Vol. XIX No. 18 "There's a child molester named Woody on the loose." August 5, 1998
YovX 'RLE AT STONxY BR1OOK Now, ISSTES ~ 13 - - cr -~~-~e lc~-- n~ --- ~r -- W~el·.s.~n~Psr~ares~O·lble~raR~r~·~-~b 't- -I -- IJnD, iA MESSAE T RYOIJ By Jen Hobin tells us is that some people in positions of power time at a peep show for a quarter a pop. And just think this will happen. like richer people tend to buy more expensive You knew it had to happen. After taking Again in the city of Indianapolis, Indiana sneakers, they also opt for more expensive enter- down John Gotti, and evicting Dinkins from Gracie surveys were conducted of real estate appraisers tainment-even in the sexual arena-so cheap shows Mansion, Giuliani has set his sights on the ultimate regarding the impact of the sex shops on property just may not be their thing. On the same note per- evil plaguing New York City. His aim: To preserve values. A majority of the appraisers "responded haps entrepreneurs open sex shops in poor (and the "quality and character" of fair Gotham, uphold that such a use located within one block of such a consequently more crime ridden) neighborhoods family values and maybe, just maybe, save your residential neighborhood would have a negative because they will face less opposition from resi- soul. His means (at least in part): Destruction of the effect on the value of residential and commercial dents there as opposed to wealthier neighbor- sex shop industry. properties." This is not a study of the secondary hoods. After all, the wealthy (or even relatively so) In 1995 the City Planning Commission impacts of the sex shop industry, this is an opinion generally have more time on their hands to battle approved amendments to the city's zoning regula- poll. If the opinions of the appraisers are based on the moral evildoers tb n the poor people. tions that would prohibit the operation of adult a study, this should be noted. After all I could claim It you think it is bad that Giuliani doesn't establishments within 500 feet of residential areas. all the half-witted shit I want and wrap it up in care about the quality of the data he is citing to, in Instead, adult establishments, defined as those that official sounding terms, but that still does not effect, ruin the businesses and livelihood of his devote more than 40 percent of their stock to adult mean it is true. However even if we were to constituents, you are sure to be inflamed at the fact books, movies, or performances can now only assume that porn shops do have a negative impact that he doesn't really need data at all. He is happy operate in designated manufacturing and commer- on property values, so what. Is this a cause to vio- to amend legislation based on people's perception cial districts. The new regulations will affect all but late the rights of small business owners? If a sig- that the sex shop industry is harming them. a handful of the city's estimated 144 sex shops, as nificant amount of black people move into a given According to the summary, "In some cases, partic- currently more than 75 percent of these establish- area property values will decrease. Does this mean ularly in study areas with only one adult enter- ments are located in zoning districts that permit we should further amend zoning regulations so tainment establishment, the DCP survey did not residences. that African Americans can live only in commercial yield conclusive evidence of a direct relationship According to Giuliani and his band of and manufacturing districts, so that the morally between the adult use and the urban ills affecting data manipulating morality mongers, other juris- righteous white folk don't have their delicate sen- the community...Other cities that have conducted dictions that have studied the effects of the adult sibilities offended? I certainly hope not. similar studies that have acknowledged this same entertainment industry have found negative sec- It is tempting to believe the so-called data difficulty." Despite the lack of evidence City offi- ondary impacts on the surround- on the relationship between crime and cials say that the negative impact perceived by the ing community. The purported the establishment of sex shops, but do population warrants the conclusion that the over- negative impacts include lower not be so easily fooled. Think back to all effect on the surrounding properties is consid- housing and property values, your research methodology class--just ered to be negative. higher turnover rates in commer- because an area with sex shops has a In a press release Giuliani has said as he cial and residential areas adjacent greater crime rate than areas without has said many times, "sex shops destroy neighbor- to such establishments, increased sex shops does not mean that sex shops hoods...Our adult-use zoning regulations not only crime (including sex crimes) and cause crime or attract a criminal ele- mean that valuable commercial areas like Times the ill-defined neighborhood ment. For example, a study in Whittier Square will be cleaned up but that sex shops will deterioration. A closer look at the California showed a 102 percent no longer be allowed to destroy the quality of life executive summary of the adult increase in 38 types of criminal activity in residential neighborhoods." Giuliani has failed entertainment study conducted over two time periods in an area con- to directly operationally define "quality of life". by the city of New York, the taining adult businesses. This was com- While he implies that quality of life is a function of source of these claims, reveals that pared to a mere 8 percent increase in the property values and crime rates, he has failed to i-Lh - trAa rlni l r r ftIL na1 Ri LIA tic sc 1AT rlwhol In PhConi Arizona show that the sex shop industry is harmful on that nllgijs adre nii acaro cu1 as ixudUUY y , liani _ , ...... , . .. . would have us believe. RdG areas with sex shops had six times the level. If he intends "quality of life" to mean moral The executive summary cites a study in amount of crime compared to areas without sex quality, then I am forced to ask whose life he is bet- the Town of Islip (right next door) to show just shops. Giuliani obviously cites these studies as evi- tering? Surely not the individual whose only how evil sex shops can be. The only information dence that sex shops are bad, but obviously source of income comes from dancing naked. given is that the town "prohibited adult uses from Giuliani is not too bright. Certainly not his or her children. locating in downtown commercial areas because While it may indeed be the case that sex However, rather than trying to allay the they would produce a "dead zone" that shoppers shops increase crime, the executive summary does fears of the people by stating that there is no evi- would avoid. Other government efforts to revital- not provide very compelling evidence that this is dence that adult establishments will have harmful ize or stabilize these areas and attract private so. Perhaps the missing link is poverty. Poverty effects on their communities, Giuliani feeds these investment would be impacted negatively." Note stricken areas tend to have higher crime rates than fears by storming into sex shops, no doubt with the use of'the word "would". This "study" did not more affluent areas. Perhaps poor people tend to weapons raised, yelling "Police! Nobody move." successfully demonstrate that adult entertainment frequent sex shops more. After all even the poorest Welcome to New York. Enjoy your stay in the "cap- produces a dead zone. In fact all this statement person could beg enough money to have quite a ital of the world."
