Still I Rise Maya Angelou

You may write me down in history With your bitter, twisted lies, You may trod me in the very dirt But still, like dust, I’ll rise. Pachoto

Does my sassiness upset you? Why are you beset with gloom? Journal ‘Cause I walk like I’ve got oil wells Pumping in my living room. 2013 Just like moons and like suns, With the certainty of tides, Just like hopes springing high, Still I’ll rise.

Did you want to see me broken? Bowed head and lowered eyes? Shoulders falling down like teardrops. Weakened by my soulful cries.

Does my haughtiness offend you? Don’t you take it awful hard ‘Cause I laugh like I’ve got gold mines Diggin’ in my own back yard.

You may shoot me with your words, You may cut me with your eyes, You may kill me with your hatefulness, But still, like air, I’ll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you? Does it come as a surprise That I dance like I’ve got diamonds At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history’s shame Katswe Sistahood I rise 25 Edmonds Ave Up from a past that’s rooted in pain I rise Belvedere, Harare I’m a black ocean, leaping and wide, [email protected] Compilation & Editing by Welling and swelling I bear in the tide. www.katswesistahood.com Leaving behind nights of terror and fear Winnet Shamuyarira & Talent Jumo I rise Into a daybreak that’s wondrously clear I rise Supported by V-monologues Scripting by Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave, Rudo Chigudu I am the dream and the hope of the slave. I rise I rise I rise. I am my sisters keeper

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+263 8644 102 542 Every Woman has a story to tell...

Woman: Sacred! Powerful!

It is in the swing of my hips The parting of my lips, the curve of my breasts The silky softness of my legs It is in the huskiness of my voice In the batting of my eyelids In the movement of my arms

It is in the subtlety of my scent The punctuation of my walk It is the shaking, twisting turning In the gyrating and mourns of pleasure It is in the brightness of my smile The ripeness of my full lips

They call me names, all these labels to describe my freedom, hure, slut, whore, loose My ability to choose my own lovers, My ability to decide where, when, why, and with whom I find pleasure My presence at a bar, my walking down the street after dark. My skirt that is not long enough to trip me over, My African hair growing wild and untamed is not womanly enough, not dignified enough.

Hanzi zvinongodawo kuti unzi mai nhingi mufunge (They say ‘iiiii, it’s just better to be a ‘MRS’- even if he beats you to death- at least you die with your dignity intact- it will say MRS so & so on your Tombstone!”. Mai nhingi vekuita sei, that is your choice and you are free to live it. Handikushore ini, saka iwe unondishorerei. …I hear them as I walk down the street, whispering of how I was raped by my father, how I am a victim of date rape as a teenager; Yes I was, so what? You want me to curl up and die, sink into the earth and never come out. I cannot let what those bastards did to me end my life. I AM sacred and powerful This is a celebration of the gorgeous creation that I am I am woman, uninhibited woman Freed from the chains and slavery of public opinion I am woman and you cannot deny it. It ooooozes from the s-w-i-n-g of MY hips…… … the parting of my lips ….the very scent of me I AM woman, Sacred. Powerful. …and if you cannot take it, that’s too bad for you… Where did the stories come from? This journal is a collection of women’s stories, Every woman has a story to tell: The stories a unique gift to the women and girls of Zimba- in this collection were edited by Katswe but bwe- because her experience is told ‘in her own narrated by the young women from diverse V-Warriors Journals words’. We are grateful for the Sistahood we backgrounds and who are part of the Kats- have found in JASS, and many other organiza- we-Pachoto community. Most of the stories tions across the globe- which continue to ignite were then packaged for a stage performance; our passion working towards women’s growth the V-Monologues- our theatre and arts plat- and well-being. Many friends of Katswe, and form for awareness raising and advocacy. It is specifically JASS, have encouraged us to doc- Katswe’s hope that the stories will touch a heart 2013 ument our voices, and stories. There is a great and help transform, inspire and ignite sparks of saying that ‘the faintest ink is better than the hope, resilience and tenacity to break the norm sharpest memory’. and transmute women’s lives. The process of collecting stories was one of When Katswe Sistahood ventured into the pain, joy, laughter, tears, support, silence and adventure and journey of documenting wom- above all healing. Realising the emotions that The power of story-telling en’s stories, we began to deeply appreciate the story telling entails, the process was backed up power of voice, a power in allowing raw truth by the Heart, Mind Body (HMB) concept. HMB ‘There is a gift I receive in all of the Katswe spaces, it is a great and experience to spill past the protective walls is a strategy that prioritises the well-being of reminder why I do the work I do with the women’s movements in that we all construct for ourselves. Only after individuals as essential for nurturing stronger or- these walls have been breached, and our stories ganisations and catalysing movements for real, Africa & the world. It is an invaluable gift. So, thank you’. echo out beyond our control, can we begin to sustained change. Ensuring that the strategy understand that power, which can serve as cata- itself defends women’s bodies, the agendas re- Shereen Essof’ lyst for action, change, and revolutions. flect and channel women’s passions, values and anger (heart) and tap into their minds through wise political choices shaped by a careful evalu- ation of power, interests and information.

About Katswe The organization was founded in 2007 as a loose network of dynamic young women concerned about young women’s lack of access to sexual and reproductive health rights and services. Finding themselves trapped in another war surrounding their bodies at a time when economic struggles had gripped the entire nation, this group of young women recognized the second battle young women had to fight where their bodies were a currency for survival and also an intense source of violence. Katswe is “rooted in a feminist analysis and women’s lived realities, Katswe creates safe spaces for learning, sharing and consciousness-raising that catalyse women’s collective power to act.” Katswe Vision “A world where women have the power, skills and agency to effect meaningful change.” Katswe’s Identity “Driven by fierce commitment Katswe places the politics of women’s bodies at the heart of organ- ising. Transcending differences and working with marginalised women, Katswe uses the transform- ative power of SAFE spaces to explode “sacred cows”, challenge taboo issues and build a sista- hood to liberate all women.”

1 2 Why? Salome’s* Story:

was young, ten years old to be precise, but I could see life slipping away from my mother. On her bed is where she remained as sisters and aunts nursed her. I thought I would be afraid, afraid of seeing death pulling her slowly, but I was not. I sat by her bed day after day till the day I looked at her and she looked away. I thought I had imagined it, but she could not look me in the eye. Like a child who has been caught stealing and cannot stand to look at their mother. II had heard before that when one is seriously ill and they refuse to meet your gaze, then the an- cestors will be calling them. I concluded that my mother’s end was near. “Salome, my daughter, I need to tell you something.” I could see fear on her face as she said this. I begged her to tell me

Wars on our bodies

she could not. For days I thought of nothing else. Our lives are about fighting, fighting for What was my mother so afraid to tell me? Finally she called me again, in a whisper she told me how my recognition as complete human beings, late grandmother, her mother had visited her dreams fighting to get an identity document, instructing her to tell me the truth. fighting to ensure that our children go With her face turned away she narrated the story to school, fighting to put food on the of how she went to find a few twigs to light the fire table, fighting off the violations from leaving me playing in the yard. relatives, friends, partners- and some- “A few minutes later I returned to find you bathed times the police (who attack instead and asleep.” Babamunini (my father’s younger broth- of protect). Fighting, fighting, endless er), a deeply patriarchal man that does not believe fighting. men should care for children had bathed me? I was taken aback. How had he bathed and put a two year Every step, breath, & stride I make is a old to bed. When you awoke I realised you could not fight, a fight that is mine to win, for I am walk. I took you to Gogo Rutsanana who explained that you had been violated. I could not bear it. I a warrior; Nubian warrior. told your grandmother and other family members (Winnet Shamuyarira) * Not her real name

