives us time during the day to have fun. We can explore, observe, even meet old friends. I know of a few people whose whereabouts I'm curious to find." "Really?" "Yeah -- you know, some of my co-workers over at the Murrah. But that's for another time. What should we start with?" "I don't even know. This is crazy. So much to do, so little time. I feel free."

*****

03:29 PM

I've never had more fun in my life. From being a fly on the wall during the RAW booking meeting, to watching and listening to the gang eat lunch, and flying back home to see how my family's doing -- wow. This has been awesome. "There you are, Andy." I turned around. Lindsay was behind me, lying down and resting. She seemed like she'd had as long a day as I did. I sat down on the ground and kissed her. "Enjoy your day off?" "Of course. But there's something I want to do." "What's that?" "This." We kissed again. She began to move her hands around my waist, then up. I felt her lifting my shirt. I panicked. "Whoa, wait -- is this -- can we?" "Andy, I'm not going to sleep with you. I just wanna have a little fun." "Yeah, but... something isn't right here." "What?" "Well, what if Shawn comes by? I mean, we can't just duck into the lamp without missing out on the entire week, can we?" "Andy, come on. He can't see us unless he's looking for us. I assure you, though, he's not looking." "So he can't see us? But he could set a bag or a book on us, and..." "No, no..." At this point, Lindsay was smiling broadly and chuckling, as if my naivete was amusing. "We're not of this earth, remember? If he's headed for us, we'll just think ourselves out of the way. But right now, I know what I'm thinking of." She kissed me again. I kept connected to her lips as she leaned back. I ran my hands down the side of her face, past her neck, over the tape, and to her back. She slipped her hands under my shirt again. She began to remove it. I held my arms up and let it slide off, then returned to holding her close as she caressed my bare back. "You know," I said, "I was hoping you'd think this." I moved my hands up and around her torso as we continued to pass the time.

*****

07:25 PM

The bell was ringing in the arena. The first few dark matches were underway. I flew over to the booking sheet and checked out the notes made. I had no interest in watching the show -- I was going to have too much fun being myself. The sheet read:

open RNN Bischoff -> Bisch+Ev vs Shane/3*? Orton/Batista att Shane - Hurr save Gail/Jazz d Trish/Lita (Gail p Lita) RTC att Trish/Lita 3 Live Kru Booker d Show (DQ Christian) 2-on-1 Nowinski/Mack/Long att Maven/Conway Dudleys/Molly d Kane/La Res (Molly p Dupree) Kane att Molly EMT Benoit d Christian Show/Christian vs Benoit/Booker fight Snow int add to Team Shane HHH d Goldust (sledge) Evolution/Tm Shane brawl close

As I read, Lindsay came up behind me and tapped me on the shoulder. "Oh, it's you again. Why do you keep doing that?" "Because you always react to it." She's got a point. "So, what are your plans for tonight?" "I don't know -- I'm probably going to be somewhere around here. I mean, I wanna make sure everything's ok." I was lying and I knew it. But I had to lie -- if she knew what my real plans were, she'd probably slap me. "Where around here?" "Well, I was gonna see what sort of note William left." "In the Divas' locker room?" She raised an eyebrow. "Well... uh... I wouldn't stay.... I mean I... well I..." "Suit yourself. I'm checking out the men anyway. What's the point of being invisible if you can't have a little fun?" "You're going to... but I... we..." "Andy, are you jealous?" "No, it's not that. It's that I have a hard time believing women like the view. I thought men were supposed to be the hormonally driven creatures." Lindsay shrugged. "We just know how to be subtle." She smiled and winked, then floated off to the shower area to set up camp. Well, if I have her permission, why not? I flew out the door -- even though I probably could've gone through the wall if I wanted to -- and past 3 Live Kru, who were setting up for their sketch. I noticed Road Dogg had a Cubs jersey on and a rubber marlin in his hand. He put the fish in his mouth and practiced needing the Heimlich maneuver. As I think Scott Keith would say, "Oh, TAG."

*****

09:18 PM

There he is. Regal had just entered the room after a sharp knock. No one was around, as four of the women were getting ready for a tag match anyway. Almost as if by instinct, Regal walked over to Molly's bags. He slipped a note between her coat and open tote, then left the room by the same door. I flew over to the bag. This flying thing is going to be weird for the next few days. I landed on Molly's coat, then tried to figure out the rest from there. This isn't good. I want to be in a place where I can read the note! Almost as soon as I thought it, I was beneath the coat and right on top of the paper. That'll do. I tried to pick up as much light as possible. The note's sharp black lettering stood out against the white paper, but was hard to read with the coat obscuring the view. Nonetheless, I was able to find the words.

"NG keepup Fri 1530 yours DM"

Friday. Now I can find out what's going on. Wait a second. Friday's the 31st. Halloween. Damn. I didn't have much time to think, though, because I heard the door open and three female voices chatting. I quickly flew through the coat sleeve and back out into the open. Trish, Lita, and Gail had entered the locker room and were getting ready to shower off. Lita was looking right at me, but never flinched or noticed a thing. I really am invisible! Sweet! I flew over to the ceiling of the shower area, thankful for open showers. From where I stood, I could see the whole room, and therefore, could follow their actions. I wasn't disappointed.

*****

11:53 PM

We returned to Shawn's hotel room. Lindsay and I flew over to the nightstand where Shawn kept the lamp. We paused, then turned around to face each other. "Now what?" I asked. "Do we sleep outside, or in there?" "Outside," she said. "although, if you want, we don't have to be here." "Where do we go?" "Somewhere more private."

*****

I looked around. The room looked different, and not just because it was empty. None of Shawn's or Kevin's stuff could be found. The lamp wasn't in sight either. Further, I noticed that we were regular size again compared to everything else. "Where are we?" "Oh, I found this one time while on the road. It's a scale model of a mansion. We're in the master bedroom of the place right now. I thought you might like it." "But shouldn't we be near Shawn?" "Not yet. We're safe here. I doubt anyone's seen this thing in ages." I smiled. "When did you find time for this?" "Terry showed me." Thank you, Terry. "So, Andy," she said as she draped herself on my shoulders, "should we take advantage of it?" "We're not going to go all the way, are we? I mean, wouldn't that be a sin?" "It would... and no, we're not. But there's a lot of in between." I smiled and kissed her passionately. She got my answer.

