page 2 the paper october 26, 2016

Trump, again, pg. 3 Ghosts?, pg. 9 The Darkness, pg. 15 F & L, pg. 21-22 Solange, pg. 23

the paper “Thought Experiments” c/o Office of Student Involvement Fordham University Editors-in-Chief Bronx, NY 10458 Siobhan “Trolly Problem” Donahue [email protected] Kelly “Buttered Cat Paradox” Tyra http://fupaper.weebly.com/ New Editors the paper is Fordham’s journal of news, analysis, comment and review. Students from all John “Quantum Suicide” Looby years and disciplines get together biweekly to produce a printed version of the paper using Luis “The Grandfather Paradox” Goméz Adobe InDesign and publish an online version using Wordpress. Photos are “borrowed” from Internet sites and edited in Photoshop. Open meetings are held Tuesdays at 9:00 PM in McGin- Opinions Editors ley 2nd. Articles can be submitted via e-mail to [email protected]. Submissions from Melody “Twin Earth” Knight-Brown all students are always considered and usually published. Our staff is more than willing to help Claire “The Stanford Prison Experiment” Nunez new writers develop their own unique voices and figure out how to most effectively convey their thoughts and ideas. We do not assign topics to our writers either. The process is as follows: Arts Editors have an idea for an article, send us an email or come to our meetings to pitch your idea, write Matthew “The Monkey and the Hunter” Whitaker the article, work on edits with us, and then get published! We are happy to work with anyone Nicholas “How Many Men?” Peters who is interested, so if you have any questions, comments or concerns please shoot us an email or come to our next meeting. Earwax Editor So why come write for us? We are a constantly evolving publication, and have been since Reyna “Double Hologram” Wang 1972. We provide an outlet of expression otherwise unavailable to Fordham students. Writers are free to say whatever they want, whenever they want. We are also pretty cool people, to be Features and List Editors completely honest. So please come hang out with us. You’ll have a good time, we promise. Rachel “This is Stupid” Poe Colleen “Simulated Reality” Burns our aim the paper is Fordham University’s fully student-run, free speech publication. Our aim is to Copy Chief challenge our writers and our readers: we want to make you think. We provide an outlet for all Emma “Balls and Vase Paradox” Chioke students to express themselves, whatever their passion may be. Whether it’s commenting on a social issue, writing a factual news article, making people laugh with a humor piece, composing Contributors a personal narrative, giving advice or ranting about something that makes you feel a certain Scoobert “Scooby” Doo, Meaghan Donahue, Bunny Marie, Simon’s, strong way -- we have a place for you. Because of our platform as a free speech newspaper, we Marty Gatto, Agatha Cromwell, Will Maurillo, Symmetra, Kyle Zarif, spooky tend to push the boundaries of university journalism by talking about important social issues, solicitation, Michael O’Brien, pranking mom, Mustafa Kilicarslan, expressing otherwise silenced voices and opinions, addressing Fordham policy and administra- Laganja Estranja, Disgruntled Roommate, Warra Chan, Fordham alumnus, tion, and starting serious conversations about what is important to our student body. Here at Scott Saffran, candy corn, Sammuel Kimm, spook-spook, pizza election, the paper, we encourage creativity and uniqueness, spark dialogue and discussion, and foster Nathan Crawford, Annie Muscat, Meredith McLaughlin, Maria Byrne, a community where students are free to fully express themselves. saving the receipts, Sofia Fernandez, satan’s crocs, BTL, OSIgh, chicken rolls, Kelly the Lord Teera, Brian Conway, Anna Passero-Koennecke october 26, 2016 the paper page 3

