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The Spanish Inquisition V2

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The Spanish Inquisition V2 Cold Open: The Spanish Inquisition was not actually, REALLY, TRULY, about religion. It certainly wasn’t about God and salvation. None of the Inquisitions were. They were about power and control. They were about maintaining one’s business interests and that business just happened to be the business of organized religion. They were about the Roman Catholic Church securing papal prestige in Europe and ensuring not only their survival but their ability to economically thrive. Agree with us, pay your tithes, pledge loyalty to our Catholic King or Queen and bow eternally before the might of the Church of Rome. Kiss the ring or face the horrific consequences: marginalization, expulsion, torture, or execution. With the Spanish Inquisition specifically, it was the King and the Queen driving interrogations and persecution instead of the Pope. The used the cover of the Church’s infallibility to culturally homogenize their newly conquered lands. The Spanish Inquisition was less about saving the heretic souls of the Spanish empire in it’s newly acquired territories and more about solidifying a Catholic culture that would be easier to control than a mixed culture of Muslims, Jews, and indigenous peoples. It was about obliterating cultural ties and loyalty to the population’s previous rulers. King Ferdinand II of Aragon and Queen Isabella I were Catholic, they were acquiring a lot of new land, they were building a vast empire, and they needed unity to keep things moving. And their successors wanted the same damn thing. And if you wanted to remain in their expanding kingdom, you were gonna be Catholic or shit was gonna get rough. Real, super scary stuff kinda rough. So let’s dig deep into some dark times. Let’s suck into some atrocities that would make today’s worst headlines seem quaint. Corruption, torture, persecution, and overall medieval mayhem - today - on Timesuck. PAUSE SHOW INTRO I. Welcome A. Happy Monday Timesuckers! I’m the Master Sucker aka the Prophet of Nimrod aka the Plaything of Lucifina aka the background vocalist to the sweet bard of the suck Michael Motherfuckin’ McDonald - I’m Dan Cummins - and YOU are listening to Timesuck. Welcome to the Cult of the Curious - and Hail Nimrod! B. New album is out! Excited to say that my new standup comedy album, Maybe I’m the Problem, is out now! This the Pandora exclusive album I’ve mentioned the past few months that is no longer exclusive to Pandora! I would’ve given a heads up regarding when it was gonna drop but, because of some behind the scenes independent music distribution stuff, I didn’t know when it would come out. But it’s here, I’m excited to say it’s currently, as of this recording at least, number one on the iTunes comedy charts - and it’s available on Amazon and on the Google Play Store - digital only - and I hope you download it, love it, and rate it! I’m really proud of it. Danger Brain did the cover design so of course it looks awesome. So go grab some new standup! Treat yourself to some laughs! Quick shout out to Leighton Vander Esch - a Boise State Linebacker taken in the first round of the NFL draft by the Dallas Cowboys who went to my alma mater, Salmon River High School. He just went from eight-man football in a town of 400 people to a multi-million dollar contract in the NFL. Impressive! I’ve never met him, never met anyone in his family, I don’t give a shit about high school football, and for all I know, he could be a huge douche bag… BUT! He made it from Riggins to American’s Team and I respect the drive and hustle and hope he’s an awesome dude who will make my little football crazed town proud. Good luck young man. Also quick thank you to Daniel Weaver - freemason and Timesucker who sent in an old Freemason handout he found his lodge’s office while doing some Spring Cleaning. Very cool old, cool looking mini- flier. In perfect condition! Thanks for sending that in to P.O. Box 3891, Couer d’Alene, ID 83814. Hail Nimrod! C. My West Coast Buds pre-roll: (Awaiting further copy) Timesuck is brought to you today by the My West Coast Buds podcast! Yes! Hosted by comic, Edible Jedi and TIMESUCKER Joe Dimeo, My West Coast Buds is an inside baseball look at Cannabis, coffee, comedy, and spirits - all of Joe’s favorite vices - and so much more. It’s a fun and funny conversation where you learn a lot about the explosive new industry of legal marijuana. This week on My