*****

Tuesday, October 28, 2003, 08:13 AM

I slowly woke up, looking around for the light that wasn't there. We were still in the scale model mansion, having curled up and fallen asleep together. Never before -- not even in life -- had I actually been in bed with a female for the night. As I viewed her, still asleep and smiling, I smiled too. It was the best feeling I could've imagined. Wow. This is what it's like to be in love. It's so weird. Around her I feel safe. I feel like nothing could go wrong. Maybe it's not love -- just a strong attraction -- I don't know. But I know I like her and I like liking her. That's gotta mean something. I wish I had an experience like this in life. All the times I dated someone, and it got to the relationship phase, it was... just... weird. Like it would reach a point where the passion wasn't enough, and there was nothing to hold it together. And one of us wouldn't see it, and that was it. I hope this isn't like that. Wait -- I know it isn't. Something isn't the same. There's no real attraction on a physical level because there IS no physical. Wait, yes there is. Didn't we kiss and touch and so on last night? What's that? Are we a physical entity if we aren't physical? How can I touch her, kiss her, feel her, enjoy her -- if there's nothing there? I don't get it. What was going on? Is she there? Of course she's there, you fool! You can see her, you can make contact with her! She doesn't have to be in a body to exist! She exists every bit as much as you do! How much is that? If a tree falls in a forest and no one hears it, does it make a sound? If I exist and no one acknowledges me, do I exist? Do I need other people to validate me? Well, no, I shouldn't. I thought that for a long time when I was alive. It's why I was depressed all the time. I thought other people's views on me were more important than my own. But they're not. I'm here. I'm an entity. I may not live, but I exist. And as long as I exist, I have to matter. But to whom? My family thinks I'm dead. Chances are they've gotten used to it, and they are ready for life without me. They certainly seemed well-adjusted yesterday. All my old friends are right now back in the flow of everyday life. Odds are most of them moved on a long, long time ago. They probably shrugged, said, "That's a shame," and moved on. If they even remembered me. I know Mom and Dad will always have a hole in their lives. I can't imagine what they're feeling. They say the worst feeling in the world is to bury a child. I can believe it. In a way, I was glad I moved on before all of it happened. I'm dead. That's the way it is. My family isn't really mine anymore. Then who is? Do I have a family? Of course I do! Lindsay here -- she's a part of my family now, right? Well, she cares for me, she listens to me, she doesn't judge me, we talk about what's important to us, and I trust her -- if that's not family, what is? I guess she is my family. So is Shawn. For that matter, so are Owen and Greg and Kathleen. And Paul too. We are all a family -- whether anyone else knows it or not. We laugh together, and cry together, and pray together, and hope together. We are together. Family isn't genetics anymore -- it's who you enjoy. "Andy? Are you awake?" "Yeah I am. Good morning." "Good morning. I'm glad you're still here." "Where would I go? This is the best place to be right now." "Awwww, thanks." She rolled over to kiss me, and we embraced again. I felt a glow inside me warmer than I had ever experienced. I could've stayed with her forever.

*****

04:53 PM Atlanta, GA

We decided to think our way over to join our friends on the SmackDown! side. When we arrived, however, the arena was full of bustle in the back from the living and not the dead. Everyone was talking about their plans for their matches, and they were all excited about blowing RAW out of the water at Survivor Series. I guess the roster split works for them. Still, we couldn't find our fellow Angels anywhere. "Where do you think they are?" I asked. I couldn't think of where they were headed, unless they looked for us and we crossed paths, but that I doubted. "They're probably visiting friends and family. I wouldn't worry about it." "Yeah, but I'd expect at least one of them to remain around here." "Why? We didn't." "Okay, true. Still, if only there was some indication as to where they were. Especially Kathleen. I just don't know if Owen and Greg prepared her for this." Behind me, I heard a squeal. We both turned around. Kathleen was there, grinning ear-to-what-was-her-ear. She ran towards us and hugged Lindsay. "You came over! I'm so glad to see you!" "Well, hi, Kathleen! Where's everyone else?" "They're out. I didn't feel right going to see anyone. I just hung out here and thought of stuff I wanted to do. But it's no fun! You can't interact with anyone!" "What do you mean?" "I wanted to tie someone's shoes together or something. But they're so big. And I can't grab their stuff! I might as well not be here." I interceded. "But isn't that the best part?" She just stuck out her tongue at me. "So?" "Well, you gotta admit, it's fun to hear and see what no one else hears and sees." "Not really." "Why?" "I tried to watch the guys put the show together, but the air conditioner was on really high. I almost froze in there! I mean, I felt like I couldn't move my legs for a while. I had to get out of the room before I got feeling back." "Oh, my." "What's wrong, Andy?" "Kath... Lindsay... I had a dream like that. As in, me. I saw this guy who kept saying stuff in Latin, and I felt arctic near him. And my legs were all numb and gray. Owen was there; he could tell you more." Lindsay just turned pale and hugged me. "You're safe now. That's important." Kathleen placed her hands, palms out, on her hips. "What's the big deal? What does it mean?" "Yeah, Lindsay," I added, "what happened?" "The same thing that will happen if we're not careful on Halloween. So Friday, make sure you get into Recovery as fast as you can and stay there the whole day." "Don't we have to?" "Not this week, we don't. In fact, if I remember, over the weekend, we can tour the afterlife. Wouldn't that be fun?" "Is it required?" "No, Kathleen, but you won't be disappointed. Ever wanted to meet famous people?" "Well... Lincoln always interested me. And Newton. And Martin Luther -- I wonder what it must've been like to be right and no one believes you?" Lindsay laughed. "They're all in Heaven now. I believe, anyway. I know Luther is. The point is, you can talk to these people. Won't it be fun?" Kathleen's smile brightened. "Yeah... it would! That'll be awesome!" "Is it just Heaven?" I asked. "No, no... we also go through other places. That's why we gotta stick together when we go. Alone we'd never make it." "We're not going to Hell, are we?" "Oh, no, Andy, no. But we'll visit a place demons go regularly. So I just think we should be careful." "All right. I'll remember that." "What sort of places?" "You'll see, Kath." "Is there a Purgatory?" "Yeah, but it's boring. Just a big ol' waiting room. You wouldn't like it." "Then what's left?" "Well... I don't wanna spoil it. But there's somewhere else." "Oh." She seemed a little confused. "So what do we do now?" "Well, where are Owen and Greg?" "Oh, they're about. Owen said he wanted to see how his brothers were holding out. Greg -- I dunno -- he was just checking out the whole arena. I think he likes being a free spirit." Lindsay and I smiled at each other. I don't blame him. "What's with you two? You seem like you're... ewwwww!" We both laughed. "Oh, come on," Lindsay said. "Is it that big a deal?" "Well, no, but... you two are like my friends. It's just creepy." Lindsay laughed. "I suppose for you it would be. Anyway, I'm gonna go find Greg. Catch you for the show?" "Sure!" "Okay... bye!" Lindsay walked off. I watched her into the distance, then turned around. Kathleen did not approve. "You two didn't do anything funny, did you?" "Us? No! We're not married or anything." "Oh, right." "Besides, weren't you Stephanie a couple weeks ago?" She blushed. "Yeah." "And wasn't Greg Triple H?" "He was." "So where do you get off asking us about funny business?" "But we were a husband and wife that week! We were ok!" "I know you were." Wait a second... I did not want to think of this... "What did you two do together?" She merely smiled and winked. "What do you think?" "Yeah, but... anything ELSE?" She blinked at me. "There's more to do on a honeymoon? Isn't that the whole point? Oh, there's Greg. Hi Greg!" She ran off to meet him. I stopped dead in my tracks. After what seemed like hours, Owen rounded the corner. I noticed he had a neck brace to go with his Blue Blazer outfit. "Hey, Andy... Andy? What's wrong? You look like you just got told something disgusting." I snapped out of it. "Oh, hi Owen. Well, I kinda did." "What is it?" "Oh... Kathleen confirmed to me that she and Greg got their wish." "You mean with the honeymoon? Come on, what did you expect they'd do?" "Something more than just the honeymoon part." Owen laughed. "Oh, is that all? Man, you've never been married. That's the reason for the honeymoon, man! To be with her! Yeah, you can see the sights too, but that's not for everyone. Some people just want to be together! Don't hold that against them." "Owen, you don't understand. I don't think they left the hotel room." "Yeah, I do. It's okay. Let them live a little. Besides, it'll do Kathleen a little good to learn how the body works, you know? She never got a chance in life. She kept telling me she wanted to be married, and she got her chance. Let her enjoy it!" "All right." "What's wrong, man? You seem bummed out." "Yeah, I know. I guess it's because... well... Owen, everyone I know seems to be able to sleep around and I don't!" "Is that all?" Owen seemed surprised. "Man, don't worry! You'll get a chance to be a married person soon enough. You'll experience sex, and you know what? Soon it won't even be that big a deal. That's the way it is." "Easy for you to say -- you had a wife and kids." "Okay, good point." I took another look at Owen. Something was different. "Owen... I don't remember you wearing a neck brace in the dreams." "Yeah, and you don't have a hole in the head." "Okay, fine, but... why the neck brace? What's wrong?" "Obviously, you never saw me fall." He removed the neck brace, causing his head to flop down, as if he were staring at his shoes. "Owen? I'm over here." "I know. But I have to look down." He grabbed his own hair and pulled his head back up, then let go. His head flopped again on his shoulder, then rolled to the front. "See, on the way down, I hit the turnbuckles. My neck broke. Don't let them fool you -- I never felt my body hit the mat. Now, could you help me here?" I grabbed his head and positioned it upright. He restored the neck brace as I held the head steady. "Thanks. I needed that. It's hard to handle being without that thing. Recovery sucks more for me, you know? Hard to breathe." "Breathe?" "Okay, fine, I don't breathe, I know. We don't need air. Or food, for that matter. You noticed you're not hungry even though you didn't eat yesterday or today?" Well, now that you mention it... "You're right. And I'm not even hungry." "Of course you're not. You don't have a body." "But still... shouldn't I want to eat." "Andy, does man live on bread alone?" "Okay, good point. Now, c'mon. We can watch SmackDown! together." "Yeah, good idea." We walked on to find the others. "Wait a second," I said. "Can't we fly?" "Sure we could... but what's the rush?"

