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The Student Newspaper of Imperial College

^ miJ mmi J[ j[ Issue 946 30 October 1992

Knife story Chris meets students

Further information has been him the following day. received about the knife attack in On going to see him, however, Linstead Hall on Friday, 15th she was told by the doctor that he October. could now see 'a larger number of According to the victim, the cuts' on her face since the previous attacker was the friend of an ex- day. The girl alleges that the Doctor boyfriend. The victim believed that implied that she had inflicted the the reason for the attack is that the wounds on herself. He, reportedly attacker held a jealous grudge said he did not believe there had against her. A few days before the been any attack at all. He also attack, the man came to Linstead offered her professional help as he Hall uninvited. He was asked to 'believed her to be troubled'. He leave by the victim after he made maintained the same story in his unwanted physical advances. statement to the police, also denying On Friday evening, the victim the fact that she had had a bump on says that the attacker walked into the head. her bedroom while she was visiting The friends of the girl, however, the room of a friend, having left her insist in their statements, that she door unlocked. Later on when she was accompanied at all times for the returned to her room, she was remainder of the night. Therefore immediately held at knife-point. she would not have had any chance The knife was held against her face, of wounding herself. causing a large cut and bleeding to Reasons for this change of occur. In her own words; 'He attitude of the doctor is considered pushed me, something hit my head to be part of a security cover-up. and after that everything went Attempts have been made by Felix blank'. reporters to obtain a statement from The victim was found about half him. (The doctor cancelled an an hour later, unconscious, by a appointment with us and all friend. The friend says that she attempts to interview him whilst called the sub-warden and between researching this story have failed.) them they revived her. A doctor College security state that they from IC Health Centre was called. believe further police investigation Chris Davidson, ICU Union voluntary membership system and After examining her he said that she is taking place. Security guards President, held his first informal the probability of an independent had a bump on her head and a cut have now been returned to Linstead meeting with students last Monday 'Imperial University' was also on her face, but no other injuries. Hall, from where they were (26th October). discussed by Mr Davidson who Having said that the cut was not removed in last Easter's security Mr Davidson expressed his intends to write in more detail about very serious, he asked her to see intentions of increasing the latter, including the pros and communication between students cons in future issues of Felix. Swipe warning and the Governing Body. After One student raised the subject of giving a brief description of his rights for mature students. Mr by Tanya Z Nizam into departments cannot be activities over the previous week, Davidson showed interest and College Security is stressing the controlled. Students are strongly he encouraged the students present would like to hear more opinions on importance for students to look after requested to take better care of their to ask questions and express this subject. their electronic security cards. In the event of any loss, the opinions about certain issued. Many Future meetings will be held 'Swipecards'. Many students have security dept. must be informed questions were raised on how the every Monday from 1pm to 1.30pm been reporting lost cards long after immediately. Reports should be Union is run. Jonty Beavan, Felix in the Ents Lounge of the Union losing them. Others have not made to room 150 in the Sherfield Editor and sabbatical, was present. Building. All students were formally reported the losses at all. building or call Ellen on extension Other sabbaticals will also be encouraged to attend and voice their This is causing a lot of 6999. present at future meetings. inconvenience as entry of students The likelihood of having a

4/5 10/11 12/13 16-21 Readers' Rag U.R.O.P. Reviews Letters Again -What is it? Round-Up N ews 30 October 1992 Felix 946 Fleming Chair Goldsmith House

St Mary's Hospital Medical School chairman of the steering committee College has hired an external 'intention is to enable scholars to have announced a new appointment for the World Health Organisation agency to locate property in the live at moderate rents'. It is to the Fleming Chair of Medical programme, IMMYC, promoting local area for a new residence. The believed that the potential residents Microbiology. Dr Douglas Young, research into the immunological company has been called in after will be nominated by their who is currently a Senior Scientist aspects of leprosy. attempts by the college itself to find departments and selected on the at the Royal Postgraduate Medical The Dean of St Mary's, Professor a suitable property proved basis of academic merit. School researching tuberculosis and Peter Richards, welcomed the unsuccessful. The money for the Despite considerable advertising related infections, will begin work appointment of Dr Young, saying house, which is expected to cost in for suitable property, there has so at St Mary's in October 1993. that 'It is only fitting that this key the region of £300,000 including far been no success in finding a The work of the thirty-eight year national chair be taken up by refurbishment is mainly going to be property entirely suitable for the old Dr Young could result in major someone of Dr Young's experience provided by the Worshipful purpose, resulting in a local improvements in testing for drug and calibre.' Company of Goldsmiths, who property expert being contracted to resistant tuberculosis. He is also recently made a sizeable donation draw up a shortlist of approximately to the college for this purpose. 10-12 properties which may be The new house is planned to suitable. The Rector, Sir Eric Ash, accomodate up to eight students, is believed to be very interested in Esso Support and the college Estates Manager, the project. This week, Esso provided the £300,000. Mr N. Black, commented that the Department of Chemical The office will have it's own Engineering and Chemical dedicated network of computer Technology with £21,000 to fund workstations where students can Streeter Banned a new design office, which will be learn to develop complete Richard Streeter, House Committee given to a third person by a Union named after the company. The preliminary plant designs, based on Chairman, has been banned from duty officer some days before. Mr money was awarded after the actual case studies provided by the Union Building until Christmas. Streeter has also been banned from Department succesfully bid for Esso. The head of Department, The banning follows a Union driving any Union minibus for an funds under Esso's Higher Professor Bill Wakeham disciplinary hearing into the indefinite period. As a result of the Education Support Scheme, and commented, 'We are delighted by disappearance of a Union minibus. ban, meetings of the Union House contributes to the Chemical Esso's contribution which will go Felix has been informed that Mr committee will take place outside of Engineering Jubilee Appeal towards ensuring that the facilities Streeter borrowed a Union minibus the Union building, with Mr launched by the Department in in the Department continue to be when it had been booked by another Streeter continuing to hold the post 1990, which has already raised second to none.' person. The keys to the bus were of House chairman. Voluntary Membership Timetable Announced by Declan Curry ministerial consultations on union is set out in the statute and The imminence of the Voluntary membership will be voluntary membership are still charter setting up the college. These introduction of voluntary introduced before January 1994. continuing, though on an ad hoc documents have a legal status of membership is concentrating the John Patten, the Secretary of State basis. their own, and in some cases they minds of senior NUS sabbaticals. for Education, has announced that The Education Secretary was have a legal standing equal to that The Presidents of all NUS affiliated he will legislate for the voluntary speaking at a rally of Conservative of legislation passed by parliament. campus unions met recently in principle 'in the next session' of Students in the House of Commons If the voluntary principle were to Warwick University to plan a parliament. Ministerial sources last week. Mr Patten told the be introduced, the charters of most 'campaign of action' against have indicated that a green meeting that he had been higher education institutions in the voluntary membership. The consultation paper will be issued in encouraged to introduce voluntary country would have to be changed meeting was also attended by senior October 1993, and a white membership by students 'of all on an individual basis. This would figures from NUS's Holloway Road legislative paper will be brought political persuasions'. 'Sensible usually be done by a body of headquarters. The sabbaticals before the House of Commons in students say the NUS (National university commissioners, and decided on what they termed a January 1994. The Department for Union of Students) closed shop forcing through change would 'positive campaign of union Education has also confirmed that must go', he said. 'It is an affront become a lengthy process. David promotion in preference to a that we have the last closed shop in Anderson Evans, of the CVCP, has negative campaign' of STUDENT your world'. Mr Patten added that told /'CNN that ministers couldn't demonstrations and protests. The he would make a further substantial 'bugger around with charters and NUS strategy has three main ACCOMMODATION OFFICE announcement on voluntary statutes without going through the strands, the promotion of students' membership around Christmas. His Privy Council', effectively unions to members, an attack on the IMPORTANT recent speech to the Conservative Westminster's politburo. Conor voluntary principle, and a national Party conference was criticised for Pickering, the national director of lobbying campaign. The first wave NOTICE not differentiating between campus Conservative Students, told /CNN of lobbying has already been unions and the national union, and that legislation would not be a concluded, with Lorna Fitzsimons, On Tuesday 3rd November 1992 for not detailing the specific 'question of central government the NUS President, attending both The Waiting List for College Halls the Labour and Conservative Party will close legislation he hopes to use to interfering with individual introduce the voluntary principle. institutions'. Jan Moore, of the conferences. A campaign of student From Wednesday 4th November union promotion is already being The Committee of Vice Department for Education, said that 1992 'ministers have already made it planned by sabbaticals at Imperial Vacant rooms will be advertised in the Chancellors and Principals (CVCP) clear that they wish to introduce the College Union (ICU), and Chris Accommodation Office and will be has warned the Secretary of State Davidson, ICU President, has allocated on a first come first served that he will encounter substantial voluntary principle. They have no already announced that he will be basis. difficulties in his attempts to draw reason to suppose that the meeting Nigel Forman, the Higher up voluntary membership provisions of university charters Education minister, in the coming legislation. At some colleges, the will prevent them from weeks. existence of the campus student implementing their policy'.

Page 2 Opinion Felix 946 30 October 1992 Editorial before it was delivered. Did not London Student Credits warn us about our removal from the Whoever wins best student News; Declan, Tanya, Dave, Phil. One thing you can say about Sir largest University in the country, Newspaper of the year, it will Features; Beccy (superwoman), Eric Ash is that he has a certain while the Independent had a always be controversial but this year Rachel, Tamsin, Chris Pease, sense of style. Announcing, that photographer there and three it is particularly well deserved. Reviews; Catherine, (extra Imperial was considering opting out quarters of their second page London Student,have put blood, superwoman), Sara of the University of London is already written. Surely, this sort of sweat and tears into the successes (wonderwoman), Mario, Bob, guaranteed to bring the College into decision could have had a bit more of last year. And, I have every Poddy, the full glare of publicity. discussion without the principals of confidence that Mike Herd will What's on; James, Ian. Unfortunately the all powerful LSE, UCL and Imperial carving up build on the results of Louise Special Thanks; Rose, Andy, ones didn't tell us, in the rush to the London University amongst Clarke, last year's editor, and I James, Simon, Sarah H, Ian for make sure that every national themselves. wish him well. helping with lots of little boxes, newspaper had a copy of the speech Simon B., Joe, Dave Spoons,Chris

some. This is not some rumbling to express yourself. There is not just their land back from France, the about whose right or wrong in a difference in scale between a IRA want Northern Ireland to go Ireland, everybody has their punch in someone's faces and a back to the Irish or Red Action is Beit opinion about this problem, bomb in Northern Ireland, there is generally disatisfied with life. I everybody is free to express it and a difference in attitude. When we don't want to see my friends in many people do. This is about how reach a problem the scale of that in hospital beds because some people to express it, or rather how not to Northern Ireland there are think this is the only way they can Back express it. A large majority of the democratic ways of expressing get heard. I don't want to see my world's population is unhappy yourself, there are acceptable ways family buried because they went to A lot of people don't like me. about something, in fact I would go that don't involve spreading the buy yoghurt (I mean, what has That's fine by me, but I put a limit so far as to say all of us have blood of other people on pavement yoghurt ever done to anybody?). I at sticking bombs in my something to be pissed off about. stones, ways that don't involve 12 also want problems to get solved. neighbourhood. OK, so the two I'm pissed off about the new college year-olds throwing stones at But if things were that easy they IRA bombs in the Hammersmith working hours, that does not give policemen and policemen shooting would have been solved a long time region, NOVOTEL and T.A. me the right to napalm the Rector. back. You see, I realise that both ago. So, members of the IRA, of Centre, weren't destined for me, We have all gone beyond sides have been at fault and the IRA Red Action, of the ETA, terrorists but the fact remains they were reasonable behaviour under the can't take the full blame for all the of the world, if this document ever there. Two hours before the bomb influence of anger, anyone who violence. I realise that in all cases reaches you, if you must remember exploded, I walked in front of the claims they haven't have been where terrorism is used there are just one thing from it; it would irk very location of the second bomb stifling their lifestyle. Anger is part two sides of the coin. I also realise me to die just because your public on my way to get a pint of milk and of self-preservation, it is a steam that terrorists think they can justify speaking skills are limited. some yoghurt. I like yoghurt but I outlet and occasionally the steam murder, and that is what frightens Views expressed in this article are would rather not risk my life scalds other people. But this is still me. Call me selfish but I don't want not necessarily shared by Felix everytime I feel the craving for no excuse to use dynamite as a way to die because the Basques want staff or ICU staff PJfJflS WAN HAIR B V SBK/fL A K E NORTHERN Very special ticket limenio BALLET offer! THEATRE In London next BEST VALUE IN KENSINGTON week—the show PROFESSIONAL HAIRDRESSERS they tried to ban Wash & Haircut (Ladies & Gents) £7.00 Cut Blow Dry £10.00 Blow Drv from £7.00 'Sexy Swan Lake that's all set to Perm & Jetting from £20.00 ruffle feathers '—MAIL ON SUNDAY Highlight from £20.00 Relaxer frof r m £15.00 2 tickets for the price of 1 - best available stalls seats, buy one Tint or semi permanent £15.00 at £ 19.50 and take a friend for free! Ordinary student offer was Hair by Imenio is run by a qualified and well experienced team. The stylists £2.00 off. (This offer is only available for performances on like to work with young people, no gimmicks but a really slick operation Tuesday 3rd, Wednesday 4th and Thursday 5th November.) and good value for money, the stylists work on any kind of hair, any type of length and texture (from very short to very long). A specialist range of Ring this number and take advantage of the 2 for 1 offer and shampoos, conditioners and hair care products are also available for sale. experience the hottest show in town. They tried to ban it, they reported risque sex scenes-judge for yourself and spend an Pop in for friendly advi

Page 3 Opinion 30 October 1992 Felix 946

The truth about LSD...

