The Appleton North NOCTILUCA Appleton, Wisconsin April Fools 2015 Vol

the appleton north NOCTILUCA Appleton, Wisconsin April Fools 2015 Vol. XX Issue VIII 30 minute nap France trip re-routed to Oshkosh time added to By Erik Bakken schedule North students who regis- tered to travel to France re- By Fatima Ali ceived quite a surprise over Starting from next month, Spring Break. Instead of trav- Appleton North students and eling to Europe, flights were faculty included, will have a changed and the students end- 30 minute nap period at the ed up traveling to a less exotic end of 6th period, every sin- locale, Oshkosh. gle day. These 30 minutes “We were quite surprised will count for teaching min- when our plane touched down utes during the school day, so a mere 15 minutes after we one won’t even need to think took off,” said Kinan Abouz- about the horror of starting the elam, a North junior who trav- school day early, or ending the eled with other area French school day late. students. “Most of us were It’s just a typical Monday doubtful that we were already afternoon in Mr. Meixl’s 6th in Paris.” hour AP Psychology. The students were surprised North travelers were perplexed when they landed in what they thought was Paris, Almost all of the students to find that the foreigners were France. The city was in fact Oshkosh, Wisconsin. Photo illustration by Jack Pairin in class are diligently taking all fluent in English and over- notes while listening to Mr. power had gone out, because multitude of bars. “Despite the experiences on whelmingly supported the Meixl’s intriguing discus- we certainly couldn’t see the Anxious to get to bed before our trip being a lot less unfa- Green Bay Packers. sion about abnormal psychol- illuminated silhouette of the their morning bus trip to Swit- miliar than we expected, we After retrieving their lug- ogy. Eiffel Tower.” zerland, the students decided still had a lot of fun experienc- gage, the students and their However, the other hand- After searching for nearly that camping on the street was ing a foreign culture,” Abouz- teachers exited the airport at ful of students, specifically se- two hours for their hotel, stu- the best plan. elam said. “I just wish we had dusk to view the city of lights. niors Stuart Bultman and Chris dents and teachers were begin- “It was certainly a letdown,” been able to use our French Unfortunately, the experi- Cudnowski, are not paying ning to sense that something said Abby Schilling. “Our first more.” ence was not as all had hoped. attention at all. In fact, they was wrong. They noticed the night in Paris and we were al- Similar mix-ups have oc- “It was surprisingly dark,” happen to be experiencing fre- mysterious absence of the ready sleeping on the streets.” curred to North student travel- said Mrs. Stephanie Hooy- quent hypnagogic movements Seine and the omnipresent The rest of the trip proved ers in the past, with the 2008 man, an AASD French teacher while trying to fall asleep, and mimes smoking on street cor- to provide a sense of deja-vu Spain students ending up in who accompanied the students later they both fall into stage ners. for the student travelers, as fa- Iraq, and the 2013 France trip from North. “I’ve been to Par- two of the sleep cycle. Another thing that also sur- miliar landscapes gave way to ending up in Bhutan. is before, and it was certainly It’s true that these two prised the students was the recognizable monuments. different. I wondered if the men faintly resemble Sleep- ing Beauty and thus they must keep up with their “beauty New referendum offers students drones sleep”, but more importantly By Tye Swokowski are given time to write a pa- it’s important to note the fact A small but growing group per, are watching a film in that growing young teenag- of parents and educators, call- class, or their teacher is giving ers all need some time to re- ing themselves the Pushers a lecture, students are on their cuperate and take some time for Educational Electronics, Chromebooks, typing away.” to reorganize our intelligent is currently beginning the pro- In fact, the one problem brains. cess of proposing another ref- with the Chromebooks is that These 30 minutes of slum- erendum. Branching off of the students don’t always have ber count as learning minutes, technology referendum that them on their person, and especially since sleeping is brought us the Chromebooks, when they do they may or may technically a psychology les- this new referendum would not be charged. son altogether. According to provide every student attend- These drones are our solu- the American Psychology As- ing an AASD high school with tion to this problem. Every sociation, sleep is vital for ev- a personal drone. In the near future, students in the AASD high schools drone we wish to purchase has erybody, including teenagers. Many citizens were un- may be offered a personal drone as part of a new a spot to place your Chrome- Millions of people don’t get aware of this growing move- technology referendum. Photo from usa.gov book, that way you don’t have enough sleep, and as a result, ment, and we decided to ask sage or snap-a-whatever their dents will feel safer in school to carry it, and thus can’t for- they tend to make poor deci- them what they thought of friends for help on their as- as well, as the NSA will be get it at home. sions, get into accidents fre- drones in our schools. signments. I mean, honestly, just a few feet away, watching As for the charging prob- quently, and most importantly, One citizen, Michelle Mar- am I the only person who sees through the nearest drone.” lem, the drones also have a can’t pay attention during tino, thought that purchasing how much sense this makes?” Ed Cook, the president of spot for an additional battery, class, as stated in the scenario drones for our students wasn’t Another citizen, who PEE, says that “the Chrome- which we hope to purchase above. enough. wished to remain nameless, books were enormously ben- through another referendum So everyone, get your pil- “I think it’s really great. was enthusiastic about these eficial to our students. Yes, following the passing of the low pets and snuggies out, Like, honestly, I don’t think new electronics. some of our opposition says drones. This would allow the cause pretty soon everyone our students have enough “I’m really happy about that performance hasn’t im- drones to serve as a power so- will, or at least should, be electronics in their education. this. Ever since I found out that proved, but anybody can go lution as well.” having sweet dreams at the I mean, why aren’t we giving the government uses drones to into one of our schools and PEE thinks you should be end of 6th period every single them cell phones too? That watch our every move, I have see countless students on their able to vote on the referendum day. way they could call or mes- felt way safer. Now our stu- Chromebooks. Whether they in about a year. NEWS Appleton, Wisconsin April 2015 Volume XX Issue VIII Page 2 Either drugs, bullying or cockroaches on the rise News Briefs By Tye Swokowski and North freshman Julia Lammers “ Rodney thinks there might be more finds ‘the one’ According to sources, than one [problem Citing his “dreamy drugs, bullying, or cockroach smile” and “beautiful hair,” levels have been rising at on the rise]. We freshman Ashley Lou thinks North. However, we forgot could be dealing that her senior boyfriend is which one, and sources are with bullying the one she’ll marry. not that sure either. “He’s, like, so sweet, es- “We know that kids have druggies, high been using more drugs, bully- cockroaches, or pecially when he pretends to ing each other more or there cockroaches being not know who I am when we pass each other in the hall. are more cockroach sightings, bullied.” but we’re not exactly clear on It’s so funny!” Lou said. which one it is. We can say stated that these reports are When the aforementioned without a doubt however, that nothing but “codswallop.” boyfriend was reached for one or more of these three are Still, there are countless comment, he was unsure on the rise,” said Principal A survey conducted by North’s guidance department rumors making their