THE STONY BROOK PRESS PAGE 2 I sc ~II~ Ik--~ -·- I ·FI -----~I~ --- P 16-s~e ~~L~cC L ~rC ~ -4 ~----r~- I sl IL L~s~b Il pc I-·s~L~ tar. r~ L · IL. Ls ISSVES Ti eR Bear
by Chris Sorochin and road rage are now elements of the urban land- ing on every corner of the building. On the outside scape and so are surveillance cameras. And the was a hand-painted mural, common to many Irish "He who rides the tiger can never new yuppie class is whining into their cell phones pubs, but this one featured a sour-faced policeman dismount." -Chinese Proverb that they want lower taxes. This time I didn't see peering through the window as the sun rises, one sign offering a discount to the unemployed. beholding a riot of spilled pints and unconscious Once upon a time, economists rhap- The Yanks Are Comin' customers. Over here, such a celebration would be sodized over the "Asian Tigers": South Korea, I knew trouble was brewing when I saw an excuse for an escalation of the tender ministra- Taiwan, Malaysia, and Singapore. These countries, the middle-aged quartet of our obvious country- tions of the State Liquor Authority. following in the footsteps of Japan, achieved rapid folk saunter into the pub. They were loud and clue- Other people told me that Ireland flirted growth and seemingly overnight development. less and sporting Kelly green sweatshirts pro- with "zero tolerance" policing for a while, but it Conservatives expounded endlessly on how these claiming the wannabe glories of the St. Paddy's was laughed out of existence by the people, and governments did whatever necessary to be "busi- Day Homophobe March. Rather than pretend to be the police themselves, who refused to enforce it. ness friendly," up to and including iron-fisted dic- French, as I suggested, my traveling companion, Let's hope this part of the Irish culture doesn't get tatorships and cavalier disre- I Precious, engages "Westernized." gard for the environment. them in conversation. We were on the island for Midsummer Those on the left, "Oh, we're from the Eve, or Bonfire Night, a folk celebration harking however, would hasten to New York area, too!" back to ancient Celtic times, in which the remains point out that much of the suc- Within ten minutes, of the dead were burnt in huge "bone fires." cess was achieved through we get Edna's unso- Nowadays the pyromaniac school kids who run such methods anathema to licited take on her the show search out every last old mattress on the free-marketers as trade protec- dau g h ter' s islands and burn them along with various timber tionism and heavy infrastruc- Dominican boyfriend and old tires. Strangely, the next day we discov- ture investment. ("You know the ered a pile of discarded textbooks that mysterious- AI . . -1 1-L- . - 1 And citizens ot those I _ neignornoouuu_ ), ly escaped the flames. Those would have been the countries could only wonder at the long-term while Harry, true to his sweatshirt, voices his con- first things in back in my day... effects this tsunami of materialism and rapid cerns about the sexual orientation of the session The fire burned a full 24 hours. A visiting change might have on their cultures. musicians. Christ, these are exactly the type of peo- group of Scandinavians sang their traditional Now, the bubble has burst and the East ple I travel abroad to escape. In retaliation, I decide songs, and a group of local girls regaled us with a Asian economies are in shambles. It won't be the to risk yet another nagging on my lack of social song in Irish whose chorus went "He came again investors who'll bear the brunt of the resultant graces and saturate the immediate vicinity of the and again and again..." The next day, we noticed pain, but the working people, once the table with a vortex of surly, uncommunicative neg- that the lackadaisical young lady who waited on International Monetary Fund sinks its fangs in and ativity. It works, and they waddle off to find a us at the hotel restaurant was even more sluggish demands "austerity" in social spending. "real" plate of corned beef and cabbage and maybe and sporting a hickey the size of Blarney Castle. Capitalism, being the fickle old whore that some green-tinted beer. Again and again and again, eh? So much for that she is, is constantly sniffing out new blood. Ireland stereotype about the Irish being sexually missed most of the Industrial Revolution and is a Isles of the Damned repressed. My roommate, who has a girlfriend in relative virgin to her blandishments. I heard dis- The Aran Islands are famed worldwide Dublin and the phone bills to prove it, says it's tressing reports from my friend Mike, who is for their spectacular landscapes, ruined churches much less uptight than the US. working on his doctorate at University College, and Iron Age forts, and traditional culture. Every Betcha didn't know that an Irish bishop, tressing reports from my friend Mike, who is for their spectacular landscapes, ruined churches much less uptight than the US. working on his doctorate at University College, and Iron Age forts, and traditional culture. Every Betcha didn't know that an Irish bishop, Limerick, that Ireland is becoming yuppified and tourist in creation must have gotten the word- Pat Buckley, is defying the established church and decided to investigate. more Harry and Edna clones awaited. Every voy- threatening to break away and form his own. To Irish society has long been known for its age is an epiphany and the revelation of the two- date he's married about 2,000 previously divorced hiiir irr 1-bn' »4t"JaL tL1'iii f Gu.~1j y VAT7, rci inleo who are forhiArlpn to remarr uiinder egalitarianism. The Irish language is the only one IIU rL .a16U6 uLoai L Lcar IoII urro vva y , 75, I1 1111 l yVV in Europe that has never distinguished between a my first experience with seasickne i of excommunication. Buckley called the formal and familiar "you", nor had native expres- spent the whole rolling, lurching ti actice of excommunication, "a meaning- sions equivalent to "Sir", "Ma'am", etc. Even today, clutching the railing in the frigid rair ess device of Canon law designed to rural society is first name only. On previous trips I hoping desperately that my bacon- frighten people into submission." You go, had admired the communal ethos as manifested in and-egg breakfast would stop Your Eminence. signs on restaurants and haircutters offering dis- working its way up my esophagus. As we piled back onto the barge counts to the elderly and unemployed. The precipitation contin- to cross to Inis M6r, we had to wait quite But that was before Ireland was transfig- ued unabated our first day on Inis a while as they unloaded a huge cargo of ured from a crypto-Third World emigration econo- Oirr, the smallest island, not toc brand new mattresses, destined, no my into he hyperdynamic "Celtic Tiger," toast of good for wandering the back roads. loubt, to be ceremonially worn out for the European Community and desired object of waited fifteen minutes to purchase xt year's Midsummer fire. investors, thanks in no small part to subsidies from couple of woven fisherman's belts a burists were all over the "Big Island" like %r 4: n *-i --i -aI hiL v-,t a Lk-qt-I-,- n,-t - f n,, inoax,i 6 thL• in d iL r - the EC and large investments in education. Ireland Gitael• l tlransllllation-ivI 4 orlULLlUracUla Wnllte some ultn 11 )jlt UL 1 dl, 1 Iktte , . VuICIov, Ia g..J.L..L 11 l. gUet- beckoned with tax breaks, political stability, and an from Arkansas grilled the clerk on what artifact in nous population even more taciturn than usual, educated population that would accept low wages. the shop was the most "Seltic." except for those who see them as a way to make a So now the boom is on. On the up side, Inis Oirr has 300 