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Page 12 — Pittsburgh Catholic, Friday, August 26, 1983 Entertainment Movie review '‘M e ta lsto rm 9 a disaster A look at Fall shows "Metalstorm. The Destruction ol can only really wonder why there Jtred-Syn": A Char toe Band Film. are so many people going to R Jattray Byron........................Dogar movies? This was meant to be Kelly Preston.....................Dhyana suitable for the family, but no Tim Thomaraon..................Rhodes family should be subjected to By JAMES BREIG when it is bought by a family. She appears only to Mika Preston.................Jsrad-Syn F R . P E T E R something made in such haste and The stores say “Back to School Sale." The the 14-year-old boy and helps him in his problems. Richard Moll......................... Hurok HORTON poor taste. The audience deserves football teams say, “ We'll defend that goal "The Before her, he didn't have — all together now — a written by Alan AdlerIproduced by much better for the price of their hardware stores advertise their rakes. ghost of a chance. Charles Band and Alan Alder/Direc­ tickets, and “Metalstorm” fails to These are Autumn's precursors and among "F o r Love and Honor." I ’ll let the network tell ted by Charles Band/an Albert Band deliver anything salvageable. them is TV, saying, "Here are our new you about it — "The dreams, aspirations, International production!a “Metalstorm” is billed as being program s." So, for the next few columns. I'll be comedy-filled adventures and romantic intrigues Universal Picture Rated PQ tor "H igh Noon” at the end of the introducing the three commercial networks’ involving young male and female recruits of the soma graphic violence and action. universe. Believe me, the offerings to give you a preview of what they will crack 88th Airborne Division form the fabric of least. Kelly Preston is pure producers of “High Noon” should dangle to tempt you away from cable, pay-Tv and this series.” In other words, they ripped off By FR. PETER HORTON decoration, but at least she breaks sue for slander. “Metalstorm” is the other attractions for your eyes. “Officer and a Gentleman," Here we are again on a distant up the dull sets. The villain, Jared- not a “High Noon,” nor is it First up: NBC, which has been mired in third "Rousters." Stephen Cannell (one of my planet in some unknown galaxy in Syn, is a typical corrupt and evil anything even remotely connect­ place for so long it is becoming the Chicago Cubs favorite writer-producers for his work on an unknown era of time. The schemer, but the heroes are so ed to a classic. This film is simply of television. But N BC is gam bling a little, “Rockford Files’ and "The Greatest American planet could be any one of those hardened in toughness that they “3-D”: dumb, disgraceful! and renewing “Cheers" and "St. Elsewhere” from H ero” ) is in charge of this hour about the which make up our own galaxy, all begin to look the same. Once dull, another extravagant waste of last season, despite their weak ratings, in hopes descendents of Wyatt Earp. Who said there are no any one but earth, that is. The time you have seen all this, the only time, energy and money which an audience will catch up to them. more great series ideas left? Chad Everett — frame could be the past or the words that come to mind are, just might cause the final demise On the other hand, NBC isn’t totally noble, as remember him? — plays Earp III, the roustabout future, but no one really cares as “Why am I here?” for three-dimensional photogra­ witness such new programs as “Manimal." So for a carnival, “a job that keeps him in the middle past and present film plots are “Metalstorm” is a disaster, a phy. Then, come to think of it, let’s go take a peek at what they have to offer: of the action and comedy.” I’m betting Cannell spun into one complex, moth- film without merit other than the there hasn’t been a decent "3-D” "Boone.” Remember "The Waltons”? Its can pull this off. eaten tapestry. fact it is rated PG. However, when film yet. “ M etalstorm ” keeps that creator, E arl Hamner, is behind this hour-long "The Yellow Rose. ’ ’ and now back to Texas for A bit of this, a bit of that in an PG rated pictures are so horrid, unattractive heritage intact. comedy-drama about the Fifties and a young man this tale of a working ranch, rich folks, complex unintelligible screenplay in Nashville who wants to be a country music star. emotions and lots of soapsuds. basically dealing with revenge. "A unique show with all-family