rounds, who Ashley Lou was. James Huggins. asked students what problems affected them. The with a large number of stu- Lou said they have only Administration have re- answers were inconclusive. Graphic by Erik Bakken dents being under the impres- been dating a week or two, ported increases of either one is increasing,” said expert not be separate entities, and sion that cockroaches were but she is sure their relation- drugs, bullying or cockroach- Joe Glow. may be causing even larger smuggled into the school to ship will never end. es up to 50 percent. No solutions have been problems. enforce anti-drug policies, No one knows for sure the “I can’t wait to date him found to the problem of either “Rodney thinks there though nobody could give all through high school, then ramifications that the rise of drugs, bullying or cockroach- might be more than one,” any information as to how I’ll follow him to college. either drugs, bullying or cock- es because experts cannot Rodney said. “Rodney thinks this would help. roaches will cause, because pinpoint the problem. we could be dealing with bul- The other big rumor is that After we graduate, we’ll get no one knows which one is “If we could find out if ei- lying druggies, high cock- a group of bullies were added married and have the most actually on the rise. ther drugs, bullying or cockroaches, or cockroaches be- into the student body to shrink adorable kids and live in a “Any one of these three roaches are increasing, that ing bullied. Rodney even saw the cockroach population, the perfect house. The future hypothetical situations could would be awesome, because a cockroach being bullied by idea being that the more peo- is so exciting. I’ve already potentially be really, really then we could try to lower the a druggy.” ple you have being punched, been looking at dresses.” bad. But as of right now, it level of it. Some students do not buy and thrown to the ground, the However, their relation- all seems hunky-dory because Reports from other sources into these reports. more chances you have of we’re not actually sure which ship, like any relationship, is also suggest that these may Senior Dhaivat Pandya squishing a cockroach. not without problems. “Don’t tell him I said this, but sometimes he can Outrage over chemical testing on North students be a little weird. He, like, By Abby Davies anti- testing rally to be held in only sometimes wants to early May. The rally will be hang out and when we do, held in the back of the school Scandal rocks North as he always just, like, wants to and show the faculty that ge- the students and their fami- watch a movie in his base- netic testing is wrong and lies have discovered that the ment or whatever. His par- that the North body does not Appleton North Administra- ents aren’t even home, it’s approve. In addition, many tion has been scientifically so weird. But I still love him families plan to take legal ac- experimenting on the North tion against the school, even so much,” Lou said. students. The students were though no negative side ef- Mr. Gundrum oblivious to the testing until fects have been recorded yet. adamant objector and North North parent Ayn Gree rewears tie; Student Anony Mous hid a said, “I just can’t believe the wire in the principal’s office students in shock school administration would to catch Mr. Huggins in the be okay with experimenting Mr. Gundrum, an Ameri- act. The recorded evidence on students without permis- can Literature and Compo- was then broadcasted at an all sion. I plan to take the school sition teacher at North has school assembly for all stu- An Applied Genetics student develops the A+ serum. district to court and sue them recently been spotted wear- dents to hear. It has been covertly tested on North students in the for endangering the life of my ing the same tie he had worn According to an Applied last few months. Photo from usa.gov child.” School parents have on the third week of school. Genetics class student, they Plus Serum (A+), but without Senioritis senior year. also formed the Committee were the scientists who were This catastrophic, historic the ability to pay students to In order to ensure the great- Against Scientific Experi- conducting the experiments event occurred on March 25, be her “human lab rats” she est amount of serum reaches mentation (CASE) to ensure in what has been codenamed and has shocked his students needed a way to test the ef- the students, the lunch ladies that the school will never at- by North staff Project Suc- so much, a few, who refuse fectiveness of her experiment. were asked to inject the serum tempt to use students as lab ceed. Appleton North Science to be named, have taken a After presenting it to the into the school’s milk, as it is subjects again. teacher Jenny Johnson first North Administrators in the one of the most purchased After hearing the vari- day off to comprehend what developed the two serums famed “smoke filled room” products in the lunch room. ous allegations against him, had happened. being tested when she was above the Chemistry lab According to Gene Tic, school principal James Hug- A junior in one of Gun- experimenting with different they agreed that the students one of the experiment per- gins said, “I apologize to the drum’s classes said, “I was gene functions in her secret needed all the help they could formers, “There has not been North body for allowing these just so used to a different lab beneath the school. While get and initiated a plan to dis- enough data yet to determine experiments to continue. I tie every day, when I saw a experimenting, she developed perse the serum among the whether or not the serums only had the school’s well be- a gene which, when mutated tie that he had worn earlier unsuspecting students. are actually working.” In re- ing and the hope of improved correctly, could increase the in the year it freaked me out The administrators also sponse to the information that test scores in mind. Since my students’ performance on a bit you know? I just didn’t decided to experiment with they have been exposed to motive for Project Succeed standardized testing. She cre- prepare for something like giving freshman and sopho- genetic testing without their was to ensure the success of ated a serum to mutate the this to happen.” more students the Senioritis approval, North students and students.” genes and named it the Alpha X antibodies to try to prevent their families plan a massive -Noctiluca Staff OPINIONSAppleton, Wisconsin April 2015 Volume XX Issue VIII Page 3 Noctiluca Editorial Major budget cuts lead schools to sell dope The Governor’s recent cuts raise money and combat the students who don’t understand to education, although severe, heroin problem in Appleton,” the importance of our initia- are not enough to save money. continued the source. “It’s all tive. Students are trying to save “Investing in education is im- pretty chill man, we all know the school, the least everyone portant to this administration,” weed brings in the cash flow. could do is buy the weed. To Walker said. “That’s why I cut You gotta do what you gotta ensure enough money is raised 13 percent of the UW system’s do, ya know what I’m sayin?” students will be asked to share budget. That wasn’t enough so The weed will be sold the weed with their friends, now we’re cutting Appleton throughout the school but family, and neighbors. North. All of it,” the Governor based on speculations the most This is possibly the most said. Appleton North is scram- popular place will be in the important step the school has bling to figure out what will side staircases. “Of course the taken in its 20 years of exis- happen to the Chromebooks. school store will want to get in tence. on this,” continued the source, According to the Depart- “Students are try- “we’ll have a large enough ment of Justice, the number of in to save the school, stash because we’re importing heroin related deaths in Wis- a ton of dope from the great consin has risen by nearly 50 the least everyone state of Colorado.” percent in 2012. could do is buy the The only problem is the few This new plan will not only weed.” -Noctiluca save the school but hopefully Editorial Board