How Jewish Institutions Are Responding to Interfaith Marriage
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CD How Jewish Institutions CD LL Are Responding to CD Interfaith Marriage C/) Kvo recent decisions related The bar mitzvah talk by Matthew to interfaith marriage taken Campbell on page 6 of this issue Tby elements in the Jewish offers a poignant counterpoint to if) community have received wide• Rabbi Salkin's article. It illustrates spread attention and sparked a healthy balance of perspective on 0 national controversy: the decision the part of an interfaith child which of Reform Judaism to limit reli• is quite in contrast to the assump• gious school enrollment to children tions underlying the UAHC o who are not being schooled in decision. another religious tradition, and The UAHC decision has angered the decision of a Jewish newspaper CD and frustrated many interfaith in Connecticut not to print inter• families. In our own discussions faith wedding announcements. with interfaith couples as we This issue of Dovetail reviews prepared for this issue. Dovetail 0 +-' the issues raised by these decisions found a range of feelings about +-' within the institutions of the Jewish the resolution. "It forces us away _Q) community and the larger debate from the temple to find our own CO prompted by them. This issue will way," responded one reader. "I feel 0 likely provoke strong emotions. our children are less likely to choose Some of what you read here may Judaism when they are grown. It's anger you, distress or depress you, also made it hard for my Jewish < or make you cry with empathy. husband, who would very much And, we hope, some of it will spur you into asking your own questions of your local institutions. In This Issue Last December, at its national Interfaith Children in Jewish convention in Atlanta, the Union Schools: A Rabbi Speaks... 3 of American Hebrew Congrega• tions—the governing body of Interfaith Children: Reform Judaism, whose member• A Bar Mitzvah Speech 6 ship numbers about one million Debating the people in over eight hundred Internet Rabbis 8 congregations across the United States—passed a resolution urging A View from Inside that Reform Jewish day schools and the Synagogue 10 part-time school programs enroll A Response to the only children not being schooled Jewish Ledger 12 in another faith. On page 3, Rabbi Jeffrey Salkin presents the official Intermarriage Statistics 14 view of this decision. Volume 4, Number 5 April/May 1996 Dovetail like a temple bar mitzvah for to think that they want to be part are handling these issues in differ• our three boys." of an unbroken chain of Jewish life ent ways. In trying to cope wixh that will stretch to the future?" interfaith marriage, Judaism is Others think that the resolution Tobin, dubbed "the Wedding struggling with an extremely may not be as harsh in practice as Censor," later opined that "we are delicate and difficult issue, to it sounds. "Our temple takes each all voting on the Jewish future with which there are no easy solutions. family on a case-by-case basis," our own behavior. Anyone has the As interfaith families, we can watch wrote a Dovetail reader, "and it right to vote 'no' or to vote T don't and wait with frustration, disap• will not necessarily follow the care,' but... you shouldn't expect pointment, and maybe some hope ruling." As this reader suggests, the rest of the Jewish community for the future of American Judaism. since the UAHC resolution is non- to cheer you." On page 8, David We can turn away from the Jewish binding on member congregations, Howard offers an alternative community altogether. Or we can it is important to research what perspective. His article reflects an enter into the debate, involving your local congregation has decided on-line dialogue between a Jewish ourselves in our local temples even to do with respect to this issue. partner in an interfaith couple and when we feel shunned or belittled, because our commitment to the The second recent decision that several rabbis on the topic of how tradition of our Jewish partners is has catalyzed national controversy tradition is best maintained given stronger than our distaste for the about Jewish/Christian marriage the fact of intermarriage. current state of affairs. Each of was taken in July 1995 in Hartford, All organizations, Jewish institu• these choices is a valid option, Connecticut. There Jewish Ledger tions included, are subject to the and interfaith families will have editor Jonathan S. Tobin wrote an political pulls and attachment to to make this choice for themselves. editorial arguing that a wedding the status quo that come from between a Jew and a non-Jew was being created by human beings The articles in this issue by Julie not an event for the Jewish com• with strong wills and