Smucker Learning Center Connect the Pieces for Success Your Story and You a Letter from Dr

Wayne College Smucker Learning Center connect the pieces for success Your Story and You A Letter From Dr. Jane M. Fink hen we think of “story,” we Those “stories” don’t really serve Wtend to think of three bears, a us. And we don’t actually know that We all have stories girl with loathsome stepsisters, or the they are absolutely, without exception, we tell ourselves latest novel we’ve read. true. about ourselves Seeing your life as being made If the story you’ve been telling and about life in up of stories that are every bit as isn’t serving you, perhaps your story general. These interesting and meaningful as any needs some rewriting. Here are a few stories were often published work is a powerful way to exercises to facilitate awareness of formed from childhood experiences. recognize the significance of your life. the stories that shape your life, and to Too often, the story we tell ourselves It also can help awaken you to the diminish the influence of stories that is negative, such as a person whose false stories you tell yourself about work against you: parents struggled telling herself as yourself. an adult that life is supposed to be Jim Loehr, author of The Power Discover your core stories. hard. of Story: Rewrite Your Destiny in Explore how you see yourself in five That person may never consider Business and in Life, says the success areas: Work, Family, Health, Money, the validity of what she's telling of our lives is at stake: the stories and Love. Write a page on each herself, and, as the cover article we tell ourselves about our work, subject. How do you feel about this explores, may not even be aware relationships, accomplishments and area of your life? What did you learn of what that story is. To help you shortcomings become our destiny. as a child? Does the story you tell in uncover your core stories, the Thus, it’s important that we bring one area sabotage your values and article offers exercises, which also the core stories of our lives to beliefs in another? help you discover what you’ve consciousness. learned from your stories and how “Your story is your life,” Loehr Discover what you have learned you might transform them. says. from the stories of your life. The past can lay a big claim We tell stories to ourselves about Divide a piece of paper into two on the present, keeping us locked being powerful and deserving, about columns. On the left, list significant into old patterns and preventing us being capable and in control, and we stories—your version of events that from having the kind of life we want also tell them about being a victim or occurred—from all stages of your life. and deserve. Letting go of the past, worthless or powerless. We tell them In the right-hand column, write a brief however, is much easier said than to ourselves for a day, a month or a description of what you learned or done, so the article on page 3 offers lifetime. Far too many of our stories decided as a result of that several exercises for letting go of undermine us. See if you recognize experience. people, places and ideas that no yourself in any of these dark tales: longer serve you. Heal past experiences by Also in this issue are 10 ways to • Life is supposed to be hard. transforming the story. thrive during the holidays, as well • Marriage gets dull after a while; I Choose a difficult incident from your as the quiz, which asks how well you just have to live with it. childhood, or one that prompted you handle anxiety. Finally, on page 4, • Who am I to expect attention? to form an unhelpful belief, and write is an article about how to recognize • I can’t trust men. it down. What happened? How did and manage mild depression. • I can’t trust women. you feel? Now, rewrite that story with Enjoy this issue of the • It doesn't matter how hard I work. a different ending. Be imaginative. newsletter. If you have questions • I'll never get ahead. Any outcome is possible. about any of the articles or would • Life is easier if I don’t make waves. Seeing your life as a story is a like more copies, please don’t • It's normal to feel a little run down powerful way to emotionally connect hesitate to call. at my age. with your experiences. And when you May this season bring you • Dreams are for people with money. recognize that the negative stories you raised awareness, more freedom tell yourself can be altered, you have within and more nourishing self- the power to improve your life. care. 2 Smucker Learning Center Winter 2009