Dear Jonty (or maybe he floats, if he was able of retribution by 'The System'— damage, thus intimating that future Fed up with how predictable to get hold of some more LSD), George Orwell eat your heart out— generations of the LSD user might everything comes to be? Tired of having been sentenced to life the police or large green moron- be subject to the fearful issue of seeing the same things the same imprisonment. eating monsters with huge batlike malformation and genetic illness' way? Been with the same After reading the article in Felix yellow wings which can fly through -'The user of LSD seems to have boy/girlfriend so long and feel it's 944, we got so enthusiastic that we walls?) effectively 'withheld the an almost fanatic need to proselytise just routine? took our heads out of the sand and truth' all the way through his/her (convert) others to drug use.' Does No? Well, neither are we, buried them deep into the article. These missing bits of this remind you of anyone? (Hint: actually. We have to admit, Encyclopedia Britannica* to see if information, which are necessary Real Felix issue 944). however, that we have found it could tell us where we could for any reasonable human being to -'There is also a tendency on the immense satisfaction in a tasteless, purchase some of this amazing fast- reach a balanced viewpoint, shall be part of those who take these drugs colourless liquid with no smell- learning drug (if only it was supplied below. (Hallucinogens) to repeat the drug it's good old London water and it's available at the beginning of every (Sceptics please note, these experience and to experiment with only been through seven other lecture, eh?). After ingestion of the quotes are direct from the other drugs.' people's kidneys (including, we information contained therein, we Encyclopedia Britannica.) In summing up, we feel that Felix suppose, at some point, the kidneys wondered why this miracle drug is — 'A second important has not only been used to satisfy the of the writer of the 'Beit Back' not available on every street corner aspect...involves a change in the needs of a few crazed LSD users to article in Felix 944). If that doesn't and in every chemist at rock-bottom feelings and the awareness of the proselytise, but as a jolly good stimulate you, then try reading the prices for consumption by the self. The sense of personal identity advert to inflict a potentially lathal newspaper article published a general public. After all, wouldn't is altered...The person may feel drug on underinformed and couple of weeks ago which it be a great comfort, as you wander empty inside, or he may believe that unsuspecting freshers. described how an eighteen-year old down Oxford Street watching pink he is the universe...increased Yours, hippos and purple elephants 'man' battered a five year-old girl suspicion of the motives of others Some concerned students. bouncing along on the pavements to to death with a baseball bat under may also become a factor.. .at times P.S. We wish to remain the sounds of Gilbert and Sullivan the illusion that she was an evil the mood shifts...there can be a anonymous in fear of retribution by gone mad, that everyone else is horde of skeletons following him. 'hellish' (their quotes) terror, gloom 'The System', the police and large sharing those selfsame visions? Even if the LSD that he'd taken and a feeling of complete isolation. hash- (and God only knows what Who needs virtual reality when you doesn't fuck his mind, it has sure For some people the experience is else) smoking rugby players. fucked the mind of that girl, since can enter your own fantasy world so disturbing that psychiatric *Reference: 'Encyclopedia the skull is not known for its in real life and kill real people? hospitalisation is required' (our Britannica Volume XIII pp 235-241 resistance to high velocity impact. Wouldn't that be more fun? italics). ('Alcohol and Drug Consumption') That 'man' sure got a good trip— The writer of the article, -'Laboratory studies...linked to prison, where he now languishes nameless as he/she remains (for fear LSD to chromosomal and genetic Too much truth? Islam—the real story

Dear Jonty, Imperial College Health Centre said Dear Jonathon, At the beginning of your year of that although some people will be 'Why are Muslims here, when that is another issue. office, you stated that you would unaffected after taking LSD, there they disapprove so strongly of this As for Salman Rushdie: in 'The make every effort to persuade is a 'significant risk' of 'long term society?' Satanic Verses' he said plenty to authors of controversial letters to mental disturbances' and long term It is a sad fact that there is no enrage millions of people (but they put their name at the bottom. At the side-effects of a psychotic nature'. Islamic State anywhere in the World were Muslims). Mr Bailey was so same time, you are publishing 'Beit We realise that the readership are today—even more sad than the fact enflamed by what was said in such Back', a regular anonymous not so impressionable that they will that most people are totally ignorant a small article by the Islamic column, claiming it was in your go out and take LSD en masse after of this, as so beautifully Society that he started to call for election manifesto. Quite how you reading the article. The real damage demonstrated by Mr Bailey in his these Muslims to be sent to Iran. can justify encouraging anonymous done, is that Felix and hence letter. For example, the way Saudi And, I believe, this 'Nobby the writing in one section of Felix while Imperial College Union has been Arabia is run has very little to do Sheep' article was banned, unlike discouraging it in another is difficult seen to be promoting illegal with Islam. (That is not just an 'The Satanic Verses'. So much for to see. activities, despite any disclaimer at opinion. It's a fact.) We cannot freedom of speech! I'm not even Naturally, there are isolated cases the end of the article. Imperial expect those people to realise this expecting this letter to be printed. where anonymity is justified. On College Union IN NO WAY who see Islam as the 'Mad Mullahs' I have neglected to make a the whole however an anonymous WHATSOEVER condones the use and 'wreckless Bedouins' who are defence of Islam by presenting its column encourages misinformation of ANY illegal drugs. given free publicity by the media principles. (It might have been too and lies. This point is clearly We understand that the idea and who are about as represenative detailed for the people I'd like to illustrated by the content of last behind the article was to stimulate of Islam as the British Royal Family read this letter.) Those who really week's 'Beit Back' article, debate, but would you initiate a is of ideal family values. Muslims want to know should come to the advocating the use of LSD. The debate on racism by printing an have to choose between countries many debates and lectures arranged author claims he/she has not taken article representing extremely racist run by 'Hypocrites', or countries specifically for this purpose by the the drug. Obviously it is something views? Perhaps not the best tack! run by 'Unbelievers'. Not an easy Islamic Society. Let sceptics see if else that is altering his/her We urge you not to neglect the choice. they can 'knock holes in Islam when perception of reality. Perhaps it is responsibility that accompanies the I do not support oppression of talking to real experts on the feelings of persecution brought power you wield as Felix editor. either sex in any country, but a subject. However, most people may about by the diabolically oppressive It is the sensitivity of the subject good fluestion to ask about Western say 'Who cares' and go off to the 'system'? The author's suggestion of drug abuse that has driven us to socieites is: 'If women are supposed bar. They are happy to remain in that even pure LSD (let alone that write to you today, I suspect that to have such rosy lives here, then a state of ignorance, unthinking: available on the black market) is many of those who read the article what is feminism all about?'. I which is, perhaps, what the 'Nobby harmless, is not only naive but quite in question will echo our concern. wonder if Mr Bailey supports the Sheep' article was all about. simply untrue. Chris Davidson, feminism, or is this something else Yours sincerely, Dr Raanan Gillon, director of Rick Bilby. of which he says 'Who cares!'. But Amir Rehman Khan.

Page 4 Opinion Felix 946 30 October 1992

Dear Jonty, Point of Order Can I firstly congratulate the Indonesian Society for an excellent food fair and cultural show which Dear Jonty, to life of the unborn and, with due in Ireland at the moment is to they staged on Saturday 23rd My, such letters last week. One regard to the equal right to life of increase the right to life of the child, October in the JCR and Great Hall. in particular caught my eye, that the mother, guarantees in its laws and to hell or Connaught with the The amount of work and effort from Mike Castles of ICU Pro Life. to respect, and, as far as right to life of the mother. which had been put in to arranging Mike mentioned the Irish practicable, by its laws to defend Incidentally, in the last the event was really impressive, Constitution. Allow me to add to and vindicate that right' referendum campaign in 1983, anti- especially when one remembers that the sum of human knowledge on This is all well and good, except abortion campaigners said that a this society was only started up a that one. that the equal right to life of the raped girl would not be refused an few years ago (1990 to my knowledge). Mike says that the Irish mother was only defined by this abortion. They lied then, they're at constitution accords equal rights to year's Supreme Court judgement in it again this year. The December As always seems to be the case the unborn child and to the mother. the X case. Before then, the article 3rd referendum is anxiously with such events organised by the This is indeed true. The English was taken as guaranteeing the right awaited. overseas students in this college, the translation of the Irish original, to life of the child above all else, Keep up the good work. number of home students present which technically has no legal and with the mother as an Yours in the sunrise of was absolutely pathetic. At £4 a standing in itself, reads: afterthought. Indeed, the thrust of freelancing, ticket, the price was hardly 'The State acknowledges the right some of the abortion campaigning Declan Curry. extortionate, considering the portions of food and the quality of the show. Aftertaste In raising this issue at the Union Dear Jonty, ITV ('Ghost Train'). I really can't was. council meeting last year (during After reading Alan Bailey's letter see how the author decided to put I feel that the Islamic Society my time as OSC Chairman) I was on 'Nobby the Sheep', I was left this title with his bizarre story. If should spend some time on told that home students may feel with a bitter after-taste. Unlike Mr the author did intend, in good faith, educating people like Mr Bailey, inhibited to attend such events as Bailey, I am in a better position to to put across moral points—then he that Islam was one of the first they beleive that they are solely judge the article in question. This failed. I found the story to be quite religions to give women rights. It organised for overseas students. is because I am a Muslim and he is crude and it was an unsubtle is not the fault of Islam that the men Can I please stress that any event a self-confessed atheist and approach to change the reader's in power such as in Saudi Arabia, organised by a society in the probably does not even have a clue way-of-life for the better. The wish to misuse these rights. If Mr Overseas Students Committee is not about Islam or what Islam means! article must have been written some Bailey wishes to 'talk' about just for us but also for you. However, there were a few points time ago hence the opening civilisation 'then maybe I should I hope all the home students will that I did agree on with Alan. When paragraph contained the word inform him that it was the West that in future show more interest in the I was handed the article, and I read 'polytechnic' which is a thing of the learned about chivalry and events we (and I am talking about the title, the first thing that came to past now. The Islamic Society civilisation from the Muslims in the 20% of the college) are trying to mind was the soft lovable character should have at least read it once East. organise. Who knows, maybe they that comes on the children's before publishing it and so could Yours sincerely, will actually find some enjoyment Saturday morning programme on have realised how pathetic the story Miss S Ahmed. out of it all. Gaurang Chadha, OSC Chair 1991-92. Crossword by John Westwood ACROSS DOWN 1. Spells little china provides 1. Those who make it to end of weapons for (6) roller coaster, become 4. The common market to disorientated (8) charge for excitement? (8) 2. Bring together dancers lep (8) 9. Ten signals for man at sea (6) 3. Shepherds, perhaps, after grab 10. Standard is man from French of moth (6-3) city (8) 5. Maybe the Imperial tango 12. Beat stand-in Revolutionary could cover it! (7) (5) 6. Event of film hand? (5) 13. Clasp membrane of kitchen 7. Cook tea for rival without the utensils (5,4) French general information (6) 14. Deteriorate rotten pales 8. Nice degree about playhouse within limits of revenue (7) (6) 15. Cat leg as healing takes 11. Ground for a corrupt place? (4) competition (4) 19. Heats limbs? (4) 16. Small fruit, perhaps, to go 21. Wander about in point of with tea (9) finding show cleaner, perhaps 17. Covers ship store incorrectly (7) (8) 24. Initiate promotion of engine 18. A paper flag (8) ingredient? (5,4) 20. The lines a Civil Engineer 26. God back in pen at Italy (5) builds to keep quiet (7) 27. Running out causes lack of 21. Excavates homes (4) breath (8) 22. Possessions stuck in full, we 28. Eccentric age for hear (6) photography? (6) 23. Burden ramp with gas 29. Fed up?—So return released! (6) SOLUTIONS TO CROSSWORD IN ISSUE 944 ACROSS: I. Ho§t, 3. Marginal, 9. Light, 10 puddings! (8) 25. Go, perhaps, with leader of Station, 11 OHM, 13 Mishapen, 14 Pedant, 16 Scones, 18 Autocracy, 20 Hip, 22 Supreme, 23 Weber, 25 Daydream, 26 Itch, DOWN: 1 Hello, 2 Gas, 4 Assist, 5 Graphic, 6 Nail Punch, 7 30. Metal containing legion hired kings to skills (5) Linings, 8 Stem, 12 Made to pay, 14 Praised, 15 Nuclear, 17 Camera, 19 Yawn, 21 Parch, 24 Bit. out! (6)