inhabitants and no cops, quick and sleazy punt or two and those mostly Irish people no longer have to leave the country to so the island's three pubs decided they could be a drunk middle-age males who see visitors as a earn a living, and many unwilling emigrants have little creative with closing time (11:30 pm). In quick and sleazy way to get laid. returned. And the restaurants have gotten better response, the Gardai sent, yes, a decoy, posing as a I paid a professional/social call on Dara and more diverse. backpacker. After determining the extent of the Malloy and Tess Harper, editors of Aisling, a quar- Upscale housing developments are violations, Dudley DoRight went back to his pup terly magazine that's had the bad taste to publish a sprouting up everywhere, even in remote areas. tent, changed into his uniform and went back to few of my more respectable articles. They're part of What will happen if the boom goes bust? Is anyone issue summonses, amid shocked, inebriated sug- the Celtic spirituality movement and offer retreats, paying attention to what's going on at the other gestions that he concentrate more on fighting walking tours and even wedding ceremonies at end of the Eurasian landmass? Do they want their crime and less on trying to stop people from enjoy- many of the island's historic sites. future mortgaged to the IMF? ing themselves. Dara and his assistant, Mark, told me of Mike tells me that many drinking estab- What struck me was the contrast in public CIA activity in Ireland in the 1980s, during lishments now have dress codes (sneakers, not reaction to such a stunt. The newspaper story, Reagan's visit to his "ancestral homeland." It was tank tops, are the mark of Satan), bouncers, age which was laminated and proudly mounted on the supposed to have been all smiles and shamrocks, restrictions and all sorts of other cultural flotsam pub wall, gave considerably more space to the but Ireland had caught wind of the pan-European from the wrong side of the Atlantic. I notice a big islanders' side of things and continued defiance. antinuclear movement and were not happy about ,increase in other signs of pathology like cell Next to it was a drawing by a local artist of "back- his mad scheme to fill Western Europe with phones and private security services. Rush hour packers" with telescopes and listening devices spy- nuclear missiles. Also, one of I continued on page 8
AUGUSr 5, 1998 PAGE 3 gwkmýA= Malle~ S~I~IJ I8 ((AirI
For some time, Mayor Rudy ogy until someone realized they could Giuliani has been waging war against the market x-rated videos. The only business- adult industry in New York. In recent es on the internet that aren't losing money weeks, the battle has become more heat- are the sex sites. ed, as new zoning laws have shut down Rudy says adult shops depress many of Gotham's finest video stores, areas and hurt the local economy. In fact, peep shows and strip clubs. they make more money than most other As always, Giuliani's actions reek businesses, in turn providing jobs and of fascism. Critics have rightfully criti- paying more taxes. cized him in the past weeks for grossly Perhaps more importantly, the violating the rights of both shopkeepers adult industry is good for people. Despite and shoppers, and hopefully the court what Rudy would tell you, adult stores system will agree. won't corrupt your children and destroy Most intelligent sources of news our moral fabric. Rather, they do quite the and commentary (as few as they may be) opposite, making people happy and help- have come out against Rudy, arguing in ing them deal with stress. Remember, favor of civil liberties like the right to free nobody ever robbed a bank with a copy of commerce and free speech. "Between the Cheeks." There is, however, an important We're generally of the opinion that defense for the adult industry that has New York needs more porn, and less largely been overlooked. Rudy. We want our Times Square full of Smut is good. stores selling videos with names like For starters, porn is good for the "Panty Claus," "Gonadzilla," and economy. Sex always sells, and it even "Shaving Private Ryan," not "Aladdin" helps other industries. VCR sales were and "The Lion King." stagnant in the early years of the technol- I I L -- C-- ---~rc------.- L ~C ~P ~I1I - - -C--- - -·I- ___~~__._~·~PLs~·I~-L-- Is I I IPI "TV Terror" lishing company called PREssCo. Glad that you found my band so Okay, so maybe it's a little early for us comical and think that I sing like any male to quit our jobs at Waldbaum's and Boo-Boo Goth singer (they all sound the same). Burger. You're always welcome to stop by at Shame ya didn't spot my sound-alike our office in room 060 of the Student Union. voice on any other song on the comp. You can have an old issue as long as it's not one On a lighter note, Loretta's Doll's that is rare. You can also view microfilm or version of Scooby Doo is nothing but com- bound copies of all the issues from 1979 in the ical. They have changed it into a Gothic Melville Library. Just ask a librarian, and tune. Picture the lyrics sung by any male someone will help you. Goth singer (they all sound the same) and In the meantime, do you know anybody you will be able to create a decent idea of it with a few million bucks to spare? in your head. Adding to this is the addition of Scooby Doo samples in the background. ARRGGGH!(The fake letter) Bryin From: [email protected] Praise For Fools Mwua-ha-ha-ha! VACA!! Donde You guys are the best! You guys rule! I esta mi tractor! Yo encantaba con Eric Tel oly thing keeping Long so rom need a BIG favor! Holy Cow What a web Estrada! Viva la munchkinos! Ano tate- site! I can't put your paper down. When mono-wa watashi-no ryoo des... are u guy going national? This is the best... You shall all suffer the wrath of the oh yeah... I kind of need a big favor. Could holy mento lords! Wrath of mento fall 98-NTINA CAMPUS:`______you please tell me where I could get a back upon you! issue of the press, from last semester? Esteban D. Squirrel Seriously, The SB Press (NOT SB) rules! Thanx. The News Editor Responds: What the hell are you squeaking about, -David Gonzalez you crazy squirrel? H He naHeMalO. Vous etesfou! Suck me, mento breath! *BEST IN REPORTING The News Editor responds:
THE STONY BROOK PRESS PAGE 4 ·arrs .. ----...--b~--~~~.~,~Prr-L·a~UIPLZ11~C~I~S ISSUX7ES Lettng Media Myths Rest In Peace
By Norman Solomon access to the resources of society. played Bud gave voice to the kind of introspection Meanwhile, as front pages told of that was anathema to the program. "I'm ashamed I Back in the early '60s, Alan Shepard and America's breakthroughs in space, the most popu- had any part of it," Billy Gray said. "People felt Robert Young cast huge shadows on the national lar TV entertainment included "Father Knows warmly about the show and that show did every- media stage. So, after the heroic astronaut and the Best." The program had an endearing quality. Mild body a disservice." famous actor both died on July 21, the media cov- humor and kindness prevailed. Minor tensions Gray perceived that he'd had a role in a erage stirred up memories that are dim yet deep. created just enough turmoil to make the televised deceptive project: "I felt that the show purported to On May 5, 1961, when Shepard became drama seem plausible. be real life, and it wasn't. I regret that it was ever the first American to fly into space, he electrified On "Father Knows Best," Robert Young presented as a model to live by." One of the biggest the nation. In those days, we were hearing a lot was good-natured and reassuring, week after drawbacks had to do with rigid gender stereotypes about a torch that had been passed to a new gener- week and year after year. The show