*****

Wednesday, October 29, 2003, 10:35 AM Rajahwwf.com

Hey! I was at the SmackDown tapings last night here in Atlanta. I wanna tell you what went on.

First thing is, the arena was about half full. I'd say about 10000 in attendance, which is a great number for a Tuesday night in Atlanta. Tony Chimel came on for SmackDown and told us all the usual rules. Cole and Tazz were introduced to a HUGE pop. I knew Tazz was over, but Cole -- wow. I guess the referee thing worked.

Anyway, first match was Spanky against Chavo Guerrero. Awesome match, I wish they had PPV time -- maybe someday. Chavo won with a brainbuster and beat Spanky down afterwards. Undertaker ran in to save, so Eddie came out to attack him. Rhyno then pulled Taker to the post and abused his balls. Poor Sara LOL.

Kidman and Rey were against Matt and Shannon next. Matt Fact was that Matt has been Tag Champ with 2 different people. Neat match, with Matt looking awesome as always. Kidman is more over than Rey I think -- though it's kinda close. Crowd popped HUGE for the SSP, and booed when it got 2. Kidman was beat on for some time before the tag to Rey. Just when it got good, Gunn blasted Kidman with the US title belt and Matt got the pin. It was a four-on-two on the Animals for a while.

Nick Dinsmore vs Paul London should've been next, but Brock Lesnar's music hit. He F- 5ed both men a few times, then challenged Dinsmore to a rematch at Survivor Series. Dinsmore accepted and tried to attack, but Brock powerbombed him down a few times.

The next match was RVD/Eddie. MATCH OF THE NIGHT! These guys got 15-20 minutes through a commercial break. Probably ****1/4 for the whole thing. Tons of near falls. Van Dam tried his frog splash, even imitating Eddie's mannerism! He missed, and Eddie rolled him up with the tights for the pin. Eddie rules. They gotta turn him face soon.

Next was Ultimo Dragon and Tajiri against Billy Gunn and Jamie Noble. Heyman had mic time before this, which was as always good. Tajiri is really being helped by this. I don't think the crowd was into Ultimo between spots, but Heyman held it together on the outside. Tajiri got beat on for a loooooooong time. Gunn wasn't half bad here. Dragon did all his stuff, like the fakeout and the Asai moonsault. Kidman ran in and returned the favor to Gunn, allowing Tajiri to score with the kick and win.

They showed Torrie Wilson entering the APA office. She was talking about how Kidman needed help, and offered a bribe. Bradshaw had the line of the night, saying he'd do it for free if he could wet down Torrie's T-shirt. HAHAHA! Simmons said he'd think about it. Torrie played some cards with them.

Hollywood Hulk Hogan and Rhyno were next. Hogan is INSANELY over. I mean, I couldn't hear anything in my section for most of the match. Okay match, Rhyno's probably the best to get something out of Hogan one-on-one. Hulk up and all that, but Rhyno gored him down again. UT ran in for the DQ to stop it and brawled with Rhyno some. Kinda lame, but they're building to the ten-man, so it's ok.

Angle did an AWESOME promo in the back. He talked about how Stephanie trusted him, and how he was an honest man who never lies (integrity), cheats (intelligence), or steals (intensity). He said that he was on the team to take Eddie out, and that's what he'd do. Awesome stuff.

Kurt Angle and John Cena against World's Greatest Tag Team. This was the main event. Cena's rap was awesome, putting over Chipper Jones. Haas and Benjamin were their usual good stuff. Red hot match, the crowd was into it. Cena got the hot tag and went to town. The Guerreros interfered again in this match, hitting Cena with his chain and getting Haas the pin. They began a 4-on-2, but this time, Hogan and Taker rode in on twin Harleys! That was wild. The whole thing fell apart as the cameras stopped.

After they stopped, the brawl continued until RVD hit the ring. They cleared the heels from the ring, so Eddie knocked over the bikes on the way to the back. Taker and Hogan stormed after him and grabbed him. Angle Slam, Last Ride, F-U, Five Star, Legdrop, and the crowd loves it. Hogan and RVD pose some after the match and everyone leaves. Tony thanks us for coming and says to stay tuned for next time.

Awesome show. The crowd loved every minute of it -- only 10k and it felt like a Georgia Dome Nitro. I loved it. It's hard to tell how good something is on TV -- you gotta see it live.

BIGGEST POPS 1. Hogan 2. The finish 3. RVD 4. Cole and Tazz (!) 5. Eddie

BIGGEST HEAT 1. Chavo 2. Rhyno 3. Brock 4. Eddie again 5. The girl in the front row who wouldn't take her shirt off