Page 5 u nion 30 October 1992 Felix 946 Meet the ICU In Case of Voluntary Sabbaticals CHRIS DAVIDSON membership —break (President) glass

RICK BILBY Prevention is better than cure; but order to make the change effective it may be neither possible or we must identify what we are and (Deputy President) desirable to prevent the introduction what we want to become. We must of voluntary membership. The most question our place in the lives of our DOMINIC WILKINSON we can hope for, in my opinion, is students, the role we have to play an input into how the process is in the scheme of higher education (Honorary Secretary Events) undertaken. It is safe to assume that and our relevance within that role. some sort of voluntary principle (Here is the controversial bit) As I lpm will be undertaken. This assumption see it, ideology has little place in a EVERY MONDAY is not only prudent but essential. modern students union, we must Preparation is the key. Our instead concentrate on two things: Ents Lounge (opp. Da Vinci's) masters have one hold over us; 1) Making our students time at our quite simply this is funding, but in universities more enjoyable. most cases, they see this as money Through their courses, their social well spent. It is essential to convince life, their accomodation etc. 2) To our parent institutions of our worth. make our students more COLLECT YOUR PARKING We must be shown to be an efficient employable, although if we do a and effective way to give our proper job of the former this will PERMITS students that elusive extra follow. 'something' that makes the In summary, we must look at from the Union Office by difference between an average and ways to become a customer focused Friday 6th November a good education. organisation. This may sound like How do we prepare?. In a 1980's guide to better business but or they'll be re-allocated preparing, we are changing; some it's more useful then the manic will have to change more than ramblings of a 1970's trade others, but change we must. In unionist. Chris Travelling Meetings The Mind! If you were at the open meeting on me if you have any thoughts in the Monday, thank you for your input, mean time. We also had a brief CTS TRAVEL,..Reduces the Cost! it was very useful. If you were not, discussion on voluntary see you next week. We discussed membership, I found this very NORTH AMERICA EUROPE LONG HAUL many, many interesting topics and informative. 071-637 5601 071-323 5130 I, in all seriousness, gained a great More of the same next week, so 071-323 5180 insight into peoples opinions. I hope to have the pleasure of your OW/TRN OW/RTN OW/RTN Amongst other things; disaffiliation company. I think the two above FROM from the University of London was issues will be continued, along with fntwmtional Studentti&tmtity Card ATLANTA 109 218 AMSTERDAM AUCKLAND 487 789 discussed; I hope to explain a bit any others you care to bring up. more about the effects this might Come in and see me anytime. BOSTON 108 218 A' 235 412 have in a future Felix, but please tell Chris CHICAGO 253 418 DALLAS CBPlW BR 202 398

Contact Phil Edwards Physics 2 LOS ANGELES j ffl |9f"»I 210 420 Ismail Ads 2. Maths/Chem/Computing— MIAMI 133 265 267 528 Twelth night. Production Huxley 413 12-lpm. contact Dave meetings will be held every Williams Maths 3 NEW YORK 109 203 264 485 Thursday. Anybody interested in 3. Mech Eng—Room 709 l-2pm. ORLANDO 133 265 206 407 designing and producing costumes contact Steve Hamilton Mech Eng 3 287 499 particularly welcome. First meeting 4. Civ Eng/Mines—Civ Eng 444. SAN FRANCISCO 147 294 PA* at 17:30 29/10/92 in the Green contact Nabil Abourahome Civ Eng TORONTO 128 239 ROME , % ^.^S^M SINGAPORE 256 450 Committee Room. 2 Mamiya RB6Y Pro 5 medium VANCOUVER 218 349 TEL AVIV 99 199 SYDNEY 408 755 5. Elec Eng/Life Sciences—Elec format camera. Mint condition and Eng 407a 12-2pm. contact Sharon WASHmGTOH\Mlkh^ NfrsJJl^SflKK Boxed. Includes body, 120 back Morwood Bio 3. and 90mm lense. Also spare 120 6. Aero/Chem Eng—Aero 3620 back, motorised 120 back and ROUND THE WORLD l-2pm. contact Jon Jordan Aero 3. poloroid back. £1150 ono. Call Accident 9:20am Tuesday 27th £787 Chris on 0856 660421, or ext 8672 October, involving bike and car in (days) or 071 713 7545. Imperial College Road Car Park.; 44 Goodge Street 220~Kensington High St. Bible Study every Thursday Any Witnesses please contact Jan London W1P2AD £| JET London W8 7RG lunchtime in the following Graham ext6257. GOODGE STREET # HIGH STREET KENSINGTON departents. IATA Licensed 1. Physics—Lecture Theatre 1 12-1. Page 6 'eature Felix 946 30 October 1992

Euo AND W£i.cotf£- To A WoWDfRFJL fVr/V'/V&s VI'£WWGI WITH Mf, £A£NfSTlA 3E£f"

CELEBRITY F M£MT>5 .

Page 7 'eature 30 October 1992 Felix 946

London in the Summertime

Adam Tinworth tells the sorry tale of students trapped in rented accommodation over the long summer vacation.

T'm bored,' whined Guy, 'Bored, clamp down on New Age Travellers bored, bored, bored.' and errm...like, no pun intended.' I looked up from the book I was 'Yeah, but we won't be failing to read and gazed out of the travelling, right? No Travellers, no semi-opaque window. The dull grey problem?' light bathing the East End battled 'Errm...' against the months of grime, and T don't really think it's a eventually gave up dispirited. problem, which ever way you look 'It's still daylight,' I commented, at it,' muses Adrian, lifting his head desparately hoping I had guessed from the style pages of the latest right, 'We could still go and do Go. 'The Government might say something before Brian comes that they're going to clamp down, round.' but do you really think the civil servants in the dole office are going 'Yeah, like what?' to be able to? I mean, don't they 'Well, Carver's always busy, ask have enough to do already?' him.' 'Carver, in case you haven't 'More every month,' I comment. noticed, isn't here. His Giro 'The recession's on you know, and arrived, and so he's gone off to not everyone's rich enough not to score. And even if he was here, care.' he'd only be getting doped up, 'Hey, it's not as if I don't care. shagging Rachel or reading Lord of For the unemployment figures to the Rings for the umpteenth time. come down, the recession's got to Whoopie-do.' ease, hasn't it?' 'You could revise for your resit.' 'Yeeees...?' 'Hmmph.' 'Well, unemployment is a cost we pay to lift us out of recession, so it 'Well?' will, eventually cease to be a T'm going for a fag.' problem in of itself, so why worry.' I watched Guy take up his normal He leans back with that certain air position perched on the wall at the of smugness that only Kenneth front of the house, sucking hard on Baker has ever really mastered, the cancer stick. The summer leaving Carver looking confused. holidays were really getting to him. Of the people we knew in London, 'Does that mean I'll get the dole virtually none of us had found or what?' work. Admittedly, one 'Filthy scrounging layabout acquaintance had found himself a trash.' reasonably successful career as a male prostitute in a brothel, but The phone rings. We all make a that, to be frank, was not an option dive for this brief flash of that appealed to many of us. Bar a excitement that has entered our brief week Adrian had spent lives, but Guy gets there first. working for an accountant, none of 'Hello, Clowns for Crime Inc., us had managed to earn a penny Bozo speaking. How can we help since term ended. One way or you?' another, we were scraping by He looks down at the receiver financially, but the biggest problem with astonishment. was boredom. 'They hung up.' Carver had been the least 'Oh, big surprise. What if that affected, having spent the last year had been important, you plonker?' doing absolutely nothing and he 'Yeah? Who important is going seemed intent on doing even less in to be phoning you Adrian? A the year to come. woman?' 'Well, if I can, like, get through That was nasty - Adrian's last the year OK, Patty will have Three people trying to sneak up ongirlfrien d had dumped him only a graduated, and she'll like set up her couple of weeks before, for reasons hippy commune, right? It'll be, a phone box is not a common sight,h e wouldn't explain, but which like, the bollocks. Really easy, were rumoured to involve constant like.' but this being the East End, it's demands for activities David Mellor is known to have enjoyed. His 'Haven't you noticed, Carver? shifty reaction is enough to tell us They're saying that they're going to usually better not to know.

Page 8 Feature Felix 946 30 October 1 992

all we need to know. the two square metres of front 'You have, haven't you? Who is 'garden'. she?' T still can't believe you did that,' 'And will she, like, suck your says Adrian, idly toying with the tootsies, man?' string holding the wall together. 'Bastards.' 'Well, you're still seeing her 'Well, come on, who is she?' tomorrow, aren't you?' replies T'm going for a fag.' Guy, an angelic smile spreading The door slams shut behind him, across his face. leaving a set of giggles in his wake. Adrian really shouldn't have told This eventually lapses back into Guy where and when he was lethargic silence as boredom once meeting her. He'll regret it. more reasserts itself. Carver lies 'Hey guys, does this like, remind back on the sofa, trying his best to you of anything?' think of nothing, while Guy toys 'Like what, Carver?' irritably with a paintbrush. 'It's just like being in the back of Something is clearly worrying him. a black cab, isn't it?' 'Adrian doesn't smoke.' Adrian buries his head in his 'After him!' hands, but Guy likes the idea. 'Well, yes, but our house might The sight of three people trying to actually go south of the river at this sneak up on a phone box is not a time of night.' common sight, but this being the 'But would it go to Dulwich?' East End, it's usually better not to 'Only if we tip well.' know. Adrian, sweetly oblivious, Unseen, Brian makes his way up talks excitedly into the mouth piece, the street towards the house, and seemingly unaware of the fact disbelief camping out on his face. that she cannot see him, gestures 'Yo, guys, what are you doing?' frenetically with his hands. 'Driver, driver, stop the cab!!' 'Listen, Jilly, I'll see you on little traitor squealing, but it is too 'Brian, how you doing? Fancy a Tuesday at... gmmmph... aarcgh!' late for you. Tomorrow we unleash And so day passes into night, and trip to Dulwich?' The wildly struggling Adrian is Microbe X and the world will be the four of us find ourselves sitting 'Is it just me or are you all dragged from the box, and another ours!!' Click. at the front of the house. Carver and bored?' hand takes up the receiver. 'Guy, man, you are weird.' Guy sit in the window ledge, Guy looks puzzled by this. 'Ady? Ady? Are you there?' 'Well, thank you. I didn't know smoking, while Adrian and I perch 'Dunno,' he says, 'Ask the 'Hah, you may have heard our you cared.' precariously on the wall bounding driver.'