improve student’s health by replacing the harmful drug. If Weed will be sold at North in order to keep the you’re not already part of the school from closing. The plan was devised by students weed initiative please sup- “The Chromebooks are our who refuse to accept budget cuts Photo illustration by Mer- port this school by purchasing utmost priority in this difficult edith Lee dope. Thanks kids. time,” said Principal Huggins “Students will have to go the halls and you’ll hear whis- who reported that they would to West or East. IDK, they’ll pers about the elaborate plan. Side or back stairwells be handled with care. After he figure it out,” said the clearly Recent information reveals the like this one will become finally stopped talking about worried Principal. beautifully modern plan. popular spots for stu- the Chromebooks, the Nocti- Administration may have “We need the money, dents to purchase school luca was able to ask about the given up but Appleton North right?” said unnamed source saving drugs. Photo by students are determined to who developed the plan. “So students. Nora Ptacek keep the school open. Listen in we’ve decided to sell weed to School to shut down due to gridlock between political clubs By Tye Swokowski meetings? For starters, sources out the thermostat, this is quite sides of the commons during Chris Cudnowski: tell me that the recent discovery possibly the most disappointing lunch, a total school shutdown In a not so surprising turn “Well, um, you know, of a Democratic League mem- news from the meetings. is once again a possibility. As of events, both the Republi- those dirty left wing conser- ber finding a way to access Evidentially, these issues many students and educators can Club and the Democratic vatives with their, um, tea their Gmail at school caused an were not resolved, as no new were demanding their voices League have failed in their parties and all that, they’re even greater rift between the plans over school climate be heard, and we jumped at the most recent attempt to rid the real problem. I heard they two groups, with the Repub- change have been proposed, opportunity. themselves of a seemingly and though the email address Here is what some of your installed, um, a ram on our loophole has been closed, this fellow students and educators computers in order to take can likely be attributed to the had to say about these issues: over the CPU, and, um, used main office interventions, rath- those to harness the power er than these meetings. of the GPU to delete all of Moving on from these is- our terabytes. The point is, sues, the members of the Dem- you better get your Y2k tin- ocratic League discussed their foil hat resized, cause you’re plans to normalize relations going to need it.” with our close neighbors Ap- pleton West, while the Repub- Appleton North is expected to go into a full shut- lican Club discussed funding of down due to the intense political gridlock between science courses. clubs. Photo illustration by Nora Ptacek Yet, even then, an agree- Colton Bennett: ment could not be reached, as “School climate change endless gridlock. lican Club unsure whether the the Republican Club slammed doesn’t exist. The dial on the While both sides were ada- information discussed in their the open relations proposal, thermostat just goes through mant that they would be able meeting would remain confi- stating that it only served to high and low fazes. Sometimes to reconcile their differences dential. benefit Appleton West, while the temperature looks too high, as they were heading into their As for the Republican Club, the Democratic League was and sometimes it looks too low, meetings last week, it now Frau Ehlers: recently passed restrictions outraged with the Republican but this is all natural.” seems that things have been “Would you all just stop actually prohibit them from Clubs plan to simply use the made only worse, with each whining already. What do participating in school climate school’s credit card to fund the side attacking and attempting you think college is going change work. Due to this, they courses. to force restrictions upon their were unable to participate in Now, with the relations be- to be like? Not only will counterparts, instead of simply discussions concerning the ris- tween the groups seeming to you have Republicans and addressing the issues at hand. ing heat of the school, and with have worsened, with club lead- Democrats, but Libertarians, So what exactly have they the best science students in the ers refusing to speak to one an- Constitutionists, and many been focusing on during these building still unable to figure other, even sitting on opposite others as well.” OPINIONS Appleton, Wisconsin April 2015 Volume XX Issue VIII Page 4

Noctiluca Mission Statement AP World test is Chinese civil service exam Published nine times per By Leah Schwartz year, the student newspa- an “eight legged essay” using quent dynasties. per of Appleton North High On May 14 of this year, the elaborate Chinese charac- The topic of the Civil Ser- School is a public forum in hundreds of Fox Valley stu- ter system. vice Exam is covered in the which its student editorial dents will enter a room to take An anonymous AP test typical AP curriculum, so the board makes decisions regard- the AP World History Exam. proctor has issued a statement Board believes that there is no ing its contents. Its mission is saying that once all the test reason that the students won’t to publish news, information, Little do they know that they entertainment and opinion ar- are actually taking the Chi- takers have entered the room be able to ace the exam. The ticles about our community. nese Service Exam, which be- the doors will be barred and Board is dismissive of the Our goal is to maintain high gan being administered by the the students will be given not fact that the typical Chinese ethical standards and provide Han dynasty (206 BCE-220 the typical AP test but the clas- test taker poured a lifetime of a public forum for free and re- CE) and its successors. sic Civil Service Exam. studying and lessons into pre- sponsible expression of views. Those who passed the Students will not be permit- paring for the exam, saying The newspaper strives for a exam were eligible to work ted to leave for the duration of that humankind has advanced Junior Claire Riebau high level of competency and in esteemed government posi- the test, and bodily functions enough that the average high welcomes diversity of scope, reflects on the horror that tions. During the exam, which such as eating, sleeping, and school sophomore possesses depth and breadth of coverage was the AP World His- using the bathroom will be the academic capacity to suc- in order to heighten mutual lasted for three days and tory exam. Which test permitted but frowned upon. cessfully complete and pass understanding and awareness two nights, wealthy Chinese are you actually taking? through our entire school com- men were forced to sit in a The source claims that the the said exam. Unfortunately, Photo illustration by Nora munity. cramped cubbyhole and take a College Board has decided AP test registrations are non- Ptacek that they would like to know refundable so students who Appleton North High School grueling test consisting of re- The Noctiluca wishes all of 5000 N. Ballard Road how the students of today have already signed up to take counting multiple complicat- these poor unfortunate souls Appleton, WI 54913 compare to the students of the test are in it for the long ed Confucian Classics word good luck on the exam. Phone: (920) 832-4300 for word and carefully writing ancient Sui China and subse- run. Mr. Ramponi, staff advisor, at: [email protected]. wi.us. Time to face reality; sleeping in class is beneficial Editorial Staff By Megha Uberoi Senior Editor-In-Chief Maya Murzello High school students these though sleeping students get Junior Editor-In-Chief days are busier than ever, with bad grades, the benefits of a Megha Uberoi barely enough time to main- quick nap during class out- Managing Editor/ tain their grades, much less weigh the cons. “Students Centerspread Editor get enough sleep every night. shouldn’t feel