Donald Trump Continues to Exist and Be an Awful Person by Michael O’Brien Editors’ note: We’re tired of running Trump pieces. Please stop. Staff Really? Again? by the first presidential debate in which banter, but borderline admissions of his own, but instead part of an inter- Oh goody, I’m back here. Hillary Clinton accused Trump of mock- guilt (not that Trump really feels guilty national conspiracy to rig the election I’m not complaining about having ing and tormenting a woman named about anything, ever). As more women against him, orchestrated by the Clin- writing to do, but I have to admit that Alicia Machado, reveals a consistent came forward, Donald, ever graceful in tons, George Soros, the Illuminati, Be- constantly recording all of Donald history of sexist and misogynistic be- the face of adversity, did what Donald yoncé, and whoever makes Skittles. Trump’s antics is like running forever havior. Driving a beauty pageant con- usually does; that is to say he denied Speaking of which… along a mobius strip made of dogshit. testant into multiple eating disorders is the allegations completely, found a way Trump dons his tinfoil hat, implies The problem isn’t a lack of content, it’s only the beginning of this horrible sto- to blame Hillary Clinton for the allega- entire election is fixed) that by the time I finish writing this, Don- ry, however. In leaked recordings of a tions, and then proceeded to insult the Starting with an underwhelming ald “self-immolation” Trump will have conversation between Trump and Billy accusers, calling them “sick” women, performance at the first presidential already spewed out six or seven more Bush in 2005, debate and exacerbated by the whole sickening insults, incoherent rants, or Trump boasts “probably a sexual offender” thing, threats to sue who knows what, all of that his ce- Trump’s polling numbers have been which could comprise another article lebrity status tanking, badly. With less than a month unto itself. With stories whizzing by at allows him to to go, full recovery for the campaign is a breakneck pace to make way for the make advanc- becoming nearly impossible. Even if next headline, each controversy stacks es on women Trump received a sizable bump in his on top of one-another and adds to the without their polling numbers from now until Election deafening white noise of news, making consent. The Day (maybe Hillary gets caught sacrific- events that in any other election would tape was an ing puppies to The Old Gods or some- be considered career-ending seem ab- important thing), at more than halfway through solutely mundane. The angry, orange flashpoint October, any improvement is likely too tree that salts the earth as it grows in the narra- little too late. So, with the nomination won’t stop, and the headlines are sim- tive, showing International disappointment drifting out of reach, what should our ply the rings that we use to tell how not only that round 3 hero do? Well, this late into the game, much time has passed. Welp, what can Trump verbal- there’s really only one sensible option, you do right? These are the times we ly demeans concede the election accuse the entire live in, so enough dicking around, be- women, but also revealed the possibil- and liars seeking fame or money, but electoral system of being a conspiracy cause it’s once more unto the breach ity that he sexually assaults them as not before dismissing one woman in against you. In this roller coaster of an for me, my dear friends. Below are two well. the group as too ugly to be deserving election, it takes a lot for a headline to developments from Trumpland talked While Trump denies that this re- of his advances (this is the man that actually shock the country; however, about in length. It’s not exactly a full cording reflects his real character, looks like a used condom dyed orange, that’s exactly what happened following overview, just the bits I find most im- claiming it to be “locker room talk”... lest we forget). Most recently, during the third and final presidential debate, portant. First off, seems like some shit whatever the fuck that means, in the a speech in Gettysburg, a town that’s during which Donald Trump refused to went down in fondle town so... past ten days, eleven women have heard some pretty good speeches from say whether or not he would accept the 11 women come forward with sto- come forward and told their stories what I hear, Trump stated that “Every final result of the election. Pressed by ries of Trump’s sexual misconduct) regarding Trump’s sexual miscon- women lied when they came forward debate moderator Chris Wallace re- In a testament to how woefully un- duct. The allegations about Trump’s to hurt my campaign. The events never garding if the candidate would concede prepared Trump was for the rigors of actions: unwanted kissing, groping happened. Never. All of these liars will the election if he were to lose, Trump presidential elections, it seems that not women without consent, forcing his be sued after the election is over.” Not avoided answering, only stating “I will a day goes by without somebody find- hands up skirts, and barging into unlike his other problems (like facts, tell you at the time, I’ll keep you in sus- ing yet another skeleton in the man’s beauty pageant dressing rooms while and reality), with these sexual assault pense.” closet, many of which have to do with women were naked, all but confirmed allegations, Donald had done what I Trump’s mistreatment of women. The that the actions he referred to in the think we’d all do in this situation, and please continue on page 5 growing controversy, originally sparked 2005 video were not simply off color concluded that his problems are not page 4 the paper october 26, 2016 The Turkish Coup Attempt, if it Happened in New York City by Mustafa Kilicarslan On the rule of law, and what happens when basic institutions fall Staff Simba man history pass in New York. But, how passports, college diplomas, and for a pack of wolves, the matriarch for a Imagine that one side of the Lincoln about the next days? commercial licenses are cancelled. herd of elephants. How can he deceive Tunnel is closed by soldiers at 5pm, People still crowding in the streets Some Wall Street skyscrapers and his own people? Values he bears on his on Friday. There’s no way to exit the spread rumor about another coup, that gold mines and trade centers are shoulders like tattoos speak of honesty, tunnel; cars and buses are locked in, this next one “will be the real one.” “These seized. All of this happens while democracy, equality, tolerance...can people having restful weekend dreams traitors! How can they use the weapons of people still crowd in places chanting someone betray his own tattoos? are waiting nervously, and no one can our country against us?” “We should find anthems and hymns, praising their Then, hundreds of people labelled as find any news, any reports on the web. them, we should finish them!” Officials ig- state as the epitome of democracy traitors flee New York. Human traffickers What happened? Even the seagulls are transport lawyers, businessmen, teach- asking each other: what happened? ers, students, and the unemployed like A driver at the end of the tunnel asks How democracy comes apart commodities off to Africa, Japan, Antarc- fearfully to one of the soldiers: What tica, and Greenland. “We are proud of is happening? The young soldier holds ourselves,” says one smuggler in South an M3 in his hands. “It is just a sham Ferry. “This is the century of human operation,” he answers. After a while, smuggling. Borders are useless; we are history speaks stealthily on social me- invincible, for we carry the most valuable dia: it is a coup. People don’t want to thing on earth, and we are aware of our hear this. “No, it can’t be, we’re in the responsibility.” 21st century, we are a democracy!” Labeling was so easy, accusing some- Suddenly, F-16 jets fill the sky, dancing one so powerful that people begin to ac- between the skyscrapers of New York. cuse each other. Ambitious politicians Tanks appear on the streets, block the eliminate their rivals with slander, jeal- roads, settle in the parks. Some chil- ous employees spread rumors about dren, mesmerized by the sounds of their employers, opposing candidates the jets and the huge green tanks ask defame each other with affiliations to the their parents if they can play with the accursed group. Fathers renounce their soldiers. Then, one official declares on children as being tied to this group, and TV that “There seems to be a coup at- neighbors inform police officers about tempt, we don’t exactly know what is their traitorous neighbors. happening, but we are sure that this That city, that New York, is now alive is that clandestine group’s operation.” in my country. I just watch with fear and After a few hours the president gives a anxiety. I can see how rule of law was so speech via Facetime: “This is an attack important for living together. I can also on our democracy, this is an attack on see that rule of law wasn’t the colos- our civil rights, this is a game of that nite people: “Report these people, these in the 21st century. Imagine New sal, flamboyant, ornamented parliament traitorous group!” He calls everybody people who have a single dollar in their York like this, somewhere else in the buildings. It wasn’t well-dressed, well-fed, outside, to city centers and streets and wallets, this is their symbol. We will award world, where no one asks each oth- well-speaking deputies. It wasn’t regu- bridges to stand for their rights. And a thousand dollars to those who report er, “Who are these traitors, who is larly read, long, detailed, and boring con- people listen: they fill the streets. The them!” Then the arrests begin. Some blog- this clandestine group, who judged stitutions. It was an ethereal thing that Lincoln Tunnel fills with protestors, all gers, journalists, professors, officials, and them, where is the evidence…” quivers minds and hearts. It was, rather, shouting and walking. They push the businessmen are put in prisons (I don’t However, why should one demand a soul, transforming anger and hatred soldiers back (I don’t want to write that want to tell that when the prisons fill up, the answers to these questions? It to love and tolerance. It was a dynamic some soldiers opened fire on civilians: gyms and warehouses will be used; I don’t was the most trustworthy people and open-minded brain that always asks, some civilians killed some soldiers, want to tell that some prisoners were re- that told them who the guilty were. questions, and learns with all its respect and most soldiers were unaware of the leased to open places; I don’t want to It was the queen bee for bees, the and joy for others. I hope to see it again. coup). One of the longest nights in hu- write that prisoners were tortured). Some queen ant for ants, the alpha wolf october 26, 2016 the paper page 5 Nintendo Unveils a New Console and It Looks Pretty Sweet by Matthew Whitaker It’s as weird as the Wii, which means maybe someone’ll buy it Arts Co-Editor mobile gaming. Its handheld unit, Nintendo has already revealed a The Splatoon footage does demon- On October 20th, Nintendo revealed powered by Nvidia technology, offers selection of games for the Nintendo strate the Nintendo Switch’s support their new home gaming console, the a strong gaming experience with intui- Switch, with more likely to come. The for local multiplayer between multiple Nintendo Switch, a hybrid between a tive controls. The device can be used games’ visuals are stunning and are consoles. In addition to the games portable and home gaming console, al- like a Wii U GamePad, with buttons a major improvement over the Wii U’s Nintendo has shown, Sega and Ubi- lowing users to play their favorite games and a joystick on either side of the graphical capabilities. Three new Nin- soft have already pledged their sup- on the go or in the comfort of their own screen, allowing it to be held like a tab- tendo titles were shown in the video port for the console with a new Sonic homes. Complimenting the tablet-like let. Each joystick and set of buttons including a new three-dimensional the Hedgehog game and Just Dance console is the Nintendo Switch Dock, is located on detachable controllers Super Mario game as well as new en- 2017, respectively. It is great to know which connects to the portable unit and known as Joy-Cons, which can be held tries in the Mario Kart and Splatoon that the Nintendo Switch has a library allows it to be played on a television. like a Wiimote and Nunchuck once re- series. These titles show off the Nin- of games in the works, as much of the The price of the console has not been moved. Two people can each use a tendo Switch’s abilities and uses. Wii U’s struggle can be attested to its announced. While the console’s reveal Joy-Con to play multiplayer on one unit, For example, the new Mario Kart title lackluster launch lineup. was a surprise to most, Nintendo had and the unit can be propped up with a demonstrates the ability to use the The Nintendo Switch seems like a already announced in 2015 that a new kickstand for a great portable gaming detachable Joy-Cons for two people to huge improvement over the Wii U, both piece of Nintendo hardware was com- setup. Also, the device has a tradition- play on one portable unit. It is unclear in power and design. Nintendo strug- ing. In addition, the console’s hybrid al controller known as the Switch Pro whether the Mario Kart footage is an gled with the Wii U because of the con- design had been leaked several times Controller, which is similar to the Wii entirely new game or a port of Mario sole’s weak hardware and gimmicky prior to its reveal. Regardless, the Nin- U Pro Controller. Aside from the con- Kart 8 with new content. In a similar GamePad concept. The Wii U also had tendo Switch has turned out to be a trol options, the console has a high- case, the Splatoon footage shown has very little third-party support because pleasant surprise and a major improve- definition display and uses cartridges some changes from the original Spla- of the console’s poor capabilities, giv- ment over Nintendo’s Wii U console. as its storage format. The handheld toon on Wii U, including new content ing it a very shallow library. Hopefully, The Nintendo Switch is a brand-new unit may be connected to the Nintendo and a major graphical upgrade, but the Nintendo Switch will be a breath of concept in the gaming industry, mix- Switch Dock, which has USB ports and again does not specify whether the en- fresh air. ing elements of traditional gaming and connects to a television. try is a new game or an enhanced port. Donald Trump Continues to Exist and Be an Awful Person, Part 2 by Michael O’Brien Locker Room Talk 2: Election Boogaloo Staff Really? Again? not winning three years in a row, Trump surprisingly, not really substantiated in empty, Trump’s campaign fundraising continued from page 3 started to tweet angrily about how it’s any factual evidence at all. It’s easier lags behind Clinton’s by almost 500 biased against his shows. Moreover, to think about what Trump’s doing not million dollars, and most importantly, This statement might sound rather at a campaign rally just days after the as a coherent thought (because it isn’t while his supporters screaming about innocuous, but it’s very important to debate, Trump stated to the crowd that really) and more like a vague buzzword “crooked Hillary” and harassing news- realize how batshit fucking insane this he would accept the election results “If for a widespread, Clinton-run conspir- papers are loud on the internet, a very is. There’s certainly problems in the I win,” further indicating that he has acy against him. Whether it be “voter small amount of those individuals ac- electoral system: The Electoral College, zero self-awareness of his own absurdi- fraud,” “rigged election,” or “emails,” tually got out and volunteered for the voter ID laws, gerrymandering; it has ty. The perhaps more dangerous factor the point isn’t the actual substance of candidate that was going to “Make been constantly argued that systems to be considered here is the possibility the argument, the point is that it’s Hill- America Great Again” or some horse- like these undermine the fairness of that Trump is sowing doubts about the ary Clinton’s fault, which is unto itself shit. The point is, like the man himself, the electoral process and should be electoral system in order to provoke justification for Trump and his support- the bark of the Trump campaign is removed. What’s unprecedented is a voter intimidation, or violent reactions ers’ actions. The silver lining here is much bigger than the bite, which is why presidential candidate implying that from his supporters. At a rally in rural twofold: The reason Hillary’s winning even if Trump “contests the election” the entire election is compromised, Pennsylvania, Trump spoke to an all- isn’t because of some massive Illu- it’s largely meaningless, and shouldn’t and that his opponent is the ringleader white crowd and warned that there minati-esque conspiracy, but instead be taken seriously by voters. of a massive conspiracy controlling the was widespread “voter fraud” occur- because of better fundraising (almost results. In a frank response to Trump’s ring in certain (largely Black or Hispan- exactly double the amount) with 141 remarks, Hillary Clinton said “That’s ic) neighborhoods of Philadelphia, “I million dollars spent on ads alone, and horrifying. He is talking down our de- hear these horror shows, and we have a resilient ground campaign with thou- mocracy, I for one am appalled that to make sure this election is not stolen sands of volunteers to get out the vote. somebody who’s the nominee of one from us and is not taken away from us, Compare this to the Trump campaign of our two major parties would take and everybody knows what I’m talking and we see bleaker picture; while the that kind of position.” Clinton goes on about.” Trump’s ominous and racially rallies Trump holds look good on TV, a to list some other times Trump thought charged warnings about voter fraud, a closer look will reveal that much like he was cheated: the Iowa Caucuses, crime so rare that out of a billion votes the man running, it’s mostly for show the Wisconsin primary, and most no- cast between 2000 and 2014 there with no real substance behind it. Cam- tably the Emmy Awards, which, after were only 31 confirmed cases are, un- paign offices are scarce and mostly page 6 the paper october 26, 2016 Faker than Iraqi Coalition Begins to Retake Mosul from ISIS by Nicholas Peters Gary Johnson still looking for Mosul on map Truth Arts Co-Editor US soldiers are intermixed with other unclear if that estimate is correct. By John Looby For months now, a coalition formed forces, providing assistance in the This battle is significant in the cam- against ISIS in Iraq has been fighting battle. Lieutenant General Stephen J. paign against ISIS. Mosul, as of right heavily against The Islamic State, push- Townsend leads the United States in- now, is the last militant controlled area Wikileaks Releases Fordham ing through territory that it carved out. volvement in the operation. in Iraq. Retaking the city would be a Email Dump Now, this coalition has pushed ISIS into The battle began on the 16th of Oc- significant victory against them. When their last stronghold in the country, the tober. However before the land assault the militants first took Mosul, it legiti- Julian Assange has announced city of Mosul, where coalition forces was initiated, co- an approaching release directly lead a valiant and bloody struggle alition forces had naming Fordham University as a against the defending entrenched mili- already heavily named institution. Speculators be- tant forces. bombarded Mo- Turning, turning, turning lieve the leak to be tied to the fact Mosul was seized by ISIS two years sul. Since then, towards retaking a city that Donald Trump once attended ago, in early June of 2014. Since then, coalition forces the university and that man can ISIS has attempted to make it an ex- have seized the taint just about everything. Also ample of the caliphate it wants to cre- towns around the the targeting may have to do with ate. Immediately after they took the city (thirty-seven Fordham’s numerous question- city, they imposed their law upon the towns at this able policies in relation to students. people. Citizens were punished for point, a number Some adjuncts have been seen all sorts of crimes, such as trimming which most likely shouting outside Dealy telling As- their beards, or not praying when one rise by the time sange to “take the shot already, is supposed to. Schools have remained you read this). you damn coward.” Who could pos- closed in the area for over a year at this Coalition forces sibly imagine what grievance they point. Yet, residents have tried and are preparing for may have against the university? been successful in escaping. There are a push into the Apparently Kim Russell has been also a couple of very large resistance city itself, but it is spotted sweating profusely since movements operating in the city. believed that the the announcement with one stu- As the coalition forces moved near Mosul is laden dent who may or may not be an RA the Mosul, both the militants and the with many traps having been quoted as saying “Oh civilians prepared for the coming battle. and dug-in forc- my god, she is so fucked like how is Civilians have been reportedly stock- es. Coalition forces are preparing for mized the creation of their caliphate she even still here to begin with?” ing up on supplies in their basements, one of the most gruelling, deadly fights in their eyes. Mosul, at the same time, Furthermore, several students have and the militants have been setting up against ISIS yet. provides significant economic advan- been seen burning guest passes in booby traps and other defenses in the Recently, the militant forces attempt- tages to the militants, as the city is an a bonfire-of-the-vanities-type state- city. Many civilians have fled the city; ed a diversion, attacking Kirkurk. The important source of free forced labor, ment endorsing the approaching in response, the United Nations has set militant forces disguised themselves as well a huge source of revenue to leak against the university. As much up a refugee camp to house them. This as refugees in order to bypass security, fund the group. This source of revenue as university members have been camp, called the Dibaga camp, now before they began attacking. In addi- is something which ISIS is in dire need clamoring for the approaching leak holds over 43,000 refugees, and the tion, the 1st Brigade of the Iraqi Special of, as it has been reported that they let’s just make it perfectly clear that population is growing every day. It is be- Forces have joined up with the Pesh- are in a recession, cutting the pay of nothing is going to change in the lieved that the number of refugees will merga in the fighting. This Brigade, the militant forces. Therefore, retaking slightest. This university has dodged eventually reach over a million. There known as the Golden Division, formerly Mosul would greatly hurt their wallets. more controversy than Frogger has is concern that as the battle continues, called the Golden Brigade, is seen as However, the most important reason dodged traffic. Julian Assange has ISIS militants will attempt to attack the the most highly skilled Iraqi force, and for this operation to be successful, is made it expressly clear that this camp. is made up of absolute badasses. It that Mosul was once home to over two leak is basically just a place holder The coalition forces trying to retake is believed that their inclusion in the million people. People who now have until something juicy gets dug up Mosul consist of the Iraqi Security Forc- battle will help the coalition’s side tre- undergone great hardship for over two on a presidential candidate. In fact, es, Kurdish Peshmerga, and other al- mendously. years, forced to live as refugees or stay I heard the only reason Fordham lied militias, with US involvement. The As of this point, there have been under strict caliphate law. Many have got targeted was that Wikileaks coalition forces number over 100,000, around nineteen casualties from coali- been executed as a result of these was looking for a Trump-related sex- with around 60,000 ISF soldiers and tion forces, with about thirty soldiers strict regulations. Retaking the city ual assault that could have gotten 40,000 Kurdish Peshmerga troops. In captured. Among the casualties is represents retaking peoples’ homes. It swept under the rug. Having found contrast, it is believed that there are up one American soldier, who died from will be a hard fought and bloody battle, nothing on that I’m sure they’ll just to 9,000 militants in the city, but num- wounds as a result of a suicide attack. but hopefully with the combined forces leak any on other dubious practice bers are believed to be much lower The solider was a bomb disposal expert of the coalition, they will be able to re- on campus. than that. The United States has given who was working with the Peshmerga take the city of Mosul and bring peace a lot of aid in the assault, providing air forces. According to Iraqi intelligence, to the two million people who once support and military training as well it is believed that militant forces have called it home. as oversight. In addition, about 100 suffered about 300 casualties, but it is october 26, 2016 the paper page 7 Gay? In the U.K.? It Is Finally Okay! Realer by Kelly Tyra Turing Law grants amnesty to LGBT citizens Co-Editor in Chief chemically castrated in 1951 after criticized this Bill for not going far enough Than Fact Great strides for the international being found guilty of homosexual and encourage Parliament to grant a LGBT community were made this week acts. Alan Turing committed suicide blanket pardon for those convicted of of- By Luis Gómez in the United Kingdom. On October three years later at the age of fifty- fenses that would not be considered ille- 21st, Parliament decided to grant par- four. gal in the U.K. at present. Wronged LGBT Local Woman Sues KFC for $20 dons to all those convicted under ho- Homophobic parameters guided community members are also calling on Million for False Advertising mophobic legislation that prohibited U.K. legislation much more recently Parliament to issue a formal apology to homosexual persons from engaging than one may think. Until the Crimi- those citizens who were treated inhu- If there was any problem at KFC, in same sex relationships. Homopho- nal Justice and Public Order Act manely for their sexuality. be it the fact that the chicken is the bic legislation has long history in the was enacted, the age of consent Among them is the so called ‘oldest saltiest shit known to man, or the U.K., in 1533 under the rule of King required for private homosexual ac- gay man alive’ ninety-six year old George mashed potatoes taste like sad- Henry the VIII, (yeah, that one) anal in- tivities between two men was higher Montague (no, not those Montagues). ness, or that they’re never really tercourse of any kind was punishable than the age of consent for hetero- Montague has refused to accept the staffed as much as they need to by death in accordance with the Bug- sexual or lesbian activities. The Act governments pardon because to him it be, one can rest assured that their gery Act. lowered the age of homosexual con- seems like an “admission of guilt.” Mon- advertising was always quaint and In 1885, twenty years after the last sent to the U.K. standard of sixteen tague affirms and is correct in affirming honest. That is, until now. Anna execution was carried out under the in 2001. that he has committed no crime render- Wurtzburger bought a $20 bucket of Buggery Act, Parliament enacted the The recently passed legislation ing the very act of Parliamentary pardon chicken at some point, went home, Labourchere Amendment. This law shows the U.K.’s dedication to creat- inappropriate. In his own words: “if you’re opened her bucket, and was dis- prohibited “gross indecency” between ing a more tolerant state for citizens born only able to love and be in love with mayed to see her bucket of chicken two males and was used to persecute of all sexual orientations. The law another a man -- which means you’re gay not literally overflowing with chicken any men who were suspected of be- was appropriately named for Alan -- then it can’t be a crime. How can that like it does in the television com- ing homosexual. This amendment Turing who was pardoned post-mor- be a crime? It’s not fair.” Right on. mercials with the funny man with was invoked to convict writer Oscar tem by Queen Elizabeth in 2013. Clearly, the wounds inflicted on mem- the white hair and the mustache. I Wilde, war hero Alan Turing, and many The Turing Law aims to posthumous- bers of the LGBT community cannot be literally wish I was kidding. Appar- other men who would be considered ly pardon the tens of thousands of so easily remedied. However, the Turing ently she’s also suing because the completely innocent today. Alan Tur- gay and bisexual men who were con- Law seems to be a step in the right di- pieces of chicken that were there ing’s story recently popped back into victed of the since abolished offens- rection. Perhaps the Queen should step were small to begin with so they to- the spotlight with the release of The es. Those previously convicted can in herself and send the wronged citizens tally definitely didn’t count. Anyway, Imitation Game. The Academy Award now apply through the U.K.’s Home she rules over a gift basket filled with Ms. Wurtzburger now wants $20 nominated film chronicled the life of Office to have their criminal records LGBTea. After years of persecution, they million because hey, if KFC lies to the World War II codebreaker, who was checked and corrected. Many have certainly deserve a cuppa. you about how much chicken they put in the bucket, then you’re owed literally millions of dollars. Oddly enough, Wurtzburger compared the ad to that scene from Oliver where a poor starving orphan asks for some more gruel because his life is miserable. Which is totally com- parable to a suburbanite wanting more chicken. Definitely the same.

