By: Zaki Zehawi (July ’09)

NOTE: Some of the names have been changed out of respect of their minor age. Others have remained the same out of respect of their strength of character. efore the first rays of daybreak clear the dry, rugged peak of Otay Mountain and set the Chula Vista sky on fire, a small motor home stirs to life in the rear of an empty business parking lot. It is Saturday. B“Mi hijo, it is time,” says the old Brazilian. The old man’s dark-skinned hand gently wakes the boy. “Already papa?” yawns the boy. “It is not even three yet.” A broad smile appears on his leathered face, “Everyone will miss you if you don’t come.” His easy humor was already beginning to warm. It is a routine they both know well. Today is the day to sell fruits and vegetables at the Spring Valley swap meet. They pile into the rusty heap of a van and it coughs to life. Together, they limp forward out of the lot. The business owners were happy Luiz Raymundo was staying in their business lot keeping an eye on things while they went home to their families at the end of the day. They even let him hook up his electrical line to their businesses. They felt comfortable with him making the rounds at night making sure everything was secure. They trusted “Brazil.” Although Luiz had immigrated to the US ten years ago and had no family in Chula Vista, he had his son, Alex, riding in the van with him that morning. Of course, it was not blood that bonded Luiz and Alex, but love...and everyone knew it. Years before, Alex had tried to sell Luiz a stolen bottle of booze at a laundry mat. Luiz took Alex home only to realize that his father was in prison and his mother could not manage him. His juvenile delinquency file was bulging and he was now experimenting with drugs...hard drugs. Perhaps it was because Luiz knew poverty growing up in Brazil or perhaps Luiz saw some of the boy’s fight in him, but Luiz could not walk away. He helped Alex and his mother as much as he could with the little he had. Alex would sometimes show up at Luiz’s meager motor home angry and crying. Luiz did the only thing he knew how to do and opened his heart to the boy who would inevitably become his son. It was tough love but Luiz was the only man Alex trusted and they soon became inseparable. Later, Alex would cry inconsolably for weeks when he would learn of papa’s arrest. Through the darkness, they lumbered to Jasser’s wholesale fruit and vegetable market to stock up on supplies to sell. Jasser, being a fellow “paisano” from Brazil would always save the best ingredients for his compatriot. In the dawn, they would go on and on in Portuguese, with a thick Brazilian accent, reminiscing about growing up in the old country. Among the legumes, they laughed and joked as only countrymen can, sharing inside jokes. But daylight was burning and an early start meant a good spot at the swap meet.

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The Warrior Together, Alex and Luiz clear the footballs,1 cones and nets in was a broken man. His tired, watery eyes glossed over, “Soy ino- the back of the van and load the fruits and vegetables. They are cente!” he pleaded with me. I told him that it was not my job to making good time, but this man who lived without luxuries, but judge him. I only cared about what the prosecution could prove with joy, wasn’t thinking about fruits and vegetables. Although beyond a reasonable doubt. In fact, my job is a lot less stress- he loved to eat, His mind drifted to what every true Brazilian ful if you actually did do what you’re accused of. I remember a thinks about, his passion...football. He thought about wheth- juror once telling me that even though they thought my client er Ronaldinho would make the cut for the Brazilian national committed the crime, they found him not guilty because the team for the 2014 World Cup being hosted by his homeland. prosecution could not meet their burden. As the juror walked He thought about the upcoming El Clasico between rivals Real away, she told me, “Tell him not to do it again.” I liked that the Madrid and FC Barcelona. But most of all, he thought about jurors followed the law, but more importantly, I liked that “The his own team he coached, preparing young boys for careers in Man” wasn’t getting this one, this time. football in Europe, Mexico and naturally, Brazil. He had already I wanted to believe Luiz for lots of reasons. Time would tell if done so successfully many times. He is more than a coach. This I could. As a public defender, I don’t have the luxury of sending humble, old man sputtering down Highway 94 in a rickety van a client on his way if I don’t like what I’m hearing. So, I listened. is a dream maker. We shared. Trust