Considered As a Helix of Semi-Precious Stones a Corflu 2000 Report by Arnie Katz Art by Bill Rotsler
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Corflatch Considered as a Helix Of Semi-Precious Stones A Corflu 2000 report by Arnie Katz Art by Bill Rotsler Everybody has a Theory and Practice time is over 1 Corflatch Considered as a Helix Of Semi-Precious Stones in one important way. Corflatch Considered Introduction as a Helix of Semi-Precious Stones contains no flights of fancy, no faan fiction, no slap- Talk Is Cheap, but Toner stick, no fannish myth-making, no spectral and Paper Are Expensive appearances by dead fans or any of the other hat makes someone write over irregularities normally associated with my 11,000 words about a week- convention accounts. To the best of my hazy end in Seattle? Might as well short-term memory, all of the fans whose do- wonder what compels a pro- ings I relate were actually there and did those Wfessional writer to do fanzines or makes things. someone decide to use a “dropped” capital In short, even a British fan can read Cor- letter when he has never previously done so flatch Considered as a Helix of Semi- in any of his thousands of fanzines? Precious Stones without encountering any- These unfathomable questions will proba- thing likely to outrage credibility. I have bly not be answered here. The best explana- similar hopes for the readers’ common sense, but I’m not on that jury. tion for Corflatch Considered as a Helix of On the other hand, the mind works in Semi-Precious Stones is that doing it felt right.. mysterious ways. Mine is somewhat more mysterious than most, so I jotted down a few I try not to repeat myself, so Corflatch more dubious thoughts under the title Considered differs from Gist of the MAGIcon Corflu Apocrypha. Introduction: Talk is Cheap — Page 1 Approach cautiously with sense of humor en- gaged. Corflatch Considered as a Helix of Semi-Precious I hope you enjoy this as Stones — Page 2 much as I enjoyed those sweet hours with all my Corflatch Apocrypha — Page 24 friends at Corflatch. Corflatch Considered as a Helix of Semi-Precious Stones is written and perhaps edited by Arnie Katz (330 S. Decatur Blvd., PMB 152, Las Vegas, NV 89107). Email: [email protected]. Published August 1, 2000. Thanks to Joyce Worley and Robert Lichtman for proofreading help and advise. Thanks to Ken Forman for scanning and placing the illustrations. Member fwa and afal. 2 Initially, I wasn't the tickets were worried about the non- refundable, fact that Joyce and I convinced me to were flying to Cor- Chapter board the flight on flatch on Alaska Friday shortly after Airlines. The big noon. Naturally, the crash had just seized One plane was the same the headlines and model involved in sound bytes, but that The Junior Birdmen the two incidents. could be good news They were careful for prospective pas- Meet the Menace of… not to call it an sengers. During a "MD10," so as not phone call, Ted The Alaskan to alarm passengers White reminded me who might have that an airline that has a crash usually goes at seen or heard that designation. least four or five years without a similar trag- I'm guessing that Alaska Airlines had en- edy. "If the plane goes down," I warned Ted, countered quite a few customers with cold "the second volume of The White Papers feet since the accident. That would explain goes with it." why they hustled us onboard with almost in- Ted's pep talk made me feel better until decent haste. No relaxed stroll down the jet- Alaska Airlines' near miss a week or so later. way for this outfit! They processed the board- The carrier seemed bent on beating the odds ing passes for the whole flight in a fraction of and I wasn't eager to contribute to a Believe the usual time. It -- Or Not! story. I admit that I enjoy seeing Having secured its prey in their narrow myself in the media, but death would take the seats, Alaska Airlines seemed to lose interest. joy out of the experience. The plane lingered in its parking spot for The logistics of traveling have become about 10 minutes. Then a stewardess an- somewhat more complex since Joyce mani- nounced that a small problem was causing an fested her heart condition at Corflu Nashville. equally minuscule delay. Marcy Waldie drove us to the airport at 10:45 for our 12:30 flight. Though it lengthens travel time, the early start lets Joyce negotiate the pre-flight routine at a more leisurely pace. McCarran’s termi- nals sprawls in all directions, so even moving sidewalks and a subway-like shuttle don't eliminate some long