“Sissies” and “Tomboys”

1 Volume VII Number 3 January 1979 ISSN:0091-3995 Sex Information and Education Council of the U.S. “SISSIES” AND “TOMBOYS” Richard Green, MD Professor, Departments of Psychiatry and Behavioral Science, and Psychology, State University of New York, Stony Brook, New York It is regrettable that the labels “sissy” and “tomboy” exist, atypical adults-and sexually atypical adult males experience that distinctions between typical and atypical gender-role more conflict in consequence of society’s double standard behavior are made, and especially that atypical children are vis-Bvis male homosexuality and lesbianism. In Anita Bryant’s penalized. crusade against homosexuality her tendency to ignore les- “Sissy” and “tomboy”: what a mismatch of labels. bianism is reminiscent of the (perhaps) apocryphal account- Commonly used and commonly linked, they mean such ing of Queen Victoria’s refusal to endorse a Parliamentary act different things. The dictionary itself documents the distinc- forbidding sexual contact between females: “Women do not tion: “tomboy’‘-a romping, boisterous, boyish young girl; do such things!” “sissy’‘-an effeminate boy or man, a timid or cowardly There is a growing body of research information linking person. Thus for a boy to be called “sissy” can be devastat- childhood cross-gender nonerotic behaviors with adolescent ing. It pierces a boy’s self-image at its most vulnerable point. and adult sexuality. The pertinent data are impressive for By contrast, “tomboy” is said with approving tones, and does males and increasingly provocative for females. In one study, not detract from a girl’s sense of worth. two-thirds of adult male homosexuals reported a “girl-like While much is read, and more is said, about a “unisex” syndrome” during boyhood (Saghir & Robins, 1973). This was tidal wave covering the country, barely a ripple has touched characterized by a preference for girls as playmates, avoid- the early childhood and adolescent population. The boy ance of rough-and-tumble play and sports, and being called whose behavior patterns do not meet the peer group “sissy.” Another study (Whitam, 1977) found that about half “macho” criteria is still called “sissy.” The dreaded, label of adult male homosexuals recalled a childhood preference for produces parental anxiety and a troubled child. Here mem- girls as playmates, an interest in doll play, and an avoidance bers of the helping professions can be called on to determine of rough-and-tumble play. Less than 1% of the heterosexual whether the behavior behind the term is the cause of this males recalled such behaviors. What about “tomboys”? One current conflict and if it bears significance for future concern. investigation (Saghir & Robins, 1973) states that two-thirds of By contrast, the professional is rarely confronted by a parent lesbians reported having been “tomboys” in grade school or child troubled over “tomboyism.” compared to less than one-fifth of heterosexual women. The fundamental caveat for a physician in diagnosing Higher rates of tomboyism for lesbians are also reported by significant childhood cross-gender behavior is similar to that Kaya et al. (1967). in other medical areas: do not overdiagnose; do not under- The overlap here must be stressed. Clearly, all male diagnose. The probability statement “most children will out- children whose behavior is gender atypical, and who may be grow it” is true. It may be sage medical advice to prescribe called “sissy,” are not pretranssexual or prehomosexual. “two (metaphorical) aspirins, and if it still hurts, call me in the Obviously, neither are the “tomboy” female children. And it morning,” but when this advice is universally applied, is certain that a more or less steady proportion of convention- everyone can lose-physician, patient, and parents alike, for ally “masculine” boys and “feminine” girls will ultimately the exceptions that exist beyond “most children” deserve find their erotic and romantic needs better met by someone recognition and attention. I hope to convey here how to of their same sex. maximize the chances of giving appropriate reassurance and Before proceeding with differential diagnosis, I want to how to recognize when the child’s behavior warrants more stress that this article is not directed at “prevention” of extensive evaluation. homosexuality. Not only does the writer not know how to do Clearly, more parents are concerned about what they see it, but it is also certainly debatable as to whether one can or as “feminine” behavior in sons than about “masculine” should do it. The article is specifically directed at providing behavior in daughters. And rightly so if they are at all some guidelines for members of the helping professions to concerned over current and future conflict. Quite aside from follow in reducing concerns of parents who fear their child the trauma of peer-group stigmatization, “feminine” boys (usually male) is not developing “normally,” and, in the rarer definitely have a higher probability of maturing into sexually instances in which a child is