remained on that the program taught and reinforced. "The show ation. Shepard served as a symbol of youthful prime-time national television from 1954 to 1963. contributed a lot to the problems between men and vigor and high-tech prowess. But off camera, in his own life, the man playing the women that we see today." The media emphasis was on technological father who knew best was struggling with alco- Styles have changed, but today's media achievement fused with cold-warrior firmness. holism. "I drank, and I drank a lot," he later products are still fabrications. To a great extent, the The best and the brightest macho men would bear recalled. larger-than-life images that take up residence on any burden, pay any price for democracy. Rhetoric Outwardly confident- even serene- on TV screens and glossy magazine covers- and about a New Frontier implied renewal of the set, Young was inwardly consumed with fright. in our minds- are designed and manufactured as America's pioneer roots. Like the Indians who had "For over 30 years," he was to remember, "I lived surely as Beanie Babies and new cars. Their value perished in past centuries, the poor of the Third almost every waking hour filled with fear. Fear of and meaning are vastly overrated. World were beside the point. many things- the unknown- of some expected The guy who played Bud for all those It seemed fitting that Shepard's brief and calamity around the corer that never comes. A years on "Father Knows Best" went on to offer historic flight was in a space capsule dubbed feeling that this stardom I was lucky enough to some cautionary words about media heroes: "I "Freedom 7." Shepard and the six other Mercury attain would not last, that I was not worthy, that I think we were all well motivated but what 've did astronauts were America's A-team in the space didn't deserve it." was run a hoax. We weren't trying to, but that is race. President Kennedy declared-prophetical- But when we watched "Father Knows what it was. Just a hoax." ly-that the United States could land a man on the Best," we were apt to measure ourselves against moon by the end of the decade. the mythic characters- the parents, Margaret and Norman Solomon is co-author of "Wizards of In the media spirit of the times, NASA Jim Anderson, and their kids named Betty Media Oz: Behind the Curtain of Mainstream epitomized the nation's strong sense of purpose. ("Princess"), Bud and Kathy ("Kitten"). For them, News" and author of "The Trouble With Dilbert: But such steely resolve never developed to pursue doubts and confusion seemed slight. How Corporate Culture Gets the Last Laugh." goals like ending poverty in this country, or seeing Looking back on "Father Knows Best," 17 to it that all children could grow up with equal years after the shooting stopped, the actor who'd
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By James Polichak ty deep-freeze chamber at the Center for Disease ronment, then how did such a gene develop? Not Control in Atlanta. Determining that homosexual- by natural selection, which is the name of the Much has been made of Americans' grow- ity is natural won't prevent bigots from logically process by which different genes and their prod- ing acceptance of the idea that one is born homo- arguing that the same should be done with homo- ucts are tested against environmental conditions. sexual, rather than becoming one as a result of sexuals. Those that lead to increased reproductive success one's life experiences. In a recent poll (New York Second, and more importantly, as any increase in number, those that don't tend not to. Times, Aug. 2, 1998), 31% said "homosexuality is biologist will tell you, nearly every trait of an But success is always determined by the environ- something a person is born with, while 47% said it organism is affected by both genetic and environ- ment. And if something can be entirely environ- is "due to...upbringing or environment"; these mental factors. In fact, the average across traits and mental, and thus not affected by genes, then how numbers reflect growth in the first category and organisms is about half and half. The nature/nur- can a creature that developed from little more than decline in the second over the past 20 years. ture debate is a false dichotomy. Consider some- a packet of DNA possibly possess it? These results are supposed to be impor- thing that most people would assume to be merely It is extremely difficult to pinpoint the tant because it is assumed that a belief that homo- nature: people have a femur in each of their legs. many interacting causes of any trait, especially for sexuality is innate is also a belief that homosexual- While it is undoubtedly the case that genes affect ill-defined behaviors and lifestyles (go ahead and ity should be tolerated, respected, and perhaps the development of bones, what happens if we try to find a definition of 'homosexuality' that is promoted. Not only is this argument flawed, but deprive the growing organism of calcium? comprehensive and acceptable to most people). the whole line of reasoning is indicative of a Depending on the extent of the deprivation, the After decades of intense study, geneticists have severely deficient understanding of basic biology. organism might have no bones at all, genes or not. determined that the color of a fruit fly's eyes is Sadly enough, not even that bastion of enlighten- Similarly, we would probably say with confidence affected by about 70 genes, and the expression of ment, the New York Times, has a clue. that one's liking of rap music over polka is the these genes is affected by environmental factors First, if something that a person is born result of one's experience, but being congenitally such as temperature, nutrients, and so on. The only with is respectable, and even good, as some gay- deaf puts a damper on one's music appreciation. reasonable position is that the causes of homosex- rights activists would have us believe, does this Other traits may be caused largely by genes or uality are likely to be even more complex and dif- include all of the genetic diseases that people are largely by environmental factors. Asthma is often ficult to fully understand. born with-Huntington's Chorea, Down's related to certain genes, and a person possessing It is depressing that the American public Syndrome, PKU, a deformed mutant twin growing those genes will be very likely to exhibit symptoms and media have such a pathetic understanding of out of the back of one's skull (it really happens!)? (though the extent will always be affected by envi- elementary biology. Life scientists don't pretend to Determining that a trait is natural does not entail ronment--pollen, dust, etc.). Alternatively, asthma have a very good understanding of the complex moral goodness, or even usefulness. Such a trait may be produced by growing up in highly pollut- genetic and environmental causes of homosexuali- could just as well be something that reasonable ed areas, as the skyrocketing rates of asthma ty (though they're trying, and learning more each people decide should be completely eradicated. among residents of Mexico City attests to (and, day). It is ridiculous that the uninformed public Remember small pox? An entire species, which is once again, if you've got the genes and live in thinks that it has the answer already, and that they about as natural as you can get, was removed from Mexico City, you're really screwed). can use their inaccurate ideas to judge the moral the effective biosphere after causing millennia of Look at it this way: if something can be qualities of others and to make laws regulating human misery. It now only exists in a high securi- entirely genetic, and thus unaffected by the envi- their behavior.
