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Issue 926 - Weekly Thursday 29th January 1998 Students slam Hazel Farm

“There’s more to do in a prison” say residents as new questionnaire results are revealed

to protect our properties during day time and our Kevin Chan safety during night time”, “Why doesn’t the laundrette take money? instead we have to hunt n a distant suburb of Guildford, there is an down Mr. Tostevin for strange shaped tokens!”. enclave of students who live a life separate There are serious concerns, however, that affect Ifrom (or should that be “abandoned by”?) the the hundreds of students that live at this remote students and staff on campus. These students encampment. Different sized rooms but same (and I am one of them) are mainly comprised of rent. The lack of facilities to improve the rigor- foreign students and postgraduates, the so-called mortis social atmosphere. The cost of taxis to ‘minorities’ which CEL consultants say the and from town due to a shortage of frequent union is neglecting. However in an unprecedent- weekend transport. ACC telephones that take ed move, which many Hazel Farm residents felt two months to repair and don’t accept Mercury was much belated, the Union President and or BT chargecards (my personal gripe). accompanying union officers visited Hazel Farm But in comparison to all these problems men- and sought out resident opinions. Many feed- tioned, the apathy-inducing, Hazel-Farm-type back forms were fed back to the Union and depression/isolation causal factor, the last straw many angry, apathetic, critical or downright furi- on the camel’s back, the riot-starting topic, the ous feelings were voiced. Not all was bad how- number one kahuna of a problem in every resi- ever, and there were attempts by residents to see dent’s bad books, is the issue of transport. the ‘silver lining’ (e.g. the Care-taker Nigel Namely, the lack of frequent buses during the Tostevin, was praised by many) and balance weekends; the lack of late-night buses on comments on the fuming forms that had asked Saturday night; the lack of frequent buses to for good and bad points; but undoubtedly the bad Tescos (the local shop’s range of goods is the outweighed the good as epitomised by one same as the corner-stores’ in a quiet suburb of a respondent who altered the wording, preferring small, debt-ridden, third-world country and as the word ‘unsatisfactory’ to ‘GOOD’. one respondent said: “The frozen kebabs at the To give readers a flavour of living á la Hazel corner store cannot be eaten 7 days a week”). Farm, here are a few and only a few complaints: Come arctic gale, pouring rain, biting sleet, resi- “In the rooms there are only bricks . . .doesn’t dents must wait in the open - where’s the look too good”, “Water pressure in the shower is minibus/coach shelter? It may be argued that miserable”, “Why has it taken so long to get a financial cost prohibits transport improvements committee? Every other residence has them. but most students would be more than willing to Campus favouritism!”, “Communal room must pay a little extra for more minibus runs and less be upgraded”, “What’s there to do. No bar. No isolation. pool table. No Baths. No cleaners. No games. Asked to comment on the students’ views, Nothing. More activities available in prison!”, Accomodation Manager Richard Paxton was “No coke machines or machines to get snacks”, keen to read the suggestions for himself, but “We only have payphones, no internal phones”, accepted that life was “different” on Hazel Farm. “Only 5 washing machines for all the people “Over the last five years, efforts have been made here...” (actually there’s only 3 washing to improve things”, he said. Until recently, it machines and two dryers), “there is no security A Caravan parked next to a Hazel Farm block on Tuesday. Residents are unsure which they’d rather live in Continued on page 2, column 3 Photo: Matt Pannell News 1 n Features 3 n Letters 4 n Music 6 n Entertainments Guide 7 . Cinema and Arts 8 n Union News 9 n Notices & Personals 9 n Sport 12 . ed980129.qxd 25/11/98 22:22 Page 2 (1,1)

2 News Thursday 29th January 1998 n

Continued from page 1 things that we are working to and that is the responsibility of the The news in brief seems, Hazel Farm residents had no improve.” residents themselves (with help). launderette, no common room, no At the end of the day, why should However university and accomoda- Nursing Crisis in NHS pillows, no toilet paper, and only the majority of students enjoy the tion must be willing to listen and four buses a day to campus. “We inherent benfits of campus accomo- cooperate with such an unhappy The Royal College Of Nursing patient care. Kamran Loqueman, have an ongoing programme of dation such as security and suffi- group of people. As someone wise warned this week that the profes- Surrey Student Union Nurses improvements, but we still need to cient facilities, whilst other students once said: “Responsibility lies not sion is facing its most servre recruit- Liaison Officer, said that the short- spend more money” he added. “We who are ‘dumped at the farm’, cope only in what we do but often what ment problem for 25 years. age of nurses is leading to efforts by need to get a bus shelter sorted out, with its lesser benefits when we are we neglect to do”. The NHS is lacking more than 8000 the government to cram nurses but for that we need to find £5- all students of the same university? Or as one less-wise resident said full time nurses and recruitment is through training courses. 6,000. It’s a question of balance: Equal opportunities means equal “Basically, this place is sh*te...... Oh at an all-time low. The shortage of which problems to tackle first. service. shit I’m out of room. I could go on experienced registered nurses has James Buller Some of the probems out there are There are many problems, some and on . . .” raised concerns for standards of down to the fact that it was built in minor and some definitely major, the 1970’s. But there are other but a committee must be organised “Ah, Butt” say tobacco firms Unplugged play on... A group of lung cancer suffers, hop- win, no fee” contract that they are in ing to get compensation from tobac- fact the major plaintiffs. This would co companies has become make them responsible for the £9 Harriet Sims never come, I think you’d be sur- Lastly, there is the Talent embroiled in a secondary legal chal- million costs if they loose the case. prised by the musical talents we Competition. This year, we are try- lenge. Senior judges are examining the ollowing the success of last have here and I hope you’ll drop in ing to get as many people involved Gallagher and Imperial case which could decide the form of semester, Unplugged brings to see your mates enjoying their as possible. No longer the ‘Band Tobacco claim that since the solici- all claims for damages in the UK. Fyou the best in live entertain- taste of stardom. Competition’, this year we want to tors of the suffers are under a “no James Buller ment for the new year. We began the Anyone who is interested in playing encourage actors, poets, jugglers semester on Tuesday of week 1 with should turn up in the Helyn Rose and magicians as well as musicians, Government off the Rails? ‘Jacob’s Tale’, an up - and - coming Bar by 6.45 pm to book their time so get your thinking caps on. Don’t local band of ex-Surrey students, slot and do a sound check. Please worry if you’ve never even done There is “worrying deterioration” of Meanwhile urgent efforts are under- who played to an appreciative HRB be on time, as the line-up works on Karaoke before because we will be Britain’s railways according to the way by Deputy Prime Minister John audience. ‘Calling Orson’ made a a ‘first come, first served’ basis and organising microphone lessons passenger watchdog. The Rail Prescot to save the Channel Tunnel welcome return to the stage as the we don’t like to disappoint! This is with stage crew for anyone who Users’ Consultative Committee for Rail Link. The company responsi- support band, as well as our the last chance to show off your act wants guidance. Eastern England said “recent per- ble for the project has not raised favourite bongo and organic music before the talent competition heats. Entry forms will be available soon formances highlighted the wide dif- enough cash and is now looking to society musicians. Watch out for from the Unplugged pigeon hole - ferences in quality of various rail the stock market for funding. John them all throughout the semester. Our first main event of the semes- we’ll pass on more details as we get routes”. Committee chairman Prescott also pledged action on the So what’s on? Coming up in week teris on Tuesday of Week 5 (17 them. The hears will be held on Stweart Francis added “It is simply growing problem of cars on 3 is our first Students Acts (Floor Feb), featuring ‘Quietly Torn’, a Tuesday evenings of weeks 7, 8 and not good enough for train compa- Britain’s roads. He said traffic con- Singers) Night. This is your chance new band formed by ex-’The Cure’ 9 with the final on Sunday of week nies and Railtrack to watch their gestion costs Britain more than £5 to take centre stage and try out your guitarist, Porl Thompson. Watch 9. For now, though, get creative and share price grow, charge the passen- billion a year in lost revenue. talents on a friendly and supportive out for the biography and dodgy we’ll see you soon! ger more and offer a worse service,” James Buller audience. For those of you who’ve publicity photo nearer the time! ed980129.qxd 25/11/98 22:22 Page 3 (1,1)

n Thursday 29th January 1998 Features 3 University of Surrey gets a ‘corporate’ makeover...