West Coast Buds - dropping today - another effortless information episode because My West Coast Buds loves Timesuck and we love them back! Co-host Ben teaches host Joe about the power of intense psychedelic DMT. Shit is going to get weird . So listen and subscribe to the My West Coast Buds podcast on iTunes, Soundcloud and all sorts of other podcast players - including, of course, www.mywestcoastbuds.com - link in today’s episode description. You can also find them in the sponsor section of the app. Just push their button! D. Tour Dates! Big thanks to my San Francisco, Bay Area suckers today! Thank for the gifts and for your laughter at the six shows I just did at Punchline Comedy Club. Whether it was 100 people on Wednesday or sold out shows on the weekend, you fucking brought it! Most people overall I’ve ever had come out to see me at Punchline in one week by a lot. Had a blast in that historic venue - and finally got my Dan Dion photographed headshot on the wall. Only took about thirteen years. Too cool! Hope you guys bring the same energy to the live Spokane, Washington podcast at the Spokane Comedy Club this Sunday, May 6th, where we will have Timesuck beer on tap! That’s right, Young Buck Brewing has crafted a Timesuck IPA for the show. Those attending will be the first to actually taste the Suck! And who or what will we be sucking? Gonna be sucking Gary Ridgeway, the Green River killer. And then I’ll be at the Sacramento Punchline, three nights, May 10th - 12th. And then I’m home and focusing on Timesuck in the Suck Dungeon all the way until the last day of May, May 31st, when I’ll start the first of three nights of shows at the Tempe, Arizona Improv. Gonna be there May 31st - June 3rd. June 8th and 9th I’ll be at the Arlington, Drafthouse in Washington DC - tickets are ON SALE! http://drafthousecomedy.com/ event.cfm?id=507358& June 15-16th I’ll be at the Funny Bone in Des Moines, Iowa - two nights only! Tickets on sale their as well. July 15th doing another live Timesuck podcast in Orlando at the Orlando Improv. http://www.theimprovorlando.com/ComedyClub/ 866e4def-e0ba-4722-b140-f1b2b8ab8940/Calendar/orlando More tour dates at www.dancummins.tv. La Jolla, Dayton, Tampa, Palm Beach, Chicago, Sunnyvale, Portland, Tacoma, Columbus, Grand Rapids and more coming up in 2018! E. Pootie and Juju: Quick sad news! A lot of the Pootie and Juju limited edition coffee mugs that were sent out were not properly packaged and they got destroyed in shipment. Not fun trying to drink from a cup with a busted ass handle. So - if you received one of these mugs - email merch man and good dude who feels terrible about how many busted mugs he sent out, Erik Radaker. He will never send out fragile items to the Suck faithful in the same way again. He’s a great guy who truly feels terrible when someone doesn’t get what they want. Email him at [email protected] and he will get you a new not-busted mug and we will throw in a sticker pack as a way of saying sorry. We care about your support! Still waiting for forty mugs that replaced the forty of the 200 not sold due to quality issues to get in Erik’s hands and go on sale - still a chance for a few of you to get those mugs before it’s “Too little, too diddle, Pootie!” Those will go on sale sometime this week - awaiting a final quality control check by the merch man - I will announce exactly when on social media - @timesuckpodcast on IG - that’s where you can stay in touch with the latest Suck News. F. Golden State Killer: So many emails this past week about the arrest of Joseph James DeAngelo - the man authorities believe to be the Golden State Killer. Yes - he has been added to the topic list and now Space Lizards can vote him into being an episode if that is the Will of the Suck. Also known as the original Night Stalker and the East Area Rapist. He is in the app for Space Lizards to vote on, listed as Golden State Killer. G. Timesucker Adam Dayton: Finally, because I left his email off of last week’s episode description - need to mention again that Timesucker Adam Dayton sent two huge, custom, hand-painted Cornhole boards to the Suck Dungeon. They’re majestic. There is a pic on Instagram - @timesuckpodcast. And you can hire him to make custom boards for you as well - his email is [email protected] Alright. Let’s get into it. Let’s get into Timesuck 85 - the Spanish Inquisition!! PAUSE TIMESUCK INTERLUDE II. Introduction A. History of the early Catholic church coming to power in Europe: Okay Timesucker.
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