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Wayne College Smucker Learning Center connect the pieces for success Your Story and You A Letter From Dr. Jane M. Fink hen we think of “story,” we Those “stories” don’t really serve Wtend to think of three bears, a us. And we don’t actually know that We all have stories girl with loathsome stepsisters, or the they are absolutely, without exception, we tell ourselves latest novel we’ve read. true. about ourselves Seeing your life as being made If the story you’ve been telling and about life in up of stories that are every bit as isn’t serving you, perhaps your story general. These interesting and meaningful as any needs some rewriting. Here are a few stories were often published work is a powerful way to exercises to facilitate awareness of formed from childhood experiences. recognize the significance of your life. the stories that shape your life, and to Too often, the story we tell ourselves It also can help awaken you to the diminish the influence of stories that is negative, such as a person whose false stories you tell yourself about work against you: parents struggled telling herself as yourself. an adult that life is supposed to be Jim Loehr, author of The Power Discover your core stories. hard. of Story: Rewrite Your Destiny in Explore how you see yourself in five That person may never consider Business and in Life, says the success areas: Work, Family, Health, Money, the validity of what she's telling of our lives is at stake: the stories and Love. Write a page on each herself, and, as the cover article we tell ourselves about our work, subject. How do you feel about this explores, may not even be aware relationships, accomplishments and area of your life? What did you learn of what that story is. To help you shortcomings become our destiny. as a child? Does the story you tell in uncover your core stories, the Thus, it’s important that we bring one area sabotage your values and article offers exercises, which also the core stories of our lives to beliefs in another? help you discover what you’ve consciousness. learned from your stories and how “Your story is your life,” Loehr Discover what you have learned you might transform them. says. from the stories of your life. The past can lay a big claim We tell stories to ourselves about Divide a piece of paper into two on the present, keeping us locked being powerful and deserving, about columns. On the left, list significant into old patterns and preventing us being capable and in control, and we stories—your version of events that from having the kind of life we want also tell them about being a victim or occurred—from all stages of your life. and deserve. Letting go of the past, worthless or powerless. We tell them In the right-hand column, write a brief however, is much easier said than to ourselves for a day, a month or a description of what you learned or done, so the article on page 3 offers lifetime. Far too many of our stories decided as a result of that several exercises for letting go of undermine us. See if you recognize experience. people, places and ideas that no yourself in any of these dark tales: longer serve you. Heal past experiences by Also in this issue are 10 ways to • Life is supposed to be hard. transforming the story. thrive during the holidays, as well • Marriage gets dull after a while; I Choose a difficult incident from your as the quiz, which asks how well you just have to live with it. childhood, or one that prompted you handle anxiety. Finally, on page 4, • Who am I to expect attention? to form an unhelpful belief, and write is an article about how to recognize • I can’t trust men. it down. What happened? How did and manage mild depression. • I can’t trust women. you feel? Now, rewrite that story with Enjoy this issue of the • It doesn't matter how hard I work. a different ending. Be imaginative. newsletter. If you have questions • I'll never get ahead. Any outcome is possible. about any of the articles or would • Life is easier if I don’t make waves. Seeing your life as a story is a like more copies, please don’t • It's normal to feel a little run down powerful way to emotionally connect hesitate to call. at my age. with your experiences. And when you May this season bring you • Dreams are for people with money. recognize that the negative stories you raised awareness, more freedom tell yourself can be altered, you have within and more nourishing self- the power to improve your life. care. 2 Smucker Learning Center Winter 2009 Ways to Plan to Thrive During the Holidays How Well Do You Handle Anxiety? If you start now to look at what you Anxiety is different than fear but is want, you may be able to thrive related to it. Fear is a feeling of tension during the holidays. Here are some that is associated with a known source suggestions: of danger. Anxiety is also a feeling of tension, but in this case, the danger 1. Plan ahead. Don’t be at the mercy or the threat of danger is unknown. of the season. Decide what YOU want Anxiety is often anticipatory—worrying your holiday experience to look like, about the future. Without apparent and make necessary arrangements reason, a person may worry about the now. success of their business or fret over the health and well-being of a child 2. Make gifts this year. It’ll help or feel apprehensive about their own you not over-spend, and handmade health. Physical symptoms can include gifts are almost always more trembling or shakiness, clammy hands, dry mouth, sweating, shortness appreciated. of breath, nightmares, night terrors and insomnia, frequent urination and heart palpitations. Mild anxiety is normal in our daily lives and can be 3. Set a financial budget. Start eased with some basic tools. Answer the following questions to find out shopping sales now to get better how well you use some of these tools. prices—including for the supplies for your handmade gifts. True False m m 1. When I feel anxious, I take deep breaths to ground myself and calm 4. Set a time budget. How much myself down. time will you need for shopping or m m 2. To ease some of the tension, I relax my body and physically release making gifts? For holiday baking or the tightness in my shoulders, neck, arms and chest. family visits? Schedule more time m m 3. I vent my feelings of anxiety by writing or talking to someone. This than you think you need. helps get the strong emotions off my chest and out of my body. m m 4. I channel the tension into some kind of physical activity like walking 5. Get creative. Think of new things or sweeping the floor, doing the dishes or watering the yard. to do while the kids are at home or different ways to arrange childcare m m 5. I get a reality check by talking to someone I trust about my reasoning (swap with friends?). or thinking or the conclusions I’ve come to. m m 6. If I know I’m going to be in an anxiety-producing situation, I plan 6. Build in self-care. Whatever through how I will handle it; I get myself ready. helps you, do it. Everything works m m 7. I watch how others get through stressful situations and model them; I better when you feel better. ask questions about the best way to handle situations or events or people. m m 8. When the same anxiety comes up over and over, I log and assess pos- 7. Scratch off to-do items. This sible causes and solutions. isn’t about completing tasks on your m m 9. When it doesn’t interfere with my normal life, I generally try to avoid to-do list. Take tasks OFF your list! people, places and events that I know will produce anxiety. Prioritize. m m 10. Sometimes, when I have to face a situation that I know will cause 8. Keep communications open anxiety, I take someone with me. with your loved ones. Consider m m 11. I face and take responsibility for problems and commit to a plan of weekly meetings to talk things action, rather than avoiding, denying, minimizing or blaming. through. m m 12. I nurture a positive attitude. m m 13. I seek support from friends, counselors, self-help groups, etc. 9. Exercise. Start now to develop a plan so that it’s a habit when the Anxiety is a normal emotion that most people experience during the holidays actually hit. course of their daily lives. Some of it is healthy and can motivate us to get the hard things done. However, more intense feelings of anxiety are 10. Consider alternatives. If emotionally painful and can interfere with a person’s daily functioning. If family gatherings cause anxiety, do you answered false to several of these and/or if you’re concerned about something different! Make your your feelings of fear and anxiety, please don’t hesitate to call. plans well in advance. Winter 2009 Smucker Learning Center 3 Letting Go. Great Idea. How do I Do It? Hot shot kid in a too-fast car cut you off this morning; • Stay in the now and be where you are.

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