pressure to stay Julia Lammers “Sleep is definitely a real awake during class. If they are News Editor tired its better to sleep than to Erik Bakken struggle for me. After sports and homework, I get to bed take sloppy notes and half lis- Opinions Editor ten to lectures. Nora Ptacek on average around 1:26 a.m. Personally, sleeping stu- Features Editor every night! I mean I am used Elise Painton to it, but its still tough,” said dents would be a welcome Culture Editor Mariah Johnson, junior at Ap- change from the kids with their Caroline Augustine pleton North. Sophomore Ally Price takes sleeping in class to a new eyes glued to their chrome- Sports Editor Time is money and stu- level by bringing her own pillow and laying on the floor. book screens,” said Mr. Smith, Becca Finger dents are spending less on Photo illustration by Nora Ptacek science teacher at Appleton Photography Editor sleep. That is why a new North. Paige Beckum The study shows that stu- sleeping during class and the study by Dr. Natalie Pheoc is When asked about the pos- Photography Editor dents who sleep during class evidence really supports the so relevant to the students of sibility of sleeping during Sofia Voet are less stressed and more idea that sleeping during class class being encouraged by Copy Editor this generation. Her study ex- awake after school. Unfortu- is good. Teachers should defi- teachers, David Jones, sopho- Abby Davies amines the benefit of sleeping nately, the same students who nitely allow students to do Advertising/Social Media during class. more, said,“I would love it slept during class also experi- this, it will be more beneficial Rachel Brosman “Sleep is very important tbh. I really think teachers enced a drop in GPA, but that to them and they will find that Social Media to the adolescent mind. If stu- should encourage it, and that is a minor factor when com- lecturing a class of sleeping AJ Floodstrand dents are not getting enough it will help students. Person- pared to the benefits of a full students is better than lectur- Advisor sleep at home, its not out of ally, I would be so relaxed and Mr. Ramponi day of sleep. ing a class of kids on their the question to sleep during stress levels would go way “My study shows real cas- chromebooks.” class,” said Dr. Pheoc. down ya know?” Contributors es of students who have been Teachers report that al- Fatima Ali Caroline Augustine Spree should be moved to Copper Rock Rachel Brosman By Nora Ptacek Erik Bakken Dr. Lee Allinger . “Now the The Downtown Cop- Becca Finger Spree proved yet again to Federal Environmental Protec- per Rock in Appleton is AJ Floodstrand be the most unpopular dance tion Agency is threatening to a prime location for the Sam Holton in the entire district. AASD is sue us,¨ said Alenger. not so popular dance Julia Lammers still recovering from the eco- All this economic hardship Meredith Lee called Spree. In attempt Lila Metko nomic hardship caused by the is reason for AASD to move to gain more participants Gabe Noel lack of purchased tickets. Spree to Copper Rock. the dance will be moved. Elise Painton Spree ticket revenue funds The new location would in- Photo by John Ptacek Ashley Pierson Appleton East High School crease the number of attendees Nora Ptacek which is why there is a strug- somewhere around 30 people for those musically inclined. more. “Last year there were Logan Sprinkle gle to keep it open. Next year, which would be about two Riley Sullivan Individuals who probably more volunteers than students if more people aren’t interest- couples and 26 very single girls won’t buy a ticket but might attending so it was really awk- Tye Swokowski ed in the dance, East will prob- and boys. Megha Uberoi want to go could sneak in ward.” ably close. Copper Rock is a prime lo- through Copper Rock’s back So, due to the lack of pop- ¨All these trees died too, cation because they not only entrance. ularity in Spree and the eco- hundreds of tickets were print- sell a drink called “the naughty” “I think it would be a good nomic hardship it causes, Spree ed and no more than 25 were but also, at the downtown loca- idea,” said an unnamed Sopho- should be moved to Copper bought,”said Superintendent tion, can provide a microphone Rock. FEATURES Appleton, Wisconsin April 2015 Vol. XX Issue VIII Page 5 Dhaivat Pandya to drop first mixtape By Julia Lammers and Watch the Throne meets Take Riley Sullivan Care meets The Bible.” In a surprising turn of To truly master the mic, events, senior Dhaivat Pan- Dhaivat has chosen to get dya turned down an offer at closer to what he believes is one of the most prestigious his true hometown, Compton, universities in the U.S. to pur- and has decided not to attend sue a career in the rap game. Stanford University. Members of the squad Dhaivat has promised to close to the math prodigy re- give his first Benz a fresh car- veal that he needs to take time dinal red paint job in honor of off from his studies to release the university instead of go- his new mixtape, “A Day in ing there. the Life of D-Pan” featuring Compton natives Kend- the straight banger “Pandya rick Lamar and Ice Cube were Xpress.” both hyped to hear that D-Pan The source also said that was rolling into California. “he spits straight fire on some Although not confirmed by dope beats.” There are ru- his squad, rumor on the street mors circulating that A$AP is that Ice Cube might resur- Ferg and Chance the Rapper rect his career just to share a are planning on collaborating track with the prodigy. with Dhaivat. Dhaivat’s childhood friend When interviewed by the has leaked that to prepare Noctiluca, Pandya refused to for his pilgrimage to rap’s comment. motherland, the rapper has Dhaivat is known around mastered the whip, the nae Appleton North for his ex- nae, and the stanky leg and is pertise in computer coding ready to hit any of those danc- and being draped in Versace es at any moment. threads. Pandya plans for “A Day in the Life of D-Pan” to drop shortly. Pictured above is Although Dhaivat has said He can commonly be possible album art for this new release. Photo illustration by Jack Pairin that his time in the Little found crusin’ in his sick whip, Apple has been “real,” he is a tricked out 1999 Toyota to chase his hoop dream for a Tang helped shape Dhaivat his studio and build up his “pumped to move on to his Corolla. while, before realizing his rap into the straight G that is tak- squad that he believes will hype new home.” Word on the street is that dream was his true calling. ing the country by storm. change the whole game. To show his love for his Dhaivat’s crew has gone from Ever since Dhaivat was While he was a yung Although Dhaivat’s sound high school Dhaivat says he 0 to 100 real quick. running through the six with gunna in the States, Dhaivat is next level stuff, he likes to plans to “spit a freestyle so To help get that cash mon- his woes down in India, he has bounced around the country think of himself as a combi- fire, it will make the haters ey for some studio time, he had mad flow and has been a due to his aux cord game be- nation of Drake, Jay Z and perspire,” during the gradua- needed to work a landscap- true disciple of the game. ing too fire for many commu- Yeezus. tion ceremony. ing job where he said he was The sweet rhymes of OG’s nities to handle. Dhaivat also has high ex- I want to thank Dhaivat for “Flexin’ on em garden tools.” such as 2pac, Biggie Smalls, Finally D-Pan settled on pectations for his fresh mix- the gift of music he has given Dhaivat ditched that gig, and his personal favorite Wu A-town (Appleton) to set up tape stating that “this is like all of us, he will be missed. Summer Inspiration APPLY TODAY! March into summer! Marian offers a variety of summer courses to help you get a head start. Students have the opportunity to take classes on campus, or have the flexibility of online courses! Class offerings include: Algebra and Trigonometry • Art Fundamentals • Basic Alegbra • Bioethics • Computer Software Applications • Elementary Spanish • General Psychology • Human Development • Interpersonal Skills • Intro to Literary Genres • Pre-Calculus Mathematics • Theology of Love • World Musics • and more!