4 Wars on our bodies…….

who all insisted that the matter be dealt with in the family. I was angry but I did not have the courage to stand up to them, not until the day I walked in and found your Babamunini making When you dare to another attempt to rape you. As soon as he saw me he ran. That is the day I packed all my be different belongings and left the village. I left everything and took you with me. How I wish I had been ** stronger, ensured that that father* of yours was Princess’ Story: sent to prison. He took away from you mwanan- is a very cold winter evening. I can feel gu (my child) and I will never forgive myself. my toes turn to ice even though they Please forgive me so the ancestors can grant are in the comfort of boots and socks. me passage and accept me into the heavens.” As usual, I am standing at the corner of I watched my mother’s tears pour out of her Fourth Street and Josiah Chinamano, eyes. She never looked at me again till she died Ithoping to attract the attention of a well- paying a few days later. I was filled with a rage I cannot customer. I am feeling lucky tonight ‘pamwe explain. A rage that started from the pit of my ndichabata mhene inondipawo pakuru peku- stomach. How had my entire family allowed this ti ndikwanise kubhadhara fees yevana vangu’ man to get away with such a thing. I got on a (maybe I will be able to get a client who will pay bus and headed to the village where I found my me well enough to go and pay off my children’s father . I told him I had little time and needed fees). These thoughts help me contain the cold. for more than 20 years and this was my first time they had tried to pay for my fees, maybe, just to speak to him urgently. I looked him square I pull out a cigarette and start smoking. In that to see a client with a gun. I had been through maybe I would not be in this predicament. in the face and asked him. ‘Ichokwadi here kuti instance, a Range Rover comes and stops right other forms of violence and torture but had I am thankful that I survived to tell this story, ndiri mwana mudiki makandibata chibharo?’ (Is in front of me. In my heart I just say thank you never envisaged a point when I would have survived only physically for emotionally I am it true that when I was young you raped me?) to my ancestors for hearing my plea, a Range to have sex at gun point. With the gun hang- scarred. I carry scars from that night and many Blood drained from his face, he instantly looked Rover… he should be able to pay well. ‘Hey ing over my head, he made me eat his penis; other nights, scars from rape by the police, the 20 years older, He tried to mumble something babes, how much is your short time***?’, he asked twice he came in my mouth. I went through the people who are meant to protect us. Scars from and he stuttered. Eventually he fell to his knees from the open window of his car.’ $30’ was my motions in a daze. The man asked me to keep being made to feel less than a human being; of and wept. I stared at him unmoved. To date I prompt response. He asked me to get into his going, he kept telling me that he wanted to being reduced to less than a dog. still struggle with this knowledge. Knowing that car so that we could go to his place. He told me make sure that I felt pain and I would go back I am ostracized by my community, I am made to a father, the one who was supposed to protect that $30 was too little; he would instead give to the street to tell other ‘whores’ that sex work feel as if I deserve all the pain, the hurt. I have me is the same man who violated me. He violat- me $100. ‘Babie, you look too juicy, I will give was not an option. I tried to plead with him, told heard many people say: ‘How can a sex worker ed me, but I am the one who carries the shame. you $100 and you can help relieve the stress I him my HIV status and about my young children be raped? Is that not what they want anyway?’ The shame of being raped. How do I tell my am under and fulfill my fantasies.’ I was ecstat- at home, he was not moved. He then told me I cannot access justice fully even in instances husband that my own father raped me? How do ic. I had already started doing the math in my to lie on my back, roughly pulled my legs apart, where I have been violated for fear of being I make him understand that my father robbed head, I could pay my children’s outstanding inserted his manhood into my vagina without criminalised. me of my womanhood? fees and still have a bit more to spare. I thought protection and raped me. I could not under- Even though the man who made me go To date, I feel everyone who looks at me knows after him, I would go home, there was no need stand his hatred. He then took out a knife and through torture and raped me was arrested and what happened to me. Being able to tell you to continue braving the cold. asked me to bend on my knees. He took out a convicted to 15 years in jail, I have not known this story has been the start to a journey of We got to his apartment, a well- furnished knife which he forced into my anal opening, he justice. I live in my own jail, even if he stays in healing and self-acceptance. I am ready to tell duplex flat in one of the affluent streets in town. said he needed to make way for his penis. He prison for the rest of his life, my own scars, pain my story to others, to allow other sisters who The brother did not want to waste any time, tore through the tissue in my anus, by this time and hurt, will keep me captive. I live with the may have gone through similar experiences to he led me to the bedroom which was upstairs. I was numb to pain, my ancestors had deserted pain, pain that has been inflicted on me merely know that they are not alone. I want the world That is when my nightmare started. As soon as me. He raped me, again, and again- till I passed because I am woman. A woman who has decid- to know that I am a survivor not a victim. I am a we got into the bedroom, a monster replaced out. ed to use her vagina to pay her bills and send woman of many strengths and will not allow my the man I had driven with, chatted to and made When I regained my consciousness, he was her children to school. The work I do is crimi- father (Babamunini who raped me) to take that small talk with in the car. A monster with blood- lying on the floor, in his vomit- a bottles of hot nalised and looked down upon because I am a away from me. shot red eyes stood in front of me holding a stuff thrown all over. threat to a system that says women’s bodies are gun. I froze. I had been in the sex work industry This was my chance- to finally escape this night- not their own. Tell me, is this body too isn’t my ** Not her real name mare. I tried to move- but the pain was excru- own to control and utilize for my survival, then *** Short time is street lingo used in the sex worker trade to ciating. I have never known such pain. I cursed what on this earth will ever be regarded as my * In Shona culture, a brother to your father is considered a determine the period that one will spend with a sex worker. It ranges father to you. between 5 -30 minutes. It is also sometimes referred to as one round. everyone; my father, my mother, my relatives, if own?

5 6 Wars on our bodies…….

pushing me for sex but I had told him that I had me to believe that Simba didn’t love To what end? to wait for marriage. I remember the day Simba me but I also trusted my sister. She * told me that it was over. I felt the world slipping was the pride and joy of my parents. Tinashe’s Story. from under my feet. Simba had become my All my mother’s words of wisdom world and I could not imagine living without started with ‘Hona sisi vako mai him. I vividly remember the day like it was yes- Panashe, haudi kuchatawo was brought up to value my virginity. I was terday. zvinodadisa kudaro, kuita imba constantly reminded that I had to be pure for “I think you need to grow up first then you and yako…………’ (look at your my husband. That way, my marriage will be I can get back together. When you are grown I sister Panashe, do you not guaranteed of happiness and respect. “No will be waiting for you.” want to do us proud by man appreciates used goods” my mother I read and re-read the text. I could barely make getting married like her) So Iwould constantly tell me. At 15, I started dating sense of it. I knew this had nothing to do with I decided I was not going Simba. Simba was my first boyfriend and we my age. It had everything to do with the fact to beg Simba or compro- truly loved each other. He was my first kiss but I that for four years I had insisted I would only mise. refused to go all the way. Like the good girl that have sex after we were married. I could hear my I needed to find some- my mother had taught me to be, I decided I sister’s words, ‘ukaona mukomana anorambira one who could fill the would keep my virginity for my marriage bed. musikana kuti aramba kurara naye chibva wazi- void that had been left by Four years into the relationship, Simba told va kuti haamude.’ (If a guy leaves you because Simba. me he could not take it anymore. He had been you have refused to sleep with him, just know A short while later I began dating Kelvin. A month into * Not her real name that he never loved you) It was a little hard for the relationship he asked me to walk him to a friend’s house. At his friend’s house we found a wom- an that insisted I get into the house. A little while later the woman excused herself to go and buy airtime. She left me and In Kelvin alone in the house. Kelvin started touching me and I asked him to stop. He grabbed me pin- ning my arms and legs. He RAPED me. I can still feel his weight on top of me, his smell as he Zimbabwe, tore away at my womanhood. My precious 20% and priceless womanhood! How do I explain to the man who will marry me, that he forced himself on me, that I am good woman when 1 in 5 girls the proof of my goodness is gone? I am still with Kelvin, but my heart is with Simba. I still remember how Kelvin forced himself on me. That day is still deeply first sexual 80% entrenched on my mind. I keep asking myself what the fuss about my virginity had been all about. I had kept it, treas- ured it, hoping that I would share it with experience someone I loved, someone who would put equal value to it. Why do I have to put a value on my virginity? I lost it to a man I hardly knew, a man who forced was against himself on me, a man I am with current- ly only because he broke my virginity. At times I wish I could turn back the hands of time, slept with Simba instead of keeping my their will. hymen intact, only to be violated and robbed by a man I hardly knew.

7 8 When love does not conform……. “I am grateful for spaces such as Katswe, GALZ and Kasipiti. Spac- es that allow for lesbian women to open up and talk about issues that af- fect them without fear of judgment.”