Ways to Plan to Thrive During the Holidays How Well Do You Handle Anxiety? If you start now to look at what you Anxiety is different than fear but is want, you may be able to thrive related to it. Fear is a feeling of tension during the holidays. Here are some that is associated with a known source suggestions: of danger. Anxiety is also a feeling of tension, but in this case, the danger 1. Plan ahead. Don’t be at the mercy or the threat of danger is unknown. of the season. Decide what YOU want Anxiety is often anticipatory—worrying your holiday experience to look like, about the future. Without apparent and make necessary arrangements reason, a person may worry about the now. success of their business or fret over the health and well-being of a child 2. Make gifts this year. It’ll help or feel apprehensive about their own you not over-spend, and handmade health. Physical symptoms can include gifts are almost always more trembling or shakiness, clammy hands, dry mouth, sweating, shortness appreciated. of breath, nightmares, night terrors and insomnia, frequent urination and heart palpitations. Mild anxiety is normal in our daily lives and can be 3. Set a financial budget. Start eased with some basic tools. Answer the following questions to find out shopping sales now to get better how well you use some of these tools. prices—including for the supplies for your handmade gifts. True False m m 1. When I feel anxious, I take deep breaths to ground myself and calm 4. Set a time budget. How much myself down. time will you need for shopping or m m 2. To ease some of the tension, I relax my body and physically release making gifts? For holiday baking or the tightness in my shoulders, neck, arms and chest. family visits? Schedule more time m m 3. I vent my feelings of anxiety by writing or talking to someone. This than you think you need. helps get the strong emotions off my chest and out of my body. m m 4. I channel the tension into some kind of physical activity like walking 5. Get creative. Think of new things or sweeping the floor, doing the dishes or watering the yard. to do while the kids are at home or different ways to arrange childcare m m 5. I get a reality check by talking to someone I trust about my reasoning (swap with friends?). or thinking or the conclusions I’ve come to. m m 6. If I know I’m going to be in an anxiety-producing situation, I plan 6. Build in self-care. Whatever through how I will handle it; I get myself ready. helps you, do it. Everything works m m 7. I watch how others get through stressful situations and model them; I better when you feel better. ask questions about the best way to handle situations or events or people. m m 8. When the same anxiety comes up over and over, I log and assess pos- 7. Scratch off to-do items. This sible causes and solutions. isn’t about completing tasks on your m m 9. When it doesn’t interfere with my normal life, I generally try to avoid to-do list. Take tasks OFF your list! people, places and events that I know will produce anxiety. Prioritize. m m 10. Sometimes, when I have to face a situation that I know will cause 8. Keep communications open anxiety, I take someone with me. with your loved ones. Consider m m 11. I face and take responsibility for problems and commit to a plan of weekly meetings to talk things action, rather than avoiding, denying, minimizing or blaming. through. m m 12. I nurture a positive attitude. m m 13. I seek support from friends, counselors, self-help groups, etc. 9. Exercise. Start now to develop a plan so that it’s a habit when the Anxiety is a normal emotion that most people experience during the holidays actually hit. course of their daily lives. Some of it is healthy and can motivate us to get the hard things done. However, more intense feelings of anxiety are 10. Consider alternatives. If emotionally painful and can interfere with a person’s daily functioning. If family gatherings cause anxiety, do you answered false to several of these and/or if you’re concerned about something different! Make your your feelings of fear and anxiety, please don’t hesitate to call. plans well in advance. Winter 2009 Smucker Learning Center 3

Letting Go. Great Idea. How do I Do It?