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45 S. National Ave. l Fond du Lac, WI 54935 l [email protected] Founded 1936 • Sponsored by the Congregation of Sisters of St. Agnes the Notty Appleton North’s Finest News Source NEWS IN BRIEF AP classes ousted as ginormous cult

By Julia Lammers Mya Clark, another lead- The students also have oc- ing scientist added that “some cult practices that they use to In an 586-page report by students risk their health to keep their B+ average in their world-renowned scientists, carry around huge study books classes. it has been revealed that Ad- months before the test. Who “AP students do crazy things vanced Placement classes are the heck cares that much?” like go to school at 6 a.m. for a front for a huge cult. The sci- The report outlined how study sessions and drink cups entists cite students’ “inability teachers are the leaders of the upon cups of coffee to stay to talk about anything besides AP cult. awake. None of these self-de- their AP class load” and “how “We had no clue that adults structive behaviors could have much work it is to take an AP were involved too. REAL any other explanation besides class” as hard-hitting evidence ADULTS encourage kids to the fact that AP classes are a for their claim. cult.” “We spent a few days in a It was also mentioned in the “Everyone’s drinking Junior Evan Boeman high school and it became im- the Kool-Aid.” report that AP students can be mediately apparent to us that vigilantly studies for the recognized by their common AP classes are an absolute Advanced Placement T-shirts. They all wear they cult. All the evidence is there: take on more that they can Calculus test. He is obvi- same one, because they are in- students’ complete devotion to handle just to get some college ously a member of the AP deed in a cult. their classes, the fact that they credits. And everyone’s drink- cult. Photo by Julia Lammers. The report did not outline only hang out with each other ing the Kool-Aide.” World. Next thing you know, any solutions to the cult men- and their incessant studying The report also mentioned they’re taking AP Chem, AP tality. for the AP test, morning, noon the use of foot-in-the-door Psych, AP Lit and Comp and At press time, AP students and night. These kids are obvi- phenomenon to induct the stu- APUSH. It’s ridiculous, but could not be reached for ously crazy,” said leading sci- dents into the cult. it’s definitely a result of the comment, because they were entist Jon Shreoder. “They start by taking AP cult mentality.” studying for the AP test.

STATSHOT Ten things that didn’t make the North Nine: • Abundance • Quick wit • Physical fitness • Sex appeal • Affluence • Cunning • I/E time • Economy • Freedom • Majesty

Check out more stories online at www.notty.com! Here is a sampling of this month’s headlines: • The Inquisition to be published once again • Infinite Campus not so infinite • Salami sandwich goes uneaten • 10 hidden uses for your Chromebook • Summer jobs nowhere to be found, say lazy teens • North’s 20 year anniversary passes without incident the Notty Appleton North’s Finest News Source

NEWS IN PICTURES

Student questions self-worth.

Benji Backer announces 2016 presidential bid.

NEWS IN BRIEF Math difficult, even for nerdz. Seniors buckle down for home stretch

By Julia Lammers we reconsider our admissions Top 5 colleges offer. If they want to have fun, With only two months until now is the time to do it,” students are attend- graduation, the senior class of Nalgene also added, “Col- ing: Appleton North is buckling lege is the time for fun too. • UW My Mom’s down to work. They have pre- I hear the parties are pretty Basement pared their hardest for every great.” • The School of test and quiz that came their Senior Joey D’Agostino said way, and plan to do so until he has “stepped up” his “aca- Life they have a diploma in their demic game.” • University of hands. “I’m not exactly sure where Alaska- school of Most have been notified of I’ll be going next year, but I being a penguin their admittance or rejection Senior Claire Fischer do know that I’ll be working • Costco Wholesal- at the colleges they applied studies hard for a test. hard, finishing my homework to, but the senior class hopes ers She has already been and studying for a few hours to “finish out the year with after school,” D’Agostino • Rap Skool admitted to the college of the best GPA yet,” also noting said. “Getting straight A’s is ping out of NHS.” Photo by Julia that, “At this point, it doesn’t her choice. at the top of my priority list, “It’ll be sunny and 70 de- Lammers really matter.” even though all the schools I grees out this weekend but I “I’m going to Eau Claire fail almost all of their classes applied to could care less.” have a test Monday that will next year. I was admitted back to have their offer rescinded. The senior class of 2015 not make any impact on my in October, but I still think it’s “Once we admit a student, collectively agreed that even future at all, so I’m going to important to maintain good we really stop caring what though their plans for after stay in and study all weekend grades even though it literally they do,” said Jean Nalgene, high school are pretty well set, anyway,” D’Agostino said. counts for nothing,” senior admissions counselor at Law- they will not get senioritis and At press time, the entire Claire Fischer said. rence University. “They could stop doing their homework. senior class was doing home- Once a student is admitted to pretty much fail their classes They also stated that they have work and studying for tests a college, they would have to and get a few underages before never once considered “drop- that will not matter. FEATURES Appleton, Wisconsin April 2015 Vol. XX Issue VIII Page 8 Coffee shop to open LK SASSI’S By Lila Metko

Students at North will be excited to learn that the Ap- pleton Area School District is FUNHOUSE taking heed of numerous re- By Lauren Sassi cent studies that show a link between coffee consumption and multiple health benefits, including an increase in brain activity. The school board is planning to install a coffee shop in the commons area at each of the three Appleton high schools. Administrators are currently looking to partner with Starbucks or Copper Rock to Coffee really gives kids energy, according to a provide students with their fa- study the Noctiluca won’t source for privacy rea- vorite caffeinated beverages. sons. The only reason this issue got out was be- “Judging by the number of students entering the building cause we force-fed our editors coffee. Don Bartletti/ in the morning with a cup of Los Angeles Times/TNS coffee in their hand, we will prove student’s scores. We’re hope we get this before gradu- be providing easier access to even considering supply- ation because I need coffee to something that’s been proven ing students with free coffee keep me awake through morn- to be beneficial,” Principal vouchers on test days.” ing classes.” Huggins said. In reference to North’s More exciting menu addi- With the studies showing mascot, the lightning bolt, tions may also be possible in how much coffee increases North is considering naming the future. test scores, the Appleton Area the coffee shop “Java Jolt.” According to Principal School District is hoping to Student opinion so far has Huggins, “Studies also show have the coffee shop installed been very positive. “I’m so a strong link between brain prior to next year’s ACT test- happy I can get my favorite function and the flavonoids ing. coffee right at school, I really found in dark chocolate. De- Principal Huggins agrees, hope they have caramel mac- pending on the success of the “Knowing how much coffee chiatos,” said junior Jenna coffee endeavor, we may con- increases brain activity, this Lang. sider adding a chocolate shop coffee shop will surely im- Senior Kip Wilson said, “ I next year.” Puberty hits Fresh Man like a train

