Smi on I Thought Taking Care of My Mom Meant Pu!Ing My Dreams on Hold

CAREGIVERS

Smi On I thought taking care of my mom meant pu!ing my dreams on hold

BY CHRISTOPHER JAMES BOHINSKI, Wilkes-Barre Township, Pennsylvania

!m h!!ked her arm thr!ugh away after a courageous battle with M mine. We walked slowly across brain cancer. the back porch, or at least as Shortly after I graduated, my mother fast as Mom could go, taking in the fell ill from septic shock. I decided to autumnal colors. “What’s bothering put my plans to move to NYC on hold you?” she asked, squeezing my arm. to help care for her. That caregiving She knew something was wrong. She lasted 10 months until she recovered. always knew. Finally I was able to move to that apart- “I guess I feel a bit…lost,” I said. ment in Harlem. The pine trees and butterly bushes I went to auditions and worked ca- were beautiful. Yet they reminded me tering gigs to pay the rent. I met a lot that just months earlier I’d been living of talented people. But I recognized a in a cramped apartment in Harlem, common thread in those I met: negativ- chasing a dream that now seemed fur- ity. What I’d been through with Mom ther away than ever. and Dad made me want to make my I love to perform and have always mark in a positive way. But how? wanted to live in New York City. I had I created a blog called NYC Smile studied chemistry and musical theater at Wheeling Jesuit University. Months JOY FOR LIFE Chris and mom Barbara know

before I graduated, my father passed that a positive a!itude makes all the diﬀerence. JIM GRAHAM

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4 Me, which focused on the question ing up, just when things were coming THE SMILE GUY Chris with his “What makes you smile?” I’d record together. mom and Kristin Chenoweth people’s answers and post them online. “If that’s what you think you need to Just that question alone made people do,” she said, “then okay.” and lots of food. Food dei- smile—and God smiled on my eforts. I uploaded a video to my YouTube nitely made folks smile. Soon I started receiving press pass- channel explaining why I was moving. The council took it un- es for red carpet events. I interviewed “You’re making a terrible mistake,” one der advisement. The next stars like Jonah Hill, Helen Mirren and of my friends said. “Don’t throw every- day the mayor called to Bette Midler. Everyone had a diferent thing away.” ask me to meet with him #SmileStory. “Getting asked that ques- Yes, but Mom was Mom. She came in his oice. tion makes me smile,” Chita Rivera said. irst, no matter what the sacriice. On “Chris,” he said, “Octo- “Children!” Steve Martin said. “My dog, the eve of my three-year anniversary ber 21 is officially Smile Thunder Pup,” Kristin Chenoweth said. of living in New York City, I packed up Day! You’re in charge.” “A garden full of ivy and knots,” Molly my Harlem apartment. I hurried home to tell Ringwald said. I was dubbed Boh the I immediately threw myself into my Mom the exciting news. Smile Guy. People loved the videos I put caregiving responsibilities. Doctor’s others right here. Go and see what re- “Mom, guess what?” I said when up on my YouTube channel. I was mak- appointments. Laundry. Serving meals. sources the mayor’s oice has for you.” I burst through the door. “We’re in ing people smile! Playing shut-the-box. Putting together NYC Smile 4 Me in Wilkes-Barre charge of a community-wide fall festi- I was working at the U.S. Open when puzzles. Dispensing medications. Township? Mom was right. People ev- val on October 21!” my sister, Chesla, called. “They found erywhere need smiles. I checked to see “October 21?” Mom glanced at the something on Mom’s lung,” she said. ith each passing day, my when the next town council meeting calendar. “Honey, that’s only four I went home immediately, praying all W caregiving duties made my would be. Mom and I kept talking and weeks away.” the way. dreams seem more and more hatched an idea. Four weeks. How on earth were we For the next eight months, I split my delayed. What did I have to show for A week later, I entered the town hall, going to pull this of? It wasn’t like go- time between New York and Wilkes- myself now? I remembered when the an imposing brick building. The coun- ing to some Manhattan opening where Barre Township. Ten days working— Today show’s Natalie Morales inter- cil and mayor sat around a large round I just stood on the red carpet with my glamorous parties and celebrity interviewed me and said, “I appreciate you. table. They spent an hour discussing microphone. I had to make this red car- views. Ten days sitting with Mom while There needs to be more people like town business, and then the mayor pet out of whole cloth. she received chemotherapy. you. I believe in you.” I didn’t regret be- asked if there were any new agenda “Where do we start?” All those three-hour car rides gave ing with Mom—not for a moment—but items. I stood up, took a deep breath, “Let’s get to work. We’re going to me plenty of time to think. What do I there was so much I wasn’t doing. smiled and began to speak. have to be creative,” Mom said. really want to do? Make people smile, That day on the back porch, walk- “I have a proposal,” I said. “Some of We cleared off the kitchen table. of course. But it was too hard when I ing slowly with Mom—the only exer- you know the work I do with my smile Mom took out a pad of paper and be- was worried about Mom. cise she was up for—it took me a while mission. And since moving back to care gan making lists. Places to call: the ire “Mom, I need to move home full before I could really answer her. What for my mom, I haven’t been able to ind department, the police department, the time,” I told her. was wrong? “If I’m going to be here, my a way to bring it to my hometown. Well, print shop. I put out a call on Facebook. I waited for her to list all of the rea- smile mission is going to be here too,” I would like to put on an event here for “Smile Day is happening. My mom and sons I shouldn’t move back. Mom had I said inally. our town—a Smile Festival.” I outlined I need your help. Send people and ideas always been my biggest supporter. She “People need smiles everywhere,” what it might be like, a sort of fall festi- our way, and we’ll do the rest!”

