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!"# -)%.+#*/+&*")%0%12 3+4(5%67%8+9:*(#/%;1<;%%0%1= '()*%+,-()).),/)"01$.)2"3(.0%0%1>% $%&'() ?)&9"/@A*)B777C*A'+(#%CAD@+99*(%0%<1% !"#$%&'()!$*&++,-,$.$/0$*&++,-,$12,3$1((14&+5!3$67$89:09$.$&*"#$9/3$8098$.$2&+#$;;;52$.$5!!<,$0= !"##"$%&'(%!"#$%&%")#*)(%+&, photo by Anyi Guo 02 T"# G$%&'( T!" #$%&"'$ '"(#)*)"+ ,- S$. J,!'’# C,.."/" !"#$%!"#$%& 60 C,.."/" A0"'%" A''*),.1#, M*+2.*'& 21401 #34*./*&-.2@/5*1..4,5 '!()*+,-*)!./,0!"/1!2$*3# << (((.1##%%.4,5/#34/*&-.2 (((.-*4"6,,7.4,5/#34*/*&-.2 he thank-you for my piano playing which someone anonymously published Tin last week’s Gadfly was very touching; you’re certainly welcome! I’m glad Founded in 1980, the Gadfly is the stu- people enjoy it when I play. dent newsmagazine distributed to over Speaking of people enjoying my playing: when the entire dining hall gives 600 students, faculty, and sta! of the An- me a standing ovation, I know that the magnitude of appreciation that you are napolis campus. expressing is exceeding how you actually feel, which makes it feel fake. I would Opinions expressed within are the sole prefer it if everyone made their applause proportional to their actual enjoy- responsibility of the author(s). The Gad- ment. If I finish a piece and some people clap, but you didn’t like that piece, fly reserves the right to accept, reject, and don’t applaud; I’d rather know that everyone who does applaud actually means edit submissions in any way necessary it. to publish a professional, informative, One more thing: I may be good at rattling o! half-baked arrangements of and thought-provoking newsmagazine. video game music, and I’m glad if that’s what everyone likes, but I’m not really a good pianist. I know approximately one “classical” piece well; if you give me The Gadfly meets where the body meets a Beethoven piano concerto to play, I will be absolutely stumped. There are a the soul. number of Johnnies who are much better pianists both technically and musi- Articles should be submitted by Friday cally, and I think everybody knows that. So if you like my music, great, I’ll keep at 11:59 PM to sjca.gadfl[email protected]. playing; but please don’t tell people that I’m a good pianist. Because then some- body might hire me, and then I would only play video game music, and then I S$*-- would get fired, and I don’t want that. Nathan Goldman • Editor-in-Chief Ian Tuttle • Editor-in-Chief Louis Pisha Hayden Pendergrass • Layout Editor Reza Djalal • Photographer Sasha Welm • Cartoonist Jonathan Barone • Sta! "/1!")-4)/&!56-#$!7897! Will Brown • Sta! << Jacob Glass • Sta! or years I have been asking to play Kunai. I am envious of the fact that Andrew Kriehn • Sta! women get to play twice as much sports as men do here, with the fact that Sarah Meggison • Sta! F Kevin Morris • Sta! they can play in both Kunai and our coed league. And netball, they get to play Charles Zug • Sta! netball. How awesome is that? (answer: twelve. Netball is twelve awesomes.) At least once every year, for the past four years, I have made my case to the C,'$+16%$,+# Kunai captains of why I should be allowed to play Kunai with them, but every Sebastián Abella Drew Menzer time I was answered with resounding nos. They would give me very reason- Hunter Cox Evgenia Olimpieva able explanations about how, if they let men play, the men would ruin Kunai Michael Fogleman Louis Pisha with their testosterone and excessive competitiveness. They would explain to Robert George Hollis Thoms Lucinda Dukes Edinberg me that Kunai had a very special atmosphere that would be jeopardized by the introduction of men, but I wouldn’t really hear anything they said after that because by then I would be curled up in a Kunai-less ball of sadness. I had almost completely given up hope of ever getting to play kunai until I !"