NINTH WEEK Monday, September 29, 2003, 10:22 AM Chicago, IL I walked to Shawn's car, my bags over my shoulder. As I waited, I saw Molly and Gail walk out of the hotel, chatting. At least, Gail was. Molly seemed to be listening. I checked them out with my glasses. Gail seemed abnormal, slightly dim but still there, as if something weren't right. Molly was still a silhouette, out of which the bright gold plate of the Women's title seemed to stand. Even when exiting a hotel, she carried it under her arm, as if it had more meaning that just being a strap of leather. Linda McMahon exited. Her face had a look of worry, as if her mind were loaded with chores her body couldn't possibly finish. I remembered the wedding this weekend and realized that must have been it. Yeah, the wedding... so many thoughts about it. Before being here, I thought it was a terrible thing, a political maneuver... but now... I don't think so. I think there's a chance it's for real. It has to be. I know too much to think otherwise. Steve Austin and Jim Ross exited together. Austin still looked like his old self in his shirt, cut-off jeans, and boots. Heck, he even carried a beer can with him. JR wore his cowboy hat, even off-camera. Some people just live their gimmick, don't they? Well, I guess when you have it long enough, it becomes harder to separate fantasy from reality. That may explain why we move around so much... either that, or to avoid becoming the other person... or... there I go again, thinking. You know, it would be nice to just talk. As if on some cue, I saw Lindsay. She was carrying her things in a roller suitcase and taking the ramp rather than the stairs from the hotel to the curb. She moved rather slowly and deliberately, but with long strides, as if she were a giant. When I removed the glasses, it became clear. She was Kevin Nash. "Kev, bro, lemme hear ya," I shouted. He looked my way and did a double take, then smiled and laughed. He picked up his pace and headed my way, limping noticeably from being careful with his quad muscle. She finally reached Shawn's car and opened the front door, sliding in. Harumph. He WOULD get shotgun. I got into the back. "How ya doin, Lind?" I asked. "Can't complain. I think I liked my last body better -- it was more reliable -- but I don't think I want to be Amy for anything this week." "Yeah, Vince is probably going to find a way to embarrass her." "Embarrass her? Hell, he's going to ruin her. Of course, that's how he is. I mean, you don't double-cross him unless you have a reliable retirement nest egg. Or unless you have that natural salon look like I do." I groaned. "So you're gonna keep doing the comedy, are you?" "It's part of the deal. I've pulled this off before." "Yeah, but back then you meant something. You were cool." "Not always, man. You ever been through surgery?" "No... can't say I have... why?" "Cuz I did. In fact," she said while tapping Kevin's quad muscle, "I experienced this." I winced. "Exactly," she added. "How did that happen? I mean, it was just so out of nowhere." "I wish I knew. I'd avoid it from then on. But the thing feels a lot better this time around, I know that. I hope it lasts, you know?" "But for how long? Kev's almost done. I mean, he is done. He should be done. I don't know what I mean." "No, I know. He knows too. But he can get a paycheck, so he's not worried. Then again, I guess being in a midcard story is a bit overboard, isn't it?" "Well, it's not the most gracious exit, that's for sure." "Yeah, but... you do what you have to do. I guess Nash just isn't where it's at any more. I just hope he has motivation, you know what I mean?" Before I could tell her that yes, I knew what she meant, the driver's side door opened. Shawn got in, looked to his right, and smiled. "Well, Big Sexy, what brings you over here?" "You know. Look." Shawn did so. "Ah, that. All right, boys, off to Rosemont. Hopefully everything is in order down there." ***** 02:55 PM Rosemont, IL "Gregory, can we talk?" I found myself walking past a room when I heard these words. There was no doubting who said them. Lita did. "What's up, Amy?" "Um... it's about what we did..." Oops. ***** 03:45 PM "Hot off the presses, kiddies. Get yer latest and greatest right here." Eric walked over to the locker room wall and put the booking sheets on it. As he left, we all rushed to the wall to see what was going on. I heard some audible groans from some people, along with a shout of joy from a few others. Scott Steiner seemed particularly excited, throwing his fists in the air before shadowboxing. I waited for Kevin to get back. I figured he'd tell me. "So, what's the word, bro?" "I dunno... I mean, you got stuff, and I got stuff, but it's who doesn't..." "Whaddya mean?" "Well, Hurricane's on Heat. And Lita's being forced to job tonight. I was afraid of this happening. I'm pretty sure Vince will say it's because they missed some meeting, but I think we both know why." "Yeah..." I had to stop and consider what I was about to talk about. "Um... you know, Gregory and Amy remember last night." "I was afraid of that. Dammit. Well... I guess we gotta warn Paul. If Matt finds out he's gonna go through the roof." "Yeah... I know. Especially because they didn't mean to do anything. It was all us." "Wait... say that again." "It was all us." "Yes it was... Then that means..." She got her glasses out and looked around, flipping them up and down as she did so. As she found Hurricane and Lita unpacking, she stopped. "Damn." "What?" "They're not all there." "What?" "They're... well, look for yourself." I did so. Just as she said, Hurricane and Lita were half-there and half-gone. They looked at each other uneasily, and every time they did so, they seemed to grow fainter. When they went back to each one's own individual activity, they seemed to grow in vibrance. It was as thought their crimes were one and the same. "You notice how they flicker, too?" I asked as I put away my glasses. "Yeah, I did... I think I know what happened, and I think we're mostly off the hook. If only I could be certain it was all the way." "But how can we find out? We can't ask." "I have my ways. Remember, I'm a locker room leader. As the oldest -- and best- looking -- RAW performer, I have my privileges." Kevin sauntered over to them and struck up a conversation. I couldn't hear any of it, and besides, I was soon distracted by Chris Nowinski. "Hey, old chap. Fancy we work on our promo together? We're being put in a nice position, I dare say." "That so? How?" "Well, we've managed to abscond a prime location in the second hour. This is a capital opportunity to cement our rightful spot on RAW, you know." "So we gotta be good in the prime time." He paused, then added, "Right," as if being pained by the words I used. "Further, with you making a second appearance in the penultimate hour of the show, our little cadre of mismatched ragamuffins can definitely make great strides towards the advancement of our mission." "So we can get over?" He looked at me with a slightly condescending glance. "Isn't that what I just said?" "I guess so. Well, we'll get right to work on it, right?" "Indeed we shall." I followed him to practice. Man... this guy's so full of himself. ***** 06:22 PM The crowd was beginning to file in as a couple of local workers were getting airtime. I waited backstage, anxious. I wasn't sure what was wrong with me, but I just felt like there was something I had to do. I walked toward the exit, almost out of instinct. I found Shawn standing by there. He saw me coming and broke off his conversation with Brian Gerwitz. "What's wrong, dude?" "I don't know... I just have this urge of some sort, and I headed outside almost without thinking about it." "Oh. Don't worry about it. Teddy's just going out for a smoke. It's no big deal." "Oh, all right." Hang on... "Smoke? But I don't smoke." Shawn smiled. "You do now." I rolled my eyes and headed outside. I reached into my pockets and found a pack and a lighter. I methodically, almost robotically, took a cigarette out and stuck it in my mouth. I lit it. Oh, good grief. This stuff tastes awful! How in the world can Long do this? It's nasty... and I can feel my lung clogging up as I do it.