teen. I loved to play with the boys but I never that the tablets may have had on her. On being for who I am. I made to feel ashamed for loving Perfectly normal felt anything for them. I always melted when questioned why she had attempted to commit the people I have feelings for. speaking to the girls. I would get Goosebumps suicide, my aunt declared that she feared hell’s The society that I live in has not made it any Mel’s* Story all over my body whenever I got a hug, a friend- fire as she was living with sin. I was the sin that better. I have been asked by many whether I ly pat on the back from a female friend. had nearly led to my aunt’s death. I knew then am a man or a woman. It is as if I chose to have As the years went by, my family became fully that I had to move out and go and live on my the body that I have. I am asked how women aware of my sexuality but it was only spoken own. have sex, I am reminded that only men can give was the first grandchild on both my families about in whispers. It was a subject that no one I am now living in my own space but I still do women pleasure. I am constantly reminded of sides. It is a big deal as they are a lot of ex- ever wanted to bring up. I however would not know peace. My family still does not talk how patriarchal and homophobic our society pectations that come with being the oldest. constantly be questioned about my boyfriend. about my sexuality and my love for women. I is. I yearn for the day that people are able to So it was not a great surprise that my family Often my aunts would tease me about the need openly embrace and accept each other regard- found it hard to accept the fact that I love to see the man who would bring the much an- less of race, class, sexual orientation, etc. I am Iwomen. They found it hard to see me grow into know they are ashamed of me. ticipated bride price for me. grateful for spaces such as Katswe, GALZ and a muscular woman, not the full breasted and full “Ko achauya tomuonawo riinhiko Babamunini They have been to spiritual and traditional Kasipiti. Spaces that allow for lesbian women hipped young woman they had hoped for. One wedu. Hausi kuona kuti uri kutokura here nhai healers to try and exorcise the demon that pos- to open up and talk about issues that affect that would attract the attention of many young sesses me. The daughter and grandchild whose Mel?” (So when will your boyfriend come so them without fear of judgment. Just sitting and men and hopefully add to the family herd with birth they celebrated, whom they thought that we also get to meet with him. Can’t you talking to you about my life story, without you her bride price. would act as an example to all others but has see that you are aging by the day.) looking at me with judgmental or pitiful eye As I was growing up, I liked to hang out with turned out to be demon possessed. . I am Things came to a head in 2012. I had just turned is such a relief. I just wish more people would the boys, riding bicycles, climbing trees and grateful that my immediate family is at peace 23 and staying with one of my aunts, my father’s understand that you do not choose to love dressing in jeans and trousers as opposed to with my sexuality and I can at least be myself younger sister. I got home to find my aunt on women just as heterosexuals do not choose to lacy dresses. I was a typical “tomboy”. I became around them I think I would be able to deal with the floor with a bottle of tablets by her side. be heterosexual. aware of my love for women when I was thir- We managed to take her to hospital in time for the pressures, stigma and “shame” of my sexu- a suction to be done and minimize any harm ality if my extended family could also accept me * Not her real name

9 10 aged to fulfill. In no time, my mother also fell In the wilderness sick and then she passed away. I was 13 years * old. Suddenly I was alone, no one was left in my Nancy’s Story: life, my mother, the father that I grew up know- When me ing and my only sibling Tendai were all gone. At the funeral, one of my mother’s relatives y father died when I was young. I offered to stay with me, little did I know that it grew up in a family where there was not out of the goodness of her heart and was a mother and a father. We need to look after me that drove her into mak- were two children only. Me and ing the offer. In me she had identified a perfect is all I have... my little brother, Tendai. My and cheap nanny and housekeeper. Even when Mfather and mother gave us unconditional love. there was electricity, I was asked to cook out- When I was 12 years old my father fell sick. We side on the open fire, wash soot covered pots were devastated when he was passed away, to and pans. I was a slave in this household. She leave me, my mother & Tendai on our own. We refused to send me to school. I was only good only found comfort in knowing that he was now enough for the work and looking after her one “I know for sure that my journey to healing has started and I at peace and that we had each other. I remem- year old daughter. Every day, I would prepare hope my story will help other women out there who may be in ber however at my father’s burial when only my for her children to go to school, my heart bled brother was called to go and stand at the head and I often cried. I wished my mum had at least similar situations to realise that they are not alone. I also want of the coffin as is tradition, for the children of given me a clue as to whom and where I could them to see the value in themselves.” the deceased to pay their last respects. I was find my father. Then maybe I could find love confused as to why only my brother was called and siblings. After four years of staying with but I dismissed it thinking it was because he my ‘evil’ aunt, she sent me packing because her was a boy and I did not bother to follow it up. daughter, whom I had looked after since she I know for sure that my journey to healing has was one, was now going to school. I had served started and I hope my story will help other my purpose in her life women out there who may be in similar situa- I struggled to make my own life, finding ways to tions to realise that they are not alone. I also survive. Hunting for relatives! I ended up get- want them to see the value in themselves. ting married at 17 but my heart is still bleeding. Three months after my father’s death, my 5 year My heart bleeds because no one cared about old brother passed away too leaving my moth- my well-being even those people whom my er and I alone. During his funeral, there was a mother helped to go to school. No one cared lot of talk and family meetings which I did not to think whether I had underwear, sanitary wear understand. However, the facts surrounding my or even something to eat. Now that I am mar- parentage became a reality to me soon after ried, my mother’s relatives are demanding bride Tendai’s burial. My father’s relative came to take price from my husband. The same people who everything from my mother claiming that she did not care about my welfare after my mother had no claim over any of the property that was passed away are the ones in the forefront to in our home because the only child that their ask for my bride price. Others look for me when brother had with them was now late. That is the they are in need of financial assistance but day I discovered that the man I had called father whenever I have problems, I know no one will for 12 years was not my biological father. I was give my issues an ear. devastated. My whole world came shattering on There is a guy who has approached me saying my feet. For 12 years I had lived a lie. I suddenly he is my father’s sister’s son. He tells me that I realised that I did not know who I am, my to- look like my father and he wants us to meet. He tem, where I come from, who my relatives are, it constantly brings me messages that come from dawned on me that I was alone. my father. I am too hurt to even think of seeing I begged my mother to tell me about my father, this man. A man who has been absent from my but she said he had wanted nothing to do with life for 21 years. I have nothing to say to him. the pregnancy. I had no birth certificate and my Does he have no shame? “Are you looking mother kept promising to find one of my ‘rela- for me only because I now have my own life, a tives’ to assist. A promise that she never man- husband and a child?” I have already resolved * Not her real name

11 12 When me is all I have...

in my heart that the only family that I have is my where I decided to leave. My baby was 18 husband and my children. : ‘If [my father] didn’t months when I left my husband to start life on care enough to be there then why do I think my own. that finding him is going to do anything? The I was alone yet again. However, my son gave people around me are my family now… so why me reason to look at life differently. I have now do I keep searching for this shadow?’ found my feet; my son is thirteen years old now. My child’s father has never looked after his son. I have single handedly raised him but at times it hurts me. I do not want my son to grow up with- Mother and father out the support of a family like I did. I want him to know his family so it hurts me when they do * in one - Tariro’s Story: not lift a finger to help look after him nor make an effort to come and see him. After all he car- ries their totem and the blood that runs in their veins is theirs. I sometimes meet my mother eing on your own can be traumatic. It in law, but I am filled with so much hatred and can push you to limits. I married very anger inside me because of the way she treated young as a way of escaping loneliness. me when I was with her son. We were born 5 in my family but all I am proud though that I have managed to look my siblings died in mysterious circum- after my son this far. He is going to school and Bstances. They would be found murdered or they he is a source of joy in my life. would just mysteriously die after a very short I am now with another man, who sees me as his illness. queen. He cannot do without me. I remember I got married at 15. This was my own way of one day during this story telling process I got escaping loneliness. I am the only surviving home late because I had to pass through Pizza child in my family. I do not have a relationship inn to get some pizza for my family. He did not with my relatives because there was a lot of talk believe that I was late because of the pizza and relating to how my family members died. Just he ended up coming to the Katswe offices the before one of my sisters’ died, she warned us next day to see what exactly I would be up to. against going to my uncle’s house (my father’s He came for the showcasing of the vagina mon- older brother) because he was the one respon- ologues show and was very proud of me. I am sible for the mysterious deaths in my family. equally proud of myself. I know that I will have Crossing the line... Then she died. I now only had my cousin Sibon- days that I will cry, but I also know that there is gile. Sibongile disregarded the advice from my a silver lining. I may not have immediate family late sister and she went ahead to visit my uncle. but I have found a community of friends and Two days later, she was found murdered close family in the young women I shared this story to my uncle’s house. The only confidante I had telling journey with. We all bared our all and in left. I had to find a way of moving on with my the process we built some solidarity. life. That is how I found myself married at 15. I thought that I at least had found someone who could help me feel at ease and whom I could share my thoughts, my joys and my tribulations Celebrating with. He was handsome and I thought he was kind. When I got married, my mother in law and one of my husband’s sisters did not like me. They gave me grief as we were staying with them. I Womanhood gave birth to a bouncing baby boy. I thought the fact that I had given birth to a baby boy would pacify my in laws but the curses and shouting did not stop. It got worse to a point