would take time and I’m an optimist. Across town, his former player, David, was being interviewed We began by sharing our common denominator of love, foot- in a sterile room by his juvenile probation officer for a recent ball. As we spoke about the beautiful game, I learned that Luiz theft he committed. David said he has been acting out because lived his life by love. In Brazil, when he was six years old, he ran of what his former coach did to him. David alleged that Luiz away from home to earn a football contract with a local club informed him that if he consented to sex acts with him, that he that developed youth players in their academies. We shared our would use his contacts to send him to Brazil to pursue his dream appreciation for food. Both our cultures roundly approved of of being a professional footballer. David, in his desires to fulfill rich sauces and grilled meats. Although the spices were different, his dream, relented and had a sexual relationship with Luiz in Brazilian barbeques and Libyan cuisine had more in common his motor home every weekend for six months. The Chula Vista than I thought. Ultimately, we talked about his case. He denied Police Department (CVPD) was immediately notified and they everything. I soon began to see why. began to watch Luiz. Luiz’s passion for football severely handicapped his education. The phone call he received from David, left him confused. The limited education he had was not enough for professional Luiz did not know that it was a controlled called initiated by the employment when he retired from the game. So, he did what he CVPD. The boy was talking about sodomy and homosexuality. loved so much and handed his gift to the next generation. Luiz Luiz told him that he did not understand what he was talking trained young boys for the professional leagues. With a whistle about and that he should try to regain focus in his life. He in- around his neck and a passion hard as nails, he pushed his play- formed David that he had a future and to focus on it. He did ers to their physical and mental limits. They trained three times not understand. a week with scheduled matches on Sundays. They ran in the When Luiz was handcuffed and arrested, he finally under- deep sands of Imperial Beach to strengthen their legs and harden stood exactly what he was being accused of...so much so, that it their feet. They ran wind sprints for those lung bursting runs sent his aging heart into a frenzy which landed him in the emer- during the final crucial minutes of matches. And they had deft gency room. Handcuffed to the gurney, he learned in his broken touches on the ball to corner like they were on rails. Luiz was the Spanish that he was being charged with molesting and sodom- real deal sending kids to football academies around the world to izing his former football player in his motor home...repeatedly. countries that took the sport more seriously than the US. And They splashed his name in the newspaper. They asked oth- he got results. His protégées played in the professional leagues of er players to come forward with other allegations. When they Europe, Mexico and Brazil. Some footballers making their way didn’t, they devised a scheme. They called other player’s parents in the professional ranks around the world owed everything to saying that their kids were in car accidents and witnesses to mur- him. ders to scare them into coming to the police station for question- Luiz was a firm believer in developing the complete footballer. ing. It was a witch hunt. Luiz was devastated. He didn’t tolerate egos, hot heads or insubordination. Drugs Luiz’s van and RV was impounded and turned over to the and alcohol were out of the question. His training camps were forensic lab. Alex was evicted from his only bed. Alex drifted described as crucibles. He had to supplement his paltry income after his police exile from his home on wheels. Although it took from coaching with his swap meet vegetable runs. With both some time, he eventually reunited with his mother in Tijuana. It incomes, he could support himself and Alex in their rundown turns out that more than ever she needed her son as much as he RV parked in the business lot. It was this sacrifice that gifted needed his mother. Together they rebuilt their relationship and his players a dream of professional football. Off the pitch, he circled the wagons around Luiz. There was nothing good about was warm, loving and had a smile for everyone. And for that, Luiz’s incarceration, but in its own twisted way, it forced mother the players loved him deeply because he came to represent lost and son to recognize how much they meant to each other. fathers to so many of them. He was “Coach.” When I met Luiz with my investigator Yadira Plaza “Yadi”, he I wanted to do so much for Luiz, and I have to confess that I