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THE STONY BROOK PRESS PAGE 6 - --~L ~~·111~~ ~-~· -'C~--~ I · -·ed pl~l~lmsll ~ = P , · = ~~ - ~-s ~~~s~~·~··~s~L-~ L -·I ~& ~ ~ 1;-~-- 111- FEATUIRLES Staller Center for the Arts: Hosting the Long Island Film Festival
By Frank "The Movie Guy" Fusaro turned out to be both. The schedule did not predict people who knew the filmmakers. I could hardly the times when the films would end. This made it hear the film above their drunken screaming and The Long Island Film Festival has made its impossible to know if the video slots would overlap whistling. home at Stony Brook for two years now. This, how- with the Main Stage showings. There were also Finally, the Video Slots were a mix of crap, ever, was my first time at said f&te. unannounced question and answer sessions with like Good-bye Charlie, and works of genius, like the Although it was billed as The Stony Brook the filmmakers, which confused people even more. touching yet slightly cheesy short Faith. Keep an eye Film Festival: Featuring The Long Island Film At first, I thought I was just being picky, but I soon out for the young actress Rachel Chamberlain, for Festival, the only thing the university did was to found that many staff members and filmmakers she is going places. The hysterical New Testament replay the 1997-1998 film line over sixteen days, with shared my frustration. made me fall out of my chair in laughter, and I have the addition of Titanic. vowed not to rest until I find a copy of this on video. The L.I. Film Festival, with a long and dis- The Festival's Special Guest It was one of the best. The Happy Waitress, full of tinguished history, is the oldest independent film Cliff Robertson was this year's main guest, intelligent wit, was also impressive. If any of these festival on Long Island. But it has traveled from His work includes the original Big filmmakers has a future, it's 'lerrence place to place, and has on occasion, even changed its Kahuna in Gidget, as well as parts in Smith. name. Escape from L.A., The Devil's Brigade and None of these films won anything, The only other independent film festivals PT 109. Like last year's guest Steve losing to the snappy Gat Crazy (like on Long Island are the Huntington Cinema Arts Buscemi (the writer-director-actor whose anyone on Long Island calls guns Center Film Festival (now in its second year), and credits include Fargo, Reservoir Dogs, and "gats"). The Gat Crazy boys were the Hamptons International Film Festival (now in its currently playing Armageddon), he gave honestly happy to meet people and sixth year). The Cinema Arts Center, one-time host speeches and brought to the festival his were quite nice, while Terrence of the L.I. Film Festival, is sadly one of the few "art independant film. Unfortunately, Smith was more low-key and hum- houses" on Long Island. After the L.I. Film Festival Robertson's independent Oscar winning ble. moved to the Staller Center two years ago, the film, Charly, was thirty years old. And As a final note to the Video Slot, I Cinema Arts Center started its own event. This when Cliff mentioned that he had written would like to recognize the feature year's festivities opened with an appearance by spe- a sequel, it seemed that he was just trying to get the length Michael Harington and Today's Other cial guest James Urbaniak (Henry Fool). James word out and rekindle interest in this great work. America. Media critic Noam Chomsky (co-author of Turturro followed that festival up with the introduc- Cliff, who was an original member of the ManufacturingConsent) would probably have tipped tion of his newest film. elite Actors Studio (whose member included Karl his hat to the sad legacy of the American socialist Malden, Paul Newman and Marlon Brando activist's work. The Pain of a Sixteen Day Film Festival before they made their way to Hollywood), While this barrage of films may have spends most of his time out here and commutes to With all its faults, the festival brought atten- sounded like a good idea at the time, more than one Hollywood for work. Cliff, who goes by the tion to artists and films that have received little film maker confessed that they had to take quite a phrase "If you're not working, you're not living," attention. I'm sure that as time goes on, the compe- few breaks to make it through. I also confess that I became an actor after spending time as a pilot,a tent crew of the Staller Center will be able to put had to take some time off. While the thought of miss- journalist, and a playwright, together a crack show, and I-CON will no longer be ing something good bothered me, I just couldn't take The interview Cliff gave to the audience the only major annual attraction at the University at it any more. Some viewers were on hiatus for days at was perhaps the best part of the festival. He shared Stony Brook. a time because of sheer exhaustion, or perhaps out of interesting anecdotes about his experiences, and fear that there might be another mistake like Good- added that he was planning to publish many of 1998 FESnVAL AWARDS SOUPT bye Charlie, which by far was the worst movie I ever them in his biography. I found this meeting to be a AUDIENCECHOCE VIDEO great experience. I got to meet the man whose ii saw. i: h.U.-d^- »»/»»-/^.t d-.«// A .mmrr oi ,ndnI c~r0..••th THE INSIDE MAN FRED CARPENTER iandiy- wl h<. oiiu uIL respecteLuLnce ...... 'La.... Lu . .111Ca...... im ... the L.I. Festival quite openly preferred the heck out of me ask a kid watching AUDIENCE CHOICEO SHOl T FILM Huntington Film Festival, and stated that "The Twilight Zone". HYPER-CONSCIOUS ALAN EDWARDS most of the movies shown here wouldn't AUDIENCE CHOICE FEA TUllE FILM have even made the cut at Huntington. : The Films of the Festival RACE AND Some have even said the five day The Main Stage shorts were all LABOR DAY STEVE TT . .------L T T I'.... I /: :. '''.:., I rHunungton version oU mte L-.. rni. quite good. Most notable was Lunch CARMINE CANGOLOSI Festival was too long. With Louie, almost a tribute to FIRST FEA TURE AWARD 46 Chaplin's 'Little Tramp' with a few STRONG ISLAND BOYS MARK SCHIFFER Organization of the Festival lines of dialogue inserted. Undertoe, BEST SHORT FILM OR VIDEO Before every Stony Brook Film Let Go, I Remember, and One Hand, Left Festival movie, a short film which was were all pretty dar good. Second Skin THE CLEARING KAT SMITl competing in the Long Island Film was a cute story, but Hyper-Conscious THE SILENT LOVE OF FISH VIVIAN SORENSON Festival was shown. All of the Stony came away with the award. GET CRAZY DONALD PRUDEN, KEIF Brook Film Festival movies, as well as Incidentally, Hyper-Conscious was < .l _ _1... , .._1 . . .. . -I--. . ROBERTS, AND BRIAN GUNTHER many or me snort rlms were snown on tree K I S S I N G! filmed by Stony Brook alumnus Alan the new 40 foot "Big Screen" on the Main Edwards. BEST OF FEST VIDEO Stage. The other short films, including many 16 mm One of the films that made the cut for the LAST MINUTE DOUBTS DAVID HEINMAN full-length films, were shown in the smaller Recital festival turned out to be a Disney film; not what I SUNDANCE RABBI DAVID NESSENOFF have considered an "Indy," but who am I to Hall (a.k.a. the "crappy little rilm room") with a VCR would BEST 16MM FEATURE FILM projector. These videos were referred to as the judge? On a happy note, the film, The Wonderful Ice "video slots" in the program guide. Cream Suit w as a wonderful tale written by famed KEGLESS CRAIG KESTEL One Stony Brook Film Festival film was author Ray Bradbury with performances by Joe TAX DAY LAURA CALLELLA shown each day, along with several L.I. Film Festival Mantegna and Edward James Olmos. This was not BEST 35MM FEATURE FILM e-budget film, however. Love and Death full-length films. Strangely, all Stony Brook films the only larg< ROUTE 4 JEFF DARKI AND BRIAN SZOT were preceded by short films, but only some of the on Long IslandIwas also played at the festival, with an L.I. Film Festival films were accompanied by shorts. incredible pejrformance by John Hurt. BEST OF FEST FEA TURE Therefore, one may have had to wait through films This made me wonder how other unex- How To MAKE THE CRUELEST MONTH that he or she didn't want to see just to view one of pectedly goo d films like Strong Island Boys and Men ALLISON DICKEY the shorts. With Guns coiuld compete. And while Kegless took an GRAND JUR Y PRIZE award, it seeimed to me like a wannabe Clerks (with The Poorly Constructed Festival Guide a plot). Perhaips the creators of Kegless had so many S OLYMPIA BOB BYINGTON At first glance, the festival guide did not friends preseint that they were able to stack the votes LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT A WARD look misleading or hard. to use. Unfortunately, it in his favor. 1Believe me, the place was packed with CULFF ROBERTSON
AucuST 5. 1997 PAGE 7 ~a~ti~5~3~5~.