* Not her real name

13 14 Crossing the line...celebrating womanhood

tete or my husband. I now have a daughter who these are the times that I would at least be free, Nubian Warrior is 3 years old. I am instilling values of self-care free from his fists and hurtful words. and self-awareness in my daughter. I want her I remember when he started to bring different * to grow up with a sense of self value and know women home. Bringing them into our matrimo- Tracy’s story: that she has to put her well-being at the fore nial bed. He would sometimes ask me to sleep of everything that she does. I have learnt to do on the floor and at times he would ask us to the same for myself and it is the one gift I have sleep in the same bed. I was forced to watch as am a true reflection of how determination decided to give to my daughter. he had sex with the different women whom he and hard work can make a person. I married would bring. Forced to hear all the moans and at 16 years old and my husband was staying groans and he would go on to insult me. with his sister and his father’s sister. When I I tried to go back to my parents but because eloped, my husband’s relatives were refusing Daring to fly they had accepted his bride price, they always Ifor me to get married to him as they said they asked me to go back. I had very limited choices were not sure it was their brother’s pregnancy. Mia’s* story: because my parents would not accept for me to We slept in the cold on the first night and we come back home. But one day I decided that I were instructed to go to Parirenyatwa Hospital had seen and swallowed enough and needed for a scan to confirm how many months preg- y room of solace, my bedroom to move on with my life. I packed my things and nant I was. When the scan confirmed what their became my most dreaded space. left. I knew life was not going to be easy but I brother had told them, they then accepted me The man I called my husband had decided that I needed to take charge of my life. into their home. turned our bedroom into a hell Today ten years later, I am living in a rented Once they were sure that the pregnancy I was hole. I had been married to this space, but I am my own person. I am paying carrying was their brother and nephew’s my Mman for five years and when he started beat- fees for my children through money that I get aunts asked me not to do any work. They want- ing me up, I would always find an excuse as through sex work. I needed to take charge of ed me to wake up, bath and eat. I found this to why it was happening. Little did I know my life and I did. Now my children are happi- had to fathom and it tortured me. I had been that this was only the beginning of worse er because they are living in a more peaceful brought up not expecting others to work for things to come. By the time we were in our environment. I celebrate my life and what I have me so I defied the order. One day I took out third year of marriage, things were only getting been able to do by myself. my husband’s laundry and started washing it. worse. At times he would not come back home, My husband’s sister then took all the laundry that was in the house and cane to give it to me. * Not her real name There are 13 people who live at the house and I was expected to do laundry for all of them from that day. I was once accused of trying to kill tete . Some- one went to consult a mupostori and put some water and tete’s name in the water. It was not me but when the bottle was discovered I am the one who was accused of trying to kill tete. The pressures that were coming from husband’s family led to me have a spontaneous abortion at 3 months. I was traumatised and devastated by my loss. They all wanted me to leave be- cause I was no longer pregnant but my husband stood by my side. It was after my miscarriage that I decided that I needed to do something that would nourish my mind as an individual. I started attending Kats- we pachoto meetings and through interactions with other women, I became a stronger person. Now I can speak out at injustices. When I am not happy I have learnt to be able to tell

* Not her real name

15 16 Reflections W.S: Any aha moments? P.K: The aha moment for me during the storytelling sessions was the fact that we had a coun- on the selor and a counseling room. I knew if I wanted to cry and needed tissue or time to myself, then I could just escape into the counseling room. I also liked the group sessions we did with the counsellor as they helped me to start looking at things differently. I was very opin- Story telling process ionated when it came to issues of LBT women but the counselling sessions that focused on stigma and discrimination helped me appreciate some group members and their issues. I started appreciating that we are all women and our stories may be different but there is a common thread that brought us together. I also learnt a lot about communication skills dur- ing the group counselling and above all the issue of sell care was of paramount importance.

W.S Did you cry, laugh, sulk, (during the story telling process)etc and why? P.K I cried a lot, reliving my life story was quiet hectic and the crying eased the tension. Hearing the other ladies share their own stories sometimes made me cry as well and at times it made me stronger. It made me realise that as women, we all have different stories to tell and the strength with which we carry our stories gave me hope. I also laughed a lot because we be- came comrades as sisters. We always found a moment to laugh, especially during the dance sessions. And this was very refreshing. Well what I found most gruesome was the exercise. A vagina warrior’s reflection: Having to run during the rehearsal for fitness purposes. Rumbi always gave us a hard time, having to repeat things over and over again, sometimes it became frustrating but in the end Conversation with Primrose Kavhumbura it did pay off. I now understand why sporting & exercises were a necessary evil- out of me The process of gathering stories entailed using the HMB strategy and also different information emerged an resilient & energetic dancer, and this is a confidence booster- just knowing I’m gathering tools. As part of the process of this story telling, Katswe managed to use some of the good at something! stories that were shared by young women for the v-monologues. In the ensuing interview, Winnet Shamuyarira (W.S) took time to talk to Primrose Kavhumbura one of the v-warriors who took part in W.S The V-Monologues day itself tell us what you remember most? the story telling process. P.K On the day of the V- Monologues, God worked on that day. When I was rehearsing I was taking it simple. During the rehearsals I just thought the main stage was going to be a walk in the park. I was even able to separate myself from my story. On the V-Monologues day, I W.S: How did it feel when you were selected to be part of this story telling journey? found myself looking at the darkness whilst on stage. I could not see the people who were P.K: I found it refreshing because I was not a performer at all. I never thought I could act. I re- in the auditorium but I knew they were there. As I started telling my story, I owned it, I felt member Rudo and Rumbi coming to Dzivarasekwa for the selection process and then being all the emotions that I felt when going through the experiences that I was narrating. It was told I had made it. I did not believe I could actually do it and did not even understand what the real me on stage. I was really overwhelmed by the emotions and the experience was real it entailed. I just knew I had found something that would help me make other people under- for me. If ever there was a time I can say I let go, it is at the time that I performed my mono- stand issues that were going on in other young women’s lives. logue at 7 arts.

W.S: What were your expectations? W.S Then comment on what the whole process meant for you? P.K: I really did not have any expectations, I just thought wow, I have found something to do and P.K I am grateful I found it therapeutic. I got an opportunity to learn through my own life expe- also something that can divert my attention from the stress that I normally encounter whilst rience. I found the story telling important. Dance and music during the story telling process, at home. was really good, dances were able to give different messages to people which were relevant to the different monologues. I loved the whole process as it was not just about the mon- W.S: First day can you recall how you felt, how about as the process unfolded? ologues but it gave me an opportunity to do some self-introspection and re-evaluate my P.K: I remember being asked to reflect on who I was and tell my story using the tree as an illus- priorities and needs as a young woman who is also a mother, sister, aunt, community advisor, tration of my life’s journey. When I was asked to tell my story, I found it hard. I remember etc. crying. Then Rudo asked us to go home and write our stories. That was the most traumatic part of the journey! I had to confront all the devils that I had neatly packed away. My hus- W.S How are you feeling now? Where are you now? band saw me write my story and wanted to read it, when he read the story, he cried, he was P.K I feel good and ready to conquer the world. I feel good about the fact that my story can be touched. He noted that he had never really known how deeply the issues that had hap- used by other people as a point of strength. After the performance at the 7 Arts, there are pened in my life had affected me until that moment. The process kind of strengthened my people who cried in front of me, there are people who could relate to the story. I just feel relationship with my husband as he now also understood how I felt. I found the writing as a that there is need for Katswe to go to different places with the monologues because they pressure release. I managed to let out the things that were affecting me and realised that I are a powerful tool, that allow for women’s voices to be heard. had let out some tension.

17 18 Reflections on the story telling process

Rudo Chigudu: Co-Director of the and those who don’t- all are special and need The Story telling journey: v-monologues to be acknowledged as the warriors who make The process leading to the monologues was up and sustain our movements. characterized by a lot of crying and laughing. We are reclaiming the power of our bodies Where am I now?- V-Warrior The story telling process was also very hectic and voices in Katswe, as an entry point for our with some stories too heavy to handle. I appre- movement building agenda. The women that I have been holding on to the pain, hurt, anger and frustrations of my life. I often cry on ciate though that we had put in place mecha- share their story give us light- the light that my own but this journey of telling my story has been therapeutic. I remember the first day nisms to deal with the heavy issues such as the builds our awareness into women’s lived real- when we were asked to do the tree exercise by Rudo, trying to remember all those dance routines, debrief sessions, one on one ities. They give us insurmountable strength; aspects that make me, I was shaken. I found myself reliving my story. I had never sessions with a counsellor, breathing and karate when we suffer from burn out and hopeless- realised just how much hurt I was carrying with me, until that day. sessions as well as drumming. The exercises ness- our courage and determination is reig- that the girls went through were for fitness as nited by those stories- because by telling their Putting my story on paper helped me pour my heart out. I also appreciated that well as for tension release. story- women would have demonstrated their we had a counsellor who helped us process our thoughts, and I have begun on There’s an act of defiance in going onstage courage- and those stories are the very ammu- a healing path. She’s held my hand through the pain; not by imposing answers and telling your own story, because everything nition we need to confront the powers that be, and solutions but allowing me to look inside myself and find my own answers. about our stories is private…. When young demand justice, and accountability from duty women get married they’re told, ‘Don’t air your bearers. I know for sure that my journey to healing has started and I dirty laundry in public,’ [yet] the woman next hope my story will help other women out there who may be door knows you’ve been beaten because you Eunice Kapandura–Process Counsellor in similar situations to realise that they are not alone. I ran down the street half naked. But you’re still “The story-telling process and build up to the also want them to see the value in themselves. supposed to pretend that it’s [violence] this very monologues show was a rather a thought pro- private thing and you’re supposed to contain voking process for all the girls who participated. ‘I told my story. I cried. Then I regained my it. There’s something in saying, I’m sick and You could see how much women are burdened strength. Then went on stage and did a tired of pretending, that my life is private when generally in life and how much they were dying monologue in Shona and English. there’s nothing private about it and the privacy to share and just tell their story. I never thought I could speak is actually killing me. This private space is where You could see a person from the time we start- English and my uncles who were I’m violated most and I can’t be silent about ed, during the process, right through to the in the crowd told me I had done that anymore. end that they were really transforming; that they a splendid job. This was a real were taking off a heavy burden off their life. For confidence booster for me and Winnet Shamuyarira – Information and me it was a learning curve because it was like a continuously telling my story is Communications Officer group counselling of open minded interactions helping me heal. of the girls. We managed to speak the same ‘I found the storytelling process profound. I language, we managed to give each other remember at one time sitting in the session and space to be individuals within a bigger space. not knowing what to do with myself. The young The whole process I found as a stimuli for build- women trusted the space enough to open ing movement. up and share their life stories. I really found The issues that each woman brought into the that humbling. To be able to open up to total space is like a reflection of the issues that are strangers and tell your story is something that is happening to maybe 1 in 10 women in Zimba- not easy so I really admire the girls ability to do bwe. We managed to realise that together we this. We had lots of tissue in the office because can break the glass ceilings through communi- there were a lot of tears. I found the storytelling cations and self –expressions. therapeutic for myself as well. The power of We managed to equip each other with life basic voice was demonstrated during these process- support systems to manage our physical, emo- es and I believe these voices will transform the tional, spiritual beings. The whole programme lives of many women’. had a Heart, Mind and Body approach so some- times we would just be singing, sometimes we Talent Jumo: Coordinator & Founding would be building the body stamina, we would Member- Katswe Sistahood be trying to activate the mind to be active as I just have a lot of respect for the women who well as the body and we engaged the emotion- have had the courage to stand up, open up, al, physical, spiritual side of the whole presenta- and share their experiences Pachoto; those who tion or story that would be told in a very inter- make it into the V-Monologues warriors teams esting manner.”