knew exactly how much I would be giv- Mom said. “There’s a lot you can do for CHRIS BOHINSKI COURTESY val, with free activities for everybody, The responses poured in. A friend

!6 GUIDEPOSTS | September 2018 !7 CAREGIVERS FAMILY ROOM helped set up interviews with local M E E T T H E PEOPLE IN OUR PAGES radio shows to get the word out. A den- tist donated prizes. A college fraternity ofered to oversee the ring toss. A Girl n just two and a half Scout troop volunteered to run a face- Iyears, Chris Bohinski painting booth. The police department (Smile On, page 54) has ofered a meet and greet with its K-9 asked his signature unit. The ire department said they’d question, “What makes cook the pizza and hot dogs. The yo- you smile?” to 500 people gurt shop volunteered its penguin mas- for his website nycsmile cot for pictures. 4me.com. He hit the I worried that all this planning was milestone with Tony too tiring for Mom, but she waved of Award winner Lea my concerns. “All of this excitement is Salonga while covering a nice diversion from my numb hands,” the 2018 Drama League she said. They were a side efect from SOUL SUPPORT Chris and his mom are Awards. Regular travel her chemotherapy. caregivers for each other. from Pennsylvania to The morning of the festival was New York—sometimes sunny and crisp. Mom and I arrived of a smile. And I knew I was exactly accompanied by his BOHINSKI Chris and his mom team up to make people smile. early to oversee a balloon delivery. Ev- where I was supposed to be. My own mom, Barbara—gives erybody had a million questions: Chris, dreams weren’t delayed; they were just Chris time to work on a new hobby her hair during cancer treatment. when should we put out the cupcakes? coming true in a diferent way than I of his: knitting. Shortly before moving Now that she’s in remission, he gives Chris, when will we present the Dr. had ever envisioned. back home to take care of his mom, them out to other cancer patients. Stanley T. Bohinski Smile Day award? I’ve been living at home for over a he stopped in a yarn store and got a Next up? The second Smile Day in Chris, where should people park their year now, and currently Mom’s health free lesson. “I was approached by a Wilkes-Barre Township this fall. Chris cars? Chris, when do we give out the is on the upswing. I’m still a caregiver, man who thought I was there for hopes to bring together his New York rale prizes? making pancakes for Mom at 3 a.m., ‘gentlemen’s night,’” Chris says. “Over and hometown friends this year. “I My big question to myself: What if when her medication keeps her awake, the next two hours, he taught me how have about a dozen city friends who nobody shows up? celebrating milestones like the day she to knit.” Chris’s specialty? Hats. He are ready to make the drive to

was able to drive again. But she also CHRIS BOHINSKI COURTESY made them for his mom when she lost Pennsylvania,” he says. t 10 a.m., the d!!rs !pened. acts as my caregiver, slipping confetti- A By 10:15, the fire hall was stufed cards into my bag when I make packed. The mayor pulled me the occasional foray into New York aside. “Boh, this is the most attended for some event, always welcoming me town event in recent history!” I looked home as I pull into the driveway. I pray around the room. Senior citizens play- that her health continues to improve. ing Bingo. An Elvis impersonator In the meantime, I make each mo- rockin’ and rollin’. Families dancing. ment count. With a smile. G Parents smiling. Kids winning prizes.

In that moment, I realized the power For more on this story, see FAMILY ROOM JIM GRAHAM

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