Amsterdam and London are two of the most frequently visited cities, especially popular among college students. In our reader's interest, then, I recently went on a fact-finding mission to these cities, and now present some warnings that the guidebooks seem to have left out. Most important for your comfort and san- itv is this: Never take a bus in Europe. Soendi th
"Tiger Beat" continued from page 2
Ireland's traditional exports, priests, nuns, and reli- packed into a place called Dangerous Dolan's and of the homeboys, who bought me pints and com- gious workers, had witnessed first hand the effect proceeded to fulfill everyone's Ugliest American plimented my command of their dialect of the Irish of Ronnie's clandestine contra wars on the people stereotypes by getting stinking shitfaced lousy language. I asked one, who had lived in Boston of Central America and had spread their outrage grunting hooting swilling drunk. It was grotesque- and was sucking on a bottled Budweiser, "An back home. The Irish government also sent ly embarrassing to someone of my colossal couth maith leat Bud?" ("Do you like'Bud'?") and they all observers to oversee the Nicaraguan elections of and reserve. One young Ambassador of Good Will began to chortle derisively. Then I realized that 1984. The observers found them kosher; Bonzo did endeared us to the local by vomiting right in front "Bud" sounds just like an Irish word, "bod" and not and the bloodshed continued. There was much of the bar. Another climbed onto his stool and bel- what I'd asked him was, "Do you like dick?" resentment and many protests. lowed, "Dublin rules my mother's asshole!" Fortunately, Irish rednecks are a good deal So the spooks came and tried to intimidate Obviously, he meant it as a compliment. Still a less uptight than our homegrown variety and we people at protests by photographing them and third red-eyed prodigy proclaimed, "I wanna drink all had a good laugh over it and ordered more threatening them with denial of a US visa, back like the locals," and then proceeded to ask for a Sea beers. when hordes of young Irish people found it neces- Breeze. I went to the "Gents" and discovered the I overheard one of my cohorts refuse a sary to come to work. scamps had festooned it with toilet paper. suggestion from his 19-year-old son on the Clinton is also insinuating himself into the None of the Irish people in the place grounds that he had to be tested (in a hospital) and Northern freland peace process and some are sus- seemed to get very annoyed at this, or seek any the son reassured him that it would be out of his picious of US military involvement as "peace keep- form of vengeance, unless you count singing along system in three weeks. The son claimed to possess ers" is in the offing. Slick Willie invited members of en masse with some Britpop fluff about a lemon this knowledge secondhand and his buddy, the the Irish government to dinner on a warship, and tree. one I'd inadvertently propositioned, claimed to much to the chagrin of Dara and others like him, I stalked out, but not before I helped my have only tried hashish once, "with some Germans not only did politicians feed at the trough of friend steal a pint glass. She told me that Malaga, and I got sick." Victory is ours! Cannabinoids have Empire, but many average citizens rushed off to Spain and Hamburg, Germany had previously had penetrated even the Gaeltacht. Throw that on your see the Idol. the honor of their presence and those in command turf fire and smoke it. The main tourist attraction, Dun had not taught them even a few essentials in the Aenghusa, a huge ruin of a circular fort on a 300- local languages, nor had they apparently given Home Again, Home Again foot cliff, is slowly deteriorating because all the them any pointers on local culture or general civi- As I furiously word-process this, the TV is tourists are taking rocks from the walls and tossing lized comportment. blaring a special report about someone going them over the cliff, just for laughs. You'd think that They were next bound for the Arctic Circle berserk with a gun in the Capitol. Surreally, across stones would be the last thing in short supply in so they could take part in some sadomasochistic the bottom of the screen whiz the Stock Market this particular corner of the planet, but authorities ritual involving wearing next to nothing in sub- updates while the announcer intones that five peo- are considering limiting the number of visitors, zero temperatures, drinking sea water, and licking ple have been shot. Then he comments that such some guy's("King Neptune") Vaselined belly. events affect markets and the Dow has fallen a cou- The Yanks Are Still Comin' ple of points. My jaw drops a mile. I guess we I went to Dublin to hook up with a friend A Most EmbarrassingLinguistic Faux Pas know what's really important. We've got that tiger who's a cadet in the US Merchant Marine and With three days left, I decided to stop run- by the tail. whose ship was in port. We had drinks and dinner ning around and went to the Connemara village of and then met up with her fellow seamen (yuk, Carroe, where I finally got the solitude, tranquility yuk) in the Temple Bar area, a hideously over- and real cultural content I'd been yearning for touristed stretch of cobblestone with all the grue- deep in my "Seltic" soul. I wandered the roads. some, muscle-flexing, too-much-cologne comforts climbed on the rocks, and even bathed at the of Port Jefferson on a Friday night in summer. They unique coral beach. I even got to hang with some
THE STONY BROOK PRESS PAGE 8 tll= b)~ (NWLP0r 6RO£ANA6*2MA-MW
-----·- ~------~I~~-rs------~- I--- -- ~ ~ =-- -- -I-~~ ~~U~~~I-----~------_e_ ,,--~--i-~---, -I AUGUST 5, 1997 PAGE 9 FEATURLES ~ ~-r~--·-~-4~------~ ILCL~ ~ ~L- I PNC, Rod, and Me By Steveoh head-to-toe LBI (Long Beach Island) gear. And I and security followed them to their seats. Not a noticed that there were three very cheesily dressed bad fifteen minutes of entertainment. I then So my parents got me tickets to see Rod 30-year-old guys in front of him who looked like bought my food. A little sidebar, by the way: Stewart at the PNC Arts Center a couple of weeks the type who went to these concerts looking to Security paid for Babe's food, which is funny, ago. Stop laughing. Back in his day, Rod could hook up with horny 43-year-old women. And I because they probably would have made out bet- have been considered to be a staple in rock history. watched them order beer, and when the girl got ter if they ignored the guys who stole the beer, Songs such as "Maggie Mae," "Stay With Me," and back they ordered food. And when she turned her because I don't think Babe would take it easy on "(I Know) I'm Losing You," were emotional, well- back to them to get their order, one of the guys free food. written, and so youthful. Really. He fronted a band said, "Watch this!" and took off with the beer as the So, about a half hour after I left my lawn called Faces, which included (at different times) other guys laughed. It was time for Babe Ruth to seat, I managed my way back with two pretzels, a Eric Clapton, Jeff Beck, and Ron Wood. Take my spring into action. He bellowed (he really bel- soda, and a kick ass story. The concert began, and I word for it, Rod was it. lowed- the true definition of bellowing), "Hey, I watched. I watched old folk dance. It was fucking In the 90s, he totally evaporated any legit- know your ploy! I figured out your plot....bud! I