Thanks for all the work Rajah --JP

*****

Friday, October 31, 2003, 11:59 AM Halifax, NS

"Oh, no, look at the time! Andy, quick! We gotta hide!" "Why?" "It's almost noon -- they're gonna be here any minute!" "Who is?" "The demons. The party's from noon to midnight!" "Oh, crap -- where's the lamp?" "Follow me -- hurry!" I flew after Lindsay with all the speed I had. We sped around the halls of the hotel room into Shawn's room. I slid under the door and began to shiver. I panicked. "Where is it?" "I don't know! It should be here!" I began to fly in circles looking for it. As I did, I saw a horned creature at the window. "Hurry, Lindsay! We've been spotted!" "Just stay away from him!" It got colder and colder. I began to lose feeling again in my legs. I flew away from the window. Lindsay flew up to meet me. "It's under this bed -- I got the door open! Hurry! You don't have much time!" I felt myself sinking in the cold. I dove for under the bed and landed by the base. I tried to lift myself up, but something was stuck. I tried to run over, but I couldn't move. I felt numb from my waist down. "Help! Help!" "Oh, no -- hang on!" Lindsay dove in to get me and lifted me up to the hole in front. I crawled in, pulling my legs behind me. I then spun around and crawled to the entrance again, grabbing Lindsay's hand. I pulled her in, and we tumbled to the ground. "Whew! I didn't think he'd see us so soon!" "What happened to me? Why couldn't I--" I looked down. My legs were gray again, but not my shoes or shorts. It was weird, like my body was the only thing affected. I tried to bend my knees, but couldn't even find them. I watched as color returned. "Were we traumatized?" "Worse. Much worse," Lindsay said as she began to pound on her thighs, trying to restore feeling. "Remember your dream? Remember what happened to you then and now?" "Yeah... what was it?" "Those demons are trying to catch stragglers. We're their enemy of war. The best ones have this breath that can... can paralyze you. I saw him behind us as we entered. He's not like that, but his touch begins to... to..." "What was it? My legs were... it was like they were concrete or..." "Brimstone. You were turning into a statue. It's how they capture us. We lost someone like that a few years ago. Owen was up to his neck before we got him in here. Thankfully, once you're inside, this damage is easily fixed, as long as he doesn't come in here." "Who, the demon? OH NO! We left the door open!" We dashed to the crawlspace again as I heard the pounding on the outside. I reached the top and saw a hand begin to try to snatch at me. The door, which swung inward, was stuck open. I grabbed the door and began to slam it. I heard a howl of pain as the arm disappeared. I quickly closed the door and kept it shut. I looked around, but couldn't find a lock. "Lindsay, what can I do? I can't hold this shut forever!" "I'll help." She leaned on the door with me as we waited. The noise outside continued, with the occasional banging on the entranceway. "So how long do we have to hold out?" "Twelve hours -- until midnight." "We'll never make it." "Sure we can. We don't get tired, we don't get sleepy, we don't get hungry -- we're here for protection, not healing. Just this once, we'll be safe." "Yeah, but -- crap, there goes the weekend." "Not really. We'll be in Heaven tomorrow. It's their holiday then." "It is?" "Sure! You know why it's called Halloween?" "Why?" "It's short for All Hallows' Eve. Tomorrow is All Hallowed Day -- All Saints Day. Up in Heaven, the Fallen Angels get to look around and join those who have permanent status. The Saints, you see. It's a great time." "What's there to... do?" I asked as I adjusted my stance by the door. "Everything -- games, sports, meet and greet. It's wonderful. And Heaven's huge, you know. Billions of people there, and room for everyone who will ever live. Trust me, you'll want to go by thought up there. Flying does you no good." "Well, let's hope we see St. Pete tomorrow -- and in a good way. I don't wanna be dead... again." "No you don't. Especially since they'll destroy you once they capture you." "How do you know?" "Okay, I don't. But no one's ever come back who's been fully brimstoned and taken away. Well, no one I know of. Like I said, we lost someone to them a few years ago." "Damn... I wish these guys would leave us alone. Don't they know they can't get us?" "Most of them. The others will figure it out soon enough." After an hour, the banging and pounding ceased. All was quiet again. Lindsay and I crawled down to the main area of Recovery. We caught our breath and stared at each other. "Andy," she finally said, "are you okay?" "I am now." "Great... I thought I would lose you." "I was afraid I'd be lost." "I'm glad you're ok..." We had nothing more to say. After one last kiss, we fell into sleep in each other's arms.

*****

Saturday, November 1, 2003, 04:55 AM Recovery

I got to my feet after quickly coming to. I had no idea how long I'd been safe and unconscious within this sanctuary. I tried to look around for an indication of time, but none was apparent. I crawled up to the door and listened. Nothing. The demons must be gone. "Dammit!" I heard that. I pressed my ear again against the door to pick up the rest of what was said. I heard the voice, oddly familiar, repeat itself. "Dammit! I'm gonna miss the trip to Toronto! Crap! Shawn -- we gotta get going!" Whew. It's only Kev. I headed back to the center and sat down next to Lindsay. I saw her beautiful form lying sweetly on the ground. Even her outfit seemed to have been a gift from Heaven, rather than a cheap replication of her business attire eight years ago. Only one thing seemed out of place -- the tape. Slowly, I grabbed the end of the tape that was sticking up. I had no idea how I would remove it without waking her, but if I could, I wanted to. For whatever reason, she seemed more natural with her head detached. I readied my hand to get the tape off quickly. One... two... three! RIP! "OW! Andy, warn me when you're going to do that!" She jumped up, startled by what I had done. She grabbed her neck and began to rub it gingerly. I took a closer look at where she was rubbing. Everything was in place. "Wait a second... your neck... it's... attached to your shoulders? Wow -- we've been in here longer than I thought." "No, no... it's not that. Don't you remember what day it is? All Saints' Day. Andy, we're off to Heaven today, and we can't go with imperfections. It just isn't done. So today, we're restored. Look at you!" I checked my body. Everything seemed as I remembered. I looked down at my shirt. It was clean! It was like I had never been shot! Wait... if that's normal, then... I reached up to my head. No hole, no wrinkle, no patch even. It was all as I had been back then. "This is wonderful! I haven't been like this in ages!" "Oh, come on, it's only been a few months." "Okay, fine." We both laughed. "How about you, though? Aren't you used to being decapitated by now?" "I may be used to it, but that doesn't mean I like it. Trust me, it feels good to do this." She began to whip her head around, back and forth, and in circles. Her hair flew all over the place as she spun and tilted back. Finally, she came to a stop, nearly toppling over as she did so. "Well, it kinda feels good." I laughed. "So when do we leave? Shouldn't we meet up with the others?" "Oh, we will. But we have to wait for our guide first." "Guide? Don't you know the way by now?" "It's not that. We can't get in without someone letting us in. Each task force needs a guide to get through the gates." "Okay, that's fine. Who is he?" She shrugged. "It changes every year. Usually it's someone who just died in the past year. It's kind of a reward for their good behavior and all, you know?" "Interesting." "What does that mean?" She eyed me with a semi-suspicious glance. "Nothing -- just interesting. I don't know any of this stuff, you know? Anyway, I suppose I should wait outside to see if the guide's here." "I wouldn't do that right now." "Why not?" "Well, the guide is going to be looking for us in here. Besides, we may be on the move." Oh yeah -- to Toronto. "Good point. I guess we'll stay here, then. But... how long? This is gonna be boring..." "Oh, come on. You think I'm boring?" She headed over to me and placed her arms around me. "You make a good point." I kissed her and began to rub her back. "Wait! Not now." "What?" "Andy, please... I want us to be more than heavy petters, you know?" I stopped. What? Was I...? Does it matter? I guess it doesn't. Can I spend time just talking with her? "I'm sorry. I thought you..." "Yeah, I do. And I like it. But not all the time. I want to know that we have depth. That we really care and we're not just after each other's skins. Is that okay?" "Sure it is. I -- I didn't mean to make things uncomfortable. It's just that... what do we talk about? I can't ask how you've been, because I've been there with you. I guess... well... wait..." For once, I'm glad I'm dead. "What were you like when you were alive?" She beamed. "I was hoping you'd ask." We spent hour after hour talking about our lives way back when. I learned all about Oklahoma, while she learned about Washington DC. As we continued to laugh and share stories (as well as random comments), a knock was heard on the wall -- loud and clear. Lindsay stopped. "It's time."