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was envious. My first love was not lawyering, it was football. I for a Brazilian club. David was everything I wanted to be. A part am the son of a French mother and Libyan father that grew up of me was struggling with defending someone accused of such a between those two countries. My earliest memory of “le foot- serious breach of trust. If true, how could he abuse this boy and ball” was playing for hours with my brothers and father in our destroy his dream? As hard as I wanted to be loyal to my client, I home garden of our little village, Nouvron-Vingre, France. At could not help but remember my own demons of a long ago for- six, we moved to the US and settled in Florida, a football hotbed gotten dream. I did not have to reverse roles with David because where I continued to play. My parents sent me to summer camps I already knew, or so I thought. to play against bigger and better players. I was being selected for My public defender gut wanted a guilty client to take the pres- advanced, traveling teams and dreamed of playing profession- sure off of me, to make things easier, and sleep easier at night ally. I worked and it was paying off. knowing that my client is only reaping what he had previously Then, when I was eight, we moved to Green River, Wyoming sown without me. However, the more I listened to Luiz, the so my father could work the natural gas fields in La Barge. I more I believed him. And the more I believed him, the more couldn’t believe it. I’d never heard of the place, so naturally, I frightened I became knowing that I was defending an innocent had my doubts. The only Wyoming I knew was in Lucky Luke man. All of his players thought dearly of him and could not comic books. So, when I arrived, I signed up in the local leagues believe the allegations. We scoured the swap meet for character and shouldered my jersey. In my first game, we won six to zero. witnesses. Team mothers, fathers, doctors, swap meet vendors, I scored all six goals. I went home, crawled into bed with my and business owners all came forward ready to testify on his be- muddy cleats and salty jersey and cried. I cried so hard that half and defend this man. One theme emerged; he was a decent there’s no way to describe it. It was over. I would never, ever and humble man and I was the only one to tell his story. Fear. become a professional footballer in a town with so little talent I’m an attorney for the indigent and Luiz was very indigent. and lack of enthusiasm for my one, true love. I was empty. I was He stayed in custody. No judge would give him a chance with heartbroken at age ten and in that brief moment, I hated my allegations like this. Luiz was losing weight and getting ill in parents. How could they bring me here? To make matters worse, custody. He was constantly being transported to the hospital for I knew deep down that my parents loved me and for that I was heart-related scares. One thing was clear; the amount of time ashamed of how I felt. I could’ve used Luiz about 30 years ago. the DA wanted from Luiz was going to kill him. At his age and Now, Luiz needed me more than ever. I was terrified of failing health, it was a death sentence. We forged on and set the case for this man and of failing myself. preliminary hearing. We could not waste time. My two biggest concerns were physical evidence and anoth- Just before the preliminary hearing, bad news. The DA called er complaining witness2 coming out of the woodwork. At this me and told me there was another former player, Jorge, saying point, there was neither so we were in good shape. I had to find Luiz molested him too. I was crushed. I wanted to believe Luiz out more about David and why he would say such things about so much, but it was becoming unmanageable. I went to Luiz, such a man. What was his motive if this was all a lie? So, we hit but he remained adamant. “These are lies!” the pavement and began with his current and former players. At the preliminary hearing, David testified about the allega- It soon became apparent that David had a future in football tions so inconsistently that I knew we had a case. Maybe Luiz and was slated to go abroad with his skills. David was raw, but was telling the truth after all? On direct examination with the driven and focused. He adapted quickly to Coach’s rigorous pro- DA, Jorge matter of factly stated that he made up the story gram. He was highlighted in the local papers as a future prospect about being molested because he felt betrayed by Coach when

Ahmed Zehawi and Roger Moellendorf.