19 20 What our audiences have said… It was amazing to see ordinary take to the stage and narrate their stories. It made me believe that For Katswe to put on a global we all have something to give stage, issues that many are uncom- and we are all capable. These are The way the young women trusted fortable talking about is huge! As ordinary women we go to pachoto us with their truth and lived realities a young gay man, I saw myself in meetings with and never knew they was touching. I have often been told there; the many battles, violations could actually go on stage and put that storytelling is a therapeutic pro- I have experienced, I could share up such a profound performance. cess that allows for healing and see- the emotion- It is difficult to be Rebecca, Glen Norah ing those young women bare their invisible in your own land. I hope 7 Arts Theatre, Harare souls on stage, made me believe it someone out there saw/heard 8th November 2013 more. The stories they put across your/our plea. We are human too. made me start thinking critically Tatenda, about how we always judge, more 7 Arts Theatre, Harare so because of lack of appreciation of 8th November 2013 one’s lived reality. Beauty, Marondera

I found the performance very powerful. Seeing the young women on stage, narrating their own stories and truths moved something in me. Lillian M 7 Arts Theatre, Harare 8th November 2013

For me the performance itself is just the icing on the cake. What I deeply appreciated was the journey itself- how it unfolded, and enabled me to revisit my sub-conscience, to find the source of my pain, and begin on a healing path. This for me…is priceless. (V-Warrior) 21 22 The V- Monologues In the Wilderness...

this world. Born in the land of my ancestors, A sin she named as Mel, I was her sin. My love Mel’s Monologue: both in the land of joy and togetherness. My for women and not men was the sin she could Take me as I am… grandmother called for her precious herbs, root not live with. vegetables and goat meat then chewed them How do I tell them that I am the same girl In a jungle of opinions and judgment…In the Unlean up and spat the juices into my mouth. ‘Wel- whose birth they celebrated? How do I make wilderness…I have lived, tossed in every direc- come to the earth,’ she whispered!!! them understand that who I love does not make tion by any and every wind that comes. After 23hours of labour…Beads of sweat That was 23years ago, before my existence had me any less their child, grandchild or niece? It is formed and dried on my mother’s face. brought a bitter taste into their mouths, before me, Mimi the one you thanked your ancestors ‘Femera mudenga sembwa; Aiwa chirara neleft. Kuchamhembe, kumabvazuva, their pride and joy had been turned into a bitter for. I cannot change who I love in the same way Push, push!!!’…they urged her to let the little kumaodza nyemba, kumavirira. hatred. Long before they saw me as a curse to you cannot change who you love. This land is life within her womb out into the world. (North, East, West South) the family. As I had grown and not developed mine too; you cannot exile me from my moth- ‘Push, push, puuuush’…. and there I emerged... the wide curvy hips and full breasts they had erland. You revolted when you were abused for Fists clenched holding on tightly to my gifts. Zuva richibuda, at the very first break of dawn. anticipated. As I had refused to wear their lacy the colour of your skin, you revolted when you Skin peeling as I was long overdue. As my life began so did your judgments. dresses that ripped every time I climbed a tree, were abused because your sex, you revolted Perhaps it is because I knew of what I was being Squeezing milk on my little vagina to suppress as I grew and found greater pleasure in the when they abused you because of your HIV born into. libido in later life, hanzi ndisazoshereketa kana company of boys, riding bikes and make be- status yet you cannot see how all you hypocrites They gathered and ululated in celebration: ndakura. Then you proceeded with your in- lieve cars. As they noticed how my hard exterior are abusing me because of who I love. I cannot ‘ulululu makorokoto!!!’, ‘aiwa ndeedu’, ‘aiwa structions ekudhonza ‘pulling the labia’, hanzi melted into soft shyness whilst in the company change who I am so take me as I am or have makorokoto chaiwo’. mwana asazoroorwa ruri ruware. Then years of the girl from down the street. I fell out of nothing at all. …I was the first grandchild from both my moth- of monitoring my every movement. Musikana favour but all remained silent about their dis- er and my father’s families. They dotted on me. kwaye haadaro……………………………… comfort. Till my aunt with whom I was living at ‘Wapihwa shamwari Keresenzia, wapihwa sham- the time unsuccessfully attempted suicide and wari.’ Bundled up, I was held close, suckling on when questioned about her reasons declared my mother’s breasts as she received me into that she feared hell’s fire as she was living sin.