Doodle submitted by Gabriela Christensen Staff Ghoulfriend page 8 the paper october 26, 2016 Philippine President Turns Towards China by Luis Gómez We are never ever ever (well, probably not) getting back together News Co-editor Hague regarding territorial disputes said he wasn’t severing ties with the US nificant amount of US aid, military or oth- Rodrigo Duterte isn’t just known in the South China Sea. The Hague entirely. Duterte has still been light on erwise, or instead buddy up to Beijing and for cool sunglasses and telling other eventually ruled in the Philippine’s the details of what exactly “separating” Definitely Probably Never Go To War EverTM. world leaders to shove it: he’s also favor, arguing that China had no means. Obviously, it includes some level The impact of this decision to distance a fan of China. On October 20th, in historical basis with which to claim of economic support from China, given from the US is a massive diplomatic blow. a speech given during a Beijing eco- the land it was claiming, to which the trade deals recently signed. Duterte The Obama administration had been at- nomic forum, the Philippine President China responded “lol okay” and has indicated that his focus for separa- tempting a so-called Asian pivot since Hill- announced that his country was sepa- kept building new islands on top of tion is on a foreign policy level, and that ary Clinton (yass) wrote an article in Foreign rating from the US. He also pledged reefs. Oh, yeah, China is dumping lit- he intends to align the Philippines’ inter- Policy outlining the administration’s goals to reopen talks with China regard- eral boatloads of sand on top of shal- national goals more closely with China’s. to step up the US’ presence and activity in ing the South China a region that had been detrimen- Sea territorial disputes. tally ignored over the ten years of That this announce- Oh God The Middle East Is Burning ment occurred at an foreign policy. And now that’s ba- economic forum was sically in the toilet. The President no coincidence. The had hoped that by refocusing dip- Philippine Trade Secre- lomatic time and money onto other tary mentioned at the Asia-Pacific nations, the US could same time that Chi- get a better grasp on China’s rapid- nese President Xi Jin- ly encroaching power in the region. ping would be signing a So, where does the US go from $13.5 billion package here? Well, for one, it needs to fig- of trade and financial ure out whether or not Duterte’s deals at the time, while formally breaking the alliance be- the President’s office tween the US and the Philippines. stated that Xi had com- It’s entirely possible that this is Outside looking in mitted to over $9 billion just another outburst and that his in loans to the country. advisors or coalition will bring him Duterte has an in- back towards a more US-based for- ternational reputa- eign policy outlook at some point. tion for being kind of Then again, that’s a potentially an asshole. He called naïve view of how this is working. President Obama a “son of a bitch,” low reefs and making new islands From Duterte’s perspective, this move It’s not common to announce that you now which led to a meeting cancellation out of them with runways and mis- actually makes some sense. China flex- like China a lot more, in China, in front of (¡escándolo!). He called the Pope sile defense systems. As one does. ing its muscles in the region has been the Chinese president and then walk that a “son of a whore” which the Pope The interesting part of this is the anxiety-inducing for many leaders, and back a few days later. More likely, US for- didn’t respond to because the Pope qualifications made after the initial tacking closely to US foreign policy may, eign policy is going to have to contend with has better things to do. He’s made “Honey I want a divorce” that Duterte in some views, have lead countries like the possibility that other leaders will de- more than his fair share of sexist com- just dropped on our plate without the Philippines on an inevitable colli- fect from its sphere of influence, and try to ments, demeaning sexual assault vic- explanation after all the work we’ve sion course with China, which has a mitigate the power of China through other tims, drug addicts (and dealers), and put into this relationship WHY DON’T shitbillion people, lots of money, and a means. If China is allowed to continue its is just generally kind of a turd sack. YOU LOVE US ANYMORE? COME ON, chip on their shoulder when it comes aggressive expansion in the South China The relationship between China KAREN WE CAN WORK THIS OUT. to things like other people’s territory, or Sea, the US will have a lot of work to do to and the Philippines has been com- The day after saying that he would human rights abuses during wartime. ensure stability in the area. Maybe a fruit plicated. In 2014, for example, the separate the Philippines from the In order to keep that from happening, basket might help. Or some cool pants. Philippines brought a case before The US, Duterte came back around and Duterte would have had to admit a sig- october 26, 2016 the paper page 9

The Great Ghost Debate: Do the Dead Walk Amongst Us?