the nerve to get rid of an image eign languages. The sticky issue of Andy Gale which helps suggest that Surrey which school gets which colour is isn’t one of these ex-polytechnic likely to produce a good number of group of consultants, type of universities. fights, especially with some depart- employed to overhaul Concerned that, by stealing the let- ments being redecorated in new ASurrey’s somewhat bland ter S for its UniS acronym Surrey colours over the vacation. We watch image, presented their recommen- might make itself enemies with with interest.... dations for a radical new visual Sussex, Southampton, Strathclyde, identity to University staff early this and Staffordshire, Bare Facts con- semester. tacted these universities to ask them Research conducted as part of its their opinion on our new image. The catchily-named Vision 2010 and overwhelming response was that if beyond project convinced the Surrey tried to get itself called Senate that Surrey’s external image ‘Uni-S’ then they may be a little was unclear, and in some cases unhappy, but if, as seems likely, it anonymous, so they charged gets called ‘Eunice’ then they really Pentagram Design Ltd with the task didn’t mind one bit - not least of doing the un-doable and making because they weren’t concerned at the University of Surrey seem excit- losing the chance to be named after ing. an old woman! Southampton point- At the presentation, the aim of ed out that after changing their logo, which was to prepare staff for they started getting called the implementing the new image ‘Dolphin University’ - the idea of ‘should’ the Senate approve the Surrey being known as the designs they had spent thousands of ‘Grandma University’ being quite pounds on, Pentagram employee interesting. Strathclyde’s warned John Rushworth explained how the that, having implemented a major best way forward for Surrey was to image themselves, getting everyone adopt a ‘monolithic identity’, where to stick to any new image is actual- individual schools would be pre- ly very difficult, with rogue divi- vented from having their own visual sions trying to go their own way. John Rushworth, of Pentagram design, with the University’s proposed new ‘corporate’ logo identities. The main advantage of a All the details are yet to be finalised, monolithic identity being that the Photo: Matt Pannell which like to act as though they are each school would be assigned its and the decision to go ahead will successses of each school would somehow separate from the rest of own colour for the logo to replace depend on the result of searches to then enhance the university’s over- the University. their existing designs. The determine whether any other organ- Above: The BareFacts design all reputation, rather than just its The proposed new image uses the University of Surrey crest would isations have a similar identity. experts are given a beer and give own. Others have suggested that acronym UniS with the Daily Star still feature on publications, Meanwhile, the consultants are hur- five minutes with Microsoft Word support for a monolithic identity has style big S acting as a ‘ visual hook’. although significantly reduced, part- riedly reading lots of foreign dictio- to come up with a new logo..... been swelled by Senate’s desire to Central university publications ly to balance the design of the page, naries to discover whether UniS has Think youcan do better? Then see whip into line those departments would feature a blue UniS logo, and and partly because no-one quite has any embarrassing meanings in for- our competition below. ed980129.qxd 25/11/98 22:22 Page 4 (1,1)

4 Letters/Editorial Thursday 29th January 1998 n Your Letters The Green/Amnesty week Letter of the week - That said the builders are confident as to their special poetry corner 4 cinema tickets await author abilities. Also during the press release a sepa- rate issue was raised; was there a possibility of having locks put on the kitchen cupboards Everything alive Dear Editor, in some areas of University Court (preferably the kitchen cupboard doors). Whilst cost was Here on a planet, With reference to last weeks front page arti- obviously a concern to those involved, far exceeding the cost of the new project, the There in a leaf, cle, please Stop The Press. I thought I’d write Here in a coal mine, deep beneath, and let you be the first to know of another issue was quickly side stepped, Hugh being unable to account for what has already been a Here in a tree, ground breaking new development on cam- The Zen of Freedom There in a savannah, pus. A new building is to be erected. It will be 2 month delay. It appears there are some com- plexities as this does involve some very diffi- Here in the air over 6.5 feet high, and cost £10, subject to the A guard watches a prisoner That we (try to ) breathe. possibility of cost over-runs, and is being con- cult / precise engineering. We wait to see the outcome of what appears to within the barbed wire of the camp structed to house ‘a student’. It will be jointly Here we are funded by a NatWest/Barclays Student over- be two very interesting new projects. Your reporter with the facts that count Only the wind is free, which Abusing the environment or throwing litter draft. Blows on both their skins. And not feeling bitter; The greatly experienced firm of architects, Colin Griffiths Afraid to swim Crooked & Wonky have been employed, and by Robin Shirley In a river, in a lake, a sea, they will work in conjunction with Bodgit P.S. this should in no way be construed as a And it’s SO EASY, Scarper & Leggit builders. Not to see Concern has been expressed at possible delays dig at the maintenance department who have now taken in excess of 2 months to fit locks to Everything apart from we, she, he and me / over-runs but the builders guarantee that That everything is alive. completion of the new building will run in kitchen cupboards. They are of course very busy, and we as students do have limited line with their previous high profile projects, by K.Y.Chan of Melodious such as that started in 1906. This is yet to be rights, and also have the benefit of paying finished despite a completion of date of 1907, more than reasonable rents for which we but in their defence the builders do claim should expect no form of maintenance what- extenuating circumstances. These include soever. Join the Poetry Society - melodious - Wednesdays, Wates House, 3pm problems regarding which floor they were supposed to be on and also the fact that they Interviewers Needed for Students’ Union Survey weren’t working to a lunar calendar. Earn £50 or more! As part of the ongoing Consultancy Review and Development of the Union, the next stage is to do a huge student survey of Noise is not funny any more... to be a little more considerate for the people opinion. We therefore need interviewers and are willing to pay to make who have to live on the street. I do not like sure it’s done properly. You will attend a briefing session on the afternoon Dear Editor, being told by Guildford Borough Councillors of Wednesday 11th February lasting approximately an hour and you will get at Police Community Partnership Group £5 there and then. Then you have a week to find up to 18 specific types of meetings that students (or young people as students and ask them questions. You will recive £3 per interview conducted. It’s easy, it’s This only applies to a small minority. I don’t they call them) are just drunk areseholes a bit of extra cash and we need 50 people. Email su-president, leave note in Union pigeon want to write this letter but I’m going to have because that’s not true - we just like to enjoy holes or even pop in and see me. to. I do not like being hauled up in front of ourselves! Have a good night in town, live life Nevin ‘Bob’ Moledina - Students’ Union President upset Guildford Residents and made to apolo- but please have some consideration - we live gise on your behalf. I do not like getting in a small town where student behaviour is threatening messages on my answer phone frowned upon by some. We are a part of this every Tuesday, Thursday and Friday morning community and we do not want create a ‘town with complaints about noise, throwing up in versus students’ situation. gardens, and damage to property. I do not like walking up and down Walnut Tree Close from Nevin ‘Bob’ Moledina, 10pm - 4am on Wednesday’s and asking you Students’ Union President

Finley Quaye was ‘torture’... cost £6.50 to see the relatively unknown Finley Quaye. Not only was it too expensive Dear Editor, in comparison to other bands who have played here but its not the type music for a After 18 months of consistently enjoying FNO, especially the first one of the semester. FNOs, I have to say that the last two have After reluctantly paying for my ticket, I been a bit of a shambles, namely the arrived at around 10.25pm to find the cloak- Christmas Ball and the first FNO of this room was full and now shut. Amazing con- semester with Finley Quaye. sidering the Union was only half full! The Christmas Ball is a great idea and the stu- As for Finley Quaye, I’ve heard better perfor- dents involved put in a lot of hard work but in mances on a Sunday Night or at Unplugged no way was it worth the £15 charged. Now, events (no offence meant at Unplugged). The I’ll be the first to admit I had a storming night sound was poor quality and he put no effort but that was due to everyone being dressed into his singing at all, even managing to play up, all my friends being there and the four the same song two or three times. Even after bottles of champagne I’d drank in a short the hour and a half of torture, the music then space of time. But, was it worth £15? Put played was more of a bad SHAG than the tra- simply no, probably wasnt worth £10. I know ditional FNO music. that a lot of people would be interested to see FNOs are the best nights out at this uni and I EXACTLY where the £22,500 ticket money know that we have some great theme nights went. The main event of the evening, Radio coming up but special events need to be bet- 1 DJ Dave Pierce, came and went with hardly ter value for money. Maybe, its time the anyone noticing a change in the music. Union re-thought its pricing policy and Wouldn’t a band have been a better choice? remembered that we’re only students with a For most people the whole night would have limited disposable income. cost upwards of £45, without even thinking If we’re going to fork out a large chunk of our about beer money. Students really can’t weekly budget for a special night out we afford this if all we get is a bit of snow, a few expect a bit more in return. This should be sweets, a plastic reindeer and a giant Santa on kept in mind when the Union considers rais- the roof! Dont we have a right to expect bet- ing the price of the Charter Ball this year. ter value for our money? Mark Stuart After a long Christmas break, I was looking 2nd Year Business Economics forward to nothing better than a good old FNO. But no, I was shocked to see it would ed980129.qxd 25/11/98 22:22 Page 5 (1,1)