Industrial Society in conjunction with CAREERS IN INDUSTRY Limited the prestigious and exciting ENTERPRISE '92 find out what industry is all about

FREE TRANSPORT IS PROVIDED

Birmingham University Wednesday 11th November

Sign up at Chem Eng Seminar Room 1 lpm to 2pm Friday 30th October to Wednesday 4th November

Gag e 9 'eature 30 October 1992 Felix 946 Pavement Climb Rag Rocky Horror Can you climb a pavement? Disco

Yes, honest! This weekend RAG perilous proceedings will cease are going to attempt the virtually when we reach the Hyde Park Base impossible, the incredibly Camp for a massive picnic, so don't dangerous, the most reckless feat forget to bring your rations! ever undertaken. In pairs, tied Hopefully we will be able to together for a modicum of safety, arrange some hot food to greet you your mission (should you choose to with too. There are prizes for the accept) is to climb a completely best fancy dress and climbing gear, horizontal pavement, from the and the charity are offering a CD Victoria and Albert Museum, along player for the best collector, so the Brompton Road, past Harrods, all risks are worthwhile! Meet at Beit the way to Hyde Park. Yet more Arch at 10.30am tomorrow tourists will again be deprived of (Saturday) or come to the RAG their cash as they are amazed by our meeting at 1.10pm in the Ents intrepid adventurers. All money Lounge opposite Da Vinci's today raised will go to the Royal to find out more, if you are brave Association for Deaf People. The enough to attempt the impossible!

QPR 2, Leeds 1, RAG £940.07

Last Saturday a group of 14 raggies front row seats and watched the too lazy to get up at 8.30 to go to match. I thought it was quite good Cambridge and too stingy to pay but then the last match I saw was £10 to get into a football match went England v France in February. If up to Leftus Rd and armed with you are interested in collecting for RAG Mags and cans terrorised both a bit and then watching matches for Let your alter ego out. sets of fans. This was all an attempt FREE keep an eye on this space as Need I say any more? Maybe I guaranteed. The venue is the Union to con them out of money for we hope to have many others ought to for any uninitiated virgins Building. Doors open at 7.30pm MENCAP and worked very well coming our way. out there. Rocky Horror is a strange and the film will commence at (look at the score for yourselves). Top collector was Josh Burril musical film concerning transvestite 8.00pm in both Da Vinci's and the Free lunch was provided by 'The with £174.03 and top fresher was aliens from the planet Transylvania, Ents Lounge. Disco starts at 9.30ish Sandwich Shop' - Gloucester Rd. Lynne Carter with £111.86. It's that of the galaxy Transsexual, here on in the Ents Lounge and the film will We collected for an hour and a half easy! Earth to deprave, corrupt and be repeated all night in Da Vinci's. before kick off, found ourselves entertain. We show the film, you Entrance is only £2 and there are discounts for appropriate fancy CALLING ALL BUNGEE RAG) to the RAG office by 6th dress up in drag (if you want to) and dress (stockings, suspenders, JUMPERS! November. Forms are still available afterwards everyone gets down to basques, come on don't tell me you If you have already picked up your if you don't already have one, and dance to such classics as The don't know what drag means!) and sponsorship form, please get your the jump is free if you raise over Timewarp and Sweet Transvestite. also for the day's courageous cheque for £38.50 (payable to ICU £100 in sponsorship. Don't worry if you've never seen the film, turn up anyway. A night collectors. Bring your waterpistols of enlightenment and fun is along if you know what goes! Monopoly Revisited

Since the last issue of Felix more charity. The local community money has come in, bringing the around Kensington provide help, final total for Monopoly to £4660. services and prizes for RAG events. Well done to everybody who Some of the places that have helped collected. The top seven teams, RAG recently have been: Harleys who all received A-Z sightseeing Pharmacy (near South Ken tube) guides to London were: 'Norfolk and Boots in Knightsbridge, who and Chance', 'Chuck and Chris', provided films for Monopoly, Fast 'The Tarts', 'Lonely Hearts', Foto Centre in Knightsbridge Green 'Undecided', 'Mo, Steve and Rob' who processed them, The Sandwich and 'The Superteam'. The top Shop and Fileric on Gloucester collectors also received bottles of Road who fed collectors at the QPR wine. Any members of the winning vs Leeds, football game on Saturday teams who have not collected their 24th October. Further afield, prizes yet should either attend the Nadia's Patisserie, Burger King Rag meeting on Friday in the Union and Pizza Land in Cambridge fed Lounge at 1.10pm or come up to the the Rag Raiders last Saturday. RAG office any lunchtime. Finally, Dunkin Donuts in Piccadilly gave dozens of free donuts to the Tiddlywinkers. ...AND THANKS TO... Thanks to all of them and any and Other people besides students help all who gave to Rag. ICU RAG collect money for The Superteam.

Page 10 'eature Felix 946 30 October 1992 RAG Raid O.K. so maybe it was a little early, Patisserie to thank. but 18 raggies turned up last The top collector was Chris Saturday morning to jump into a Harvey-Fros with £103, Chris mini-bus and go to Cambridge for Davidson raised £77, and the grand the day. On the way up things were total for the event was a storming fairly quiet with everyone £760. recovering from the previous The journey back was a little night's partying. Having got there, more interesting, with everyone we quickly signed out collecting sporadically bursting into rugby tins, loaded ourselves up with Rag songs and singing 'Miss American Mags and set out to go and hassle Pie' more times than I care to the locals. The collecting was good remember in a typically out of tune and everyone seemed to be enjoying way. themselves. Meanwhile free food I hope that everyone enjoyed the and drink were arranged to keep us day as much as I did. Thank you to all happy. For this, we have Burger anybody that had anything to do King, Pizza Hut. and Nadia's with it.

Halls Dirty Dozen

You might not have noticed but list is endless! Simple really! Some time is slipping away. The Halls Halls are already working on events Dirty Dozen competition will soon and sponsorship. Isn't it about time be upon us, bringing you the chance your hall had your team sorted out to win a barrel of beer for your Hall for this event. If you want any help team. Get yourselves together in see your RAG Hall Rep or come up teams of up to twelve and come up to the RAG office any lunch time. with the craziest way of raising We're here with ideas, licences and loadsa money for RAG in only advice, so do your best (or worst) twelve hours. Sponsored trolley and that barrel of beer could be push, your own Raid to another winging its way to your Hall Team town to collect, a crazy party, the in the not too distance future. DARE YOU DEFY GRAVITY? Interhall Competition 24.10.92

Hall Total Residents Average

WILLIS JACKSON £775.73 78 £9.95

Linstead £1749.94 188 £9.31

Garden £685.17 89 £7.70

Tizard £489.19 120 £4.05

Falmouth Keogh £633.21 184 £3.44

Weeks £223.11 66 £3.38 SPONSORED BUNGEE

Southwell £553.18 174 £3.18 JUMPING

Fisher £540.57 185 £2.92 Sign up TODAY (Friday) at the Rag Meeting Selkirk £116.81 72 £1.62 1.10pm Ents Lounge Bernard Sunley £95.78 101 £0.95 or contact Mike Chamberlain ICU Rag Sponsored Events Officer

Page 11 'eature 30 October 1992 Felix 946 U.R.O.P. Do you want to do something about pollution in the environment, preventing deaths in earthquakes, finding the causes of heart disease?

Well you can - through UROP, As one of the three leading Imperial College's Undergraduate research universities in the UK Research Opportunities (along with Oxford and Programme. Cambridge), IC has fine facilities UROP is a voluntary scheme for research in a huge range of open to all undergraduates. It gives fields. For example, on offer this them the opportunity to participate year, among other things, are work in the research activities of the on: the making of 3-D videos of college's postgraduates and staff. predatory waterfleas; biosensors for Decide how much time you can use in clinical, food, or give to UROP - then join by manufacturing surroundings; the contacting a member of staff is able performance of structural elements and willing to have undergraduates in fire; communication of science help in their laboratories. They are to the media; mathematical listed in the UROP Directory 1992 modelling of financial investment; - 1993, available free from Room robot vision for fire-fighting; 313C Mechanical Engineering computerised programming of Building. medical tasks. Through UROP you can: Questionnaires to previous years' learn at first hand what research UROPeans show that is all about; undergraduates value highly: contribute directly to knowledge being given responsibility; in a field of research; having independence in working; further interests you have already having the chance to talk with the developed; post-graduate students, post- cross disciplinary boundaries; doctoral research fellows and get your name on a publication; research assistants; get useful paid work. being accepted as co-workers

Undergraduate Research Opportunities Programme UROP

undergraduates: help members of staff with their research paid work available - especially in Summer Vacation Delaware Exchange: deadline with staff and PGs; now. Many members of staff like for applications 13th November seeing the relevance of their UROP students to start during term degree studies. time so that they can 'hit the ground Information meeting 4th If you are interested in paid running' at the start of the summer UROP work for the summer vacation November, lpm-2pm Room 342 vacation, you need to get moving

Mech. Eng. Building WHAT PUZZLES THE BRITS ABOUT AMERICANS? Why do they always tell your their names even if you haven't asked? Do they insist on the right to bear arms because they're still worried the British will invade them again? UROP Directory 1992-93 Why don't they know where anything in Europe actually is? Why do they call rugger 'football' and football 'soccer' and rounders available (free) from the UROP 'baseball'? office, Room 313C Mech. Eng. WHAT PUZZLES AMERICANS ABOUT THE BRITS Why do they think they're more civilised than us? Building Why can't you buy guns here? How on earth does a tiny, backward, rain-soaked, boring, jumped-up, broke, little teeny-weeny island still produce the occasional good rock

Page 12 'eature Felix 946 30 October 1992

G Ingram and M Phylactides write of their experiences of the UROP scheme in the University of Delaware last summer.

This summer we were in Delaware A synopsis of the country can be (Delawhere?), USA, as exchange gained by watching the television. students in the College's UROP Studs will leave you with the idea scheme. Basically, it was 10 weeks that most women are blonde, slim at the University of Delaware, and incredibly stupid and that men working on a research programme think with other parts of their with a salary of $2500. The culture anatomy than their heads. shock and language difficulties were With MTV, Home Shopping and thrown in for free. the televangelists you can be staring Delaware, for those who don't blankly at the screen for hours know, is the smallest state on the without consciously taking anything mainland US, next to Pennsylvania in. (A bit like a physics lecture!) and Maryland, about 120 miles The televangelists are unbelievable south of New York. - God regularly phones them from Anyhow, we arrived in Delaware above. I could have been healed of in the last week in June. The my boredom, had I been arsed to accomodation was a nice surprise get off the sofa, place my hands on - two bedroomed flat, air the TV screen and just believe. The conditioning, fitted kitchen, saving grace is that Cheers is on telephones, close to the university every day. etc. I pitied the American students Work was another story. We who got Southside over here. were in the School of Health The first experience of American Sciences (Biochemistry to you). 'culture' was breakfast the next American students don't get a lot of morning. The waitresses were like laboratory practice during their flies - they wouldn't leave you science courses, so the supervisors alone. This is un-nerving coming tended to treat you as if you hadn't from England where bad service is got a clue. You can only endure this the norm. When they say 'Have a for so long. You have to feign nice day', try explaining that you surprise and nod stupidly a lot when have other plans. This can confuse they show you how to use a pipette. them, especially if you can do a half Trips were organised for us by decent Hannibal Lecter grin. the staff at the University, which

The Blue Hen, University of Delaware's Mascot. included malls(!), 4th of July You Being Served?' which is fireworks in Philadelphia, baseball regarded as a classic comedy. in Baltimore, wandering in (c) Go into 'Bob's Big Boy' (a Washington and 10,000 Harley fast food chain) and ask for one as Davidsons in Lancaster, you can imagine Rowan Atkinson Pennsylvania. would. Some trips weren't exactly (d) Try keeping a straight face organised, such as the idea to go to when someone comes up to you and New York. We ended up going to says 'Hi, I'm Randy.' a club on 5th Avenue where the ,(e) Insult them by explaining how bouncer was a Julian Clary look- 200 years of British Colonial Rule alike, where the clientelle were should have taught them basic Mafiosi Godfathers and bimbos and English. where the beds upstairs were open Overall, it was good fun, and to anyone. It was weird, but it although we aren't dying to do it didn't end there. Where in again, it was a good opportunity to Brooklyn did we park the car? Why experience a totally different are we the only whites on the lifestyle. We're now going to subway? Why was the best looking become EC Commissioners and New Hall, University of Delaware. woman all night a transvestite? close Europe's borders to America. What are we doing here? Finally, we flew Virgin Atlantic band? Why do they call football 'rugger' and soccer 'football' and It wasn't always that exciting. We to and from the States and really baseball 'rounders'? did invent some amusing games to wished we hadn't now. One of us play with the Americans: was jettisoned off onto an Air India, WHAT ANNOYS BRITS ABOUT AMERICANS (a) Convince them you're related flight whilst the other was treated Running the world to the Royal Family and insist that to a nine hour drunken extravaganza Having no concept of shame ,/' - — they call you 'Sir' and bow before instead of films and sleep. Still, if you enjoy getting pissed on planes WHAT BUGS AMERICANS ABOUT BRITS speaking to you. Thinking they have an independent nuclear deterrent (b) Hire 'Young Ones' and then Virgin's your airline, since the Thinking they keep the Royal Family going when it's actually we 'Blackadder' on video and try to cabin crew only tend to the drunks. Americans who do so teach them that these series' are Their Customer Relations Service funny. There is a cable channel is just as hopeless. showing 4 hours a night of 'Are