Nah, They Don’t wakes up before your body and DUH, OF COURSE Thermodynamics states that ener- By John Looby then freaks the fuck out because By Colleen Burns gy cannot be created or destroyed. News Co-Editor you can’t move and you experience Features Co-Editor If energy cannot be destroyed, Well just let me say right off hallucinations. This happens to me where does it go when a person a lot, I don’t recommend it. Also, I Today, we attempt the impossible: dies? Maybe the energy goes back the bat, ghosts are so clearly not to crack open the narrow-minded fucking real. Of all the various ul- don’t believe in ghosts despite hav- into the universe, or maybe it takes ing woken up to thinking a demon brain of none other than the pa- shape in the form of a ghost. timately improvable and outright per’s very own, John Looby—and was sitting on my chest. Another Another point to consider is the stupid superstitions people have all you other non-ghost believers. thing against ghosts is mass hys- prevalence of ghosts in many re- come up with over millennia, I’d The goal: simply to acknowledge teria, essentially if you encounter ligions and cultures, even dating say ghosts rank right up there the possibility of the existence of a large group of people with the back to ancient times. More cur- alongside Bigfoot at the top of the ghosts because to say otherwise is same erratic belief, it’ll spread and rently, a 2014 Harris poll reported list for the most outlandishly igno- actually irrational. Here’s why. rant. Anyone who tries to make reinforce itself. So, when everyone that 42% of Americans believe in Before I present my argument, I the argument that you can’t out- says “holy shit Finlay is full of like ghosts—a significantly large num- would like to first address the com- right disprove ghosts is taking a all the ghosts” you’re more likely to ber to overlook. mon case against the existence of lazy copout. The burden of proof explain anything with the god damn The overriding fact of the matter ghosts: that there is no proof. This is on the ghost’s believers, in the fake ass ghosts. Don’t remember is human knowledge is limited. Life is a classic example of the argu- same way it’s on those who sup- leaving your towel? Clearly it’s the after death is the one mystery that ment from ignorance. In case you port evolution and gravity, but god damn scum bag ghosts. we know we will never be able to fell asleep in Philosophy class, lack you know those two have actual So, yeah essentially ghosts aren’t solve. Therefore, it is not any more of evidence is NOT evidence. A true scientific basis and years -of re real. It’s a bunch of other shit that preposterous to say our spirit lin- scientist cannot deny the existence search supporting them. people explain away with the exis- gers after we die, then it is to say of ghosts because the lack of evi- tence of dead people’s souls just we go to heaven after we die, then Speaking of science I’m just go- dence provided for their existence super casually roaming about mis- it is to say we go to hell after we die, ing to toss out some of the scien- does not mean they do not exist. placing towels and shit. If for what- then it is to say nothing happens af- tific explanations for what people That is merely informal logic. On ever reason you still cling to a be- ter we die. Since the limit of human think are ghosts. The big one is that note, we do not know about lief in ghosts, I’m not mad at you, consciousness is such that we will Infrasound, which is sounds we 96% of the universe while 70% of I’m just a little disappointed like a never know what happens after we can’t hear, but can feel the vibra- the Earth’s oceans are still undis- father who spent years teaching die, it is a folly to assume that just tions of and by that I mean they covered. These facts illustrate just his children science only for his because we cannot comprehend operate at the same resonate fre- how limited our understanding of college age son to come out as a something means it does not exist. quency as your eyeballs. So, basi- the world truly is, making the out- supporter of the flat earther move- Therefore, to deny the possibility of cally your eyeballs vibrate and you right denial of the existence of ment. That’s right I’m equating be- the existence of ghosts is ignorant think you’re seeing things. Com- ghosts rather hasty. mon house fans, old pipes, and lieving in ghosts and believing that and arrogant. Be rational. Don’t be Now, let’s look at a basic definition other household shit can cause the Earth is flat, what are you going John Looby. Boo-bye. of a ghost: A ghost is believed to be these. Next, is mold and carbon to do me? Haunt me? the spirit or energy of a deceased monoxide, which occur all the (Editor-in-Chief Note: Colleen has person that lingers on Earth and is time and induce hallucinations. (Editor-in-Chief Note: Looby is got this argument in the bag! I able to make its presence known, if Both are pretty common in old definitly in the right. His logic is sol- mean, her logic is just GHOULden! it so choses and in any manner. Ba- shitty houses or as most people id unlike ghosts, you know, if they This is why she is the favorite child) sically, all ghosts are not necessar- think of them “haunted houses”. existed) -Siobhan E. Donahue -Kelly Lord Tyra ily evil…but one could be. With this Here’s another thing: sleep pa- definition in mind, the First Law of ralysis, which is when your mind page 10 the paper october 26, 2016 I Have Seen Hell and It Looks Like South’s Basement Bathroom By Marty Gatto Unflushed toliets are only the beginning of this nightmare Staff Southerner ferent earthy brown, yellow, or green just sit right the fuck down and say, be coated in a pungent yellow glaze Within several hours of being on shades. There are strange red spots “Yup, I think I’m gonna disgrace this by 11:30. And on weekdays? Some- campus during move in day, I realized everywhere, there has been a used toilet bowl.” one still pees, not in the urinal like a I had to face something unpleasant, condom and unidentified liquids Hey, I’m down for disgracing a toilet person or a clever chimpanzee, but in which I had been pushing off into the found, and the entire hallway is sticky bowl, when I’m alone. Not when I’m the fucking grate in-between the two back of my mind: taking my shits in like a men’s bathroom. three feet away from another human urinals. They piss on the floor like a a communal bathroom. During high When one enters the bathroom, being. Like, when I’m in Rod’s bath- fucking dog. school, I always avoided shitting dur- one is greeted by a smell of synthetic room in the basement, and nobody’s Don’t fucking piss on the floor like ing school hours. This is because I an animal. I know it seems super fun don’t want to strike up a conversa- because you just have to move your tion with someone while excrement aim from the urinal in front of you to is dropping out of our bodies like the grate on your right. But you know soft-served ice cream, and then have what happens in that movement? the revolting smell of this act diffuse You get piss: on the wall, on the uri- into the air and enter our stupid, flap- nal, on the floor, on yourself (splash ping mouths, getting the scent on our effect), and all over the edges of the tongue in that repulsive way of how grate. Then, the residue and resulting you can taste a smell. I don’t want to streams of pee that flow into the de- taste your fucking shit. Secondly, I al- filed grate get on people’s shoes, and ways hated using school bathrooms then people walk through the hallway, because of the cleanliness of them, the hallway gets sticky, they lie down or the lack thereof. Everything in pub- on their bed and get it on their fuck- lic men’s restrooms looks like it’s ing sheets, and then they pass out sticky, and omg guess why? Because drunk and die from the diseases they everything is fucking sticky. That was caught from cuddling up with your just high school. I could avoid this un- fucking floor piss. People who piss on sanitary ordeal by shitting at home. the floor will fucking murder you. Now, I must face the absolute gross- products as well as straight up shit. there, I will disrespect that shit. But, I saw a pair of fucked up under- est thing about my college dorm: the Strange, hairy legs with shower- I do it because I have no audience wear in the bathroom garbage can, fucking communal bathrooms in the shoes or scuffed-up gutter-sneakers, watching, or listening, to every sound sprawled over the top of its contents, basement of South. or brand new Sperrys, cover the ath- of every detail of my defecation. as if it were the feces-covered flag of The other day, I needed to use the lete’s foot of young men who are The idea that the communal bath- a nation flittering in the wind. What bathroom. So, I opened my door shitting. And this goes along with rooms are a public space clearly does are people? What is this hellish shit- and began walking through the hall something I learned when I came to not sink in for some individuals, and storm of clogged toilets and strange to the slimy, yellow cesspool where college: everyone has diarrhea. Not I will cite one abhorrent action to dis- societal faux pas, which we call the we tend to void ourselves. The dis- everyone some of the time. Not some play this: bitches are pissing on the communal bathroom? I don’t know, gust, however, has already started. people all of the time. Everyone all of floor. Urine…on…the fucking floor. But but what I do know, and what I can I use the phrase “where we tend to the time has diarrhea. When some- also, urine on your shoes, urine in trust in, is that no matter what time void ourselves” because occasion- one sits in the stall next to me, I get a the hallway, urine on the little seam of day it is, or how badly I have to go, ally, someone did not make it. Gross sick feeling. That’s because it sounds of your pants that grazes the ground. there will be a stale, unflushed shit piles of starchy paper products cover like someone is dropping a stack of Urine fucking everywhere. On party behind the first stall door I decide to mystery substances of various dif- newspapers in a mud-puddle. People nights? Forget about it! That shit will open. october 26, 2016 the paper page 11 Fordham Students United to Fight the Tyranny that is Bad Wifi By Will Maurillo Get ready to go to battle; don’t let Fordham IT get you down The other option is one of conten- Staff WiFi Advocate careful research, I have found that the chats that were delivered hours be- tion. When an urgent task such as Wi-Fi is based off of a Murphy’s Law fore but couldn’t be loaded due to the Being millennial as fuck, I live two hmm idk actual work needs to be system. Encoded deep into the moth- Wi-Fi. The LTE was my escape from lives. There is the life I live on this completed, the Fordham Internet Je- erboard of Fordham’s network is such the mess I had been living in since Earth with this debatably rocking bod, suits give you the spottiest Internet a devious law that depending on your late August. but there is another: online. Connect- this world has ever seen. Feeling like inter-web intentions you can be grant- Being able to connect to people ed to people all over the world though I could fix the problem I found in soci- ed access or stopped in your tracks. without actually having to speak to various online mediums, I’m able to ety, I thought that I should reach out. Using a complex algorithm to find out them, brought sanity to my millennial keep up with friends from the past As if pressed a blue light the IT Jesu- and make new ones. Like me, I as- life. But I knew that with this power, sume most of you NEED your Internet. Regret not applying I had to go back to my plan, fixing to Fordham? Coming to college I expected the end this Wi-Fi kerfuffle. Before I continue, of my occasional Internet outages and I wish this story ended in a solution; to live in peace with the Wi-Fi gods. which it doesn’t. I also wish that it Transitioning to a large, highly funded ended with a magnificent battle - be university, I had dreams of impecca- tween me and IT on Eddie’s, using ble download times and no Facebook various parts of computers as weap- browsing delays. Yet again, DJ Khaled ons, but it doesn’t. I called them and was right, I played myself. The Internet they politely told me “there is nothing here is erratic. No, I hear their WiFi we can do on our end.” Putting such a sucks. phrase into Google Translate, I quickly But I knew that with found that this was polite IT talk for “shut the fuck up and don’t call me.” this power, I had to At first I was mad at who I was on the phone with. This was pointless and go back to my plan, naïve. How could I be mad at the fixing this Wi-Fi ker- spokesman/woman of a terrorist cell? It was their leader. fuffle. Those employing my fellow students to inflict a lack of logic or reason in The fact that my freshman advisor response to my questions were my enemy. Building extensive firewalls recommended that we consider going its were onto me. Delivering me zero the importance of the task you are at- and log in processes to slow my vir- to the library to register for classes Internet I was unable to look up the tempting to complete, the network de- tual actions, I realized this was an is- because the Internet is so unreliable number to Fordham IT. They stopped cides between two options. The first is sue that can only be dealt with at the means that there is a problem. I’m not me in my tracks. My revolution spoiled you doing BS work with no importance top level of IT. Fellow students, I can’t expecting the fastest Internet in the before it could begin. This left me or urgency. These tasks receive only do this alone. If you hated this piece, world. I would just like consistency. hopeless and empty. Forcing me to the highest speeds and the freshest hate me, hate the Wi-Fi, or even just From not being able to work, to slow fall back to my LTE they hit me where connection one’s millennial fingertips love helping society, we need to come load times on websites, Fordham’s In- it hurts: my wallet. Using my precious have ever touched. Being able to dig together. Email IT. Complain. Do what ternet is nothing to write home about, data, I searched the wide web for their to depths in YouTube that have been we millennials do best, expect things so instead I write the hype track of the phone number. As I turned my Wi-Fi previously undiscovered allows me to given to us and whine until you get century to bring awareness to an is- off to use LTE, I received six Snap- sue too close to our hearts.Through reach my peak procrastination. them. page 12 the paper october 26, 2016 Love, Success, and Social Justice— Can You Have it All? By Claire Nunez TBH, no. But, I dare you to try; double dog dare ya. Co-Opinions Editor day earn my MBA in sustainability to of my romantic relationships within a as with the people I want to be with. They say you can’t have it all; you fully combine both business and hu- few months. My professional goals are It makes me a bit nervous for when I can’t have both a flourishing love life manitarian work. Sustainable busi- a priority for me and honestly, no one have a real, adult life with a job and and a successful career, but what ness is becoming more and more of a wants to listen to me talk about gentrifi- taxes and an apartment and four cats about social justice? Why isn’t that necessity, and I want to be a part of it. cation or the refugee crisis while we’re and all my friends are starting to get mixed in there? Can you not have jus- married while I’m just like, “um, yeah tice for the social problems that exist I’m married to work” while trying to in society? Most people would say no, “Isn’t it amazing how much we can achieve single-handely change the world. Our you can’t—I think you can. If you really together, Harry?” environment is polluted, people are dy- want all three, you can blend them. In ing in war, and the ocean will be full of my own life, juggling school work and more plastic than fish soon, but there internships, maintaining healthy rela- are over 7 billion people I can find at tionships and friendships, and working least one to love me. He will believe in for justice on different issues, is practi- me, my dreams, and that gentrfication cally impossible. I don’t exactly know if is a problem. you can have it all separately, but you To many, it seems like we need to can mix it all together and get the best have our plans to our futures settled of all three worlds. Maybe. now. To be honest, I am not planning Being passionate about what I do is on having everything I want to do in the something I have always taken pride next forty years figured out now. I know in. I am never one to join a club or on what is supposed to be a fun date that love, success, and social justice accept an internship just because it This may be a bit of a pipedream, but night. I always fill my time with groups are important to me, and it’ll all fall beefs up my resume. It’s not worth it. it’s my current plan— I still have some and work that are extraordinarily mean- together. It is not necessary to have I want to incorporate my love of social time to figure things out here. Some- ingful to me, that whenever I have free it all now. We are just in college and justice into my passion for business; I thing I never really incorporated into my time, I just want to watch Girls. Be- life is messy now. Everything will come have decided it is best to pursue this lifelong plan is love. cause of this, I end up neglecting my together. Having the trifecta of love, path by studying Political Science and Yes, I have my extreme fascination friends, family, in addition to anyone I success, and social justice may seem Humanitarian Studies as well as con- with business and social justice’s place am romantically involved with. impossible— especially in college, but sistently doing volunteer work through within it, but finding love? I better start It is a real struggle to make time for really, if you want anything enough, you the Dorothy Day Center. I hope to one adopting cats now. I always murder all all of the things I want to do as well can achieve it. The Last Time I Will Ever Write About Trump: Hopefully a True Phrase By Rachel Poe I cannot even think about him without wanting to scream Features Co-Editor to spread his hate-filled speech. You stand how a democracy works? No over in his grave with this election. I am so over Donald Trump being all could argue that they unintentionally one person has all that power, that’s Look, basically everything is shit over the media. Not a day goes by that fueled Trump’s primary campaign. the fucking point! But maybe what is and will continue to be shit for the I don’t hear that blubbering buffoon We dedicate so much time talking the worst thing Trump has done (this next twenty days or so. I genuinely speak the most idiotic, sexist, racist about Trump that I’ve actually lost week) is come out at say that he will despise Donald Trump so much that things that just continue to highlight sleep because my brain has been so only accept the results of the election on November 8th, I won’t be celebrat- all of his incompetence. I can’t wait rattled by the sheer anger that over- if he wins, completely ignoring prec- ing Hillary’s victory but his crushing until he fades into obscurity like the comes me every time he opens that edent and the peaceful transition of defeat. But, even though I greatly piece of trash he is. I promise you that asshole he calls a mouth. His voice power that keeps our democracy from look forward to that day, that’s all hy- this will be the last article that I ever alone makes me want to scratch my fucking combusting. According to pothetically until November 8th. So write about Donald Trump, but first, I eyes out. He’s like a college kid who FiveThirtyEight, Trump has a roughly here’s my mini-urge for all of you to have some things to say. didn’t do the reading but calls out in 13% chance of winning so we’re prob- make sure you vote this Election Day. There is no doubt in my mind that class. He says one thing that’s kind of ably going to have to deal with more There’s still plenty of time for you to win or lose, Donald Trump has done an answer but then keeps restating it of Trump’s crybaby rampage after the get your absentee ballot if you’re reg- a great injustice to this country. His in different ways while throwing in a election. istered to vote. Trump has literally blatant stupidity has dominated the couple attempts SAT-level words. And side note- I swear, if I have to insulted, offended, or harassed basi- news to the point that it’s all I see And don’t even get me started on hear one more person compare the cally every subcategory of Americans on my Facebook feed. Facebook! All just how little he understands how Republican party to “the party of Lin- except for white males, lacks any sort we can talk about is how Trump did the government works. He says that coln,” I am going to scream. Do you re- of basic knowledge about govern- this, Trump said that, look at this he, and he alone, can fix the govern- ally think that Trump would take land ment, and is an orange blob of scams equally moronic person try to defend ment but then immediately turns from rich White people and give it to and failed business ventures and the bullshit that Trump said and did. back around and berates Hillary Clin- a bunch of impoverished, disadvan- you’re okay with the potential of this It’s just- I can’t, I really can’t. The me- ton for not fixing certain policy issues. taged immigrants of color? Please. man running our country? Over my dia has given Trump millions in free Really, Trump? Do you even under- To be frank, Lincoln is probably rolling dead body. advertising and a platform in which october 26, 2016 the paper page 13