n Thursday 29th January 1998 Features 5 Amnesty group get VC’s Union Club - what’s new for ‘98

support Nevin ‘Bob’ Moledina Citrus - swing, soul and hip hop night has Union President moved down to the Helyn Rose Bar this n Monday, the Student Union’s and Club Chairperson semester and will take place once every four Amnesty and Green societies teamed weeks and we also have a new feature - Funk up to get ‘Green Week’ off to a start. Night in the Helyn Rose Bar also once every O ep, more sensible signing in policies four weeks - beginning in Week 3 (Thursday They persuaded the Vice Chancellor, Prof. at last. You can now sign your Patrick Dowling to sign a declaration, to be 5th February 8pm - 2am). The Helyn Rose Yguests into the Union up until Bar remains available to societies for book- forwarded to the United Nations. It said ‘ I 10.30pm from Monday to Thursday and ing every alternate Thursday. promise to do everything in my power to Saturday, 10pm on Sunday and the usual ensure the rights set out in the Universal 7pm on Friday’s. No you can’t sign in over Declaration of Human Rights become a reality The Promo Bar will be continued from the phone anymore but then who needs to Friday to Saturday’s SHAG and we will also throughout the world’. Amnesty intend to when you’ve got until 10/10.30pm and for make the petition available to anyone wishin to be regularly covering great sporting events in Friday Night Out’s you have to purchase the Union such as Rugby Five Nations with sign every Thursday for a month, starting this guest tickets in advance anyway. Industrial lunchtime, in the Union. Amnesty supporters Carling Premier on promotion for £1 a pint. year, life members and EIHMS students Look for the A2 weekly bulletins around the cited the organisation’s own literature in based at satellite sites can sign in over the explaining the need for signatures.... building and in the Lecture Theatre phone for a Friday Night Out since they Noticeboard to find out what’s happening on make it to campus during the day. “Fifty years ago, the world said ‘never again’ a week to week basis. to the atrocities of the second world war. It Clubs and societies can now sell tickets We’re also thinking about getting cushions declared that all human beings, wherever they through the Union ticket machine and can live and whoever they are, have rights that on the wooden benches in Lounge Bar area collect the form for this from the General (at last I hear you cry - they’re bloody should be respected at all times. These rights Vice Chancellor Prof. Patrick Dowling signs the Office. The ticket machine will be manned Amnesty declaration on Monday uncomfortable aren’t they?). However were set out in the Universal Declaration of at lunch times so if you’re having an event, Human Rights proclaimed by the United there’s a problem - it’s going to cost app. £3- ments have treated them with contempt. Half you can advertise that tickets will be on sale Nations on 10 December 1948. £5000 and they’ll probably get trashed by the the world’s governments still imprison people every weekday lunch time from the Box The world’s governments said they would end of the year. Or would they? What do you solely because of their beliefs, race, gender or Office and we will cash up and put the respect these human rights and would teach think? ethnic origin. A third of the world’s govern- money into your specified account. (Ticket human rights in their schools. Businesses were ments still torture their prisoners. machine forms will also be given out with to be guided by human rights principles in If you’re interested in discussing any Club After five decades, it is time for individuals the Helyn Rose Bar booking forms) their dealings. issues please come along to the Club across the world to reclaim their rights and Committee every other Wednesday at 1pm in press governments to meet the promises made Fruit and veg stall in the Union every But fifty years later, the Universal Declaration the Grant Mitchell Room or fill in a Union in 1948. Thursday, thanks to a helpful student who has been called “the world’s best kept secret” suggestion slip and it will passed onto the Join Amnesty International’s worldwide cam- has talked to some traders and persuaded - and, far from “never again”, war crimes and Committee. Nice one! paign to make governments sit up and listen. them to come in. If you know any market genocide have been repeated in the former Get up and sign up for your human rights.” traders that would want to come in, tell them Yougoslavia and Rwanda. to give us a call. Far from respecting human rights, the govern- Well, I thought so . . .

Alex Cass forgiveness comes from trusting that Jesus took the punishments we deserve. That’s the eally I did. I looked at the clock and grace bit - “undeserved mercy”. decided I was going to be late. Out of And I do believe that. Why? Well, the Bible is Rthe bathroom in record time (okay, so I full of God’s promises and I’ve not seen one was still ages), dressed, only halfway through broken yet. To be honest, the more I learn the breakfast did I look at my watch. It was twenty more sense it makes - there’s no way anyone to five and I was definitely not late. It’s pretty could meet God’s standards unless they were easy to be totally convinced and totally wrong. perfect, so he had to meet them for us. Believing something isn’t enough. The thing that you believe needs to be true. The Bible By the way, if you’re intrigued about the says “ by grace are ye saved, through faith”. promises -and there are loads- then email me What it means is that God doesn’t forgive and I’ll send you some! - ce62ac. people just for believing that he exists, the High Hopes Entering the Game

deadly attack ton win. Riza on bored two dis- Philip Hawtin pacted his oppenent in only 26 moves, 8 of n thursday, the chess team played Fleet which were with his Knight. Two all with one B. We had high hopes entering the game to play, anything could happen. As the game, after all they were second to last time limit aproached, Gian Carlos still had all O his pawns and two rooks against six pawns and in the league (guess who are propping up the bottom). two rooks, it was looking good. Unfortuatly, The first result of the evening was an unfortu- the time ran out, so they are having to arrange nate defeat for Juan on board 5. a continuation of the match at a later date, so Next was myself on board 4, where there was the result still hangs in the balence, but it does an epic struggle (sort of) which only ended look like we might actually achieve our first after I foolishly trapped my own queen amoung victory of the season. my own pawns, 2-0 to Fleet. Then the tide After the opposing team left, we looked at the began to turn, despite the oppenant having a game on the computer, and it looks like an pawn one square away from queening, Danial overwelming victory for Gian Carlos. was able to combine his bishops and queen in a A final score will be given as soon as possible. ed980129.qxd 25/11/98 22:22 Page 6 (1,1)