23 24 Love, lies, truth, texts, coercion: kuchamhembe ichienda kumabva zuva. With tanga kurwara kusvika pakushaya. I was 13years it that day it took a part of me. ‘Who would Chirungurira: old and suddenly no one was let in my life, my world up-side-down… believe me? Who would understand?’ So I did baba vandaiziva, amai zvese nehanzvadzi. Paha- what is expected of all good girls. I told Kelvin I mo pana mbuya vakati vanonditora kuti ndigare could no longer go home. That is how I became ‘Heart Burn’ navo. I became her nanny and housekeeper. in-a-heartbeat! his wife. Yet the very site of him makes my skin Chero magetsi ariko vaiti ndibikire panze pamo- Ndine chirungurira, ndine chigumbu. Hanzi aku- crawl. His touch takes me back to that day, that to nekukwesha mapoto etsito. Ndakanga ndiri Nyamavhuvhu!!! Mhepo yakavhuvhuta ichibva pa ronda ati nhunzi dzikudye kuchamhembe yakananga kumaodzanyemba. 29th of August. I cannot explain the pain or muranda mumba mavo, kana kuchikoro handina betrayal. Yet Simba, my dearest Simba remains kuendeswa. Rangu rakanga riri rekuchengeta The wind carried me that evening from our My whole life is about what if’s the one I long for. imba nemucheche. Vamwe vaienda kuchiko- little home down the street hand in hand with What is my mother was still alive Get me out of the dark; let me find love, true ro ndakatarisa kusvika mucheche asvika zera Kelvin. I hardly knew him. He was my rebound What if my little brother had not died love!!! rekutanga chikoro ndakabva ndadzingwa na boyfriend, and I was desperate to forget about What is I knew where my father is Ambuya vaya. Simba. Simba who four years earlier had swept What if I had relatives that care about me me off my feet. We used to argue about which Ndakarerwa murudo. Rudo rwaamai nababa I struggled to make my own life, finding ways route to take on our way to the shops to buy nekahanzvadzi kaindiyemura. Baba vakarwara to survive. Hunting for relatives. Ndakazosvika the vegetables or tomatoes my mother had Letters from my kusvika pakushaya.Takadzurwa moyo, sepwere pakuroorwa ndiine 17years asi moyo wangu sent me for. Vanotaura vakaguma vaneta kutau- ndaiziva kuti ndarasikirwa asi handina kuziva nanhasi uchiri kupisa. Vanin’ina vaama hapana ra vachingoona tiri tese. Noone could under- departed mother: kuti ndiko kwaizova kushanduka kwehupenyu kana aiva nehanya neni, ndakakubvunzai kuti stand how he made my heart skip a beat, how I hangu. Pakuvigwa kwababa pakadaidzwa vana muri vanin’ina vaamai vangu chaivo here mukati missed him as soon as we said goodbye. vemufi kumusoro kwebox asi kwakaendeswa found in my mind’s hongu asi hanya neni makanga musina. Kana ‘I don’t think zviri kuita. This relationship is sim- hanzvadzi yangu chete. Zvakambondinetsa ainditengera bhurungwa remukati haro hapana. ply not working out! I think you need to grow asi semwana ndakashaya wekubvunza. Three Asi izvozvi mese mava kunditsvaga, vamwe vari up first then you and I can get back together. eye... months after my father’s death, my little 5 year kudaidzira kuti vari kuda roora kubva kumu- When you are grown I will be waiting for you.’ Ivhu ndiro rakandimedza old brother passed away too leaving my moth- rume wangu. Ndine moto muchipfuva, kubva I read and re-read the text. I could barely make Asi newe wakaberekwa nevhu er and I alone. Ndipo pakauya hama dzababa pandakaroorwa mava kundida kanamuine sense of it. I knew this had nothing to do with Powerful and strong rakatitakura tese kuzotora zvinhu zvese mumba. ‘Hanzvadzi yedu matambudziko asi ndikawirwa nedambudziko my age. It had everything to do with the fact Misodzi yako neyangu yanyorovesa pasi hapasisina, mwana wedu hapasisina saka un- ndinotambura ndiri ndega. Pakauya mukomana that for four years I had insisted I would only ogarirei pano.’ That is the day I discovered aiiti mwana wehanzvadzi yababa van- have sex after we were married. I could hear my Nyarara kuchema, uri nyenyedzi that the man I had called dad was not my gu, achiti akatarisa chiso changu sister’s words, ‘ukaona mukomana anorambira Nyarara kuchema, kana murima uchapenya biological father. musikana kuti aramba kurara naye chibva waziva oti ‘ndiri kubva ndatoona sekuru vangu’. kuti haamude.’ It was a little hard for me to be- Mira wakasimba, ivhu rakabata midzi yako I begged my mother to tell me lieve that Simba didn’t love me but I also trust- Pasi hapadedere hapateti, newe usadedera about my father, but she said he had Pangu pamba ndipo pane choto ed my sister, after all she was the pride and joy Ndinewe mumweya wanted nothing to do with the preg- chinounganidza mese. Atonhor- of my parents. All my mother’s words of wisdom Inzwi rangu riri kumhepo nancy. I had no birth certif- wa anouya, ane nzara anouya. started with ‘Hona sisi vako mai Panashe, hau- Nyemwerero yangu iriri munyenyedzi dzedenga icate and my mother Asi moto weshungu uri mumoyo di kuchatawo zvinodadisa kudaro, kuita imba kept promising to mangu hapana ari kuuonawo here, yako…………’ So I decided I was not going to Nyarara kuchema, uri nyenyedzi find one of my ndoudzimura nei moto uyu usati beg Simba or compromise. Nyarara kuchema, kana murima uchapenya ‘relatives’ to wandiparadza. Baba kwamuri ikoko A short while later I began dating Kelvin, a assist. Pasi- ndinechishuvo chekukuonai chiso month into the relationship he asked me to It is the earth that consumed me and it is from na nguva, chenyu, chekukuudzai zviri pakati walk him to a friend’s house. That is the day the earth that you emerge. Powerful and strong mhamha pemoyo wangu, ndinoda muzive the wind blew, kuvhuvhuta kubva kuchamhem- it will anchor us all. Your tears, my tears, their vakabva hupenyu hwandararama imi henyu be ichienda kumaodza nyemba. At his friend’s tears water the earth. You daughter are as va- muri vapenyu. Nhasi ndakura ndava house we found a woman that insisted I get into powerful as the earth that feeds and nourishes, nehupenyu hangu mava kunditsva- the house. A little while later she said she was that anchors and holds. Hold firm and steady, ga, kuzvirova dundundu muchiti mune going out to buy airtime. Before I knew it, no pasi hapadedere hapateti saka iwe unodedera muzukuru nemukwasha. Pandaishupi- one else was in the house except for Kelvin and chii mwana wevhu. Ndinewe mumweya, my ka makanga muri kupi. Huyai mutaure myself. He began touching me and I asked him voice is in the wind, my smile is in the twinkling mashoko amuri kutumira makatarisa chiso to stop. Please Kelvin, usadaro, handisi kuzvi- of the stars. Daughter of mine, daughter of the changu nekuti ini ndaneta kuita bhora renyu da. He grabbed me pinning my arms and legs. earth, hold your head high. You are a star, shine mese, ndisiyei ndakadaro. That is the day the wind blew, kuvhuvhuta kubva daughter shine!!!

25 26 ro takarara unomuka uchipindura. Zvapedzai They see technology zvinoitirwa kunze uko, imba yekurara murume wangu inoyera kana yaparadzwa napedzai hap- & celebrate… achina musha. Now I know it is Miriam you have been chatting …But for us…that with on what’s app, sms, facebook- you are ever glued to your phone. ‘Hanzi nhasi ndinokupa technology has fueled zvekuti unoti jerusarema razarurwa.’ I have no more words for you. I suggest you go to Miriam. violence, disharmony, anger: I built this home with my two hands, kana hem- It is the source of misery! be yangu chaiyo ndisingatenge ndichiti vana vadye vapfeke, thinking you and I were fending 8 years of marriage, 8 years of my precious life for our family. Nhasi ndochiona kuti mari unob- 8 years murume wangu, 8 chaidzo ata asi yako ndeyekutenga iko kapedzai kanog- 8 good years- wasted! ara kari muhomwe yepaditi nekuchengeta vana Miriam. I have done all I can, kana usingachan- ed the only way I could cope was to drown my- Your body was barely cold when my brothers ……I remember how we used to go out danc- dide rega nditakure hangu vana ndiende, self in alcohol. I began drinking and smoking, took over the family. Masimba ese ehubaba ing together ndagara ndini ndiri kuchengeta. 8years murume perhaps this way the dreams and desires would amaivapa imi naamai vachikura akabva ava- I remember how you held me close, how your wangu, 8 years baba vevana. Nhasi rinozaruka stop and I could stop thinking about girls. Why bata. They took control of everything you had eyes lit up as you starred at me with desire jerusarema iwe wakananga musiwo uyo!!! couldn’t I just be normal and like boys like the left behind. The buses, the businesses and the Tana twakakwidza taingoti hwerere hwerere other girls in my class. trucks. Noone dared to ask questions, moth- takananga muimba yedu yemukati er was weak with grief and before we knew Hungava husiku, kuseni seni kana zuva rakache- First Love Finally a new girl came to our school and she it everything was gone. Suddenly there was ka nyika was just like me. Finally I had found someone nothing left, mhamha had to start letting out Tainge mukomana nemusikana isu tatova nem- I had the biggest crush on a girl in my school… who made me feel like it was ok to be myself. rooms in the house to raise enough money for huri She explained that there was counselling and my fees, whilst my brothers were living large on …my heart skipped a beat as soon as she support for young people like us to come to the inheritance they had taken. The swing of my hips made you go wild walked into the classroom. terms with our sexual identities. ‘Sexual identi- 8years of marriage and the flame continued to …I starred at her distracted by her presence, ties’ it sounded so complicated, all I knew and I watched my mother sacrifice everything she burn her confidence. The way she laughed and cared about was that I loved other women and had to send me to school. When I dared to ask Do you remember the day you called me saying gestured with her beautiful long fingers as she that I needed to accept myself. I am now sure of for money from my brothers I was beaten and there was an emergency at home? explained answer in class. She did not seem to myself, I still cannot tell my parents or my sib- threatened, told to go to the street and whore Ndakakumbira sahwira wangu kuti anditarisire notice me at all and I hated her to bits for it. lings. I am afraid of their rejection but I would myself for a living after all, girls were all nothing musika wangu ini ndokumhanya kumba Could she not see??? When my teacher shuffled like them to know how I feel. I am normal, differ- but whores anyway. I cannot understand why my Only to find you laying on the bed, eyes burn- the class around she became my desk-mate ent does not mean bad. If you look at me do I sister and I were seen as lesser beings simply ing with desire and telling me you could not and we became really good friends, I wanted not look human??? because we are girls. Amai I know you too are wait till later to have me. Afterwards we walked to tell her how I felt but I imagined how angry suffering at the hands of your sons but you hand in hand uchindiperekedza kumusika kwan- she would be with me. I was a girl, how could I know that you played a part in raising them this gu. explain having such feelings for another girl. In way. You used to constantly tell them they were the end I preferred to have her as a friend than When my the fathers of the household, the controllers Gogogoi!!! That is how pedzai entered our tell her than risk losing the friendship. and disciplinarians, now look at them. You have home. Pedzai rudo, pedzai rufaro, pedzai mhu- created bullies, wife batterers: Monsters. They sha. mother created I was confused about my feelings, the way I felt have destroyed you, us, their wives- everybody. From the day you brought pedzai that is the day was not ‘normal’. I became extremely religious, our family fell apart. Iye zvino kakangoti twitwi my bible and church became my entire world. monsters… A pledge to self, to those long departed, to kurira wotosiya zvauri kuita kuti uverenge kuti I begged God to exorcise this demon from me generations to come I hereby make: I too will zviri kunzii. Kana vaunotaura navo pawhatsapp They sang and danced as his body lay in that as I constantly heard people who like the same be a mother soon and when that time comes yako iyoyo handivaziva. We live in the house to- coffin. I could see him walk away back turned to sex being described as demon possessed. The I will raise my sons to love and respect not to gether but you are now in a world of your own. me. Baba baba, I wanted to call out to him but prayers and church did not help for long, my dominate and control. I will not create mon- You no longer even touch me, kapedzai ikaka I could not. I watched finally as they lowered suppressed feelings manifested in my dreams. I sters!!! ndiko kava mudzimai wako, kakangorira che- constantly dreamt of girls. Finally at 15 I decid- him in that grave. With every grain of earth my dreams were buried.