Page 13 Clubs & Societies 30 October 1992 Felix 946 Going Underwater

'We're here! Wow, a cold beer, thanks you're a life-saver.' these were the first words uttered by one of the van drivers upon our arrival at Brenda's caravan site in Port Grimaud near St Tropez. Fourteen or so IC Underwater Club members had just descended on this beautiful spot of the med for some therapeutic drinking and sunbathing, with diving thrown in as a diversion. After driving non- stop from London to St Tropez in a Union Van and other vehicles the driving teams needed the two weeks ahead to recover for the journey home, but I degress. In the whole time there we only had a day's rain so the suntans/burns were quickly acquired, for some of us even factor 15 ('Dulux emulsion') did not offer protection. We either ate out or barbecued anything we could find, from fish to aubergines. Handy hint for lighting barbies quickly, even better than petrol, use a diving cylinder, however care should be taken with Conga eels and big blue fish?? the valve control, unless you want to wander aound the camp site1 bays are now the playing ground for divers, by a few metres. As the they were seeing a hundred yards looking for the charcoal, food etc... British sized Conga eels (1.5m). barge is their home the congas out in the bay were mad English The diving in the region varies Some of our more intrepid divers expect the divers to either feed them people swimming at nine metres from the good to the 'not bad' (the entered the sub (one at a time) or move out of the way. We were depth and that they were not latter is a phrase for great which through the conning tower. The not prepared for this, so some fast harpooning everything in sight. was used to wind up Jean-Noel). . 'Rubis' has not been plundered, so manoevring was required, handy The return journey to London For nature lovers the bay of St gauges, big handles hint (number 2) leap-frogging went smoothly until Calais where Tropez offers ledges, walls and (torpedo/batteries/mines?) are still congas, due to their size and we had to wait for a Seacat. Once other lumps of geography in and on visible, since they are brass they number of pseudo-teeth' is only a onboard we thought it would be which wild life abounds, octopi, still move, but thankfully all little less insane than leap-frogging plain sailing but no—the tour was scorpion fish, lobsters, edible crabs ordinance has been removed. I was unicorns. to end with some 'humour'. The and other yummie stuff, shame that most impressed by the intact light Off an island near the conga captain announced that all the place is a nature reserve and bulbs embedded in the rust of the barge lives another set of 'cuddly' watertight doors had been sealed thus the marine life lived to tell the aft engine block. fish; giant Groupers. Imagine, if and that we would be leaving tale. However our diving was not you will, a perch. Now make it the shortly. Half an hour later the call The sea bed in the bay is littered restricted to just Phil's area of the size of a large Pit Bull. The overall came through that the 'bow visor' with small wrecks; as we found out coast, down the coast at Le Lavandu effect is a fish big enough to was jammed and that tools were when a pair of divers ignored the resides the afore-mentioned Jean- swallow whole boiled eggs and likes being sent for from the shore (bow Skipper (Phil 'the bottle' from the Noel, with his lemon yellow dive- to terrorise divers until it's fed. visor = front cargo doors?). A 'Club Equipe' diving centre) and boat and Gallic sense of humour. At the end of this particular dive, while later the restful sound of did not descend down the anchor He waxed lyrical about the wrecks Rolf T am not insane, honest' sledge-hammers belabouring steel line. Thus missing the intended in the area, hence the 'not bad' Tietema impressed the French with was heard, followed some time later wreck 'The Columbia' but had a comments given in reply to his his 'parachute', a boat signalling by the announcement that the quiet dive on a completely different enquiries on how we liked the site device which looks remarkably like damaged section of the Visor' was wreck. we just dived. an eight foot orange condom. going to be cut away. At this point The Columbia kept causing Admittedly the 'Conga Barge' is Rounding off our stay we comments about donning diving kit problems. As Doc. Bayley, our tour worth a mention, as it is possibly celebrated with a night dive in St were overheard by the cabin crew organiser (Dive Marshal) found out the best named wreck site ever. The Tropez bay. As night diving who, unsurprisingly, had a total when he missed the wreck by being wreck lies at 40+m and is the home requires navigational skills I elected sense of humour failure. only five feet away and not seeing and playground for a score of to be shore cover, compasses and Peter Bowen, Biochem Room it due to the crap kicked up by congas. These beasts varied in two I have come to the agreement that 201 previous divers. major ways from our native eels. if I don't use them, they will not One note-worthy wreck that Phil One of these is that they are tame point me in the wrong direction (see ' We are having a few problems took us to was 'Le Rubis', a French and so don't stay in their holes, only the Easter Tour report). Shore with one of our divers who insists sub which appears at 20m down, poking out their heads to scare cover means that I have to count the that they have no teeth, if so they getting larger until one lands on the divers, these cute fish swim free; divers in and out of the water and carry the bluff off perfectly. 2 deck at 40m. She is almost the other difference is that they explain to the locals, in my 'amazing' because the locals completely intact, her mine laying dwarf most British congas, and 'amazing'" French that the lights understood me.

Page 14 Clubs & Societies Felix 946 30 October 1992 FilmSoc —High Heels Wine Tasting

This week FilmSoc presents High television. Becky and Rebecca's On Tuesday 20th October, in contact with us. Heels, directed by Pedor characters are studied in some depth following the roaring success of the These informal meetings give you Almodovar. The film stars Victoria during the film in a dark and first introductory tasting night, the the opportunity to ask questions, Abril (last seen in Tie Me Up, Tie ingenious way but always with ICU Wine Tasting Society held a become better informed on the Me Down), Marisa Peredes and humour and style. New Zealand evening, with wine whole subject of wine (what is a Anna Lizaran, and is a complex and If you enjoyed Tie Me Up, Tie expert, Margaret Harvey. tanin?), and, most importantly, to sexy whodunnit, in the distinctive Me Down, are in the mood for a Beginning with a rough simply enjoy the wine! You may styel of Almodovar. It is all about psychologically rich thriller, or just winemaker's guide to the island become able to recognise grape the releationship between the want to impress your friends by down under (from the joys of varieties by the colour, palate or legendary pop star Becky Del going to see an 'arty' film (which backpacking in the vineyards to the nose (we never say bouquet!) and Paramo (Peredes) and her daughter admittedly deals with adult themes), problem of gaseous sheep used as pick up prizes in the blind tastings, Rebecca (Abril), a TV news then come along to Mech Eng 220 leaf pickers to the 'superiority' of or you may just find out what you presenter. Becky hasn't seen on Thursday 5th November at the fruitier New Zealand wines over like about a wine and so take some Rebecca for fifteen years, when she 7.30pm. Admission is a very the slightly flabby Australians), we of the hit and miss out of buying returns to Madrid to mount a new reasonable 90p for members £1.90 then got down to the business at wines. Even if you never drink a show, and the two women become for non-members, and becoming a hand - namely the tastings. wine outside these weekly destructively competitive of each member will cost you a mere £6.50, Tuesday was a good example of meetings, everyone gets something other. with the first film free. a typical tasting selection - eight out of them. After all, what could be better than getting drunk, with Events take a bizarre turn when Note that the film is in Spanish wines in total, four white a group of friends, and all in the Becky announces that she has with English subtitles (Chardonnay and Sauvignon respectable name of education] murdered her husband, live on Blanc), three red (Pinot Noir, Cabernet Sauvignon) and a sweet ICU Wine Tasting Society meets white (Late Harvest Riesling). every Tuesday evening in the Union Huxley Soc These wines averaged a price of £6 Building, starting at 6pm. Members HuxSoc is the Humanist Society at mind'. We will leave at about a bottle, a vintage of about 1990 and are entitled to a £1 discount on IC, so what is a Humanist? A 5.30pm to travel to Conway Hall in an alcohol content of 12% - not bad every tasting (normal price £4) and Humanist says this life is all we Holborn, see notices nearer the time for only £4 on the door! this term's calendar. Further details have and this world in which we for details. Thanks also to ICU Industrial may be picked up from the meetings find ourselves is our responsibility. We also hold weekly informal get Society for coming along (look out (the next being a New World vs A Humanist looks at the world and togethers on Mondays (starting 2nd for details on an end of term booze Old, 3rd November and College tries to make sense of life without November) from 12.00, for coffee up/tasting!). Any other clubs cellars: Claret, 10th November) We depending on a supernatural force at the secondhand bookshop in the interested in tastings should also get hope to see you there. such as God; but Humanism is more physics department. than simple agnosticism or atheism. On Thursday 29th October at As Humanists we try to say things 12.00 in the Union Lounge we will about values, search for meaning in have an introductory meeting with life and how to do the best for other free lunch where we will talk about people. the aims of the society and our plans HAIRDRESSERS We do not believe any religion for the coming year. We will be has a monopoly on morals, but that showing a 20 minute video entitled 15A HARRINGTON ROAD, human beings are resourceful and 'Humanism the Great Detective SOUTH KENSINGTON intelligent enough to reach their Story' sales of which were recently 071-823 8968 own conclusions through informed boosted when it was damned by rational discussion instead of Dame Barbara Cartland for We have a fantastic offer for all you following outdated religious dogma. 'destroying the last help for many For this reason the Huxley Society children by questioning the students, a cut wash and blowdry organises talks and debates. On existence of God'. There are still by our top stylist Friday November 6 we will go as many mysteries left to us and we are a group to hear the Voltaire lecture constantly open to new evidence. (which normally costs around £21) this year given by Richard Dawkins Humanism is not a finished system For only £11 Men £12 Women (author of 'The Selfish Gene' and of ideas or a set of fixed values. 'The Blind Watchmaker') who will Instead it bases human behaviour on Check us out ! speak on 'religions as viruses of the rational principles. X-Country Once again the ICU Cross Country exercise in Oslo!). Tom Spicer, team, depleted to 14 legs, braved Dan Mortimer and Dave Knight the cold, wind and far worse, at the deserved extra large helpings of second event of the season at chocolate cake for having four legs Hampstead Heath University and running twice. Best times went College relays. As each relay team to Dave Knight and Dr Frank and has only 12 legs, IC had two legs worst to Paul Reah having lost his spare and made the insane decision way in the woods! Good efforts to enter two teams, the IC A-Team were also made by Cedd Burge, and, with help from Bristol and Dr Dave Childs and Jake Orienteer in Frank, the IC Mercenaries. Disguise Badger. The Mercenaries came in a Next race 4th November, but credible 10th, with the A-Team not keep a peephole on the noticeboard to distant at 13th (despite our gold for other events. star runner seeking alternative P D Reah Civ Eng 3