By Megha Uberoi even decided that girls no lon- national Science Committee Puberty hits North fresh- ger have cooties.” next year where she hopes her man real hard. Fresh has attributed his data will expose the mystery Citing a cracking voice knowledge of puberty to “the that is adolescence. and increasing acne, students talk” in fifth grade. “Observing Fresh has cer- of Appleton North report that “The talk was so interest- tainly been challenging. Be- their freshman classmate, ing and important to me. Ev- ing a teenager is not easy and Fresh Man, has hit puberty. erything I learned then has re- I think I have acquired strong “It certainly is a trying ally come into perspective as evidence from observing his time in Fresh’s life. He is go- I hit puberty.” habits and his slow transfor- ing through definite changes, Mrs. Man, Fresh’s mother, mation from a very awkward and boy, are those hormones has been supportive and car- caterpillar into a slightly less ragin’!” said Sopho More, ing during this trying time in awkward butterfly. Hopefully sophomore at Appleton North Fresh’s life. once these findings are presnt- and Fresh’s friend. “I am glad Fresh is em- ed, I will be able to prove how “Having gone through pu- bracing this new time in his much puberty sucks.” berty already, I have been ad- life. Although I couldn’t say Fresh offered advice to his vising Fresh as he transitions puberty has made Fresh a peers as they enter puberty to adolescence. I told him that nicer person. Now he is more as well, “I think I would tell the feelings he’s catching are likely to talk back to me, and my friends that puberty is re- perfectly normal and that he he seems to always be rolling ally challenging and that they shouldn’t be worried. Every- his eyes. I guess that is all part should avoid it if possible. I body is definitely rooting for of being a teenager.” will definitely support them him as he goes through pu- As if puberty was not as they go through puberty berty,” said Sopho More. difficult enough, Fresh has as they have supported me Fresh’s life as a teenager been under the observation through this unique life event has started as he begins to of renowned scientist and re- that every human being expe- wear deodorant and shave. searcher, Jamie Moore, as she riences. I really hope puberty “I mean I was surprised at studies the phenomenon that will change me for the better first when the puberty hit real is puberty. and that it gets easier from hard, but I’m slowly getting Moore plans to present her here on out because boy be- used to the changes. I have study on puberty to the Inter- ing a teenager sure is taxing.” CULTURE Appleton, Wisconsin April 2015 Vol. XX Issue VIII Page 9 ABC’s of New Spring Fashion Trends By Rachel Brosman where the person is stand- year old sister on a walk with T- Tattoos for your eyeballs ing! you? Just put her right on in As many of us are ap- A- Aglet Accessories F- Furry costumes the pouch. proaching (or have already) The plastic piece on the You can be a lion, a tiger, L- Lamp shade hats our 18th birthday, tattoos are end of your shoelace often or even a bear… As long as Interior design and fashion a right of passage that comes goes unnoticed– but not you’re in a full body cos- design meet in this harmoni- to the minds of many. Con- for long. Now, you can ac- tume that shows your inner ous accessory. sider getting a new trendy cessorize your aglets with animal. M- Meggings eye tattoo, and your parents jewels, charms, and mono- G- Gogo boots That’s right. Men can wear probably won’t even notice! grams. Get your disco shoes out, leggings, too! Once you U- Uggs B- Badger gear and before you know it, get your first pair, you’ll be (No explanation is neces- We have to keep celebrat- you’ll be dancing through hooked. In fact, your life sary.) ing the big Badger basket- the halls when “Uptown will be transformed by the V- Visors ball championship win! Oh Funk” is played during pass- comfort (just ask any girl). Wear them upside for the These lampshade hats wait... ing time on Fridays. N- Nylons for guys full effect serve as home decor C- Crocs H- Hula hoop handbag Double standards are being W- Wedgies and stylish hats. Bust out your old pair Recently, Chanel released questioned more and more, Although wedgies may of- from 4th grade and order a the new “hula hoop” hand- so guys need to be prepared Q- Quidditch uniforms ten be seen as an immature few new charms to custom- bag in which a purse literally to cover up! Dudes– make The time has come that punishment, they can also be ize them. You could even fills up half of a hula hoop, sure you have a pair of ny- we pay proper respect to the a fashion trend. Don’t bother bedazzle your crocs to make and the curved sphere makes lons on before putting on non-muggle world. There- picking it! That way, you your comfy shoe choice for a perfect handle. Clearly, those shorts! fore, quidditch uniforms are beat the bullies to it if they even more trendy! this is a designer purchase O- Oversized socks now readily available for come for you. D- Double popped collar worth making. Oversized tee shirts… streetwear– whether you’re X- Xylophone print graphic The 80’s are calling. It’s I- Invisible clothing oversized tank tops… Now studying up for your po- tees time to start wearing not You can go to a nude beach we have oversized socks. tions class or wandering off … Yup one, but two polo shirts at and fool everyone. Who needs a tight fitting to Hogsmeade for some but- Y- Yellow hair the same time, making sure J- Jenners sock? For those who like terbeer. Bring out your inner Lady to pop the collar on each of Everyone knows the a more modest sock style, R- Rave clothes.. Gaga circa the Telephone them. younger Kardashians sisters you’re perfectly in trend So basically, underwear in music video (ft Beyonce). E- Elf boot from Mexico should be idolized for every- right now. neon colors. Why go for barely notice- Deep in some rural areas thing they do, even includ- P- Powdered wigs S- Sesame street themed ev- able highlights when you of Mexico, natives wear ing the “sci fi novel” that The return of the standard erything can make a banana-inspired “elf boots”, and this trend they “wrote” themselves. hairstyle of the British par- Whether Big Bird, Elmo, fashion statement? has been taking the fash- K- Kangaroo pouches liament of the 1700’s is all or the Cookie Monster is Z- Zebra print ion world by storm. These Think of the front pouches the rage for fashion leaders your favorite, you better be Accompanied by neon cowboy style boots have an that are on pullover sweat- right now. Is it powder or is repping snapbacks or over- peace signs, there is no bet- upward pointed toe that can shirt, but bigger... much it just dandruff? No one will sized tee shirts of the Sesa- ter to way bring out your in- reach up to 3 feet in front of bigger. Wanna bring your 2 know. me Street theme. ner 7th grader. An album fit for the gods By Gabe Noel This month in music we’ve finally attained the album that we have been waiting for, for so long! Yes my friends, Yung Lean’s new album is out. The young death-reggae artist has named this instant Album art for To Pimp a classic To Pimp A Butterfly. Butterfly. Yung Lean is The 11 track long LP has ev- excited about this new erything a fan could ask for. Guest appearances everywhere project. from Queen Latifah to Yeezy. Here’s the tracklist: 9. All the Small Things 1. Ring Of Fire 10. Sweatpants 2. Yonkers 11. Yoko Ono Killed John Len- 3. The Next Episode non 4. Feel Good Inc. This album is must-have of 5. Gin and Juice 2015. Next week we would 6. Take On Me (feat. Miles Da- have been reviewing Chance vis) the Rappers new album, but no 7. Colt 45 one knows whether it’s coming 8. Fifty Shades Of Hay (feat. out next week or next year. by Brad Paisley) CULTURE Appleton, Wisconsin April 2015 Vol. XX Issue VIII Page 10 LMC will host book Better than Kanye By Caroline Augustine ing their summer tour. They have a wide range of songs burning to get kids The summer concert series on the album including a is under way, and Birken- seven minute song that is stock wearing, tree-hugging completely silent to demon- music fans everywhere are strate how music is about ‘fired up’ about reading in a mad hunt to find the more than the sound, it is latest and greatest band to about the journey. By Rachel Brosman memory to these simpler boast to their friends about. It is rumored that the tour On May 4 our very own times, while using our un- A new group is seeping out will include far more than school library will host the used resources for a school of the woodwork and mak- just captivating singers such first annual book burning wide bonfire. Anyone can ing a name for itself. Critics as exotic balloon animals, to commemorate the use of feel free to toss in books predict they will be headlin- aerial acrobatics on live boa books in our school. from the piles provided by ing Coachella for the next constrictors, and confetti Back in the olden days, the LMC. Otherwise, you three years. made out of rejected jelly when Appleton North stu- can BYOB– bring your Maple Couch Cushion is a beans from the Jelly Belly dents did not have Chrome- own books! Who needs Canadian Powderpuff tech- factory. During their con- books, students read books. those books