Copyright © 2009 by John Eldredge All rights reserved. This study guide may be reproduced and distributed for personal use and small group study. The content in this study guide may not be resold or combined with any other publication without prior permission of the publisher. Published by Thomas Nelson, Inc. P.O. Box 141000, Nashville, Tennessee 37214 Published in association with Yates & Yates, www.yates2.com Scripture quotations noted niv are from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations noted NASB are from the NEW AMERICAN STANDARD BIBLE®. Copyright © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. Scripture quotations noted The Message are from The Message by Eugene H. Peterson, copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations noted kjv are from the KING JAMES VERSION of the Bible. Scripture quotations noted nlt are from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation. Copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved. ISBN 10: 1-4185-1413-6 ISBN 13: 978-1-4185-1413-6 Printed in the United States of America 06 07 08 09 VIC 6 5 4 3 2 1 Contents Introduction . 4 1. The Masculine Journey . 7 2. True Son of a True Father . 20 3. Boyhood . 38 4. Cowboy . 54 5. Warrior . 67 6. Lover . 83 7. King . 99 8. Sage . 114 9. Let Us Be Intentional . 129 Appendix: Supplemental Film Information . 141 Fathered By God Personal and Group Study Guide 3 Introduction About nine years ago I wanted to learn how to hunt elk, so I began to join a group of guys each fall on their annual trip. Now, you need to understand—I was raised in the suburbs. Knew nothing about guns or elk or any of that. These guys had been hunting for years together. I felt like the geek, the hunting idiot. A boy scout among men. But I wanted to learn and I figured if I hung in there with these guys, in a few years I wouldn’t be the “new guy” anymore. This summer, I needed to figure out how to work on my car. (I didn’t learn any of this stuff from my father.) But I don’t know anyone who is good at car repair (all my friends just take theirs to the shop), so I bought a car repair manual and I’m working my way through it. When my computer breaks down, I ask a buddy who’s one of those computer geniuses to give me a hand sorting things out. It’s just the way it goes—we all need some help when entering into new territory, someone to show us the way. It makes sense, doesn’t it? When you’re faced with a frontier, get some help from somebody who’s been there. That is the spirit of the manual you are holding. This is a companion piece to the book Fathered by God. It’s like the instruction manual you get with a new power tool, or car, or computer. Or better, it’s like a set of directions to a secret fishing hole given to you by your uncle, or the old-timer down the street who knows those hills like the back of his hand. We wrote this because we want to help you find your way, to figure things out, and to get the most out of the book, which itself is a map to the masculine journey. A journey worth taking. A journey with many challenges. And many rewards. The essence of Fathered by God is that every man needs someone to guide him through the process of masculine initiation, but there are few men who have anyone around to do that for him. So God steps in to take the role of a Father in our lives, and show us the way. This tool is designed to help you walk with your Father through your own journey. Now, most guys are just going to blow through the book in one reading and assume that’s that. But that would be the equivalent of just driving a Ferrari around the parking lot, or of showing up at the fishing hole for one hour in the heat of the day. Not much is going to happen. But you—you are not that man. If you’re reading this, you must be taking your life a bit more seriously. Way to go, my brother. You will be very glad you did. This is not a book to rush through. It’s a map for the most important mission of your life, your initiation as a man. Using this manual will help you a lot. I asked my friend and colleague Craig McConnell to work on the manual as I was working on the book itself, and I think he’s done a great job. He’s walked with a lot of men over the years, and I think you’ll find the way he laid this manual out to be a good fit for the book and for the heart of a man. It’s almost as if we are both by your side, talking with you about the book and about your life as you read along. If I could add a couple pieces of counsel, they would be as follows: Don’t Rush. Take your time. There’s a good bit to chew on here, and lots of hidden treasures. Enjoy the journey. Read the chapter in the book first. Then, make your way through the corresponding chapter in this manual. There are no “right” answers, by the way. This is not a test. Find a place that works for you. I wrote the book in my garage, sometimes in the barn on my ranch, and, as a last resort, my office at home where at least I can shut the door. I just couldn’t write a book like this at the mall. There’s a place where your heart settles down, a place where you are going to be more present to this. Find this place. Maybe it’s an old favorite chair and a cup of coffee at 5 AM. Fathered By God Personal and Group Study Guide 4 Fathered By God Personal and Group Study Guide Maybe it’s the back porch in the evening. Or a cabin in the woods. Your car during lunch time. Find a spot that works for you, a spot you can return to as your private refuge in which to take this journey. Be honest. Most men fake their way through most of their life. Fake an intimacy with their wife they don’t have. Fake bravado or courage when they’re really afraid. Fake Christianity. That never helps. There’s a life of true masculinity available to you, there really is. Be honest with your work here, and you’ll find your way. Hang in there. I can’t begin to name the number of guys that get taken out simply through busy- ness and distraction. But of course—the enemy doesn’t want men entering into this. They will be dangerous men. So head’s up, I’m warning you—there will be a dozen reasons to bail on this every single week. You know that. Fight for it. You matter. Your journey matters. Everything else in your life depends on it. Don’t walk alone. Maybe in your first pass through this, you’ll want to do so privately. But I’d really urge you to share this process with a few other guys, at least the second time around. That’s how Craig and I did it, and it really helps to have someone to bounce your thoughts off of, press into the hard questions with, and to just be an encouragement along the way. Get a few guys together and do the book and manual as a band of brothers. Let me offer a few thoughts, then, for men doing this together… Swear to absolute confidentiality. Nothing shared in the group gets repeated outside the group, unless permission is given. This is so important I’d make it an act of automatic expulsion for the man who violates the covenant. Do not rush through simply to meet some sort of deadline. Don’t force the journey into a nine- week format. There are certain chapters that will take you several meetings to work through, so that every man can share in the interaction. Everybody should read the book first, to give you the big picture and put all men on the same page. I’d recommend sharing your stories as you go along. Only when we understand another man’s story can we help him in his journey, for then we have a better view of what he’s endured, what the Enemy has been up to, and how God is working in his life. Be very slow—very—to offer advice. This is in many ways a journey of self-discovery. Yet there are certain men who feel the need to “teach” in a group setting. Tell ’em to knock it off. Try not to do this in an overly “religious” setting. Make it real. Meet in a home. You could watch the movies, or at least a key scene from them, as part of your meeting.