6 Music Thursday 29th January 1998 n

CHUMBAWAMBA - Amnesia (EMI) KRISTIN HERSH A good dance number, even if it has been - Strange Angels SINGLES remixed to death. No two mixes sound too ALBUMS (4AD) similar, with some more melodic and others This is Kristin’s sec- RIALTO - Untouchable (EastWest) seeming almost techno. The single version LBUM F Usually it would be really difficult to enjoy is different from the album version, so it is A O ond solo album and a song which opens with the line If you still worth getting if you do have the THE WEEK first after the split of were an angel / I would cut off your wings, ‘Tubthumper’ album. 7/10 E.C. V/A - Reactivate Classics (React) the Throwing without having some dubious thoughts Well, well. It's about time that React Muses. First thing to about devil worshipping. This however MUKI - Shine (Mantra) complied an album from the 20 or so note about this doesn’t influence how amazing Untouchable ‘Shine’, ‘Ki Juice’ and ‘Nite Lite’ are the album is that it is an is, and how everyone should go and see they have released since day one of the three songs on this latest CD. The songs acoustic affair. This them live to pay them some credit. 9/10 have been finely produced to ensure quality rave generation. This album takes us does unfortunately D.N. acid jazz. The cosmopolitan sounding slow on a musical journey through 6 years banging tunes are mellow but definitely not of techno mayhem, from the original mean that all the GLITTERBOX - Scared Of All The dull. A good single if you want to “chill acid cuts to up-to-date techno stom- songs sound alike World (Radar) out” to some groovy sampling. 6/10 C.H. pers. Artists featured are CJ Bolland but that is not to say Glitterbox successfully manage to mix the along with some names many of you that they all flow epic-subtlety of the modern day Manics KILLAH PRIEST - One Step (Geffen) will recollect from "back in the days" into each other. with the melodic power and aggression of A smooth track with heavenly harmonies Kristin’s voice is a the Afghan Whigs. This single is quite when raves were illegal, and ware- combined with a deep and meaningful lyri- powerful instrument excellent. 8/10 R.W. cal base, which expresses the need to know houses were the usual places to go rav- and it actually could one’s history before you can look at the ing. If you like the old stuff, then the SOUNDS OF BLACKNESS - The future. 6/10 K.M first CD takes you from '89 through to make me wince at Pressure (A&M) '92. Filled with classics, this is bound times whilst listen- This CD features the re-release of a classic ADAM F - Music In My Mind (EMI) to set off the mood. If you prefer it ing. The album over dance floor hit, ‘The Pressure’, backed with This follow up from ‘Circles’ is one of the newer, then the second CD has all you all sounds quite bit- ‘Hold on (Change is Coming)’, recently better tracks from the album ‘Colours’ but need. Brilliant choons including the ter but the lyrics are released in the U.S. Jazz and Groove meet doesn’t live up to ‘Circles’. This will do not always. ‘Like rousing r&b beats to make this a funky sin- original "Age Of Love". This compi- well, but it is not inspiring or brilliant. 5/10 You’ is one of the gle that will take the club scene by storm. G.D. lation is filled with the best of 8/10 G.C. Techno/Trance and Nu Wave. Don't let best tracks on the album, it is incredibly loud in places which makes you appreci- this one slip by unnoticed, because if ate that electric guitars are not required. This isn’t as upbeat as the Throwing SINGLE OF THE WEEK you do, you've seriously missed out! Muses and not quite as good but still a good second album. 8/10 I.P. 9/10 M.B. groove. The musical duo behind Deep the third Halo Benders album out of his AIR - Moon Safari (Virgin) Forest are Eric Mouquet and Michel Dub Narcotic studio somewhere in Air are a French duo, who make an ‘out Sanchez. They are sound reporters drawing Olympia. It sees a continuance of great there, soundtracks to our dreams’ sort of on voices from every corner of the world. songs with weird off-kilter punk-pop sound- thing. They’re on a similar wavelength to Hymns of joy and cries of anger, prayer and scapes. Melodic guitars are layered with Stereolab, yet sometimes being an easy lis- aubades, songs of hope and despair have all various synthesised sounds. ‘Devil City tening version of Daft Punk. The music they been brought to shake our certainties, seize Destiny’ is kinda like Nirvana on a bizarre make is largely instrumental, but the press our senses and stir our emotions. From trip, while ‘Love Travels Faster’ is a simply release isn’t lying for once when it describes Africa or Eastern Europe, from pygmies to beautiful song. Strange but enjoyable. 7/10 it’s product as ‘a diffuse, poetic, post-club nomads, the human visions brought to us by R.W. ambience which takes from the sound tracks Deep Forest have helped greatly in narrow- of Enio Morricone and John Barry, French ing the gap between the hemispheres. As is L/A/L - #1 U.S.A. (K) kitsch, the classical sublime, the loop struc- their custom, Deep Forest will contribute a Love As Laughter is a new breed of bleed- tures of Electronica and the poignancy of share of the album’s royalties to providing ing gums rock ‘n’ roll that has no equal in pop’. We’re talking sonic cathedrals here, aid for the countries in question. Deep time. #1 U.S.A. is what’s happening with especially on many tracks like the opener Forest have not only invented a sound dif- L/A/L in 1998, the rock ‘n’ roll record Mick ‘Le Femme D’Argent’ and ‘Kelly Watch ferent from any other, they have also created Jagger has privately admitted he’d made. In The Stars’. As they use real instruments and a language. 8/10 D.A. most of the songs, the guitar is raspy, the they don’t use samples when listening; some vocals bleed like a new shirt in the wash, names spring to mind: ELO, Burt THE WORLD / INFERNO FRIEND- and the bass is a dimly felt presence. A few Bacharach, some instrumental Beach Boys SHIP SOCIETY - The True Story Of The tunes have ‘kicker beats’, but the disc is still tracks, but with the use of repetitive beats Bridgewater Astral League (Gern mostly percussionless. When you listen to BENNET - The Horses Mouth (Roadrunner) its all been re-packaged, re-evaluated for Blandsten) #1 U.S.A., you will play it loud, and the A mid tempo rock epic from the previously quirky indie guitar foursome. The hear and now. 8/10 N.W. Although the name of the band, or album resulting turmoil will cause you to behave huge chorus is supported by slow quiet verses, which combine to build up some- wouldn’t usually be the first thing to spring with rampant teen abandon. You will skip to mind. I cant help but like this album, school and not give a damn about how it’ll thing altogether grander than anything Bennet have attempted before. If this does- DEEP FOREST III - Comparsa (Sony) especially as it meanders through 8 songs look on your permanent record. You will n’t put them back in the charts nothing will. 9/10 A.T. After a successful sale of 3 million albums across the world, Deep Forest made a come- whose style varies so much between each catch slow blues fever and fail your next back with their third album ‘Comparsa’ - one, but sticks to one basic paradigm, that drug test. This album is the noisy rockin’ HEADSWIM - Tourniquet (Epic) MERZ - Many Weathers Apart (Lotus) which means ‘partners’ in Cuban and this is of Punk. Its not even the new wave of so counter culture soundtrack for a century’s You could be forgiven for thinking that this Unfortunately this sounds a lot like some- an apt title since it carries a Latin-African called punk bands which seem to be invad- end. 7/10 D.A. was a new Radiohead thinking, the former one who’s drunk too much and can’t sing ing our shores from America, but true, full grunge/metal types have certainly reinvent- trying to do extremely bad Karaoke to a blown eat-your- CRAIG ARMSTRONG - The Distance ed themselves for the better. A melancholic crap remix version of something by Prodigy own-bollocks Between Us (Virgin) vibe pervades throughout. 7/10 R.W. which their mate is hammering out on a PUNK. Just imag- Great album if you are a fan of light childs keyboard. Original... maybe, shit... ine the brass instru- pop/classical music. This guy has a very WARM JETS - Never Never (Island) definitely. 4/10 D.N. ment frenzy of impressive CV which includes the sound- Re-recorded and re-released power pop Madness, com- tracks of ‘Romeo and Juliet’, ‘Goldeneye’, carving itself straight into your concourses BLACK CONNECTION - Give Me bined at times with ‘Mission Impossible and ‘Batman Forever’. through a frenzied cocktail of fuzzy guitars Rhythm (Xtravaganza) the full on three In his time Craig has worked with such var- and reluctant but purposeful vocals. If anything is going to make me lose faith in chord thrash of ied artists as Madonna and Suede and he is Lyrically either beautifully cryptic or shit. Xtravaganza, this is. The mixes are very Crass, vocals simi- just as good on his own (as this CD proves). Credibility at stake due to Zoe Ball’s samey and don’t explore the various aspects lar to John Lydon, Craig is able to write music in many differ- involvement. 7/10 D.J. of house/garage that they could; the track (although more Pil ent styles. This CD is mainly easy listening itself is boring and the vocals aren’t any- than the Sex and makes lovely background music. It FOO FIGHTERS - My Hero (Roswell) thing to write home about either. Bring back Pistols), and even a could even be described as romantic in Supposedly a tribute to Kurt, on ‘My Hero’ Chicane, Disco Citizens and Armin. Get rid touch of Minty some places. The vocals are few in number the Foo Fighters mix razor sharp guitar lines of this right now, Xtravaganza. 3/10 M.B. thrown in for good and sound vaguely similar to ‘Perfect Day’ with a huge Cheap Trick-like chorus. The measure. If you can and Jimmy Nail - not that that is a problem. extra songs include a multimedia selection DEFINITION OF SOUND - Oustider imagine this then 7/10 G.T. of photo stills and videos and a quite stun- (Universal) you will still prob- ning cover of Gerry Rafferty’s ‘Baker Thrown back into the hey day of rave and ably not even be STELLA/US – Ascension (Beggars Street’. 7/10 R.W. brief and cheesy spot the sample recordings, close to what the Banquet) then made worse by the b-side techno bob- World / Inferno A uniquely American music with dense SNUG - Ode To The Day (WEA) bins, recorded in a drainpipe about 10 years Friendship Society sonic landscape created by these North For those of you who enjoy the happy-go- ago. Horrid cheesy quaver gubbins. 2/10 actually sound like, Carolina-based foursome. Stella confronts lucky thrash pop of bands like Ash and H.B. but it was probably and compels. Melodic edges and intense fun trying. 8/10 vocals are woven into songs populated by Symposium, Snug are going to be the next UMAJETS - Demolotion (Clearspot) big thing. However those who prefer music D.N. explosively raw guitar and tightly focused DON CABALLERO - Trey Dog’s Acid Umajets are Tim Smith, ex-Jellyfish, and Rob Aldridge, ex- on a more serious note will not enjoy this (Touch And Go) songwriting. The vocal, Curt Perkins pro- Holyfaith, and on this their debut album they are joined by and would probably rather sit in a dark At its best this piece of lyricless guitars HALO BENDERS vides an affecting vehicle for his lyrics room listening to Smiths records. 7/10 D.N. sounds like Deus or Mogwai on a very, very Roger Manning, also ex-Jellyfish, and allegedly a couple of - The Rebels Not which range from confessional narratives to bad day. As it is it is dull and uninspiring. Black Crowes. Thankfully the sound of Umajets is not unlike In (K) cryptic mediations on anger, politics and This weeks music bought to you by 2/10 I.P. Jellyfish, guitar and keyboard led pop with sugary hooks, pow- K records main hope. ‘Ascension’ is a sheerly stunning col- Matthew Beal, Daniel Jones, erful arrangements and swoon-worthy harmonies. Oh, and man Calvin lection of fuzzed-out oddities: songs that Johnson is joined sound more basic than base, like they’d be Frank Fraulo, Emma Clarke, UNITED CITIZEN FEDERATION - great songs. ‘Half Man Half Wrecking Ball’ kicks things off in by various mem- way underground on the Sci Li wall system, Honey Butcher, Nick Walsh, Starship Troopers (Universal) a suitably up-tempo fashion, ‘Mother’ certainly owes its roots Gabriel-Oliver Chamero, bers of Built to riff-rock rampage… two-piece wild beast of What a load of tosh, there has never been a to the Beatles, but the highlights of the album are ‘Girl Named Denise Nicholson, Dean Arif, worse load of crap ever recorded. Whats Spill and Pacific fuzztone squeal, a volume soaked bullet of God’ and ‘Skywriting’. Hopefully this album will bring the Kevin Marston, Christian Hunter, worse is that Sarah Brightman sounds like Northwest produc- Stooges/Blue Cheer mutated lo-fi whup ass. Ian Purvey , Andrew Thomas, she has forgotten the english language. 1/10 band the success Jellyfish so richly deserved but never tion maestro Steve Helping rock evolve by keeping it unhinged, Gemma Decent, Rob Winder F.F. achieved. 8/10 R.W. Fisk as he brings Stella is a tough act to follow. 6/10 D.A. ed980129.qxd 25/11/9822:22Page7(1,1)