collecting dust nojazz group that is sweep- cert premier, Maple Couch These contraptions consist- on your bedroom shelf an- ing the nation. Their unique Cushion announced that the ed of hundreds of pieces yways? sounds resemble Iggy Azalea lavender-poptronica artist, of paper bound together in “Huckleberry Pinn” and reading. What better than running on a treadmill with a Tangelo Express will be the order to tell a story or relay “To Kill a Bluejay” can eas- a book burning to get our mermaid aesthetic and raw opener to this highly antici- information. ily be read on Sparknotes student body on fire for potato mixing in a blender. pated tour. Even longer ago, in the summaries, anyways. Just reading? Maple Couch Cushion’s sin- The juxtaposition of the ancient times, our school make sure you don’t throw The bonfire night will gle ¨Mustard Bicycle Seat” melody and harmony tell a did not even have comput- your Chromebook in the be held on the football shocked the world with its story fit for the kinds. Maple ers. Students had no choice fire by accident! field. Library staff prom- powerful yet syrupy vocals Couch Cushion undoubt- but to utilize tangible liter- Students will be encour- ise the grass on the field complimenting the belebend edly is the greatest thing ary sources for their com- aged to hold hands and will not catch fire… well, it harmonies of the bass guitar since sliced bread. Mu- plex AP history projects. sing campfire songs around wouldn’t matter too much bringing. The doulourex lyr- sic will never be the same They had to figure out the the fire, as well. Bring your anyways considering a new ics brought Pope Francis and once Maple Couch Cushion mysterious “dewey dec- friends’ books! Bring your million-dollar turf field is Kanye West to tears during takes the stage, and it is the imal system” or be left to parents’ books! Bring your going to be built soon. its premiere in Vancouver on world’s honor to be along for their cruel fate of asking a second cousins’ twice re- “If the students will get Wednesday afternoon. the ride. librarian to help them to re- moved books! fired up by burning books, The group has already search the subject or author The LMC staff hopes that then burn books is exactly sold over a million copies of they were looking for. the bonfire will invigorate a what we’ll do!” exclaimed their debut album “Papercut Mrs. Milheiser and the new force among the youth an anonymous staff source. Penpals”, and are expected LMC staff will bring forth to get them “fired up” about to sell out every show dur- Prom mating season begins at North By Abigail Davies plans out his “promposal” as terized by both great pride The mating rituals of se- it is a symbol of his place as and great dejection. nior boys and girls will be on a prized male in society. Males that are picked are display at Appleton North as Every once in a while, a prized by both females and May 2 draws near. In order North senior female will other members of the same to earn a mate or compan- utilize an atypical proce- sex alike. They were cho- ion to the school prom, the dure and ask a male out to a sen based on their positive males of the school will ask dance. They may use tactics characteristics and because the female to the dance or similar to that of the males of this, they can hold their “prompose.” in order to win over their heads high in society as al- These “promposals” are prize man. Generally, these pha males. marked by flashy displays Noah Tingley utilizes a pun to ask Jessi Krueger females have already select- On the other hand, those by the males as discerning to prom. They work together at Xperience Fitness. ed a mate and in the highly male organisms who were female partners will chose a Photo courtesy of Jessi Kruger. competitive market they rejected by the females ex- mate. Males utilize puns and chocolate. ask a female to the dance. want to make sure that he is perience a feeling of unwor- chocolate during the mating When chocolate is given, Usually they use puns, or the one going to the dance thiness, as they are not able season to advertise their best it releases endorphins, hor- funny sayings to win over with them and no one else to spend prom night with the features in hopes of attract- mones that give the females the female’s love. asks him first. While this be- female of their choice. Ei- ing a date. These prompos- a pleasant feeling, rather like Also, it portrays a charac- havior is atypical, it shows ther way, prom season is a als are a prime example of being in love. The female’s teristic that is often prized in that the girl will always get time of great significance for natural selection at work. mood becomes lifted and in males– creativity. In addi- the perfect man, even if she the members of the Seniorus Males will utilize various return they agree to go to the tion, it is a way for the boy to has to ask him herself. species and North family. tactics to attract and win dance with the male. “show off his tail feathers” to Regardless of who asks “Promposals” are a prime over members of the op- Other males that are more the senior girls, hoping that whom to the prom, the sea- example of Darwin’s theory posite gender. A tactic most creatively inclined will uti- one of them will pick him as son of inviting that of the of natural selection in action, used by the alpha males is lize entertaining invites to a mate. Each male carefully other gender is one charac- right here at Appleton North. SPORTS Appleton, Wisconsin April 2015 Vol. XX Issue VIII Page 11 Powerlifting Olympic standout at North By AJ Floodstrand Abigail Davies practices Malanichev, a world class The USA Powerlifting her bench press tech- powerlifter who is known team announced that five nique in the Appleton for his squat of 993 lbs. foot, ninety pound junior North weight room. Her Malanichev is proud of Abigail Davies will com- regimen is so intense Davies’ accomplishments, she often scares all pete for the U.S. at the 2016 but he still realizes that she other athletes out of the is a talented competitor. Olympics Powerlifting room. Photo by Leah Dreyer games that will be held in “Davies is a strong, good Rio De Janeiro. success, she has been ap- powerlifter, but she isn’t too Davies swept the qualify- proached by several compa- far behind me.” ing rounds by benching 375 nies wanting to endorse her, Even though the two pounds, almost four times but Davies refuses to agree aren’t in the same brackets her weight! to a contract because she for Rio De Janeiro, it is pos- This is not the first time wants to remain a normal sible for them to meet in the Davies has qualified for the kid as much as possible. “I near future. “I don’t really Olympics; she qualified for believe I have at least five see Andrey as anyone but the 2012 Olympics in Lon- strong muscular strength to While competing in the or six companies so far who my inspiration,” said Da- don. Davies however de- carry hay, milk, cows, and 2016 Olympics, Davies will have contacted me, but I al- vies, “But I recognize even cided to not participate and anything else that is needed be keeping her supersti- ways refuse because I enjoy though we are a different focus on her studies and ex- to keep the farm running. In tion of wearing her combat being a regular high school gender, we still may end ercising. fact, since her father, Samu- boots during her events. student.” up in competition at some Davies’ story of how el Davies, got a double knee “I have been wearing If Davies gains even time.” she got into powerlifting is replacement, she has been these boots ever since I more success at the Olym- Davies is ready for her quite interesting. “I started running the entire farm by started powerlifting and pics, the endorsements will Olympic experience, but she powerlifting after I moved herself. there is no way I will stop sky rocket even more. said, “Since this is my first to my farm, because I need- “I pretty much do it all now,” she said. However, As a seventeen-year-old, time competing and there ed to get in shape for the on the farm, so what ever I the rules and regulations who is relatively new to the is opportunity in the future, harvesting season.” do in Powerlifting helps me states they recommend of- competition, Davies has I just want to have fun and Davies resides on a farm with the farm, it’s a win-win ficial Powerlifting shoes. been inspired by her pow- experience the sights and and must be able to have situation.” Because of Davies’ erlifting role model, Andrey sounds of Rio.” Football finally in the spotlight By Logan Sprinkle compared to other sports and With the upcoming who doesn’t like