page 2 the paper october 26, 2016 Trump, again, pg. 3 Ghosts?, pg. 9 The Darkness, pg. 15 F & L, pg. 21-22 Solange, pg. 23 the paper “Thought Experiments” c/o Office of Student Involvement Fordham University Editors-in-Chief Bronx, NY 10458 Siobhan “Trolly Problem” Donahue [email protected] Kelly “Buttered Cat Paradox” Tyra http://fupaper.weebly.com/ New Editors the paper is Fordham’s journal of news, analysis, comment and review. Students from all John “Quantum Suicide” Looby years and disciplines get together biweekly to produce a printed version of the paper using Luis “The Grandfather Paradox” Goméz Adobe InDesign and publish an online version using Wordpress. Photos are “borrowed” from Internet sites and edited in Photoshop. Open meetings are held Tuesdays at 9:00 PM in McGin- Opinions Editors ley 2nd. Articles can be submitted via e-mail to [email protected]. Submissions from Melody “Twin Earth” Knight-Brown all students are always considered and usually published. 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Because of our platform as a free speech newspaper, we Marty Gatto, Agatha Cromwell, Will Maurillo, Symmetra, Kyle Zarif, spooky tend to push the boundaries of university journalism by talking about important social issues, solicitation, Michael O’Brien, pranking mom, Mustafa Kilicarslan, expressing otherwise silenced voices and opinions, addressing Fordham policy and administra- Laganja Estranja, Disgruntled Roommate, Warra Chan, Fordham alumnus, tion, and starting serious conversations about what is important to our student body. Here at Scott Saffran, candy corn, Sammuel Kimm, spook-spook, pizza election, the paper, we encourage creativity and uniqueness, spark dialogue and discussion, and foster Nathan Crawford, Annie Muscat, Meredith McLaughlin, Maria Byrne, a community where students are free to fully express themselves. saving the receipts, Sofia Fernandez, satan’s crocs, BTL, OSIgh, chicken rolls, Kelly the Lord Teera, Brian Conway, Anna Passero-Koennecke october 26, 2016 the paper page 3 Donald Trump Continues to Exist and Be an Awful Person by Michael O’Brien Editors’ note: We’re tired of running Trump pieces. Please stop. Staff Really? Again? by the first presidential debate in which banter, but borderline admissions of his own, but instead part of an inter- Oh goody, I’m back here. Hillary Clinton accused Trump of mock- guilt (not that Trump really feels guilty national conspiracy to rig the election I’m not complaining about having ing and tormenting a woman named about anything, ever). As more women against him, orchestrated by the Clin- writing to do, but I have to admit that Alicia Machado, reveals a consistent came forward, Donald, ever graceful in tons, George Soros, the Illuminati, Be- constantly recording all of Donald history of sexist and misogynistic be- the face of adversity, did what Donald yoncé, and whoever makes Skittles. Trump’s antics is like running forever havior. Driving a beauty pageant con- usually does; that is to say he denied Speaking of which… along a mobius strip made of dogshit. testant into multiple eating disorders is the allegations completely, found a way Trump dons his tinfoil hat, implies The problem isn’t a lack of content, it’s only the beginning of this horrible sto- to blame Hillary Clinton for the allega- entire election is fixed) that by the time I finish writing this, Don- ry, however. In leaked recordings of a tions, and then proceeded to insult the Starting with an underwhelming ald “self-immolation” Trump will have conversation between Trump and Billy accusers, calling them “sick” women, performance at the first presidential already spewed out six or seven more Bush in 2005, debate and exacerbated by the whole sickening insults, incoherent rants, or Trump boasts “probably a sexual offender” thing, threats to sue who knows what, all of that his ce- Trump’s polling numbers have been which could comprise another article lebrity status tanking, badly. With less than a month unto itself. With stories whizzing by at allows him to to go, full recovery for the campaign is a breakneck pace to make way for the make advanc- becoming nearly impossible. Even if next headline, each controversy stacks es on women Trump received a sizable bump in his on top of one-another and adds to the without their polling numbers from now until Election deafening white noise of news, making consent. The Day (maybe Hillary gets caught sacrific- events that in any other election would tape was an ing puppies to The Old Gods or some- be considered career-ending seem ab- important thing), at more than halfway through solutely mundane. The angry, orange flashpoint October, any improvement is likely too tree that salts the earth as it grows in the narra- little too late. So, with the nomination won’t stop, and the headlines are sim- tive, showing International disappointment drifting out of reach, what should our ply the rings that we use to tell how not only that round 3 hero do? Well, this late into the game, much time has passed. Welp, what can Trump verbal- there’s really only one sensible option, you do right? These are the times we ly demeans concede the election accuse the entire live in, so enough dicking around, be- women, but also revealed the possibil- and liars seeking fame or money, but electoral system of being a conspiracy cause it’s once more unto the breach ity that he sexually assaults them as not before dismissing one woman in against you. In this roller coaster of an for me, my dear friends. Below are two well. the group as too ugly to be deserving election, it takes a lot for a headline to developments from Trumpland talked While Trump denies that this re- of his advances (this is the man that actually shock the country; however, about in length. It’s not exactly a full cording reflects his real character, looks like a used condom dyed orange, that’s exactly what happened following overview, just the bits I find most im- claiming it to be “locker room talk”... lest we forget). Most recently, during the third and final presidential debate, portant. First off, seems like some shit whatever the fuck that means, in the a speech in Gettysburg, a town that’s during which Donald Trump refused to went down in fondle town so... past ten days, eleven women have heard some pretty good speeches from say whether or not he would accept the 11 women come forward with sto- come forward and told their stories what I hear, Trump stated that “Every final result of the election. Pressed by ries of Trump’s sexual misconduct) regarding Trump’s sexual miscon- women lied when they came forward debate moderator Chris Wallace re- In a testament to how woefully un- duct. The allegations about Trump’s to hurt my campaign. The events never garding if the candidate would concede prepared Trump was for the rigors of actions: unwanted kissing, groping happened. Never. All of these liars will the election if he were to lose, Trump presidential elections, it seems that not women without consent, forcing his be sued after the election is over.” Not avoided answering, only stating “I will a day goes by without somebody find- hands up skirts, and barging into unlike his other problems (like facts, tell you at the time, I’ll keep you in sus- ing yet another skeleton in the man’s beauty pageant dressing rooms while and reality), with these sexual assault pense.” closet, many of which have to do with women were naked, all but confirmed allegations, Donald had done what I Trump’s mistreatment of women. The that the actions he referred to in the think we’d all do in this situation, and please continue on page 5 growing controversy, originally sparked 2005 video were not simply off color concluded that his problems are not page 4 the paper october 26, 2016 The Turkish Coup Attempt, if it Happened in New York City by Mustafa Kilicarslan On the rule of law, and what happens when basic institutions fall Staff Simba man history pass in New York.