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p r m m s m Village Monkey Mafia Fulham King’s Head McQueen, LlamaFarmers Empire (01712871331) Dubstar 956 1116) A, Understand 482 4808) Shelter Reading Alleycat(0118 9561116) Rubberfoot, Lupa,SodaCurve (0171 2641525) Green Day Centre (01705358608) Chumbawamba Alleycat (0118 9561116) Pitchshifter, FPC,Choke Cross Water Rats(01718377269) Disco Pistol,Spillage Aldershot PrincesHall Bennet, Redwood,Jaguar, Inter 956 1116) The Hamsters Garage (01716071818) McQueen, LlamaFarmers Electric Ballroom(01714859006) Catatonia, Derrero (0171 2871331) Space 607 1818) London UpstairsAtTheGarage(0171 Cardinal Fink,Grouch,FallenAngel 2095) Caffeine (0118 9561116) Daybreak Mary Stares,PunkinInstigators, Alleycat (0118 9561116) Slump withPaulThomas Reading Alleycat(0118 9561116) Period Pains,Everboom,Keanie Fairfield ArtsCentre Inter, DickSavageP (0171 2641525) Green Day - ReadingAlleycat(0118 9561116) Pure Glass,Ventalin, NewRisingSun Wedgewood Rooms(01705863911) Mogwai, ArielM It isalwaysadvisabletoconfirmwiththe G FTHE OF WEEK UNION YOUR PICK IN - LondonShepherdsBushEmpire IG - LondonCamdenBarfly(0171 venue beforetravelling. - LondonShepherdsBush - LondonBorderline(0171734 - ReadingAlleycat London Garage(0171607818) Midget, Glitterbox,Idlewild Guildford, SurreyUniversity Junkys- Dust - LondonBrixtonAcademy - LondonBrixtonAcademy - LondonAdrenalin - ReadingAlleycat(0118 - ReadingAlleycat(0118 - PortsmouthPyramid G - Portsmouth - LondonCamden I -Basingstoke - LondonKings UIDE - Reading - Reading - London - London netimnsGie 7 Entertainments Guide - - - - - 20:30 Wednesday Only, 13:00,15:30,18:00, Shooting Fish,12 19:00, 22:00 Starship Troopers, 15 13:00, 16:00 The Wings ofTheDove,15 16:25, 18:50,21:20 Up ‘N’Under, 12 12:15, 14:20 The Borrowers, U 12:10, 14:35,17:05,21:40 Picture Perfect,PG 14:45, 19:35 The FullMonty, 15 19:20, 22:10 The Jackal,18 12:15, 14:25,16:35 Spiceworld: TheMovie,PG 15:45, 18:40,21:30 Tomorrow NeverDies,12 13:45, 17:45,21:20 Boogie Nights,18 15:15, 18:30,21:50 Devil’s Advocate,18 12:45 Home Alone3,PG 21:00 12:10, 12:55,16:15,16:55,20:20, Titanic, 12 17:15, 20:15 Starship Troopers, 15 12:15, 14:45 The Wings ofTheDove,15 13:10, 16:05,18:25,20:45 Up ‘N’Under, 12 12:10, 14:05 The Borrowers, U 13:15, 16:05,20:45 Picture Perfect,PG 18:35 The FullMonty, 15 17:00, 20:25 The Jackal,18 12:30, 14:45 Spiceworld: TheMovie,PG 12:15, 15:00,17:45,20:35 Tomorrow NeverDies,12 12:30 George oftheJungle,U 13:00, 16:30,19:55 Boogie Nights,18 13:30, 16:50,20:05 Devil’s Advocate,18 13:15 Home Alone3,PG 11:20, 15:20,19:25 Titanic, 12 Cineline -(01483)578017 S There isafilm,honest,butthe guys atOFUdon’t knowwhat if youwanttodecidethefilm Suggestions onapostcard,or F u Tuesdays toLTH at6pm. r yourself pleasecomeon n i d d a a it willbeyet. y y