Spooky Halloween Horoscopes the paper’s view By Maria Byrne

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18): Your fascination with Gothic horror Tuesday, November 8th is Election Day. In many political ar- romance will cause you to produce the worst work of fiction ever. ticles, the author sets out to report on the fact that many Americans are discontent with the two main candidates. To be fair, how can people Pisces (February 19 – March 20): Finally you’ll meet someone faker than easily choose between voting for an angry Cheeto or a lying robot? Then you: a “Casper the Ghost”-like love interest will enter your life this week. of course, there are the Ken Bones of the world who aren’t necessarily discontent but simply can’t decide whether to vote for a former Senator Aries (March 21 – April 19): Personal growth looms in your future as you or a former reality show host. However, there is another group of people begin to encounter a clown who goes by the name “Pennywise.” who are struggling to vote. These people are not only dissatisfied with their options, but they are disillusioned with life in general. It’s not that Taurus (April 20 – May 20): You will be surprised to discover two hours of they think their vote doesn’t matter, but rather, life in general is meaning- sexy, suspenseful action coming to a bakery near you. less. So, how do you compromise existential dread with civic duties? Gemini (May 21 – June 20): Just keep reveling in how well you are true to Even though existence itself is without intrinsic value, you can’t yourself, which is a slightly more adorable Bob from Twin Peaks. deny that you are currently experiencing life in this reality. (Or maybe you can if you’re a philosophy major). The point is, as of right now, Cancer (June 21 – July 22): Ghosts will begin to appear to you, but you whatever happens in this country affects you. If the next president invests won’t see them because you’ll be too busy drinking La Croix. in eco-friendly policies, you will have to brief clean air. If the next presi- dent starts a nuclear war, you will have to experience death via nuclear Leo (July 23 – August 22): When you said last week that “nothing can stop annihilation. Sure, clean air or radiation poisoning makes no difference me now,” you apparently forgot you’re possessed by demons. because death is inevitable. But come on, is that how you want to die? You can hate life but you got to admit, dying in your sleep is way more Virgo (August 23 – September 22): Like Dr. Frankenstein, your plan to preferable than having your skin melt off. strike and slip away unseen will be seen as inappropriate. The other important thing to remember is that life’s insignifi- Libra (September 23 – October 22): Americans from coast to coast will cance does not necessarily negate your agency as a person. Your whole be transfixed by your spooky new signature dance, the “Winona Ryder in existence may be a sham, but you have the free will to make decisions. Beetlejuice.” You can decide to skip class, wear crocs, steal a peacock from the zoo, etc. While you may regret some of the consequences of your actions, the Scorpio (October 23 – November 21): Every day, you’re getting better and point is, you have the choice to determine what happens next. So, while better. But at this rate, you won’t be good for another 666 years. neither Clinton nor Trump will add any meaning to life in general, you still have to live with your choice of not voting. Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21): This week you’re going to start fiend-ing for a cigarette, even though you’ve “never smoked a day in So, to all you nihilists out there, please vote. Vote for Clinton and your life.” Kaine. Vote for Trump and Pence. Vote for the paper and Cthulhu. Just please, don’t let your existential crisis prevent you from exercising your Capricorn (December 22 – January 19): It’s time to open up and let the constitutional rights. Also, Happy Halloween. world see who you really are, and that is Wednesday Addams. XOXO, Sio and Kelly, Co-EIC’s

A dilemma page 14 the paper october 26, 2016 Aramark May Seem Bad to Us, but Prisoners Have it Worse by Kyle Zarif The Jesuits supporting this mistreatment by using Aramark Staff Aramark Hater provider, has played a role in the per- ary 10 and 11, 2014. Earlier in 2014, gots have also been discovered in Workers in contemporary prisons petuation of inhumane prison condi- Aramark was fined $142,100 by the food at the Parnell Correctional Facil- are forced to work for wages that av- tions in America. Ohio state government for numer- ity in June 2014, where 30 prisoners erage between $0.40 and $0.70 an Aramark is a global service corpora- ous violations which included hiring were treated for food poisoning. They hour, often producing commodities for tion with 270,000 employees in 21 too few employees to feed the quan- were also found at the G. Robert Cot- corporations like Starbucks, Walmart, states. In its own words, it “is in the tity of prisoners they are in charge of ton Prison in June 2015. Watchdog and Nintendo. So, it is not surpris- customer service business across feeding. However, their contract was group Progress Michigan uncovered ing that there is an ongoing prisoner food, facilities and uniforms, wher- recently renewed by the state govern- emails describing an incident in which strike. This strike should make us re- ever people work, learn, recover, and ment, led by John Kasich, who has a prisoner discovered a cake which consider the trends towards privatiza- play”. The “learn” component of this helped introduce a trend of privatiza- had been visibly chewed by rodents. tion and unprecedented expansion in statement is mostly colleges and tion in Ohio prisons. The prisoner was instructed by an Ara- our prison system over the last few universities. As they operate in mul- Michigan also chose to end its rela- mark employee to cover the cake with decades. tiple industries, some colleges also tionship with Aramark this year after icing and feed it to prisoners anyway. The global prison population is outsource their janitorial work to Ara- a string of similar incidents.Michigan More recently, emails between Sieg- around 11 million, 2.4 million of which mark. One such school is American signed a three year prison food ser- fried Linder, the company’s general are in the United States. We hold 5% University in Washington D.C., where vice contract with Aramark ending this director, and Michigan’s Department of the world’s population and roughly Aramark employees are currently year. The contract was not renewed. of Corrections saw Linder admit that 25% of its prisoners. Within the Unit- fighting for a reduction of the - work The lack of consideration for human prisoners at Saginaw Correctional ed States, 40% of our total prison day. The “recover” aspect of their self- life implied by their record in Michigan Facility were served food that was re- population is black. In our women’s description could mean hospitals, is astounding. In April 2015, a lawsuit moved from the trash and reheated. prisons, which have grown at double which they do provide service for, but was filed against Kent County Jail in That Aramark remained in charge of the rate of men’s prisons, Latina and Michigan’s prison kitchens for even Black women are incarcerated at 3 The “F” doesn’t just stand for Fordham it is also Aramark’s 3 years is shocking until you find out and 4 times the rate of White women. that Aramark has spent $570,000 The prisons have become a reflection quality lobbying politicians for contracts in of the way we treat ethnic minorities. recent years. The class dimension of prisons re- The practices of Aramark are but a flects the radical inequality in wealth small piece of a wider culture that ac- we see today. The pre-incarceration cepts the dehumanization of prison- incomes of prisoners are $19,650 ers. We keep a metaphorical distance for men and $13,890 for women. The between ourselves and the criminal, average for non-incarcerated men demonizing them so that we can look and women is $41,250 for men and in the mirror confident that we are $23,745 for women. good people. It helps us deny the fact The American prisoner is, on av- that our prisons have become huge erage, a poor person of color. The dumping grounds for those who have massive expansion of incarcera- no place in our society. They provide tion in communities hurt by overall corporations with the ability to avoid declines in manufacturing jobs has it could just as easily mean prisons. federal court by 16 prisoners repre- outsourcing manufacturing without several implications as to the nature Fordham’s negotiations with Ara- senting 250 others who were served having to compromise their desire for of the prison system. Why are we so mark took place last year. During that Aramark chicken that was contami- a captive workforce with no right to convinced this is working? Why do time, the extent to which Aramark nated by bacteria. The suit accused organize, quit or dissent. That Ford- we find it so easy to ignore -the hor was willing to cut corners in its prison Aramark of “failing to handle food ham is invested in a system of racist ror of our nation’s prisons and disre- food service sector for the sake of safely, failing to hire and train enough exploitation and dehumanization is gard the humanity of 2 million people profit was exposed. Aramark’s -cur people to keep food from spoiling and completely unacceptable, especially under the blanket term “criminal”? rent contract with the Ohio Depart- going bad, and failing to use food noting the Jesuits’ long history with Why do we accept corporations us- ment of Rehabilitation and Correction equipment properly”. The attorney for the slave trade. Fordham’s Jesuit ad- ing the modern equivalent of slave budgets them $3.61 per prisoner per the prisoners describes the incident ministration is perpetuating slavery labor while slapping on a “Made in day. While that fact is astonishing in as a “mass poisoning.” This lawsuit as Jesuits had done in the past, al- America” sticker? Plantation slavery of itself, the real world effects of Ara- was not the only incident of crimi- beit indirectly, and in a new form. The rested on the same dehumanization, mark’s profit over people approach nal incompetence in Aramark prison degrees of separation do not make Black slaves were never seen as fully have been downright inhumane. On kitchens. Since 2013, Michigan pris- it right. The historical evolution does human. The nature of the prison has June 24, 2014 at the Trumbull Cor- oners have filed 14 lawsuits against not make it right; the same exploita- as much to do with deep institutional rectional Facility in Leavittsburg, Aramark and this number grows to tion is at play here. investments in the expansion of our Ohio, live maggots were seen “falling 200 when encompassing the whole The only thing Fordham can do to prison system as it does with racism out of a warming tray”. Maggots were nation. truly align itself against the newest and classism. Even Fordham has fi- also found in Aramark food bound The degradation of quality was evi- form of slavery is to divest from the nancial ties to the prison industrial for prisoners at Ohio Reformatory for denced in several more incidents in prison industrial complex and rethink complex. Aramark, our school’s food Women at Maryville on June 30, Janu- Aramark kitchens in Michigan. Mag- its relationship with Aramark. october 26, 2016 the paper page 15