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The Warrior The Dream Maker he didn’t make the cut to travel abroad. When he saw the case David delivered the news to his father. I thought I understood about David on the news, he made up the lie to get back at David. I was wrong. How arrogant of me. When I reversed roles Coach. The DA was floored. I was floored. No one expected this with him and his hide, I realized that not only did David feel 180. I looked at Luiz and he returned a telling look. The judge betrayed by Coach, but he was also too ashamed to tell his fa- turned to me, “Any questions Mr. Zehawi?” I could not break ther about his troubled life. It was easier to blame Coach. This the golden silence with any questions and thought “Hell no!” was critical, because we later learned what a demanding man but simply replied “No thank you, your Honor.” I still regard David’s father was. I knew the DA had met the father and could this as my best cross-examination ever. The judge dismissed the understand. charges relating to Jorge and set David’s allegations for trial. I David’s father testified at the preliminary hearing, so I had a was reinvigorated. general idea of his character and demeanor. This was important We viewed the evidence after they ransacked his RV. There was for our reenactment because I needed someone who could re- nothing, but I filed a motion to traverse and quash the search verse roles with his father and maintain his temperament. Dur- warrant anyway. How dare they invade this man’s home? We sub- ing the reenactment, I sensed that David’s father’s response was poenaed David’s US/Mexico border crossing records from the muted and reserved. He never confronted Luiz and certainly Feds to see if they correlated didn’t alert local authori- with his preliminary hearing ties. This came as a shock, testimony. They didn’t. We especially since David’s fa- interviewed witnesses from I don’t know if I have any words of wisdom ther knew that Luiz was still the swap meet that knew about lawyering when I reflect on Luiz’s case, but coaching young children. Luiz. They loved “Brazil.” Al- I know that I could not have had this result for Something didn’t smell right. though I already knew this, I Luiz without TLC. I listened. I enlisted my monthly Like a creeping and intoxi- had a psychologist visit Luiz San Diego TLC group. Perhaps most importantly, I cating fog, I got the feeling who later offered his expert never let go of the idea that it’s never too late to that maybe; just maybe Da- opinion that Luiz was not a vid’s father didn’t believe him sexual predator. The juror’s do the right thing. I battled my own insecurities. either. Why else wouldn’t Reptile needed to be calmed I worked through the shame of hating my parents he have confronted Luiz or because we would be asking that I held onto for years. The thing about shame contacted law enforcement? them to reunite Luiz with our is that it builds when it’s not controlled, ever Now, he was in an awk- community. We filed a mo- so silently, ever so consuming. I don’t have to ward position of supporting tion to view David’s juvenile tell you about the difficulties in facing shame his son unconditionally or file, particularly his state- searching for the truth. Da- ments regarding these allega- and vulnerability. But for me, it forced me to be vid’s lies were not only incar- tions. Motion granted. His humble and self-critical. It forced me to forgive and cerating Luiz, but now they statements were completely remind myself that I am human and I make mistakes. were infecting his family. different with his preliminary It forced me to take a silent TLC walk in the A part of me wanted to hearing testimony. Luiz’s case Thunderhead Ranch of my mind to reassess. There forgive David. To this day, was gathering steam. is no right way to look in the mirror in the morning I am still ashamed of my We found David’s circle of anger towards my parents friends who told us that Da- and feel vulnerable, but whole-hearted. But one when they brought me to vid was never with Coach all thing is for certain, it begins with you. Wyoming. Maybe if I could those weekends. David was forgive David, then maybe I with them, partying, drink- could forgive myself. I need- ing and smoking marijuana. He even did cocaine a few times. ed that. It was too early for me to forgive David. Luiz was still It was impossible for him to be with Coach. David was staying in custody and trial loomed. Would David do the right thing? with friends because his father was too strict. He was flunking Once, we built our case, we were legally obligated to disclose out of school and on the verge of being expelled. He was not to the DA the evidence we intended to offer at trial. I went to showing up to football practice. He was dropped by Coach for the San Diego Central Jail to let him know that if the DA does lack