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8 Cinema and Arts Thursday 29th January 1998 n Titanic(12) CAMPAG VELOCET Leonardo DiCaprio, Kate Winslet Union 25/1/98. Review and Interview by Nick Walsh ever work live? If you compare your favourite gig, say of any guitar band, with a gig of any dance band, then guitar bands win hands down, every time. But now, as this is 1998 what is a dance band? What is a guitar band? The only thing we have to go on is the attitude, and sometimes that is all that we need. Campag Velocet, your stan- dard layman has never heard of them, but underground, they have been carving quite a reputation for themselves, with the movers and shakers of London town. Live, yeah, they just pull it off, but certain things are against them, such as the dreadful sound quality, where the band can only just hear themselves, but not each other. Also the hard-nosed provincialism and narrow mindedness, which is present here is just sad. The only bands, which can get a decent reception, are cover bands and mainstream size model that were built. It is diffi- dance bands, making this university’s Rob & Duncan cult to fault the film with the our ampag Velocet are a four piece from Ago Go could ever be. They are still Student Union a blacklisted area for new Kentish Town in London, where all unsigned, but every major is after them and talent. Opening with an instrumental, the only criticism being the overuse of Caround its possible to soak in at the moment the deals just aren’t good opening tester to see what’s happening It’s been 84 years, and I can still strobe effects in some scenes. through the alleyways and the tower blocks enough. The name comes from explains called ‘Let Your Hair Down’ a mixture of remember the fresh smell of the The film starts in the present day as the sounds of hip-hop, techno, dub and punk Pete “Campag is short for Campanolo which baggy, punk, hip-hop. When the man, Pete “paint. The china had never a salvage crew attempt to recover a rock. They formed in 1993 when Pete, the is the top name in the cycling world – it’s Voss, starts spewing forth, street slang, per- been used. The sheets had never singer/rapper/lyrical mastermind got togeth- the cream so Campag means it’s shit hot, the ceptive observations, you can’t literally diamond necklace known as the er with Barney, bass player and a drum Velocet is from ‘Clockwork Orange’ it’s the understand him, but you know his inten- been slept in. Titanic was called the “Heart of the Ocean”. When an old machine, they began, laying the foundations name of one of the drinks they have in the tions, beating the shit out of his tambourine, Ship of Dreams and it was. It really lady steps forward, claiming to have and then old mate, Arge (guitar) joined, then Korova milk bar”. The slang used in you know what he is about. On ‘Vito Satan’ was.” The film, like the ship itself is been one of the passengers on the ill- a slower song emphasising the fact that the recently after six drummers then settled with ‘Clockwork Orange’ is evident everywhere certainly impressive. Directed by fated voyage, she tells a captivated Lascelles. On paper, if you are going to start in their music, in their limited edition band can actually write, if your conditioned James Cameron and staring a band, and the bands that have influenced ‘Drencrum Velocet Synthamesc’ it’s like a on songs, 3 minutes, verse, chorus, middle crew, lead by Brock Lovett (Paxton), you play a big part in what you do, then you brand new language, but your not told, it’s eight, break fade then you wouldn’t have Leonardo Dicaprio and Kate her story of the voyage. As she can’t get many better influences then the your job to find out. understood. The final song ‘Drencrom Winslet, it cost over 200 million dol- relates her experiences the film goes ones Campag are prepared to namecheck: A new single is out is due out in March, but Velocet Synthamesc’ is just pure head lars to make and runs for just over back in time following her on the ill MC5, Stooges, My Bloody Valentine, Public the band aren’t bothered whether they get music, obviously under the right conditions, three hours (cut down from an origi- Enemy, Jesus and Mary Chain, Pistols, Sly massive or not, they just know that they because this music isn’t really coming from fated maiden voyage. As 17 year old and The Family Stone. Definitely the music have their, own exclusive niche and no one the place where its being received, it’s the nal 4 hours!). Claimed to be unsink- Rose, she is trapped in a frightfully they are making is unique coming from their else can touch them because no else has best song in the world, thumping, hard hit- able, we all know that the ship itself upper class existence in the ships own angle, updated for the present. been brought up with ‘the funk’. In the ting, melodic, relevant, challenging, if you did not meet these bold claims so first class community with a mother To lump them in with the present ‘scene’ Union on Sunday night people really didn’t are bothered to find out, it’s London where how does the film fare on the stormy insistent on keeping up appearances created by journalists called Skunk Rock, know what do expect, but it’s always best to it’s from, and it’s London where it’s at, the seas of the cinema going public? yeah, they are rock 'n' roll, yeah, drugs do start from before the beginning, being into best new band in Britain was here, and in a and a fiancée who is nothing but come into it, but they are more of a classic dance music all your life, anything but your relatively short time, it’s all going to be dif- We both liked this film and, despite downright arrogant and possessive. rock band than the Lo-Fi Allstars or Bedlam standard indie/rock outfit, does dance music ferent. its length, there was never a dull In a moment of despair she meets moment. The film seamlessly Jack Dawson, a ‘ruffian’ from third INLEY UAYE blends romance along with some class who won tickets for the cruise F Q excellent special effects and action in a game of cards, and discovers Union 23/1/98. Review by Al Mooney scenes. that with him she can escape all of was a rare opportunity, to see an artist of this calibre in a The romance is powerful and mov- the pretentious first class snobbery small and personal venue for six quid, and the atmosphere in ing and the action has you on the and bickering. Needless to say they that union was unlike any night I have ever known there, edge of the seat. It takes an hour and fall in love and have an affair, in lit- with the conceivable exception of Dreadzone (let’s have a half before the iceberg is seen, and tle knowledge of what is to happen at them again please.) It was more chilled, people were smiling a further hour (almost real time) for 2:20am on that night. all the time, there was, for once, a genuine cultural diversity, the ship to sink, but the plot never This is a very strong and powerful not because there are signs up saying we respect all colours drags and is always captivating. The film, well worth seeing, and already and creeds, but quite simply due to the universal power of attention to detail is superb; even to a strong tip for the Oscars this year Finley Quaye’s music. Which, incidentally, is what I’m sup- the point that Cameron called in the posed to be talking about. (It has already won 4 Golden Globe companies that originally fitted the Okay, so it was a very sketchy start indeed. The same two awards). Definitely one to watch! guitar chords being played over and over again was what I Titanic, to construct the sets and life- heard as I made my way towards the stage, and to then see that cute little man shouting ‘turn the reverb up, man’ to the The Jackal(18) sound guy was disconcerting to say the least. But, after a minute or two of feedback and bizarre fart noises (must be a flame, the new love interest, really tough job, turning up reverb) it was sorted, and we Tania Rocks Valentina Koslova (Diane Venora), could all settle down to some music. Finley and the band and the close shave with the Jackal. his is a film based on a film (comprising bass, guitar, drums, sax, trombone, trumpet, and All of this and the sub plot of the hit, tabbla) didn’t just stick to tracks from the album, in fact the (The day of the Jackal, 1973 for which a huge gun is required. first five or six songs appeared to be all new, though I’m thriller) which is based on the T It is hard to explain anything else sure someone will correct me there. And then there was a life of a real live terrorist, Carlos the about the plot without having to fantastic rendition of ‘It’s Great When We’re Together’ Jackal. The Jackal, the man with no explain the background behind it. which suffered not one bit from the lack of real strings, and known identity, is played by Bruce Needless to say, the IRA terrorist is a gorgeous (or should that be garjuss?) ‘Sweet And Loving Willis, and is a killer who noone can Man’. Aah, I bet he is too. The most odd thing about the set not helping the FBI out of the good- catch due to his variety of disguises. was surely the minor key dubbed up ‘Even After All’, which ness of his heart, but because of a The disguises comprise of a number was extremely cool indeed, but I have to say that I was hinted at past which he and the of wigs and a few passports. Lost secretly hoping they’d play the nice mellow version too. Jackal shared, but this seems to get touch with reality yet? ell, what a year this is turning out to be. If some- There’s not much to say about ‘Sunday Shining’ except how lost in the blow’em up attitude of the The film starts with a raid on a club one had told you last year that The Lightning nice it was that he’s not too cool to play it and also that they plot. The end has a few good twists going wrong for the FBI (Sidney WSeeds would be appearing in your own tiny little played it very bloody well indeed. We even got an encore! in it, but you wonder why they could Union for less than a tenner, your reaction may well have There go the ‘always too stoned to sing’ rumours that were Poitier) and the Jackal being paid a not just post an artists impression of been something along the lines of ‘good lord my man, are going round then. hideous amount of money to kill an him around, and why Willis can get you quite mad?’, or possibly even ‘yeah, bollocks mate.’ But So and so, one of the best nights in the union ever then. It’s unidentified individual. Then in away with playing Willis in different duly, they arrived. And then at the end of a long, hard first amazing that it wasn’t very busy, I mean I have to worry comes the IRA terrorist (Richard wigs. The accent present by Gere is term, when you have finally decided that the whole universi- about some of you lot if you turn down an opportunity like Gere), who was imprisoned for arms that and then all turn up to Supasonic, but that’s your loss. excellent, but there is one character ty sucks and you can’t wait to be with Mummy and Daddy dealings, but as he does not do again, there’s a little ad in the last Bare Facts, telling you the What we had in there was one of the most talented musi- who decides to travel the world with bombs, “no women and no children” great news that Finley Quaye is coming. BRILLIANT! cians around at the moment, playing to a small, friendly, hers. A gory and bloody film with a the FBI get him out of jail and let And quite, quite brilliant it was too. The fact that it clashed chilled out audience. You could even see how much he was few surprises. with the Hotel and Catering ball meant that for once you enjoying it, and that’s the sign of a good gig, without a him wonder around with out a guard could actually breathe, you could get a beer within the hour, doubt. Enough to restore your faith in the Union completely. or handcuffs. Then there is the and your clothes were almost dry when you came out. This inevitable meeting with an old ed980129.qxd 25/11/98 22:23 Page 9 (1,1)