Page 1 5 R eviews 30 October 1992 Felix 946

That you could do worse than to equipped kitchen - one can never be kill me. read, without one's pestle and mortar! Now the book doesn't really Books These poems by the crap Eric, My biggest gripe is that it is too explore this, but rather it preachy, and falls into the trap of concentrates on Neville Shulman's J. Thribb (17 1/2) and Sir John thinking that you are a Veggie", so battle against the mountain and Betjeperson, you must be a health freak. For this relates it to the trials and traumas Private Eye Poetry Corner- Most Worthy Poet Laureate. reason all the recipes are of everyday life and how to By Eric This is a cheerful book, disgustingly wholesome and the few overcome it/them by the This book from Private Eye, Full of good nature rot. pudding suggestions are made as a implementation of Zen. Written by poets leading, Phillip H. seemingly grudging addition. I'm My problem is that although I The way in truly awful poems, Published by Private Eye, sorry, I'm a vegetarian but I like would love to achieve a serene state Makes excellent toilet reading. £4.99 chocolate ( and doughnuts and of being or whatever I find his flapjacks and creamcakes..) repeated use of Zen philosophy a bit I for one have spent many a Mad Granny like reading Watch Tower. happy hour, Published by Collins and It's not that I hated this book. I'm Sitting on the proverbial throne, Brown, £4.99. sure there is Zen in all of us. I did Engrossed in reading the naff The Student Vegetarian feel a certain affinity with some of poems, Cook Book —Sarah Freeman the 'awareness' (my old school That can be found in this small I wanted this to be my bible seeing teacher would tell you that this has tome. as I am both a student and a nothing to do with Zen, more with vegetarian, but I did not find it any Zen in the Art of Climbing me being on another planet in the But as a proper read, more useful than any of the other Mountains — Neville first place). Certainly I could relate Where you sit down and away 30 vegetarian cook books on my Shulman to the simple number mantra having you go, shelves. Picture this. There's this guy with done it myself and never realising I can't really recommend it, This book doesn't appear to have a Zen fixation who decides to climb it had Zen connotations. It's just Humpty-dumpty-doe. achieved its aim of offering a mountain (Mont Blanc). He has that I kept imagining myself as one interesting and cheap food ideas for no previous experience and must of the other climbers whose whole And when it comes to size, veggie students. Under the 'When join with a team to help him achieve philosophy is more one of the It is a bit wee, And not cheap you're really broke' section is a this death defying feat where life is pragmatist. too, recipe for 'Avocado and pear not only in the hands of the elements Enlightenment is once more At four pounds and ninety nine potato' which includes such but also in the ability of your fellow travelling on a bus going in the pee. inexpensive ingredients as olive oil, climbers. NO THIS IS NOT other direction and the sceptic in me wine vinegar, yoghurt cheese, FICTION. wins again. Still if you like the humour of avocado etc. In general there are far How would you feel as one of the P.S. He did make it to the top. private eye, too many recipes which rely on team? Crippledick. Which I find just a little spinach! The author also expects a) There's a nut trying to kill me Published by Element Books students to have a rather well- esoteric, or b) There's a weird nut trying to Ltd, £6.99

City & Guilds College Association (formerly the Old Centralians) invites City & Guilds College Students Considering Career Directions to the CAREERS RECEPTION at the Butchers Hall Bartholomew Close, London EC1 Monday 9th November Coaches leave Beit Arch 6.00pm Food and Wine Provided

Tickets/Information from: Room 301 Sherfield or your CGCA Year Rep

Members: FREE Non-Members: £5 (CGCA Membership: £3)

Please collect tickets by Wed 4th November

Page 16 R eviews Felix 946 30 October 1992

The Bardots, Passing you. You're boring. Colours, IC Union 23.10.92 It's the Glam district of The Passing Colours want to be Strobesville here tonight. So let's Moooosic Ride. I don't blame them. Now get it over with. The Bardots are St Etienne—Avenue 'Paper' sounds like a pastiche of write a song called 'Taste'. Very NOT 'The Best New Band In Most bands these days are either Velvet Undergound covers that good. Now then, 'Twisterella'. Britain'. Suede, they've got the wannabe nihilists, wannabe have been somewhat Etiennised. Great, 'Leave Them All Behind', emotional soul; Adorable, they've widdlers or token wankers, St Somewhere in this strange song 'Chelsea Girl'. Now then. Off to got the best songs; The Bardots, Etienne are a completely different snippets of 'Heroin', 'Femme the hospital, Mr. Leadsinger, and their lead singers got a tambourine, concept altogether. fatele' and 'Rock and Roll' can be get your face rearranged. Pouting and a penchant for the lyric 'It's lips, and a big floppy quiff, much Alright'. Well, that's very nice When 'Join our Club' hit the heard—buy it and listen carefully. sexier. Swoonsome, even, and that then. You're going to have to resit charts, they were hailed as anything What a great name for a song, bass player needs to go. Ride's not the year. You've failed the test. from new disposable SAW or meta- 'Johnny in the echo cafe'—surging a band for girlies. No. She's going Kicked out of the class of '92. Not pop cult heroes, either way they're noise interweaved with gushing to have to go. Any takers (Calm bad for three quid, mind. a bit of both really. John Locke tonal textures creating an incredible down, boys.) Besides, she can't once wrote that ideas emanate from sonic sensation (wow!). Lise Yates play, or sing, and we can't hear perception and sensation—they Haven't felt so light-headed since seem to know this implicitly. Lovin' Spoonful's 'Daydream'. Meat Beat Manifesto, not a monotonous din. There is a Sarah Cracknell's fragile, Where did all the flowers come Eskimos and Egypt, Basti definite sense that, 'Welcome to the floating voice can be heard on from! ULU 22/10/92 Future' is optimistic, that they enjoy 'Avenue', alongside its eclectic Enjoy St Etienne. I'm very confused. life. ambience and ethereal nature. Yes, Enjoy their ambience. The Basti that I remember were Very loud, extremely loud, it is airy pop but it has certain Enjoy your mind. a poppy group, they released a untenably loud. Meat Beat heavenly influences like panpipe- Lucas. record about Norwich City football Manifesto. A good description. sounding flutes, tweeting birds, Out now on Heavenly/ club. I also recall them being a Impressive. It's very hard to what sounds like chanting Tibetan Creation. Congratulations for techno thrash group. Now you see describe. Maybe a second, or third monks, spoken Japanese and a sitar. mentioning John Locke. Extreme why I'm confused. time through things would become Excellent. Even has a sexily short, brainbox, apparently. a little clearer, but as it is all I can sultry spoken section (oo-er!). If I had to categorise them they would certainly fall into the second remeber is the noise. It wasn't just class. I also recall that they were a noise, more a complete absence quite good, which I'm afraid still of silence, a feeling that there would confuses me. never be quiet again. I have a strong Eskimos and Egypt are, feeling that I missed a lot, that all interesting. They would probably the imagery that flashed across the be billed as an 'indie dance cross- screens, the primeval rythmical over' group. On vinyl they are beats, all had so much to say. containable, restrained. Live they Next time though, I'll pay more produce a far more threatening attention. noise. 'Noise' is an unfair term. It's Peb

Pulp-ULU 23/10/92 The Shamen Boss Drum Once in a while there comes a single moment when you just have to wait 'Bang to the beat of the drum, move and see. When something holds any mountain'. I remember when your attention so firmly that you it used to be rock-dance crossover cannot turn away. One of those grass around here. You must times was tonight. remember this, Mr. C, a kiss is just The lights dimmed and Jarvis a kiss. And I was about to say Cocker took the stage something something about really missing Mr. was defiantly in the air. Something C, when up he popped. There's a Shonen Knife —Ride the Sweet Jesus—UCL 24/10/92 in his voice, or was it the velvet suit very strange machine noise in the Rocket ep I know you'll probably find this that hung provocatively low, or the intro. This record sounds like Snap. A track lifted from 'Pretty little hard, maybe even' impossible, to 'sex god' shouted out by a male 'Activate The Rhythm'. It's Baka Guy' album, released in 1988 believe, but the students at UCL are member of the cast. Us, as the bollocks, it's rave, it's going to be or thereabouts. Not one of the finest worse than those here. Worse in the 'audience', were gone. We were a(nother) massive hit. Amerika No moments in pop history, but can sense that all the men seem to be part of it. Held mesmerised as More. anything live up to the pure pop football/rugby players/fans and that Jarvis pranced, strutted, paraded Lise Yates perfection of tracks like 'Bear up nobody seems at all bothered by the around the stage. For what seemed 'Boss Drum', the single, from Bison' or T love Chokobars'. low level of intellect employed in like an eternity the intro evolved. the album of the same name. Out Probably not. conversation. That being said, who And then it exploded into something now on One Little Indian. On the flip is an instrumental, a am I to judge? I find impossible to describe, the novel idea for a group that always Sweet Jesus pout as well as can shear magnificence is too much for manages to be out of time and have be expected in front of a pretty me. It would have been too much their guitars out of tune. awful audience. They played what for you as well.. Peb I would think was a slightly dodgy What followed was a succession Strange but true 2 Released on August/Creation, set, there seemed very little of the of perfect pop songs. The flashing Lise Yates met exuberance I had witnessed before. November 2nd from the star for a backdrop was forgotten, someone who didn't forthcoming album 'Let's Knife'. Rather damp. Even the satin shirt the real world was gone. All that 'Pretty Baka Guy' is available on seemed dull. mattered was Jarvis. A more understand the import. Shonen Knife play Windsor Peb wonderful night out I find hard to relevance of the Old Trout on November 17th; ULU Sweet Jesus release 'Albino recall. phrase 'Eezer Goode'. November 26th. Ballerina7'Your Baby Loves Me' Peb on Monday through Chapter 22. Pulp play at the 'Feet First' Club at Camden Palace, Tuesday

Page 17 R eviews 30 October 1992 Felix 946

Balloon —Tightrope Walker The Poorboys —Brand New Metallica — Wembley Arena Single Amerika, Single 25.10.92 They have long hair, are really The world's greatest heavy metal Balloons float. On the other hand, cool-looking and come from band hits Wembley for the first tightrope walkers are gravitationally Southern California. Their music is proper British date since when—89? challenged. One sHp and it's mere hard rock & roll, they could Too long ago anyway. homeward bound—bump! be little brothers of the Black This is the bit where I describe Unfortunately both natures are Crowes. Their words are hardly the support band. Except that there displayed in this record. understandable, something about was none. We've heard limp The basic step-up is quite (dare crack-dealing schoolkids ('Brand excuses like 'Well, Skid Row and that word be used) nice. Vaguely New Amerika') and some irrelevant Faith No More are the only hands celtic-folky celtic-folky relationship fuss (the two other good enough, and they're too busy' arrangements of fiddle and tracks), but who cares anyway. but so what? harmonica are tightly structured and There is honestly absolutely nothing Why not give an up-and-coming not intrusive. The strummy guitar revolutionary or exciting about the band a chance to reach a larger and vocal pastiche neatly interlink Poorboys ('cept for maybe their audience then? in a pleasant kind of way. The spelling of 'Amerika'), it's all been Instead, we get around twenty balloon slowly floats upwards. there for eternity. minutes of a crap video But that's about as far as it goes. But I like it. rockumentary (i.e. drunken Nothing terribly exciting happens; Yes, as long as there are American fans being stupid) before the tune plods along and the lyrics androgyne megastars only able to Ennio Morricone's music from get progressively more Lewis give a concert with the electricity 'The Good, the Bad and the Ugly' Carrollish. consumption of a small town and as heralds Metallica's arrival on 'Trust to my lucky dice, my long as my heart and soul are stage—where they would still be trusty pocket knife, high in the assaulted by machine gun computer some two and a half hours hence. chandelier, hang for all to see...' rhythms every time I enter a disco, Openers 'Enter Sandman' and Come on guys, try a bit harder there shall be hand-made, dirty, 'Harvester of Sorrow' sounded please. Our balloon has started to simple, groovy rock 'n' roll like weak—perhaps the lack of support leak air and drift in the thermal that of the Poorboys, be it heard a band resulted in a lack of currents. thousand times before or not. If they atmosphere and energy for the band The other two tracks are better, only had something meaningful to to feed on (man)? more focussed, but still it's all a bit say, I would love it. Maybe they With 'Creeping Death', however, atmospheric and well, dull. A quick can find something for their next the black-clad foursome were in burst of Helium wouldn't go amiss record. their stride and, indeed, playing a I fear. Bland. Until then: Keep on rockin' in the blinder. Tighter than I have ever Tintin. brand new Amerika! heard them, in fact, despite this only Released on November 2 on Jan. being James Hetfield's second show Dedicated. On Hollywood Records. as guitarist since he incinerated his hand on stage some months ago. Jason Newstead's bass solo was a predictably tedious affair involving fuzzy bits and whale noises. Lars Ulrich, obviously fed up with the drummer's traditional stationary role was able to race around on his mobile drumkit with all the speed and grace of an arthritic tortoise, but thankfully there was no drum solo. Kirk Hammett managed to avoid the symptoms of guitar solo tedium, Kingmaker. What are they so happy about? basing his solo around Deep Kingmaker—Armchair noteworthy than the lyrics—all Purple's 'Mistreated' whilst still Anarchist pretty much standard indie guitar having fun kicking his guitar down It is difficult to imagine that just a music, I guess. There's some nice the stairs. Infinitely better than the few months ago, this band were chordy-jangly bits (oops, lapsing ten minutes of high-speed wanking being hailed as the brightest hope into muso-jive there, sorry) here I was expecting. for the future. British music, and there, but it's all pretty 'Seek and Destroy' was an because this EP is really BORING. forgettable stuff. interesting singalong extravaganza. This is the first time I've heard The second song is called 'Fade to Black' and 'One' were art anything by Kingmaker, so perhaps 'Everything's Changed (since in its highest form and 'Whiplash' I was expecting a little too much; you've been to London)' which is and 'Last Caress' were pure however, even if I wasn't expecting all about the supposedly corrupting energy. If I have seemed negative anything I would still be influence of our beloved capital. I about any individual parts of the disappointed with this record. think they're just pissed off 'cos evening, here are some of the superlatives I missed out: The song 'Armchair Anarchist' is they live in Hull! kinda snide and sneering but it's The last song is called 'Kissing Choice, fine, rare, felicitious, clever-clever lyrics don't really do under anaesthetic' which should be excellent, admirable, first-rate, anything and the choruses 'Bomb called 'Listening under anaesthetic' prime, crack, cardinal, superfine, the idiots, bomb the idiots now', because you'd love to be knocked super-excellent, exquisite, high, and 'Viva dynamite, viva dynamite out to enjoy this record. inestimable, incomparable, OH!' sorta hint at right-on-ness but Music to snore to. transcendental, matchless, peerless, Happy Sundays—N* it's all a bit contrived and tame. J Andelin. inimitable, but perfect? Maybe not, The music is probably even less Out now on Scorch/Chrysalis. but perfect would be boring. Freddy Cheeseworth.

