Namibia on My Mind

WOMEN IN• • am 1a FALL 1995 Namibia on my mind by Judith Ann Diers means "we have no place to stay." omething told me not to worry, For me, moving to even though no one had met Katutura was a choice. Sme at the airport and I was Knowing this, I saw the now riding in a strange car, through contradictions of soli darkness. Maybe it was the confidence darity. While I was of the Zambian woman sitting next to "standing with" my me. When no driver turned up for me, neighbors, I always had she insisted I join her. I could also attri an escape route. Clearly, bute my peace of mind to that sense the experience was more whites seem to have: that anything can important to my growth, be conquered. We move confidently into than to their struggle for new situations and even newly inde justice. pendent black countries. The segregated hous Another reason for my sense of secu ing scheme closely rity was that this far-off land had become resembled the South commonplace in conversations around African system. Most our dinner table, in sermons and class major towns were exclu es at St. Paul's Church [Waverly, Iowa], sively white before and tfie divestment campaign at St. Olaf independence. Black College. I welcomed the chance to final ~ men seeking urban jobs ly see Namibia, the country I had come left their wives behind to love from a distance. It would be to raise the children, three years before I returned-and many crops and animals. A more before I fully admitted what I had large black community learned and refused to learn from my sprung up outside the gracious hosts. For this is the story of a white town to serve white woman who lived for three years whites. in an all-black township. The apartheid system was not simply ernment also built them better schools a "black and white" construction. The and homes-creating re.sentment Katatura "gray" areas were also crucial to the between the black and "colored" com For most, the Katutura township rep control system. A large population of munities-a carefully orchestrated resented a coerced location. Thirty years "colored" Narnibians, who had migrated strategy. earlier, Namibian blacks were forcibly from the Cape district of South Africa, The architects of apartheid made this removed from town and given barren were assigned a township between the a model township. In line with attempts land far from ancestral homes. As South white town and black township. This to divide the black community and cre African officials bulldozed houses, the population acted as a "buffer," physical ate tensions, the township was divided people protested, hundreds with their ly and socially, within white society. into ethnic groups. Each house had a lives. The name given to their new They worked in the banks, shops and code, painted clearly on its door: "0" for "home" reflected the history: Katutura offices of the white community; the gov- Continued on page 2 Owambo-speaking persons, "H" for Soon after I moved in, my next door wealthier family in town, which now Herero, or "D" for Damara/Nama. neighbor asked whether she could wash included a few blacks employed in gov Even with an address representing my clothes for me. This was out of the ernment. But life was still about basic the area's history, I remained a white question-until the day she asked to survival. Two separate economies con middle-class German-American woman. borrow some money to buy food. It was tinued to function: one in the town and I wondered whether my presence could a small amount, but more than she could the other in the township. Few Katutura ever represent anything but oppression. readily repay. Rather than have the debt residents could afford to shop in town. I quickly became "Auntie" to approx The informal sector grew out of the need imately 20 children in the neighborhood. for survival. It provided basic services My house became an "English Only" and goods to the community, as few zone to work on their school lessons. people had gained the economic inde Some days, we'd talk, sing, cook and pendence necessary to participate in the dance, too-often simultaneously. Their formal sector. English improved dramatically, accord Without economic power, political ing to school reports. I was often seen independence meant very little to most with five or six kids in town-at the Namibians. Many gave up childhood swimming pool, ice cream shop, or the and the chance of an education-to take movie theater. They became my Namib up a gun for the struggle; they now sat ian family. on street corners, waiting to be picked up My little house had bars on all win by a white farmer or construction fore dows and doors, due to escalating crime. man for a day of casual labor. But no one else had a cadre of children Unemployment soared to almost 40%. guarding their home. The kids' biggest As in South Africa, a whole genera concern was that I had neither a man nor tion of youth were lost to the struggle-if a gun to protect me. not physically, then emotionally. Still, I underestimated my personal Survival had required the quick use of risk as a single, white female in the force. I wondered if the cycle of physi township. Friends continually pleaded cal and psychological violence would be with me to move into town and warned: weigh on her, I suggested she wash my broken for the children in my neigh "Don't assume that your whiteness will clothes in exchange. And so I began borhood. Does independence bring new protect you there." After six months or continued-the cycle of service to paradigms for dealing with conflict and alone and an attempted break-in, white women by black women. injustice? Is so, who will teach them? Telequey, a 16-year-old girl, moved in. As one of the few car owners in the It was lovely having company and she • neighborhood, my economic status was "You don't have was thrilled to have her own room, after even more blatant. Along with it, came to be white to be right" sharing one with four brothers and sis very clear expectations. My emergency For whites to begin discovering our ters. duties usually came in the middle of the complete humanity, we need to engage Full of idealism, I sought a "new night: a woman in labor, or someone in the lives of our black brothers and sis way" for white and black women to hurt seriously in a street fight. The road ters-at home and abroad. We need to relate to one another. My neighbors to the Katutura hospital became very affirm the blackness within each of us. knew white women as "madam," so familiar. Weekdays in the emergency As long as we despise and suppress the changes came gradually. One day, I room were quiet, but a weekend night darkness, we will despise not only parts joined the women for a cup of tea, sit could be gruesome. The effects of the of ourselves, but an entire race. Our lib ting on overturned oil buckets. They system's violence-alcohol abuse, gun eration is inextricably bound to our couldn't stop giggling; finally, one said shot wounds, and the anger and pain of sisters and brothers of color. they'd never seen a white woman sit on young unemployed men-were laid bare Along with friends, I frequented a a can. We all laughed, and the gathering in that room. popular dance club in the township. We became a weekly ritual. After two years of independence used to laugh at the coincidence that To supplement their wages as domes under a democratically elected govern one of the first hit songs after our arrival tic workers-about $15 per week for ment, the basic tenets of my neighbors' was "You Don't Have to be White to be full-time work-the women sewed gar lives remained intact. "Not much has Right." But what happens when the ments, sold flavored ice to school changed since independence," they'd dance is over? When society continues children, and hot food along the road. claim. If employed, they worked for a to affirm the rightness of whiteness- 2 through its advertisements and its oppor denied. I thought about the feminism point of Namibia, I got a glimpse of tunities. Do we recognize the symbols of espoused in the U.S.-how my own lib America and racism from a new angle. superiority which pervade every aspect eration is connected to other women's But, the concept of solidarity continues of our lives? freedom to love themselves fiercely. to baffle me. Does it involve denounc I often stayed in the border village of How can I love myself when my image ing one's privileges? I think not. After Engela with the family who had adopt is used to induce self-hatred in my black showing me the world through different ed me. I was always put in the bedroom sisters? How can I love a white Christ lenses, would my Namibian friends of one of their teenage girls, while she whose image insists that his followers be expect me to deny myself every means would be displaced to another room. cleansed white as snow? I long for a to change it? During my first visit, I was surprised life-long dance-to the tune "you don't The concept of solidarity is not the by the pictures tacked on the wall-pic have to be white to be right." glorification of poverty and oppression.

Load more