differing and Mitchell Kraus and Leslie Gura munity to celebrate, and therefore visions. And, as noted above, discuss the decisions and experiences the Ledger would not print wed• different local temples—and of two couples. We look forward to ding and engagement announce• national Jewish organizations—• hearing what you decide. ^ ments of interfaith couples. The editorial provoked dozens of strongly worded letters to the Dovetail's mission is to provide a channel DOVETAILIISSN 1062-7359) is published of communication for interfaitli couples, their bimonthly (6 times per year) by: Dovetail editor, both supportive and scath• parents and their children. The more families Publishing, P.O. Box 19945, Kalamazoo, Ml ing, and prompted an editorial by can share their ideas, experiences, resources, 49019; (616) 342-2900; fax: (616) 342-1012; William Safire in The New York and support, the more they can make peace in e-mail: [email protected]. their homes and communities. Jewish and A one-year subscription is available for Times (July 17,1995),which Christian perspectives can dovetail. took the debate nationwide. S24.99 from the above address (Michigan Believing that there are no definitive answers residents please add 6% sales tax). Inter• to the questions facing interfaith families. national subscriptions are $35-00. Single Tobin was prompted to write the Dovetail strives to be open to all ideas and issues are available forMJO each. opinions. Editorial content attempts to balance original Ledger editorial when he DOVETAIL welcomes article submissions and respectthe perspectives of both Jewish received a wedding announcement (q u e ry 0 r c omplelBd nanuscnpt). lette rs to and Christian partners in interfaith marriages, the editor, and comieMs or suggestions. accompanied by a picture of a as well as the diverse perspectives of parents Send to Joan C HaMdust, Editor, at the and children of interfaith couples. Inclusion couple posed in front of a Christ• a bove address. We hMkfcnvard to mas tree. He wrote,"! can't see into in Dovetail does not imply endorsement. hearing franyoM. Dovetail accepts a thoughtful and constructive that young couple's hearts, but with discussion of all related issues in the Letters Copyrightenai by Dovetail Publishing. such a picture, am I really supposed to the Editor section, and reserves the M lights reserved. right to reply. April/May 1996 page 2 Children of Interfaith Families in Jewish Religious Schools: An Encounter at the Border by Rabbi Jeffrey K. Salkin ike a work of art that reveals rancorous debate, our movement Rabbi Jeffrey Salldn is co-chair of something new every time adopted a stance that essentially the UAHC Outreach Commission • we gaze upon it afresh, like says the following: We believe in L and rabbi of the Central Synagogue a symphony that reveals something the power of Jewish education to of Nassau County, in Rockville new every time we listen to it again; help raise the children of interfaith Centre, New York. He is author of like a favorite place that reveals marriages as Jews. That is the another aspect of its beauty every primary goal of the Outreach Putting God on the Guest List: How time we visit it anew—so are the movement in Reform Judaism, to Reclaim the Spiritual Meaning words of Torah. and it is a goal that makes me of Your Child's Bar or Bat Mitzvah proud to now be at the very epi• This time, we revisit the scene (Woodstock, Vermont: Jewish Lights center of its work. We have many where Jacob wrestles with the Publishing, 1992) and Being God's children of interfaith families in stranger at the banks of the Jabbok, Partner: How to Find the Hidden Link our own religious school. Over• a minor tributary of the Jordan Between Spirituality and Your Work whelmingly, those children have which is found at the very borders (Jewish Lights, 1994). This article is Jewish identities that are as secure of the Land of Israel. We wrestle, as their friends' and classmates' excerpted with permission from a here, with the big issues at the who come from homes in which sermon he gave on Decembers, 1995. borders and at the boundaries. both parents are Jews. That is a And now the entire issue of borders testimony to their parents, and I and boundaries is that much more daresay, to our religious school. potent, because we as a Reform movement are constantly trying A Different Path to define what our borders and boundaries are. There are many interfaith couples who have chosen a different path. Or, to put it simply: When do we They have decided to educate their as a Reform movement say "no"? children not just as Jews, but as Christians as well. They are sending Saying "No" their children to two different "No" is not a word that goes lightly religious schools, for two different upon our lips, nor upon the lips of religions.