Halloweentown Exposed: The Non-Mortal Genocide by Kelly Tyra Be warned, it’s much more sinister than you think... Editor-in-Chief of her life. Dylan, the stick-in-the-mud and some people who just look like from humanity’s collective psyche. If you grew up with cable television brainiac accompanies her because he they love wearing period clothing. To The very need for the non-mortals in the late 90s, then you already know is ‘the man of the house’ and sweet, each their own is pretty much engraved to invent a new world for themselves Halloweentown is the shit. The cult young Sophie sneaks along because on the Halloweentown crest. However, hints at the severity of this conflict. The classic DCOM is a transcendent tale of she’s badass and cute and the secret from the brief background native Ag- creation of Halloweentown can be in- family, self-discovery, conquering evil, weapon throughout the film. I could re- atha Cromwell provides, we are given a terpreted as a forced migration or pop- and of course, magic. If you haven’t ally go on forever with this summary small peak into the history of the magi- ulation transfer and such resettlement seen it, I’m sorry but this short synop- but for the sake of time, I’ll shorten cal world she inhabits: “There was a is often an indicator of genocide. It is sis will have to suffice until you can en- the next fifty minutes. The kids arrive time when humans…and all the rest of possible to find evidence that points gage in the glory that is Halloweentown in Halloweentown, they stop the politi- us could be together. It was the Dark to such population decimation in the on your own time. cally-based bad force from consuming Times…because humans feared us film. For example, how could the entire Our story begins on Halloween night the city after it renders their mom and and tried to destroy us. So, we did our non-mortal population be confined to in suburbia. A seemingly average grandma immobile, discover their own best to make them miserable in return, a single township governed simply and family of four is visited by their clearly powers, help their matriarchs recon- but it was turning us evil, which we are totally by a mayor? Would such a small magical grandmother, Aggie Cromwell. cile, and return to the mortal world as not! So, we decided to create our own population really have been such a Aggie’s three grandchildren (Marnie, magical heroes. world from that day on, we were able to threat to humanity? Probably not, thus Dylan, and Sophie) do not know she On the surface, this seems like a settle down and have homes and chil- genocide most certainly could have is a witch nor that they have magical damn fun Halloween movie for kids dren and jobs and an excellent bowling been a contributing factor that neces- blood running through their own veins and it certainly is. But if we dig a little league.” This explanation is sugarcoat- sitated the invention of an alternate because their mother, Gwen, does deeper into the world of the film, its ori- ed just enough to inform Aggie’s grand- world. not want them to be trained in the gins become much darker and spooki- children about the origins of her world. While Agatha states that non-mortals magical arts. Eldest daughter Marnie er than they may first appear. Analysis However, if we unpack this brief blurb such as her facilitated the relocation to overhears an argument between her of the historical narrative and necessi- of history, many sinister details arise. Halloweentown, they almost certainly mother and grandmother in which it is tated establishment of Halloweentown The Dark Times detailed by Aggie did so out of necessity, which indicates revealed that if Marnie does not start hints at a darkness much greater than must have been an extremely tumultu- that humans emerged from the Dark training to be a witch that night (her the one conquered by our three heroes ous period in human/nonhuman histo- Times victorious. The existing tension thirteenth Halloween) her powers will in the film. For the sake of this criti- ry. Constant battle between mortal and between mortal and non-mortal is a be lost and she will become a mortal cal analysis, I will be focusing on the non-mortal was intense enough that it theme that is continuously explored forever. Grandmother Aggie also has first movie exclusively. However, the triggered an adaptive change in the throughout the four film franchise but come to enlist Gwen’s help as she can next three films in the series can cer- psyche of the non-mortal that caused in a similarly candy corn-coated way. sense a dark force operating in her tainly be used to inform this examina- them to become ‘evil’ against their will However, historical analysis of these homeland, Halloweentown. Gwen of- tion (particularly Halloweentown High). and in spite of their fundamental char- films reveals that this magical coming- fers no assistance and asserts that And so begins our critical analysis of acter composition. While the violence of-age story contains a deeper, more she wants her children to be raised Halloweentown. Why you may ask? Be- between both parties is not detailed, sinister narrative. ‘normal’ in the mortal world. cause it’s the Halloween Issue, bitch- it must have been extreme. Why else When Aggie leaves to catch the annu- es. Spook, spook! would the human world completely (Yes, I did find a copy of the Hallow- al bus back to the world of Halloween- Halloweentown is home to an ar- eliminate non-mortal existence from eentown script to write this article and town, her grandchildren secretly follow ray of interesting creatures. In addi- their history, rendering all things magi- yes I am developing a Halloweentown her. Marnie is desperate to begin her tion to witches and warlocks, there cal fictional? Perhaps, the violence in- musical based on the made-for-TV witch training as she has been inter- are ghosts, skeletons, trolls, pumpkin flicted upon the non-mortal population movie. Coming soon to a blackbox near ested in the mystical and magical all heads, werewolves, fairies, catladies, was so brutal, it needed to be erased you.) page 16 the paper october 26, 2016 A Nostalgic Review of Evil Dead II Events by Scott Saffran Are you ready for the memories...they’re eviiiil What: Election Day Staff Nostalgic Reviewer unwitting hero, Ash Williams, played While the emphasis is really on the fun Since the earliest October 31st that through both films by the granite- and insanity, I feel it quite important to Where: America, more I can remember (1999, and I dressed chinned Bruce Campbell. The picture appreciate this not-insignificant feat. specifically your local up as the Scarecrow from The Wizard concludes with a horrified Ash facing The greatest triumph of the film is district, or the mailroom of Oz, thank you very much), Halloween down an unseen evil force, careening that it toes the line between not taking has been my favorite holiday. I could through the forest. itself too seriously and not taking itself if you have an absantee never fully grasp that I was actually en- Evil Dead II, on the other hand, be- seriously at all. Horror-comedies like ballot couraged to dress up as my favorite fic- gins with Ash and his girlfriend, Linda, Scary Movie are populated with actors When: Tues. Nov. 8th @ tional characters and would be reward- who was featured as part of the origi- who very apparently find the whole af- ed for it with pounds of candy. With nal’s cast but portrayed by a different fair just as ridiculous as we do and true ALL DAY AM/PM each ensuing All Hallows’ Eve (post-my actress, journeying to that very same horror films are often cast with actors How Much: FREE, US costume peak), a new facet would be cabin. The pair reenact a simplified all too engendered in the dramatic. citizenship added to the celebration: one year a version of the plot of The Evil Dead, Evil Dead II departs entirely. Campbell Haunted House; the next a neighbor- and the sequel then takes on a life of especially at once over-acts and, yet, Why: Vote. It’s your civic hood costume party. In can still pull off believable duty. The youth numbers 2004, my sisters and fright. Faced with the task for voting are very low I crowded around the of chainsaw-ing his once Zenith television in our beloved’s detached dome, too, I know, I take a class basement for Cartoon Ash draws genuine emotion on it. Fucking vote. Network’s showing of just before the still-sentient Scary Godmother’s Hal- body rushes through the loween Spooktacular. tool shed door and we col- What: Rodrigue’s Mur- For those of you who lapse into laughter. der Mystery have not been graced The film is best charac- Where: Rodrigue’s Cof- by this spectacular terized by this gross-out, work of animated cin- gut-wrenching gore saved fee House on campus ema, you really ought to from excess by a belly-ach- When: Sun. Oct. 30th dig up this gem. It was ing laugh. No scene best @7 PM my first true Halloween exemplifies such master- movie; a tradition my ful balance better than the How Much: FREE family has held close decayed, headless corpse Why: It’s a murder mys- ever since. of Linda rising from its tery, AND IT TAKES PLACE In the decade-plus makeshift grave to perform a dance number complete BOTH IN THE FUTURE since then, I have ac- The new Evil Dead looks cumulated quite a few great with severed head prop be- AND IN SPACE. Rods films: some in the tradi- fore miraculously ascending always puts a lot of work tional Halloween theme, and others of its own after we see that familiar shot to the heavens. Every scene, whether just a generally spooky persuasion. My of a screaming Ash and the invisible truly inspiring in its terror or fantasti- into their events, so it will most cherished Halloween movie, and incubus. cally funny, feels perfectly at home and be awesome. Voting’s the subject of this review, is Evil Dead The movie finds its successes in its gives this theatre of the absurd film a awesome, as well. II. While not especially Halloween-y, I breakneck speed and original compo- strange sort of coherence. There really feel the film captures the spirit of the sition. Director Raimi utilizes a patch- is no other movie quite like it; it fully holiday spectacularly, creating an at- work quilt of unorthodox camera tech- earns its rightful spot in the canon of What: Care Packages mosphere that is equally funny and niques to instill a particularly uneasy cult film. Where: McGinley Lounge frightening. feeling in the audience, complement- Evil Dead II is everything a Halloween Evil Dead II (or Evil Dead 2: Dead by ing the tone of the work itself. Most of movie ought to be. The chills are com- When: Tues. Nov. 3rd Dawn, if you’re that much of an anal the exposition is kept to very limited plemented with raucous laughs, the @6 PM purist) hit cinemas across America in dialogue, which allows Raimi to show- gross-out gore balanced with tongue-in- How Much: FREE 1987 as the sequel to its 1981 prede- case this impressive knack for visual cheek visual gags. It’s light, digestible, cessor, The Evil Dead. The relation- storytelling. Ash, the protagonist, is ef- and yet, it sticks with you. Evil Dead II Why: Help make care- ship between the original film and its fectively portrayed as a reluctant hero, is a rare bauble, one of the few of its packages for the home- sequel is odd, at best. The first film is which the audience can very much feel genre to succeed on a large scale. It less at a nearby shelter. strict horror fare, albeit tremendously itself. Outright character development has inspired generations of filmmak- entertaining, and recounts the story of is not the chosen path here. As much ers and legions of devoted fans, it’s a It’s a really nice thing to five college students who encounter a as Ash is forced into his hero role, so film that won’t soon be forgotten. It’s a do, y’know, like voting. mysterious ancient text on their cabin is the audience alongside him. We are cherished part of my library, and I hope That’s also nice. getaway, and accidentally unleash a as uncomfortable as he is, but we both I’ve encouraged a few of you to give it a terrible evil which consumes all but the grow to fill out these new relationships. watch some time around October 31st. october 26, 2016 the paper page 17 Scooby-Dooby-Doo and Rachel’s Review by Rachel Poe Editors’ note: we didn’t name this Shows Features and List Editor scenes with a creepy ghost witch, a run ing actually. Besides the fact that it re- Guys, I had the best time writing this in with an eco-Goth girl group called minds me of my childhood, it doesn’t What: Streetlight Mani- article, I swear. Scooby-Doo is my shit. the Hex Girls that look like they’re try- stand up nearly as well fifteen years lat- festo I’ve loved this franchise since I was a ing to be sexy, but not too sexy, vam- er, but whatever I’m still going to watch kid. There’s pictures of me at three pires for Halloween, ending with a who- it whenever I remember it exists. 7/10 Where: PlayStation The- years old, sitting in a little arm chair, dunit that reveals that the whole town because the villain is lame. ater wearing my Scooby-Doo robe, watch- dunit. And that’s really only the first 3. Scooby-Doo! and the Ghoul When: Fri. Oct. 28th @8 ing re-runs of the old cartoon. It was a part of the movie. Things get real when School: I loved this one as a kid. Well, bonding thing for me and my dad, there the actual Witch’s Ghost gets released I loved them all but this one has a spe- PM were always tapes of the movies and by Ben, when he finds her spellbook cial place in my heart. I remember it How Much: $24 the shows at his house. Yeah, I’ve been hidden at the base of a tree. The Witch the best because I think as a kid, I re- Why: One of the editors watching Scooby-Doo for so fucking had been entrapped inside the book ally related to all the little girl monsters long that I used to watch it on VHS. Hell, by Wiccans because she was just too (see, representation in media does here (*cough* Luis) re- I even know that the original “Jeepers, nasty. I personally love it when Scooby- matter). In this movie, Scooby, Shaggy, ally likes them, so we are It’s the Creeper” Doo actually and Scrappy, Scooby’s little nephew, pimping out their show. premiered on my has real mon- become gym teachers at an all-girls birthday in 1970. sters like this. finishing school because that’s a logi- Also vote. All the editors Yeah. So, in the I mean, I know cal career choice for them. But here’s really like voting. spirit of Hallow- that there’s the twist, Miss Grimwood’s is actually een (heh, like that the whole so- a finishing school for the daughters of pun?), I’ve de- cial commen- famous monsters (Dracula, The Phan- What: F.E.T. Stand Up/ cided to pay trib- tary about how tom, a werewolf, The Mummy, and Sketch Show ute to my favorite the things that Frankenstein’s monster to be exact) Where: The Black Box spOOKy series by scare us aren’t and hilarity ensues. Basically, it’s a doing a nostalgia really as scary lot of puns, physical comedy, an angry Theater on campus review of some of underneath, little dragon that just mumbles non- When: Both Fri. Oct. my favorite Scooby-Doo movies. I’m ex- but real monsters are just way cooler, sense while lowkey setting everyone 28th/Sat. Oct. 29th cluding the live-action ones with Sarah okay? Witch’s Ghost is Scooby-Doo at on fire, a rival military boys school that Michelle Gellar and Freddie Prinze Jr. it’s finest for our generation. 