*****

02:34 PM GMT Heaven

Our guide -- who wore a hood to keep himself from being seen and asked only to be addressed as Mike -- brought us to the Gates. I looked around. Millions of people, more than I could ever hope to count, were behind that fence, hugging each other and catching up on (presumably) earthly details. I looked again at the people on our side. Some were like us -- dressed in earthware, rather than covered in the white robe that the saints wore. Some were in a long line that extended to the tribunal I saw earlier. And some, even some on this side, wore the robes, but waited to enter. One particular woman caught my eye. I don't know why, but I was drawn to speak with her. "Excuse me, ma'am," I said. "Why are you here?" "You mean, and not in Heaven? That's simple. I'm incomplete. I need to wait for my husband to show up." "You can't get in without him? That doesn't seem fair." She shook her head. "No, it's perfectly fair. He has a part of me, and I a part of him. I cannot enter unless I am perfect. And certainly, you don't think that a person who is incomplete can be perfect, do you?" "Wow... you're right. But when will he get here?" "Oh... he's due to arrive soon. I saw him in line about a week ago. I'm guessing he'll be cleared to enter in a couple days." As we spoke, a young man arrived behind us. He appeared to be about 30, the same age as the woman. He had a new white robe on, brighter than any garment on earth. He approached the woman and reached up his sleeve, producing a heart-shaped box much like the one Owen had worn when I saw him. "Pardon me, little lady... is this yours?" She smiled and produced a similar box for him. The two hugged and held hands as they completed each other. I looked around to see if anyone else had seen it. Lindsay, Greg, and Kathleen had already gone inside. Owen, meanwhile, seemed to be searching. "Wait, you two... I wanna show this to a friend of mine." I ran over to Owen and got his attention. "Owen... I just saw the coolest thing... this woman was waiting for her mate to show up, and as we were talking, he arrived... and they're reunited and... I want you to meet them, c'mon!" Owen shrugged. "Well, I'm kinda waiting for someone..." "Oh, don't worry. They're not going in without you. Look, it'll be quick, I promise." "Okay... if you say so." I led a reluctant Owen back to where the man and woman had been. They were still there, talking of old times. As I got closer, I kept turning back to tell Owen, "you're gonna love this." Owen seemed less than convinced until he looked up. Something brightened. His eyes went wide. His smile, always bright, was brighter than ever. He seemed near tears of joy. He ran faster than I could keep, all the way shouting ahead like a schoolboy. "Mom! Dad! You're here!"

*****

06:44 PM

TONIGHT ONLY ALL SAINTS SPECIAL LEGENDS OF THE RING

"Hey, this looks like fun! Wanna go see it, Owen?" "Sure, why not? I haven't seen Dad do his thing in years. It'll be great to see him as he was when I was a kid." "He's on the card?" "He should be. I don't see a reason why he wouldn't. I mean, I was told he'd be here at this event." "Who else you think we'll see?" "I have no idea. There's so many to choose from -- it could be anyone." Kathleen already had a balloon and a padlock with her as souvenirs from P.T. Barnum's Circus of the Saints. "I wanna see if Andre's here!" "You think he will be, Owen?" "He could. I see no reason why not." I noticed her souvenirs. "Hey, where'd you get the padlock from?" "Oh, this thing? The magician threw it out to the crowd. Said it was from his greatest illusion. Guy was pretty cool, too -- got him to autograph it." "Can she keep that?" I asked Owen. Owen laughed. "Sure she can. I usually juggle three baseballs I've caught from all the All-Star Games held up here. Caught a home run hit by Ted Williams. A real line drive too. I guess you could say it--" "I know, I know... a frozen rope." I rolled my eyes. "Anyway, can I see it, Kath?" "Sure." She handed it over. On the back it read: "To Kathleen, peace and freedom, EWeiss." Wow, everyone's around here. "So, Owen, what do you think-- Owen? Where are you going?" "Oh, I didn't tell you guys? We have a Fallen Angels match every November 1. I'm part of it this year. I gotta prepare!" Kathleen and I looked at each other and grinned. "Cool!"

*****

PROGRAM FOR LEGENDS OF THE RING CARD -- 11/1/2003, 1900 GMT KINGDOME, EXIT WA-US

MAIN EVENT 2 OUT OF 3 FALLS RING LEGENDS CHAMPIONSHIP Lou Thesz -vs.- Davey Boy Smith

Freddie Blassie -vs.- Stu Hart

TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP Jumbo Tsuruta and Giant Baba -vs.- Curt Hennig and Rick Rude

Andre the Giant -vs.- Iron Mike DiBiase

60-MINUTE IRON MAN MATCH Edouard Charpentier -vs.- Stanislaus Zbyszko

WOMEN'S CHAMPIONSHIP Rhonda Singh -vs.- Plum Mariko

Road Warrior Hawk -vs.- Gorilla Monsoon

FALLEN ANGELS SPECIAL MATCH Owen Hart -vs.- Dino Bravo

REFEREES: Joey Morella, Brian Hildebrand, Pee Wee Anderson ANNOUNCERS: Gordon Solie and Ed Whalen Doors open at 1800 GMT Admission is free as always

*****

11:45 PM

"Wow! That was awesome! I didn't know you were that good, Owen!" Kathleen was absolutely babbling over the time she had. She couldn't believe how good the night was, and how loud the crowd was. Neither could I, in fact. I never heard a reaction from our section (they reserved an entire section for the Fallen Angels) than I did when Andre lumbered out. I had so much fun booing all the old chestnuts -- Rude's arrogant promo, Blassie's pencil-neck geek line, even Dino Bravo's flag-waving antics got a USA chant. Of course, given Owen was his opponent, maybe that wasn't the brightest idea... "You never saw me?" "No... I started watching around the time WCW got bought. You were just a name." "Kathleen, if you thought he was good then, you should've seen him when he was alive. I mean, the stuff he could do with his brother -- unreal." "Well, thanks, guys. But you know, it takes two to wrestle well, and... Dino was on tonight." "Yeah -- I didn't think he was that agile. He certainly seemed more like a power wrestler when I saw him the first time around." Owen shrugged. "He's had eight years to improve, you know. Yeah, I've faced him a few times before as part of this -- he's much better. Of course, it helps that he hasn't been shooting up. He's a more natural size now." Kathleen turned to me. "Shooting up? Heroin?" "Steroids." "What's so bad about that?" "You seen Scott Steiner lately?" She comprehended. "Ohhhhhhhh... so that's what happens." "Basically." "You know, I thought he was kinda funny. Always going around talking about how his muscles were so big and how he was the biggest man in the WWE... it was kinda funny." Owen and I merely stared at each other and nodded. She doesn't need to know what he really meant by biggest, does she? "You know, Andy, I was just wondering," Owen began. "What was the first Pay- Per-View event you saw live? I mean, on TV or in person." I smiled. "You wouldn't like my answer." "Try me, man. I'm not a judge." "All right. The first one I saw was in 1990. It was WrestleMania, and we got it because it had the big names going at the time. You know, Hogan and Warrior was as good as it got back then. I know you and your brother had a run, and you guys were trying to change the face of wrestling and blah blah blah, but... those two were magic. I remember owning the trilogy of Hogan, Warrior, Savage matches -- 5-7 -- you know, it's almost never been more dramatic than that." "Yeah, those were awesome. I'm not gonna argue with you, man. Hogan was where it was at. Everyone wanted to be in a program with him, cuz you drew tons of money, you got rich, you were the main attraction, and if he beat you -- pfft! Who cared? He beat everyone! Bret kept talking about how he wished he'd have had one run with the guy before his career gave out. I don't blame him. Maybe someday when everyone's reunited up here." "Yeah, I was gonna ask -- is this the best you could do? I mean, the names were big and all, but... I expected a little more, I guess." "Andy, there were shows all over the place. There's enough guys up here to handle 50 or 60 shows. I just took you guys to the one I was in. Besides, you got to see all the champs -- then again, it was the special for you guys." "Okay, that's cool." I turned to Kathleen. "Hey, how about you? What was the first show you saw?" Kathleen smiled. "X-7. The one in Houston. I'll never forget it. I know most people wanted to see Austin and Rocky go at it, but me? I wanted to see the TLC match. Matt and Jeff were so awesome. I always had a crush on them. I hated Lita -- I wanted her to fall off a cliff. And Jeff... well..." I saw a tear in her eye. Sorry I asked. "But Jeff's gone. He did something really stupid, and we'll never see him again. You'll go on. You'll find other people. Heck, maybe you and Greg will have a relationship." She shook her head. "No... it's not like that. I don't think he really cares for me. He just wanted to do me. It's not like you guys." "Us? Lindsay and me? Kath, we haven't done nearly as much as you did with Greg." "It's not that! You love her, and she loves you! And... and no one cares about me! I went to see my old friends, and they're carrying on with life. They don't even remember me. All the ones I saw were happy about Homecoming or preparing for finals... I wasn't even a memory!" She ran off, crying and looking for sympathy. I started to go after her when Owen stopped me. "Let her cry," he said. "She's a wreck. I'm not sure she's cut out for this." "Well, she's gotta learn soon. She's only got the rest of her life to get used to it." "I'm sure she will. For her sake, she will. But I worry about what'll happen tomorrow." "Yeah... Gory Guerrero was telling me he was looking forward to tomorrow -- Dio de los Muertos. The Day of the Dead." "I know -- that's when people in Heaven visit Earth... but for us, it's something else. We're going to visit... well..." "Hell? We'd never survive." "No, not quite Hell. We're gonna see people who will never enter Heaven though. It'll be kinda... difficult, even for the best of us." I thought about what type of people they'd be, but nothing came to mind. "Who can't get into Heaven or Hell?" "Well, for one, people like us who were captured. I heard how close you and Lindsay came yesterday. Gotta be more careful." "Oh, please, it was only up to our waist." "Close enough. Well... maybe. I mean, I was actually up to here before," he said, motioning to his chest. "And I had to watch as one guy couldn't get in fast enough. I haven't seen him since." "But you said we were gonna see people who were captured." "So we do. But he wasn't among them. I guess they destroyed him right away." "D-d-destroyed?" I got a chill. I had no idea what I was almost in. "How?" "You'll see. We can see into Hell from where we're going. Trust me... it isn't pretty." I began to sweat as we walked out of the Gates. I met up with Lindsay and squeezed her hand. "I'm sorry... I didn't know how close I came yesterday to killing you." "It wasn't you," she said. "You're forgiven." We walked back, hand in hand, as our guide Mike led us away.