hilarious. There was absolutely no rhythm to any- imacy he had with wussy songs, but what can you know your deal, buddy! You're in cahoots with body. Not that I should be talking about this, con- do? He's getting old. So, with hedged anticipation, that guy!" What a lingo! "Buddy"? "Pal?" sidering that I am no Denny Terio, but I wondered, off we went to Jersey. "Cahoots?" I expected the guys from Dragnet to "Was this ever cool?" I saw a girl with her arms I sat on the lawn and waited for Rod. And come out and arrest them. Also, the Babe Ruth guy extended high to the sky with her palms parallel to waited. And waited. Then I got hungry, so I asked sounded exactly like Sam the Butcher from the the ground while kicking her legs Rockette style. I if anybody wanted anything. My brother's girl- Brady Bunch. Exactly. Anyway, Babe got into these saw a guy just cement his feet and turn his shoul- friend and my mother both wanted pretzels, so I guys faces, except he really couldn't because his ders in and out, sorta like a fence door in a torna- went off to the concession stand, where I proceed- gut was huge. The guys were like, "Man, I dunno do. I saw a couple dance worse than the handi- ed to stand in line. And I waited. And waited. And what you're talking about. I don't know him. He capped. But they were so nicely dressed! I noticed a sign that said, "No ID, No Beer." And I just took off. I have no idea who he is." But Babe Moccasins, Bradlees shirts, tiny crotch-hugging, noticed 45-year-old men with bald spots and persisted, and then Security came. This is when paint-stained shorts, these people signified what it Members Only clothing cursing at the beergirl Babe showed he was a true renaissance man and was like to be cool on some bizarro planet. Jerry because they couldn't prove they were 21. Then, I switched hats from citizen arrestor to lead negotia- Seinfeld did a monologue where he said you could watched the guy in front of me order a hot dog, tor. He bellowed, "Hey, I have an idea to prove tell a person's best year by the clothes they wore, and watched his server drop the hot dog on a pile your innocence, bub! How 'bout you pay for his mainly because they never threw anything out of boxes, slyly look around, and sneakily place it in beer, huh? That'll prove it!" The guys said, "No. We from that year. The year for this concert was 1981. a bun and wrap it up. We laughed. After a 15- don't know the guy." Then Babe bellowed (I have And it was pretty consistent throughout the stadi- minute wait, I noticed that they had no pretzels. to use that word), "Then how 'bout I follow you to um. It was somewhat sad, really. But for the night, Fuck! So, being that Rod still hadn't come on (they your seats, and if da guy is dair, den I'll identify they were "Forever Young" (sorry). And there's play bagpipes while you wait; I was awaiting the 'em and you can get arrested. How 'bout dem, nothing bad about that. entrance of Rowdy Roddy Piper), I went to anoth- buddy? Up fer dat, pal?" The security gal asked me Oh, the concert? The first hour kicked ass. er concession stand. what I thought. I told her that this was hysterical, He played all his old shit with passion and fire- And I waited. And waited. And I noticed and that even though I wasn't really paying atten- traits he lost in the second hour when he sang his that the guy in front of me looked like Babe Ruth, tion, I thought they were in "cahoots." So, to short- shmoopy ballads. I left before the encores to avoid and was built like him too. He was adorned in en a really long story, those guys paid for the beer, traffic.
·LF~ r_,,._ ~,~~-s___~,,~,~~,~.~-~slll--~-~.~;_~;_~; -----c~- David Wiernicki There are some more puritan sports out moment. I am shamed. You, the reader, deserve there that forgo the stick and force the player to more. To publish this hunk of festering, rotten rat I'm taking a racketball course hit the ball with his hands and feet, but they gut is an insult to your intelligence. Stop reading is fall. I'm not sure what it involves, aren't very popular so I won't go into them here. now. Everything else I'm going to write is now it I'm pretty sure it involves hitting I even found a sport called "Boxing" in which officially a result of my going off the deep end. ball with some type of blunt instru- they did away with the balls s not rep- ent until it goes by your opponent, entirely and the players are resenta- something like that. I'm not sure thus forced to hit each other. tive of hat the end result of this is sup- This results in one of them my writ- >sed to be; I'm only doing it so I falling down eventually, and ing in )n't get fat- I understand that it since they can't play any more general. volves a fair amount of running with one guy on the floor they Hell, the out. As far as I can tell, the hitting call it a night. petty, e ball part is just a distraction to So, my quest ended sopho- ake you think you're not exercising. with a decision to choose fair- moricm o r i c re same technique is used on cows ly among these diverse sports. insults nning through the bars on their I decided to put the names on above ay to be slaughtered. They don't a board, throw a dart, and pick aren't
ink they're exercising either. whichever one I hit. As it turnc -renresen--r ...... - At any rate, I thought that I'd out, after a few tries, I couldn't hit any of them, tative of it either,-but that's not the point. The ive to give some other "sports" a fair so I picked racket ball. This brings me to my main point is that from now on, I'm officially NOT ake at being blessed with my pres- point, which I have been carefully leading up to TAKING RESPONSIBILITY for anything that ice, so I'll attempt to give a rundown all this time. The point is this: happens to get put on the page. In fact, the edi- what makes each unique: tors may just decide to blot it out with a picture DO NOT STOP WRITING YOUR ARTI- of the gimp, or the ranch, or something like that. Baseball: Hit a ball with a stick. CLE HALFWAY THROUGH WHEN YOU If they do, I hope they use a clipping line so it Tennis: Hit a ball with a stick. COULD HAVE FINISHED IT OFF FINE AND overlaps the text without a big white border... I Lacrosse: Hit a ball with a stick. NOT HAD TO RUSH IT TO GET IT IN ON can't stand that kind of thing. And if they do put Ping Pong: Hit a ball with a DEADLINE SO YOU COULD STILL BE A STAFF it in a big white square, then when, due to my ick. MEMBER IN THE FALL. worthless, incompetent, brainless, desperate rav- Golf: Hit a ball with a stick. ings, I attain a high rank among the stunned Pool: Hit a ball with a stick. I know how many of you this problem members of the Press, I'll bloody well fix all that Squash: Hit a ball with a stick. afflicts, so I felt obliged to give the advice. As you up. Cricket: Hit a ball with a stick. can see, I'm now stuck here with no feelings You just wait. Horse Racing: Hit a horse with a about racketball, or any other sport for that mat- You just wait. ick. ter, and thus have to write endless drivel about how I am writing endless drivel. It's not a proud I---·II ~IB~B~ -III IC- - - ~--- ~~aPP-~8 · ca ~I THE STONY BROOK PRESS PAGE 10 Takin War to New Heights at the Movies