10/10 resembles what I imagine ROTC is like, @8PM because we all already know how fuck- would recommend. and a message that people aren’t al- How Much: FREE ing fantastic those are. 2. Scooby-Doo! and the Cyber Chase: ways what they appear…I guess? It’s Why: F.E.T. is really fun- 1. Scooby-Doo! and the Witch’s So basically Scooby and the gang get too deep for me, guys. Ghost: Oh man, this one is definitely zapped into a videogame inspired by Maybe what I love about this movie is ny, funnier than my ter- my all time favorite. Part of the series their adventures with a lowkey homi- that it plays around with the stereotypi- rible jokes. It’s also their of the Scooby-Doo movies that were cidal blue lightning personified thing cal Scooby-Doo plot format. It has all Halloween show. Also released around the turn of the 21st called the Phantom Virus. To get out of the things that makes you love Scooby- century, Witch’s Ghost encompasses the game, they have to find the box of Doo while also being its own thing. Like vote, because not voting everything you love about Scooby- Scooby Snacks on each level. They go there’s a volleyball match between a is, like me, not funny. Doo and more. Cheesy jokes, Scooby to the moon, Ancient Rome, undersea, finishing school for ghouls and a snooty and Shaggy eating twice their weight the dinosaur age-basically a bunch of military school on a net woven by a in food, epic chase scenes, a man in other stereotypical videogame loca- cute spider creature, and then there’s What: Playwrights Festi- a mask, you name it. Scooby and the tions in a montage with an original a creepy-ass witch lady with four arms val gang are whisked off to this cutesy song playing in the background, be- and a sketchy mind control potion not Where: The Black Box New England town by a famous horror cause it isn’t a Scooby-Doo movie un- even twenty minutes later. I don’t think writer that Velma definitly has a crush less there’s an original chase scene it gets anymore Scooby-Doo than that! Theater on campus on called Ben Ravencroft (with a name song. 13/10- y’all go watch it. When: Both Fri. Nov. like that, it’s no surprise he’s the vil- In the final level, the gang runs into So why did I do this? I’m not entirely 4th/ Sat. Nov. 5th @8PM lain #spoiler). The story is centered their virtual counterparts and it’s meta sure but I had a fucking blast while around the town, Oakhaven, ripping off as hell. Together, they team up to fight doing it. I highly recommend that ev- How Much: FREE a legend about Ben’s ancestor, Sarah off monsters from their past which is eryone else go back and re-watch a Why: An FET sponsored Ravencroft, who had been persecuted also super trippy when you think about couple Scooby-Doo movies, or hell, any event in which plays are as a witch before being executed by the it. It’s not that surprising though, since movie from your childhood that you town’s people. Now her ghost is sup- Shaggy and Scooby are basically ston- loved. Grab a couple friends because I written and performed by posedly haunting the town; the mayor ers. In the end, it’s the Scooby and guarantee that someone will definitely students. So go support and other townspeople even created Cyber-Scooby that save the day be- be down to watch it with you. Scooby- creativity. Also go sup- a touristy festival around it and every- cause duh, and the whodunit doesn’t Doo is iconic and fills me with this ri- thing. nearly have the same twist as the one diculous childlike wonder bullshit and I port voting....please. What ensues is a couple chase in Witch’s Ghost. It’s kinda disappoint- don’t care because I love it. page 18 the paper october 26, 2016 Photography Exhibit Doesn’t Get the Picture: A Critical Review by Nathan Crawford One could say it’s completely out of focus Staff Musuem Critic of people through their windows feel ways disappoints. For example, there being covered thoroughly by middle For a few more months you can too on the nose, the slideshows of were covers from Transvestia, a mag- school English papers around the see an exhibit titled Private, Public, instagram pictures feel too obvious, azine run by Virginia Prince for what country. I don’t know if you know this, Secret at the International Center of and the courtroom drawing from a she described as “sexually normal” but reality shows don’t actually show Photography Museum. Or don’t, if WikiLeaks trial feels forced. It’s not men who have found their “other reality. This may blow your mind, but you don’t I think you’ll be fine. This like everything is terrible, just that side.” If you look into Transvestia, we have an obsession with female exhibit sounds interesting, but unfor- everything is okay. There are some it’s fascinating. It was a magazine for beauty that has made the transition tunately it falls short. It’s full of things portraits Warhol took, but if you have men who enjoyed cross-dressing, but to the internet. Not to be too contro- that feel interesting, but upon closer seen his paintings or his movies, it received criticism from many LGTBQ+ versial, but there is a dark side to the inspection are not. is already well covered territory. One activists as well as feminist groups internet. First, this exhibit does not hold to- picture has a mostly naked couple for supporting more conservative I want to be clear, I’m not trying gether. There is no central theme, doing heroine, that’s kinda fun I sexual and familial mores. After years to bash modern photography or art. there is no point made or question guess. A video shows a woman on a of claiming to be a heterosexual man I like both, but for almost a century raised. Instead, the exhibit feels VH1 dating show, and there are some who had found his “other side,” Vir- the premium has been on concept more like someone did a database chances to laugh at these reality ginia Prince transitioned later in life rather than execution, which makes search of their archives and just put show contestants behind the scenes and started using she/her/hers pro- it all the more tragic when there is out whatever was tagged “private” or and aware of the cameras, but there nouns. I would go to an exhibit just little to no complex thought, subtlety, “public” or “secret.” is nothing deeper to it. It might catch on this magazine, but all you get from or creativity in the pieces. They had This would be excusable if any of your attention, but doesn’t have any- Private, Public, Secret is a few ran- nothing new to say, and the exhibit the pieces were particularly strik- thing more once your attention has dom covers. They don’t really do any- didn’t have anything to say by putting ing, moving, or beautiful. There is been caught. thing with them, they just have them. them together. It is an exhibit with no piece you will walk away thinking Instead, this exhibit thrives on nov- Pieces in the exhibit try to take on great promise, which makes the dis- about, no piece you wish you could elty. There is plenty in this exhibit that issues, which is commendable. It just appointment all the greater. put up in your room, nothing. It is an will make you want to lean in to take left me wishing that any of the issues album of only b-sides. The pictures a closer look, but the closer look al- they brought up were not already A Different Kind of Art Hoe: Redefining an Aesthetic Concept By Annie Muscat Being a hoe of art for arts’ sake Staff Art Hoe confirmed that students demonstrated were all appreciating art the same way an alternative perspective to the work- Imagine this: you’re enjoying a day higher levels of social tolerance, stron- I was. Art provides a common ground place. An appreciation for art suggests with a friend at an art gallery. You come ger critical thinking skills, and a devel- for people from all walks of life to come that a person is open to new experi- upon a slightly abstract painting. As oping taste for cultural institutions. In together (that seems uncommon dur- ences and cognizant of other points you attempt to interpret and decipher other words, investigators discovered a ing this controversial election season). of view, implying that they are lifelong the meaning of the work, your friend direct correlation between exposure to Art bridges the gap between cultures learners. jokes that “the artist must have been the arts and open-mindedness. and forces us to see the world through We’ll always need people with back- tripping on so many drugs when he Okay, but a lot of us already know a different lens. Two people can inter- grounds in science, business, and law, painted this.” this. As an art history major, I bought pret the same work in drastically differ- of course, but it’s important to take Such light-hearted snap judgments into this idea a while ago. I’m an art ent ways, but discussing our interpreta- a step back and admire what art has happen often. Sometimes people are hoe. Love of art should transcend class tions with others forces us to confront to offer, especially in a place like New at a loss for words when they experi- boundaries and cultural identities. and understand other people’s points York City. Take advantage of the artistic ence art, and those who are committed A true art hoe loves art for art’s sake of view. possibilities the city has to offer. Ditch to studying art feign amusement in re- and doesn’t discriminate between the Science has established that simply ignorance! Go out there, explore other sponse to ignorance. Exposing yourself works of renowned European artists looking at art positively contributes to cultures, and discover or embrace your to and appreciating the arts can help like Marc Chagall or Gustav Klimt and one’s well-being. Neurobiologist Semir inner art hoe. you gain insight into other perspec- minority artists like Kara Walker and Zeki at the University College London, tives, making you more aware of the Kitagawa Utamaro. discovered that viewing art enhances world around you. I recently visited the Metropolitan Mu- mental health. Brain scans revealed Consider some of the evidence. In seum of Art along Manhattan’s Muse- dopamine surges are triggered by ex- 2013, Brian Kisida, a Senior Research um Mile. The Met houses an expansive amining artworks. This is quite promis- Associate in the Department of Edu- collection spanning over thousands of ing for students of the humanities, as cation Reform at the University of Ar- years from nearly every historical artis- more employers are gravitating towards kansas, randomly selected students tic era across the globe. Maneuvering employees with knowledge of liberal to participate in a field trip to a local through a sun-soaked atrium filled with arts since such training indicates an art museum. Following analysis of stu- European sculptures, I was surrounded emphasis on critical thinking and cre- dent essays completed after the mu- by people of all different ages, races, ativity. Tech companies frequently hire seum visit, Kisida and his colleagues and cultural backgrounds and they liberal arts trainees because they bring october 26, 2016 the paper page 19 Overwatch Halloween Skins Get Play of the Game by Meredith Mclaughlin Players spend entire life savings on loot boxes Staff Symmetra Main It’s not clever like the other ones, but it 8. Bastion (Tombstone)- I’m not gonna this spot on the list. Plus the brain de- It’s that time of the year again: Hal- looks cool. Wearing this, you’ll put the lie, half the reason Bastion is at #8 is sign and glowing yellow eyes help tie it loween! Are you pumped? I know I am, scarecurity in your own hands. because of his bird being a crow (ra- together. We’re all experiencing spook- because with Halloween comes the ven?) The tombstone theme is a cute trility with this skin. spookification of a ton of products and 10. Soldier 76 (Immortal)- It’s the out- gimmick, and it’s fitting for a character brand names. And honestly what’s bet- fit from Thriller. It looks cool, and it’s a who is the cause of so much death for 4. Mercy (Witch)- A great look for a ter than the Halloween aesthetic? This cute homage to a Halloween classic. so many people. great character. Just check out that Halloween is unique though, in that I think someone at Blizzard was like classic witch hat and those bat wings. it’s the first Halloween that we have 7. Hanzo (Demon)- And you can’t tell me Mercy didn’t been graced with the gift of Halloween- This is a Halloween just walk out of Salem without picking themed Overwatch skins. However, just skin done well. It al- up those shoes. It’s an Overwatch- like Whoopers candy, not all skins are ters the character’s themed take on a witch costume, and the ones that you want to get put in outfit and look with- it works for a character whose special- your loot box. So let’s sort out our Over- out abandoning the ties are healing and flying. You’ll give watch skins from worst to best and basics of the charac- your teammates a spooky recovery in find out which ones are worth spend- ter’s design. It’s dif- this number! ing coins on. Sorry in advance for the ferent enough to feel Overwatch quote puns. special (unlike Sym- 3. Junkrat (Junkenstein)- Who doesn’t metra), but you still love a mad scientist? It’s the only skin 12. Symmetra (Vampire)- I love Sym- look at it and think that is paired with another, and it goes metra, ok? Like she has a cool backsto- “Yeah that works with great with Roadhog’s outfit. Junkrat’s ry and a unique play strategy, yet she’s Hanzo.” He looks a skin, like all the great Halloween skins, the least played character in the game. bit like Nightcrawler takes a good concept and filters it She’s the character that no one pays but if he was an ar- through the Overwatch style. If at first attention to and it comes across in this cher, though the skin you don’t succeed, boo it up again. skin. I think they were trying to make is still great. Let the her a vampire, but it doesn’t show. Her “Jack Morrison… more like Jackson, demon consume you! 2. Reaper (Pumpkin)- I don’t love Halloween skin has no change to her am I right?” and everyone went “yeah Reaper but I love this skin. Reaper is normal outfit outside of colorization; that’ll work.” Old soldiers never die… 6. Roadhog (Junkenstein’s Monster)- so over-the-top edgy that his skin has the closest they get to actual effort is and they never fade into the midnight! This is one of the four 3000 coin skins, to be over-the-top Halloween, and the putting bats on her leggings. Symme- and I’d say it’s worth it. It’s a take on pumpkin head and coat really deliver. tra’s “vampire” outfit is literally just a 9. Reinhardt (Coldhardt)- Reinhardt’s a classic monster and perfectly fuses It’s the definition of a Halloween skin glowy red version of the normal skin. skin is where it starts to get really good. Frankenstein’s monster with Road- that you’d want to wear in game be- It’s not bad, just boring. Needless to It’s not spooky per se, but it looks rad hog’s lovable design. It has some cause it’s just a great design. Equip say, there is still much to be done with as hell. Unlike Pharah, Reinhardt’s suit lowkey body horror, but that just makes this and you’ll really be ready to eat Symmetra’s Halloween look. compliment’s his character well. Like the skin spookier. With this skin, you some souls. I can see him being a ghost who pos- hook around and see none and hear 11. Pharah (Possessed)- Similar prob- sesses his old armor, and it’s the little none like you! 1. Ana (Ghoul)- 10/10 THIS is how you lem with Symmetra: same outfit with details like the cracks in the chestplate do a Halloween skin. Look at the color different colors. The “Possessed” that help sell the look. And the glowing 5. Zenyatta (Skullyatta)- This skin isn’t gradiented, spider webbed, tattered skin pulls ahead of lame vampire just head engulfed in flames? That’s the that much different from the original cloak. The pumpkin orange sniper ri- because Pharah actually looks pos- stuff that pushes you to number nine, but it proves that a little bit of detail fle. THE JACK-O-LANTERN MASK. This sessed. Her eyes are rolled up, her suit buddy. With this skin, you’ll spook your- goes a long way. All they did was paint is the Halloween LOOK. This is a skin has an ominous purple glow; it’s noth- self in ghoulious combat! a skeleton on him, but it works so well done RIGHT. This skin is justice ghou- ing spectacular but it’s worth the 750. as a Halloween skin that it deserves livered! page 20 the paper october 26, 2016 Ghoul Don’t Do It HALLOWEEN COSTUMES YOU SHOULD JUST AVOID