n Thursday 29th January 1998 Notices & Personals 9 Personals

n Maid outfit. Price negotiable. you, even from Germany!! Beware n over 1000 pounds on a computer all your needs. No beaver too hairy. n Ant - have a good one mate. Call andy C the walls have ears! that doesn’t work??? Please call Justin your hot wax spe- n Do real men own a teddy bear n Nipple Chains fitted. £15 for n Sleepless in Saarbrucken. The n TICKET LAUNCH!!!!! cialist called Barney??!!?? one, £20 the pair. Call Andy C. saga continues.... n I do NOT come from n Nath, I’m sure Browny-Red is n Have you checked your room n Fusspot I love you S. n We are back, “SOMS” the stu- Birmingham, I come from SUT- the same asa Ginger, it doesn’t recently? n Loppy says hi. dents with the best personals. TON COLDFIELD!!!! matter how curly they are. Rach n V - I thought you said you n Don’t forget, ‘muscle’ contrac- Come on lets begin!!!!!!!!! n Stephanie. I will come over and n Simon, Simon with the green wouldn’t get drunk! tions 10 times, 3 times a day .... n Newcastle United at the best see you but you’ve negated to tell 406, don’t you fret but a table n It’s 5pm and I am bored!!!! With love,Chi Chi team in the world. me where you live! Anton. buffing you ain’t gonna get! LD n Cory - get better soon n Aswani - Lets party man!!! n Matt - your hat is GREEN!!! n Jon Hancock loves being smoth- n Ian, how’s your latino lover, n A & J sitting in a tree, n Wiks - Lets hit the HuT...know n Jenniflower - can you smell the ered in HP quest qu cest la spirito de punto? K.I.S.S.I.N.G. what I mean? cider??? n Little Katie - have you pulled it n To Rachel the economics student n I - it was Starfleet and don’t let n Want a snog...call harry!! n Matt - stop doing that with your out of the bag recently?! I met over chips at Bos on anyone tell you otherwise n Jo and Sara ... Best friends fingers!!! n Bob, we miss our Tuesday lat Wednesday, contact me on ms51df n Rob - it is your own fault, you Always n Elvis Appreciation Society- nigth competitions..or is it wednes- or SOMS pigeon hole F-Duncan will get drunk! n 1998 - The Year of THE WEY- apply in writing to Clare, Friary 36 day morning...where are you? n To the recently returned new n So Lolli likes Mars Bars....! SIDE GIRLS ( Max, Sara, Jo, n Is it possible to get rainbows in n Oi Moonbeam! Sunshine! Do improved Helen, we think your n Fraggle, a Kat is for life, not just Becca, Sarah ) the midlands, seeing as up there you still chat? GREAT! for christmas!! n What’s for dinner Miss Sarah!?? life is in black and white? n Armadillo? n Do real men moisturise??!!?? n Tricky, join the club..Haggis. n Will the Milton Keynes Traveller n Mr Green Shirt, have you got a n MARC and SARA had a please get a life !! red shirt, or any other?? FIRKIN good night at the BALL ... n Guess What? DOMS, or SOMS n Sam,I will find out you know! apparantly!! as we’re now called; are Back. n Jon, La Vendee here we come!!! n MARC BUCKINGHAM - well Behold the personal coloumn war n Hello Penelopi-pi! done mate, top bird!!! begins!!!!!!!! n Come on Ro, you know you n So - are all the barmaids at the n You’re movements must be want your dream to come true FORGER and FIRKIN that quick and simple! (But not n Is Sam what he says he is and good!!!??? sharp)!!!!! has he got something missing? n Nice new launderette but has any n Guess What? F*** off and die! n part of manhood missing, call one seen the pants I left in one of n QUE CONYAZO ERES GOBIO sam at twyford court the washers last term? CG n Cumplimos un anyo. Felicidades n Hey Ro! Lets go on holiday!!! n Has Emily got her rat out again? carinyo. 24 ENERO n Twins always make for inventive Yum Yum! SO n Karen, have a fab time in Madrid sexual games..... n But buffing a speciality, please and keep in touch, love Sarah n I cum like a firehose, me! see Laura or Harvey n DT2. missing you stacks already. n Jon (without the h) how’s the n Found, one liver badly worn, DT4 rash on your arse clearing up? with initials LK on the side n Andy (Sonny!!) I still can annoy n Hola, me llamo Penny. n Need waxing? We can cater for Careers information Notices

Fruit & Veg stall in the Union today ball skills no end). If you’re a GK or a GS Market stall will be set up from 11-4pm, so no (Great Kisser or a Great Snog) , help us to prove need to slog over to Tesco’s. that Girls just wanna have fun.

Student Council meeting tonight, Thursday Nightline needs you! If you’ve been involved week 2 (29th Jan). To include: Skills in the past, PLEASE let us know your new con- Development programme, debates on the tact details. Information evening for anyone Consultancy Review (see news) and Staff interested in joining. Thurs 29th Jan, TB21, Protocol, the chance to grill the Union 7:30pm. Officers,to add your voice, and to make a dif- ference! All students welcome - LTD, 6pm. OFU - AGM will be held at 6pm on Tuesday Bring your mates. Week3 in LTH

Laser Pens are now banned in the Students’ Room to Rent in Student House. 15 mins walk Union. As from today, anyone found in the to campus, Newly Refurbished, Electric building with one will be subject to disciplinary Shower, Washing Machine etc. Garage procedures and face a possible membership ban. Available Rent £230 per month until July 15th. The Jiu Jitsu Club is holding a special ‘begin- Phone (01483) 504629 ners session’ on Sun 1st February, 5:30-8pm. Campusport studio - anyone welcome, just turn The annual talent contest: weeks 7, 8 & 9. up in your tracksuit. (3rd, 10th & 17th March). Final is on March Womens’ Rugby AGM, Monday week 3 (2nd 22nd (Sunday). Music, comedy, mime, dance, February), 5:30pm, Grant Mitchell Room. juggling, poetry - anything you’re good at. Contact Zoe ext 9583 (daytime only) Even if you can fart particularly well. Start prac- tising now! Look out for entry forms in the The Students Union is looking for a couple of Unplugged pigeon hole. 1st prize is a generous students to take over and maintain its internet cash donation as well as the chance to support site. It is not that time consuming with and hour our special guests, Rootjoose, for the final or so a week once it is up to date. If you are evening. interested in getting involved send an email to [email protected] or pop into the The G & S Society requires people willing to Communications Office. help with MAKEUP, COSTUMES, FRONT- OF HOUSE, and anything else you fancy, for Do you like working with young people? I am the forthcoming production of CHESS. Please looking for volunteers to help me with a new contact Al on 579334, mu61am, or put a note in Red Cross youth group in Godalming (aged our pigeon hole. Cheers! 10+) on Monday evenings from 6-7pm, to start in January. Travelling expenses can be paid or Accomodation applications for next year. I can give you a lift. Please contact Katherine The closing date for accommodation applica- on bs61kh or 234370. tions from continuing year Positions of the fortnight: Come and try out undergraduate and postgraduate students is exciting positions with the Netball Club on MONDAY 2 FEBRUARY. Please make Monday nights (6-8pm). As from 19th Jan we sure your application reaches the will have our resident coach (will improve those Accommodation Office by 1700. ed980129.qxd 25/11/98 22:23 Page 10 (1,1)

10 Features and Union News Thursday 29th January 1998 n Dr Russ replies... Crossword No. 62

I’ve got interviews coming up and I hate the ly love this job”. No prizes for guessing who I offered thought of having to ‘sell’ myself. It all it to. seems so artificial. Do I have to play their You see, not only did the sixth candidate come out with a more convincing answer, she also sounded as if she silly games? really meant it. It’s not just what you say that’s impor- tant, it’s also how you say it. Dear Emma Before you go for an interview you’ve got to convince yourself you really want the job. Your enthusiasm, motivation, ambition and interest will not only drive I guess what’s really gnawing at you is the worry that you through the interview, but will also “colour” how you think you’ll have to pretend to be someone you’re you answer their questions. Employers are always on not in order to impress the interviewer. Let me reassure the look out for commitment, loyalty and energy in their you that employers want to see the real person, not an applicants. All other factors being equal, they’re bound actor! At the same time, they do want you to sound to prefer people who give the impression that they real- enthusiastic about working for them. After all, how can ly want the job. they know you really want the job unless you tell them! Every year I have to take Milkround interviewers to Let me give you an example of how this works in prac- lunch between their morning and afternoon appoint- tice. I once interviewed six graduates for a job in the ments. I’m dismayed to hear them say on occasion, Careers Service at one of the London Colleges. They how boring some of their candidates have been. If a all had 2.1’s, they were all perfectly qualified and they colourful candidate appears amongst a sea of grey faces, were all extremely pleasant. If only I’d had six jobs to the interviewer is bound to remember them at the end of fill I’d have been laughing! But I didn’t. Fortunately, a long and tiring day. Which category do you plan to at the end of every interview I asked them all the same fall into - boring or fascinating? It’s your choice. question. “If I were to offer you this job what would you say?” I hated myself for asking it, but I kind of felt Across Down Russ Clark 1. Spanish Coin (6) 1. A powerful alkali (6) it might prove crucial. It did. The first five answered Careers Service “I’d be very interested in it”, the last answered “I’d real- 4. An aromatic herb (6) 2. Astronomical chart (4-3) 9. Two (5) 3. A Cornish ruined castle (8) 10. To set free (7) 5. A type of lock (4) Education Funding: the 11. Compassion (8) 6. Beam of light (5) 12. A male animal (4) 7. Guarantee (6) 14. Soon (9) 8. Study of antiquities (11) 18. Having a distinctive flavour 13. Stiffened (8) issues for women (4) 15. Americans (7) 20. Italian city (8) 16. A bricklayer’s tool (6) 22. A very talkative person (7) 17. An individual (6) The new proposals will particulary affect women due to 23. Parts of the feet (5) 19. A paddle-boat (5) Jackie Beer their more global position in society. Women in full 24. German songs (6) 21. Talented (4) Students’ Union time work earn only 74.2% of mean male earnings on 25. An inventor (6) Womens Officer average. 45% of women work in part-time jobs and many take years out of employment to care for children Last weeks solution he planned changes in the way education will be or other relatives. Only 5% of women earn more than Across: 1.nips 3. Affected 8.tank 9.fanciful 11.frequently 14.encore funded will probably affect everyone and accord- £500 per week compared with 15% of men. 15.stuffy 17.quarantine 20.aqueduct 21.lira 22.melodies 23.slut Tingly NUS’s policy is to oppose tuition and top- All of this means that most women are burdened with Down: 1.notified 2.pungency 4.flaunt 5.escalating 6.tuft 7.doll up fees. However NUS’s policy differs from that of the debt for longer and the same debt will have a greater 10.surrounded 12.official 13.type-cast 16.creche 18.balm 19.fuel NUS Womens Campaign because NUS accepts students impact on most women than it will on most men as it contributing to their education and will constitute a far larger proportion of disposable believes the ending of the maintenance grant will not income throughout her life. deter people from entering education. It would seem that free education would be the only The NUS Womens Campaign demands Free Education funding system which can guarantee access for all to for all those studying in post-16 for a number of rea- education. Furthermore I would suggest that the dis- sons which include their belief that education is a right crimination which women face in society will be exac- for all and should be based on the right to learn, not the erbated if we are denied access to (free) education. ability to pay. Fantasy Football League ‘Scoring Keeps Us Going!’

