Looking for a Rembrandt DMX, Li Dig Own “Grave”

Page 26

THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY

FEATURES

March 11, 2003

Looking For a Rembrandt

from EMPORIUM, page 21

didn’t make enough for her to quit her job. She just wanted to sit on her ass and eat bon-bons all day, I guess.”
Buchheister is a man who obviously loves his job. “I love all of it. It’s a conglomeration of stuff and people and it makes things interesting.”
Ale tap, old bullets, a bobby whistle, a one dollar bill selling for $2, a bright green yo-yo, and a dead sea horse, old medals, a black and white picture of a soldier and dozens of other small trinkets.
One of the things that a visitor can easily tell is that Buchheister enjoys the people he meets and the stories he can tell. As we talk, a small white, curlyhaired dog walks by the window. “There goes the recycling dog,” says Buchheister. According to Buchheister, every time the dog’s owner takes it for a walk, the dog will pick up a bottle or can and take it home with him and put it in the recycling bin. Sure enough, a small, blue plastic bottle is in the dog’s mouth.
Another of Buchheister’s favorite stories is the one about the “robber”. A few years ago, a police officer drove by the store and thought he saw a robber inside the store. The officer drew his gun and was yelling at the robber to put his hands up and exit the store. The robber refused to respond, because, well, he was dead. In fact, the robber wasn’t human. The robber was a five foot tall stuffed bear. Buchheister placed it near the door hoping to draw in customers. After a phone call the next morning from the cop, the bear was moved away from the door.
Throughout the day, Buchheister is grabbed by people to talk. One goes on about how happy he was to find an antique wrench. “They don’t make them like this anymore, and only five bucks too,” he says. Another tells him about a silver cup he won at a golf tournament years ago worth $40,000. Buchheister tells the old man he shouldn’t sell it and should pass it down in his family. He gives mini lectures on the making of samurai swords and German ships. He breaks off his conversation with an old man, “This is one of the joys of owning a place like this, the social aspect,” he says.
Another man walks by and says simply
“That’s right, he tells it from the heart.”
The magic of the place, according to
Buchheister, is the thrill of the chase. Finding and selling old valuable antiques (his current record is $5,300 for three German WWII knives). “Everyone hopes to find the Rembrandt at their neighbor’s yard sale.”
There are neon beer signs for the stylish frat boy and bound copies of The New York Times Book Review from 1907, 1908 and 1913. Stacked on other old books (which don’t sell well because “No one in this town can read”) are Playboys wrapped in plastic.
There is an Army jacket worn by someone named Swenson, boxes and boxes of framed paintings and photographs, a velvet tapestry of Elvis going for $45, a coffee mug shaped like a skull, and next to the porcelain ballerina and below the fuzzy clowns is a swastika medallion, an iron cross ash tray and other Nazi regalia. Next to the Disney World pen set are two patches of swords piercing skulls. On the wall is a framed picture of a skull that says “Have a nice day” directly across from three huge shelves devoted solely to novelty salt and pepper shakers.
The store takes up two window-front shops in the heart of Arbutus, but it is not exactly a store. Buchheister describes it as more of a mall. He doesn’t own everything in it. Instead he rents out “booths” within his space, 15 in all. He has been running the Emporium for nine years and bought the building it is housed in two and half years ago.
Back up near the front are shelves with old combat helmets from different countries; they are what got Buchheister hooked on his profession.. When he was six, Buchheister’s uncle gave a German army helmet from WWII that he brought back with him. Ever since, Buchheister has been collecting and selling, his specialty being “militaria.” He started selling at flea markets but grew tired of constantly setting up and taking down his displays, so he decided to open his own store. His first one lasted a year, and then he moved to his current location in Arbutus just over nine years ago.

Courtesy of Warner Brothers

Take That: Kelly Hu tries to send Jet Li to his “Grave.”

DMX, Li Dig Own “Grave”

ing in to help. It turns out that there’s

SHIRLEY LONG

Retriever W e ekly Staff Writer

more to the diamonds than meets the eye, and the team has to get them back before
Once in a while, a martial arts movie the bad guy can put his evil plan into comes along and takes the genre to a action.

whole new level. Unfortunately, “Cradle

As I said, this movie fell drastically

2 the Grave” (#1/2 stars out of ####) short of my expectations. The plot wasn’t exactly stellar and was somewhat predictable. Action scenes were great, though. The highlight of the film, for me anyway, was when a reluctant Su ended up participating in an illegal terminal fighting tournament and, because he wouldn’t fight, all the other participants got pissed off and he ended up facing at least a dozen of these heavily muscled guys. It was one of the most amazing martial arts sequences I’ve ever seen, and I felt it was greatly enhanced by the participation of real-life ultimate fighters Tito Ortiz and Chuck Liddel. Plus, the comic relief provided by Archie (who used the opportunity to bet on the fight and make a lot of money) provided the extra “punch” the scene needed. Beyond that, though, there isn’t really much to say.
If you’re looking for one of those
“wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am” action films, then by all means, go see “Cradle 2 the Grave”. But, if you’re looking for an action film that actually has some substance to it, I’d hold out for the big summer movie blow-out, which is usually when the really good films come out to play. Personally, I’d be perfectly happy never to see this particular film again. If I want to see Jet Li, there’s always a copy of “Romeo Must Die” lurking around the local video store. is not that film. Despite the huge amount of star power involved, including Jet Li (“Kiss of the Dragon”), DMX (“Exit Wounds”), Kelly Hu (“The Scorpion King”), Gabrielle Union (“Deliver Us From Eva”), Tom Arnold (“Ablaze”), Anthony Anderson (“Barbershop”), and Drag-On (“Exit Wounds”), the film falls drastically short of its goal.
“Cradle 2 the Grave” is the story of a group of ethical thieves led by Tony Fait (DMX). The rest of the group includes Tommy (Anderson), Daria (Union), and Miles (Drag-On). After they steal some black diamonds for a buyer, their lives are turned upside down. The buyer is killed by some new players who’ve taken an interest in the diamonds, and half of the rest of their take is stolen by Taiwanese Intelligence Agent Su (Li), who’s also looking for the black diamonds. Tony takes the diamonds to local jack-of-alltrades Archie (Arnold) in an attempt to find out what the big deal is with them.
Naturally, the diamonds are stolen from Archie by the new player’s hired thugs. To make things worse, the new guy also kidnaps Tony’s daughter Vanessa (played by newcomer Paige Hurd). In order to get her back and find the diamonds, Tony and Su team together, with Archie and the rest of Tony’s team pitch-
Before that, he spent a year at West
Virginia Wesleyan, and then got his Associates Degree at UCLA, University of Catonsville - Left of Arbutus. “I’ve seen friends go out and get their degree and get jobs and be miserable. I’d rather be happy and make less money.”
The store has not come without sacrifices. He was married for 13 years, but divorced a few years ago. “I didn’t make enough money for my wife’s standards. I

Until he finds a Rembrandt though,
Buchheister is simply thrilled to pay the rent every month. “I’ll never be a Donald Trump,” he says, “but I don’t need to be a Donald Trump. I’m happy just the way I am.”