My Name Is Michael Rogers Is As Kara Said Cara and I We Go Way
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My name is Michael Rogers is as Kara said Cara and I we go way back we used to work together. And so I appreciate that introduction. My wife is here. Her name is Audra. And so we've been married 16 years. We live in Crestview Florida or just outside of Crestview Florida. We've been involved in the Foster and adoptive world for almost eight years now. So going back even as far almost as far as I can remember back as a middle school student. I knew that adoption. Going to be a part of my future, but I didn't I didn't really understand what that was. Like, it's not a culture that I grew up in when I was a kid adoption only took place by families who couldn't have children on their own and I had never heard of foster care. I didn't even know what that meant. And so, you know, it's really interesting now the kids that we have their growing up in a very different world where fostering and adopting is not is not abnormal, but rather that's just that's just the the norm. That's what they know. No, they've got friends from literally around the world that they hang out with on a weekly basis. And so so that's kind of how we got to where we are. But this isn't what we had in mind as Kara said we have 11 children three biological in a that are adopted. That's not what we planned. It just sort of gets out of hand. Okay. We assumed my wife and I assumed that we would adopt one or two and that we would check that box and move on with our lives. We just thought it was something that we were supposed to do. But you know as many of you already know this isn't the thing that you just check off and move on with but rather it impacts and Rex and then rebuilds your entire life for the rest of your life. And so that's where we found ourselves at our plate. Like I said. And our plan was to was to be foster parents. But ultimately we wanted to we wanted to adopt and so the way we approached it. Was there any kid that couldn't go home from Foster Care would just be at home with us and that would be the way it worked out. And so we actually were not foster parents for very long. Our kids came in twos and threes and groups and they just stayed and so so that's the way the way that it worked out for us and we we were open to any gender any race. Any background or anything we kind of assumed that maybe in time our household would look a little more diverse but instead all of our 11 kids all the eight kids that we adopted look like they could have been born to us just a bunch of white kids. And so rather than being this little Beacon of diversity and looking like the the a little snapshot either that of the United Nations. We just look like we can't figure this thing out. I mean, I can't get a reality TV show out of this. It's already been done. So if you're a television producer we're willing to talk we're down front. But anyhow, that's that's the way that it worked out from us. And so from going to the three biological kids that we had to then five and six and so on that we kind of jumped quickly in a short time span is so it brought about some very unexpected changes. You know, you take the Classes and they do their best to help you and prepare you but bless their hearts. It's a losing battle and I understand that we've got to give grace to the people that teach the classes and lead us into these things because there's just no way to know what's coming. And so one of the things that that that I didn't see coming was The Unwanted public attention when we would go out go out and about in different places. We live in a culture where two children is enough 3 means you've got your hands full and Four plus makes you a spectacle for people around you and so for some reason random strangers just felt the need to comment when they would see us they didn't know what to say, but they had to say something. So it was almost always guaranteed to be the wrong thing boom and so as so we've heard lots and lots of things lots of some things that aren't really appropriate to mention here. But we've been asked are you guys Catholic? Are you guys Mormon, you know, because that's the Stereotype to go for all right. No, we're just regular old Baptist to feel like we're doing what God wants us to do. All right, and so I didn't know how to handle it in the early days. I didn't really know how to respond to these people that would say things and so just like they spoke out poorly. I would usually respond poorly and I'm not necessarily proud of all those moments. There was one man in Walmart who turned around and saw me in the line and he I laughed he said you ever heard of birth control and I immediately fired back you ever heard of a treadmill. Help. I'm really not proud of that. There were other things that were said eventually we added a service dog to the mix which just makes you even more of a spectacle. And so wow the things that were said then but I'm going to move on from that. One lady one evening. She she saw me in Walmart. And I had a I had five or six kids. I don't remember how many I had and she said, you know the classic we've all heard it and then you've got your hands full you sure have your hands full but she looked she said it in such a way that was just kind of she was kind of exasperated herself and and I didn't have my hands full. Everything was fine. My kids were well-behaved everything was going well. And so I looked at her kid who is flipping out of the cart and screaming and reaching for everything and I said, Doing just fine, but you on the other hand and I honestly I still feel badly about that moment. Okay, because this woman was probably just looking for someone to commiserate with okay and instead of encouraging her. I basically told her that she really was as bad parenting as she felt in that moment. Okay. And so and so thankfully this this this is server years. It's a it's a Process it's a walk. It's a growth that you have to go through and thankfully, I'm not that man anymore. Okay, and if you're wondering how I handle that now that we have 11 kids. Well, the truth is actually easier because people are either afraid to speak to us. They're scared. We're going to introduce them to our cult or something or they just assume we're a daycare our public transportation. We drive a shuttle bus. We've had a knocks on the doors. Can you carry me to CVS? No. The the what this kind of led me to or really revealed in me more than anything was another unpleasant side effect. And that was just the war that began to happen in my own heart and mind it it brought about negative feelings that I hadn't really ever faced up to or dealt with before. I quickly learned that the hardest part about having children with special needs was The children with special needs but rather it was the sin in my own heart. They could live out the things that I felt but they could get away with it. Whereas I could not and so I dealt with the very same thing that they were acting out upon in the most unpleasant and inappropriate places. And so and so that was that was extremely extremely difficult and I've never struggled with with these kind of things before feelings of frustration fear. Mint and anger. I was frustrated at my inability to get these children to behave I was fearful that it would never change and that I had ruined my life. I was judgmental of those that didn't share my same passion for foster care and adoption even though I was drowning. I wanted someone else to drown with me and I was angry at anything and everything and nothing at all. And so that led us to a point where I started spiraling. Okay, and and I went from this guy that seem to have things under control. I had three incredible biological children who honestly spoiled us because they were so so good at Looking Back Now, I believe because I'm a Christian. I follow got a follow the teachings of Jesus.