significantly distressed over his or her gender, at reducing that conflict. their sons, or did the sons find the interests and perhaps It is often asked whether there are diagnostic psycholog- demands of their fathers on so different a wavelength as to ical tests for significant childhood cross-gender behavior. preclude communication? Probably no single test is adequate. While some discriminate The sex of the peer group appears important. When boys girls from boys, the clinician is on safer ground obtaining a play only with girls because “boys play too rough,” parents careful listing of the preferred sex-typed activities from the can try to find companions who do not play rough. Also, both parents and by talking with the child. boys and girls should have a mixed-sex peer group. Since The following areas provide clues for differential diag- there are many vital social skills to be learned from interac- nosis: tion with both males and females, the child of neither sex Sex-Identity Statements: The boy may say “I want to be a should be deprived of the opportunity to mix freely with both girl ,” or “I am a girl.” These are not typical statements of sexes. young boys, especially if repeated. They call for further How does one make referral in a professional field in inquiry. Most “tomboy” girls, however, do not say they want which most child psychiatrists and psychologists have had to be male. The vast majority are content being female, but relatively limited experience? A few university departments may prefer boy-type activities because they permit more of psychiatry have clinicians with a background in evaluating freedom or are more highly valued by other children. But children with possible sexual-identity conflict. They include some “tomboys” do say they want to be male, and women the State University of New York at Stony Brook, Columbia desiring hormonal and surgical transformation into men University, the University of California at Los Angeles, the (transsexuals) recall “always” having wanted to be male. University of Michigan, and Johns Hopkins University. However, we do not know about those with comparable What if the professional suspects significant sexual- earlier desires who are now comfortably female. identity conflict and is not near a referral site? First, there are Toy Preference: While some attempts have been made to child therapists who are becoming increasingly familiar with blur sex-role lines in toy selection, significant sex-typed the growing body of literature in this area, and a few phone preferences remain. Playing with “Barbie” or a truck still calls may locate an appropriate referral. Second, depending serves to differentiate girls from boys. For boys whose overall on time availability, the physician may also find it practical to behavior is distinctly culturally feminine, “Barbie” may be the undertake an initial treatment program. favorite toy. In some cases, a few basic modifications in the child’s Age of the Child: This is of paramount importance. environment can be beneficial. Eliminate the demands on the Comparably atypical behaviors at age 8 signify more than at boy for stereotypically boyish behaviors, such as athletics, age 4. First, they have withstood the test of time. Second, the which are outside his interests or abilities. Promote a more child may have passed over critical developmental draw- mixed peer group, one which includes males interested in bridges which may be no longer be recrossed. other masculine activities besides competitive sports. Parents Caveat: Rough-and-tumble play in itself does not charac- Continued on page 75 terize gender. Here is the most vulnerable of the “tradi- tional” definitions of “masculine” and “feminine” behavior. Too many intellectually lively, esthetic boys have suffered because the modal cultural ethic prescribed roughhouse as “normal” behavior. Tomboy girls have been more fortunate. How can we maximize the possibility of careful distinc- tion between those children (particularly males) whose be- Volume VII, Number 3 January 1979 haviors not only bring current distress but portend future conflict? We carefully listen to what parents mean by “feminine,” “sissy, ” or “unmasculine” behavior. We distin- The S/ECUS Report is published bimonthly. Subscriptions guish those boys whose behavior does not fit the cultural are so!d on a volume basis only, with volumes beginning in September. stereotype, yet who are nevertheless comfortable in being Subscription rates: Individual, $10.00 for one year; Canadian boys, from those who want to be girls. Boys who more than and foreign, f5. Institutional, $20.00; Canadian and foreign, occasionally cross-dress, regularly role-play as females, draw f9. Single copies of any issue, $1.50. pictures replete with females and devoid of males, are Queries about subscriptions and delivery should be sent to speaking to us in their age-appropriate language. And when Human Sciences Press, 72 Fifth Avenue, New York, NY 10011 they say “I wish I were a girl,” the message is trumpeted.

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