*****

Sunday, November 2, 2003, 12:00 PM GMT Parts Unknown

I was cold. We all were. No one was surprised. We walked down a lane we assumed the existence of. It was hard to tell; the only indications were the rows and columns left by statues all around, the spotlights shining on each one, and a brighter light that seemed miles away, inviting yet repelling us. All of us were back to our infirmities. With it, we were back to our weaknesses. Owen walked ahead, braving the chill and the constant dust and dirt that kicked up around us. Lindsay and I followed, holding hands not out of affection, but seemingly out of survival. Greg walked behind us, deliberately, as if sure of the way and dreading the path. Kathleen skipped all around the group, trying to act unfazed. In doing so, she seemed the most disturbed. "Okay, guys... this is it," Owen said matter-of-factly. "Welcome to the halfway house of the damned. All these statues represent people who took their lives, and in doing so, became unfit for Heaven and Hell. This is their fate." I looked around at the various people. Each seemed to have been frozen at the fateful moment. Some were undressed, some were in full suits, and most were in between. Most wore an expression of anger, pain, peace, or other grotesque. There were gashes around the heart, holes in the head and mouth, huge slits in the arm, or whatever had been done. What struck me oddest were those that stood up or seemed posed -- no one dies like that. "Now, I gotta warn you people," Owen continued, looking straight at Kathleen and myself. "We're not alone, and not in a good way. There are demons or their slaves walking around. When a person dies possessed, they become the slave of the devil. Usually they try to cause mayhem, but today they will try to capture any Fallen Angel they can. Do not talk to anyone you don't know -- got it?" Kathleen stopped. "What about these guys?" She pointed to all the statues. "I was getting to that. You have some special dust in the bag you got this morning. You may pick one person and sprinkle the dust on them. That person will come alive long enough for you to learn from their ways. When you are done, they return to their former state." "Guys," said Greg, getting everyone's attention. "Memorize this spot. I want to meet right here when we're all done. It's important we leave together, so we all know we're safe. No one can be left behind. NO ONE." I turned to Lindsay. "Now what?" "Now," she said, holding her head at my eye level, "you wander. But remember -- no talking to anyone you don't know. Assume everyone is a demon. Got it?" "Yes, Lindsay," I said. "You, too, Kathleen. Understood?" "Sure," she replied, still not showing any outward signs of panic or fear. We split up. I followed Lindsay for a few minutes, hoping to find my way around the area. She kept giving me pointers along the way. "Here's the thing -- the demon slaves are the only ones out here. They know we're looking for them, and for the demons to show their own form would be pointless -- we'd run. So they're going to try to confuse new people by taking the form of humans. Just remember -- unless it's one of us, do not go anywhere near them." "What can they do?" "Each one of them, when they go hunting, carries a parcel containing the breath of their master. When they -- shhhhh!" She grabbed my hand and pulled me behind a statue of a man with long hair and a grungy outfit. "Look at that," she whispered. Two people were talking. One of them smiled at the other and reached into his pocket. The other smiled and held out his hand, expecting a gift. "Who are they?" I whispered. "The one on the left is a demon slave. I know -- he tried to trick me my first year here. Watch closely." The demon held a parcel in his hand in the shape of a camera. The other posed, anticipating having his picture taken. Instead, a visible gust, appearing like an exhalation on a winter's night, blew straight into the face of the Fallen Angel. On contact, an instant transformation occurred. The gust surrounded his body for a few seconds, then disappeared. In the place of the man was a statue of the man in the same pose. The clothing was untouched, hanging off the statue and giving the whole scene an absurd look, but the victim himself was the same pallor as I had seen on my legs from demon contact. I gasped and turned to Lindsay. "He's been..." "Yeah, he has," she replied, motioning for me to keep it down. "Keep watching." The demon then began to talk into the camera, communicating to no one in particular. Soon, though, a creature appeared beside him, bright red, covered in scales, and with hooves instead of feet. The creature produced a box from a pouch on his body and opened it, facing the statue. A bright blue beam shot out of the box and hit the statue. As it did, the clothing flew off the statue, leaving only the brimstone body behind. Soon after, the statue seemed to be pulled to the box by the beam. It was shrinking and rotating as it moved through space, finally settling in at about one tenth the original size inside the box. The blue glow stopped as the creature closed the box and returned it to his pocket. It then blew into its servant's parcel and walked off, back to the light so far away. The demon wandered off in search of new prey. I was speechless as Lindsay thought-moved us to another part of the area. She turned to me and comforted me, as if to say that this was for my own good. "You see what happens?" "Wha-- what'll happen to... to..." "He's going to be destroyed," she said somberly. "If it's at all possible, we'll try to look over the gates of Hell and see it happen." "How? Will he explode? Will he be crushed? Eaten? Burned in acid? What?" "You'll see. I don't want you to worry about it. Now, just remember: that could be you." We separated, squeezing each other's hand on the way. I looked around the maze of former bodies. I'm scared.

