Looking for a Rembrandt DMX, Li Dig Own “Grave”
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Page 26 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY FEATURES March 11, 2003 Looking For a Rembrandt from EMPORIUM, page 21 didn’t make enough for her to quit her Ale tap, old bullets, a bobby whistle, a job. She just wanted to sit on her ass and one dollar bill selling for $2, a bright eat bon-bons all day, I guess.” green yo-yo, and a dead sea horse, old Buchheister is a man who obviously medals, a black and white picture of a loves his job. “I love all of it. It’s a con- soldier and dozens of other small trin- glomeration of stuff and people and it kets. makes things interesting.” There are neon beer signs for the One of the things that a visitor can stylish frat boy and bound copies of The easily tell is that Buchheister enjoys the New York Times Book Review from people he meets and the stories he can 1907, 1908 and 1913. Stacked on other tell. As we talk, a small white, curly- old books (which don’t sell well because haired dog walks by the window. “There “No one in this town can read”) are goes the recycling dog,” says Playboys wrapped in plastic. Buchheister. According to Buchheister, There is an Army jacket worn by every time the dog’s owner takes it for a someone named Swenson, boxes and walk, the dog will pick up a bottle or can boxes of framed paintings and photo- and take it home with him and put it in graphs, a velvet tapestry of Elvis going the recycling bin. Sure enough, a small, Courtesy of Warner Brothers for $45, a coffee mug shaped like a skull, blue plastic bottle is in the dog’s mouth. Take That: Kelly Hu tries to send Jet Li to his “Grave.” and next to the porcelain ballerina and Another of Buchheister’s favorite below the fuzzy clowns is a swastika stories is the one about the “robber”. A medallion, an iron cross ash tray and few years ago, a police officer drove by other Nazi regalia. Next to the Disney the store and thought he saw a robber DMX, Li Dig Own “Grave” World pen set are two patches of swords inside the store. The officer drew his gun piercing skulls. On the wall is a framed and was yelling at the robber to put his SHIRLEY LONG ing in to help. It turns out that there’s picture of a skull that says “Have a nice hands up and exit the store. The robber Retriever Weekly Staff Writer more to the diamonds than meets the eye, day” directly across from three huge refused to respond, because, well, he was and the team has to get them back before shelves devoted solely to novelty salt and dead. In fact, the robber wasn’t human. Once in a while, a martial arts movie the bad guy can put his evil plan into pepper shakers. The robber was a five foot tall stuffed comes along and takes the genre to a action. The store takes up two window-front bear. Buchheister placed it near the door whole new level. Unfortunately, “Cradle As I said, this movie fell drastically shops in the heart of Arbutus, but it is not hoping to draw in customers. After a 2 the Grave” (#1/2 stars out of ####) short of my expectations. The plot wasn’t exactly a store. Buchheister describes it phone call the next morning from the is not that film. Despite the huge amount exactly stellar and was somewhat pre- as more of a mall. He doesn’t own every- cop, the bear was moved away from the of star power involved, including Jet Li dictable. Action scenes were great, thing in it. Instead he rents out “booths” door. (“Kiss of the Dragon”), DMX (“Exit though. The highlight of the film, for me within his space, 15 in all. He has been Throughout the day, Buchheister is Wounds”), Kelly Hu (“The Scorpion anyway, was when a reluctant Su ended running the Emporium for nine years and grabbed by people to talk. One goes on King”), Gabrielle Union (“Deliver Us up participating in an illegal terminal bought the building it is housed in two about how happy he was to find an From Eva”), Tom Arnold (“Ablaze”), fighting tournament and, because he and half years ago. antique wrench. “They don’t make them Anthony Anderson (“Barbershop”), and wouldn’t fight, all the other participants Back up near the front are shelves like this anymore, and only five bucks Drag-On (“Exit Wounds”), the film falls got pissed off and he ended up facing at with old combat helmets from different too,” he says. Another tells him about a drastically short of its goal. least a dozen of these heavily muscled countries; they are what got Buchheister silver cup he won at a golf tournament “Cradle 2 the Grave” is the story of a guys. It was one of the most amazing mar- hooked on his profession.. When he was years ago worth $40,000. Buchheister group of ethical thieves led by Tony Fait tial arts sequences I’ve ever seen, and I six, Buchheister’s uncle gave a German tells the old man he shouldn’t sell it and (DMX). The rest of the group includes felt it was greatly enhanced by the partic- army helmet from WWII that he brought should pass it down in his family. He Tommy (Anderson), Daria (Union), and ipation of real-life ultimate fighters Tito back with him. Ever since, Buchheister gives mini lectures on the making of Miles (Drag-On). After they steal some Ortiz and Chuck Liddel. Plus, the comic has been collecting and selling, his spe- samurai swords and German ships. He black diamonds for a buyer, their lives are relief provided by Archie (who used the cialty being “militaria.” He started sell- breaks off his conversation with an old turned upside down. The buyer is killed opportunity to bet on the fight and make a ing at flea markets but grew tired of con- man, “This is one of the joys of owning a by some new players who’ve taken an lot of money) provided the extra “punch” stantly setting up and taking down his place like this, the social aspect,” he says. interest in the diamonds, and half of the the scene needed. Beyond that, though, displays, so he decided to open his own Another man walks by and says simply rest of their take is stolen by Taiwanese there isn’t really much to say. store. His first one lasted a year, and then “That’s right, he tells it from the heart.” Intelligence Agent Su (Li), who’s also If you’re looking for one of those he moved to his current location in The magic of the place, according to looking for the black diamonds. Tony “wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am” action Arbutus just over nine years ago. Buchheister, is the thrill of the chase. takes the diamonds to local jack-of-all- films, then by all means, go see “Cradle 2 Before that, he spent a year at West Finding and selling old valuable antiques trades Archie (Arnold) in an attempt to the Grave”. But, if you’re looking for an Virginia Wesleyan, and then got his (his current record is $5,300 for three find out what the big deal is with them. action film that actually has some sub- Associates Degree at UCLA, University German WWII knives). “Everyone hopes Naturally, the diamonds are stolen stance to it, I’d hold out for the big sum- of Catonsville - Left of Arbutus. “I’ve to find the Rembrandt at their neighbor’s from Archie by the new player’s hired mer movie blow-out, which is usually seen friends go out and get their degree yard sale.” thugs. To make things worse, the new guy when the really good films come out to and get jobs and be miserable. I’d rather Until he finds a Rembrandt though, also kidnaps Tony’s daughter Vanessa play. Personally, I’d be perfectly happy be happy and make less money.” Buchheister is simply thrilled to pay the (played by newcomer Paige Hurd). In never to see this particular film again. If I The store has not come without sac- rent every month. “I’ll never be a order to get her back and find the dia- want to see Jet Li, there’s always a copy rifices. He was married for 13 years, but Donald Trump,” he says, “but I don’t monds, Tony and Su team together, with of “Romeo Must Die” lurking around the divorced a few years ago. “I didn’t make need to be a Donald Trump. I’m happy Archie and the rest of Tony’s team pitch- local video store. enough money for my wife’s standards. I just the way I am.”.