#$%&'(%)*+&#",- heard about Kunai’s season pass. It turns out that, while I can’t talk my way on t’s been awhile, Gadfly readers, to Kunai, I might be able to buy my way on. This is a pretty big move for Kunai, Ibut we’re pleased to be back—and so they are understandably being very careful about who they give the season with an issue chock full of amusing pass to. With that in mind, allow me to explain why I should be the one to get and provocative pieces. We hope you the season pass. enjoy. First and foremost is the fact that I would fit in with Kunai: while I do enjoy Please remember that we are some good competition, fun is of paramount importance. Being on the Spartan always looking for pictures of intramural team, I’ve perfected the art of having more fun than the other team campus life to publish in our while still losing the game. This takes us to the second reason I should be al- pages. If you happen to snap some lowed to playing Kunai: I’m not actually that good at sports. It’s not like they photos of parties, athletic events, or would be letting Lebron James in to Kunai; I would not be having a huge impact Johnnies-in-the-wild, send them to on the outcome of games. I would not be altering the way that Kunai functions us! Our gmail address is listed in the masthead above. now, I would be just be adding to the fun, and that is why I should play Kunai. Happy reading! Drew Menzer T!" G#$%&' 03 !"#$%&%'()"*+"&,)"#*--).) Hunter Cox A’13 photo by Anyi Guo t St. John’s we pride ourselves on the questions that we Prince Andrei tells his best friend in the waiting room: “Gosh, Aask and our pursuit of them. As we engage in discussions I do everything for the chicks” (p. 1,257,842). This quote with our peers, we seek not simply the answer to, What was doesn’t need any explaining, and if it does, you should really Oedipus’s mistake?, but what this question actually points to: ask yourself: Why are you at St. John’s? What is good? How do we know the truth? Does it exist? But It can be seen from this investigation that the great men of among these great questions, one gets overlooked in the class- action, of faith, of stories, and of nobility all do everything for es. I am, of course, referring to the question at the bottom of a the chicks. This knowledge leads me to my conclusion: I’m at bottle, the question that we supposedly answered in our appli- St. John’s for the chicks. But how can I fulfill my time at St. cations: Why am I here? I propose to investigate this question John’s if I never ever ever come out for the ladies on the Kunai through a close examination of four key texts. By looking at field? Thus, in order to actualize my potential, I seek to play what motivates Achilles, in Homer’s Iliad, St. Augustine, in his Kunai. A lot of Kunai. As For how much I will pay, I turn to Confessions, Don Quixote, from Cervantes’s novel of the same my friend Marx. Marx comments on the value of items, say- name, and the Absolute Knowing Conscious, from Hegel’s ing, “Coats are worth money, but sports and work should be Phenomenology of Spirit. shared by everyone, and the state will pay.” Thus it is seen that In Book I of the Iliad, Homer uses the jerk Agamemnon Kunai should accept me, and the state will pay for me to play to illustrate how great Achilles is and why he came to fight. with them in netball and all other awesome sports. But I am Agamemnon states: “Son of Peleus, you always want to get the willing to pay for my sweet jersey and the jersey of one other chicks, but I will not give up the girl” (III. 8354). This quote player. ! shows that Achilles only decided to go to Troy to win chicks, and when he will not get the girl, he refuses to fight, for com- pletion without chicks just isn’t worth it. !"#$%#%&'()*$ In his Confessions, Augustine is tormented by the act of stealing pears when he was a youth. As he recounts the acts of +,-./,012$34$56.7689 his youth, he asks what it was that caused him to steal pears that were unpleasing to the eye and to the tongue. He states: ! Evgenia Olimpieva, A’14 “Was it for the love of friendship? Or was it done for the de- Books, balance, freedom, free men. sire for a juicy fruit to quench my thirst? Nay, I did it for the Not an illusion freedom, but a true freedom of mind. chicks” (Confessions p. 98983). It becomes quite clear that the It is only found by the ways taught here only reason Augustine did anything was for the ladies, even if Light. Light. Joy. Euphoria. it was just stealing pears. St. John’s College It is now time for us to turn from the ancient dead to the Forgetfulness of the world and everything, except Descartes. modern dead, starting with junior year and the delightful tale Grandeur of the human soul. of Sancho Panza (later Sancho Druid, first Druid captain) and Liberal Education, the modern world has not known you, his fearless leader, Don Quixote. As Don Quixote embarks on but I have known you.