the Friday season, coaches have In this last month’s board night game atmosphere, it all already prepared to meeting for the Appleton makes sense from their per- recycle the uniforms Area School district, an im- spective and their reasoning from the other teams portant question was brought is more than justified. to buy more footballs up. Is it necessary to have any The school directors on the and much needed other sport other than football board aren’t the only ones ex- weight room equip- at Appleton North? cited for the upcoming school ment to make the team Discussed and voted on by year, the football coaches are better as a whole. Any the board this month it has excited as well. Many are ex- equipment that other been officially decided that cited that now students can teams have had, have all sports for Appleton North only focus on one sport rather already started to are to be cancelled for the than multiple, making Apple- make their ways to 2015-2016 school year- ex- ton North the ultimate power- more deserving and cept for the beloved sport of house going into next season. better teams. football. Students will now be able Appleton North has An advisor for the board to train and focus on football been getting so seri- who asked to stay anonymous year round. Practices from ous about this change was quoted as saying, “It other sports can now be sub- that they have con- wasn’t really even a discus- stituted for football practice tacted Nike for the sion. The board unanimously and NASSA can now be re- upcoming season to voted to cancel all sports for vamped to better than ever. not only get flashy the next school year.” Coaches are already getting new uniforms but also Also according to the advi- the workouts prepared for the get a new turf field sor, the board talked mainly season as now the main focus and facilities all spon- about the benefits of cancel- is football and only football. sored by Nike. ing school sports except foot- Other athletes will have to en- Not only will ball. Some of those benefits dure a normal football work- Appleton North be Coach Shadick huddles the players together to spread the include saving tax dollars out everyday, or not workout physically and men- news that football will be the only sport played at North in from being spent on unneces- at all. This is beneficial to ev- tally prepared but the upcoming year. After hearing this news the players all they will have the best sary sports, saving money on eryone as the football work- held hands and danced around in a circle. Photo by Paige Bec- keeping the fields nice year outs will get everyone in in- uniforms in town and kum round, and they said the only credible shape and get anyone will be the best look- enjoyable sport to watch is who thinks other sports are ing team in the state. will have the best chance to Lightning in the upcoming football these days anyway. better to think correctly and The 2015 football season get to the State level playoff season and support the only Also football makes the figure out that football is the will be Appleton North’s best game. significant sport in the school. most money for the school most amazing sport around. season to date as they now Go out and support the SPORTS Appleton, Wisconsin April 2015 Vol. XX Issue VIII Page 12 Garvey to pursue his true calling volleyball, working at Extreme fidence that he will prove him- By Becca Finger Air, and being Mr. Lightning, self worthy with some focused Of all his many talents, the but at the end of the day all I training. Our program focuses skill for which senior Dennis really care about is fulfilling on hardening each individual Garvey is most famous is tour- my duties as a knight. I have knight, and so with that tech- nament jousting. never squired or been taught by nique I should think that Den- Next fall Garvey will at- another swordsman, it has just nis will have plenty of victories tend the University of Min- been me practicing The Dance even in his first year.” After nesota Twin Cities on a full every night by myself and at- heavy recruitment and flattery scholarship into their presti- tending tourneys whenever I throughout the year Garvey ac- gious jousting program. “I was can. This is a huge reason why cepted the scholarship offer in drawn to the school mostly be- I am so excited to go to Min- December. cause of their large courtyard nesota; I will have the oppor- Garvey rides in every tour- and seasoned master-of-arms. tunity to learn from a practiced ney on his best horse, Doc. The program really focuses teacher.” “Doc is a strong horse that I on improving each individual The amount of work that know I can trust, and that helps knight and refining technique,” Garvey has put into his joust- me a lot when I ride into a Garvey said. ing career has paid off. Minne- fight; it gives me confidence. Garvey was knighted at age sota’s master-of-arms, Sir To- Doc has gotten me far, and so 17 after conquering the Red ras Lyrell, has been attending has my natural talent for joust- Knight of Knoll in a recre- Garveys tourneys since he was ing,” said Garvey. “I love to ational tourney. Ever since Garvey smiles for the camera while practicing his first knighted. “17 is a good stab other knights with my then, Garvey has dedicated his jabs with wooden swords. His opponent Maxwell age to work with,” said Ser sword, that’s my passion and life to the sword, “I’ve had oth- Tarly stands ready in the background. Photo illustra- Lyrell. “Even though Dennis is that is why I am so amazing at er stuff going on in my life like tion by Becca Finger still Green in battle I have con- jousting.” Student at North invents time machine 80’s next.” He intends to visit cism, such as Aaron Rodg- By Sam Holton the student plans on sharing old stadiums to watch his fa- ers quarterback of the Green A student at North finally his plans with the government vorite players. Bay Packers stating in an in- invented time machine after and plans on having a retail The time machine has al- terview that it is “unfair” and starting over two years ago. version launching next year ready exploded all over social can “give players an unfair As a test the student trav- April 1. eled to the year 2050 to pick media, has trended on twitter advantage.” Rodgers is cur- up a sports almanac and is and a video on youtube has rently starting an anti travel The control for the new checking up on the baseball already had over 2 million campaign with other sports time machine appears teams first. “The Cubs are views. stars such as Ryan Braun and to look similar to a car supposed to win the World Along with having positive Venus Williams. Even after gear shift. Photo from Series that year,” said the stu- reviews the time machine has having the many negative MCT campus dent. “ I plan on visiting the gotten its fair share of criti- comments about his invention Henwood ditches Nebraska for ice cream

By Ashley Pierson After visiting Madison’s baseball team, Alex Henwood decided to revoke his com- mitment to the University of Nebraska to play instead for the Badgers. Besides the fact that Madi- son is bound to be a con- tender for the Big 10 championship this season, Henwood had another reason he decided to switch his decision to Madison, “one of the reasons I wanted to play at Madison is because their ice cream is 10 times better than Nebras- ka’s and you can’t just throw away an opportunity for good ice cream like that” said Hen- Henwood shows off the Madison baseball jersey; a wood. red Christmas sweater. Photo by Becca Finger Madison’s baseball team didn’t make it as far as was Henwood prepares to scoop some ice cream in his expected last year, however will definitely be a wonderful Henwood said, “what I’m the team has adopted a new hitting stance. Photo by Becca Finger addition to our program and most excited for at Madison is recruiting technique which we’re happy to have him here having the opportunity to play they think will advance their of Babcock ice cream to any see big potential in that kid; at Madison.” in the horrible Wisconsin con- skill this season. The Bad- baseball player we see wan- if he can play with as much Pitcher Tyler Anderson said ditions. I also can’t wait until ger’s baseball coach, Bic Mit- dering around campus, and I dedication as he puts into eat- “We’re so happy to have Alex the day when our team gets to chum, said “We pretty much was glad to see that strategy ing a chocolate cone, things on the team and we feel he’ll go up against the Huskers in just offer a free two-scoop work well with Henwood. I will work out just fine. He fit in here perfectly.” a Big 10 conference game. ”