Page 18 R eviews Felix 946 30 October 1992

The Sundays—Blind It's going to grow, it will grow, I know it's going to grow. I know this because the single 'Goodbye' has already wormed its way into my brain, and this was a song I initially thought to be a sub-standard 'Reading, Writing and Arithmetic' (their delicate, enchanting first album). What 'Blind' is essentially, is more of the same. If it was anything else it would not be the Sundays. Indeed when they do diversify as on the funky, aptly named 'What do you think?' it is as if the Sundays themselves are not sure of the answer. Harriet Wheeler's voice is as captivating as ever although her The Frank and Walters: Yawn, and I'll cut your head off. lyrics sometimes sit uneasily within the metre of the songs. The Frank and Walters- new in Frank City? you're having fun. I'm not. David Gavurin's guitar echoes of Trains, Boats & Planes 'Trainspotters' evokes no The final song, 'High And Low', both Johnny Marr and the Cocteaus Franks' debut album! Bagsy me reaction in me right now. is somehow reminiscent of REM's whilst the understated drumming of review it. Hey, kid, hang on a 'After All' is reason enough to similarly titled track from 'Out Of Patrick Hannan is a delight moment, we've already got half buy this album, twice. A gentle Time', with a dose of (especially after having to endure these songs. Stand up and be lilting Frank And Walters in full schizophrenia. It's great when the RockSoc debacle last counted, 'This Is Not a Song', effect. you've had too much to drink and Thursday). 'Walter's Trip', 'Happy Busman', 'John And Sue' is an anthem for you're feeling sorry for yourself. It will probably be demeaning to 'Fashion Crisis' and 'Daisy Chain'. lonely people. Now that strikes a Know what I mean, Walter? the Sundays for me to say that this 1.2.3.4.5. (If, of course, you chord with me. Really it does. Sing Lise Yates is a 'nice' album but haven't got all these, then it's about it loud, lonely people. 'Bake Us A Out now on Setanta/Go! Discs. Crippledick. time you got your act in order. Off Song'? Writer's block, huh, Mr. Out now on Parlophone/EMI. to Tower. Right now). So what's Frank? 'Time': Time flies when Felix Competition We apologise for the lack of Felix competition last week, but we're back with a stormer this week. Firstly, we are pleased to announce the following prize winners:

The Jim Beam competition:

The bottle of fine Bourbon goes to G. Leung of the maths department.

And now the Dillons £5.00 gift voucher (for the winner to spend on 'reccommended reading' of course and not on the new book by Madonna).

This wonderous donation goes to Pete Purdie of Aero II.

Please collect your prizes from the Felix office by Friday 30th October otherwise I will drink the whisky and then go and buy a very rude Madonna book for myself. Many thanks to all of the thousands of people who entered, at least it meant that we could do a draw for the prizes. Oh and by the way, all those people who won prizes from the Wagamama competition, please could you collect your prizes by Monday, we are not a storage company Shamen, a very long time ago and I could do with a new tee-shirt and a decent meal too. r Which leads us rather neatly to this week's fabbo competition, brought n to you in conjunction with those lovely people at Active Promotions. We Name. have three 'lovely bottle green' T—shirts from chart toppers THE SHAMEN to give away to three very, very lucky people who answer this question in the most amusing manner.... ' Dept.

WHAT DOES MR. C STAND FOR? Answer. Answers to the Felix Office by Friday 6th November. The Music Editor's decision is final and unreasonable. Argumentative little gits will be told to 'sod off.

Pounds, shillings, pence Page 19 R eviews 30 October 1992 Felix 946 Film Theatre

Glengarry Glenn Ross Our Song The recession is biting; jobs are on Following the success of Jeffrey the line and Jack Lemmon, Al Bernard is Unwell, Peter O'Toole Pacino, Alan Arkin and Ed Harris (leading), Ned Sherrin (directing) are going to do all it takes to pull and Keith Waterhouse (writing) are through. Run down 'Premier attempting another profitable Properties' is on the way out along collaboration. This is not a good with most of its fading ennuid staff. idea. The play charts the course of Enter bastard boss to whip them an affair between Roger Piper into a frenzy with the news that all (O'Toole) and the considerably but the top two salesmen will lose younger Angela Caxton (Tara their jobs by the end of the month. Fitzgerald) and the resultant havoc Panic, desperation and the it causes to Piper's marriage, claustrophobic intensity created by career, finances and liver until its the stage to screen transfer elicits. inevitable end. The first attempts at Some stunning acting from the rather brittle comedy, but the jokes smooth seductive sales ace Ricky (inevitably about sex) are old and Roma (Pacino) to the shambling, weak. The second half is better and soft touch Shelly 'Machine' Levine is partially successful in delineating (Lemmon) all stops are out. The Glengary Glen Ross the intensity on both sides of the film fluctuates from banal and sparkling heights. The lyricism of relationship. O'Toole gives a nice repetitive to crackingly gripping. the final Larghetto-Espressivo was performance as a louche, middle- Though more play than a film, and breathtaking. An inspired aged drunk; but it is all artifice and in the present climate, a very programme lead to Shostakovich no feeling. Performing is too much depressing one at that, see it for the Concert No. 13 in B Flat Op 138. A in evidence. He also wears the acting. (The recovery's just around potential nightmare in many other nastiest suit I have seen in a long the corner, you know—Major Ed.) hands, discords and tonal lunacies time. In total, it is a disjointed play Sara. flourished into witty, wonderful about squalid characters who never succeed in engaging interest. Opens Friday loadsa' places. The Borodin Quartet sound pictures and electric rhythms. The Borodin Quartet has blessed the The Schubert of the second half Matthew Hapold. musical world with its unique blend (D804 in A minor and D707 in C of virtuosity, insight and minor) lacked restraint. Complacent unparalleled beauty of sound since ensemble playing, dynamic surges, Artists & Admirers 1945. Violist Shebaldi and Cellist unnecessary glissandi and The talented but penniless young Theatre Berliusky are the originals and misplaced, mannered, soloistic actress Alexandra Mikolavia though in their seventies, play with flourishes from the leader showed Negina has to struggle for an undimrned youthful vitality and the sugar-sweet writing at its worst. recognition as her rich and lightness missing from the newer That aside these are masters of their influential admirers scheme to The Two Gentlemen of violinists Koplman and leader craft, catch them next time, this is wreck her career after she has Verona Abramenkov. Opening with the stuff of music history. rejected advances by their most Sara. This Shakespearean comedy is the Beethoven's intense F minor Op 95, prominent member, Prince tale of two friends, Valentine and skill, experience and concentration Barbican, EC2, 071-638 8891. Dulyebov. But, thanks to a keen and Proteus. While Proteus remains in breed an ease which carried the Celebrity Recital Series continues calculating merchant rather than Verona, held by his love for Julia, three Allegro movements to next year. Alexandra's fervently idealistic Valentine travels to Milan where he fiance (a student), art wins over falls in love with the Duke's corruption. daughter, Sylvia. Anyway, more interesting than Proteus is sent to Milan by his the somewhat disappointing plot father. There, he instantly forgets were the dramatis personae: Julia and sets out to betray his friend amiable, witty theatre-types, a by seducing Sylvia. student and an uneducated bunch of The play has been updated and is aristocrats, nouveau-rich and set in the 1930s where the government officials. Ostrovsky's atmosphere created is both strength is characterisation and sophisticated and fun. dialogue, which is well preserved in the new English version. This Portrayed in this era, the action and the superb acting on all parts is extremely easy for the audience save the production. Obviously an to relate to. It is set to a delightful important figure in Russian array of Cole Porter songs which literature, but unlike Chekhov's, his you'll find yourself humming for plays have lost a lot of their impact weeks. over the last hundred years. Every This play is worth seeing for one Russian does him at school, and character alone. An apathetic dog everybody finds him boring, called Crab who outshines all the basically. other actors and is truly hilarious. Gwen Knowles. Boris. Barbican, EC2. Box Office Now in rep at the Barbican 071-638 8891, £6.50-£17.50, EC2 (071-638 8891), Moorgate or standby cones. Barbican tubes.

Page 20 R eviews Felix 946 30 October 1992

Joseph and the Amazing The second half starts like the Technicolor Dreamcoat first half did, a babbling American About ten years ago Phil Schofield behind me has completely missed was a mild-mannered man living in the point and is dying to shout 'He's New Zealand. He had the world at behind you' or 'Oh no he isn't' his feet with a diploma in chiropody every time Phil appears on stage. and the future looked rosy. Where If he had done I would have did it all go so horribly wrong for punched him. The tourist is soon him? forgotten as Elvis appears in cameo In 1983 Phil started fronting Kiwi as the Egyptian Pharoah and Pop Kid show Shazam, two years Joseph's brothers offer a calypso later he became the straight man for version of the song Benjamin that a puppet gopher and the story was the Iron Lion from Zion himself almost completed with a would have been proud of. The performance on the Children's show is wrapped up by a reprise of Royal Variety Show. Then he met 'Any Dream Will Do' during which Jason. I never believed it could Joseph is hoisted high into the air happen but right before my eyes on in glorious technicolour...brilliant the Palladium stage Phil stepped stuff. into the shoes of a rock legend. If you're still in any doubt about Since Jason Donavan left going to see this show, don't be. 'Joseph' (the show, not his alleged And don't think you'll stand out like homosexual lover) one might be a grown-up amongst a teeny forgiven for presuming that audience, the word got around long attendances would drop. Nothing of ago that Joseph is too good to be the sort. Tonight, a Tuesday, the wasted on children alone. By the theatre is once again packed. The end you'll feel like you've known show opens with THAT song, all the songs all your life and admittedly though 'Any Dream although it'll ruin your hard earned Will Do' sounds terrific sung by a street cred in the process, you'll be hundred or so treacle-sweet declaring your undying love and children. Phil joins them to a huge respect for Phillip Schofield for welcome from all present and I ever more. knew then I was in for a treat. By McCarter. the end of the song any doubts about London Palladium, Argyl St the boy Schofield's (he's 30) voice Wl. Box Office 071-494 5037, have been long forgotten and I'm tickets £8.50-£27.50. Oxford completely engrosed until the Phillip Schofield, a fine figure of a man. Circus tube. interval.

The Killing of Sister George It were a lovely film, y'know. Dear Art old Auntie Beryl Reid, overacting her dear old heart out and facing her pastures new with stoicism and dread. Susannah York, her young lover, passionate and frightened. The Art of Ancient Mexico Would that I could say this play is The sculptures in this exhibition not a disappointment. were carved by the Central It shouldn't be; My problem with American civilisations in the two the live theatre medium is that it is and a half thousand years before the live, and any attempt to ascribe Spanish conquest. I think it is very sincerity, or many of the darker appropriate to exhibit pre-Hispanic emotions grates just a little bit. It art in this, the 500th anniversary of may be my problem, but I don't the West's 'discovery' of America. think I'm the only one. I also missed I liked this exhibition. It is the free drinkies they give out to divided geographically, and press bods, but I digress. The leads includes a rich mix of art from the handled their roles competently regions' cultures. The sculptures enough; the decline of a popular are very different from the stuff we radio soap star is handled with were doing at that time. They sensitivity and a modicum of very certainly had a different idea of appropriate melodrama, and its shift what a fertility goddess looked like! from pathos to black comedy is The style is very plain, but not poignant enough. I wish I'd been simple. These stone age craftsmen drunk; I would have loved to see the could produce anything from a skull mascara running in streaks down the size of a walnut to a huge snakes my face. head in anything from jade to clay! David Henry Moore was influenced by this type of art, but don't let that put Baron's Ale House, 28 you off. Definitely well worth a Comeragh Road W14. Box Office visit! Hayward Gallery, South Bank, students. Open 10-6 daily, till 8 on 071-602 0235. Tickets £5, cones Rob. Embankment tube. £3.50 for Tuesdays till 6th December. £3.