of motivation. It was all going wrong for David and he not dismiss his case, then our trial would be next month. When needed an excuse to explain all this. So why not blame the man I sat across from him, I saw a beaten man; haggard and weak. that broke his heart and maybe his father would forgive him? He had just gotten back from the hospital yet again and his spirit I asked for help on the case with our San Diego TLC group, was draining from his body. Everything was taken from him and and the group did not disappoint. They never do. We reenacted it showed. He put his hands through the bars that separated a scene when David told his father about the alleged abuse. They us and told me that I was invited to his home in Brazil for the sat together in the parking lot before a football practice and 2014 World Cup and that together we’d celebrate an end to this

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The Warrior The Dream Maker injustice. I choked back tears and gritted my teeth. I was over- I sent you. whelmed over how much he trusted me. Fear again. I’m having a hard time identifying anyone as being the hero or I knew that a dismissal was difficult and had to come from villain in Luiz’s story. Yadi and I did the job we were appointed the brass of the Sex Crimes Unit. I called the DA and I kept it to do. The DA did what she was supposed to do. Doing what simple. I didn’t have a reason to hate this DA, she was actually a you’re supposed to do does not define a hero. There was nothing very kind human prosecuting a deteriorating case. I stated very extraordinary about the work we chose to do. David’s father was matter-of-factly, “I’m sending over our case. You’re going to re- torn between his loyalty to his impressionable son and his loyalty view it, verify it and then you’ll have the opportunity to do the to the truth. And David…well I truly felt for David. He was right thing...you’re going to call me back and tell me this case is young, selfish and made some decisions that I’m sure he wished going to be dismissed.” I hung up and waited. he could take back. But he can’t. His decisions will be his burden I waited with Luiz and Yadi for a week. Then I got the call I to shoulder and maybe that’s enough for a teenager. was hoping for, “We’re dismissing the entire case. Put it on cal- As for Luiz, he endured and he suffered patiently; first, at the endar for tomorrow, produce Mr. Raymundo and we’ll dismiss hands of David’s lies and then at the hands of incarceration. on the record.” The DA had spoken with David, and while he What inspired me most about Luiz was his emotional and spiri- did not retract all of his allegations, he admitted that he had tual honesty. I saw it everywhere in his life. I saw it in the way he lied. I forgave David right then. Then she said something I al- loved football. I saw it in the way he stoically tolerated the false ready knew, “Your investigator is incredible. Everyone here is accusations in his cement cage. If there ever was a hero in Luiz’s completely blown away by her work.” Speechless, I said the only story, it would be his emotional honesty. thing that came to mind, “Done. See you tomorrow...and Tri- Luiz’s story would not have surfaced if it hadn’t been for emo- sha, thanks for doing the right thing.” This was no time to gloat, tional honesty. David finally admitted to lying, even though it we would be adversaries again. meant he had to face his own demons. The DA had to be honest The next day, I got to court early and waited for Yadi. Luiz did with herself; not only about the strength of her case, but also not know why he was brought to court yet. This dismissal was about whether she could continue to prosecute a case that she the product of her work; she had earned the right to tell him. did not believe in. For David and the DA, it took real courage We were ushered past the double locking iron doors and into to admit that the path they were walking was not one of truth. the holding tanks. He saw us through the bullet-proof glass wall It took even more courage to take corrective measures and do and gave us a confused look. We stepped into the tank together. the right thing. At the end of the day, I believe that they have This humble man cried when he learned that the nightmare found peace. was over. We cried with him and we hugged him in his jail-is- In the summer of 2009, psychodramatist Don Clarkson and sued blues. He could not stop thanking us. For a brief moment, my tiny band of warriors introduced me to the power of emo- all of the injustices that I’ve witnessed, that I’ve been a part of, tional honesty in the John Johnson Barn. When I couldn’t allow washed over me. In that inhumane, wretched tank there was real myself to express my true emotions, my band allowed me to justice, real power and real love. This is a rarity in my business open up and be vulnerable. They