27 28 This journal, is a record of just some of the stories that we shared Pachoto in 2013. V. Key HMB Resources for Women Activists The Pachoto space has given to us an understanding of the daily struggles some girls and women have encountered in their lifetime; and has also beamed a light into their long Do not hesitate to shout for help- Be a sister’s keeper cherished dream for a brighter and more fulfilling life. These are women who work hard to keep their families afloat in an country where girls and young women are viewed as less- er beings, and violations against them are rampant. These Organisation/ women are bread winners but their contribution in the family Thematic areas Range of Services Offered is not recognised. Others are stuck in abusive relationships, Individual due to fear, and sometimes, they are just overwhelmed by a feeling of hopelessness; in a country where crime is ram- Adult Rape Clinic • Health and well-be- At ARC traumatised girls from age 16 to elderly (ARC) University of ing women of up to 70 receive specialised manage- pant, where corruption is rife; in an economy of uncertain- Zimbabwe Depart- • Counselling, ment and are offered a platform to safely discuss ties; and a currency that is hard to find- they find themselves ment of Medicine • Referral services to their personal problems. Patients are also re- hostage in unpleasant situations. Mbuya Nehanda adult rape survivors viewed medically and psychosocially, and receive When you listen to each of the stories, you are listening Maternity Hospital medical examination for court processes, as well to the story of that woman on the bus to the market, the Harare as collection of forensic evidence for the court women on the queue is a shop, or even the teller, that lady process. Patients are referred to Musasa for further preacher in church, the student who is forced to trade her counselling services and to the Victim Friendly Unit body for survival, or the nurse. It is the story of that girl who ZRP. The clinic has at any one time a police officer dropped out of school and feels hopeless, a hopelessness stationed in the premises to offer required help. that pervades her entire life- from her own self-image, to Batanai AIDS Trust • HIV/AIDS counselling B.A.T promotes the empowerment of the relationships, to her own ability to speak out on injustices, (B.A.T) • Psychosocial support HIV&AIDS infected and affected through skills demand and access her rights. But it is also a story of victory, 6 RekayiTangwena services development and information sharing at all lev- many victories. Because she was strong enough to survive Masvingo • Health and well-be- els. It provides psychosocial support, facilitates and has lived to tell her story; which feeds the commitment 263-39-264960 ing the formation, coordination and empowerment Ending to fight for social change. [email protected] • Communication/in- HIV&AIDS support groups. The women, who have boldly told their stories Pachoto, are [email protected] formation dissemina- the Story our great (s)heroes, and we see (s)heroes everywhere, even tion the women who sat in silence and listened, but are part of this great agenda towards the attainment of women’s rights. It is our hope that stories in this journal will inspire someone Counselling Services • Health and well-be- CSU offers medical and psycho-social support to Unit ing victims of organized violence and torture as well as to seek help. (CSU) • Counselling training organizations with basic counselling skills. Yet it is clear to us that even under those circumstances, Suite 1, Raleigh • Body work Currently, CSU is running a protection pack pro- these women have emerged victors. Street • Communication/in- gram that provides critical information on commu- Harare formation dissemina- nity protection strategies. CSU also has documen- ‘From their experiences, Katswe Sistahood is able to identify 00263-4-773496, tion tation services to guard against the recurrence of the challenges and gaps in women’s empowerment pro- 00263-4- past abuses. grammes and initiatives in Zimbabwe. The stories have also 772843 given us an understanding of the common threads in girls and women’s experiences, that we can pull together, and use these to work towards social transformation and gender Emthonjeni Wom- • Counselling EWF provides an opportunity and platform for justice en’s Forum • Body work targeted communities to challenge the (EWF) • Gender based vio- behaviours, beliefs and customs that promote do- Katswe acknowledges that while story telling itself can usher 32A George Silundi- lence mestic violence and abuse of women’s one onto a healing path, it is equally important for individu- ka, between 1st/2nd • HIV/AIDS rights in Zimbabwe. It also assists survivors of als to link up with service providers who have the capacity to Avenue, Bulawayo • Human Right domestic violence to make informed decisions play a support role on this journey. 00263-775 547 301, • Sexual Rights about their situations, providing information on Hence we end this journal by providing contact details of 00263- women’s rights especially SRHR and its linkages some of the organisations and institutions that offer differ- 712 717 654 em- to gender based violence and HIV/Aids. ent kinds of support, in Zimbabwe. We hope you will find it thonjeniwf@gmail. helpful. com

29 30 Organisation/ Organisation/ Thematic areas Range of Services Offered Thematic areas Range of Services Offered Individual Individual

Female Prisoners • Health and well-be- FPST aims to build the capacity of female prison- Initiatives of Change • Health and well-be- IoC creates peace through formation of empower- Support ing ers in areas of economic empowerment through (IoC) Violet Magodo ing ment circles of 8 – 12 women in the locations, Trust (FPST) • Counselling training in lifetime skills, health and reproductive 0772413396 • Body work villages and in the market place where they do 104 Central Ave, • Communication and health rights including HIV/AIDS, and to create • Counselling various discussions and lobby for peace and recon- Harare information dissemi- platforms where female prisoners independently • Women’s rights ciliation. 00263772809978 nation meet and share pertinent issues affecting them. movement building [email protected] The organisation also mobilises resources for use • Peace building by female prisoners

Girl Child Network • Health and well-be- GCN engages all stakeholders including communi- Jekesapfungwa/Vul- • Counselling Jekesapfungwa/Vulingqondo works towards (GCN) ing ties, schools, government and policymakers ingqondo • Psychosocial support women’s economic empowerment, psycho social 16352, Bazooka • Communication/in- in advocacy and lobbying for eradication of • Grassroots women’s support and training on HIV/AIDS. It has trained 90 Avenue, Zengeza 4, formation dissemina- practices, which impede the girl child’s full rights movement community based care givers in palliative care for Chitungwiza tion physical, emotional, spiritual growth and develop- building orphans and vulnerable children, set up psychoso- 0778-237116, 0772- • Women’s sexual ment. It also disseminates information on the girls’ • Health and well-be- cial support camps and support groups for HIV/ 288251 girlchildnet- rights rights to HIV treatment and education and psycho ing AIDS in Gokwe and Chipinge and has identified [email protected] socio support as a result of child sexual abuse, as about 500 orphans and vulnerable children. om well as to promote the reproductive health of girls through advocating for the provision and improved Katswe Sistahood • Health and well-be- Katswe works with young women in Zimbabwe access to reproductive health facilities. (Katswe) ing organising safe spaces for telling personal katswesistahood@ • Body work stories for healing purposes (pachoto), vagina gmail.com • Communication and monologues and feminist circles. The Alliance of Home • HIV/Aids GROOTS Zimbabwe facilitates training of HIV/Aids 00263 772 978 880 information organisation also works on sexual reproductive Based Care Givers • Health and well-be- caregivers in income generating projects (IGPs) 00263 772 689 001 health rights for women, and does body work for (Groots Zimbabwe) ing such as piggery, poultry, peanut butter making, personal well-being of feminist activists. Address: Suite 706 • Counselling and gardening. The CBO has also launched var- Fidelity Life Centre, • Communication ious advocacy and lobbying programs targeting Cnr 11th Ave/Fife St, • Body work communities as well as community, traditional, and Musasa • Body work Musasa focuses on domestic violence; particularly Bulawayo, church leaders. They are advocating for irrigation 64 Selous Ave, Ha- • Counselling issues of counselling, basic legal aid with no court 00263-779617926, schemes, small grain cropping, rural women prior- rare, • Psychosocial support representation, and advocacy for law reform in 00263- itization in agricultural inputs distribution, and land Zimbabwe • Legal services that area. It also does public education on issues 772975166 allocation to landless women including those with 00263-4-794983, • Shelter of domestic violence and has outreach units and a passion for farming and are also in the process 00263-4- shelters for abused women and children in the of training caregivers in resource mobilization as a 706284 country. It has a shelter for survivors of domestic vi- way of broadening rural women capital base. musasaproj@musa- olence in Harare, and is planning to set up a safety sa.co.zw director@ house to shelter survivors of politically motivated Human Rights NGO • Research and docu- The NGO Forum deals with cases of state spon- musasa.co.zw violence during the forthcoming elections. Forum mentation for com- sored violence or organised violence. (NGO Forum) munication pur- poses – putting North Star Alliance • Health and well-be- North star Alliance offers training, counselling, a spotlight on all ing health and heart-mind-body services to sex forms of violence and • Counselling Workers in Hwange and Victoria Falls. The organ- other violations of • Bodywork isation also helps sex workers set up projects for human rights • Grassroots women’s economic empowerment. rights movement building