Hot shot kid in a too-fast car cut you off this morning; • Stay in the now and be where you are. Create a it’s noon and you’re still seething? supportive environment with what you have. Make a Clerk at the grocery store wouldn’t let you in his gratitude list of what you like about wherever you are, not express line because the guy behind you ratted on your 11th just your living arrangements, but other parts of your life, item? too. Get rid of what doesn’t fit and give yourself space to Husband had an affair 15 years ago and even though be. you’ve been divorced for seven, your stomach still knots up • Write letters that you may or may not send to people when you think about it? you need to let go of. (Caution: if you have any doubts You moved to a new city for a great career opportunity about the appropriateness of the letter, always wait a few but long so for your old home and friends that you can’t days and check with someone you trust.) Write unsent find anything to like about the new place? letters to places, events, and situations or to people who Your son stays home to care for the kids while your have passed away. Write what you feel, say what you need, daughter-in- law works at her law practice and this just and say goodbye. doesn’t seem right to you? • Let go by putting away pictures, memorabilia, clothes, gifts and anything else that keeps you actively ou know you should let it all connected with someone who’s Ygo and you try, but there it no longer with you and whose is, that same old stuff still getting presence you keep alive when it rent-free space in your head. Just would be more beneficial to move exactly how does one let go so on. that the residue of the past is put • Make a ceremony of letting away, forgotten or transformed go. Burn old letters or journals. into memories that can be called Dig a hole and bury what needs upon at will rather than those that to be buried. Or send it away on show up like telephone solicitors a receding tide or on a flowing at dinnertime and demand stream. Write a letter or vow for attention? the occasion, read it aloud. Light Letting go has to do with candles, sing songs, burn sage. living in the present moment Weep. Include others in your rather than the past. It happens ceremony to witness or assist you. when the past isn’t projected • Let go of old ideas by getting into the future, but is left behind information about what’s new or where it belongs. It is about different. People, lifestyles and making amends when called for, cultures change. Talk to others, taking care of that which needs get other perspectives. Focus on attending to, forgiving rather than what’s good with change, find re-living. ways it benefits you and others. • Try this: next time a thought Holding on to how it used to be about something that happened in keeps you from participating in the past floats into your mind let the present. it pass through without jumping • Release thoughts and words aboard and going along for the that categorize people, that ride. If you focus on it, like a measure or evaluate or that weed that gets watered, it will judge or condemn or hold with grow. But if you acknowledge it expectations. Eliminate words and then disregard it, it will go away. like should, ought, can’t, if only, however and impossible. • However, if the thought that comes along is about Gerald Jampolsky, M.D., author of Love is Letting Go something that’s left undone, you may need to take some of Fear, wrote, “When we cherish or hold onto grievances, action before you can let go. Make amends to someone, we cannot let go. We become imprisoned.” Perhaps the clear up some misunderstanding, write a letter or make a highest level of letting go is to practice forgiveness. phone call. Maybe you need to make a list and set some goals. Begin with some small, manageable step of a larger problem or situation. Whatever you must do, begin it. Taking action sometimes precedes letting go. 4 Smucker Learning Center Winter 2009 When Depression is Mild t some time, nearly every • Loss of interest in ordinary expectations of yourself. Aperson experiences feelings activities. Talk about how you’re of depression— sadness, • Decreased energy, feeling fatigued, feeling with friends, discouragement, the blues. restless, irritable or lethargic. family and your These are common, normal feelings therapist. that come and go—mild depressions • Increase of sleep or insomnia. that can be seasonal or event-related. • Loss of interest in sex. What Should a Depression becomes an illness Person with • Changes in appetite—eating more when symptoms intensify and persist Depression Not Do? or less, gaining or losing weight. over an extended period of time. • Don’t isolate or hide out. Depression can be treated; • Difficulty concentrating, however, nearly two-thirds of remembering, making decisions. • Don’t set difficult goals or take on depressed people don’t get appropriate too much responsibility. treatment. Even with all we know, If symptoms persist and the following • Don’t expect too much of yourself. some still believe depression is a additional symptoms appear, then • Don’t set yourself up for personal fault or weakness, and that professional help is needed. disappointment the person who is suffering could just • Excessive weeping or crying. “snap out of it” if he or she wanted to. or failure. • Thoughts of suicide or death. Like with other illnesses, denial • Don’t make major life decisions that anything is wrong may be one • Persistent physical symptoms such — changing jobs, getting married or reason help is not sought. Other times as headaches, chronic pain, digestive divorced—without first consulting people don’t seek help because they disorders. with others who know you well and don’t recognize the symptoms. have a more objective view of your Following are some common When Depression Is Mild, situation. characteristics of depression and some What Should a Person Do? dos and don'ts if you or someone Try to be with supportive, • Don’t expect to suddenly get over you care about is experiencing mild understanding people. Do those the depression. Most likely, feeling depression. recreational activities that you have better will happen gradually. always liked. Participate in social • Don’t accept negative thinking Some Symptoms of Depression activities or community gatherings. and feelings as reflecting your true • Persistent sad or “empty” feelings, Exercise is helpful—go for walks, situation. feeling discouraged, blue or down. work in the yard, plant some flowers. If you’re experiencing mild Also, break large tasks into depression, keep hope. With time and • Negative feelings— feeling guilty, smaller ones; set priorities. Only treatment, if necessary, the symptoms unworthy. Self-criticism, self-blame. do what you can and check your will dissipate. You will come back to yourself.

Wayne College Counseling Services Why do people come to counseling? Students generally take on many roles and may encounter a great deal of stress (i.e. academic, financial, social, family, and work) while attending school. Some common concerns dealt with in counseling include:

• stress • anxiety • low self-esteem or confidence • problems with eating and body image • confusing and/or distressing feelings • depression • relationship problems • career exploration • poor academic performance • identity issues • issues related to disabilities • alcohol and substance abuse • recovery issues • sexual assault/abuse/harassment

Personal Counseling Counseling is a chance to talk confidentially with a licensed mental-health professional who can help you learn skills and new ways looking at and dealing with situations Counseling is free to currently enrolled Wayne College Students. Stop by the Smucker Learning Center, or call (330) 6848960, to set up an appointment.