A Marriage Made in Heaven

AA MMaarrrriiaaggee MMaaddee iinn HHeeaavveenn Personal Transformation in Marriage through the Fruit of the Spirit By David Maxson Marriage Made in Heaven 2 Table of Contents Lesson 1: Introduction ................................................................................................. 3 Lesson 2: Betrothal ..................................................................................................... 7 Lesson 3: Love ......................................................................................................... 11 Lesson 4: Joy .......................................................................................................... 17 Lesson 5: Peace ........................................................................................................ 22 Lesson 6: Patience ..................................................................................................... 28 Lesson 7: Kindness ..................................................................................................... 34 Lesson 8: Faithfulness................................................................................................. 40 Lesson 9: Meekness .................................................................................................... 46 Lesson 10: Self-Control ................................................................................................. 53 Lesson 11: Family Mission Statement ................................................................................ 61 Appendix I: Love Dares .................................................................................................. 68 Appendix II: Group Work ................................................................................................. 74 Appendix II: Self Evaluation ............................................................................................. 77 Appendix IV: Review and Discussion of the Movie Fireproof ........................................................ 80 Marriage Made in Heaven 3 Lesson 1 – Introduction ―Expectations are premeditated resentments.‖ ―The woman whom you gave to be with me,‖ he said, ―she gave me fruit of the tree, and I ate.‖ Genesis A divorced woman told me that in a Bible study. She 3:12 had been through a bitter divorce. In hindsight she could see that her marriage was doomed to failure ―Hey God,‖ you can hear him say in that, ―I didn‘t ask from the outset because, as she said, she expected too for this! Why did you give me this woman?‖ much from it. Good question. Why did God give Adam a wife? While we are not so pessimistic about marriage, we Problems in Paradise must admit there is some truth to this statement. Placing high expectations on marriage (or anything In Genesis 2:18, God said, ―It is not good for man to be else) in a fallen world will only lead to alone.‖ This is perhaps one of the most fundamental disappointment. statements ever made about the nature of man. Man was not created to be alone. Man was created in God‘s Many come to marriage with expectations that are image (Genesis 1:26-27), which means that he is a wildly out of sync with what can be realistically relational being, with a desire to love and to be loved. expected. We buy into the ―happily ever after‖ stories Man was made for relationship. and expect the frog we‘re dating will be transformed into Prince Charming the moment we say, ―I do.‖ So God creates for Adam a suitable companion. A help- meet. ―I will make him a helper fit for him,‖ God said That would be a premeditated resentment. (Genesis 2:18). The First Family Eve was ―fit‖ (or we could say ―fitted‖) for Adam, What do you suppose might have been the which is to say she complemented him. She was from expectations in the first marriage? Did Adam have him (―bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh‖), but unrealistic hopes? Did he expect too much from his not identical to him. Woman was designed physically, new bride? emotionally, and in every other way to be the perfect match for man. Perhaps he did. You see at least a little disillusionment from the start in the first family. After Adam eats the That‘s not to say she was perfect. Nor was their forbidden fruit he is called to give an account for marriage perfect. Like every other couple in the himself. history of mankind, theirs was a relationship with problems and disappointments. Adam was certainly ―Have you eaten of the tree of which I commanded not happy with Eve after the Fall (and we are sure the you not to eat?‖ God asked. feeling was mutual). Adam is feeling the heat. He has sinned. He‘s done But, in spite of this frustration, God expected them to something new. Something he has never done before. stay together. ―Male and female,‖ is what the creation For the first time in his existence he is feeling the account tells us (Genesis 1:27), which is to say one pressure from something with which we have become male and one female. That‘s one man for one woman. all too familiar. We can‘t imagine a world without sin, There was no contingency plan to fall back on; that is but that was all Adam knew till this point. Remember, there was no wife #2 in case wife #1 didn‘t work out he was naked and not ashamed (Genesis 2:25). (see Matthew 19:3-6). But he‘s not naked anymore. He‘s ashamed. He‘s All of this leads us to the first conclusion we‘ll make hiding. He doesn‘t want to look God in the face. And concerning the purpose of marriage. While it is clear when God asks him to explain his actions he turns and that God wants husbands and wives to find pleasure blames his wife. and happiness in each other, happiness does not But notice that he does more than just blame her. It appear to be the primary thing. If happiness were the seems that he places even more blame on God. primary objective, why not put an escape hatch in that vessel? If happiness were the only objective, why Marriage Made in Heaven 4 not create multiple women for Adam to choose from Our conclusion from this is that marriage cannot meet (or to fall back to in case things didn‘t work out)? our deepest need, nor was it designed to do that. It is a temporary relationship, and we were made for more than this. Like the Angels Being created in God‘s image not only makes us But let‘s think about this on another level. Why didn‘t relational beings, it also makes us eternal beings. We God‘s solution work? Why was it that the problem have a soul that will never die. It will live on after our (man was alone) did not completely resolve itself by mortal bodies are buried in the grave. God gave us this God‘s solution (the woman)? soul so that we would be capable of sustaining an eternal relationship. Adam must have felt lonely after sin entered the picture. Their relationship changed. He probably had An Analogy to find somewhere else to sleep that night. At the very This eternal relationship is the reason for everything. least he was feeling some coldness after that episode. Everything God created, everything he planned, But on an even greater level, Adam and Eve both everything he has caused to happen down through the started to die on that day. They were taken from the centuries has been designed to accomplish this one tree of life. They were now going to be separated by purpose. death, and one of them was going to be left alone. Even marriage. This kind of loneliness and frustration in marriage is a Listen to the words of Paul, critical issue to ponder. Part of the reason why marriages fail is because people are disillusioned. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes They enter into marriage with unrealistic expectations and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, and divorce their mates feeling they have been sold a because we are members of his body. “Therefore bill of goods (even by God). a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one So what is the purpose of marriage? Is it really able to flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying satisfy our deepest longings and needs? Can marriage that it refers to Christ and the church. Ephesians fill the void of loneliness which God identified in man 5:29-32 from the beginning? If not, what is it for? Paul is saying here that marriage is an analogy. It Before we answer that question, it should be noted represents, we believe, God‘s best effort at describing that marriage was never intended to be a permanent the kind of relationship he wants to have with us. God relationship. It is a temporary thing like everything wants intimacy with us. He wants to love us and wants else in this world. us to love him back. That‘s God‘s plan. That‘s God‘s Jesus said as much when answering the Sadducees eternal purpose for each one of us. And one of the concerning a question about marriage. The Sadducees ways God has illustrated his Divine plan for us is didn‘t believe in the resurrection and so they posed a through marriage. scenario where a woman would be married, as a result Right now, in your marriage, you are in a union that of the Levirate marriage laws (Deuteronomy 25), to can teach you what few other earthly relationships seven husbands in her life time. And then they asked can. It can help you to know what it means to relate Jesus whose wife she would be in the resurrection. to God in an intimate way. While other relationships They thought this would be an impossible question for can help us discover different aspects of what our Jesus to answer, but his reply was simple, relationship to God is like (slave/master, citizen/king, You are wrong, because you know neither the child/parent), it is marriage that brings us the closest Scriptures nor the power of God. For in the to knowing how deep and how profound this resurrection they neither marry nor are given in relationship is designed to be. marriage, but are like angels in heaven. Matthew Marriage then is not merely about our earthly 22:29-30 happiness, but about our spiritual education. Jesus affirmed the temporary nature of marriage. It A Gymnasium for the Soul simply does not extend beyond this life. We call it a ―permanent‖ relationship, but when we say that what We contend that marriage is all about spiritual growth.

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