31 32 Organisation/ Organisation/ Thematic areas Range of Services Offered Thematic areas Range of Services Offered Individual Individual

Ntengwe for Com- • Body work Ntengwe has significant expertise in supporting Women and Aids • Health and well-be- WASN’s main focus is on reproductive health rights munity Development • Health and well-be- women’s rights, child and youth protection and Support ing of women and the girl child. WASN has (NTENGWE) Ad- ing sex workers for women’s economic empowerment, Network (WASN) • Grassroots women’s mobile clinic pilot project with Chirumanzu and dress: 169 Courtney • Counselling women and markets and community participation. 13 Walterhill Ave- rights movement Lupane communities where it provides integrat- Selous, Vic Falls • Grassroots women’s Ntengwe has extensively worked on peace build- nue, Eastlea, Harare, building ed health services to women and children. Elisabeth rights movement ing and conflict resolution, property and inher- 00263-4-791401/4 • Counselling Markham building itance rights and prevention of gender based director@mweb. • Body work 0712200455 violence and the organization has developed a co.zw www.wasn.org. • Peace building 01343342 new module for grassroots women’s participa- zw elisabethm@nteng- tion as community paralegals for a training series we.org on human rights. Women’s Action • Health and well-be- Guided by a strong commitment to purpose, WAG Group ing provides information and tools to women in Zim- Research and Advo- • Body work RAU provides high-quality research for the purpos- (WAG) • Grassroots women’s babwe in order to holistically address their rights. cacy Unit • Communication and es of relevant and current policy change. Its 11 Lincoln Road, rights movement Create and increase public awareness on legal and (RAU) information work to date has focused on three major areas Avondale, Harare building health rights of women in Zimbabwe. 2 Ernies Lane, Mona- that are important in the current crisis in Zimba- [email protected] Encourage women to be directly involved in vale Harare bwe: Women, Displacements, and Governance. www.wagzim.org making decisions on issues that affect their lives. 00263-4-339421 RAU works with a wide variety of Zimbabwean, Advocate for gender sensitive policies. www.researchandad- regional, and international partners in connection Ensure that women have access to justice. vocacyu nit.org with the above areas. RAU also provides independ- ent analyses of important current issues in Zimba- bwe, ranging from elections, the Global Political Zimbabwe Peace • Communication – Z.P.P’s goal is to reduce violence and human Agreement and legal matters. Project putting a spotlight rights violations through monitoring and (Z.P.P) on human rights documentation of human rights abuses and cases 00263-4-747719 violations and abuses of political violence. ZPP operates in 10 provinces Renew It Trust (RIT) • Communication RIT offers counselling services to victims of political of the country and has two monitors per constitu- • Education violence as well as peace education in these com- ency. • Counselling munities. The organisation conducts community dialogues on peace building and conflict resolu- tion at the community level. Zimbabwe Young • Movement building ZYWNP does capacity building and training on Women’s • Peace-building democracy, good governance and conflict transfor- Silveira House (SH) • Movement building SH’s peace building strategy involves training local Network for Peace mation. Arcturus Road, • Communication/in- leadership in conflict management and (ZYWNP) graceru- Chishawasha formation resolution at the community level. The organi- [email protected] 00263-4-2935845 • Peace building zation’s target group includes traditional om director@silveira- leaders as well political structures. house.org www. silveirahouse.org Survivors in Action • Urgent action SAZT provides anti-GBV campaigns, training of Zimbabwe • Body work peer educators, survivor rescue and support, Trust (SAZT) • Health and well-be- economic empowerment and traditional leaders Tree of Life • Body work Tree of Life provides healing through allowing par- 17223 Unit M, Seke, ing training. • Health and well-be- ticipants to form empowerment circles of Chitungwiza • HIV/Aids ing 10 to 12 people where they share their traumatic stories and get relief and healing. The organisation also specialises in holistic healing methods for the Fountain of Faith • Body work FoFW is a group of Muslim women operating from heart mind and body. Women • Grassroots women’s Mabvuku in Harare. The organisation specialises (FoFW) Mabvuku rights in empowerment circles for story-telling, heart- movement building mind-body and also in meditation for health and • Psycho-social sup- well-being. port

33 34 Organisation/ Organisation/ Thematic areas Range of Services Offered Thematic areas Range of Services Offered Individual Individual

Dr Dickson Chiba- • Counselling Dr Chibanda works with female survivors of DV, Africa Community Training on ACPDT is an internally driven process of change nda • Psychosocial support PMV and any other forms of violence in Publishing • Gender rooted in community wisdom, creativity and sol- • Communication/in- Mbare. He collects statistics on violence against and Development • Peace-building idarity. It combines community based research, formation, women and uses them to lobby government and Trust • Good governance publishing, education and organising. It enables • Health and well-be- other stakeholders to support the women get (ACPDT) • Democratic impoverished and traumatised people to develop ing rehabilitated back into society. He also provides Sustainable Develop- confidence, articulate the experiences, concerns counselling and psycho-social support. ment and aspirations, communicate and use the con- structive power of persuasion and organisation to participate effectively in public affairs, resolve Dr Michelle Stry- • Health and well-be- Dr Strydom uses research findings as well as the conflicts and engage local development initiatives. dom, Mpilo hospital, ing bible to help women and men get well embark- Bulawayo tammy@ • Bodywork ing on a journey into science, anatomy and the Zimbabwe Women’s • Children’s Legal ZWLA’s mission is to develop, defend and dialogue eagleswings.co.zw • Counselling physiology of the body as well as the Bible. Latest Lawyers Association Rights on women and children’s rights. ZWLA operates. 0777552915, website cutting edge medical research has confirmed what (ZWLA). • Advocacy ZWLA seeks to initiate, facilitate and support the www.eagleswings. the bible said about health and disease thousands T: (04)706676, • Legal Education creation of a constructive and equitable justice sys- co.zw of years ago and is proven to be more scientifical- 706719, 706820 • Women’s Legal tem that treats men and women as equal citizens ly accurate in the area of disease than medicine Bulawayo Office Rights and actively addresses the rights of children. Our has been in the past 60 years. Teaching women T: (09)887186-7 Goal as an organisation is to promote a Zimba- various methods of heart-mind-body healing, she bwean society where women are empowered and believes that de-toxifying thoughts is a method of assert their rights within a justice system that treats healing, and explains facts of the brain and how men and women equally and that is sensitive to 87% of all diseases are a result of what goes on in the needs of children. our thought life, and how this is converted into a physical reaction. Zimbabwe Lawyer • Public Interest Litiga- ZLHR’s core objective is to foster a culture of hu- For Human Rights tion man rights in Zimbabwe as well as encourage the Nyahunure Commu- • Movement building Nyahunure empowers women through gender • Human Rights Train- growth and strengthening of human rights at all nity Trust • Healing circles training, economic empowerment, heart-mind- ing levels of Zimbabwean society through observance (Nyahunure) • Counselling body and grassroots movement building for gen- • HIV and the Law of the rule of law. c/o Francis Pawand- • Economic empower- der aware communities. iwa ment Mutoko RDC, Mu- Pat Warren pwar- Training on Pat Warren is a renowned instructor; her work- toko [email protected] • Self-defense shop was voted “the most practical” by par- +263 4 490085 • Body work ticipants from over fifteen countries at a training • Judo as a sport or convention for instructors in the USA. Sonke Girls • Health and well-be- This is a group of sex workers coming together for what is known as Chirumanzu Growth ing economic empowerment and SRHR. The group “The Gentle Way” Point • Bodywork share information on HIV/Aids, SHRH, heart-mind- Masvingo • Counselling body, vigilante groups/peace committees against • Healing circles VAW during political upheavals. Kubatana.net Directory An Online directory of Zimbabwean NGOs, civil • Economic empower- society organisations and social justice groups ment

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