*****

01:45 PM

I continued to search. Thus far, no one I saw had piqued my interest. There was no rhyme or reason to the order of things. I tried to think of some famous people who would be here -- Plath, Hemingway, Cobain, Von Erich -- but none of them seemed to be assorted by letter, or date, or anything. It was all a mess. "Can I help you, sir?" I turned out of surprise, not knowing what to expect. A man in his mid-30s stood before me. He was smaller than I was, but had a mean streak almost visible. His untamed blond hair seemed to accentuate the idea that he could defeat me. I saw the tiger pattern in his vest and knew there was only one person it could be: Brian Pillman. And Lindsay told me he was possessed before. "Excuse me?" I asked, hoping that I was mistaken. "You seem to be lost. I know this place very well. Are you looking for anyone in particular?" "No," I said, eyeing every direction but at him. I had to see which would help me by providing the most interference. "Are you sure? Because I have a map here you could find useful." He reached into his vest pocket. Oh, shit! RUN! I darted away from him, in and out of statues of people I'd never met and didn't want to become one of. Every time I turned around, Brian was within striking distance. I tried to keep a statue between us at all times so that he couldn't shoot at me, but my weaving just made things harder. Why can't I run any faster than this? I gotta have a better way. Wait... there is! I need to get as far away from him as I can!

*****

As quickly as I formulated the idea, it happened. I was in another maze of bodies contorted in pain and preserved for immortality. I looked around for a sign of someone I knew, keeping my head on a swivel and hoping for the best. As I rounded one corner, I felt someone bang into me. "AHHH!" I turned around and saw Owen, as scared as I was. We both caught our breath and stared in wonder. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," was all I could get out of my mouth. "It's okay... we're safe. You look like you've seen a... a ghost." "Worse. I saw... a demon... s... slave." "Oh, no," he said, sitting down at the base of a statue. "Calm down and tell me what happened." "Well, I was walking around, trying to find someone of interest to talk to, and this guy asked if I needed help. I turn to face him and it's... it's... Brian! Pillman! And he says he has this map if I need it, and I'm trying not to acknowledge him, and... he pulls out this box, and I remember what Lindsay told me, that it's his trap. So I started running, but I couldn't lose him until I thought my way over here. I hope he doesn't know where I am." "I don't think so. You should be safe." He stood back up, holding up his head so he could look at me. "Lindsay taught you well. I hope Kathleen was listening when I told her the same thing. Anyway, have you used your dust yet?" "No... why... have you?" "Nope. I guess we're... holy crap!" I turned around. Brian had found us and was charging in fast, parcel in hand. We took off the other way, Owen running, myself flying. As I soared over row after row of statues, I realized how to lose Brian. I opened my pouch and dumped the dust over as many statues as I could. Owen ran ahead as the brimstone began to soften back into flesh. Brian lunged to tackle Owen, but a four hands belonging to the suicides on either side of him grabbed him. Brian kicked and screamed, demanding his release as he yelled for Owen to return. I flew down to the ground and landed right by Owen. He was shaken by the incident as he twisted his head around to see what was going on. "Thanks, kid," he stammered. "That was some quick thinking." "I made my name in life as a guy who approached things from a different point of view," I said. "It just seemed like it was worth a shot. The worst that happens is that he gets away and we keep running." "Man... I thought Brian knew me better than that." He then chuckled. "Maybe that's why he wanted to capture me -- because he knew me."

*****

04:22 PM

We had all gathered back at the place we started and were ready to leave. However, while the four of us talked amongst ourselves, Kathleen was busy chatting with an old friend of hers. "Tommy! What happened?" "I heard about what happened to you the next morning. I didn't mean for my prank to cause anyone harm. I was so upset that I didn't pay attention to the light right before school. I entered the intersection at the same time as one of the buses. That's why I wasn't around when you were visiting the school -- I was dead." "But you could've gone too." "No... It wouldn't be right for me to go back when you did. I did go back, though, later in the week." "Tommy, I'm sorry I got so mad at you. You don't know how hard it's been for me. I've been away from everyone I know and every experience I've ever had... There are times I wish I could just stay dead... not do anything." "I know, Kath, I know... but we all got a mission now. I have mine, you have yours, and we have to fight. We don't want our superiors to get upset, do we?" Superiors? But they're called intermediaries! "Yeah... I just wish we didn't have to say goodbye. Whose case are you working on? Maybe we can visit sometime." "I can't say. Truth is, I just finished one recently. The person died, and I still don't know whether she made it or not." Something isn't right here... why can't he say? Ben and Stefani could. I whispered to Lindsay, "I have a very bad feeling about this." "Then do something." I walked towards the two of them. "Kathleen, I think we had better get going. This strikes me as too big of a coincidence. Tommy here -- I'm sorry, man... we'll see ya next year." Kathleen shoved me to the ground, using more surprise than force. She began to yell at me. "You've been ruining all my fun! All you've ever done is treat me like a little girl! Tommy here respects me! He cares for me! He means more to me than you do! ANY OF YOU! I'm asking to get transferred immediately. I don't wanna work with people like you who act like I'm some gullible little child! I wanna be with people who recognize I'm a good person, like Tommy!" I scrambled back to Lindsay. "Now what?" "I don't know." Kathleen returned to Tommy and hugged him. "Thank you for caring for me. Thank you for understanding. You'll make sure I'm taken care of, won't you?" I saw Tommy reach into his jeans pocket. "Yes, I will. But wait -- I want to give you something. Step back and close your eyes." Kathleen took a few steps back and turned around. I looked at Owen and Greg, who pointed upward. All four of us elevated to about ten feet, so we could be out of harm's way. "Is this far enough?" I asked. "He can't get us if we're off the ground," Lindsay said. "Okay, Kath -- you can look now!" Kathleen turned around and looked at Tommy. Instantly, he pressed a button on the top of what was in his hand. The wind blew straight at Kathleen, who didn't even have time to scream. It surrounded her, then disappeared. She had been turned to stone. Tommy then held the parcel close to his mouth. "Master, I have one." I expected a creature like before to appear, but this one was vaguely human. He walked upright, but was lizardlike in color. His pouch in front of him seemed to bear a mark, but I couldn't make it out from so high up. It was only a red armband on the lizard's right limb that tipped me off. I turned to Lindsay. "I didn't know humans could become full-fledged demons like that." "Why do you say so?" "I think that's Hitler." The lizard creature reached into the pocket in front, and as he did so I clearly saw the markings on the pocket. It was a swastika. It is. The Hitler being produced the box and opened it to Kathleen. Her overalls and underwear were blown away by a blue beam, after which she was pulled into the box, shrinking as she did so. The Hitler being closed the box and returned it to his pouch, whispering to Tommy as he did so. Both creatures walked off together. "What do we do?" "Forget it. She's gone." "What's gonna happen to her?" Greg turned to me, then to the others. "Should he see?" They both nodded. Lindsay took my hand. "Come on... you might as well know."