appeal," says the “Manimal." This is the one you have been Add a touch of the old "3-D," and Movie ratings network (the source of all quotes in this colum n). waiting to hear about. “A beautiful, bright supposedly this will cover up all Movies at area theaters: Superman III, A-II Meanwhile, Pat Boone must be demanding detective teams with a noted criminology the mistakes contained within this Trading Places, O copyright fees. professor, ’ ’ who has the ability — get this — to extra-terrestial cinematic Blue Thunder, O War Games, A-II "B a y City B lues." The third word of the title transform himself into a variety of animals. So wasteland. Too bad earthlings are Breathless, O Movies on Home Box Office: should be a clue since the folks behind "H ill Street when she says to him, "You animal," she knows responsible for this galactic Class, O Arthur, A-III B lues" are in charge of this dram a about "young of what she speaks. And you thought this was nightmare called “Metalstorm: Easy Money, O Barbarosa, A-II adults in a working class town in California” who reserved for Saturday morning cartoons. the Destruction of Jared-Syn." Fast Times at Ridgemont Best Little Whorehouse in are ‘ 'connected by their association with the local There you have them; how do they sound? "Metalstorm " follows the High, O Texas, O minor-league baseball team, the Bay City daring adventures of a young Fanny and Alexander, A-IV Some more news about NBC this coming Cat People, O Bluebirds." Not enough ballgames on cable for warrior named Dogen and his pal 48 Hrs., O season: "V ," the science fiction movie which had Firefox, A-III you? How about this show as a winter fili-in? Rhodes. After coming to the aid of Flashdance, O no ending when it aired last spring, will return G regory’s Girl, A -II a damsel in distress, the m erry Jaws 3-D, A-III "We Got It Made.” First, there was "Three’s with six more hours. “ Little House on the Heavy Metal O trio go off on a vengeful mission to Krull, A-II Company" about two girls living with a guy. Prairie," which was cancelled, will pop up in Looker, A-III destroy the enemy, Jared-Syn. On The Man Who Wasn’t There, O Guess what this show is about. Right — two three two-hour specials. Melissa Gilbert, who The Missionary, O the way through this junkyard of a bachelors hire a “gorgeous, savvy young played Laura on “House," will be Jean Donavan National Lampoon’s Vaca­ Mommie Dearest, A-III planet, our trio encounters villains tion A -III woman” as their housekeeper, who is “eye­ in “Roses,” the story of the churchwomen slain in Night Shift, O of various shapes, sizes and catching and neat-as-a-pin." Somehow, I think El Salvador. Octopussy, A-III Outland, A-III deformities as well as toys I've seen this all before. An Officer and a Gentleman, Reds, A—III (Recommend­ A seven-hour miniseries about John Kennedy is ranging from army-issue tanks to O ed “Mr. Smith." This is probably the single most being filmed. “A.D.," a look at the first NASA-brand space ships. There Porky’s II: The Next Day, O unbelievable Fall program, even beating Christians, is before the cameras. The original are deserts and more deserts, but Private School, O Silence of the North, A-II “ Manimal." Mr. Smith as an orangutan with a 256 cast of Burt Lancaster and Julie Christie has been not much more. If the landscape Return of the Jedi, A-II Summer Lovers, O IQ and the ability to talk. He is — I ’m serious now replaced by lesser lights. Mr. T should be on were any more developed, it The Star Chamber, A-III Time Bandits, A-III — hired by the government to be a consultant on “A.D.” since it would make a nice monogram; would steal the show. Staying Alive, A-III Young Doctors in Love O the MX missile and Supreme Court cases. It’s instead, he will be the star of a new Saturday As the latest entry in the “ 3-D " from the creators of "Taxi,” who are alumni of morning cartoon series. Other new cartoons for sweepstakes, the film does "The Mary Tyler Moore Show." They hope you nothing beyond that we have Local TV, radio the kiddies: “ Alvin and the Chipmunks” and TELEVISION PROGRAMS will go ape over this program. "G oing B ananas" about — oh, no! — another already seen. The technique is far Channel 4 "Jennifer Slept Here.” Ann Jillian stars as the orangutan. from perfected, still bothering the Directions 6:30 a.m. Sunday Channel 2 For Our Times ghost of a movie star who remains with her home (Next week: More Fall previews) eye and a chore to watch.

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