Native Americans Prisoners Terrorists Damn, White kids, back at it again with This is too loaded of an issue right Shouldn’t it be common knowledge the cultural appropriation. Native Ameri- now. Where should we start? The not to dress up as extremist groups cans deal with a lot of shit in this coun- racial inequality of prison sentenc- responsible for mass murder? try. The last thing they need is a bunch of ing? Or the fact that it’s a modern Peeps aren’t dressing up as the White kids wearing headdresses of which form of slavery? Ghoul, don’t do it. KKK for Halloween. Next time, try they don’t even understand the cultural to avoid racist costumes. K, thanks. significance.

Sexy Children’s Characters Are you fucking kidding me? C’mon, Mexicans no one wants to see a slutty Bert and Genitals PERPETUATING STEREOTYPES IS BAD Ernie dry-heaving outside the bar dur- Guys, if you want to go as a dick AND OFFENSIVE, PEOPLE. NO. ing Halloweekend. If I wanted to have or a pussy, just go as yourself. You my childhood ruined, I’d just go home still won’t get laid, but at least for a weekend. you’ll save a couple bucks. october 26, 2016 the paper page 21

By the paper and the gang pissed me off enough this week for me non-ghost believers are in for a wake-up to come to a clear decision on that. But, call because ghosts are as real as the I’m My Own Worst Enemy Fordham students have reported ee- I can definitely tell you who I wouldn’t dodransbicentennial. Not only would I By Luis Gómez rie ghost stories across the Rose Hill haunt: Donald Trump. Now, I hate Don- haunt Looby and Luis, I would torment I might as well just haunt myself. Hon- campus—ghosts haunting students in ald Trump just has much as the next them. I want them to rue the day they estly, if life after death exists, then time Keating, Finlay, and Martyr’s. In the person (peep my article in Opinions). ever made the claim that ghosts do not travel’s probably possible as well, right? spirit of Halloween, the paper wants to But let’s be real, there’s going to be exist and seek revenge for the on-going So why not go back to the beginning know if you were a ghost, who would waaaay too many people in line for that shit they have given me for believing in of my birth and just start fucking with you haunt? shit. I like to be in control, and I don’t ghosts. These fools better hope they me. Stuff was always flying off shelves handle group projects well. So clearly, die before me, which honestly would or rearranging itself while I was a kid, If I Die, You Know Who to Blame I’m staying as far away from that mess be incredibly disappointing because so clearly something’s been haunting By Disgruntled Roommate as possible. I mean, think about all the I’m looking forward to being the bane me this entire time. Clearly, I’m full of My roommates. All of them. Every people that Trump has wronged: Mus- of their existence. enough self-loathing to know that was single one. If I were a ghost, it means lims, women, African Americans, the me the whole time. So basically I don’t I’m dead. At this point, my death would disabled, prisoners of war, Mexicans, have a choice – I have to go back in have probably been caused by my poor people, the list goes on and on. time and haunt my younger self to en- roommates. Whatever horrible thing Yeah, I’m a woman but I’m White and sure that my younger self becomes bit- happens to me, it’s probably because from middle class suburbia, I’d be at ter and disillusioned enough to decide of them. Honestly, it’s definitely -be the bottom of the totem pole for sure. to haunt myself once he dies. It’s cy- cause of them. They cause me so I’d be better off going to find some clical, you see. I’m forever trapped in much pain and suffering on a daily ba- other asshat to harass. Also, I defi- a period of time where everything is a sis. Even if they don’t cause my death, nitely don’t want to spend eternity lis- nightmare and nothing moves forward. I’m still gonna haunt them. I probably tening to Donald Trump speak, ya feel. But I guess there’s some positives. I’ve died because I wasn’t 100% sane be- had a lot of time to get caught up on cause they annoyed me in some way. I Fordham Needs Another Ghost The Wire. got run over, well I got run over because By Claire Nunez I was annoyed at something my room- To be completely frank, I wouldn’t Party BOO-per mates did. I got shot, well I got shot want to actually haunt anyone. To me, by John Looby because I was annoyed at something that’s kinda dumb, but I would want Who would I haunt? Yeah so here’s my roommates did. I burned in a fire, to remain a presence in FMH. That the thing, ghosts don’t exist outside actually they probably caused the fire. building is a nightmare enough, so of works of fiction. Really limits my op- So yup, if I were a ghost, I would haunt why not make it even worse? I would tions here. I guess if I had to choose my roommates. totally just roam around the building one I’d haunt the shit out of Scrooge. making it actually scary. As a ghost, I Ghostception Not in the normal way in that story. I’d Ghoul Foods would make the lights flicker and the By Warra Chan a hundred percent give him just abso- By Michael O’Brien classroom temperature fluctuate oddly. If I were a ghost, I would haunt an- lutely horrendous advice. I’d constantly I would haunt the Whole Foods I got I mean, the building is already pretty other ghost. Fucking imagine that! A feed into the negative aspects of his fired from. Every day, I would knock shit sucky in those respects, but it could ghost haunting a ghost. That’s ghost- personality, totally shifting the flow of off the shelves, steal cold cuts from the be worse. Maybe the building could ception level shit right there. So, why the narrative. Hell, I’d start a fight with deli, and go to the bathroom without flood or smell really weird. I could do would I want to haunt a ghost when I the other ghosts. They clearly had no washing my ghost-hands. I’d also pos- that. That’s easy ghostie stuff, I think. myself am a ghost? Easy. I wanna be respect for the man’s right to live life sess the cold cases and make them I don’t know, I am not dead but one different. I wanna be edgy. I wanna be as he desired. If some dead assholes one degree higher than the health and day, I’ll find out and FMH will be even cool. As a living being, I let my radical showed up to haunt me while I was get- safety policy deems safe to eat. Yes, I scarier than it is currently. side loose by writing for the paper. As ting ready for bed, I’d have probably know I’m petty, go fuck yourself [RE- a ghost though? Definitely haunting chosen to just go to sleep and deal with DACTED], manager at Whole Foods of the paper Gets SpOOKy my fellow spirits. I mean, people, both going to hell or whatever the ghosts [REDACTED] by Colleen Burns living and dead, would be like “whoa, were trying to stop from happening to I think it is pretty clear from The Great dude.” Alas, I am not a ghost, yet. In him. I honestly stopped paying atten- Wanted: An Asshole to Haunt Ghost Debate who I would haunt: John the meantime, I will open a joint bar tion because Ghosts are too implau- By Rachel Poe “ghosts are not real” Looby and Luis and haunted house and call it “Liquor sible to care about. Who would I haunt? Tbh, no one has “kill me after I die” Gómez. These two and Spirits.” Jesus, I’m so cool. page 22 the paper october 26, 2016 do with her voice, which is actually a past work, I believe Kings of Leon still common problem on this record. I hon- managed to maintain a distinct sound estly don’t know what to think about and to create a solid album. this record – Gaga has consciously re- jected her A E S T H E T I C and that’s cool and all, but I don’t know if this new direction is the way to go.

Gucci Mane Woptober By Brian Conway Solange parents. Overall, Solange’s album pow- Is it getting cold in here or is it just A Seat at the Table erfully and beautifully describes what it me? Burr. It must be the new Gucci By Maria Byrne means to be a black woman in America Mane album, Woptober, the second LP while also radically claiming her iden- from the Atlanta rapper since he was Yes, you heard correctly, Solange tity within it. released from prison. While out of the Knowles: her older sister is Beyoncé, big house, Gucci’s been pushing for and it seems talent runs in the fam- a new, healthier lifestyle prompting ily. But what’s the point of recognizing some fans to believe that whoever got Solange on how successful her album released is actually a clone (I’m on the is if we’re still just going to center the fence). narrative on Beyoncé? At the begin- But, Woptober is as vintage Gucci as ning of the month, Solange released it gets, as he glides through trap beats her third full-length album A Seat at Lady Gaga referencing his ice, his millions, and his the Table, a powerful presentation of Joanne Kings of Leon superiority to other rappers. And when her identity through 21 tracks of both By Luis Gómez Walls you think about it, you can’t blame him. song and spoken word. This album is a For people who don’t care about By Sofia Fernandez Gucci has been one of the main influ- little different than her previous work: Tony Bennett, Lady Gaga’s Joanne is After 16 years, Kings of Leon still ences for some of the hottest rappers she focuses on documenting what it her first release since 2013’s ARTPOP, manages to release music. On their in the game right now, including 21 means to be a black woman in 2016 and for those people, Joanne is go- seventh studio album Walls, the band Savage, Lil Yachty, and Migos. His rel- while also acknowledging the struggles ing to be a weird departure from what sticks to their old-school, rock-band evance is at an all time high and while black people have faced historically. people consider ‘Gaga.’ For people vibe. This ten track album has a very many might not realize it, the man is While drawing on recent reactions from who did pay attention to that thing she monotonous sound throughout the trap royalty. the endless killings of black people by did with Tony Bennett, the content of songs, mainly due to Caleb Followill’s The album features bangers with the police, she still accounts for the Joanne probably sits at an unhappy mumbling voice, which a distinctly dark tone. overall horrors and oppression African midpoint between the crazy dance-pop makes it harder to un- The standout here is Americans have been subject to for nonsense of her earlier career and the derstand the lyrics, in a definitely “Bling Blaww centuries. actual jazz stylings of Cheek to Cheek. way that only makes the Burr,” produced by Met- Despite the brutal reality of these top- Joanne is much more personal music more interesting. ro Boomin. the track ics, her album is elegant and radically than much of Gaga’s other work, but When I listened to this features heavy, primal soft while boldly putting a spotlight on that personal nature leads to a lot of album for the first time, synths that feel as if different perspectives. In “Cranes in strange genre hopping that definitely all I wanted to do was they’re rising through- the Sky,” Solange in soft falsetto ex- makes sense for Stefani but doesn’t leave, take a break from out the track. The Zay- plains how loneliness and isolation make much sense for anyone else. the midterm madness, toven/TM88-produced (and potentially mental illness) grow in Tracks like “Diamond Heart” and “A- and rent a Mustang and “Aggressive” is also a the face of systematic Yo” are fun, if cheesy, just drive while playing favorite with its organ- oppression. She notes dance-rock type things. this album on the radio. influence and catchy hook. Gucci does on this track, which is “Perfect Illusion,” the The album opens up with “Waste of most of these beats justice with good fourth on the album, album’s first single, is a a Moment.” It has this very upbeat, flows and charisma, but he never how quick fix solutions more Gaga-esque track, get-on-your-feet energy to it, so it strays far from the sometimes formu- do not work for her (or powerful and emotional makes sense that this was the single laic topics that made him successful in us) in the long run, when and waiting for Martin released for the album. “Muchacho” the first place. there is a larger cause Garrix to remix it into took me back home with the Latin cha- While the production is on point for a rooted at the source. a club song. The rest, cha sound it has. They concluded the good half of the record, it loses a lot of “Don’t Touch My Hair” though, straddles a album with the title track “Walls,” and its steam throughout the backend of its establishes boundar- line between awkward it leaves this sense of lost and longing 13-track length. The songs start blend- ies by addressing the country, awkward bal- for something. Walls allows non-hard- ing together, and with only two features hostility black women often face in lads, and just kinda eh. For example, core King of Leon fans like myself to on the whole record (unlike his previ- predominantly white spaces. Other no- “John Wayne” has some really interest- appreciate their art, and it leaves you- ous album this year, Everybody Look- table tracks include a Lil Wayne feature ing production, except for the country wanting more. Even though this album ing), the variety is severely lacking. At in “Mad,” “For Us By Us,” and spoken bro rock beat and the fact that Gaga was much more mainstream than their the end of the day, Woptober won’t word interludes, a few by Solange’s sounds like she doesn’t know what to october 26, 2016 the paper page 23 blow you away, but it’ll keep you cool out to that’s a little more heavy hitting nonetheless. Burr. than general pop music, Maximalism is worth a listen.

One Republic Oh My My By Sofia Fernandez As an avid fan of their previous al- bum, Native, OneRepublic’s fourth stu- dio album Oh My My fell short of my ex- pectations. Don’t get me wrong; it’s not a bad album. It still has that feel-good, nostalgic vibe, which is a sound we all know and love from OneRepublic. How- ever, this album had a serious prob- lem with defining the band’s identity. It seems as though they did not really know what story, mood, and/or feel- ing they wanted to convey, so they just Amaranthe decided to do a little bit of everything, Maximalism which led me to find myself bored lis- By Anna Passero-Koennecke tening. The album did not move me in Amaranthe’s fourth studio album, any way. Maximalism, sticks to Amaranthe’s The first track of the album, “Let’s usual genre style of melodic pop met- Hurt Tonight,” has a clear Native influ- al with a touch of death metal via an ence, so it’s no surprise to me that it is unclean vocalist. The one of my favorite songs band is unusual in that of the album. The big- it has three lead vocal- gest chunk of songs in ists: a clean female this album have a very vocalist, a clean male positive, pop sound, vocalist, and a harsh vo- which is almost gener- calist. Maximalism has ic, but then songs like a stronger pop feeling “Choke” and “Finger- to it than a metal one, tips,” which slow down but the metal influence the pace of the album, is still apparent. The al- are very awkwardly bum is overall lyrically placed. Both of these simple and upbeat, starting out with songs are preceded and then followed the song “Maximize”. The track’s fast up by upbeat pop songs. pace stays the theme of the album, Oh My My is definitely not the best which only slows down significantly for work by OneRepublic, but it is good two of the twelve songs. The album is enough to put on as background music empowering, focusing primarily on suc- for any occasion. cess, strength, and pushing the limits. Comic submitted by This, mixed with the strong, consistent Christopher Jeske beats, makes the album a great choice for someone looking to hit the gym. Staff Tom Cat Admittedly there is nothing particu- larly outstanding on the album. The three singles released could easily have been swapped out for any of the other songs from the album, as they are all of the same quality. That said, there is also nothing noticeably bad about the album. It knows its place as a simple and fun pump-up album and does that well. If you’re looking to find an album that will shake your views of the world, then you should pass on Maximalism. However if you’re just looking for something to dance or work- page 24 the paper october 26 2016