30 Days to a Better Man Was a Month-Long Series That Originally Appeared on the Art of Manliness Website in June 2009
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Copyright 2014 © by Brett H. McKay All rights reserved. Tis book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review. ISBN 978-0-9891903-1-2 Semper Virilis Publishing PO Box 978 Jenks, OK 74037 www.sempervirilis.com Cover & Layout Design by Stan Perl, a Screen Four collaboration Table of Contents Introduction ...................................................................................................... 7 Day 1: Define Your Core Values......................................................................... 9 Day 2: Shine Your Shoes .................................................................................. 15 Day 3: Find a Mentor ....................................................................................... 19 Day 4: Increase Your Testosterone .................................................................... 25 Day 5: Cultivate Your Gratitutde ..................................................................... 31 Day 6: Update Your Resume ............................................................................ 39 Day 7: Reconnect with an Old Friend .............................................................. 43 Day 8: Start a Journal ....................................................................................... 49 Day 9: Take a Woman on a Date ..................................................................... 59 Day 10: Memorize “If” .................................................................................... 63 Day 11: Give Yourself a Testicular Exam ......................................................... 69 Day 12: Create Your Bucket List ...................................................................... 73 Day 13: Declutter Your Life ............................................................................. 79 Day 14: Write a Letter to Your Father ............................................................. 87 Day 15: Make a Meal ....................................................................................... 91 Day 16: Create a Budget................................................................................... 97 Day 17: Talke to 3 Strangers .......................................................................... 103 Day 18: Find Your N.U.Ts .............................................................................. 111 Day 19: Schedule a Physical ........................................................................... 117 Day 20: Perform Service ................................................................................ 125 Day 21: Write Your Own Eulogy ................................................................... 131 Day 22: Improve Your Posture ....................................................................... 137 Day 23: Learn a Manual Skill ........................................................................ 145 Day 24: Play! .................................................................................................. 153 Day 25: Start a Debt Repayment Plan ........................................................... 159 Day 26: Take the Marine Corp Fitness Test .................................................. 165 Day 27: Start a Book ...................................................................................... 173 Day 28: Write a Love Letter .......................................................................... 177 Day 29: Conquer a Fear ................................................................................. 185 Day 30: Get a Straight Razor Shave .............................................................. 193 Conclusion: Congratulations! ........................................................................ 197 Introduction 30 Days to a Better Man was a month-long series that originally appeared on the Art of Manliness website in June 2009. Te goal of this project was simple: to encourage men to be better men in all areas of their lives. I’m sure all of us have made goals to improve ourselves. But often our goals become one of those well-meaning intentions that we plan to do...someday. And if you’re like me, some day never comes, and you’re stuck in the same place of mediocrity you were before. Personally, I’m more likely to follow through with a goal if I have a spe- cific plan, instead of just some ethereal intention. I’m also more likely to accomplish a goal if I have a group of people who are encouraging me and keeping me accountable. How It Works Each chapter has a specific task to accomplish that day. Te chapter will begin with a theory component in which we briefly explain the benefits of doing the task and how to go about accomplishing it. After that, you go out and do the task. Te tasks will cover a variety of areas of a man’s life including relationships, health, career and money, and style. Even if you already do the things we assign, it’s always good to have a reminder to keep on doing it. You can tackle as many of these tasks as you want in a single day, but we encourage you to take it one at a time. In my experience, when I’ve tried to make dramatic changes in my life (even for the better) I end up falling flat on my face. Te name of the game here is small steps. If you’re looking for more advice on being a better man, make sure to check out www.artofmanliness.com. Every day we post informative articles that are designed to improve and entertain men. Let’s get started. Day 1 Define Your Core Values When I look at photos of men from my grandfather’s and even my dad’s generation, I can see a sense of purpose in the eyes of those men. Yet when I look at men today, I often don’t sense that kind of steely focus. Instead, I see dudes who are just sort of drifting along whichever way life pulls them. I’ve heard a lot of men my age complain of a sense of shiftlessness. Tey don’t have the drive, purpose, and ambition that our forbearers had, and they feel adrift. And this isn’t some sort of cranky old man observation about “kids these days.” Several books and articles by sociologists back up these observations. Tere are numerous factors why men are just sort of drifting by today. Changes in the economy and societal shifts in regards to gender are defi- nitely two major factors. But, let’s be honest. Tere’s not much a man, let alone a man stuck in neutral, can do about these things. So, today we’re going to focus on something that we all have the power to control: our core values. The Importance of Clearly Defining Your Core Values Defining our values gives us purpose. When you don’t know or you haven’t clearly defined your values, you end up drifting along in life. Instead of basing your decisions on an internal com- pass, you make choices based on circumstances and social pressures. You end up trying to fulfill other people’s expectations instead of your own. And 30 Days to a better man before you know it, life has passed you by and you haven’t even started to live. Trying to be someone else and living without core values is exhausting and leaves you feeling empty and shiftless. Conversely, living a life in line with your core values brings purpose, direction, happiness, and wholeness. Defining our values prevents us from making bad choices. Perhaps you have a vague idea about what you value. But if you haven’t clearly defined your values, you can end up mak- ing choices that conflict with them. And when your actions con- flict with your values, the result is unhappiness and frustration. Defining our values gives us confidence. I’ve noticed that when I take the time to really think and meditate upon what I value as a man and then write those things down, I’m more likely to have the courage and confidence to make choices based on those values. Tere’s something about actually writing down your values that makes you more committed to living them. Defining our values makes life simpler. When you’re sure of your core values, making decisions becomes much sim- pler. When faced with a choice, you simply ask yourself, “Does this action align with my values?” If it does, you do it. If it doesn’t, you don’t. Instead of fretting over what’s the best thing to do, and standing shilly-shally in times of crisis, you simply let your internal compass guide you. 10 Brett and Kate McKay How to Discover Your Values Your task for Day 1 of our 30 Days to a Better Man project is to discover, clearly define, and write down your core values. Before we begin, let’s be clear that we’re not trying to define goals here. Goals are specific actions, like “becoming financially independent by age 30” or “asking my girlfriend to marry me this June.” What we are looking for are values: the ideas that you esteem to be of great worth and that give structure to your life. 1. Get nice and relaxed. Go to a quiet room and sit in a big comfy chair (maybe even sit in your closet; something about small spaces helps you think), grab the fishing pole and spend an hour or two casting your line into the fishing hole, or take a walk on a nature trail or around your neighborhood. Just do whatever works for you. 2. Have the proper tools. Have a pen and paper handy so you can write down your values as they come to you. I don’t recommend using a computer to do this as it’s pretty easy to get distracted from the task at hand. Write on something you won’t accidentally throw away and that will last for many years to come. 3. Ask yourself this question: “What’s truly important to me as a man?” Once you’re