allowed me to take a chance and I didn’t want it to end. I made mental note to make sure and step into their hearts. They were my emotional and spiritual to get a copy of the court docket ordering the dismissal. It was safety net. Miles up in the stratosphere with the swirling wind Yadi’s. I later framed it for her. and swaying mast, Don calmly handed me the trapeze and en- My parents never gave up on me either. They founded Green couraged my quivering soul to step from the safety of the plat- River’s first select, traveling football team...the Spurs. They form into the thin air of my vulnerabilities. It was not a particu- both coached the squad. They drove my brothers and me to the larly elegant or graceful leap from one trapeze to the other (cer- four corners of the state and beyond. We competed strongly tainly no one would have paid admission to see it), but I could throughout the Rocky Mountains. I was selected to play with feel everyone’s support from the moment I took in a breath and the Wyoming state team. What started as one team grew to ten left the platform. Because of them, today I am with the woman and more and we all began to coach the younger players. They I will love for the rest of my life. Because of them, my life has won the state championships against larger teams such as Casper a meaning that I never could have imagined. So many of the and Cheyenne. Younger players received athletic scholarships to characters in Luiz’s story did not have a safety net and had to respected universities. From nothing, Green River became re- leap from the platform with their eyes closed. Perhaps that’s why spected for its football and the boys and girls from this wind- I can’t find any villains in Luiz’s story; because I remember my swept, high-plains desert began to dream. When I enrolled in fears high up there in the spotlight. the University of Wyoming, I helped found the university’s foot- I don’t know if I have any words of wisdom about lawyering ball club. Our town did not forget us when we left. Today, if you when I reflect on Luiz’s case, but I know that I could not have head to the south of town, where in winter I used to sled down had this result for Luiz without TLC. I listened. I enlisted my the bluffs to the wide Green River, you can find the “Zehawi monthly San Diego TLC group. Perhaps most importantly, I Fields.” You are all invited to knock the ball around before the never let go of the idea that it’s never too late to do the right summer afternoon thunderheads roll through. You can tell them thing. I battled my own insecurities. I worked through the

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The Warrior The Dream Maker shame of hating my parents that I held onto for years. The thing Endnotes about shame is that it builds when it’s not controlled, ever so 1 Since this is Luiz’s story, I will use his language and in his language he does silently, ever so consuming. I don’t have to tell you about the dif- not know what we Americans call soccer. To him it will always be football. ficulties in facing shame and vulnerability. But for me, it forced 2 No one is a “victim” in my book until my client says so or a jury says so. me to be humble and self-critical. It forced me to forgive and Zaki was born in Soissons, France but grew up in an Marsa el-Brega, remind myself that I am human and I make mistakes. It forced Libya (an oil terminal filled with ex-patriots and Libyans about three me to take a silent TLC walk in the Thunderhead Ranch of my hours from Benghazi, without traffic). His family fled Gaddafi’s Libya in mind to reassess. There is no right way to look in the mirror in 1981 and moved to France for a year before landing in Pensacola, Florida the morning and feel vulnerable, but whole-hearted. But one and then Green River, Wyoming in 1986. He says he is lucky to have been a state and federal public defender for my entire career. thing is for certain, it begins with you. He graduated from TLC in 2009. I could not help but think about my parents when I thought about Luiz’s case; about how they both sacrificed for me. I still feel shame now when I think about how I thought my parents didn’t love me when they brought me to Green River. I was wrong to feel that, but that was all I knew. Now, I know that my parents always have and always will love me and I hope that they know how much I love them. Like Luiz, it was more than football, my parents tried to develop the complete man. Luiz is someone else’s dream maker, my parents are mine. I wouldn’t be the man I am today without their love. For that, I am eternally grateful and humbled. But I also know that I have more work to do to be the man I want to be. I will know that when my super- visor hands me my next case. I will remember that when I hope to become the parent that my parents were to me. q

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