*****

04:33 PM

We had flown to a safe spot just outside the gated community of Hell. Inside as a city ablaze, accounting for the light we saw in the distance. Creatures of all shapes and sizes, as well as their demon followers, were running about concluding the mayhem of the day. A whistle blew, and two demons standing beneath us snapped to attention. A loud voice shouted over an invisible intercom, "Now approaching - the latest captured Fallen Angel!" A loud cheer came out through the streets that sickened me. A rickety cart rolled through the main avenue. Inside was Kathleen, still stuck in her pose of anticipation for Tommy's surprise. Her body was exposed to the citizens of Hell, who made lewd comments and unflattering gestures as the cart rolled past. I turned to Owen. "I hope she can't hear this. I hope she's already gone." Owen shook his head as best he could. "She's not gone yet. She's fully aware of her existence. I don't know if she can see or hear, but she's alive. Just like those statues -- she exists and no more." I bit my fingernails in sympathy. There was nothing we could do. Most of the creatures moved on, leaving the Hitler being and a dozen or so of his slaves. Tommy stood by the two guards, watching emotionlessly as his former high school friend was being brought to her doom. The Hitler being stood by a giant machine as the cart rolled to it. Four demon slaves picked Kathleen up and placed her inside the machine's transparent dome. I looked more carefully. Kathleen had been placed over a metal grate of some sort, and it looked like a tray lay on the other side of it, a few feet down. On the signal, a lackey pulled a lever. A device looking a lot like the camera pointed at the top of the machine from the inside. It shot a green light over a plane of the inside, then scrolled down, covering everything around it with a green glow for a few seconds. When the glow died down, the grate beneath Kathleen began to glow almost white with heat, while four fire spouts, one at each corner, shot up. Inside, Kathleen's expression seemed to change. Droplets were forming down her arms and face. More liquid fell off of her feet to the tray below. Then I looked more closely. Kathleen's hair seemed to be disappearing. Her fingers were shrinking, and her hands were seemingly receding into her arms. Kathleen was melting. Her head began to flatten, then slowly fade off. Her outline was now almost entirely watery. Meanwhile, below, the liquid level in the tray was rising. Soon her arms had disappeared, and her legs had begun to sink. Her entire body began to lose form and collapse underneath her. Within minutes, she had completely flowed to the tray below. A metal plate seemed to cover the tray where Kathleen's liquid body lay. A red laser beam was shot around the sides of the plate, welding it to the tray. The camera from before scanned the plate, producing some protrusions on it. The tray turned over onto the plate. It began to move out of the machine and into the street. For a few minutes, the tray sat on a roller conveyor belt, not doing anything. The Hitler being had begun a conversation with Tommy during the wait. Eventually, the tray rolled back into the machine. I saw it get flipped back over, with Kathleen's image coming out of it like a relief sculpture, but minutely thin. A yellow laser cut the plate back off the tray, which was then lifted as the tray rolled back into the street. The Hitler being rose from his chair and walked over to the tray. I looked inside. Kathleen's image had been produced on the outside of her, as if giving her form again. The tray was shaped like a trough, getting thinner as it got nearer the ground. The Hitler being signalled, and four slaves lifted Kathleen out of the tray, holding her upright. She was only a few inches thick, and her back was flat and formless. It was as if she had been turned into the world's largest Nestle-shaped chocolate bar, and her body was the logo imprinted on the front. The Hitler being then re-opened his box, and the blue beam trapped Kathleen, spinning and shrinking her into the box. Rather than close the box, though, the Hitler being picked Kathleen up and out of it. She was now the same relative size as a candy bar. Her captor's lizard smile flashed as he opened his mouth wide. He placed Kathleen whole inside his mouth and closed it. I waited to hear his teeth grind her to a pulp, but instead, I heard a loud gulp from him. I watched as a lump travelled down his chest, until it stopped in his stomach region. A bloodcurdling scream of a murder victim pierced my ears. The voice was Kathleen's. Not knowing what to do, I began to recite the Lord's Prayer. Slowly the others joined in. "Our Father, who art in Heaven, hallowed be Thy Name. Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation..." I couldn't finish. I simply heard the others say the last line: "...but deliver us from evil."

*****

11:24 PM Recovery

I was stunned. I didn't say a thing since seeing Kathleen be destroyed. I couldn't believe my own eyes. What I had seen was the most physically disturbing thing I could imagine. I didn't know how to comprehend it. Lindsay saw my shell shock. "It's okay, Andy," she said. I snapped at her. "Okay? Someone we know just became fuel for an evil creature and all you can say is it's okay? How can you take such a view? How can you think so little of her that--" "Please." She put her hand to my mouth. I sat down and began to take deep breaths. I broke down in tears. "It's not fair... what did she ever do to deserve this?" "Andy, you heard her. She turned her back on us. She left us to be with her demonic friend. You take your life in your own hands when you turn your back on God and His people." "We're not God. We're just his police force." "I know that! But... she disowned us. You heard how she talked in the days before this. She didn't want our life. She didn't want Heaven. She didn't want to work for it. She was clearly not Heavenly material. And if you're not in Heaven, you're in Hell." "How can you say she wasn't Heavenly material? What do you know?" "I know that she nearly killed herself on a few occasions with her loose acts. I know she may have given Shannon Moore AIDS. I know she put her personal desires ahead of the mission -- and don't think I've forgiven Greg either for that. Kathleen was a loose cannon. I wish there was some way we could've kept her on the sidelines, but she didn't want to take orders." "Who does?" "Andy, you do! Or you should!" Lindsay's voice changed from explanatory to firm, making me believe her next words would be a lesson I could use. "You can't serve God and serve man. You can't put yourself ahead of your duty in life. We are charged with a mission. All our activities need to be focused on the mission. That's why Recovery exists -- because sometimes we can't handle it. It's our chance to try again. Well, what she did cost her all her chances. She left us. She abandoned us and God and the mission she accepted upon death -- heck, upon life! I don't want you to do the same thing." "I haven't!" "Yes, you have! Why didn't you finish the week as Road Dogg, huh?" I couldn't respond. The tears seemed to be drying up, even though I could still feel them hit my hands underneath. "I have sinned, I know. But I know I have sinned, and I have received forgiveness. Doesn't that count for something?" Lindsay smiled and sat down next to me, placing her head in my hands. "It means everything. That's why you're in and out so quickly. Kathleen needed weeks at a time sometimes. She didn't want to perform her duties. Paul had to talk her into it each week. I was there. Kathleen was too proud. Pride is the worst sin of all, and the one you're least likely to recover from." I shook my head. "How ironic." "What is?" "Her last words were about how we didn't care for her or respect her. I don't know if she ever really respected anyone. She was always flirting, always getting angry -- and there was Tommy, telling her everything she wanted to hear. All those lies, all that sucking up... why didn't we do that? We could've saved her!" "Because we have a duty to be loyal to the truth. If you screw up, I'm telling you you did it. If I make a mistake, I hope you can call me on it. It's more than just the right thing -- it's our job. It's not just because I love you... it's because I have to." I paused. "So... if I catch you doing something... but what good can I do? You won't listen to me, will you?" "I already have. Remember the first or second week you were here? I was ready to injure Undertaker, because I saw what Eddie saw. I became consumed in his fire. You separated me before I could act on my emotions. That may have helped me survive. Then you saw my weakened state and told me about it. Andy, I don't know if I would be here if it weren't for you." I pulled her head to mine and kissed her. "I'm sorry I doubted you. When something happens to me... I want you to help me." "I want you to help too. Now, we should get some rest. Tomorrow... we go back to work." I handed her her head back and lay down. Her body cuddled around me as a wave of calm flooded my senses. I can only control me. I have to control me. God will help me. I don't want to end up like her.

*****

Monday, November 03, 2003, 07:45 AM Cleveland, OH

"Oh, you're up." I slowly recovered my senses. I had a nightmare about Hell, but it wasn't about suffering Kathleen's fate. I was being chased by a demon I didn't turn around to see. As I ran, I tripped. He stood over me and drove a spear through me. I screamed, but the sound was a woman's scream out of my mouth. "Yeah, I... I am... I just... I'm sorry..." "Another bad dream, girl?" "Yeah, it was." "You really oughta see someone about that. That's not normal. In fact, you know, I've been trying to get you to see someone for some time." "I am, I am! I should tell him about this." Did that come out of me? It was like my voice was on autopilot. "Well, don't worry about it. Care for some coffee?" "No, that's okay, Gail, I'm fine." Well, no I'm not. I turned and looked in the mirror. I still didn't understand the meaning of my nightmare, but a feeling of dread crept over me that I would find out. My vision was bright and colorful. I was hoping it would stay that way. This week, I was going to see firsthand what the solution was to the problem that had been bothering me since SummerSlam. I was Nora Greenwald -- Molly Holly.

TO BE CONTINUED