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American University Bet Mishpachah Oral History AMERICAN UNIVERSITY BET MISHPACHAH ORAL HISTORY PROJECT Oral History Interview with Larry Neff By Ziona Pelz-Sherman Washington, D.C. October 25, 2019 AMERICAN UNIVERSITY: BET MISHPACHAH ORAL HISTORY PROJECT NARRATOR: Larry Neff DATE: October 25, 2019 INTERVIEWER: Ziona Pelz-Sherman PLACE: Home of Larry Neff, Washington, D.C. NARRATOR’S PERSONAL DATA Spouse: None Occupation: Retired SUMMARY OF INTERVIEW Larry Neff, active member of local LGBTQ synagogue, Bet Mishpachah, describes the founding and growth of the synagogue, and what it means to be part of a congregation that not only accepts, but welcomes and celebrates positive expressions of sexual orientation or gender identity. In addition to touching on the intersection of Judaism and sexuality, Neff speaks on his current role as director of religious affairs at Bet Mishpachah, as well as his involvement in the community. INTERVIEWER'S COMMENTS There is a background journal entry for this interview. COPYRIGHT STATUS Interview contents have been given to the Public Domain through the Humanities Truck Oral History Project at American University. INDEX TERMS Washington DC, Larry Neff, Bet Mishpachah, Judaism, synagogue, LGBTQ identity, sexual orientation, gender identity, Washington Jewish Community Center Bet Mishpachah Oral History Project Transcription of Interview with Larry Neff on October 25, 2019 at Larry Neff’s home in Washington, DC. 1 ZP: Ziona Pelz-Sherman LN: Larry Neff ZP: All right, so, some introductory stuff, today is October 25, 2019. We’re here in Larry Neff’s residence in Washington, DC [District of Columbia]. I, Ziona Pelz-Sherman, will be interviewing Larry Neff. Do I have your permission to record this interview? LN: Yes you do. ZP: Awesome. So before we get into talking about Bet Mish, which I really want to talk about, can you tell me a little bit about yourself? Like, how long have you lived in DC? LN: I’m a second generation native Washingtonian. My father grew up a block from here, my grandfather had a dry cleaning store on P Street and they lived upstairs above the store. My parents moved out to Silver Spring three years before I was born in DC but I grew up in Silver Spring. And actually tomorrow night I’m going to my fiftieth high school reunion, Northwood High School, it’s going to be in Rockville, but Northwood was in Silver Spring. So long time resident, I’ve seen many many changes in Washington. ZP: I bet, yeah. So, getting more specific, I do know that you’re Jewish but have you always been Jewish? Do you have a Jewish heritage? LN: Yes, my family on both sides are Jewish. My parents joined what was originally called MCJC, Montgomery County Jewish Center in 1948 when they moved to Montgomery County, it was the only Jewish organization. It later became Ohr Kodesh on East West Highway. My brother and I were bar mitzvahed there, my sisters were confirmed, my mother sang in the choir for eighteen years. Although it was not the social center of our lives, we lived about twenty minutes away, it was always sort of that other place, not the center. ZP: That’s a good lead into my next question, which is what does being Jewish mean to you? LN: To me it means a heritage, a tradition of study and learning. It means an outlook on the world, and it really means family a lot. ZP: Would you say your Judaism is central to your identity? LN: Yes ZP: Do you think your connection to Judaism has changed from your childhood through your adult life? 2 LN: Yes, it’s changed into a less childlike and more adult like connection to Judaism as I’ve learned and studied and I’m very active in the synagogue and have been for forty years. I currently serve on the board of directors and I’ve done that now and then. And also I’m a lay service leader, so I lead services occasionally for shabbat and holidays. And I’ve been on the liturgy committee which helped to compile and edit the new siddur which we published almost two years ago, December 2017. And I recently chaired the rabbi search committee, we hired a new rabbi July first and I’m very, very pleased with the results. ZP: On another side of things, do you identify as part of the LGBTQ+ community? LN: Very much, I came out in my early twenties, maybe twenty-two or so twenty three, so that’s been my community for all these years. And of course I live in what used to be the center of the gay neighborhood although the neighborhod is changing now, it’s a little bit less gay than it used to be, there’s still remnants. ZP: If you don’t mind, would you be able to tell me the story of how you came out? LN: Sure. I always sort of sensed I was different somehow, when I was younger I couldn’t put a name to it I didn’t really understand what it meant. But when I went away to college I made a vow to myself that I would not sleep with a man until I had slept with a woman. Obviously someone secure in their heterosexuality has no need to make such a vow. And I had a girlfriend in college and actually she was the first person I told that I thought I might be gay, which of course I was, and she ended up joinging the Lubavitchers after me the déluge (laughs) Napoleon. So I got involved in the gay synagogue in 1977, I went in 1976 or early 1977 and they announced a big gay Jewish conference in New York, the first one, which was April 1977 and they had 350 people and I went to that along with my best friend who was also Jewish and gay, and we were just floored to see this huge group of committed Jews who were all gay and lesbian at the time, I don’t think anybody talked about bi or trans then, certainly not queer. And we came back and we decided to get involved in the synagogue and it’s been sort of the center of my social life every since. ZP: So in the early years of your journey, do you think being Jewish impacted how you felt when you came out? LN: I think it did. For one thing, Judaism is not anti-sex like Christanity is, I think that made it easier to come out. There’s certainly a lot of pressure to have children, but there’s not that inherint “Sex is bad and you’re gonna burn in hell,” you know, for any sex, much less gay sex. So that was a plus. I also think that being Jewish as a minority in a larger population already gave me the experience of dealing with that, like, being gay in a majority straight society. 3 ZP: Do you think you felt, when you first came out, some acceptance in your Jewish community? LN: I did, because my Jewish community at the time when I was in college, I was at Carnegie Mellon University, then University of Maryland, then finally George Washington University, and at University of Maryland for two years I was living in an alternate Hillel house, where three students we lived there and we ran a chavurah style service every Friday night that we ran ourselves, we had a coffee house every Saturday night, we had drop-in classes and lunches during the week. We got free room and board at the kosher dining club on campus and we were the alternative to Hillel at University of Maryland then was very dominated by Orthodox kids from Baltimore, and we were sort of the hippie alternative to them, which Hillel paid for, because they realized that they were only directing programs toward a part of the community and they wanted to broaden that. So some of my very best friends for life, whom I’m still close with, I met there. And actually, Rabbi Bob Saks, the second year I lived there, was the Hillel director, and years and years and years later he became the rabbi at Bet Mishpachah. I brought him to Bet Mishpachah he was the first rabbi we hired he was with us part time for eighteen years and he is now rabbi emeritus. So there’s a lot of connections there. ZP: So before I really ask about the beginning of the synagogue, I want to talk broadly about what Bet Mish is about today. What sort of ideas or practices to you really value as a congregation? LN: We are very participatory, and that goes back to sort of the chavurah style roots, I think, from college. Our services are not some place you go and just sit there and watch. Everybody joins in singing, everybody reads, we are still—at least half our services are lay lead. So people can see other people like themselves up there in leadership roles. I think, In addition to being participatory, Bet Mish has been very, very progressive on liturgy starting way way back thirty years ago, changing liturgy to include women’s voices, changing liturgy to include LGBTQ readings, and that’s been a big part of the congregation. So I would say we sort of meshed those two things together. ZP: You kind of already spoke on this, but what does it really mean to be an LGBTQ oreinted or friendly synagogue? LN: Well, we were founded by the gay community, for years, for decades we’ve always had some straight members, some bi members, more recently some trans members.
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