Page 21 What's On What's On 30 October 1992 Felix 946 Felix 946 30 October 1992 FRIDAY Prince Charles Cinema Leicester Place, WC2 (071-437 WOULD YOU Camden Plaza 8181) Piccadilly/Leicester Sq tubes. What s 211 Camden High St, NW1 Seats £1.20. Today: Ghost 1.30 The Unbelievable Truth 6.55 + 3.55 A Woman Under The LIKE TO (071-485 2443) Camden Town Goodfellas 3.45 The Hand That Midsummer Nights Dream 7.15 pm Tomatoes 6.30 Batman Returns Trust 8.45 Influence 6.05 Killing Of A Chinese tube. Seats £5; 1st show daily Rocks The Cradle 6.45 Juice 9.15 Sat 2.00 pm, £6.50-18 9.00 Prince Charles Bookie 8.45 £3.80; cones £2.30 1st perf only. Scala Tricycle Theatre Scala Silence Of The Lambs 1.30 Citizen Prince Charles This week: Unforgiven 12.30 3.05 257-277 Pentonville Rd, Nl Trouble in Mind Ring for prices, Cafe Flesh 4.45 9.25 Sex Madness STOP Kane 4.00 Naked Lunch 6.30 Juice Batman Returns 1.00 The 5.40 8.20 The Crying Game 1.35 (071-278 0051) King's Cross tube. cheaper matinees Night Train £3.50 3.20 8.05 City of the lost Souls 1.40 3.55 6.20 8.45 Seats £4.50; cones £3 Mon-Fri cone, Sun 4pm & 8pm, Mon 8pm 6.20 9.00 Unberable Lightness Of Being 3.20 Black Robe 6.45 Cabaret 9.00 Chelsea Cinema before 4.30pm for students. This Tomorrow 7pm, 296 Kilburn High Scala Scala Hearts of Darkness Road, NW6, 071 328 1000 Danzon+ Heart Songs, 4.50 8.50 SMOKING? 206 King's Rd , SW3 (071-351 week: 4.30 9.00 Music High Heels 4.55 8.50 What have I 3742) Sloane Sq tube. Seats £5.50; Apocalyse Now 1.45 6.15 Peter Stewart, Appleberry The Lady form the Shanghai Cinema 2.50 6.55 done to deserve this? 3.05 7.00 1st show daily £3.80; cones £2.80 College Cresent; Borderline, £5 £2 with a Come to a small group-meeting 1st perf only. This week: Bitter Music Rag Meeting 1.10pm in the Ent's flyer from Felix. Moon 3.00 5.45 8.30 Inspiral Carpets, The Real lounge, opposite Viniy's Caff Music Theatre Theatre Paradise National Theatre Electric Cinema People, Family Go-Town; Brixton Atmosphere 8.00-2.00pm in the Kingmaker, Radiohead; for 1 hour each Tuesday at Olivier 191 Portobello Rd, Wll (071-792 Academy £9 Union Building £1 to enter. Barons Court Theatre £6.50 Dragon 2.00 pm, £6.50-15.50. 2020) Notting Hill/ Ladbroke Comsat Angels, Bedazzled, Air; The Killing of Sister George, 7.45 K-Creative; Jazz Cafe, £7 5.15pm for 5 weeks for Grove tubes. Seats £4.50. Today Mean Fiddler, £5 SATURDAY^ pm, £3-5. College :Afy Father Is Coming 2.30 5.50 Rev Hammer, Groove Detective, Cinema National Theatre Theatre advice/guidance/support. National Theatre Oxfam Fast Packs availble from 9.10 Kamikaze Hearts 4.20 7.40 Babble, Splash; Water Rats, 328 Prince Charles Olivier Cottesloe the Union Office. Gate Cinema Grey's Inn Road, £3 Citizen Kane 1.30 William Hurt In Pygmlion 7.15 pm, £8-19.50 Angels in America 7.15 pm, Club Libido 9.30-1.00am in the 87 Notting Hill Gate, Wll K-Creative, UCL, Take ULU card, Bodyheat 4.00 Fried Green £7-11.50. Union Building. Starts (071-727 4043) Notting Hill Gate £3 Tomatoes 6.30 Juice 9.15 College High Heels Mech Eng 220 at Electric Cinema Crystal Place v. Arsenal in the College tube. Seats £5.50, Sun mat £4; 7:30pm presented by FilmSoc. Tuesday 10th November Gate The Addams Family 12.00 Union Building...on TV Debt Crisis Talk in Clubs cones (card required) £3 Mon-Fri Sigrun Quetes and Paul before 6pm, Sun mat £3. This Matador 2.10 7.25 Pepi, Luci, Committee Room for Third World YOU MAY SURPRISE First. Hamburger 12.45 Reed Lecture week: Husbands and Wives4.30 Bom... 3.55 9.15 What Have I TUESDAY Theatre Theatre YOURSELF! 6.45 9.00 late Sat/Fri 11.15 Done To Deserve This ? 5.35 Apollo Shaftsbury Cinema THURSDAY Silent Flight lpm Aero 266, video MGM Chelsea Scala Basket Case 3 3.50 8.50 Our Song, West St. WC1 BO Electric Cinema on soaring in South Africa 279 King's Rd, SW3 (071-352 071494 5070, Tickets £5-21.50, Basket Case 2 2.10 7.10 Basket The Five Heartbeats 2.15 The Cinema Electric Cinema presented by Gliding Club. Contact 5096) Sloane Sq tube then bus. 8.15pm, Sat 6.00pm as well Case 1 5.30 Commitments 4.25 The Fourth Man 77i

Page 22 Page 23 Sport 30 October 1992 Felix 946 Hockey Dribs Volleyball at IC

The first UAU is always shakey, The Dribblers started well and Despite rather poor public relations, mean achievement, given that after especially when you're playing the dominated the beginning of the first volleyball is alive and kicking at a very convincing gold medal at the strongest team in the group; the half with some good passing and Imperial College, providing Students Cup in Leeds, the London team who beat you 5-1 last year. control in the midfield and attack. possibly the best example of men's squad has been described as Still we're an optimistic lot in the Our only goal was scored by excellent athletes not being the strongest university side Britain hockey club. Betty after a brilliant run up the competent organisers. Last season has ever seen. The squad's strength It's hard to be optimistic when centre, round their defence and a IC was victorious in seven was further underlined during the you're 0-1 down after five minutes. well timed shot into the back of the consecutive matches in the UAU BUSF tournament, when three The IC Phantom curse had struck net. Not bad for a first timer. volleyball competition, only finally players could not attend, including again. The first ten minutes of the It was a tough match, their succumbing to Early Sunday IC captain Joel Ikdal and Swiss new half found us only loosely defence were excellent and although Morning Blues at the Semi-finals senior and Czech junior moored to the game. An attitude of the scoreline looks very decisive it stage against a less flamboyant internationals Yves Cortellini and forgetfulness set in. Who was doesn't reflect the closeness of the Manchester side, which had Stepan Ruzicka, but the team still marking that centre-forward? Still game. The ball actually spent the obviously spent less time on a managed a resepctable 4th place, after they had had another goal majority of the time in the thorough investigation of the Exeter while the women took the bronze disallowed, we found our feet and oppositions half, honest! night life the previous evening. medal, captained by IC's Kristina began to behave like a team. The Well done to everybody that Even our veteran Hans Bavendiek, Sagen. defence was pretty solid at least. played. There's a presentation of who was later considered to be the Trials will be held in the Imperial Half-time saw more dominance in last year's league medals in the backbone of the British Universities College Volleyball court (behind the centre of the field. Still not in Ferret and Firkin tonight, team found the hour did not befit the Chemistry) from 7pm-9pm on their 25 but we were getting there. everybody's welcome. occasion and did not display the Monday 2nd November. Training Of course this ignores the fact that The match began on a sombre relentless offence that had put and will start with two sessions a week Reading had hit the post once and note with one minutes silence in end to the ambitions of all other for the ambitious and a casual our 'newspaper celeb' Dave respect of Mr Geoffrey Eldridge opposition. Imperial then threw session for recreational players. The Parkinson had saved two short who died recently. He was a well away the bronze medal against a season this year will get underway corners on the line. OK, they also respected referee who will be team they had beaten easily the day with the first round of the UAU had sneaked another goal in. greatly missed. before. competition on the 24/25 Finally the hard work paid off The Dribblers play their first Imperial players also formed the November. If you want any further and Mark Helayel struck a shortie international match on 4th backbone of the ULU teams, taking information, please don't hesitate to firmly into their goal. 2-1 Hooray November, at Harlington, against four of the six full purples awarded contact us on 071-351 3384 (ask for IC the comeback (almost). Still we a Canadian team. Please come and for volleyball this year. This was no Joel or Peter). gave it our best shot; it's Kings next support us. week. Rugby IC RFC 1st 26 Kings 3 IC extended their lead with the IC rediscovered their winning form first touchdown of the season, at Harlington on Wednesday, where provided by Richard Stubbs, they duly dispatched Kings College minutes before the Interval. The meagre challenge by winning 26-3 conversion was a formality. On a damp, windy day they took After the break and playing into charge in the forwards , admirably a strong wind, IC held their led by Rupert Carr, the vice opponents out, before surging Captain. Kings took an early lead upfield with Melvin Aguh who after Andrew Montgomery had replaced Andrew Montgomery, aslight tete a tete with the referee, who left the field because of a groin resulting in Kings kicking on their strain soon to be followed by Anton only points. Fields with a hurt knee. Paynter IC hit back straight after the slotted the conversion to complete restart with a penalty, soon to be the scoring and IC's first win of the followed by a further three from the season. immaculate boot of Stuart Paynter. RESULTS TABLE ASSOCIATION FOOTBALL NETBALL IC RFC 2nds-10 Kings 2nds 26 well with a good drive and a Imperial 1st 2-2 Kings 1st IC Seconds suffered their third converted try in the first five Imperial 2nd 3-3 Kings 2nd Imperial 1st 39-15. Kings 1st defeat in a row with a 10-26 loss minutes. Kings, unfortunately came against Kings College at Harlington straight back with a score and Imperial 3rd 0-2 Kings 3rd RUGBY UNION on Wednesday afternoon. After a controlled the game from then on. Imperial 4th 2-1 Kings 4th Imperial 1st 26-3 Kings 1st rough start to the season, playing It was a disappointing loss but a Imperial 2nd 10-26 Kings 2nd two quite experienced sides, with a hard game well fought until the last BADMINTON (Mens) team consisting of mostly whistle. Imperial 1st 9-0 Kings 1st Imperial 3rd 12-0 Kings 3rd TENNIS (Mens) newcomers to ICRFC, the 2nds are IC Rugby meet every Sunday at HOCKEY (Mens) now starting to gel together more 12.30, Monday at 6.00 and Imperial 1st 2-1 Kings 1st Imperial 1st 4-2 Kings 1st under the guidance of their captain Tuesday at 12.00 in the Union Rich Clemey. Gym, all players are welcome. Imperial 2nd 0-2 Kings 2nd TENNIS (Womens) This week's game started off very Imperial 1st 3-3 Kings 1st NOVEMBER SCHEDULER HOCKEY (Womens) If you have an event planned for the dates below Imperial 1st 0-9 Kings 1st Imperial played at home in all these please submit all articles by Monday Nov 2, 1pm Imperial 2nd 0-5 Kings 2nd matches Mon Tue Wed Thur Fri Sat Sun 9 10 11 12 13 14 15

If " ^^^T Felix is produced for and on behalf of Imperial College Union Publications Board and is printed by the Imperial College Union Wm Wm I Ji J1L Print Unit> Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB (Tel 071 225 8672). Editor Jonty Beavan, Business Managers Simon Govier mm mm JTm. and James Grinter. Copyright Felix 1992. ISSN 1040-0711.