By Lisa Aviles and Edward Ballard doubt and weakness he feels as a man. Certainly humble yet Loyal Nice Guy, the Hot Shot Southern Hank's performance is another milestone in his Sharpshooter, etc. Yet the film saves itself by clev- The road to theatrical bliss has been pot- rock-solid repertoire. Yet the performance from co- erly using these characters to deny us our expecta- holed by the likes of Godzilla and Deep Impact, but star Matt Damon is rather dry, emotionally lacking, tions of them either fitting perfectly into their Steven Spielberg's Saving Private Ryan at the very and anticlimactic. This isn't to say that he was stereotyped roles or performing the classic 'show- least presents a much needed respite from the ad given a substantial amount of material to work ing the other side when drama calls' typical behav- nauseum onslaught of alien/disaster films. with (as he only appears in the last hour). ior. Rather, each character both horrifies and Stroking, placating, and objectifying our near-the- Fortunately, and surprising- . soberly comforts through year-2000 fears, these films fail miserably to ly, the lesser-known ensem- his failure and self-doubt. address our inherent dread of the unknown. ble of actors, such as Ed Similarly, Spielberg Spielberg rises above the muck by uniquely and Burns and Tom Sizemore, somewhat pigeonholes bravely exposing the individual and collective provide impressive sub- the Germans as 'The Evil instabilities felt during World War II. stance that succeeds in Other.' Contrary to the The first scenes at Omaha Beach are keeping this film honest. As rather disturbing reviews wrenchingly chaotic and intensely personal. The if this were not surprising from critics, the Germans bloodbath of horrific maimings and lurid death enough, Ted Danson makes are singularly represented convey the very fury of confusion in war. The a rather surreal cameo as loathsome and untrust- empathetic cord is held taut by grimacing faces appearance in the middle of worthy. Spielberg even and pathetic cries for help. Spielberg endeavors to the movie. creates a chance for one engulf the audience in the grit of war. The inclu- The magnificence German soldier to expose sion of scenes of relative tranquillity in the fields of this film is the way it his humanity,-then makes a,,%,,,L 1 Ile, ý] ý 1ý .--- -4C-- -JCLt and pastures of France brilliantly contrasts with manage to presenThet lhac o clever use or one or tme aption Goes Here squad members to have the horror of the battle scenes. Within this con- resolve and uncertainty--to The Photo C ------Isquad members to have trast, a greater truth is told. Similarly, the majority oneself, to one's men, country, and even enemy. his audience regret any empathy. This statement is of the film maintains an even keel between endear- Spielberg's film admirably expands the typical, quite timely reemphasized towards the end of the ing personalities to the viewer and peeling away self-depreciating war screen to communicate not movie. More detail can't be addressed without any fantasies that we may have about the glory of only the experience, but the predicament of war in giving away too much, however, the moments war. One such personality manifests itself through a fuller context to its audience. If the film should should be readily apparent. the protagonist, Captain John Miller (Hanks). walk away with the elusive Oscar, it is because on Some have said of Saving PrivateRyan that Hanks creates another solid everyman the whole it was brave enough to show just this. Spielberg was too inept to address questions of character in Capt. John Miller. The struggle to Yet Spielberg's directorial might takes a war on an intellectual level. This, however, does maintain control of his unit as well as his sanity few dips along the way. One such problematic not appear to be Spielberg's aim. Perhaps the idea and individuality is the torment of Captain Miller. aspect of the film may point its aggravated finger here was not to provide answers, but to admit that Through him we see the devotion, loyalty, and at the stereotyping of the soldiers. One finds the there was in fact a question. strength necessary for him to be a soldier as well as soldier from Brooklyn, the sensitive Writer, the
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By Phil Pages ...gotten high with a professor? ...been high in class? Are you the "average" USB student? How much have you real- ...been drunk in class? ly lived the USB experience? If these questions have always plagued you, ...done drugs during a class? it's time to find out your USB IQ! ...cheated on a test? The USB IQ is a measure of how much you've lived both the ...stolen an exam? typical and legendary elements of Stony Brook. To find out your score, ...bribed a TA or professor for good grades? answer "yes" or "no" to each question unless otherwise indicated. ...stolen the books for a class from the bookstore? PLACES ...taken a 400 level course taught by a grad Have you ever been on the roof of an academic building? student? ... on the inside of the new (unopened) Life Sci Annex? DORMS ... in the steam tunnels? Have you ever lived in a dorm? Do you know what and where the steam tunnels are? ...lived in a dorm over intercession? Have you ever been in an academic building after it closed? ...started a fire in a dorm? ...on one of the HSC/Hospital walkways? ...attended a keg party in a dorm? Have you eaten at all of these campus food sources? ...smoked pot in a dorm? (EOB, Union deli, Papa Toe's, Bleacher. Stony Snacks. H-Quad, Kelly, Kelly Deli, Taco B COMMUTING Changing Scenes, Burger King, D ýver gotten a parking ticket? Humanities, SAC and Harriman ( ...gotten a parking summons? Have you ever been in Roth pond? ...gotten booted? ...in the ESS fountain? ...gotten towed? ...in the ESS observator ...appealed a parking ...in the Life Sci ticket? Greenhouse? ...gotten an appeal ...in the particle approved? accelerator? ...spoken personally with ...in the Science Artie Schertzer? Fiction Forum? ...been to a CSA meeting? ...in The Spot? ...in the WUSB studios? UNIVERSITY LORE ...in a public safety (answers below) holding room? Vho is the guy on the top of the page? 'hose eye is this to left? iat animals were released in on campus BEHAVIOR y a disgruntled ex-prof? Have you ever pulled a fire alarm? legendary character fell into a steam ...called Public Safety? ,nt and died? ...run from Public Safety? disgruntled grad students create on the ...read about something you lain academic mall in 1988? The Statesman's police blol ...called SBVAC? ...been in the SBVAC ambulance? (X! 3 4uaJLu :aquoaje- uptuaoqs ...been in the SBVAC ambulance with Spermy? D i :saqepojTpo fluuaoI runAs ...slept overnight in an academic building? D XapiqS :§2ue M sayL3qD islamsue) ...had sex in an academic building? SCORING ...been drunk in an academic building? Give yourself 1 point for every "yes" answer, and five for each ...sold drugs on campus? "lore" question answered correctly. ...attended an on-campus concert? ...thrown your voice with the convex plastic 81-71 points: Congratulations... or consolations, depending how wall thing in Physics? you look at it. You're hard core USB, and you've managed to expe- rience the best and worst of it. 70-51 points: Well on your way to oblivion, you know the ins and CLASSES outs of this campus. Heh. Ins and Outs. Have you ever failed a course? 50-20 points: You're unremarkable, and I'd rather not bother. ...gone to a professor's office hours? 19-10 points: What are you, some kind of schmuck? ...dated your TA? 9-1 points: I envy you, though you give me the red ass. ...had sex with your TA? 0 points: Hi, President Kenny! ...gotten drunk with a professor?
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