walks. On the other hand, we no longer wait on line to board. With perhaps just a bit of theat- rical emphasis, Joyce shuffles to the gate at first call. I follow, all solicitude and concern. Since her health appears to be improving, Joyce may have to put more stagecraft into her performance if we are to hold onto this perk. My celebrated courage, and the fact that 3 By this time, the more alert passengers Corflatch. I may've convinced a few that I'm had realized that the aircraft's air conditioning not a capering loony in a propeller beanie system wasn't working. When the captives who spouts a patois of Fancyclopedia began making noises about stretching their fanspeak and allusions to sixty-year-old legs back in the terminal, the flight crew re- events in which no one I actually know was acted with horror. Having rounded up a full present. I wouldn't want to replace that erro- complement of reckless travelers, they were neous impression with one that suggests that reluctant to give any of us a chance to escape. I'm prone to free-form hallucinations. They eventually surrendered to the My mind was very far from hyperfannish clamor and let people go back into the air- bullshit as the pilot steered us toward Seattle. port. They made their disapproval evident. I Two days earlier, ChannelSpace Entertain- was reading a John Grisham novel, so I ment's top management reluctantly ordered stayed where I was. They corralled everyone salary rollbacks for executives and furloughs and forced them back on the plane within 15 for about three-dozen people. The Content minutes. That turned out to be the beginning Department laid off 10 people. of the delay, not its culmination. Giving some deserving people a chance Fearful lest the passengers mutiny and felt great, but breaking the news about the bolt for the jetway, the crew locked the cutbacks was the downside. Their classy re- hatches. The pilot announced that the former sponses only made me feel worse about hav- lenient policy was a thing of the past and ing to tell them. drove the aircraft a discreet distance from the Usually, I've been on the other side of the jetway. "The hatches are sealed," a steward- table, receiving the bad news rather than giv- ess declared with heavy-handed satisfaction. ing it. I've never stayed at one place as a print If she had had a moustache, she would journalist for more than five years. The Inter- have twirled it triumphantly. (This is a liter- net has proven even more volatile. My last ary device known as "foreshadowing" that is three posts averaged one year each. regularly used in respected 18th and 19th Cen- CollectingChannel is doing what is neces- tury novels. Mentioning it in your review will sary to survive, to make its investment funds impress those who have not actually read last long enough to make key agreements to Corflatch Considered as a Helix of Semi- insure its survival. There's a good chance that Precious Stones and are unaware of this ex- they will win through and that many, if not planation. Fannish reputations have been all, of the furloughed people will be brought built on less.) back into the fold. Barry Friedman's concept We sat on the tarmac for two hours, is brilliant and many are committed to mak- slowly asphyxiating in our unventilated ing it happen. prison. Finally, the plane trundled down the Unfortunately, this optimistic prospectus runway to begin a completely ordinary flight. offers little comfort to those coping with a I hope those familiar with my early '90's con current crisis. I felt pain deep in my heart for report Gist of the Magicon won't be too dis- having to tell them that, through no fault of appointed if I don't tell you about our hijack- their own, they are without jobs. The knowl- ing by Agents of Roscoe or a clandestine edge that dwelling on my feelings when oth- meeting with a forger of imaginary issues of ers had worse problems exposed me as shal- famous fanzines. No reason to map the same low and self-centered didn't lift my spirits. territory twice. Many fans commented on the large num- Besides, I wouldn't want to undermine ber of fanzines distributed at Corflatch. Until my progress with some of the British fans at I got the bad news Tuesday night, I thought 4 there'd be at least one more. Suddenly, I was- day night at Corflu, I wouldn't have held it n't in the mood to finish Jackpot #1. I wasn't against him if he had given up and gone sure I should finish it, even if I could. Hand- straight to partying. ing out a feisty faanish fanzine didn't feel I was mighty glad to see him, though.