FFL committee is the only player with positive points, after a single play at an away ground. Mr. Orange returned to old form and scored -3 for fielding an invalid player. Mr. Standings after one week: Blue and Mr. Lilac both ended the week with -3 for own goals. The week ended disastrously for Mr. Violet, los- Mr. Turquoise 2 ing 300pts with a last minute goal in the dying seconds Mr. Orange -3 with a shot from close-range after a disappointing per- Mr. Blue -3 formance during the first 89 minutes, and was left with Mr. Lilac -3 a long walk back to the changing rooms. Mr. Black -4 Mr. Violet -301 Whats in this Space?... Nothing. so tell us what your club or society is up to and The season didn’t get off to a very good start with all we can print it. players bar one ending with negative points. Mr. Violet got off the mark first, but scored -1 for re-visiting old Send info to [email protected] or grounds. Mr. Black also scored -1 for visiting the same by disk or piece of paper into the BF Box ground in the same night, later plunging to -4 for play- outside our Office. ing on a pre-visited water-logged pitch. Mr. Turquoise Deadline is Sunday Night each week ed980129.qxd 25/11/98 22:23 Page 11 (1,1)

n Thursday 29th January 1998 features 11 Racing on ergo’s Dickie’s New

Annie Preston Year’s t the end of last semester the Rowing Club entered its Afirst BUSA event of the year with the greatest number of Column entries from Surrey University ever to compete in this prestigious event. The competition was held in Reading among great rowing stars Dickie Saulet (other than ourselves, of course) Sports Editor such as Greg Searle, making the day very exciting. know that this is a little late, but At this indoor event we were with- Happy New Year and welcome out use of any sculling boats, Iback to you all. This is the time instead we were racing on ergo’s (to of the year when New Year’s the non-rowers, these are similar to Resolutions start to take their toll. I rowing machines, but very different for one am getting fit this year; I am to those who know anything about determined to lose my 4th chin that them!). I have acquired over the last four As we arrived we signed in and years here at Guildford. Anyway I made our way into the competition have been to the gym and am still area. We were immediately over- having walking problems one week come with fear as we saw before us Photo: Rowing Club later. Maybe next year I’ll do something about them! over 50 ergo’s. Were we going to We do enjoy it, honest! and finished 11th, 18th and 26th that brought us together, working as This year promises to be one of the leave alive? Our task was to row Stefano Predieri (Captain) entered respectively out of 45, again with a team, representing our University. very best ever for sports fans. The 2000metres in the fastest time possi- the Open Lightweight and finished outstanding scores and personal We look forward to the ergo chal- Superbowl and World Swimming ble on one of these ergos. This may an outstanding 23rd out of 103 com- bests achieved. lenge that is taking place later in this Championships have already taken sound easy, alas, you quickly learn petitors. Stephen Poole, Under 23, Annie Preston and Jilla Ferguson in semester at Campusport, open to all. place and what with the World Cup, the art of mind over pain, to defeat finished with a personal best time the Under 23 event finished 23rd Can you handle the pain? the Winter Olympics, the European the exhaustion you feel, especially and placed 41 out of 94 competitors. and 24th out of 42. Athletics together with the excite- after the first 1000metres and then Aurora Trif, Merle Lust and Nikki For many of us this was our first ment of Manchester United win- as you approach your final stroke. Collins entered the Open category ever rowing event and it was a day ning the European Cup, league and FA cup treble and Portsmouth fin- Canoe join in our fun? ishing mid-table (above Ipswich), I for one cannot wait. However, I do feel that Barefacts lacks something his semester every 8.30pm in the union. Pool sessions, Universities Rodeo Competition at Martyn mt41mg or Sarah bs62sg or in the Sports department- it needs Wednesday will be trips to every even week 9pm, meet in the Teeside. leave a note in the pigeon hole to some live coverage of the top Tlocal weirs (until they stop union. For information of weekend All beginners welcome, we have a find out more. events; it needs someone to sample running), meet at 1.15pm in the trips see the pigeon hole. friendly team of instructors and trips the atmosphere of the big game, to union foyer. Meetings are every Trips this semester include South are organised for all abilities. If report on the standard of the even week, Thursday nights, Wales, Yorkshire and the you’re interested contact either Japanese snow, the quality of the hotdog at Old Trafford; to share in the delight of England holding high Campusport the World Cup in Paris; to report on the quality of the pitch in Jamaica. Have you seen Learn to Play I, in my humble capacity as Sports Editor have found the man for the job- someone knowledgeable about sport; somebody who has the neces- Danny Squash! sary experience; somebody who can speak a foreign language and who can and does write amusing Beginners Squash is now on classes and courses that are avail- articles. The only thing missing is Tuesday evenings 6.00 - 7.00 p.m. able at Campusport - come down the funding, and, with your help, we Williams? Come along and sign up - it’s ongo- and see us, have a chat, sign up, join CAN get the money from Union ing to the end of the semester, so in and have fun! funds. you should be able to reach a good Please note that the Saturday morn- I promise you, I will not let you Danny, who is doing a PGCEA at pointed! standard in that time! Or if you’ve ing Circuit class has been cancelled down- it will be like you were sit- Surrey, is our vibrant new Monday And just a reminder - the January had some experience, you can join due to lack of numbers - however, ting beside me sampling the atmos- evening aerobics instructor. His sale at the Sports Centre shop ends in with Intermediate Squash on there are still three others to chose phere. Any donations will be class takes place in the University this Saturday - so come down a pick Wednesdays 5.40 - 6.40 p.m. from - Monday 5.10, Tuesday 5.10 gratefully accepted. Thanks. Hall between 6.00 - 7.00 p.m. so up that final bargain. These are just two of the numerous & Thursday 5.10. check it out. You won’t be disap- Next week... the BUSA Knock-outs Results ed980129.qxd 25/11/98 22:23 Page 12 (1,1)

12 Sport Thursday 29th January 1998 n GI’s Vs Older Burymead FC’s Rutlishia ns day of reckoning Reserves Burymead were made to look ordi- defender kept it on and left him with Simmons, to complete Surrey’s goal Jan nary, even though they were. The an open goal to finish from inches. feast, a series of inspired substitu- (and they wonder n a fresh Saturday afternoon first half resulted with 5 beautifully The tally of the half was completed tions halted any further chance of crafted goals. The first 3, from the by James Hemmings with rapier increasing the score line. why we won 3-1!) the cream of Surrey seconds Osquad arrived at the high golden boots of Easy Miriam and style header controversy a measured It was a shame that the score line altitude ground of Godalming Steve Catt, were sweetly struck ball from defence. The second half 6-0 did not truly reflect the stan- Baresi Cricket Ground. Even though the from 25 yards, leaving the keeper was orchestrated by the boot of our dard of the opposition as they were edge of the box doubled as the side with no chance. By this point German superstar Jurgen Gutsamer worse than that. Many thanks to It was a cold day on Saturday, but line, Burymead couldn’t stop Burymead had accepted the with a series of incisive passes, Lisa for transporting our victorious we kept warm by running around Surrey’s flowing football . Such was inevitable so even when Richie mainly off the end and sides of the lads. more than them. This was a good the standard of Surrey’s play, that Bedford tried not to score their pitch. After a clinical finish by Nick idea as it was the quarter final of the County Cup. We managed to score 3 goals, two The feisty Firsts fracas Vs more than them as they only scored 1. They weren’t a clean team despite being sponsored by Persil. They wore dark blue and we wore Farncombe white and blue. The ref. was a man with not much chat. I spoke with him at half time about the weather he only way to describe this camera where the money was seen decided to readdress the balance by and he agreed that it was cold. After Fagan - game was farcical. The refer- changing hands. (Allegedly) We giving them 2 penalties and booking the match we were happy and had a a.k.a DIRK DIGGLER Tee gave the game to the were 2-0 up and playing some of loads of our players. Myself and the shower to get clean. opposition and was paid £1000, the the best football the University has team will cry ourselves to sleep for proof of which we have on video seen this season, when the referee a week and can only blame the ref